0:00

Scarlet was a letter and then it was a podcast.

0:05

Let me tell you a story. Well, after all that time on all those different fooling around sites, I did finally

0:11

pick out one guy, um, from Calabasas, quite tall, extremely muscular.

0:19

And we had a phone conversation.

0:23

I did tell him right off the bat that I was having this situation with a sugar daddy guy,

0:30

and he proceeds to tell me about how all the cartilage has gone out of his arms because

0:37

he's been working out so hard.

0:39

I did mention how I had spent some time buying this necklace for Sugar Daddy.

0:45

He proceeded to say stuff like, Well, that's so Jersey Shore tacky, 1980s.

0:52

Is there really any guy out there wearing a necklace, which I was pretty shocked at?

0:58

And then he said he wished he had a gun so he could go back and shoot one of our

1:04

previous ex-presidents. And I thought, well, that's it for you.

1:10

You're sort of a nut job. So that was the only person I've contacted.

1:16

Still getting all those messages? Haven't responded to anyone else.

1:20

Um, I did sit there and listen to this book that this previous hypnotherapy lady in Santa

1:28

monica had referred to me. It says the sociopath next door.

1:33

Well, obviously, I already knew I was married to a sociopath.

1:36

He's in federal prison. But the more I listened to that that book, the more I realized I probably married a

1:43

second one, too. And I thought, wow, I just must be a nut job magnet.

1:51

So is it any wonder that I'm always worried about opening up to someone?

1:59

Um, so, yeah, that's where that stands right now.

2:03

And then my daughter, she did go ahead and she is licensed to do something.

2:10

I have decided to support her in this, to set up something a little business for

2:14

herself. Just a small thing.

2:16

But it's costing me, you know, quite a few thousands of dollars.

2:20

Um, she's very focused on that.

2:22

I know. She'll do. Do. Excellent. That is the end of my social media help from my daughter.

2:29

You know, they have limited attention spans.

2:32

She's 21. She only has enough wattage or bandwidth to go ahead and focus on her own thing.

2:39

So, um, that's all there is.

2:43

And I did have to, after having this zoom meeting with my, my hypnotherapy group that

2:52

I, I zoom online with, um, come to find out I forgot.

2:57

Didn't even realize this. I can't use the word therapy in California in my title or

3:03

profess to offer therapy to people as I'm not a licensed by the state of California.

3:10

Therapists, doctors, psychiatrists, that type of thing.

3:13

Well, gosh darn, that was a drag.

3:16

So I had to go get another domain.

3:19

And of course, I'm still gosh darn, I'm still sitting there doing that.

3:24

That other licensed job that I'm in that refresher course.

3:30

Um, boy, I've been distracted. I tell you what, when you really don't want to do something, I.

3:35

You will find other stuff to do. Well, things such as my hard drive, this little external backup drive that's been

3:43

bugging me for four years. Boy, I had to call up Apple and get that fixed and go through all my domains and clean

3:49

the closet. Wow. Very bad.

3:51

I'm putting stuff off. Um, but anyway, yeah, so I had to get a new domain name and I am going to be putting that

4:00

up. And then I was talking to my kids and I was saying, well, I guess when I meet people

4:05

after I finish this refresher course, I'm going to hand them two business cards, one

4:10

for this new license job that I'm doing, I will be doing again and also the hypnotherapy

4:16

Reiki stuff. So, hey, if you're crazy, go ahead.

4:19

And here's a second card. Um, I was, um.

4:27

Thinking about Sugar Daddy the other day, because I started realizing that in the

4:33

entire 15 months that we've been seeing each other now, basically I've only truly,

4:42

really kissed him once.

4:45

And that's when we were in Palm Springs, and it was very early in the morning and, you

4:52

know, I wanted to get some action and I decided to just kiss him.

4:57

And that was the only thing. And I sit there and think about that.

5:01

And I, I did tell him, I said, I have this really motherly, weird feeling towards you.

5:09

And I don't know if I've said this.

5:11

I told my kids, I said, you know, if I, if if my daughter was laying in bed looking at

5:15

me on a pillow, it's just the same as if this guy was looking at me.

5:21

I just have this very comfortable.

5:24

Motherly way that I think about him.

5:29

And, you know, I tuck him in when he stays over here and, you know, get a little tray of

5:33

food for him. I set him on the couch and, you know, I put everything down, put a little

5:38

napkin in his shirt.

5:41

That's the kind of five star service you get when you're paying this money.

