0:01

Welcome to the show. I'm Dr. Corey

0:03

Allen and welcome to 2024. Yeah,

0:06

happy new year, everyone. It's

0:08

amazing how quickly time goes

0:10

by. I think, don't we say this almost every

0:13

single year too? We do. It's nicer and

0:15

nicer to get farther away from 2020 as we can. That's

0:18

fair. That's fair. Well, this is

0:20

on this sexy marriage radio where we're having

0:22

regular conversations trying to cultivate the space between

0:24

you and your spouse. We

0:27

want to explore wisdom and skills of the

0:29

marriage and relationship world's most brilliant minds because

0:32

we want to help address topics that every relationship

0:34

is going to face. And we want to offer

0:37

conversations or starters. You can conversation starters and actions.

0:39

I guess I got to put all the words

0:41

together now that we're in a new year. It's

0:43

time to start having better English. But

0:46

we want to propel your life and marriage and deeper

0:48

and more meaningful directions. If you're

0:50

new to the show, check out the

0:53

episode starter packs. Go to SMR

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are collections of our favorite episodes organized by topic and

0:59

they give you a taste of everything we do here.

1:03

And also as part of the nation, you

1:05

are vital to helping frame the conversation as

1:07

in what we're going to be doing today

1:10

is some feedback from last week's episode. But

1:13

we want to hear from you. So let

1:15

us know 214-702-9565 or email us at feedback

1:17

at sexy marriage radio dot com. And

1:22

as we're coming off the holiday season, you

1:24

know, this is all winding down with this

1:27

the first show of 2024. And

1:29

for most people, you know, kids maybe

1:31

aren't back in school yet, but people

1:34

might be back to work because,

1:37

you know, we don't get the whole month off like

1:39

like our college daughter. But

1:45

it's interesting because as we come off of the holiday

1:47

season and you think of the time that we get

1:49

to spend with family, I'm a friend

1:51

of I'm a I'm a fan of Mark Manson. And he

1:54

sends out a weekly message on Mondays. And it says, well,

1:56

I'm a big fan of Mark Manson.

2:00

One of the things he just sent is

2:02

one of the most important things family teaches

2:04

you is how to actively love a person

2:06

you don't necessarily like. Hmm.

2:09

Wow. That's like a

2:11

shot right across the bow, right? I

2:14

think that's almost a direct hit. Yeah.

2:17

Yeah. And then he goes on to say

2:19

simply... It can be very true. Maybe not for

2:21

everybody, but it can be very true for a lot of

2:23

people. That's true. But I think there's

2:26

an element of we come from the school of

2:28

belief that all families are

2:30

crazy. They're just different

2:32

kinds of crazy. And when you

2:34

get away from it, and in our case, create

2:36

our own kind of crazy. Yeah. Yeah.

2:39

Because exactly that's what it is that we

2:41

do here in our home. One of the

2:43

things he continues on to talk about is

2:45

simply be with somebody without any desire to

2:47

change them or control the interaction. So the

2:49

goal is accept who they are and try

2:51

to be drama free. That's

2:54

the same kind of framework we use a lot of times

2:56

in the idea of addressing the problem

2:58

I have or the person I have or the

3:00

spouse I have or the child I have rather

3:02

than who I wish they were. Right. And

3:05

so I love that idea of, yeah,

3:08

there's a lot of opportunities to look at

3:10

things that I can't change in

3:12

hopes of uncovering and discovering things that

3:14

I can change. Yeah. Now that we're

3:17

in 2024, Pam, one of the things

3:19

that we have coming up is the

3:21

Sexy Marriage Radio getaway, June

3:23

13th through the 15th here

3:26

in the Dallas-Fort Worth area. At

3:29

the Marriott-Dallas-Fort Worth West

3:31

Lake, which is just north of the airport.

3:33

I'm already ready for the dance. Absolutely.

3:36

So it's a Thursday afternoon to a

3:38

Saturday night. We end with a dance, as my

3:40

wife just alluded. But

3:42

what we're trying to do now is we're, this is now

3:45

that we hit the new year, we're starting to just promote

3:47

and encourage people to come join

3:49

us. And one of the ways we want

3:51

to do this, we're going to do this for the entire month of January.

