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0:27

Hello, lovely humans. I'm Wyo Lee, and you

0:29

are listening to Sex Stories, a podcast where

0:32

we share stories of human connection in an

0:34

effort to make a world where taking care

0:36

of each other is the norm. And

0:39

our guest today is a 38-year-old bisexual monogamish

0:41

cis woman who was raised by a Catholic

0:43

mother and is in her fifth year of

0:45

a relationship with a nice man. She

0:48

is really into sex, including leaving

0:50

and receiving marks with trusted partners,

0:52

bruises, hickies, and build-up, especially the

0:55

days, weeks, or any amount of

0:57

time before she has sex with someone,

0:59

especially a new someone. She

1:02

also loves intense teasing, edging,

1:04

and like me, journaling

1:06

about intimate encounters and fantasies and encouraging

1:09

others to share their stories too. The

1:11

creator of Aurora, a digital space for

1:14

confessional written erotica, she splits her time

1:16

between L.A. and Brooklyn. Welcome, Carly! Hi,

1:19

so happy to be here with you. I

1:22

am so happy to have you here with

1:24

us. Could you please start off by telling us

1:26

if you had to rate yourself today on

1:28

a sexual shame-o-muter with 10 being the most

1:30

full of shame and one being like, what shame?

1:33

Where do you fall today right now? I

1:36

think I'm around a three. Okay.

1:40

Why? And then are there any contexts, people, or

1:42

places where it gets squiggly up or down? Yeah,

1:45

you know, I mean, you mentioned Catholic

1:48

Mother immediately. I was raised

1:50

with a lot of shame and guilt

1:52

around sex, but when

1:54

I started doing the work that

1:56

I do with Aurora, I realized

2:00

that compared to a lot of

2:03

people my shame is quite low

2:05

and maybe it's not that I don't

2:07

experience shame but I'm able to have

2:09

that conversation with myself and remove it

2:11

from the equation so it's always there

2:14

but I can you know close the

2:16

door on it or push it out

2:18

the window and it certainly

2:20

never shows up in

2:23

the way that I interact

2:25

with others I do not

2:27

ever judge and I think

2:29

that's also what's allowed me to

2:31

do this kind of work people have always

2:33

come to me to kind of share their sex

2:36

stories sex issues or their shame

2:38

and I think look to me

2:41

as a person who they knew

2:43

would not judge them would make

2:45

them feel better about it would

2:47

be able to laugh it off

2:49

or tell them something worse I

2:51

had done so

2:54

the shame is there but I made

2:58

friends with it in a sense that

3:00

I can tell it to fuck off

3:02

when necessary yeah it almost sounds like your awareness

3:04

of the

3:07

shame as it comes up is really maybe

3:09

good in real time and that you're perhaps

3:12

a hyperprocessor of it you know

3:14

because it's like is it like voices in your

3:16

head that are like shame voice and then you're

3:18

like be nice to myself voice or kind of

3:21

like what is the experience and like how did

3:23

you create that inside

3:25

of you yeah you

3:27

know I think that I

3:30

was sexually shamed or slut

3:32

shamed from such a young

3:34

age because I

3:36

have gorgeous beautiful boobs that

3:38

develops quite early I

3:41

experienced being a sex object

3:44

and being called a

3:46

slut because of the way my

3:48

body looked before I had even

3:50

kissed a boy right so very

3:53

young age and I think that

3:55

my relationship to that

3:57

shame that experience I started to

4:00

Absorbing and own ass

4:02

and. Be. The slant

4:05

others saw I. Was see

4:07

though and as a deal about

4:09

these two reloaded a lot Like

4:11

did I become this because I

4:13

had to because it was put

4:15

on me you know like is

4:17

my body didn't look. The way

4:20

it did. At such young age would I.

4:22

Have gone into a difference fields

4:24

even when my whole life a

4:26

different would I be less interested

4:28

in sex A debate that also

4:31

because I was very early interested.

4:33

In sex, Something that's.

4:37

My yeah I think that I had to make.

4:39

Friends with the Shamed and is

4:42

not necessarily a voice of you

4:44

know good and evil. By I

4:46

feel guilt. For. Everything

4:48

all the time. not working

4:50

hard enough, sleeping too late,

4:53

and I just remind myself

4:55

that I need to rest

4:58

and need to listen to

5:00

my body. I deserve to

5:02

rise I to Sir pleasure.

5:05

And yeah, it's the conversation

5:07

I guess. Beautiful.

5:10

On the noting that conversation. You.

5:12

Almost kind of preempted this question, but I

5:14

would like to hear may be an additional

5:16

layer or maybe some more adult reflections. As.

5:19

You think about your relationships

5:21

and your personal pleasure. Throughout your

5:23

life. How do you notice societal

5:26

norms have affected them either? For

5:28

the good. Or the difficult. Definitely

5:30

for the deaths occurred to I see

5:33

him get yeah I think that sacks

5:35

the way I was raised in the

5:37

time I was raised to please. A

5:43

shame. Around sex, it was

5:46

considered to be very bad

5:48

to have sex too early.

5:50

It was considered just. Tacky.

5:53

or taboo are cheap

5:55

to own your sexuality

5:57

or enjoy your body's

6:00

those all so much behind

6:02

closed doors, you know, and not

6:04

even just in my house, but

6:07

everywhere, I think. And I'm even

6:09

thinking about when I first

6:12

got my period, I had

6:14

a lot of shame around that because I

6:16

thought I was the only one. And I

6:18

think that it's so important

6:20

for there to be open

6:22

dialogues between friends, between, you

6:25

know, insects, said things like that,

6:27

because if I had talked to

6:29

people about it, I would have realized that a

6:31

lot of other people at that time also had

6:34

their periods, and we're also feeling shame

6:36

around it. And that's so

6:38

much the basis of the work that I do now is

6:40

kind of being able to name

6:42

your shame and name the ways

6:44

that society has, has

6:47

deterred you from embracing your body

6:50

and pleasure. And realizing

6:52

that so many other people suffer

6:54

from the same issues, I think

6:56

that itself is incredibly freeing.

6:58

And I think just that open

7:01

conversation being able to name a

7:04

thing and feel connected.

7:07

Dang, you know, it's so funny,

7:09

because I too had an early experience

7:11

in high school where the popular girl

7:13

who I kind of looking back, I'm like, Oh,

7:16

shit, I had a crush on her walked up

7:18

and called me a whore, like with her to

7:20

like crony girls. And I'm like, I had just

7:22

kissed one boy at the time and like was

7:24

trying so hard, but with getting rejected. And you

7:26

know, if I have the same kind of like reflection on

7:28

like, what would it have been like, you

7:31

know, and also with shame, and I would

7:33

be curious to know, like your experience about

7:35

this, like, I have so many examples where

7:37

I'm like, Oh, my God, we're all the

7:39

same with the shame parts. Oh, my God,

7:41

people have so many other different shame parts

7:44

that I didn't even consider. That's why maybe

7:46

I accidentally explored people a lot. You know,

7:48

do you find the connection both in the

7:50

like sameness of the stories, but also like

7:52

the differentness of experience? Yeah,

7:54

I Do find that really

7:57

interesting how it manifests in

7:59

each person. And I think

8:01

as. You are saying that I

8:03

thought his email original question was

8:05

like how societal norms have either

8:07

prevented or or encouraged pleasure for

8:09

me and I thought about in

8:11

high school how by that time

8:13

I was used to being pulled

8:16

aside even though I list not

8:18

and my own one amp he.

8:21

Will this being a flat though

8:23

was like the coolest thing to

8:25

be and I list know where

8:27

me like I wanted sex before

8:29

I had a i wanted. To

8:31

rub up on any one and

8:33

everything. and like I did feel

8:35

shame about that. And I did

8:37

feel. That. There are a lot of

8:39

moments where I was. Hooking up with somebody

8:42

and I stopped them because I

8:44

was ashamed of my body. Or

8:46

ashamed of maybe I. Didn't smell

8:48

good because I think that these were

8:50

a lot of things as you are

8:52

developing earth at that age yet we're

8:55

really like scary like if you don't

8:57

tastes good if you don't smell good

8:59

and peaches and cream was like a

9:01

really popular song at nine and so

9:04

it's like I also luckily I think

9:06

grew up high school time for. Me

9:08

it was encourage for women to

9:11

get oral pleasure which I think

9:13

it's amazing by I think I

9:15

had a lot of like fear

9:17

and shame around letting people here

9:20

that me as and if i

9:22

had ends now. I. Know

9:24

probably had a lot more

9:26

oral sex. Will

9:29

a big the such a good point

9:31

because I think one of the things

9:33

that I personally have found so difficult

9:36

about. Connecting. With people about

9:38

sex and learning about sex is there's a lot

9:40

of should that their rights or here So off

9:42

it's You should communicate, You should communicate with your

9:44

partner and that I have been spending my adult

9:47

life. Figuring. Out how to

9:49

communicate about sex with these different

9:51

things. Like you should receive oral

9:53

pleasure will. Order.

9:55

all the pieces for me my own personal

9:57

self with my relationship with my body with

10:00

this particular partner and their personal shame

10:02

baggage, like what are the actual

10:04

frameworks that are gonna be concretely helpful

10:06

for me to do that should, right?

10:08

Otherwise I'm just like wallowing, my

10:10

first decade of having sex, there was

10:12

a lot of wallowing in confusion

10:15

and the added layer of

10:18

meta shame because I wasn't doing the should,

10:20

you know? So I

10:22

would love to hear in your

10:24

current adult life, what do

10:26

you need in order to feel

10:29

excited to connect with someone sexually?