5:45

So, you know, I wait on him hand and foot and he loves it.

5:48

And so I did go to this, um.

5:54

This thing last night, which I'll talk about in a minute.

5:57

But I jokingly said to him, okay, mommy's going to be gone for a while.

6:05

And he looks at me and he says, You better stop talking to like that because I'm going

6:10

to start liking it. And I went, Huh, that's sort of weird.

6:14

And also he said, I said, you know, don't you ever wonder, like this weird connection

6:20

we have? Not a not a it's different.

6:25

It's it's a weird kind of connection that we have, not just a physical, sensual thing, but

6:31

like a. We can trust each other completely kind of connection.

6:36

And I said, Wouldn't it be weird if in a past life we were related?

6:41

Like, what if I was your mom or sister or something in a past life?

6:45

Because we have that feeling of comfort with each other.

6:48

And he says, You know, the way we have sex, that would be crazy.

6:52

And I said, Well, you know, yeah, that would.

6:56

But, you know, that's the way it's sort of weird between us.

6:59

It's just way too comfortable and not in a.

7:04

Are. Almost like in a really close buddies kind of way.

7:09

It's very unusual. Um, so anyway, um, I did go to this candlelight ceremony.

7:19

It was a candlelight concert at the Warner Brothers Studios in Burbank.

7:26

And of course, I stopped at my favorite place to eat in the entire world, which is

7:30

Bob's big boy. And I'll put photos up of that boy.

7:35

I tell you what, eating the food there, it's heavenly.

7:39

Uh, Bob's Big burger and a the hot fudge cake.

7:44

Wow. Just the best thing in the world.

7:47

And when I was at this candlelight quartet playing, I think they're called the Orchid

7:55

Quartet. And they played all some of the some of the most famous musical scores of the

8:04

Warner Brothers movies. And I was lucky because I was there by myself.

8:11

And I did buy one of the better seats, but it was random seating.

8:15

And because I was by myself, I was able to get a seat, a front row center.

8:20

Of course, I love that because I'm always a big about showing up early and trying to get

8:26

the best seat. But the first song they played was Somewhere Over the Rainbow from The Wizard of Oz,

8:36

and the entire hall was dark and the full length of the stage from left to right and

8:45

flowing down the steps was all these beautiful candles.

8:50

It was quite magical.

8:52

And as they played that music.

8:56

I all of a sudden started thinking about my mom and tears started streaming down my

9:02

cheeks because she was.

9:07

Ah. She was the kindest.

9:11

Person I've ever met in my life.

9:14

And as I sat and listened to that eye music, I realized that not once in my entire life

9:21

did I ever hear my mother curse.

9:24

I never saw her drink or smoke.

9:28

She never screamed at anyone.

9:31

She had unbelievable patience.

9:36

She sewed things for, you know, babies that were being adopted.

9:41

She cooked for anyone at church that was sick.

9:44

Of course, you know, this is the Mormon Church and she was a relief Society

9:47

president. And and I don't.

9:51

And by the way, morally, I don't feel like she'd have any problem with that job that I

9:55

had to do. I mean.

9:58

You know, you got to do what you got to do. That's just the way it is.

10:02

Um. But I sit there and I thought about her.

10:08

I know sometimes people have horrible relationships with their mothers.

10:13

And I was truly, truly blessed to have someone so loving and kind.

10:19

My father was so ill and just a vegetable, sort of, basically.

10:24

I was I was basically the workhorse at 13 taking care of him.

10:29

But my mother was in her 60s and my dad was in his late 60s or 70s when all the horrible

10:36

health stuff happened to him and whatever.

10:38

I won't go into details. But anyway, you know, she never, ever complained.

10:44

And I look back on that now and all the years and all the hard work taking care of

10:50

him and I was doing the same thing.

10:53

And that was the end of my childhood, taking care of that guy, um, who I find out later,

10:58

you know, molested me. Um, she never complained.

11:02

What an amazing woman. I'm so. I'm so sorry for my kids that I am not the person she was.

11:11

I'm more of a hard ass. I'm definitely a hard ass.

11:15

Um, I don't know if I told you. My son said he's going to get a tattoo one day with a rose on his arm because I am sort

11:23

of rose crazy. I love roses, but he's going to put thorns on it because that is what I'm

11:32

like. I'm very sweet and nice, but I have these thorns.

11:36

So I did have to get some information off of my work phone.

