0:03

It sounds like you wavered. I just always felt,

0:05

I thought you had to swallow. I didn't even know you had an

0:07

option not to when I was younger, I was like, I'm gonna

0:09

be the eight Blowjob student. I'm gonna swallow.

0:12

But turns out again, I'm with some

0:14

partners who are like, don't care so much if you

0:16

swallow or I haven't had your partner recently.

0:18

Do you want me swallow or do you want to

0:20

like see it? Do you want to go other places?

0:23

And he's like, I like to mix it up.

0:26

You're listening to sex with Emily.

0:29

I'm doctor Emily, and I'm here to help you

0:31

prioritize your pleasure and liberate the

0:33

conversation around sex. You wanna

0:35

give ten out of ten pleasure to a penis.

0:38

Whether you're giving or receiving oral

0:40

sex to a penis, this episode is

0:42

for you. From where to start as an absolute

0:44

beginner to upgrading your Oral Sex

0:46

Game, this is a comprehensive episode

0:49

on the art of the blowjob. First,

0:51

we'll map the penis anatomy so you know

0:53

what pleasure points you're dealing with.

0:55

Next, I'll teach you techniques to build anticipation,

0:58

tease, and make your oral sex that

1:00

much more memorable. I contact how

1:03

to use your hand and the best loop for

1:05

the job. We'll also get into sensation play

1:07

testicle imperineum stimulation, and

1:10

if swallowing or deep throating is in the

1:12

cards for you. By the way, it's

1:14

totally okay if not. Plus,

1:16

I've got tips for dealing with anxiety when

1:18

you're the receiver. Don't blow

1:20

this episode off. Your oral

1:22

sex mastery starts now. Intensions

1:25

with Emily for each episode, I

1:27

wanna start off by setting an intention for

1:29

the show, and I encourage you to do the

1:31

same. My intention is to help you feel confident

1:34

and prepared for oral sex, no major

1:36

level of experience. When you could approach

1:38

it with a few tricks in your back pocket, you'll feel

1:40

more enthusiastic. And as you'll hear me say

1:43

often, That's the number one quality

1:45

you need to give your partner the best oral they

1:47

can imagine. Please

1:49

rate interviews, sex family wherever you listen

1:51

to the show and my new article six

1:53

ways to improve sleep for better

1:55

sex is up at saxy family

1:57

dot com. Check out my YouTube channel,

2:00

social media, and TikTok. It's

2:02

all at sex with Emily for more as

2:04

sex tips and advice. And if you want

2:06

to ask me questions, please do so.

2:08

Leave me your questions or message me at

2:10

sex with emily dot com slash ask emily,

2:12

call my hotline. 559 talks x

2:15

or 5598255739.

2:18

As always include your name, your age, where you live,

2:20

and how you listen to the show, and always an option

2:22

to remain anonymous. Before we get into the show

2:24

real quick, Very exciting news, I'm

2:27

coming out with a book. It's called smart

2:29

sex, how to boost your sexIQ and own

2:31

your pleasure. And here's what you need to know. It

2:33

comes out can be in your hot and little hands. June

2:35

thirteenth. It's available to automate your

2:37

booksellers, but here's what I need you to

2:39

do. I would love if you're like, of course, I

2:41

buy your books Emmie, then please, please, I

2:43

beg you to pre order it now. It's sex family

2:46

dot com. Just go to the drop down menu, select

2:48

new book, and it's easy from there, or go to the

2:50

show notes. Also request that your libraries,

2:52

indie bookstores, it just really helps, and

2:54

I want everyone to have smart sex. So thank

2:56

you all. I love you. I appreciate you for supporting

2:58

the book and the show. Last thing this episode

3:00

is brought to you a magic wand. Okay. You

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4:34

Before we get started, I just want

4:36

to clarify some things about the term

4:39

Blowjob. I don't

4:41

love using this term because it's not

4:43

very technical. It's not you're not actually

4:45

blowing. And if you've noticed you've been

4:47

listening to the show, I use a lot of the

4:49

you know, if I've got penis, if

4:51

I've got vagina, I say vagina or blah

4:53

blah blah. I just like to keep it some of the terms

4:55

that we all understand and add a ton

4:57

of slang. So for the majority of this

5:00

episode, I will be referring to the

5:02

act as oral sex

5:04

or oral sex on a penis I don't know. I

5:06

might be seeing some blow jobs in the air. It's a lot

5:08

easier, but just something that I

5:10

chose a long time ago when I started this just

5:12

to kind of keep it with the official terms.

5:15

As I'm speaking about a sexual acts. Also,

5:18

this show is dedicated to all things oral

5:20

when it comes to penises. Because

5:23

we all have so many questions about this topic.

5:25

But remember, vulva's love

5:27

oral sex too. In fact, I'm

5:30

gonna do a show just for vulva's so

5:32

don't worry about that. But in the meantime,

5:35

please check out any of my previous

5:37

podcasts. I had podcast called

5:39

everyone loves oral that has a lot of

5:41

vulva, oral sex in it, or

5:43

my articles on my website, six

5:46

oral sex tips for going down on a vulva and

5:48

mind blowing sex in under five minutes,

5:50

the given method. This is also gonna

5:52

be in the show notes, so don't worry about it. And please

5:54

remember oral sex should be reciprocal.

5:58

If you are giving, you should also be

6:00

receiving. Sometimes, there's only room for

6:02

one person to have oral sex. You don't have

6:04

a lot of time. You know, I understand

6:06

that. But overall, it should be

6:08

equal. Like, you got a roll

6:10

section Tuesday, you know, someone

6:12

performs and you should give it to your partner the next

6:15

day. You get what I'm saying here. Right? Feels

6:17

good for all of us. So

6:19

everyone has to start somewhere. Am I

6:21

right? And if you've never given oral

6:23

sex to a penis before, don't

6:26

worry. I have everything you're

6:28

gonna need to know to

6:30

really go at it like

6:32

a pro. Let's just run

6:34

through an anatomy course real quickly because I

6:36

think it's important. Every penisotor

6:39

is different, but let's just cover some general

6:41

anatomy and arrived in zones for penis

6:43

owners. Alright. The penis consists

6:45

of the shaft, the glands penis, and the

6:48

frenulum. The glands of

6:50

the tip of the penis is the head of the penis. Has

6:52

the most nerve endings. And typically, that

6:55

can be the most sensitive spot. Now

6:57

some penis owners, if they have a four

6:59

skin, They like having it

7:01

pulled down to the base of the penis before

7:03

stimulation of the shaft and the tip.