3:54

So if any point during the month of January,

3:57

you can enter a raffle to win.

4:00

the registration fee being waived, which

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come join us on the getaway. So

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you'd still be responsible for travel and your hotel

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and food. But the registration

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way you can enter into this random

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waived is leave us

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Be honest with the comment, it has to be a comment,

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you have to leave a comment in

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So two steps, leave the review. Two steps. And then

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send us the email with your username so we can

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see it. And I'll be honest with it about the

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show. This is not about the getaway, be honest about

4:48

the show. I mean, even if you don't necessarily like

4:50

the show, but you wanna come to the getaway, which

4:52

is an odd paradox. Yes, that would be odd. But

4:55

I'm all for it. But

4:58

leave a review, give

5:00

us the username that you left the

5:02

review, send that to feedback at sexymarriageradio.com.

5:05

Let us know that you left the review. That enters

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And then here's the second bonus. Even

5:13

if you don't win the raffle, if

5:16

you still wanna join us, we'll

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take $75 off the registration fee for you.

5:22

Okay, very cool. So in the month of January,

5:24

that's the only time you got, is from the

5:27

time this airs till the end of January, enter

5:29

in by leaving a comment on

5:32

Apple Podcasts. Let us know that

5:34

you left a comment by

5:36

at feedback to sexymarriageradio.com and

5:38

come join us in June in 2024, because

5:41

it's a fabulous four days together. So we'll

5:43

do the drawing like the first week of

5:45

February. Absolutely. So hope to see you there

5:47

and hope you win. And

5:49

so coming up today on the regular version, we're

5:52

gonna continue this kind of a conversation based off

5:54

of what we did last week with

5:57

the my husband's lost attraction to me. lost

6:00

desire towards you. Yeah, there was. There was.

6:03

And we're going to look at this a little bit

6:05

of a different way slightly as

6:07

well as I've got an

6:10

analogy, interaction,

6:12

like role play almost in a

6:14

sense of how, what does self-validated

6:17

actually look like since

6:19

that was kind of the frame from last week's

6:21

show. And on the

6:23

extended content today, which is deeper longer

6:25

and there are no ads, you can

6:27

subscribe at smr.fm slash Academy. We're

6:30

going to dive into the traditional thing we do

6:32

at the first of every single year, which

6:34

is the three words. And we

6:37

love the concept of rather than New

6:39

Year's resolutions. We use three words.

6:41

Yeah, three words to live by. To live

6:44

by, to frame the focus of the year,

6:46

to have an idea of what am I

6:48

really working towards? And

6:51

so all that's coming up right after this. It's

6:55

exciting to welcome a new partner here in 2024.

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when it comes to an attrition standpoint.

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but AG1 is a

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at drinkag1.com/Sexy Marriage Radio. So last

9:39

week's episode as we wound down

9:41

2023 was a wife that had

9:43

emailed or sent a message

9:47

in about how after doing the Our

9:49

Intimate Choices worksheet,

9:52

her and her

9:54

husband sat down had a conversation and he disclosed to

9:56

her that he doesn't have any... he doesn't desire her.

9:59

He's not A... You're Not attracted. To.

10:01

Her which. Is

10:04

a gut wrenching. Steamy, An.

10:07

Alarm and one too. but it's a the

10:09

average Cia or painful to to get that

10:11

kind of information to getting confirmed because one

10:13

of the threads we went on last week.

10:16

If you miss the show actually if you

10:18

mister show head over there real quick spec.

10:20

one week in the archives of Listen will

10:22

wait. Ah,

10:25

The since one of the one of

10:27

the idea is that we that I

10:29

believe in is. Often.

10:32

Times when I look back at things in

10:34

my marriage. I. Can't necessarily put

10:36

my finger on what it is that's gone wrong that

10:38

I can pick up that there's something. And.

10:41

Then when I get that confirmation. It's.

