0:01

Sergeant and Mrs. Smith, you're going to love

0:03

this house. Is that a tub

0:05

in the kitchen. There's no field

0:07

manual for finding the right home. but when

0:09

you do, USAA homeowners insurance can help

0:11

protect it the right way. restrictions

0:14

apply. Hi, Shorts

0:16

fans. It's me, Meg Walitzer, your host. If

0:19

you're in New York City on

0:21

February 13th, join me at Symphony Space,

0:23

where I'll be hosting something completely different

0:25

live and onstage. The perfect

0:28

pre-Valentine's day night in the form

0:30

of a literary and musical variety

0:32

show we're calling Everything But Dancing.

0:35

The show has singing by Suzy Roach and

0:37

Lucy Wainwright Roach, comedy by

0:39

Nagin Farsad, poetry by Evie Shockley,

0:41

short fiction by me, and a

0:43

couple of fabulous personal stories told

0:46

by the creative couple Roxanne Gay and Debbie

0:48

Millman. That's right, there will be no dancing.

0:50

If you were looking for dancing, you will

0:52

have to go somewhere else. But truly,

0:54

this is the place to be, whether in

0:56

person or on our livestream. Grab a friend

0:58

or partner and don't miss this popular event.

1:01

Go to symphoniespace.org for tickets and

1:03

more info. A

1:14

marriage might be seen as a simple

1:16

equation of love plus time. But

1:18

every union has its X factor,

1:20

like lust or kids or spouses

1:23

from alternate dimensions. I'm Meg

1:25

Wolitzer. Join me for stories

1:27

with more complex equations, something

1:30

like Matrimony x Mischief Squared. Stay

1:32

with us. You're

1:48

listening to Selected Shorts, where our greatest

1:50

actors transport us through the magic of

1:52

fiction, one short story at a time.

1:56

Romantic comedies and bridal magazines make

1:58

marriage look pretty, romantic. Meet

2:01

cute when you get into an argument

2:03

online at the DMV, iron out your

2:06

quirky little differences, say I do, dance

2:08

the night away, and live happily ever

2:10

after. But if you're

2:12

currently thinking about marriage, might I

2:14

suggest shelving Sleepless in Seattle and

2:16

the latest issue of Matrimony Monthly?

2:18

They're both highly entertaining, of course.

2:21

But if you really want a deep dive

2:23

into marriage, why not go buy

2:25

some long-time husband or wife a drink instead?

2:28

Two Chardonnays in, they'll start to tell you

2:31

the truth. Actually, I'll tell

2:33

you the truth with zero Chardonnays. Marriage

2:36

is work. Real emotional labor

2:38

plus commitment, compromise, and accepting the

2:40

fact that your partner eats corn

2:42

on the cob in a painfully deliberate

2:44

way that you managed not to notice

2:47

before year five, when you both went

2:49

to that corn festival in Iowa and

2:51

all hell broke loose. Cute

2:55

talk about getting hitched and having someone

2:57

attach tin cans to the back of

2:59

your car are far from the reality

3:01

of yoking yourself to another human being

3:03

for the rest of your life. That's right,

3:06

the rest of your life. And you only get

3:08

the one life, may I remind you. Of

3:11

course, there are huge benefits to a

3:13

partnership, some spiritual and some involving tax

3:15

breaks. But if you're making an effort

3:17

in good faith, staying together over the

3:20

long term is a challenge. At

3:23

the time of this recording, I have been married for

3:25

nearly 33 years. Even

3:27

saying that makes me feel a little dizzy,

3:29

especially considering the fact that I feel like

3:31

my actual age is 26. You

3:35

have your own version of that, right? The age

3:37

you actually feel. So a 26 year

3:39

old having been married for nearly 33 years is

3:42

a math problem that no one can solve. It's

3:45

like Fermat's theorem, but totally pointless.

3:48

Yet I have really been married for that long.

