0:02

We all have a G-spot just like we all have

0:04

a nose, but everybody's

0:07

nose is kind of different. But

0:09

the nose is in the same place on the face.

0:12

The G-spot is in the same place in

0:14

every single woman on the planet.

0:18

You're listening to Sex with Emily. I'm

0:20

Dr. Emily, and I'm here to help

0:22

you prioritize your pleasure and liberate

0:24

the conversation around sex. Good

0:27

news!

0:28

Every vulva owner can learn how to

0:30

squirt, but it does take practice.

0:33

And on today's best of show, I've got

0:36

sex educator, author, and female

0:38

ejaculation expert Deborah Sundahl

0:40

here to walk us through it. First, Deborah clarifies

0:43

the connection between squirting and the

0:45

G-spot. And just in case you have any

0:47

doubts about the G-spot's existence, Deborah

0:49

tells you how to find yours in the mirror.

0:52

Next, we clarify what female ejaculate

0:55

is. Hint, not pee.

0:57

And how this fluid builds up in your body. We

1:00

also talk about the difference between

1:01

squirting and orgasm. And

1:03

finally, we take your top questions

1:06

on how to squirt with a partner. Yes,

1:08

there are step-by-step tips.

1:11

Because as I always say, the wetter,

1:13

the better.

1:14

Listen, we have stuff

1:17

ramping up here. I got my book

1:19

coming out, a lot of new listeners. And

1:21

I thought no better way to celebrate that

1:24

than to give you one of my top downloaded episodes

1:26

of all time. Intentions

1:28

with Emily. For each episode, I want to start off by setting an intention

1:31

for the show. And I encourage you to do the

1:33

same. My intention is to demystify

1:36

squirting so you understand the physiology

1:38

behind it. By the end of this episode, I think

1:41

you'll feel excited to practice a new skill

1:43

or refine it if you're already a squirting

1:46

regular. Please rate and review Sex with Emily

1:48

wherever you listen to this show. My new articles,

1:50

your guide to mutual masturbation and

1:53

how to train your vagina are up on sexwithemily.com.

1:56

Check out my YouTube channel, social media,

1:58

and TikTok. They're all at... at Sex With

2:00

Emily for more sex tips and advice.

2:03

If you wanna ask me your questions, leave me

2:05

your questions or message me at sexwithemily.com

2:08

slash askemily. Or call my hotline,

2:10

559-TALK-SEX, or

2:13

559-825-5739. All

2:16

right, before we get to the show, I am going on

2:18

a book tour. I really hope to

2:20

see you there. I've never done anything like this. I

2:23

actually haven't done many live shows

2:25

or performances where I get to meet all of

2:27

you. So the first round of

2:29

events

2:29

are coming up. New York

2:32

on June 13th.

2:33

Come join me at the Strand Bookstore. I

2:36

would love to meet you. Virtually

2:38

on June 15th via Crowdcast.

2:41

So basically I can talk to you anywhere

2:44

in the world. And we're gonna have a

2:46

little intimate chat. Do some Q&As,

2:48

talk about the book. I'll be in person

2:50

in the San Francisco Bay Area on June 17th. If

2:54

you are in a town that you'd love me to come visit

2:56

and do a tour there, let me know, because

2:58

I am available. Especially if you're in Europe

3:00

too. I wanna come to Europe this summer. Maybe I'll

3:03

see you there. Let me know. Feedback at sexwithemily.com.

3:06

You guys, come buy tickets. You really, you just have to buy

3:08

the copy of the book and then show

3:10

up. I just wanna see you. All of you have been supporting

3:13

this show for almost 20 years. I

3:15

wanna meet you in person. So let's do

3:18

this. We also have an article

3:20

live on our website with all this information. So

3:22

check it out. And you can also find it in the show

3:24

notes. Lastly, whenever

3:27

you all ask me about squirting, one of the top

3:29

questions I get asked is, what do I do with the mess?

3:31

First of all, embrace it. Sex

3:34

is messy. Well, good, healthy

3:37

sex, that is. But I get it. You don't wanna

3:39

change the sheets every morning after sex. I've

3:41

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3:48

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3:55

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3:58

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4:15

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4:17

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4:24

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4:46

this episode.

4:47

["The Most Important Thing About

4:49

Me"]

4:53

["The Most Important Thing About Me"]

4:56

Deborah Sundahl is the foremost

4:59

expert and pioneer when it comes to female

5:01

ejaculation and the G-spot. She's

5:04

the author of the seminal book, Female

5:06

Ejaculation and the G-spot. Her 35

5:09

years of groundbreaking contributions to

5:11

this field include a line of videos titled

5:13

the Female Ejaculation Sex Education

5:15

Series, which Deborah produces in-house.

5:18

She lectures and gives workshops in North

5:20

America and Europe and has taught thousands

5:22

of men and women in all genders how

5:25

to integrate the G-spot and female ejaculation

5:28

into their erotic lives. She continues

5:30

to be a spokesperson for female sexuality

5:32

and an advocate for sex education.

5:35

You can find Deborah Sundahl at debrasundahl.com.

5:39

That's D-E-B-O-R-A-H-S-U-N-D-A-H-L.com.

5:46

Welcome Deborah to the show. Thank

5:48

you. Tell me first, Deborah,

5:51

how you got into this work.

5:53

Feminism. I'm a women's

5:56

studies person and

5:58

I left there with my partner.

5:59

We moved to San Francisco

6:02

because we wanted to

6:05

create things around sexuality and there

6:07

was nothing.

6:08

Nothing. Yeah, there wasn't even

6:10

any information on the clitoris then, right?

