0:02

Welcome to Sexology, a podcast

0:04

that untangles the science of

0:06

sex and pleasure. And

0:08

now, with this week's episode,

0:10

your host, clinical psychologist, Dr.

0:13

Nazanin Muali. Hello

0:17

and welcome back to episode 383 of

0:19

Sexology Podcasts. Today,

0:22

we're diving deep into the

0:24

foundations of marital success with

0:26

Dr. Waldman, a seasoned

0:29

psychologist who brings a wealth of experience

0:31

from his 45 years

0:33

in clinical practice. We'll

0:35

explore some of the most pressing

0:38

questions that couples face as they

0:40

navigate the complexities of married life.

0:43

What really caused marriages to fail? And

0:45

what can couples do to address these

0:47

challenges early on? How

0:49

does sexual compatibility affect the dynamics

0:51

of a marriage? And

0:54

what role does emotional intelligence

0:56

play in resolving conflicts constructively?

0:59

Dr. Waldman will share insight from

1:01

his extensive career, offering

1:04

practical advice on how

1:06

to maintain sexual excitement

1:08

and foster a long-lasting,

1:10

fulfilling relationship. And additionally,

1:13

we'll discuss the important lessons

1:15

that can be carried from

1:17

a first marriage to a second,

1:19

aiming to boost the odds of

1:21

success the second time around. Dr.

1:23

Waldman also has more lesser-known secrets

1:26

than could be the key to

1:28

a thriving relationship. And if you're

1:30

looking to spice up your relationship

1:32

and get new ideas, don't forget

1:34

to download our free guide of

1:37

more than hundreds of different ways to

1:39

spice up your relationship. We

1:41

have a mild, medium, and hot category.

1:45

So regardless of how adventurous you are, there is

1:47

something there for you. It's packed

1:49

with creative and fun suggestions to keep

1:51

the flame burning bright in your love

1:53

life. Now, let's welcome

1:55

Dr. Waldman to the podcast and

1:57

jump right into our discussion. these

2:00

intriguing topics. Hello

2:05

and welcome back to another episode

2:07

of Sexology podcast. I am excited

2:09

to welcome Dr. Woltman. Dr. Woltman,

2:11

welcome to our show. Well,

2:14

thank you. Glad to be here. Well,

2:16

I know you have depth and

2:18

breadth of experience and knowledge when

2:20

it comes to why marriages thrive,

2:22

why your fail. So tell

2:24

us a little bit more about that. How did

2:26

you get interested in this and what are some

2:28

of the findings we have in this area? Well,

2:31

I was a clinical forensic

2:33

psychologist in Phoenix, Arizona for

2:36

45 years.

2:39

I had a very diverse practice.

2:41

I did lots of things, including

2:44

a lot of clinical

2:46

forensics, working with

2:48

the family law, family law courts

2:51

and things like that. I

2:53

probably saw easily.

2:56

I don't want to exaggerate 500

2:59

couples. Oh, wow. Well,

3:03

you do it for 36 hours a week

3:05

times 50 weeks a year times 45. They're

3:11

going to see lots of people. So I

3:14

did see a lot of couples. And as

3:16

a matter of fact, one of my books

3:19

is entitled, How Come I Love Me But

3:21

Can't Live With It? So I had

3:23

a great deal of experience in

3:26

working with couples and what makes

3:29

marriages work and not. I

3:32

might just add also my

3:34

wife and I have been married now.

3:37

We're going on 53 years. Oh,

3:40

wow. So what makes marriages

3:42

work? Well, I try

3:44

to boil it down if I can and

3:47

keep it a little simple. It is what

3:50

I call keep adding the pluses, if

3:52

you will, doing insane things

3:55

that are

3:57

appealing to your partner. What

3:59

do I do? What I have found over

4:02

the years is that what causes

4:04

marriages to fail, and

4:07

as you may know, in

4:10

the States, we're pushing about

4:12

pretty close to 50% of

4:15

marriages fail, most of them, by

4:17

the way, within the first

4:19

five years, majority. So

4:22

if you can make it through five, statistically,

4:25

you have a better shot. What

4:28

causes these failures is,

4:31

well, are these negative,

4:33

these constant negative interactions.