3:51

And we are happy. I don't know the

3:53

secret, except it might have something to do with the

3:55

fact that when my husband and I go to a

3:57

cocktail party and meet someone new, and the

3:59

person asks. us how we met or how

4:01

old our kids are, either one of us

4:03

is free to abruptly turn around and join

4:06

a more interesting conversation. By which I mean

4:08

the secret is that we try not to

4:10

bore each other. Instead, we

4:12

prefer to bore other people. Now

4:14

that's marriage. Today on

4:17

Selected Shorts, we hear stories about marriages

4:19

that outlive the romance. Our

4:21

protagonists do their best to evaluate

4:23

successes and failures, deciding whether to

4:25

hunker down together or to cut

4:27

ties and run. In

4:30

one story, a man finds out what life would

4:32

be like with a partner from an alternate

4:34

reality. In a second,

4:36

a bored husband watches people from

4:39

his balcony until an unusual pedestrian

4:41

bursts his bubble. And in

4:43

a third, an old college buddy

4:45

with a new cult works to seduce

4:47

an entire family. Our

4:50

first story about life long after the

4:52

wedding is by Edgar Carrot. He's

4:54

a writer with a fantastical bent, which

4:56

he puts to good use in story

4:59

collections including Suddenly, A Knock on the

5:01

Door and Fly Already. While

5:03

this story may feel more like an

5:05

otherworldly courtship tale, wait for

5:07

it, there's a bittersweet twist at the end. Performing

5:10

the story is an actor who reads often

5:12

at shorts, Kate Donovan. His credits

5:15

include The Man in the High Castle,

5:17

Damages, and MacGyver. He's also brought life

5:19

to animated characters such as Hercules. Now

5:22

here he is performing A World Without

5:24

Selfie Sticks by Edgar Carrot. A

5:34

World Without Selfie Sticks. In

5:39

retrospect, I shouldn't

5:41

have yelled at not Debbie. Debbie

5:46

always said that yelling doesn't solve anything. But

5:49

what is a person supposed to do when a

5:51

week after saying a cheerful goodbye at

5:53

an airport to his girlfriend who was

5:55

flying to Australia to do her doctorate,

5:58

he bumps into her at

6:00

an East Village Starbucks. There

6:04

she was, large as life, harassing

6:06

the barista with questions about their

6:08

milk substitutes. And when

6:10

I asked her how she could come back to New

6:13

York without even letting me

6:15

know, she just gave me

6:17

this cold look and said impatiently, Mr.,

6:19

I don't know who you are. You

6:22

must have been mixed up with someone else. That's

6:26

when I lost it. After

6:28

almost three years together, I'd

6:31

hoped for more civil treatment. So

6:33

when she said she didn't know me, instead of arguing, I

6:36

stood in the middle of Starbucks and

6:39

yelled out all the intimate details

6:41

I knew about her, including

6:43

the scar on her back from when she

6:45

fell on our trip to Yosemite and the

6:47

hairy mole on her left armpit. Not

6:51

Debbie, didn't reply. She just gave

6:54

me a shocked look as two cafe

6:56

employees pushed me out. I

7:00

sat on a bench in the street and started

7:02

to cry. Five

7:04

weeks earlier, when Debbie told me she

7:06

was moving to Australia, I'd been devastated,

7:08

but I understood that the

7:10

split was inevitable. Sydney

7:13

University had offered her a doctoral grant and

7:15

I had just been appointed the head of

7:17

a team at one of the hottest big

7:19

data startups in the country. And honestly, though

7:22

the separation was painful, it wasn't cruel

7:24

or humiliating, like the

7:27

frigid encounter in Starbucks. Suddenly

7:30

I felt a gentle touch on

7:32

my shoulder. And when I looked up, I

7:34

saw not Debbie standing next to

7:36

me. Let's

7:38

be clear, she whispered. I

7:41

might look like her with the

7:43

mole and all, but I'm

7:46

not her, really. Not

7:50

Debbie and I moved to another cafe

7:52

on Third Avenue. She

7:55

ordered a weak cappuccino with a lot of foam, just

7:58

like Debbie used to. She

8:01

gave me a searching look, also

8:03

familiar to me, and

8:05

began telling me the

8:07

craziest story I had ever heard. It

8:11

seemed that not Debbie, it was also

8:13

named Deborah. But

8:16

she hadn't come to New York that morning

8:18

from Australia. She'd come

8:20

from a parallel world. I'm

8:24

not kidding, that's what she said, between sips

8:26

of her weak cappuccino. She

8:28

wasn't part of an alien invasion

8:31

or the result of a scientific

8:33

military experiment gone wrong. She

8:35

was here as a

8:38

contestant on a TV game

8:40

show called Viva La Différance,

8:43

the top-rated program in the alternate

8:45

universe she'd come from. Five

8:49

participants on the show were sent to a

8:51

universe that contains everything they have in their

8:53

own world except for one thing, and that's

8:55

what it's all about. Figuring

8:57

out that one thing which exists in their

8:59

world but not in the one they've been

9:01

sent to. The contestants

9:03

are filmed 24-7, each have their own

9:05

special channel, and the first one to

9:08

discover what the missing item is and

9:10

says it out loud is instantly returned

9:12

to the TV studio in their world

9:15

where they came from, to the cheers

9:17

of the audience and a million-dollar prize.

9:21

And to raise the stakes, while

9:23

the winner celebrates, the

9:25

rest of the contestants have to live the

9:27

rest of their lives in the alternate universe

9:29

they've been sent to. Never

9:32

really knowing if they've lost the game

9:34

or if it's still on, this

9:36

sounded to me like a hell of a price to

9:38

pay for losers. But Debbie

9:40

said it didn't bother her at all because

9:44

her ex was a real asshole and she hadn't

9:48

spoken to her parents in years. It

9:51

all felt too incredible to

9:54

be a lie and not Debbie

9:57

spoke with such sincerity I just had to

9:59

believe. Uber. Last.

10:02

Season's winner she said was who gonna

10:04

who discovered that the missing item in

10:06

the alternate world the contestants had been

10:08

sent to was a Selsey stick? A

10:11

fork and stick? Can you believe it? Not that

10:13

he said I would never have managed to figure

10:15

it out. I.

10:17

Asked are a few more questions.

10:19

It turned out that like Debbie

10:21

not that he has studied clinical

10:24

psychology but she wasn't interested in

10:26

being a therapist. are getting a

10:28

doctorate which is why see now.

10:30

found herself stuck in administrative job

10:32

and some rich college in her

10:35

alternative universe is upstate New York.

10:38

I. Told her about my split from

10:40

Debbie's about how I'd gone to the

10:43

airport with her the week before and

10:45

didn't leave the terminal until I saw

10:47

a plane take off for Australia. She

10:49

nodded and said yeah that made sense.

10:51

Consistency never censor the hemisphere where they

10:54

are. Parallels live and is Debbie hadn't

10:56

flown to Sydney then she probably would

10:58

have ended up and when Saris or

11:00

Auckland I'm glad. She laughs she said

11:02

giving his smile that made me fall

11:05

in love with Daddy two and a

11:07

half years ago. With. All

11:09

due respect to Auckland, nothing beats

11:11

New York. When.

11:14

We finish our coffee. Not. Debbie

11:16

insisted on paying and and right before we

11:18

were about to go our separate ways. I.

11:21

Offered to help her win the prize

11:23

on the show in order to find

11:25

what her world had that ours did

11:28

not. Debbie had to be exposed to

11:30

as much information as possible as quickly

11:32

as possible, and I as a computer

11:35

person with expertise and databases could help.

11:38

When. I saw a hesitate. I

11:40

backtracked quickly and said of helping

11:42

her using computers was against the

11:45

rules of the program, but. Not

11:48

Debbie smiled and. Interrupted.

11:50

Me know, it's not that she

11:52

said it's just I don't. drag

11:55

you into the school complicated business not

11:57

like i'm just a girl you never

11:59

met before Well,

12:02

I explained that. There was nothing complicated about

12:04

it. Even though I'd been with

12:06

Debbie for two and a half years, she was

12:08

not Debbie. And we just met

12:10

today. And if it's okay, I'd be

12:12

glad to help her look for the missing thing. And

12:15

who knows, maybe in the process I'd become a

12:17

TV star in an alternate universe. At

12:21

four in the morning, after

12:23

nine straight hours of searching the

12:26

technological, geographic, and culinary databases, would

12:28

you believe that in the first

12:30

season, the parallel world was

12:32

a world without maple syrup? Not

12:37

Debbie said she couldn't keep her

12:39

eyes open anymore. I

12:41

changed the sheets on the bed in my

12:43

small studio apartment for her, and she fell

12:45

asleep instantly. I

12:48

sat and watched Not Debbie sleep. It

12:50

was weird, but I felt that in those

12:52

nine hours, I'd learned

12:55

more about her than I'd ever

12:57

known about my Debbie in the

12:59

entire two-and-something years we lived together.

13:02

The possibilities she raised in our

13:04

search for the missing element

13:07

revealed so much about her

13:09

dreams, her desires, her fears.

13:12

It wasn't that she didn't resemble Debbie,

13:14

but there was also something about her.

13:17

She was open and brave,

13:21

mesmerizing and wild. Actually

13:26

I don't know what to call it when

13:28

it happens with someone who is both your

13:30

ex and someone you've never met, but I

13:34

fell in love. And

13:36

while Not Debbie slept in my apartment, so

13:39

close I could smell her shampoo, I

13:43

pictured the other four contestants on

13:45

the show still searching for flying

13:47

cats, electric

13:49

ear cleaners, eyebrow

13:51

deodorants, or whatever it was that was

13:53

missing in this imperfect world.

13:57

And I knew that all it took for Not

13:59

Debbie to stay here with me forever was for

14:02

one of them to find it. I

14:04

closed my eyes. When

14:08

not Debbie woke me up at one

14:10

in the afternoon, she seemed a little

14:12

slower. She told me it

14:15

had taken an average of 15 hours for

14:17

previous season winners to find the missing

14:19

element and she'd been searching for more

14:22

than a day already. That's

14:24

it, she said. One of the others

14:26

must have found it already. I

14:28

tried to reassure her, after all, there's no

14:30

way of knowing. Maybe they were

14:33

baffled wandering around Manhattan or wherever they'd

14:35

been sent and she could still win.

