0:00

You're listening to the micro version of

0:02

The Savage Lovecast at savage.love. If

0:05

you're stuck in a relationship

0:08

quandary or if you're looking

0:10

for sexual harmony Well

0:15

there's nothing you

0:17

can't cast on

0:19

The Savage Lovecast I

0:23

had a nice weekend. I hope you had a nice

0:25

weekend too. I was hosting the opening shows

0:27

of Hump 2024 part one in

0:30

Seattle at On the Boards all weekend.

0:32

So much fun to see people at

0:35

the theater enjoying so much great

0:38

funny interesting challenging porn. We have a

0:40

really great lineup this year. Check it

0:43

out at humpfilmfest.com. Find out when Hump

0:45

is coming to a city near you

0:47

and don't miss it. It

0:50

was also the husband's boyfriend's birthday

0:52

this weekend. I couldn't be

0:54

at the party. I had to be at Hump but

0:56

I did make him his favorite cake and then on

0:58

Sunday night he and I, me and

1:00

the husband's boyfriend, sat down in front of the

1:02

TV just the two of us because Terry

1:05

didn't want to watch what we were going

1:07

to watch what everybody on Sunday was going

1:09

to watch and we had special

1:12

snacks and drinks and split a

1:14

pot gummy between us because I'm a lightweight I can't

1:16

do a whole one myself and then

1:18

we settled in on the couch together. For

1:21

one of those shared television

1:23

experiences one of those old

1:25

school destination TV events

1:28

like Roots or The Day After or

1:30

The Mash Finale or The Last Episode

1:33

of The Mary Tyler Moore Show or

1:35

The Who Shot J.R. episode of anybody

1:37

getting any of these references? Anyway

1:39

TV used to crank out a

1:41

lot of these kind of big

1:43

mass cultural destination event television shows

1:45

that brought everyone together at the

1:47

same time in front of their

1:49

TVs to watch the same thing and

1:52

of course on Sunday we were all watching Couple

1:55

to Thruple on Peacock

1:58

right? That's what we were all watching

2:00

wasn't it? Hollywood Reporter

2:02

offers this summary of the new

2:04

dating show hosted by Access Hollywood's

2:07

Scott Evans and guided by sex

2:09

and relationship expert Shamra

2:11

Howard, always a little suspicious, the sex

2:13

and relationship expert I've never heard of

2:15

but I will allow it. The show

2:18

features four couples who convene with 14

2:20

singles at a tropical resort.

2:23

The participating couples have until the end of their stay

2:25

to decide if they would like to commit to a

2:28

new third partner, commit to that Thrupple experience

2:30

and go home together with one of the

2:32

singles or go home as just the couple

2:34

they were when they arrived or leave separately,

2:36

also known as break the fuck up. My

2:39

quick non-spoilery impressions in case you were

2:42

watching I don't know something

2:44

else on Sunday night and haven't gotten around

2:46

to couple to Thrupple yet. The

2:48

house in couple to Thrupple is

2:51

a million times more glamorous than the house in

2:53

MILF Manor, my last dating reality

2:55

show competition obsession. People

2:58

talk on the show about vibing and

3:00

they talk about their star signs about as much as

3:03

you would expect which is to say way too much.

3:05

There are again four couples, three

3:08

are opposite sex, one male same-sex

3:10

couple but the male couple isn't

3:13

gay. They read gay but one says

3:15

he's bi because he dated women in

3:18

the past which is a bar I

3:20

could clear and the other says he's

3:22

try as in up for trying anything

3:25

including women. It

3:28

was hard not to read this, I'm

3:30

sorry kind of obviously gay couples reluctant, forgive

3:32

me for the bi erasure but it was

3:34

really hard not to read this obviously gay

3:37

couples reluctance to ID as gay as evidence

3:39

that being gay is

3:41

kind of boring and nobody wants

3:43

to just be plain old gay

3:46

anymore and in a later episode

3:48

the male couple kind of gives

3:50

that away they slip up and describe

3:52

themselves as a gay couple and their

3:54

relationship As a gay relationship. But the

3:56

big problem in the show is that the people who identify as

3:58

gay are not gay. they're not gay. Most strongly

4:00

as Paulie the people who can

4:03

make poly their whole personality. One

4:05

of the singles is a poly

4:07

Coats She helps couples navigate the

4:09

transition from monogamous to polyamorous, but

4:11

she herself has never been in

4:14

a poly. Relationships That woman is

4:16

just so. Incredibly

4:18

annoying. And why is that always

4:20

the case? Why are people who

4:22

talk about Poly the most? which

4:25

I guess includes me at this

4:27

point. Always the ones who make

4:29

Poly looks the worst. I think

4:31

we're gonna need to shut Poly

4:34

down until we figure out what

4:36

the hell is going on until

4:38

we can locate some non cringe

4:41

Paulie spokespeople. And.

4:43

You know, find them. There. Aren't any

4:45

right now on couple of trouble.

4:47

Not. That people looking for regular old

4:50

one person at a time monogamous,

4:52

opposite sex love on almost all

4:54

the other reality dating shows out

4:56

there are any better. but no

4:58

one looks at them and thinks

5:00

had all monogamous people are fucking

5:02

crazy. But people will look at

5:04

the couples who wanna be troubles

5:06

in the singles who want to

5:08

be thirds on couple to trouble

5:10

and big earth off these non

5:12

monogamous people are all non monogamous.

5:14

People are fucking crazy. The one

5:16

thing I did appreciate. About the

5:18

so unlike most dating reality shows.

5:21

It's. Not coin about the fucking

5:23

that is going to happens. The

5:26

couples are auditioning thirds for their

5:28

relationships and the fucking is gonna

5:30

happen And it's explicit. Couples pair

5:32

up with a third and they

5:35

are sent back to their rooms

5:37

where there is just one bad

5:39

for all three. People know hemming

5:41

and hawing know circling around the

5:44

issue here. They fuck.

5:46

And you know that there's always a

5:48

culture meme. It's making the rounds on

5:50

Instagram and they reproduce it for one

5:52

of the challenges are I'm not going

5:54

to give away anymore if you miss

5:57

couple to trouble because you were watching

5:59

something else and. Monday night and

6:01

you enjoy deeply cringe reality tv

6:03

dating shows. Couple the troubled streaming

6:05

on Peacock very deeply grins I

6:07

watched entire segments through my fingers.

6:09

Everyone is crazy but never possibly

6:12

so and I I can recommend

6:14

it highly enough. It is a

6:16

welcome distraction from the Biden news,

6:18

from the Trump news, from the

6:20

Gaza news for fucks sake Cease

6:23

fire Now the climate news all

6:25

the. News. Another.

6:28

Distraction for us on Sunday nights. Halfway

6:30

through our couple the troubled marathon, Terry

6:32

shouted down the stairs to let us

6:34

know that Taylor one. Apparently.

