0:00

Why am I going all of September without

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an orgasm? Why? What

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will my body feel like

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if I take

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one whole month break from

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caffeine, weed, and orgasms?

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And what will it be like to edge every day for

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at least 6-9 minutes in all sorts

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of ways, starting with just fingers and then adding

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toys and doing insertions and maybe ending with a

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TP and invite sweet lovers to join

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me?

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Well, we are discovering a lot. I am

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sharing my masturbation meditation

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explorations in real time daily. If

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you join me on OnlyFans.com slash YOLE

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or unlock one by one every

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slash YOFREE.

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Links are in the description or YOLE.com

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slash links for everything. You can find it. Click

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around. Lovers,

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you are in for such a treat.

0:56

We are here with the

0:59

Renly Mei from episode 121, Nasty

1:02

Porn iPad and a Windgasm Awakening.

1:04

Renly Mei, what has been

1:07

happening in your life since May 2021?

1:11

So much. Oh my goodness. Well, 2022

1:15

is really when we talked about

1:17

opening our relationship and like

1:20

exploring with other people and

1:22

I have taken

1:25

action. So, you know, the pandemic, you know, calmed

1:27

down enough to allow me the

1:29

opportunity to get to explore with

1:31

other people. And

1:34

we started in 22 with

1:37

swinging. We tried to dip our toes

1:39

in the swinging pool. We

1:41

met a couple and

1:44

we tried it out.

1:45

My partner, my husband is not

1:49

as adventurous as I am, we'll

1:52

say. So we began with parallel

1:55

play. So we're both playing in the same room with our

1:57

respective partners, but then the ladies

1:59

got to play.

3:59

apps and I'm going to tell you

4:02

the apps because I always am curious

4:04

to know what people use. So I got

4:06

on her and I got

4:08

on field. Her seems

4:10

to be more popular in my

4:13

area of Tennessee. And

4:16

so that's where I've met most people and

4:18

I have had the opportunity

4:21

to have sex with

4:24

five different partners now since last

4:26

summer. And I

4:29

finally met

4:31

somebody who I consider like

4:34

my match. Not matching

4:36

like a emotional

4:38

way but like in a

4:40

physical way like what I'm desiring in

4:42

the bedroom. She is providing that

4:45

to

4:45

me and giving that to me and allowing me

4:47

to explore things that I haven't been able to explore

4:49

with other partners or other partners haven't been

4:51

interested in. A true play friend.

4:54

Absolutely. I have really been wanting

4:56

to get into more BDSM and

4:59

some rougher things and she's

5:01

providing that and I've always

5:03

been more dominant in the bedroom

5:05

and I have really taken

5:08

on the role of like dominant

5:10

and it feels I enjoy

5:12

wearing a strap. Yes.

5:15

A strap with, have you ever used

5:17

it used a double-ended dildo that

5:19

has a balmy part? No, but I want to. No,

5:21

I haven't used a double-ended dildo at all

5:24

because I have never like other

5:26

than with hands, I've never penetration

5:29

fucked a vagina owning partner.

5:32

Like I've never been or actually I

5:34

got sucked by one but I haven't been the

5:36

giver. I've been the receiver once in a threesome

5:39

but like I want to explore this world so

5:41

bad so please tell me about the bulby thing

5:44

and tell me about this double-ended dildo. Like tell

5:46

me, tell me everything. So

5:48

I used it once with another,

5:51

not my new regular play partner

5:53

but with another woman that I had

5:56

sex with. I used it once with her and I

5:58

recommend using a

5:59

harness while wearing it.

6:02

So like it technically you would not need

6:04

one but I do not know anyone who could have

6:06

a pelvic floor powerful enough to hold

6:08

that in while thrusting

6:11

into another person. So wearing

6:14

your harness, your strap, and then you feed

6:16

it

6:16

through and so the

6:18

bulby end it's kind of just like

6:20

a big bulb but it's more

6:23

ovular. Wait I think I know

6:25

what you mean. Wait like it's like

6:28

here and then there's like a nose

6:30

basically. I think I did use one of those.

6:33

The bulby part goes

6:33

inside you. Okay but I had a hard time

6:36

using it. Okay so that one I actually used on

6:38

a penis owning partner and

6:40

was trying to frug him in the ass with it but

6:42

like A it was the first time I had it. Like this

6:44

was

6:45

earlier on in my experience level of

6:47

sex. Like now I'm like oh where is

6:50

that thing? Let me go try it again. But I

6:52

didn't know how to steer and now now what

6:54

you're saying I'm

6:54

putting the pieces together I'm like yeah it I

6:56

wish I had a strap.

6:58

Yeah yeah you really need the harness

7:00

portion of the strap to hold it firmly

7:02

but it's really fantastic. It's a really

7:04

fantastic toy and the one I have

7:07

the penis part is bendable and

7:10

it doesn't it doesn't wiggle freely

7:12

but like you can bend it and like keep

7:14

it in position which is lovely and

7:17

the bulby part is bendable too. And

7:19

so just inserted that

7:21

and then used that through the strap

7:24

and it feels very powerful to

7:27

wear a penis and no wonder men

7:29

feel power all the time when you're walking around

7:31

with this thing that can like penetrate people

7:34

like it's an incredible feeling. It really

7:36

is. Have you looked at yourself in the mirror while wearing it? Because

7:39

I'm very visual and I always like to ask

7:41

people if they wear a strap on like have you looked at

7:43

yourself with a cock on? Do you have any pictures?

7:45

Oh I have totally walked around the house with

7:47

it like just just to wear

7:50

it. The first time I used it I was

7:57

not able to achieve orgasm but

8:00

I have learned the best way for me

8:02

to wear it is when

8:05

I am like penetrating her

8:09

Not doggy style, but where she's lying on her stomach.

8:12

Yeah flat doggy flat

8:14

doggy sure Flat

8:18

doggy because then I can get friction

8:21

on my clit like by pressing

8:23

up again Yeah,

8:27

so it's pretty fabulous amazing And

8:30

then you can feel the boobies still and it

8:32

sounds delicious So also

8:34

like I just had a threesome yesterday,

8:37

and it was so fun. Oh ladies are

8:39

so Soft

8:41

their skin is so soft their lips are so

8:43

soft, and I know I say this all the time But every

8:46

time I touch one I'm like oh Wow

8:49

Like it just feels extra special. I would love to hear

8:51

more about what it felt like

8:54

to be exploring and uncovering

8:57

Dominant parts of you and like exploring

8:59

it in this way it feels

9:01

very freeing to

9:04

be able to express myself in this way and so

9:07

the person I'm with now also identifies

9:11

as more dominant Which is exactly what I

9:13

was looking for in a partner because

9:16

after playing around with four other women I

9:18

really figured out that what I want is like

9:20

for lack of better word like Battle

9:22

for control Both of us

9:25

are like like it's it's rough And

9:27

we're both trying to like please

9:29

the other one like to the fullest

9:31

extent and so I

9:33

will be like

9:35

enjoying her pussy and like down in there with

9:37

my mouth and then she'll push me over

9:39

and flip me over and she'll She'll take

9:41

a turn and like it's it's we're both

9:44

just like wanting to dominate the other

9:46

one so intensely that it's very

9:49

passionate It's

9:52

a pleasure battle of pussies And

9:56

it is so soft it is true, I feel

9:58

the same way like every time I'm with a woman,

10:01

it's just like, oh, they're so

10:04

soft in ways that... The boobies are so

10:07

nice. Oh, yeah. But in

10:10

a way, I've never experienced a man. They

10:12

just don't have the same kind of softness.

10:14

I love the curves of a woman just

10:17

every inch. And I also

10:19

really enjoy the length of the sessions

10:21

that I get to have because the

10:24

women I have been with tend to enjoy

10:27

sex for a longer session than the men I... I

10:32

really feel you. I

10:34

admit a handful

10:35

of men who like

10:37

longer sessions personally. I'm like,

10:39

just touch me longer, just touch me longer. That's

10:41

amazing. Wow. Wait, so

10:43

are you having like hours long pleasure

10:45

battles? Like what's... Or is it like talking, resting?

10:48

Like, is it like waves? Like...

10:50

I would say... So the

10:52

current situation that we're in, she is

10:55

a bisexual married

10:57

woman and I am as well. And

11:01

both of our partners are consenting and

11:04

they know that we take this time to

11:06

enjoy each other and it is scheduled.

11:08

And I know lots of people have problems with scheduled

11:11

sex, but I enjoy it. I

11:14

love something to look forward to. Don't get

11:16

me wrong. I like a sexy surprise. I only get sexy

11:18

surprises. Then I start to like try

11:20

to clear my whole life for sex and

11:22

then I don't do anything and then I panic. But

11:25

if I know that say on a Friday, the

11:27

podcast has come out and all I

11:29

get to do is like celebrate, it's

11:32

so hot to look forward to a date.

11:34

Absolutely. Absolutely. Yeah.

11:37

And to text, you know, sex each other before like

11:39

leading up to it and like talk about what we're wanting

11:42

to do. And it just... It's

11:44

the build. It's foreplay and yeah,

11:46

it's so good. So we get to

11:48

see each other, I don't know, once

11:51

every three weeks or so. And from

11:54

the time that we meet up till

11:56

the time we go, it's three and a half,

11:59

a shower but we usually don't beat around

12:01

the bush. We

12:04

pretty much just get right to it. We

12:06

can't keep our hands off each other, so like the

12:08

minute she walks in the door, like we're

12:10

making out and things are already

12:12

starting, so. It's pretty fabulous,

12:15

yeah. When did this start?

