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is brought to you by UGG. Winter

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1:24

homies, J-Dog here. No, no,

1:26

can't use that. J-Dog, what on earth? Hello,

1:29

listeners. Dr. John Watson, your

1:31

ENT physician. That's

1:34

a joke. I'm not actually an ear, nose,

1:37

and throat doctor. I just meant like, I'm

1:39

a doctor, and I'm in your ears. So

1:41

yeah, not in your nose, obviously, or your

1:43

throat. But yeah, ear doctor

1:45

was the joke I was kind of. Anyway,

1:48

it's new adventure time. The

1:51

golden pants-nay, spelt pince-nez.

1:55

pants-nay. A bit of the old francais

1:57

for you. For

1:59

those of you who are... are

2:02

normal and don't know what

2:04

a pantsnay is, it's

2:06

a pair of glasses without the arms,

2:11

so like the little ones that sit

2:13

on your nose.

2:17

So I'm sad to say that

2:19

this adventure is regarding a

2:21

murder. Yeah,

2:24

so there will be some distressing

2:27

scenes, depictions of

2:29

violence and yeah,

2:32

minimal swearing in this one,

2:35

teeny weeny bit of religious

2:37

intolerance, mocking skepticism at

2:40

worst, I promise. And yeah,

2:43

well enjoy. Well

2:46

no, don't enjoy, it is a murder. Just

2:49

listen to it. Cheers, bye. Hi

2:57

there. Was going

2:59

to upload the episode today, the Golden

3:01

Pantsnay, but thought I

3:03

should just flag that this will be a

3:05

three-parter. I know, I know, I know, I

3:08

know, I'm not doing that Netflix thing where I just drag a

3:10

story out unnecessarily.

3:13

I tried to find a place to cut

3:15

it for it to have been too,

3:17

but the episode would have been like, you

3:20

know, 40 minutes each and yeah, attention spans

3:22

are a troublesome beast. So there

3:25

you go. And yeah,

3:27

it begins with the impending visit of my mum,

3:30

when Sherlock and I were Christmas

3:32

shopping. Well, he wasn't,

3:34

I was. So

3:36

yeah, three-parter. Apologies.

3:41

Thank you. But you

3:43

know what they say, good things come

3:45

to those who wait. Cheers.

3:52

Seriously, why aren't they sponsoring this show?

3:54

That was absolutely perfect. No

3:57

Watson, please. I can't. Come

3:59

on. What a lovely shop! Christmas

4:02

shopping mate, this is it, Regent Street pick

4:04

a dilly. Yeah, no, it's

4:06

kind of Regent Street, but it's

4:08

pick a dilly. Yeah, alright, oh

4:11

ho ho ho, look at that!

4:14

It's sparkly Christmas presents suspended over the

4:16

street, that's cool isn't it? Those decorations

4:18

won't last. What last one? The

4:20

storm tonight. Yeah, it's a bit on the humid

4:22

side isn't it? Those plastic

4:24

reindeer will be massacred every

4:27

last one of them. Well, let's

4:29

take that negative outlook and turn

4:31

it upside down with this place. Too

4:35

busy. Bye bye, look, look, look, this

4:37

is called Fortnum and Mater. I

4:40

know what it is Watson. This

4:42

is posh central. Yeah, this

4:44

is like Waitrose on steroids,

4:46

you know, organic artisan

4:48

steroids from the Cots one this place, yeah. Look

4:51

after there. Gonna get my mum a Christmas hamper

4:53

for when she gets in. That's

4:55

nice. Ah, I mean, look, they're a little

4:57

bit on the expensive side, but they are

4:59

so worth it, you know, because they have all of

5:01

the Jesus Christ, 125 quid. We're

5:04

leaving. Yeah, we're leaving. My

5:10

name is Dr John Watson, once

5:12

of the British Army Northumberland Fusilier

5:15

Regiment, now a

5:17

true crime podcaster based in central

5:19

London. I don't

5:21

have much experience in criminology. So

5:24

this is mostly a record of how

5:26

I met possibly the most brilliant and

5:29

bizarre person I have ever and

5:31

will ever know. Join

5:34

me as I document the

5:36

adventures of Sherlock Holmes.