6:37

The Kansas City Chiefs or Taylor as

6:39

we call them for shorts and are

6:41

very gay. House won the Superbowl if

6:43

you're hearing that here first for the

6:45

first time, you arse gayer than I

6:48

am. right? After Terry shouted

6:50

the Taylor one I got a message

6:52

from a friend on Instagram Kirby thank

6:54

you Kirby letting me know that something

6:57

amazing had happened. Apparently courting to Kirby

6:59

and Add aired during the Super Bowl

7:01

in which a word or been trying

7:04

to get into the dictionary the O

7:06

E D the Oxford English Dictionary. Was.

7:09

Used during this ad that

7:11

aired during the Superbowl. It's

7:14

the trailer for Deadpool, the

7:16

new Ryan Reynolds movie in

7:18

his Marvel Superhero franchise. There's

7:21

a lot knock on the

7:23

door in one scene and

7:25

a bunch of men armed

7:28

with scary looking rods menace

7:30

Wade Wilson. Ryan Reynolds character

7:32

a case Deadpool. but he's

7:35

not scared. We.

7:41

Will. Possess.

7:46

Or was. That

7:48

was scary against him from a

7:50

friend. l. R.

7:53

I. I did a little

7:55

poking around the did a little digging

7:58

and it turns out this did not

8:00

actual the air Kirby during the Superbowl.

8:02

There was an app or deadpool directing

8:04

people to go online and watch the

8:06

trailer in which you can hear Ryan

8:08

Reynolds use the word pegging, but millions

8:11

of Americans, the millions who weren't watching

8:13

couple to trouble with. Me and Tom

8:15

didn't have to explain what pegging meant

8:17

to their kids, which is good because

8:19

they couldn't do that. They couldn't look

8:21

it up with the assistance of the

8:24

Oxford English Dictionary because it's not him,

8:26

they're. Not. Yet, but

8:28

it will be Sunday. I.

8:30

Went back and watched the original

8:33

Pegging seen in the first Deadpool

8:35

movie, Ryan Reynolds and his Girlfriend

8:38

Or and a kind of Sexual

8:40

Adventure. They're trying everything and they're

8:42

celebrating every holiday with different sex

8:45

acts. On an international Women's day,

8:47

it's hurt her and she pegs.

8:50

Ryan Reynolds. Even a little used

8:52

are Pigs Deadpool they don't use

8:54

the word birds. they do the

8:57

deed and it was very explicit.

8:59

And it was. I'm sorry to say Embry

9:02

watching it at felt very progressive when they

9:04

showed at first time re watching it. Yeah,

9:07

it's aborted pretty quickly. Ryan Reynolds,

9:09

Wade Wilson Bales pegging is portrayed

9:11

as uncomfortable, something the man probably

9:13

isn't going to like and will

9:16

have to tap out pubs in

9:18

reality, of course, is usually the

9:20

man who asked to be pegged

9:22

and with proper prop and foreplay,

9:24

he's not gonna to bail. so

9:27

it's if you watch the original

9:29

packing seen a Deadpool. It's weird

9:31

see that same character bragging later

9:33

about having. Been. Pegged,

9:36

But. i really do want to take

9:38

this moment express my gratitude to ryan

9:40

reynolds for using pegging in the script

9:42

and the trailer and my god for

9:45

a disney film and if ryan reynolds

9:47

gets pegging into the o e d

9:49

by using the word in his new

9:51

movie and in the trailer i will

9:53

be an even bigger ryan reynolds fan

9:55

than i am already or i'd this

9:58

valentine's day we are doing a special

10:00

Savage Love Live for my Magnum

10:02

Subs, noon Pacific time. Join me,

10:04

Nancy, and the tech-savvy at-risk youth

10:06

will be tackling your burning questions

10:08

on Valentine's Day live on Zoom.

10:11

Go to savage.love.askdan to record your question

10:13

ahead of time, or you

10:15

can ask in the moment during the Zoom

10:17

meetup. Magnum Subs will automatically get an email

10:19

on the morning of the event. Hope to

10:21

see you there. If you would like to

10:23

join me and the Magnum Subs at

10:26

that Savage Love Live on Valentine's Day,

10:28

become a Magnum Sub now at

10:30

savage.love. Also this week for

10:33

our Magnum Subs, a new

10:35

Sex and Politics drops. Tim

10:37

Miller from the Bulwark joins

10:39

me. We look back

10:41

on our very first conversation. Tim, of

10:43

course, was a high-powered

10:45

Republican operative political consultant for many

10:47

years. We were bitter, bitter enemies

10:49

back when he was working for

10:52

Jeb Bush and John McCain. We

10:55

see a little bit more eye-to-eye

10:57

these days. And Tim and I

10:59

reconnect about our first interview in which

11:01

I said I hope Donald Trump ran for

11:03

president again, which of course Donald Trump is

11:07

doing. Did I make that

11:09

happen? Is this all my fault? That's

11:11

in the new Sex and Politics coming on

11:13

Thursday. Today's show on the micro,

11:15

tons of your Qs, lots of my

11:17

As, and joining us on the Magnum,

11:19

Reena Martine, sex coach, is here to

11:22

talk about her new book, The

11:24

Sex You Want. All that coming up on today's

11:26

show. This episode is brought

11:28

to you by Helix Sleep, the best

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mattress for your individualized comfort. Right

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now, my listeners get 20% off

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episode is sponsored by HIMSS,

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all online. Start your free

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online visit today at himss.com/savage.

11:54

Support for today's show, support we are

11:56

very grateful for, comes from stamps.com. With

11:59

stamps.com. Com You can access all the

12:01

amazing services of the post office right

12:03

from your desk in your own home.

12:05

Twenty four hours a day seven days

12:07

a week. Just click print mail and

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you are done. It could not be

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easier and right now use Savage for

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the special offer includes up to fifty

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five bucks worth of free posted a

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digital scale and a four week trials.

12:20

Do not wait. Go. To stamps.com

12:22

And before you do anything else, click

12:24

on the microphone of the top of

12:26

the home page and type in Savage

12:28

That stamps.com Enter Essay: Be A G

12:30

E. I am a bisexual man.

12:32

Messy as is a straight woman. Will.

12:35

Be getting married the spring. And. Oliver when

12:37

intensive been set. For one major

12:39

detail they were testing to react. What?

12:41

Are we going to do under the seats are for Status

12:44

Has been a wife. Before. The

12:46

to that. Some. Contacts. When.

12:48

It first came out as bisexual to her. Success.

12:51

A Saturday for bisexual men. Returns

12:53

I was more than just the thing was more

12:55

like sawdust. says. We've been

12:57

together. We've been indulging in her desire to

13:00

include other gay bisexual men. In

13:02

fact, since we've been together my fiance

13:04

the majority a time, we've been having sex

13:06

as always include a man or men.

13:10

Should. I proposed to my fiance just me.

13:12

This fantasy about our first night us has

13:14

been a wise. Some. Clues: A long

13:16

line of men waiting their turn to have the

13:18

way with me or she watches and wait at

13:20

the end. Was. My palms

13:23

more romantic notion just my wife

13:25

and myself on a for sinuses

13:27

and was largely barrier between us.

13:30

Or on our honeymoon to be very first

13:32

conceive a child together. That

13:34

means my fiance has to be off the tell

13:37

for we so far wedding and I would have

13:39

to epstein. And I

13:41

told her this to said. Being.