10:33

Well, I was just thinking about

10:35

on Aurora's Instagram, every week we

10:37

do a kind of

10:39

Q and A poll with

10:41

our community based on something

10:43

in the story. And last

10:45

week's story had like very

10:47

heavy praise kink. And

10:50

the question that I asked our community was

10:52

like, what do you wanna hear during sex?

10:54

Like what would make you feel good during

10:56

sex? And as I was getting

10:59

all these answers, I was like, yep,

11:01

I wanna hear that and I wanna hear

11:03

that. And I think that had

11:05

there been, you know, had I the

11:08

vocabulary to ask

11:10

for stuff like that at a

11:13

younger age or in my relationships

11:16

prior to when I was able to ask for

11:18

that, that would have helped so much

11:20

in getting me to a space where I

11:23

was able to receive pleasure and feel

11:26

and remove that shame around my

11:28

body. And I think I didn't

11:30

learn that other than when

11:33

somebody I was with started to

11:35

say these kinds of things to me. And

11:37

I think that's why you can

11:39

talk all you want about intimacy and

11:41

sex, but like, if you're not actually

11:44

doing it, it's really hard

11:46

to learn. And people have so much to

11:48

teach each other. Sometimes we learn

11:50

we don't want something or that this

11:52

person isn't a good fit for

11:55

us, but oftentimes we learn, okay,

11:57

like this is one way to do this or ask

11:59

for it. for this or talk about this

12:01

and I think that's a really beautiful thing.

12:04

So I definitely need to

12:06

feel safe with somebody. I

12:09

think that when I

12:11

have more casual sex, I'm much more

12:13

guarded. I'm much more

12:16

attached to that shame. But

12:19

when I am in

12:21

a intimate relationship and

12:24

I feel safe, I can be so

12:27

much freakier, so much kinkier,

12:29

so much more fun. I

12:31

think if I feel safe to not

12:34

have to think so hard about how

12:36

I look, how the other

12:38

person feels, not that I don't think

12:40

about them anymore, but like I

12:42

have a level of understanding of what they

12:44

want, what they enjoy, and that they're into

12:47

it. They're here for a reason. It's not just

12:49

like we happen to come together. So the

12:53

monogamish thing is interesting because

12:55

I am working

12:58

on that. I think I have

13:01

always been more

13:04

open, but the people that I

13:06

tend to choose are people that give me

13:08

this deep security and safe

13:11

place. Well, the men

13:13

that tend to be those like

13:15

deeply secure, safe

13:18

types also tend to be

13:21

a little bit less open

13:23

to explore, at least in

13:25

my experience. And

13:27

so I think I'm on

13:29

a road to monogamish, but I

13:32

think that it's going to be

13:34

a long one for this relationship

13:36

because it is very uncomfortable for

13:39

my partner to think about.

13:42

So I'm working on figuring

13:44

out how to talk about what I want

13:46

in a way that makes

13:48

him feel safe and not threatened.

13:50

And I think there's a lot

13:52

of coaches out there and people

13:54

that do the things that they

13:56

should, as you mentioned, and there's

13:59

no one. way to talk about

14:01

these types of things. It all

14:03

really depends on the person that

14:06

you're with. And so I'm still trying

14:08

to figure out exactly what that looks like.

14:10

But yeah, I am monogamish

14:12

in my heart. Okay,

14:15

monogamish on the road toward

14:17

possibly more openness at some

14:19

point. You know, it's a

14:21

tricky conversation, right? I talked to people about

14:23

poly stuff a lot. I'm a person that

14:25

like, in kindergarten, I made up a game

14:27

called mistletoe time where I would literally chase

14:29

boys and hold a green, I had like

14:31

a little green plastic volleyball. And

14:33

I wouldn't like actually kiss them or maybe I'd kiss them on

14:35

the cheek. Like I didn't, I didn't have my first kiss. I

14:37

was 15. But they were my three

14:40

future husbands. I am not, I never married any of

14:42

them. I don't know where they are. But

14:45

Zach, Mark and Jordan, I

14:47

don't know. I don't remember. But wow, those names.

14:50

I know they were very like classic well, it was

14:52

saved by the bell. It was a Catholic kindergarten

14:54

that I went to because it was the only

14:56

like school that would have me in school all

14:58

day. But my parents worked. I've

15:00

always been a more open hearted person, but

15:02

have similarly struggled with those pieces

15:04

of, you know, kind of finding the balance

15:07

and security of the openness and not

15:10

going back to what you said about casual

15:13

partners and that feeling of safety

15:15

with trusted partners. In

15:18

your personal experience, can you

15:20

like start in a casual connection and

15:22

turn it into trust? Or are you

15:24

like on a path toward relationship or

15:27

like know that the casual side staying casual?

15:29

How does it work for you? You

15:32

know, I think it's gone both ways.

15:35

Actually, when I think about

15:37

my current partner, I think I felt

15:39

that it was casual in the beginning. But

15:42

he was very

15:44

persistent and kind of ignored

15:47

those leanings that

15:49

I had. But also I think it was

15:51

a way I was protecting myself by keeping

15:54

something casual. The time that I

15:56

met him, I had the proof.

16:00

three years probably had like

16:02

three really intense breakups with

16:04

people that I did have really close

16:06

intimate relationships with and I think by

16:09

the time I met him I was

16:11

like you know what that

16:13

didn't work so I'm not going

16:16

to get into another

16:18

serious relationship and for the

16:20

first like year that we were dating and

16:22

I wasn't seeing anyone else but I like

16:25

was like I don't want to be your

16:27

girlfriend like I don't know what that means

16:30

but I don't want it and he as

16:33

I mentioned coming from a

16:35

kind of more conservative background

16:37

and like place so he

16:39

would go home and his like family would

16:41

ask like oh are you seeing anyone he'd be

16:43

like yes but she's not my girlfriend

16:46

and they would be like well what does that

16:48

mean and and

16:50

I think he really struggled to like

16:52

explain like well we're seeing

16:54

each other like you know we're

16:57

dating but we're not like together

16:59

together and finally he like

17:01

said you know I need to know

17:03

that this is going somewhere and it

17:05

was like obviously going somewhere

17:07

but like he needed the title

17:10

and I think I had

17:12

wanted that in the past too but he was

17:15

the first relationship that the first

17:17

person I've had that I could

17:20

imagine myself being open

17:22

with because I feel so safe

17:24

and so protected and I think

17:28

that that is the number one

17:30

thing needed in any open relationship

17:32

is feeling first and

17:34

foremost safe and loved with your

17:36

primary partner because in the

17:39

past I think I was like

17:41

too jealous and insecure to consider that to

17:44

be an option and so that's a beautiful

17:46

thing because I do think I am open

17:48

in my heart but I had

17:50

never really gotten to a place where I

17:53

felt like I could be in practice what

17:57

are the concrete behaviors that

17:59

make you feel safe because I would say

18:01

most people when they tell me their sex

18:04

stories the sexiest ones whether they are Open

18:07

or monogamous have a strong element of safety

18:09

and trust and I like to hear kind

18:11

of like what that looks like for different people

18:14

Mmm. Absolutely. I think

18:17

that for me I have

18:19

a anxious avoidant

18:21

attachment style and probably

18:24

leaning more anxious and for

18:28

me to feel safe in a relationship

18:30

and therefore in

18:33

sex I need like even in times

18:35

of conflict for that person to remind

18:38

me that they are not going to abandon

18:40

me and that is something

18:42

that manifested naturally in this relationship

18:44

like one of our first big

18:46

fights I Left

18:48

the room and closed the door because I was

18:50

like very upset and he stuck

18:52

his head in and he was like I'm

18:55

mad at you right now, but

18:58

I still love you and that

19:00

was like game-changing for me so

19:02

the reassurance that you can mess up and

19:04

we can be mad at each other and

19:06

we can have conflict and Recouper

19:09

and I still love you. That

19:11

doesn't change just because we're in

19:13

conflict And I think that goes

19:16

for like having more open

19:18

sex life, too It's like cuz they're

19:20

inevitably our problems that arise in in

19:23

being open But knowing

19:25

that the love is there regardless of

19:27

the issues you're experiencing and that you

19:29

can return to that person I

19:31

think that that's the safety for

19:34

me. That's beautiful I

19:36

think that is so Important and

19:38

I'm so glad that you shared it so clearly

19:40

for me one of the phrases that I have

19:42

used when I'm in conflict Whether it's with a

19:44

partner or a dear friend I'm

19:47

like I'm upset right now,

19:49

but we're on the same team. We're

19:51

just not on the same page right now I'd like to get

19:53

on the same page what we know regardless of what that looks

19:56

like it takes time like let me know what you need and

19:58

typically that has helped

20:00

me realize when a relationship

20:02

isn't going to continue because if it's

20:04

just about fighting when I'm like, let's

20:07

be my teammate, let's figure

20:09

it out and there's no collaboration

20:11

there, that's kind of it, where can you go from there?

