0:00

Scrubbing in with Becca Tilly and Tanya

0:02

rad and I Heart Radio and two

0:05

time People's Choice Award winning

0:07

podcast. Hello

0:10

everybody, we are scrubbing

0:13

scrubbing, dub dub and the tub Tub Tub.

0:15

How's it going? Back at Tilly?

0:18

I was going to continue with this song, but I

0:21

got vulnerable, got

0:24

scared, cat got your tongue.

0:27

How are you? Um, I'm

0:29

actually doing okay. You know, I'm doing

0:31

okay, just getting by. Uh.

0:34

You know, I have a very different person today than I was

0:36

just two weeks ago. One to ten, How

0:38

are you doing? Five

0:41

and a half six

0:44

six six? We're on the up today,

0:48

just over half, like decent.

0:51

How are you? I'm great? One

0:54

to ten, one to ten, I'm like a

0:56

eight and a half nine Wow's uh yeah,

0:59

But you know, I woke up with this

1:01

renewed sense of energy.

1:04

Um. I have felt, honestly,

1:06

I felt like I've just been in a slump and

1:08

like motivation to work

1:11

and just I've kind of felt like, you

1:13

know, in the social media aspect of my

1:15

job and work and stuff. I felt kind

1:17

of def deflated because

1:19

it's such a competitive world,

1:22

and because I think everybody's feeling

1:24

you know what, I mean like you're not far off.

1:26

I'm not far off, but I do feel like,

1:29

you know, I was just kind of living in this slump

1:31

instead of actually doing

1:33

something about it. You know. I feel like you're

1:35

the type who you're getting a slump and then you're like, well,

1:38

I'm gonna fix I'm gonna get out of it, I'm gonna

1:40

do it. That's what I'm currently in right now. I'm

1:42

like doing the work to get through it, and it's slumpy.

1:45

So I just sat. I just sit in a slump.

1:47

I'm just like in quicksand just like so

1:50

like I'm not really going down

1:52

further, but I'm not trying to get out.

1:55

So it's not quite It's like slow sand.

1:58

Yeah, mud

2:01

someone say so

2:03

basically you know when you walk, you like

2:05

go through mud and you're wearing shoes and your foot

2:07

comes out of the shoe and then you have to go back get the shoe.

2:10

It's like that. Um. But I

2:12

just I think we had a conversation

2:14

on Saturday when we had

2:16

dinner together and you were saying like, sometimes

2:18

you just you gotta do it yourself, and it

2:21

really just struck a chord with me

2:23

where I was like, Wow, I really have to

2:25

just do it myself, Like I can't rely on

2:29

things are just falling my lap without

2:31

doing the work or putting in the effort. So

2:34

I woke up with that sense of, like, you

2:37

know what, my whole perspective on

2:39

this year has been like it's I think everyone's

2:41

perspective has been it's a it's

2:44

been a horrible year, like ready

2:46

for go away. But I

2:49

was thinking about this actually when I was in Vermont

2:51

and all the leaves were changing and they were like beautiful

2:54

colors. And

2:56

the reason why they change that

2:58

colors because they're ying and they're going into

3:01

a new season. And I was thinking, sometimes,

3:03

this growth and this change is so beautiful,

3:06

and that's what that's

3:08

what makes it, you know, I mean,

3:10

like the change that happens as you're growing

3:12

and is like you're shifting into a new season.

3:15

It's like a really powerful time when you look back

3:17

on it. So I'm kind of in that perspective.

3:20

I love that. I see if I'm still

3:23

there next week, but this I'll check in on you. I

3:25

can help keep you accountable for sure, because I think I'm

3:27

in that slump

3:29

and I'm like currently working

3:31

through. Are you crying, Okay?

3:34

It's like are we good? I have like allergies,

3:36

So like, um, I'm

3:38

currently working through the slump right

3:41

now, UM and trying to be super

3:43

proactive about it because I think that for

3:45

so long, I mean, I've been talking talked about on the podcast to talk

3:47

about all the time that I have this like imposter syndrome

3:49

and I really try and like com combat

3:52

combat it on my own. UM.

3:55

And I think I've kind of recently discovered

3:59

that it's seep into other aspects

4:01

of my life, you know, like my relationship

4:03

and other things where it's like this this

4:06

this feeling of not being good enough, and

4:09

it's something that's so deep rooted in me

4:11

that I'm like starting to really realize like I

4:13

need to just nip this in the bud now

4:15

and like really do the work on myself

4:18

to figure out where this is coming from. And

4:20

like almost like I just want to release it, you know what I

4:22

mean, Like I don't want to. It's like

4:24

I felt like I was like slowly chipping away at

4:26

it, and it's like now I just wanted to be I

4:28

wanted to release, Like I don't. I don't want to anymore,

4:31

and so I'm like really putting in the work, but it's exhausting.

4:34

I'm tired. I'm journaling a

4:36

ton, I'm like always in my head, I'm thinking

4:38

about things like but

4:40

it's a great time too, because you

4:43

know, we have the time, like we're at home, and

4:46

so I've been kind of in that and

4:49

like some days are really good and some days I'm

4:51

okay, and like, you know, I'm going to get through this if

4:53

you're gonna figure this out. And some days are really bad and

4:55

I'm crying and I'm sad and um,

4:59

but I'm gonna get through it. I'm

5:01

gonna get through it come out on the other end

5:03

like a butterfly. Do you think I

5:06

mean? I almost. I don't feel like I've battled

5:08

imposters under my whole life, but I definitely

5:11

feel like I am

5:14

experiencing it through

5:16

comparison on social media and being

5:18

like what do I have to do? I even have anything to

5:21

offer anyone? And it's so dumb

5:23

because I have so

5:26

in my head. I'm like, I have so much to be

5:28

grateful for, and like if I were to list

5:30

everything that I've been able

5:33

to do, and like what I get to do

5:35

and I get to do a podcast with my best friend

5:37

were nominated for a third People's Choice

5:39

Award. I UM have

5:42

this amazing following in these

5:44

people I get to have connections with on social

5:46

media and who are honestly I

5:48

feel like they're to lift

5:50

up and encourage us most of the time if there's a

5:52

few sure apples. But um,

5:55

I think it's just been appreciate,

5:57

like learning to appreciate what I have, even in the

6:00

midst of feeling like unsure

6:02

of what the future looks like or

6:04

what I'm doing with my life, or feeling

6:06

and motivator being stuck in the mud whatever

6:09

it is. So um, yeah,

6:11

I think I think it's just kind of having

6:13

a perspective shift and then working on the

6:15

thing. It's so uncomfortable to

6:18

work on things that you need

6:20

to work on. Okay, So I had my first

6:22

therapy. I've never like. I had my first therapy session

6:24

last week, and um,

6:26

it's so funny because I am like, I'm a self

6:28

motivator. I can really like I look inward

6:31

a lot and figure out, like what's going on with

6:33

me? How do I yourself more? Like you know, like I'm very

6:36

good at doing that for myself. But I realized

6:38

I was like my hands are up. I really need to dig

6:40

deeper. And so I

6:42

was so uncomfortable because she was like, as

6:44

I'm explaining these you know these things and where these

6:46

things came from in my career right,

6:49

and just the things that I was told, you know, your your

6:52

personalities too much. People can't handle

6:54

you in large doses, and you know, like things like that. She's

6:56

like, obviously that's going to have an impact

6:58

on the way that you view yourself,

7:00

you know what I mean. And she's like, but then it trickles

7:02

from that into like all these other aspects

7:05

of your life. And then she starts asking me all these questions

7:07

and I just like broke down because I was just like,

7:10

Oh, do you feel

7:12

like your impostor syndrome in

7:14

your career has made

7:17

you seek whether it's

7:19

a validation and words of affirmation or

7:21

just validation in general from like your

7:23

relationship your friendships, Like do you feel

7:25

like you're you've been told

7:27

these negative things about yourself? So you

7:30

go to the other people and the other relationships

7:32

in your life to be like, I

7:34

need I need support, I need encouragement.