5:51

Thank you.

6:00

John, can you

6:02

just reread this, please?

6:05

Sure. What's

6:11

this for? Oh, for the company's bank account.

6:14

Right, yeah. I

6:19

think probably just have a separate account if

6:22

we're saying they're expenses. No? No,

6:24

no, I can sort that. We don't

6:26

need... Oh, hold on. Sherlock

6:29

and co, Marina speaking. Uh-huh.

6:32

Yes. Uh,

6:36

adultons. Right. It

6:38

was an accident. What?

6:41

A tragic accident, nothing more. Um,

6:45

Mr. Holmes said it was an accident. Mm-hmm.

6:49

Mm-hmm. They

6:53

said it can't be because... It's

6:55

fumes. Potatoes require ventilation. Especially

6:58

rotten ones. Did

7:00

you hear all that? Uh-huh.

7:04

I'm... I'm very sorry. I

7:08

know. Okay. Okay.

7:12

Bye. Where?

7:15

Caves closed. Hmm. Would

7:18

it be nice if we had actually opened

7:20

it to begin with? Come on. It's easy

7:22

peasy. Easy peasy. It's a phrase.

7:24

Yeah, I know. But we're also now using

7:26

lovely and jubbly. Yeah, well,

7:28

it's lovely jubbly, not lovely and jubbly.

7:30

And how is the adulton tragedy easy

7:33

peasy? Solvable from the 400-word article

7:35

I read this morning. Right.

7:38

Okay. There you go, Watson.

7:40

All done. What? What are

7:42

you doing with my medical license? Nothing

7:44

now. I finished. Finished

7:46

what? The transaction.

7:48

Oxymorphone. Two months' worth. You're

7:51

gonna get me struck off. No,

7:53

I'm not. You cannot use my

7:55

medical license to procure heroin. It's

7:57

not heroin. It's oxymorphos. Christ. I... Oh

8:01

god, I gotta head out and meet my mum. Listen,

8:03

okay, this is unacceptable. Watson,

8:05

you're disturbing Mrs. Hudson. Sherlock,

8:09

can we talk about this? My

8:11

name is... Sounds quick. Also

8:15

for Miss Mariana Ameci... Mariana Ameciatura. Yes, it

8:17

is. No,

8:20

sorry, nobody of that name resides here. Bye

8:22

bye. No, no, no, wait. Sherlock. Back

8:29

at London Paddington, my friends. Just

8:33

waiting for my mum, Carol Watson. The

8:35

one and only. I

8:37

mean, no, there's probably

8:39

loads of them, isn't there? Very

8:42

common name. Anyway,

8:44

she's in Scotland this Christmas with friends, I

8:46

think. Oh, Christmas Carol? So,

8:49

yeah, gonna do some gift exchanging and...

8:52

Ah, here she is. Oh

8:54

my darling! Hi mum. Oh,

8:57

what did those naughty Russians do to you? Nothing,

9:00

mum, we've done this. I've seen you twice and...

9:02

Oh, look at you! It's so humid, isn't it

9:04

humid? Yeah, really muggy, yeah, yeah. There's a storm

9:06

on the way, you can tell. Yes, so have

9:09

I. We need it. We need the storm, John.

9:11

It shouldn't be this humid in December. It's still November, mum. Too

9:13

warm, the air's too close. Oh, look at you! So, good journey

9:15

that's been going on. Oh, look at you. Look at you.

9:18

Look at you. Look at you. Look

9:20

at you. Look at you. So, good journey then.

9:22

It's a bit shorter than that trip to Scotland,

9:24

you got coming up? Oh, I'll

9:26

be in the car for that. Car? Who's

9:29

driving you? Charlie. I...

9:32

Who's Charlie? That's who

9:35

I'm going to Scotland with. Right, like... Yeah,

9:40

Charlie, is

9:42

she... She... Her friends? What

9:46

generation are obsessed with pronouns, John?

9:48

Obsessed? No, I'm not

9:50

obsessed with pronouns. I just want to know if...

9:52

No, actually, no, I don't want to know. Good

9:54

journey. Oh, fantastic. I had my headphones on the whole

9:56

time. It was lovely. Ah, great.