14:38

Maybe, not Debbie said, suddenly

14:41

smiling. But the truth is,

14:43

the minute I went on the program, I've

14:46

been fantasizing about

14:48

losing and starting

14:50

a new life in this world, a

14:52

better, less painful life than

14:54

the one I had back home. I

14:58

didn't say anything and she

15:02

looked at me softly, unlike

15:04

Debbie had ever looked at me. Honestly,

15:08

she said, and she touched my face

15:10

with the back of her hand. Who

15:13

cares what's missing in the world? You're

15:15

here. In

15:19

bed, when I asked her if she was on

15:21

birth control, she

15:25

shook her head and said with a smile, she

15:28

really hoped that of all the

15:30

possible parallel worlds, she hadn't

15:32

landed in the one without condoms. It

15:36

was a joke, but when she said it, I could

15:38

see her hesitate a second out of fear that maybe

15:40

it was actually true and that

15:43

saying it out loud would return her to

15:45

the world and separate us forever. After

15:49

we had sex, when I suggested

15:52

that we check out the astronomy,

15:54

geopolitical and history databases,

15:57

She said she'd rather have sex again. Later.

16:03

We went out for a walk in Central

16:05

Park and eight hotdogs. Not Debbie

16:07

told me that in her world she's a

16:09

vegetarian for reasons of conscience, but she feels

16:12

that here in this world which is in

16:14

her own okay for her to eat hot.

16:18

I. Don't want to when. She. Said

16:20

as he stood by the reservoir. I

16:23

want to go back. To be here.

16:26

With. You. We. Spent

16:28

the rest of the day in the

16:30

city show each other our favorite places

16:32

in Manhattan. Nets how we arrived at

16:34

Trinity Church. It was

16:36

already evening and the illuminated searched looked

16:39

in Santa more like Us Palace in

16:41

a Disney movie than a real place.

16:44

I told her that I passed by

16:46

ten years ago. I just arrived in

16:48

the city and when I saw I

16:50

swore that if I ever got married

16:52

I do it. They're. Not.

16:54

Debbie last and said being sure about the

16:57

church was good. Now I had to do

16:59

is find a girl who'd agree to marry

17:01

me and. I

17:03

smiled to and. Right

17:05

after we kissed not Debbie said let's

17:07

go inside and dying to see the

17:09

place where we're getting married. The.

17:13

Church was fairly empty and from the

17:15

minute we walked in. Not

17:17

Debbie to looking around only easily as

17:20

as she was searching for something. I

17:22

asked her if everything's all right and

17:24

she said yes, Use this Looking for

17:26

something. When. I asked her what

17:28

she looked at me as if I was an idiot and

17:30

said. Got. This

17:32

is the church right? I. Nodded

17:35

and she said so. Probably be back

17:37

in a minute. I

17:39

said that I personally didn't believe in God,

17:42

but. Even. The people who do

17:44

say you can't see him. Not.

17:47

Debbie shook her head slowly and said. Well.

17:49

That's it. And. New

17:52

World, their churches and mosques and

17:54

synagogues exactly alike. In mine only

17:56

there's not really a God and

17:58

it. Don't. You. That it. It's

18:00

a world without. She.

18:06

Didn't manage to finish that sentence. At.

18:09

Least not in my world. Six

18:13

years have passed since then, and I.

18:16

Still try to imagine what happened

18:18

to Not Debbie How she arrived at

18:21

the flashy studio and was welcomed

18:23

with cheers in the audience and compliments

18:25

from a pair of sleek presenters for

18:27

told her she'd won a million

18:29

dollars. Sometimes.

18:32

When I imagine if she's happy in tears

18:34

of joy run down her face. but most

18:36

the time. She. Said.

18:39

Searching. The Studio. Looking.

18:41

For and not finding me. My.

18:45

Heart might want a picture her happy

18:47

but my ego. May

18:50

Go insists on believing that the day

18:52

we spent together with his mean for

18:54

the her as it was to me.

18:59

Let's it. a year after she slipped through my

19:01

fingers. I married Debbie.

19:05

And. Trinity Church. Ice

19:08

and Sydney wasn't for her. In two months

19:10

after she returned to the city, we made

19:12

a spur of the moment decision to get

19:14

married. Sex with

19:16

her by the ways move Never as

19:19

spectacular as it was with Not Debbie.

19:22

But yeah, it's It's

19:25

pleasant enough and similiar

19:27

and we have to

19:30

adorable beautiful children. Zack.

19:33

And. Deborah Jr. Who

19:36

will have to learn to live. As

19:39

we did, In. A

19:41

godless world. that

19:54

was take down of then. With. And per carat

19:56

story: A world without celsius sticks and

19:58

you know I think I. The okay

20:00

In a world without says he sticks. Or.

20:02

Celsius. Or. Six, except when you're

20:05

around a campfire and you want to make

20:07

some more than you really want those sticks.

20:10

But. As far as alternate realities go,

20:12

it'd be really tough to commit. It

20:14

might be worth hanging tough with are

20:17

imperfect spouses. In a world where I

20:19

know for a fact that air conditioning

20:21

exists. Our

20:24

next story is by Javier Maria's

20:26

Maria Says, the celebrated Spanish author

20:28

of novels including A Heart So

20:30

and The Infatuation, as well as

20:32

three short story collections, this story

20:34

seems to be about one quiet,

20:36

fleeting instant in the life of

20:38

a married couple. With moment by

20:40

moment it becomes something much different.

20:43

Reading. It is either Hernandez, an actor

20:45

whose appeared on Broadway in Fear Of

20:47

Enhance and and in series including Devious

20:49

Maids and the Sex in the City

20:52

sister series and Just Like That. Now

20:54

here's Ivan Hernandez with on the Honeymoon

20:56

by Hobby or Murray Us. As

21:07

is on the honeymoon. My. Wife

21:09

had suddenly felt ill. And

21:13

we had rushed back to our hotel

21:15

room where she had lain. Though shivering,

21:17

I'm feeling slightly nauseous and fevers. We.

21:20

Didn't want to call a doctor immediately in case of

21:22

passed off and it's own accord and. Because.

21:25

We were on our honeymoon. And

21:27

on your honeymoon? Really don't want

21:29

the interference of stranger. Even

21:32

if it's for a medical examination.

21:34

Was probably a minor stomach upset,

21:36

college or something. We.

21:39

Were in Seville. And. A hotel

21:41

sheltered from the traffic by and

21:43

esplanade that separated from the street.

21:47

Or. My wife was sleeping. She seemed to fall

21:49

asleep as soon as I had undressed her and

21:51

covered her up. I. Decided to

21:53

keep quiet and the best way to do

21:56

that and not be tempted to make any

21:58

noise or to talk to her out of

22:00

sheer boredom was to go over to the

22:02

balcony. And watched people

22:05

passing by. The People

22:07

of Seville. How they

22:09

walked, how they dressed, How

22:11

they talked. Even though given the relative

22:13

distance of the street and the traffic,

22:15

you could hear only a murmur. I

22:19

looked without saying like. Someone.

22:23

Who arrives at a party from which

22:25

he knows the only person who really

22:28

interests him will be absent, having stayed

22:30

at home with her husband. That.

