0:00

Lovers, this episode is sponsored by Bluechoo.

0:02

We all know that there is more to confidence in

0:04

the bedroom or the kitchen or the sex club or

0:07

a stairwell or the woods or wherever you are, there's

0:09

so much more to sex wherever you do it than

0:11

just jackhammering away. But, if

0:13

all you're missing in your relationship is

0:15

some mutually beneficial stiffness, check out bluechoo.com.

0:18

Bluechoo is a unique online service that

0:20

delivers the same active ingredients as Viagra,

0:22

Cialis, and Levitra but in chewable tablets

0:24

and at a fraction of the cost.

0:27

You can take many time day or night so

0:29

you can plan ahead or be ready whenever an

0:31

opportunity rises. The process is simple, sign up at

0:33

bluechoo.com, consult with one of their licensed medical providers

0:35

and once you are approved, you'll receive a prescription

0:37

within days. The best part, it's all done online

0:39

so no visits to the doctor's office with the

0:42

doctors that never got trained in sex ed and

0:44

how to talk to people about it plus no

0:46

waiting in line at the pharmacy. Bluechoo's

0:48

tablets are made in the USA and prepared and

0:50

shipped direct to your door in a discreet pack.

0:53

They say that there is nothing sexier

0:55

than confidence and Bluechoo can help give

0:57

you confidence where it counts. Of course,

0:59

I know you sweet listeners know that

1:01

using confidence to connect, if you can

1:03

be confident enough to be really vulnerable

1:06

with someone, to communicate, to create a

1:08

safe space that you occupy together, that

1:10

is super hot, that's the foundation of

1:12

a connection and if you have

1:14

a boner that can definitely help you do certain

1:16

things that you know that I love just as

1:18

long as you don't skip all the other stuff

1:20

too. Bluechoo and I want you to have better

1:22

sex. Discover your options at bluechoo.com and

1:24

as they say, chew it and do

1:27

it. And we've got a

1:29

special deal for our listeners. Try Bluechoo free when

1:31

you use our promo code lover at checkout. You

1:33

just pay $5 shipping. That

1:35

is bluechoo.com promo code lover to

1:37

receive your first month free. Visit

1:40

bluechoo.com for more details and important safety

1:42

information and thank you to Bluechoo for

1:44

sponsoring the podcast. Hello,

1:50

lovely humans. I'm Wyo Lee and you

1:52

are listening to Sex Stories, a podcast

1:55

where we share personal stories in an

1:57

effort to understand and connect with one

1:59

another. so that we may all lead

2:01

better-laid lives. Our guest today

2:03

is a 53-year-old recently-ish single non-monogamous straight

2:05

dude who grew up on the Upper

2:07

West Side of Manhattan in the late

2:10

80s. He is into novel

2:12

sexual situations, and throughout his life has

2:14

experienced many different depths of connection with

2:16

his partners, which we are gonna hear

2:18

about. He is also into prostate massage,

2:21

his cock being worshiped deeply,

2:24

giving and once receiving anal,

2:27

and he even surprised himself by

2:29

being super-duper into helping a partner fulfill

2:31

a double penetration fantasy in a

2:33

threesome with two penises and one

2:35

pussy owner. A software engineer, house

2:37

renovator, and writer whose book Seek the

2:40

Risk is about his journey into non-monogamy

2:42

with us today from New York, welcome

2:44

Adam. Hi, Wile, it's

2:46

great to be here. I'm so excited to

2:48

have you here. Can you please start off by

2:50

telling us if you had to rate yourself on

2:52

a sexual shame-o-meter with 10 being the most full

2:54

of shame and one being like, nah, I'm good.

2:57

Where do you fall today and what is that kind

2:59

of roller coaster of shame being like for you throughout

3:01

your lifetime? Right, so it somewhat

3:03

depends on who I'm with, but if I

3:05

had to give an average, I would say

3:07

I'm probably between a two and a three.

3:10

It started way higher when I

3:12

was younger, coming from a somewhat more

3:14

traditional background. Probably say I was in

3:16

the sixth range, and as

3:19

I got older, went out in the

3:21

world, and started realizing that sex is

3:23

normal, slowly, surely, it definitely kept getting

3:25

lower and lower. I actually maybe got

3:27

to a five until I met Jane,

3:30

who the book is about, and she basically

3:32

took me down to the

3:34

two area, showed me that, hey, sex

3:36

is normal and wonderful. Is

3:39

Jane the risk that you sought?

3:42

Jane is the risk. Okay,

3:44

ooh! Okay,

3:46

and can you give us just an idea

3:49

of what Manhattan traditional

3:51

is like? I know all of

3:53

us have such different backgrounds, what

3:55

was that texture like for you growing

3:57

up? Sure, I mean, I grew up in New

3:59

York. New York City. So my traditional is

4:01

probably some other areas of the country,

4:04

incredibly liberal, but non-monogamy wasn't even, that

4:06

wasn't even a word. It was the

4:08

traditional of, oh, you'll meet a girl

4:10

and you'll get together and you'll get

4:13

married and you'll have kids. I grew

4:15

up with that paradigm throughout my life.

4:18

And I remember the very first time I

4:20

ever heard the word non-monogamous, I think

4:22

I was in like 2021. I was like, oh, that's

4:26

what I'm feeling. So when I

4:28

say group traditional, obviously there was a lot

4:30

of very liberal ideas in New York City,

4:33

but the idea of one life, one wife

4:35

or monogamy was sort of a default. So

4:38

that's what I mean by traditional monogamy,

4:40

default monogamy. That relationship escalator

4:43

where you just keep going, going, going until

4:45

you do the ring thing and you don't

4:47

even know there's another option. Okay. So on

4:50

that note, as you reflect on

4:52

your personal life, like when you just kind of look

4:54

back on all of it and think

4:56

about the euphemisms, the social norms,

4:59

the cultural messages, polite,

5:01

I'm doing that with air quotes, like white lies

5:03

that are supposed to be polite. They're theoretically polite.

5:05

They're literally lies. I call these regular

5:07

human lies because it's very normal to do this. However,

5:09

for me, they're very confusing. I'm like, just tell me the real

5:11

thing. So as you reflect on kind of

5:14

some of that, do you know what I'm talking about? The

5:16

euphemism vibe, the niceness of our culture. I would

5:18

love to hear how like maybe any of those

5:21

messages negatively affected your ability

5:23

to give, receive, or understand the

5:25

pleasure. So this is

5:27

a new question, it's a new noodle, but it's like,

5:30

you know, you've had this kind of awakening,

5:32

right? Where you are in a headspace now

5:35

with non-monogamy where it was vastly different from

5:37

what you were raised with. And

5:39

I wonder if there were any moments of

5:41

waking up to sort of some of the

5:43

cultural norms that it's like, oh, that's a

5:46

regular human lie. Like I don't actually have

5:48

to live that way. And were any of

5:50

those things a block to your pleasure? I mean,

5:52

monogamy itself, right? Yeah. I mean,

5:55

basically the monogamy idea that the

5:57

thought of only being attracted to

5:59

one woman And that was the biggest lie. Oh,

6:01

you're once you find the right woman, you're only going

6:03

to be attracted to her. That was the first thing.

6:05

And I thought there was something wrong with me because

6:08

I was attracted to most of the women. Same.

6:11

I mean, yeah, me too. Like I'm like attracted to everyone.

6:13

I just have to figure out when you're on off switch

6:15

and like, when I look at him like, I

6:18

wonder what sex would her would be like? Once

6:21

I finally got past that, it did

6:24

open up a lot of pleasure. That was the biggest one,

6:26

I think. And you'll play as well. That

6:29

was that. Yes. Oh, no. Someone

6:31

touched my asshole. Oh my God. No, but oh, wait, that

6:33

feels kind of good. That was a big

6:36

one. Yeah. I didn't even know what the thing

6:38

until a partner was like, and this and I was like, it was

6:40

a what? I'll try it. What? So

6:43

you said you were 21 or 20 ish

6:45

when you first heard about non monogamy.

6:47

Do you remember when, how, where, like

6:50

what that was? Gosh, I

6:52

don't remember that. I remember the emotion

6:54

very clearly. I do not remember where

6:56

I was, but I remember I heard

6:58

the word non-monogamous and

7:01

it's like this light bulb went up. It's

7:03

like, oh, that's what I am. That's what

7:05

I've been doing. I was

7:07

somewhere out in one of my sports

7:09

adventure worlds, which is kind of a little book teases

7:11

all those in, but I think I was with some

7:15

of my adventure partners and someone said

7:17

that they were non-monogamous. I

7:19

just was like this light bulb. Like it just, it was

7:21

vocabulary. I didn't even know it was out there. Okay.

7:25

So I mean, this was 30 years ago at

7:27

this point. So, you know, very different world than

7:29

we're in now. Okay. But before we get to

7:31

all of the details of that story, before

7:33

then, what are the first

7:36

memories that you have of sex, especially

7:38

sex education? But like, when did you first

7:40

hear about it? What did you learn about it growing up? Like

7:42

tell us your formative years. So

7:45

I was very lucky growing up in New York City

7:47

and we had sex education. I think the first sex

7:49

education we had was in fourth grade and it was

7:51

pretty good. I went to public school in New York

7:54

And the sex education that we got

7:56

in fourth grade was looking back now.

8:00

Pretty good, but. My. Mom of

8:02

the public school teacher So when I was

8:04

in second grade see actually gave me my

8:06

very first sex education. I remember the so

8:08

clearly. She sat me down with a buck

8:10

and said this is where babies come from

8:12

and she went through the whole thing of

8:15

penis in vagina and man and woman love

8:17

each other and creating a baby in this

8:19

is how it works and I was totally

8:21

blown away and I went to school the

8:23

next their midst of it'll It's like told

8:25

when my best friends did you know this

8:27

is how babies or maybe ghosts that's not

8:30

true the matter. What

8:34

was your reaction to that? Were you like oh maybe

8:36

I'm wrong way? like know it is. No.

8:38

I knew I was right as my

8:40

of them so mean a lot like

8:42

yeah nine Total trust my mom she

8:45

was right and I think I think

8:47

eventually he came back to your weight

8:49

by the way up with Sunset Grid

8:51

Cells My first experience of learning about

8:53

sex lives first feelings of sex for

8:55

probably even maybe earlier. I was always

8:58

been very sad for always a really

9:00

high sex drive and I remember to

9:02

skilling pleasure in my groin and like

9:04

oh the feels good before I was

9:06

old enough to orgasm I. Remember

9:08

having missed us? Incredible.

9:11

just powerful feelings. Down

9:13

in my groin. I couldn't explain

9:15

and now. It's like

9:17

mother feels really good. And then

9:19

I was lucky when I was

9:21

thirteen and my neighborhood. The Review:

9:23

Neighborhood girls that were fairly adventurous

9:25

as I was and. Reed

9:28

said the four of us myself in

9:30

these three girls started games together after

9:32

school and getting naked in playing with

9:34

each other's parts and so I was

9:37

having these for some specific with that.

9:39

we didn't have any penetrative sex but

9:41

we use now since Amazon body parts

9:43

in it doesn't my for sexual experiences

9:46

with the three women. Wow.

9:48

Okay, so what unfolded from bar

9:50

and at the time did you

9:52

have any concept that that was

9:54

sexual? Or was it just three?

9:56

Ah, city play for you at that moment. No

9:59

idea it was. The actual definitely sexual

10:01

yeah and I remember one of the

10:03

we were all thirteen but one of

10:05

the girls she had gone to her

10:07

pew research study very very well and

10:09

had this huge breasts and I was

10:11

just totally overcome with her curves. I

10:13

did was very sexual to me, it

10:15

was very arousing. it was just all

10:17

I wanted to do was play with

10:19

her curves. Are under

10:21

that very clearly. Looking

10:24

back at your younger years. Or

10:27

is there any aspect of sex education

10:29

that you wish you had hard? you

10:31

know whether that's emotional contact, earning, sort

10:33

of Other conversations like what do you

10:35

wish I guess you could have like

10:37

bumped down a series genie the a

10:39

Teacher to teach you sexy things like

10:41

how are settled in. Your experiences.