4:36

Some of them are what I refer

4:39

to as deal breakers, like

4:41

drugs, terrible money

4:43

mismanagement, is another

4:46

common one, infidelity,

4:48

of course, so

4:50

on. Those are very

4:53

common. There's an old

4:55

saying in this business that money,

4:58

sex, in-laws, and kids

5:01

are probably the four major

5:03

reasons why marriages

5:06

struggle and why

5:09

marriages fail, and

5:11

it's what couples need to

5:13

learn to resolve over

5:17

the years. Bottom line,

5:19

what causes most marriages to fail

5:21

is the inability to resolve their

5:23

issues. We're not trained in

5:26

that pattern that I

5:28

commonly saw, is that

5:31

couples would sort of give

5:33

up, if you will, because

5:36

they had learned over time

5:39

that every time they tried to deal

5:43

with an issue, it

5:45

ended up couples just walking away

5:47

more angry than when they started,

5:49

because it results

5:52

in yelling, name-calling, threatening,

5:56

and things of that

5:58

nature. One

6:00

of the things that I use

6:03

to teach my couples, I've written

6:05

articles about it, which is on

6:07

my website, which we'll talk about

6:10

at the end of this, is

6:12

how to argue constructive. Are

6:16

there going to be discussions

6:19

in a marriage? Absolutely. There are

6:21

leads to be. You know, we

6:23

come from different places with

6:27

different genders. Well, not always, but

6:30

we come from different places, different

6:32

backgrounds, and so forth. We're going

6:34

to see things differently. So

6:37

how do we resolve those differences? One

6:40

of the important points that I often

6:42

try to make is what

6:44

is the purpose of an

6:47

argument, if you will, or a discussion. And

6:49

the purpose is to resolve.

6:52

Many times, though, when I

6:54

ask that question, my clients

6:56

would smirk and say, to win.

6:59

No, that's

7:01

not going to work. Because if

7:03

you always have to be the

7:05

winner, then your partner

7:07

has to be the loser. And

7:11

when you're in that situation, sooner

7:13

or later, the designated

7:16

loser gets fed up,

7:19

and they don't want to lose anymore, and

7:22

it really gets difficult. Although

7:25

couples who are still arguing, at least are

7:27

trying to make it better, I

7:29

often found couples that, like I said

7:31

earlier, kind of had given up, and

7:34

now even talking silly. To

7:37

answer your question, why

7:39

marriages fail, again, we

7:42

all have these major issues that

7:45

we face, and we,

7:48

couples, often fail because they

7:50

failed to resolve them. You

7:53

brought up such a wonderful point

7:55

that there are just so many

7:57

individuals that they are not learning.

8:00

to how to have constructive

8:02

conversation. Also they feel

8:04

there's this misunderstanding of if there

8:07

is a disagreement or argument is

8:09

then that the relationship is in

8:11

danger, right? So that's why many

8:14

people avoid it. But I've

8:16

seen people that are really good

8:18

together. Like they argue, kind of

8:20

like argue constructively. They have this

8:23

like discussions. They are

8:25

great co-parents, but they're

8:27

not sexually connected. I

8:30

know it's different from couples to couples,

8:32

but how important is it in

8:35

this modern time to have sexual

8:37

compatibility? Well, as I like to

8:39

say, sexuality is kind

8:41

of the cherry on top

8:43

of the Sunday. Again, I have an

8:45

article or two on my

8:47

website relating to things. What

8:50

I find is that in

8:52

too many cases, what the relationship

8:55

is based on is sexual. And

8:57

now I look, I'm not naive. Let's

9:00

face it, just about every relationship,

9:05

intimate relationship starts with some kind

9:07

of chemistry. Yeah, there's

9:09

gotta be some chemistry. I

9:11

find you attractive, you find me attractive.

9:14

So, I mean, if that's not

9:16

there, you don't get past alone.

9:20

So yes, there is

9:22

that chemistry. But

9:24

what I've found in

9:26

so many of my cases that

9:29

I used to have is that frankly,

9:32

they were in the sack on the first

9:35

night or certainly within

9:37

the first week or so, and

9:39

they had moved in together within

9:42

six weeks or so forth.

9:44

And all this is based on sexuality,

9:47

if you will. Well, like I said,

9:50

that's the cherry on the top, but what about

9:52

the rest of the Sunday? There are

9:54

other issues, of course, that

9:56

we have to look at, like values,

9:59

roaring. and things

10:01

like that. Motivation and so on.