9:58

Great. Listen. This is

10:01

a show. This is my podcast. What's

10:03

that? My microphone for the podcast. Oh,

10:05

I thought it was a book. No, it's a podcast. I

10:07

put it in the WhatsApp. Oh, sorry, love. No, I was

10:09

listening. Right, let me take you back. Oh,

10:12

look at you, job done done done done. Are the army looking up here? No, again,

10:14

with them. Oh, why? Because I'm not in

10:16

the army. What? Why

10:18

not? You're not in the army? I'm not in the army. Oh,

10:20

I'm not in the army. Oh, I'm not in the army. Oh,

10:22

I'm not in the army. Oh, I'm not in the

10:24

army. Oh, why? Because

10:27

I'm not in the army. What? Why

10:29

not? You're in your frame? Yes, part of the British army.

10:31

So you quit? You're not a

10:34

cause? I chose a

10:36

humanitarian cause that they

10:38

disagree with me choosing. Oh, did they

10:40

sack you? That means... Well, yeah, they

10:43

did. Yeah. Oh, no.

10:45

What? They'll take you back? I

10:47

don't want to go back. Why not? Because

10:50

I make my podcast now and, you know,

10:52

I run a company, actually. You should become

10:54

a GP, you know. There's hardly any GPs

10:56

these days. I need to do it

10:58

all on Zoom. I had to

11:00

show my GP my mole on Zoom. In fact,

11:02

I had to show the reception stuff. First,

11:04

can you believe that? I said,

11:06

Angela, I'm not going to get my mother up

11:09

to a reception. It'll be all over the internet

11:11

before you know it. Right, yeah. My

11:13

company... It doesn't matter.

11:16

Doesn't matter. So

11:20

what were you listening to on the train? Fifty

11:23

Shades Freed is called. It's a sequel. Sorry, what?

11:26

Fifty Shades Freed. It's about this

11:28

young couple. I know what it's

11:30

about, Mum. Oh, it's brilliant, isn't it? No,

11:32

it isn't. He's so in love. I

11:35

feel so, so sorry for him, you know.

11:37

He's got ever so many issues in the bedroom. Mum.

11:40

It's so lunchy, John. He's always strutting

11:42

around with his bins. Right, OK.

11:44

Turning this off. Turning this off. Oh, no. OK,

11:50

then. Ah, here we are. This

11:53

is the flight. Oh, it's lovely. And

11:55

who was that nice girl? That's Marianna. She's

11:58

nice, isn't she, John? Yeah, she's

12:00

nice, yeah. Beautiful hair. It's, yep,

12:03

yep, lovely hair. Yep, yep, it's,

12:05

ah, there's Archie boy. Oh, hello

12:07

you. Oh,

12:11

he's getting fat. Why is he getting fat? He's

12:13

not getting fat. What does that girl do? The

12:16

one with the nice hair? She

12:19

works in our office downstairs. She

12:21

runs the business. So

12:23

anyway, this is the lounge. You

12:25

can have my bedroom just through

12:27

there. Mrs Watson. Right, so

12:30

this guy is, he's just, he's

12:32

a bit. I've heard so much about you, your

12:34

wit and charm have been so highly touted by

12:36

your exceptional son. He

12:39

didn't, however, mention your glowing beauty.

12:42

What a careless omission, Doctor. What?

12:45

Oh, you're a charmer. Isn't he

12:47

a charmer, John? Not at all, actually. Lovely

12:49

to meet you. You're Sherlock. That

12:52

I am, Mrs Watson. I'm the man

12:54

charged with looking after this fine fellow.

12:56

You look after me. Oh, it's quite

12:58

a task, believe me. I did it for 34 years. 18

13:02

years, then I left. And what wonderful work

13:04

you have done. Mrs Watson,

13:06

I have made the bed in there. Anything

13:08

you need, please, just let me know. Oh,

13:10

thank you, Sherlock, darling. I'm

13:13

just gonna use the toilet quickly. Absolutely, lovely and

13:15

jubbly. Yeah, it's just in there. Oh,

13:22

goodness, that was exhausting. Yeah, I

13:24

bet it was. What

13:26

do you mean you made the bed? I made the

13:28

bed, mate. Shh.