11:41

Well, gosh, thing I haven't I haven't turned that thing on in so long now.

11:45

I turned it on just to get a piece of information out of it.

11:49

Uh, I had, like, 20 something messages.

11:51

I don't even have any ads running anywhere.

11:53

I don't know why I would have messages. And then I was about to turn it off, and I saw this one person talk about deposit and

12:00

birthday, and I went, What? And I read that message.

12:03

This poor guy had sat there and sent me a $200 deposit because I had asked for

12:08

deposits. So he had sent me a $200 deposit and it was his birthday this month in April.

12:16

I feel so, so, so horrible.

12:19

I apologized profusely and I immediately sent him that money back with my deepest

12:27

apologies, because I know that guys are, um, anxious when they send deposits out to women

12:35

because they don't know if they're going to get ripped off or not.

12:38

But I'm always I've always been very ethical, very honest.

12:41

So I was absolutely horrified when I realized that that guy probably thought that

12:49

I had led him on and was stealing his money.

12:52

But no, I apologized and said, Hey, I turned on this phone briefly.

12:56

I'm going to turn it off again. I'm so, so sorry.

12:59

I'm going to miss your your birthday.

13:02

And of course, you know, of course, in the back of my mind, I still think that's a lot

13:05

of money. But anyway, um, I'm focused on other things.

13:09

And, um, the sugar daddy guy is doing something right now.

13:16

And for me to help me with my business and man, if he gets this thing done, God darn,

13:23

I'm going to feel so freaking obligated to him, which I'm sure he's counting on.

13:28

Um, but that's the way I am anyway, so we'll see how things go.

13:36

And I, on the tik-tok that I did, I had the little partial, partial story that my

13:44

daughter had put up from one of my YouTubes that had 300 views.

13:49

I took that off because I thought, you know, I'm just going to keep it like healing kind

13:55

of thing. And one of the things this is so funny, I'm listening to this, this quartet in

14:02

the amphitheater at the Warner Brothers, and they're playing all these music scores.

14:06

And one of them was the score from, um, gosh, it was Silence of the Lambs.

14:13

That's some scary music. And all of a sudden it made me for a second think about.

14:19

All the little sociopaths that are out there that are who knows, once they find out

14:27

information, my personal information, which is going to be out there, you know, I was I

14:33

was filled with anxiety for a minute because I have been the the butt of a social.

14:45

Not a stalker. A social bully.

14:50

A couple of years ago. And that was that was a crazy thing.

14:56

When someone decides to target you and do things to, you know, hurt your business and

15:03

hurt you and, you know, and and I guess it was all because I've been listening to this

15:08

audio tape, the sociopath next door.

15:10

That is a sociopath. Dream job is to sit behind a computer and cause havoc.

15:17

That's how they get off on the chaos that they create.

15:23

So anyway, don't worry about that crap.

15:25

I can't. I have to let things go.

15:28

Do I worry about why the heck I'm even doing this podcast?

15:31

Youtube? Absolutely. All the time. Why the heck am I doing this thing?

15:36

On the one hand, I'm doing a TikTok about all the healing and I want to be I want to be

15:41

healing people. On the other hand, hearing him talking about this weird, sexy stuff.

15:47

Is that a contradiction? Absolutely. Have I do I continually hear from people that I have to keep this up?

15:55

Yeah. Yeah. I don't know why.

15:59

So anyway, so there you go. So I hope you have a wonderful, wonderful, wonderful week.

16:06

That's what's going on.

16:08

Hopefully I can get my butt in gear and then build the other hypnosis website and gosh

16:15

darn, I want to get that thing up. Wasn't I embarrassed when I was on the Zoom meeting with all the people and at the end of

16:21

it, here's all these other students on the Zoom call and the teacher says to me, So hey,

16:26

say they're blank. Have you completed all this other stuff?

16:29

It's like, Why? Why are you asking me these questions?

16:32

Oh, crap. So in front of the whole class, I just sit there and go, No, I haven't built the

16:37

website. And then he proceeds to tell everyone on the Zoom call, Well, you know,

16:40

blank here has decided that she's going to focus on which I am, you know, healing and

16:46

sexual trauma and all the other stuff. And it was like embarrassing, like, oh my gosh, I have to get my butt in gear.

16:56

So I hope you have a wonderful week.

16:59

I hope things go well. Thank you for listening to me ramble on.

17:04

I always appreciate you guys.

17:06

All right. I'm going to hit the button now.