6:13

No, there wasn't. What

6:15

brought you towards the G-spot

6:18

and female ejaculation? Well, in 1984, we did a magazine

6:20

called On Our Backs, which

6:24

was the first magazine by

6:26

women, for women, about sexuality.

6:29

So that was our answer to Playboy. And

6:32

so every topic imaginable

6:35

on women's sexuality, we covered

6:38

body image, S&M,

6:41

fantasies, how to communicate.

6:44

We covered it all. We had photographers,

6:47

writers, nonfiction.

6:50

We even had to create our own ads.

6:53

And distribution was very minuscule

6:56

because a lot of we fell through the cracks. We

6:59

weren't porn, but

7:01

we were erotic and nobody wanted

7:03

that.

7:04

Well, yeah, I still

7:06

fall through the cracks because now they want porn. But what

7:09

I'm thinking is in the last, so I've been doing this for over 15

7:11

years, and I realize that

7:13

in the last probably 10 is when

7:15

really the questions about female ejaculation or

7:17

squirting have become more prominent, have become more popular.

7:19

And

7:21

I attribute it to the

7:24

fact that you can now get porn on your smartphone

7:26

and it's everyone's pocket.

7:28

Have you seen a change the last 10 years?

7:30

Porn has put

7:32

those topics, all

7:34

kinds of sexual topics into the mainstream.

7:37

So I would attribute it to porn.

7:40

What are the biggest misconceptions around

7:42

female ejaculation? All women

7:45

can ejaculate

7:47

because the G-spot is the female

7:49

prostate. And

7:51

female ejaculation is

7:54

prostatic fluid. And

7:56

all women have a prostate just like

7:58

all men do.

7:59

It's fully functional, just like the male

8:02

prostate. As a feminist,

8:04

we're very used to hearing,

8:06

you know, about diminished women's

8:09

experiences. Well, this is a classic

8:11

case. Let's first start with the G-spot,

8:14

because in reading about your in-person workshops,

8:17

you actually sit with women in a room

8:20

and you introduce them to their G-spot

8:22

and you teach them how to ejaculate.

8:24

And I think that even the fact that you've been doing this

8:26

for 30 years, I

8:28

have to tell you some news that women,

8:30

unless they've taken your workshop or they've done

8:32

their own research, they still don't know how

8:34

to find their G-spot. They still don't

8:36

know. I mean, I'd love to say that it's changed.

8:39

I don't know what the numbers were then, but

8:41

I still think it's really, really confusing.

8:43

I even call it the G area, because I think when you

8:45

say spot, you're like, oh, it's this one

8:47

spot. So how would you describe

8:50

how

8:50

to find the G-spot? G-spot is

8:52

an unfortunate name. It is an unfortunate

8:55

name. Named after the famous book, the

8:57

G-spot by Whipple and Perry, sexologists

9:00

and scientists. The

9:02

G-spot is named after Grafenberg, the

9:05

urologist from the thirties who knew

9:07

about female ejaculation, who knew about

9:09

the female prostate, but his work

9:12

was ostracized. And

9:14

so an academic tradition, Whipple

9:17

and Perry built on his work and

9:19

therefore

9:20

named him on that cover

9:23

of that book. Unfortunately,

9:25

G also stands for Gotta Spot.

9:28

Oh, Gotta Spot is so much better. Yeah,

9:30

totally. I like Gotta Spot. That

9:33

is it. So, well, let's talk about the clitoral orgasm

9:35

versus the G-spot orgasm. How would you

9:37

describe them? Well, first of all, G-spot

9:40

is the female prostate. The female prostate

9:43

surrounds the urethral canal.

9:45

It starts at the outside opening of

9:47

the body. And it's 32 ducts

9:50

and glands are sprinkled along

9:53

the urethral canal about two

9:55

inches. So therefore,

9:58

because the urethral canal The arthral

10:01

canal and the vaginal

10:03

canal share the same

10:05

wall. That means you

10:07

can easily access the

10:10

prostate through the roof

10:12

of the vagina. You can easily

10:14

feel it. It literally hangs

10:16

down through the roof of the

10:18

vagina. It's a prostate.

10:22

It's not the clitoris. The

10:24

clitoris is primarily erectile

10:26

tissue. We have the little nub

10:28

on the outside of the body full of nerves.

10:32

As feminists, healthcare nurses,

10:35

Rebecca Chalker and Susan Gage

10:37

in 1982 redefined the clitoris. They

10:41

said, hey, it's not just a little nub on

10:43

the outside of the body that feels

10:45

so good. It's actually erectile

10:48

tissue that extends four to five

10:50

inches inside the body.

10:53

They thought these women were nuts for 15

10:55

years. Well, now they've seen

10:57

this structure in the cadaver. Right?

11:00

Yes.

11:02

There's little puppets you can buy.

11:04

Wait. Women have made the clitoris. I

11:06

have the vulva puppet. So

11:08

you have the vulva puppet and this is Clitty.

11:11

I like the Clitty puppet. I don't have a clitoris

11:13

puppet. Yeah. But yeah,

11:16

here's her little, you know, and here's her wings

11:18

and her bulb. She has these

11:20

parts, a part that surrounds

11:23

the urethra and a part that

11:25

surrounds the vagina. Yeah.

11:28

So the G-spot is actually

11:30

the female prostate

11:32

plus its erectile

11:34

tissue. Yeah. Is it kind of like internal

11:37

clitoral nerves then? Or would you just say even

11:39

before that

11:40

it's a prostate? But I always tell people it's all connected,

11:42

I guess is what I'm saying. It's all connected. You

11:45

see the clitoris has a different nerve

11:47

than the G-spot. And again, we get this

11:49

from Whipple and Perry. That was one of two

11:51

major discoveries they made

11:54

and why they wrote a book. Okay.

