0:02

Hello and welcome. My name is John August. My

0:05

name is Craig Mason. And you are

0:07

listening to episode 629 of Script Notes,

0:09

a podcast about screenwriting and things that

0:11

are interesting to screenwriters. Today on the show, should

0:13

you break up with a producer you like but

0:15

who doesn't seem to be moving the project forward?

0:18

How should a writing team discuss their individual work?

0:21

And when is it okay to say no to

0:23

inclusive casting? We'll answer these and

0:25

other difficult questions, plus a new

0:27

round of the three-page challenge, where we look at

0:29

listeners' pages and give our honest and only semi-filtered

0:31

feedback. And in our bonus

0:33

segment for premium members, we'll delve into some

0:36

advice we'd love to give ourselves. That'll

0:38

be interesting. We've got some time travel,

0:41

we've got some hypotheticals, all that kind

0:43

of stuff. But we've got

0:45

follow-up first. This first

0:47

bit of follow-up is, Craig, you had asked last

0:49

week, how many of those, how would this be a movie,

0:52

things that became actual

0:54

movies, had we recommended? So I think, Drew,

0:56

you did the research on this. Yep,

0:59

I went through, of the 12 that were actually made,

1:01

four of them were ones you said could be a movie. Okay,

1:05

so offhand, that doesn't seem like a great

1:07

average, I mean, baseball, it's excellent. So now

1:09

my new question is, of

1:11

the eight movies that we said shouldn't

1:13

be made, how many of

1:15

them were considered successful? Meaning, were

1:18

we right anyway? There's

1:20

some asterisks on that, because like Zola was one that

1:22

you said, no, but there's something to take from it.

1:25

I guess that's not so much of an asterisk. There

1:28

was another one, the Kamaiah Mobley story that you

1:30

had said, no, not quite that, that was the

1:32

one where the girl realized that

1:34

the woman she thought was her mother her

1:36

whole life wasn't actually her mother. You said,

1:38

not exactly the story, but there's

1:40

a version, and then you went on to essentially pitch A.V.

1:43

Rockwell's 1001. Oh,

1:45

okay. Well,

1:48

I guess this goes to show

1:50

that John and I are about as

1:52

good at being movie executives as movie

1:54

executives are. Because I feel

1:56

like this happens all the time. And

2:00

we try to pick the winners which I think we we

2:02

just to adjust her in the direction of the things that

2:04

could Get made but actually more stuff was

2:06

able to get made than we even picked So yeah,

2:09

our little script notes studio did not choose to

2:11

make those films or other people did so good

2:13

for them, right? Not bad button

2:16

333 now Craig in episode

2:18

627 Alina and I did a how is

2:20

the movie without you? Okay, sorry. No, it's

2:22

fine. But we actually had a success We

2:24

didn't know was actually a success because one

2:26

of those Story topics we discussed

2:28

was about this guy a mathematician who figured out

2:31

a way to sort of game the

2:33

lottery and win And it turns out

2:35

there actually has been a movie that was basically the same

2:37

premise that pre-existed it or that was

2:39

made like Two years ago. So like

2:42

the story that we were talking about was

2:44

actually 30 years

2:46

old. Oh, but there's a recent movie that

2:48

actually was largely the same premise So you

2:50

guys were asking if this could be a

2:52

movie when in fact it already was indeed

2:55

Well, that's a double asterisk a

2:57

double asterisk So this is Jerry and Marge

3:00

go large which this is a movie that

3:02

I've only seen I like Inflights,

3:04

you know entertainment options, but it's about a

3:06

mathematician who scams the Michigan State Lottery to

3:08

save this small town where he lives It's

3:11

a pretty good idea. Yeah, it works One

3:15

last bit of follow-up I see in the workflow here. Yeah,

3:18

Kristen Oakland writes John been talking about learning the

3:20

international phonetic alphabet And he recently

3:22

started learning an alphabet that was created as a

3:24

better fit for the sounds of English It's called

3:26

shaving is created in honor of George

3:28

Bernard Shaw He wanted to get rid of silent

3:30

letters and all the bizarre spelling and have something

3:32

that made sense so I

3:34

clicked on the link to this website and Immediately

3:37

started laughing because the so it's

3:39

its own alphabet Yeah, and it

3:42

looks so much like what

3:44

I would call science fiction writing like yeah,

3:46

or it's our fifth When you're

3:49

on an alien ship, yeah, like I'm totally

3:51

alien writing Sure,

3:55

why this isn't gonna happen I guess

3:57

that's my biggest issue Why

4:00

are they doing this? It's not going to work. Because

4:03

you can. It's one of those things like if you could go

4:06

in from the start and actually have it make sense,

4:08

this is a way that it could make sense. I

4:10

spent a couple of minutes going through this. I'm actually

4:12

impressed by some of the choices they've made because there

4:15

is a logical consistency with how these

4:17

sounds work in English and sort of what these

4:19

shapes are. Sure. Which

4:22

totally makes sense because the IPA

4:24

for all its wonders is

4:26

a beast to sort of read and there ends up

4:28

being so many special marks on it to sort of

4:30

get the actual flow of

4:33

it right. It's hard to really read it.

4:35

I think you probably could train

4:37

yourself pretty quickly to be able to read this

4:39

in a natural way. Sure, but you

4:41

won't. You won't. I understand

4:43

why they did it and I understand that they

4:46

probably, I assume that they did it really well.

4:49

But this just seems like a

4:51

strange exercise because it is

4:54

impractical. That's not going

4:56

to happen. It's

4:59

like Esperanto in the same way. It's an

5:01

artificial system that improves upon how we naturally

5:03

do things but doesn't mean it's everything we

5:05

need to use. Yeah, and Esperanto at least

5:07

has the benefit of being the first. They

5:10

didn't know that Esperanto would be a total failure

5:12

when they invented Esperanto, but the people that did

5:15

this know about Esperanto. They

5:17

really should know better. But I'm going

5:19

to give them the benefit of the doubt and

5:21

suggest that perhaps the people that have invented

5:23

Shavian understand that really this

5:25

is kind of an academic exercise. I

5:28

hope that they know it's an academic

5:30

exercise. Yeah, but I do recommend

5:32

everyone click through the links because it does look

5:34

really cool and it does look like all the

5:36

sci-fi Spanish you've seen, which I support. I enjoy

5:38

that as a thing. Yeah. One

5:41

of the interesting choices as it was clicking through and reading stuff that

5:43

was very, very smart in here is that we've

5:45

talked about it on this podcast. I'm sure that certain English is

5:47

our roejek and not roejek. In

5:49

America, we say water and that

5:52

R, we actually pronounce the R's

5:54

in a lot of the UK. It's water

5:56

and you don't... It's water. But I guess you

5:59

don't pronounce it. Wota. Wota.

6:02

Wota. And you don't pronounce those final

6:04

Rs. And cleverly, Shavian or

6:06

Shavian, they're simple for that

6:08

last ER, AR, IR sound.

6:11

It's one glyph that sort of marks that it's that

6:13

sound. So if you are pronouncing

6:15

this with a British accent, you just wouldn't pronounce the

6:17

R. If you're pronouncing the American accent, you would pronounce

6:19

the R. So if you don't have to put a

6:21

separate R there that is pronounced or not pronounced based

6:23

on your dialect. I mean,

6:26

isn't that what R is doing? It's

6:28

like an R. I mean,

6:30

right? Like we see an R and we either pronounce

6:32

it or we don't. But

6:35

if you were to put the R in Shavian,

6:38

then basically everything you see there is supposed to

6:40

be pronounced. And so it would not be the

6:42

same word for those two people. This

6:46

is, we're running into problems already. I

6:48

have huge issues with Shavian clearly. Yeah.

6:51

Is it solving a problem we definitely have? Not

6:54

really. We got the IPA, but we got other

6:56

ways to do this. I just love people who are spending the time

6:58

to tell them someone else and do some

7:00

fun things. I think this is

7:03

where you and I find ourselves different. You

7:06

love them. And I'm sort of like, what

7:08

is going on with you? That said, I'm also

7:10

the person that sits and builds large Lego sets

7:12

and there's no purpose for that. Absolutely.

7:15

If this were not designed to reproduce

7:17

language in a way that is spoken, but instead a kind

7:21

of cipher that was used in word puzzles,

7:23

Craig Manson, you would love it. Well, the point of

7:26

the cipher and the word puzzle is to decipher the

7:28

cipher. Not to use it on a

7:30

daily basis. Correct. I do love deciphering

7:32

ciphers though. And there are so many. There's so many. There's

7:34

so many. Let's answer some questions. Also, we do, is it late

7:36

in the podcast? Let's start this time with some questions. Great. Let's

7:39

start with George in Berlin. George writes, how

7:41

do you balance specificity versus not excluding actors

7:44

for consideration based

7:51

on things like rules? Or

7:54

do you find it important to be more general

7:56

or more specific? Are these the kind

7:58

of things that you would try and rewrite? for

8:00

a film or show was cast. I'm

8:02

currently writing a family drama, and the way the

8:04

family functions is informed by the fact that they

8:06

are a white middle-class family in the North of

8:08

England. There is a level of

8:10

arrogance and refusal to change written into the family

8:12

that is a byproduct of their situation. They're

8:15

white, they're middle-class, living in a predominantly

8:17

white, smallish town in the Northeast, and

8:19

this has obviously massively shaped their worldview.