13:43

Intimate in our first night is nothing

13:45

special. Nectar. Saving our first house

13:47

together on our honeymoon was no big deal.

13:50

She. Said this to even though she'd been married

13:52

for you sweets lost her virginity on her for

13:55

side. She. Had our first

13:57

child on our honeymoon. myself

13:59

it's hot explain how important this was to her.

14:02

It would be a real life fantasy come true

14:04

and not just some fake role-playing. She

14:07

also pointed out that her libido was much

14:09

lower than mine and the kinky sex

14:11

we will be having as married would

14:13

be fewer and fewer as we get older. She

14:16

wants this fantasy to be her high watermark. For

14:18

some context, my fiance does

14:20

have a very low sex drive and

14:22

to get her to have more sex with me

14:25

we usually always include men and sometimes

14:27

women. We also have a

14:29

one-sided open relationship where I can pursue

14:31

other men and women solo. But

14:33

for the most part, I prefer to include my fiance.

14:36

What are your thoughts, Dan? Is there any

14:39

middle ground for us? There's

14:41

got to be a compromise here that you

14:43

two can work out. First of all, congratulations

14:46

on hitting the girlfriend,

14:50

fiance, wife of a bi-guy

14:53

jackpot. You say that your

14:56

fiance fetishizes your blindness to a certain

14:58

extent. It sure sounds like she does,

15:00

but if I were a bi-guy

15:02

and my choice was between a wife

15:06

or girlfriend who couldn't handle the fact that I

15:08

was bi or I felt like I had to

15:10

remain closeted about my bisexuality

15:12

or my bisexuality was something

15:14

that was barely

15:16

tolerated that I had

15:19

to occasionally watch a

15:21

little bi-porn or a little gay porn and my wife

15:24

didn't like it but was willing to put

15:26

up with it or my wife

15:29

was a little too into me being bi and

15:31

like to see guys fuck the shit

15:33

out of me on the regular before I fucked

15:35

the shit out of her and cranked her up,

15:37

my low libido wife, to see me

15:40

suck in a couple of dicks and made her want to

15:42

suck mine, I would take that

15:44

deal. I would take the wife who

15:46

maybe in a problematic way fetishized

15:48

my bisexuality without question

15:51

over the wife who in much

15:53

more damaging and much more problematic

15:55

ways despised

15:58

my bisexuality. viewed it

16:00

as a problem. You guys gotta come to some

16:02

sort of compromise about this

16:04

wedding night. Your wife has what

16:07

sounds like a very common cuckold,

16:10

cut queen fantasy about a wedding

16:12

night where the expectation is on

16:14

your wedding night it's gonna

16:16

be what you fantasize about. Something personal,

16:18

intimate, and just about the couple. For

16:20

the cuckold or in your wife's case,

16:23

cut queen in a relationship,

16:25

transgressing against those norms, that

16:27

expectation, that a wedding night, wedding

16:30

night sack should be deeply meaningful and

16:32

intimate in a heart shaped bed, in

16:34

a honeymoon suite, in a Catskills hotel

16:36

covered with rose petals,

16:38

but that's not what you're doing. That's what

16:41

all your guests think you're doing, but what

16:43

you're actually doing is there's

16:45

a long line of men

16:47

waiting to fuck the shit out of you

16:49

in front of your wife and

16:52

then I guess, I don't know, come running

16:54

out of your hole, you're gonna fuck her. Obviously,

16:58

I guess I'm tipping my hand here a little bit, I'm kind

17:01

of on the wife's side, like why not?

17:04

You only get one wedding day, why

17:06

not fucking go

17:08

for it? You have

17:10

plenty of time for just one on

17:12

one, intimate sex with each other when

17:16

you two are living together for the rest

17:18

of your lives. And the odds, you say

17:20

that you have this fantasy and your fantasies

17:22

are equally valid about conceiving on

17:24

your wedding night. Well, your

17:27

wife still might conceive even if you're

17:30

having sex with her after 10 guys, after

17:32

all of your groomsmen have sex with

17:34

you, but even if it was just

17:36

the two of you and it was intimate and

17:39

tender and loving and kind of standard

17:41

issue, off the shelf, Catskills, hotel,

17:44

heart shaped bed, rose petals all

17:46

over it, honeymoon sex that

17:48

people expect a married couple to have on

17:50

their first night, your odds of conceiving from

17:53

one single discreet act of sexual

17:55

intercourse, even if your wife happens to be

17:57

ovulating at the time of your wedding. is

18:00

scheduled are very, very, very low.

18:05

So it's not like a guarantee. We're gonna

18:07

schedule the wedding for a day. We know you're

18:09

gonna be ovulating and it's just gonna be the

18:11

two of us, which might

18:13

not work. You say your wife has a very low libido

18:15

and sometimes it takes seeing you with a dick in your

18:17

mouth to get her going. You wanna

18:19

conceive on your wedding night, you might have to put

18:22

somebody's dick in your mouth to get her going, then maybe

18:24

you'll conceive, but the odds are really low. So

18:28

because I love love and I want people to come together

18:30

and I want everybody to get everything that they want, maybe

18:33

there is a compromise here where you

18:35

guys can still transgress against what it

18:37

means to have sex on your wedding

18:39

day, but there can be a line.

18:42

And so what I think you should do is

18:44

have a late afternoon wedding and there

18:46

should be a big gay slash

18:49

bi orgy before

18:51

the wedding. You know,

18:53

when the bride and groom aren't supposed to be together,

18:56

the bride and groom will violate that norm,

18:58

transgress against that norm. You and your wife

19:00

will sneak off to be together with

19:03

your groomsmen who will fuck the shit out

19:05

of you in every position

19:07

while your wife watches and gets cranked up

19:09

and then you're gonna run to the wedding

19:11

and get married and run to the reception

19:14

and get received. And then you and the

19:16

wife alone, while you still have

19:18

all these other guy's modes in your ass if you're

19:20

unwrapped, will go to your honeymoon

19:22

suite just the two of you, your wife will be

19:24

so cranked up by everything she watched right before the

19:26

wedding that she will wanna fuck you and you alone

19:29

in your honeymoon suite in an intimate and

19:31

loving way where she's

19:33

still vibing on her cut clean shit at

19:37

the end of the night. Hi, Dan, 52 year

19:39

old male is here with a husband and partner

19:41

of 20 plus years. Of those 20 years, we've

19:43

been married 10 years. Currently, I

19:45

had not had sex in 15 years. The

19:48

intimacy sort of dropped out of our relationship

19:51

10 years ago. We're like best friends

19:53

living together and roommates. We have a home,

19:56

we own a business, we both work for the same business.

19:59

He does have family. We overseas and friends covert. He

20:01

has gone for extended trip to works from

20:03

overseas for two months at a time. It

20:06

will. He didn't affect us. It off. I was

20:08

messing around to fulfill that need without his

20:10

knowledge of it. In the has

20:13

gone on for multiple trips. The most recent

20:15

one was the beginning of a Twenty Twenty

20:17

Three which has April Twenty Twenty Three. I

20:19

didn't need some with and we must around

20:21

but we also formed a huge connection and

20:23

we both have fallen in love. He is

20:26

my boyfriend, he's met my husband, We

20:28

try to polyamorous relationship that didn't work. My boyfriend

20:30

is twenty one years younger than the. the H

20:32

B at doesn't bug me. Also, I want to

20:35

be with him more than I want to do

20:37

with my husband. I just enjoy going on trips

20:39

with him. I enjoy going to do with him.