11:56

Two nerve theory. The pudendal nerve

11:58

goes to the clitoris.

11:59

penis, the pelvic branch

12:02

of the vagus nerve goes

12:05

to the prostate's male and female.

12:07

Two different nerves, two

12:10

different orgasmic experiences.

12:13

So we all know the

12:15

clitoral penis orgasm.

12:19

Panting, fast stimulation,

12:22

whether it's for a guy on the penis

12:24

or for the

12:25

vibrator with

12:27

the women and hold

12:29

your breath and you have

12:31

a good orgasm, you clench

12:33

up your body and sure

12:36

it's a good orgasm. G-spot

12:38

prostate orgasms are

12:42

the opposite.

12:43

Long, slow breaths because

12:45

we're dealing with the vagus nerve, which

12:48

I'll explain in a minute. But it's

12:51

long and slow breathing. You

12:54

relax instead of clenching.

12:56

Do not vibrate the

12:59

prostate. It is an organ

13:01

of the body. And if

13:03

you vibrate it, you kind of click in

13:05

that

13:06

pudendal nerve. And so it's

13:08

not so easy to access that G-spot

13:11

nerve if you're vibrating away. Also

13:14

you move the body, okay?

13:16

Because you're building this

13:18

huge orgasm, which is full-bodied,

13:21

starts in your toes, spreads up your

13:24

legs, makes your legs shake. I mean, it comes

13:26

out your head. You can see stars.

13:29

It's a powerful physical orgasm.

13:32

It's not your bliss orgasm

13:34

where, you know, if you're in Tont or Eastern

13:36

traditions, you're doing the circulating

13:39

breath, which is mostly from the pelvis

13:42

up, from the stomach up,

13:44

okay? And you can kind of ride

13:47

this wave of energy

13:49

orgasm. No, I'm talking as

13:51

a feminist

13:52

body, as a woman, thighs,

13:55

right? Birthing down

13:58

into the floor, right? You just...

13:59

We're going to speculate down and into the ground.

14:03

We menstruate, same. It's

14:06

very physical, full body orgasm.

14:09

So you need to breathe

14:11

and build that. Okay.

14:14

That's amazing. Oh my God. Sounds

14:17

good, doesn't it? It does sound good. So where do

14:19

we start with that? You know where I start with

14:21

that? I start with anatomy. My

14:24

power points are anatomy.

14:27

Women have to know they have a prostate.

14:31

I mean, we have a missing body part.

14:33

All the studies done on, oh, women

14:36

can orgasm and it takes us longer

14:38

and you need 20 minutes of foreplay.

14:41

This is the news. When you relax

14:45

and you just touch the prostate,

14:47

you know, it fires up like this,

14:50

your arousal.

14:52

Our arousal is accessible.

14:54

It's immediate and it's powerful. We

14:56

just have not known. We

14:59

have a prostate and we haven't known

15:01

how to

15:02

touch her. So

15:05

in reading your book, and I have not taken your workshop,

15:07

but you talk about this workshop where the women take

15:09

a mirror, because I've always telling women just to take a look at their

15:12

vulva, but I don't often talk about them going inside,

15:15

but

15:15

how you push out your pelvic floor

15:17

and you can see the

15:18

ridges of your G-spot. Yes.

15:21

And all women who are listening to this, you

15:23

can do this. This is your homework. Can't tell

15:25

us. As you sit down on the floor,

15:28

you need a mirror,

15:30

not your little lipstick mirror, ladies.

15:32

Okay. Nice big eight inch mirror.

15:36

Prop it up on a stand or lay it against

15:38

a pillow, which you place

15:41

as you sit on the floor between

15:43

your legs. Then

15:46

two fingers on each hand,

15:48

place them gently. One

15:50

on each labia.

15:52

We spread your labia

15:55

apart,

15:56

push out with your pelvic floor muscles

15:59

and see if

15:59

you can see the riches,

16:02

the famous riches of your G

16:04

spot. Okay, some

16:07

women will see their literally

16:10

some women just do that and they're like, Oh,

16:13

there it is. And they're completely

16:15

shocked. Some have said I

16:17

thought that was a prolapse. It's

16:19

like, it's not.

16:22

Okay, this is alarming. I know, but it does

16:24

happen. Maybe we'll get into that later. Maybe

16:26

we won't. But you know, but other

16:29

women, they're

16:30

gonna have to practice

16:32

this three, five times, you

16:34

know, take a break, try it again.

16:37

Because number one,

16:39

for many women, while they've never did this

16:41

before, now some women never even

16:44

looked at their evolve of before. And

16:47

then some women haven't really used

16:49

their pelvic floor muscles to push out

16:51

like that. So right away,

16:53

you have three things you've never done before,

16:56

you just practice ladies, that's

16:58

all keep at it.

17:01

And some women have

17:03

more meaty or smaller

17:06

labia. And so it's a

17:08

little harder to pull apart,

17:10

or it's a little you have to peer

17:13

a little deeper in if they're more

17:15

meaty. But all you have

17:17

to do you can see it is push

17:20

out.

17:20

Look for that urethral canal

17:23

because remember the prostate

17:25

surrounds the urethral canal.

17:28

It's right there at the outside of

17:30

the body

17:32

from the outside, just two

17:34

inches in. So look for that urethra.

17:37

And then when you push, you're gonna see her peek

17:39

out from underneath the urethra,

17:41

you'll start to see her little ridges.

17:44

So you see her little ridges

17:47

and then and then what do you do there?

17:49

You see it come out. I think everyone has to do that.

17:51

That's all.

