0:02

ACAS powers the world's best

0:04

podcast. Here's a show

0:06

that we recommend. Hey

0:11

friends, I'm Sharon McMahon, longtime government

0:13

and law teacher. And on my

0:15

podcast, here's where it gets interesting.

0:17

I dive deeply into the stories

0:19

you haven't heard about America's greatest

0:21

thinkers and figureheads. I

0:23

also interview many of today's leading

0:25

cultural experts like Adam Grant,

0:28

Ken Burns, and Patrick Radden Keith

0:30

who share their insights, challenge

0:32

us to think in new and innovative ways.

0:35

So follow here's where it gets

0:37

interesting on Apple Podcasts, Amazon Music,

0:40

Spotify, or wherever you listen

0:42

to your podcasts. ACAS

0:46

helps creators launch, grow, and

0:49

monetize their podcasts everywhere. acast.com.

0:57

Hi. Hello. Oh my God, I'm

1:00

so nervous. Oh good, I see that

1:02

absence has made us any more professional.

1:04

I feel nervous and shy and yes, very

1:06

unprofessional. Welcome back.

1:08

Thanks. I'm so happy

1:10

to be back. Welcome back to Should

1:12

I Delete That? The new, new and

1:14

improved. We've taken a break. Yes,

1:16

we have. You've popped out a kit.

1:19

Yeah. But more importantly, we've reformatted

1:21

the show. Yes. Yes. Yes.

1:24

Yes. We've reformatted the

1:26

show. I know. What a day. First

1:28

time ever. I know, we don't love change, but

1:31

two children later we've lent it.

1:34

So before we get into Al's

1:37

absence, her baby, a massive

1:40

update and chat, can

1:42

we tell you about the new, the plans? Can we

1:44

tell you about the plans? Tell

1:46

us about the plans, Al. Okay, so

1:48

we want to make the podcast more

1:50

current and we want to talk about

1:52

more current stuff because

1:55

that's what we like doing. That's what

1:57

we like doing on our Instagram channels. And that's just,

1:59

we feel. like that's the content that we want to

2:01

create and that you guys want to see. So Thursday

2:04

episodes we're going to be talking

2:07

current events. Yes. If

2:10

it just me we'll stay in it's in

2:12

some capacity we will still be taking this

2:14

and the questions we will still be helping...

2:17

we'll still be commenting on

2:20

your problems potentially

2:25

making them worse. We will still

2:27

be together it will just be the two of

2:29

us that week that episode but

2:31

we do want to be kind of...

2:34

we want our fingers on the pulses. Oh I

2:36

love that. Thank you. We just we love the

2:38

journalistic element of both of our jobs and we

2:40

you know with things changing on Instagram all the

2:43

time the way that we're showing up we're getting

2:45

older we just I don't know I feel very

2:47

like we want to be having these conversations properly.

2:49

Yeah. So that's what Thursdays are going to be.

2:52

There'll be a bit of a hybrid of the

2:54

fun but also the serious but that does mean

2:56

that we'll be saying goodbye to the GBA. on

2:58

Mondays. No

3:00

one cares about a good, bad or awkward. Let's talk

3:02

about other people. Exactly. We're

3:04

going to get you straight into the episodes

3:06

every Monday straight into the guests. Yeah. But

3:09

we'll still update you on our lives on

3:11

Thursdays. Exactly. We've just basically won Thursday. Don't

3:13

worry guys. There will not be an abundance

3:15

of us. And awkward.

3:18

Yeah we basically just want Monday to be shining light

3:21

on the amazing guests that we get and

3:23

we want Thursday to kind of be more

3:25

of our our Instagram our chaos our lives

3:27

and you guys. So going forward that's what

3:30

you can expect from Mondays and Thursday episodes.

3:32

I think we probably teed this up to

3:34

sound like a really big

3:36

deal. Yeah like we've got a new host or

3:38

something. It's not

3:40

really that big but. But it's interesting that

3:42

we have one more big announcement before we

3:45

get into Tommy. Oh my god we do.

3:47

We have a really big announcement. Hold on to your hats

3:49

ladies and ladies. We

3:52

are going on tour. We are

3:54

doing our first ever live tour and it's

3:56

really soon. Really

3:58

soon. And I'm like, realizing.

4:00

I'm way sooner than I'm comfortable with. I'm

4:02

like, the fuck? It's

4:06

going to be awesome. I'm so scared. What

4:08

if no one comes? Please, please come. We

4:11

promise you it will be fun. We can't promise that.

4:13

We can't promise it. But we will try our best

4:15

to make it fun. We are indebted to do our

4:17

best. That's all we can offer. So as of today,

4:19

we are announcing it. As

4:22

of Wednesday, pre-sale

4:24

becomes available. So keep

4:26

a close eye on our Instagrams and

4:28

the Should I Delete That Instagram. On

4:30

Thursday, you'll be able to officially buy

4:33

tickets for the Should I Delete That

4:35

Live show. They don't want, fuck it.

4:38

For the Should I Delete That Live tour.

4:40

It's bigger than a show. It's many shows.

4:42

It's bigger than a show. Should we run

4:44

down through the confirmed routes and dates? We're

4:46

going regional. We are going regional. Regional,

4:48

eh? I hate it. I

4:50

hated that so much. I hated that so much. I

4:52

died inside. 23rd of May, we

4:55

are in London. We are in the Islington

4:58

Assembly Hall for the podcast show

5:00

as part of the podcast show, which is what we did

5:02

last year, which was so good. Loved it. Yeah. On

5:04

the 27th of May, we're going to Manchester. Just not part

5:07

of Manchester. On the 27th of May, we're going

5:09

outside of Manchester to the place that I said

5:11

wrong. We're going to Salford, Lowry Keys.

5:13

There you go. 28th of May, we're

5:15

going to Glasgow, St. Luke. Go to

5:17

Glasgow! I've only been like

5:19

twice. Fuck! Same. Yeah,

5:21

I was gonna mention that I ran the marathon, but y'all

5:23

know that. Never mentioned it before. On

5:27

the 2nd of June, we're going to

5:29

Birmingham, Crescent Theatre. 3rd

5:31

of June, Bristol Redgrave Theatre. And for

5:33

the final show, on the 4th of

5:35

June, we are going to the Southampton

5:37

Engine Room. That sounds fun. Fun. Mechanical.

5:41

And that's it for now. However, if, and

5:44

it's a big fat if. It's a big if. If

5:47

the demand is there, this could

5:49

be extended. If it isn't,

5:51

forget you heard that. You never heard that.

5:54

This is it. One hit wonders, Alex and Em.

5:57

Please come. Oh no, we shouldn't beg. No,

6:00

it's embarrassing. That's so embarrassing. Don't

6:02

come. Come if you want. Who

6:04

cares? I don't care. Take it

6:06

or leave it. We're really not bothered. We're so

6:08

chill. If no one's bought tickets by next week,

6:10

we might be begging them. But as of today,

6:12

no beg. Chill. So much chill. Take

6:15

it or leave it. The tickets are available. Buy them

6:17

or don't. We don't care. But

6:19

if you do happen to live around any of

6:21

those venues. Within like 150 mile

6:24

radius of any of them.

6:26

Just think about it. It's around... I

6:29

mean... Pop it on your tattoo. Yeah, if

6:31

it's on your way or out of

6:33

it by a few hours,

6:35

it might be fun. Yeah. Might be.

6:38

I mean, no biggie. Like, just... And if you

6:40

want. Fuck. This

6:43

is gonna be like two months, isn't it? It's

6:45

gonna be me sending you through AMTAC. It's like, I can't

6:47

do this. I'm not doing it. I can't do this. I

6:50

refuse to open this. I will literally block you. I will.

6:53

I'm not hearing it. Fair. Oh,

6:55

I miss you so much. Oh my god. I know.

6:58

I really, really, I really, really

7:00

missed it. Have you? I really missed

7:02

it. Yes, you've missed it. Yeah. We

7:05

missed you. I was like, burying my head in the

7:07

sand with everything. And like, it's... And I've just

7:10

been very excited to come back. And it was so

7:12

nice to come to the studio this morning, isn't it?

7:14

Yeah, so nice. How... Oh my god, people

7:16

are gonna have so many questions. I know. Well,

7:19

yeah. You don't think... I don't know, maybe.

7:22

How are you loving being a mum? I've

7:24

got questions. Well, I know. We've seen you

7:26

a bit. And I know you've had a hard time with it

7:29

recently. But like, in all, all

7:31

in all, how's being a mum, like,

7:33

comparing to what you thought it would be? Well,

7:35

I still... I still have sunk in on

7:38

a mum, like, when you say that. I'm like, what? That's

7:40

not... I know. I was just thinking

7:42

without a kid, I'm like, nah. Are you sure? What were

7:44

you sure? Because that really happened. I

7:47

don't... Like, I've got a child. I've got a

7:49

child. Like, who approved that? I don't

7:51

know. I don't. Who approved

7:53

me to have a whole child? A whole human? I know.

7:56

I feel right. But I am really,

7:58

really enjoying it. I actually, I

8:00

mean, we've had teething issues. He's

8:03

got teething already. No, no, as in like, Oh,

8:07

bloody hell. He's two

8:10

weeks old. I was like, oh my God,

8:12

is that possible? Yeah,

8:14

he's got a full set coming through. No,

8:18

we've had, you know,

8:21

see, this is what I was worried about. I was like, I don't even know if I'm

8:23

gonna be able to speak. You know, my brain

8:25

feels a little bit like Marshall. I was scared

8:27

of getting here today and being like, I can't actually

8:29

get my words out. I keep looking

8:31

for words, like in general, day-to-day life that

8:33

I can't seem to like grasp, you know?

8:36

Very annoying. But

8:38

we're having, you know, there's been a few, which there always

8:40

is with newborns, isn't there? There's always gonna be stuff.

8:43

But I just, it's

8:47

true that everyone's, you know,

8:49

everyone said, oh, you can't prepare for it. You just

8:51

can't prepare for it. And I was like, is

8:54

that really true? I'm a Virgo, watch me try. I

8:56

tried my absolute hardest. I

8:59

could not have prepared any harder and it

9:01

is true. Yeah, they just come into the

9:03

world. It's very extreme. The emotions are so

9:05

extreme. So extreme. There's not a rational moment.