20:41

I enjoy going to events with him more than

20:43

I like doing it with my husband. But

20:46

I do still have my husband, but again

20:48

it's more of a best friend relationship. At

20:50

this point I'm torn because I have more

20:52

in common with my boyfriend. he was of

20:54

intimacy their that has developed a my husband

20:56

and I do not have any more. I

20:58

feel like I'm throwing twenty years. Down

21:00

the drain, But. Yeah,

21:03

I look at. In ten years

21:05

from now. Are we going

21:07

to be more unhappy? I don't want to hate

21:09

him. He is my best friend. The

21:12

going to a lot together but at some

21:14

point the love dropped out of our relationship.

21:16

With. My boyfriend he can to hump home

21:18

from work at night. We can

21:20

sit on the couch. We. Can just

21:22

sit there and laugh. The sexes. Freaking

21:24

amazing. We. Can just sit there and sat.

21:27

We can talk about real estate. We can talk

21:29

about so much stuff and just carry on. Just had

21:31

a really great time. I.

21:33

Might ask my husband for just listener

21:35

marriage. Let me know your thoughts. Thank

21:38

you. You. Bought

21:40

into the false choice

21:42

that. Monogamous. Concert.

21:45

Presents does. That.

21:47

He can either have your husband. Or.

21:50

You can have everything that you have with

21:52

your boyfriend, but you can't have both. What?

21:55

you have with your husband sounds like

21:57

a companion marriage and it's housing has

21:59

been companionate marriage for a very

22:01

long time. You obviously love your

22:03

husband very much, you describe your husband as your

22:06

best friend, you have this long history with

22:08

your husband, but you have it in your head

22:11

that to be with your boyfriend the way

22:13

you would like to be with your boyfriend,

22:15

the way you already are with your boyfriend

22:18

means having to let go

22:20

of or lose everything that you have with

22:22

your husband. And that is just not

22:26

true. You can have

22:28

your cock and eat it too.

22:30

You can have your boyfriend and

22:32

your husband too. You can

22:34

end your marriage with your husband and

22:37

if you are conscientious and

22:39

compassionate about it and

22:41

you extend grace to each other, you can

22:44

have still the friendship with your husband that

22:46

really has come to characterize your marriage over

22:48

the last 10, 15 years and

22:51

then be able to marry your boyfriend. If that's what you wanna

22:53

do and turn your boyfriend

22:55

into your husband, you

22:58

can also stay married to the man that you're

23:00

married to and

23:02

have a long-term committed relationship

23:05

with your boyfriend if that

23:07

is acceptable to your boyfriend if

23:09

he is happy and content being your

23:11

boyfriend. Obviously he's content

23:13

to some extent to be with and date

23:16

a married man. Was his agenda

23:19

that whole time to pick

23:21

you off and eventually make you

23:23

his husband or if he

23:26

discusses with your boyfriend, is

23:28

he content with the status quo? Does

23:30

he like that you have this husband,

23:32

that you have this long-term partnership, that

23:34

all the bullshit

23:37

of what it means

23:39

to be a married couple incorporated around

23:41

taxes and all the

23:43

unsexy stuff of that kind of partnership doesn't

23:46

involve or implicate him. He gets to be

23:48

the fun boyfriend on the couch having

23:50

these fascinating conversations about real estate that

23:52

make you both bust out laughing and

23:55

then when it's tax time or there's a new roof

23:57

that has to go on the house, those are conversations.

24:00

that you have with your husband

24:02

slash best friend. And

24:04

when that conversation is over, you climb

24:06

on top of your much

24:08

younger hottie boyfriend for some more

24:11

amazing sex. So I'm

24:13

suggesting to you that you could, everything

24:15

could stay as it is and be acknowledged

24:18

for what it is. And I think that might

24:20

help you be more at peace, even if just

24:23

acknowledging where everything is and what you mean to

24:25

each other, what your boyfriend means to you and

24:27

how that is gonna impact your marriage and impact

24:29

your relationship with your boyfriend. If

24:31

that just makes you more at peace with the status

24:33

quo, you can revisit this in

24:35

two or three years or your husband

24:37

can decide that in two or three

24:39

years, he'd rather be single

24:42

and still your best friend than be

24:45

married to someone who's obviously in an intimate,

24:47

committed relationship, romantic

24:49

relationship with another man. There

24:53

are three people involved here, three people whose

24:55

opinions and needs and comfort

24:57

levels and wants and desires all matter,

24:59

not just yours. And

25:02

you need to enter into negotiations with those three people

25:04

about what that means. But you need

25:06

to let go of this idea that's

25:08

been pounded into your head that you can have

25:10

your husband or you can have your boyfriend, but

25:12

you can't have your husband and a boyfriend. I'm

25:14

here from a husband and boyfriend future to tell

25:16

you that you can't have a husband and

25:18

a boyfriend. And

25:21

21 year age gap, I'm gonna

25:23

sign off on that because that is literally

25:26

the age gap in my relationship with

25:28

my boyfriend. I am comfortable with an age gap that

25:30

can buy you a drink, 21 years. Not

25:33

comfortable with an age gap that can run for

25:35

president. That would be 35 years. That might

25:37

make me uncomfortable. Maybe I may have regret

25:39

providing that discomforting, but I'm just gonna toss

25:42

that out there. So you need to start

25:44

having some conversations. Once you accept what is

25:46

possible, your actual options here,

25:49

which include having the

25:51

boyfriend and the husband too, then you need

25:53

to have some conversations with your boyfriend and

25:55

your husband separately and perhaps together about what

25:58

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Sleep starts out. How

27:45

to him? Nancy in the. I rescued saw

27:48

armor sets. Female mantis is now only

27:50

have a little boy. Like a lot

27:52

of millennials who use social media, my

27:55

husband and I. Probably thought he

27:57

is instagram accounts for mouthed. To.

27:59

His the. So when I look at my husband's.

28:01

Explore page and oh and.

28:03

Sad face. We share phones. Sometimes

28:05

there's no trust issues and

28:08

not like snooping. That's

28:10

not a concern, but essay is I

28:12

look at his explore page which is

28:14

like the screen on Instagram that is

28:16

not account that you follow but it's

28:18

like once suggested Ceo Kisses like. Almost.

28:21

Entirely. Overtly sexual

28:24

videos. And images of young

28:26

women and they're like almost all, A

28:28

I. Or like very heavy heavy

28:31

filters are like photo shop like.

28:33

Obviously. Is

28:35

that normal? Because. My.