10:43

Almost a two pronged blow. His you

10:45

will. Want. Is the truth is

10:48

now out between us and. Then

10:50

the other can be a self doubt of how did I

10:52

not see this sooner. What's wrong

10:54

with me? How did I miss this?

10:56

You know, because we couldn't beat ourselves up for

10:58

stuff that wasn't our fault. No

11:01

no I mean a in this

11:03

situation. Maybe he's. A

11:06

He's just so low. Desire. Across

11:09

the board, Isn't I mean what

11:11

does he have designed for right?

11:13

Is it may just be work

11:15

or less at his cell? Yes.

11:17

Sit right little yet no control

11:19

over what the spouse. Right comes

11:21

after. But what it? What we wanted

11:23

to try to set the stage for

11:25

was the idea that women when the

11:27

truth is actually out between you in

11:29

the dynamic of your system your now

11:31

actually in a better place to do

11:34

something different. Whether. That

11:36

be stay or go. We're not

11:38

gonna necessarily address. Or

11:40

or say here's what you slowly one way

11:43

or another. just. They have the data and now

11:45

you know what to do it right? it as

11:47

a couple different things came in one

11:49

was on the platform one was via

11:51

email it seed back at six emerge

11:53

radio.com and convince other email that came

11:55

in was from my husband says after

11:57

listening closely to the show this weekend

11:59

so by the story while

12:01

putting myself in her shoes I

12:04

could only imagine how devastated I'd

12:06

feel after confirmation that I'm not

12:08

desired. I guess

12:11

my question is whether men would

12:13

take this revelation harder than women.

12:17

I want to kind of pause here because I'm curious

12:19

about this because there is a distinction in how how

12:22

information lands between

12:25

men and women but maybe not

12:27

as big of a distinction as sometimes we can make it

12:29

out to be. Yeah

12:32

because I would I

12:34

don't know just based off of years

12:36

with the show I would think that it's

12:39

a pretty similar response is my guess

12:42

male versus female. Yeah

12:44

it is I'm wondering if there

12:46

is a different kind of an

12:48

ego hit. I

12:51

mean I think women get some validity from

12:53

the fact that they think that they're seen

12:55

as beautiful that they're alluring that they're sexually

12:58

vibrant something like that but I don't know

13:00

if it's the same energy

13:02

source that it is for a man. You

13:05

think it's more so for a man? I

13:08

think there's going to be varied

13:10

according to each individual obviously but

13:13

I think there's there it's an interesting question

13:15

to ponder so I would be curious from

13:18

the nation what do you think? Yeah.

13:20

Does this land different if you're a man or a woman?

13:25

Well based off of his response

13:28

and her response they sound pretty equal

13:30

right? Okay. This guy is right. He

13:32

was saddened and devastating to hear. Yeah

13:34

absolutely it sounds like pretty similar responses

13:36

for the two of them one male

13:38

one female. I think

13:41

we're all human I don't think this

13:44

is a male-female line. No I

13:46

don't think it is either I think there's nuances

13:48

that would be different between

13:50

them absolutely though. Certainly. But

13:53

then he continues on being married

13:55

a long time doesn't mean that we just have

13:57

to accept news like this and live with it.

14:00

I, for one, would consider this a serious breach

14:02

of our wedding vows and might even consider it

14:04

a deal breaker. Holding

14:07

out hope for decades only to discover that

14:09

there's none is cruel. Knowing

14:12

this and not sharing it with your

14:14

partner is cowardice. As a man, I'd

14:16

be furious. Your thoughts.

14:19

This is a different take that I

14:21

kind of thought of at one point because one

14:23

of the factors that

14:26

is evident in this dynamic is, is this

14:29

a deal breaker or not? It's the same

14:31

kind of comment we've had in the past

14:33

over when a marriage

14:35

goes purely sexless, is

14:38

the person that's no longer interested

14:40

or willing to be involved in the

14:42

sexual aspect of the marriage, is that

14:45

a deal breaker or not? See,

14:47

and I see these as really

14:49

far extreme. I say they're extremes

14:52

away from each other. Okay. And

14:54

to reference a totally sexless marriage,

14:57

yeah, I think that one is a, you're

15:03

not, I think that's a

15:05

breach of wedding vows, right? Okay. I

15:08

came into this

15:10

situation anticipating that that would be

15:12

part of our relationship. Sexual

15:15

intimacy would be part of our relationship.

