This week I had the opportunity to chat with a fabulous Dominatrix, Ms Kitten from Cape Town!

I was incredibly excited (and a little nervous) to interview Ms Kitten, a creative sadist, pro domme and fetish artist with a love of latex. We met when she came to Durban to host a spanking workshop that I loved – but I still wasn’t sure what to expect from our conversation together. Ms Kitten is an experienced top and kink educator, and in this interview, she generously shared her time to answer our burning questions about the kinkier side of life!

As our Zoom call began I was delighted and shocked to see a man knelt at her feet, dressed in latex, wearing a gas mask and tethered to the ceiling by a rope. “Welcome to my dungeon!” she purred, before introducing the man as her “latex toy.”

Ms Kitten’s relaxed smile soon put me at ease, and as we began chatting openly about her journey and passion for kink I couldn’t wait to dive in! I began by asking… What exactly is kink?

What Exactly Is Kink?

Ms Kitten: “I think kink is different for every single person. It is simply something new and something exciting. That can be different for you and for me. It doesn’t mean that I can judge what you think is exciting, or that you can judge what I think is exciting.

She explained that our sexual journeys change so much over the years. The kink journey evolves on its own naturally. And it can start with us simply using our imagination to introduce things that are slightly more unconventional… and can lead us into a whole different world in the bedroom.

“It doesn’t have to be Dominatrix, with a cane and a gag,” says Ms Kitten. “It can be simple items that excite you and can take you on a different journey.”

Is kink the same as BDSM?

“Kink is the freedom to explore and to evolve… and consent is always mandatory.

“BDSM is bondage & discipline, dominant & submissive, sadist & masochist, which are all big terms in the bedroom. We learn more about them as we explore and are honest about our wants and desires.”

Ms Kitten explains that the journey should start by creating intimacy and a space where you can share fantasies openly and honestly. And while some fantasies are destined to remain fantasies, there are some that are safe to explore.

When these are voiced openly and shared with someone in an intimate relationship, it can be fun to bring them to life. 

“Exploring those fantasies together can be extremely exciting. The whole journey of kink is based on the fact that you’re sharing your innermost secrets with someone you trust – who appreciates and respects them. And that’s why consent is mandatory.”

How can people bring this into an everyday relationships?

Ms Kitten says “It starts with honesty between you and your partner – and even married couples battle to have this kind of communication.”

She uses a simple game that allows partners to practice giving and receiving a “no” more comfortably – and without being offended. Listen at 4.30 to hear her describe the “thank you but no thank you” game. 

This game can be a no-pressure way to put a voice to desires that might feel scary to express. 

It’s important to create a judgement-free zone, and from here the couple can build on the fantasy – and manage expectations around how the fantasy might play out in reality.

Managing expectations is important. Consider, for example, how two people can have very different expectations around spanking.

Ms Kitten might imagine a beautiful bottom marked by 12 perfect cane lines – while I might have something far less painful in mind, like a light flogging that ends in a rosy glow. 

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