10:45

The. Even with all the sex education than

10:47

I had, there was still a scene

10:49

element to it in a taboo element.

10:51

In with all the good six that

10:53

I had with my mom, my mom

10:55

is like just one woman when mankind

10:57

us and I would have been nice

10:59

to learn that people can choose do

11:01

something different for some reason than I

11:03

do not know why. I

11:06

similar seem around masturbation when I

11:08

was fifteen, sixteen, seventeen and I

11:10

don't know why. I don't remember

11:13

ever being told. Is certainly

11:15

by adults and it was wrong. It

11:17

may have just been the environment of

11:19

children making fun of. You know, don't

11:21

be masturbate earth, who knows what, but

11:23

I remember having a lot of seem

11:25

around that growing up in. It wasn't

11:27

until I got to my private. College.

11:30

The the them later twenty one two into that

11:32

I started actually been letting go of that and

11:34

masturbation fun. So what if I do it five

11:37

times a day supply with. Or anything that catalysts

11:39

that are? Was it sort of just part of

11:41

your evolution? I think spurred my

11:43

evolution. There is something back there. I can

11:45

access it as a memory back there. Of

11:48

a moment when I finally decided it

11:50

was okay but I didn't meddle with

11:52

a catalyst lox still between the the

11:54

am I a bad person if I

11:56

say aloud thirteen. Year old, four sons

11:58

and your college year. When.

12:01

You could also did the i do want to point out in

12:03

a very serious way. This. Is the

12:06

problem when it comes to, like adults

12:08

educating around childhood experiences, right, we're not

12:10

allowed to talk to unless? Are an

12:12

educator for. Code think we are curious

12:14

at young ages and so it's like people

12:16

were at all your pervert your but it's

12:18

like wool. A lot of us had experiences

12:20

at younger ages, so in a very serious

12:23

way. What else? Formative li happens between your

12:25

thirteen. Year old kind of like exploring your

12:27

body with others and your college aid. Relax

12:29

I am like masturbating like what else is

12:31

important from from the with you. Will.

12:34

The first thing is like an older

12:36

to step outside the six for certain

12:39

as I started getting older and group

12:41

in your city in the ladies which

12:43

was pretty rough and tumble place to

12:46

be too. so misadventure on the streets

12:48

I start getting addicted to exciting adventures

12:50

and matches. Then. Drizzly.

12:52

To bedroom Ram Isis sexual experiences were with

12:55

these women like for hims two three four

12:57

of us in the bed the same time

12:59

so it was exciting having wild. Wild.

13:02

Increase I'm using includes wild and

13:04

crazy sex moon groups X rayed

13:06

says. Is so exciting especially those young years

13:08

like it's still the mean through the roof as

13:10

I think still just just so you know you're

13:13

talking to a person that like. Most

13:16

of my significant life choices have

13:18

been made in pursuit of satisfying

13:20

like. Next level Sex like I

13:22

am speaking at I don't I don't think of

13:24

it is a risk, but I think of it

13:26

as tight. Nutrients so I would love

13:29

to hear any details of those experiences that

13:31

you feel com for sure. I was lucky

13:33

in high school and didn't have a number

13:35

of sexual experiences with women, but when we

13:38

got to college somehow I don't know how

13:40

I ended up connecting with a few pairs

13:42

of women who liked to good boy home

13:44

in. I and I end up having a

13:46

lot of these three subs college which were

13:49

sentenced of the business. It was amazing. So

13:51

I have presented a gross and my my

13:53

freshman year so I was actually monogamous to

13:55

my freshman year and then we broke. up

13:58

and then i started putting up with this two

14:00

women and they were hooking up with other

14:02

people. I think that made us, that was

14:04

when I heard the night. I can't remember,

14:06

but I started the adventure of new partners

14:08

and the adventure of discovering a new body

14:11

was phenomenal. I was very young, I

14:13

was let's say 2021. I

14:15

still would not say I was very good at sex. I

14:18

didn't know how to make sex good, but if

14:20

it was adventurous, it felt good. I

14:23

think the adventure was taking the place

14:25

of the experience level at that point.

14:27

I love adventure, but once I actually

14:30

started learning how to have sex, I started

14:32

being able to get a lot more enjoyment

14:34

out of partnered sex as I got better

14:36

and better in knowing someone's body. So, there

14:39

was an evolution there for sure, but the

14:41

excitement of the new body, the excitement of

14:43

a new environment, that was kind of cool. I

14:46

love that. I would love to take just

14:48

a little detour to hear kind of your

14:51

current definitions of good sex,

14:54

right? Because it's very,

14:56

I think, difficult for us to put

14:58

a label or definition on. And

15:00

it's something that I think for me has been evolving

15:02

over the years. So I would love to hear kind

15:04

of like what you

15:06

learned and especially in reference to

15:08

these words, good and better. How

15:11

are you kind of thinking about that or quantifying that?

15:14

So I had fantastic sex

15:16

with a one night earlier this

15:18

year, and I had fantastic sex

15:20

with someone I've known 30 years. And

15:23

they're both very different. They're both were

15:25

incredibly satisfying. So maybe I'll describe those

15:27

two experiences. I love

15:29

examples. The

15:32

woman I've known for 30 years, when we

15:34

get together and we have a glass of

15:36

wine and we start getting sexy and we

15:38

start knowing each other's bodies, we know what

15:40

pushes each other's buttons, and

15:42

we sink into a

15:45

sultriness of connection. It's

15:47

so impossible to get that without a depth of

15:49

shared experience. And when you can call on that

15:51

history, there's a connection that

15:54

makes the pleasure and securing. And there's

15:56

a bond that There's no

15:58

other way to get that except with time. The him

16:00

and. A. Certain way that were.

16:03

Know how many an hour, two hours?

16:05

whatever it is and then you collapse

16:07

in bed together and news you both

16:09

just exhausted yourself and your line. They're

16:11

looking at the ceiling and just feeling

16:13

so close because you know the person

16:16

beyond it's I didn't have next level

16:18

intimacy and then he sleep so well

16:20

as suits or years you're in the

16:22

arms of someone used to set this

16:24

great experience with and you feel so

16:26

connected to and that's the measure right?

16:28

Have well he sleep like oh my

16:31

daughter didn't. Exhausted. By ourselves with someone

16:33

I'd love. It's a true. Fact that we

16:35

have higher levels of prolactin release. The

16:37

thing that makes a sleepy after partnered

16:39

sex than we do after masturbation at

16:41

a thing. I believe it. And

16:43

then I went on. A friend of

16:45

mine connected me with a woman earlier

16:47

this him actually tried a year ago

16:49

now and I've met her and we

16:51

went out and had a drink and

16:53

and we were just feeling the energy

16:55

and we went. Back. To my

16:57

place. And. I'm fifty

17:00

three. We talked for

17:02

like twelve hours and I was driving

17:04

swell of hours and I was just

17:06

like I haven't come four times and

17:08

twelve hours in see remember what at

17:10

the end will be both which is

17:12

I could sit that was incredible and

17:14

was only we didn't sleep for a

17:17

while. His was weird sleeping with someone

17:19

when when a brand new pursuit sounds

17:21

like my god the sex be kept

17:23

waking up and having such each other

17:25

was so hot of both of those

17:27

are examples of just and just a

17:29

novelty in the new body. The adventure.

17:32

Of it. it's really exciting when it's of

17:34

and new body I. To. Any

17:36

person who loves exploring new

17:38

bodies like. They. Are. Magical.

17:41

Mystery is I have a brain to that's

17:43

very good at like remember all this person

17:46

is not that person and so I really

17:48

bring my beginners mind of my meditation practice

17:50

to everybody that I sat and gauge west

17:52

and not for me as a been part

17:55

of being with a new person right that

17:57

and then of course as you said. That

18:00

trust and hotness of yummy. What

18:02

are your favorite parts of discovering

18:04

a new body? If you can

18:06

put it into words. Like energetically

18:08

specifically like what are your favorite

18:10

about newness. My. Seabirds

18:13

About Newness Eight so. I.

18:15

Got hooked. The doesn't doesn't come

18:17

out refund if someone's a judging

18:19

you for sharing. Vulnerably. then they

18:21

have some self reflection. To do it

18:23

because this is a fresh noodle. Our. Excellent!

18:26

One of my favorite things about

18:28

a novel experience is being objectified.

18:31

Have been fun of is just a

18:33

hot bought her a hard task like

18:35

ah just yeah. like I'm just a

18:37

tool like Amazon twice and know yeah

18:39

factoids him isn't as you still get

18:42

them from apart even for thirty years.

18:44

I just someone can't look at you

18:46

with those new eyes. Some of these

18:48

my body for the first time. It's

18:51

a did an athlete my whole life

18:53

and I still. It's just amazing and.

18:56

When they just a proven hands over

18:58

you and they're just exploring the contours

19:00

and burning the new nooks and crannies

19:03

and seeing someone's eyes light up liked

19:05

as glove that that's that's why the

19:07

best part about yeah the newness being

19:10

objectified and being able to objectify range

19:12

years woman who just wants to get

19:14

be connected sexually and that's if we

19:17

she doesn't know me she met be

19:19

an hour ago. but crt just wants

19:21

to be fucked by Indian. I love

19:24

that it's powerful feeling. I. Fucking love

19:26

that. Jumping back to your college here is

19:28

real quick. A wedding think need to. Such

19:30

a great choice for the penis in Three

19:32

sons like to think you gave honest like

19:35

a threesome fiber we like a scissor suit

19:37

or with it like hey. I had a

19:39

seat and soon where it started getting around. or like

19:41

what he costs or do you attribute that to. I

19:44

honestly don't know. and my wife and I

19:46

the execs lies and I've had conversations about

19:48

see seen it too and she's like what

19:50

is it You seem to attract people who

19:52

like X y Z. I don't understand how

19:54

people just look at you know you don't

19:56

put it like I don't I'm not overly

19:58

sexual partners, which one. I'm not sex is not

20:01

part of my profession. It's probably good if you want to

20:03

have a sex life. I've discovered the hard way So

20:07

you don't have a tattoo that says I like three sounds

20:09

like on the back of your neck or anything I Do

20:12

not I do not I shouldn't

20:14

get one of those right part of me

20:16

is like how should I signal stronger? I

20:19

don't have a cool tattoo. I

20:21

like girls, too Okay,

20:24

I'm being But so you so

20:26

you really have no idea I don't it

20:28

keeps happening to me I had a climbing

20:31

partner once came up We were on a climbing trip

20:33

and we came back and he said

20:35

hey I really love you to help me fuck

20:37

my girlfriend and I was like wait what? Yes,

20:40

I was like, how would you know I'd

20:43

never done that before and okay How

20:46

would she felt comfortable enough to ask that I

20:48

was like, yeah Let's try that. Oh Man,

20:53

I recently thought I was about to

20:55

have my first male male with me

20:58

and I I got so close and

21:00

then It didn't happen. So

21:02

that's still my current first Holy Grail I

21:04

think it's why the double penetration was

21:06

her Holy Grail and I yeah,

21:09

she I

21:11

really ended up finding out I really like

21:13

being one of the penises in a double

21:15

penetration Care which one like do you prefer

21:17

to be the baby? Tell

21:19

us details. Tell us details. This seems like a good time

21:22

for you to tell us details of your delights of double

21:24

penetration Well first

21:26

when I had that first mmm with my climbing

21:28

partner, we didn't do a double penetration Just

21:31

mouse and vagina. I guess that's a double penetration,

21:34

but not a DP is

21:36

spit roast. I'm learning So

21:41

when I started getting to get with my wife The

21:44

whole story of the book and she's this

21:46

sexual powerhouse I mean like I'm looking at

21:48

this woman like oh my god I am

21:50

NOT worthy as far as her sexual appetite

21:52

and her sexual experience Was

21:54

and so this is about the seek the rest

21:57

like going into a relationship with someone who just

21:59

has so much more experience than I did. And

22:02

she floated the idea, would you be

22:04

okay to do this? And I said,

22:06

yeah, sure. I'll try that. Why not? Let's do it.

22:08

I said, but I want to be in the ass.