20:14

Going back to what you said about

20:16

casual relationships and feeling more guarded, how

20:18

does that manifest for you? Is it

20:20

emotional or their physical behaviors? Is it

20:22

eye contact during sex? What does it

20:24

feel like to be guarded with a

20:26

casual partner? That's

20:29

actually funny you mentioned eye contact

20:31

because I wasn't aware that this

20:34

was something that I struggled

20:36

with and I think that there was also, in

20:39

these instances, definitely drugs

20:42

and alcohol and falls which don't help

20:44

focus, you know? But

20:46

I did have two separate

20:48

levers, like say

20:51

demand that I like look them in the eyes

20:53

while they were fucking me and I think that

20:55

it's less of like, I

20:57

don't know if that's so much like a protective

20:59

thing or more like I'm in bliss and

21:01

I'm in the moment and I think maybe

21:04

I do avoid that eye contact that

21:06

is more natural with somebody I'm close

21:09

with because I can, with my

21:11

current partner, like we laugh a lot in sex,

21:13

like it's because it's silly and like things

21:16

happen and whatever, it's like hehe

21:18

moving on and the

21:20

eye contact isn't necessarily heavy

21:22

but it's there, you check in

21:24

and you just, you know, in

21:27

the laughter you check in too. I

21:30

think with people where

21:32

I'm having more casual sex, it's

21:36

more about being a

21:38

little reluctant, like

21:42

less game for stuff, like I

21:44

am not gonna necessarily want to

21:46

experiment with anal penetration with somebody

21:49

I don't trust because I don't

21:52

totally know their approach

21:54

and also like that can

21:56

get messy so you wanna be with somebody

21:58

that you're like, okay. like we're in

22:01

this and they're gonna

22:03

be cool about whatever happens. I

22:05

think that yeah being

22:07

vulnerable sexually like physically is

22:09

more difficult for me in a

22:11

casual situation but also

22:14

absolutely emotionally and I think

22:17

there definitely have been people that I've

22:19

been casual with that I have wanted

22:21

it to be more

22:23

and I tend to be

22:26

like the type to cut off when that

22:28

happens because I am incapable

22:31

once those feelings arise I

22:33

can't really be casual with

22:35

that person anymore and

22:38

well you did mention in the

22:40

beginning and the intro talking about

22:42

like the weeks or days

22:45

or hours of like

22:47

wanting but not having I think

22:49

that my ability

22:51

to deny prospective lovers it's like

22:53

I feel I need to cut

22:56

them off has actually manifested this

22:59

really fun game of

23:01

cat and mouse and desire but

23:04

knowing I can't you know not

23:07

wanting to let myself and I

23:09

do I do really enjoy that

23:11

game and denial and thinking

23:13

about it and wanting

23:15

it. I love this entire

23:18

window into intimacy right it's something I've

23:20

been thinking about increasingly I don't have

23:22

as much casual sex well that's not

23:25

true I depends on how

23:27

you language it right like I don't

23:29

ever just like go out and stranger fuck

23:31

it's not interesting to me I get so

23:33

many internet people that assume that because they know

23:35

that I'm kinky because they listen to my

23:37

podcast that they are suddenly going to be my

23:40

online dominant and like then they're gonna come

23:42

fly out and visit him like no that's

23:44

not you know I have to have a really

23:46

good reason to fuck someone and you

23:49

know I mean for me that can look like

23:51

30 minutes of really connected

23:53

conversation and clear communication about overlapping

23:55

desires and what I'm

23:57

hearing you know in your share is is

24:00

that, I mean, I'm

24:02

having some personal insights because I'm

24:04

an eye contact person. And so I've had to

24:06

learn, I've had people be like, that was intense,

24:08

or that's intense eye contact, and learning that there

24:11

are different levels of intimacy that

24:13

are allowable, and I just love

24:15

that you are so in tune with yourself that if

24:17

you're like, actually I want more intimacy than the

24:20

container we've built together, and then you back

24:22

off, is that something that has led to

24:24

increased closeness, or is that usually the end

24:26

of a relationship, or does it, it sounds

24:28

like there's some edging in there, or is

24:30

it just like, I don't know, I'm thinking about,

24:33

I mean, I'm thinking about,

24:35

and this has been a while for me,

24:37

right? A few years, and this

24:39

is all pre-pandemic because I don't

24:41

think our world now allows

24:43

for that same casualness.

24:46

Yeah, I think there were recurring characters

24:49

in my life

24:51

who would show up at

24:53

a friend's place almost

24:55

every weekend, or every

24:57

weekend, and if

25:00

I had some kind of intimate relationship

25:02

with them prior, and we had gotten

25:04

to that point where I knew that

25:06

they weren't able to give me more,

25:08

they would continue to show up and

25:10

try to go home with me, but

25:12

I would have drawn

25:15

that line for myself without

25:18

necessarily explaining in

25:21

detail to them, without making myself vulnerable

25:23

by saying, you know, you can't give

25:25

me more, so

25:28

I'm no longer going to engage in

25:30

sex with you, and it

25:32

might sound a little fucked up, but I don't think so.

25:35

I think that I drew the line,

25:38

and they knew that I wanted

25:40

more, and they knew they weren't interested

25:42

or couldn't give it to me, but

25:44

they still wanted to fuck, and so

25:46

that feeling for

25:48

me of being desired, but

25:50

having drawn that line was

25:52

really empowering and

25:54

really like a turn on for me,

25:56

and there was someone, there's only

25:59

one person ever broke the

26:01

rule with and this was someone that

26:03

was like very toxic

26:05

bad person I mean

26:07

not bad but like bad to me

26:09

really and I did tell

26:11

him very straightforward like how

26:14

much he had hurt me and like how shitty

26:16

he was treating me but I somehow could not

26:18

say no and I would like delete all contacts

26:21

you know block him on everything and he would

26:23

still find a way to get in touch with

26:25

me and I would go over intending

26:27

on doing this edging and like

26:30

drawing the line but inevitably with

26:32

him I could never keep it

26:34

he always broke down that barrier

26:36

but otherwise other than that one

26:38

I think that line drawing

26:40

and keeping has been really empowering

26:42

and I remember like a couple

26:44

years ago I saw one

26:47

of these people at a Christmas party

26:49

and like there's just an electricity you

26:51

know there's a tension that you feel with people that

26:53

you've been intimate with you don't

26:55

hate them like there's still love there

26:57

they're still interest and I

26:59

felt that my new it was like gonna be the

27:02

same thing I knew he was gonna follow

27:04

up text me etc but

27:07

I left and I drew that

27:09

line and it yeah it's a

27:11

great thing I encourage everyone to

27:13

practice it with fuckboys especially yeah

27:15

I mean that's such a good

27:17

point and I think I

27:19

just want to highlight the beauty in knowing

27:22

yourself knowing your needs sticking to it and

27:24

allowing yourself room to be human

27:27

right I like I call those people boomerangs

27:29

I'm like they always come back you know

27:31

like boys boys especially seem to be boomerangs

27:33

and like yeah I can so

27:35

relate to people where it's like there

27:37

is an animal body chemistry that it

27:39

is it is in toxic you're

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28:04

What would you say are the most

28:06

satisfying parts about sex for you? Well,

28:10

kind of going off of this

28:12

edging and like denial for myself, I

28:17

have recently, not so recently,

28:19

but in the last couple of years and

28:21

I think this has something to do with

28:24

being in a more

28:26

monogamous relationship. I think

28:28

that the most

28:31

satisfying part of sex is what comes before sex. I

28:36

think that that buildup that

28:38

wanting and not giving into is actually more

28:45

satisfying and more interesting to me

28:47

than actual facts. And

28:50

so of course like we can work

28:52

that into sex with edging and

28:54

denial, but I don't

28:56

know. Like the things that I fantasize about

28:58

are these lead

29:00

ups, these like wanting somebody.

29:02

And I used to self-impose

29:05

a no sex on

29:07

the first date rule for like a lot of my dating

29:11

life. And it

29:13

was not for any specific reason

29:16

I don't think, but

29:18

looking back, it's like, I think

29:20

I really just enjoyed that desire,

29:22

the building of desire and thinking about

29:24

what it was going to be like and just

29:27

being so immersed in the

29:31

horniness of wanting to fuck somebody and not fuck seeing

29:35

them. And it's not like a letdown

29:37

when you do finally fuck them, but you

29:39

can, I don't know if you can get

29:42

back to that place of the desire

29:44

before you have sex with

29:46

someone unless you're like a long distance

29:48

relationship. I would say it takes creative

29:50

purposeful architecting of a relationship and two

29:53

incredibly conscious humans. And also just to

29:55

throw in some neuroscience, like 90% of

29:57

our giving. Okay,

30:00

this is stated clearly in the

30:03

book, Atomic Habits by James Clear.

30:05

He talks about how in

30:07

our nucleus accumbens, like 90% of

30:09

it is built for the dopamine system, the seeking, the

30:11

motivation, the curiosity, the desire. That thing that gets us

30:13

learning, the things that get us seeking. Only

30:16

10% is liking. So that's why so

30:18

often people are like, this desire, my desire, my

30:20

desire, and then the desire gets met and they're

30:22

like, I'm disappointed, because it's like, yeah, well, it's

30:24

only gonna be like a tenth

30:26

of how exciting it is to pursue. And

30:29

so that's why I always want

30:31

to encourage kind of books, right, because it's

30:33

an evolution. What about for you journaling? Because

30:35

for me, journaling after the fact about

30:38

something and like capturing the lead up, but then

30:40

the details of the experience almost extend

30:42

it for me in the aftermath. What is it

30:44

like for you? Absolutely,

30:47

I think you get to relive

30:49

it. And I think going

30:51

back to that one person that I mentioned

30:53

that I would keep giving into even when

30:56

I tried not to. So

30:58

many of my journals in my

31:00

more adult life were about him and

31:02

about that desire because it was

31:05

so often taken from me or unavailable

31:07

to me. So even when I would give

31:09

in, I would still have that unrequited

31:13

feeling. And journaling

31:16

from that place is,

31:18

I think, yeah, it was like ripe

31:21

erotica. I

31:23

used excerpts from my journals directly in

31:25

the story that I wrote about him. And

31:28

there's just so much, I mean,

31:32

it's torturous. It's like torture or

31:34

porn, basically, because I can

31:36

read that and feel again, like how

31:39

horny. I was like delirious. I'm

31:41

like thinking of the

31:43

moments that we spent the touch of

31:46

his body and skin on mine,

31:48

like just would make my whole, like

31:50

I felt like I was on drugs thinking about

31:52

it. And that's like a outrageous

31:55

experience for sure. And

31:57

so journaling absolutely extended.