17:52

That's all. You just want to see

17:55

it. Okay. First step is they said

17:57

it don't exist. But guess what? You just

17:59

saw it.

17:59

It's the prostate, okay? Suddenly

18:02

you're changed. We're talking about confidence.

18:04

We're talking about, yes, I know where my G-spot

18:06

is. I've seen it. Has every woman been

18:08

able to have a G-spot orgasm from

18:11

your

18:11

class? Yes, yes.

18:16

Oh my God. Because they

18:18

get to know her. She's

18:20

not vague. People

18:22

have said, you don't exist. It's like,

18:25

well,

18:25

that's it. You

18:27

don't exist. She has a little, you know,

18:30

I know, she's, she

18:33

doesn't exist. She's not real. I can't

18:35

do it. Oh, I just- Right,

18:37

right. She's broken. It's like, oh

18:40

my gosh. This

18:42

is the work that people, we all need

18:44

to do it. I mean, I do this in grad school, but

18:46

not to this degree. So this is incredible.

18:48

All right, we're going to take a quick break.

18:50

Thank you for supporting our sponsors who

18:52

help keep this show free. When

18:54

we come back, I asked Deborah if all

18:57

vulva owners

18:58

can ejaculate.

19:00

That's it. Thank you.

19:07

Let's talk about why this isn't happening through

19:09

penetration. I mean, it could. Oh,

19:12

it does. Just tell me your perspective on

19:14

that, why so many women don't. Cause

19:16

they've denied it.

19:17

They haven't looked for it. Mostly, again, the

19:19

speed.

19:19

Yes.

19:22

This is the vaginal orgasm.

19:24

This is what the vaginal

19:25

orgasm is. It's the G-spot. And

19:30

women haven't had the vaginal orgasm

19:32

because they're going too fast.

19:34

You have to slow down to how that orgasm

19:37

is. We just said with the vagus nerve,

19:39

got to go slow. It's slow,

19:41

right? And so for some women who maybe

19:44

are having orgasms that way, it's probably

19:46

rubbing, I was thinking your clitoris is maybe rubbing

19:48

on your partner and that's what's going to happen, but it's

19:50

not

19:51

internal. It's not the

19:54

G-spot. It's slow, like slow,

19:56

slow, slow. If

19:59

anything's in the. vagina, fingers,

20:01

toy, penis, you're

20:03

stimulating the prostate. You

20:06

cannot not stimulate it. It's right

20:08

there on the

20:09

roof. So it's always

20:12

getting stimulated. It's just, it's

20:14

numbed out due to the way we make love

20:16

in Western culture, which is to ram ram

20:18

ram ram. So we're talking like, slow.

20:22

Well, slow and steady,

20:25

slow and steady, rhythmic

20:28

in and out. That's

20:30

how you breathe and

20:34

relax, move your body,

20:36

you know, with

20:39

the rhythm. So it's a dance.

20:41

It's not a mechanic.

20:44

It's an art, right? So

20:47

it's body talk. Okay, so it's

20:49

not your mind saying, could you please hurry

20:51

up? To

20:55

do this, that and the other thing is like,

20:57

no, you have to breathe. You

21:00

have to move your body. This is think

21:02

of the word build.

21:04

You build building

21:07

pleasure throughout your body. And

21:10

you do that with the breath and

21:13

the movement.

21:15

Right. And this is basic tantra.

21:17

Actually, this is where tantra enters the picture

21:20

with the G spot orgasm is

21:22

tantra teaches to move

21:24

your body to breathe.

21:27

Because what they're doing is they're breathing this

21:29

arousal pleasure all around

21:31

the body. They're feeling really they

21:33

say they're feeling their cells with pleasure

21:36

and you are you are so

21:38

yes,

21:40

you just build it until

21:42

you just you have that

21:44

orgasm those muscles are going to push

21:47

out those powerful pelvic floor

21:49

muscles are going to push out and

21:51

you'll just explode into

21:54

an orgasm. Yeah, and

21:56

you push out it wants to push

21:58

out what's ever in your vagina.

21:59

So take the toy out, take

22:02

the penis out.

22:03

That's it. That's exactly like my kind of orgasms

22:06

too. You push out, but we always think, oh, it should

22:08

be happening with the penis or how, what's

22:10

a good position for this? If we're talking about penetrative

22:13

sex, what do you view? The best to

22:15

learn

22:16

is to kneel next

22:19

to your bed, place your upper

22:22

torso on the top of your bed

22:24

or stand up.

22:26

Place your upper torso on

22:28

maybe counter height

22:31

or even a table so

22:33

that your upper torso is supported

22:37

and secure

22:40

because you got to move your hips and

22:42

you do it from behind. Yeah. Oh,

22:44

do it from behind yourself. Yeah. Because

22:47

you're, you're supporting your upper

22:49

body.

22:50

So it's secure and you're lying on

22:52

one arm. So you're

22:54

free here to do

22:56

it from behind or even from in front. Even

23:00

if you're with a partner, what if you're with a partner? Same

23:02

position.

23:03

Okay. Same position from behind. And

23:06

women are moving their hips. Women

23:08

are feeling that pleasure. Yeah.

23:10

And they're, they have more control too because

23:13

they can also jump off the penis.

23:16

Okay. This is so great. I want to go

23:18

back. There's so much here.

23:19

There is, can I just say that for

23:21

a minute? There is a lot to

23:24

it. It is not a simple little thing, but

23:26

it's also not hard and I

23:28

make it accessible. You really do make it

23:30

accessible. And this is the area where

23:33

I, I

23:33

just think it's, it's hands on literally.