9:08

Right. There's not one moment of

9:11

rational in existence in my life

9:13

anymore. Yeah. I feel like I've cried

9:16

harder and more, but I've

9:18

also like, my cheeks have hurt from

9:20

smiling more at the

9:22

same time. Yeah. And it's

9:24

very weird. Everything is more extreme. And I

9:26

have so much more extreme. So many hormones, but

9:28

also just so fucking tired. So many hormones, I

9:31

got my period yesterday as well. Bloody hell. I

9:33

haven't even properly, I've only had a two day.

9:35

I have yet, well, mine only lasted like three

9:37

hours. Really weird. Really weird. Yeah, I mean, it

9:39

kind of did before anyway. It was weird period. Yeah, you

9:41

haven't had a period in ages. I know, I know.

9:43

That's actually kind of cool. It is good. Yeah. I

9:45

was excited, but then it kind of just went, but

9:47

it's still, it was there. I got going for mine

9:49

came back in January and then it went away again and had a

9:52

fucking hour and then I was like, I'll see ya. And then I got

9:54

like a two day and I was like, ha ha. And then it's gone

9:56

again. Somebody buckling at the watch. Did it hurt?

9:59

Yeah. But that's really cool that you've had them because you

10:01

didn't have them before that's why yeah Yeah,

10:05

I didn't have them so yesterday was like this

10:08

weekend was so bad But part of me was

10:10

like I think I'm catastrophes and everything

10:12

in my head I can't be sure that this isn't rational

10:14

and then when my period came I was like Yes,

10:18

I might that meme that's like it's the end

10:21

of the world. I will never I will never

10:23

survive living Like

10:25

I hate everything. I hate my life and then she looks

10:27

down I was like blood in the knickers and she's like

10:29

oh, it's like that me. Yeah. Yeah

10:32

So yeah, I have a period where

10:34

was I extreme everything is extreme and

10:37

the hormones are what those first

10:39

two weeks the hormones I have never felt

10:41

anything like a in my life. There's someone

10:43

the selfies I think you sent me a

10:45

photo and my Alex was like how's girl out?

10:49

You said me you said you're like I haven't stopped crying for three

10:51

days I don't know. I

10:53

think she's alright But I couldn't

10:56

I couldn't really see out of it. They were so

10:58

sold and it was they like happy tears though I

11:01

I did it. I don't know it was

11:03

the it was the hardest I've ever been

11:05

hit by emotions by hormones by everything and

11:07

I took so many artificial hormones. I was

11:10

like, oh, I'll be fine Like I'm used

11:12

to hormones No, no, it

11:14

was like Times a thousand.

11:17

I don't know I can't explain what the tears were they were

11:19

half Well, Dave

11:21

would walk into the room and

11:23

I'd be weeping and he'd be like what now and I was and

11:25

I'd be like I've just thought that

11:27

he might get bullied when he's an older in school,

11:29

you know Like and then he came

11:31

in another time and I was crying and it was because he

11:33

just lost his first eyelash And

11:36

I didn't know what to do with it And

11:39

David's like, oh my god, do I need to call someone?

11:42

Do I need to call your mom? So

11:46

it's a rascal but yeah, no, I mean

11:48

like well, yeah, but it also just

11:50

hits you sideways Yeah, like the night before

11:52

our last birthday I sat and

11:55

it came out of nowhere. Yeah, I just sobbed

11:58

I just sobbed And

12:00

then she woke up on her actual birthday, exactly

12:02

the same... It was like, I was like, I'm going to burn my

12:04

baby, she's not going to burn my baby! And then in the morning I was like, hello. Yeah,

12:08

obviously you're exactly the same as what you were, but

12:10

you're not rational. But that's a huge milestone as well.

12:13

But you can't get... I don't know, everything... Yeah, all the way

12:15

to the moment I was away. Yeah, she did. Aww.

12:18

Like, you've got a baby... I've got a

12:20

kid. I know. I've got a... Butler. Yeah,

12:22

walking... Quite badly,

12:25

talking. Like, she's all

12:27

over the place, this is the beach. But

12:30

yeah, like, yeah, she walked... I mean, you've seen her, she walks.

12:33

I know, she probably walks. I know. She's

12:36

made for Achiever, man. She did that so

12:38

early. So cute. Yeah, I know. She is

12:40

so cute. And she loves Tommy. Like,

12:42

she loves babies, but she was so excited. I got

12:44

a photo for the day after her first birthday, when we

12:46

came down to see you and meet him. And she

12:48

just gets... she points him and

12:51

it's like, she just... Like, baba, baba, baba.

12:53

She really likes... I know, so she's trying to

12:55

kiss him. Oh, God, all she does. And she

12:57

loves me, which is so... Unusual. No

12:59

child ever liked me. Your

13:01

kid likes you? Well, yes, but... but God.

13:03

Thank God. That was a big worry, wasn't

13:06

it? Even my nephew. I know. I know,

13:08

Olive does love you. She does. It's so

13:10

sweet. Good vibe. Thank

13:12

God. Oh, yeah, Olive's like, oh my God, there's so

13:14

much to catch up on. I know, life's slow. So

13:16

much to catch up on, Jesus. Do you

13:18

feel like you're finding your feet now? Like, it's been... Yeah.

13:21

...the memories are still not very long, but... Definitely.

13:25

And I think I

13:27

suddenly understand why you need to

13:30

walk. Yeah. And why you love

13:32

getting out of the house so much. Thanks so much

13:34

for understanding me. I've not understood that until he was

13:37

born. Yeah. And now it is like the best

13:39

medicine. I'm really pleased to hear

13:41

that, like, you found that. Because someone said to me

13:43

before she was born, it was like... And

13:45

it works for adults too. But it's like with

13:47

kids, either get them outside or put them in

13:49

water. And, like, that

13:51

will fix all your problems. Yeah. Like, outside

13:54

or in water. And it's been... Water. Give

13:56

them a bath. Okay. Or take them for

13:58

a walk. I just love the bath. Yeah,

14:00

I mean who doesn't? I would love,

14:02

I mean I wouldn't like to be

14:04

bathed because it would be incredibly awkward.

14:07

Particularly the way that she's bathed, like

14:09

right, flannel between the butt cheeks. Shit.

14:12

I don't think I'd love that. However,

14:17

like all your favourite people sitting around

14:19

you, like why are you just

14:22

like playing with your talk? Like what a treat.

14:24

What a treat. That is such a treat. And

14:26

this nice warm water. Yeah, and just,

14:28

oh like a father for who? Yeah,

14:31

that's, yeah, Ollie loves a bath. She pooed on the

14:33

bathroom floor, like before last. She

14:36

pooed in the bath. We've yet to have one

14:38

in the bath. Oh my god. I don't mind that I

14:41

can handle that. But the bathroom

14:43

floor felt like a bit of a

14:45

dirty protest. I'm gonna tell

14:47

a story that my sister's gonna kill me for. I won't say witch

14:49

sister, there you go. I won't say witch sister. But

14:51

when I was little, I was bathed with

14:53

one of my sisters. This is definitely Jen.

14:55

She's the next one down in age, it's

14:57

the logical, it's the logical. She

15:00

pooed in the bath. Jen! She'd

15:03

been eating tomatoes. Jen! And

15:05

I like recognised that the poo was,

15:07

like had tomatoes in it. And I have

15:10

never eaten tomatoes since to this day.

15:12

Have you not? Jen! The

15:15

only time is when there's accidentally like a tomato seed left

15:17

in a sandwich and I will gag.

15:19

Because of the poo? Yeah,

15:22

I think... I think anything is happening between like...

15:26

I have a real aversion to tomatoes. And

15:28

it's all her fault. How old? Because it

15:30

sounds like you're probably like 10. It tells

15:32

you're old enough to really have a formative

15:34

opinion. You find

15:36

this a bit traumatic. I don't know how old

15:38

I was, last time I'm actually, I'm not sure. But

15:40

it was old enough to recognise what was going on. And

15:43

I'm, yeah. Kinda including the bath once. So great.

15:46

Yeah, it was just bobbed by me. I was like

15:48

five years older than her. I was like, ugh! That

15:51

is great. Yeah. That is great. I

15:53

want Arlo to poo in the bath because I think it's really

15:55

funny. And she's just not done it yet. We've had one in

15:57

a towel and one before and one after. The

16:00

one after was her first bar. How could you tell

16:02

it now? What they like at one year's old? Yeah,

16:04

yeah. She just pees like a person. Seriously? Well, because

16:06

we're not breastfeeding anymore. So it's

16:09

just food. Completely not breastfeeding?

16:11

No. Completely. It's gone. Oh

16:14

my god. I'm so

16:16

happy. I bet. It was timed. It

16:19

was timed. I was so in love with

16:21

it. And it was so good

16:23

until it just wasn't. And everybody

16:25

said like, Oh, I'll make up the choice before you

16:27

shall make the decision. And I kept begging her. I

16:30

was like, make it. Make it. And then my friend

16:32

said to me, she's like, Why would she? Like, everything

16:34

in her life is so good. Why would she ruin

16:36

it? And then I was like, I'm going to ruin it. And

16:39

I massively over-thought it. And I really wanted to

16:41

stop at Christmas. And then I knew we were

16:43

going to Japan in January. And obviously, I'm ripping

16:45

away from home. I'm on a 14-hour flight. I'm

16:47

like, I'm not taking away the only company. She's

16:49

got one idiot. So I kept going to Japan. Then I

16:51

thought, I'm not going to do it just before her first

16:53

birthday. But every day that went past, I was

16:55

just resenting it more and more. I

16:58

talk about it now, but in the time, I

17:00

didn't want to talk about sleep because people are

17:02

quite opinionated. Or judgy, I guess

17:04

would be the word. Not of listeners, but there was

17:06

just a lot of judgment around baby sleep. But

17:09

anyway, we were co-sleeping pretty

17:11

much for the last eight months because

17:14

she was such a bad sleeper. And

17:16

someone said, if you don't use the dummy, then you'll

17:18

be the dummy. And it was like, I use the dummy.

17:21

The big human dummy. Massive dummy in

17:24

every sense of the word. Because

17:26

she'd wake up at like 9pm and that would be

17:28

that. She wouldn't go back down for love, no money.

17:30

We didn't want to cry out or anything. So

17:33

it was just like, well, in with me

17:35

then. And it was a very unrest there.

17:37

And she would just feed and the dehydration,

17:40

like the thirst that I have had, and then

17:42

trying to do this alongside marathon training. I've been

17:44

making myself sick with dehydration. And I'm drinking five

17:47

or six litres of water a day with hydration

17:49

sachets. And it's like it just wasn't even touching

17:51

the sides because she was feeding all night long.

