0:00

If you can approach your conversations

0:03

and your interactions with your

0:05

loved ones , your spouse , your

0:07

children , your in-laws , your

0:09

parents , your coworkers

0:12

, your neighbors , your friends with

0:15

some gratitude mingled

0:17

with curiosity , I

0:19

guarantee you these interactions

0:21

are going to go so much

0:24

better . I'm

0:26

beautiful , wondered what makes the difference between

0:28

those couples who absolutely love

0:30

to be together and the ones who merely tolerate

0:33

each other in their old age . Hi

0:35

, I'm Monica Tanner , wife to a super

0:37

hunky man , mom to four kids , relationship

0:40

coach and intimacy expert . My

0:43

goal with this podcast is to help you

0:45

and your partner swap resentment for romance

0:47

, escape the roommate rut and nurture

0:50

a bond built on trust , communication

0:52

and unconditional love . I'm

0:54

sharing the secret strategies that keep

0:57

couples madly in love , dedicated

0:59

and downright giddy about each other , from

1:01

the honeymoon phase to the golden years

1:03

. I'm on a mission to crack the

1:05

code of happily ever after and I'm

1:07

sharing those juicy secrets right

1:10

here , because an awesome marriage

1:12

makes life so much sweeter

1:14

. Let's get to it . Hello

1:17

and welcome to the secrets of happily ever

1:19

after podcast . If you're listening

1:21

in real time , it

1:24

is the day before Thanksgiving

1:27

. I wanted to

1:29

be sure to record an episode

1:31

for you today , but I also want

1:33

to make it really short , sweet

1:35

and to the point . Of

1:37

course , in the United States we

1:39

celebrate Thanksgiving , which is

1:42

an incredible time to

1:44

really think about

1:46

gratitude for

1:48

your family , for our freedoms

1:51

, for the comforts of life that

1:53

we enjoy . I wanted

1:55

to do a brief

1:58

episode on something

2:00

that I've learned in the last year

2:02

that has really helped me supercharge

2:05

the benefits of gratitude . This

2:09

is actually level two

2:11

of the episode

2:13

that I aired last year at

2:16

this time . If

2:18

you're interested , you can go

2:20

back in the podcast

2:22

library and check out episode

2:24

number 206

2:26

, which talks about gratitude

2:29

and all of the benefits that

2:31

living with an attitude of gratitude

2:34

has , not only on your own

2:36

well-being but on the well-being of all

2:38

of your relationships . I

2:41

would encourage you to go back and listen to that

2:43

episode when you have some time . But this is

2:45

level two . I listened to that episode

2:47

to get ready for this one and I wanted

2:49

to add to it something really

2:52

incredible that I have learned in

2:54

the last 12 months that

2:56

has basically supercharged

2:59

the benefits that gratitude

3:01

already had in my life

3:03

. Are you ready for this incredible

3:06

secret ? Before we get started

3:08

today , I want to announce that on

3:10

December 4th , I'm going to be holding

3:13

two simultaneous challenges

3:15

. These challenges , we've

3:17

done these two challenges in the past and they were

3:19

super popular , and people have been

3:21

asking me to do it again . I

3:23

wanted to make sure that I provided a time to

3:25

do these challenges where you could participate

3:28

after Thanksgiving , but before

3:30

the holidays really hit . So December

3:32

4th through the 8th , I'm going to be holding

3:34

the Wise Wives Challenge

3:37

as well as become the Hero Husband

3:40

Challenge . So if you are

3:42

a wife and you want to learn how to activate

3:44

your husband's hero genes so that

3:46

he will do all the things you ask him

3:48

to do which , by the way , is

3:50

a very important aspect

3:53

of a healthy , thriving relationship

3:55

is to be able to ask for what you want

3:57

in a way that your

3:59

partner can truly see

4:02

and understand what

4:04

it is that's important to you , so

4:07

that they can come through for you . I'm

4:09

going to be teaching all about that . Simultaneously

4:13

, I'll be running the Become the Hero Husband

4:15

Challenge , which is for husbands

4:18

to help you show up

4:20

in your marriage in a way that

4:22

will elicit more attention , affection

4:25

and appreciation from your wife

4:27

. Again , these are super popular

4:29

challenges and I wanted to make sure

4:31

that I gave everybody the opportunity

4:33

to participate in them before

4:36

the busy , busy crush of the

4:38

holidays . So if you're

4:40

interested in becoming a hero husband

4:43

or a wise wife , be

4:45

sure that you go to monnecatannercom

4:49

backslashwisewife

4:51

if you're a wife , or

4:53

monnecatannercom backslashherohusband

4:56

if you're a husband , and

4:59

get all the details about

5:01

these three challenges

5:03

happening December 4th

5:06

through the eighth . All right

5:08

, let's get started with today's episode . The

5:10

super secret ninja

5:13

trick to supercharging

5:16

the benefits of gratitude

5:18

is simply adding

5:21

a little bit of curiosity . So

5:24

there are so many ways in

5:26

which adding curiosity to

5:28

gratitude multiplies

5:31

the already incredible

5:33

effects that gratitude has on your

5:35

personal life and on your

