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7th, 2024, participating McDonald's. Must opt

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into rewards. On

0:35

this selected shorts, a sea monster, a

0:37

widow, and a woman of a certain

0:39

age make journeys of discovery. We

0:42

follow characters from the surface to the

0:44

depths, from grief to acceptance, from middle

0:46

age to whatever comes next.

0:49

Join our readers Natasha Rothwell, Kelly

0:52

O'Hara, and me Meg Wallitzer. You're

0:55

listening to Selected Shorts, where our greatest

0:57

actors transport us through the magic of

1:00

fiction, one short story at a time.

1:13

Life is full of changes, whether we like

1:15

it or not. Some

1:17

transformations are really gradual, like

1:20

the passage from childhood to old age. You

1:23

might not even see those changes until later,

1:25

looking back at photos, and then you're like,

1:27

wait, that's me? Some

1:29

transformations come about because of great joy

1:32

or deep grief. And

1:34

some take place because of totally

1:36

unexpected encounters. You might be

1:38

just going along living your life, and you

1:40

meet someone, and then there's a big swerve.

1:43

On this show, a playful fantasy, a

1:45

domestic dilemma, and a private odyssey help

1:48

us adjust to the idea. Our

1:51

first story is a favorite that we're

1:53

sharing again, Seth Freed's Sea Monster. We

1:56

wouldn't call it old, though the main

1:58

characters may predate recorded time. On

2:00

the surface, we're on familiar territory,

2:03

a long married couple exploring their

2:05

relationship. But then suddenly they

2:07

begin to reveal things about themselves that they

2:09

never shared before, and both they

2:11

and the marriage are transformed. Sea

2:15

Monster is performed by Natasha Rothwell. Rothwell

2:18

is known for her work on Insecure

2:20

and more recently can be seen in

2:22

the satirical television series The White Lotus.

2:25

Here she is with Seth Freed's Sea Monster. In

2:41

a previous life, she'd been a monster living on the

2:43

ocean floor. She

2:45

remembered herself well, a coiled

2:47

mass of dark tentacles, her

2:49

mouths a series of black

2:52

razored beaks. It

2:55

was a secret she'd always intended to keep until she

2:57

abruptly told her husband about it one night at dinner.

3:03

He had been about to take a sip of beer, but

3:05

instead lowered his glass back down to the table. They

3:08

were seated outdoors at a place called Valley's on

3:10

a hot summer night, the flow

3:12

of their fellow city dwellers on

3:14

the sidewalk embellishing the sudden stillness

3:17

at their table. She

3:19

had just finished her second martini when she

3:21

confessed it. She

3:24

set her coop glass down, but held onto

3:26

it staring at her fingers on the stem

3:28

with what

3:30

looked like regret. Her

3:33

face flushed, her husband

3:35

only smiled, waiting for some indication of

3:37

what was expected of him. He'd

3:41

never made a great secret of the fact that

3:43

he'd once been a sardine. Though

3:49

he had also never disgusted with

3:51

her in detail. Where all the

3:53

subject of past lives seemed to

3:55

irritate her. Nothing bothered

3:57

her more than being stuck in

3:59

line. at the drug store while

4:02

two elderly patrons discussed how they

4:04

had once been apes chewing leaves

4:07

rustling the canopy. I

4:09

was a gibbon, one

4:11

would say. Her

4:14

wide eyes daring anyone to

4:17

say otherwise. I flew through

4:19

the trees like a

4:22

shot. When

4:26

she'd been single, men had always delivered

4:28

her their prepared speeches of how they'd

4:31

been leopards or eagles. Going

4:33

on and on about the feel of the

4:35

jungle loam under their paws or the thrill

4:37

of spotting a startled mouse from 2,000 feet

4:39

up. Even

4:42

if the stories were true, she

4:45

found them pathetic. Not

4:48

only because in her life as

4:50

a monster she had known a

4:52

strength that made the sly agility

4:54

of eagles and jungle cats seem

4:56

like the panic scurrying of insects,

4:59

but because she had always told

5:01

herself that past lives had no

5:04

bearing on the present. That dwelling

5:06

on them was only a kind

5:08

of useless nostalgia. On

5:11

her first date with her husband he

5:13

had inadvertently revealed in the first five

5:16

minutes that he was once a sardine.

5:19

Right away he stopped what he

5:21

was saying, tilted his head back, his

5:24

mouth hanging open at the unhappy realization

5:26

he hadn't thought to

5:28

make something up better. She

5:33

never told him but it was in that moment she

5:35

decided to see him again. It

5:37

wasn't just his endearing and reflexive

5:39

honesty. His look of embarrassment

5:41

also suggested to her that his previous

5:43

life was not a point of

5:45

pride that would need to be discussed again and again.

5:48

But now after four years of

5:51

marriage she broached the subject on

5:53

her own. Who could say

5:55

why? Of Course there

5:57

were the martinis. He

6:00

drunk. Or. And.

6:06

Perhaps the cold jan and brine had been

6:08

enough to bring back life alone at the

6:10

bottom of the ocean. Up

6:13

here. There was

6:15

a constant press, a pastor spy on the

6:17

sidewalk. She snorted as a man

6:19

passing their table war and last into

6:21

his phone. The siren

6:23

of a passing ambulance rattled for

6:26

silverware, but left her and phase.

6:29

Where as in her previous life see

6:31

what a flung herself at the slightest

6:33

provocation? Maybe that's what made the urge

6:35

to mention it unstoppable. The.

6:38

Memory of that fierce solitude compared

6:40

to the put upon weariness that

6:42

she felt now at end of

6:44

the day. The.

6:46

Elevator in her office building was

6:49

broken so every trip up to

6:51

Accounting had been of for flight

6:53

slog reminding her of how difficult

6:55

it was to pull oneself through

6:58

a field of gravity with nothing

7:00

to bully the bodies. But.

7:04

Said. Naked Air. Back.

7:06

In the i see black of the

7:09

ocean floor, her body had been able

7:11

to pull at the space around her

7:13

like a cloth shit, know how to

7:15

hear through it, wrap it around her

7:18

and perch and swirl of it. The

7:20

world have been a palpable emptiness

7:23

that at any moment she could

7:25

spring out into. Like.

7:27

An arrow willing itself into flight,

7:30

And. Even though all of this was the

7:33

exact opposite of house he felt now hired

7:35

hot, the fabric of her blouse sticking to

7:37

the small of her back. It

7:39

was as is that strength and freedom

7:42

because it belonged to her once was

7:44

hers forever. And.

7:46

Maybe it was the urgency of that feeling that

7:48

caused her to lean over the table. At

7:51

the Cafe Now. And. Touch

7:53

her husband's arm expanding her concessions

7:56

to explain that she had been

7:58

a creature of and. Couple

8:00

strength and violence sucking up

8:02

the cloudy remains a Pope's

8:05

bodies mvp caverns without light.

8:08

Her. Husband blink to small

8:10

trusting eyes. And. Was

8:13

almost ready to laugh until he saw the

8:15

stricken look on her face. When.

8:18

He. Said. Placing: Her

8:20

hand on his teeth. We're here now.