22:11

And she said, well, that's great, because you're really good

22:14

at anal sex. So yeah, let's and

22:16

so apparently it's pretty hard to find,

22:19

or this is 15 years ago, it's kind of

22:21

hard to find another willing penis owner. Depends on

22:23

the circles you run in, I hear. It

22:26

is true. But even she ran in some

22:28

pretty progressive circles. And you can actually find

22:30

someone, but then generally this performance issue, we

22:32

found out a lot of the time, people

22:34

get nervous, penises require some stimulation, and it

22:37

doesn't always work. Well, here's the

22:39

thing. If we all had more MMS

22:42

than MMS, maybe the penises wouldn't

22:44

get so nervous every I'm just saying we

22:46

just got to practice, you know, you're 100% right,

22:50

actually. So

22:52

it was wild. And what I loved about

22:54

it is how much pleasure she got, like

22:57

seeing her in ecstasy. And that's where she

22:59

comes over and over and over again, from

23:01

having two penises. And it was great being

23:03

that anchor of being the guy who can

23:06

always Yeah, it was hot. Did you get

23:08

to do different positions? Like, was she like,

23:10

on you kind of spooning or like what or

23:12

was she facing you? Like, will you give us

23:14

some physical I always just like love hearing

23:16

the descriptions of physically like what some

23:18

configurations were? It's usually the

23:21

other guy would be laying down. Okay. And

23:23

I would be in her ass, she

23:26

would be straddling him, I'd be in her ass.

23:28

And then while she's on my my cock, I

23:30

would lift her up and put her on to

23:32

the other penis. And

23:34

then she would have both of us inside

23:37

her. And then you can totally feel the other

23:39

guy's cock rubbing against yours in between the vaginal

23:41

walls. I love that

23:43

so much. And in the asshole, well, tell

23:45

me if you can really feel this on

23:47

your cock because one of my greatest like

23:50

obsessions is when the partner

23:52

is coming or like if I'm in my

23:54

asshole or partner's assholes like during the orgasm

23:56

time like the squeezing I love feeling the

23:59

asshole specifically squeeze Can you feel it

24:01

on your cock? Yeah, okay. I

24:03

just think that's so cock. When a woman orgasms

24:05

and my penis is in

24:07

her ass, yeah, it's absolutely just clenches,

24:09

boom, the lockdown, it's awful. It's completely different

24:11

from when my fingers are in my pussy. Like it's

24:13

a completely different feeling. Like it turns me on in

24:16

a completely different way. And it doesn't matter if I'm

24:18

in the ass of a penis owner or a

24:20

pussy owner. Like I like it. I really, like

24:22

that's where I'm like, no, we are all one.

24:24

We all have something in common. We

24:26

have assholes and they squeeze when we call. Assholes.

24:30

Exactly. That's so cool.

24:32

Okay, so I really made your story

24:34

go very squiggly out of order, but

24:37

between these college years when you were

24:39

kind of like having all these threesomes

24:41

discovering that you weren't monogamous, like was

24:43

there a time gap between claiming the

24:45

non-monogamy? Like at what point did you

24:47

meet your former wife? And also just

24:49

like as a person who had high desire, I'm

24:52

like, how do I not scare the boys?

24:55

Just gotta find the right boys. Oh, maybe that's it,

24:57

okay. Maybe they need to read my book. Yes,

25:00

go read the book. The book is about if

25:02

she scares you, you should probably go date her.

25:05

Mm, interesting. Okay. We'll

25:08

get there. So as we were talking

25:10

about with how sometimes people in these

25:12

novel situations, penis owners maybe go flaccid

25:14

because it's so new, it's overwhelming. However,

25:16

you and I are also the type

25:18

of people that can get turned

25:20

on by novelty. And I personally have some

25:23

days where my body is like in

25:26

concordance basically, like it's on the same page

25:29

and my arousal matches my arousal in my

25:31

brain. And then I've had days where my

25:34

body's like, like I'm not gonna

25:36

come because I'm so turned on and I'm

25:38

so paying attention to everything. You know, and

25:40

usually at that moment, I need like a

25:42

lot of impact play to get kind of

25:44

bolted back into my body. Have you had

25:46

both experiences with novelty or are you so

25:48

turned on by novelty that it just like keeps

25:50

you turned on? So I've

25:52

never had a situation where I couldn't come

25:54

when I wanted to. Whoa,

25:56

whoa. Ever,

25:59

never, not once. I mean,

26:01

I sure there were some nights when I probably done

26:03

some drugs and I couldn't, but in terms of any

26:05

normal experience. Wow. Are

26:08

you aware that hyper unusual? Like

26:11

most people, because I know a lot of penis owners who

26:13

don't know that that's unusual, so I'm trying to spread the

26:15

word of like, it's very normal for penises

26:17

to not, you know, get people. Yeah.

26:20

And my wife, who's been with more men than anyone else

26:22

I know of, and she was always

26:24

like, you're not normal. Your cock is not

26:27

normal. Okay. Yeah.

26:29

I'd be normal. I'd be normal. Cool.

26:33

Okay. So, so go back

26:35

to filling in your details because I totally derailed you

26:37

with a detail question. Right. So

26:40

I mean, I didn't have so many, I had a

26:42

few threesomes in college. I would have known if you

26:44

call it a lot or a little, but then after

26:47

college, I got into the dating world and I knew

26:49

I liked casual sex and I was having some casual

26:51

sex. And then I had my first real partner at

26:54

25, like long-term, got into

26:56

it and we would

26:58

occasionally have a threesome with someone else.

27:01

And boy, I felt like, yeah, I'm

27:03

living this wildlife. I had threesomes. Yeah.

27:07

I still feel like that every time I have a threesome, just so

27:09

you know, I'm still like, yeah.

27:13

No, but this is actually relevant. So

27:15

I, you know, I had this five year relationship with

27:17

this woman that was, it was good.

27:19

And we had anal sex. Ooh, we're freaky.

27:21

We had anal sex. I still didn't know

27:23

what kink was. In my head, I was

27:25

kinky because I liked anal and we occasionally

27:27

had threesomes. Now during this period

27:29

is during the years I was competing in extreme

27:31

sports and such. And so I had this real

27:34

very, very masculine dominated idea about

27:36

sexuality and about my relationships and

27:39

this will tie into the story

27:41

in a minute. And we exited

27:43

that. We broke up when I was about 30. And

27:46

then I had a few other relationships

27:48

that were similar to that one where

27:50

we had a lot of sexual energy

27:52

and occasionally we had other people join

27:54

us in the bedroom. And

27:57

as I got into mid 30, I had a girlfriend

27:59

where we We actually went on our website and

28:01

found another couple. I've

28:03

never done that. And I was like, oh, I'm

28:06

living life. Like parallel? Were you like in

28:09

the same room? Tell us details. Yes,

28:11

on the same room, all four of us

28:13

on the same bed. And that was wild.

28:15

And then we went to a sex party

28:17

together. So this is this now I'm fully

28:20

exploring ethical non-monogamy. And we go to this

28:22

sex party, never been to one before. And

28:24

we were totally scared and newbies and didn't

28:26

know what we were doing. We went to

28:28

like a meetup at a bar

28:30

because we read it. We were on a website

28:33

somewhere. We went to the bar and there was

28:35

a bunch of people there and they said, hey, we're going back

28:37

to someone's house. Do you guys want to go? We were like,

28:39

oh, no, no, no, no, we're not going to go. And they

28:41

gave us the address. Like, well, if you change your mind, here's

28:43

the address. And so we sat in the car for 20 minutes.

28:46

Like, do we, because we both wanted to

28:48

go, but we were terrified. Okay. And so

28:50

we go to this sex party and we

28:53

knock on the door and they

28:55

open us in. And everyone's naked except it's,

28:57

we're fully clothed. And we're like, okay,

28:59

we're going to keep our clothes on. Just

29:01

because we were nervous. And after about 10 minutes, we're like,

29:03

okay, we can't keep our clothes on. We'll just go down

29:05

our underbri, we're not hooking up. And then

29:07

we were down our underwear. And then the underwear came

29:10

off and like, okay, but maybe just some kissing and

29:12

touching. We're not really. And then by the end of

29:14

the night, we were having sex with everyone. It was

29:16

like this crazy wild. And all 12 of us were

29:18

in this room with mattresses. And that was

29:20

my first sex party experience. That

29:22

was pretty wild. And it was, we were the newbies.

29:25

They all knew each other. So everyone was paying attention

29:27

to us. And I remember at

29:29

one point I'm like, on my back, I have

29:31

five women just totally touching. And I look over

29:33

at my girlfriend. She's got five men on her

29:35

totally touching. Oh my God. I want

29:37

to have five women and men touching me. That

29:40

sounds like a great first sex party. How was

29:42

it for you guys? It was great.

29:44

We had, it was awesome. Yeah, we still talk about it. It's

29:46

hilarious. Yeah. She's one

29:48

of my best friends. And that was my evolution of

29:50

thinking like, oh, I'm, I'm a guy. Look at all

29:52

this great sex I'm having. I'm working on masculine. I

29:54

am. I'm having threesomes with women.

29:56

And then I met Jane who

29:59

was the. person the story's about and she

30:02

thought my level of sexual experience

30:04

was adorable. She's

30:06

like, oh, that's cute. Oh, you

30:08

have threesomes. Isn't that adorable? I was like,

30:10

wait, wait, what? She's like,

30:13

yeah, I slept with 500 people. And

30:15

I was like, what's the craziest thing you've ever done

30:17

sexually? And she was like, I once got gang banged

30:19

and bukkake by 12 men. And I was like, I

30:22

don't even know what bukkake means. Lovers,

30:26

this episode is sponsored by Blue Chew.

30:28

If you were listening to this, you

30:31

were probably like me and you love

30:33

sex. And you also know that fantastic

30:35

sex takes more than just a boner.

30:38

But if that's all that's missing in your connection with

30:40

your partner, check out Blue Chew dot com. Blue

30:42

Chew is a unique online service that delivers

30:44

the same active ingredients as Viagra, Cialis and

30:46

Levitra, but in chewable tablets at a fraction

30:49

of the cost. You can take them

30:51

anytime, day or night, so you can plan ahead or

30:53

be ready whenever the opportunity arises. You know,

30:55

that's my favorite. The process is simple. Sign

30:57

up with Blue Chew dot com, consult with one

30:59

of their licensed medical providers. And once you're approved,

31:01

you'll receive your prescription within days. The

31:04

best part, it's all done online. So no visits

31:06

to the doctor's office, no dealing with

31:08

the awkwardness that exists because physicians are not

31:10

often given great guidance about how to talk

31:12

about sensitive personal things like boner sauces. Plus,

31:14

no waiting in line at the pharmacy. Blue

31:16

Chew's tablets are made in the USA and

31:19

prepared and shipped direct to your door in

31:21

a discreet pack. With Blue Chew,

31:23

penis owners everywhere are excited to see the

31:25

postman because when your package has arrived, your

31:27

package has arrived. And you know, I love

31:30

a good package. And I have to say,

31:32

am I allowed to say this? It was

31:34

very hot when I had a partner who I already

31:36

had a good, trusting, open relationship. He'd

31:39

been working on his anxiety, cutting down on

31:41

screens, meditating, quit smoking, started exercising regular, cutting

31:43

out processed foods, all of that stuff. He

31:46

was just of a certain age. And

31:48

I'll just say the night that

31:50

he told me he was making his package

31:52

arrive, it was a very super hot extra

31:54

layer of turn on for me personally. So

31:56

if it's for you, this is a super

31:58

convenient resource. wants to

32:00

help you have better sex. Discover your options

32:02

at bluetooth.com, chew it and do it, and

32:05

we've got a special deal for our listeners.

32:07

Try Bluetooth free when you use our promo

32:09

code Lover at checkout. You just pay $5 for

32:12

shipping. That's bluetooth.com promo code

32:14

Lover to receive your first month free.