10:04

Those major issues that really make

10:06

a difference. Parenting,

10:09

communication. I

10:11

could go on of course. Things

10:13

like that that really

10:16

don't get discussed. So

10:19

in my, the article I talked about it,

10:21

that I talked about this topic, it's

10:24

like a pyramid. I

10:26

call it again with that cherry on the top.

10:28

But at the bottom are these

10:30

very important factors. Again,

10:34

like values, like the

10:36

ability to communicate, like the

10:39

ability to parent, and

10:41

so on. Like the ability to

10:44

put the other person first, that

10:47

maturity, and so on. Those

10:49

are important. And

10:51

if we don't have those, I

10:54

don't care how good you are

10:56

in bed. After a while, it's

10:58

not going to work. Now, once

11:01

you have this

11:03

foundation in place, of course,

11:06

well then yes, sexuality

11:10

is important. And it's

11:12

something you want to foster. Now,

11:15

I'm of course a little bit on

11:17

the other end of the spectrum here,

11:19

if you will. In

11:21

that, obviously, the

11:24

Debye Weiss and I talked about it. When

11:27

we think about early on, a

11:31

half century ago, how

11:33

sexual we were and so forth. And

11:35

now, here in our late 70s, it's

11:37

not quite the same, of course. Are

11:44

we sexual? Yes. Is

11:46

it as frequent? Hell no.