12:18

Cause we're gonna look at your sex-trology in a little

12:20

bit and I'm just curious, I wanna make sure that we

12:22

remember to think about this. With her in

12:24

particular?

12:24

Mm-hmm. I think it was in April

12:27

or May.

12:28

Okay. We met up a number

12:30

of times before we ever did anything

12:33

physical, just

12:34

to make sure that it's somebody

12:37

that we could

12:38

trust and especially

12:41

in the area of the country that I live in, it

12:43

is not, for many people's careers,

12:46

it is not something that they would

12:49

want to be public knowledge. So you have to really

12:51

vet

12:52

the people that you're gonna be

12:54

meeting with. Got it, got it, got it. So you know that

12:56

everything's gonna be safe. Whew,

12:59

that's a lot of stuff to think about. But

13:01

it sounds like you got through the

13:05

bureaucratic logistics of finding

13:07

a lover and damn, now you're

13:09

just part, that's so cool. Wait,

13:11

so double into double, are you

13:14

other toys? Like what else have you explored?

13:16

Like is it mostly like the dynamic, like the power

13:18

dynamic? Like what sort of conversations

13:20

are you having? I like to talk a lot

13:23

about like what I enjoy physically

13:25

and what the other person enjoys. So

13:28

part of the power is like I want to be the

13:31

best pleaser.

13:32

Like I want her to leave thinking

13:35

this is the best sex session that I've had

13:37

in, you know, however long

13:40

or maybe

13:40

ever, you know, let's make it super decide. Yeah,

13:42

yeah, yeah,

13:43

yeah, why not?

13:44

And so I want to know, you

13:46

know, like what are you feeling today and

13:48

what are you wanting? And I personally

13:51

do my best work when I have verbal

13:54

feedback from somebody, so I like, I

13:56

don't want to be spending 10 minutes doing

13:58

something that just feels mediocre. Like if

14:00

it's not giving you the chills if it's not taking

14:03

you there if your arousal is not continuing

14:05

to grow like I will shift But

14:08

so far we've played with like I have a

14:10

Wharton Berg wheel we use that she

14:12

has some floggers some whips I have

14:15

a spatula I like to use like But

14:20

there's different kinds of kids like a flipping one or like

14:22

a frosting rubber scooper one a frosting

14:25

rubber scooper one like I just called the

14:27

rubber specialist, but a rubber spatula

14:31

Yeah, I love how it feels like

14:34

yeah, and this one is Slightly

14:37

concave like a spoon like yeah, yeah

14:41

It's like clapping on you. Oh, I haven't tried.

14:43

Yeah, wait. What does it feel like? Have you tried it on your

14:45

own self?

14:46

Well, I let her spank me.

14:48

Oh, huh, okay. Oh,

14:50

damn I also really enjoy pain

14:52

so like I want to give pain

14:55

and I want to receive pain so it's the

14:57

continuation of that battle that pension that I

15:00

don't know I want to be bruised and

15:02

I want marks but

15:05

Right now she's a little timid. We're

15:07

working our way up. We'll get there

15:09

eventually I feel you know I get I

15:11

have a partner right now who like I'm like Yes,

15:14

I love it when you pulled my hair like that you

15:16

could do a little harder You know you just

15:17

getting comfortable like grabbing my hair

15:20

and like when I'm on his cock too, and I'm like a

15:22

little bit harder

15:24

My ultimate that

15:26

I've not been able to get her to bite hard enough I

15:28

want like bite marks like on

15:31

my breasts like I just want

15:33

it to be like encircling my nibble

15:36

like yeah Oh, wow like

15:38

teeth marks there. How may I ask

15:40

if it's comfy for you to answer? How do

15:42

you think your husband would feel about

15:45

that

15:45

if you came home all bitten up by

15:47

your lady lover?

15:48

You would probably be like wow you really went

15:50

to town didn't

15:51

you? sometimes

15:55

Being with her like the idea of it turns him on

15:57

and other times. It's like yeah, you just go do you so Okay,

16:00

okay. I don't know how is that for you?

16:02

That's scary ever was it like just like you guys

16:05

are finding your groove No, yeah, we're finding

16:07

our grooves like is it scary that he's

16:09

uncertain. I don't know I

16:11

just I'm really used to being

16:13

I guess like five to a thousand

16:16

times more excited than anyone I'm around

16:18

but it's like sad sometimes and I wish that

16:20

other people were like excited with you know

16:22

So one of the partners I have right now is so excited

16:24

and that's why it's so fun and that

16:27

partner is very supportive of all

16:29

of my Horrish activities shall

16:31

we say you know and they're turned on by it and

16:33

that like I love that and

16:36

I know that it's different When people have

16:38

like lives built, but I also don't personally

16:40

know so I'm just like what's your experience like? Sure

16:44

So I have great sex with my

16:47

husband, but it's very different sex and

16:50

so I feel incredibly fortunate

16:53

to have found a partner

16:54

that is Understanding

16:56

of me wanting to explore because many

16:58

people's spouses would not

17:01

be understanding it would not be okay with this

17:03

I feel Incredibly

17:05

lucky that I guess there's no other way to say

17:07

it even though he may not be excited

17:10

for my explorations I'm

17:12

excited and the person I'm seeing is

17:14

excited and said that's What's

17:17

really important like he never has negative

17:19

feelings about it? About

17:22

what I'm doing that's good, okay, so he's not

17:24

gonna get mad that that was my original question It's

17:26

like if he sees bite marks on your boobies

17:28

will he be jealous? So it sounds like

17:30

are you feeling like satisfied

17:33

with this one lady lover? Are you like who I would like to

17:35

have more pussies more often

17:37

or it sounds like the process of finding it

17:39

with a lot of work Maybe oh

17:41

goodness. Yes, it was I felt

17:43

like I was looking for something very specific and

17:46

even though I'd only Physically slept with five

17:48

people I met up with many

17:50

many more and you know just you know It wasn't a good

17:53

fit chemistry, you know, come you know,

17:55

the chemistry wasn't there,

17:56

you know, the attraction wasn't there vibes

17:59

like

17:59

Like it just, we weren't vibing. And

18:02

I had a very hard time finding people in general

18:05

because I tend

18:07

to be more attracted to people

18:09

who

18:10

are more mask representing.

18:13

And typically the type

18:15

of people who present in the way that I find

18:17

most attractive tend to be lesbians.

18:21

And

18:21

at least

18:22

the people who I've met, who identify that way,

18:25

no one has seemed to be looking for a casual

18:28

relationship. They want

18:30

a relationship

18:32

and... Yeah, a Yoo-hoo! I'm like a very stereotypical...

18:35

I learned this joke, so now I know,

18:37

but I didn't understand it for a while. But I heard people talking

18:39

about lesbians and Yoo-hoo. It took me a while to figure out that

18:41

was like a joke

18:42

about commitment. Yeah. How

18:44

quickly it happens for that community stereotypically.

18:47

Yeah, they wanted someone as

18:49

a partner in the traditional sense to be

18:52

in a relationship with. Okay. And

18:55

that is not something I have the bandwidth for at

18:57

this time. You have your own traditional

18:59

relationship already. Yeah. I'm

19:01

not interested in a polyamorous relationship.

19:04

I don't personally have the bandwidth for polyamory.

19:07

I don't function in that way. The

19:09

emotional bandwidth that I have. I

19:12

have so many people in my life I care for already

19:14

as friends. But also, calendar

19:16

is also a part of it too, I

19:18

suppose.

19:19

I think that's the number one reason I wouldn't be

19:21

like regular polyamorous. I'll never be not

19:23

in an open relationship. If I'm ever in

19:25

a relationship again,

19:27

I'll be surprised. I'm open to surprise

19:29

every day. I'm pretty like

19:32

right now I'm pretty resistant. I'm like,

19:34

catch me if you can. Where's a good invitation? I probably

19:36

will be bored. But I have a big, I'm kind

19:38

of the opposite actually. I'm like, I have a big love heart.

19:40

I can love everyone. It's a matter of like,

19:42

I

19:44

have no desire to

19:47

be in a group of Google calendars. I

19:49

have a hard time doing one calendar.

19:52

And Kimberly has to help me with that a lot. Sure.

19:55

I think a lot of it is a calendar, but I

19:57

think the other part is, I don't

19:59

know if it's.

19:59

something that is, I don't know, want to

20:02

say self-inflicted, but like, I don't know if it's my personal

20:04

choice or if it's like a choice that also

20:06

I've made with my husband.

20:08

Love and

20:10

emotional connection is

20:12

fear for if

20:15

I were to experience that with another person because

20:18

I think there's a fear of loss

20:20

of

20:21

our connection or... Yeah, yeah.

20:24

Specialness or all of it.