32:17

Visit bluetooth.com for more details and

32:19

important safety information. And thank you

32:22

to Bluetooth for sponsoring the podcast. So

32:24

how did you meet? Like what was that like for

32:26

you? And I'm guessing it's the first person that you

32:28

met who was kind of like that, right? And it

32:30

was all just in her personal life or was she

32:32

a sexual professional of any sort? No, she

32:34

was a sexual professional. She was getting a

32:36

PhD in human psychology with focus on human

32:38

sexuality. She's a sex educator. She'd written

32:41

books. She was a social media person or was going

32:43

to be. Not at that point. She was still in

32:45

school. But I met her at a dinner party at

32:47

my house. Some friends brought her. They picked her up

32:49

at a club a few weeks earlier. They're having these

32:52

crazy threesomes with her. But what

32:54

struck me is just who she was as

32:56

a person is how I really got attracted

32:58

to her. I mean, she's gorgeous, but

33:00

she was a really interesting individual. And as we

33:02

got to know each other over the next

33:04

couple of years, we just connected on some

33:07

non sexually like we didn't really have any

33:09

sexual experiences. We're just becoming friends. And

33:11

we had so much in common. She

33:13

was really into extreme sports. She was

33:15

also big adventurer, love novelty into theater,

33:18

art, music, all our tastes were the

33:20

same food. We just connected on so

33:22

many levels. And this is a woman

33:24

that I was so attracted to her

33:26

physically, but then I was also so attracted to her

33:28

mentally. But she's like, Look,

33:30

I'm not monogamous. If you want

33:32

to be with me, this is going to be

33:35

way beyond anything you've ever experienced. And

33:37

so there was this decision point of that's

33:39

the book, Seek the Risk. And I kind

33:41

of went for it because it turned my

33:44

world completely upside down because she was such

33:46

a public person. My entire

33:48

friend network, my professional network,

33:50

everybody knew, oh, Adam's

33:52

in an open relationship with this self

33:55

described slut, right? And I'm using air

33:57

quotes. But she that's how she described

33:59

herself. And my entire world got

34:01

turned upside down and I knew it was going to

34:03

and yet I was like, all right, let's go I

34:05

want to be with this woman. Let's see what this

34:07

non-monogamy thing is really like Okay.

34:10

So even though you like identified

34:12

yourself as non-monogamous in your early

34:15

20s This was the moment where you're like,

34:17

I'm gonna put it to the

34:19

test like I'm gonna practice it Yeah,

34:21

my non-monogamy up to that point had

34:24

been my girlfriend and I having a

34:26

woman join Okay, another couple and

34:28

Jane was saying listen, I'm gonna fuck whoever I

34:30

want whenever I want to yes, you mean they

34:33

agreed Consensual

34:35

legal consensual And

34:38

I had never that kind of blew

34:40

my head and that's where I started questioning

34:42

all these things about my own masculinity And

34:45

people were like, oh you're a cuckold and

34:47

it was a very difficult time for me

34:50

based on your introduction That's not one of your

34:52

kinks, right? Not like

34:54

into the cut and you also don't identify

34:56

as a stag like you're not like here's

34:58

my life Let me share her or like

35:00

right was that part? Okay. Okay. What

35:02

about like reclaiming? I have so many fantasies of

35:04

meeting someone who like wants to reclaim me when

35:06

I come home from other partners But be my

35:08

main person like was that part of the turn off

35:10

like I would love to hear the turn ons and turn off You

35:13

discovered through this relationship. I mean we covered the

35:15

DP bit So initially was a turn off

35:17

thinking for with other men and I

35:19

had to put it out of my head I had

35:21

to pretend it wasn't happening. We had sort of a

35:23

don't ask don't tell kind of Relationship and

35:25

she was also up at school and I was down

35:27

in New York City so we would

35:29

only see each other for two four-day weekends a month

35:31

and The rule is initially

35:33

was look whatever you do at school you do at

35:36

school I'll do whatever I want in New York and

35:38

then when we're together We're only together or we're having

35:40

threesomes or But I'm just

35:42

gonna pretend that's not happening because it was too

35:44

threatening to me Does that make you feel far

35:46

away from your partner though? Well again, this

35:48

is early in the relationship This

35:51

is the first first year and a half two years

35:53

the relationship It was so good when

35:55

we were together like it was so good. She

35:57

was is one of the most present people

35:59

I know When you're with her, 100%, she's

36:01

there, connected. So

36:03

it was hard when we weren't there. That is true.

36:06

I had some pretty hard nights. But then we were together. It felt

36:08

so good. But to answer your other

36:10

question, there was no reclaiming kink or anything like

36:12

that. Okay, so what did you learn about

36:14

yourself in this journey of you sought the

36:17

risk? Like what were the parts that felt

36:19

edgy? What were the parts that were really

36:21

rewarding for you? So you know,

36:23

it's funny, I was listening to one

36:25

of your episodes and you talk about,

36:27

I forget what you said, but you

36:29

said struggle, like the more you have to struggle

36:31

in something, the more the value is, the more

36:33

the return is when you get there. I can't

36:35

remember exactly what your words were, but you said

36:38

that. Sounds like something I might think. Donatello, Casey

36:40

Donatello, I think that's, oh, nothing worth doing is

36:42

going to be easy. I think you said there's

36:44

no actual growth without struggle. So that's kind of

36:46

what the first part of the book about is

36:48

me. Well, I really want to

36:50

be with this woman. And this non-monogamy thing is

36:52

bringing up all these emotions

36:54

around jealousy and masculinity. If

36:57

these emotions are coming up, there's probably something

36:59

really good to learn there about myself. And

37:02

those were the things that I just decided, well,

37:04

I'm going to dive into what was it, Socrates

37:07

and examine life. Examine life is the only life

37:09

worth living. I think it was Socrates, I think

37:11

it was Aristotle, can't remember. I don't know. But

37:15

I do like to examine our lives and be

37:17

thoughtful about it, but not self judgmental, got to

37:19

practice to be loving all the way through. So

37:22

I just, I dove into the emotions and it

37:24

was, it was terrifying. It was scary. And I

37:27

thought I was this tough guy because of all

37:29

these things I did in the extreme sports with

37:31

all the competitions I did. And

37:33

I believe I could handle anything because I've

37:35

experienced things that a lot of people haven't.

37:39

And then I got totally broken down by

37:41

this relationship. I became a shell of who

37:43

I was. I lost my sense of self.

37:45

I lost my sense of masculinity. I was

37:47

jealous. And I just was like, okay,

37:49

I have to start examining this as if it was

37:51

an extreme sport. And there's an

37:54

environment I don't understand. And there are skills

37:56

here that I do not have yet. So I

37:59

have to start understanding. what I need to

38:01

do to get to the point

38:03

where I can start not only being okay

38:05

with it, but actually appreciate it and then

38:07

eventually getting turned on by it. And

38:09

I, this journey of trying to

38:11

take it just tiny step by tiny

38:13

step by tiny step. And the

38:16

amazing thing about the journey I went on is that I

38:18

really set out to fall deeper in

38:21

love with Jane. But I

38:23

ended up falling deeper in love with

38:25

me because I had to really understand

38:27

myself so much. And that's the beauty

38:29

to me. That is the beauty of

38:31

non monogamy. That all those

38:33

emotions that it brings up all those

38:35

thoughts, there's something in there and

38:38

you can learn about yourself. Non monogamy is

38:40

a sharp knife and it gets through tough

38:42

skin and the toughest person can be just

38:44

broken down by jealousy and fear. But

38:48

if you sink into it, man, up until I

38:50

wrote the book, the hardest thing I ever did

38:52

in my life was getting into this relationship with

38:54

Jane. Then the hardest thing I've been writing

38:56

about it. I went so vulnerable in

38:58

the book that I'm actually a bit surprised. I

39:01

can relate to that feeling. Man, that brings

39:03

up so many great conversation threads. I think

39:06

the thing I want to ask you about first

39:08

is what I'm hearing in your story as you

39:10

tell it is very

39:12

strong motivational factor. However,

39:15

I want to observe slash ask to make

39:17

sure I'm understanding it doesn't sound like it's

39:19

all sex related, right? Like you met this

39:22

incredible human. Like yes, sex is a part

39:24

of your story. Yes, non monogamy is obviously

39:26

woven into that. But

39:28

it sounds like this human

39:30

that entered your life is a growth partner, a

39:32

teacher, and really is the catalyst for all of

39:34

this, right? Like maybe say a little bit about

39:37

the motivation because like that's a strong willingness

39:39

to do discomfort. And it doesn't sound like you're like, Oh,

39:41

I just want to bang this chick who's a challenge, right?

39:43

Like it sounds like it was so much more than that.

39:46

Totally. If she hadn't been the person who

39:49

she was in terms

39:51

of all the other connections that

39:53

she and I had outside of the bedrooms, I probably

39:55

wouldn't have gotten on this journey. But it was it

39:57

was such a deep connection. I

40:00

saw in her an opportunity to live

40:03

out any sexual fantasy I ever wanted

40:05

Like there was nothing that was taboo to this

40:08

woman at all I mean, she may

40:10

not want to do it, but you could say

40:12

anything you could express anything about sexuality She

40:15

was like, oh, yeah, tell me more there was no

40:17

shit like you talk about I had a zero shame

40:19

on me With her like it was like negative I'd

40:22

never met anyone like that before I'd never had

40:24

that freedom to just be

40:26

and sink into my own questions and

40:28

my own ideas and my own fantasies

40:30

and I saw

40:32

in her and and maybe

40:34

this is an objectification and maybe this is

40:37

an infatuation but

40:39

I Saw a chance

40:41

to live a life. I can only dream about

40:43

sexually with her and that Was

40:47

really really attractive. Yeah,

40:49

I mean I was the neophyte I was an

40:52

absolute I went from thinking I was this sexual

40:54

powerhouse to realizing I was an absolute neophyte Yeah,

40:57

yeah I mean it's pretty cool that

40:59

someone with her level of credential experience It sounds like

41:01

like it sounds like you really did have a strong

41:03

connection if she's also willing to invest that much in

41:05

a Brand new monot non monogamous

41:07

baby, but I know a lot of people are a lot

41:09

more patient than I am I heard

41:12

you say something about toughness

41:15

and vulnerability and at this

41:17

point on your journey of

41:19

self-love Are

41:21

they even on opposite sides of the scale? Do

41:24

you think they're a little bit more like interwoven,

41:26

right? Do you think having all those emotions in

41:28

the difficulty like isn't that the toughness or like

41:30

how do you understand toughness now on the other?

41:32

You are absolutely 100 100

41:34

percent right at the ending of the book or the

41:36

last couple chapters is where I start sinking into what's

41:40

tough is being

41:42

vulnerable and being Okay,

41:44

and and and sharing so when

41:46

I first came out as

41:48

open by basically Dating Jane and

41:51

she said oh we're open for

41:53

my extreme sports competitors and a

41:55

friend Said you let other guys

41:57

fuck your woman. What's wrong with you? Like it was

42:00

Oh, damn. Oh, that's like

42:02

the worst case scenario voices out

42:04

loud at you and a real person.

42:07

Whoa. What did you

42:09

say? I said, I don't let her

42:11

fuck other guys any more than I let her be

42:13

female. That's great.

42:15

That's who she is. That's what I said.

42:17

I thought that was a pretty good response.

42:20

But what's interesting is fast forward

42:22

10 years. And now

42:24

I'm working on the book. And

42:27

he and I are driving to a destination. We're

42:29

going backcountry skiing. We do a lot of extreme

42:31

stuff. And he's asking me

42:33

questions about the book. And he said, you

42:35

know, and he's been married for a while. And

42:37

he says, I really wish I could have sex

42:39

with other women. But there's no way

42:42

I could let my wife have sex with other men. So

42:44

I'm not going to do it. And then

42:46

he says, you know what, you

42:48

are a far stronger man than I am. The

42:51

same guy. Wow. Yeah,

42:55

incredible. Also, I love

42:57

that story and that example of

42:59

like friends continuing these conversations over

43:02

the course of years. And also like

43:04

what a good example of like, okay, we have

43:06

a different opinion, you're not gonna be like, hey,

43:08

fuck you, friend. Bye. We're not friends anymore. You

43:10

say, okay, well, maybe we can continue to know each

43:12

other and learn from each other. Yeah,

43:14

a lot of what I talk about in the book is

43:16

my deep, I have deep, deep friendships with people. 20, 30,

43:19

40 years, my

43:21

newest friend is 10 years, we've been friends

43:24

for 10 years. He's now he's finally reaching

43:26

real friend status. I cultivate deep, long

43:28

friendships in my life, because it is that is

43:30

the point to being alive, is relationships

43:33

above all else. And so this particular person

43:35

is someone who I competed against. And then

43:37

I've done adventures with it. But when he

43:39

said you're a stronger man than I, that

43:41

was a moment that it hit home.