11:49

So forth. It just kind

11:51

of comes with that. But

11:54

still, it needs to be fostered. There's

11:57

lots of things. that

12:00

we can do to maintain

12:03

that. But here again, I remember

12:05

a case I had a

12:07

while, I retired a couple

12:10

of years back, but some active

12:12

practice that is, but I married this one

12:14

case I had and the

12:17

wife was saying to me, she

12:19

said, when I see my

12:22

husband standing at the

12:24

sink with an

12:26

apron on and

12:28

he's washing dishes and

12:31

putting them in

12:33

the dishwasher and wiping

12:35

the counter and then

12:37

going into the bedroom and reading

12:40

a story to our kids and

12:42

putting them to bed. She said,

12:44

I just can't wait till

12:47

he gets in the bedroom and jump his

12:49

boat. Well, in fact, in

12:51

my latest book, I have

12:54

a chapter that's entitled, Sex Begins in

12:56

the Kitchen. And I

12:58

referred to this. I've had

13:00

many frustrated wives in

13:02

my office saying, you know, he

13:05

barked at me all day, he

13:07

was a grump, he didn't

13:09

help out, he didn't do a

13:12

darn thing and we go to bed and

13:14

he rolls over and he says, well, you

13:16

want some? And she goes, what

13:18

are you talking about? You

13:20

were terrible today. So you have

13:22

to understand that you have to

13:24

try to make it happen. You

13:27

brought up an important point of

13:29

like how much what's happening outside

13:31

the bedroom, especially with couples and

13:33

long-term relationship impact that connection and

13:35

willingness, right? I think at the

13:38

beginning of the relationship, this spark

13:40

is strong. So people, it's easier

13:42

for them to access their desire

13:44

to want to have sex. But

13:46

if your partner, they haven't been generous outside

13:49

the bedroom, maybe you have some resentment, you're

13:51

tired, you have a deadline, then it kind

13:53

of makes sense for some people to say

13:55

like, and I'm not that, even kind

13:57

of like put myself in a situation

13:59

that. will compromise my sleep or compromise

14:02

my work next day. And

14:04

what's interesting you brought up, I've seen

14:06

a different variation of attraction. Part of

14:08

my practice now are women and men,

14:10

they are in like later stages of

14:12

life. I would say like closer to

14:14

40s or early 40s and

14:17

they wanna have children. They say, you

14:19

know, I meet these people, they

14:21

have great values. There's some

14:23

attraction, but sex is not

14:25

great. So one of

14:28

the questions that people have is that

14:30

if that's something that we can cultivate,

14:32

right? We have shared values, there's so

14:34

smart, but definitely I don't wanna be

14:36

in a sexist relationship if the spark

14:38

from the beginning is dim. What

14:41

do you think about that? Is that something that

14:43

usually people can cultivate? Well, I

14:46

believe so, yes, but first you

14:48

have to address it. As you

14:50

know, there still is a stigma,

14:52

although it's a little bit better

14:54

since COVID, about

14:57

seeking psychotherapy. I

15:00

am so pleased with Michael Seldt's

15:02

about him coming, I

15:04

had him being an Olympic

15:07

medal winner and coming

15:09

on TV and saying,

15:11

hey, I had depression

15:13

and I sought help and

15:16

it worked for me. That's

15:18

great. We need

15:20

to do more of that kind of thing. So

15:23

we have the problem to

15:25

begin with of just seeking mental

15:28

health treatment and so forth. And

15:31

so that's tough enough. And

15:33

now to talk about something

15:36

as intimate as

15:39

sexuality in our bedroom, whoa, whoa,

15:41

whoa, whoa. That's

15:43

very difficult. But

15:46

yes, we have to face it.

15:51

Frankly, there is some skill,

15:53

if you will, there's some things

15:55

we need to know more about and

15:58

so on. And

16:00

a couple need to communicate

16:03

and many times they don't, just

16:05

as we were talking about before. Just

16:08

like some, as you

16:10

mentioned, some people don't want to, if

16:12

they don't want to start a fight, they just

16:14

bury it. Well,

16:18

over time it festers of course,

16:20

and then it explodes. Well, same

16:23

thing with sexual frustration.

16:27

If you're a little

16:29

uncomfortable with something

16:31

your partner is doing or

16:33

not doing, you have to raise

16:35

the issue. Now, you

16:37

can't just pound the table and

16:40

say, look, you idiot,

16:43

no. I mean, you have

16:45

to be gentle, particularly if we're

16:47

talking about sexual types of things. And,

16:52

but let them know that you're doing

16:54

this for the sake of

16:56

the relationship. I believe it

16:59

can be trained. That's

17:01

what sexual therapists do. You

17:04

feel like there is, part of it is

17:06

kind of like inter, kind of personal mood

17:09

challenges that gets in the way of people

17:11

kind of accessing their sexuality. The other one

17:13

is maybe lack of skills

17:15

and the good sexual

17:17

communication. I'm not talking about what do I

17:20

want and being able to communicate

17:22

that with the partner. So

17:25

I have a question. You would be the perfect

17:27

person to ask it. But you

17:29

work with so many couples, you are married

17:31

more than 50 years. What

17:34

are some of the lesser

17:36

known secrets for making

17:38

a marriage work? Because I know you talked

17:40

about how second marriage is also a fail.

17:42

So if you're exiting this relationship, doesn't mean

17:45

that then the next one you will be

17:47

successful. So do tell us about these

17:49

secrets. Well, let me address that second

17:51

part first, if you don't mind. You

17:54

know, that old expression that grass is

17:56

greener on the other side of the

17:58

fence, the statistic. has

18:00

been shown to be very untrue. The

18:04

divorce rate, again, in the States,

18:07

is close to 50%. The divorce

18:10

rate for subsequent immunogies is 65%, almost,

18:13

you know,

18:15

two out of three. So people who

18:18

think that they're gonna get out of

18:20

this one and find another

18:22

one, you know, because it's going to

18:24

be better, need to really rethink that.

18:27

There are many reasons for that. Well,

18:29

just think about it. You know, we

18:32

talked about, you know, what are the

18:34

issues with, you know, with marriage, first

18:36

marriage, any marriage, you know,

18:39

money, sex, you know, in laws

18:41

and kids. Well, now let's take

18:43

a look at that. All right,

18:45

you're now gonna, you're gonna get

18:47

divorced and you're gonna get

18:49

remarried. Well, now you may have

18:52

child support. Maybe you

18:54

have some spousal maintenance and

18:56

so forth. So how's that money issue

18:59

gonna work for you? All right, now you're

19:01

talking about, all right, sex. Well,

19:03

all right, well, now, you

19:05

know, somebody you, you obviously,

19:08

you know, you've been in

19:10

bed for a long time with somebody

19:12

else. How's this other person gonna chill

19:14

about that? And so on. Now how

19:16

about the end laws? Particularly if you've

19:18

had kids, guess what? You're

19:21

now gonna have another set of in-laws,

19:23

particularly if you, if the other partner

19:26

comes with kids. Now you're gonna have

19:28

to deal with them. And what if

19:30

you have another child together? Well,

19:33

not, you know, find as a side

19:35

who's gonna be sitting at the Thanksgiving

19:38

table. You're gonna need a, you know,

19:40

you're gonna need a calculator

19:42

to say things. So

19:44

you've got in-law issues all over the

19:47

place. Not to mention, of course, kids

19:50

and step-kids. Step-kids

19:52

can really put a lot of

19:54

stress on, you know, on a

19:57

marriage and so on. So,

20:00

Getting into a second marriage

20:02

is not always the

20:04

easy end. Also, remember

20:07

what frequently happens.