17:54

And it was just too much. And I was

17:56

just going to really resent it and then we

17:58

just decided. I'm really proud of myself because

18:00

I didn't make the last feed a big deal. It was just

18:03

like, I said at one, Alex

18:05

did a couple of nights like keeping her away from me

18:07

in the nighttime, like with him just trying to hold on

18:09

to her trying to co-suit with him. And it wasn't ideal,

18:11

but it was fine. Okay. And then

18:13

he would be bringing her into me at 5am in the morning. And

18:16

like, that was the kind of deal for like three nights.

18:18

It was like, let's just get her through the night. She

18:20

can get till five without milk. She doesn't need milk at

18:22

this age. Anyway, and that's what we're trying to do. And

18:24

then I did one morning at five on a Monday morning.

18:26

And the next morning I just thought, no.

18:29

That's it. We're not going to do this today. Because it's

18:31

not now when. And you just didn't. Yeah.

18:34

And I just thought, let's just get up. It's five. You

18:36

know, we can just get up for the day. We don't need to come

18:38

back. And she was okay. Yeah. She was

18:40

distracted. She was like,

18:42

oh, cool. So I got over it. My

18:45

God. Does she still like go for

18:47

it? Go for the booth. I think it's just so

18:49

like, it's so gross. But like when

18:52

she would feed from one, she'd play with the

18:54

other one, just like holding her hand and like

18:56

squish it. Right. Which

18:59

is fine. Quite the way she's not. I'm like,

19:01

not ideal. But yeah, then it's fine. Yeah. Okay.

19:06

It's like from the day we stopped, like for two days, it was

19:08

like there was milk there. And then as the

19:10

milk started drying out, she just, and we got her onto a

19:13

follow on milk. But no one tells you

19:15

to stop breastfeeding. That must be very, very

19:17

difficult. Yeah. Especially so exclusively

19:20

breastfed. And I was, I weaned her down because

19:22

I was like, I was doing it during the day. Then

19:24

I stopped doing it during the day because of childcare and

19:27

it was like too difficult. And I hate pumping. I always

19:29

hate to pump my fucking dairy cow. Yeah. It's

19:31

so indecent. I didn't know. I just, I didn't,

19:33

I really didn't. I kneaded my ass like I had

19:35

to. Yeah. And

19:38

then I got it down to just doing it nighttime and then

19:41

I dropped the bedtime feed. So I was like, I was trying

19:43

for a long time on my own

19:45

logic, but I didn't really know there's much available

19:47

in terms of like how to stop. It's

19:50

mad because there's so much on it, teaching how to

19:52

do it. And then when it comes to, and then

19:54

the fucking hormone drop when you stop, Jesus Christ. Is

19:56

it bad? It's chaos. Is it? It's

19:59

chaos. How do you feel that

20:01

like not breastfeeding? So

20:05

it was brutal

20:07

at the time. Yeah. So

20:09

I think I talked about it in the podcast. I did talk about

20:11

it in the podcast. I had a breast reduction years

20:13

and years and years ago. So I

20:15

thought beforehand I'd made peace

20:17

with like, oh, I'm not going to be able to breastfeed because

20:19

I've had this. And then I

20:22

went to auntie nasal classes

20:25

just because I didn't have a fucking clue about babies. And I

20:27

was shitting myself. And a

20:29

lot of people were like, nature's strong. Nature's strong. You're

20:32

going to get milk. You will get milk. Okay.

20:35

You might not get like the full amount of milk. But you will get

20:37

milk. So that started to make

20:39

me think, okay, well, I'm going to give it a go.

20:41

And maybe it will work. And I guess

20:44

I got a bit excited about it as well because I just never

20:46

thought I'd be able to. I just kept

20:48

hearing this nature's strong. People kept saying nature's strong. So

20:51

we tried it

20:54

in the hospital. And it

20:56

was a few midwives tried

20:58

it. And he just

21:00

wouldn't latch. He

21:04

wouldn't even come close to latching. And he

21:06

would get so upset and frustrated. And

21:09

like my nipples aren't like very

21:11

prominent. I think you have

21:13

to have like quite prominent nipples, right? And they

21:16

just weren't very prominent. What do you mean by

21:18

prominent? Like sticky out. I don't have very sticky

21:20

out nipples. Really? But then I didn't

21:22

have a breast reduction. Also, you know, like, you know, it was

21:24

different. Well, yes. And the

21:26

midwife said you might have a problem because your nipples

21:29

aren't prominent. Keep trying. We kept trying. And

21:31

he was just getting so upset. So

21:33

we did formula in hospital because

21:36

I couldn't get a classroom beforehand or anything like that. I tried, but I

21:38

couldn't get any. And then when

21:41

we got home, like I felt, I thought I

21:43

felt like milk come in. So I was like,

21:45

right, I'm going to pump. I

21:48

borrowed my sister's breast pump. I was like, I'm going to pump. And I

21:51

did. I think I sent you. You did. Yeah,

21:53

I did. Like I

21:55

literally tried for I think

21:57

it was like two days every three

21:59

hours. hours. I was

22:02

trying and on like the

22:04

hardest setting and going

22:06

for half an hour at a time and I was like

22:08

I'm going to make this work because I could feel like

22:10

my boobs are sore and as I can feel, I'm sure

22:12

there's milk in there. Yeah, yeah, it's excruciating when it comes

22:15

in. No wonder about that. It's the

22:17

actual sort of marble. It really didn't feel

22:19

like that. I could just feel something because

22:21

it didn't feel like crazy. Yeah. And

22:23

then, so yeah, I said, I said end the

22:26

notification. You get like the, it syncs up to

22:28

an app, the pumps sync up to an app

22:30

and it sent me, at the end of all

22:32

of this, it sent me a notification and said,

22:34

congratulations, well done. You have successfully expressed zero millilitres.

22:37

I was like, fuck. Oh

22:39

my God, that is savage, that notification.

22:42

And then Dave was like. He

22:44

said definitely. That would take two

22:46

seconds to switch the algorithm. Wouldn't it?

22:48

Then it doesn't quite. Unfortunately, he did

22:50

not. Yeah. Sorry. Well done though. Good

22:52

try. Then it could be really nice

22:55

about that. I'm so sorry, but it

22:57

was brutal. And then because Dave the

22:59

whole time was just like, stop, why are you

23:01

doing this? Stop doing this. Like he's happy on

23:03

formula. But especially when his hormones are like so

23:05

raging, I just like, I've got to drive, I've

23:07

got to drive. Is this like societal, like you

23:09

even had a message this morning that

23:11

was like, about the kind of inference

23:14

that not breastfeeding is like a vanity

23:16

thing or like, there's so

23:18

much judgment in this thing. I hope you did

23:20

it for medical reasons, not vanity reasons. And I

23:23

was like, I can't even believe you're saying that

23:25

to me. I just blocked it straight away. Did you? Yeah,

23:27

I did. Because I'm just not in the, I can't.

23:29

I'm not in the space for that. Yeah. And

23:32

I was like, that just seems like a really,

23:34

it's people are so judgmental. Yeah. So

23:37

many. Yeah. There's so

23:39

much conversation on like breastfeeding and formula feeding

23:41

or cesarean birth or co sleeping or whatever.

23:43

And it's just like, we're all

23:45

doing a fucking best. I

23:48

know. I'm truck. We're trying. So,

23:50

so yeah, so I didn't breast. So then I was like,

23:53

I just made the decision on the very first

23:55

day. I don't want to do fair fucks.

23:57

I know. I know. For all. of

24:00

reasons people don't want to do it. Yeah. And even

24:02

if someone doesn't do it for fancy reasons, yeah,

24:06

if doesn't do it for fancy reasons, then what? Let them do

24:08

what they want. Yeah. It's not like they're like, okay, now they'll

24:10

let the baby starve to death. Exactly.

24:12

Other milk is available. Yeah,

24:16

I find it. And I don't

24:18

know, I've been feeling a lot

24:20

of this, like, maybe, I think

24:22

a big part of it is because

24:24

breastfeeding is so

24:26

intense. And like, I

24:29

don't know if I don't know, I don't know if

24:31

it's this, like, we need everybody to suffer with us.

24:35

Yeah, I don't know if it's like, I

24:38

don't know, I'm just using breastfeeding as an

24:40

example, but I do see it a lot

24:42

in like the mum space. And I think

24:44

so much mum shaming comes from people we

24:46

perceive to be having it easier than us

24:48

for whatever reason. Yeah. And we are angry

24:50

with them for making the choice that we

24:52

didn't make. Possibly. Yeah.

24:55

Because there have been times

24:57

that I've resented breastfeeding recently.

25:01

And I look at people like really

25:03

random, like people who have kids at the same time as you online that you

25:05

kind of make friends with them. How

25:09

does that go? Molten breastfeed. No, not

25:11

actually. But like, Shauna Phillips, like she

25:14

had her little baby just after me. Yeah. And

25:16

she doesn't breastfeed. Okay. And it's so easy to

25:18

project your assumptions onto somebody else. Because I would

25:20

look at her and be like, Oh, man, like

25:24

she's got this freedom because or like there are

25:26

other people, other mothers who aren't breastfeeding, because I

25:28

still haven't done a night away from Arlo. And

25:30

for loads of reasons, I don't feel ready to

25:32

but when other people go away, I think like,

25:34

Oh, that and rather than looking at me, and

25:37

being like, Oh, poor me because of like, this is

25:39

the straight end for me. Like, instead of looking at

25:41

myself and this is my choice, and everything's

25:44

fine. The instinct is to

25:46

like, I don't know,

25:48

want to pull the other person back rather than pulling

25:50

yourself forward. Yeah, I mean, yeah, yeah, yeah, when you're

25:52

really tired. Yeah, I haven't feel resentful. Yeah, yeah, like,

25:54

yeah, actually, I get to be done that but I

25:56

can see particularly when I got to the end of

25:58

breastfeeding, I was starting to. to resent it where I

26:00

felt like, oh my God,

26:03

I'm jealous. And it's like jealousy is not a

26:05

nice emotion. And obviously the power was within me

26:07

to just stop. And

26:09

I feel so much better on everybody. He's not

26:11

done. Well, exactly. Yeah.

26:15

So I wonder sometimes that we don't get this like random, I

26:18

don't know if that's where some of the shaming comes

26:20

because I don't understand why anyone else would care what

26:23

you feed your baby. They don't care.

26:25

And that's the thing. Yeah, that's the thing.