8:24

She tugged his ear before taking

8:26

back her hand. She.

8:28

Was grateful for those words. But.

8:31

The truth was behind your own

8:33

insistence that one's past life had

8:35

no bearing on the present was

8:38

the lurking fear that perhaps it

8:40

did. When she was

8:42

younger, she loved a man who attributed

8:44

his fear of thunderstorms to the fact

8:46

that he wants been a golden. Retriever.

8:52

Her father had been some long extinct

8:54

species of waiting birth, and when he

8:57

wasn't paying attention, he would sometimes draw

8:59

up his right leg to stand

9:01

on one foot. Her

9:05

mother had been the fantail goldfish

9:07

and the gilded table aquarium of

9:09

seventeenth century French aristocrat and now

9:11

whenever she swam in the family's

9:13

backyard pool, she had a way

9:15

of darting down from the surface

9:17

of the water with an awkward

9:19

but powerful waggle of her backside.

9:23

These echoes of former lives

9:25

troubled her. Because.

9:27

Her clear his memory of her existence

9:29

as a monster more than her strength.

9:32

Had. Been her pure in all

9:34

consuming selfishness. So. Well,

9:36

the sight of her grandfather standing with

9:39

a cup of coffee and flannel trousers

9:41

and the kids in his right foot

9:43

resting unselfconsciously on the size his left

9:45

leg was seen as charming to those

9:47

that knew him. To. Her.

9:50

It was an indictment against her. Deepest

9:52

Nature. Sitting.

9:55

Alone in her apartment, holding a book

9:57

in her lap, she was sometimes exhilarated

9:59

by the. Memory of all that

10:01

pussy and solitude. The.

10:03

Book she was only pretending to read

10:05

would start to feel lighter. Fc

10:08

let it go with would have begun

10:10

to float. For heart pounding,

10:12

she would seek herself out of it, reaching

10:14

for her phone to call a friend, or

10:17

text some small things to her husband in

10:19

an effort to pull herself back up to

10:21

the present. These. Feelings

10:23

of the past off so much stronger

10:25

that her simple love for for friends

10:27

and family. And

10:30

even her husband. That.

10:32

She was. So. Often sick with

10:34

dread that perhaps the memory of her

10:37

selfishness was more wheels and for love.

10:39

whenever. Has been spontaneously declared his

10:42

affection for her as was his tendency.

10:45

She would let her pleasure at his

10:47

sentiment be doubled by the question of

10:49

how much happier would have made her

10:51

if she were not secretly and more

10:53

truly a monster buried beneath the ocean.

10:56

She. Was she told herself and imposter.

10:59

Only going through the motions of affections

11:01

that weren't really her own, but the

11:03

product of a here and now that

11:05

was so oppressively complex and befuddling to

11:08

resist. She was quiet

11:10

throughout the rest of dinner. And

11:12

in their bed at night she put

11:14

herself through the dark and into her

11:17

husband's arms were see wet and apologized.

11:20

He. Asked her what she was apologizing for

11:22

but to held her when she couldn't explain

11:24

it. Crying. In

11:26

his arms she thought of how vulnerable he must

11:28

have been in his life as a sardine. And

11:32

Sultan over powering need to protect

11:34

him scooped him up in her

11:36

hands little fish and hold him

11:39

to her chest. She

11:41

thought as a pleading with yourself,

11:43

of course I love him. She

11:45

possibly proud of that. love. defiance.

11:48

Recalling her strains confession at dinner, her

11:51

husband thought he finally understood and gave

11:53

her shoulders. Squeeze. It

11:56

must have been. lonely

12:00

He said, being a sea monster, at

12:03

least we sardines had each other. She

12:08

had to hold back a sob as she said,

12:10

I would have eaten you all

12:13

if I had the chance. To

12:18

her surprise, this made her husband

12:20

laugh. I

12:23

don't think so, he said. My

12:25

school was fast. And

12:28

we could all change directions at the

12:31

same time. And I'm still not sure how

12:33

we did it. The

12:35

two argued about whether or not she'd been fast

12:37

enough to catch him until she finally joined him

12:39

in his laughter and gently bit

12:41

his shoulders, wrapping her

12:44

legs around him as she did so. If

12:47

her legs had turned into tentacles in that moment, she

12:50

didn't think it would have surprised him in the

12:52

least. She may

12:54

have never said the word sea monsters to

12:56

him, but everything of importance

12:58

he already seemed to know. If

13:01

she had once been immense and

13:03

ruthless, he had been small and

13:05

quick. Just like that,

13:07

her old solitude seemed harmless, one

13:10

form of life among many. The

13:13

two fell asleep and were drawn into the memories of

13:15

their former lives, as was common

13:18

for dreamers. Already she was

13:20

thousands of miles away, but still

13:22

could perceive her husband's twitching as

13:24

he slept. In his

13:26

part of the ocean, he was darting

13:28

giddy with panic, snapping his way with

13:32

his school. Meanwhile,

13:35

she unfurled herself on the

13:37

ocean floor, giving herself space,

13:41

her countless limbs spreading and

13:43

undulating in preparation of something

13:45

powerful and mysterious. Natasha

14:06

Rothwell performs Seth Freed's Z-Monster.

14:08

I'm Meg Wallitzer. I

14:10

love the way Freed makes the extraordinary ordinary

14:12

in this story. The concept of

14:15

people inhabiting other life forms is mentioned

14:17

in a deadpan and casual way. But

14:20

we're not deadpan at all, hearing it. And

14:23

in fact, we get an open thrill imagining ourselves

14:25

as something other. I remember

14:27

being really young and realizing that this

14:29

person I was, the way I

14:31

felt, the way I saw the world, was going

14:33

to be it forever. Wow, that

14:35

was a blow. But maybe I had

14:38

it wrong all that time and Seth Freed

14:40

has it right. How do

14:42

we know we're not surrounded by schools of fish

14:44

every day? At the coffee shop or

14:46

the laundromat or while waiting for the elevator

14:49

or listening to a radio show or podcast? Our

14:52

second story comes from selected shorts

14:55

recently published anthology, Small Odysseys. It's

14:58

a collection of newly commissioned stories from some

15:00

of our favorite writers. Mira

15:02

Jacob is a novelist, memoirist, and cultural

15:05

critic. Her graphic memoir, Good Talk, was

15:07

shortlisted for the National Book Critics Circle

15:09

Award, and she's also the author of

15:11

the novel, The Sleepwalkers Guide to Dancing.

15:14

In Death by Printer, she brings us a story

15:16

that's familiar, pointing out our dependence

15:19

on technology and our haplessness when it fails.

15:22

And then the story reveals itself as

15:24

a tale about change, acceptance, and something

15:26

just beyond either. Reader

15:28

Rita Wolf has voiced many narratives for us.

15:31

She's a Royal Court Theater alum

15:33

whose stage work stateside has included

15:36

Homebody Kabul, Stuff Happens, and

15:38

An Ordinary Muslim. Her

15:40

film work includes Stephen Freer's My Beautiful

15:42

Laundrette. Here she is with Death by

15:44

Printer. The

15:53

first time she finds Carrie Fix-It 303

15:56

on YouTube, Chilpa is near

15:58

tears. Chemicals think

16:00

of her jams Prince or Burns the F

16:02

and for a moment she hopes this is

16:04

it. The. Moment. You'll begin

16:06

to die in earnest. That.