32:00

it. But I do think it again goes back

32:02

to the like, an availability

32:04

and like the the wanting what

32:06

you can't have. And I do like I

32:08

hate that that is such a fact. And as

32:11

you just get the neuroscience explanation for

32:13

it, it is and I think that

32:15

that's something that you can either make work for

32:17

you or it's going to work against you.

32:19

And so like, withholding doesn't

32:22

have to be about being

32:24

chased or having shame around

32:26

having sex. But I

32:28

think that it builds that that

32:31

reward up and then it is

32:34

a better reward than getting it

32:36

right away. Yes. Also as a person

32:38

who will I'm a person that is so full of

32:40

desire that I'll go straight toward the goal and I'll

32:42

get it and I'll love it. And I do I

32:44

love it. And then I'm like, again, again, again, again,

32:46

you know, and I have

32:48

learned that that is not

32:50

a way to make my partner's

32:53

value. And so

32:55

I have learned that as much as

32:57

I don't want this to be true,

32:59

whether it's a photography client

33:01

or a listener who

33:03

wants to engage with me, like, I

33:06

actually need to withhold in

33:08

order to feel valued is the sad truth that

33:11

I'm like stumbling upon after all these years of

33:13

wanting it to be different, you know, and

33:15

so I will I definitely definitely am practicing

33:19

more of like self restraint to

33:21

sort of like, make sure that

33:23

I'm filtering to gain

33:25

the highest quality of people in my life

33:28

where there will be mutual support, right? Because

33:30

I have so much to give. I'm like,

33:32

Oh, I want someone who has the same,

33:34

right? And like you said, we can kind of like,

33:37

create that tension together. I

33:40

would love to hear what

33:43

is your definition of real

33:45

erotica? We're going to talk about that. And like,

33:48

why are concessions sexy, like

33:50

secrets, specifically? Or do you even see

33:52

your erotica as secret? I mean, they're

33:54

concessions, but like, you're here with

33:56

me as a person, we know you're Carly,

33:58

but like, maybe most to the people here from art.

34:01

Tell us a little bit about that for you. I

34:04

would say most people who write for the

34:06

site do use a pen name and I

34:08

wanted that to be available because I don't

34:10

think that in the world we live

34:13

in that you want your

34:15

name attached necessarily to something

34:17

sexual online that will certainly

34:19

follow you and we do have some

34:21

writers that are like lawyers

34:23

or in like very professional positions

34:25

that they could not be out

34:27

about this. That boggles my mind

34:29

so much. Sorry to interrupt but I'm just like but

34:32

if we all banded together and said yes sex

34:34

is a part of life and I know we're not

34:36

there yet but I'm like how will we be the

34:38

change we want to see if everyone wants to hide

34:40

and you know I wonder if you like experience the

34:42

same thing I do of like I'm

34:44

here being myself but then I'm like a

34:47

secret keeper for all these other secret relationships

34:49

and I'm like I'm not a secret podcaster on the

34:51

side for you you know like so that for me

34:53

is like a tricky part but I also understand

34:55

that people don't share as much if

34:57

it's attached to their self. Right

35:00

I mean I think that people like you

35:02

and me have made a decision that this

35:04

is gonna be our life you know like

35:06

we are going to be in this work

35:08

and we are part of the fight. I

35:11

actually had somebody recently asked to talk to

35:13

me they were like wanting to start an

35:15

erotica thing and their

35:18

like main question was you

35:20

know how do you deal with like the

35:22

shame or like working in this industry and

35:24

like what others think of you and I

35:26

was like if you are worried

35:28

about that then you you know you have

35:31

a long way to go in that sense because

35:33

you can't really care if people are

35:36

gonna associate you with facts in this industry

35:38

it's a fact and you have to be like I

35:40

think really willing to fight

35:42

to be in this industry because everything

35:45

is kind of rigged against us. Right

35:47

censorship is real. It really is wow

35:49

and it's

35:52

like you can have an idea of it going

35:54

into it and then you are in it and

35:56

you're like oh I'm fucked like I had no

35:59

idea it was this bad. But

36:01

real erotica, I've always

36:03

enjoyed reading smut, reading romance, but

36:06

I would get this like ick

36:08

factor if something in

36:10

the plot was anti-feminist, if it

36:12

was like an annoying

36:15

trope, if it was archaic gender

36:17

roles, which a lot of romance

36:20

and erotica is that. And

36:23

at the same time, like having

36:26

been writing real erotica myself in

36:28

my journals, I realized and we

36:30

were talking about a challenge earlier, I had

36:33

lost my two clients, I

36:36

had just got out of a relationship.

36:38

And I was like, you know what, I'm

36:40

going to take myself on a trip

36:43

through Europe. And I'm going to give

36:45

myself an assignment to interview people about

36:47

sex and dating in each city that

36:49

I go to. And this was

36:52

quite a few years ago. So like Tinder

36:54

was still like a nice happy place where

36:56

you could just like meet people and have

36:58

real connections. And I would

37:00

go like I landed in London, I traveled

37:02

all throughout Europe. And in each city, I

37:04

met up with people. And when I got

37:06

there, I'd be like, Oh, I'm doing this

37:08

project. Like I was clear that I was

37:11

just visiting, but I didn't say like, I

37:13

want to interview you on the app,

37:15

I waited till we got there and vibed. And

37:18

everyone I was dating all men at this

37:20

time, everyone was so

37:22

open and excited to share and

37:24

have this conversation. And, and it

37:26

was just a really intimate conversation

37:28

about, you know, kind of

37:31

the things that we're talking about now, like,

37:33

what dating has been like for them, what,

37:36

what a relationship they've had, what they

37:38

consider to be sexy. And

37:41

at the end of these

37:45

conversations, inevitably, I

37:47

ended up sleeping with

37:49

a lot of these people, because

37:51

we had been so open and

37:53

vulnerable with each other. And

37:55

that project, so I had

37:58

all these like recordings of

38:00

our interviews and I wanted to share

38:02

both the interviews and the

38:04

experience of actually being intimate together.

38:06

And I was like, I

38:09

was like, how do I like, where do I

38:11

put this? What do I do with it? Like,

38:13

I want to tell these stories. And so that's

38:15

how I started a roar and

38:18

wanting to create more of

38:20

these stories that are

38:22

true, that are written by women,

38:25

for women that are empowering feminists,

38:27

all of these things that typical

38:29

romance and erotica has not been

38:32

for women. And yet it

38:34

is the top grossing genre

38:36

in America. Like, people

38:39

love these stories. People love to

38:41

read porn, but

38:43

I want to read smarter

38:45

porn. And I also realized,

38:47

I mean, I was living in New York,

38:49

like, LA, I'm

38:51

sure as well. The

38:53

truth is often spicier

38:55

than anything you can make

38:58

up. I mean, we're

39:00

having some crazy and

39:02

beautiful sex, I think. So

39:05

yeah, that was

39:07

kind of the genesis of a roar,

39:09

which is like, as you're talking about

39:11

your plans, I mean, dude,

39:13

I know really similar. Yeah, I went on a

39:15

walkabout in South America. So like, you did Europe,

39:18

I was in South America. That's where I was

39:20

like starting to take naked pictures of myself. And

39:22

I didn't, I was only journaling for

39:24

myself at the time, but I was like, fucking

39:26

as much as possible wherever I want. And this

39:29

was pre podcast two years before I started sex

39:31

stories. And that was where I

39:33

was like, why is some of this sex

39:35

good? And why is some of it so bad?

39:37

And I like all the people I don't understand

39:39

what's happening here. You know, and so I

39:42

had a much more internal experience. So you would

39:44

just like bring your recorder and be like,

39:46

can I record like, or what would you

39:48

value? And also like, how do

39:50

you know what I

39:53

think it is at that

39:55

time, at least like, it

39:58

was genuine. connections

40:00

were still maybe

40:03

more common from meeting people online.

40:05

Like it was like new, but

40:08

it wasn't so new. I

40:10

think we were like traumatized by

40:12

online connections as widely yet, maybe.