28:38

Instagram is like literally crafts

28:40

and like art and like

28:42

mom influencer and it's like

28:44

he's not very sexual at

28:46

all so if the sea

28:48

based more often but you

28:50

interact with or is it

28:52

more like profiling you he

28:54

facing Now I'm honestly like

28:57

not asking. This is to

28:59

try and tell if my

29:01

husband is looking at soft

29:03

porn on Instagram. I'm not

29:05

actually. I don't really care and he

29:07

says the he's not by the way and that

29:09

he doesn't engage. Didn't fat content. For

29:11

and more. Just kind of like concerned

29:13

that there is like the algorithm just

29:16

like. Suggesting. To

29:18

man you know based on like you're

29:20

thirty something, you're outdoors the years. straight,

29:22

male like. Here's. All

29:24

of this A I. See

29:27

now. Pictures. Case. And

29:29

says concerning thinking. About like my

29:32

son in the future. and social

29:34

media just. Seeing. The

29:36

Lake. Constant images of women

29:38

that are actually like human

29:40

women's bodies. How psychedelic see

29:42

his perception of like how

29:45

he sees women. Obviously this

29:47

is like always existed, but

29:49

it just seems so. Excessive

29:51

like from looking. At

29:53

my husband's account and is that like

29:56

he just normal and I am just

29:58

totally late to the party? Have only

30:00

just discovered this. Joining me

30:03

to help tackle this question, Christian

30:05

Pero goes social media manager for

30:07

Index Media, that is my home

30:09

base and one. Savage. Locust

30:12

Tech savvy at risk youth hey

30:14

Chris, impacts are coming on the

30:16

look cast a for avenue dictionaries

30:18

I'd So what's going on here

30:20

is metre figuring out who straight

30:23

out there and shovel in porn

30:25

out them in their explore page

30:27

or. Is this guy's explore

30:29

page based on the kinds of

30:31

accounts has been interacting with the

30:33

Medicis subbing more of what he's

30:35

already looking at. Adam. It

30:38

is The first thing that you tried

30:40

to have to ask is how often

30:42

he sees Instagram. Know. The

30:44

thing about matter is the D's A I

30:46

G Juri. A lot of the concept that

30:49

shows up on. Your. Feet as

30:51

suggestive content and on your web

30:53

pages? Well, the problem with that

30:55

is if there isn't a. Reasonable.

30:58

Enough sample size, Then. That

31:00

deal number one day that to a

31:02

I will usually go off of T

31:04

of Villiers were page is concept that

31:07

people you follow and do interact with.

31:09

Will. Interact with and follow. And. That

31:12

sort of be starting point for where

31:14

they're filling the beach outward. That C

31:16

O if you're using if there may

31:18

be less than five hours a week

31:20

because I've found of the ai is

31:22

pretty intuitive in terms of locking down

31:24

specifically what types of pronto you're using.

31:27

So. After that, he doesn't even

31:29

necessarily have to be interacted with content.

31:31

But you know if he's. Interacting

31:34

with. The. Accounts to have had

31:36

to on it if he's while he

31:39

sprawling stopping to look at it a

31:41

page without even know what I'm liking.

31:43

With acknowledging the Instagram measures time on

31:45

post arms even little factors like this

31:47

are going to have sat and what's

31:49

shown up with you explore page and

31:52

a d of more content de or

31:54

third the less likely I am to

31:56

believe that. Ah, he's not interacting with

31:58

some other try to in any sort. Way okay

32:00

so if is explore pages telling on him

32:02

a little bit. Yeah. It's a

32:04

it's a little bit of a software here.

32:07

Isis is due to the color us when

32:09

of this happens to gay men and I'm

32:11

really nervous to talk about this. But.

32:13

I'm going to talk about it. I

32:15

like Boy's Man. I like boys looking

32:18

up at faced guys in their twenties,

32:20

thirties, forties, fifties. They're out there like

32:22

Boys Men and my Explore page because

32:24

I sometimes linger over boys mans the

32:26

a lot of Muppet based guys and

32:28

bands in their thirties and like totally

32:31

biased but then the explore paste all

32:33

look at does he does like oh

32:35

this is a boy this is a

32:37

fifteen year old. Gym

32:39

flu answer. And. That.

32:42

Freaks me out. I don't want mehta

32:44

assuming because I like boy as men

32:47

that I was boyish. Actual boys. In.

32:49

My explore say it's because I

32:52

don't and I feel dirty and

32:54

implicated sometimes by my explore. Paid

32:56

because of what matters is extrapolating

32:58

from my taste in boys, men

33:00

and assuming about. Me: Which

33:02

is just not like intro. And

33:05

I would say that the algorithm definitely

33:07

is not perfect but I have a

33:09

bunch of friends who are gym rats

33:12

and are they follow allows Jimmy Carter

33:14

and then Derricks were page as a

33:16

be a lot of the. Last.

33:19

Day contact and so it's sort of

33:21

the the similar to get The other

33:23

senses are you know the algorithm is

33:26

the very accurate to that extent but

33:28

also is still. Learning.

33:30

And I see the further we go

33:33

into the future the more accurate Met

33:35

is gonna be with would what's on

33:37

our feeds hoover what's our it Advice

33:39

for this woman about. The. Lie her

33:41

husband is telling her to her face. i

33:44

think that's one of those lies that

33:46

you as a partner like i only

33:48

have eyes for you honey like of

33:50

course i didn't look at the bar

33:52

tender the barista you know if you

33:54

know sometimes when you're being lied to

33:56

put the lights up as a kind

33:58

of compliment work hi of face-saving

34:00

or even butt-covering in the case of

34:02

this husband gesture and sometimes you just

34:05

like to make a long-term relationship work

34:07

you're like okay I'm

34:09

gonna believe you when you say that your

34:12

explore page has been hijacked by

34:14

gremlins at meta who are shoveling AI

34:17

porn at you which you would never

34:19

look at. Ladies straight ladies like men

34:22

look that's what men do men look

34:24

and it's part of male hard-wiring

34:27

in the brain. My mother was dying in a

34:29

hospital room I was on the phone trying to

34:31

get my brother so he could say goodbye I

34:33

am miserable

34:36

the worst day of my life and a hot

34:38

nurse walks across the hall and I stop everything

34:40

and just watch. Like there's

34:42

something about maleness that just you look

34:44

you can't help but look and Instagram

34:46

really facilitates a little bit of that

34:49

casual looking around and

34:51

guys you got to know that your explore page

34:54

is gonna tell on you so if your partner

34:56

looks at your explore page you're gonna get ratted

34:58

out perhaps but ladies and

35:00

people who partner with men or assigned

35:02

mallet-birth persons like just get

35:04

over it all guys

35:07

are constantly scanning the planet

35:09

for things they think are hot might want to

35:12

fuck in some other timeline they might be able

35:14

to fuck if they weren't in a committed monogamous

35:16

relationship or the other person there's

35:18

a thing that they're looking at wanted to fuck

35:20

them back like it's just it's a part of

35:22

being alive pump full of

35:25

testosterone and male is constantly scanning

35:28

checking looking and it used

35:30

to be you did that walking down the street you did that on

35:32

the bus you didn't leave

35:34

a kind of digital trail of having done

35:36

that you didn't like check people out all

35:38

day go into school and work and home

35:40

and and then there was a line

35:42

of people at your house when you got home who

35:44

looked like the people you looked at sent

35:46

there so you can look at them too

35:48

but that's what meta does to us with

35:50

these explore pages yeah I and

35:53

I think more so now also social media is also

35:56

being kind of used as a spank bank no

35:59

like I definitely know you go through my Twitter bookmarks,

36:01

you go through my same, you know, stuff on

36:03

Instagram. I've got, you know, food recipes saved in

36:05

there. But I've also got a Spank folder

36:10

saved in there. It is what it

36:12

is. And unfortunately, for things like meta,

36:15

when you bookmark a post, that is

36:17

like the number one indicator to meta that

36:19

you want more of that on your feed.