7:36

I needs you to make me feel like I'm great, because

7:39

I don't feel great. I think it's almost too

7:41

why I am so encouraging of other

7:43

people because I didn't have that

7:45

necessarily for myself, you know what I mean.

7:47

So it's like I want to be proactive and be like the

7:49

change for somebody else. Um,

7:52

but it is interesting because yeah, like

7:54

I'm just starting. It's like you really start to like peel

7:56

back the layers and you're just like whoa,

8:00

and we're all deal. It's like it's so weird because

8:02

it's like we're all dealing with it in these weird different

8:05

ways. You know. Yeah, that's true.

8:07

I mean we've had more I've I've personally,

8:10

I guess I should speak for myself. I've had

8:13

so many difficult conversations that I

8:15

would have never had had I not been pushed

8:17

to the limits. I've been pushed to and almost

8:20

in the best way, like conversations that I needed

8:22

to have. I avoid tough conversations

8:25

at all costs, Like all sometimes

8:28

all I would need to do is pick up the phone, have

8:31

a conversation, hash it out with someone,

8:33

and instead I let it sit to where then

8:35

it becomes like this huge deal

8:37

for me to have this simple conversation

8:40

of just saying like, hey,

8:43

we need to talk about this, and I

8:45

would have never had these conversations or learned

8:47

and unlearned the things I did if I literally wasn't

8:49

pushed up against the wall like you gotta do it or

8:51

you're yeah. I think for I

8:54

am not one. I like, you know, I love a serious conversation.

8:56

I love to just like if something's bothering

8:59

me, I just spew it out right then and

9:01

there. But um, I think what

9:03

was happening, And I mean, it's no secret I have

9:05

not been in a relationship, serious relationship

9:08

with somebody in a very long time. So

9:12

I was kind of having this and I mean, you know, the situation

9:14

that I'm in is not it's

9:16

not just it's not the easiest

9:19

of circumstance, you know what I mean, Like there's

9:21

a divorce and there's kids involved, and so it's like

9:23

I had this moment where I kind of had like this breakdown.

9:26

And I think sometimes it takes a breakdown

9:29

to have a breakthrough. It's

9:32

true though, because I like, it just all

9:35

kind of hit me and I was like, this is

9:37

not anybody's thing

9:39

except for my own. So I was like, I need

9:42

to I want to figure

9:44

it out. What's going on in here and

9:46

then I can like move forward

9:49

in a better way because

9:52

I mean, I think when you're in a relationship,

9:54

it takes both people working on themselves

9:56

so that they can work together. Right,

10:00

Yeah, heavy,

10:02

you know, welcome, happy

10:04

fun day. Uh, welcome

10:07

to the therapy session of the

10:10

week. I hope everybody's doing okay,

10:13

yeah, you know. It's just

10:15

an introspective weekend

10:18

for sure. I know. And I like I did Matthew Hassey's

10:20

retreat, so that was like part of it as well.

10:23

Um where I was just like thinking a lot, and then I

10:25

met with my um my

10:27

mentor, who is somebody

10:29

that like literally can breathe

10:31

and speak life into me when I'm like gasping

10:34

for air. Um So that kind

10:36

of was like what I really needed. And

10:38

I don't know, so on the up

10:41

we're on the up here at scrubbing in. Oh.

10:44

By the way, I wanted to tell you,

10:46

um so I was the way you came

10:48

and we had dinner on Saturday night. But before

10:51

that, um there's this girlfriend who met

10:53

met us at the pool that day and

10:56

she was talking about like wanting she's single and she's

10:58

like wanting to, you know, get

11:00

out there, but doesn't know how and quarantine. And I was like, you

11:02

know what, Like, no, let's let's figure

11:04

this out. There's this hot group of

11:06

guys at the UM pool

11:09

that was like across the pool from us, and maybe they were like at

11:11

a bachelor party or something. It's kind

11:13

of a larger number

11:15

than I feel like men hang out in you know what I

11:17

mean UM And I was like, look at that. I

11:19

was like, is there anybody in there that tickles

11:21

your fancy? Is there one of them that you

11:23

find attractive? And she was like, oh, maybe that wanted, you know,

11:25

with the hat or whatever. I was like, go

11:27

over there and let's do the Robber Graham thing,

11:30

you know, like stay six ft apart. Let's

11:32

go over there, Like, just are you friends with Robert

11:34

Graham? You look so familiar ball She's

11:37

like, well, what if they don't you know, what if they don't know? And then I'm

11:39

like, what if they're married? Then okay,

11:41

oh that might not be you by you

11:43

know, no harm, no foul, no foul. But like she

11:45

couldn't do it. I mean nuts,

11:48

it's a bold move to walk I mean I even

11:51

would say it's a bold move to walk up someone

11:53

and do that. Stay stay feet away and

11:55

we're outside by pool. I'm talking about. Oh,

11:58

just in general, is the

12:00

sheer ballsy nous that it

12:03

takes to go up to a stranger and

12:05

when you're single and you're like the one

12:07

who's interested. Like I walked up to that guy

12:09

in the park because I had in

12:11

a relationship, so I didn't feel I wouldn't

12:13

feel rejection if like it

12:16

didn't go well. But for someone

12:18

who is in the dating

12:20

game to go up, not

12:23

everyone has the balls, like

12:26

balls that have big balls. If I

12:28

were a guy, I have three balls, a

12:31

third ball, I think. I think that's

12:33

a medical condition you have to get taken care of. You

12:36

think so well, she'd have some. I

12:39

have big ones. Actually, I feel like balls are all the same

12:41

size. I don't think that's true. I

12:44

don't think that's true even on one person. Yeah,

12:47

oh, interesting worth

12:52

an investigation of eyebrows.

12:54

They're just like a little different most

12:57

of the time, one little difference.

13:00

But it does take a lot to go I remember in college

13:03

going up to a girl named Wendy that I

13:05

thought was just stunning in my

13:07

CommArts class, and she was in

13:09

the front row and the aisle went right up. So

13:11

if you walk straight up the aisle. You kind of ran right

13:13

into where she was sitting. So it's like, damn

13:15

it, I'm gonna do it. So I walked up to her

13:17

and say, hey, how's it going high, I'm Mark, I

13:19

wonder if you like to have lunch, and she's like, I have a boyfriend.

13:21

Like she couldn't have said it faster, and

13:24

I don't know if she did. I don't think she did.

13:26

It was just like, get this guy away from

13:28

me as quickly as possible. And here it

13:31

is, many years later. That's still burned

13:33

into my brain. So it is a lot to go up

13:35

and ask somebody out or just start talking to them.

13:38

Yeah. Interesting, but it's like I've

13:40

been rejected before and I just like plow

13:44

on through. Yeah that's what I'm saying. Not everyone

13:46

else the

13:48

third ball to do that following

13:50

through. I gotta keep on plowing. You

13:53

know, might not be your corn. You's got to keep on

13:55

shuck it until you get to the maze. I

13:57

love it, like walking up two girls and try to

14:00

ask her on a date and watching her like try

14:02

to find the words to politely reject me, just

14:05

like, oh that's so nice,

14:07

But I think I have to volunteer.