43:44

How much like, yeah, that's what toughness is.

43:46

That's what masculinity is. And that's it's about

43:48

being the man you want to be. It's

43:50

not about second party validation. It's not about

43:52

what everyone else thinks about you or your

43:54

wife, girlfriend and what they do. It's how

43:56

you hold yourself and how you carry yourself.

43:58

And if it takes take years for someone

44:00

to realize, wow, you know what, you

44:03

were right all along, you're a really tough strong

44:05

man, that's okay. I fucking

44:07

love that. And I really, you know,

44:09

I have my own version of that, right? Like one

44:11

of the hottest partners I've ever been with is someone

44:13

that I see off and on who is

44:16

so unslappable, like unshakable,

44:18

just in approval of me. We're

44:20

not super close, but like, loves

44:22

that I'm a slut, loves that I'm a whore, like

44:24

loves that I just like love to get fucked, obviously

44:27

loves that I do it safely, which

44:29

I do. Okay, I want to talk about health and

44:31

safety and the conversations you have with people and how

44:33

that's evolved over the years. But first, I

44:36

want to talk about when on this journey, you

44:38

discovered your own butthole and prostate massages,

44:40

because I have been practicing these lately.

44:42

And it's one of my favorite things

44:44

to put fingers inside of people regardless

44:46

of their parts. But where

44:49

was that on your journey of personally

44:51

opening up? Right. I think actually

44:53

the first time a woman

44:55

played with my asshole, I think I was 25. Yeah.

45:01

Really good. And she was a lot younger. She was like 18. I

45:04

had been her climbing instructor a couple of years

45:06

before and then we reconnected and she

45:08

loved to be a slut. And we went out and had

45:10

a great time. And then while she was going down to

45:12

me, she put her finger in my. Without

45:16

without discussion. Well,

45:18

it wasn't just like ram it in there.

45:20

It kind of rolled around for a while.

45:22

It got eventually then she was teasing

45:24

it and then it went in and it was like one

45:26

of the strongest orgasms I've ever had up to that point.

45:29

It was phenomenal. But then

45:31

it wasn't until I

45:33

was with Jane, my to be wife,

45:36

that that started again. Like,

45:38

but in between that wasn't like 10 years

45:40

in between that no one had had

45:43

played with that piece of me before it.

45:45

And there's probably a piece of me that felt

45:47

resistive to it because I'm still learning what sex

45:50

was, learning who I was, learning what everything meant.

45:52

It's like, oh, she played with my ass. What

45:54

does that mean? You know, there's a masculinity continuum.

45:56

Where where do where do I sit on that?

45:58

If I like. things in my ass

46:01

totally well and I certainly have also

46:03

encountered penis owning partners where it's like

46:05

it's one thing if they're air quotes

46:08

letting me do it right if I'm initiating it you

46:10

know if I and this is why I ask really

46:12

I'm say are you would never put it in your

46:14

ass type of person so I really listen to their

46:16

response so it's because if someone's like no I'm

46:18

not a never no no no you know like that's one

46:21

thing versus someone who's like oh well you know

46:23

because I really like the

46:26

positive request right so it is a

46:28

different thing for some people to ask

46:30

for that versus to just receive it

46:32

when it's offered I think

46:34

I would have a hard time asking yeah

46:36

and maybe that's across all the maybe it's not just

46:38

a butt thing too right I mean some days I

46:40

have a really hard time asking unless I'm so overwhelmed

46:43

by desire that I'm like I really

46:45

need to be slapped in the face by your cock

46:47

and then please thank me a lot of you know

46:49

like but it has to get for me to a

46:51

really extreme point otherwise I'm really big on receiving what's

46:53

offered but I've started to find out how as

46:56

a submissive I can offer more to my

46:58

partners by being clear about my desires which

47:00

means I have to get to know and love

47:03

myself more and more everyday actively ongoing blah blah

47:05

blah cuz I'm changing but okay so

47:07

speaking of change and normally I do this early on to like get

47:09

it out of the way but I do want to

47:11

talk about health and safety and your practices

47:13

around health and safety and the conversations that

47:15

you have with partners in this non-monogamous lifestyle

47:18

condoms are the default and I get

47:20

tested once every so I'm not

47:22

all that's actually active right now this has been six

47:24

months and I try to get tested every six months

47:27

regardless of what's going on but if

47:29

I'm very sexually active every three months once

47:31

I start having sex with someone regularly I really

47:34

prefer the kind of come off I've

47:37

noticed I've gotten older that point gets quicker and

47:39

quicker okay is there usually a conversation that

47:41

happens about like fluid bonding and like if

47:43

we have other people unprotected yeah

47:45

what is it something like that once the condoms

47:47

come off it's like hey how many of the people you're

47:49

having unprotected sex with and if you do let

47:53

me know if you're someone new so to speak like

47:55

oh we had unprotected sex so it's communication

47:58

I wouldn't say that Him

48:00

over leap. Millikan. About

48:02

the conversation but a have the conversation It's

48:04

where the things you need to have and

48:06

I don't ask to see people's sci reports

48:09

no one's ever asked to see mine but

48:11

I I believe people when they tell me

48:13

when at the point where the kind of

48:15

the coming off I usually have a good

48:17

feel for the person within the you're not

48:19

out hope I mean listen I'm to deter

48:21

and had committee and crabs that not the

48:24

same time in okay and. I

48:27

just always ask and I just like to get

48:29

it out there for the sake of nomination. Here's

48:31

a question in the Condom his own: Do you

48:33

still use them for blow jobs? or is it

48:35

for penetrate? Have sex on the. Only.

48:37

Country to psychopaths. Well I just

48:39

want to remind everyone that is a reason I

48:41

have herpes in. My throat cut I like

48:43

steep started always is another thing we gotta

48:45

talk about. You like videos in the throat

48:48

in it. I do like you do but

48:50

I've never really. Met. Someone who can

48:52

get roman. We've been. How do you know you like

48:54

it? I. Like it when they try to

48:56

get close, but no one's an onside people

48:58

do thirty but never all the way. So.

49:01

Do have a large penis occur. Is

49:03

it girthy that curvy as it

49:05

moves? Street preacher? It's so. For

49:07

me if I have a hard time

49:10

deep starting sometimes. I came up and figure

49:12

out why like there's like an angle thing to

49:14

eat cock. Some of them just lip right in

49:16

and it. And. Those can be even

49:18

on the larger size, but like I do

49:20

have a partner were when they are up

49:22

for hardness I can no longer fit of

49:24

them. but there's the like semi hard momentum

49:27

some that were oregon so that so is

49:29

that is it. Like usually of. That. Sony

49:31

hires semi heard his happen but when

49:33

I'm thankfully. No. One's

49:35

ever documentaries? Well, I haven't met someone who can

49:37

I. I know there are people who could. Have

49:39

so a big fan of saying look not yes. I

49:42

am old hope for the future Always

49:44

getting married is funny the I have

49:46

a bottomless like wanna buy some one

49:48

a happy I want to come with

49:50

all the way down. Plan on the

49:52

cellphone. Only here's a thing I finally

49:54

got that the surface. I was on my bucket lists

49:57

but as a receiver a cat really feel like I

49:59

have and like. I'm not a little bit so I

50:01

can because it just goes. It goes back to the part

50:03

where I conceal it, but it. Is very hard to

50:05

be like airtight for me to to just

50:07

get layer which helps and like. That Okay,

50:10

What about getting what sensations do love

50:12

giving to your partner's. I

50:14

love doing things that get responses from

50:16

women saudis some it's a real of

50:19

do like I would pretty much do

50:21

anything to her that makes her mon

50:23

in a way because it's so sad

50:25

sight I mean I like all the

50:27

basic was basically don't woman with the

50:30

correct way to say going down a

50:32

woman it's going down can pussy says.

50:34

Well what turned you on? I think it's

50:36

what turns you on the most in that

50:38

moment day. I like also going down on

50:41

people also pussy licking in or depends on

50:43

that particular position with your see sitting may

50:45

be are worshipping the current. I don't know.

50:47

it's like wet what phrases make. I

50:49

actually love pussy lighting from behind

50:51

when woman's on all fours. So

50:54

hot that's so hot new like.

50:56

The like apples to. I recently had a partner

50:58

that was like do when both.boat yeah you do

51:00

have. Areas are you are Just had my

51:02

first Unlike anything with the but. Yeah,

51:04

no Saint Sultan's getting lit from behind

51:07

on my pussy mostly. But than having

51:09

both have played with is what. Got

51:11

me recently to my first infinity orgasm and

51:13

I was like oh my god like

51:15

him with somebody or does it just wasn't

51:17

stop a i don't have a real word

51:20

well as what I call this. And

51:22

I wasn't sir what was happening until after what

51:24

I had to be like break it down for

51:26

me what just happened with the most intense experience?

51:28

I hadn't quite a while and then I just

51:31

like collapsed afren. Talk about vulnerable Like it was

51:33

such an intense because there was a point where

51:35

I was like i think I'm just still coming

51:37

Nope, I'm definitely still coming and it's not gonna

51:40

stop. I was A or Your Hands Hooks Picnic

51:42

School System The fucking. The

51:44

point is it was pussy licking from behind.

51:47

That like took me to the next level

51:49

with the. Like singers are doing

51:51

that without gets me so fucking

51:53

I do. I mean that's. Why?

51:58

But you were talking about. Following

52:00

like the noises of the people, do you

52:02

tend to sort of just like explore around

52:04

to see what gets the most noises? Or

52:07

do you have verbal conversations that are like

52:09

gimme your one two three, how to Why?

52:11

What's resume. And you know what? I

52:13

really like the exploration. I love to

52:15

lead layers back slowly and pure and

52:18

figuring. I like the puzzle. I have

52:20

conversations in my business world I I

52:22

wanted. I don't know the something about

52:24

another people who do conversation but it

52:26

feels so. Rigid. To

52:29

me for some reason and not judging

52:31

I funny I was recently hooking up.

52:33

With. A woman recently this unless you have

52:35

and I was having a tough time Can

52:38

reading Hurley has been nice and good and

52:40

finally I said stay. Maybe we could have

52:42

a currently of the first time I've ever.

52:45

Actually be like hey let's let's have a

52:47

conversation. I'd love to know. it really turns

52:49

you on And she gave me a peach

52:51

and a half type saying that she had

52:53

the to get out were lovers and I

52:55

was like oh you've given me a memo

52:57

okay think yourself as was. it was just

52:59

very businesslike. can look at it was. It

53:02

was interesting that it was great. I've. Heard

53:04

of that in like non monogamous kinky series

53:06

of the Will Have Written On thing I

53:08

personally like, I don't want to do only

53:10

those things and also what will we explore

53:12

together in this wild unknown? But also like.

53:14

My. Body changes, Every day

53:16

And my body I think. I

53:19

mean what, I am not a scientist, they haven't

53:21

studied under Fairmont. Although unlike after hearing your story

53:23

on like. Could. We get a

53:26

study funded about people who have more

53:28

recently. In. Their pheromones his car be something that's.

53:31

Gotta be something they're they're not going on instead

53:33

of at something my ex was a sensory sense.

53:36

That so called yes. So why when is

53:38

your first? about any other turn ons in

53:41

your sexy sphere that we haven't gotten to

53:43

yet? Like any things that make you hot

53:45

like specific the patients like and you suck

53:47

on your and center as late. As.

53:49

You done with? You know? I guess? I.

53:53

Don't an underwater first and really me such

53:55

as for says. Know about but I have

53:57

a listener who writes me some very interesting emails

53:59

and sense. Linked about aqua failure and about kind

54:01

of like the compression this good. I'm like I'm

54:03

not a message to school but he to do

54:05

it but I'm like. Color. Me curious if

54:07

I were in the rain disturbance right? I guess

54:09

is if I'm a free diver so he was

54:11

freediving only get down to leave a few minutes

54:13

and with the. Damn. Have

54:16

does breath holding skills come in handy when

54:18

you're going. Down On a pussy.