13:37

This episode is brought to you by Ugg.

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chill. And Ugg is here

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SimpliSafe. You

15:06

were right. Hmm? About the

15:08

storm. Yes, a little later than I

15:10

expected. Could you tell Archie to

15:12

be quiet? Well, he's not doing anything. He's

15:15

snoring. He's a bulldog, Sherlock.

15:18

Yes, and? They snore.

15:20

Do they do anything else? Well, I'm

15:22

sorry about the snoring, Sherlock, mate. I'm

15:24

just having a doze. Sorry about

15:26

the farts and all. What are you doing?

15:29

Just doing an Archie, little Archie voice. That's how

15:31

he talks. How are the listening figures

15:34

for the podcast? Very good. Thanks.

15:38

Surprising. Are you going to go to

15:40

bed anytime soon, mate?

15:42

No. Why? Because it's 11.

15:45

Then go to bed. The couch is my

15:47

bed tonight, so now you have to listen

15:49

to me do my shout-outs. Oh,

15:51

well, Mum's asleep, so my reasonable

15:55

volume outs. Yep.

16:00

Erin Nunes sends her thanks for helping

16:02

her country in the Thorbridge case. Sherlock?

16:05

Ok, no probs,

16:07

Adri. Shout out to

16:10

her and her friend, Zera. Marin

16:12

Paulson, Kaiser, the London Hackney

16:14

carriage driver. Be lucky, says Kaiser, as

16:16

they say in the Cabbies trade. Oh,

16:20

God, sorry at my attempt at this name.

16:24

August Neuschwander. Hello.

16:29

Grave Raven asks, how is Archie getting

16:31

along with Sherlock? Erm... Yeah,

16:33

they're cordial. They're on speaking

16:36

terms, at least. Well, bark... Well,

16:38

you know, not the noise term. Also, Grave Raven

16:40

asks, what do I do if I have a

16:42

painful lump under my armpit? I had that

16:44

once myself. It was an ingrown hair. But

16:47

do check with your doctor, please.

16:50

Grave Raven. Heather from Turkey.

16:53

Wengle from Sweden. Alphonse

16:55

from Wisconsin and their horse.

16:57

The 20-year-old Chili Bean. Good

17:00

for you, Chili Bean, who is also a fan

17:02

of the show. So that's good. Right,

17:04

that's horses done. Now, ducks, apologies

17:06

to the duck community. Krona

17:09

has pointed out on X following Noble

17:11

Bachelor. I shouldn't have been feeding

17:14

them bread. Waterfowl should

17:16

not eat material that soaks like bread,

17:18

as it muddies their gizzards. So

17:21

there you go. Corn or peas are

17:23

a friendly substitute. So sorry, um... Ducks.

17:26

Hallahalla to Butler. Hi Amy

17:28

in Seattle. Hi Raphael Del

17:30

Rey. Hey Micah and Crystal from Los

17:33

Angeles. Lamey Denise.

17:35

Pete Ray. Chris. Coogan

17:37

Cardella. Oh, what a name. Coogan

17:40

Cardella. Kevin. Sophia.

17:43

Christopher in Jakarta. Tony.

17:46

Shiroki in Germany. I missed you out last week.

17:49

Sorry. And Simon Ashby. Was

17:52

that a knock? I think it

17:55

could just be. It's

18:00

not heroin, it's oxymorphone. Would

18:05

a delivery driver be so persistent, Twatsun?

18:09

No. It's

18:14

the police. The police? Oh Jesus

18:16

Christ. Jesus Christ, I knew, I bloody

18:18

knew, you and your bloody heroin mate.

18:21

It's the oxymorphone. I'm

18:25

done for. I'm done for, I'll start.

18:27

Okay, I should, um, I'll go speak

18:29

to... To your lawyer? No, my

18:31

mum. Is she a lawyer? No, she's a midwife.