14:09

It is soup kitchen all

14:13

the time. That was very

14:15

entertaining for me. I

14:19

feel like the most like rejection

14:21

I've ever done, because I've I've always

14:24

been too scared to just be

14:26

like, oh, I'm not interested, you know, which, in

14:28

my head would be the nicest way to do it, like

14:30

you seem really great, I'm not interested right now,

14:32

or I'm not interested whatever, But instead

14:35

I would get their number and then I would have to

14:37

just ignore, which is almost worse

14:39

than just being told straight to the face of like, hey,

14:42

no, yeah, and

14:44

I always

14:47

gave my number no matter what, like you just

14:49

always gave people that just have my number

14:52

that are probably so many creeps in like the bars

14:54

and stuff, because I couldn't say no, me

14:57

too, for sure. But

15:00

and it's so funny because we're girls

15:02

are so like we say that and

15:04

then we're like, he should come up to me

15:06

and talk, but then they do, and

15:09

we're it's not necessarily that

15:12

what, Like I don't mind being the first

15:14

one to approach, but I want him

15:16

to ask me to dinner, you know what I mean, right,

15:19

But I think I'll pe on you, so

15:21

you know I want you, but I want

15:23

you to like, ask me out, you'll

15:26

mark your territory exactly. It

15:31

always comes back to the urinary tract. You know, it

15:34

didn't have to you force

15:36

it to go back to the U t I I

15:39

know because I always have P on the brain. I

15:43

know. I know. I'm now and starting to log

15:45

how off and I P every day? Oh my god?

15:48

How many up to you today? What's the count? Six?

15:52

So I'm supposed to be peeing um, but

15:54

I drink a lot of water. So you're supposed to being

15:56

like no more than an every hour, like every

15:58

hour and a half neural

16:00

track. I don't know, Elsie at the end of the

16:03

day. Okay,

16:05

we talked so much about that. It's like eighteen

16:07

times a day. If you're going every hour and a half. Yeah,

16:09

you eighteen times a day, I'm saying,

16:12

and every hour and a half would be eighteen times

16:14

a day. We'll see you

16:17

don't during the middle of the night. I do not pain

16:19

the middle the night. I think it's a

16:21

mental thing then, that you're paying

16:23

this much. I like the idea of the Tiny're At

16:25

edition of Calling In the one has an extra page to

16:27

mark what time you're paying. The

16:31

extra page of the workbook you

16:34

know though. So I was watching Hannah

16:36

Brown's story yesterday. Yeah,

16:39

this is actually I thought, very bold.

16:41

And she said it was her bold move of the day, which I

16:43

don't know if that's something she's doing regularly, but she

16:47

um, so, I guess.

16:49

She passed cross cross paths

16:51

with a guy and they smiled at

16:53

each other, and so she knew what his

16:56

like. She saw what car he got out of, so she

16:59

wrote a note. She said, Hi, I'm

17:01

Hannah. I was in a pink dress. We

17:03

smiled at each other when we walked by.

17:06

Um, here's my number or something, and

17:09

she left it. She left it. Wait, we

17:11

should ask her to come on and see if he ever

17:13

followed up well by So,

17:15

then at the end of the night she said she had she

17:17

had either had drinks with the guy and it went really

17:19

well, or had been asked to go to drinks

17:21

and she was like, you snooze, you lose. He

17:25

had like a five hour window, and then she was

17:27

I think, but

17:30

I did think, like tough crowd. That was

17:32

a pretty bold move for her

17:34

to just I don't know, not

17:37

know if he was watching her and her drop

17:39

a handwritten note on

17:41

his windshield. For sure, I've done in the gym

17:43

before you didn't

17:46

and never called. But like, whatever

17:50

flow on through, I would love to be so

17:52

unfazed by just like that would

17:54

be something that would just stay in my head for

17:56

too long. We would live written free for two

17:58

long. Don't you remember Mark? This was some he

18:00

was at my boxing He was at my boxing gin.

18:03

This does ring a bell? Yeah,

18:05

there were so many guys in Tanya's life for a

18:07

minute, it was like we had whole foods will

18:10

Shure, Butterfly. What

18:13

was screen time d

18:17

D yeah D. I

18:20

never saw the D though, Okay, but

18:23

it was big allegedly.

18:26

Yeah, she's like turning this into

18:28

an R rated show. Hey, I

18:30

hate to interrupt the fun and shenanigans.

18:33

We got a live show coming up. We need to talk about

18:35

that as soon as we possibly can. I was

18:37

going to I was gonna say we could we I was gonna

18:39

tease it, and then I'm

18:43

sorry, it's it's

18:45

not from this parent, but I'm getting noted by other

18:48

parents. We

18:50

have a live show coming up, and we'll be back

18:52

with the details after we take

18:54

this break. Alright,

19:09

So, like we said before the break, we have a

19:11

virtual event

19:14

coming up. It's for the People's Choice Awards.

19:16

It's not a voting party as we've done in the past.

19:18

This is like basically just celebrating

19:21

the fact that we're part of the p c A

19:23

S. However, however, because

19:25

you know, Tanya had to get in there and say, guys,

19:28

we still have to win this thing. So what

19:31

we're doing is the first hundred scrubbers

19:34

to show that they voted twenty five times

19:36

for the People's Choice Award Best Pop Best Pop

19:38

Podcast. Your ticket is on us.

19:40

So all you have to do is just follow at scrubbing

19:42

in pod posted on your Instagram

19:44

feed not your story, and then show

19:47

that you voted with the hashtags hashtag Scrubbers

19:49

Choice and then the hashtag contest. So

19:52

so just to reiterate, first hundred scrubbers

19:54

to do that, come to the virtual podcast,

19:57

the Virtual Live show for free correct

20:00

and that's a hundred scrubbers plus

20:02

twenty five votes, so that's votes.

20:06

That was great, Thank you. Um, just

20:09

so you know, the date

20:11

is November which is a Friday

20:13

Friday, so we can party until the

20:16

wee hours. Um it's at

20:18

five pm Pacific time, so eight

20:20

pm Eastern, okay.

20:23

And also it's very exciting because

20:25

this will be our first virtual live

20:27

mantle, which you know we

20:30

love. We know that y'all love a mantle,

20:32

and we love a mantle. I've been needing

20:35

a mantle lately. Actually, Yeah,

20:37

I'd love to just get in the head of a man.

20:42

Yeah. We sorry, that was not even

20:44

I'm not even trying to be gross, like I'm just actually

20:46

just curious. It's just everything you say,

20:48

it's so like weirdly

20:50

passionate. Um,

20:53

so go vote for us for best

20:55

Pop Podcast. Tag us

20:57

in the photos with hashtag Scrubbers Choice

20:59

and in hashtag contest and follow

21:02

scrubbing in Pod and we literally

21:04

cannot wait to see you there.

21:06

It's going to be so fun. Yeah. And

21:08

then and then following shortly

21:10

after it will be the People's Choice Awards,

21:13

and then we'll win that great bat baby

21:17

so aggressive today, Can

21:22

you guys just give it to me. I'm on the up. You know I'm

21:24

on the up and up. I'm on the up swing. If you saw

21:26

me two days ago, I was on a down spin. No,

21:29

no, I know you actually did see me two

21:31

days ago. I was like, I know, I thought you

21:33

were being literal. We did see each other two days ago.

21:36

Um, all right, this

21:38

is a very exciting topic actually for

21:40

the both of us. So

21:44

I made a vision board at the beginning of the year, which

21:46

you know, it was my first. Did I

21:48

ever make one with you? I did?

21:51

Are you sure? Yes? Okay?

21:54

It was my second vision board, and

21:57

I am still like I

22:00

would need to find that first one because I would like to see

22:02

what's happened. I don't know if you actually,

22:04

like, I know, we did it together. I definitely made

22:06

one. I don't know if you like actually did it. I

22:08

don't think I did. So I

22:10

made my first vision board by myself. This

22:12

at the beginning of little did

22:15

I know what was coming. But still, um,

22:19

when we were I made one with Haley.

22:21

And when we were doing the vision boards,

22:23

we just were, you know, cutting out magazines

22:25

and one of them was a travel magazine and there

22:27

was this cabin in the woods

22:29

and I was like, oh my god, that place looks amazing. I'd

22:31

love to stay somewhere like that. And I had

22:33

no idea where it was located

22:36

or anything. So the

22:38

other day, um,

22:41

we had just Haley and I had just finished working out,

22:43

and she brings over my

22:45

vision board and she goes, look at look

22:48

at this house. That's on your vision board,

22:51

and so I was like, I looked at it and I was like, that's that's

22:54

the house that we just stayed in Vermont. So

22:58

we I had no idea.