16:09

In two years some pinch I'd

16:11

medical examiner were white sounds, metastatic

16:13

lung cancer and and seventy more

16:15

people at dinner. Parties will

16:17

mon. They used printing

16:20

cartridges back then sat

16:22

for their dumber earlier.

16:24

Animal cells. Stealing.

16:26

My death is it. She has asthma

16:29

safe because this is the first survival

16:31

skills shop has mastered. In the

16:33

months since or weiss a thirty years

16:35

died, the ability to hear things as

16:37

much hasn't said. Her. Second

16:39

survival skill is never saying anything

16:41

bad. Smith would know

16:44

how to fix the printer. How

16:46

To Save the her. It's like this: How

16:48

to stop the live wire of ants in

16:50

the pantry? Shilpa only

16:53

knows how to google. And

16:55

clicks on one of five videos the

16:57

come up when she searches Epson Seven

17:00

Twenty Printer jam. The

17:02

high sticky child's voice startles her.

17:05

House and Harrys and I said

17:07

things if you're absent hp seven

17:09

twenty assumed. Watch This video.

17:13

On the screen of flashing

17:15

printer exactly like hers, the

17:17

camera wobbles as if held

17:19

by address. To make the

17:21

paper come out Do like this. Small

17:24

fingers press two buttons near the

17:26

top shelf as quints for. How.

17:28

Long for a long long long

17:30

long time The boy says. Shilpa.

17:33

Pauses the video. Walk. To

17:35

the printer, pushes the buttons, She.

17:38

Thinks about how. In

17:40

the end, she held down the morphine.

17:43

Drip for whole minutes. As a

17:45

smart nast hating the nurse who

17:47

said it was unnecessary that doses

17:49

were times and your sister is

17:51

getting which he needs. The.

17:53

Prince or Beeps. Make. So

17:55

whirring noise and from some deep

17:57

crevice produces a crumpled see the.

18:00

It sits in the tray miraculous as

18:03

a newborn. Silva blinks at

18:05

it, prize rising painfully and her

18:07

chest. It's. Been so long

18:10

since she six anything. She.

18:12

Walked straight out of the room makes the real

18:14

dinner. And takes a back to try to

18:16

make the ceiling last but later as she

18:19

hears low laughter from the apartment next door.

18:21

She remembers the last time she tried to

18:24

touch her wife. As

18:26

much dry grimace. Her own

18:28

hasty retreat. how they disappeared into

18:30

their phones. After. The

18:33

soup his family she is sure

18:35

would have been vindicated at last.

18:37

Lot better face for the daughter

18:39

who chose and berkeley over ten

18:42

eyes. that's useless Muslim woman over

18:44

all of them. Silva gets

18:46

up, goes. Down the hall turns on

18:48

the light, The. Paper is still

18:51

there. The. Video Frozen She

18:53

hits play and the view spins

18:55

to a boy's face. He looks

18:57

tennis. All freckles and

18:59

gums see fixed. He smiles.

19:02

Antares and I fix things.

19:04

Thanks for watching. Subscribed

19:07

to Terry Six it's real.

19:09

Three for more the screen

19:11

process Super Snorts Subscribe to

19:13

What a Quick finds Twelve

19:15

more videos among them. How

19:18

to unlock the bathroom door from

19:20

the outside. How to

19:22

get chocolate off the couch? How

19:24

to order a Subway. How.

19:26

To vacuum a vacuum single digits

19:28

fuse the last posted over four

19:31

years ago. She subscribes. To.

19:34

Say nicer ice cream night's. Show.

19:37

Persists in the car outside Seven Elevens

19:39

scanning for former students or worse, couple

19:42

friends who might feel compelled to invite

19:44

her to dinner like he was the

19:46

one everyone likes of one who could

19:48

explain titans underground ocean or how we

19:50

only see stars as they existed in

19:53

the past because of how long it

19:55

takes their lights reaches. People.

19:57

Like you. estimate insist

20:00

Shilpa leaves the car. Inside

20:02

she finds her pint of pistachio and

20:05

almost runs into the large man wearing

20:07

an Orbit Zone sweatshirt. Greg,

20:09

she says. At

20:11

the funeral Asmat's boss had given

20:14

a speech about Asmat's giddiness on

20:16

launch days, her contagious laugh. Now

20:19

he looks confused. I'm

20:22

Asmat Hassan's shilpy, he went, says.

20:24

Of course, good to see you.

20:27

You too, she says. Unsure. Greg

20:30

looks older to her. Blurrier.

20:33

How are Catherine and the boys? Fine,

20:36

he swallows. Good. Well,

20:38

tell him. I said, she left me. What?

20:42

Shilpa smiles, hoping he's joking.

20:45

Greg's face turns pink, then pinker. Catherine.

20:49

Last month. I'm

20:51

sorry. Oh, it's, you know. Shilpa

20:56

doesn't know. She doesn't want to know. Still,

20:59

she hears about the college ex-boyfriend,

21:01

the not really work trip, the

21:03

boys petitioning to live with him.

21:06

Damn, Facebook. Greg growls

21:08

and she realizes he's drunk. I

21:12

should go, she says. Sure, sure,

21:14

you know. Well, well, well, I

21:16

hope, but she doesn't hear

21:18

what he hopes. So she walks quickly to

21:20

the cashier and then to her car where

21:23

the carton rolls across the passenger seat as

21:25

she hurries home. How

21:27

to change a light bulb is up first.

21:30

Shilpa watches five seconds of Terry Fix-It 303

21:32

hovering over a socket

21:34

before clicking out. How

21:36

to unlock the bathroom door

21:39

from the outside is next

21:41

and oddly satisfying. Her

21:43

breath whooshing out as the boy pops the

21:45

latch with a Starbucks card. In

21:49

How to Do the Laundry,

21:51

he insists OxiClean gets out

21:53

everything, smiling like a paid

21:55

idiot. She buys some

21:57

the next day, stopping at Subway on her way

21:59

home. Where the

22:01

grim teen asking, bread, almost

22:04

undoes her before she remembers. Terry fix it

22:06

303 saying, all

22:08

it is is a bunch of choices. She

22:11

eats the sum of hers in the parking lot. Soon

22:14

she doesn't even watch the videos, but listens

22:17

to them on a constant loop. Terry

22:20

fix it 303 babbling from her

22:22

home office as she makes dinner,

22:24

folds her underwear, brushes her teeth.

22:27

Nights she can't sleep. She plays

22:29

how to clean under the bed

22:32

until the stars through her blinds grow

22:34

soft. A month later she's chopping

22:37

garlic when she hears the sound of burglars

22:39

breaking in. The noise comes from the back

22:41

of the apartment, a tumult of shuffling and

22:43

shushing. She'll put grips her knife. Bro,

22:46

she hears then giggling, hold the

22:48

camera still. She turns her

22:50

head slowly to look down the hall. The

22:53

computer screen flickers in her home office.