18:33

Are you having contractions? No, but I am having

18:36

a panic attack, though. So

18:38

why are we speaking to your mum? Because I'm

18:40

scared, yeah? And I want

18:42

to break the news to her that I'm going to

18:44

be arrested and have my medical license taken away before

18:46

she watches me get dragged into a police car.

18:50

Mrs. Hudson has led him into the office. Ah,

18:52

damn it, Marianna. It's a job. Wait,

18:56

it's a... What? The squad car.

19:00

It's not a metropolitan police vehicle. It's

19:04

come from another constabulary. There's

19:07

been a murder. What? Watson,

19:11

top, top. Yes, just grabbing the mic. Um, hey, be

19:13

a good boy, Archie. Okay,

19:15

bye mate. Bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye,

19:17

bye. Here

19:24

they are. Sherlock, Dr.

19:26

John Watson. This is

19:29

Officer Hopkins. I'm a

19:31

PCSO, actually. A community

19:33

support officer? Yeah, that's right. Oh, is

19:36

this going to be about a parking ticket or something? We

19:39

don't own a vehicle. Bugger.

19:43

I must be tired. My mind caught

19:45

the scent of a murder. We

19:47

all make mistakes. Even I. I'm

19:50

off to bed. Night-night. A boy. A

19:53

man. I mean, uh... Murdered.

19:57

19 years old. Willoughby Smith. He's

20:02

been found dead at Yoxley Old Place, Mr Holmes.

20:07

It's very complicated and I shouldn't

20:09

have raced over here, but I did because I don't

20:12

want them to cover it up because I know

20:14

they will. Who to cover it up? The police.

20:17

No. The

20:19

saviours of God. Tell

20:23

me everything. Would you like a

20:26

cup of tea? I can make it Marianne,

20:29

it's no problem. I'm fine, but I

20:31

don't think we can waste any more time. Go. Call

20:33

me if you need anything, just... Will there? Oh,

20:38

can I suggest you fire up the siren? You can get

20:40

us some chaps, that was as quick as possible. It's

20:43

not really allowed. How

20:49

long until... what's it called? Yoxley Old Place? This

20:52

summer night? We'll be doing about 55 minutes. Great.

20:55

So ETA about nearly...

20:58

Yeah. Right, shift then to 5am. That's when the

21:01

rest of the force will go back. We

21:03

or you just need to work out everything

21:05

you can. Watson,

21:09

sudden alarm, 4.55am. Er,

21:11

yeah, just... Okay, what sort

21:13

of alarm sound do you want? Er,

21:16

what about this one? You're

21:19

not too happy, isn't it? Er,

21:21

like this. No,

21:24

that's rubbish. Er, this one. Just...

21:28

Please. Yes, done, yep, done. Set.

21:31

Tell me about Yoxley Old Place. It's,

21:34

erm... Well, it

21:36

was a stately home. About ten

21:39

years ago, a, er... I

21:41

don't know what you call him, really. A evangelical

21:43

preacher, I suppose. Spash

21:45

and Corum moved to the area from

21:47

London. Everyone calls him

21:50

Elder Corum. Whether you're a

21:52

believer or not. Anyway,

21:55

he buys up Yoxley Old Place and converts all

21:57

the grounds to essentially houses. I

22:02

hope they'll be more accurate. These

22:04

are the saviours of God. Yeah.

22:08

They believe that Koram is enshrined with some

22:10

sort of authority from God. Heaven

22:13

has been invaded by the forces of

22:15

hell, apparently. Oh yeah, since

22:17

when? 2011, I

22:19

think it was. Haha, right, okay, must

22:21

have missed that on the news. Yeah.

22:25

So Koram and his

22:27

believers see themselves as the saviours

22:30

of God. They practice

22:33

a very strict way of life, closed

22:35

off from the outside world, no girls,

22:37

no temptation, no society. Why?

22:40

Well, because they are recruits

22:43

for the armies of heaven, I suppose. I

22:46

can't get into heaven unless... You do what

22:48

Elder Koram says. Something like that. But

22:51

anyway, it's in my village, Halton Green. It's

22:53

a big village, near enough of town. Seven

22:56

miles outside of Chatham. Yoxie

22:59

Old Place probably has about... Halsey

23:02

worshippers? Or saviours

23:04

as they call themselves? Wow.