40:15

No, I think that's 100% it. There

40:18

was still this trust in like, I can

40:20

go meet this person and they're

40:23

not going to be shitty or waste my time. I

40:25

also think had I been dating women, they might

40:27

not have been as willing to, oh, I'm going

40:29

to go meet up with this person who's in

40:32

town for three days. Like that's

40:34

not as interesting, right? But to a

40:36

man, I'm like, I'm in town for a

40:39

few days. Let's date. And then men

40:41

also, I think straight men especially

40:44

don't have these

40:46

outlets to talk about their feelings. So

40:48

true. So true. So

40:50

somebody asking them to do so

40:52

is like, oh, wow. You

40:55

want to, you want to have this conversation and

40:57

listen to me and I'm safe with you and

40:59

you're not going to judge me. It's

41:01

like they really, yeah, they had

41:03

a lot to share. Some

41:06

were definitely more guarded

41:08

than others. You know, some were a

41:11

little like, he, he, like, sure, I'll

41:13

participate in your questions,

41:15

whatever. But like five

41:17

of the people that I met

41:19

on this journey, I ended up

41:22

having like other experiences with later, like

41:24

we stayed in touch and like saw

41:26

each other again. The

41:28

beauty of having vulnerable conversations,

41:31

intimate conversations, like you

41:33

get so bonded. And

41:36

I'm thinking about, I went

41:38

on a bachelorette trip a few weeks

41:40

ago and I ended up getting like

41:42

assigned, I guess you call it, a

41:44

room with this woman who I barely

41:46

knew. Like I had been like at

41:48

parties with her. And when

41:51

we checked in, they were like, oh,

41:53

we like only have a king size bed. And

41:55

it was like, okay, like, so we're going to

41:57

share a bed and a room like we barely

41:59

know each other. but like whatever and we

42:02

ended up having this like girl

42:04

talk sleepover where I told her this

42:06

really like intimate

42:10

stuff about like my parents divorce my

42:12

childhood like things that I haven't told

42:14

like a lot of friends that are

42:16

much closer that I've known a lot

42:18

longer because she asked

42:20

and because we were in

42:22

this like container literally

42:24

together in a space and

42:27

we we just open to

42:29

each other is a really beautiful thing. Yeah,

42:31

I like that you know

42:33

thing we're talking a lot about sex

42:35

but like this exists in every kind

42:37

of relationship and I

42:39

love now, you know, my mom is Catholic

42:41

and she has a lot of guilt and shame

42:44

around sex, but I love asking her about her

42:47

early dating life and

42:50

things that happen between her and my father

42:52

to better understand who she is as a

42:54

person. I think that we don't all have

42:56

the opportunity to do that with our parents,

42:58

but I think that it

43:00

can be incredibly enlightening when we see

43:03

our parents as people rather than our

43:06

parents. Totally, oh my gosh

43:09

and just to reflect my own experiences in response

43:11

to what you just shared when

43:13

I think about the

43:16

amount of permission I now feel after you

43:18

know this is the sixth year of collecting

43:20

sex stories and talking to people. Prior

43:22

to that I felt, I

43:25

mean, I was criticized or like

43:27

kind of attacked for being too curious

43:29

and like I maybe am too curious like

43:31

that's that is perhaps true if

43:33

there's such a thing as truth like I can

43:36

get infinite and you point me in a direction and I

43:38

just want to know everything about that one thing but

43:40

what it's done is created

43:44

really connected relationships wherever I

43:46

go whatever I'm doing and that's how I

43:48

ended up here because as a photographer

43:50

you know I that's where it kind of

43:53

like started because I'm just curious about people

43:55

and now if I'm doing like you

43:57

know do sometimes content Retreats or I'll be on a one day

43:59

basis. Weekend where I'm like in the air Bnb. With

44:02

a couple of like. Sex. Worker friend and

44:04

so I'm like capturing darkness but then at night it's

44:06

to sleep over vibe and path that is one of

44:08

the most special time to me and so I've been

44:10

I think. The. End of twenty twenty

44:13

Four After after the fifty two days of

44:15

fucking. Or fifty two for states are. However,

44:17

it turns out I think that will. My

44:19

goal is gonna be to create more like

44:21

weekend long retreat. Maybe we do a writing

44:23

or you did one? You know? that kind

44:26

of combines that and creativity with. The.

44:28

Vulnerability in A Safe Space Because I think of

44:30

how I have experienced some of my my largest

44:32

personal growth like in A In A Safe Space

44:35

has held. Were. Doing that I

44:37

just had to say the surgery

44:39

yemen hundred percent. I've been thinking

44:41

about that as well like I

44:43

wanted. I know other people want

44:45

it is you and I think

44:47

that we are all craving community

44:49

so much Rain her my community.

44:51

It's yeah, it's so her sambo

44:53

true and it's souls. Sign each

44:55

cell phone to just get together

44:57

with. Play friends and like,

44:59

learn about each other and cook good food. And

45:01

do you know that's that's my favorite? You don't

45:03

have a point. very. Hard. For me to show

45:05

up. In. Online spaces where I know I

45:08

should have a i should with my air quotes. am

45:10

not a fan of should you know because if you

45:12

replace it with a could you get real clear on

45:14

why you aren't And I'm really clear on the fact

45:16

that like I haven't been showing up on Instagram or

45:19

Always Ends or Twitter all these places because. The

45:21

screens make me feel bad and I

45:24

have so much more fun connecting with

45:26

clients directly in person. And. Of the

45:28

same time I do miss talking to people from

45:30

all the world's I'm looking for that balance and

45:32

I'm sticking with. A. Could be a fun way to

45:34

created in those relax. As

45:37

he slept. On. Your sexual evolution

45:39

of a person. What kind

45:41

of them stand out? Moments

45:43

of learning for you? Like.

45:46

Whether. It's sex education. Whether it's early

45:48

experiences are just kind of like growing.

45:50

Into adulthood Like. What

45:52

form do you have? A sexual being?

45:56

Wow. I'm having an orgasm

45:58

against a jacuzzi. I

46:00

am a major turning point. The

46:03

Chesapeake is amazingly. How old were you like?

46:05

Where was this Is your human time length? And

46:07

actually I was around sixteen years

46:09

old and I lived with my

46:12

first boyfriend and he positions me

46:14

again Said and it was like

46:16

oh my god this blew my

46:18

mind. So that

46:20

was. A very special turning

46:22

point for me. I do,

46:25

you know, talking about emotion

46:27

and safety. I realized in

46:29

the first few relationships that

46:31

I had sexual relationships. I

46:33

could an orgasm until I

46:35

saw sees until I felt

46:37

comfortable to let. Oh, saying.

46:39

And. I. Also had.

46:42

For so many years an issue

46:44

or it as a mean through

46:46

oral sex I sing for the

46:48

same reason and and as I

46:50

mentioned earlier just a shame and

46:52

like kind of fear and discomfort

46:55

around somebody says paying like us

46:57

and my pussy Gates and I

46:59

had a for it as and

47:01

through oral sex with someone. Probably.

47:04

Seven years ago and it was the

47:06

first time I was internet with this

47:09

person and it happened with out. My,

47:11

you know I didn't know is

47:13

happening, just happens And it was.

47:16

While Lake as is like oh

47:18

I thought something was wrong with

47:20

me at his breath can I

47:22

couldn't do that And I did.

47:24

And after that experience I was

47:26

able to do it with other

47:29

people and so it really just

47:31

broke free this guardrail at like

47:33

for years and decades I was

47:35

having sex, oral sex and never

47:37

being able to. Come that were

47:39

so I think set. Realizing

47:42

that even after being

47:45

sexually active, being slutty,

47:47

First, so many years. Like there's still

47:49

things you can learn and discover. and

47:51

like. Over com like that

47:54

is a really. Beautiful.

47:56

Exciting thing to me! So I'm

47:58

working on. I'm not really

48:01

but I'm like so next I will

48:03

Nyborg A They make it to him

48:05

like there's so many possibilities. Right leg?

48:07

Yeah, let's let's do it. Let's try.

48:10

We have a lights him ahead of

48:12

us. We. Have infinite

48:14

sexual possibility is absolutely.

48:17

And. I am a nurse science nerd like.

48:19

My favorite podcast is the Huber I'm

48:21

in Love. I talk about constantly, but

48:23

I just can't stop thinking about Doctor

48:26

Alley crumbs, research about beliefs about how

48:28

important it is. Like. Are Cynthia

48:30

logical responses to what our minds

48:32

decide? His quote unquote true. And

48:35

so I really encourage. Everyone to go

48:37

look at her. Milkshakes. Experiment

48:39

research that were like they are grounded in

48:41

our stomach. Actually responded, people think they're having

48:43

a high calorie milkshake. Prices Low calorie as

48:46

one about exercise related that she did and

48:48

so. You know it's funny because

48:50

as you're talking and like oh I'm not a person

48:52

the could ever have a nibble orgasm multiple times has

48:54

to the like will not with that attitude you know

48:56

since for like seven and then my brain is like

48:58

what if we had. Nipple focused retreat

49:00

at and like the people

49:02

to focus on family Mean

49:05

to say? no doubt. It I

49:07

will have see the city guideline. I

49:09

don't know how did you live but

49:11

maybe somebody their well let's let's find

49:13

that nipple or hundred percent and it's

49:15

a certain adequate for hate. Yeah and

49:17

I I love just like Searing what

49:19

people are into in those with i'm

49:21

so in terms of your own story

49:23

and your own development. When did you

49:25

realize that Shoes enjoyed marks giving and

49:27

receiving end? Do you do identify as

49:29

kinky. I don't know. I

49:32

have seen as an issue where.

49:34

Like wanting to put labels

49:37

on myself of any kind.

49:39

I struggled a lot with

49:41

your question of my sexual

49:44

orientation because I have span

49:46

with men. And women

49:48

and non binary people. But

49:50

I it's and like and my

49:52

pain and say like i don't

49:55

know, armed and I don't care

49:57

really I think I mean I

49:59

guess. Than because it really

50:01

is just like about the Paris

50:03

and like it it's I can't

50:05

totally decide but on some no

50:07

I don't like necessarily identify as

50:10

kinky but the mark saying I'm

50:12

I always enjoyed Bruise as even

50:14

if they were just like I

50:16

walked into something. Or a foul

50:18

or whatever like. appear colorful and

50:20

Isis is her. when you press.

50:23

On mans and I

50:25

might dislike of visual

50:27

marker of something being

50:30

off like I. I

50:33

don't know like I'm trying to think

50:35

like hickey is I was obsessed with

50:37

i'm in high School I think was

50:40

like my hickey phase. I loved that

50:42

it signified Blake. Yeah, I made out

50:44

with someone so heavily on relax, sucking

50:46

each other's bodies enough to leave a

50:49

mark. I also brews very easily as

50:51

so it's like not scifi. Book together

50:53

as the give me a mark I

50:55

would like. ask. People to buy my

50:57

inner thighs and lay with leave

50:59

these like insane looking for. He says

51:02

like purple and likes use and I

51:04

really. Enjoyed that I'll set of friends

51:06

in college where we the plate punch

51:08

each other like over and over and

51:11

the same spot as far as we

51:13

could to give each other. Bruce is

51:15

sweeter so it's actually. A radio like

51:17

with address from a killer though

51:19

Years and punches really is as

51:21

love free like upper arms. To

51:24

kind of like that's again

51:26

something visible and yeah, like.