22:55

She puts down the knife feeling foolish.

22:59

Terry fix it 303 is

23:01

four years older in the newly uploaded

23:03

video. It's strange to

23:05

see him on a park bench. Dinner,

23:09

greasier. In his hands

23:11

a small folded piece of paper. Someone

23:14

else holds the camera. Thank

23:16

you to my one subscriber for

23:18

subscribing, he says. Then

23:20

squeals, I'm Terry and

23:22

I've fixed things. The camera holder

23:25

guffaws, Shilpa flinches. Terry

23:27

fix it 303 pinches from a

23:29

baggy in his lap and smiles

23:32

hard into the lens. This,

23:34

he says, is how

23:36

to roll a J. That

23:40

night Shilpa cannot sleep. She

23:43

shouldn't have watched the whole video, but

23:45

she had wanted to, she supposes, to see

23:47

how he'd changed. The funny

23:49

part was that he hadn't really. His

23:52

face blooming with light as he explained

23:54

grinders, indica, how

23:57

to roll a perfect cylinder of something called.

24:00

Humbalt-Kush. It

24:02

was the end, though, that got her. Hope

24:04

this helps you sleep, Shilpa. Mat,

24:07

he'd said, blowing a plume of white,

24:10

and she'd crimsoned while he laughed. It

24:13

shouldn't have even mattered to her. It wouldn't have

24:15

mattered to Asmat. Some strange

24:17

boy turning into a smoking teenager

24:19

was hardly a tragedy. Still,

24:22

she churns with the memory of their names

24:24

on his lips. Butchers but

24:27

together, said aloud

24:29

for anyone to hear the

24:31

blessing of it. You

24:33

should sleep, Asmat says.

24:36

She cannot. The cardboard box

24:38

sits in the closet, filled with

24:41

things she hadn't known how to dispose of.

24:44

Asmat's diplomas, her

24:46

favorite scarf, the fancy vape

24:48

they bought her for chemo, the

24:50

rolling papers she'd preferred, the

24:52

bud suspended in a clear plastic

24:54

box. Shilpa cracks

24:57

the lid, and her wife

24:59

comes back to her swiftly. Her

25:02

big teeth, her thighs,

25:05

the smell of sandalwood between them.

25:08

She remembers their first kiss in

25:10

college, finding Asmat's mouth with her

25:13

own in the darkened stacks. How

25:16

it felt like finding a revolution,

25:19

an American college, a Pakistan, a

25:22

funny girl. A

25:24

kiss she told herself wasn't a kiss, even

25:26

when they didn't stop. Her

25:29

first step toward a life so good and

25:32

impossible, she thought it might

25:35

belong to someone else. Back

25:38

in her home office, she plays the video

25:40

with the sound off. She

25:42

watches Terry fix it 303's hands and

25:45

moves her own. Her

25:47

first attempt falls apart, her second too.

25:50

Her third comes out a pouchy worm,

25:52

too wet where her spit seals it,

25:55

but she likes it anyway, holding a

25:57

scratch of smoke as the boy mouths

25:59

Shilpa. Matt. Asmat,

26:01

she corrects loudly and jumps. Her

26:05

wife's name moves through the smoke, and

26:07

suddenly the room is alive with

26:10

all the things Shilpa wants to tell her. How

26:13

proud she was to be the revolution

26:15

with Asmat. How

26:17

hollow it feels without her. How Greg

26:19

and Catherine have split up. How

26:21

the bread at Subway smells like feet but

26:23

doesn't taste like them. How

26:26

the best part of how to vacuum a

26:28

vacuum is watching a thing fix itself.

26:32

How sometimes she thinks Terry Fix-It 303 is

26:34

her very own North Star. The

26:39

life from his videos leaving all

26:42

those years ago to find her. Read

26:59

a Wolf performed Mira Jacobs Death by

27:01

Printer. I'm Meg Walitzer. This

27:04

story beautifully melds the spiritual with the

27:06

practical. We can feel Shilpa

27:08

remaking herself around her relationship to her

27:10

space and the absence but still the

27:12

presence of her wife. We

27:15

talked with Wolf backstage at Symphony Space about

27:17

how she approached the reading. As

27:21

an actor who did not train

27:23

anywhere, I don't have a theater training.

27:26

I have learned such an incredible

27:28

amount from the eclectic

27:32

group that read

27:34

in any given selected shorts event. In

27:37

today's piece, I read the piece first of

27:39

all, and I make sure that I do

27:41

my homework with pronunciation. But

27:44

then I see, okay, how many

27:46

actual characters are there in this?

27:49

Sometimes writers will mark

27:52

the difference between narrative and

27:54

character, and sometimes they won't. So

27:56

then it's up to the actor to find that. things

28:00

like 10's past present future, is it all

28:02

written in one period or is

28:04

it, are you flashing back, are you

28:06

flashing forward? So those kinds of things

28:08

I always try and get straight because

28:10

it's not a good one to be

28:12

hit with after the fact. It all

28:15

happens so quickly, it's there and it's

28:17

gone. That was Rita

28:19

Wolf speaking to us backstage at Symphony Space.

28:22

When we return, growing old

28:24

gracefully. You're listening to Selected

28:26

Shorts, recorded live in performance at Symphony

28:28

Space in New York City and at

28:30

other venues nationwide. Time

28:59

for a quick break to talk about McDonald's. Wake up and

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bagelize. Get your taste buds ready

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for McDonald's breakfast bagel sandwiches. Now

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just $3 only on the app. Choose

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ahead on the app. Hurry and seize this

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breakfast steal before it's gone. Offer

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Vela one time daily March 11th through April 7th, 2024 participating

29:29

McDonald's. Must opt into rewards. Welcome

29:50

back. This is Selected Shorts where our

29:52

greatest actors transport us through the magic

29:55

of fiction, one short story at a

29:57

time. I'm Meg Wolitzer. You.

30:00

Too can be part of the selected

30:02

shorts family and can see the actors

30:04

and here the gasps and laughter. Live

30:07

in a theater near you. While

30:09

most of our stories are recorded, At our home

30:11

theater of Symphony Space in New York City.

30:14

Every year we pack our bags and take

30:16

the show on the road. We.

30:18

Go coast to coast to find fresh

30:20

audiences for our live show and we'd

30:22

love to include you. This. April

30:24

we're headed to the Irvine Berkley

30:26

Theater in California, the Field Arts

30:28

and Event Hall in Port Angeles,

30:30

Washington and To. University at Albany in

30:33

New York State. We're. Hitting

30:35

the road with actors including Joanna

30:37

Gleason, Laura Harden, Richard Kind, and

30:39

more. We hope to see you

30:41

there! To. See the current

30:43

lineup of selected short states on the

30:45

road and at our home theater of

30:47

Symphony Space. Had to selected shorts.org for

30:49

the latest tour dates and ticket information.

30:52

Oh, and while you're there, subscribe to our

30:54

podcast where you'll. Also find bonus

30:56

episodes. And backstage conversations with actors who

30:59

perform in the shoe. If you like

31:01

what you hear, please write a review

31:03

and tell your friends how much you

31:05

love selected shorts. Are.