54:21

My sake. I mean. Sometimes

54:23

it is a matter of how likes to the into

54:25

how deep and I get. That. You know it

54:27

becomes more of an issue with when the

54:29

tons of these so exactly reading that then

54:31

i went to really move into so as

54:33

to say think my know does. This

54:38

of the I'd say want to be A because

54:40

in your outflow of your suggests you say if

54:42

you don't know someone you need to commit them

54:45

with something of value if you want to interact

54:47

with them Sexual. This is my new memo

54:49

of twenty Twenty Four irresistible invitations. Yes,

54:51

and like, what are you offering? A

54:53

mate? I totally get that. But. When.

54:56

I want to push back and you that even if you

54:58

do know them. In. Fact. When.

55:01

You know them. Pizza Hut Hut.

55:03

To have transactional sex. I love

55:05

transactional sex with someone I'm involved

55:08

with, someone call and long term

55:10

growth and. I have. No, I don't

55:12

think those things are at odds with one another.

55:14

Folder. Now but it was it was

55:16

the with the outer was like. You.

55:19

Need to come up with something his eyes like even if

55:21

you know. He said if you don't know someone come within

55:23

the something of value my body do know some people come

55:25

with the my. Assumption there is if you know

55:27

someone in have chosen to keep them in

55:29

your license because they continue to provide value

55:31

tear like or. You're stuck with that

55:33

says they're related to you. But

55:37

I definitely think of treating else I.

55:39

I'm an adult houses so I love

55:42

coming over my tool belt and sixty

55:44

someone's house to blow job or I.

55:47

Know we're on the East. Coast game

55:49

is. On the list.

55:52

goes on like I'm right near a lake

55:54

view. Original: I'm in Colorado River. Oh.

55:56

really it on your to lay on and

55:58

on and health somehow I literally

56:00

did. I literally did. So I literally was

56:02

just talking to someone of where I'm like,

56:05

I have this kink. And now for me,

56:07

I was like, I was like, is this

56:09

getting a submissive? Like, am I

56:11

am I because that was kind of one of my December bucket

56:13

list items. I was like, I don't know, you know, I'm, I've

56:16

only done dominant things for work. Like,

56:18

in my personal life, I'm a submissive.

56:21

But I'm like, you know, I could

56:23

see a scenario in which maybe someone's

56:25

cleaning with me, can I help them clean? I don't really want

56:27

to, I don't know if I want to be in charge of

56:29

someone in everyday life. But I love

56:31

transactional things because as a

56:34

person whose brain can't

56:36

fucking figure out the social norms, I'm like, all right,

56:38

what do you want from me? All right, here's what

56:40

I need from you. Or here's a menu

56:43

of options that would be hot and nice for

56:45

me plumbing issues. You got some carpentry, literally

56:47

do can't can't get my bathroom. Well, I think I

56:49

can fix this later. But my bathroom stopper is currently broken.

56:51

I have a shelf I need to put up. I got

56:53

to put on a new closet door and I have to

56:55

refix my suit. Wait, so

56:58

first of all, we'll talk after

57:00

this. Second of all, so you've done this like

57:02

with tool belt? Like, what do you mean? Oh,

57:04

absolutely. Oh, no, this is a kink of money. How do

57:06

you bring this up? How do you talk about it? Because

57:09

I was like, how do I ask people for this? This

57:11

is I've only done this

57:13

with with partners with people who know, oh, you

57:15

were already the kink of my I love transaction.

57:19

And sometimes it's purely paying. Sometimes I'll

57:21

call my partner up and be like,

57:23

I'll give you X number of dollars to get over

57:25

here and suck my talk right now. That's

57:28

so hot. Wait, can I I just have to

57:30

narrate what just happened? Because that's not going to

57:32

be in the video recording. But on your screen,

57:34

when you said that the little thumbs

57:36

up emoji just popped up and did

57:38

a thumbs up and disappeared. It's the

57:41

new iOS updates. That is

57:43

hilarious. So

57:47

Apple approved. Okay, so it's been

57:49

mostly with partners, but you've paid them for a

57:51

sex. I mean, that's my yeah,

57:53

like that's top top top hot. I don't really

57:55

have an interest in paying strangers for sex. That's

57:58

not kinky to me. I have paid strangers

58:00

for sex at points but paying a partner

58:02

for sex is just I don't know why

58:05

that's so kinky to me and friends obviously

58:07

have a lot of flexible friends and whenever

58:09

they need work done they're like I'll give

58:11

you a blowjob you come over and the

58:14

sink needs a new trap put

58:16

in or I need my circuits

58:18

moved and outlet moved or is

58:21

it like are you like I need to focus on

58:23

the job and then we have fun or is it

58:26

like can you be like hammering and then your person

58:28

is just like let me just unzip that for a

58:30

second and then like going back or do you like

58:32

prefer to have a corporate all the above

58:34

okay okay you're open I mean novelty seeking

58:36

right but the sex has to be at

58:38

the end like we can tease they're gonna

58:40

be teasing I mean I think

58:43

you're living in a new paradigm where you

58:45

can come four times if it's an intense

58:47

exciting moment so I think you could I think

58:49

you can just follow your heart I say follow

58:51

your heart follow your part you'll be good to

58:53

go so damn that's the okay what else what else

58:56

what other turn ons do we not know about you so

58:59

this girlfriend I had when I was

59:01

25 first real relationship I had she

59:03

was the first woman I

59:05

was with a lot that liked anal sex

59:07

and that's where I really had a lot

59:09

of and we had this one this is

59:11

amazing this happens 30 years ago we

59:13

were in a hotel on a ski trip

59:15

and they had a steam shower in the

59:17

hotel room we were in and it was

59:20

handed down like the greatest anal sex of

59:22

my life in this steam shower for like

59:25

an hour it was just

59:27

a sweat and the steam and the hot

59:29

and the body we were both 25 we

59:31

were just incredible and she's up against the

59:34

wall and I'm behind her did you still

59:36

use lube though oh yeah yeah

59:38

lots of lube we had lots of that yeah we

59:40

had lots of kept applying more you could

59:42

even do water-based lube in a steam shower because you'd

59:44

always be having the moisture you know with water-based lube

59:46

sometimes you gotta add water because it gets sticky dude

59:49

so this

59:51

is this incredible experience which happened 30 years

59:53

ago okay oh yeah totally standing up thing

59:55

time in for an hour we were in

59:58

there and it was just we just When

1:00:00

I finally came in her ass and we left that

1:00:02

shower and we were just like oh my god, what

1:00:04

just happened? What's amazing to

1:00:06

me eyes? I have never really

1:00:09

done that again and I build

1:00:11

houses and just this year I was like,

1:00:14

what the fuck am I doing? What I put a steam shower

1:00:16

in my house It was

1:00:18

just what I'm doing this winter in my house

1:00:20

here in Colorado's I'm putting a steam shower in

1:00:22

Purely, I'm like, why have I waited

1:00:24

this long to do it? So I'm like building

1:00:26

this out I've just I'm just starting to rebuild

1:00:28

the bathroom and I'm like, okay Well

1:00:31

when you christen it with someone maybe you'll

1:00:33

want to come back and share details with

1:00:35

a past guest update I don't know just

1:00:37

saying cool. Okay anything anything else before I

1:00:39

ask you other questions like other just turn

1:00:41

on things you love Well, I finally

1:00:43

did have my first prostate massage like an

1:00:45

actual prostate massage like I'd yeah This

1:00:48

whole thing I my wife really liked pegging and

1:00:50

she begged me a couple times then once actually

1:00:52

blogged about it to the entire How

1:00:55

is that for you? It's a whole scene in

1:00:57

the book about it I don't want to give

1:00:59

away but all of a sudden a friend called

1:01:01

me was like, you know, you're being pegged online

1:01:03

I was like wait what okay, that was my

1:01:05

whole thing Between

1:01:07

us. Yeah, we broke up actually over it for

1:01:10

a But

1:01:12

her point was like I talked about our

1:01:14

sex all the time all of a sudden

1:01:16

this one thing I can't talk about What's your

1:01:18

problem? It was just interesting. She's like I talked

1:01:20

about watching girls Suck your cock and you're totally

1:01:23

okay with it And so there was this real

1:01:25

mental battle that I was in with my

1:01:27

head is like well She's right on some level but the

1:01:29

other level shouldn't she talk to me, but

1:01:31

I've been okay with everything else There's

1:01:34

a conflict in my brain around being

1:01:36

a man who likes his ass played

1:01:38

with so fast forward after We

1:01:41

would know she and I no longer together

1:01:43

and I have an excuse a massage therapist

1:01:45

who now is giving central massages And

1:01:48

so I actually had shoulder surgery and I

1:01:50

couldn't jack off inside then hey I want

1:01:52

to come in for a session and she

1:01:54

said great said, you know, I offered prostate

1:01:57

massage It's like, you know, I actually never

1:01:59

had my the prospects actually massaged. I said

1:02:01

fingers up there, but no one there. And

1:02:04

she didn't, my God,

1:02:06

that was so, and that's only happened

1:02:08

once. So far. I have

1:02:10

to find someone else to have to find my

1:02:12

next partner who might be willing to do that.

1:02:14

And I can't even believe I'm saying this out

1:02:16

loud. Oh, well, I mean,

1:02:19

don't you think this is a perfect example of we

1:02:21

got to be the change we want to see? And

1:02:23

it's like, you know, we think so far, we put

1:02:25

it out there, we literally putting it out there. Because

1:02:27

who knows? I mean, I have the same thing, right?

1:02:29

I am practicing, again, 2024, I

1:02:31

am practicing giving, offering,

1:02:34

and receiving irresistible invitations.

1:02:36

I really just want to do a

1:02:38

good job identifying my desires and inviting

1:02:40

people into them. And it's

1:02:42

for me, scary, vulnerable. What

1:02:45

else is on your horizon to discover

1:02:47

or explore, both in your personal life,

1:02:49

and then what do you wish would

1:02:51

happen for the world's sexuality? I want

1:02:53

to hear your personal stuff first, and then we'll get into broad

1:02:55

noodles about making the world a sexy, more loving place. So

1:02:58

it's funny, in the 10 years I was with

1:03:00

Jane, I got to live out my bucket list.

1:03:02

I crossed, I crossed just about everything out of

1:03:04

my bucket list except the throat pie. So

1:03:07

I don't have a lot of things that

1:03:09

I'm looking to do other than a life

1:03:11

partner would be great. As much as I

1:03:14

appreciate naminogamy, I don't call myself polyamorous. I

1:03:16

want a primary partner, I want a single romantic

1:03:19

relationship and then have some flexibility. So

1:03:21

what's on the horizon is I'm looking

1:03:23

for that person who has a evolvedness

1:03:26

about sexuality and sex that

1:03:29

I can be 100% open. Because it's hard,

1:03:31

you don't meet a lot of people that you can,

1:03:33

and that was one of the best things about being

1:03:35

with Jane, is that there was no

1:03:37

judgment about, and it didn't matter what my brain

1:03:39

thought of around sex. I want

1:03:42

that openness, I want that freedom, I want that

1:03:44

connection, I want that respect, I want that excitement

1:03:47

from a partner who celebrates the way I

1:03:49

express to the world. That's what

1:03:51

I would like. At the same time, I

1:03:53

do like sex, so having some constant sex

1:03:55

would be good. At the moment, there is

1:03:57

no constant sex. I would never- sex

1:04:00

lead you to that relationship? Maybe

1:04:03

I'm too Pollyanna, but I really

1:04:05

I'm like I love getting to know people

1:04:07

through sex. I just also need the piece

1:04:09

where we're getting to know each other, not

1:04:12

just being you. I mean if you're gonna

1:04:14

use me as a tool there's specific scenarios

1:04:16

in which we can make that a happy

1:04:18

energetic exchange, right? But it's like if

1:04:20

we're getting to know each other I think it's such

1:04:22

a, maybe it's not the cultural norm, but my hope

1:04:24

for you, that's a fellow person that likes sex. I

1:04:26

totally agree, that's I'm saying it'd be nice to be

1:04:28

having sex with them and getting to know them. I

1:04:30

recently scared away a crush by

1:04:33

asking him to have sex, or asking

1:04:35

him you know about the timeline or

1:04:37

the conversation that might need to be in

1:04:39

place for us to talk about moving to that next step.