26:27

They don't care. They don't care about my

26:29

baby. No, that, you know, she's

26:32

even though no one has ever actually two

26:34

people have said it online. But even before

26:36

like nobody actually said to me explicitly, you

26:39

need to breastfeed. Yeah, formula feeding is bad. Breastfeeding

26:41

is good. No one actually explicitly said that. But

26:44

you just you gleaned that

26:46

from the tone. And yeah,

26:48

I don't know. I don't even know where

26:50

I just I don't know. Yeah. It's

26:52

just it's a it's a minefield. And then

26:55

like you're saying like I I'm in that

26:57

same group of girls, they're all

26:59

breastfeeding and talking about their breastfeeding problems. And

27:01

like, rather than me thinking

27:03

like, Oh, God, I'm lucky that you know, we're well,

27:07

we're not looking at the moment with feeding because it's a fucking nightmare.

27:09

And he's got a protein allergy. But

27:11

rather than me thinking, Oh, I'm glad I

27:13

don't have these breastfeeding issues. I'm jealous. Yeah,

27:15

I'm looking at them and being like, Oh,

27:18

I wish I was able to breastfeed. Yeah,

27:21

it's really interesting, isn't it? Because I just think, I

27:23

don't know, I feel like of all the spaces, this

27:25

is the most. And I didn't really understand it. But

27:27

the longer that I'm in it, I

27:30

do get it so much more I get the

27:34

but it's so easy when you're using

27:36

yourself like as a stick to measure up everybody

27:38

else by and like I do it. So I

27:40

do it with sleeping. Oh my God, like I

27:42

would follow like when I followed Ashley James at

27:45

the beginning, her baby's a month younger than all.

27:47

Yeah, at the beginning she slept and I should

27:49

put up like she'd sleep from seven, seven to

27:51

seven or whatever. And I'd be like, like,

27:54

and the jet and it's not actually fault.

27:57

Like, and in my heart, I'm like, I'm

27:59

so happy. happy for you. I'm so happy for you. And

28:01

people still say to me now, they go, I'm so sorry.

28:03

Like, if I say, like, how are you? And they go,

28:05

I'm, I'm, yeah, my baby sleeps.

28:08

I'm so sorry. And like, everyone apologizes to

28:10

you that you're, that you don't need to

28:12

say sorry. Like, I'm really happy for you.

28:15

But you're sad for you. So, but

28:17

then I like, yeah, my rash, my

28:19

rational brain is like, no,

28:21

this is great. That's, that's hope. That's hope. That's hope. If

28:23

this baby can sleep, so can mine. If your baby can

28:26

sleep, maybe my next one will. Like, it is

28:28

all good. And you can garner the positive. But

28:30

when you're feeling so tired and vulnerable, and like,

28:33

it's all your fault, and you're doing badly and

28:35

blah, blah, blah, it's so easy to be like,

28:37

oh my God, everyone's got their shit together apart

28:39

from me. Sleep is the absolute worst lack of

28:41

sleep is the absolute worst. Yeah. Even

28:44

if you like lashed out with people, I get it. But

28:48

I would actually understand. And

28:50

I now need to say this quietly to

28:53

and say with a sorry, since

28:55

I stopped breastfeeding, yeah, sleeping.

28:59

Like, really, really like eight

29:01

months ago. So

29:04

she woke up last night at 245. Pretty

29:06

much been absolutely sensitive. Ignore last night. Okay.

29:09

For a week in a row. She stepped

29:12

into five am you're joking. This whole fucking

29:14

from when from 6pm. Oh,

29:18

I had to do was stop breastfeeding. Oh

29:20

my God, that's incredible. We get up at

29:22

five now, but I'm an early bird anyway.

29:24

I don't mind. I

29:26

mean, if you're getting your stretch, like, yeah, it's

29:28

better. It feels divine. Yeah. No, I don't. Yeah.

29:30

That stretch. I didn't care. That

29:33

is so good. Yeah. Oh, well done.

29:35

Arlo. I knew proud of her. Oh,

29:37

how did you stop bloody breastfeeding? Who

29:40

knew? At least you've done it now though. At

29:42

least you're sleeping now. Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

29:45

Oh my God. 100%. But it's just, yeah, I

29:47

guess that all of that's just to say like,

29:49

it's easy how we it's so easy to see

29:51

how people end up lashing out and judging and

29:53

could you just yeah, yeah, it's intense. It's

29:56

really secure. If you felt like secure

29:58

within your role. Like

30:00

as a mom? Yeah. That's. Good.

30:03

Yeah. A bit and I even

30:05

in. And I didn't feel secure and isis

30:07

me carry my loving. Over now you insecure and

30:09

oh it is still insecure. Oh yeah definitely

30:11

I have. You have been this whole time.

30:13

I even saw the evil yeah when I

30:15

was pregnant I think I got like so.

30:19

Like I was comparing myself to everyone like

30:21

people are pregnant same time as mean, still

30:24

able to like move into stuff that I

30:26

was a flake or couldn't. And

30:28

are now. But I think I think I'm like

30:31

that anyway. I think. It's

30:33

it's it's was. I

30:37

think I'm not. I'm at the idea. I'm

30:40

not very. I don't really have a strong.

30:42

Convictions and myself and my abilities

30:44

and I think days hard to

30:46

breathe Been Davis been through this

30:48

since he's been born because I.

30:51

Especially being on. Still do have quite bad

30:54

anxiety around him, but like I used, I

30:56

kind of freaked out about changing him. Or.

30:59

About like picking him up like I

31:01

was born. I was gonna hurt him

31:03

or the like. I wasn't doing it

31:05

properly and I kept being. I'm just

31:07

useless and is useless. Like it hot

31:10

do this and davis like sat me

31:12

down and was like this is crazy

31:14

nights did during well you just need

31:16

to let let thought go sit in

31:18

place and but it's hard. It's especially

31:20

because I feel like I've never been.

31:24

As. An eye on, you know? My. Mom

31:26

sides are always had to me like

31:28

an aquarium. Internal like could really see

31:30

me with kids. So like people with

31:32

a nice i just. Of was

31:34

spoke quite and score well. Dot but

31:37

I think it and so great

31:39

with him. By another saying is

31:41

t when you're pregnant. When. You

31:43

have a baby. You're not having a

31:45

baby forever. You having kids to having

31:47

a child. Yeah.lives not like I see

31:49

with all. Alone and you are amazing

31:52

with her and she a lot of

31:54

you. but she loves you and because she

31:56

picks up on your energy and you really confident

31:58

with her but now she's still and she tumbles

32:00

and then she gets back up again and she

32:02

laughs and it's amazing. And she eats and like

32:05

there's so much less. The

32:08

anxiety around a child or a toddler is so

32:10

much less than it is around a newborn. Yeah.

32:13

And this is, and I said it to you

32:15

so many times over the last few weeks, but

32:17

this is temporary. This tiny bean of uselessness is

32:19

not what he's going to be forever. Soon he'll

32:21

be able to hold up his own head. I

32:23

can't wait. And like feed himself and

32:25

communicate with you. And you're

32:28

going to really thrive then. And

32:30

like I'm so short and I'm so hopeful that

32:32

like it will click for you soon that you're

32:34

an amazing mum. But I think it's

32:36

going to get so much easier for you when

32:39

he gets bigger. I do too. I keep

32:41

thinking I just can't wait for him to be a little

32:43

bit more robust. Yeah. I want to put

32:45

a hand through a phone. Now if I

32:47

put a vest on there or whatever she puts

32:49

a hand like, Oh, thanks, babe. That's so good.

32:51

Like it's little stuff like that. But like it's

32:53

in those moments that you're going to build such

32:55

a bond with him. And not worry about breaking

32:57

his arm. He won't anyway by

32:59

the way. I'm scared I'm going to catch the finger. Do

33:01

you have any idea how bendy they are? Like

33:04

they're bonkers bendy. Oh my god. Bonkers. Yeah.

33:07

I can't wait until he's just a

33:09

bit older. And intrusive

33:11

thoughts are very real. Yeah. Very

33:14

real. I always saw those reals of

33:16

like intrusive thoughts I had as a mum. I was

33:18

a first time mum. And never

33:21

really. I actually I

33:23

just didn't really think about it. And now I'm like, no, I get

33:25

it. I really do get it. The intrusive thoughts are very real. I

33:28

promise you this bit. Like I've said it to

33:30

you so many times over the last few weeks.

33:32

But it's so temporary. That's why I was so

33:34

emotional on his first birthday. Because you

33:37

just look back at all the versions

33:39

of her. But also all the versions of

33:41

you. Like you're going to

33:43

change so much this year. And

33:45

you already have done. And you won't realise it maybe until

33:47

you're a bit further on and you look back. But

33:49

this will just make you. And like it's going to

33:51

be the making of you. And you don't feel like

33:53

it's happening now because it's vulnerable as hell. But

33:57

Like you are going to come through this and you're going to come through

33:59

it feeling. Really strong. I'm really confident.

34:01

yeah I heard of so many will

34:03

have had a good will come a

34:05

time of nature's really comment I made

34:07

a strong stronger than. He said

34:09

and wasn't great with the milk but

34:12

is going to great with all the

34:14

shit. yeah he didn't really. Wow. Nice

34:16

guy and he's growing to is growing

34:19

to as guy used to play on

34:21

way whiskers B B C He's like

34:23

statistically. Ladies. A fine. Statistically,

34:26

Most of them which is fine and ever and

34:29

keep saying to meet them or of us and

34:31

you think the more of a sunny day that

34:33

today but yeah I made like andrew luck as

34:35

I think it's you before a member the news

34:37

and ninety Ninety Six or ninety Ninety eight whatever

34:39

ninety Eight maybe know the floods in Mozambique and

34:41

of the woman had a baby. Up a treat.

34:44

To baby as office raise think about are all the

34:46

time I remember you eat is when I said my

34:48

anxieties already bought me some it up to sit at

34:51

our as. I as I guess yeah it

34:53

as a really have such things as into

34:55

my baby couldn't survive of the tray yeah

34:57

that seems like that. not a baby fine

34:59

I'm a sense vapor in a roughing and

35:01

bubble wrap my saw that yeah I do

35:03

they literally in Guatemala keep going to be

35:05

find out you. Want

35:12

flexibility? Take yoga. Want flexibility with

35:14

your health insurance? Check out UnitedHealthcare

35:16

Insurance Plans. Underwritten by Golden Rule

35:18

Insurance Company, they offer flexible, budget-friendly

35:20

medical, dental, and vision coverage that

35:22

may be right for you. More

35:24

at uh1.com. Leite and your

35:27

premier destination for luxury. Me, you. Elevate

35:29

your style of their can read, it

35:31

lacks in a bag searches and fine

35:33

jewelry and we that quality as a

35:35

panini. each piece meticulously that it and

35:37

verified by experts ensuring your investment is

35:39

nothing short of perfection. And cell phones

35:41

in the world's top brands including an

35:43

immense In L and Cardio Axis expertly

35:45

crafted and hard to find pieces that

35:47

me to sign. Luxury you next.