23:00

I've always wanted to go to Vermont in the fall. It's

23:02

been like my dream because of the leaves and it

23:04

just looks magical. And this year I

23:06

was so ready to get out of the l a heat and

23:08

go get some fall crisp air and

23:10

we found this amazing cabin and the

23:13

whole time we were like, how did we How was

23:15

that available for us? Because it was

23:17

basically booked out for the rest of the year, and it just

23:19

happened. It was like the busiest weekend

23:21

in Vermont or in Stow that weekend,

23:24

and we were so excited that we got

23:26

that that place was open for the time that we were going

23:28

to be there. It was the exact

23:31

same cabin that I put on my vision board.

23:33

Like it's not even that it was. It

23:36

looked kind of like it or like it was

23:38

the exact cabin you stayed

23:40

in, which is quite

23:44

insane. And I had no idea, like

23:46

I know in your vision board, isn't like like my

23:48

vision board is up in my kitchen. I see it every single

23:50

day, like yours. Isn't just like out for display when

23:52

you made it and you put it away and you don't

23:55

look at it often. So it wasn't just like an image

23:57

that you had when you were like, you know, googling where

23:59

to stay or what. Yeah. So

24:01

when we I didn't even find it, Laura found

24:03

it. And so when I literally

24:05

felt I felt like I was levitating, I

24:07

was like, what else can I

24:10

manifest for my life? Isn't

24:12

that wild? That's that's

24:14

why I make them all the time, because it's like there's

24:16

just something so like when it happens, you're

24:19

it's like this weird feeling where you're like, oh,

24:21

I know, my gosh, it really

24:24

put It made me realize the significance

24:26

of putting things out there and

24:28

writing them down and creating these things where

24:30

you're saying, I want this for my life. And I

24:32

also think though too, it's like some

24:35

some things that I put on my vision board maybe

24:37

five years ago may have just happened

24:39

this year, do you know what I mean? I think sometimes it's important

24:41

too that they're like, it's not all going to happen that

24:43

year. That's what you want, you know, you put

24:45

that down, but it's not necessarily just going to happen right

24:48

then and there. I also put make a million dollars

24:50

on there, which has not happened years,

24:53

not over except next months.

24:55

Have some big plans for me financially. But

24:59

I even at this point was wanting

25:02

to, like during this reset of

25:04

how I'm feeling and wanting to be motivated

25:06

again, was thinking about making a vision board of

25:08

like, you know, people, things I want to

25:10

do and work and who I want to work with, and

25:12

just goals. Because it really, I

25:17

I can't even tell you the

25:19

feeling I had when the realization

25:21

hit. It was the coolest thing. That's

25:23

crazy for all those who are

25:25

like me, who are not like a Tanya

25:27

and have had kind of just like roll your eyes

25:29

and we talk about vision boards, I'm a

25:31

believer now I

25:35

don't actually want to revisit my old ones and just see

25:37

what's like come, you know, yeah,

25:40

like from my old like old ones. And

25:43

one of the other things was like optimized my health

25:45

and I've like you know, been

25:48

focusing on working out three times a

25:50

week. It's just like little things here that I put down is

25:52

like goals and I've accomplished

25:54

some of them, so it's been cool.

25:57

Cool. There's so much power for anyone

25:59

else east in Mark. What

26:02

the question is, what do we do these things? Because we

26:04

do not Have

26:07

you ever written down goals or like

26:09

things that you want to see happen, And it's

26:12

you know, I write down the things that I

26:14

need to do today and then I crossed them off the list, and then

26:16

I threw up in the car list. Okay,

26:20

and to do list. I don't write anything down, but

26:22

um, something I heard. I heard an interview

26:25

with the guy like fifteen years ago, and he was

26:27

talking about like, you know, like

26:29

things you can do to take less than five minutes to like

26:31

motivate you or like change your life. And one of them

26:33

was when you're picturing a goal, you

26:36

don't picture like the

26:38

broad achievement of the goal. You picture something

26:40

very very specific moment. So

26:42

it's like instead of going like I'm going to be a doctor someday,

26:45

you think about like how it's going to feel getting

26:47

your medical degree, like like

26:49

like actually them handing you the degree and graduating

26:51

and seeing everybody and wearing the cap and gown and

26:53

stuff like that. And that's something I've done a lot in

26:55

my life, and it's it's been very

26:57

helpful for me. Like a lot of those very small moment

27:00

ended up coming true, like getting a fake crown

27:02

from a movie theater. That was something that I wanted

27:05

and it happened. Yeah, it's

27:08

like in old seriousness, I did visualize that happening and happened.

27:11

Um, but uh, stuff

27:13

like that. So I don't like, I don't make a physical

27:16

vision board, but I think I do a

27:19

version of it a mind. It's

27:22

all up here. I

27:25

don't think that that brain's got a lot

27:27

in there. I know I've

27:29

done a lot of visualizing, and I don't think any of the things

27:31

that visualized have ever come true. But

27:34

maybe you should. Maybe yours doesn't work through

27:36

your thoughts and you need to write it down. Take

27:38

comfort in that because I know I'm not psychic.

27:41

So then if I have a really negative thought, I

27:43

know that won't come true either. So

27:46

this I just realized. It's happened to me before.

27:49

But it wasn't a vision board. I wrote down when I was

27:51

working at the chiropractor's office in San

27:53

Diego. This is before Bachelor and

27:55

everything. I wrote that I wanted to travel the world,

27:58

and they were the instructor was just like literally

28:00

right down, whether it feels achievable

28:02

or not, right down, just anything.

28:05

And I wrote that I wanted to travel the world, and

28:07

like shortly after that, I got the call to go

28:09

on The Bachelor, which ironically we stayed

28:11

in the US the whole time, except for we did go to

28:14

Bali. But after that,

28:16

being on the show, I've had the opportunity

28:18

to travel around the world. And I was like,

28:20

that's so crazy because I wrote that down

28:22

with the intention of like this feels far fetched,

28:24

but they said, you know, put

28:26

it down there. And it was always my goal. I would always

28:29

have a background of like somewhere magical that

28:31

I wanted to see on my computer, and um,

28:33

those are all my pinned Like Pinterest

28:36

boards were like travel site,

28:38

so I know Pinterest. I never

28:40

got into Pinterest, but it feels like such a Tanya

28:42

thing. I'm shocked, I know.

28:45

Brad. Brad's iwa was just like, how do you

28:47

not have a Pinterest board? And I'm like, I

28:49

know, like your whole life you would have

28:51

like organized into Pinterest board.

28:54

You don't take

28:56

up a lot of time. Well,

28:59

maybe get me out of my thoughts, right now. No, yeah,

29:02

maybe starting now. Um,

29:04

can we do some emails when we come back, because

29:06

I feel like I just love when

29:09

people write in and ask for our advice. Okay,

29:12

great, we'll take a break and we'll be right back with some emails.

29:29

Alright, we're back. And just so you know, I know

29:31

that I tease Chris Carmack that he was going to

29:33

be on today's episode, but it's actually next

29:36

next week's episode, so um, we

29:38

get to talk to him and his wife

29:40

Aaron, and they're just the

29:43

cutest, so, um, get excited

29:45

for that. If you're wondering who is Chris

29:47

Carmack, you may know him as link

29:51

orthopedic surgeon from Graceful

29:53

and Memorial and the Orthopedic Surgeon,

29:56

right yeah, And also he

29:58

was on Nashville and he was on The

30:01

o C, which I was gonna

30:03

I don't know if you remember him from The o C, but some

30:06

iconic TV shows I watched

30:08

O Who was he on The o C? He

30:11

was like Marissa's boyfriend, Like while she

30:13

was she was like, you know, going,

30:15

but she was dating him in the first season.