1:04:41

Didn't hear from him again after that. Maybe there were

1:04:43

other factors at play, but I thought I would be

1:04:45

a real gentle, but... Men are fearful and

1:04:47

that's kind of why I wrote this. What's

1:04:50

the scary part? We are fearful. Like

1:04:52

if something makes us uncomfortable, we shy

1:04:54

away and I've had this

1:04:56

overarching MO in my life is I

1:04:59

want to get comfortable being uncomfortable. I

1:05:01

want to get to that point where being

1:05:03

uncomfortable is an interesting feeling, not a scary

1:05:05

feeling, right? Things should be

1:05:07

exciting because of the fear not in spite

1:05:09

of it. And so when your partner says

1:05:11

what you said and it

1:05:14

makes you uncomfortable, like if it makes you

1:05:16

uncomfortable you should probably run towards it. Right,

1:05:18

I mean at the same time I'm like I

1:05:20

don't need to be that person's teacher if that's where they

1:05:22

are in their journey. They're just gonna poof away. I

1:05:25

need someone who's like gonna actually be able to

1:05:27

say, hey you're so nice. I can't communicate anymore

1:05:29

now. I'm scared. You know like but I'm like

1:05:31

I'm learning that you know to go back to

1:05:33

my noodle on regular human lives it's like I

1:05:36

get it. It's normal to ghost people. I think

1:05:38

it's a terrible norm but it's you know it's sort

1:05:40

of like... I've never... I don't

1:05:42

ghost and I hate being ghosted. It's a terrible

1:05:44

thing. It's a digital thing.

1:05:46

It would happen to the digital age. It's

1:05:48

so normal for people. Yeah, yeah. Well

1:05:51

and receiving no is hard for a lot of

1:05:53

us and that's why it's hard for some of

1:05:55

us. or it's like I noodle that it's hard

1:05:57

for some of us to ask for what we

1:05:59

want because we live in a cold... there weren't

1:06:01

nose or sometimes like getting our whole selves rejected

1:06:03

but sounds like you had. I mean maybe really

1:06:05

spoiling. Experiences and when the lead you into this. but like

1:06:08

how do you. Feel. In this

1:06:10

new era where you are seeking new partnership

1:06:12

after having a. Partnership of for

1:06:14

Kinky, Permission for yourself? Yeah

1:06:17

it is interesting is turned off a couple

1:06:19

women and when they signed up my past

1:06:21

but then again it's turned on one wonders.

1:06:23

So it's self selecting. Okay,

1:06:26

So what do you noodle? We'd need collectively

1:06:28

to make the world a sexy or more

1:06:30

loving place. Will. Certainly we need

1:06:32

to normalize conversations around. Sucks that talking

1:06:34

about sex it's not a taboo, it's

1:06:37

not this thing that that is talked

1:06:39

about in hushed whispers. We all have

1:06:41

sex. Everyone Sexual. that seems to be

1:06:43

happening. It's a slow but it certainly

1:06:45

when I was a kid I in

1:06:48

the late eighties sex was not something

1:06:50

that was really talked about and normal

1:06:52

circles. So. You are

1:06:54

a penis owner who has. Sounds.

1:06:56

Like always been pretty in concert with

1:06:59

his cock. However,

1:07:01

I. Would like you to speak to

1:07:03

this cultural norm we have. The

1:07:05

hardness is the most important aspect

1:07:07

of under say that would air

1:07:10

quotes performance. It. Sounds

1:07:12

like you may be have a different

1:07:14

perspective or perhaps some knowledge even though

1:07:16

you're caught has always. Worked. With you like

1:07:18

or I wouldn't put words in your message until

1:07:20

or experience but like what are the most Not

1:07:22

only is it having. A hard boehner the

1:07:24

most important thing and sexism. A leading question.

1:07:27

I think it depends on the situation,

1:07:30

but well as I've gotten older and.

1:07:32

My twenties the cock result of the cask ale the museum

1:07:35

when we see how I use my cock and then I.

1:07:37

Will. Point out that when you sell said earlier

1:07:39

that you were not very good at sex

1:07:41

you. Are where it's from earlier as he

1:07:43

discovers that one hundred percent. and he was

1:07:45

funny. About my mid twenties I started having.

1:07:48

A sword really be attracted to Women are

1:07:50

dating women in their forties and that's actually

1:07:52

how I start getting good at sex. Was

1:07:55

starting to have sex with older women who

1:07:57

were like no, you don't rock in of

1:07:59

the just. The how did pay attention to

1:08:01

your partner I remember very clearly and will

1:08:03

bury. We're going to show you how only

1:08:05

pussy like an odd or the belly dancer

1:08:07

taught me how that it has the right

1:08:10

way to have anal sex, How to prepare

1:08:12

a woman's how to do it correctly so

1:08:14

she's gonna enjoy it's and I credit any

1:08:16

ability themselves in my sexual around from these

1:08:18

experiences I had as a young man in

1:08:20

my twenties with these women in their forties

1:08:22

and thirty. So if you're a young guy

1:08:24

out there your twenties you have to start

1:08:26

have sex with over and you dislikes and

1:08:29

it's not have sex. With you have called for like

1:08:31

do some. Learning on your own and then go do

1:08:33

it right. Like we don't turn. I mean I do,

1:08:35

I do. I'm a person that definitely turns every into

1:08:37

my teacher for better or worse. But it's like, you

1:08:39

know, I mean it's it. It is so beautiful and

1:08:41

officers many ways to learn and also like. Learning.

1:08:44

To warm up an asshole directly from a

1:08:46

person's so on as grammarly my men and

1:08:48

way to learn. It has honestly that one

1:08:51

of the best sex against. Any

1:08:53

woman ever gave me was that lesson I

1:08:55

got from her. and then this period of

1:08:57

time we are together having a lot of

1:08:59

anal sex but as I don't know there

1:09:01

and of repertoire has increased beyond macaques. The

1:09:04

sex be Closed This You can just sit

1:09:06

there and. Play. With food your

1:09:08

finger for an hour you a wouldn't see tied

1:09:10

up or something. Doesn't matter with your cats working

1:09:12

you're not. You can get some of the greatest

1:09:14

my the delights in your pants can stay on.

1:09:16

So as I've gotten older I have gotten away

1:09:19

from the hardness of the cock. And

1:09:21

even though saying that it does your

1:09:23

really good when my clock is really

1:09:26

hard and women really appreciate. A

1:09:28

very hard cock that is one of those. Feelings

1:09:31

that I absolutely love when the caucus

1:09:33

really hard and the woman's just and

1:09:36

loving it. So yes, I've moved away

1:09:38

from it, but blaze nice when it's.

1:09:40

Yeah, elsa sounds like you're not a

1:09:43

particularly high anxiety person. Just from talking

1:09:45

to you which are no anxiety ten and

1:09:47

like fear of performance can really affect people.

1:09:50

he i think that stems and the

1:09:52

book thought a lot about this into

1:09:54

his performance because in extreme sports i

1:09:56

competed in you cannot having zion you

1:09:58

can have anything that to distract you

1:10:00

from performance. You learn how to compartmentalize

1:10:03

so well. You learn how to take

1:10:05

fear and reframe it. You learn how

1:10:07

to look at situations completely differently. You

1:10:09

learn how to find the mindset of

1:10:11

just that space where you can perform

1:10:13

because in extreme sports, if you misperform

1:10:16

it, it can have consequences which aren't

1:10:18

very good. So yeah, I don't have

1:10:20

a lot of anxiety. Yeah, no, I hear that.

1:10:22

And I just want to call that up because I

1:10:24

think oftentimes, you know, people just want to pop

1:10:27

a pill or do kind of a quick six

1:10:29

instead of dealing with the connection of the relationship,

1:10:31

their connection to themselves, their self-love, you know, and

1:10:33

I just want to say to all penis owners

1:10:35

out there, you know, I definitely

1:10:37

had a really good friend who started Cialis in his early

1:10:39

20s not knowing that it gets less and less and

1:10:41

less effective the older you get. So I am just

1:10:44

all for people like really checking in with themselves.

1:10:47

Yeah, take time. I want to share

1:10:49

a personal story with you about a

1:10:51

penis sting in the pants and it was really

1:10:53

hot. So I had a partner

1:10:55

recently where our agreement was he was just

1:10:57

going to play with my asshole. Like he

1:10:59

really wanted to play with an asshole first

1:11:01

time for him and I was like, okay,

1:11:04

we'll see, you know, so we put on the

1:11:06

gloves. I was like teaching him to go slow.

1:11:08

He did not go slow enough, but he was

1:11:10

like so, so excited because it was his first

1:11:12

time with someone who's like really into butt stuff

1:11:14

playing with it. And he also had

1:11:17

been edging himself for a while and it got so

1:11:19

hot. Like it was so, so hot. We both got

1:11:21

so turned on. He ended up coming

1:11:23

in his pants for the first time since he

1:11:25

was a teenager and he was much older now.

1:11:27

So it's like that was things where we were

1:11:29

just like super, super turned on the cocks in

1:11:31

the pants and then he masturbated to it a

1:11:33

lot later. And so we were just like very

1:11:35

happy about that. So my personal share. Thanks for

1:11:37

listening. Yeah, no, it's got me kind

1:11:39

of like, like, oh, I remember coming in my pants.

1:11:42

Right. And that's fun too, right? But

1:11:44

it's something that oftentimes I think we get in, we

1:11:46

have this idea that like an adult sexual experience has

1:11:48

to be this certain way. But what do we love

1:11:50

more than anything is to feel young, to feel like

1:11:53

a little bit out of control in these ways that

1:11:55

are safe and exciting and surprising for me, for me,

1:11:57

I'll speak for myself. Okay. Anything

1:11:59

else? your sex life before

1:12:01

I ask you my fantasy questions?

1:12:04

Ooh, fantasy questions. I mean, you know, I

1:12:06

am someone who just, like, loves

1:12:09

the one-off blowjob in the bathroom at

1:12:11

a restaurant, all right? Or somewhere, like,

1:12:13

behind a tree quick or I once

1:12:15

fucked Jane on the edge of the

1:12:17

Grand Canyon. From behind, we were just

1:12:19

looking out into the... That's so hot!

1:12:21

Oh, that's so hot! Have you ever come

1:12:23

over a cliff? I love to ask people this question.

1:12:25

So far, I have not met a penis that has

1:12:28

jacked off into a canyon, but... I

1:12:30

have had sex on cliffs from climbing. I

1:12:32

have had like... I want to watch someone

1:12:34

come over a cliff safely, right? And I

1:12:36

want to slow-mo video it. Like, that's one

1:12:38

of my just, like, random bucket list fantasies.

1:12:40

I'm like... Or at least hear a story

1:12:42

about it. No one has come over a cliff yet. Well,

1:12:44

I'll happily be your subject. You

1:12:47

want to watch the ones... Do you

1:12:49

want to film? I know you're a filmmaker. Yes, yes,

1:12:51

no. I... Yes,

1:12:53

I mean, I... There's

1:12:56

a lot of good things you can do with, like,

1:12:58

come in zero gravity that I think we just have

1:13:00

not seen enough of yet. So I'm... I'm... I'm

1:13:02

curious and all... Mars has

1:13:04

the biggest canyon anywhere in our soil.

1:13:07

That's right! That's right! That's a really...