51:28

I have had so many

51:30

friendships with women that were

51:32

not overtly sexual, but certainly

51:34

had sexual undertones. I always

51:36

kiss all the time. Bomb!

51:39

Or in I I don't know and. You

51:42

have to say good night it

51:44

said look we sort of you'd

51:47

get kissing punching friendship. Yes,

51:49

That was are two. Main ways of touching

51:51

each other. And Loss or Big Cutler's

51:54

as well. Yeah,

51:56

I like brothers because they make me

51:58

feel both delicate and. Strong. Know

52:01

Yes, I definitely. I tend to that.

52:04

I. Feel that your is. It's

52:06

like all of this pain is

52:08

concentrated into this. like little. Circle

52:11

Space and it reminds you

52:13

of maybe what. Happened. It

52:15

reminds you of your

52:17

ability. To be Bruce,

52:20

your vulnerability can preserve

52:22

ourselves. And I do. I love

52:24

like being marked by my lap or

52:26

I live like. Same.

52:32

Same again. With. The understanding

52:34

the coffee or just because we're having a public

52:36

conversation that this is with a partner that we've

52:38

asked for this from Litres Trust. We always want

52:40

to make sure. That. If we're giving

52:43

marks to someone. They want them

52:45

as I have definitely in the math

52:47

and people who have been traumatized by

52:49

Marx. They didn't agree to sell absolutely

52:51

and I think that it's something you

52:53

mention. you know, like when you're in.

52:56

This industry or when you're just generally

52:58

sex positive, people make a lot of

53:00

assumptions about what you would be okay.

53:02

Let's without concern with

53:04

them. Yeah, I had

53:06

a situation where I

53:08

was. Having sex

53:10

with someone who I was quite

53:13

close, you and they sought me

53:15

across to face without consent and

53:18

it was incredibly traumatic for me

53:20

and I remember talking to. A

53:22

friend of the mutual friend, so they

53:25

were all so close that hands and

53:27

she was like you that way you

53:29

like them, right And it was just

53:32

so presumptuous and. Upsetting

53:34

that. As

53:36

I was trying to seek be

53:38

know some hope. Or outside

53:40

support for about this.

53:43

That. They would also assumes

53:45

because I'm six passes. And

53:49

so yeah, absolutely like to

53:52

ask. You have to. Do.

53:58

So. Man,

54:00

Yeah, I know, I mean it. I.

54:02

Think that is obviously true and also consent

54:05

is not a single conversation right? Like I

54:07

might want to get slapped in the face

54:09

by someone one day and not have an

54:11

another. Lifetime partners read have be like actually

54:13

I have a photo shoot coming up and

54:16

I don't want to spend hours photo shopping

54:18

or like I'm going to do this thing

54:20

so like and will be my family for

54:22

please Don't We bruises all of my last

54:25

day you know know it is ongoing and

54:27

my body might feel different on a on

54:29

a given day. So politically I think say

54:31

with a psycho like. The kind of

54:34

such one experience. Varies so

54:36

much like mentally descent all the

54:38

time and. I think that's why

54:40

I struggle with. You.

54:42

Know some of the mainstream. Narratives I've encountered

54:45

are from people are like why don't

54:47

you even know what you want. And

54:50

I'm like. Well. Because

54:52

I'm interested me, And because every. Single

54:54

day something is different and because like.

54:57

It's. Great if you're like Arma three point

54:59

checklist and boom and done like that.

55:01

Good for you have that satisfying for me.

55:04

Everything is about the exploration of

55:06

the present moment and the connection

55:08

with that individual. Who. I

55:10

am being energetically pregnant with and selecting

55:13

individuals who wants to be energetically pregnant

55:15

with me in compatible with a son

55:17

you know and and for me that

55:19

does look like talking and connection and.

55:23

I don't want it like a big into a

55:25

dramatic moment, but when that happened, were you able

55:27

to say anything to that partner in real time

55:29

Or did you three the like? What? What was

55:31

the actual connection there like for. I.

55:35

Am a series on that is

55:37

my it Unfortunately I might be

55:39

a second sight or but now

55:41

my answer on that are now

55:43

it's. It's just senseless of

55:45

i think is a difference in travelers

55:48

a little of the paper like I'm

55:50

a great site or but that's not

55:52

where I go in those moments and

55:55

it actually happened a couple of times

55:57

in this sexual experience and then. I

56:00

started to cry and. Then.

56:03

They noticed and then I communicated

56:05

that that was not okay.

56:07

And of course you know they

56:10

were very apologetic. But it

56:12

did set. Into motion a

56:14

very. Ill it was

56:17

just a death. So cool ongoing

56:19

conversation I think because that really.

56:21

Ruptured my feeling of

56:23

trust and safety with

56:25

them. And they weren't.

56:28

Really able to be patient with me

56:30

for that to be regained. Like they

56:32

felt like okay apologize like no

56:35

big deal but i really needed

56:37

like time and trust rebuilt and

56:39

it you know it makes me

56:41

think of with of or stories

56:43

like. I ask that they're all

56:45

about positive experiences or that is

56:47

there not? You know you can

56:50

rewrite it to be a positive

56:52

experience or one where you triumphs

56:54

and. It's. Not because I

56:56

don't know that there are so

56:59

many had sex stories and worse

57:01

than bad sex stories. Tray I

57:03

have fans in a lot of

57:06

traumatic sexual events. But I

57:08

want to. Share

57:10

and champion the positive

57:12

stories and educate. Using

57:14

the positive story is

57:17

yes because I think

57:19

creating these sexual. Scripts

57:21

for People by sharing

57:23

our real experience. What?

57:25

We enjoyed especially as women

57:28

is like. Incredibly

57:30

instruct is for

57:32

people. Who wanna hook up

57:34

with women? But yeah, I've had my

57:37

share of. Bad. Sex

57:39

And Sexual Assault And. Yeah.

57:42

I think. We. All have

57:44

solidly and to your point. I

57:46

think that screaming around sharing those

57:48

difficult experiences and why are we

57:51

sharing them with incredibly important you

57:53

know I am. I. Went to

57:55

film school and the amount of. Material

57:57

that had to do with like promo.

58:00

The rape oriented things that was like not

58:02

even a personal story but because they were

58:04

looking for like dramatic highs. So.

58:06

Problematic. And so that's why it's for sex toys.

58:08

For anyone who has applied or been on, you

58:10

know that I ask a question of like okay

58:13

if if experienced sexual trauma hazard and processed. With.

58:15

A professional therapist like in a private space.

58:18

You. Know and if you're going to share about

58:20

it, can you share What helped you kill or

58:22

find Can have some balance. You know,

58:24

so in that instance in particular, With.

58:27

It as a learning lesson for you were you

58:29

able to find support in some way, shape or

58:31

form from a trusted person to kind of like

58:33

process. It. Yes,

58:35

I continued to see him,

58:37

although I would not. Be.

58:40

Intimate with him and he actually we

58:42

were at a weekend away lists friends

58:44

of mine a lesbian couples and he

58:47

got frustrated with me because I would

58:49

necessitate him and let's annex morning and

58:51

I. Didn't go as him

58:54

and I told them

58:56

like what was going

58:58

on between us and

59:00

their reaction was so

59:02

immediately supportive and like

59:04

rust. I just dislike

59:06

strength. And power around

59:09

me of these women being

59:11

like, of course, that's not

59:13

okay and that's terrible and

59:16

are you all right and

59:18

what can? Do help you

59:20

and know I don't think. You

59:22

should see him. But

59:25

it was a remarkable how

59:27

difficult it was to get

59:29

somebody to and of hate

59:31

me seriously in what I

59:33

was going to experiencing because

59:35

I am known to a

59:37

lot of my friends as

59:39

someone who is. Very open sexually

59:41

and down for a wide net

59:43

for well. there's a big difference

59:45

between being actually sex positive and

59:48

you know, wanting to get unconventionally

59:50

abuse like that. Those are two

59:52

completely different things. You know, I'm

59:54

so glad to hear that you had that you

59:56

found people who are able to validate your express

59:58

seen. I think that's a lot what people get

1:00:00

out of. Sharing. Stories together

1:00:02

is that kind of like human validation like you

1:00:04

said at the beginning like we do and have

1:00:06

similarities and shame. Even if the specifics are different

1:00:09

or if they are the same we can process

1:00:11

are different. Kind of like. Responses Do it and

1:00:13

see that like oh yeah. actually that's okay

1:00:15

and that's why it's so tricky when we

1:00:17

when we are silent when we do not

1:00:19

share. I. Think that's that's where

1:00:21

stuff gets. A. Rather, in my

1:00:23

experience in listening to people's stories.

1:00:26

That seemed to be where it gets the most tricky

1:00:28

and sticky. Shifting

1:00:30

gears a little bit though. I would love

1:00:32

to share. When. It comes to sex.

1:00:34

What do you think? you are the best? And

1:00:37

how did you get to be so good? Mean.

1:00:41

I'm saying. I. Am

1:00:43

a very enthusiastic

1:00:45

latter. And I think.

1:00:48

Writing tag on top.

1:00:50

Is how. It's

1:00:53

a how I come from. It's how

1:00:55

I can make myself come easy as

1:00:57

soon. As. I.