31:08

Final story about embracing transformation

31:10

and change is another work

31:13

from Small Odyssey's. It's

31:15

by a Writer has been a part of our

31:17

literary family for most of her writing career. Miley

31:19

Malloy. She's. The author of

31:21

novels including Do Not Become Alarmed and

31:24

the short story collections Half in Love

31:26

and Both Ways Is The Only Way

31:28

I wanted. In

31:30

the Story period piece. The

31:32

transformation experience by the central character

31:34

touches beautifully on an essential topic

31:36

that's been gone over a lot

31:38

in women's magazines. A. Woman

31:40

begins to come to terms her

31:43

terms with aging. A

31:45

Reader: Kelli O'hara is a musical

31:47

theater sensation whose many credits. Include

31:49

Kiss Me Kate and The King and I. She.

31:52

Can currently be seen on H B O. The

31:55

Gilded Age. So she's used to

31:57

creating strong. Women characters charting their

31:59

own course. He. Or she

32:01

is with period piece. The.

32:12

Fires had already started before the

32:14

wedding began. Power. Without

32:16

Up and down. the coast and the

32:18

air had a smoky hayes, but the

32:20

hotel looking over the Pacific had a

32:22

generator and every one said it was

32:24

fine. The fires were farther away. It

32:27

was California. It was normal. The

32:30

wedding was for a much younger colleague and

32:33

lies ahead gone alone. The story was

32:35

that her husband Russell had to work and

32:37

stay with Jasper and the dog which

32:39

was true but also he would have made

32:41

her self conscious is he'd came. There

32:44

would be too many in jokes about

32:46

work and there would be the drunkenness

32:48

of the very young lies. His own

32:50

parents had divorced when she was thirteen,

32:52

leaving her with just in a safe

32:54

and the institutions has tried herself. but

32:56

not enough to. Believe. It could work for

32:59

anyone else. She

33:01

had stayed in dance for a while until

33:03

a young cousin of the bride said i

33:05

can't believe you're still here with I was.

33:08

And then lies or had come to

33:10

her senses and walked barefoot back to

33:13

her room in the dark carrying her

33:15

strappy sandals. There was a faint orange

33:17

glow beyond the ridge on her last

33:19

and the black ocean stretching out on

33:21

her right. She went to sleep and

33:23

woke an hour later to her phones

33:25

making a strange. Noise. She

33:28

couldn't read the message without her

33:30

glasses, so she got up stumbling

33:32

through the unfamiliar hotel room looking

33:34

for her bag for vision. Wasn't

33:37

bad enough yet to make her

33:39

keep her glasses nearby. She stub

33:41

your toe on a chair and

33:43

swore. Then she reached into this

33:45

familiar deaths of the bag past

33:47

the wallet, the lip sunscreen, the

33:49

wedding invitations. When she put the

33:52

glasses on, she could read her

33:54

phone, mandatory evacuation zone, and then

33:56

some confusing parameters. She called

33:58

the bride who's somehow pick. That from

34:00

the dance floor as Stevie Wonder. Song

34:02

was playing. Where. Was she keeping

34:04

her phone and her dress? We're fine. The

34:07

bride said you look at the map, the

34:09

mandatory zone those out to a tiny point

34:11

on the coasts and were in the point

34:13

they're being overcome. This is getting people out

34:16

of the way. You can totally leave tomorrow.

34:19

Why? The stood in the hotel room thinking

34:21

about risks he had taken in her

34:23

life. There wasn't much time to think

34:25

about all of them, just a quick

34:27

highlight reel of motorcycles and drunks and

34:29

water crashing over her head. And then

34:31

she said. I'm going to

34:34

the airport. Does anybody need a ride? She.

34:36

Listened to the bride call out the

34:38

question over the dance floor and the

34:40

cheerful voice came back know all their

34:43

de ses saliva pulled on or jeans

34:45

and scepter. flowing dress and sandals into

34:47

her bag. She looked at the evacuation

34:49

map again and then she got into

34:51

the rental car from the parking lot.

34:53

Sick of here? The wedding. Uptown.

34:56

Funk was playing Girls It to

34:58

Hallelujah and the girls were singing

35:00

along with us. The

35:03

road with marrow and winding and moonless

35:05

and the local radio station has survivalists

35:07

calling in people who'd prepared for fires

35:09

who seemed kind of happy about them

35:11

so low as it. Turned. It off. She

35:15

was sweating as he drove. She'd but

35:17

three new comforters in the last two

35:19

years thinking none of them could regulate

35:21

heat. She'd start out to cold at

35:24

bed time that by morning she would

35:26

have themselves off and see. Bought a

35:28

band? They do they a silk one

35:30

awaited. Blink is it promised to suit

35:32

her anxiety for fear. Her

35:35

rage? Nothing worked. Than.

35:37

Her friend Caroline showed her a picture on. Her

35:39

phone. It. Was a grass. Running

35:42

from left to right along the axis of

35:44

time. It started out

35:46

fairly even before marching steeply a

35:48

pill and then turning into a

35:51

child's furious scribbles, a polygraph tests

35:53

taken by a bad liar or

35:55

the passive someone doing aerial tracks

35:58

and a plane. The line

36:00

with ten years older and she was lies is.

36:02

Virgil. Her guide to

36:04

the unknown? a guy who sometimes

36:07

rolled her eyes at lasers obliviousness.

36:10

Here's what's your hormones are doing. Caroline's

36:12

have said they start up pretty even.

36:15

See here, they peak. That's when people

36:17

want babies. After that, they just go

36:19

nuts jumping up and down. That makes

36:21

you feel insane. It makes you want

36:24

to destroy your lies. Lies.

36:26

A had shown the diagram to Russell

36:28

on the subway. Russell had plants that

36:30

are phone and said that seems about

36:32

right. That's

36:35

so redemptive lies ahead. Said I am

36:37

not my. Hormones. Okay,

36:39

Russell said just for had been

36:41

wearing his headphones the side them.

36:43

He was maybe only half listening,

36:45

but he was nine. He was

36:47

always listening. When. Lies the

36:49

swore in front of him and apologized.

36:51

He said i know all the bad

36:53

words mom, I just don't use them.

36:57

Caroline. Had given her the name of

36:59

a clinic and lies a went on Halloween

37:01

the only day she could get an appointment.

37:03

A young doctor dressed as her my he.

37:05

From Harry Potter. Told

37:07

her about a drug for restless

37:09

leg syndrome that also seem to

37:11

control hot flashes. I thought restless

37:13

leg syndrome was made up later.

37:15

said yes hi to the doctor

37:17

for mine. He said that the

37:19

medication might let you sleep without

37:21

sweating through all the covers a

37:23

little. What about hormone therapy lies

37:25

ahead? Astor for mine. He tilted

37:27

her head and consideration. How

37:29

did you feel about that? grass? Your friend

37:32

showed you see us. Lies.

37:34

A thought for a moment and then said. It.

37:37

Made me remember that once

37:39

when the line with flat

37:42

all I cared about was

37:44

swimming and books. And.