20:25

Yeah. Or making it feel secondary

20:28

too. I get very excited

20:30

about things very easily and I just dive

20:32

in. I'm not like a dip your toe

20:34

in the water type of person. Like

20:36

when we were first exploring

20:38

swinging, like I got on like three websites

20:41

and I was constantly like messaging

20:43

people. Like I was ready to get going

20:46

and yeah, he was trying to pump

20:48

the brakes. So I feel emotions

20:50

very easily and very quickly. And

20:53

so this particular partner that

20:55

I have now, like she has her own

20:57

life. She has a kid,

21:00

like she has a family and I have

21:02

my own stuff going on and we

21:05

don't really talk

21:05

about like when we got to know

21:07

each other before we started

21:10

hooking up physically, you know, I learned about

21:12

her and got to know about her as a person,

21:14

but we don't talk much about our lives

21:17

outside of

21:18

our sexual acts. Okay, really? Not

21:20

even like pillow talk or something? Not

21:23

a lot, no. No, we're looking like we will

21:25

occasionally... It

21:27

kind of is. I

21:30

love that chemistry and connection is

21:33

important. So then you're like, well, we

21:35

got that. That's okay. We're

21:37

on the human part is there. Now we're going to do

21:40

the human body part, you know, like it's okay.

21:43

But how do you measure that type of chemistry

21:45

then if it's not emotions related? Am I

21:47

going too deep into the weeds here? This is

21:49

the type of stuff I wonder about all the time. Like our chemistry

21:52

together physically, like if it's not

21:54

emotionally based? Well, I

21:56

guess I'm using the term chemistry broadly

21:59

when I'm reflecting on just what you were saying

22:01

a minute ago about dating with different people.

22:03

It sounds like connection is

22:05

part of it, but just not... It is.

22:07

I don't know. Ongoing day-to-day. It's like the connection

22:10

is now all the physical connection because

22:12

you had the kind of early intro, but you're

22:14

not updating each

22:16

other on how you're evolving as humans. You're just

22:19

unless sexually. I don't know. I

22:21

know very loosely how things are going in

22:25

her life, but

22:27

we message via

22:30

two platforms. One, regular

22:32

text, which is just for

22:34

vanilla, like,

22:36

oh, I remember this

22:38

life change. It's a big life change. Hope that's

22:41

going well. Blah.

22:43

Or holiday weekend. I hope you enjoyed

22:46

your holiday weekend. We may say,

22:48

oh, we're good. We're taking a trip somewhere. But

22:50

we don't go into details about how

22:52

the trip was or how our

22:56

professional lives are going or what fun

22:58

art projects I'm doing. It's none of that.

23:00

But then we also communicate on WhatsApp

23:03

because it has end-to-end encryption, and that's where all

23:05

the sexy talk happens. And that

23:08

we communicate every other day or so.

23:10

We both have busy lives. Okay. I

23:13

think that's a good hot frequency,

23:15

especially if it's not my main

23:17

partner type situation. I

23:19

also could get flooded too, so I think

23:21

that's cool. So there is some

23:23

connection. I also just never know in terms

23:25

of where my barometer is. I've definitely

23:28

had hookup buddy

23:30

friends who are like, yeah, yeah, yeah, no emotions,

23:32

but then they tell me all their emotions. And most

23:34

people end up telling me their emotions, and then I'm like, maybe

23:37

I don't understand that word. Or maybe

23:40

I don't want to. I'm also in this phase

23:42

where lately it's just been a slew

23:44

of

23:46

just reflections about how different I

23:48

am, and I'm trying to be a little

23:51

bit the same, and I can't. It's

23:53

like, how do I...

23:55

I don't know. If I don't know how I'm different,

23:57

then I don't know how to

23:58

subvert an expectation of Like I'm just like,

24:00

what is it like when I'm not

24:03

there though? Like what's happening? What's

24:05

happening? Like that's why I started interviewing people

24:07

because I'm like, well, what's it like in your world

24:10

though? What's it like regular if everyone's

24:12

telling me different? So

24:14

I don't know if anyone's regular.

24:16

Right? But here's my question. Do people

24:18

walk around telling you you're different all the time? Because

24:20

I'm like, what? Because I literally sit here and I'm like,

24:23

maybe everyone tells each other they're different.

24:25

And that's how they say

24:27

special likingness to each other.

24:30

I hear that I'm different in a lot of ways,

24:33

not always, but in a lot of

24:35

ways. I am told that I'm very

24:37

different. I don't know if it's the same as yours, but my

24:39

brain works differently than a

24:42

lot of people. And I don't have

24:44

the type of filter where most people

24:46

have a filter. Like I just say

24:48

most things that are on my mind all the time.

24:53

I try not to because that would be too much. I would

24:55

not stop talking, but I think I can relate. Oh,

24:58

I'm so excited. I haven't looked at your chart yet and

25:00

I'm like, where's the air? Where is the air? There's

25:02

air. Where's the water? I

25:05

hear it. Okay. So much air.

25:07

I know where the water is. I don't know where the air is. We're

25:09

going to find out. I also want to try all the things like novelty

25:12

is super

25:12

important to me

25:13

and trying new things all the time.

25:16

And I think a lot of people enjoy

25:18

routine and I love routine. Same.

25:22

I'm a consistent

25:24

novelty seeker.

25:25

I am the most

25:27

consistent novelty seeker you will find because

25:31

I have incredible routines and every

25:33

few weeks, you know, I whiplash my life around

25:35

and I go different places and I do work that, you know,

25:38

I'm doing the same kind of work. I'm doing like

25:41

sexy photos and sexy interviews and all of this

25:43

stuff. And I'm traveling and I'm lately

25:45

I've only been traveling to the same places. Like it's

25:47

like, I'm here. I'm in Nevada.

25:49

I'm here right now on the family farm. I'm in LA.

25:52

I'm in Nevada and you know, this next year I'm going to go more

25:54

places. But it's like having that consistent

25:57

container to then like have a wild

25:59

party.

25:59

I think you're doing perfect.

26:01

Or what's your version like? It sounds like maybe

26:03

that's

26:04

me projecting on to you.

26:06

I feel like my life is pretty great right now. I

26:09

mean, it could always be amped up, but...

26:11

Sure. I would love to do a sex party,

26:13

but they're just not happening in my area.

26:16

That is something I would love to explore. I

26:18

feel you.

26:19

I feel you. I've been exploring, yeah, there's

26:21

just such a specific type of vibe that I want. And

26:23

I know there's afternoon stuff out there. There are a couple

26:25

in LA that I haven't

26:26

hit up that I want to go to, and it's just been scheduled,

26:28

but...

26:29

I'm just ready for you to create. I know,

26:31

I know, I know, I know, I know. I can't say that one. Actually,

26:34

literally this week, one of my lovers

26:36

was asking me about that, and I was like, you know, because

26:39

we have some fantasies that include group

26:41

stuff. And,

26:42

you know, they were like, I

26:45

don't even know people. And I was like, I

26:48

know. And

26:51

I was like, I guess this is

26:52

the time where I could do the party. I think in 2024, it's

26:56

not gonna be before the end of this year, just because

26:58

I already know what my calendar is like through the end of this

27:00

year. And in 2024, I intend

27:03

to have at least a couple of weekend retreats and

27:05

at least a couple of sex parties. And

27:08

in my perfect world, there is like

27:10

a week-long retreat where I'm just

27:12

recording a fuck-ton of sex stories,

27:14

you know what I mean? And then taking pictures

27:16

of people in the meantime and facilitating fantasy

27:19

explorations. I just have to just make sure

27:21

that I'm being really clear about what

27:23

the invitations are. Because I think the

27:25

other thing that's become really, really clear, especially lately

27:28

since I started sharing more of my personal desires

27:30

through bucket list stuff. And since I started sharing,

27:33

you know, some more about what I'm doing in other places,

27:35

the emails and messages have increased

27:38

like both in volume and creepiness level. And

27:41

it's, you know, the amount of people out

27:43

there who think that I'm just like,

27:45

like I don't know in what world, anyway,

27:47

I don't need to waste time and energy on that, but it's just like,

27:50

who does emails, like what's stranger anyway?

27:52

Like a beck and call situation. So

27:54

I wanna make sure that I'm fostering

27:56

a good environment when I do that. But it's

27:59

so, it.

27:59

our future. I

28:02

will book a flight.

28:03

I mean here's

28:05

the thing in my perfect world it is a traveling

28:08

circus. The playship has a couple of playships

28:10

and then I just go around and meet in places so

28:12

hopefully people don't have to fly too far but I'm hoping

28:15

that by January I'll be able to like announce

28:18

what's coming in the year so that people can plan

28:20

it and then just go from there. We will see!

28:22

Yes! Okay you

28:25

like got to a new horizon and I

28:27

think the thing that's really important to talk about with desire

28:29

that maybe doesn't there's not always space on

28:31

the pod to talk about is oftentimes

28:34

when we reach our desires or when a desire is

28:36

fulfilled like it doesn't always line up with

28:38

what we think it's gonna it doesn't usually doesn't

28:41

ever line up with what we think it's gonna feel like. 90% of

28:44

our nucleus accumbens has

28:46

the dopamine motivation drive and then it's like 10%

28:48

that's that's actually

28:50

devoted to the liking or something like that I don't know go

28:52

read

28:53

Atomic Habits by James Clear you know so it's

28:55

getting getting to that place

28:58

now you sound like

29:00

you're having a fucking fantastic time does

29:02

it shift your horizon are you just in a moment where

29:04

you like are enjoying it or are there

29:06

other things that are like calling to you?