22:34

One person. Was with

22:36

me. Behind. Me watched

22:39

over by her husband. I

22:42

was looking outside but thinking about what

22:44

was happening inside. However, I.

22:47

Didn't suddenly pick out one person.

22:50

And. I picked her out because. Unlike

22:53

the other people who walked by and

22:55

then disappeared, that person remained motionless in

22:57

one place. It

23:00

was a woman who, from a

23:02

distance looked about thirty and was

23:04

wearing an almost sleeveless Blink blouse.

23:07

A white skirts and white high

23:09

heels. She. Was

23:11

waiting for someone. Her attitude unmistakably that

23:13

of someone waiting because every now and

23:16

then she would take two or three

23:18

steps to the right or the left,

23:20

and on the last up she would

23:23

drag the stiletto heel have one foot

23:25

or the other, a gesture of suppressed

23:27

and patients. On. Her

23:30

She carried a large handbag

23:32

like the bags at Mothers. My.

23:34

Mother carried when I was a chance. A.

23:37

Large black handbag carried on the

23:39

arm, not slung over the shoulder

23:41

the way women wear them now.

23:43

She had strong legs that does

23:45

solidly into the pavement each time

23:47

she returned to the spot where

23:49

she had chosen to wait. After

23:51

that minimal movement to either side

23:53

of two or three steps, dragging

23:55

her heal on the final step,

23:58

Her legs were so. The longer they

24:01

canceled out or assimilated her high

24:03

heels, it was her legs that

24:05

dug into the pavement like a

24:07

nice and to wet would. Sometimes.

24:11

She would bend one leg in order

24:13

to look behind and smooth her skirt,

24:15

as if she feared that some crease might

24:17

be spoiling the line of her skirt

24:19

at the rear. Or

24:21

perhaps he was simply adjusting the elastic

24:23

of a recalcitrant pair of panties. Who

24:25

the fabric covering them? Was.

24:29

Growing dark, And

24:32

the gradually fading light made her

24:34

seem to me ever more solitary.

24:37

More. Isolated and. More.

24:39

Condemned to wait in vain.

24:42

Or date would not arrive. She.

24:46

Was standing in the middle of the pavement. She did

24:48

not lean against the wall as those who weighed usually

24:50

do so as not to get in the way

24:52

of those passes by who are not waiting. which is

24:54

why she had trouble avoiding them. When

24:56

Mad said something to her and she responded

24:59

angrily threatened him with erm voluminous bag. Sudden.

25:04

She looked up. At the

25:06

third floor where I was standing on the balcony

25:08

and she seemed to fix her eyes on me

25:10

for the first time. She.

25:12

Peered at me as if. She. Were near

25:15

sighted or were looking to grubby contact lenses

25:17

see screwed up her eyes so a little

25:19

to see better. It was

25:21

it seemed me she was looking at.

25:25

But. I knew no one in Seville.

25:28

Or. Than that, it was the first time

25:30

I've ever been Seville on my honeymoon with

25:32

my brand new why flying Ill on the

25:34

bed behind me. I just hope that was

25:37

nothing serious. I

25:40

heard a murmur coming from the bed but

25:42

I didn't turn around because it was a

25:44

mon made in her sleep. One quickly learns

25:46

to distinguish the sounds the person one sleeps with

25:48

makes in their sleep. The.

25:51

Woman has taken a few more steps.

25:54

Time in my direction was crossing

25:56

the street. Dodging the cars, not bothering

25:58

to look for traffic lights, As if

26:00

you wanted to get closer quickly in order to

26:02

find out to get a better view of me.

26:05

On. My balcony. She.

26:07

Walked. Slowly. however, with

26:09

difficulty as if she were unaccustomed to

26:12

wearing high heels or as if her

26:14

striking legs weren't used to them. Or.

26:16

As if her handbag to offer balance. Or as if

26:18

she would dizzy. To. After

26:21

other in the way that my wife had walk after

26:23

being taken ill. When. She came into

26:25

the room I'd help her to undress and

26:27

put to bed. And covered her up.

26:31

The woman had just cross the street Now. She.

26:34

Was closer but still some way off. separated from

26:36

the hotel by the apple Asplund A that said

26:39

a bath and the traffic. She.

26:41

Continued looking up at me or I'd where I

26:43

was at the building and which I was staying.

26:46

And then she made a gesture with her

26:49

arm as a gesture that neither greed it

26:51

nor back. And I mean it wasn't the

26:53

way one would back into a stranger, it

26:55

was a gesture of appropriation and recognition as

26:57

if the person said been waiting for and.

27:00

As. If her date was with me.

27:05

It was as if with that gesture

27:08

of her arm finished off by swift

27:10

florists of the singer, she wanted to

27:12

grab hold of me and say I'm

27:14

here. Or you're mind.

27:18

The same time she shouted something that I couldn't

27:20

hear and from the movement of her lips, I

27:22

understood only the first word. In that word was

27:24

a. Uttered with great

27:27

indignation that as was the rest of the

27:29

phrase that failed to reach my ears. To.

27:32

Continue to advance. She's.

27:34

Moved the rear of her skirt more earnestly

27:36

now because it seemed that the person who

27:38

would judge her appearance was there before her.

27:40

The person she was waiting for could now

27:42

appreciate the way her skirt fell. And.

27:45

Then I did hear what she was saying. Hey.

27:50

What? Are you doing up there? Chef

27:53

was very audible now and I could see the

27:55

woman better. Perhaps.

27:58

he was older than thirty She

28:01

still had her eyes screwed up, but

28:03

they seemed light in color to me, gray

28:05

or hazel, and she had

28:07

full lips, a rather broad

28:09

nose, her nostrils flaring vehemently out of

28:12

anger. She must

28:14

have spent a long time waiting, far longer than the

28:16

time that had elapsed since I had picked her up.

28:19

She stumbled as she walked, she tripped,

28:22

and fell to the ground, instantly dirtying her white

28:24

skirt and losing one of her shoes. She

28:27

struggled to her feet, as if she

28:29

felt getting her foot dirty too. Now

28:32

that her date had arrived, now that she needed to have clean

28:34

feet, just in case the man she had arranged to meet should

28:37

see them. She

28:39

managed to get her shoe back on without putting her

28:41

foot on the ground. She brushed down

28:43

her skirt and shouted, what

28:45

are you doing up there? Why didn't you

28:47

tell me you'd already gone up? I've been waiting for you

28:49

here for an hour. As

28:52

she said that, she repeated the same

28:54

grasping gesture, a bare arm beating

28:56

the air and the quick flourish of the

28:58

fingers that accompanied it, as

29:00

if she were saying, you're mine or I'll

29:03

kill you. As

29:06

if with that gesture, she could grab me

29:08

and drag me towards her like a claw.

29:12

This time she shouted something and she was so close,

29:14

I was afraid she might wake my wife. What's

29:17

wrong? Said my wife, Phebele. I

29:20

turned round. She was sitting up in bed with

29:22

frightened eyes, the eyes of a sick person who

29:25

wakes and cannot see anything and doesn't yet know

29:27

where she is or why she feels so confused.