37:46

Horses and dogs. And

37:49

I was really happy. And

37:52

then around the point where

37:54

the grass start spiking, I

37:56

started doing stupid stuff for

37:58

men. Like

38:00

seriously Stupid. And

38:03

right now I feel completely insane

38:05

and ready to burn it. All

38:07

down. Like. Leave my

38:09

family. Like. Have an affair. Not

38:11

not that I have a candidate. I'd

38:13

be really happy for that scribble to

38:15

just flatline again. So. I

38:17

wouldn't care about anything but

38:20

swimming and books. And to.

38:24

Her mind he said yeah yeah I think

38:26

you're gonna like the other side. Honestly, it

38:28

might be better to the power through and

38:30

get it over with. And

38:32

think about this. Pills for the sweating. And.

38:35

The pills worked, but she'd forgotten to

38:37

bring them to the wedding. She remembered

38:39

her reading glasses and her noise canceling

38:41

headphones for the plane seed, remembered her

38:43

blister, band aids, and case the sandals

38:45

killed her seats. But this was her

38:47

first trip since getting the prescription and

38:49

she didn't yet have the habit of

38:51

packing it. So now the color of

38:53

her t shirt was damned and the

38:55

back of her knees. California was on

38:57

fire because no one in power believed

38:59

in climate change and she had a

39:01

nine year old at home and she

39:03

was once again filled with rage. It

39:07

made her want to scream. She

39:09

wanted a solution beyond a drug

39:11

for a syndrome that might not

39:13

even exist. A drug she had

39:16

failed to bring with her. The

39:19

winding road finally took her to the

39:21

freeway and safely around the evacuation zone

39:24

to the airport. No one else seems

39:26

to be fleeing. Everything seemed com at

39:28

Sf. Oh, she slept in the terminal,

39:30

lying on the floor against the windows

39:33

with her head on her bag. She

39:35

woke from a dream about trying to

39:37

escape from a collapsing house. but at

39:39

least she wasn't sweating. So.

39:42

Maybe this was the answer? Sleep on

39:44

the hard floor under a light jacket.

39:46

But the hit she had slept on.

39:48

Solstice and bruised and she walks around

39:50

the airport until it's time for her

39:52

flight, steering her rolling back beside her.

39:55

On the planes, the overhead bin was full and

39:57

a man was in the aisle seat of her.

40:00

row, talking on his phone. She

40:02

found another bin. When she

40:04

got the man's attention, he stood, aggrieved,

40:07

to let her into the middle seat. Then

40:10

he dropped back down. He kept his elbow on

40:12

the armrest, and his legs spread. Liza

40:14

caught the eye of the tiny woman in the window seat

40:16

who had her small bag beneath the seat in front of

40:18

her. Yeah, the man was saying

40:21

on the phone, it's just a bridge loan until

40:23

the financing comes through. No, no, yeah. There's

40:25

some chance of losing it, but it's pretty small. I

40:28

think it's a safe bet. Right, sure.

40:31

Liza sat thinking about whether men, white

40:33

men, her age and older,

40:36

had gotten worse. It

40:39

seemed like there was an urgency that came

40:41

with the fear that their world domination might

40:43

come to an end. It

40:46

made them primitive, rude,

40:48

aggressive, determined to

40:51

take up as much space as possible.

40:54

Something visceral in this man wanted to

40:56

elbow everyone else out of the way.

40:59

He objected to the loss of power. He

41:01

wasn't going to cede the armrest without a fight.

41:05

When the plane landed, he took his things down

41:07

from the overhead bin and stood blocking the aisle,

41:10

letting no one else stand. Liza

41:13

stood on the curb at JFK in a

41:15

haze of cigarette smoke and exhaust. Russell

41:18

had rented a car and taken Jasper and the dog

41:20

to his brother's house on Long Island for the weekend,

41:22

so they picked her up on the way home. It

41:26

was a nice thing. But she

41:28

was still furious at the man on the plane, and

41:30

she told herself not to take out her anger on

41:32

Russell. He was

41:34

generous and kind. He

41:37

had blind spots, but so did she. Then

41:40

why was she seething, unable

41:43

to speak? He

41:45

lifted her rolling bag into the trunk, and she

41:47

buckled herself into the passenger seat. She

41:50

turned to smile at Jasper in the back, trying

41:52

to keep her voice

41:54

light, warm, cheerful. Hey, kiddo,

41:56

she said. Hi,

41:58

he said. fire?

42:00

No, she said. It

42:03

wasn't that close to the wedding. Everyone else stayed

42:05

and danced. Jasper

42:07

nodded and went back to reading his book. Solley

42:10

wriggled his way from the backseat into her

42:12

lap, tail wagging with happiness and licked her

42:14

ears. Liza put

42:17

her arms around him and blinked to

42:19

keep from crying. Russell

42:21

got into the car and pulled out into the fray.

42:25

Caroline had said sex would become a problem,

42:27

but they didn't need to talk about it

42:30

until the time came. There wasn't

42:32

any reason to go into all that yet. Liza

42:35

had protested. She said, now you're scaring me.

42:37

Just tell me. Caroline had

42:39

shaken her head and said they would deal with it later.

42:43

Now Liza thought Caroline was right. She

42:46

didn't need to know how bad it might get. Russell

42:50

jockeyed for position in the traffic, like

42:52

everyone in the city, on the street,

42:54

on the sidewalk, on the subway, in

42:56

schools, in housing, at work.

42:58

So many people wanting the same

43:00

things. Liza

43:03

closed her eyes and leaned against the window,

43:06

and they got home to an unseasonably

43:08

warm Sunday afternoon. Sun

43:10

through the windows, leftover bagels Russell had

43:12

brought back from his brothers. Liza

43:15

stretching out on the couch with a

43:17

middle grade novel manuscript she was editing.

43:20

But she didn't start. She just listened

43:23

to the sounds of the apartment. Jasper

43:26

lay on his stomach on the rug beside her. He was

43:29

writing a graphic novel about a boy and

43:31

his pet robot, an assignment from

43:33

his fourth grade teacher. Sally had

43:35

curled up beside him. Can

43:38

you read your book when it's finished? Liza asked him.

43:40

No, Jasper said. Or yes,

43:43

but I want positive feedback only,

43:45

please. That's

43:48

not how feedback works, she said. If something

43:50

confuses a reader, that helps you to make

43:52

it better. Okay, then you don't have to

43:54

read it, he said. Liza

43:56

thought about arguing the point further, then decided

43:59

against it. She reached for her

44:01

reading glasses to do her own work. She'd

44:04

always had good vision, and for

44:06

a while she thought there just weren't any

44:08

books she liked lately, and that the new

44:10

skin cream she was using was kind of

44:12

miraculous. One

44:15

morning, a few months ago, she turned to Russell in the bathroom

44:17

and said, Are you seeing this?