35:50

Investment Elites and read i get ten percent

35:52

off your first purchase. The code read bad

35:54

ten that send present off the ledge. Mean. You

35:56

deserve don't miss. Out said to me

35:58

that.com and enter could read. And it

36:00

took out that are you be A D. One

36:03

Zero. Okay,

36:08

Where did mean Talk about

36:10

what it means of getting

36:12

his oh god yes, the

36:14

bus. Oh

36:16

my god.day says he's action upland on and

36:18

so we got the day and my was

36:21

afternoon slot was as the somehow closes by

36:23

only com purpose how am I going to

36:25

do that morning. It was so

36:27

easy going on ai that he can't He.

36:30

He has to get up at six am to

36:32

eat a piece of toast which I read that

36:34

one three, a gaggle of he refused to taste

36:36

like it's six I am, I don't want both

36:39

and then you can't a he got to drink

36:41

like possible. Have I been us like an hour

36:43

before his death that that they told me to

36:45

as it as such you. Circuits are getting

36:47

a whatever. And. And

36:50

so it was an afternoon slaw

36:52

and satan davon I am does

36:54

an industrial estate by the hospital

36:57

and we just wondering like aimlessly

36:59

want. To run this this this a. Report.

37:02

On I'm an asshole must have been an

37:04

allergy like I'm in a fast Told you

37:06

that when you hungry and a monument to

37:08

and has city and it's i'm going in

37:10

now when he was like oh did I

37:13

say to dig it ceases have a say

37:15

is not. So

37:17

surreal. And then my family

37:20

outings hospital of it's hilariously.

37:22

They all arrived before hot. Sauces, your

37:24

family or the zebra did it like

37:26

a wire around. Oh yes I let

37:28

them fly. My run says we were

37:30

in the industrial state. Little for my

37:32

friends are like oh my god that

37:34

wrote the hospital. Every single one of

37:37

them was at the hospital thought science

37:39

which was really nice. It definitely made

37:41

it. May I

37:43

say get like for his did freaked me out I

37:45

was like oh purposes of really big deal for my

37:47

some it hit this is a really big bill like

37:49

I'm trying to think of no big deal with who's

37:51

already revealed and it's of same I had a meltdown

37:53

and cried. and

37:55

then we so then we went

37:57

up the room and i You

38:00

won't believe this but I had a nap I

38:03

had to wake me up to go into surgery and she was

38:05

like This is the first time I've ever had to wake

38:07

someone up to go into surgery What the

38:09

fuck? What were everyone

38:11

else doing while you were just having a nap? So

38:14

it was just me and Dave in the room and Dave

38:16

was just Because we tried to watch something on Netflix. I was

38:18

like I can't concentrate also. I'm really tired I'm just gonna have

38:20

a nap. Oh, that's absolutely that's so

38:22

chill Oh, I do see ya That's hilarious

38:24

I know, I know I

38:27

think part of it turns out my iron

38:29

was very low I had to have a

38:31

trans- no I had to They

38:34

ordered in blood for a transfusion because I didn't

38:36

I just didn't realize it was low I think

38:38

part of it was that but but hilarious still

38:40

That's so good Um Anna

38:43

had preeclampsia I know what the

38:45

fuck I know, I know I feel like the writing was

38:47

on the wall though because he was so tall I feel

38:49

like I could have diagnosed him with preeclampsia He never

38:51

had any And I literally failed

38:53

biology I was

38:55

like this doesn't feel right like You were so

38:57

tall On the day of Dave and I were

38:59

just like looking at my knees like where are

39:01

my kneecaps? I can't find them I can't find

39:03

my kneecaps When Alex came to see you for

39:05

the first time, it was Tommy was born I

39:08

knew he fumbled it when he was like oh wow

39:11

you look amazing You've deeplached it I

39:15

was like babe Don't say that No,

39:18

it's true, it's true It was a

39:20

definite deflation It

39:22

was so crazy at the end I

39:25

can't believe that no one looked at you and thought She's

39:27

showing all the symptoms I know There's

39:30

one devastatingly serious condition I went in,

39:33

they took my blood pressure when I went in It

39:35

was like 185 over like 100 or something And

39:38

she was like oh shit That's

39:41

fauquish I know, so it was fine Because

39:44

the cure is getting your placenta out Obviously

39:47

I was getting it out then Um So

39:51

yes, I had to be woken up to be taken down to the

39:53

theatre LOL I

39:55

can't believe you had an app I

39:58

know, hilarious slept like

40:00

the whole night before. We had such a different

40:02

birth. I'm like, I'm like just, Jenn and

40:04

I have been awake since 3.30 because she's so

40:06

nervous for me. And I literally, my alarm

40:08

went up to six o'clock to go and eat my toast.

40:10

I was like, God, I can sleep. The night before I

40:13

went into hospital before I was in D.C. I was in

40:15

bed. I didn't know it was a minute. I didn't see

40:17

the minute. She not. Not a minute. And then I was

40:19

in bed two days. I was more tired. I slept better

40:21

when she got here than before she was in D.C. Did

40:23

you? God yeah. I thought it was wrong with me. Ridiculous.

40:25

Well good for you. It's very relaxed. I'm like, I can

40:27

sleep though. Everyone always says like, oh, sleep. Sleep, well you

40:29

can. You said that literally. Yeah, I did. I

40:31

did. I made the most of that. And

40:34

yeah, and then we went down to surgery

40:36

and I have

40:38

to say that the C-section was

40:40

so, so good. Like a

40:42

genuinely, and you said it would be a

40:44

really nice experience. And it was, it was

40:47

a really, really nice experience. I mean, it's

40:49

not for everyone, obviously. It's not for every,

40:51

like emergencies. Yeah. Like I still had an

40:53

emergency, but if you listen, I had an

40:55

emergency cesarean and I still think it was

40:58

the most positive. I had an incredibly positive

41:00

birth. Yeah. And

41:02

so I'm so pleased that you got that too. Yeah, I

41:04

really did. And I know you were so anxious about everything

41:07

about it, like the surgery element and stuff. Yeah.

41:10

It was like, it was just, it

41:12

was really, really nice. I mean, they do it in

41:14

such an amazingly, like I

41:16

don't know, humane way I felt. Like I

41:18

never felt at any point like I was

41:20

just like a patient,

41:23

like, or like, I don't

41:25

know. It was like, when I came in, it was like, everybody

41:27

in there introduced themselves. And like,

41:29

and the unique artist is so

41:31

chatty and like, are you having a

41:33

boy or a girl? And everyone's close to you.

41:36

And I think maybe like, I don't know. And they

41:38

talked between themselves, which I really liked. I

41:40

heard them talking about mundane, to me mundane stuff

41:42

between themselves. And I was like, this is so

41:45

nice. It's reminding me that it was like, like

41:48

this is no big deal to them. On my birth

41:50

video, Alex videoed the whole thing and I was watching

41:52

it for all his birthday and the guy was talking,

41:54

they were, the two, the niece

41:57

assistant, one of the midwives, and

41:59

the midwives, talking about how they go to

42:01

the same leisure centre and like and it was

42:03

like and so I never thought the opening times

42:05

was like just like I love that. Yeah,

42:08

when I go and listen back I'm like that is

42:10

so comforting. Yeah. This is just what they do. Yeah,

42:12

it felt really nice and they were all like oh

42:14

we're just taking bets on like whether it's a boy

42:17

or a girl. I love that. They were all like

42:19

they all think it's a girl. They were all wrong.

42:21

They were all wrong. Everyone was wrong. It's

42:23

so weird. My mum wasn't wrong. My mum wasn't wrong.

42:26

If she came to the house and she went she walked to just before

42:28

Tommy was born she just after Tommy was born she went oh

42:30

maybe just before it I think it was just before and she

42:33

went are you pregnant? I was like no why? She's like because

42:35

I've seen um three of my uh

42:37

four magpies someone's having a boy. Oh

42:39

really? And I was like well it's not me and she

42:41

was like well who else would it be? I don't know

42:43

anybody else pregnant. Who else would it be? And then like

42:46

literally like the next day you had Tommy I was like oh.

42:48

Oh well and fronty that's great. Yeah everyone thought

42:50

it was a girl. I thought it was a girl because everyone

42:52

thought it was a girl. Everyone thought it was a girl yeah.

42:54

And I got shock of my life when he was lifted up

42:57

and I was like that's not a girl. It's a little whitty.

42:59

That is definitely not a girl. What what

43:01

what. And it's so weird they're like

43:03

they're born so quickly after they go in aren't

43:05

they? Yeah so they say that the baby's born

43:08

in the first 10 minutes and then the final

43:10

40 minutes is the way you have to centre

43:12

out and stitch your back up. I just thought

43:14

it would be so much longer to get to

43:16

them. But before we

43:18

knew it. I wish she was far

43:20

up. She was just chilling yeah. Just

43:22

like I'm happy here. Go

43:24

away. Yeah

43:27

like literally before I knew it they were like oh

43:29

he's about or the bit the baby's about to be

43:31

born. Oh my. I was like

43:34

fuck. Was Dave a mess? He

43:36

was a mess yeah. Weirdly I didn't cry

43:38

how weird is that? No I get that you say so

43:40

much. It's too much

43:42

yeah. He he was a

43:44

mess Dave was an absolute mess yeah. Did he

43:47

cut the cord? And he he cut the cord.