29:29

The light was off. At that moment

29:32

she was a sick woman. It's

29:34

nothing. Go back to sleep, I said. But

29:37

I didn't walk over to her to stroke her hair or

29:39

calm her down, as I would have

29:41

done in any other circumstances, because I

29:44

couldn't leave the balcony or

29:47

even take my eyes off that woman

29:49

who was convinced she had arranged to meet

29:51

me. Now she

29:53

could see me clearly and I was obviously

29:56

the person with whom she had made an

29:58

important date, The person who had called me. Her

30:00

to suffer by making her wait to have

30:02

offended her with my prolonged absence. Didn't

30:06

you notice I've been waiting for you here

30:08

for an hour? Why didn't you say something?

30:10

She was young furiously now standing outside my

30:12

hotel, beneath my balcony. Do. You

30:14

hear me? I'm going to kill you She shouted. And.

30:17

Against he made the gesture with her arm and her fingers

30:19

to grasp of. What?

30:22

On Earth going on as my wife again line

30:24

dazed on the bed. At

30:27

that moment, I stepped back off a balcony.

30:29

shudder east. But. Not before

30:31

seeing that the woman in the street with

30:34

her enormous old fashioned handbag and her stiletto

30:36

heels and her strong legs and her stumbling

30:38

walk was disappearing from i feel position because

30:40

she was answering the hotel. Ready.

30:44

To come up and find me. And.

30:46

Meet me. I

30:49

felt empty inside. When. I thought

30:51

about what I asked. To

30:54

explain to rough spots. We.

30:58

Were on our honeymoon and. On

31:00

your honeymoon, you really don't want the interference of a

31:02

stranger. Although.

31:05

I was not, I think a stranger

31:07

to the personnel coming up the stairs.

31:11

I felt empty inside and I. Closed.

31:14

The balcony shutters, I.

31:16

Prepared myself to open the door. Said

31:30

was on the honeymoon. I saw the

31:32

I'm a Realist performed by Ivan Hernandez.

31:34

Getting married is always a big deal.

31:37

So whenever I see someone on a reality

31:39

show agree to marry a person they've never

31:41

met, but if only spoken to through a

31:44

wall in front of millions of viewers, no

31:46

less, call me Madcap and I get nervous.

31:49

i want to shout do some know

31:51

what you're doing young foolish person named

31:53

mallory or sane and even people who

31:55

haven't met through on a tv south

31:58

but through more typical ways still immune

32:00

to the effect of terrifying spoken

32:02

lines like, with the power

32:04

vested in me by the state, I

32:06

now pronounce you, etc. Power

32:10

and state. That is heavy.

32:12

And even a little surreal. In

32:15

Javier Maria's story, the strangeness of the

32:17

woman on the street shouting up at

32:19

the newlywood husband seems to mirror the

32:21

thought many people have when they've just

32:23

gotten married. Oh my god,

32:26

I have a whole new life now. But

32:28

then maybe a person shows up who

32:30

says, not so fast. And

32:32

maybe you even willed her there. Who

32:35

knows, maybe you even arranged it through the

32:38

power vested in you by your

32:40

emotional state. When

32:43

we return, what to do when an old

32:45

friend starts a cult mere inches

32:47

away from your recycling bin. You're

32:49

listening to Selected Shorts, recorded live

32:52

in performance at Symphony Space in

32:54

New York City and at other

32:56

venues nationwide. Welcome

33:17

back. This is Selected Shorts,

33:19

where our greatest actors transport

33:21

us through the magic of fiction one short

33:24

story at a time. I'm Meg Wolitzer. Our

33:27

final story about the pluses and perils

33:29

of partnership is by Duncan Birmingham. He's

33:32

a filmmaker and TV writer with credits

33:34

including Marron and Blunt Talk. His

33:36

debut collection of short stories, The Cult in My

33:39

Garage, came out in 2021. We're

33:41

giving you the title story and it reflects on

33:43

one of the challenges in a marriage, your

33:46

husband's old friends. In Birmingham's

33:48

story, the husband is a bit of a good

33:50

old boy and so are a succession

33:52

of crude pals. There is some suggestion

33:54

of adult behavior and there's an element

33:56

of raunchiness. We think this surprisingly subtle

33:58

story is one of the most It's

34:01

performed by Michaela Watkins, an actor

34:03

known for work on series including

34:05

Casual, The Unicorn and Search Party.

34:08

She's also been featured in many films, including

34:10

Brittany Runs a Marathon and Paint. And

34:13

now, The Cult in My Garage by

34:15

Duncan Birmingham. My

34:31

husband warned me, his old college buddy who was

34:33

coming to stay for a couple of days with

34:36

a real handful. Boy,

34:38

I could tell you some stories, he chuckled.

34:41

Like what? Well,

34:45

he looked at me and we both realized he couldn't tell

34:47

me these stories. So

34:49

I just refilled my coffee. I'd

34:52

had my fair share of my husband's old

34:54

friends over the years. They were

34:56

called things like Sully and Gunner and

34:59

Bobsled and had funny laughs and wilting

35:01

hair and beer guts threatening the

35:03

top button of their golf pants. They'd

35:07

sit in the kitchen nook for a marathon

35:09

tequila sessions, reminiscing about smashing

35:11

their car into this tree or doing

35:13

blow at that show or after I'd

35:15

gone to bed sticking their dick

35:17

into so and so. Middle

35:21

management blowhards or salesmen with one

35:23

passable suit in town for conventions

35:25

or seminars in nearby Long Beach

35:28

who wanted to see their bra. Each

35:32

and every one ruffled my young

35:34

son Jonah's hair and asked if

35:36

he was getting any in school.

35:42

I couldn't help but notice the pale

35:44

line where they had twisted wedding bands

35:46

off their fat fingers. One

35:49

even wet the guest bed. To

35:53

my husband, they were fearless

35:55

legends, master wits, stars of

35:58

countless rip-boring anecdotes. usually

36:00

culminated in property damage and

36:02

public defecations. She's

36:05

a bit of a wallflower back in

36:07

school. He'd say, by way of apology

36:09

for me, and they would stifle a

36:12

belch and just nod at me politely

36:14

like, sure, sure, sure, and

36:16

compliment me on the lovely wallpaper

36:19

or the drapes as if throwing a

36:21

dog a bone. My

36:25

expectations weren't exactly dashed when Owen

36:27

from Phoenix showed up with a

36:30

duffle bag, a bottle of Cuervo,

36:32

and proceeded to get my name

36:34

wrong, and then barked for

36:36

hours over the rubber grill about Jean-Claude

36:38

Van Damme movies and college hockey with

36:40

my husband. Over

36:43

dinner, he scratched his

36:45

graying stubble and was mercifully cryptic

36:47

about his recent divorce and termination

36:49

from his longtime sales job. He

36:52

said he was ready

36:56

for a big change in his life, like

37:00

he was saying something to him. Of

37:04

course you are, my husband

37:06

said. Who is it? I

37:10

mean, I didn't

37:12

major in philosophy just to spend my

37:14

whole life selling off

37:16

brand soda to dollar store

37:18

chains, he said, in a

37:20

moment of self-reflection that was

37:22

quite rare at our dinner

37:24

table. Of

37:27

course not. You majored

37:29

in philosophy to get that punani. My

37:34

husband laughed with his mouth full of

37:36

undercooked hamburger, shot me a quick conciliatory

37:38

look, and then laughed some more.