1:13:09

I think... I want

1:13:12

to fly to Mars and come

1:13:14

out... And it would go really

1:13:16

slowly. I think I don't know why... I can't

1:13:18

remember Mars gravity right now. I think it's left. It's

1:13:21

left. We're point-six. Point-six,

1:13:23

yeah. Okay, so... If you

1:13:25

had to be a sex

1:13:27

worker for two years, we suddenly live in a world

1:13:29

where that's the community service we all do. Like,

1:13:32

maybe at the cusp of download, or maybe anything to point out our lives, because

1:13:34

it's a new law. What kind of

1:13:36

sex worker would you be? What

1:13:38

kind? Yeah. How would you serve? Well,

1:13:40

I know that I would love to

1:13:43

be the man who shows that

1:13:45

women hire to come teach them how to

1:13:47

enjoy anal sex. That's

1:13:50

what I would love. I

1:13:52

love that. That's hot. Yeah, okay. And

1:13:56

I've had a lot of good feedback. Oh, well, you

1:13:58

wear well. I've had good feedback. that

1:14:00

I just felt well. That's great. It would be

1:14:02

nice for you to get properly appreciated for your

1:14:04

skills. Right, because I've met many women

1:14:06

who said, I don't like it in my ass. When

1:14:09

someone who does it the correct way, they're

1:14:11

like, oh. Right, because when you go slow

1:14:13

enough and do enough teasing and enough gentling,

1:14:15

the assholes welcome you in. Yeah, take time.

1:14:18

Yes, yeah, if you let the asshole be.

1:14:20

That's very good. You want to hear a really hot

1:14:22

story about that? Yes. So, I was dating

1:14:24

this girl, this is years ago, and she had this really young

1:14:26

roommate. We were like 25, 26, she was maybe 20. And

1:14:31

she was always seeing me dating her roommate, and we

1:14:33

were always showing us having crazy sex. She

1:14:35

was this little church girl. Boom. Fast

1:14:38

forward 10, 15 years, I

1:14:40

get a text, hey, I just moved to New York City. I was

1:14:42

in New York City. She's like, I'd love to go out with you.

1:14:45

And I was like, just grab a drink, whatever. And

1:14:48

so, we go out, grab a drink. She

1:14:50

is like totally religious, totally comes from this

1:14:52

background, but she's thinking of stepping away from

1:14:54

the church. So anyway, we go

1:14:56

out, have a lovely date. She

1:14:58

says, look, I always just want to start getting

1:15:01

into sex that first night. She's like, I've never

1:15:03

really given a blowjob. I want to give a

1:15:05

blowjob. She gave me a blowjob that night, and

1:15:07

we started this relationship where we're starting to

1:15:09

explore. And her whole thing was like, I

1:15:11

think I want to try anal sex. For

1:15:14

six months, we're working up to it,

1:15:16

right? It took a while. She had

1:15:18

all kinds of socialization issues

1:15:21

and shame issues around growing

1:15:23

up in the church. And

1:15:26

so anyway, finally, one night, we're

1:15:29

having this really sexy night. We're like having a

1:15:31

martini. We're out somewhere. We come back to the

1:15:33

apartment. And it was just the

1:15:35

night. And with fully clothed,

1:15:38

she's bent over the countertop. I'm on

1:15:40

my knees with my tongue, working her

1:15:42

ass, working her ass with my tongue,

1:15:44

fingers getting her so hot. And

1:15:47

I finally just slipped my cock in

1:15:50

her ass and I fucked her ass over

1:15:52

the countertop that night. And

1:15:55

she filled up her boots with cum

1:15:57

that night and screamed so loud. neighbors

1:16:00

the next day were like, who did you fuck

1:16:02

last night? And

1:16:04

then she went back to the church. No,

1:16:07

I hope she I hope she went back to

1:16:09

the church and kept her kinky parts, her slutty

1:16:12

parts. Like maybe just with one person.

1:16:14

Wow. That was like a month workout

1:16:16

to it. Yeah. It was so

1:16:18

built up, so built up. And

1:16:20

I still remember that orgasm, like my

1:16:23

own orgasm. But yeah, she

1:16:25

filled up her like she poured the cum out of her or

1:16:28

the whatever the squirt. Yeah, I mean,

1:16:31

that's so sexy. Also,

1:16:33

I just want

1:16:35

to point out, you know, yes, you're a

1:16:37

novelty seeker, but you like a good project.

1:16:39

I think that's hot, like that combination, you

1:16:41

know, because it's because for me, it's such

1:16:43

a different experience, right to have someone that

1:16:46

I may never see again versus someone

1:16:48

who I am building, you know, exploration with.

1:16:50

That's really great. There you go. So if

1:16:52

I was a sex worker, that's the work

1:16:54

I would like to do. I love

1:16:56

that. Okay, this one, I wonder if you've

1:16:59

thought about I mean, you could probably make

1:17:01

this come true for yourself. But in this

1:17:03

fantasy question, you have an unlimited budget to

1:17:05

build or someone else can do it for

1:17:07

you. Your perfect playroom, dungeon, castle, whatever structure

1:17:10

you want. What is it like?

1:17:12

What is it? I know. I knew you were gonna

1:17:14

ask me this question because you've asked it to all year.

1:17:16

And I think I even sent in my email, I'm not

1:17:18

that kinky. I don't like that's okay. It doesn't have to

1:17:20

be kinky. The thing I'm building. I'm building a

1:17:22

steam shower. Doing it. You're like, I'm doing it.

1:17:24

I don't have a dungeon. I just I want

1:17:27

a steam shower to have anal

1:17:32

sex and I am currently building it. I

1:17:34

have to pour some leveling cement tonight after

1:17:36

we're off the phone. Oh, that's so that

1:17:38

hot. Well, okay, let me rephrase this

1:17:41

question to see if I get a

1:17:43

different answer. In my future vision of

1:17:45

Wyo's ideal sexy world, there is like

1:17:48

a museum

1:17:51

slash play space, you know, so

1:17:54

in Monday through Friday, it's a

1:17:56

museum space, you do sex ed,

1:17:58

there's erotic art, it's beautiful. It's

1:18:00

sectioned off. So here's the family part. Here's

1:18:02

the naughty sexy part on the weekends daytime.

1:18:04

It becomes a place base Obviously

1:18:06

has a great gift shop. There's toys.

1:18:08

There's beautiful lingerie. There's all sorts of spaces

1:18:11

for workshopping and learning What do you think

1:18:13

needs to go in there? Like what can

1:18:15

I definitely not miss big bed

1:18:17

for threesomes? Like I'm like based off your stuff. You

1:18:19

know, there's got to be like a good butt situation

1:18:21

But like what do I know something nice someone

1:18:23

something you can bend someone over one of

1:18:25

those horses you can bend someone over I

1:18:29

want to roll your fingers. Yeah. Yeah. Oh,

1:18:31

that's like when you were talking with Casey

1:18:33

Donatello And she's seeing how her husband gets

1:18:35

off more watching himself on the screen Love

1:18:37

all and I was like I get that

1:18:39

when I'm having sex with someone I want

1:18:41

to watch it in the mirror I don't

1:18:43

want to watch it up close So,

1:18:50

yeah, I think mirrors are important things people

1:18:52

can be bent over I think

1:18:55

you obviously need restraints on the bed so someone can

1:18:57

get good. Oh, yeah At

1:19:00

all just restrain him on the bed totally vanilla Well,

1:19:05

so that's where I'm like, nope kink is getting

1:19:07

normalized we gotta talk about it My

1:19:09

wife had a live-in sex life. That's something to

1:19:11

cage Cages with

1:19:14

padding on the bottom. I hope or was it a mean cage?

1:19:17

She had to build the cage himself as this young kid

1:19:19

who Arrangement I don't

1:19:21

know if it was padded or not But he

1:19:23

built it she made him build it and so

1:19:25

she took kink to a level that I had

1:19:27

even a tough time watching Them play so that's

1:19:30

why I don't think of myself as kinky. She

1:19:32

always she always introduced me as her vanilla husband

1:19:34

Well, just cuz you're with someone who was way

1:19:36

more kinky than you doesn't mean you're not kinky,

1:19:39

but I hear that Yeah,

1:19:41

a little rope tie up very good ropes as

1:19:43

a climber. So, you know, yeah You

1:19:46

know, I ropes you bro. Thanks. It's important Amazing

1:19:50

Wow. Okay lovers you can go

1:19:52

find Adam's book and more info

1:19:54

at seek the risk net

1:19:57

Adam Thank you so much for being a guest

1:19:59

on sex stories Of course, and

1:20:01

you can email me at Adam at seek the

1:20:03

risk dotnet. I'd love to hear from people

1:20:05

So please please reach out lovers. That is our

1:20:07

show I love you for listening if

1:20:10

you want to support my work as

1:20:12

an independent artist which includes this podcast

1:20:14

if you want to go Deeper with

1:20:17

me either online or in person visit

1:20:19

yolee.com/links For a no

1:20:21

strings attached way to concretely show me

1:20:23

your appreciation You can support this podcast

1:20:25

and my grad school tuition via Venmo

1:20:27

cash app or PayPal at wiley or

1:20:29

find direct links in the photo Of

1:20:32

my website wiley.com if you want to

1:20:34

learn more about my personal bits You

1:20:36

can hear my sex stories very interwoven

1:20:38

with my working. I am discovering on

1:20:41

patreon.com/wiley You can

1:20:43

unlock my naughty photos and videos one

1:20:45

by one at only fans comm slash

1:20:47

wile free Or you can subscribe for

1:20:49

curated selection of my favorite and most

1:20:52

up-to-date Masturbation explorations on only fans comm

1:20:54

slash wiley If you

1:20:56

want my focus on your personal parts

1:20:58

one-on-one virtual options include phone or video

1:21:00

sessions where you can ask me anything Get relationship advice

1:21:02

or noodle on whatever it is You're thinking about or

1:21:04

do the in-person version and meet me for coffee lunch

1:21:07

or dinner if you are in Los Angeles Or

1:21:10

if you just need hot stills and or video for

1:21:12

you your boo or your fans send me a message

1:21:14

via my website wiley.com I invite

1:21:16

all of you to join me in

1:21:18

making 2024 the year

1:21:20

of practicing offering and accepting

1:21:22

the most exquisite

1:21:25

Irresistible invitations and I would love it

1:21:27

if you would send me a voicemail

1:21:29

of the sex stories podcast comm answering

1:21:31

any or all of the following What

1:21:33

irresistible invitations have you received and

1:21:36

loved? What irresistible invitations

1:21:38

have you offered or are you planning

1:21:40

to offer or are you resisting

1:21:42

any? Invitation that you don't actually want to

1:21:44

resist do any stuckness. Let me know personally

1:21:47

I think a voicemail would make a great

1:21:49

new year's or Valentine's Day present if you're

1:21:51

a one I love receiving good thoughtful sexy

1:21:53

stories again sex stories podcast comm is where

1:21:55

you can leave me a voicemail apply to

1:21:58

be a guest and see All

1:22:00

of my sexy question lists, which I hear

1:22:02

has led to some very hot things between

1:22:04

partners who got curious with each other. Also,

1:22:07

an announcement. Sex Stories

1:22:09

is becoming X Stories. In

1:22:11

part, it is to represent my surrender

1:22:13

to censorship, and it is also

1:22:15

an opportunity to broaden our conversations and creative

1:22:18

discussions to include the many of you who

1:22:20

I hear from who clearly want to connect

1:22:22

but don't want to talk about sex publicly,

1:22:24

even anonymously. And I am hoping that

1:22:26

this makes us less censored, actually

1:22:29

searchable on Spotify, and hopefully more

1:22:31

appealing to advertisers, because there's a lot of stuff

1:22:33

that I want to make for you and offer

1:22:35

for you, but I just need more bandwidth. So

1:22:37

while I will always be most curious about people's

1:22:40

sex stories, I am excited to invite people to

1:22:42

talk about all the relational topics that I have

1:22:44

written question lists for and tested out in the

1:22:46

park last summer. So if you want to check

1:22:49

out, critique, and or add to these new question

1:22:51

lists, and consider joining me as a guest in

1:22:53

this new era of possibility, I

1:22:55

have question lists for dating, relationship,

1:22:57

friendship, marriage, divorce, love, secret, creativity,

1:22:59

and play stories, check them

1:23:01

out at yolee.com/share. Sex

1:23:04

stories, or I guess I should say X stories

1:23:06

is produced and edited by the birthday-tastic Kimberly Loftus,

1:23:09

who keeps this pod going and cheers me up

1:23:11

on the days where I get really sad about

1:23:13

the rude social and sexual norms in this world

1:23:15

that we live in. And this is

1:23:17

why more than ever, I encourage you to

1:23:20

take care of yourselves, take care of each

1:23:22

other, and share stories in the name of

1:23:24

lovely human connection.