44:20

She pointed to her face, All these little smile

44:22

lines are just gone. Russell

44:25

had given a kind of shrugging assent. She'd

44:28

bought more of the skin cream before

44:30

telling Caroline that Instagram had gotten

44:32

more interesting than novels, and

44:35

Caroline had handed her own glasses over, saying,

44:38

Put them on. So

44:41

Liza did, and it all became clear. Even

44:44

Instagram was better when you could see it. She

44:48

finished the first chapter of the manuscript, making

44:50

sure to include positive feedback. Sally

44:53

plopped his head on her stomach and gazed at her,

44:55

hopefully, so she got up to take him to the

44:57

park. In the

44:59

park, Jasper dashed ahead and Sally on the

45:01

leash danced with gratitude beside her. Liza

45:04

had made herself essential to these three

45:07

male characters. She fed them

45:09

mostly and found their lost items and

45:11

kept their calendars and their stashes of

45:13

treats. But which had come first?

45:16

Their need or hers to

45:19

be needed? And

45:21

what to do when their dependency made

45:23

her insane and

45:25

resentful? She

45:28

refocused on the joy and the dog's

45:31

dancing steps, on Jasper's bright shout over

45:33

his shoulder, on the sun on

45:35

her face. The

45:38

firefighters were gaining control in California. The

45:40

evacuation zone had shrunk. The bride had

45:42

been right. And

45:45

Liza was home. She

45:48

had everything she wanted. She

45:51

would make herself grateful. Her

45:55

phone rang with her mother's name on the screen, and she

45:57

picked it up, keeping an eye on Jasper, who had asked

45:59

to pet her. at someone's pug. He was

46:01

a good city child, carefully trained. Hey,

46:05

she said. I had

46:07

a dream about you, her mother said. Weren't you

46:09

in California with the fires? I

46:11

was, Liza said. I got an earlier flight

46:13

home. Oh, good, her mother said. A

46:17

toddler in a yellow coat ran out to

46:19

greet Solly, thrusting tiny hands into the dog's

46:21

face and Liza reeled in the leash. Solly

46:24

was gentle, but no one wants hands shoved in

46:26

their face. A nanny pulled

46:28

the toddler away and the nanny and Liza smiled

46:30

nervously at each other. Jasper wondered

46:32

ahead out of earshot. Hey,

46:36

when did you stop having periods? Liza

46:38

asked her mother on the phone. I

46:41

don't know, her mother said. Did you

46:44

sweat? Did you want to burn everything to the ground?

46:46

No, her mother said. Why?

46:49

So it

46:52

was just easy, no symptoms. Well,

46:55

I was taking birth control pills

46:57

and my doctor said I could just keep taking

46:59

them and it would see me through it. Oh,

47:02

Liza said. So when

47:04

did you stop? I

47:07

didn't. Liza

47:10

listened to the silence on the

47:12

line and thought about her mother's

47:15

dewy skin, her slim yoga body,

47:17

her apparent agelessness. What

47:19

do you mean you didn't? I

47:23

mean, I just kept taking them, her

47:25

mother said. They're very low dose, but

47:27

you're 70. Thank

47:30

you for reminding me, her mother said an edge

47:33

in her voice. You're taking

47:35

them now every day. They don't work if

47:37

you don't take them every day. Well,

47:40

where do you get them? In the mail. Isn't

47:44

there a breast cancer risk

47:46

or heart disease or something? That

47:49

breast cancer study was flawed. Her

47:51

mother said, anyway, my mother lived to be 100. Sea

47:54

levels are rising. Breast cancer is not

47:56

my worry. Mom, don't say

47:58

that. It's a jinx. Will.

48:01

You please talk to your doctor. There

48:05

is a brief silence and which lies. I

48:07

could feel her mother stubborn resistance find her

48:09

mother said. That she didn't mean it.

48:12

When. I got home restless shopping the tops

48:15

of little red and yellow peppers. My

48:17

mother is still taking birth control pills,

48:19

she said. Is. She sleeping

48:21

with someone cs love a look at.

48:23

I'm wondering if he was serious. She's

48:25

not in danger of getting pregnant. She

48:28

said she just didn't wanna go through

48:30

this thing and then she never stop

48:32

taking them. As when your

48:34

skin looks so good. Russell thought about

48:36

it. Does yes slices

48:38

said she like a vampire except

48:41

with estrogen and set of blood.

48:44

So with. Working Russell asked

48:47

unless it's giving her heart

48:49

disease. Oh Russell said Well,

48:51

he went back to facing

48:53

the peppers. Each one into

48:55

your mom does whatever she

48:57

wants. And that was true. In

49:01

the morning before school lies it'll jasper to

49:03

put himself a bowl of cereal. When she

49:05

got to the table, he was reading a

49:07

parenting book about why your children might enrage

49:09

you and how to deal with it. When

49:11

they did, the writer is talking about her

49:13

own kids just for said. And. It's

49:15

a super annoying. Or

49:17

maybe those kids know how lucky they really

49:20

are to have a mother has taught so

49:22

much about how to be a good mom

49:24

lives the said also she probably ask them

49:26

if it was okay. Just

49:29

for set the book down. Picked up a stone. The.

49:32

Kids really couldn't say now though. I'm

49:35

sure they could. Just.

49:37

For suckers had as as she didn't understand

49:39

the and of power. You

49:42

have your backpack, Csm and your homework. The

49:44

backpack was upstairs, the homework missing finally discovered

49:46

under the bed. then just for had to

49:48

pee and brush his teeth by the time

49:50

they got out of the house. They relate

49:52

why to ninjas always wear black just breast

49:54

as they dodge people on the sidewalk. So.

49:57

they can sneak up on people at night was a

49:59

said some confidence? Come on, we have to hurry.

50:02

But what about in the day? He asked. I

50:04

don't know. She said, maybe it's

50:06

just good to have a uniform. Then they don't

50:09

have to think about what to wear. She

50:12

thought about the ads for fancy scrubs

50:14

in the subway modeled by hot young

50:16

doctors and how she'd been tempted to

50:18

buy some lately. Ninja's

50:20

kind of wore scrubs. Jasper's

50:24

classroom was up five flights of stairs and

50:26

he and Liza did it in a run.

50:28

One of the aides frowned at

50:30

her for being late. She kissed

50:32

Jasper goodbye and saw him merge into

50:34

the classroom among the bright winter clothes

50:36

and the small sweet musty smelling heads.

50:39

He didn't look back. Then

50:41

she ran down the five flights across the street

50:43

and into the subway in her down coat. Just

50:46

as the train doors were closing, she slipped

50:48

into a car and looped her elbow around

50:50

a pole. She felt her upper

50:52

lips start to sweat. Here it

50:54

came, the unbearable heat.

50:57

At the same moment, with horror, she

51:00

felt her period start. That

51:03

telltale warm wetness. The

51:05

train hadn't started yet. She could just get to the

51:07

bathroom at her office. She could deal with the blood.

51:10

It felt like a lot.

51:13

She decided to take off her coat and tie it around

51:15

her waist to solve both problems at once. As

51:18

she got one arm free, she had a

51:20

flash of the bathroom in her middle school,

51:22

the shiny industrial green walls, her old pink

51:24

winter coat with the dirty sleeves. She

51:27

had to shift her bag to get the other

51:29

arm out of her sleeve. And as she did

51:31

so, the train jerked forward, throwing her face first

51:33

into the pole. A burst

51:36

of light blotted out her vision. She

51:38

thought she had broken her nose. She

51:40

got her arm back around the pole and felt her

51:42

face carefully. Her hand came away

51:45

wet and red. She

51:47

searched in her bag for a tissue as the

51:49

salty blood ran down her lip into her mouth.