8:22

If my protagonists were, say, the child of immigrants

8:24

and the family were members of a minority community,

8:26

I think their experience of growing up

8:29

in the Northeast would have been radically different. It

8:31

doesn't necessarily mean their life would be better

8:34

or worse. They would just be different people,

8:36

objectively. I want to be specific.

8:38

I want to hone in on the cultural nuances and

8:40

the specificity of the situation, but I

8:43

don't want to write non-white actors out of consideration

8:45

for the role because I wrote

8:47

from the perspective of a white Northeastern

8:49

English experience. If the family's

8:51

roots were Asian, Indian, West African, or East

8:53

African, the family and the characters would be

8:56

different in each of those culturally specific situations.

9:00

I like how thoughtful George is being here.

9:02

He's trying to balance this sense that he

9:05

has written a very specific family that is

9:07

attuned to the experience he needs in

9:09

this story and at the same time

9:11

he would love to be able to open

9:13

roles up to non-white actors and feel like

9:15

it's just not going to work because of

9:18

the specificity he's put in there. I think

9:20

George is being thoughtful but perhaps too

9:22

thoughtful, meaning it seems like George's

9:26

creating a defense against

9:28

somebody being angry with him because

9:30

he wrote parts that were specifically for white

9:33

people. Here's the

9:35

thing. As we change the way we

9:37

cast things and try

9:40

and include traditionally underrepresented

9:43

actors, that's

9:45

about getting rid of what I

9:47

believe we've called default white. So

9:50

they're kind of thoughtless, okay,

9:52

I'm going to write a character and that character is plumber.

9:56

So unless I say otherwise, we'll just assume

9:58

that's a white guy. the way it

10:00

used to be. And we're not

10:02

doing that anymore. We're not doing that

10:04

for small characters, large characters, big characters,

10:06

small. However, when we

10:09

are writing characters that are specifically

10:11

connected to a culture, that's an

10:13

important word, not race, but culture,

10:16

then we have to write

10:18

for that culture. So

10:21

in this case, George, I would

10:23

suggest that you don't think about

10:25

race as much as culture. And

10:27

you are specifically writing about white

10:29

middle class, Northern England culture. Therefore,

10:33

you may say you don't want to write non

10:35

white actors out of consideration for the role, but

10:37

you have. That's what you've done. And

10:40

that's not a crime, because this

10:42

is about white culture

10:45

in Northern England. So

10:47

that's okay. That's okay. I don't

10:51

think we should be twisting ourselves

10:53

into pretzels when there's an easy

10:55

answer for things. If you were

10:57

writing a story about

10:59

Pakistani British culture in Northern

11:02

England, you would be excluding

11:04

white actors from consideration for

11:06

the role, because it's about

11:09

Pakistani British culture. This

11:11

is fine. If you're not specifically

11:14

writing about that culture, then

11:16

yes, I think open

11:18

casting is a wonderful thing and

11:21

should be promoted and celebrated. But I think you

11:23

might be complicating this a little bit, George, because

11:25

you're a little nervous maybe that someone's going to

11:27

go, why did you write parts for white people?

11:30

Because you're writing about white stuff. That's

11:33

why. Sometimes Craig just answers

11:35

a question so thoroughly and completely that I have

11:37

time for nothing left to add. And that's one

11:39

of these happy situations. So Craig, well

11:41

done. Thank you. Next question.

11:44

Chris and Glendale writes, when academy voters

11:46

vote on best screenplay and a best

11:48

adapted screenplay, are they expected or required

11:50

to actually read the screenplay, or are

11:52

they allowed to base their vote on

11:54

just watching the film? Easy

11:57

answer. You are not required or expected to read the

11:59

screenplay. I would say over the last

12:01

10 years, it's been a much more concerted effort

12:03

to make screenplays available to everybody who wants to

12:05

read the screenplays. They can actually look at the

12:07

words on the page. But no, you're not required

12:09

to. Most people are not basing on that. Instead,

12:12

they are basing their vote on what

12:14

they perceived was the best writing, the

12:16

best storytelling, the best work that was

12:18

probably attributable to the screenwriter. And

12:21

yet, there's no perfect way to

12:23

know how much of what

12:25

seems like the screenwriter's job was

12:28

that screenwriter doing that work there. You

12:30

don't know. So in many ways, it's

12:32

the work that's also called best

12:35

film that probably had a great screenplay.

12:37

And I think that applies to best

12:40

directing, and best casting,

12:42

and best editing, and even best cinematography, which

12:44

you think is evident. But no. Well, I

12:47

mean, look at the acting awards. All those

12:50

acting awards are also dependent

12:52

on great editing. Great

12:55

editing, great directing, and great writing. It's

12:58

really hard to get a best acting award

13:00

if the script is bad, if the director

13:03

is bad, if the movie's

13:05

bad, right? So like, these things

13:07

are actually not particularly determinable.

13:10

It's all gut checks. And I

13:13

find it all fascinating from an

13:16

anthropological and sociological point of view.

13:18

But even though the word best

13:20

is in front of all these

13:23

categories for all the awards, in

13:25

reality, there simply is no way to

13:27

determine that. So really, it's just the

13:30

one more people voted for. Yeah.

13:33

And so one of the weird things about screenplay,

13:35

though, is that the absolute best screenplay

13:37

of the year, if it's not also a fantastic

13:39

movie, no one's gonna pay attention to it. No

13:41

one's like, Oh, that was a great screenplay. But the

13:43

movie was like, Alan only sort of this, so so

13:45

no one would know that's never gonna happen. Yeah.

13:48

Also, the commerce is true. Like, when

13:51

a movie gets the

13:53

best director nomination, but doesn't get best

13:55

screenplay, how is that possible? How can

13:57

you get the best director nomination but

13:59

not get The Best Picture Nomination: How's

14:01

that possible? How can you

14:03

get a starter and not best screenplay? How's

14:05

that possible? Since a screenplay was the thing,

14:07

the created the character in the first place

14:09

and road all the words down at the

14:11

characters as, how is any of that possible

14:13

So really, If we wanted

14:16

to be purists, there would be one

14:18

a word. And the word was. Best

14:20

movie that's that sort ceremony in

14:22

a room cause of death and

14:25

there are words that are.way I

14:27

see within a national borders do

14:29

it just doesn't have a seductive

14:31

and tells us. That makes sense,

14:33

but we also unnecessary because we don't need

14:35

to say what the best movies and the

14:37

fact that everybody disagrees on what the best

14:39

movie as is probably an indication that it

14:41

doesn't really make sense. As movies.

14:44

Movies. That made us happiest own saber.

14:47

Same. For television but mean I'm a special

14:49

runs the As as it had it also

14:51

detail or it's cel fact Muslims as I

14:53

myself am not nominated for Dj Word, but

14:55

I am rooting for Peter Horn who directed

14:58

episode Three Boys. As plus. Another

15:00

question. Freshly Wrapped Rights. I started

15:03

working with a new writing partner in

15:05

August. We. Wrote an animated pilot that

15:07

everyone seems to like. so much so that

15:09

we got ripped off it. For. Scripts

15:12

for Submission First age and both of us

15:14

been writing for years before. This at this

15:16

is easily better than anything else either of

15:18

us have. Another, or rubs my

15:20

partner wants to show our agent her individual

15:22

samples and the writing she's done with or

15:24

weiss. I feel like this is

15:26

a no no given that he's trying to pitch

15:28

as as a team we have no credibility at

15:30

since we've never soft or sold. My.

15:33

Partner thinks there's nothing wrong with bringing

15:35

him other material because we each of

15:37

individual contracts with the agency and nothing

15:39

in those precludes asked. I'd

15:42

love to hear your thoughts in prison. And

15:46

when you think genuine. I. Would love

15:48

to hear from some writing teams at for

15:50

what they are presented as as I've never

15:52

written of same and Euros the team ago

15:54

and years ago Now my instinct is that.