15:22

As this person, when

15:25

they first got married, did they have in their

15:27

mind that I'm the lower

15:30

desire and I don't necessarily

15:32

have a desire for you? I

15:34

don't have this intent. I

15:38

just swoon when you come into the

15:40

room because

15:42

maybe that's not in my makeup. I've

15:45

seen a lot of people that I

15:50

can see how I could be perfectly,

15:54

perfect is a bad word, totally

15:57

devoted to you. I

16:00

love you as my spouse, but

16:04

the sexual side is not a high

16:06

desire for me. So can I make

16:09

that a deal breaker marriage?

16:11

No relationship is about one aspect

16:14

of that relationship. Good

16:17

point. And that's where

16:19

that feels like an extreme

16:21

the other way where we're, we're

16:24

indicting our spouse for

16:27

maybe something they need to work on. They need

16:29

to reflect on in themselves. And

16:31

this is, this is where it gets

16:33

interesting because on the one hand, his,

16:35

his comment of knowing this

16:38

and not sharing it with your partner is

16:40

cowardice. Right?

16:42

There's an element of the courage

16:44

it takes to actually bring forward.

16:46

Here's the struggle and the dilemma

16:48

I've got. And maybe, and I'll

16:50

give people a benefit of the

16:52

doubt because sometimes we can't articulate

16:54

it completely. Just

16:57

know there's something amiss. We just know,

16:59

and we can easily then

17:01

internalize that as what's wrong with me. And

17:03

so then we spend all kinds of time

17:05

just escaping into other areas of our life

17:08

that bring me satisfaction, validity, you know,

17:11

importance, whatever it might be, because

17:14

we all as humans run from the

17:16

things we don't understand most of the

17:18

time until we

17:20

have courage to face it. And that's why

17:22

when you have courage to actually put this

17:24

out in the open, as devastating as it

17:26

is, it actually is now in a better

17:28

place to reorganize

17:31

what is this really all about between us and

17:33

within me. Yeah, I think you've

17:35

nailed it on the head. What

17:38

really is going through my head with that

17:40

comment withholding is cowardice. And if I'm

17:42

truly withholding something that I know and understand,

17:44

I agree

17:47

with this email, right? If

17:49

I know something's going on and I

17:52

have an issue, something that should be brought to

17:54

the table, something that could help us figure

17:57

out how to enhance

17:59

and... make our relationship

18:01

better or or I

18:06

don't know take away the tension and anxiety that

18:08

we know is already there so let's address it

18:10

right. At least we name the elephant. Name

18:12

the elephant but I do think

18:15

and and I say this from

18:17

personal experience I'm that

18:19

person that can't sometimes

18:22

put a finger at least just in the

18:24

past I was right now now I feel

18:27

like I'm better at pinpointing

18:29

things but there's a long period

18:31

of time in our 30 years of marriage

18:33

that I just

18:35

can't pinpoint what things were and

18:39

it's perfectly possible that this guy it took

18:42

them going through this

18:44

exercise together it took going through this

18:47

our intimate choices to

18:52

help maybe finally make it materialize

18:54

cleanly to be able to then

18:56

bring out the level that's been

18:58

brought out. Oh gosh okay

19:00

now that it's asking me these questions and

19:02

we're walking through it together this

19:06

is the issue. Okay but I'm not

19:08

gonna let people off of the cowardice

19:10

hook though. Okay go for it. Because

19:14

most of what we will do and let's

19:16

make this more global than just this particular

19:18

issue in this particular husband from last week.

19:22

Most of what we will do this is what I hear in my

19:24

office a lot is somebody's

19:26

not interested they've pulled back

19:29

but they still want to keep what it is

19:31

they have. Yeah.