23:37

And it's just rewiring our

23:39

brains around what is possible. I mean, I,

23:41

again,

23:41

I know this because I've taken the work, but so

23:43

many of us haven't, or we just focus

23:46

on the clitoris. So let's get to squirting because I know

23:48

a female ejaculation.

23:50

We asked our Instagram and

23:52

we got like 50 questions within

23:54

like 20 minutes. So when you squirt,

23:56

does that mean you orgasm?

23:59

ejaculation are two different

24:02

functions. Ejaculation

24:05

is a release of fluid.

24:08

Orgasm is, as we know, pleasure.

24:11

So and you can also orgasm without

24:13

ejaculating, and you can ejaculate without orgasm.

24:16

Yes. You can ejaculate

24:18

before orgasm, during orgasm,

24:21

or after orgasm, or not ejaculate

24:23

at all.

24:25

So can all women squirt? That's

24:27

the next question. All women can

24:29

ejaculate because all women have a prostate.

24:33

Female ejaculation is prostatic fluid.

24:35

Therefore, all women can ejaculate

24:37

if you want to. OK. Are

24:40

there certain positions to hit the G-spot

24:42

better? The best position

24:44

to hit the G-spot is to know

24:47

where she is located. Find

24:50

her, right. Then you'll know your best position. Exactly.

24:53

You position yourself. Exactly.

24:57

So that brings me to the next question. I have a hard

24:59

time explaining to my boyfriend exactly

25:02

how to hit my G-spot and then actually make me squirt

25:04

using his hands. Can you explain in simpler

25:06

terms?

25:08

Well, that's like dancing backward

25:10

in high heels. I mean,

25:13

he doesn't need to use his hands

25:15

for you to ejaculate. That's something

25:19

that porn started, and

25:21

it's gotten way out of control. I mean,

25:24

he uses his penis. That's why

25:26

a man's got a penis. So

25:29

mostly, he just needs to slow down.

25:32

And when you're ready to ejaculate, he

25:34

needs to come out of your vagina.

25:36

Your pelvic floor muscles are going to

25:38

push him out because your body's full

25:40

of ejaculate. Your muscles are just going

25:42

to take

25:43

over and push it out. That

25:45

penis has to come out. Most women

25:48

cannot ejaculate with something in

25:50

their vagina.

25:52

30% of women like

25:54

the on-top position, and they,

25:56

for some reason, can ejaculate

25:59

in the on-top.

25:59

top position. But most

26:02

women can't. Right. Because they're

26:04

not doing that. Exactly. Because then it's kind of coming

26:06

out of you. My wife can

26:08

only squirt through oral. How can

26:10

I help her do it during intercourse?

26:12

Awareness. Using

26:15

the penis. Knowing what you're touching with

26:17

your penis. An awakened penis on

26:19

an awakened G-spot is going to be

26:21

electric.

26:22

How

26:24

to get over the feeling that I'm going to pee and

26:26

stop that sensation. So this is why

26:28

we don't do it because we're so afraid we're going to pee.

26:31

So how do we talk about it? That's right. We mistake

26:33

the urge to ejaculate for the urge

26:35

to pee. How do we know? We just

26:37

practice.

26:38

We've been told that female ejaculation

26:40

doesn't exist. So if we feel that that

26:43

pee urge, what else is it? It's pee.

26:46

Well, it's because we haven't known that

26:48

no, it's ejaculate. And as you ejaculate,

26:50

you get to distinguish between the two,

26:52

but it is subtle.

26:54

If you are aroused

26:56

and you're having intercourse

26:59

of one type or another, penis,

27:01

toy, fingers, and

27:04

you feel that urge to pee, that

27:06

is the urge to ejaculate. Just

27:09

let go. Let it flow. Let

27:11

go and let it flow. And if it is, how about this

27:13

though? What's the liquid made of and where does

27:15

it come from when women squirt? Everyone wants to know, is

27:17

it pee? Isn't it pee? There's been all these studies. And

27:20

I'm always like, who the hell cares? Does it

27:22

feel good? No towel down. That's

27:24

right. I don't get caught up in it. But tell me

27:26

what

27:26

we will ask you. What is it made of? Is it pee?

27:29

What's your answer to that? Female ejaculate

27:31

is prostatic fluid. Therefore,

27:34

it's 90% prostatic fluid and 10% glucose.

27:38

What's in prostatic fluid? Just

27:40

the same as what's in the male

27:43

prostatic fluid. It's the food

27:45

and the nutrients and the protective

27:48

environment, i.e. alkaline,

27:50

for the sperm when they get their way to

27:53

the egg. So is

27:55

female ejaculation. That

27:56

is its biological function

27:59

is to protect that. that sperm. So

28:01

it's full of vitamins, nutrients.

28:05

So what about the traces of urine? I'm just

28:07

going to ask. Oh, that happens sometimes.

28:09

I mean, mostly women

28:12

who are first learning, if

28:14

you have traces of urine, don't

28:16

worry about it. The best analogy isn't

28:19

the prettiest, but you know, it's like a pump

28:22

that needs to be primed. And I mean, the water

28:24

that first comes out, isn't the best looking.

28:28

Be nice to yourself. Just forget

28:30

about the whole urine thing until

28:33

you have this working in your body. Also,

28:36

women are pushing too hard.

28:38

They want that ejaculate to come out and

28:40

so they're pushing too hard. So it's better

28:42

to relax, let it slowly build,

28:45

and then it'll just kind of

28:46

come out of the body. Yes. Yes.

28:49

So

28:49

how about this? How should you talk about it with a partner

28:52

and prep for cleanup in a way that's still sexy?