20:10

In fact, I remember I was at a

20:12

workshop, this was so probably a decade ago,

20:15

part of it was being taught by a judge

20:19

in a marital court, and

20:21

what he said is that his

20:24

experience is that by

20:26

the time a couple comes

20:28

in to sign their final

20:30

divorce papers, they're already recoupled.

20:34

So what's happening is people

20:36

jump once again into

20:39

this second relationship. Well,

20:42

it's understandable because

20:44

someone has rejected you and

20:47

that feels bad, of course, and

20:49

now somebody else will say, oh,

20:52

but I think you like it.

20:54

Well, all right, now that feels

20:56

pretty darn good, and you're gonna jump

20:58

right into that one, like maybe you jumped

21:00

into the first one without looking

21:03

at those values in communication and so

21:05

on. Besides which,

21:08

if you already had a

21:11

failed relationship, you

21:13

need to take a good look at yourself

21:16

because you need to understand

21:18

what role did you have

21:21

in that failure because if

21:23

you ask most people who are going

21:26

through a divorce or have been recently

21:28

divorced, why are you divorced?

21:31

99% of them are gonna say

21:33

it was their fault, like,

21:36

you know, I'm the innocent victim here, not

21:38

so. Okay, maybe it

21:40

wasn't 50-50, maybe it was 60-40,

21:44

could've even been 70-30, I don't know and

21:46

I don't care. But the point is you

21:48

played a role. At the very least, you

21:50

may have allowed it. And

21:52

unless you get your

21:54

head around that and find some

21:57

treatment, some counseling, and

22:00

so on, you're destined to

22:02

make the same mistakes in

22:05

the second relationship that doomed the

22:07

first. So that's why

22:09

the divorce rate for

22:12

second marriage is so hot.

22:15

And it's a shame because what

22:17

is frequently involved in these

22:20

divorces are kids. And

22:23

I've seen those cases where

22:25

now there's a second divorce and

22:28

so on. Oh, it is a mess. And

22:32

these poor kids are

22:35

really suffering because their worlds are

22:37

chaotic. I

22:40

agree with you that it

22:42

requires a certain level of self-reflection.

22:46

If you feel like it was

22:48

your partner's mistake, majority of times

22:51

they play the role in this

22:53

dynamic. And understanding that's helpful, grieving

22:55

that loss is also important because

22:58

sometimes people come in with anger

23:00

and resentment about the previous relationship.

23:03

And they kind of try to mismanage

23:06

the next relationship, hoping that this

23:08

time things will be different. So

23:10

I agree with you. Doing your own therapy is

23:13

important. Financial issues also

23:15

play a huge role. So all of those

23:17

things that requires people to kind of like,

23:19

maybe pause and assess. Like it's

23:22

not you can say like it was

23:24

your partner's fault, but inside it's helpful

23:26

to think about what can they do

23:28

for yourself and future to be kind

23:30

of showing a better version of yourself

23:32

in the next relationship. Maybe

23:34

you need more resources to help

23:36

you, whether it's like couples counseling,

23:38

therapy, community, those things are also

23:41

important. So I agree with

23:43

you that it's really, really important to not

23:45

jump into the next relationship. Now to the

23:47

secret. I'm burning to hear your secret. As

23:51

to what makes this, what makes it. Yeah, you

23:53

can make a managed last more than 50

23:55

years. You

23:58

know, just last. I

24:01

was out doing a whole new thing

24:03

now. I'm just about

24:05

to become certified as a

24:07

yogurt stock at

24:09

78. And so I

24:11

came home late and my wife

24:13

was at a dinner or whatever

24:16

that was being held in our condo in Sonnet.

24:19

And she packed a

24:22

dinner for me, including most

24:24

of her food. And

24:26

the reason what I'm saying here is

24:29

she went out of her way for

24:31

me. She gave up most

24:33

of her dinner so I could

24:36

come home and enjoy a knife.