30:19

Right. I don't like that. I don't like thinking of the greatest actors

30:21

in any other shows. I know. I don't like

30:23

that either. He's linked to me. He

30:26

was Luke. He was Luke

30:29

from from Luke to Link. That should be his memoir.

30:34

I wonder how old he was when he did. He

30:37

looks fantastic. If I do say so myself,

30:40

I don't agree. It looks like

30:42

a bucking twenty two

30:46

two thousand three two through two thousand

30:48

eight. He was on the o C SO

30:53

seven, so he was probably twenty,

30:56

like twenty something

30:59

like that, great career.

31:02

I also I started Vampire Diaries. How

31:05

time have

31:08

you why?

31:12

Ended like ten years ago, and

31:15

honestly, that's what everybody's doing now. Everybody's

31:17

like going back and watching all the old yeah,

31:20

like One Tree Hill and stuff. Yeah, and

31:22

everyone talks about how

31:24

amazing Vampire Diaries is,

31:27

And so I was like that show

31:29

was beyond

31:32

its time, like it was something

31:34

that wasn't at

31:36

that time, didn't really exist, you know what I mean?

31:39

Well, wasn't it around the same time as Twilight?

31:41

It was like a vampire remember the Vampires?

31:45

And also on

31:47

another night, I started Breaking Bad, which

31:50

is very

31:53

That's one of my favorites. Yeah,

31:55

I mean every I feel like everyone's always talked

31:57

about how amazing it is. It's

32:01

really good, but it's so it's weirdly intense,

32:03

but there's this underlying humor.

32:06

But yeah, they're

32:08

amazing. You like the vibe. After you're done with that,

32:10

go to Better Call Saul because it's it's

32:12

Oh yeah, I did enjoy that. Oh

32:15

I didn't watch Better Call Saul? What did I watch? What did

32:17

I watch? It'ld

32:19

be a very tiny mood to watch Better Call Saul and not

32:21

Breaking Bad? Kid? No,

32:23

No, it was the one of Bill Hayter Barry

32:28

right. Yeah, yeah, sorry,

32:31

mix that up here. I just

32:33

found I find Breaking Bad so interesting

32:36

because it's this man

32:38

who you feel so much empathy for going

32:40

through something so devastatingly

32:43

serious, and he's just

32:45

in this impossible

32:48

situation with this idiot

32:50

kid who can't get it together, and I have a feeling

32:52

he's gonna drive me crazy the whole series.

32:56

I'm going do you know the basic premise

32:58

of Breaking Bad, It's like a

33:00

cocaine dealer or something. He's a genius

33:02

chemistry teacher, high school chemistry

33:05

teacher, brilliant guy, and is diagnosed

33:07

with cancer and he realizes, crap,

33:09

I'm a teacher at a high school I got nothing to leave

33:11

my family. And then he realizes, as a brilliant

33:14

chemist, I could make the greatest

33:16

crystal meth in the world. And

33:19

so he recruits this high school kid who knows

33:21

the drug dealer and they start working

33:23

on that together so he'll have something to leave his family.

33:26

It sounds right up

33:29

my alley. You've probably you've

33:31

surprised me with some of the things you like, so I feel like you'd

33:33

like it. Yeah, what are you watching with Red

33:35

Star right now? That's

33:39

true and it's so good. Um, God,

33:41

can I think of any No, it's

33:44

the movie. It's The Little Dickie Show, Dave.

33:48

That's not really up your alley,

33:51

but it's I think the reason why I like it is because

33:53

it's about Little Dickie's life and he's a musician,

33:56

so that side of it I'm really enjoying, not

33:59

so much the male humor. There's a lot of like

34:01

pop music in it and stuff like that, I think. And

34:03

you've met most of these people, Yeah,

34:06

so that's what I'm enjoying, speaking of those people

34:09

that you enjoy so much. Your thoughts

34:11

on Biber on Saturday Night Live this weekend. I

34:13

thought it was great you didn't

34:16

see it. No, I didn't, all right,

34:18

And I feel like a lot of people are talking about his the Lonely

34:21

performance. Yeah,

34:23

I like the song. I like the song. I like Holy

34:25

a lot. Well what

34:27

are they talking I saw the performance. What are they talking about

34:29

about? Just how emotional and raw it was? Oh?

34:32

Yeah, I mean it was. I feel like he I

34:36

think Ty is kind of done with Justin Bieber though,

34:38

and I respect that. It's not that

34:40

I'm done. I've been waiting for this day

34:42

for a long time. Actually, no, that day is

34:44

not here. I'm a Justin Bieber

34:46

stand um.

34:49

But yeah, I didn't

34:51

like it. Didn't it didn't move

34:53

me to didn't shake me to

34:56

my core. You like Holly better than

34:58

Lonely though, right? Is that what? I

35:01

like that too? I like Holy two. I

35:03

I um was dressed up

35:05

like a dude yesterday for like a Halloween

35:07

thing with Ali, and I

35:10

posted that I thought it looked like Justin Bieber and

35:12

the amount. I have never gotten so many

35:14

compliments about how I look looked

35:17

well handsome, more than

35:20

I did when I was dressed as a guy yesterday

35:23

and everyone was saying I looked like Dean and

35:27

he was like I hate

35:29

I hate that things. I hate

35:32

that thing. And I was like, you know what, just

35:34

take the compliment and move on. That's

35:37

so weird. I had a dean thing happened to me yesterday

35:39

too. What kind of no

35:43

no I was ordering? And how weird is

35:45

this? I was ordering a new filter for my

35:47

shower and I ordered

35:49

it and it said shipped to Dean Ungler with like

35:51

his all of his information. I

35:53

was like, did I ever sent him a hair

35:56

filters?

35:58

Because you're like a weird little cry showing him. Maybe

36:00

he did. I can

36:02

see that's a very taly thing. It

36:05

was so weird. I was like, no, please

36:07

don't ship to our built to dean anglers.

36:10

His response is even funnier than I thought.

36:12

I said, everyone said I look like you, and he

36:14

goes, that's the worst news I've gotten all

36:16

of fuenty t be ages. Should

36:20

I be offended by that? Like it's

36:22

my face? Yeah, but you're

36:24

a woman. Yeah, But

36:26

all I did was that some facial air and a wig.

36:29

Well, yeah, I would look like a dude if I did that too.

36:32

But you're telling him he looks like a woman in drag.

36:35

He has very feminine features. He does say

36:38

that Yeah, he's beautiful. He's a beautiful

36:40

man. You

36:43

feminine features he has, like his

36:45

eyes are yeah,

36:48

he's got that soft nose, as kind of eyes, that

36:52

mile long smile. And

36:54

it's so funny that he and Tania went to a concert

36:56

in Tanya was kind of feeling out that whole situation.

36:59

I know, it's the most bizarre

37:02

thing. You know, Tanya

37:05

is a romantic, and she saw

37:08

the love story happening as

37:11

the bad boy who couldn't settle down

37:13

falling in love with her, as the good

37:15

girl looking for love and the one

37:17

that was always just like, you know, I want to ask

37:19

you on you always just put me in the friend categories.

37:22

So I was like, okay, like I'll jump let's

37:26

jump together. Let's jump together.

37:30

Could not be more opposite of

37:32

what I imagine. You know, he has

37:34

really found his match because imagine you

37:36

in a van, no shower, no

37:40

like, no routine. In my day, I'd

37:42

be like, um, so we just wake

37:44

up. We just wake up when we want to wake up, Like

37:46

what? No? Thanks? I loved

37:49

Dean, but he I think Kaylin is his

37:51

match and I think he was

37:53

not your friend and

37:57

I'm his twin. I kind of see

37:59

it actually in this photo. Yeah,

38:01

I'm telling well, okay, like everyone

38:03

always said, we looked like brother and sister. I

38:06

think it's the eyes. Yeah, it's

38:08

the eyes. It's the eyes. So

38:11

anyways, that was true for it was his

38:13

worst moment of it was one of my better

38:16

moments. So shout out to Dean Ungler just really

38:18

just for being a beautiful man man

38:20

that we just love so much. Yeah, if you

38:22

want to fund if you're up in a moment with Dean, you should

38:25

listen to There's a recent help I second dating where

38:27

Dean didn't show up and he went golfing

38:29

and said, it's very funny. That was good.