7:06

You can also stimulate the frenulum a

7:08

friendula. just thinking about like your new best

7:10

friend. That's the skin between the tip

7:12

of the penis and the shaft. And you

7:15

give circle it or you can, you know, use

7:17

your thumb and pinch it. The scrotum,

7:19

the testicles. So the scrotum, which

7:21

is the skin surrounding the testicles, is

7:24

a pleasure point that stimulates the testicles

7:27

simultaneously. You can try

7:29

pulling on the scrotum, experiment with rubbing

7:31

and gently scratching the taut skin,

7:33

especially over the testicles. Or you give

7:35

them just start with holding them in your hand and seeing

7:37

how your partner reacts. Not everyone's

7:39

gonna like their balls play with. They just won't.

7:42

The prostate gland is also known as the

7:44

p spot. Now the prostate gland is an

7:46

internal organ located between

7:49

the penis and the bladder. And you

7:51

can stimulate the prostate gland from inside

7:53

the rectum. So we will find

7:56

it easy to locate the prostate with lube

7:58

and a glove finger. But you can also

8:00

use a sex toy like a dildo or a butt plug

8:02

or a prostate massager. I'm

8:04

just gonna say here, doesn't make you

8:06

gay, doesn't mean anything's weird

8:09

if you want to try it, this means that you have penis

8:11

and you also have a prostate and that

8:13

can feel incredible when stimulated

8:16

correctly. Okay. The perineum also

8:18

known as the tank. It's located

8:20

between the base of the penis and the anus.

8:23

That skin area in between

8:26

It hardens when the penis is erect.

8:28

And you can try massaging the perineum

8:30

with your fingers or place your palm

8:33

over the perineum and just hold it there.

8:35

And you could also use a vibrator over the hand

8:37

when it's resting over the perineum.

8:40

But this area again because it's indirectly

8:42

stimulating your prostate, and

8:44

there's just so many nerve ratings around there that could

8:46

feel really good as well. Now the four

8:48

skin. Now that everyone has a four skin, but it is

8:51

that retractable roll of skin covering

8:53

the end of the penis. Now, this

8:55

is only present for penis owners who

8:57

are uncircumcised, and I will

8:59

will will be giving tips and how giving

9:01

oral sex a little bit different for uncircumcised

9:04

penises later in this

9:06

episode. So now we're going over

9:08

the anatomy of the penis Here's some other things

9:10

to know before you blow. When it comes to

9:12

oral and really any kind of sex, it's

9:14

just hot to go slow. I think a

9:16

lot of us rush to sex. We start

9:18

making out and then we go, right

9:20

for the genitals or right for penetration, but just

9:22

like everything goes slow. So don't

9:24

go by it for the penis. Start with kissing

9:27

and massaging their entire body.

9:29

Their chest, their inner thighs,

9:32

teasing their outer thighs, and

9:34

really build up the anticipation by

9:36

teasing and by touching. And

9:39

don't be afraid to use your hands. In fact, I encourage

9:42

it. Your hands are a huge part of

9:44

a blowjob. Sucking on the tip

9:46

of penis by using your hands to stroke

9:48

the shaft is a great ways to

9:50

make the entire penis without having a fully

9:52

deep throat, which I think is overrated.

9:54

Plus, it works well to give your mouth a break in

9:56

between. I also wanna say wetter

9:59

is better. There is nothing worse than

10:01

a dry hand or a dry Blowjob, and

10:04

I love lube. You can get a bottle

10:06

flavored lube, which is delicious. We

10:08

recommend bunch on our website because

10:10

one of it is like mint chocolate chip

10:12

and you're like, okay, this tastes good. I can give a mint

10:14

chocolate chip a good job. So once

10:16

you start giving oral sex, pay

10:19

attention to your partner's reaction. Is

10:21

their breath changing? Are they moaning?

10:24

These are things that you can tell right away that are

10:26

his eyes rolling back in his head. Use

10:29

these reactions as clues.

10:32

For what is working and know

10:34

that you can also ask him, like, does this feel

10:36

good? Is there anything I can adjust?

10:39

What do you need? So once you find a few

10:41

things that work for both of you, just

10:43

move between them and chain up the sensations

10:46

to keep it exciting. There's

10:48

also a great article by website titled How

10:50

to Get A Better Blowjob, which walks you through

10:52

this process step by

10:54

step. I'm

10:57

gonna give some more tips to really elevate your

10:59

oral game, but remember, when my top tips

11:01

for giving great oral sex is enthusiasm. So

11:04

make some noise and enjoy the act, and

11:06

you're all gonna have a good time. So

11:08

let's talk about elevating it. Now I'll just explain

11:10

some of the the basics. Sensation

11:13

play. Oh my god. This is such a fun way to

11:15

experiment during all sex, is

11:17

playing with all the different sensations.