19:33

In the story of their marriage and

19:35

life and family because we're not flippant

19:38

about these things there's big costs to

19:41

to big choices. Truly. And

19:44

so I understand how people in reveals

19:46

I understand how we can sit here

19:48

not being in those shoes and

19:51

have an objective quote-unquote view

19:53

of here's what you should do

19:55

when if we were in

19:57

these shoes we would have no clue. What's

20:00

the best choice? It's basically what's the

20:02

best bad choice that I need

20:04

to look at but I

20:07

will say The cowardice comes

20:09

into play in our nature as

20:11

human beings when something's not working

20:13

right with me Something's off and

20:15

I don't have the courage to

20:17

truly face. What could that be

20:19

instead? I distract or I blame

20:22

That's where cowardice comes into play Because

20:25

I hear couples say from a spot one

20:27

spouse will say you know what? I'm just

20:29

not ever gonna be that it probably would

20:31

be better if you just go find it

20:33

someplace else just leave I understand and it's

20:35

like I'm giving this blanket out without me

20:37

being the bad guy When

20:40

in reality that is a one

20:42

down victim move That's

20:45

being a complete Scaredy

20:48

cat if you will or cow facing What's

20:51

the dilemma going on in your life

20:54

and then in turn your marriage? Yeah,

20:57

and that's where we have to flip it because

20:59

a lot of times we let this is where

21:01

we landed And we

21:03

need to pivot it We

21:05

let what my spouse thinks of me be the

21:07

determinant of what I think of me And

21:10

so there are then four I could make it

21:12

as well. It'd be better if you just and

21:15

no, that's not me facing me still Right.

21:18

And so then what jumped onto the platform

21:20

at my dot SMR dot FM Was

21:23

an interaction I had with a guy that was talking

21:25

about he said do you think this is a crucible

21:27

moment? Required to make a transition

21:30

to mature love Meaning a

21:32

higher desire partner has to call out

21:35

when the lower desire partner is ambivalent

21:37

or straddling. I Saw

21:39

this pattern in my own marriage and I see

21:41

it the opposite in marriages that are stuck Because

21:45

it's basically yes, I'm gonna and I put

21:47

down yes, this is a crucible moment, which

21:50

is often required But it

21:52

comes it can come from either the higher

21:54

desire or the lower desire Initiating or standing

21:56

up and confronting this first. This isn't just

21:58

one side having to finally Some

24:00

of it's protective because

24:03

there's a lot of other scenarios that now

24:05

all of a sudden come into play that

24:08

weren't necessarily in play as well

24:10

as what's the cost to our kids, what's the cost

24:12

to our financial

24:14

status, what's the cost to everything.

24:16

Because logistically, it

24:19

changes everything. I mean, there's

24:21

a lot of couples I've worked with too over the 20

24:23

years of doing this where they'll get

24:25

in a situation like this. One of them's

24:27

had enough. They really want to disrupt the

24:29

status quo and one of the easiest, hardest,

24:31

quote unquote, steps to take is move

24:33

into a different room in the home for a bit.

24:35

Yeah, but how do we explain this to our kids?

24:38

Well, then it becomes that I'm imagining your kids already

24:40

know something's up anyway. We're

24:43

not that good actors and actresses. No, our

24:45

kids are into it. They know there's attention

24:47

and if they're older, they will voice as

24:49

such. Right?

24:52

Now, at least we put it out in the open because

24:55

some of what that does is it brings embarrassment

24:58

into the equation and

25:00

having to actually face what

25:03

we thought we had hidden. And

25:05

some of the times we can't make these moves because

25:07

I just can't think, I can't see it. I

25:11

can't see an alternative. I can't see a

25:13

different way to

25:15

frame something or address something. Right?

25:19

Yeah. Because think

25:21

about our journeys of the gridlock things we've had,

25:23

babe. I

25:26

can pretty well guess

25:29

some of the different moves you would

25:31

make back when we were in these

25:33

situations because we

25:36

keep trying the same things over and over. Right?