28:54

I get a lot of the cleanup questions and it's too

28:56

messy. Do you have any recommendations? Well, this

28:58

is the thing with when you ejaculate, you

29:00

got to prepare. You know, we don't always want

29:02

to prepare for sex. And, you

29:05

know, we used to have hang ups around it like, oh

29:07

my God, if I prepare, I spoil the mood.

29:09

Well, you get one of those beautifully

29:11

female ejaculation blankets. Invest

29:15

in that and throw it on the bed. You

29:17

know, it's beautiful and comfortable.

29:19

And that's what

29:19

you do. Yeah. And then you put it in the wash. That's

29:22

right. Build the ejaculate along

29:25

with the pleasure.

29:26

You can actually feel that ejaculate

29:29

building in your body. Sometimes it goes

29:32

out. That is just like the tide.

29:34

It just went out. It doesn't mean it's not there.

29:36

It's there. And it's going to come back

29:39

in with more pleasure, you

29:41

know, until one just explodes

29:43

out with the orgasm. The biggest

29:46

obstacle to women not ejaculating

29:48

is the sphere of letting go. The sphere

29:50

of pee. Yeah. OK. That's

29:52

the biggest obstacle. The second obstacle.

29:55

Well,

29:56

that has to do with the orgasm. It's

29:59

letting the wild. woman out. This

30:01

is not your tiny Victorian orgasm.

30:03

No, we're like, it's those

30:06

deep, lateral. Yeah.

30:08

Women Around with the Wolves, you know, that great

30:10

book by Jungian analyst, Clarissa

30:13

Pinkola is stay women around

30:15

with the wolves. This is your wild woman.

30:18

You know, and that Vegas nerve is

30:20

emotional by nature. So it's

30:22

also an emotional orgasm. You're gonna

30:25

scream, you're gonna emote

30:27

your pleasure, you know, sometimes

30:29

you can laugh and cry

30:32

and it's emotional. Women love

30:34

that. That's there. That's it. It's

30:36

a relief. Yeah, it is emotional.

30:38

I feel like as I've gotten more accepting

30:41

and as I've matured through

30:43

my life, my orgasms are so much louder

30:45

and so much more powerful. Right.

30:48

You have to be with a partner that like that's the thing.

30:51

It's like we have

30:52

to be with someone that you feel safe

30:54

with that you can let go and trust and if you're not

30:57

and your words are going to judge you and there

30:59

they have judged you then that

31:01

might not be your person. That's

31:03

right. So therefore you can't

31:05

say I can't do this. It's like no,

31:07

that's not totally accurate. You just

31:09

don't have the right circumstances.

31:12

Right. It's a circumstances of patience

31:14

and time and

31:15

partner and the right

31:17

partner. So we could read an email

31:20

from somebody,

31:21

Kevin 45, New Jersey. I want to help

31:23

my younger girlfriend in her 20s how

31:25

to be a vaginal squirter. She wants to do this

31:27

for me and I want to help her. Where can I learn

31:30

this technique and help my partner achieve it? And

31:32

then we got another one from a man and a lot

31:34

of men want their partners to do it.

31:37

It's all that these men's obsession but their partners

31:40

have to be on board with it and it starts with that's right.

31:42

That's right. Sometimes guys,

31:45

you know, it's not a shiny new toy,

31:47

you know, and sometimes their woman

31:49

will ejaculate and they want her to

31:51

do it over and over and over again because

31:54

you stimulate the prostate. It secretes.

31:57

It's a secretion gland, you know,

31:59

so you can

31:59

ejaculate over and over again, but hey,

32:02

you know, this ain't a shiny new car.

32:04

This is an organ of the body. So like,

32:07

be respectful, lay off,

32:09

you know, this is also inherently

32:12

about connection with your partner. This is

32:14

about love and ladies, especially

32:17

the younger ladies respect your body.

32:19

Don't give in to that male

32:22

pressure to perform for

32:24

them. It's like, forget it, chill.

32:27

Tell them to get into their own

32:29

prostate. Okay. Exactly.

32:32

And someone else says, is squirting orgasm

32:35

the best orgasm you can give a woman?

32:37

Yes. You say yes. Yeah.

32:41

Mm-hmm. It's pretty amazing when it happens

32:43

and I haven't been this conscious about it,

32:45

but I really saw it from our

32:47

early on. It's like, it's really just starting with that, with

32:50

the slowing down. It's not going to, I mean, maybe it'll

32:52

magically happen through intercourse, but

32:54

I don't know. It really

32:56

is this, this is snowing. You got to learn

32:58

how to drive the car first. You could go out, you

33:00

got to learn the, how the machinery, you got to look

33:03

under the hood.

33:04

Let's talk about penis size for a second, because

33:06

people think it has to be a very large penis

33:08

that's going to,

33:09

and it's not. Some

33:11

women like pressure. You can

33:13

have a large penis. It'll

33:15

apply pressure on

33:18

the G-spot. That will feel

33:20

good, but let's get clear. It's

33:22

just pressure that she's liking. She

33:25

could also learn how

33:27

to enjoy the

33:29

massage.

33:31

Massage. Let's not call it stimulation,

33:34

because that's like connected

33:36

to the fast buzzing. Let's

33:38

call it massage to the G-spot

33:41

with the penis.

33:42

Mm.

33:43

Yes, it is a massage. That's how it,

33:45

that's how it happens. Okay, listeners, this

33:48

might be a little repetitive, but Deborah, say

33:50

I'm at one of your workshops. How do you

33:52

actually help vulva owners find

33:55

their G-spot? I take them through

33:57

like a meditation practice.

33:59

to slowly identify

34:02

the head, the body, and back of the

34:04

prostate with their finger.

34:07

I'm like you saw it now with your eye.