29:09

Well for a

29:10

long time I was afraid that what

29:12

I was seeking I was not going

29:15

to find because I kept

29:17

having those encounters and I was like well this is not

29:19

feeding the

29:20

need I was hoping

29:21

it would fill then

29:24

I found this particular partner and it was

29:27

excellent so right now I'm in

29:29

a place where I'm just very very

29:31

happy just continuing

29:33

on the path that I am but as

29:36

I am that novelty seeker I

29:38

know that this is not going to be you

29:41

know I'm not going to be

29:43

complacent here for yeah I

29:45

don't know how long but like it's not going

29:47

to be never-ending I really

29:49

want to get into

29:51

more BDSM

29:53

acts but I don't think this

29:55

partner is somebody who is like

29:58

I really want to go down

29:59

that

30:00

hardcore. That hardcore. You need a pain

30:03

cell. Wait, like what? Or what

30:05

do you mean? Like what kind of hardcore? And

30:07

giving and receiving or only giving in this way?

30:09

Yeah, right now giving and receiving. I

30:12

really enjoy both sides

30:14

of it. I feel like I'm very truly

30:16

switch. I really probably enjoy

30:19

giving more, but I think that's a control

30:21

issue. I like to because I like to

30:23

be in control, but I really

30:26

enjoy feeling the pain.

30:28

Why do people think submissive? No, but you

30:31

are in control as a submissive. I'm like, how could

30:33

I be more? Maybe I don't have a

30:35

good Dom.

30:36

Interesting. Maybe I need a good Dom who knows

30:39

what they're doing. I don't know if this is an appropriate

30:41

time to make this segment, but I'm going to do it because I

30:43

relate to what you're feeling. I had my first

30:45

experience just last week of

30:48

now I've been developing my top skills

30:51

for the last couple of years in kind of a concerted

30:53

way, but I had an experience recently

30:55

where

30:56

I basically got to be

30:58

kind of a

30:59

protege

31:00

to a very trained dominatrix

31:03

who has the skills, who has experience

31:05

working. It is mistress Luna, former

31:08

guest on the pod, who is one of my favorite

31:10

humans. And it was so incredible

31:12

because not only did

31:14

I get to borrow her submissive, who is a

31:17

very experienced submissive

31:19

and is able to, I'm like, oh my God, is this

31:21

me in 20 years? Because

31:23

they were able to

31:25

talk while receiving a fuckton

31:27

of pain, like pain, slut level pain.

31:30

And so it was really cool because I was trying

31:32

out a slapper, like the

31:34

thing that has the two little things and then like another tiny

31:36

little paddle with this, is that called a paddle?

31:40

Skinny paddle. I need to learn the names of everything. And

31:42

then spanking. And so I've been receiving a lot of spanks lately,

31:44

but this was the first time where I

31:46

was like, oh shit, because she showed me how

31:49

you can throw a leg up over them

31:51

on this spanking horse. And

31:53

so, you know, with the things on the side. And

31:56

then I ended up mounting, like

31:58

facing the other direction. Mounting the submissive

32:01

and I had permission to for full weight, you know, and I'm

32:04

checking in and I felt the

32:06

switch if that makes sense So like in

32:08

my work life I'm always in

32:10

charge and I do it effortlessly when I

32:12

am directing a scene when I'm directing a client when I

32:15

am

32:15

Bawthing around Kimberly when I'm talking

32:17

to people like I'm really really really good

32:20

at holding space for people and big I pop up up up at

32:22

the airport at jury Do like I'll tell people

32:24

what to do anywhere little kids come up and ask

32:26

like I'm just like an authority figure for the world

32:28

I don't know why but in sex

32:31

I

32:32

feel

32:34

like every single person

32:36

Feels like a

32:38

brand new wide deep unknown

32:40

if anyone out there is like, why does she ask

32:43

people the same questions? Oh or an over

32:45

that's why because I

32:47

do not have the assumptions and I Think

32:50

of it as like a lack of confidence sometimes But

32:53

I actually have an incredible amount of confidence in my

32:55

skill knowledge and ability to keep some of this

32:58

So this was a moment where I was on

33:00

top of this person Slapping

33:02

and spanking and just like and I

33:04

felt an actual rush of

33:06

joy

33:07

Not just because I was doing it for

33:10

that person which normally when I'm in

33:12

top space It's a deep deep deep

33:14

service submissive like yummy thing

33:16

for me Whereas this started to feel

33:18

more like

33:20

oh my god This is fun to me too, and it

33:22

was so fun So so I don't know

33:24

what that's unfolding But I think I'm feeling

33:26

my own version of that and so it's so cool to hear

33:29

you like exploring yours and you know and I continue

33:31

to gain skills and I am gaining my

33:33

two-handed blogging skills and

33:36

It was so funny because I could

33:38

feel the insecurity at the beginning You know,

33:40

I can literally feel it in my body Like I'm

33:43

very I'm hyper aware of everything and I can

33:45

literally feel how the movement is

33:47

Insecure if that makes sense Did you have that

33:49

for yourself when you were like getting into stuff or were you just

33:51

like I'm gonna go for it? Like what did it feel like to

33:53

you?

33:54

It sounded very confident when you were telling us

33:56

about it. It feels very confident Well,

34:00

that's helpful

34:01

for me like barometer wise too. Did

34:03

you already have that confidence or is it like permission? Cuz

34:05

you're in this space to explore that you're

34:07

just like no, I know She

34:10

actually asked me same question. She's like

34:12

you're just so

34:13

It's gonna sound like I'm tooting my own horn. Please do

34:16

but she's like you're so good at this She's like,

34:18

how are you this good and you haven't been with that

34:20

many people? And I was like, I

34:23

think what it is is I know and every

34:26

body is different Yeah, physical

34:29

body, but I know

34:31

what I would enjoy and so

34:33

I tried to and I listened to other

34:36

people want to but like It's especially

34:38

nice To do it on a woman because

34:41

a woman's body is very different from a man's body

34:43

So like when I'm touched in certain

34:45

ways, you know, or I will say

34:47

to her like,

34:48

you know Like oh, I really enjoy being

34:50

touched here

34:52

You know, this is feel good to you and to

34:55

get those responses and I

34:57

Don't know I

34:58

the power thing like I just

35:01

it feels natural Question

35:05

your confidence I'm just like what does it feel like from

35:07

the other side when it's there because I've witnessed it

35:09

in many other pussy owners too and

35:11

sometimes it makes me question my own Pansexual

35:15

ness because I'm like if I'm not that confident then maybe

35:17

I don't you know Like if I'm not like rar

35:19

I want to like have your pussy right now. It's for

35:21

me. It's like I

35:23

Spent the last decade

35:25

like squashing down my horniness

35:28

and then the last five years being like

35:30

oh

35:31

I don't

35:33

How am I supposed to hold space here? This

35:35

is a made-up zone. I don't know

35:38

And now I know in some

35:40

cases So I really appreciate that insight because

35:42

I'm a person that

35:44

is like well I know what feels good on me

35:47

and now I have Anecdotal data

35:49

about what feels good on a hundred other people and

35:51

like actually a hundred other more over that, you know And so

35:54

then I'm like over. Yeah, however,

35:56

I will say I've been studying this

35:58

month. I have

35:59

been doing my masturbation meditation

36:02

exploration so I actually am 10 days into edging when

36:04

we were recording this I have not had an orgasm

36:06

in 10 days probably for the

36:08

first time since I discovered masturbation

36:11

like I don't I've never ever ever consciously

36:14

taken a break it occurred to me on a whim late

36:17

Thursday night and I was like let's

36:19

do it what's gonna happen

36:20

and it's been a wild interesting

36:22

challenge and last year's

36:24

sponsor OMG yes I still have their

36:26

login info so I've been going through all of their stuff

36:29

and there's another one coming up educated who I really

36:31

like where I think I'm gonna get into their stuff and just

36:33

sort of see what they're teaching but the OMG

36:35

yes just looking at all the different ways that

36:37

a pussy can be touched there's some stuff that just didn't

36:40

occur to me it's really interesting

36:41

so now I'm like the threesome

36:44

I had yesterday was what I

36:46

didn't get to play with her pussy that much so I

36:48

really am looking forward to having a

36:51

pussy owning partner where I can just like go to town

36:53

and her experiment ah

36:56

so one really interesting thing is that

36:59

I found that I like to be

37:01

a

37:01

top with my husband and when

37:03

I'm with men but I don't

37:06

like to be submissive to

37:09

men but I don't mind being submissive to women

37:12

which is interesting

37:12

so

37:16

is there anything more to say about it I I

37:18

have no idea other

37:20

than just like

37:21

like it's just

37:23

my internal

37:25

way of fighting against the Patriot

37:30

may I offer a counterpoint as a happy

37:32

submissive who really wants to submit to everyone

37:35

in the right context I want to

37:37

bring a context point because I think for

37:40

me in my personal life I'm

37:42

trying to think I'm like all right I really haven't submitted

37:45

to that many

37:45

men

37:47

but I think it's

37:50

giving woman kind of gifts to

37:52

make them do the hardest work and

37:54

I think it sets a level of expectation

37:57

of behavior that were that normalized

37:59

I think a lot more post-owners

38:02

would enjoy maybe some like laying down some

38:04

of the holding of the stress that we carry

38:07

Because I actually think personally in my personal

38:09

experience being a top is a suck ton

38:11

of work. I feel like

38:14

there is

38:15

Some training that maybe needs to be happening

38:18

across the land to make it more

38:20

broadly appealing But I think it's about

38:23

giving penis owners the tools that

38:25

I don't think we currently have as a society

38:27

to create safe Thoughtful spaces

38:30

where we might want to actually

38:31

more broadly be like yeah,

38:33

okay

38:34

You know and again I'm saying this with all

38:36

of the privilege

38:36

of a person who no one has ever done

38:39

anything to me that I didn't want and Part of that

38:41

is because I fucking yell at people

38:43

when they get really

38:44

close like really, you know Or you know,

38:46

I have that that way of being like, what are you

38:48

doing now? you know like and

38:51

I think you know, that's also why my

38:54

What used to be the best sex of my life totally

38:56

fell apart because I was

38:58

like, these aren't the balance What are you doing?