37:41

For a split second, I thought

37:44

I saw Owen give me a little

37:46

pity smile, a look that said, he

37:49

knew my pain and exhaustion. But

37:52

hey, we all had our parts to play in this crazy

37:55

life. We all

37:57

had our crosses to bear, etc. But

38:00

then he started laughing too with his mouth

38:02

full of hot dog and I

38:04

realized the flickering kitchen bulb my husband still

38:07

hasn't changed was playing tricks or maybe it

38:09

was the wine but I excused

38:12

myself for bed and Reminded

38:14

them not to smoke weed inside or

38:16

wake up Jonah with their war stories

38:20

in the morning I noted to my

38:22

husband that Owen had Urinated a little bit

38:25

on the toilet seat and left beer rings

38:27

on the coffee table Give

38:29

him a chance babe. Oh, it's

38:31

the real deal. He kissed my cheek. It's

38:34

kind of like the smartest guy. No, I Nodded

38:39

and watched him leave for work with an egg

38:41

stain on his tie My husband's

38:43

friends never failed to shine a spotlight

38:45

on all his shortcomings to me. I

38:50

Dropped Jonah off at his special school

38:53

and was writing a copy for a

38:55

new line of juicers in my office

38:57

Cranny when Owen said knock knock and

38:59

asked where he might find a screwdriver

39:03

At least he got my name right this time as

39:05

I was showing him the junk drawer. He thanked me for

39:08

letting him stay in the garage Which

39:11

was news to me. I Told

39:15

him as much and went back to work I

39:17

was under a deadline but kept getting distracted watching

39:19

him move things in and out of our garage

39:22

Listening to him banging and sawing away It's

39:26

just till he gets on his feet My

39:28

husband picked up my favorite Chinese dumplings

39:30

for dinner as a peace offering. He's

39:33

had a tough couple years He just needs

39:35

to get his mojo back. He is like

39:38

such a smart guy He

39:42

could have his own podcast or something Yeah,

39:45

you said that already. I told him If

39:48

he's so smart, why can't he not dribble piss

39:50

on the toilet seat? I? Just

39:53

wasn't in the mood my husband had lost

39:56

not an insubstantial amount of money a

39:58

few years back investing it and another

40:00

really smart friend's data mining firm.

40:04

He's not even gonna use the house. He

40:06

says he's got everything he needs in the

40:08

garage. True

40:11

to his word, Owen kept to himself.

40:13

When I pulled to shut our drapes at night,

40:15

I would see a little light on through the

40:17

garage door window and I would lie in my

40:19

bed wondering what he did all day among all

40:21

our old recycling bins and neglected power tools. Hold

40:25

it. Where

40:27

does he go to the bathroom? I

40:29

asked one night, but my husband was dead asleep. I

40:33

didn't see him again until I was returning

40:35

from dropping Jonah at his tutors and he

40:37

was coming through the side door with a

40:39

pasty young woman in a faded sack dress.

40:42

I straightened up. One time,

40:45

some old friends of my husband's had brought a sex

40:47

worker home after the bars closed and my husband and

40:49

I heard them having sex on our

40:51

new patio furniture. My husband

40:53

insisted she wasn't a sex worker at

40:56

this while. Jonah was really

40:58

still just a baby, but still I'm

41:00

far from prude, but I mean, who

41:02

wants something like that happening on your

41:04

own furniture, even if it's outside? And

41:07

now I wasn't over the moon about it

41:09

happening in my garage either. So

41:12

I was preparing

41:15

to not mince words when I noticed

41:17

the way they were walking.

41:20

He had his hand on her

41:22

shoulder, but in a brotherly

41:25

way and she was holding a flyer.

41:29

This is Penny, he declared when

41:31

he saw me. She lives

41:33

in the brown unit at the end of the

41:35

block with her mother who's been sick. I

41:39

didn't know what any of this had

41:41

to do with me, but said hello

41:43

anyway. She came inside

41:45

for a cold soda. The

41:48

Massey woman held up a can of

41:50

blue soda to verify, a

41:53

brand I'd never heard before. Okay

41:56

then. What

41:58

else do you say? I

42:00

went into the house to get to work,

42:03

but instead spied from the corner window as

42:05

they said goodbye in the driveway. It was

42:07

all very chaste, maybe for my benefit, but

42:09

then Penny gave him a smile. It seemed

42:12

so genuine and turned and walked

42:15

away, cupping the cheap soda

42:17

like a votive candle. Hey

42:20

man's gotta have friends, right? My

42:22

husband said when I told him, he seemed

42:25

tickled. Owen works fast, just

42:28

like back in school, a regular Mr.

42:30

Popular. What about our son,

42:32

I said? He has enough issues.

42:34

I don't want Jonah being around whatever's

42:36

going on in there. Jonah!

42:40

Jonah! Don't

42:42

hang out in the garage for now, okay? My

42:47

husband shouted in the direction of our son's room

42:49

and gave me a happy

42:51

now look. The

42:53

next day I saw more people. They came to

42:56

the garage side door all stacked

42:58

brows and pinched shoulders. One or

43:00

two looked familiar. They

43:02

wrapped unsurely on the door, slipped inside

43:04

and left an hour or two or

43:06

three later with the same relieved

43:09

smiles as that first girl, mouth

43:11

blue and often cradling a soda. That

43:16

afternoon I was just about to give Jonah another warning

43:18

to stay away from the garage. When

43:20

he uncrumpled a flyer, he said he ripped

43:23

off a telephone pole near his school. Isn't

43:26

this our address? He asked.

43:29

I nodded like it

43:32

most certainly was. I

43:34

handed the same flyer to my husband that night as he

43:36

was pulling a beer out of the fridge. Alone,

43:40

depressed, isolated? Well, me

43:42

too. He read the flyer aloud

43:44

and looked up. Hey,

43:48

isn't this our address? I

43:52

nodded like it most certainly was.

43:55

Do we want lonely, depressed people coming

43:57

and going here all day? Don't

44:00

we have enough already? Well,

44:04

at least he's not dealing drugs like

44:06

you thought before. And he did specify

44:08

the garage in parentheses my husband gave

44:11

that last were just an extraneous syllable.

44:13

He just needs a little more time

44:15

to get back in the game. Let's

44:18

cut him some slack. Some

44:20

slack. When is

44:23

he really. A you're just kick him

44:25

out on his birth is. Is

44:27

distracting. You know how much

44:30

work I'm juggling? I guy

44:32

you those noise cancellation headphones

44:34

on our anniversary. Is.

44:37

This really the hill you

44:39

wanna die on? Has

44:43

said that phrase on line and I just

44:45

always wanted to say but my husband just

44:47

looked confused. She's

44:50

a good. I target. He

44:52

practically saved that time on the jet skis,

44:54

right? I told you about that. My.