11:20

So in addition to using flavored lube,

11:22

which is really fun to do and tasty,

11:24

try popping like a listerine strip or ice

11:26

cube in your mouth before going down on

11:28

a penis. And this will allow them to

11:30

feel new sensations, making the experience

11:33

even more exciting. You could also go

11:35

from cold to hot like you could

11:37

have an ice cube in your mouth and you could breathe on

11:39

it with your mouth so that's like a hot air

11:42

and then a cool ice cube

11:44

There's also warming lubes and cooling

11:46

lubes. So anything that's gonna deal with sensation

11:49

and gonna stimulate different nerve endings is

11:51

a good time. Alright. Go for the

11:53

ball. See if your partner likes her knot by starting

11:55

with a very light touch. And then,

11:58

you can hold their testicles in one hand

12:00

while you stimulate their penis with your mouth,

12:03

gently massaging the balls in your

12:05

hands. And then you could also try

12:07

to swirl your tongue around their testicles and

12:09

then you can take and go in circles around each

12:12

one or figure eights around both,

12:14

and then you can gently suck them

12:16

if your partner's not too sensitive and you can like

12:18

tuck one into your mouth. Do

12:20

you notice theme here? There is theme,

12:22

and that theme is gentle. Be

12:24

gentle. Okay? Next,

12:27

apply pleasure to the perineum. So

12:29

while stimulating your partner's penis with your

12:31

mouth and maybe a hand, use your

12:33

other hand to apply gentle

12:35

pressure to their perineum. Now this

12:37

is the area between the base of the scrotum

12:40

or the balls and their anus. And

12:42

this area is packed with nerve

12:45

endings. So they can feel really good when

12:47

gently stroked or pressed

12:49

or tapped with a finger or two. You can like

12:51

tap it, press it, you can just hold it,

12:53

I think it's gonna be pleasurable for your partner

12:55

if you've never tried it. But remember, they

12:58

show you what they like. They're gonna show

13:00

you they're gonna moan. They're gonna making noise,

13:02

you can tell. So you wanna be connecting. You wanna

13:04

be doing the noticing. Make sure you keep noticing

13:07

what feels good to them. Alright. Stimulate

13:09

the funulum. Okay. So think

13:12

about it. If you were a vulva owner, just

13:14

lick and stimulate the frenulum as if it was

13:16

your clearest. You can go up and down

13:18

side to side, You know, the given

13:20

method works here too. This is a method

13:22

for going down in a vol vol, which you're gonna have to check

13:24

out on the website, which is a great article.

13:27

But like, play with different speeds,

13:29

It can be gentle, slow licks, to quicker

13:31

movements. You know, there's just different ways you can

13:33

play with it. But again, yes, the finume

13:35

was the most sensitive part of the penis. It's actually where

13:38

the fore skin was removed. So if you don't

13:40

have four skin, you have a frenulum and

13:42

that's why it's so sensitive because it still has

13:44

erectile tissue there that has so

13:47

many nerve endings in it. But you know, I was

13:49

the partner once who Franklin wasn't that sensitive.

13:51

He's like, no, doesn't really do it for me. So

13:53

I'm telling you all, it is a I'm giving

13:55

you the general overview and I want

13:57

you to pick and choose what works here and try it

14:00

on the penis of your life and see how it goes, but

14:02

just because one penis like something mean all

14:04

the pingses are gonna like something. Toys,

14:06

that's another way to elevate your sensation play.

14:09

If your penis owning partner has never

14:11

used toys, during penis play.

14:13

Oh my god. You're gonna rock their

14:15

world. You could use a vibrating hot

14:18

ring and move it along the shaft that

14:20

can feel great. You can hold a vibrator

14:23

to their frenulum or their perineum

14:26

as you stimulate them with your mouth elsewhere.

14:29

So think about all these sensations. You've

14:31

got like a vibrator on the perineum.

14:33

You could you could just have using your

14:35

hand. And then you can just take one of

14:37

your vibrators even and just rub it

14:39

up down their shaft, tease around the

14:41

tip, play with their frenulum. Then

14:44

they have to be a special penis toy. It's just the

14:46

act of vibrations. That's why I always

14:48

think vibrators are for everybody no matter

14:50

what's your body part I mean, vibrations

14:53

are gonna feel good. So play

14:55

with it with oral. You can even blindfold your

14:57

partner so they don't know what's coming next.

14:59

That's really fun. Okay. Deep

15:03

throating. Remember, you

15:05

do not have to deep throat if you don't want

15:07

to. But, hey, If

15:09

you're looking to simply relax your throat

15:11

during the act and only go as

15:13

far back as you can, that's great.

15:16

I think that deep throating is a little bit

15:18

overrated. In my opinion, I think

15:20

that it's a lot of what we see in porn,

15:22

like, Like, there's this person gagging on your

15:25

penis and that's really hot. don't wanna hear maybe not

15:27

hear from a bunch of little, and that's so true. It's the hardest

15:29

thing in the world. But I just don't like all these

15:31

people giving oral sex and penis feeling

15:34

that have to go deep throat, choke, and throw up in

15:36

the penis. I just think there's so many other

15:38

fun things to be doing in the bedroom. Or

15:40

wherever you're giving Blowjob and that's

15:43

just not one of them. Now, listen. If

15:45

you are looking to lessen

15:47

your gag reflex because that happens.

15:49

Just try taking a toothbrush to the back of

15:51

your throat and, like, scrubbing your tongue

15:53

for a few seconds. Kinda like working out. You just

15:55

hold it back there in the back of your tongue. And

15:58

then you just, like, bites the potty about to get.

16:00

If you do that for, like, a minute every day

16:02

and you keep moving the toothbrush a little further back

16:04

and a little further back, Your ability

16:07

to hold this position without gagging is definitely

16:09

gonna get better over time. Let's

16:12

read an email. This is from

16:14

Francis twenty five in

16:16

Wisconsin. Hey, doctor Emily.

16:19

So I'm very inexperienced when it comes to

16:21

sex and my boyfriend who's

16:23

very incredible understanding is really wanting

16:25

to do more with me, including me

16:28

giving him a blow job. He does go

16:30

down to me and I really want to return the favor

16:32

and pleasure him, but I have no idea

16:34

what I'm doing. Help. I

16:37

get a lot of different variations of these questions

16:39

for people who feel that they've never done

16:41

it before. So obviously, you'd be wondering how

16:43

to do it or maybe you just feel insecure because

16:45

you feel like your partner has been with people

16:47

who have lot more experience. And let

16:49

me just say this. There is a first

16:51

time for everything. And

16:55

what I love about this email, Francis,

16:57

is that you're with a trusted partner. Who

16:59

cares about your pleasure. He's already

17:01

giving to you and I think that is really

17:03

important. I'll say it again, I say

17:05

this probably in every show and I don't mind

17:08

saying it. And I hope you hear it. Be

17:10

with a trusted partner. It

17:12

makes a huge difference when it comes to

17:14

having great oral sex or really any kind

17:16

of sex. It's hard on a random

17:19

it's hard to have great sex with a random

17:21

person. It really is. I mean,

17:23

like, They don't know your genitals. You don't know

17:25

why they're really doing it. You don't know if you trust

17:27

them. It's a whole thing. But you or friends are coming

17:29

from a good place to the partner who understands that

17:31

you haven't done it before. And I have

17:33

to say the most important part about oral sex,

17:36

about giving oral sex is

17:38

enthusiasm. Show your partner

17:41

that you're into it, that you're truly into

17:43

it to being there with some mowns,

17:45

some noises, even smiles in

17:47

between licking, make eye contact. You

17:49

know? And I know it can be hard in this

17:52

really webhard to be enthusiastic about

17:54

something you haven't explored before.