43:49

Yeah he cut the cord and while

43:51

they were like sorting him out they gave me

43:54

a little camera. That

43:56

was on him. Oh yeah. Which was

43:58

really nice so I could. watch yeah

44:00

and I was like oh my god that's

44:02

my baby what the hell and they put you

44:05

put him on you yeah and they put him on me

44:07

amazing I was gonna slip

44:11

she's gonna slip oh my god it's just such

44:13

a it's just so bizarre isn't it you're like

44:16

even though you should know them so well

44:18

because they've been in you yeah don't you're

44:20

just like what oh it's just very amazing

44:23

it's just crazy yeah it's just like unbelievable and

44:25

there is like days we were in hospital which

44:27

sounds so weird to say but they were honestly

44:29

like the best days of my life no it's

44:32

not weird that's so great it was weird because

44:34

we're in hospital but I just I was like

44:36

you've had the most amazing like how what privilege

44:38

that you've had this incredible birth such a privilege

44:41

I know because like my sister you know like

44:43

yeah I feel very lucky

44:45

it's amazing and like I hope anyone listening who's

44:47

anxious about it like you advocated for the birth

44:49

that you wanted you've got your plan C-section yeah

44:51

and you had such a happy day and it's

44:54

like that at the end of the day

44:56

is the most important thing yeah and like I

44:58

hope that anyone hearing that is empowered to have

45:01

the confidence to advocate for what they want

45:03

to because right that's just stunning it's not

45:05

exactly what you should get everyone I think I

45:07

think surgery freaks some people out and they

45:09

were much rather do a vaginal birth and

45:11

you know whatever whatever works for

45:13

you but I couldn't my anxiety couldn't have

45:15

taken a vaginal birth like I just wouldn't

45:17

have yeah I was the other way

45:19

around and yeah and that's it

45:21

though yeah everybody has different

45:24

make wants and needs for themselves and

45:26

that's the importance of like pushing for

45:28

what you want because

45:30

you have to feel or you deserve to

45:33

feel as like comfortable and confident in your

45:35

in the start of this because the easier

45:37

the start is the easier the rest of it is

45:40

right I've had this amazing few days which is so

45:42

important and I think it's like feeling in control isn't

45:44

it and that was like I was so happy

45:46

when they let me have you know I had to fight

45:49

for a C-section yeah and I was so happy when they

45:51

let me have it because I was like it just

45:55

I needed that sense of control yeah otherwise

45:57

I would have spent the whole pregnancy like

45:59

a total mess Yeah. Because labour for

46:01

me was too many unknowns and I just

46:03

wouldn't, I needed that sense of control. So

46:05

I was very happy I got

46:07

that birth for sure. And then how long

46:09

were you in the hospital for? Two days.

46:11

I had to be monitored because of the...

46:14

Pre-acclamps. Yeah. So two nights we

46:16

spent in the hospital. Which,

46:19

yeah, weirdly I just loved. That's great. I

46:21

didn't want to go home. I get

46:23

that. It's all safe. And it's so safe.

46:25

It's so weird when you leave. How

46:27

was leaving? Oh my

46:30

god, that car journey back home. Pongkis, isn't it?

46:32

Yeah. I was like, Dave was

46:34

driving, we had to go on a motorway and I was

46:37

like, is there any way we can alter

46:39

the route so we don't have to go on the motorway? And he was

46:42

like, no, we have to go on the motorway. And I was like, can

46:44

you just drive at like 40 miles an hour? And

46:46

he was like, I can do 50. Is it like... He's...

46:50

Even at 50, I was like... Maybe

46:53

he shouldn't be going this far. He's too fragile.

46:55

I can't do this. He's too... Oh my god,

46:57

it was crazy. And

47:00

getting home, that was when all the hormones

47:02

came in. So that was a bit tougher. Did

47:04

you have the baby blues? Like the sort

47:06

of... Yeah. When did that come to you?

47:09

Like day... Four,

47:11

I think? Yeah. That's kind of... Mine came at day eight.

47:13

I thought I got weird with it. The

47:17

guys were fucking flying and at day eight I went

47:19

off a cliff. I was like, never bloody mind. It's

47:22

so weird, isn't it? So weird. It's

47:24

weird. It's like an absolute crash. Do

47:26

you remember we had the hormone Dr. Ron who

47:29

was talking about that crash you have after pregnancy? You

47:31

were pregnant when we interviewed her. Dr.

47:33

Rokehead. Yeah, I probably didn't even believe. Like,

47:35

don't want to hear this. Yeah, and she

47:37

said like you get this huge crash afterwards.

47:39

Yeah. I should... Do you know what?

47:41

I should send that photo to MSF

47:44

on socials. The photo of me

47:46

was like having cried

47:48

straight for three days. I should send

47:50

the photo. It was hilarious. How do you felt

47:52

about like... Speaking about like putting photos on the

47:54

Instagram and stuff. Like how do you felt about

47:56

coming back and like... wanting

47:59

to come back? I felt

48:01

the most vulnerable that I've ever felt

48:05

in my life and also online. That's why I blocked

48:07

that woman this morning that was like, I hope you're

48:09

doing this for medical reasons, not vanity reasons. It's just

48:11

like, I can't have this in my

48:14

space right now. I feel too

48:16

fragile for it. But

48:18

everyone has been so nice. That's so good.

48:20

Everyone's been so nice. I don't

48:23

know what I was worried about, but just

48:25

so nice. And I've had these problems

48:27

with his feeding, and he's got this

48:30

allergy. And I've had so much

48:32

advice, and not

48:34

just advice, just people saying like,

48:37

everything's going to be better. You'll get through this.

48:41

Just people are so nice, honestly. Touch

48:43

wood. I've been doing that a year. I

48:45

haven't had any criticism. Have you not? And

48:50

I expect it. I know you're

48:52

co-sleeping. I breastfed this whole time.

48:55

I've had some stuff about breastfeeding, but give a

48:57

shit. That's a bit bizarre. But in terms of

48:59

me as a mum, no. And

49:03

I felt I'm so aware of certain choices

49:05

that I make. Doing the marathon, for example,

49:08

I think people are going to have things to

49:10

say, and I keep thinking. I don't know. I

49:12

always think like, because I'm pushing myself so

49:15

hard, and I think I'm

49:17

making myself so tired, and I'm breaking myself

49:19

in half. I don't

49:21

know. I'm kind of expecting to get

49:23

people being like, I don't know.

49:26

I think maybe it's because it's my own insecurity,

49:28

where I feel like I'm giving so much

49:30

of myself to the running. I

49:32

just feel like I'm tearing myself in half

49:34

to do it. And I keep

49:36

getting... I think it's my own... And that's

49:38

all the stuff that hurts us is our own

49:40

insecurity, right? So people voicing

49:42

things that we're worried about. So I think I'm waiting

49:45

for somebody to say to me, oh,

49:47

you're a shit mum for doing this when

49:49

you should be with Art. That's

49:52

what I think is going to happen. Which

49:54

is crazy. Because first

49:56

of all, she's a year old. Second of all, she... it

50:00

like for my mental health, like

50:03

I need like not a

50:05

marathon. I think that was absolutely moronic. I've got

50:07

full regret. I think I'm an absolute idiot. And

50:09

if I could quit, I would.

50:12

But I need this like I, the exercise

50:14

stuff. Like I need it. But even if

50:16

you didn't like need it for your mental

50:18

health, even if you just like doing it,

50:21

yeah, like that's fine too. Yeah. And I've

50:23

been really like, and that's good for you

50:25

and her 100% she's seen me choose myself,

50:27

right? She's seeing me. Like, I'm like,

50:30

I'm like show up for myself and do

50:32

this for myself and make myself proud. And

50:34

like, it's so important. And those people have

50:36

found me though, those moms who

50:39

want that for themselves and do that for themselves

50:41

and do the same thing as me. And then

50:43

we all do it differently. But like to feel

50:45

that you've got this community, because I've just been,

50:47

I've been so unsure of like, am I doing

50:49

the right thing? Am I should I be? Should

50:52

I be doing this or anything? You know,

50:54

with work, you get guilt, you just get guilt all

50:57

the time. Like, that's the one thing

50:59

that I've really taken away from this year is it's like

51:01

constant guilt. And I never really

51:03

want to voice it because, because you

51:05

just feel all kind of ways about it, don't you?

51:07

But like, you feel good about working, you feel good

51:09

about seeing your friends, you feel good about prioritising yourself

51:11

about any time away from your baby. And it's getting

51:14

easier now she's older and it's getting easier now she's

51:16

not breastfeeding anymore. But you still have all this guilt.

51:18

And like, I don't know to

51:20

just hear from people who are like, you

51:22

got it, babe. Like, good to go. Like,

51:24

I'm proud of you. Like, yeah, you've heard

51:26

you do that. I'm like, I fucking love

51:28

you. It's so nice. And it's sad that

51:30

we expect it. We're waiting

51:32

for the other shoe to drop all the time. Right.

51:35

And I'm sure people are judging us, but they can

51:37

do it quietly. And I love that they are doing

51:39

it. Thank you. So as long as you're not bringing

51:41

it to my attention. Yeah. Like,

51:43

it's that feels so, I

51:46

don't know, like, that's been the big

51:48

one most wonderful surprise. Same.

51:50

And I'm even I'm only 10 weeks in

51:52

saying that's been so and I feel like

51:55

it's mums who have or just

51:58

mums who have been there, I guess. just

52:00

some extent all moms have been there and

52:03

it's just

52:06

I feel like they have a lot of

52:08

empathy for where you are. Yeah but you've

52:11

been so vulnerable as well and honest

52:14

in the like saying I'm struggling this

52:16

is hard. I'm actually like you're voicing

52:19

the things that for so

52:21

many reasons moms don't often

52:23

say because they're scared that

52:26

I think people I think we have this crazy like

52:28

misconception that if we say I'm scared

52:30

or if we say I'm anxious or

52:33

if we say I'm struggling people will

52:35

and people will infer that you're bad

52:37

at it or you're failing. Like it

52:39

feels like a failure. Yeah. Maybe

52:42

historically it always was. Do you

52:44

know I worry about doing it because I think

52:47

for the people that are watching

52:50

say like my stories watching my stories

52:52

who aren't pregnant yet but thinking about

52:54

it or are pregnant and

52:56

seeing you know like I'm

52:59

suffering with anxiety or I'm finding this really

53:01

anxious or this is horrible or whatever. I

53:04

don't know it's hard isn't it because you don't

53:06

want to like scare anyone. Yeah

53:09

but you're not responsible.