15:56

They. have better writer is correct in assuming that

15:58

it's with series this issue about sort of

16:01

who they're representing and sort of

16:03

what the voice is of this

16:05

team. I think you should focus

16:07

on the work that you've done as a team and not

16:09

be showing the work you did separately at

16:11

this moment in your careers. So

16:13

here's the part freshly

16:16

wrapped that is a little dicey and

16:18

that is that it involves your writing

16:20

partner's life. Look, you can

16:22

certainly imagine a situation where your writing partner is

16:24

at home and she's telling

16:27

her wife, hey, good news, me and

16:29

this other person, we've got ourselves

16:31

an agent. And then the wife's like, whoa, well, what

16:33

about the thing we did? You love

16:35

that, don't you? And she's like, uh-huh,

16:38

uh-huh, maybe she does. Or maybe she's

16:40

just trying to keep her wife happy

16:42

because happy wife, happy life. I

16:45

don't know. The other thing is I don't know

16:47

if that stuff's good. So

16:50

it may be that it's worth having

16:52

a conversation with your agent and saying,

16:54

look, this is going to

16:56

happen. I can't stop this from happening. I don't

16:58

want to stop this from happening. That would probably

17:00

be a huge fight and

17:02

cause resentment. But

17:05

please be honest with me when you read it. If

17:08

you think it's really, really good, then it's

17:10

good for me to know because I kind of need

17:12

to know that it'll be a

17:14

little bit of a divided attention situation. If you think it's

17:16

bad, I just, you know, I'd

17:18

back you on sort of if you need to

17:21

be polite about it but not be

17:23

super active, then we can all just play the game together

17:25

quietly and politely. I

17:27

tend to feel like the

17:30

truth is good stuff wins,

17:33

better stuff beats, not as good stuff.

17:36

So if your writing partner and her wife

17:38

are writing things better than you are

17:41

writing with your writing partner, they're kind of just,

17:43

it's just going to happen. There's nothing you can

17:45

do. I suspect that's probably

17:47

not the case. No, it's not the

17:49

case. And if you look at the first paragraph here, first

17:51

script, first submission, first agent, both of us have been writing

17:53

for years, supported this, but this is easily better than anything

17:55

either of us have. Yeah, I'm going to assume that Freshly

17:57

Repti, your perspective is on it. and

18:01

at least close to accurate, in which case, have

18:04

the confidence to just, my

18:07

advice would be to let it happen and

18:09

just let the

18:11

natural course of events take

18:13

their path. The agent

18:15

will not waste

18:17

your time and it would be so

18:19

much better for you and your new

18:21

relationship with your new writing partner to

18:24

let the agent say, guys, I'm

18:27

gonna concentrate on the two of you instead

18:30

of one of you and

18:32

her wife. I would just see

18:34

how it goes. There's no way to get

18:36

around it, basically, if that's my feeling. And

18:39

if we do have teams who wanna write

18:41

in with their perspective, I'm really curious what

18:43

you guys would recommend because I know it's

18:45

always challenging and people are writing separately and

18:47

together, so if you can offer some best

18:49

practices, we'll love to hear it. Yeah, I

18:51

don't love that the partner is doing this.

18:56

I wish I could know if they were being coerced or not

18:58

because that does happen. It does.

19:00

It does. Next question.

19:03

Rothgar in LA writes, Rothgar.

19:06

A few years ago, one of my scripts was

19:08

featured on a script hosting service and later optioned

19:10

by an actor producer. Working with

19:12

this producer has been great. They

19:14

have good notes, communicate regularly, they seem like

19:17

a genuinely good person, but

19:19

they've also never produced anything. It's been

19:21

several years now and though we've

19:23

attached a qualified director, the project feels like it's

19:25

moving forward at a glacial pace. Recently,

19:28

another director found me online expressing interest

19:30

in the project, but only if they

19:32

direct. What's more, they claim

19:34

to have financing and based off of their

19:36

resume, I'm inclined to believe it. I

19:39

wanna remain loyal to my original team and be

19:41

patient, but I'm also deeply broke and staying the

19:43

course gets harder and harder every year I lose

19:45

money being a screenwriter. I don't

19:48

wanna be an asshole and I wanna make good

19:50

art, but I'm also tired of selling my plasma

19:52

to afford ramen. Oh, good God. How do

19:54

you know when someone just can't get a project off the ground?

19:56

Is it foolish to chase the shiny offer and maybe

19:59

actually get paid? Or does loyalty actually

20:01

count for something in show business? If.

20:03

You do ever take a product away from a producer?

20:06

How do you go about doing? Anything

20:08

John says for ah stars selling his

20:10

plasma for ramen. Where it is, it's

20:12

making Roman money of for a different

20:15

project I was working on. I did

20:17

look up thirty the business of selling

20:19

plasma. It's it's it's. Profitable

20:21

s the thing people do

20:24

is just so bloody has

20:26

a plaza or it. So

20:28

here's my guidance for rock

20:30

art. I. Think you're right to

20:32

be independent of this director to made by

20:34

it is expressing interest. I think you're right.

20:37

be wondering whether this is ever going to

20:39

before with it's director and producer situation as

20:41

he is worse. had a conversation with about

20:43

it as you can honestly say listen guys

20:46

another records approach that doing this the same

20:48

as to how funny and stuff plan for

20:50

production. I want to talk about this. They

20:52

want to blindside. Yeah, but. Let's. Be realistic

20:54

our reaction of interesting made. That

20:57

a conversation you can have something. I'm stacey

20:59

arrested and have. Nothing your letter says

21:01

that your reps by anybody but the size of

21:03

this is get set up and has some stuff

21:05

around it miserably. The you might have some reps

21:08

who can. Help you out the situation

21:10

which is part of their job. Yeah,

21:12

I think that's right. There's

21:14

nothing disloyal. Or

21:16

unethical about telling the

21:19

producer I am. goodness.

21:22

We. May have sounded director and financing you

21:24

would be. Actually committing malpractice

21:26

of he didn't mention it. In

21:29

this sort of thing happens all the time.

21:31

You're not saying hey, This

21:33

director is going to make the movie

21:35

in Also, you're gone. The.

21:37

Actor producers days they stay on

21:39

as a producer happens all the

21:41

time. It's a credit right?

21:44

So like that gets figured out. Know

21:46

if the director is saying I have

21:48

financing I want to direct. Also no

21:50

other producers. That's different

21:52

and then they can fight about it.

21:56

But you'll have to fight about it. You.

21:58

The hot when in the bar. So

22:00

what is going to be themselves up

22:02

over you But you? You don't need

22:05

to? It's this isn't about disloyalty, you.

22:07

you need to pursue it if it's

22:09

a legitimate. Offer and

22:11

situation. Now you owe to yourself to

22:13

pursue it. Course. At

22:16

first and zazzle our options by afterwards or so

22:18

there was a contrary to some point or was

22:20

it as I wasn't just that I hey, I

22:22

really like this. Let's just talk about stuff. But.

22:25

Doesn't seem like a super. Their money as or

22:27

not you know enough to for us to be

22:29

able to live and afford is Robin with assess

22:31

this this money so. It does make

22:33

sense to have a conversation with damn about

22:35

this outside party hims is he receives to

22:38

has they will bear hamsters just like. Is.

22:40

There planned acid the same for this. Right?

22:43

And when these things happen, sometimes

22:45

there are some hurt feelings that

22:47

are really they're just. Miss

22:50

expressed same death because they haven't

22:52

been able to get it going.

22:54

but if you are kind and

22:56

generous about it and to clean

22:59

and simple. I think

23:01

the producer as as much interest in

23:03

you and seen the movie get made

23:05

it's be attached qualify director that's gonna

23:07

get. Pinged. Off of there. And

23:09

you don't have any loyalty to that person

23:11

at all. I. Apologize to that

23:14

director but. This is. One

23:16

of the weird cultural things about

23:18

Hollywood where we. Over. In

23:21

Dolts Directors. And

23:23

their feelings. And routinely

23:25

discount and under indulge the

23:27

feelings of writers you're selling.

23:30

Part. Of your blood to

23:32

eat food and you can't

23:34

afford to worry about this

23:36

directors feelings. Didn't write

23:38

anything. And

23:42

just a touching himself. we're

23:44

only wasn't sufficient. So.

23:47

I. Think. If there's an

23:50

alternative, You. Must reach court.

23:53

Also. Say that the fact that some

23:55

other director has express interest. maybe

23:57

there's other posts other her also interested in said

23:59

the. The be moments you. Really?

24:01

Look answered his or an interest out there

24:04

for this project in general. So yes, had

24:06

a conversation with Snow director of an awesome

24:08

locality or is there another way to get

24:10

to Santa Fe? Maybe City private? So fixated

24:13

on trying to make a with this one

24:15

presents one the task director. There may be

24:17

other ways out there and I do admire

24:20

your Oscar in that you're even thinking about

24:22

these questions and loyalty and arts. When.

24:24

I was poor. I did not. I

24:27

was I I. I just didn't feel

24:29

like I should be selling my blood.

24:32

And. I will say. Maybe.

24:34

This will sound mercenary and counter

24:37

to be. Far. More

24:39

self care oriented and self

24:41

regard oriented values of Generation

24:43

Z and Munoz. But.

24:46

I feel like. Getting.

24:48

Some financial stability in your

24:50

life. Will. Give you

24:52

freedom to grow and be

24:54

a better artist. Especially

24:56

for screenwriting because. Screenwriting.

24:59

Is one of the only arts in existence.

25:02

That doesn't. Become complete

25:05

until people produce it.

25:08

So. Man. Is it's

25:10

completion? To.

25:13

You know? yeah, it's a pain roka.