17:56

But remember, sexist is to be fun.

17:59

And just remember this also.

18:01

The penis, if you have some

18:03

just like I don't know about penis or I have some

18:05

fear on the penis, it's attached to this

18:07

person that you really like. So

18:09

instead of treating your partner as some detached

18:12

foreign object that you need to

18:14

perform on, It just as much of

18:17

your partner say, like, their armies. So

18:19

your ultimate goal is to

18:21

give your partner the gift of pleasure.

18:24

Just as you would kissing them on

18:26

their lips. So when you're licking, like,

18:28

think of it like it's the most delicious ice

18:31

cream cone you've ever had and you just don't

18:33

want to a drop of it to

18:35

fall on the ground. And you can

18:37

keep your tongue moving in a nice slow

18:39

and steady pace. You

18:42

can also play with applying pressure through

18:44

suction and pull your lips over

18:46

your teeth so you don't actually scrape its

18:48

penis, but You could also like play with

18:50

the suction in that, like your lips are kind

18:52

of pursed, and you can just be

18:54

like sucking while licking. But this is again,

18:57

this is something that you're gonna experiment with and you're

18:59

gonna get used to it once you start doing it more.

19:01

You don't have to remember all of these, but maybe

19:03

just a few as you're gone. You can

19:05

even go back and listen to this episode a

19:07

few times because I'm giving you a lot of tips here.

19:10

Alright then, Francis, you got

19:12

this. Thanks to your question. I know it's gonna help

19:14

so many people. This is from

19:16

Lauren, and she writes, hey, doc

19:19

Donnelly, I feel crazy doing this, but I know

19:21

you'll probably make me feel much better and more confident.

19:23

I have a weird situation. When

19:25

I was eighteen, I had to get double jaw

19:27

surgery. My jaw was literally

19:30

wired shut for about a month. I was still

19:32

virgin the time and only I'd give

19:34

it had once. After my surgery,

19:36

I had a lot of healing issues with my jaw.

19:39

It's painful, and I have good days of bad days. My

19:41

biggest issue that affects my sex life,

19:43

it says I just can't help my mouth, why not to get

19:45

there on a guy's penis? It's so embarrassing.

19:48

And sometimes it's fine because the guy's penis

19:50

won't be that big, but recently I started dating

19:52

someone and we've been having sex for the past few

19:54

weeks and I've yet to give him a head because I'm so freaking

19:56

care that I'm gonna hurt him he's gonna go off until his

19:58

friends, they just don't wanna be with me. He's bigger

20:01

than my ex, though. And

20:03

I'm all forgiving head, but how do I have

20:05

this conversation when someone knew without scaring

20:07

them away. It sounds that I can't give hat.

20:09

I just felt I'd be able to get the majority of his penis

20:11

in my mouth. There's a lot of pressure

20:13

on girls to give good head and deep throat and it kills

20:16

my confidence because I'm really very

20:18

sexual and I wanna make my partner feel good.

20:20

I know if he doesn't understand my issue, he's

20:22

not the guy I should be with, but if that's

20:24

the case, I will have to have conversation with

20:26

yet another person at some point, and don't know

20:28

how to bring it up. Thanks for reading this. I'm

20:30

desperate at this point and I want to be able

20:32

to be my fun, sexual self.

20:35

Well, Lauren, thank you for your email. Thanks for listening

20:37

to this show. I feel like you get what I

20:39

was gonna say is, like, if someone rejects you for

20:41

something you want, sexually, they're not your guy. But

20:43

I also understand that you

20:45

wanted people to have this conversation

20:48

as you should be able to have this conversation.

20:50

First, you're going to take the pressure off yourself.

20:52

You're being really hard at yourself, but I understand

20:54

it's really nerve racking. And so You

20:57

know, I get it. There is a lot of pressure and

20:59

all those things, but you're gonna do great.

21:01

You're very sexual. You're gonna find ways to make

21:03

this work with the right partner. I promise

21:05

you. So as far as having a conversation with

21:07

him, I think you have the conversation like

21:09

I always say outside the bedroom, maybe

21:12

when you guys are talking about whatever. Something

21:14

it's been. Say, there's something I want to talk to

21:16

you about. And so when I was younger, I

21:18

had this surgery, I had my mouth,

21:20

like, literally wired shut. I've

21:22

learned how to give really great blow jobs,

21:25

but with my mouth doesn't always go all the way

21:27

around the penis, and I've got to get

21:29

creative with things. And then if it's during

21:31

oral sex and or it's when

21:33

I'm eating a hotdog or when I'm

21:36

eating a hamburger, you know, you could just kind of

21:38

make a joke out of, like, maybe you guys are at a meal

21:40

and you try to bite something it's a little bit too big.

21:42

You say, oh, by the way, I

21:44

sometimes have a hard time putting things in my mouth,

21:46

but don't worry. Like, I really wanna please you

21:48

or something like that. Like, make a joke out of it

21:51

so he knows. So I don't know how comfortable

21:53

we are with this guy, but I thank you guys, most people

21:55

are not gonna freak out when you are honest and

21:57

vulnerable and real. Most people are gonna

22:00

be like, oh, okay. Tell me

22:02

more because you guys They

22:04

don't know. Like, he doesn't know what that means. I don't

22:06

think he's gonna be like, oh, god. can't get blood. I think

22:08

he's gonna be like, this is interesting. I care

22:10

about this person. Or, you know, thanks

22:12

for sharing. I'm telling

22:14

you a Blowjob has a lot

22:16

to do with hands, so I just want say

22:18

that, not your teeth, but

22:20

your hands. It's all about applying enough

22:23

pressure, playing with the tip. You

22:25

could do the two handed moves where you go up

22:27

and over. Swirl your

22:29

tongue around his corona, you know, the

22:31

tip, you know, that's where the ridge, the head

22:33

meets the shaft and has so many nerve endings.