44:57

Husband practice beer and launched into the story,

44:59

but I wasn't listening. The

45:02

next day I sit my coffee and

45:05

watched as. More. People arrived by

45:07

my second cup. They were lined up.

45:10

Down. The driveway like for a new blockbuster

45:12

charity turkey. I took a photo and texted

45:14

it to my husband with a thumbs down

45:16

or mogi and then a turtle most he

45:18

just to make my feelings crystal clear. And

45:23

then when I heard the noise, a low hum,

45:25

really like a swarm of. Locusts

45:27

descending through the air ducts.

45:30

I. Held my breath. And I

45:32

listened. That

45:35

was chanting. Chance.

45:38

In. The middle of the day. On.

45:41

A street like this?

45:45

I wondered if our neighbors could hear all

45:47

this craziness. I

45:50

knocked on the garage door but it was locked. And.

45:52

there was no answer so fed up i fished

45:55

the clicker out of the little jealous visor and

45:57

i press the button not carrying a goddamn what

45:59

i was interrupting The chanting

46:01

wound down and it was

46:03

quiet except for the doors

46:05

lurching open bit by bit

46:08

a rising curtain revealing dozens

46:11

of them More than

46:13

I could count There was

46:15

penny I even recognized some neighbors Don and

46:17

Barbara from the Realtor signs the pothead who

46:19

left the trash bins out all week The

46:21

bachelor with a perm and a hot tub

46:25

Not that I socialized much They

46:29

were sitting cross-legged or

46:31

perched all over the garages bric-a-brac like birds

46:34

They turned and squinted in my direction

46:36

shielding their eyes faces shiny

46:39

and dark with sweat

46:41

I Was

46:43

prepared for Owen to be angry Defensive at

46:45

the least that I've interrupted their little whatever

46:47

the hell it was But

46:49

he opened his arms Revealing

46:51

pit stains and stepped forward to me

46:54

with the most beautiful grin I've

46:57

been hoping for this day That

47:02

night my husband was sulking whatever the hell Owen

47:04

was up to he was too busy to grill

47:06

pork loins or get shitfaced at the driving range

47:08

with him Maybe

47:10

he's trying to get his life back together is

47:13

all I said That

47:16

week I returned to the garage to listen

47:18

to Owen Chronicle turning his life

47:20

around He was growing out

47:22

a beard and it didn't look half bad

47:26

We all classed cold blue sodas

47:28

He had liberated cases and cases of them from

47:30

his old sales job before he got the axe.

47:33

I hadn't Noticed what

47:35

a nice voice he had before or

47:37

maybe it was the acoustics in the

47:39

garage He sat mid-rung on

47:42

an old ladder atop a high

47:44

stack of plastic storage bins We

47:46

kept our bulky winter clothes and

47:48

Christmas decorations. He referred to

47:50

the garage as the place of his rebirth motioning

47:54

to the inflated kiddie pool in the corner that

47:56

he slept in Occasionally during

47:58

his talks he would use something of ours

48:00

to illustrate a point. Like when

48:03

he squeezed into the roller blades, I hadn't

48:05

used in years and just skated around and

48:07

around in circles or mounted my

48:10

husband's neglected exercise by just

48:12

peddling faster and faster and

48:14

faster, but going nowhere. Other

48:17

times he would noodle on the

48:19

Casio keyboard. We bought Jonah. Or

48:22

he'd just pick something up, an old paintball

48:25

gun or a dirty Halloween wig

48:27

or a box of Japanese Portomags

48:29

that I didn't know existed and

48:31

use them as a jumping off

48:34

place for the day's monologues. I

48:37

felt my chest tighten every time he passed the

48:39

shelf where a duct taped

48:41

hat box hid my poetry spiral

48:44

notebooks. Sometimes

48:47

he trailed off and it seemed like he was

48:49

just snooping,

48:51

but then he would spin around clutching my

48:53

yellowed wedding dress and hold it up to

48:56

his chin and start talking about the futility

48:58

of commitment in these uncertain times. And how

49:00

can I not be moved? There

49:03

were days he would lecture about living off

49:05

of scraps of the ignorant and the bourgeois,

49:08

the exomby cows as he wagged a scolding

49:10

finger in the direction of our house and

49:12

just always catching my eye

49:14

and giving a little shake of the

49:17

head to say, not you though. And

49:21

we all paid the utmost attention, just

49:23

barely moving. We all

49:25

kept our hands on the floor. We

49:28

all had to make sure that we were not able to stand

49:30

up and set up to fan ourselves or

49:32

wipe the sweat out of our eyes. His

49:35

animated little talks, he begged us not

49:37

to call them sermons, sometimes moved

49:39

people to the point of passing out right

49:42

there in the cement flooring. If

49:44

someone sneezed too much or their phone went off, Owen

49:48

would blast them with our leaf blower or

49:51

toss a deflated basketball at their heads. And

49:53

he would just have a long paddle. Her pale face

49:55

with slush, she was just cured of her ailment. Bring

50:00

Fireball next time if you want." Owen

50:03

said to me after a talk. Fireball

50:06

is what a lot of my husband's old

50:08

friends called him, but I could tell. Owen

50:10

didn't want him to come any more than

50:12

I did. He

50:16

wasn't always that bad. I

50:18

said to fill the silence, feeling like I

50:21

should defend him a little bit. Actually,

50:25

he kind of was. Owen

50:27

and I shared a look, and

50:30

I realized that Ray's smile the first

50:32

night at our dinner table wasn't too

50:36

much wine or my imagination.

50:41

I excused myself to start dinner, and he went

50:43

to take a nap in our kiddie pool. I

50:47

wore my cutest tux through his afternoon talks

50:49

and found myself sweating through them as I

50:51

nodded so vigorously that my neck ached. All

50:54

the women in the garage wanted him, I suspected.

50:56

Men too. At night,

50:59

I lay there next to my sleeping

51:01

husband, wondering what may be happening in

51:03

that inflated kiddie pool after dark. Pretty

51:07

soon, I was completely ignoring my headlines

51:11

and my deadlines. A

51:13

copy of a new line of doggy

51:16

chew toys and press releases for an

51:18

updated home orthodontics treatment. I

51:20

stopped answering all work calls, even though my

51:22

freelancing brought in more than my husband would

51:25

like to admit. I

51:27

started bringing Jonah with me to the garage

51:29

and was pleased to see during Owen's speeches

51:31

he didn't fidget or talk back or sneak

51:33

looks at his phones or pull his hair,

51:36

which were problem areas that his teachers had

51:38

complained about. I started letting him

51:40

skip school. One

51:42

day, there was a loud pop,

51:44

like a cartoon assassination attempt.

51:48

The few closest to Owen leapt up to shield him.

51:51

Startled, we glanced around for the culprit.

51:54

After much rummaging, Owen discovered one of

51:56

our Old mouse traps had been

51:58

set off in the corner. And

52:00

we gathered around to watch as

52:02

she meal then pulled back the

52:04

metal spring and the gray animal

52:07

that seconds ago was totally lifeless.

52:10

Now. Twist and Baird. it's yellow

52:12

teeth and owns hand. He.