39:01

What are you doing? And as soon as I started questioning

39:03

as soon as it starts

39:04

Poking someone it's like then they exposed that's

39:07

right. So if that's the case, I totally get that

39:09

but I think there's deliciousness in

39:12

I think also what I have learned

39:15

both from some reading and from

39:17

Research and

39:18

work stuff I've been doing lately Especially

39:20

a lot of the like erotic content creation

39:22

that I've been doing especially when I'm in charge holding

39:25

space If I really notice

39:27

when not just dudes not just ladies

39:30

everyone

39:31

loves

39:33

To feel useful they love to have a job They

39:35

love to have a clear job and I just wonder

39:38

if we if we were a little bit clearer on

39:40

some of the expectations Around that like

39:42

the world might change, you know, I hear from a lot

39:44

of lonely dudes that are like Women

39:46

walk and I'm just like, yeah, but

39:48

what are you offering?

39:50

Are you offering a safe space? Are you offering an

39:52

invitation at all? Are you offering

39:54

a good invitation? Is there any information about

39:56

you? Are you just like hey why you'll

39:58

come to Burning Man with me?

40:00

No, I'm not gonna just

40:02

show up to go meet a complete stranger

40:05

who didn't even send a picture, or tell me anything about them, or

40:07

send their LinkedIn, or offer me any sort

40:09

of anything from my time and energy for a

40:11

two week. So glad I didn't go, sounds like it was

40:13

a fucking muddy disaster. You

40:17

know, so, which is not to say, and

40:19

I hope none of that comes off as like, judgment

40:22

around, I think you definitely should not submit

40:24

to me, like, and I know that from a lot of vagina owners don't

40:27

want to submit to dudes, and I also just think

40:30

it's like, we need to make them go out and hunt, and

40:32

they feel happy, and they come back, and

40:34

then they're useless instead of whiny,

40:37

and bothering podcasters as if I'm

40:39

some secret, blah, I'll get

40:41

off my rant. Do you want to look at your astrology? Let's

40:43

do it! Okay,

40:45

so, here we are,

40:47

looking at your natal chart. So,

40:49

Renly May, oh,

40:52

you're a fifth house Capricorn

40:54

son, I'm also a fifth house son, so

40:56

fifth house is the house of artistry,

40:59

and your son is your main, you know, that's

41:01

the astrology sign everyone knows, so you probably knew

41:03

you were a Capricorn. Capricorn is,

41:05

usually they're pretty

41:07

good at schedules, they're usually pretty

41:09

solid as an earth sign, you know, so there's like,

41:11

I said I was going to do it, so I'm

41:13

going to do it, you know. Capricorn is the

41:15

sea goat, so it's actually a feminine

41:18

sign, so it's, she is a sea

41:20

goat that crawls out of the ocean, goes to

41:23

climb the mountain, gathers the wisdom

41:25

at the top of the mountain, then goes back down into the valley and

41:27

disseminates the information, and then like finds the next mountain

41:29

to climb. And so it is a sign

41:32

of like achievement and career. You also have

41:34

Jupiter, the planet, just

41:36

to jump ahead to your planet, you usually do Sun Moon rising

41:38

first, but like, in your fifth house, seven

41:41

degrees from your son, you have Jupiter,

41:43

the beneficent

41:43

planet who's basically like a big

41:45

Santa Claus, like a magnifying glass cheerleader,

41:48

for better or worse, also in Capricorn.

41:51

So

41:52

that could be a lot of rigidity, but also

41:54

it's in your house of artistry,

41:56

creativity, play, children,

41:59

the fifth house is associated with that. with the qualities of Leo,

42:01

so there's like the generosity of the

42:02

spirit of your artist heart.

42:05

So

42:06

are you rigid? You also have Neptune in

42:08

Capricorn, but that's in the fourth house, which

42:11

is like, do you identify as like, very

42:13

concrete? Yes, grounded? Yes. Are

42:16

you like always on time? I am always on time.

42:18

And I always, I live by my schedule,

42:20

like I live by my calendar. And if I don't write

42:22

it down, I have trouble sometimes. Yeah,

42:26

yeah, totally, I

42:28

really feel that I my first house is

42:30

full of Capricorn, three planets in Capricorn together.

42:33

And it's like Uranus, Neptune, and

42:35

Saturn. So it's like the revolutionary, the

42:37

dreamer, and the daddy energy. So

42:39

it's like, for me, it's a jangly. Okay, so

42:42

Sun, a Capricorn, Sun, let's

42:44

find your moon, a Cancer Moon,

42:48

and Virgo rising. Oh, that makes so

42:50

much sense. Okay, so

42:54

Capricorn is Earth, that's

42:56

in your fifth house, your Cancer Moon. So

42:58

Moon is what comes naturally to

43:01

us. It's also where we revert when we are

43:03

crinkly, shall we say, it can be pretty

43:05

moody, it can also be like unconscious

43:08

and like mama related stuff. So

43:11

yours is in the 10th house, which is typically

43:13

the house of career. So it also might

43:16

be like, yeah, work is on block. In

43:18

the sign of Cancer, which is also like Cancer

43:21

is

43:21

the opposite of Capricorn. So that's pretty

43:24

cool. Interesting. So you're in opposition,

43:26

you have that built in. So your Sun is here,

43:28

your Moon is there. So you have kind of the like, you

43:31

know,

43:31

like the archetypal father

43:33

and mother, like Cancer and

43:36

Capricorn

43:36

both have strong qualities of both.

43:38

And it sort of depends on how you want to like, I

43:40

could make a case for either being either. But typically

43:42

Capricorn is like Papa energy and Cancerian

43:45

energy is mama energy, but both are extremely

43:47

like career oriented achievement

43:49

financial science, but Cancer does it from this place

43:52

of soft

43:53

underbelly, like

43:55

Cancer at the height of its power

43:58

is

43:59

like the world.

43:59

is my family and I am here to

44:02

build the lighted house in which we may dwell.

44:05

Also if you poke a cancer, a cancer,

44:07

moons in particular can be a little bit crappy,

44:09

they can be a little bit grumpy, although I would wonder

44:11

how that shows up for you since you

44:13

have earth, sun, and rising.

44:15

Sometimes one can be so

44:18

grounded that you don't necessarily get lost in

44:20

the like pinchy, crabby, grabbiness,

44:23

but what do you like when you're tired of him? I know I

44:25

am incredibly moody and I switch

44:27

on a dime, absolutely, okay,

44:30

switch and I'm okay, but I

44:32

will say

44:33

you're talking about

44:34

cancer and Capricorn being opposites.

44:38

Truly my friends call me a juicy

44:40

contradiction, that's how they describe me because

44:42

I am I am both things,

44:44

I am like opposite things of so

44:47

much of my personality is I'm very

44:50

fully both things but opposite, but

44:52

I'm never in the middle. I relate

44:55

to that. Oh man, okay, well we've

44:57

got some juicy opposites. Okay, so I want to go back to what I said

44:59

earlier, there's no obvious

45:01

air here, there's no obvious air.

45:03

We have a we have a loaded third house which is

45:05

the Gemini house which is air. We also have, oh you,

45:09

you have Mars, the warrior

45:11

in Pisces, which is the

45:14

deepest feeler in the seventh house. I have Mars

45:16

in Cancer in the seventh house, so that's just like a deeply

45:18

sensitive warrior in the house of relationship.

45:21

So the third house is associated

45:24

with like writing and communication. You have

45:27

Pluto in Scorpio and

45:30

Saturn in Scorpio in your third house.

45:33

So that's like deep transformational

45:38

like

45:39

communication that is whoa

45:42

yeah that

45:43

not even surface level. Do you have surface level

45:46

conversations?

45:47

Yes, but that's my favorite thing

45:49

to do with my husband is just we just sit

45:51

and talk and philosophize and pontificate

45:54

and

45:55

that's how I like to spend a lot of my free time.

45:57

That does not surprise me at all because so much

45:59

Mercury, your planet of communication,

46:02

is in the sign of Sagittarius, which is fire.

46:05

So we all have, obviously we all

46:07

communicate, but in the third house

46:09

of communication you have Pluto, which is

46:11

the slow-moving

46:13

healer. So yeah,

46:15

it's at four degrees. Where is it now?

46:18

Okay, so since you've been born, it's only moved two

46:20

houses. Oh, and it's now moving

46:22

through your house of artistry. I'm jumping ahead of myself.