25:16

Do It. Let's. Use a

25:18

Trip is Salinger's Hokkaido for Folks are

25:20

branded the Podcast Welcome Aboard. Everyone's

25:23

why would you a trip his talents we

25:25

and viruses to send through the first three pages

25:27

of their scripture could be a pilot to

25:29

be Peter. A final release and we

25:31

discuss it. We put the Pts up online so

25:33

he's and wait for them with us if you

25:35

want to. Philosophy of for summary but as a

25:38

reminder everyone here as ask for the feedback on

25:40

they are the upcoming and their of the eyes

25:42

wide open that we may I love I was

25:44

intimacy with this a task was really thought about

25:46

the words on a page because it's one thing

25:48

for us to. Describe character arcs

25:51

and the importance of my space.

25:53

Oh mercy, look at those is

25:55

Amazon appears. We. Really control down

25:57

to. The. Specific things were the

25:59

choices. Making word by word sense, my son

26:01

stuff as rigid as the scruff, sizing as

26:03

a. As. A we we love to

26:06

do. It's exhausting task for producers are true.

26:08

Thank you for sorting through the hundreds of

26:10

people who are scientists and through. All

26:12

right, Let's. Start off with Roots

26:15

by Colson Miller. Droopy. Give us

26:17

a summary for the sponsor listening at home. From.

26:19

In suburban Los Angeles. young

26:21

sister Samantha seventeen and Brooke

26:23

twelve. Burst. Out of the front door

26:26

of a house to escape the abuse of chaos inside.

26:28

Sam. Leads them to an old Chevy Impala

26:30

and they quietly escape with nothing to their name.

26:33

Story. Than transitions to Six years later

26:35

were an eighteen year old Brooke is now

26:37

the back of the ride share in Los

26:40

Angeles to Boston. Thought was brought back to

26:42

reality by the rider driver indicating the arrival.

26:45

Ah right. roots. Three pages here. To.

26:47

Say go through the title page. Simple,

26:49

straightforward. I got the. Email address

26:52

on the Bottoms up. Some wants to track

26:54

down icons information they know where to email

26:56

on. Yeah I do like a simple title

26:58

beach. Craig

27:00

I was struck by

27:02

how. Had a real time

27:04

this for see pages are and so

27:06

it's a lot of inscription. It felt

27:08

like overriding for me at times. It

27:10

ass excited dug I'd like to have

27:13

for bit by bit. It wasn't just

27:15

felt like we are in one static

27:17

camera sort. Of. Like looking at his

27:19

house and lessons girls coming out a good in

27:21

the car. And backing away if it's.

27:23

A strange use of time on the

27:25

page and yet it it's kind of

27:28

work for me. I'm serious what you

27:30

thought? Well I a green to large

27:32

extent that in there were some beautiful

27:34

moments that were very visual. I could

27:36

see Everything I could see are things

27:38

I can almost smell the outside and

27:40

I really enjoyed some of the description

27:42

of the inside of the car so

27:44

there are a lot of evocative things.

27:46

My issue is that in fact it

27:48

is kind of unsuitable as it currently

27:51

is on the page and we can

27:53

get into. Why? But easily

27:55

adjusted to be suitable. And

27:57

then there's just some. some.

28:00

Small there's a couple, just a question

28:02

that how we frame the timeline. Because.

28:05

That's are simple thing. It begins with a

28:07

title that's a six years ago. Six.

28:10

Years ago is not a great. Title

28:12

Shot on. Have some as the first

28:14

thing cause six years ago from what.

28:17

Now. That's so if it's for now

28:19

to gimme be humiliating and then and then

28:21

gimme a new Year or does the word

28:23

now when we get to now. So that's

28:25

a little bit about a wonky bet. you

28:27

can also not included at all. Just.

28:29

Show the first couple scenes and then.

28:32

When. We get to the next time

28:34

in into your ride share driving night.

28:37

You. Can same six years later. You

28:39

can also wait. you can see this. Older.

28:42

Version of Books And then we're here. Yeah,

28:44

thanks. She gets out of the car, walks

28:46

toward something titled Six Years Later. He goes

28:49

do that as well. But let let's talk

28:51

a little bit John about. Where.

28:53

We are having an issue, may be

28:55

happy with time and how are managing

28:57

time here? Yeah so the first that

28:59

underlie on page one is the third

29:02

of down. All. Is quiet.

29:04

The car is motionless lifeless.

29:07

All cars or lifeless that that was

29:09

where it does effort not in that

29:11

grants farmers are true was a third

29:13

to transform for you though of bugs

29:15

it's of it will think a more

29:17

examples of a living cars against it

29:19

but it it wasn't necessary and it

29:21

and the problem was that admitted defected

29:23

is is a movie about a car

29:25

to our talk about his car and

29:27

really precise ip like we are looking

29:29

at this house and south that I

29:31

have I liked. There's a

29:33

desperate down. Until. We

29:36

hear place crass wealth of yelling souter broken

29:38

glass, O. S from inside the

29:40

house you'd never really use O

29:42

S.way right away and seven it

29:44

means. but the from inside the

29:47

house just retarded. Aceto us where

29:49

we're having some time problems and

29:51

some geography problems once these girls

29:53

come out there whispering in a

29:55

wide shot which doesn't actually work

29:58

and it feels like. I

30:00

caught up with feet. You know it's like it's users

30:02

try to get shootings and a friend that don't actually.

30:04

Sit. Together Against this is where it felt

30:06

like okay, if you're running the normal version

30:08

of this sorry can you that is your

30:11

servants imaginary space. But. It

30:13

doesn't actually works yourself. With.

30:16

A stains wide not we don't hear them whispering. we

30:18

can see what's happening with see. The thing is that

30:20

to this card. And. Then cut you

30:22

were inside a car and I'm wearing a

30:24

better place. Yeah. Completely agree.

30:26

There's nothing wrong with starting with

30:28

silence and then it has. until

30:30

we hear plates crash. Now that's.

30:33

Kind of a. Weird start

30:35

to an argument. Generally

30:38

speaking, it isn't like people are quietly

30:40

talking and then suddenly someone just starts

30:42

with in case. We might

30:44

one here Like a little bit of a

30:47

raised voice and then of more breweries voice.

30:49

And then the plates crash and then there's

30:51

class just because suddenly planes crashing out of

30:53

nowhere is going to feel little contrived. I

30:56

think. The. Front door to the

30:58

how swings open revealing two girls seventeen

31:00

and twelve and ratty long sleeved shirts

31:02

and sweatpants Now. When. We have to

31:04

people. You might want to

31:06

be a little bit more just so the

31:08

doesn't seem like they just are wearing a

31:10

uniform of long sleeve shirt in sweatpants, the

31:12

older girls, the younger girl's hand, Buses.

31:15

Young Samantha Sam seventeen and Young Birth Twelve.

31:17

Probably don't need to say young here because

31:19

we know the rate. we're going to see

31:21

them later and it's Proxies now eighteen. So

31:23

I don't think we need to do the

31:26

Young Sam Young Brooks here. Now. And.

31:28

I will read the following: Salmon. Brooks

31:31

walk briskly towards a car in the

31:33

driveway. With. Urgency but trying

31:35

to not draw attention. Push.

31:37

In on Sam. That. Me that

31:39

they're. How are you pushing and

31:42

on Sam while they're walking briskly toward

31:44

a torn the driveway Touch? Us

31:46

know a thing you can't You're moving with

31:48

them, right? A meal I soon that's what

31:50

we do have been called out. It's.

31:53

Urgently briskly. So.

31:56

This is where uncertain and get some seems

31:58

like how close are we have. We

32:00

are the moving or the not moving. That's.

32:03

Where things like percent are tricky. I

32:05

rates and so there's vomit or resubmit

32:07

with fairly have to. Close

32:09

or something which is great inside a

32:12

close on. Sam's had her right hands

32:14

clenched. his boss has ah sounds fingers

32:16

with since black nail polish totally random

32:18

palm. Great. Of a whisper seen

32:20

those things and again this is. It.

32:23

A normal script I say this is overriding that

32:25

went to try to do Here is Ashes play

32:27

kind of in real time and as like and

32:29

sort of. The had milk

32:31

the Solent some great. go for it.

32:33

I'd I'd been dozens of snow I

32:35

would suggest that there is a perfectly

32:37

good version of this Were Sam and

32:40

Brooks say nothing. Because

32:42

here's what Sam says whispering to rock,

32:44

let's go. I'm pretty sure that was

32:46

already seen that. that's right. like that

32:48

it's all he broke. His gonna go.

32:51

I'm gonna hold your head and walk

32:53

outside not asking any questions until you

32:55

dogs let's go. They've already gone, They're

32:57

going. It's happening. And then brick Sam.

33:00

Again, Probably would have been like

33:02

we're doing re getting the fudge

33:04

out of here. That already happened

33:06

inside so I think you probably

33:09

don't need this dialogues if you're

33:11

scared Colton about having none dialogue

33:13

pages. That's. What? You've actually

33:15

done such a nice job of putting all

33:17

this beautiful white space on the page and

33:19

and giving us report Taj Punchy bits I

33:21

think all that's really good. Oh

33:24

really like to not really like turn? As

33:26

Burke adjusts in the seat, Misses.