22:36

You can, like, gently suck the tip of

22:38

his shaft. You can work

22:40

up to licking along the length of it. Lick

22:42

is testicles. While massaging a

22:44

shout with your hands. You could also

22:47

use something that's great a helper

22:49

for Blowjob too. Go to our

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22:55

helpers that you could use over a penis.

22:58

You could also stack your hands in

23:00

top of each other and form like a tube and

23:02

then put your mouth at the top of the tube. So

23:04

your mouth is at the top of the penis and then

23:06

just you move your hands and up and

23:08

down the penis for stimulation along the whole

23:10

shaft without having to put it all

23:13

in your mouth. And you're gonna find that so

23:15

many more people are open to hearing your real

23:17

stories and your vulnerabilities and they're not,

23:19

but we're so afraid of being rejected

23:21

that we hold all of these

23:23

things in these, you know, we're only as sick as

23:25

our secrets. And a lot of us hold

23:27

so much in and it doesn't

23:30

allow us really flourish and be our real

23:32

selves with anybody. So you're

23:34

okay. You're gonna be fine.

23:37

Next email is Adrian thirty

23:39

seven in South Carolina. Hey, doc

23:41

Donnelly. I love your podcast.

23:43

I'm so happy I found it. I have a question for

23:45

you, which is not as much an issue. As

23:47

he is just needing advice. First, let me

23:50

say, I love going down in guys.

23:52

It's one of my favorite things to do in the bedroom. No

23:54

problems all in my past. I'm told him very good.

23:57

It turns beyond so much, and honestly,

23:59

I usually swallow. It's just easy

24:01

to clean up that way. Well, I've been dating my

24:03

boyfriend for over two years now and I love

24:05

giving him a head. The only thing is

24:07

he comes for long periods of time

24:09

and there's always a lot. I

24:11

love that about him and he's never

24:13

said it bothers him but it's too

24:16

much to swallow. And I kinda

24:18

feel bad because of them that end up gagging on

24:20

it even if I'm not swallowing.

24:22

And it feels messier. But I just wish I

24:24

wasn't struggling with it and gagging and spitting it

24:26

up because it's too much. I don't even try

24:28

to swallow it all because I know I can't. As

24:31

everything do with the taste. Now listen, he's

24:33

never asked me to swallow. He's just

24:35

really happy to get a Blowjob and he loves it either

24:37

way. I just wanna know if there's more options not

24:39

to gag so much. Okay. Listen. I

24:41

think you're already doing it. Listen.

24:43

Sometimes you can swallow little bit and

24:45

not the rest. You can just swallow and let

24:47

the rest come out. You could let some come out

24:50

and then swallow little bit. There are

24:52

no rules here whatsoever. And

24:54

I think that you're doing all the right things. I mean,

24:57

If you're gagging on too much ejaculate that

24:59

I just saved, then don't take it all in.

25:01

You could also go a little bit deeper if you'd like

25:03

and have your partners ejaculate in the back of your

25:05

throat but it sounds like there's a lot coming

25:07

out and I'm gonna guess you've already tried that

25:09

before. Now it also helps to have

25:11

a glass of water by the bed, some juice, some

25:14

mouthwash, so you can rinse your mouth after

25:16

and that can help with the swallowing

25:19

process. But you sound like a

25:22

really enthusiastic part, Adrianne, and you're

25:24

partners very lucky to have you. You know,

25:26

all I can say is you can make it a little bit easier, but

25:28

you also shouldn't put the pressure on you. It's still

25:30

a great Blowjob. It's still okay. To not

25:32

swallow. In fact, I've asked partners

25:34

this before because that was like you, Adrianne, I just

25:36

always felt, I thought you had to swallow. I didn't even

25:38

know you had an option not to swallow when I was younger.

25:40

I was like, I'm gonna be the eight. Blowjob student,

25:42

I'm gonna swallow. But it turns out

25:45

again, I've been with some partners who like,

25:47

don't care so much if you swallow, or

25:49

I haven't had your partner recently. Do you want

25:51

me to swallow? Like, would you rather have me just

25:53

swallow, like, background noise coming out? Or

25:55

do you wanna, like, see it? Do you want to

25:57

go other places? And he's like, I like

25:59

to mix it up. So just like he likes to

26:01

mix it up. I'm gonna assume that your partner likes to

26:03

mix it up and there's no rules here.

26:05

Remember Adrian? There are no rules except

26:07

for to be attentive and kind

26:10

and to also take care of yourself. Before

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29:28

This is from mehta twenty

29:30

five in San Francisco. Hey,

29:32

Dr. Emily. I was wondering if you'd any tips

29:34

for pleasuring a man with an uncircumcised penis.

29:37

I'm looking for penetrative and oral

29:39

sex tips. The guy I'm seeing is

29:41

super giving in the bedroom. We've not

29:43

had full penetrative sex just yet.

29:46

However, I'd like to be as giving as he is.

29:48

I'm just really nervous. I'll hurt him or do things

29:50

that are pleasurable for circumcised penis.

29:52

But not for uncircumcised ones. We're

29:54

new at this thing. So I don't quite feel comfortable

29:57

asking what works best for him because I don't want him

29:59

to feel embarrassed by his own circumstances, penis.

30:01

I also don't wanna see like a novice. Please

30:04

help me. Thank you. First,

30:06

let's just talk about the basics of an uncircumcised

30:09

penis. What is that for skin?

30:11

It's a thin piece of skin that covers ahead

30:13

of the penis. So if someone is circumcised,

30:16

the entire flap is surgically removed.

30:18

Leaving the penis head exposed. Now, if

30:20

they're not circumcised, the fore

30:22

skin's gonna grow as they grow.