46:24

Sorry, let me slow down. Let me slow down and focus.

46:28

So Pluto is the

46:30

healer, but it's often

46:32

through transformation via

46:35

death. Or Pluto can

46:37

have this really intense energy

46:39

because it's the slowest, moving farthest, outlying,

46:42

not everyone calls it a planet, but we still love you Pluto.

46:45

And that's in your house of communication. And

46:48

it's in the sign of Scorpio. And Scorpio is

46:51

sex, death, money, going deep.

46:54

Heidi Rose Robbins always taught me the phrase

46:56

for Scorpio is warrior. From I

46:58

and from the battle I emerge triumphant.

47:01

So it's someone, you know, and so I

47:03

also have Pluto in Scorpio. For me, it's

47:05

in my 11th house, which is the Aquarian

47:07

house. So that's for me the sex podcast, where

47:10

I like want to go deep

47:11

to heal the world. But

47:13

with technology and talk about it. So

47:16

for you,

47:16

it makes sense that you would want

47:18

to talk about it. And

47:19

they are not conjunct, but you also have Saturn,

47:22

which is

47:24

daddy energy. Saturn is the

47:26

authoritarian, Saturn is regimes.

47:29

Saturn is associated with Capricorn. And

47:31

so it has that not rigid quality,

47:34

but Saturn is the teacher. Where it is in

47:36

your chart is where you can grow the most. And

47:39

it's like literally deep

47:42

communication because it's in the sign of

47:44

Scorpio. And it's in the third house of communication.

47:47

Like Scorpio doesn't always want to talk either, which

47:49

is interesting that you have the

47:51

warrior of because it's also

47:54

a water sign. So it's like

47:56

can be like below the surface, you know,

47:58

sneaking up there that doesn't always.

47:59

want to talk, but I imagine that

48:02

you probably, you

48:03

know, you said you have these conversations with your husband

48:05

and it sounds like maybe you would need someone that

48:07

you trust to have a deep conversation with would be

48:09

my guest based on those placements.

48:12

Then again,

48:13

Mercury and Sagittarius.

48:16

Sagittarius is the new. Sagittarius follows

48:18

Scorpio, so you have Mercury and Uranus.

48:22

Uranus is the revolutionary, the rebel,

48:24

the one that likes to shake things up. Both

48:26

of those are in Sagittarius in your fourth

48:29

house

48:30

of home.

48:31

So also, so that's novelty. So that

48:34

is novelty. And that might be a person who also,

48:36

you know, even though you have that intensity

48:37

in your third house of communication, your

48:40

planet Mercury of communication in

48:42

Sagittarius there at 23 degrees is probably

48:45

going to be super curious.

48:47

How does that show up for you at home? Like

48:49

novelty seeking, do you

48:51

guys explore or travel together?

48:53

Like what

48:54

shake up happens in your life around home and

48:56

family?

48:57

Around like physical home?

48:59

I'm always doing new. It can be both.

49:02

I'm always doing a new project like

49:04

around the house. Like I'm always wanting to

49:07

make something new and it's about

49:10

a lot of creation. And I shift

49:12

our pictures on the wall around a lot and

49:14

our furniture and I was going to ask

49:17

about rearranging. I'm a rearranger.

49:19

I cannot help it. I have to rearrange constantly

49:22

whenever I feel like

49:23

I like to travel. We don't travel a

49:25

lot. It can also be learning travel

49:28

of the mind. I mean, I like to learn new

49:30

things, but I don't like to dig in.

49:32

I don't have the patience to spend

49:34

too much too much time to like become

49:38

an expert. No, Sagittarius is not the

49:40

patient one. It's just like, let me try it. Let me see.

49:42

Let me see. Let me see. You know, like Sagittarius

49:44

and Gemini kind of have that quality of like, I mean

49:46

Gemini is more of a researcher Sagittarius

49:49

can show up in higher education

49:52

or like devotional learnings, like priests

49:55

and things like that. But like that's not necessarily

49:57

our path. I call myself a

49:59

hobby hopper. There

50:00

you go. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, because

50:02

also Uranus is like the earthquake and

50:05

Uranus in Sagittarius is like the

50:07

revolutionary Explorer

50:09

in the realm of like home

50:12

and family in the fourth house So it doesn't

50:14

have to be across the world and I think I

50:16

think that's the thing too It's like I'm so curious, but

50:18

I can get curious about every little thing I have

50:21

to be careful about where I focus my curiosity

50:23

or where I give that kind of attention and

50:25

energy So that's very interesting.

50:28

What about Neptune?

50:28

So your dreamer is also

50:31

in Capricorn in the

50:33

fourth house, which is home So maybe that

50:35

is what grounds it actually you're like,

50:37

yeah, yeah, yeah all of that's out there But my dreams

50:39

are actually really concrete and they're right here at home

50:43

How do you feel do you feel like

50:46

your dreams are concrete do you do

50:48

escapism? I

50:51

Don't know if I have any particular

50:54

like I've never known what I wanted to

50:56

be

50:57

when I grow up and like

51:00

I've never had like a

51:01

ultimate

51:02

goal of anything like Right

51:05

now traveling is restrictive based on

51:07

like our chosen career paths, but

51:10

my goal is to

51:12

not work so that I can do

51:14

all the fun art and I

51:17

want to learn all the skills to

51:19

You know produce all the different types of art

51:21

that I want to learn and I want to go to all the

51:23

amazing places to eat All the great food. I

51:25

mean, but I don't know that that's oh, yeah That's

51:28

much different from most people's dreams

51:30

is to not have to work for a living

51:32

to be able to do something you just enjoy I

51:35

Mean some of us are so obsessed with

51:37

our work that if you try to take away from us Someone

51:41

you know, but I could also argue that I Could

51:44

argue that like all of my work is

51:46

fun art projects

51:48

and now it involves sex. So it's like

51:51

Why would I do anything else?

51:53

And yeah and includes delicious food on

51:56

the note of delicious food. We do have your

51:58

Norse node, which is kind of like

51:59

a mini rising sign at the top of your

52:02

chart in Taurus. Oh, there's the air!

52:04

Oh, Gemini's at the top of your chart.

52:07

So

52:07

you're just like here to have a conversation,

52:08

but it's going to be a deep conversation depending

52:10

on who it is. You know, so at the,

52:13

I forget what it's called, Midheaven. I think it's the Midheaven.

52:15

It's not your rising sign with just like your sole purpose, but

52:18

it's more just like

52:19

how you show up in the world and kind of like what,

52:22

you know, like what you're here to bring forth

52:25

in, you know, it rules your 10th house cusp.

52:27

So it also can oftentimes have to do with

52:29

your

52:29

public life or career. You also

52:31

have

52:32

Chiron, just to jump ahead, we're going to get back

52:35

to Venus and Mars, both in Pisces

52:37

in the sixth and seventh house respectively. But

52:40

Chiron, which is the wounded healer,

52:42

it's an asteroid that we don't always talk about, but I

52:44

do because it's like your own personal wound,

52:47

but you can help others grow there the most, you

52:49

know. So for me, for example, I have

52:52

Chiron

52:53

in Cancer in the seventh house

52:55

of relationship. So it's like my own

52:58

personal wounding around like creating

53:00

family and connection and like

53:02

that soft, squishy group in relationship, especially.

53:05

But what am I the best at? What am I the best at helping other

53:07

people with? Like really unpacking

53:10

their own sex lives in so many ways,

53:12

like the numbers of times that I've like helped other people

53:14

and I'm like, but it's like

53:16

literally written in my chart, you know, and I have,

53:19

I have all the tools for that. So you, do

53:21

you have any pain points around

53:23

communication or anything that is difficult around

53:26

communication, especially in the realm of career?

53:28

Connecting to my career maybe, but

53:31

like not come back. I don't

53:33

particularly feel connected

53:34

to my career. Kind of, I've never known what

53:36

I want to do and I don't particularly

53:38

feel like connected to it. It's just like

53:40

a means to make my living. Yeah.

53:42

Which by the way, is not a bad thing. It's taken

53:45

me a long time to accept

53:47

it. We live in a culture that is like obsessed

53:49

with who are you,

53:50

what do you do? And that's how we define

53:53

ourselves.