34:10

Now slowly go around

34:13

the meaty area that surrounds

34:16

the urethral canal.

34:18

Put your finger very slow,

34:21

very tender. Everybody

34:24

wants to rub it and go really fast. It's like

34:26

guess what? Millimeter

34:29

by millimeter, ever

34:32

so slow.

34:33

Well, everything changes

34:36

when you do that. And from the urethral,

34:39

then you go with your finger

34:41

slowly down to the vaginal

34:44

opening. That's all the prostate

34:47

under that tissue there.

34:49

So it's just at the opening

34:52

and just two inches in. What

34:55

is that? That's the first knuckle.

34:57

Yeah, people think it's so deep. That's

34:59

the knuckle and a

35:00

half. We're going way in there and

35:03

pounding away at her. No! This

35:06

is what I've been saying for years. They're pounding,

35:08

pounding. It's not deep inside. It's out of the

35:10

belly button. It is an inch and a half

35:12

to two inches inside. And I think people are

35:14

still even going in. They don't get what

35:16

that is up to your knuckle. And

35:18

when I discovered mine, I was like, oh, it's just

35:20

right. It's literally like it's that

35:23

why we always say that come-heather motion is because it's

35:25

like going toward your belly button. It's like that

35:27

little, you just feel it's right there.

35:29

It's like on the flip side

35:30

of your tiller. It's like it's... Yes,

35:33

it's right there. We thought it was this tiny

35:35

spot that somewhere in the deep

35:37

oceanic recesses of the vagina

35:39

was a spa and some women

35:41

had it and some women didn't. And

35:44

only the right man will come

35:46

along and find it for us and blast

35:48

us off the planet. No, it's just

35:51

a total myth. It's a total myth.

35:53

We got to find it first. People are like,

35:55

oh, we got to teach sex ed. And when women come

35:58

to me first, they go, how do I be a great lover? I'm like, first?

35:59

you got to do the work on yourself.

36:02

When you become a master of your own body and

36:04

your own domain, then you can share that with

36:07

a partner.

36:08

Or you find a partner, and I love it in

36:10

your book, Female Ejaculation and the G-spot,

36:12

you could do it with a partner. Like there are tips in here to do

36:14

with a partner, but if you don't have a partner, your partner's

36:17

not in, I think it's less pressure perhaps,

36:19

it's on your own. So now we're

36:21

inside and we've seen it peek out and then you're just

36:23

saying we touch it with a finger,

36:25

then you'll become more- Yes, because it's

36:27

a process of awareness. Once

36:30

you know and see and have felt

36:32

with your finger. Okay, I saw

36:35

this G-spot stick out.

36:37

Now I shut my eyes

36:39

and I locate that with my finger.

36:43

I feel what it's like to

36:45

touch it with my finger

36:47

and I feel what it's like

36:49

to have a finger touch my

36:52

G-spot's body, right?

36:55

This is all awareness, I do not

36:57

go fast. Right. I

36:59

take women through this very slowly.

37:02

I don't think I even ever really looked

37:04

at my vulva puppet in this way that

37:06

like

37:07

there's- Your G-spot? I

37:09

never even knew my vulva puppet's G-spot. I

37:11

just- I know.

37:14

We find our G-spot, no pressure orgasm or

37:16

to ejaculate, but you found that-

37:18

No, this is awareness. Awareness, the first

37:20

day's awareness. We're finding it, we have

37:22

a bit of a ways to go to orgasm

37:25

yet.

37:25

We have performance issues,

37:28

we have impatience issues. We have

37:30

to go really- We are trained to go really, really

37:32

fast. We want that pleasure now, we want

37:35

this now. It's like, nope.

37:37

Okay, so we're articulating

37:39

something that has not had a

37:41

name, it doesn't exist. That

37:44

is what I do. We're gonna articulate this

37:46

millimeter by millimeter. You will

37:49

have no doubt about your G-spot

37:51

after that. You will

37:53

own her forever. That's

37:56

empowerment, yes, me. I

37:58

think so too.

37:59

for your own orgasm. We are responsible

38:02

for it. I mean, I gotta be honest. I

38:04

rush through it sometimes too. If

38:06

I'm masturbating. Yes,

38:08

you will feel more because you relax.

38:11

That's the thing too. We're so polite.

38:13

Yeah, we're goal oriented. Get me there. But

38:16

yeah. Yeah.

38:17

When a woman relaxes, she

38:20

feels arousal,

38:22

something like that. Yeah,

38:25

it's true. Because it's okay to go

38:27

fast. There's more. Yes,

38:29

there is more. So then we find

38:32

this. We're still going here. We're still on it.

38:34

And then we start to get around.

38:36

It starts to swell, right? It will.

38:38

It will. But it's not instant.

38:41

This is just awareness and

38:43

location. So we're just

38:45

going to locate her inside the body

38:48

now, right inside the

38:50

vagina, just with the first knuckle

38:53

that we know that

38:55

body. Okay, I can feel her ridges.

38:59

Oh, and she kind of hangs down

39:02

through the roof of the vagina like a

39:04

half moon. So

39:06

on each side of that half moon

39:09

is kind of like the little canals I call

39:11

them. So you know, okay,

39:13

I can feel on each side where she

39:16

hangs down. And

39:18

now I'm starting to notice, oh,

39:21

the body's kind of squishy.

39:23

Oh, and the temperature,

39:26

temperature is cool.

39:29

Some women it's warm, some women

39:31

it's hot. What is the temperature?

39:33

And what's the texture?

39:36

Is it rough? Is it

39:38

smooth? Is it rough like a cat's tongue?

39:41

You know, so we noticed this temperature

39:44

texture.