33:29

The car seen her bare feet.

33:32

Which. Is interesting. I. Think. That

33:34

wasn't indicated earlier. It should be right.

33:36

We're going to notice that. Her

33:39

bare feet slide around on a pile

33:41

of lacks a yellow Mc Donald's burger,

33:43

rappers and other trash splintering. The fourth

33:45

call. Men: Like that I could

33:47

ice. I heard it, I saw it.

33:50

It's teaches me things must on. Craig.

33:54

This. Person is a day or night in my mind.

33:56

It's nice. Stuff. up and look

33:58

at the suspense of a day What in

34:00

the world? Whoa, mandala effect

34:03

moment. I totally saw the night

34:05

scene. I was just on a night. I

34:07

was just on a night. It's clearly night. Well,

34:09

maybe a last question was, I

34:12

was thinking like, well, what sounds do you hear? It's

34:14

like, I was thinking like sort of night sounds. You

34:16

got the crickets, you got to sort of the, the

34:18

sea hum, nothing silenced. And so what does it sound

34:20

like? And night and day sound

34:23

so differently. So yes, I think this is

34:25

a night scene. Now

34:27

I can see like what the phone's going for. It's like,

34:29

this is a day scene. And then we're going to cut

34:31

to a night scene. But in my head,

34:33

I was thinking it was night scene, a night scene. Well, you can

34:35

absolutely cut from night to night. Here's

34:37

why in my brain, I just immediately made

34:40

this night. It's quiet

34:42

in Reseda. Now, yes, Reseda

34:44

is a suburban neighborhood of Los Angeles,

34:46

but it's a massive sprawl. There

34:49

is highway noise, distance

34:51

sirens, cars, honking, traffic,

34:54

the lawnmower guys with the leaf blowers.

34:57

There's no silence in Reseda in the

34:59

day. Night, yeah. Also,

35:02

people generally

35:04

don't have these big drunken fights in the

35:06

middle of the day. I

35:08

mean, they do. I'm just saying, it's

35:10

probably more likely, it feels more of a night

35:12

thing. And more importantly, if it's

35:15

day, other people are awake, that means people are

35:17

hearing it. That means they're going to come outside

35:19

and see. No one is

35:21

on the street in

35:23

the day, apparently, to

35:25

notice this or to see these two girls walk

35:28

out in Reseda. Also, it's just

35:30

less dramatic, isn't it? Yeah, if it

35:32

is. In the day. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

35:34

It's just cooler at night. So anyway, I think

35:36

night. It was like early morning day, that could

35:38

be great. Yeah, I don't know the

35:41

choice, but sunrise may get me specific, yeah. Yeah,

35:43

exactly. Drew, tell us the log line for this.

35:45

So we've only looked at these three pages, but

35:47

we asked the three page challenge writers to tell

35:49

us what happens in the rest of the script.

35:52

An adrift recent high school graduate journeys across

35:54

the US one summer in search of her

35:57

estranged older sister who ran away five years

35:59

ago. to finally find her and bring

36:01

her home. Oh, that's

36:03

nice. That tracks. Yeah, completely tracks.

36:05

With that in mind. Another

36:08

recommendation, Colton. The

36:12

young Samantha Sam, 17,

36:14

is my guess a troubles

36:16

person. Because Brooke is

36:18

trying to find her. Which

36:20

means she's sort of lost. It

36:23

might be interesting to see a little bit

36:25

more than just the nail polish. Just

36:28

something, because by the time you get

36:31

to 7, nobody who's a troubled, because

36:33

it's 6 years, nobody who's a troubled 23 year

36:35

old was a not troubled 17 year old. I'm

36:38

just going to go out on a limb here. But there's

36:40

already a problem. So this is

36:42

Resita, it's Los Angeles. What does a troubled 17

36:45

year old look like? She pierced,

36:47

does she, what has she done to her

36:49

hair? Is there a bruise? Is she cutting?

36:51

Is she too thin? Is she missing a

36:53

tooth? Does she have braces? Just

36:56

give me a little bit of a sense of

36:58

who she is more

37:01

than just this. Especially

37:03

if we're going to be hunting

37:05

for her and she's not going to be in the script for

37:07

a while. I agree. Alright,

37:09

let's take a look at our next script. This

37:12

is Mega Genesis by Priti Trivedi.

37:15

Mega, a 37 year old skateboarder, confidently

37:17

maneuvers through a crowd in Austin, Texas.

37:20

Skating to her family home, she encounters her

37:23

mother, Deepa, who enthusiastically insists on

37:25

dressing her in dated power suits for

37:27

an upcoming job. Amidst the

37:29

fashion chaos, Mega reveals in voiceover that she's

37:31

about to have her first day at two

37:34

very different jobs. We then

37:36

cut to a week earlier when Mega sits on

37:38

Zoom with a recruiter and is offered a job

37:40

teaching executives. Stewart Special. Yes, Stewart

37:42

Special. A title page, clean and simple. A lot

37:44

of people would put an email address on there.

37:46

I think it's a good idea just because if

37:49

someone absolutely loves this, that's how they can get

37:51

a hold of Priti to talk about how much

37:53

they love the script. But

37:55

now as we get into the actual script itself, please, you

37:57

want to go first? You want me to go first? The

38:00

to start a little bit

38:02

of a fish with feathers

38:04

here so. There's something

38:06

that happens almost immediately that. Causes.

38:09

A loss of confidence. That.

38:11

And this is. Why the

38:14

first page? The first. Third,

38:16

Of a page so important he just

38:18

wanna start to invite people to feel

38:20

safe as they read. Can. I

38:22

guess what it is that you have me

38:24

Mark. You can confidently board slides. Actually, that

38:26

wasn't it photo that move but because I

38:29

had already lost faith before. It's

38:32

as this is mega thirty seven who's

38:34

short hair and slight frame make strangers

38:36

routinely confuse her for thirteen year old.

38:39

Know they don't

38:42

know. Nobody.

38:44

Is almost forty is confused for

38:46

a thirteen year old. As

38:48

not a thing, there are people who are

38:50

almost forty. You are confused for somebody in

38:52

their twenties. That. That can happen.

38:55

Thirteen. Now.

38:58

So I'm already like at the

39:00

tone is in deep question here

39:02

that really sir me for a

39:04

loop than yes Confident we board

39:06

slides down a railing. Nods

39:09

although to some teams practicing flips nearby

39:11

they nod back. Not a great ending

39:13

to seen. Nod nod with the test

39:15

itself because I don't are selling or

39:17

they'd like night or that's cool or

39:19

like. Dude you're older I get it

39:22

all have a sense of what the I don't know

39:24

what the tone is here and like a criminal trying

39:26

to do it out. I also don't know whether she

39:28

is is is getting home as it's getting from point

39:30

A to point B as is going to the park

39:33

or was the other parts skating and other very different.

39:35

Experiences. If it's a thirty seven year

39:37

old who gets around on a skateboard, yeah,

39:40

I get that. But it's a thirty seven

39:42

year olds who also board sides like South

39:44

Park, right? So I'm thinking that she's just

39:46

enjoying of. A fun afternoon

39:48

of boarding and this is also an

39:50

issue that there's no reason for this

39:53

because I didn't learn anything really other

39:55

than the fact that she is that

39:57

she can skateboard them. but to see.

40:00

Oh. Is. She really good

40:02

Or people impressed. Are people not impressed

40:04

with what am I supposed to deduce?

40:06

From this new I learned nothing but

40:08

the character. I've only where the fact

40:11

that she can skateboard. I don't It

40:13

doesn't matter. we all the time about

40:15

the different stream. mystery and confusion. and

40:17

like is not mysterious. Really that the

40:19

thirty seven year olds skateboarder, it's It's

40:21

just kind of confusing. I don't know

40:23

what observes to know about her. Think

40:25

about her. Are. Based on his little

40:28

first champ, we'll see little Railways was

40:30

at emphasis on this but like I

40:32

got guts or someplace in this was

40:34

out of. To

40:36

start rights than she does. She does

40:38

arrive home on his keyboard which has

40:40

a. And the windows are linked

40:43

with multi colored string lights. I don't

40:45

know what we're supposed to draw from

40:47

that because it doesn't sound like it's

40:49

Christmas time, so maybe it says this

40:51

is how they decorate their home which

40:53

spine. But when we get into

40:55

her room. We. Go from her

40:58

skating up to boom she is standing in

41:00

her room. Static: That's not a good cup.

41:03

When. People are in motion. You generally want

41:05

to go from them in motion to them in

41:07

motion or them in motion to them entering the

41:09

frame you just don't want to put them into

41:11

on. I. Have just teleported into

41:13

a room. And.

41:16

More tonal issues her mother

41:18

deeper sixties. Barges. In

41:20

with an armful of business close that were stylus when she

41:22

first bought them in the late eighties. And

41:25

she starts dressing. Mega.