52:14

Held the creature high above his head for all

52:17

the garage to see. If

52:19

there were any disbelievers among us, There

52:22

weren't after that day. What?

52:27

Is this My husband found one of oh

52:29

and Blue cans of soda and John as

52:32

room. I explain that they

52:34

were remnants of always pass life and

52:36

beverage distribution in the southwest. I

52:38

didn't get into the significance I wasn't sure

52:41

I really knew the significant something about as

52:43

helping him to plead all his vestiges of

52:45

it's previous incarnation sit by said can buy

52:47

can. Either way it would be lost and

52:50

my husband emphasize I wasn't telling him how

52:52

John and I were spending all our time

52:54

in the garage. He

52:57

doesn't want to have a drink with

52:59

a horse. Okay to him about making

53:01

know and I texted him about watching

53:03

the game. Yet again, he didn't even

53:05

harsher. My. Husband said. I

53:08

don't tell him that Owens renounced

53:10

all worldly possessions. Besides.

53:14

The stuff We are many. Enough

53:16

is enough. He was always an odd

53:18

duck. My husband said, come to put

53:20

his ass on blast. We.

53:24

Were in the garage and oh, and

53:26

was wearing wonder if my husband's old

53:29

football helmets and talking about shielding yourself

53:31

against cynicism and and difference. When I

53:33

glanced back and saw my husband standing

53:35

among the crowd at the door, Have.

53:38

Hidden behind our plastic Christmas tree. I.

53:41

Didn't hear his Chrysler pull into the driveway

53:43

and wondered how long he'd been there listening,

53:45

cross armed and open mouth. No.

53:47

Doubt he came home early to

53:49

put Owens ass on blast, only

53:51

to find his garage full of

53:53

perspiring strangers. And

53:56

Opie wouldn't make a scene. But. When I

53:58

looked back a moment later, He.

54:00

Was gone. I

54:03

braced myself for an earful from him

54:05

that night, but instead my husband ordered

54:08

my favorite Chinese dumplings. enough for leftovers

54:10

for days. He was adamant

54:12

about us all watching a movie together

54:14

and Jonah could pick. Jonah.

54:17

Always picked step which is why my

54:19

husband stopped letting and pick. But that

54:21

night we laugh so hard and we

54:24

all know each other's favorite parts and

54:26

somehow that made it funnier. After

54:28

Jonah went to bed, my husband gave me a

54:31

foot rub as I lay on the couch. I've

54:35

been thinking he said. In

54:37

a converted into a little office with a

54:39

real window. The garage right?

54:42

Some. Cool furniture, To.

54:45

Have your own space. For work

54:47

or just to get away and she'll. Write.

54:50

Your poetry. I

54:52

smiled. Appreciatively. I

54:57

thought to myself the bit about my

54:59

poetry is allows you to remember him.

55:03

Can. Jenny.

55:08

He said quietly, holding totally on to the

55:10

tops of my feet. He knew as well

55:12

as I did. Our garage would

55:15

never be anything but a garage.

55:18

The next day, own and I packed the

55:21

jet and I left a note on yellow

55:23

stationary for my husband on the kitchen counter.

55:26

A tear stained blotted the blue ink of

55:28

my signature in the postscript. I told him

55:31

the refrigerator was stuck to the brim with

55:33

beer, hamburger, me and all the fixings for

55:35

a cookout and not to let it go

55:37

to waste. Maybe. Gun

55:40

or Salyer Bob. Or

55:42

whoever would keep him company. They

55:46

wouldn't have to keep the stories p

55:48

G and they could smoke weed in

55:50

the house until sunrise. June.

55:53

and i pack light oh and of course had

55:55

nothing besides the clothes on his back and the

55:58

last couple of cases of dead stock soda He

56:00

was worried about leaving his first followers,

56:03

but I assured him true disciples would

56:05

find us eventually. It

56:07

will be like their first test, I

56:09

said, and I could tell he liked the sound of that. He

56:12

squeezed my hand. Jonah

56:14

was playing with the resurrected mouse that Owen had

56:17

gifted him and barely glanced back as we pulled

56:19

away, which I took as a good scene. We

56:22

would head to a new town far away, someplace

56:25

where no one would know us and we could

56:27

start again as long as

56:29

there were telephone poles to paper with flyers

56:31

and a garage to preach our message. Maybe

56:36

even a bungalow or a pool

56:38

house, Owen said, stepping

56:41

on the gas. Eyes

56:43

fixed on the horizon. Michaela

56:59

Watkins performed The Cult in My Garage

57:01

by Duncan Birmingham. When

57:03

you marry someone, you become a strip of human

57:05

fly paper to which all the people from

57:08

your spouse's previous life adhere. Yes,

57:10

I'm talking about those old pals, even the

57:12

one in the t-shirt with the so-called provocative

57:14

saying on it, even the one

57:16

who can do that hilarious thing with his tongue, a

57:18

piece of string and a potato. But

57:21

sometimes, shockingly, you don't want these people in

57:23

your life. Instead, you want them to pack

57:25

up their t-shirts and their string and their

57:27

potato and go. But sorry,

57:29

no can do. They are part of the whole

57:31

marital package. And not only that, they provide you

57:33

with a glimpse of your spouse that you haven't

57:36

really wanted to deal with. Or, as

57:38

in this story, they turn out to have another side

57:40

to them. Yes, you've probably

57:42

noticed that these stories aren't exactly advertisements

57:44

for a lasting union. This

57:47

episode of the show is not sponsored by

57:49

the Something Borrowed, Something Blue, online

57:51

discount wedding emporium, and one-hour

57:53

dental clinic. No, but

57:55

think about it all as a sort of

57:57

stress test. If You listened, debate

57:59

it. The characters' decisions. And

58:01

laughed about it. All with your significant

58:03

other, you're probably doing okay, and if

58:05

you find yourself further from wedded bliss

58:08

than you were an hour ago. Well.

58:10

I've got an amazing intergalactic reality game

58:12

show. I think. You'd be perfect for. I

58:15

Meg Wolitzer thanks for joining me for

58:17

selected shorts! Selected.

58:24

Shorts is produced by Jennifer Brennan's

58:26

Any Falcon and Ceremony to view

58:29

or team includes Miss You Lose

58:31

True Richardson, Marry Simpkins Video and

58:33

Woodward and Magdalen Will Bless Ski.

58:35

The readings are recorded by Miles

58:37

Be Smith are programs presented at

58:39

the Getty Center in Los Angeles

58:41

or recorded by Still Richards or

58:44

mix engineer for this episode was

58:46

Jennifer Nelson. Or see

58:48

music is David Peterson. That's the deal.

58:50

Performed by the deer door feeders and roof.

58:53

Selected Shorts is supported by The Dungeon and

58:55

Foundation. This program is also made possible with

58:58

public funds from the New York State Council

59:00

on the Arts, with the support of Different

59:02

or Cassie Hogan and the New York State

59:04

Legislature. Will

59:26

say else. Six It

59:28

is famous. What you have a. Killer!

59:33

How we're helping members

59:36

Usa A.com/bundle. Restrictions

59:38

apply.