23:07

Yeah, lots of boys. Some young

23:10

lads, some older. Elder Koram,

23:12

much, much older than most. No

23:16

women? No women, that's right. Anyway,

23:20

as you can imagine, since they moved

23:22

into the area, the locals haven't taken

23:25

too kindly to them. They

23:27

see Koram's influence on some of the vulnerable young

23:30

men as a poison. Willoughby

23:33

Smith is a good example. Al

23:35

Vict? Yeah,

23:38

his... his heart. He

23:42

was a friend from

23:44

school. I know

23:46

his mum and dad really well. And yeah,

23:50

when he got converted it was hard,

23:54

obviously. But now this...

23:58

Oh, I just... Oh, I hate it. I

24:00

just... And

24:07

your concern is that the saviors of God

24:09

will cover up this murder? I'm not certain,

24:12

but it's a

24:14

risk of ability. How do you know of it then?

24:17

This murder? I

24:20

was there at the station when the police

24:22

came through. A couple officers went to attend,

24:24

but... But what? Well,

24:26

one of them was a saviour once. I

24:29

mean, it's still group. See,

24:32

this is what poor room does. He

24:35

reaches into every community centre,

24:37

every friendship, public service.

24:40

Anything you can imagine. School

24:42

boards, sports teams, local shops, I...

24:45

They're in my parents' book club. Book

24:47

club? Jesus Christ,

24:49

they banned the great Gatsby last week. Why?

24:53

The subject matter. Reading material

24:55

not suitable for the recruits of the heavenly

24:57

forces, I guess. My mum's reading Fifty Shades

24:59

of Grey, mate. I've got half a mind

25:02

to ban that, to be honest. Well,

25:11

that's nice, isn't it? A big secluded manor house

25:13

at midnight in a store. Great, what's next? Just

25:15

be careful of the graveyard at the front. For

25:17

God's sake. We won't take the main entrance. Tell

25:20

me of the murder. From what I

25:23

know about it, shortly after the call from the residents,

25:25

who made it? Saviour Talton. Is he

25:27

from Halton Green? Yeah, I see

25:29

he's mum quite a lot. Anyway, two

25:32

officers went there. I stayed at the

25:34

station, and about 45 minutes

25:36

later, a forensics officer arrived at the front

25:38

desk from London, and I was asked

25:40

to drive into the location. Why don't

25:43

you have any available so-goes? It was a

25:45

so-go, scene of crime officers. Forensics,

25:48

basically. Yeah, we do

25:50

have one, but she wasn't allowed. Well,

25:52

why? Because she's

25:54

a she. We'll see

25:56

to the saviours, but a stop to her being

25:58

on the premises. and that

26:00

was my first inclination that poor

26:02

Willoughby wasn't going to get the justice he deserved

26:07

anyway i made it to the crime

26:09

scene and yeah

26:11

he elder

26:24

quorum's back well

26:26

that's pretty damn it it's an open and

26:28

shut case quorum

26:33

is ill very

26:35

ill can't

26:38

really get out of bed with

26:41

what? something

26:43

with his lungs cancer?

26:46

no no it's a disease it's got the word disease in

26:48

it pulmonary COPD?

26:51

yeah that's it, COP disease chronic

26:55

obstructive pulmonary disease must

26:57

have been a heavy smoke or just very

26:59

unlucky sounds like quorum is late stage

27:03

so he's bed bound almost

27:05

entirely but for a wheelchair every now and

27:08

again he's

27:11

a witness conveniently for

27:13

him quorum

27:16

says that Willoughby said

27:19

as he was dying elder

27:22

quorum it was she elder

27:28

quorum it was she very

27:31

convenient if you ask me you

27:34

believe quorum is protecting his flock well

27:37

if it's a she then it can't be

27:39

any of them lot can it? right, Sherlock

27:41

Sherlock? wait this

27:46

talk quorum

27:48

is planning something with

27:51

all the saviors planning

27:54

what? human

27:57

sacrifice Wow,

28:02

the plot thickens. It

28:05

certainly does. Lovely and

28:08

indeed, jubbly. Thank

29:00

you for watching!