53:12

You can't because then on the other

53:14

side if you don't I think what you're doing

53:17

is so important in that you're giving so much

53:19

strength and you know I

53:23

think we've had really different experiences

53:25

with pregnancy and with birth and

53:27

with postpartum like even just at the time

53:30

like I found the newborn stage really

53:32

easy and I was really lucky because

53:35

we didn't have problems breastfeeding

53:38

and therefore we didn't have any of the problems that

53:40

you've had with the

53:43

allergy and then she

53:46

slept kind of fine and I was just so

53:48

fucking happy not to be being sick anymore. I

53:50

was just like I don't know

53:52

like I feel like we've had that bit differently

53:55

and we'll have other bits differently and you're going

53:57

to probably adore bits that I didn't love and

53:59

vice versa. And like that's just that we're

54:01

all different humans with different kids doing the best for

54:03

our whatever And just why

54:05

I think it's so important that you're You're

54:07

voicing your truth because you are going to be

54:10

such a lie and you're not saying this is

54:12

this is motherhood Yeah, your mother

54:14

my experience of it. Yeah, and it's so

54:17

empowering that you're giving people that because Anybody

54:20

watching it who's looking around and everybody else is finding

54:22

it bloody. I was probably fucking insufferable after all it

54:24

was one I was like, whoa Love

54:26

being a mom. It was a fuck a

54:29

dick I was like, oh, you're you

54:31

and in the same way that I've talked about

54:33

it more now with the sleep deprivation and stuff

54:36

And again, it's like I put people off it,

54:38

but I can't pretend that everything's fine because that's

54:40

not fair either And and the people that

54:42

are going through the sleep deprivation as well

54:44

will be like, oh, it's so nice to

54:47

read this Yeah, and just feel seen. Yeah,

54:49

I think that's what you're doing like don't

54:51

underestimate the value in and the bravery in

54:53

what you've done because Just

54:55

by being you and by being honest

54:57

because it's so validating for people who

55:00

feel and mothers so often do feel

55:02

invalidated at the beginning just you know

55:05

There's good in sharing with the world

55:07

that you're fucking mad I've

55:12

been doing it for like five years now.

55:14

I'm so so used to it. It's

55:16

all gravy I know I think it's

55:18

really powerful and it obviously it's touchy. I

55:20

just can't believe I said it's all gravy I

55:22

take that back. I put in our group what's

55:24

up the phone. It was groovy with a capital

55:27

G. So I think we are tragic

55:30

See you in your converse with me and my pattern types. We're

55:32

trying to be trendy. We're trying to be downward. Good. We are We're

55:37

haggard Another

55:39

regular mom. I'm cool. I can slide

55:42

across the kitchen floor now in my

55:44

feet. Yeah, I saw that That's very

55:46

much energy that is always good. It's

55:48

so impressed. It's energy It's energy a

55:50

lot of energy if I get diagnosed

55:52

one more fucking time with ADHD I

55:54

swear to God you should have seen

55:56

my DMS after those your DMS are

55:58

always like you Have you ever been

56:00

tested for ADHD? Did you feel the comments were

56:03

on the reel yesterday? No. Hey

56:06

babes, a lot of this is kind

56:08

of indicative of neurodivergent. I'm not diagnosing

56:10

you, but don't worry, someone's already done

56:12

it. What was it? Talking

56:14

about what a mess I am. It was one of

56:16

those trends. You did one like social media fake. Oh

56:20

yeah, okay. Yeah, I um... Do

56:23

you feel like ADHD? On

56:25

an honestly level, I think I'm actually going to go

56:27

and find an ADHD therapist. Yeah. I

56:30

don't want to go on medication just yet. Okay. But

56:33

since motherhood, I have

56:35

decided that like the

56:37

feelings of... No,

56:39

I've been reading a lot about feelings of

56:42

self-worth. Okay. And

56:45

how for women, particularly mothers with

56:47

ADHD, you don't often

56:49

feel that you're not good enough. Okay. No

56:52

matter what you do. And I've always kind

56:54

of felt an extent of that. I've

56:56

always felt like a bit, it's like I'm not good enough, I'm not good

56:58

enough. I'm

57:00

not good enough, I'm not doing enough. Okay. And

57:03

particularly since Arlo's been here, I have

57:06

this feeling of I'm not doing enough. And I

57:09

physically can't do more. Like I

57:11

am pushing myself so hard at work,

57:13

so hard in fucking

57:15

stupid marathon, so hard

57:17

in motherhood. And I do feel

57:19

secure in my role

57:21

as a mum to her. Yeah. Like I really feel like

57:23

I'm a good mum and I just adore it. I just, it's the best

57:25

thing that's ever fucking happened to me. And I feel so good about it.

57:29

But I am pulling myself so

57:31

hard and I'm suffering.

57:34

I'm really hurting myself, like I'm really

57:36

beating myself up in a

57:39

way that's just exhausting. And I really

57:41

think I want someone, because I went to go and see

57:43

Jacqueline and she's coming to talk to

57:45

us next week or the week after about this. Because I

57:47

literally want to talk to her about Overwell. Yes. And

57:50

she said it to me really clearly, that

57:52

she was like, if things keep getting put

57:54

on the top, everything else will come

57:56

out sideways. Like that's so inevitable that if you keep

57:58

putting things on the top. like it will come

58:00

out sideways. Oh, I like that. I know, and

58:03

I can't stop thinking about it. So my homework

58:05

with her was do less. It's

58:07

like simply impossible Jacqueline, but thank you

58:09

for your stupid suggestion. But

58:13

no, it was actually incredibly helpful

58:15

to hear her say that. Yeah, and I

58:17

think that's what I've noticed

58:19

with you is

58:22

that you have this perception

58:24

of like, like

58:26

you don't want to say like notice something and

58:28

like not do something. And

58:30

you're like kill yourself to do it. Yeah. Whereas,

58:33

you know, rather than be like, do you know what, like I'm

58:35

gonna like, I just can't do this and that's that. I

58:38

feel like you, I don't know, you think that people think bad of

58:40

you if you don't. It's not really

58:43

weird because I've got to this point where I'm like,

58:45

I don't care what other people think about me, I

58:47

really don't. Yeah. It's what

58:49

like, it's what I feel like I have to

58:51

do. And this is what has

58:53

become so intense. It's like, I'm putting this

58:55

on myself in such a crazy way. And

58:58

it's kind of fine because I really love my

59:01

job. And I really, like the

59:03

marathon is important to me, but it's been

59:05

a really clear, it's

59:08

looking at it as a standalone thing. I'm like, what

59:10

the fuck am I doing? Like, why

59:13

am I doing this? Yeah, I

59:15

know. I mean, I know. Because

59:18

like, I haven't been sleeping. Like, yeah,

59:21

like, I'm so tired. But

59:23

it's like, I can't even let myself. I

59:26

don't know. And I just, I always

59:28

felt with the ADHD thing, like I had the diagnosis and I

59:30

was like, I don't need to follow this. I

59:32

don't, it never felt like

59:34

a problem for me. Do you know

59:36

what I mean? Yeah. And now I'm like, I am

59:39

breaking myself and I

59:41

need help. Would you consider just not doing the marathon?

59:44

I'm so fucking close now. I honestly, I really thought,

59:47

I actually said to Alex a few days ago, I

59:49

was like, I'm just not gonna do it. Like it

59:51

just seems like, you know,

59:53

rather than taking little things off my plate, let's just

59:55

take this massive fucking steak off it. And then like,

59:57

you know, just pays for other stuff. I

1:00:00

think like, and it's not, you know,

1:00:02

it's an option, but I've just, I've

1:00:04

come this far now. And I'm so I

1:00:06

could run it tomorrow, the agony and slow

1:00:08

and awful, but I could do it tomorrow.

1:00:10

Okay, so I pull out now would just

1:00:12

be really okay. I hear you like a

1:00:14

month ago. Why don't you stop training then?

1:00:16

Now? Because now I'm like, well, I've

1:00:18

come this bloody far. It's literally so

1:00:21

close. Okay, okay. I do hear you.

1:00:23

But I basically got to give what

1:00:25

is it? What's that something? I think

1:00:27

once this is over, it's actually, that'd

1:00:29

be something else. Obviously, I'm telling it that

1:00:31

stupid jumper. But no, don't stop that. No,

1:00:33

I can't. It's

1:00:37

a nice hobby that you enjoy. It was nice.

1:00:39

And now I'm like, ah, my drum gets

1:00:41

my drum gets my fucking

1:00:44

drum. But

1:00:47

no, I just I don't know. And I think, I

1:00:49

don't know, I want more kids and I,

1:00:51

and I, and I love what I do.

1:00:53

And I just want more in life or

1:00:55

more of everything. But I have to find

1:00:57

a way to be able to handle it.

1:01:00

Because, yeah, because the only person suffering, genuinely,

1:01:02

I don't think anybody around me is suffering

1:01:04

apart from me. Yeah. And I'm just really

1:01:07

pushing so much pressure on myself. Yeah,

1:01:09

you know, I know. I know. I'm to

1:01:12

know put some boundaries in place

1:01:14

with yourself. It's just literally just

1:01:17

with myself. And

1:01:20

yeah, so I don't know. But I just I think it

1:01:22

is really interesting within the ADHD

1:01:24

thing, because it's like the first time that I've kind

1:01:26

of felt like, you know what, I'm just gonna own

1:01:28

that. And I'm going to accept that. And

1:01:32

I'm going to look for help specific help

1:01:35

within that. Definitely. So if anyone has any

1:01:37

idea, I'm not even kidding. If anyone knows

1:01:39

any idea, yeah, it's so worth

1:01:41

it. Because I'm not ruling out the medication either.

1:01:43

But I just I would like to try the

1:01:46

therapy first. Yeah, because this personality is all I've

1:01:48

ever known. So I don't really want to like

1:01:50

start altering. You know, just stop breastfeeding. So I

1:01:52

don't want to put medication into this. Like I

1:01:54

just really want to. Yeah, step

1:01:56

by step. Yeah, easy. But I think that's a

1:01:58

really good step. Yeah. I think that's a really good

1:02:01

thing to explore. Because my feelings just feel so big. And

1:02:03

I really just want to be able to regulate myself better. Interesting,

1:02:06

isn't it? Because I feel really happy and really

1:02:08

good. But I just have these massive feelings of

1:02:11

pressure. OK, I

1:02:13

think this could be really good for you. Yeah, I agree. I agree.

1:02:16

And there's got to be loads of, that's

1:02:18

a thing, right? ADHD therapy. So my friend told me about

1:02:20

it a few months ago. And I was like, OK, and

1:02:22

he was going to do it. And I was like, that

1:02:24

sounds really interesting. Let me know how you

1:02:26

go. And then I didn't really follow up with it.

1:02:29

I know somebody else that went and did a specific one. He's

1:02:33

been really, it's all men actually, but he's been really enjoying

1:02:36

it. And then somebody mentioned

1:02:38

it to me yesterday on my video. I was like, have

1:02:40

you ever thought about therapy? I was like, yes.