36:21

And it used to be a private hiding

36:23

place. But now if you know, someone sees

36:25

your explore page, they kind of have a

36:28

general idea of what you're bookmarking, what you're

36:30

sharing, what you're liking. What

36:32

do you think? What's your opinion as a

36:34

digital person, digital native, also sometimes

36:37

Spank bank connoisseur, a porn

36:40

selector, I am too, of these

36:43

AI images, you know, leaping ahead

36:46

20, 30 years, putting on your

36:48

futurist hat. Do you think people

36:50

who are going to be you know, we talk about

36:52

people who like me who grew up

36:55

before there was internet pornography, and the difference in

36:57

the lived experience of kids who were like 13

36:59

10 15 years ago, who grew up with so

37:01

much internet pornography. Now we're talking

37:03

about kids who are going to grow up

37:05

with AI pornographic images, these images

37:07

of, I don't know,

37:09

weird, eerie perfection, plastic people and how

37:11

that might shape their tastes, or

37:14

limit their options when they get out there in the

37:16

real world, and they have to fuck real people who

37:18

don't look like AI images. Is that something that concerns

37:20

you? How do you think that's going to play out?

37:22

That's an interesting one. I think the number one issue

37:24

for me that I see kind of happening is

37:26

consent when it comes to AI

37:29

generated porn. You know, there

37:31

have already been issues with like

37:33

streamers who are having their images

37:36

used on porn sites in AI

37:38

porn scenes. Taylor Swift, the AI

37:40

porn controversy, Timothy Chalamet, there's AI

37:43

porn out there of

37:45

Timothy Chalamet. We were talking

37:47

about deep fakes 10 minutes ago before we

37:49

started talking about AI generated images. And,

37:51

you know, it used

37:53

to be that if there was video and audio, you

37:56

could believe your ears and believe your

37:58

eyes, but we're moving. into a world

38:00

where you can't believe your ears or your eyes when it

38:02

comes to this tape that went

38:04

around of Biden saying shit that Biden never said,

38:06

but also these images of Taylor Swift and Timothy

38:09

Chalamet. We're moving into a

38:11

world where not only are these images

38:13

of unachievable human perfection

38:17

going to shape our taste and expectations in

38:19

ways that may damage us as adults, we're

38:22

also moving to a world where nothing

38:24

is proof of anything. It's very

38:27

distabularizing. And Apple

38:30

just released their AR goggles this week too.

38:32

And so there's implications there in the future

38:34

as well of you can

38:36

choose how you look to anyone who is wearing

38:39

these goggles, right? Like what does the

38:41

real world even mean anymore? What

38:44

does real porn mean look like anymore?

38:46

I think the line is

38:48

blurring constantly between like the digital and the

38:50

real. So what we're saying to

38:52

this caller is you have

38:54

much bigger problems than your husband's explore

38:56

page on Instagram and you

38:58

should stop looking at that. It's

39:01

telling on him in a way he's not comfortable

39:03

being told on, that's why he's lying his face

39:05

off. Take the lie at

39:07

face value. Take it

39:09

for the comfort that his intent is

39:12

to comfort you. To like not

39:14

have you tormented by the thought that he's looking at all

39:16

this shit that he is definitely looking at and then suspend

39:18

your disbelief. You have to do what people have always done

39:20

with porn that their partners look at that when they don't

39:22

want them looking at porn, he pretends not

39:24

to look at porn. You pretend to believe him when he tells

39:27

you that he pretends not to look at porn. And

39:29

he needs to do a better job of covering his tracks. Occasionally

39:32

getting on Instagram and looking at

39:34

arts and crafts as opposed to

39:36

tits and cracks. Christian

39:39

Harrocco, social media manager for Indexed Media My Home

39:41

Base, digital native, at-risk you. Thank you so much

39:43

for coming on Christian and straightening me out about

39:46

this. Yeah, thank you. Thank you for

39:48

having me. This was fun. This

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Subscription required. Price varies based on

41:29

product and subscription plan. Hey

41:34

Dan, I'm bisexual, but historically

41:36

I've mainly just been with

41:38

women outside of the occasional

41:40

hookup with men. And

41:43

now that I'm in my mid-30s, I'm

41:45

wanting to date more men. And

41:48

I keep coming across this issue where

41:50

I am attracted to them

41:52

and I love the entire evening and

41:54

everything we do. But Then

41:56

I just have a hard time getting hard. I'm.

42:01

Guessing that it's nose. But

42:03

I'm not really sure. It's like making

42:05

the question everything. that feeling. The

42:07

man that I do end up going home

42:10

with the find them incredibly beautiful. It's that

42:12

last summer time with them. But.

42:14

I'm southern identified and I would

42:16

like to do that for obvious

42:18

reasons. You have any advice on

42:21

how at the time answers? Calm

42:23

down. I would really. Appreciate.

42:26

It. Will. You

42:28

could address. Performance Anxiety.

42:30

The way so many other people address performance

42:32

anxiety in a situation like this we need

42:35

to do is calm down. You could have.

42:37

A. Glass or to start a ne you could

42:40

have a little pod, try to feel a

42:42

little bit more. In

42:44

the moment balls appealing a little

42:46

bit looser helps. Also if you're

42:49

trapped in a performance anxiety it's

42:51

self it's own prophecy kind of

42:53

doom loop to give yourself permission

42:55

to not get hard and that

42:58

means resetting your partner's expectations means

43:00

these beautiful lovely guys these dating

43:02

the un home with the mean

43:04

saying to them look this is

43:07

new for me not as fuck

43:09

now the government's while but kind

43:11

of dating a guy in connecting

43:14

with. A guy and then having sex

43:16

with a guy and the sex being

43:18

a little bit perhaps more meaningful and

43:20

having more emotional weight and significance than

43:22

I used to give sex with men.

43:24

So. Much. More with women

43:26

and maybe kind of had a romantic

43:28

bisexual identify guy the time. and now

43:30

I'm sort of becoming more by romantics

43:32

and just say to them like i'm

43:34

gonna have fun we're gonna have fun

43:36

picked It's a deer Dicks but. Let's.