51:51

Are you okay? A young woman near her asked.

51:54

The girl wore eyelash extensions so long

51:56

that they looked like dancing spider legs.

52:00

Then nodded, the pain still bright behind

52:02

her eyes. No, seriously, the young

52:04

woman said. Yes,

52:06

Liza said. I'm fine. The

52:09

car was not so crowded that anyone could

52:11

miss seeing what happened. Two youngish men sat

52:14

nearby in wool coats. They both looked studiously

52:16

at the floor. The shoulders of the smaller

52:18

guy shook helplessly. It's okay,

52:21

Liza told him as she held a tissue against

52:23

her nose. You can laugh. The

52:27

guy sneaked a look at her with a little smile. He

52:30

was handsome, with carefully maintained

52:33

stubble. Once

52:35

a guy like Kim would have flirted with her. Now

52:39

it was confusing. Was

52:41

the smile because she'd become ridiculous?

52:44

The cute vendor at the farmer's market who'd

52:46

said she could have one more item to

52:49

make it $20, any item, including him. Obviously

52:52

that was a sales technique, but was it a

52:54

flirty one? Or

52:56

was he just humoring her because she was

52:59

old? But

53:02

maybe being old would be good. Maybe

53:05

it would mean she could just do her work. For

53:08

the longest time, people thought she was too young

53:10

for her job. They questioned her, wanting

53:12

to know how she got it. Did her family

53:14

own the publishing company? But

53:17

now she realized that she would go seamlessly

53:19

from seeming too young for things to

53:21

seeming too old for them. Her

53:24

forehead throbbed. The

53:27

windows of the train were dark and blurry. She

53:29

found a mirror in her bag and saw a red mark

53:31

on her forehead where she'd hit the pole. She

53:34

also saw the vertical double wrinkle between her

53:36

eyebrows, the number 11 that had

53:39

disappeared on her friends who had Botox. She

53:42

contemplated it for a moment. On

53:45

her last visit to the dermatologist to make sure

53:47

she had no strange moles, the doctor

53:49

had pointed to the little 11 and said, you want to

53:51

do something about that? Liza

53:53

said no. She'd earned that frown.

53:57

She lowered the mirror to look at her nose, but the blood had

53:59

stopped. The

54:01

blood. Again, the flash

54:03

of middle school. Graffiti

54:05

on the bathroom walls, some

54:08

of it unsuccessfully scratched out. Shauna

54:10

eats used toilet paper. Room

54:12

of false privacy, of

54:15

humiliation and bafflement. She

54:17

put the mirror away and finished tying her jacket

54:20

around her sweating waist. People

54:22

on the train car had gone back to

54:24

their phones. The girl with the eyelashes was

54:26

looking at Instagram. A woman a

54:28

little older than Liza gave her a sympathetic smile.

54:32

Hello, my comrade. Liza

54:35

smiled back, ruefully. At

54:38

work, Liza went straight to the bathroom, jacket still

54:40

tied around her waist. No

54:42

one was in the stalls and she was grateful. She

54:45

hung her bag on the hook and shimmied down her

54:47

pants to see how bad the blood was. And

54:50

nothing was there. Her

54:53

underwear were as clean as they'd been as she'd taken

54:55

them from the drawer this morning. She

54:58

sat down to pee, relieved and

55:01

confused. Had the bleeding

55:03

feeling just been a phantom? Was

55:06

this a new symptom-y spike on the scribbled

55:08

graph? A tactile

55:10

hallucination? Hysterical menstruation?

55:12

A delusion? She didn't

55:14

want to be deluded. She

55:18

left the stall and splashed cold water on her face.

55:22

Her nose and forehead were still tender and she

55:24

leaned close to study the red mark on her

55:26

forehead. One of the young

55:28

publicists came in, high-heeled boots clicking on the

55:30

hard floor and heading to a stall without

55:33

making eye contact. There

55:35

was a clattering sound of toilet paper unrolling,

55:38

masking some human sound. Liza

55:41

dried her face with a paper towel, then

55:44

ran it over the back of her neck where

55:46

the sweat had evaporated. Swimming.

55:55

Dogs. Horses,

55:59

if applicable. Books. Definitely

56:02

books. All

56:09

right, then. I'm ready. Kelly

56:32

O'Hara performed Miley Malloy's Period Piece.

56:34

I'm Meg Walitzer. Actors

56:36

who perform here at Selected Shorts often

56:39

tell us that they look for personal meaning when

56:41

they prepare for their readings. Kelly

56:43

O'Hara says Period Piece really hit

56:45

home. I'll be

56:47

really honest. It really is about going

56:50

over that bridge between being a younger

56:52

woman and being an older woman, and it stabbed

56:55

me right in the heart. And that's why then

56:57

I knew I needed to read it. Because

56:59

every single part of it was

57:01

like reading something about myself. So that

57:05

was pretty impactful what writing can do to

57:08

put words to your thoughts. That

57:11

was Kelly O'Hara backstage at Symphony

57:13

Space. I agree with Kelly.

57:16

The stab in the heart is the moment you remember

57:18

in a short story or in life. Maybe

57:20

it's the moment when you realize that you're older

57:22

now and things have changed. Except

57:25

I have this feeling, and maybe some of you

57:27

have it too, that all the different parts of

57:29

my life, a little kid

57:31

reading Charlotte's Web, a teenager using clear asil,

57:33

a young adult in a club dancing to

57:36

the song Safety Dance, a grown

57:38

woman with a baby strapped to her back,

57:40

a middle-aged woman with regrets, an

57:42

older woman with fewer regrets because the things we

57:45

obsess about turn out not to matter as much

57:47

as we thought, all those

57:49

different segments of a person's life are

57:51

like wooden Russian nesting dolls. Our

57:54

current self is holding the previous selves

57:56

inside it. You know the way

57:58

everything is said to live forever on the end? internet.

58:01

I think the different parts of our evolving

58:03

selves live forever inside us too. They're

58:05

never entirely gone. I'm

58:08

Meg Wolitzer. Thanks for joining me for Selected

58:10

Shorts. Selected

58:20

Shorts is produced by Jennifer

58:22

Brennan, Jenny Falcon, and Sarah

58:24

Montague. Our team includes Matthew

58:26

Love, Drew Richardson, Mary Shimpkin,

58:28

Vivian Woodward, and Magdalene Roblesky. The

58:31

readings are recorded by Miles B.

58:33

Smith. Our theme music is

58:35

David Peterson's That's the Deal, performed by

58:37

the Dierdorf Peterson Group. Selected

58:39

Shorts is supported by the Dungannon

58:41

Foundation. This program is also made

58:44

possible with public funds from the New

58:46

York State Council on the Arts with

58:48

the support of Governor Kathy Hochul and

58:50

the New York State Legislature. Selected Shorts

58:52

is produced and distributed by somebody else.

59:17

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