30:25

And you know, like, most penises

30:27

look like little mushroom heads, like they're

30:29

drawn to resemble these heads. Well, an

30:31

unattractive forestkin covers

30:34

up that head. So the penis looks like a smooth

30:36

shaft. So now you want to be really

30:38

gentle with the fore skin because the fore skin

30:40

is packed with nerve endings. So

30:42

uncircumcised people with penises

30:45

feel more stimulation. The

30:47

only thing is the Forkin takes a little bit of

30:49

care. But in general, your

30:52

uncircumcised partner kind of

30:54

knows what they like and you can kind of follow

30:56

their lead. In fact, it's great to do some mutual

30:58

master abbreviation with partner like this because you can

31:00

see how they actually touch themselves

31:02

if that's something that's been kind of making you

31:04

nervous. So the thing about the four

31:06

skin is you wanna make sure that you always have a lot of

31:08

lube. Feeling the four skin side

31:11

around will give you a handout or a blowjob can be

31:13

really really hot and also makes things a little

31:15

bit smoother. And then also what's inside

31:17

of you, you know, you could get to feel the

31:20

the fore skin kind of going back and forth inside

31:22

of you. And let me tell you this, a circumcised

31:24

man has about ten to twenty thousand

31:26

less shirt ratings than uncircumcised man

31:28

in the head of his penis. There's really

31:31

not that much different that you have to do here.

31:33

If you're doing a blowjob to somebody with an uncircumcised

31:36

penis. It's

31:38

gonna feel good. There are so many nervetings.

31:40

There's a lot more sensations. You don't have to do

31:43

as much like vacuum sucking

31:45

or licking around. It's going to feel

31:47

good. You kind of use that fore

31:49

skin as going to be your friend. It's going

31:51

to be helping you make things feel that much

31:53

better. And once you start doing it,

31:55

you're gonna know what I mean, but trust

31:57

me and again always pay attention to your partner

32:00

and his reactions and you can always ask

32:02

him for some tips ask him how he

32:04

likes to hold it and touch it and all

32:06

that. But you're gonna be great. And I appreciate

32:08

this question because it comes up and I think it's important

32:10

that we all know. Nothing to be shameful about.

32:12

I don't want anyone like, you know, nothing to be

32:14

worried about. It's just another penis

32:16

in front of you for the first time with

32:19

some extra skin on it. A little bit of

32:21

fun skin with a lot nerve endings. This

32:23

is from Avery twenty in Boston,

32:26

Massachusetts. Hey, doctor Emily and crew.

32:28

First off, when I started listening to your show a

32:30

meager three months ago, I was still doing deep

32:32

work to overcome so much sexual

32:34

shame. On Sunday, I made my sexual

32:37

debut and I'm feeling really good about it.

32:39

I have a few questions. I'm gay.

32:42

Should I be using a condom for oral?

32:44

I feel that might be a major turn off and also

32:46

not common practice, but I know that SDIs

32:48

give you pass through oral sex. On the same

32:50

line, I would so surprised I didn't like

32:53

sucking a penis the first time. I

32:55

kind of expected it to taste like something,

32:57

but was so bland Any advice

32:59

in getting more into that? Finally, I

33:01

get bored easily. If we've been kissing for

33:03

ten minutes, I get bored of that. If we're doing oral,

33:05

I get bored of that. I feel like it's partly that

33:08

my partners haven't been the most creative, but is it normal

33:10

to get bored after while? You're the best. Thank

33:12

you, Dr. Emily. Alright. Well, Avery,

33:14

congratulations than your sexual debut.

33:16

This is so exciting. These

33:19

are all great questions. Let's just tackle

33:21

them one by one. Do you need condoms

33:23

for oral sex? Listen. Oral

33:26

sex is less risky than penetrative sex,

33:28

but you can get an SDI and

33:30

it can be transmitted through oral sex.

33:33

So I'm gonna recommend that you do use

33:35

condoms or dental dams during

33:37

sex. I know it's awkward. I know

33:39

it's not to be comfortable, but If you're worried

33:41

about an SDI, it is the safest way

33:43

to go. So some options for protection.

33:46

You can use condoms. Flavor condoms

33:48

are great. Hey, flavored condoms might help you

33:51

enjoy sex even more. I really like

33:53

skin condoms because they are

33:55

thin condoms they're durable,

33:57

but they're thin so that you a lot more sensations.

34:00

And listen, I know that you feel weird about the common

34:02

thing, so you can literally say something like I

34:05

feel so much more comfortable using condoms

34:07

during earl, which means I'm so much better

34:09

at it, which means I give you much more into it.

34:11

Like, trust me. You'll love it.

34:14

You can also make eye contact and give

34:16

them a look like I can't wait to get this

34:18

on you. Rather than like sheepishly

34:20

pulling out a khanom and, like, I know, it's

34:22

weird, it's awkward, that's just not hot.

34:24

But if you just pull it out and you just do it and

34:27

you look at them as you're rolling it down their penis,

34:29

deliver it in a confident way. In

34:31

a sexy way, they'll be into it.

34:33

If you're bored, I think

34:36

that, you know, you gotta be patient with yourself

34:38

what was your first time. But I also think that

34:40

there's some kind of connection. It's important

34:42

to be connected to your partner because I think when you

34:44

have a connection with them, you're not just checking

34:46

off the list and giving Blowjob. You're

34:48

gonna be much more present and

34:50

much more mindful and much more

34:53

connected. I think that you're really in your

34:55

head and you're noticing, like, where am I going or

34:57

why am I board to the oral and board, you know,

34:59

these are things you've never done before. So I

35:01

would just think that maybe there's a party that's a little

35:03

nervous, maybe you saw some shame

35:05

around it, So just, you know, some

35:07

mindfulness works and breathing will

35:09

and help you and know that you're just learning

35:11

a new skill. And when you're with someone that you

35:14

really care about, and you feel connected with

35:16

it that you trust, I think you're gonna find

35:18

yourself way more into it. Okay?

35:20

Good luck on your journey here. Thanks for your question,

35:22

Avery. Okay. So now we've talked a

35:24

lot about tips and tricks to overcome

35:27

some concerns and how to enhance

35:29

your overall game. But I got to be honest, a

35:31

lot of penis and vulva owners alike have a

35:33

hard time receiving oral sex.