53:53

And that's been increasingly crinkly

53:55

for me the past couple of years as I'm like podcaster,

53:58

photographer, other things. start with the letter

54:00

p you know because why why

54:03

does that define you but but i think it's actually you

54:05

know probably in our human origins

54:07

i don't think we were designed by careers

54:09

so i would say that's perhaps a gift

54:12

interesting great i love

54:15

that you're like not too many wounds that's good

54:17

okay i think it's also useful

54:19

to be able to be like nope this is what this job

54:21

is for if that supports boundaries

54:24

i definitely know people who are like no this job is for this and

54:26

they still get all tangled up into it but um

54:28

doesn't sound like the issue here so

54:29

i do want to go focus on your venus

54:32

which is what we value and what we love

54:34

which is the kind of like

54:36

archetypal feminine goddess

54:39

energy and then mars which is the archetypal

54:42

masculine warrior energy for

54:44

you

54:44

both of those are in pisces but venus

54:46

is in your sixth house which is

54:48

associated with vergo

54:50

everyday work you know so it's

54:52

the work that you do every single day it's like what

54:56

you value so venus in pisces

54:58

is

54:59

we're looking at perhaps someone who

55:02

values

55:04

emotional like oceans

55:06

of love pisces is

55:08

the ruler like um pisces is the last

55:10

sign of the zodiac

55:11

and so it's like

55:13

can feel and hold like

55:15

there's space for everyone pisces is also the

55:17

most prone to depression i'm a pisces moon so i'm

55:19

like just put me in a hot tub and let me cry

55:22

whenever i whenever the full moon is out and

55:24

i'll be fine you know it's

55:26

very deeply sensitive because it understands

55:29

everyone so you i think based

55:32

on this chart would value the ability

55:34

to have deep

55:37

feeling maybe in your everyday life i don't know very

55:39

much valuing sensitive dudes yeah

55:42

like mark has been because it's beautiful

55:44

to me that could also you're a vergo rising

55:46

too and so that vergo is

55:49

priestess energy vergo is

55:52

the discerning eye that looks

55:54

around and says what can be better here what is there

55:56

to harvest what do we need to plant differently

55:58

next year you know

55:59

And the catch with Virgo, not so much as a Virgo

56:02

rising, because as a rising sign you're here to cultivate

56:04

that. But whereas with cancer it's like, ah,

56:06

you get all grumpy, Virgos can get hypercritical.

56:09

And oftentimes that can be focused

56:12

inwards and or outwards.

56:14

And the two really aren't so different,

56:16

but people express them differently, right? So for

56:18

you, calling it in as your rising sign, it's...

56:21

Devotion can show up in multiple

56:23

ways, right? It's about giving as

56:26

well as receiving. Because what

56:28

are we to a high priestess? Hopefully devotional

56:31

to a nice priestess. And

56:33

also being a priestess, we are devotional

56:35

to something else, the higher power. So

56:38

it creates kind of that gift and it's beautiful.

56:41

It's beautiful and grounded in... Oftentimes

56:44

associated with healing arts, but it's like grounded

56:46

in the earth, you know? It's what are we nurturing?

56:49

What are we growing? And so that's

56:51

opposite where your Venus,

56:54

you know, because your rising sign there on the left

56:56

at the... 9 o'clock position is opposite

56:58

the 3 o'clock, which Pisces rules

57:00

your 7th house cast. So relationships,

57:03

feeling is going to be important in your relationships, because

57:05

the 7th house is the house of relationships.

57:08

And again, just like me, you have Mars in

57:10

your 7th house, the warrior. But

57:13

you have, I have it in cancer, you have it in

57:15

Pisces, so that's even more

57:18

sensitive. So would you say

57:20

that you are attracted to sensitive dudes?

57:22

It's a good question. It doesn't

57:25

have to show up that way, but it like is... How

57:27

does emotion show up for you in relationships or like

57:29

what you value emotionally? When I'm in

57:32

an emotional relationship with someone,

57:33

I want someone who can be fully

57:36

transparent about

57:37

everything. I want it to be a two-way street

57:39

where we are both

57:40

sharing our full extent of ourselves.

57:43

I don't like surface relationships

57:46

with someone I'm intimate with. The sexual thing

57:48

with my new lady friend partner

57:50

is very different. But when I'm in an

57:53

emotional

57:53

relationship with someone, I want them

57:55

to be fully invested. Yeah. Yeah. That

57:58

makes sense.

57:59

You know, sometimes we can show up.

57:59

up like this. Mars can look like, what am

58:02

I willing

58:02

to fight for?

58:03

You know, so it's like, I'm willing to

58:05

fight for... well it

58:07

can show up a number of ways. I mean Pisces also

58:10

rules

58:10

music, it rules photography, so like I'm

58:12

willing to fight for the space for my deep

58:14

sensitive creativity even if it's quite, you

58:16

know, it's not necessarily a battle. Mars isn't

58:18

always about a battle, it's like what would I stand up for?

58:21

And for you, it's like what

58:23

would I stand up for is the same thing I value

58:25

because both of those are in Pisces.

58:28

This is a really cool balance chart because

58:30

that's another good example of Pisces

58:33

opposite Virgo. So there you have again the

58:35

opposition. You have the

58:38

like Gemini at the top of your chart in

58:40

opposition to the Sagittarian

58:42

energy that's in your fourth house in Uranus

58:44

and Mercury. You have that the

58:47

Scorpio, you don't really have a lot of Taurus

58:49

balancing out your Scorpio, but you have North node

58:51

in Taurus which means you're like, I

58:53

got this. I'm just here to eat the good food and

58:55

travel around the world to eat the good food. That's what

58:57

I did. Oh I don't think I said that earlier out loud. North

59:00

node in Taurus,

59:01

ninth house is about travel and exploration.

59:05

North node in Taurus, Taurus is the sensual pleasure,

59:07

so you're like yeah I'm I'm

59:09

here for that all around the

59:11

world. And

59:14

I also could see, you know, with Uranus and Mercury

59:16

in the fourth house in Sagittarius, I mean

59:19

that's...

59:20

you could go anywhere

59:21

and you could go anywhere from home too, if

59:23

that makes sense. Like you can you don't have to leave

59:25

home to go play. Sure. Because we've got these brains

59:28

and all this connection. Okay let's look through

59:30

transit or do you have any thoughts that you want to say?

59:32

I know I just blasted you with a

59:33

ton of information.

59:35

Very out of line. I'm gonna have to soak

59:37

that in for a moment. But I'm loving

59:39

all of it. Yeah yeah yeah. Okay

59:42

so right now in the

59:44

headings, let's just

59:45

see what's happening. This is where I'm like oh I want to look

59:47

at my phone for help. And by the way if anyone

59:50

is listening to this, I'm not

59:51

a real astrologer. I just

59:53

worked for one for a while and I find this very

59:55

fun and I and I'm really fascinated by the patterns.

59:58

Okay so we have... Ooh,

1:00:00

this is the juiciest thing right now. Saturn

1:00:03

is sitting right on top of your

1:00:05

natal Venus. So if you look at the right-hand

1:00:07

side of your transit by-wheel chart,

1:00:10

Saturn is at two degrees spicy, so it is exactly

1:00:12

conjunct. I think this

1:00:15

is your

1:00:17

play friend,

1:00:18

because Saturn is dominant energy

1:00:20

too. You know, and it's in that sixth

1:00:23

house. Now this is not

1:00:25

to say that it'll shift into any different

1:00:27

type of relationship when Saturn enters your seventh

1:00:29

house. I'm not saying that.

1:00:31

You're already in a lower-case R relationship.

1:00:33

It just exists.

1:00:34

But I think it's really interesting

1:00:36

that like, you know, so Saturn is typically

1:00:39

top energy, although also people with

1:00:41

strong,

1:00:42

like with Saturn and lots of Capricorn energy, you

1:00:45

know, maybe they want to be on either

1:00:46

side of getting tied up kind of situation. It doesn't

1:00:48

always have to be tied, but I just mean the power dynamic. And

1:00:51

so just seeing that it's conjunct

1:00:54

on your Venus, which is the divine

1:00:56

feminine,

1:00:58

that to me is just kind

1:00:59

of hot, especially since you said that you're exploring the BDSM

1:01:01

out there. Yeah. That's really cool. So

1:01:05

cool.

1:01:05

And then Neptune,

1:01:07

oh, here we go. Neptune in Pisces has been

1:01:09

moving through your seventh house of relationships. So

1:01:12

it moves pretty slow too. So I'd

1:01:14

have to go back and like, look, I don't have the software

1:01:16

to like see when it entered there, but

1:01:18

I'd have to get an ephemeris chart. But Neptune

1:01:21

in your seventh house is the dream

1:01:23

of the relationship,

1:01:26

because you're in the house of relationship. It's the

1:01:28

dream of like what types of emotions

1:01:32

are for the relationships

1:01:34

that you're creating. And so it sounds like based

1:01:36

on the conversation, where's your Mercury? Oh,

1:01:39

Mercury's just,

1:01:40

Mercury moves quickly. Right now, Mercury

1:01:42

just hit your rising sign. So, you know,

1:01:44

it's around, it's in the first house and it's, oh, exactly

1:01:47

opposite your Mars. So I mean,

1:01:49

it sounds like you talk to your partner a

1:01:51

lot about stuff. Fun. And then

1:01:54

what is the conjunction? Yeah, cause Mercury,

1:01:57

Dan, there was just a Mercury Sun conjunction.

1:01:59

I think it would have been happening in your first

1:02:02

house.

1:02:02

I'd have to go back and look. It seems like

1:02:04

you're in a new era. When do you feel like that started,

1:02:07

this version of it?

1:02:09

Well, long-term of this new era

1:02:12

began, I think, probably

1:02:14

in 2020 with the pandemic, but

1:02:17

that's because we just started talking a lot about,

1:02:19

you know, like how we were changing our relationships and

1:02:22

then really dug into that.

1:02:24

But I thought it was more related to like what was happening

1:02:26

in the world around us, but I

1:02:29

think.

1:02:30

Last summer, like when

1:02:32

I really started exploring on my own, but

1:02:34

like when I met this play partner, I

1:02:37

think it was like May.

1:02:38

That's when things really

1:02:40

shifted.