5:38

relationship . So I'm gonna give you just a few

5:40

examples of how I

5:42

have benefited from

5:44

this , starting with an example

5:46

of first thing in the morning . Now , I don't know

5:49

. Now some of you may

5:51

be like me , but when the weather starts

5:53

to turn cold and it's dark

5:55

in the morning , it is so hard for

5:57

me to get out of bed . Please tell me I'm not

5:59

the only one , right ? It's like my bed

6:01

grabs hold of me

6:04

and makes it so hard

6:06

for me to get out of bed , right ? And

6:08

usually the thoughts going through my head

6:10

are oh man , I'm so tired

6:13

, it's dark outside , it's so cold

6:15

. I just wanna stay wrapped

6:18

up in my blankets in my warm

6:20

bed . Can we just take the day off

6:23

right ? Those are always the thoughts that

6:25

go through my mind first thing

6:27

in the morning when I am struggling

6:29

to get out of bed . Now , over

6:31

the years , I've learned that gratitude

6:34

can really help in this scenario . If

6:37

I'm feeling really resistant

6:39

to getting up and starting my day , what I'll

6:42

do is sprinkle a little gratitude

6:44

into my thoughts instead of thinking it's so

6:46

cold , it's so dark . I

6:49

think I am so grateful that

6:51

I woke up this morning and have

6:53

so many wonderful things on

6:55

my plate , so that

6:57

helps . But this past

7:00

year I've learned that if I add

7:02

some curiosity to that

7:04

gratitude , it gets me right

7:06

out of bed . So here's an

7:08

example . Some of the thoughts

7:11

I like to sprinkle in is I wonder

7:13

how much I can actually get done

7:15

today . I wonder what kind

7:18

of adventures I can find

7:20

today . I wonder who

7:22

I can really help today . Now

7:24

, those are some broad

7:27

ideas of how to add

7:29

some curiosity . But I

7:31

also like to get more specific

7:33

, like I'll think about my

7:36

neighbor and think man

7:38

, I know my friend Christy is really

7:40

having a hard time with

7:42

X . I wonder how

7:44

I could show up and support

7:47

Christy through this difficult

7:49

period that she's going through . Or

7:51

I'll think about one of my children and think man

7:54

, I know my

7:56

daughter . It has been setting

7:58

for this big test that she has coming up

8:00

. I wonder how I can

8:02

go above and beyond

8:04

and let her know that I'm really thinking

8:07

about her . Right that once

8:10

I turn my brain from

8:12

oh , it's so cold , I do not wanna

8:14

get out of bed too . I am so grateful

8:16

for these wonderful people in my life . I'm so

8:18

grateful to be a mom and a friend

8:21

, neighbor and a wife . Right

8:23

, like I wonder what

8:26

I can do to be the best wife

8:28

, the best mom , the best friend

8:30

that ever was . Like , what

8:32

can I do today that will really

8:35

bless somebody

8:37

else ? Right , that typically gets

8:39

me right out of bed . Now

8:41

, I also own a business , so sometimes

8:43

I'll give myself like I wonder

8:46

what I could talk

8:48

about on social media today . Or I wonder

8:50

how I could best serve this certain

8:52

client . Right , when you add

8:54

some curiosity

8:56

to your gratitude , it

8:59

gets me moving . Now

9:01

, the next area that

9:03

I notice the power

9:06

of curiosity is at the

9:08

gym . So every morning I get out of bed

9:10

and usually the first thing I do

9:12

is exercise , and a lot

9:14

of times especially again when

9:16

it's cold outside I

9:19

get to the gym and I'll think , ugh , what

9:21

am I gonna do here ? Like I'm

9:23

feeling a little bit unmotivated , right

9:26

. Instead of thinking the thoughts

9:28

that like , ugh , I don't really wanna

9:30

work out today , like , ugh , I'm kinda

9:32

tired , like maybe I'll just dial

9:34

it in , what I like to

9:36

do is A feel

9:38

gratitude , like I'm so grateful

9:41

that I have this gym membership and that , even

9:43

though it's freezing cold outside , I can come to

9:45

the gym and I can get my workout in . I'm

9:47

grateful for the endorphins that I feel when

9:49

I get a really good workout right . That's gratitude

9:52

. But now , if

9:55

I add some curiosity and fun

9:57

to it , here's what this looks like . I'll

9:59

walk into the gym and the

10:02

gym my particular gym

10:04

has a bunch of stair masters

10:06

in the back . So I'll walk in and

10:09

typically see , like one of my friends

10:11

or people that I know , they're on

10:13

the stair master and they're sweating

10:15

and getting this great workout in right , and

10:17

usually I can use

10:20

that as inspiration . But what

10:22

I'll do is get curious . Huh , I

10:24

wonder what workout they're doing

10:26

. Or they're getting that great sweat and they

10:28

look like they're really getting a good workout in

10:30

right , and so I'll get curious , like I

10:33

wonder how many minutes

10:35

I can do on the stair master today

10:37

, or I wonder how I

10:40

can get a really good sweat . So

10:42

adding just that little bit of curiosity

10:45

in connection with

10:47

gratitude will really

10:49

motivate me to get a good workout

10:52

. Now here's a couple more examples

10:54

. Let's say I get into

10:56

a big disagreement with my spouse

10:58

because , let's be honest , it