35:36

Someone heal for the pressure to orgasm from

35:38

oral sex. And to be able to

35:40

orgasm right away. And then we get stuck in

35:42

our heads because we can't orgasm. And it becomes the

35:44

whole thing. And I know how it is. You're,

35:46

like, blind, they're watching the clock you're thinking

35:48

about is it really taking this long

35:51

or you're thinking about what you're gonna have for dinner

35:53

instead of like sitting back and

35:55

letting go and and surrendering

35:57

and focusing on your pleasure. So let's

35:59

get in and how to receive like a pro.

36:01

Alright? This is from Ryan

36:04

thirty in Yukon. Hey there,

36:06

Dr. Emily. I've recently been referred

36:08

to your podcast by a good friend and

36:10

I cannot get enough. So I'd like to start

36:12

with the fact that I'm so very grateful. Thank

36:14

you. Now into it. I've

36:16

always had a hard time staying hard while

36:18

receiving oral. I love receiving

36:21

and giving. But I find myself

36:23

much harder while giving. I

36:25

am consistently trying to learn and

36:27

develop as a lover and my current partner

36:30

really enjoys giving oral. I

36:32

love it when she goes down to me. Such

36:34

a turn on to see how she enjoys it.

36:36

However, like mentioned before, I'm unable

36:38

to say hard most time while receiving,

36:40

our current workaround is a sixty nine,

36:43

which is kind of win win. However,

36:45

I want to be able to stay hard for her without

36:47

needing her vulva in my face to do so.

36:49

In my sexual past, I've climaxed

36:52

no more than ten times from oral,

36:54

and most of those were in a higher risk of

36:56

being caught situations. So I'm

36:58

wondering if you have any tips or tricks on helping

37:01

me stay hard. I've also

37:03

been visualizing and daydreaming about

37:05

it while gently touching myself. Envisioning

37:07

me being hard and coming to orgasm yet,

37:10

when we act, I still lose it.

37:12

Thanks a ton. Your show in the space you

37:14

create for freedom of sexual expression is a

37:16

breath of fresh air. Thank you so much,

37:18

Ryan, for your question. I appreciate you so

37:20

much. You really like

37:22

receiving and there's some kind of thing that's

37:25

happening in your mind. That it's hard for

37:27

you to receive. Maybe in your

37:29

life, you've always had to be the

37:31

giver. You've always had to take care of things.

37:33

You are super attentive person. It doesn't feel

37:36

good to have all the attention on you. I think

37:38

that for lot of penis owners, they

37:40

were raised in environments where they have

37:42

to be in charge. They

37:44

have to know everything that's going on.

37:46

And when it comes to sex, well,

37:48

they know the way around a woman's body. They have

37:50

to know how to please somebody. And they have to

37:52

finish at the right time. They have to stay

37:55

hard the whole time. They have to always be raring

37:57

and ready to go for sex. Do you realize

37:59

how much pressure there is in the Society

38:02

of Peanuts owners to be just rare to go

38:04

at all times and to hard. So

38:06

I think that there might be some of that that I'm hearing

38:08

here and we have to undo that

38:10

conditioning. It sounds like you're

38:12

with someone that you trust, but for everyone listening,

38:14

it really does help to be with someone

38:17

that you trust and you feel safe with.

38:19

Now is this something that you've talked to her

38:21

about? Just talk to

38:23

her about it and just to say, hey, something just

38:25

happens. Might make you feel a lot

38:27

better or might make you take

38:29

the pressure off yourself because you

38:32

feel like, oh, she knows about this. So it's no

38:34

longer this like, I gotta stay hard. Because

38:36

I'm telling you, if you're worried at all

38:38

about what your partner thinks, she's probably

38:40

not thinking about it. She's just happy to give you

38:42

oral and make you feel good. So We

38:45

got to rewire some programming in your brain,

38:47

and I'm telling you, breathing, breath

38:50

work. breathing is one of

38:52

the most important things you can do during In

38:54

fact, I know someone in a very similar situation

38:57

to you, some of it I was actually with,

38:59

and he realized that he held his

39:01

breath the whole time during sex

39:03

during when he was receiving all of it.

39:06

And when you, like, really truly learn

39:08

to breathe, deep into your pelvic

39:10

floor. It calms down your nervous

39:12

system and it allows you to truly,

39:15

like, lie back and relax. You know how you

39:17

doing this visualizing of you being hard,

39:19

I would visualize you breathing, deep

39:22

breathing. There's a great app called

39:25

breath. And it's a free app in the App

39:27

Store and I download it and I just do three minutes

39:29

of breathing every day. So it's a great way

39:31

to practice just They know a lot

39:33

of us are shallower breathers. And so for

39:35

my friend, he was able to

39:38

stay harder and ejaculate

39:40

in ways that he wasn't able to in past because

39:42

you've learned to breathe, because we're not

39:44

breathing oftentimes, we're clenching and

39:46

we're in our heads, worrying that something

39:48

is wrong. I feel like the breath is also

39:50

gonna help with the anxiety because

39:52

you'll probably have some anxiety

39:55

around this. So Do you know

39:57

when it happens? Can you pinpoint, like,

40:00

the moment that you start to lose your erection?

40:02

Because there is the fear of that is what's gonna

40:04

actually make you soft. This is gonna

40:07

take some work on your own. Like, I'd love you to practice

40:09

some mindful masturbation, practicing

40:11

your breath, and The

40:13

key to, like, understanding your own body,

40:16

like, during solo exploration, and then you

40:18

can communicate your needs to your partner

40:20

because you're responsible for your own

40:22

orgasms. So remember,

40:25

all I'm hearing here is a little bit of performance

40:27

anxiety, and we all have it no matter

40:29

what our body part. So I definitely want

40:31

you to talk about it with your partner. You don't

40:33

have to play it cool. I believe that

40:35

emotional intimacy is really, really

40:37

sexy. If you practice some mindful

40:39

masturbation while visualizing, receiving

40:42

oral sex and breathing and

40:44

sharing this with your partner, I think you're gonna

40:46

find in no time, you're gonna be able to

40:48

have the kind oral sex and receive the kind

40:50

of oral sex you deserve. This

40:52

is from Tom fifty one in Alabama. Hey,

40:55

Dr. Emily, how could I relax and get

40:57

over my anxiety about Felicia? I've

40:59

had some negative experiences with oral

41:01

on me. I'm larger than the average guy, and

41:03

the past teeth and penis do not make good

41:05

bedfellows. Now I'm in a relationship with

41:08

an insatiable woman, a dream parter

41:10

who wants to please be orally. And although

41:12

she's amazing, I am struggling to remain

41:14

a rep and enjoy it. We're talking

41:16

about it and she's patient understanding and I

41:18

feel like I'm letting her down. By the way,

41:21

I have no issues with getting, maintaining

41:23

an erection, even climaxing multiple

41:25

times in session, but oral will explain

41:28

nemesis. I love giving oral

41:30

kids camp out and live there twenty four seven.