1:02:42

Interesting. Yeah,

1:02:44

that's so cool. We

1:02:46

have a beautiful trine happening between

1:02:49

your natal sun and Jupiter, your

1:02:51

natal sun in Capricorn in that fourth house

1:02:54

down below,

1:02:54

and Jupiter is in your ninth

1:02:56

house right now, and remember

1:02:58

Jupiter is the big, so it's just like a harmonious

1:03:00

sort of like unfolding in a grounded concrete

1:03:02

way of sensuality and pleasure. And we

1:03:05

have Uranus in the sky right now, so

1:03:08

transiting Uranus,

1:03:09

hitting your natal Jupiter. So

1:03:11

there could be a shakeup, you know, and

1:03:14

it's coming up on your mid-heaven too,

1:03:16

slowly. Like you have a few years

1:03:17

before it hits the top top because Uranus

1:03:19

is gonna be in Taurus for a couple more years, it moves,

1:03:21

it switches signs every seven or eight years and,

1:03:25

are we four years into, I

1:03:27

don't know. I should know this, because Uranus

1:03:29

has been working on my sun and my Venus,

1:03:31

and it's gonna get me one more time before it's all the way out,

1:03:33

but something's coming for your 10th

1:03:35

house of career, because when Uranus moves into

1:03:38

it, when Uranus hits your mid-heaven, there is always

1:03:40

a shakeup. So I

1:03:43

would also say, just knowing you a little

1:03:45

bit and hearing what we talked about today,

1:03:48

not being certain about career stuff

1:03:50

can be the greatest gift, because you're

1:03:52

not clutching

1:03:53

anything, and it means you can be the most

1:03:55

open to possibilities that actually work

1:03:57

for you, however

1:03:58

that looks. And...

1:04:00

You know, all of this, in my opinion,

1:04:02

our

1:04:03

entire lives affect our sex lives, right?

1:04:05

So like, I'm not that good at being

1:04:07

like sex-trialed. Oh yeah, let's see what your current Venus

1:04:10

is. Because Venus and Mars are really what we would

1:04:12

be looking at. And I'm still

1:04:14

learning to read all the aspects, which are trines

1:04:16

and squares and sex-styles and quintile,

1:04:19

all the funny things I can't remember and pronounce.

1:04:22

Oh, Venus is in Leo, in

1:04:24

a 12th house. Oh, that's great. Okay,

1:04:26

so Venus moves quickly, so it's not going to

1:04:28

be here long. But like, that to me is totally

1:04:31

just, it's you showing up here expressing

1:04:34

what you value

1:04:35

in this passionate new relationship.

1:04:37

But it's a little bit hidden because we can't see your

1:04:39

face and nobody knows who you really are.

1:04:41

And that is like, that is Venus

1:04:44

in Leo energy. And I also feel like that's,

1:04:46

I mean, to me, Venus and Leo is like

1:04:49

a dominatrix

1:04:50

lion too. You know, a secret

1:04:52

dominatrix

1:04:52

lion in the 12th house. That's

1:04:56

just

1:04:56

how I'm, that's my creative interpretation

1:04:58

of that. And then where is Mars right now?

1:05:00

Mars and Libra in the second house.

1:05:02

So that's literally like fighting

1:05:04

for right relationship in a grounded way.

1:05:07

And you don't have to fight that hard. It's just like what you're willing to

1:05:09

fight for. So that's, you know, and

1:05:11

that's just where it is in like,

1:05:13

in your world right

1:05:14

now. It's not hitting any of your planets. It's not doing

1:05:16

anything. It's just kind of floating through doing its thing. But it

1:05:19

really sounds like you are in

1:05:21

balanced relationships right now

1:05:23

that are feeding you deliciously.

1:05:25

Indeed.

1:05:26

It feels delicious.

1:05:28

Thank you. My pleasure. Do you have any

1:05:30

questions about that or any questions for me? I

1:05:33

don't have any questions about the chart. This

1:05:36

is a lot to process in such

1:05:38

a, I know it's a lot to process. It's such a good way. I'm

1:05:40

gonna have to. Once I get

1:05:42

it, I'm gonna

1:05:43

have to listen to it over and over again so I

1:05:45

can

1:05:46

like absorb it all. And there are probably

1:05:48

even more details. And if you have specific questions, just let

1:05:50

me know. Cause there's like more stuff that I can like

1:05:52

look up. I just hit the stuff that stood out

1:05:54

to me without any preparation. You

1:05:57

said you are edging right now and

1:05:59

you're not. But did you ever do your

1:06:02

masturbation vacation? No. Well,

1:06:04

so this is kind of it, but I changed

1:06:07

it because I am at this farmhouse

1:06:09

for a week and I was like, but I

1:06:11

really blow, I take a tiny idea

1:06:13

and I make it really big. I have

1:06:15

not yet done like

1:06:18

a full two or three days of

1:06:21

masturbation vacation exploration because

1:06:23

I realized I

1:06:25

am not

1:06:26

patient enough to by myself

1:06:29

masturbate

1:06:31

all day long every day.

1:06:33

I am

1:06:35

so horny and I like it, but if I'm going

1:06:37

to be like

1:06:38

sucking for two days, I really want to have

1:06:40

a partner there. And

1:06:43

for me,

1:06:43

edging for, I said six to nine minutes

1:06:46

because those are my numbers and I thought that was a good, I

1:06:48

thought that would be hard to do, but actually it's,

1:06:50

they're more like 11 to 15 minute

1:06:53

shares, you know, also because I try to remember

1:06:55

to remind people to breathe and have an intention at the beginning, but

1:06:57

I really

1:06:58

want to get a sex toy sponsor before I do

1:07:00

it too. Like I want to figure out how to just get way more

1:07:02

sex toys and play with them all. Like I have visions

1:07:05

of just like

1:07:06

lining stuff up in a row, you know? And so this

1:07:08

is one of my patterns. I had

1:07:09

three people last week call me overcomplicator,

1:07:12

like

1:07:13

in kind ways, but it's just various reflections

1:07:15

of too muchness.

1:07:16

And I'm like, well, you

1:07:19

don't need to wait around for me to get 17 different

1:07:21

types of vibrators and line them up from

1:07:24

small to large. And you don't need to watch me try them. You

1:07:26

know, like that's that you don't have to be a part of this experiment.

1:07:28

Go away.

1:07:31

So

1:07:32

yeah, so no, I haven't actually

1:07:35

done it, but I still, I still do

1:07:37

intend to, you know, and also,

1:07:39

you know, I'm always trying to figure out what

1:07:42

is actually the priority. But basically

1:07:45

what happened? The first one I got a tummy

1:07:47

ache and didn't

1:07:48

want to masturbate the whole time.

1:07:50

Like I just felt sick. The second time

1:07:53

I ended up

1:07:54

bringing a friend and it turned into

1:07:56

a place for Asian exploration vacation and it was

1:07:59

and we we ended

1:07:59

up I ended up doing a different project

1:08:02

but that sounds great I had a bunch of bruises

1:08:04

that week so that was part of it too is like

1:08:06

only fans pulled some of my content for

1:08:08

having bruises because it

1:08:11

was too much bruises so so I was

1:08:13

like maybe I don't want to like make stuff that

1:08:15

I can't share I don't know but we ended up

1:08:18

face painting my bottom and she

1:08:20

turned the

1:08:21

bruises into beautiful clouds and you know

1:08:23

so that was very

1:08:25

very fun you know so that's that is

1:08:27

not like a masturbation edging experience but for me it's

1:08:29

a very very like deliciously sensual

1:08:33

thing like I love feeling a tiny

1:08:35

paint brush on my ass cheeks

1:08:37

for a while I mean I just love sensations

1:08:40

yeah so that's it's still on my horizon and

1:08:42

I trust the divine time mm-hmm

1:08:45

speaking of painting one of our local

1:08:47

nonprofits is for women with

1:08:49

breast cancer and they raise money by

1:08:52

having artists paint on women's

1:08:55

chests and then they put then

1:08:58

there's a volunteer photographer and then they

1:09:00

get them printed and framed and then they have an auction

1:09:03

for them later on in the year and

1:09:05

I've always gone and like supported

1:09:08

them but this year I decided to paint for them

1:09:10

too and then the very end

1:09:12

I had my friend paint me and she

1:09:15

painted one of my

1:09:17

designs which was it's like this

1:09:19

like very abstract vagina

1:09:22

she painted it on me and I felt

1:09:24

just felt so I don't

1:09:26

know full circle that's really cool

1:09:28

a man that's so many like

1:09:31

layers of delicious that's

1:09:33

fun

1:09:34

oh my god damn Renly

1:09:37

may thank you for your updates thank you for joining

1:09:39

me live for your

1:09:40

sex trology just appreciate you

1:09:42

so much oh thank you I appreciate

1:09:45

you why Oh

1:09:47

lovers that's our show if

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1:10:22

it was September. What

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feel like

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if I take one whole

1:10:29

month's break from caffeine, weed,

1:10:32

and orgasms?

1:10:33

And what will it be like to edge every

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day for at least six to nine minutes in all

1:10:37

sorts of ways, starting with just fingers

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1:10:42

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email me if you are interested. If

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I very intentionally do not

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I made all my favorite things my work,

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and my number one noodle friends expect to talk

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like they know I'm

1:12:14

studying, always. Like I'm

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never, the whole world is a laboratory

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for me.

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I think my

1:12:21

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all of my best friends and lovers over the course

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Sex

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