24:38

And frankly,

24:41

I know my wife, if

24:44

there's a decision between what's best

24:46

for her and what's best for

24:48

me, I know which way she's

24:50

going. But the truth is,

24:53

I'm the same. That if I'm

24:55

faced with the decision of

24:57

what's better for me versus what's

24:59

better for her, I'm

25:02

going her way. So if

25:04

you can get in the situation

25:06

where the person you're married to,

25:09

you know, cares about you

25:11

that much and is that mature

25:13

and is so concerned about you,

25:16

not that they're deprived, but

25:18

are willing to put themselves out for you,

25:21

you've got it. That's such

25:23

an important message. And I'm curious,

25:25

did you guys arrive at this

25:27

place or you were there

25:29

at the beginning? Because I see that also

25:32

in career, right? Like people that are in

25:34

midst of building their career, each

25:36

person feels like they want to focus on

25:38

their thing and they don't want to just sacrifice

25:40

their career, whether

25:43

it's because of children or like every

25:45

other factor. So what do you think

25:47

would be what would workable? Is it

25:49

like, is it an innate quality or

25:51

is that something that you can build?

25:54

I hope to ladder. Yes. I mean, it

25:56

evolved. We got married in

25:58

our, you know, I would. So what I

26:00

was 24 I just 25 she was 24 Looking

26:07

back we thought we knew everything

26:09

and of course we knew nothing,

26:12

but that's the way it is So

26:14

yes in about not

26:16

okay I guess maybe we were

26:18

a little ahead of the game because you know,

26:21

I was a trained psychologist and

26:23

so forth but still

26:26

You know, we began to see that it

26:29

worked out so much better You

26:31

know when we could you know

26:33

resolve of our issues instead of keep

26:35

fighting over them I mean many

26:38

times Not

26:40

to say we didn't fight some facts Of course

26:42

we did but sooner or

26:45

later one of us maybe typically

26:47

me would say dear What

26:49

can we say here? What can we

26:51

do here that can help resolve

26:54

this matter? So that

26:57

we don't have to keep fighting

26:59

a lot of companies most companies

27:02

Unfortunately have what I call

27:04

bear traps and that

27:06

is these hot spots in

27:08

their Relationship and they're always

27:11

boiling. It could be the kids. It could

27:13

be her mother It's putting

27:15

money and or whatever and so

27:18

forth and all we need to do

27:20

is someone just touch it And

27:23

you're in it at it You

27:25

know and and they say the very

27:28

same thing Every

27:31

darn time and it gets to

27:33

the very same place But

27:36

you know every time where you go

27:38

to bed Angry or

27:40

go to bed in separate rooms and so

27:42

on well You know you keep

27:44

doing that time and time after

27:47

again, you know that that relationship's

27:49

going to erode So

27:51

you're learning to settle your

27:53

hat. That's an old

27:55

expression. I grew up with it

27:58

is is important and again

28:00

being willing to put yourself out.

28:02

I mean just like that husk

28:04

and I was talking about who

28:06

did the dishes and read stories

28:08

to the kids you know he gets

28:11

in the bed and his wife is in

28:13

the negligee and coming after him. It's like

28:15

oh my goodness you know you can

28:17

see now one one hand helping the

28:19

other here. So so

28:22

stuff like that starts happening and you

28:24

know obviously this relationship is going to

28:26

grow. Well Dr. Waltman I can

28:28

see it you are you have so

28:30

many important useful knowledge

28:33

insights so for if our listeners

28:35

want to learn more about you

28:38

access your content what are some of the

28:40

places they can go to? Well first

28:42

off my website is top

28:44

Phoenix that's like Phoenix here's

28:46

a top Phoenix

28:49

typologist.com. On that

28:51

website I list my books

28:54

that are available may I just list

28:56

them for it? Yes of course. All

28:59

right I'll list them the order publication.

29:02

The first one is Who's Raising

29:04

Who? That's my parenting manual

29:06

and that's probably my best-seller actually

29:08

even though I did that oh

29:10

my gosh back in the 80s

29:12

it's still valid today.

29:15

Coping with your adolescence I

29:17

like to say if you didn't get the

29:19

first one you're going to certainly need second

29:21

one. The third one the one I referred

29:24

to earlier was how come I love him

29:26

but can't live with him? You know that's

29:28

my marriage manual. My next one was Too

29:30

Busy Earning a Living to Make Your Fortune?

29:32

Now I talked about that about how to

29:34

move ahead and become more successful.