43:39

Not count on mind right now. Let's take

43:41

the pressure off mine right now and I

43:43

know there's a lot to say. It's a

43:45

weird thing to say, it's but. if

43:47

the guy's is lovely and charming and

43:50

sweet and into you as you say

43:52

they aren't hope they are a good

43:54

guy who hears that is gonna be

43:56

like hey that's fine relax we can

43:58

roll with that there's lots of things

44:00

that we can do if

44:03

we wanna fuck around that

44:05

I will enjoy, that aren't all

44:08

dependent on you producing a

44:12

rock hard erection

44:15

that you can bust walnuts open with. And

44:20

the magic of resetting someone's expectations

44:22

and taking the pressure off your

44:24

deck is that the

44:27

same deck that if you went in hoping, God I hope

44:29

I get hard, God I hope I get hard. When you

44:31

shut off that I hope I get hard, hope I get

44:33

hard voice in your head and

44:36

you're just in the moment after having that glass of wine

44:38

and maybe that little bit of pot, you

44:40

suddenly get hard, your

44:43

dick shows up. Dick

44:45

is perverse in so many ways, dick

44:47

is there and we're hard

44:49

sometimes and we wish our dick would not

44:51

be there and not be hard. Sometimes we

44:53

are subjected not

44:56

just to dick full thinking but dick full

44:58

manifesting in a way that is

45:01

unwelcome and then when we want our dick to be there, we

45:03

want our dick to be hard, sometimes it doesn't

45:05

show the fuck up. Giving

45:08

your dick permission not to show the fuck up, getting permission

45:10

from the other guy for your dick maybe not to show

45:12

the fuck up that first time that you

45:14

get together and have sex then

45:16

it doesn't matter if your dick doesn't show up in

45:19

the get hard sense of show up and

45:21

ups the odds that your dick will get hard.

45:24

Something to think about here and maybe you wanna

45:26

have a couple of sessions with a therapist

45:29

who's bi or gay himself.

45:32

Maybe what's tripping you up is

45:35

that part of you that enjoyed

45:37

sport fucking with men and never had a

45:39

problem fucking around with men when it didn't

45:41

mean anything. Now that it might

45:43

mean something because you're connecting with these guys

45:45

and dating with these guys, what

45:47

does that say about you and to

45:50

you and is that what's

45:53

tripping you up? Is this some internalized

45:56

bi-romantic phobia? Not internalized bi-phobia

45:58

because you were fine. as

46:01

a guy who is bi, who mostly

46:03

got with women and dated women exclusively,

46:05

but being the

46:07

kind of guy who

46:09

doesn't just own

46:11

a guy every once in a while, but dates a

46:13

guy, likes a guy, could

46:16

see himself with a guy, that

46:19

means something different, especially in

46:21

our not just, I don't think this is

46:23

necessarily about biphobia, homophobia, and

46:26

homophobic culture. What

46:28

is your dick saying to you

46:30

about yourself at that moment

46:32

and what is your reptile brain saying back

46:34

to your dick and how do

46:36

you unpack that? Maybe

46:39

it's just that glass of wine or that puff

46:41

of pot that'll help you disable that, boner

46:44

killing, self fulfilling prophecy, negative feedback loop

46:46

that's interfering with your dick or maybe

46:48

it's those couple of conversations plus that

46:50

glass of wine and that puff of

46:53

pot that will help shut

46:55

that doom loop

46:57

down. After the

46:59

hype of the new year we are

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and enter the code SAVAGE. So

48:27

I have a question about the words that you created on

48:30

episode 900, polyamorous, and

48:33

just the definition of polyamory in general. So

48:36

as you explained in your definition, amory

48:39

is related to love, but

48:41

a lot of this sexual activity that's

48:43

happening amongst polyamorous people is not necessarily

48:45

love driven, it's sex driven. And

48:48

especially in a situation where there's a

48:50

monogamous couple cheating on each other with

48:52

semi-permission, often that does not involve

48:54

love, it's just sex. So

48:57

wouldn't polysexual be a more

48:59

apt term? And

49:01

then maybe tolisxual instead? I'm

49:03

just confused about the interchangeability

49:06

of polyamory, polysexual, when a

49:08

lot of this activity involves

49:10

sex and not necessarily love. Polyamory,

49:15

poly, Greek, meaning

49:17

many, amory from the

49:19

Latin, amor, meaning love,

49:21

polyamory, many loves, concurrent,

49:23

committed, romantic relationships.

49:26

That is how people use

49:28

polyamory, how that word is defined and

49:30

understood. Tally, amory,

49:33

tolly from toler, the Latin root

49:35

word for bear with or put

49:37

up with. Amory,

49:40

in this case also from amor, but

49:42

amor doesn't just mean love

49:44

or loves, a romantic attachment. Amor

49:47

also means desire

49:49

and sex. Relating to

49:51

sexual desires or acts, and

49:53

also means a partner. So

49:57

while polyamorous clearly means many

49:59

loves. in the sense

50:01

of many affectionate, committed, concurrent

50:03

romantic relationships, Tally Amory means

50:05

putting up with your

50:08

partner, the person you love. What are

50:10

you willing to put up with?

50:12

What sort of sex acts that they may be

50:14

committing that you don't know about or they assume

50:16

you don't know about or you don't wanna know

50:18

about, are you willing to bear? One

50:21

word in the English language, in Latin,

50:23

in any language can have

50:26

more than one meaning and

50:29

can be derived from the same root word in

50:31

Latin or Greek and have

50:33

more than one meaning or be referring

50:35

to a root word in Latin more

50:38

that itself had multiple meanings that

50:40

were understood in context

50:42

by people who spoke Latin.

50:45

So in context, we understand what

50:48

Amory means and Tally Amory, many

50:50

loves. In context with Tally before

50:53

Amory, we understand that what

50:55

it means is putting up

50:57

with that person you love,

50:59

putting up with their shit.

51:01

That is what Tally Amory

51:04

means. And you know what? I'm

51:06

hearing from marriage counselors who

51:08

aren't lunatics and yes, there are

51:11

some great marriage counselors out there.

51:13

I recently mentioned in a column,

51:15

the marriage counselor's office to divorce

51:17

court pipeline being real that there

51:19

are actually some marriage counselors out there who

51:21

are terrible and toxic and

51:23

espoused bullshit about micro

51:26

cheating, micro infidelities and

51:29

destroy relationships by making them

51:31

less resilient, by convincing

51:33

everybody involved to count as many things as possible

51:36

as cheating and also regard cheating as unforgivable. But

51:38

there are marriage counselors out there who are good.

51:40

A lot of them listen to the show. I

51:42

want to acknowledge good and constructive marriage

51:45

counselors, marriage counseling, couples counselors, therapists, you're out

51:47

there. And I've heard from a bunch of

51:49

you, just in the last couple of weeks,

51:51

whose clients have come in using

51:53

Tally Amory to describe their relationship

51:55

and introducing them to this new

51:59

word that of course... those marriage counselors who listened to

52:01

my show already heard, they heard me talking about on the

52:03

show, and I think that's the best evidence that

52:05

people are embracing Tallyamory, Tallyamorous,

52:07

and Tally in the way that

52:10

I hoped they would. All

52:12

right, before we get to this week's listener response

52:14

calls, I wanna share a couple of listener comments

52:17

posted on last week's

52:19

show at savage.love. Says John H.,

52:21

I am one of those queers

52:23

against gay marriage. My solution was

52:25

to abolish the discriminatory privileges of

52:27

marriage entirely instead of extending those

52:29

privileges to same-sex couples. I was

52:31

open to expanding marriage as a

52:33

step in the right direction, but

52:35

I stopped supporting the movement because

52:37

it didn't feel like it was

52:39

about creating a more just society.