1:01:00

Say it. As my tits to

1:01:02

work with. it's a very. Empowering position

1:01:04

for me and I was surprised

1:01:07

to hear again this is like

1:01:09

the same things. That a

1:01:11

lot of women feel vulnerable in

1:01:13

that position or too much on

1:01:16

display on I have never at

1:01:18

way because that position. To

1:01:20

me equals. The. Most

1:01:22

pleasure and orgasm and so it's

1:01:24

just spend. Always my goes to

1:01:27

say singer reverse cowgirl does that

1:01:29

make a difference feel. A

1:01:31

thing as. An outlay occur? Yeah,

1:01:34

Yeah. Because there's more to work less

1:01:36

on I think with their like pubic

1:01:38

bone. And meters yards. And yeah, that

1:01:40

section. As I can wrap my legs, I've

1:01:42

long links I can wrap it around and

1:01:45

like really thrust a lot of the answers.

1:01:48

And yeah, I think that I'm

1:01:50

I'm pretty good at that. and

1:01:52

I have asked people in the

1:01:55

past like am I a good

1:01:57

offer, my good and bad and

1:01:59

the answer that I'd gotten more

1:02:01

than then once is like yes

1:02:03

and why Because you are vocal

1:02:05

and excited, enthusiastic, like you seem

1:02:07

like you're having the time and

1:02:10

I think that's ultimately like everyone

1:02:12

just wants. The other person that

1:02:14

they're fucking to seem like they're enjoying

1:02:16

it and I do to a sex

1:02:18

a laugh. So yeah. I'll

1:02:21

say I love like. You. Ride

1:02:24

And you right? To take six, writing

1:02:26

can fade into a specific. I

1:02:29

love. Levis.

1:02:31

Okay, so little else

1:02:33

is on your personal

1:02:35

and or. Erotic Creative Bucket

1:02:38

List. Well

1:02:40

I think that. Big. Time

1:02:42

opening up. My. Relationship

1:02:45

and securing our the

1:02:47

past two having a

1:02:49

more varied it ironic

1:02:52

place and structure. Long.

1:02:55

Way that's definitely.

1:02:58

Get Less! I would like to

1:03:00

watch my partner with another woman

1:03:02

and I know that's not something

1:03:04

that will be you know a

1:03:07

little chaotic for me but it's

1:03:09

something that I see I would

1:03:11

really deeply enjoy. I am a

1:03:13

bit of a player I think

1:03:15

when I was younger as it's

1:03:17

more on the exhibitionists side and

1:03:19

they seemed as I've gotten older

1:03:21

I'm were. I enjoy

1:03:23

a surveying alliance career

1:03:26

or like work flyers.

1:03:28

I would love to script right

1:03:30

and potentially direct visual pornography. Us

1:03:32

that can happen. I mean if

1:03:34

you want to dine out, loses

1:03:36

added on twitter retreat like that's

1:03:38

basically what I do and then

1:03:40

such men are. Gonna vote for

1:03:42

know? yeah I wouldn't. The just

1:03:44

something. That. Would be

1:03:46

really fun and yet bring the

1:03:49

whole. Experience full circle The

1:03:51

writing of these stories to

1:03:53

be able to create that

1:03:55

into watchable or is very

1:03:57

exciting to me and. I've

1:03:59

always. I know you have a

1:04:01

question that it's about like if you are

1:04:03

a sex worker like why would you do

1:04:06

Definitely a lot. Fantasies

1:04:08

about. Porn. Star

1:04:10

being in movies and net

1:04:12

meet plenty of my own.

1:04:14

Sexy is. That on? Yeah, I

1:04:17

think that I guess I am So and

1:04:19

exhibitionists in that sentence. I am mother. That's

1:04:21

amazing. Yeah, I think for me, one of

1:04:23

the most gratifying things is especially when I'm

1:04:26

working with a couple and it's like their

1:04:28

first time making a movie together and I

1:04:30

get to be there like. Holding.

1:04:32

The Care Market. I'm really good at holding

1:04:35

space for people and in both. Sixty.

1:04:37

Ways and. Photographic ways and

1:04:39

for marrying those skills together. Also with

1:04:41

writing I'm like yeah, like getting to

1:04:44

creep. That porn star experience for people

1:04:46

is. Again, knew that know

1:04:48

we. Probably. Can't call the retreated can we

1:04:50

would never build advertise it. Creative retreat for.

1:04:53

You? That's something I'm still struggling with. Right

1:04:56

And like I am making a

1:04:58

writing group for over an eyelid

1:05:00

like pulling on and skyn today

1:05:02

like what it should be called.

1:05:04

And of course like I wanna

1:05:06

call it like Slutty Writing Society

1:05:08

and Sussman. Can't though

1:05:10

because they can't even use that

1:05:13

word and it's so frustrating. To

1:05:15

have to censor ourselves and how do

1:05:17

we it's accurately get across like the

1:05:19

worst that we're doing to and I

1:05:21

wanna be like beyond the pale all

1:05:24

it's so good as i send out

1:05:26

these emails with all these like as

1:05:28

tricks like bleeping stuff foul and unlike

1:05:30

because we like of us history that.

1:05:32

They weren't really. Are you know? it's? it's. So ridiculous

1:05:35

I like my mind keeps getting blown. that

1:05:37

like on social media saying was saying that

1:05:39

allowed to be a thing but we can't

1:05:41

see the Wherever and Atlanta same neither I

1:05:44

can. I use the phrase original creativity but

1:05:46

of course only the people who deeply listen

1:05:48

I use that about i Might Original Creativity

1:05:50

You can get mad play, You can get

1:05:53

mad you know? like yeah. So that's kind

1:05:55

of where I'm. Touching.

1:05:57

Stuff but again for people who don't know of they.

1:06:00

No, And so I'm also I'm

1:06:02

with you on on noodling on

1:06:04

that problem more. And I also

1:06:06

read something inside. It's not like

1:06:08

Kicked Park or Instagram doesn't understand.

1:06:10

That were like oh I know

1:06:12

Elaine using air again know what

1:06:14

that is telling their parenting. Yeah,

1:06:16

it's like the elder they enough a bit

1:06:19

of say understand that's the part of the

1:06:21

human. Experience that I'm

1:06:23

just like. A

1:06:25

bat shit crazy what the fuck Like while about

1:06:27

the norm you know, mountain and it whenever the

1:06:29

buzzer of. Yeah. I'm writing

1:06:31

group okay how can people go get involved as

1:06:33

they were like you. I wanted to. An erotic

1:06:36

writing group. So. I'm

1:06:38

doing like random pop ups for the next

1:06:40

couple of months because I wanna land on

1:06:42

a time and a day that works for

1:06:44

the most people and I'm in a put

1:06:46

them on the side on Instagram and I

1:06:48

will be emailing The best way to keep

1:06:50

in touch us again the email list because

1:06:53

we are so often shadow. Banned Instagram

1:06:55

and it's a virtual writing group.

1:06:57

Just to clarify. Yeah, for now

1:06:59

it is uncertain future. a hybrid.

1:07:02

Were streetlights? exactly? I mean. And

1:07:04

I love the virtual says because

1:07:06

The Last Writing Workshop. We did.

1:07:09

We had people in South America, Australia,

1:07:11

the Uk like all over the United

1:07:13

States, and that's a second beautiful thing

1:07:15

to bring people together like that. But

1:07:17

yeah, absolutely were gonna be in person

1:07:20

one day. Cinema of A already answered

1:07:22

my sex worker question, but I'd love

1:07:24

to know. What do you think?

1:07:27

We. The. Public humanity. Need.

1:07:30

To make the world a sexier, more loving

1:07:32

place where. Taken care of each other is

1:07:34

the norm. I. Think and

1:07:36

this is something I've circled list

1:07:38

as I discuss that a think

1:07:41

like treating. Each

1:07:43

sexual encounter with care

1:07:45

and intimacy, allowing ourselves

1:07:47

to connect with each

1:07:49

person regardless of our

1:07:51

intentions with them, regardless

1:07:53

of. You know how much

1:07:55

we haven't Comments I said it. At

1:07:58

some point. My

1:08:00

contribution. To society is fucking

1:08:03

man and changing their mind

1:08:05

about politics sites. I can't

1:08:07

think the better way to

1:08:10

make a man though. In.

1:08:12

A way that you want

1:08:15

then super fans and convince

1:08:17

some of the way. You

1:08:19

see the world, There's no.

1:08:21

You know greater intimacy and

1:08:23

and allowing them to be

1:08:25

safe and and sharing your

1:08:27

views and and the respect

1:08:29

that arises from lot and

1:08:31

and action that arises. I'm

1:08:34

like such. A

1:08:37

Fucking people that start out with

1:08:39

different. Values. And view

1:08:41

planes and. Changing. Them

1:08:43

for the better. Your. Inspiring too

1:08:46

many fantasies and me because I'm I ask.

1:08:48

how do I reached? The in sales and

1:08:50

if they come on and we have a long

1:08:52

conversation and maybe I could suck dementia to him

1:08:54

and like. Surfaces on it

1:08:56

was like I am, I don't I'm

1:08:58

a little while this might not. Be

1:09:01

all and know it will so the on

1:09:03

the site so I will will man who.

1:09:05

On her name is Dan Pay

1:09:07

Clong. She went to Ukraine when

1:09:09

the war started and. Literally

1:09:12

volunteered her. Body as a sex

1:09:14

workers to front line soldiers and

1:09:16

volunteers and she wrote a story

1:09:18

for a Roar. A couple

1:09:21

weeks ago about these

1:09:23

experiences and it's like. He

1:09:26

and there was a of articles about her

1:09:28

online. My kind of. Just being

1:09:30

derogatory about what she still

1:09:32

and I'm like how is

1:09:35

the volunteering of one's body

1:09:37

in. War or whether it's

1:09:39

for sex work or literally

1:09:42

putting to her body only.