38:31

Do you just forget? No, he knew

38:35

that's a very Dean, very dean

38:37

like him at noon and he said like,

38:39

oh my gosh, F word, F word, I'm so

38:42

far from being available. Oh no, like you

38:44

know, and then he forgot that he had

38:46

shared his location with me. After

38:48

like half an hour of waiting for him to jump on,

38:50

I checked my Find my Friends and I see that he's

38:52

at a golf course in Arupa, California.

38:55

So I texted him and said, anyway you could

38:58

you know, duck into the pro shop and get

39:00

on this and he go pro shop, what are you talking about?

39:02

I said, I see you in a golf course at

39:04

oops. That's so good.

39:07

And then he did jump on best

39:09

part of that podcast in months. I

39:12

was gonna I was

39:14

gonna say, I mean, that is a great story

39:16

for a podcast, like a great moment

39:19

for a podcast that Mark was the one to discover

39:21

his location the episode, which

39:23

I believe Eastern came up with the title, so

39:25

you should seek it out, is Dean and day off.

39:28

That's good? Is

39:31

that? Did he share his location with

39:33

you for that reason? So kind of like how I

39:35

did with Tanya just to be held

39:37

accountable. No, I think

39:39

it was just a goofy thing we were talking about one day on the show,

39:42

like Jared shared his with mine and Dean

39:44

shared his with Mark. Dean can see

39:46

mine, but I can't see his. I'd like to point out

39:49

that's that's that's where we're at. Yeah,

39:53

we have the same thing. That's

39:55

so funny. All right, who wants to answer to

39:58

emails? Let's do it only

40:01

Becca? Okay, Oh well, the first one's

40:03

kind of a humdinger, Like I don't

40:05

I have a hard time with both of these to be honest with you. Actually,

40:07

the second one is pretty easy, but first

40:10

one from Laura. My boyfriend

40:12

and I've been together about a year. We just got out

40:14

of a small apartment moved into a three bedroom,

40:16

two bathroom house. I was so excited

40:19

to have a guest room so when my family's in town,

40:21

my mom has a room to stay in. I can so relate

40:23

to what you just said. Having a guest room for the

40:25

first time in the life is glorious. We've

40:27

barely been there a week. His best friend

40:30

came over one night and my boyfriend called me

40:32

outside and his best friend asked if he could

40:34

move in with us. I

40:36

can't stand being put on the spot or to ever

40:38

hurt someone's feelings, so I said yes. I'm

40:41

more upset with my boyfriend because he should have pulled me to the

40:43

side or had a conversation privately. Now

40:45

I feel like I would be looked at as the bad

40:47

guy for saying no when I already said

40:50

yes. What would be a nice but

40:52

serious way I can approach my boyfriend

40:54

about my mixed feelings. This

40:58

is something I would do, so I you know,

41:00

I my stomach dropped when I read the When

41:02

I was reading the email with you. I

41:06

am the worst when I put on the spot

41:08

of being like the nice

41:10

person of doing something

41:13

like even I remember when I moved into

41:15

my first place without I wasn't going to have a

41:17

roommate for the first time, and my

41:19

sisters were moving back to

41:21

l A or something and they needed a place to

41:23

stay, and I, of course, you know, I

41:25

want to take care of them, especially as they're older sister.

41:29

And I was like, yeah, sure, And I

41:32

remember thinking, like, I

41:35

have been so excited to live by myself

41:37

this whole time and to have an extra room

41:39

in my own space. And obviously

41:42

it worked out fine because their family and it wasn't

41:45

that awkward thing. But I totally relate

41:47

to this. I would pull your boy I would have

41:49

a serious conversation with your boyfriend and say, hey,

41:52

I've been thinking about this and I'm just feeling

41:54

really uncomfortable about, um,

41:57

your friend moving

42:00

in with us. Um, Like I wanted this to

42:02

be our time. I wanted to have that guests room

42:04

open for people to come visit in and out, not

42:06

someone to stay there permanently, you

42:09

know, a long period of time. Just

42:11

say I felt really put on the spot the other day

42:13

and I said yes out of you know, wanting to

42:15

be nice and not wanting to upset anybody.

42:17

But I really don't feel comfortable with it, and

42:19

I really want you to be you know, I want

42:22

to I want this to be like a

42:24

partner decision. See, I feel

42:26

like she already said yes, So she

42:28

already said yes. But

42:30

I think that I think

42:33

that you

42:35

can kind of say, look, I

42:37

felt put on the spot. You have to tell him. If you don't

42:39

tell him, you're just gonna fester and it's going to blow up in

42:41

a different way. Um. I think you just

42:43

say, look, I thought I was put on the spot. I know I said

42:46

your friend could live here. I

42:48

don't really want that. But if

42:50

he needs somewhere to stay, then he can

42:52

stay here for six months. But like, okay,

42:57

I would say, just give him a timeline and just be like after

43:00

six months, like, let's like he should needs to find

43:02

somewhere else to stay. Maybe three months. Whatever

43:04

you guys agree on. I don't know. Okay,

43:06

I think that's super generous. Um,

43:08

but I think that this is

43:10

the best friend. Like if okay,

43:14

you and move into

43:17

a house and I am

43:20

just rattled and rocked and I

43:23

sleep in your guest bedroom, and I'm just like

43:26

I hadn't. I don't know where to go, I don't

43:28

have any Can I live here? And you

43:30

asked nine and you're both like yes,

43:33

And then nine comes and says, I

43:35

really don't want Tony of staying here. I

43:37

would say, hey, I you

43:40

kick me out the next day? No, but not.

43:42

I didn't say I would kick you out the next day. But I would

43:44

say, hey, if you need to stay here for

43:47

like, I would say a month and

43:49

figure things out. That's plenty of time

43:51

for someone to figure out a different situation. I'd

43:54

say, two, we're in a pandemic.

43:57

Look. My first thought was to give it a deadline

43:59

too. But he's moving in, he's not staying. Can

44:01

I stay with you for a little while? It's different than

44:03

can I move in with you? We don't

44:05

know the circumstance. What if he doesn't

44:07

matter? It doesn't matter. He's moving in. It's

44:10

not Can I just crash in your couch for a couple of

44:12

weeks? Then you put a deadline on it, But

44:14

I'm moving in. I think you go to your boyfriend

44:16

and you say, look, you put me on the spot. I'm

44:18

not going to be the bad girl in this situation. This

44:20

is your situation. You got us into

44:22

this, Now you get us out of this. I'm

44:25

not it's not gonna be on me. You figure

44:27

this out. But he's not living here. Did

44:30

you say it's your situation? I

44:33

didn't, but I wish I had. Yeah, I heard that.

44:36

Yeah, I think I

44:39

agree. I don't think it's I don't think

44:41

it's fair that this has put on her. It's not her best

44:43

friend. It's her living with two guys. Two

44:46

guys now, which is like not

44:48

what she's I doubt that for

44:51

her mom, that's what her vision was. And now

44:54

she has her boyfriend's best friend

44:56

crashing. They're going to be in the kitchen, in the

44:58

living room. It's her, it's there first house.

45:01

I know I would say, hey,

45:03

I agree with Mark, like you, this is your

45:06

buddy. I don't want to be the bad guy here, but I

45:08

don't feel comfortable with this. And if it comes

45:10

to y'all agreeing on like the time limit

45:12

that works for you and you feel like

45:14

you can make it through that time limit,

45:18

give him that opportunity. But I

45:20

think the six month idea is way

45:22

too generous. And

45:25

is he living rent free and he's paying utilities.

