Is that love in the air? Gross, put my ball gag back in for some autoerotic asphyxiation. Welcome to Fifty Shades of Grey, a book and movie as vibrant as its slate color scheme. XXX content? More like Zzz's. 

EL James might not know what BDSM is or how a 21 year old woman talks, but that didn't stop her from riff'ing off Twilight. Kelly could defend her...but in the words of the author "Holy Cow, it's so hard." Thesaurus' were spanked within an inch of their limit and e-mails tied up the plot with handcuffs.

Jimmy made it through watching the film and gave it a whole half a star for the effort. Can excessive lip biting save a romance film without any chemistry? The red room of pain was the movie theatre and we all felt like Dakota Johnson... sore and a little bewildered how we got here. Nothing a pair of stolen set panties can't fix.

If you want whips and chains... maybe skip this book/movie. Cause it's vanilla (laters) baby.