25:40

Like, oh, well, maybe this conversation

25:42

will finally be the breakthrough. Maybe

25:45

she will overreact to this. Maybe I

25:47

can finally start

25:49

it well enough to let

25:51

the message actually land so that there's

25:54

no emotion and then we have

25:56

this civil conversation over it. And how'd that

25:58

work out? It never does. Right

26:00

and until I recognize the goal isn't

26:02

necessarily to try to dampen emotion. It's

26:05

the face fact better Yeah,

26:08

and so here's here's the exchange. I want

26:10

to give people as we kind of wrap

26:12

up this segment So

26:14

the scenario is so we're gonna pivot It's

26:16

not apples to apples with this exchange because

26:19

I want to go a little softer to

26:21

help give an idea Okay of what we're

26:23

talking about. So this is a couple hypothetically

26:26

speaking that They

26:29

had a great sexual encounter One

26:32

evening as they're heading to bed. Right? So

26:34

as the evening in the day is winding

26:36

down they had a great Sexual

26:38

encounter and so in the morning They

26:41

wake up and in the morning The

26:45

wife remarks on the wonderfully intimate

26:47

sexual time they had Right

26:50

as they're getting out of bed getting the

26:52

day started to which the husband brusquely comments

26:55

that he didn't find it wonderfully intimate or

26:57

even sexually satisfied right So

27:00

now then the wife is shocked what made her

27:02

what made her think it was great. Well, okay

27:04

That's where this out keeps going. So the wife

27:07

is shocked But how

27:09

she allows that comment to affect her

27:11

sense of self reflects whether she's capable

27:13

of relying on self validated intimacy Or

27:16

if she depends on her husband's attitude

27:18

to define her view of

27:20

the sexual encounter, which is everything we talked about

27:22

last week Okay, so she's relying on her

27:24

husband's if she's if she's

27:26

taking that stance which is kind of

27:28

a normal belief about intimacy where I

27:30

let you have too much sway over

27:33

my My belief

27:35

my belief in my you Not

27:37

that I don't have any of your

27:39

input Yeah, I allowed too much of it

27:42

if she has normal beliefs, she'll be

27:44

thrown into a swamp of self-doubt She

27:47

could even begin to mistrust her own experience

27:50

and look to her husband instead for her sense

27:52

of what happened to her She could be even

27:54

saying things like gosh, maybe it wasn't so great

27:56

Maybe I don't really know what good sex is.

27:58

Maybe there's something wrong with it with me. Maybe

28:00

I didn't really feel what I thought I felt.

28:02

I mean, self-doubt, easily

28:05

creeps in when I get that kind

28:07

of a comment back. Absolutely.

28:09

Well, now switch it. If this

28:12

is a marriage between two relatively

28:14

well-differentiated spouses or two spouses

28:16

that are a little bit better, they're standing

28:18

on their own two feet, or she is

28:20

a half a step ahead of him. That's

28:22

the idea. Right? On the

28:24

other hand, she would

28:26

be able, a negative emotional response from

28:29

one spouse doesn't have to have the

28:31

power to suck the other into a

28:33

vortex of anxiety and depression. So

28:35

if that same scenario happened, the

28:38

wife could trust the relationship she has

28:40

with herself. She could

28:42

trust her own instincts and her own perceptions

28:44

of what went down. And she may say

28:46

something like, oh, I'm really sorry to hear

28:48

that. I and the man I

28:51

was with last night had a wonderful time. Who

28:53

was the woman you were with and what was she like? And

28:58

just kind of totally flip it back to him.

29:01

Right, right. Because if I enjoyed

29:03

the encounter, why am I going

29:05

to let you get me down? Right. Because

29:07

if the husband's just trying to hurt

29:09

her feelings or play with her reality,

29:11

it no longer works. That move no

29:14

longer works. Yeah.