45:27

Is he doing anything? That's what I was going to say. Also, is

45:30

he gonna split it? Is it going to be split

45:32

three ways to where y'all are actually benefiting

45:34

from him living there? Or is it this like

45:36

a favor of like, hey, he's

45:38

going to crash here. Let

45:41

me just say some resentment will

45:43

build if

45:46

he stays there. Does not end well. I

45:48

don't think this ends well at all. Tanya's friendly

45:51

or and more generous than I am. I don't want anybody

45:53

under my roof. That's I mean. I would. I would

45:55

have a conversation with Tanya

45:57

needed a place to move in for a certain

45:59

time, say hey, I would love to have you here.

46:01

I I realistically it can't be permanent,

46:04

but when you if you need to get back on

46:06

your feet, like I'm your best friend, I'm

46:08

going to help you out right. I feel like we're just like missing

46:10

that what happened like

46:12

to this man that he needs to live

46:15

with them, you know what I mean. I feel like we're missing that piece of the puzzle.

46:17

But I still don't think it should be put on. Also,

46:20

guy best friends are different than girl best friends. Girl

46:23

best friends are like sisters. Guys have guys

46:25

are friends with losers. There's always losers

46:27

in the bunch, and this is one of the losers.

46:30

I'm telling you, girls are different than guys,

46:32

and I feel like girls It's so true

46:34

though, Like, you

46:36

know, if I moved in with someone, I would spend even

46:39

want I had a roommate. I felt like I spent majority

46:41

of my time in my room

46:43

rather than like just taking over

46:45

the living room and kitchen. You

46:47

know, the guy girl dynamic with friends. That is

46:49

very interesting because I recently had this picture

46:52

picture, this conversation with Red

46:54

Star about I was like, who is your

46:56

best friend? You know? And he's like like,

47:01

like, well, I'll have something that like I'm no longer

47:04

just you know what i mean. Like these ones are the ones I have known the longest

47:07

since like childhood, and then these are the ones that

47:09

I went to this with and I'm like, I'm

47:11

a question, but it's just different. It's like a totally different

47:14

different And they all have nicknames like probably

47:16

Ugo or the stink. You know. He's like, yeah,

47:18

yeah with

47:21

me, and That's what I'm saying,

47:23

He's going to move the Stink into the house. It's

47:25

guy's friends are embarrassments. Girls

47:27

friends are like they're best friends, but guys are

47:30

just like, oh yeah, that's just him. He's like that

47:32

so interesting. Okay,

47:37

so good to know when red stars bff

47:40

needs a moving and you'll have them there for

47:42

six months. Pick up after him, do his

47:44

chores. It's all bad. He's not

47:46

doing anything but sitting on that couch all day,

47:48

every day and drinking. Okay.

47:51

This is from Lauren. About a year

47:53

and a half ago, I embraced the modern

47:55

woman lifestyle and told my ax, who had been in my

47:57

life for ten years, he needed to stay out of my

48:00

life. He was pretty bad to me all those

48:02

years. Then came November. I

48:04

wasn't looking for a relationship at all, and

48:06

then my current boyfriend entered my life. I'm

48:08

now in the most healthy relationship I didn't even

48:10

think was possible. Fast forward to

48:12

this week. My boyfriend and I were laying

48:15

in bed and my best friend called me and told me she

48:17

was bartending when my ex's brother

48:19

came in and dropped the bomb that my

48:21

ex boyfriend is going to be a dad.

48:24

He knocked up his very new girlfriend.

48:26

After getting off the phone, my boyfriend asked

48:28

me what happened, so I told him. We started chatting about

48:31

it, and I mentioned to him that I know my actually

48:33

never wanted kids, especially at twenty five years

48:35

old, and I hope he's doing okay. And then

48:37

my boyfriend casually said to me, you should

48:39

reach out to him see if he's okay.

48:42

That took me by surprise. So the question

48:45

is do I reach out. First

48:48

of all, let me just applaud your boyfriend

48:51

for being secure in y'all's relationship

48:53

that he said that

48:56

he was big enough to say you should reach out

48:58

if you're, you know, concerned about him

49:00

in this situation. I

49:04

don't know if you're reaching out does anything beneficial

49:06

for the X, Like, I don't know if he needs to

49:08

hear from you. Yeah,

49:13

but if it's something that's gonna like keep eating

49:15

at you and you feel like you need to check in because

49:17

he was in your life for a decade, which is a

49:19

significant amount of time, I would

49:21

say text him and say, hey, I heard the news

49:24

um that you're going to be a dad,

49:26

and I you know, I'm

49:28

happy for you, and I just wanted to check

49:30

in. And then comes

49:37

out of that right, So then he's gonna be like, thank you

49:40

so much. We should get tea and then you're like,

49:42

I don't really want to get tea. No,

49:44

I just wanted to reach out and check on you. I don't want

49:46

anything else from it. You guys

49:48

at all, there's no guy who's going to ask her

49:51

to tea? What is that? Yeah,

49:55

you wanted to go get a drawing? I

50:00

mean he's gonna want to be always gonna try to make out with

50:02

her. Look, they're all kinds of

50:04

problems here, and I don't trust the boyfriend

50:06

honestly. I think that on paper, that

50:08

looks great, but there's something else there.

50:11

There's an ulterior motive there. He's either

50:13

testing you. I totally agree

50:16

he wanted

50:19

to reach out to an X, and I said go

50:22

for it. There's no alterior motive. It

50:25

was just like, that's fine. If

50:27

you feel like you need to reach out because of the way things

50:29

ended, whatever, Fine,

50:31

that's a good way to be and you're good

50:33

for doing that. But you're also a woman,

50:37

and I think it's different when a guy does that.

50:39

There's ulterior motives. It might be that

50:41

the X is a total loser and

50:44

he's like Mr Successful, wearing

50:46

a tie, driving a nice car, and he

50:48

knows that there's no chance.

50:50

In fact, when she sees her loser boyfriend

50:52

and knocked up his girlfriend, it's even it's just gonna make

50:54

him look better in her eyes. That's one possibility.

50:57

Or he's testing you and he doesn't want you to do

50:59

that and he's hoping you don't. Yeah, yeah,

51:02

but only she I mean, if you know, if

51:04

she knows her boyfriend and how how

51:06

he's, how he is in

51:08

their relationship, if he's super secure in everything,

51:11

then that wouldn't even be like a red

51:14

flag to her. If he's always like that,

51:16

where he's just confident and secure in their relationship,

51:18

that's not something that would throw her off perhaps,

51:21

and that can be attractive to I get that. And

51:23

if it's unlike him, like if you're if

51:25

you're like what, then

51:27

maybe it is like a hold up, why are you doing? Why

51:30

did you give me that? Why did you give me that? Pass?

51:33

Still, I say, nothing good comes from reaching out

51:35

to the action? Zero? Yeah, we I every

51:39

Okay, I'm the only one who says if it's not

51:42

when you're scenario, what good comes from it? What

51:47

you say that she should reach out to him? What

51:50

good comes from doing that? She just she

51:52

has it off her conscious conscience.

51:54

Does she want to be the godmother or something like, yeah,

51:58

she should have nothing conscious. Okay,

52:00

wait, so, okay, you've spent ten

52:03

years with someone and

52:05

all of a sudden they're supposed to be nothing to

52:07

you when something significant happened. He was bad

52:09

to her all this year, she said, he

52:12

was pretty bad to be to

52:15

her. She finally got the guts to leave it. Ok

52:18

I, APOLOI apologize, I missed

52:20

that line. I'll

52:22

ever talk to that dirt back again. Yeah,

52:25

like she finally got the courage

52:27

to leave a bad situation. You

52:29

leave the bad situation. You're

52:32

going forward. Your road is going

52:34

forward to the north. Going south just

52:36

takes you back. You open that door again.

52:39

You don't know what's going to come through it. Okay,

52:41

okay, I'm I'm on the same page. It's like

52:43

Monica Geller's closet. Yeah

52:45

whatever, Yeah, yeah,

52:48

one the one that's locked. Don't unlock

52:50

it. Bike's

52:52

going to hit you in the face. Wow.