41:28

And. It says the following and

41:31

john and will charge you with figuring out

41:33

how to direct the following: Deeper.

41:35

Start streaming: pinstriped jackets, ruff of blouses and

41:37

pencil skirts and to mega who's soon engulfed

41:39

in a blizzard of synthetic fabrics and shown

41:41

as. The artists are young I I

41:43

I got a sister site a sailor. It's so as you

41:46

can be. I had a pet a pencil skirt on her

41:48

own. I had done dealt with this. I don't know how

41:50

to get enough. I didn't He

41:52

kept. And why is deep

41:54

his mother saying the following? And.

41:57

Pretty. It's. A certain little bit. Apologize

42:00

but. It's. Going to help,

42:02

right? Like we've all been here. As. Is

42:05

this is important. Because it's her mother.

42:07

Now. Funny moms are. Long

42:10

and storied institution and films, but

42:12

they still have to be mom

42:14

right? Which means then they talk

42:16

to their child as if they've

42:18

met them before. Okay, This.

42:21

Is what deeper says. Try these on and we'll see

42:23

what fits. Oh, I'm so glad I saved these! You

42:25

always said you'd never wear a suit to work, but

42:27

I knew that someday you would get a real job

42:29

and make real money. No. Are

42:32

their moms? That make passive

42:34

aggressive comments about their kids finally getting

42:36

a real job or making real money

42:38

completely. Or their moms that sometimes think

42:41

they're complimenting their child by saying something

42:43

like that when in fact, it's like

42:45

me, her phone? Absolutely. But or their

42:47

parents. Who say you always

42:49

said you'd never wear a suit to

42:51

work? know? Because

42:53

that is just. Parents.

42:56

Don't cite back to things you've

42:58

always said, but it just. Feels

43:01

a little chat cpt the me. Yeah.

43:03

I also recession.sort of weird are told

43:05

that she is six is slightly taller

43:07

and router their daughter is. She did

43:09

have one American or is as him

43:11

vivid immigrated to America. I want to

43:13

censor by. Culturally. Where she out what? As

43:16

soon as he. These. Are all

43:18

things I could make assumptions that I've seen other

43:20

shows as you know, movies but it on one

43:22

you shouldn't. Just. Have a make that

43:24

assumption. Of. It as a different

43:26

experience episode Now coming from an

43:28

immigrant background vs she was born

43:30

in Austin, Texas. There's. A

43:33

make his cousin been a. Who's.

43:36

Find. To sign up the bed. I like this

43:38

country haunting. Oh I forgot,

43:40

my. Mega

43:44

Six up close like a dog. Signal Potter.

43:46

That's a funny thing to right? It's a

43:48

funny thing to read. It is not. Surprised.

43:53

By both sides of the clothes on a soda

43:56

you can sort of said I had says his

43:58

house and away it's his feelings credibly. Right

44:00

and baby this is are incredibly broad story that.

44:02

We're. Trying to tell here, but I don't. I

44:04

guess is it's not. A. Me to beat

44:06

us. Yeah, there's some geographical things. We've got

44:09

a drum kit and recording said have been

44:11

one corner of the room. Been.

44:13

A is on the bed. She's hanging off

44:15

of the bed. That. A normal

44:17

quite with a means backwards or just out

44:19

on about and had their babies. yeah, looks

44:22

up from her phone burst out laughing. Has

44:24

all exchange magazines or Felix some granite been

44:26

it as a wrench in the trunk? actually?

44:28

Get over that. The. Crowd

44:31

a long arms nip. And

44:33

then again, said tone as incredibly

44:35

broad you're gonna yeah And then.

44:38

Been. It. Seems cool right?

44:40

Like Been A seems like she's on make a

44:42

side. She's like oh my god onto your to

44:44

drown her. Polyester does and breathes Been as I

44:47

get. Don't worry about. And. Then

44:49

magazine media will or anything for her

44:51

heart and the media says stop you

44:53

need clothes You need to make a

44:55

good first impression. That

45:01

Admit that some. Sort. Of a cheeky

45:03

com and. Clearly mega

45:06

is going to be involved in some

45:08

sort of job that is sex or

45:10

country secure because that's. What? Isn't

45:12

being applied as you can be working two jobs

45:14

like a straight one and a sexy one. But.

45:17

Why is been a saying stop you need that's

45:19

like stab you need closing. It's like a good

45:21

first impression. Reminds me of like. Patton.

45:24

Oswalt talking about Germans and their lack of a

45:26

sense of seems. Like

45:28

they don't understand humor and survey

45:31

Just stated very very. I literally.

45:33

So. I'm confused by these characters and I

45:36

mostly consider that that there are the ages

45:38

of they are Dagger of The kind of

45:40

weird. be old for this Thirty really? All

45:42

I can see if these were like you

45:44

know, twenty three year olds Dagger Tennessee That.

45:47

But. They're not and so she's living at home

45:49

to series of years old I Something has. Gone

45:51

wrong in her library. Very strange. Their

45:53

lives as a disease or situation and

45:56

I didn't have his to I I

45:58

guess I. i need no more that

46:00

rather than about clothes because there's some

46:02

fundamental premise thing I'm missing here is

46:04

by the end of page two I

46:06

don't know anything about a mega

46:08

and I'm and I want you but I just

46:11

I've got I don't know it I would say pretty that

46:13

when we get to page three

46:16

what I think you really need to work

46:18

on in a fundamental

46:20

way is dialogue because Daniel and

46:23

mega are both speaking in a

46:25

kind of supertextual way everything

46:28

that they're thinking they're saying yeah

46:30

there's no sense of

46:33

complexity they're just announcing things

46:36

it just feels very

46:40

wooden and I

46:43

don't want it to be I want there

46:45

to be subtext I want there to be

46:47

feelings I want there to be emotions I

46:49

want them to be concealing things hiding playing

46:51

flirting yeah yeah agendas passive-aggressive

46:53

making choices to not complain about

46:56

something that someone just said that's

46:58

a little off anything

47:00

that you can do there but it

47:02

just it is all supertextual I think

47:05

that you've got some dialogue issues you

47:07

need to work out you may have

47:09

full great understanding of these characters but

47:11

in the execution we're not getting any

47:13

of it so I would focus my

47:15

work on that pretty great great

47:17

title though and mega Genesis I

47:19

really do like it that's also like I'm a

47:21

we're inclined to like anything that reminds us of

47:23

Megan around our beloved do you

47:26

think that maybe megas pronounced mega because it's

47:28

like Sega Genesis I think

47:30

the title is mega Genesis I mean with

47:32

mega yeah I think that makes more okay

47:34

well who knows maybe it's not but but

47:37

it's a great title either way love that I love it true

47:40

tell us the long line nobody puts baby

47:42

in a corner and no one can put mega in

47:44

a box in this comedy series a

47:46

former academic turned adventurer attempts to live

47:48

the corporate life and rebel against it

47:50

at the same time all while acting

47:52

as a catalyst for change for everyone

47:54

around her that's not what I

47:56

got off these pages deeply deeply

47:59

confused Yeah, so there's

48:01

so what was that? Yeah, I'm so

48:03

confused Adventurer

48:06

I can have a turn adventures So like let's

48:08

say that she was like, you know top of

48:10

her class But then she just sort of like

48:12

ran around the world. I just lived

48:14

her 20s and 30s. It's like crazy It's

48:17

just she was everywhere. She's doing everything and now she's

48:19

come back home and she's like trying to make

48:22

a start of it Great. These were

48:24

not the pages to get me into that story No,

48:27

nor was there any indication that there

48:29

was anything adventuresome about her whatsoever. Yeah,

48:32

just people Doesn't

48:35

really yeah, that's not not

48:38

high up on the list of things that adventurers

48:40

do I Mean

48:42

if she's sort of an Indiana Jones roaming

48:44

the world, that's a very

48:47

specific kind of person. That's an adrenaline

48:49

junkie That's somebody who's faced danger and

48:51

death that's somebody who seeks out the

48:53

exotic and extreme And she's

48:55

just a 37 year old skateboarder and then

48:57

she's just letting her mom throw clothes at

48:59

her And then she's just having kind of

49:01

a boring zoom. I don't understand it Yeah,

49:03

so adventure may not mean Indiana Jones. It

49:05

could be just somebody like Instagram

49:08

influences before their time She's always just like going

49:10

to the next place the next place and never

49:12

sort of having a normal job and sure Great

49:14

or where she works in the Peace Corps. That's

49:16

not what we're getting here And if you're gonna

49:19

use a voiceover, which you are right now Let

49:22

that help understand what

49:24

her perspective is and why she's a 37

49:26

year old who seems to be just starting

49:29

out Yeah, so

49:32

lots of issues there Keep going

49:34

keep working at it address some fundamentals. I

49:36

think that's that's sort of step one here

49:38

is I think step one Okay,

49:43

all right our third and final three-page

49:45

challenge is thoughts and prayers by Eric

49:47

Hunsley good title true help us out

49:50

In an amphitheater during a summer

49:52

evening concert a concertgoer Paulie and

49:54

their companion dawn prepare for a

49:56

picnic simultaneously

49:58

a clarinetist revealed to also

50:00

be Paulie tunes up his instrument

50:03

backstage. However, up in the

50:05

lighting grid, a gunman revealed to be

50:07

yet another Paulie assembles a rifle. The

50:10

musician notices the gunman pointing the rifle

50:12

down at him and freezes, and then

50:14

Paulie wakes up out of the dream with Don's

50:17

sound asleep next to him. All

50:19

right. Our first page here,

50:21

Thoughts and Prayers, episode one, so this is

50:23

meant to be part of a series. We

50:25

have full creative information with email address and

50:27

phone numbers and things like that. Sure,

50:29

but like no one's gonna be sending you

50:32

a postcard, so email address is probably fine

50:34

here. Phone number used to be important. When

50:36

Craig and I were starting, we didn't have emails necessarily, so people

50:38

would call you. I got

50:41

cold calls from producers who read

50:43

stuff. Sure, but that doesn't happen

50:45

anymore. Emails, plenty of fun. You

50:47

could get a text. People do like texting. Yeah, people do

50:49

like texting. Yeah, but I could get a text. You could

50:51

get a text. The kids love

50:53

texting. They do love texting.