52:42

Marriage equality activists just wanted personally to

52:44

be privileged instead of oppressed. All

52:47

right, I think we all would

52:49

rather not be oppressed and arguably

52:51

a society that doesn't discriminate between

52:53

same-sex and opposite-sex couples is more

52:56

just, not as just as it could

52:58

or should be, but come

53:00

on, John, more just. I

53:03

agree though, there are more kinds of families

53:05

out there and more ways of forming families

53:07

than our current marital regime recognizes

53:10

or can encompass, and there is more

53:12

work to be done on

53:14

that front. Says Lance, after listening

53:17

to today's intro, I propose a

53:19

challenge for Dan. Stop acting like

53:21

viral tweets matter. The platform

53:23

formerly known as Twitter has been in a death

53:26

spiral for over a year now with

53:28

a dwindling user base and vanishing

53:30

social relevance. Dan, stop

53:32

shining a spotlight on a cesspit

53:34

that nobody cares about anymore. Wanna find

53:36

really bad takes that are being viewed

53:38

by more people? Bad takes that need

53:40

your intelligent rebuttal, Dan? Join

53:43

TikTok. All right, Lance,

53:45

you're right. I need to get on

53:47

TikTok. I have always been a late

53:49

adopter and very slow to adapt

53:52

to new social media platforms, but

53:55

yeah, the tech-savvy at-risk youth have been after me forever

53:57

to get on TikTok, and maybe your comment, Lance, is

53:59

fine. finally pushed me over the

54:01

edge. Finally says Andrew as a gay Gen X

54:04

Midwestern introvert, I think putting on a butch face

54:06

at the gym is the correct thing to do.

54:09

Gym time means headphones and zoning out.

54:11

I'm there to work out, not gossip

54:13

with my friends. Also in

54:15

favor when it comes to the locker room

54:17

of having some decorum. Same, I'm in favor

54:20

of locker room decorum and I'm

54:22

at the gym also to work out and zone

54:24

out, not chat. But last

54:26

week at the gym, the hottest guy

54:28

at the gym walked up to

54:30

me and I had to take my headphones out to

54:32

tell me I needed to get with the

54:34

decade we were in before it was over

54:36

and then pointed at my headphones, which

54:39

are on a cord because I don't have

54:41

AirPods because I am, as I just said,

54:43

a late adopter.

54:47

I told the hot mean gay guy at the

54:49

gym that being scolded by hot mean gay

54:51

guys at the gym, not exactly

54:53

an incentive to do something differently because

54:55

I kind of like the attention. But

54:58

yeah, maybe it's time for me to get

55:01

on TikTok and get some AirPods

55:03

too. All right, for more listener comments

55:05

and more of my responses, check out

55:07

Struggle Session, a weekly bonus column for

55:09

Magnum subs goes up every Thursday at

55:11

savage.love. Becoming a Magnum sub

55:13

not only gets you access to Struggle Session, it is

55:15

the only way for you to find out

55:18

who our Muppet-faced man of the

55:20

week is because that is in

55:22

Struggle Session for Magnum subs every

55:24

week. All right, now on to

55:26

listener response calls. Hello, I

55:29

was calling to respond to episode 902, the

55:32

question about Polly

55:34

or open folks oversharing about

55:36

their current situations. And

55:39

I've encountered some of that myself. And

55:41

so some of the screening questions that I

55:44

will ask people prior to getting to know

55:46

them is maybe something about

55:48

their dating landscape or

55:51

also asking folks about what Polly's

55:53

resources they like and appreciate,

55:55

whether a podcast or books or whatnot,

55:58

to start to get a second. of

56:00

their EQ around managing

56:04

relationships with multiple people. And

56:06

I've also been one to say, if someone

56:09

brings up something that I absolutely don't want to

56:11

hear about, I will be quick to cut them off and say,

56:13

you know what, I don't want to hear about that right now.

56:16

And their response to that or

56:18

if they proceed to bring up that topic, you

56:20

know, I want to know that that's not welcome and then

56:24

I'm no longer seeing them. Oh,

56:26

hey, Dan. I have a comment

56:28

for the woman who was worried

56:30

about faceless guys on dating

56:32

apps or hookup apps. And

56:34

I liked what you and your guest

56:36

said. You talked about

56:40

men and women and

56:42

the danger dynamic and all that and

56:44

gay guys. But I don't think what

56:46

was said was that what gay guys do often,

56:48

and sometimes you don't do it because it's just

56:50

assumed, is they

56:53

put on their MPNC, no pic,

56:55

no chat. And some

56:57

people go further, like if you don't send a picture, she could

56:59

do this. You don't send a

57:01

face picture that I'm not responding.

57:04

Hi, Dan. One thing that

57:06

jumped out at me from your conversation with Ezra Klein

57:08

in episode 902 was

57:11

that the disappearance of Bridge from the

57:13

New York Times and the emergence of

57:15

polyamory are kind of ironically timed

57:18

because you can't have Bridge without a foursome. And

57:22

we're going to leave it there. We have

57:24

three ways for you to get us your

57:26

questions or comments for future shows. You can

57:29

record your question or comment at savage.love.ask Dan.

57:32

Or you can make a voice memo on

57:34

your very own phone and email us your

57:36

question or comment to q at savage.love. Or

57:39

you can call our landline and leave us a message

57:41

at 206-302-2064. Don't

57:45

forget, special Valentine's Day Savage Love

57:47

Live happening for my Magnum subs

57:50

at noon Pacific time, February

57:52

14th on Valentine's Day. Get your questions

57:54

in early by going to savage.love and

57:56

clicking on Ask Dan at the time

57:58

of the day. the navigation bar. Hope

58:01

to see you there, Magnum. So, part

58:03

one of Hump, my dirty not so

58:05

little anymore. Film Festival is running now

58:07

and we are taking Hump on the

58:09

road. We are taking Hump all over

58:12

the world this spring. There will be

58:14

streaming options, but the best way to

58:16

see Hump is in a theater with

58:18

a live audience. Go to humpfilmfest.com to

58:20

find out when Hump is coming to

58:22

a city near you and get your

58:25

tickets. And also, like I mentioned earlier,

58:27

a new Sex and Politics for my

58:29

Magnum subs comes out this Thursday with

58:31

the Bulwarks Tim Miller.

58:33

Follow me on Instagram and threads

58:36

at Dan Savage. Follow me on

58:38

BlueSky at Dan Savage. Follow Rina

58:40

Martin on Instagram and threads at

58:43

underscore Rina dot Martine underscore and check

58:45

out her website where you can learn

58:48

more about her work and her new

58:50

book, The Sexy Want at RinaMartine dot

58:52

com. The Savage Lovecast is produced every

58:54

week by Nancy Hertunian and

58:57

me and the tech-savvy At-Risk youth and Nancy. We

58:59

will all be back at you next week

59:01

for my installment of The Savage Lovecast. Thank

59:03

you for downloading.