29:16

Now, it sounds like clearly there's something

29:18

to work on. If you have this

29:20

sexual encounter and one

29:23

of these not satisfied and the other is,

29:25

there is more to chat about on

29:29

how that goes down. There is,

29:31

but some of that chat needs to be

29:33

with self because

29:35

he might be in the role, in

29:37

this scenario, he might be in the

29:39

role of he doesn't know what good

29:41

sex is. I

29:44

mean, he doesn't know how to seek what he

29:46

wants himself. He doesn't know how to bring himself

29:48

forward. He just follows a really good script that's

29:50

pleasing to her. And she had a fantastic time,

29:53

but he didn't. Well, now we got a dilemma

29:55

we need to face, but he's got to face

29:57

it in himself first. Yeah. Oh

30:00

my gosh, I love this example. I love

30:02

the the simplicity of this example because I

30:04

think it probably hits home with a lot

30:06

of people yeah, and clearly

30:09

defines Self-validation

30:13

versus other validation, right and and

30:15

and that I don't Want

30:17

everything about me to be defined by you.

30:19

I've got to i've got a stain on

30:22

my own two feet And it's a because

30:25

it's such a common example, I think

30:28

um Makes

30:31

it super easy to see well, you can

30:33

here's my next move Oh did I

30:35

react poorly because my reactions to what

30:37

you say to me? Then

30:40

explode into other things and you're not

30:42

about getting to How

30:45

can we make this sexual encounter better for

30:47

both of us? Then we're about what

30:49

do you think of me? You don't like blah blah blah and it and

30:52

it's not on target And this is that

30:54

we got to find that that sweet

30:56

spot in the continuum of i'm devastated

30:59

And in this vortex of shame and oh it

31:01

sucks to be you Right

31:04

where i'm uncaring and callous

31:06

and cold on oh,

31:08

well that sucks to be you You

31:10

know, right because there's this element of

31:13

we exist with between these if you

31:15

will And the goal becomes in

31:17

my mind and the work I do The

31:21

goal becomes how do you have a

31:23

better power? stance towards

31:25

the things that go on In

31:28

your life because I love that framework of

31:30

how I and the man I was

31:33

with had a wonderful time Who

31:36

was the woman you were with? What was she

31:38

like? I know I love that too because I

31:41

first see that couple in

31:45

the coming months Walking

31:47

away with some amazing

31:51

Sexual encounters right because now the

31:53

dialogue is going now He's

31:56

got his brain going of oh, I

31:58

gotta step up my game because she He's confident in

32:00

where he is. And there's nothing else, let's

32:03

end it with this. If absolutely nothing else

32:06

is revealed than this, it's

32:09

a win. Because what gets revealed is

32:12

who are each of us in

32:14

this equation and where we're not fully

32:18

aware of our own blind spots versus

32:21

the powerful stances we take of who we

32:23

really are in letting people choose. That's

32:26

the goal of growing up. That's differentiation in

32:28

a nutshell. On

32:31

the cusp of a brand new year, it's often

32:33

exciting to think about what's it going to

32:35

be like this time next year? What

32:38

will have happened? And I'm a little...that

32:40

has a different feel to it now after

32:42

all of 2020, 2021. Because

32:46

we get exposed to a whole lot different

32:48

of what the world can be. But

32:51

it's exciting to think about what the world can be. It

32:53

is. I

32:56

don't know what everybody's 2024 has

32:58

on tap for them as far as there's

33:01

some big milestones coming up.

33:03

There's some things that I'm not looking forward

33:05

to. But the whole point of, I

33:08

think, in life is how do I face it

33:10

as cleanly as I can to make

33:13

the best choices in those moments that I can?

33:15

And then I figure out what the next choice

33:17

is after that. Because

33:20

that's the way we get best in life

33:22

in my mind. I

33:24

face the truth of what

33:26

I have as best I can in

33:28

that moment. And then I adjust

33:31

based on the response that I get back in return. Well,

33:34

this has been Sexy Marriage Radio. If we left

33:36

something undone, hey, we want you to let us know. 214-702-9565

33:41

or feedback at sexymarishradio.com. Also,

33:44

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33:46

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33:48

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33:51

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33:53

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33:56

this helps spread the word so that other people

33:58

can frame their conversations and their lives

34:00

and relationships. Hopefully a little bit cleaner. Transcripts

34:03

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34:06

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34:08

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34:15

Thanks for listening and starting out the new

34:18

year with us and we'll see you next

34:20

time.