50:55

Craig, I had to read this twice,

50:57

but on second reading, I did actually

50:59

quite appreciate what was going

51:02

on here. I had some very specific

51:04

issues and concerns, but

51:06

I liked a lot of what I saw here. The

51:08

thing I would want to point out is like of

51:10

all these three page challenges, we've had some good use

51:13

of white space. The pages have looked nice, so I

51:15

want to call it out for all three of these

51:17

entries. Yes, absolutely. It took me a bit, and

51:20

I think it would take everyone a bit, but then

51:22

again, what I find is if there's

51:24

a little bit of difficulty in,

51:26

let's say, page one, and there is really, I don't

51:29

know if you had the same feeling, it was just concert

51:31

goer off screen. That was

51:33

a tough one. I was like, what's happening in my POV?

51:36

I wasn't quite sure what was going on. I

51:39

have a suggestion for how to mitigate that perhaps, but

51:42

if you get to

51:44

a place, and we do on page

51:47

two and three, that

51:50

makes you go, oh, that's interesting.

51:53

Then all is forgiven. If

51:56

you don't, nothing's forgiven. In this case,

51:58

we did get to something. interesting and

52:00

provocative and kind of very

52:04

bait on the hook that kind

52:07

of justified a little bit of the

52:09

trickiness of the beginning. Where did you

52:11

start to get yourself a little bit

52:13

lost? Right at the very

52:15

start, I was nervous as we're moving into

52:17

the POVs, but also there's some repetition of

52:20

words that don't help you. So POV,

52:22

concert goers strolling on a lawn towards

52:24

the stage. We are strolling a few

52:26

faces behind, Dr. Geringer. The double strolling

52:28

is not helping you there. Double stroll.

52:30

This relies a lot on POV, but

52:33

then I saw we were popping in and out of it in ways

52:35

that were not helpful. I thought we could have lost the

52:37

bottom half of this first scene. So how

52:39

is this male voice perfect? She lays out

52:41

the cold on the grass. Maybe don't go

52:43

in for that first matching of actions and

52:45

just go right to the clarinetist because we're

52:47

about to start to set this routine where

52:50

we see similar actions happening in all

52:52

these places and we're starting to realize

52:54

there's some pattern thing happening here that's

52:56

going to be interesting, but I

52:59

didn't need it on page one. Yeah.

53:01

Here's my suggestion. It's just food for

53:03

thought because I think it would help

53:05

what you're doing. It's not to

53:08

change what you're doing, but to help it. And

53:11

that is to not not

53:13

see our concert goer, but

53:16

rather to not see

53:18

his face. You're allowed to do that. Sure.

53:21

We're walking a few paces behind Don Barringer 40s and her date.

53:24

We can't yet see his face. He's

53:26

holding a picnic basket, stops turns, hands the

53:28

basket to him. This looks good. You don't

53:30

need them to say anything other

53:32

than perfect. We don't need Earth's Apollo.

53:34

We're going to eat. Oh yeah. Sorry about that. The

53:37

concert goer's POV scans the lawn taking the

53:39

crowd. If that's meant to be

53:41

purposeful, it's not going to do what you think

53:43

it's going to do. It's just

53:45

going to be an unrooted informationless

53:48

POV scan. So

53:50

what you want instead, I think, is

53:52

to be behind him and note that

53:54

he's turning his head as if scanning

53:56

the crowd. And then Holly,

53:59

we're going to eat. Oh, yeah, sorry about that. And

54:02

then the picnic basket hinge bit I think

54:04

would work a little bit better because there's

54:06

a human there, you know, like, it's not

54:08

just a nobody, it's not a POV camera,

54:10

which is a very kind of specific

54:13

science fiction way of doing stuff. Yeah,

54:15

I agree. So you know that

54:17

I was a clarinetist and so I was

54:20

a clarinetist. Yes. And so we talked about

54:22

this earlier show. Craig, you do not swab a

54:24

clarinet before you put it together to play it. You

54:26

swab at the end of a performance to get all

54:28

the spit and the stuff out. Correct. You've got your

54:31

little spit valve and then you do your cleaning. What

54:33

you do before, maybe you put a little you put

54:35

a new read on put a little Yeah, so cork

54:37

green is what I was thinking would be a better

54:39

choice for what you could be doing that as you're

54:42

assembling the thing. You have this little thing of soulful

54:44

life chapstick that you're putting on the cork together. I

54:46

could smell now. That white

54:48

goop I can smell it. Yeah,

54:50

yeah, it's pungent. Most people

54:52

are not going to know that you don't swab

54:54

a clarinet before you put it together, but like

54:57

enough people will get that right. It's gonna work

54:59

great. It actually makes more sense with what you're

55:01

trying to set up and do here. I completely

55:03

agree. In terms of putting a gun together. Yeah,

55:05

because he's got ammunition cartridges and maybe he's putting

55:08

rounds into a clip. And similarly, a

55:10

professional clarinetist would have a few reads,

55:12

they would select one, they would put

55:15

it in the mouthpiece, tighten the clamps.

55:17

There's lots of good stuff. I

55:20

have so many sense memories of sort of what it is

55:22

like what a new read tastes like. Oh, yeah. How dry

55:24

it is, how's her pulls the saliva out of your mouth.

55:26

It sticks on your tongue. And I also

55:28

have memories of what an old read looks

55:31

like all chipped at the end, like a

55:33

broken fingernail. Absolutely. And

55:35

so you're always thinking like, which of the reads is going to be

55:38

good enough because if a read is too firm,

55:40

it's not going to work right. You start with

55:42

really soft one reads you move up to like,

55:44

you know, two or three. Yeah, it's the whole

55:46

thing. You know, I assume that

55:48

you like me, we couldn't

55:50

afford lots of reads. So like getting a read

55:52

was sort of my parents

55:54

would dole reads out like

55:56

adapting for a kidney. But

55:58

assembling the mouthpiece. getting

56:00

it ready, all that. The mouthpiece is the biggest

56:02

issue. Like, that cork grease to put your, you

56:05

know, the pieces together in the body of the

56:07

clarinet. You got your two pieces, then you got

56:09

your mouthpiece going in the top. But the mouthpiece

56:11

gets the most attention. Yeah,

56:14

100%. So these are all things that small

56:16

and little changes. But I would say, like, overall, like,

56:18

I was digging in this. I was a little disappointed

56:20

that it ended in a dream. Oh, me too. Yeah,

56:22

because I was thinking like, this is going to be

56:24

some sort of cool, high-issue thing. And for

56:26

all we know, then the whole sequence

56:28

continues beyond this. And there's actually more than this.

56:31

But we have not taken a look at the

56:33

logline. But I would say, overall, I was digging

56:35

these pages. I thought they were, you know, a

56:37

nice use of the reader's

56:39

attention and really rewarding

56:41

the close reading of lines.

56:44

I completely agree. And my hope,

56:47

and Drew's about to let us know, is

56:49

that it's not just a dream and

56:51

that there is something weird going on

56:53

where Paul is three different people and

56:55

he's gone through a reverse

56:57

cloning machine or something. I don't know.

57:01

I guess it's probably time to find out. All

57:03

right. Drew, tell us the logline. Having

57:05

just closed the case of a mass shooting

57:07

in his community, a police investigator must now

57:09

track down a new threat. Pro-gun

57:12

legislators have become targets of a

57:14

serial shooter who, rather than

57:16

going after the politicians themselves, hunt down their

57:18

loved ones. Okay. So

57:20

it's not a science fiction-y kind of premise. It

57:22

literally was just like the stress of it was

57:24

making him feel this thing. I'm

57:26

not as big of a fan of this

57:29

now. And here's why. And in a weird

57:31

way, Eric, you're kind of a victim of

57:33

how interesting these three pages are. It's

57:36

such an interesting concept that

57:40

you want it to be relevant beyond

57:42

just, I'm anxious about

57:44

mass shootings, totally. Many of us

57:46

are, and certainly police

57:48

officers and detectives, law enforcement officers, who

57:51

are charged with protecting us

57:53

from these things or stopping them or finding

57:55

the people who perpetrated them, are even more

57:57

anxious. But this is a very, very important

57:59

Topic. The so specific. And.