39:45

We all have a G spot just

39:48

like we all have a nose.

39:49

But everybody's nose is kind of different.

39:52

But the nose is in the same place on the face.

39:55

The G spot is in the same place

39:58

in every single woman on the planet. See?

40:01

And so, so that's the

40:03

body. And so we go a little farther

40:06

back, staying connected to her.

40:08

By that I mean, don't lift up

40:10

your fingers. Stay connected so you

40:12

know where you are at. Okay.

40:15

And as you go knuckle in a half back,

40:17

your finger's going to start to curl.

40:20

And it's going to curl around the back

40:23

end of this organ and hangs down

40:25

through the roof of the vagina.

40:28

See? And here's the thing. On

40:30

the back,

40:31

you can have either round

40:34

and firm, or you can have

40:36

one that's ramp shaped and fluffy.

40:39

And I mean fluffy like clouds

40:41

fluffy. So

40:44

we go back now millimeter

40:46

by millimeter from the body.

40:50

Ever so slow. Millimeter

40:53

by breathe and relax, relax our

40:55

body. Relax our

40:57

fingers. We carry so much tension.

41:00

Relax, relax. Now millimeter.

41:01

All right. Now

41:03

I'm coming to the back. Oh

41:06

yeah. My G-spot's brown

41:08

and firm. What about

41:10

your G-spot? Emily,

41:12

is yours ramp shaped and fluffy like

41:15

cotton candy? I think it is a little bit

41:17

more fluffy like cotton candy. Yeah.

41:19

It can be amazing feeling

41:22

of fluffiness. Yeah.

41:25

We've noticed the structure there. We

41:28

noticed the temperature was hot. And

41:32

mine is hot. It could be cool

41:35

for another lady. And

41:37

so then we slowly, ever so

41:40

slow,

41:41

draw our finger from the back

41:44

across the body. Ever

41:46

so slow.

41:47

And then we slowly come out. Let

41:50

our finger fall from the vagina.

41:53

Ever so slow. And then we cup

41:55

our vulva with our hand.

41:58

I love the cupping.

41:59

Yeah,

42:01

relax our vulva into our hand.

42:05

Okay, and then we send

42:07

our G-spot, our

42:09

beautiful prostate. Big

42:14

thank you with the breath.

42:16

Yeah, now we slowly come

42:19

back into our space

42:22

here. Sure, you know, you can go

42:24

right for it, but I'm not teaching that.

42:27

Emily, I'm teaching tender loving care

42:29

because she needs that. I'm teaching

42:31

to slow way down

42:33

because that's what the vagus nerve needs.

42:36

The vagus nerve is the meditation

42:38

nerve.

42:39

It's the antidote to the fight and flight.

42:42

So that vagus nerve slows us

42:44

way down. That's why we breathe and

42:46

relax. So that's the nerve

42:49

that goes to the prostate. That's the

42:51

orgasm you're going to have is

42:53

from this powerful vagus nerve.

42:56

It starts out slow and ends with a bang.

43:01

So we do that and the orgasm comes from just

43:04

continuing and breathing and

43:06

stroking.

43:07

Deborah Sundahl, your book is Female

43:09

Ejaculation and the G-spot. So

43:12

everyone should get this book. We're going to put it in the show notes so

43:14

people can buy your book. You are

43:16

the goddess here and this is incredible

43:18

work that you're doing. And I want to

43:20

know about this. Thanks.

43:24

Yeah, thank you. I can't hear that. It's incredible.

43:27

And there aren't many women doing it. I'm talking

43:29

about it specifically, but you are doing the hands

43:31

on work and teaching women. I always say

43:33

we're responsible for our own orgasm. Oh, I have to ask

43:35

you the five questions we ask all of our guests

43:37

to. Okay. Okay. Number

43:40

one, which are just quickie questions. They're quick. So what's

43:42

your biggest turn on?

43:43

The G-spot. No, biggest

43:45

turn off. Fast.

43:48

Yes. What makes

43:50

good sex? Eye connection. What

43:54

would you tell your younger self about sex

43:56

and relationships? Slow down. I'm

43:58

both cows.

43:59

What

44:02

do you wish everyone knew about sex? That

44:05

women have a prostate and that it's

44:07

just overflowing with pleasure

44:09

and effervescent ejaculate.

44:13

Thank you so much, Deborah, for being here. You're

44:16

welcome. How can people find you? The best way to

44:18

find you is on your website,

44:20

DeborahSundell.com. That's

44:22

correct. DeborahSundell.com. S-U-N-D-A-H-L.

44:27

And this will all be in our show notes.

44:29

Thank you for being here. Oh, you're

44:31

quite welcome. Pleasure. Happy orgasms.

44:33

Happy orgasms. That's it for today's

44:36

episode. See you on Tuesday. Thanks

44:38

for listening to Sex with Emily. Be sure to like,

44:40

subscribe, and give us a review wherever

44:42

you listen to the podcast and share this with a friend

44:45

or partner. You can find me on YouTube,

44:47

Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter at

44:49

sexwithemily. Oh, I've been told I give

44:51

really good email. So sign up at sexwithemily.com.

44:55

And while you're there, check out my free guides

44:57

and articles for more ways to prioritize

44:59

your pleasure. If you'd like to ask

45:02

me about your sex life, dating, or relationships,

45:04

call my hotline, 559-TALK-SEX.

45:08

That's 559-825-5739. Or go to sexwithemily.com slash

45:10

Ask Emily. Special

45:16

thanks to ACAST for powering the Sex

45:18

with Emily podcast. Was it good

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for you? Email me, feedback at

45:22

sexwithemily.com.

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