1:09:44

Yeah, yeah, Sykes, why is one

1:09:46

more valuable than and other? And

1:09:48

I just I mean it's It's

1:09:51

unsurprising these views. Of course, as

1:09:53

we do this work, we realize

1:09:55

how skew things are. But you

1:09:57

know, I really wanted town these

1:09:59

people to think differently and. I

1:10:02

wish that are work was last cordoned

1:10:04

off to the sex positive rounds because

1:10:06

this shit should be mainstream. Like the

1:10:09

elite, the people that don't know or

1:10:11

don't think this way which is why

1:10:13

we have to fuck them. Saddest

1:10:16

me and said. I know. I.

1:10:18

I mean truly. I'm looking to create. Places.

1:10:20

And experiences where I can do as

1:10:23

much as possible but also still. Earn

1:10:25

a living right? Like I think a lot of

1:10:27

my listeners seem to think that I just have

1:10:29

some charmed life and I like sit around all

1:10:31

day and I'm just like lounging. In beings artist

1:10:34

and fucking people. And so they think that they

1:10:36

can like. Have. Access to my time and

1:10:38

energy for free. And I'm like. Will.

1:10:40

Clean you the photographer and then I could

1:10:42

probably slough a lot of people you know

1:10:44

like when he be woman to have the

1:10:46

play party rise, go rate and review on

1:10:48

Spotify, coast or shadow banned right now and

1:10:50

go like a joint a tree on so

1:10:53

I can afford a place to invite. You to,

1:10:55

you know, Because then I will suck

1:10:57

as many people as possible. And.

1:10:59

Piano and get them tested. Anything also

1:11:01

to like. Sex. Workers have always

1:11:04

been a huge part of war. Like

1:11:06

as a soldier, we need comfort you

1:11:08

can't. Get. that especially it's and seem to

1:11:10

think about people going. Months.

1:11:13

At a time without sex and the

1:11:15

most stressful environments you can imagine running

1:11:17

you know, and if anyone has read

1:11:19

Burn Out by Emily and Million Nagurski.

1:11:21

You. Know that like after adrenaline spikes in

1:11:23

order for us to reregulate like we need

1:11:26

hugs. We need community. We need a fire

1:11:28

together around. We need all of these things

1:11:30

that the modern world. Has. Stripped of

1:11:32

of. You know and so then

1:11:34

replacing that with the shame around things that are

1:11:36

like. Normal. Happy Body thing!

1:11:39

Yeah so people can find

1:11:41

that on. Read Or or.com

1:11:43

vs Reader or.com is called Sex in

1:11:45

a War Zone and actually brought down

1:11:48

the pay law on that story because

1:11:50

I just punched everyone three and as

1:11:52

your time. A Roar

1:11:54

is a reader supported site, so

1:11:56

I depend on people signing up.

1:11:58

To read the story is. So that

1:12:00

I can pay writers and I can

1:12:03

exist as well in the world is

1:12:05

there is absolutely kind of a. Distrust

1:12:08

are like just an unwillingness I

1:12:10

think to pay for sexual content

1:12:12

because there is so much free

1:12:14

poor and but I think that.

1:12:16

There's still a lot of people that

1:12:18

are very concerned with consuming ethical, for

1:12:21

and and. Sell The sunset we

1:12:23

create is awfully lonely cities.

1:12:26

Beautiful. Okay,

1:12:29

so. If you had

1:12:31

an unlimited budget. To create your

1:12:33

perfect creations: Bass Player Room

1:12:35

Dungeon mention Palace Cathal Hotel

1:12:37

whatever you whatever structuring prefer.

1:12:40

What? Is your space like. It's.

1:12:43

A lot of light. And then.

1:12:46

Lots. Of windows and then as I

1:12:48

get psyched to afternoon. Evening we

1:12:50

have a lot a low light

1:12:53

a lot of like warm lamps

1:12:55

and imagining a sunken living room.

1:12:57

but the sunken aspect is just

1:12:59

like a huge bad mattress. least

1:13:02

the yeah but maybe author with

1:13:04

me watching places around the edge.

1:13:07

Oh yeah, not little seats. and and

1:13:09

it, er, it's just the balcony. Yeah,

1:13:13

Oh definitely balconies. floor to ceiling

1:13:15

windows, friend stores throw out the

1:13:18

balcony see can like go out

1:13:20

and flash. people looking allow get

1:13:22

flashed, maybe we're in your i

1:13:25

don't know where we were somewhere.

1:13:27

It a sexy. Maybe

1:13:29

Euro? Maybe it. maybe Milan. Somebody recently

1:13:31

told me that Milan as the sexiest

1:13:34

city and I might have hello. Hello

1:13:37

Magazine? Yeah, That's what are

1:13:39

the retreat. It doesn't say shit we

1:13:41

have or treat their the I mean

1:13:43

yeah every Wednesday. Yes the lighting is

1:13:46

so important to me. The vive the

1:13:48

lighting creates is so important. so that's.

1:13:51

A. Big fun and. Comfort

1:13:53

so the bad mattress but also

1:13:55

like to low set are. Giving

1:13:58

you some support so you can like. The

1:14:00

Lounge but also. Prop

1:14:03

up your package! Yeah, Oh

1:14:05

I love it so much. Okay curly

1:14:08

I think we're going to have to

1:14:10

have you back to talk creativity and

1:14:12

more sexy work related things but I'm

1:14:15

the man that yeah I suppose the

1:14:17

come back and we can check in

1:14:19

and we can you know? Sorry. Really

1:14:21

a planting the seeds for coming

1:14:23

retreat. Oh I think we've planted

1:14:26

that. we just gotta keep watering

1:14:28

and nourish. Your sister teaches. Us

1:14:30

and letter You can help nourish

1:14:32

those seeds by visiting Weed or

1:14:34

or.com. Carly. Think you so much for

1:14:36

been a guest on X Stories. Thank

1:14:38

you for having me. It was beautiful. A top

1:14:40

tier. Lovers. That is our show. If

1:14:43

you know a friend who had like this episode,

1:14:45

please take a second to share with them. Now.

1:14:48

Fifty. Two days of play is underway.

1:14:50

And there are so many fun

1:14:52

ways to support and shape this

1:14:54

mixture of content. For example, If.

1:14:57

He would like private behind the scenes

1:14:59

audio updates that include my sex toys,

1:15:01

fantasies, work noodles, plus virtual. Co working

1:15:03

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1:15:06

and which is outlawed Monday to Friday during the

1:15:08

fifty two days of play. Join. Me

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on petri on at patreon.com/

1:15:12

Bailey said the video versions of these play.

1:15:14

That shares along with exclusive Daily Life

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or your can access where you can

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1:15:41

Or private messages, calls, or video. You

1:15:43

can also find me on Sex panther.com/

1:15:47

If. You're not into the sexy stuff. you might

1:15:49

want to sponsor a segment let me dedicated

1:15:51

a the Wiggle masturbation meditation or a solo

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1:15:55

brand you pick the topic or noodle and

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co create with me. Details are only website.

1:16:00

we.com/fifty Two. I.

1:16:02

Am also super in the parallel play. Tell.

1:16:05

Me: What does your heart person spring and

1:16:07

summer look like right now. I'd

1:16:09

love to hear what player pleasure you

1:16:11

are noticing practicing are growing already know

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we the answer one of my questions

1:16:15

asked me one of your own or

1:16:18

shares story the a wildly.com/share I especially

1:16:20

love voice memos but emails I can

1:16:22

read on of the episodes are also

1:16:24

great. I would also love to

1:16:26

know. What adult? Creator, would

1:16:28

you like to see me play with sparingly?

1:16:30

Fifty fifty The plane. To. Me so

1:16:32

that I can send them an invitation

1:16:34

by emailing Stories Podcast Actually email.com. And

1:16:37

I am accepting new photography clients now

1:16:39

until the end of June. Details about

1:16:41

how you can work with me or

1:16:44

all on my website wildly.com and the

1:16:46

link is in the description below. And.

1:16:48

Six Stories podcast.com Will. Always

1:16:50

take you straight to the podcast landing page or

1:16:53

I guess I should say directly because nothing I

1:16:55

do with really straight. For.

1:16:57

Those of you who don't know X stories

1:17:00

is a completely. Independent Creation. I fund the

1:17:02

production of his podcast through my work at

1:17:04

a concert creator, photographer, and sex worker and

1:17:06

I appreciate each and every one of you

1:17:08

the understands that your contribution. To my work. Whether.

1:17:11

It's patriot on only sans or. Creative session

1:17:13

photo shoot with them or written story for me

1:17:15

to share. It. Is

1:17:17

incredibly meaningful to me. They

1:17:20

work is what leads me up in life.

1:17:22

And my goal is to continue to create things

1:17:24

that are also meaningful to you. So hearing from

1:17:26

you help me sleep what I do and when

1:17:29

I don't hear from you I feel like I'm

1:17:31

just speaking into the void. So if you love

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Let me know by leaving us of the

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1:17:42

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why you love listening. To sex stories. I'm

1:17:47

looking forward to getting to know more of you

1:17:49

and going deeper during the city today's of play.

1:17:51

Remember if you want to work or play with

1:17:53

me My website while.com is where you can find

1:17:55

details of all that I do. Thank.

1:17:58

You for listening! Thank you for spreading! Rip have

1:18:00

club. Please. Take care of yourself. Take.

1:18:03

Care of each other. Remember to hydrate weevil

1:18:05

and breathe. And may you be brave enough

1:18:07

to share yourself and your stories in the

1:18:09

name of a lovely human connection.