58:02

Science fiction he that is can be

58:04

hard to, just kind of going to

58:06

is straight up political thriller. down. It

58:09

as. The I do wonder if

58:11

Eric has written a cool. Short.

58:14

Film that it's just once it's own saying and

58:16

isn't right. Way into the story was tells us

58:18

what the story. I. Like the long line I

58:20

just paid as I don't think that the. Great.

58:22

Combination as think us of you don't suck

58:24

on the reed is sort of the i

58:27

didn't moisten and y se and voice in

58:29

the read met this is Vincent Van Sant

58:31

up in your saliva bet yeah you wanted

58:33

yeah you gotta get it soft which business

58:35

become more of a clarinet discussion the Israeli

58:38

had become us are discussing also like you'd

58:40

use what are your corner the at the

58:42

end of a session but like during the

58:44

time like during along with her so you

58:46

are so sir Alex sucking to sit back

58:49

and which is really gross becomes status Us

58:51

gotta do it. Up One last thing,

58:53

the such as a form anything. Typically until

58:55

you're in production, you don't need to put

58:57

seen numbers on your scenes as I am,

58:59

but if you do want to put seen

59:01

numbers on her scenes that's fine and eat

59:04

it. Just want them to be consensus. On

59:07

his three, we go from seem to

59:09

seem thirteen, which implies that seems been

59:11

a minute again is fine, but that's

59:14

really only relevant to production and typically

59:16

in production. It would say

59:18

scenes nine to twelve omitted,

59:20

so not particularly useful here,

59:22

and certainly not a good

59:24

idea if you do include

59:26

them to haven't been. I

59:30

want to say that I'm looking now It's

59:32

episode once as part of a series so.

59:35

As. A series. this moment was little differently

59:37

than as a feature is. If this were

59:39

the opening sequence to a feature phone like

59:42

and with a series, I can imagine this

59:44

kind of thing. May be playing

59:46

on a better bike than a know as

59:48

I still an announcer. You know it's it's

59:51

it's it's own thing. it says that, it's

59:53

it's giving us a big tone said and

59:55

any time. You had

59:57

a dream where someone.

1:00:00

wakes up. Yes. Very

1:00:02

useful to do. People have fascinating dreams.

1:00:04

I have no problem showing a dream

1:00:06

that somebody has and then they wake

1:00:08

up. And I particularly appreciate

1:00:11

that Paulie didn't gasp

1:00:13

awake. Thank

1:00:15

you. But

1:00:19

typically we know something about the person

1:00:21

before so that we

1:00:23

understand a little bit more or we can

1:00:25

connect with them a little bit more and

1:00:27

their anxiety as they're in the dream space.

1:00:29

And we also probably

1:00:31

get a sense that it is a dream space.

1:00:34

It's just to meet somebody like

1:00:36

this and have it be so...

1:00:40

It's also, here's the other issue. Dreams

1:00:42

are not this cinematic. Dreams

1:00:46

don't cut perfectly between three different

1:00:48

perspectives. They certainly don't have weird

1:00:50

POVs and then third person views

1:00:53

layering and cutting back and forth like that

1:00:55

amongst the same person. It just doesn't seem

1:00:58

like a dream. It seems to... It doesn't

1:01:00

seem real. Yeah, it seems to be real.

1:01:02

All right. Those are our three page challenges. Thank

1:01:05

you to everybody who wrote in. Thank

1:01:07

you to these writers but also everyone else who wrote in

1:01:09

with their pages to take a look at. If

1:01:12

you have three pages you want us to possibly examine

1:01:14

on a future episode, you go

1:01:16

to johnautics.com slash three page

1:01:18

all typed out. There's a little form

1:01:20

there. You click some buttons. You attach

1:01:23

your PDF and it goes into the

1:01:25

inbox. If you're curious

1:01:28

about doing this for us, please

1:01:30

submit. Great. It's

1:01:32

time for one cool thing. Submit. Submit.

1:01:36

My one cool thing is a project I bought off

1:01:38

of Instagram and I thought it was really well done.

1:01:41

It's called Delve Deck. It's by somebody

1:01:43

called Boardwalk. I

1:01:46

think I got this ad served to me by

1:01:48

Instagram because I do writer emergency pack and we

1:01:50

buy Instagram ads for writer emergency packs. The

1:01:52

algorithm just always serves me things that are

1:01:54

like Writer emergency packs. In

1:01:57

This case, Delve Deck is a bunch

1:01:59

of conversations. There's like angus deploy hard

1:02:01

as I got single person on it.

1:02:03

That you can sort of mental issues and.

1:02:06

It. Might be for a party as a lot

1:02:08

of before like a writers' room I miss and

1:02:10

one of these with my kids we can be

1:02:13

a summer camp counselor is just really great Britain.

1:02:15

Talking to project is about like an icebreaker icebreaker

1:02:17

financing smith up or nicely made a little l

1:02:19

a big company so I. Feared. Curious

1:02:22

about it until they can sort of suit delves

1:02:24

deck. Have

1:02:26

you ever murdered someone? Oh,

1:02:28

and I said I'd answer is no by

1:02:30

Nascar think about that. I want to make

1:02:33

sure that the I got the answer right,

1:02:35

but I would say our own a segment

1:02:37

is going to be three of the cars

1:02:40

they pulled out of their randomly generally randomly

1:02:42

know Geico. Answer: This was fantastic. Ah, my

1:02:44

wonderful thing is a restaurant. I don't normally

1:02:46

do restaurant reviews and I'm a little nervous

1:02:49

that you know if I talked about a

1:02:51

restaurant on our podcast that were suddenly going

1:02:53

to start getting emails from restaurant promoters because

1:02:56

we struggle. Lot emails from publicity people are.

1:02:58

Trying to get on or so and that's where. does

1:03:00

not like commercial john. I

1:03:04

did have visited a restaurant here

1:03:06

in Vancouver than I thought was

1:03:08

so delightful and interesting. I'm you

1:03:10

have been to a restaurant that

1:03:12

was specifically Afghan cuisine. The.

1:03:14

I have not as bad as

1:03:16

when my goals is my force

1:03:18

who tries three new cuisine know

1:03:20

again would be a good so

1:03:22

far as I have never myself

1:03:25

been to a specifically Afghan restaurant.

1:03:27

Afghan cuisine as explained by the

1:03:29

owner is kind of of interesting

1:03:31

blend of were Afghanistan sits. It's

1:03:33

somewhat Mediterranean. It's someone influenced by

1:03:35

Indian. It's someone influenced by more

1:03:38

Eastern Asian. So it's got a

1:03:40

lot of things going on. This

1:03:42

particular restaurant is called Xerox Have

1:03:44

we here in Vancouver where I'm

1:03:47

currently. Us thing. And.

1:03:49

It is family owned and

1:03:51

I thought it was fantastic.

1:03:54

Can. Really really good. One of the best old

1:03:56

sessions have ever had. which is saying something cause

1:03:59

a founding member. The cuisine was

1:04:01

outstanding. I'm really really good time I

1:04:03

didn't It's one of those things where

1:04:05

it like at fifty two and living

1:04:07

in Los Angeles you think I've been

1:04:09

everything. And and wasn't

1:04:11

like there was anything that was server

1:04:13

I'm like what is this button the

1:04:15

specific way that I'm afghan cuisine is

1:04:17

prepared I thought was really twist so

1:04:19

if you're into vancouver area near instant

1:04:21

try something new or if you are

1:04:24

already is and cuisine. Check. Out

1:04:26

Xerox, Busy A

1:04:28

are ha. Iceland I

1:04:30

do want to make after Vancouver some point wire

1:04:32

up there Sudan so if I do made up

1:04:35

their Iraq the Rocco has a restaurant nine Iraq

1:04:37

Iraq not limit. That

1:04:39

other show for this week servers the produced

1:04:41

by Drew Market, edited by Message Alleles and

1:04:43

Russia this week is my name's Davis Do

1:04:46

Not Show is essentially to ask edge on

1:04:48

on some form of us have a sweet

1:04:50

and send questions. You'll find assurance who this

1:04:52

episode and all of so that's honest. I

1:04:55

com a saucer, fine transcripts and some for

1:04:57

a weekly newsletter called Interesting Wants a list

1:04:59

of things about ninety. If t

1:05:01

shirts and hoodies, the meat of the cod

1:05:03

bureau percent of the a prima number, it's.

1:05:07

You get all of that episode and owner

1:05:09

segments and advance warning was when we are

1:05:11

going try to another with his Salinger science

1:05:13

Their. Season.