41:32

It's just her going down to me. Do

41:34

you have any tips? Thanks. Enjoy

41:37

your show and appreciate all you do.

41:39

Alright. Well, we've already talked about

41:41

some anxieties while receiving oral sex,

41:44

but this is an important opportunity just to

41:46

talk about the importance of honest communication

41:48

during oral sex. What if you let

41:51

her know that I really

41:53

want to learn to receive? Here are some things that

41:55

happened to me in the past. Would you be willing

41:57

to work with me on this and figure out what feels

41:59

good and what doesn't? Because I'm really not sure.

42:01

And I believe that if you're with a partner,

42:03

that is interested in you and your

42:05

pleasure. She's gonna be down.

42:08

And she's gonna be like, let's make

42:10

this right. She just wanna be wasting her time. And

42:12

just like vulva owners, We get caught up

42:14

in performative sex, pretending

42:16

we like something we don't. Doing something that

42:18

feels good to our partner, but not good to ourselves.

42:20

Peanuts owners also get performing a pleasure,

42:22

performative receiving. So just

42:25

moan when it feels good. Give your

42:27

partner honest feedback. This goes out to everybody.

42:29

Please be honest with your partners. It's

42:31

okay to stop in the middle and say, oh, you know what?

42:34

Can we take a breath for a minute? God, I

42:36

really liked what you were doing up earlier when

42:38

you were throwing your tongue around. That

42:40

felt really good. And I think we should just

42:42

hold off on the hands for a minute. I mean,

42:44

wouldn't you wanna know? Like, if you're getting

42:46

a massage or something, let's say you've got a massage.

42:48

Or somebody's doing something to you, to your body.

42:50

You know, it doesn't feel right or you want to adjust them.

42:52

You want to tell them, sex is the same

42:55

thing and I promise you all it gets easier

42:57

over time. You're gonna give feedback about

42:59

a meal you're eating, you're gonna give feedback about maybe

43:01

a work you're doing, a movie you're watching, why

43:03

can't we all just give some honest feedback

43:06

about sex? Can I all start today?

43:08

I think we should. Jessica

43:10

twenty eight in Canada. Hi,

43:12

Jack Family. I love your show. I learned

43:15

so much. So my boyfriend and I used

43:17

to have the best sex. I wouldn't be able

43:19

to stop bragging about it to my friends. Here,

43:21

just to be in new positions and moves along

43:23

with giving me more confidence in the bedroom.

43:26

But recently, I went to go down on

43:28

him, love going down on him. And

43:30

he rejected me. As a woman, it's

43:32

very hard to be rejected. This has happened

43:34

every time since he won't. Let me go

43:36

down him. So I asked him one day

43:38

out of the bedroom, TTTT, which means

43:41

timing, tone, and turf, why don't you

43:43

like it? Did I do something wrong? And we're

43:45

not good enough? He answered by saying no,

43:47

it's out of me thing but more of a hinting and

43:49

didn't go on to explain. I

43:51

find it very odd because the first year

43:53

of our relationship all I did was go down

43:56

him. He craved my Blowjob. He

43:58

winds up talking about how good I am and how

44:00

to give the best blow jobs in his life.

44:02

I hope you can help. Alright. Well, first,

44:04

way to go using TTT timing

44:06

tone turf. I love it. Love it. Love it. This sounds

44:09

like a communication issue. I think you gotta

44:11

talk to me again. And while I love that you did timing,

44:13

tone, and tariff, you gotta remember, tone.

44:16

Tone is light, and it's curious.

44:19

And it's asking questions. So it

44:21

says I like you know babe. I know I

44:23

brought this up last week. I'd like

44:25

to know little bit more about What

44:27

is going on with oral sex? I've noticed

44:29

you aren't as enthusiastic about oral

44:31

as it used to be that's totally

44:34

okay by me truly. But

44:36

I've got a growth mindset around sex, and

44:38

I'd love to understand. So if you can

44:40

give me some insight into the change,

44:42

then maybe we can grow in this area

44:44

together. Maybe he has

44:46

some anxieties around receiving oral sex.

44:49

You can check out some articles we have to

44:51

ask Emily how do I better enjoy oral

44:53

sex And maybe, you know, things

44:55

have become more comfortable for him, but I just

44:57

think that you guys have another conversation with him when you

44:59

listen and you truly have to be okay with whatever

45:02

you hear. But most of the time, this stuff

45:04

is not about us. It's not about something

45:06

we did. It's not about our bodies.

45:08

We always think it's something we did wrong. But usually

45:10

it's about them. So let's find out and let

45:13

me know how it goes. I can't wait to hear

45:15

it. Thank you so much for your email, Jessica. You've

45:17

got this. That's

45:25

it for today's episode. See you on Friday.

45:28

Thanks for listening to the sec with Emily. Be sure

45:30

to like, subscribe, and give us a review

45:32

wherever you listen to the podcast and share

45:34

this with a friend or partner. You

45:36

can find me in YouTube, Instagram, Facebook,

45:38

and Twitter at sex with Emily. Oh,

45:41

I've been told I give really good email. So

45:43

sign up at sex with Emily dot com. And

45:45

while you're there, Check out my free guides

45:47

and articles for more ways to prioritize

45:50

your pleasure. If you'd like to ask

45:52

me about your sex life, dating, or relationships

45:55

call my hotline, 559

45:57

Talk Sex. That's 5598255739A

46:02

go to sex family dot com slash

46:04

ask Emily. Special thanks

46:06

to acast for powering the sex

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