11:00

happens a lot , right ? Maybe

11:03

we'll be arguing over how

11:05

to discipline one of the kids , or

11:08

how much we're going to spend on

11:10

individual Christmas gifts

11:12

for our children or for our neighbors

11:14

. Or one of us RSVP'd

11:17

to a holiday party that the other without

11:19

checking with the other one , right ? So there's all

11:22

kinds of things that you get in these , like

11:24

little snafus

11:26

or something with your partner throughout the

11:28

day . Now , studies show

11:30

that if you can turn to

11:32

gratitude like yeah

11:35

, my partner may have done this thing that really irritated

11:37

me , but if you could look for the good

11:39

and put yourself in a place of gratitude

11:42

, that disagreement

11:45

or that moment

11:47

of reckoning or whatever , it's going to

11:50

go better if you can add some gratitude

11:52

. But if you can add

11:54

some curiosity along

11:56

with the gratitude , I guarantee

12:00

you these discussions that you have

12:02

, these conflict resolution strategies

12:05

are going to go so much

12:08

better . For example , if you're

12:10

disagreeing about

12:12

let's do a simple one where to go on

12:14

your next family vacation . One

12:16

of you wants to go visit the in-laws and

12:18

the other one wants to take

12:20

the kids to Hawaii or something right , like

12:22

you're disagreeing about something . Now

12:25

, if you can be grateful , like , oh

12:27

, I'm so grateful we can take this

12:29

time away that we can plan something really

12:31

fun , like that conversation

12:34

is gonna go better . But if you can get

12:36

curious about

12:38

your partner and about

12:40

yourself in these

12:42

moments of difference

12:44

, I wonder why my partner

12:46

feels strongly so strongly about

12:49

that thing that they do . I

12:51

wonder why I'm getting so activated

12:53

when they are suggesting this

12:55

other thing . Right , why do I feel so strongly

12:57

about this ? Why do they feel so strongly about

13:00

this ? If you can bring in

13:02

some curiosity , I

13:04

guarantee 100%

13:06

hands down . That discussion

13:09

is going to go 100

13:12

times better because you're going

13:14

to just naturally bring

13:16

in some of the conflict resolution strategies

13:19

that I would teach you anyways . A

13:22

soft startup , asking

13:24

good questions , gathering

13:27

good data those things

13:29

are naturally going to happen

13:31

if you show up with

13:33

gratitude and curiosity , all

13:36

right . So the final example

13:38

I'll give you is maybe

13:40

an interaction with your children

13:43

. Right , like your children do something

13:45

that makes you crazy . Like they

13:47

keep leaving their stuff all over the

13:49

floor , or they keep coming home late for curfew

13:51

, or they're constantly

13:54

on their phone when you're trying to talk to

13:56

them . Right Like these are things . My kids are teenagers

13:58

, so it's easy for me

14:00

to come up with these examples . Now

14:02

, of course , I want to show up as

14:05

a really good mom . I

14:07

want to have compassion for my kids , but

14:09

I also feel a great

14:11

responsibility to teach

14:13

them and guide them the things that

14:15

they need to know . So , by putting

14:17

myself in a space of gratitude

14:20

as well as curiosity

14:22

, I wonder what it

14:24

is that they're going through right now . I

14:27

wonder what their biggest stressors are

14:29

. I wonder what's really

14:31

going on below the surface . If

14:34

you can approach your conversations

14:37

and your interactions with your

14:39

loved ones , your spouse , your

14:41

children , your in-laws , your

14:43

parents , your coworkers

14:46

, your neighbors , your friends with

14:49

some gratitude mingled

14:51

with curiosity , I

14:53

guarantee you these interactions

14:55

are going to go so much

14:58

better . So there you are

15:00

. Short and sweet , the

15:02

magical secret to

15:04

supercharging the benefits of

15:07

gratitude in your life are

15:09

mixing them with

15:11

some curiosity . So , for

15:13

my American listeners , happy

15:15

Thanksgiving For those of you

15:18

around the world . I

15:20

hope that you will enjoy

15:22

the benefits of

15:24

gratitude , curiosity and

15:26

giving thanks , regardless

15:28

of what you're celebrating this week , and

15:31

for all of you , I am

15:33

so blessed and grateful

15:35

that you are here spending

15:37

this time with me . My

15:39

sincerest prayer is that you will enjoy

15:42

your family this week and join

15:44

us next week same time

15:46

, same place and , until

15:48

then , happy marriageing . If

15:52

you had as much fun as we did just now

15:54

, I hope that you'll head over to your favorite

15:56

podcast player and leave a rating and

15:58

review for the show or share it on

16:00

social media . That's how other people

16:02

can find this awesome content and we can

16:04

spread the message that happily ever after

16:06

is possible . Feel free to check

16:09

out my website , monnecatannercom

16:11

, to find out more ways you can

16:13

work with me and , as always , thank

16:15

you so much for spending this time with me

16:17

. We'll see you next week .