52:58

That was a heated bay,

53:00

you know, but it feels good to be on the on the winning side

53:03

of it. And

53:06

if she hadn't said I mean, I know

53:08

this is a moot point because she

53:10

did say it, but if the part

53:12

about him being bad to her, like let's say it was

53:14

great, would y'all still say don't reach out or

53:18

if it was like it just ended, because what

53:20

I would still say don't reach out because I don't I

53:22

don't see what possible good comes out of that.

53:25

Yeah, Like I would say maybe if they had a

53:27

death in the family and just like hey,

53:30

like you know what I mean. I think maybe if there was

53:32

but having a having a child, like that's a blessing,

53:35

like congrats, Like he doesn't need your congrats

53:37

like a baby he like, who knows they broke

53:39

up, they should, she might have changed her mind, she

53:41

might have found the love of his life. And now he's like, I'm so happy

53:43

to have his baby. And then the ex texts him and she's

53:46

like, I'm so sorry you're having a baby, and he's like, I you,

53:48

I'm happy about this. I'm saying if something

53:51

significant, like if something significant

53:53

happened in Robert's life, I would reach out and

53:55

say, hey, I just wanted to check in

53:57

and see if you're okay, and did not mean anything

54:00

other than I'm checking in because

54:03

I well, first of all, I care, like we were

54:05

friends and then had this relationship, and I care

54:07

about him as a human being and want to see that

54:09

he's okay, okay, might

54:12

be cool with that, But how about Robert's partner?

54:14

How are they going to feel about that? I don't

54:16

know if I don't think that, if that throw

54:19

that out there, I don't think so right

54:21

about that. So that's two relationships

54:24

potentially harmed. Said,

54:27

hey, you got

54:29

the green light go. Then

54:32

how does Robert's partner feel about this? You

54:34

don't know, you don't alright,

54:37

alright, and I'm very against disrespecting

54:40

the current partner, So you're right, Okay, Fine,

54:42

we've come to the conclusion that, under

54:44

no circumstance, should you reach out to your

54:46

act I will say. I will say. When I got married,

54:49

I heard from two separate XS like

54:51

congratulations, your wedding look beautiful, and it made

54:53

me feel very good. But it was not It was also

54:56

not necessary, like I wouldn't

54:58

have missed it if they didn't say anything. It did a

55:00

very good and Alison was secure

55:02

because I now like I need to

55:04

find she just to find a judge in an attorney

55:06

to get me to leave her. You know, we

55:08

just a legally binding contract.

55:11

So she feels pretty secure. But uh

55:13

yeah, I have two different exes said congrats.

55:16

But also yeah, I wouldn't have missed

55:19

it if they didn't do that. You know, Yeah,

55:21

it feels good. It feels good being on the side of it. I'm

55:23

not gonna lie of the correct

55:25

side. Well, that's like the first time it happened,

55:28

I know. Just let me live in Just let me live

55:30

in the bliss over here. Okay, let

55:32

me swim in this pool for a minute. All

55:35

right, I'll give it to you. I'll give it to all of you. I

55:37

was I was in the wrong here, humble

55:41

moment for me to say that those words, but

55:44

when we all needed time to time again grounded

55:48

um. On that note, reminder,

55:50

before we leave, go

55:53

vote the last week. This was

55:55

the last week vote

55:57

voting in the election as well. Two things you need

55:59

to vote for this week, Okay.

56:02

Priority is to vote for the in the election,

56:04

just so you know, study up on what there

56:07

is to vote for. It's not just the presidential

56:10

candidates. There's so much that's important

56:12

for you to know about what's going on locally

56:14

in our state, in our city. So it's

56:16

actually a lot. It's a lot of homework, it

56:19

is, and I think it's very I've never paid

56:21

so much attention to what I'm voting for

56:23

this year. So do your research.

56:26

I mean, I have a tip that will save you a lot of time.

56:29

There are a lot of groups out there that tell you

56:31

who to vote for in terms of their endorsements.

56:34

Find somebody you trust, find somebody you agree

56:36

with, believe in their cause, and they'll

56:38

tell you boom boom boom, and it'll save you a lot of time because

56:41

those propositions are complicated and

56:43

really oddly written, so I know, not even

56:45

complicated, but also like you

56:47

know, you see the commercials for them, and they like they're

56:49

obviously so skewed one way that they're like,

56:52

this is totally not an example, but this is like an

56:54

example of just the like mind

56:56

bender or that they give you. It'll be like,

56:59

do you want your you know, kids to go to a

57:01

safe school? Do you want your kids to

57:03

learn great? And you're just like yes, yes,

57:06

then vote, you know, vote yes

57:08

on Prop ten to to build

57:11

a mom of you know, a windmill

57:14

in Lake Palisades for about

57:16

million dollars. It's gonna cost you five thousand

57:18

dollars a year. You're like, okay,

57:22

it was a terrible analogy, but like that's

57:24

how like no, but you're right. And then the next commercial

57:27

break it says, do you want your taxes going

57:29

up? By Prop

57:31

ten? Is gonna put me out of business? Vote

57:33

no on Prop ten. It's the same. It's the same

57:35

prop but the commercials

57:37

really swing you one way to the

57:39

other. So yeah, I

57:41

say go with an expert. I would have voted for

57:43

Marks if we were going between those two examples,

57:46

if I'm being honest, I know I wasn't.

57:49

Then the other I know it. I didn't

57:51

have my pitch down right, But well,

57:54

obviously vote in

57:56

that, in that in the election.

57:59

Please make that a priority. Um.

58:02

And second, vote for

58:04

the People's Choice Awards. We're

58:06

up against some heavy hitters. Yeah,

58:08

we're gonna be popping in the scrubbing and Instagram.

58:11

And if you guys send your screenshots

58:13

like d m it to the scrubbing and Instagram,

58:16

you just might be getting some videos being like hey,

58:19

thanks for the vote, we love you. Yeah,

58:22

we're going to be doing that this week because it is the

58:24

last week to vote, so really get your

58:26

emails ready. Um

58:28

My, mom, I think this is the first year that

58:31

my family is like actually voted consistently

58:34

every day. So my family, my mom

58:36

is making sure everybody in Serbia is voting

58:38

the whole country. Yeah, Serbia

58:41

as a whole, United is voting daily,

58:43

so we have that going for us. Yeah. So,

58:45

um, I

58:48

am already just so thankful because I know I

58:50

see it every day that y'all are voting for us,

58:52

and in the Facebook groups, I know, actually I really

58:54

do see it because I'll put the swipe up link and like the

58:56

amount of swipe up that

58:58

I see, it's like, actually quite beautiful.

59:01

It's beautiful. Um, it's

59:03

encouraging. It's not like five, it's like thousands.

59:06

Yeah, that's great news, all right, And don't

59:08

forget about our virtual live event.

59:11

The website is on location

59:13

live dot com, um,

59:16

so you can buy tickets and

59:18

be a part of it. It's going to be so

59:20

much fun. Our virtual live parties

59:22

around the pc as are always just the best.

59:25

Obviously, we wish we could do it in person, but alas,

59:29

there's always next year. There's always next year. Um,

59:31

we love you guys. We will be

59:34

here next week, and you know what, we

59:36

might be a different person next week. Yeah,

59:38

well that happens. We might

59:41

be better, or we might be in some mud,

59:43

but either way you'll

59:46

be on sturdy grounds soon. Yeah.

59:48

And the thing is is we'll be back

59:51

because you know what, we never give up. That's right, we never

59:53

give up. So we'll keep showing up. We'll be

59:55

back. That's all you have to do. That's

59:58

what we have to do as a host on this podcast us,

1:00:00

and that's what we all have to do in life. And just keep

1:00:02

showing up, keep showing up. We

1:00:04

love you, guys, I love you. Him