29:37

With a colleague of mine

29:39

who was a business analyst

29:42

we did a really book

29:44

called Overcoming Your Negotiatolia, Negotiating

29:46

Your Way to Life. The

29:48

book that I speak a lot

29:51

on with other mental health providers

29:54

is entitled A Graduate Course You

29:56

Never Have. That book

29:58

I talk about how to

30:01

market and develop

30:03

and manage a private

30:05

mental health practice. During

30:08

COVID, I completed Love Your Child

30:11

More Than You Hate Me Racks.

30:14

So I talk about, of

30:16

course, divorce and so forth

30:18

because I spent the last

30:20

20 years pretty much working

30:22

in the marital arena.

30:25

And the book, by the way,

30:27

that just went to the publisher

30:29

is entitled Silver Sex, Insights

30:32

Into Senior Sexuality. So

30:34

it's kind of my

30:37

story as well, not

30:39

really, but I'm

30:41

surrounded by other seniors and

30:43

of course I've done a fair amount of research.

30:46

And the boomers are still having

30:48

sex, like it or not. And

30:50

so I talk a lot about

30:53

that. It's pretty interesting. I can't wait for them. Also

30:57

on that website, I'd say three

30:59

dozen articles of mine, most of

31:01

which have been published in the

31:03

media one place or another. So

31:07

my freebie, if you will, if you go

31:09

to my website, you're free to

31:11

go to my articles and you can

31:13

download as many of them as

31:15

you wish. I also would like

31:17

to mention that I

31:19

do a great deal of

31:22

professional speaking. I speak,

31:24

of course, to mental health

31:26

association, so on, typically

31:28

on practice management and counseling

31:32

parents to raise responsible, resilient

31:34

kids. But I

31:36

also speak to the community on various

31:38

topics, obviously, like

31:41

parenting, marriage, relationships,

31:44

stress. I also do

31:46

coaching young or early

31:49

career mental health providers who would

31:51

like to move their

31:53

practice along. So thank you for

31:55

that opportunity. Of course. And thank you

31:57

for everything that you've done in the field. seems

32:00

like you contributed in so many different

32:02

ways. It was a pleasure to have you

32:04

on this show and thank you so much for your time.

32:06

Thank you for having me and thank you for allowing

32:08

me to have this experience. This

32:14

brings us to the end of today's

32:16

insightful conversation with Dr. Waldman.

32:18

We delve deep into the

32:20

critical elements that can make

32:22

or break a marriage and

32:24

explore strategies for sustaining long-term

32:26

relationships. Dr. Waldman, thank

32:28

you for sharing an invaluable expertise

32:31

and practical advice. It's

32:33

easy to say, make sure you

32:35

address your issues before jumping into

32:37

the next relationship. But the reality

32:39

is, recognizing our own

32:41

patterns and mistakes from the inside

32:44

can be quite challenging. Many of

32:46

us fall into the trap of

32:48

repeating the same patterns from one

32:50

relationship to the next one, often

32:53

seeking affirmation from friends who

32:56

may tell us we're right,

32:58

overlooking our faults. The

33:00

truth is the best way to generally

33:02

understand and learn from our relational

33:04

pattern is to consult with a professional.

33:07

Hiring a therapist whose well-birthed

33:09

in how minds and relationships

33:11

work can provide objective perspective

33:14

and guidance needed to identify

33:16

and change these recurring behaviors.

33:18

This is a crucial step

33:20

toward building healthier, more successful

33:22

relationship in the future. If

33:24

you are in the United States, I

33:26

recently graduated a few of my clients.

33:28

So I have very few openings. You

33:31

can find all of my opening in

33:33

the link in the show notes. If

33:35

you are interested to explore your pattern, I would

33:38

be more than happy to do it for you.

33:40

Also, if you are looking for

33:43

referrals in other part of the

33:45

country, other states, or maybe you

33:47

wanna go in person in another

33:50

state, just shoot me an email

33:52

at drmaulieatoisistucare. I Know many

33:54

of colleagues from different parts of the United

33:56

States, or I can do some research and

33:58

send you some results. There are I Thank

34:01

you for tuning. In and we hope

34:03

you'll join us next time. Under

34:05

six always The as for more

34:07

discussions that help you navigate the

34:09

complexities of relationship and personal growth.

34:28

Is. T.

34:32

Provider.