1:02:46

Once or twice. It's

1:02:48

come up. Because like,

1:02:50

Jacqueline, we could find you an ADHD therapist. Yeah,

1:02:53

also maybe my session, maybe mine.

1:02:55

I'll flash a Freudian slip off. Jacqueline,

1:02:57

next week we'll do the trick. Can't wait.

1:03:00

Do you feel overwhelmed, though? Like, how do you

1:03:02

feel within your days with like, having like, living

1:03:04

your life and then having a baby in it?

1:03:07

Do you feel good? It's

1:03:09

quite, I don't know

1:03:11

if overwhelming is the right word, but it's, I

1:03:15

mean, he doesn't, does all I go down, like

1:03:17

in a Moses basket or anything? Did she sleep

1:03:19

in the day, like not on you? Not really,

1:03:21

because of breastfeeding. Not at the beginning. And then

1:03:23

she got really good at sleeping in the buggy,

1:03:25

which I just still do. She

1:03:27

was both in the after the buggy still. Never

1:03:29

got them in the cot. No regrets on

1:03:32

that. Tell you what, I need to try the buggy

1:03:34

indoors, because at the moment he

1:03:36

just will not sleep if it's not on us. I will do it

1:03:38

with Arlo where I put her in the buggy, outside,

1:03:41

walked her, and then if I couldn't be bothered to do

1:03:44

the whole walk, I mean, at the moment I'd fall for

1:03:46

hours and hours and hours before she sleeps. But otherwise, then

1:03:48

we just, because if we, London House, if you bring her

1:03:50

in, then someone puts her left, put me through the letterbox

1:03:52

and then bam, she's awake. I know, I

1:03:54

know. And, or, boom,

1:03:57

or a bar. Yeah, a patio box. Didn't want to

1:03:59

throw her in. But but yeah,

1:04:01

okay, so that helps cuz it's like I

1:04:03

need to get showers Yeah, yeah.

1:04:05

Yeah, how do you do that if you've got when

1:04:08

working out? Is he in the bouncy yet? He

1:04:11

is in the bouncer, but he doesn't love it Like he

1:04:13

would just rather be in my in our when he gets

1:04:15

a little bit older He might enjoy okay Cuz

1:04:18

he I'll put him in it and then he doesn't cry like

1:04:22

me And

1:04:25

I don't know you read so much about like don't let

1:04:27

them cry don't let them cry out That's

1:04:30

not flying out though This

1:04:33

is what I've learned cuz I'm exactly same when

1:04:36

I like fucking shrieks Yeah, like you know the

1:04:38

difference sometimes she wakes up at night She can

1:04:40

get herself back down within a minute or two.

1:04:42

Okay, sometimes when she wakes up Yeah, and I

1:04:44

know but she's lying on her back. So ah,

1:04:47

it sounds like crying but she's she's

1:04:49

annoyed. Yeah, that's it They're annoyed. Yeah,

1:04:51

there's a difference between a annoyed and

1:04:54

like devastated and a second. She's okay

1:04:56

bad You know the second it

1:04:58

goes from annoyed to Upset

1:05:00

I'm like there and still there in

1:05:02

a flash but like when it's annoyed.

1:05:04

I'm like honey bunny likes annoying

1:05:11

Okay, that's good to hear cuz I don't

1:05:13

I don't know I'm just learning all this

1:05:15

stuff like I'm trying to I Don't

1:05:18

know. I'm very you know, it's Just

1:05:22

it's just hard. It's just hard. So do you

1:05:24

feel like the balance like do you feel? I

1:05:26

don't know like The

1:05:28

days like any good day. I

1:05:30

don't know because I used to get really bad bed read at like 5 p.m Like

1:05:34

yeah, yeah, and like I'd

1:05:36

love the morning. I'd be like, oh god. It's

1:05:39

a day. I love today hate bed Yeah, I

1:05:41

hate bed. Doesn't last a promise. Oh god. I

1:05:43

hate it. I really hate it. Um,

1:05:45

oh It's

1:05:47

four o'clock for me. Then I'm like, oh

1:05:49

it's getting your tipping point. No, we not

1:05:51

I'm not kidding But

1:05:53

then shefford I was a question on it

1:05:55

the podcast was a question. Oh, yeah, I

1:05:58

know mad the

1:06:00

coin. Oh my god, like the thing in

1:06:02

the arcade. Yes, yes, yes, exactly that. When

1:06:04

we were struggling with Bedred, which

1:06:07

was like so because I'd get it like four

1:06:09

or five. Okay. I'd go out and do my

1:06:11

day. Yeah. And like, I think

1:06:13

I'd go out and do my day, whatever that

1:06:15

looked like. And then I'd come

1:06:17

back and like, and make a

1:06:19

4pm an enjoyable time because otherwise I'd get so

1:06:21

down. So I put tipping point on. Yeah. And

1:06:23

still now me and Alex use it as our

1:06:25

like a coon where it's like, if we've had

1:06:27

bad days, or like the sleep that's been bad

1:06:30

again, it's like, I'm going to put tipping point

1:06:32

on. Okay. And it's like,

1:06:34

it, it, Lottie Dryden actually told

1:06:36

me to do this. Okay. She's like when

1:06:38

you, because I was getting upset about the

1:06:40

newborn bubble popping, basically, when I was going

1:06:42

back to work. And she's like, you just

1:06:44

need to make, make something so

1:06:46

that you can go back into your bubble. That's a

1:06:48

really good idea. Pippin point just became our bubble. So

1:06:51

you'd put tipping point on at four and then the chase at

1:06:53

five. And it's like, you just have a cup of tea and

1:06:55

a biscuit. Like I just bought this, had biscuits in the house

1:06:58

and have like a cup of tea and watched tipping point at

1:07:00

four. And it was like, we had to be back by then.

1:07:02

And then it was like nothing got too

1:07:05

scary. And it was like we did tipping point, chase,

1:07:07

bath time. And then,

1:07:10

yeah, I mean, she wouldn't attempt at bed. I

1:07:12

just expressed feelings. She didn't, I didn't do it.

1:07:14

Start doing a bedtime and switch to about eight months old, but

1:07:17

like, yeah, but whatever it looks like for

1:07:19

you. But that was just like, became our

1:07:21

routine. And we still now do every night,

1:07:23

the bathroom bed routine, exactly the same. That's

1:07:25

very nice. And then on days when we

1:07:27

need it, we're calling Bradley Simmons and Ben

1:07:29

Walsh and Ben. Ben, Ben, Ben, Ben, Ben,

1:07:32

Ben, Ben, Ben, Ben, Ben, Ben, Ben shepard,

1:07:34

Ben, shepard and Bradley Walsh, my

1:07:36

boys. I like deal and Odile

1:07:38

actually. I'm going to stop watching that. Even

1:07:40

all the old Ed

1:07:42

Bournemouth. It's not him anymore, though. No,

1:07:44

he went on like the celeb and

1:07:46

everyone was upset. I used to dream

1:07:49

about going on Jill and Odile.

1:07:51

I used to think, I could not think of

1:07:53

a show I'd rather go on less. The

1:07:55

anxiety. Oh no, because I always think with

1:07:57

a game show, I'm like, you go into

1:07:59

it, expect. nothing and

1:08:01

anything more than that is such a treat so I just balls

1:08:03

to the wall go go

1:08:05

go and doing like I hate I can't bear

1:08:08

the chase actually I don't know why I've made

1:08:10

it my safe space in my bubble because this

1:08:12

is horrible being chased is horrible

1:08:14

agree but when people think mine is

1:08:17

office I'm like I hate you I hate

1:08:19

you yeah that's really bad you've done that's

1:08:21

really bad I don't think they deserve any

1:08:23

money yeah I'm obsessed with the brains of

1:08:25

the chasers though obsessed I

1:08:27

want a chase on the podcast so

1:08:29

badly let's get one on

1:08:31

we tried Fran Hagerty I think she said yes

1:08:33

actually I didn't know what happened let

1:08:36

me investigate oh my god we need to chase

1:08:38

her on yeah and then I'll be in awe

1:08:40

it's a fun they could just chase her from

1:08:42

the room three times we

1:08:46

could play a game of the chase I like

1:08:48

Daisy could be the quiz master obviously we wouldn't

1:08:52

you'd be so good as a quidmaster yeah you would be

1:08:54

obviously we wouldn't win yeah there's no point in

1:08:56

doing that is absolutely zero point you've done half

1:08:59

a chance I just look I panic under

1:09:02

I panic under Chris quiz pressure

1:09:04

I don't thrive I have no confidence I'm like I know

1:09:06

the answer I know the answer but fuck this I'm gonna say it

1:09:09

they want to be wrong especially if

1:09:12

it's multiple choice because the answer is there it's

1:09:15

like you can't recall it it's right there you're

1:09:17

just like you didn't know it I knew that

1:09:19

yeah so embarrassing um it's

1:09:27

so nice to have you back

1:09:29

it's so nice to be back

1:09:31

what's what's nice scramble like I

1:09:33

know you've had

1:09:35

a kid and like and

1:09:38

now you're back I'm like we

1:09:40

both started this podcast without kids without kids

1:09:42

and now we both have kids that's weird

1:09:45

yeah we're in our mama eras oh

1:09:47

that's really strange I know I do

1:09:50

want to say on the podcast as well though that thank

1:09:52

you so much for holding before and has done

1:09:55

so much to me and Daisy and Daisy

1:09:57

done so much to hold the fall and

1:10:00

like, you know, keep things

1:10:02

going in my absence. And I appreciate it so, so,

1:10:04

so much. Thank you. Oh my God, we missed you

1:10:06

so much. But obviously, we said it before you left.

1:10:08

And say again now, like this, you can't get this

1:10:11

time back. And as somebody who's obviously

1:10:14

not taking my own advice, you don't need

1:10:16

to put the pressure on yourself. Like, but it's nice because

1:10:18

I feel like I've come back when I felt

1:10:20

ready. That's so important. Yeah,

1:10:22

I think it's the most important thing. Yeah, which

1:10:24

is very nice. We say it to each other

1:10:26

all the time. But like, we're not brain surgeons.

1:10:29

Like we don't have to put this

1:10:31

like crazy pressure on our work. Like, most

1:10:33

people think we've got silly, stupid jobs that don't count. I

1:10:35

know. I don't know why we take them seriously. I know

1:10:38

what I was going to say. It's not, it's not nice

1:10:40

to think, is it? That people don't actually need us. God,

1:10:43

not at all. Not at all. Yeah, we put all

1:10:45

this stuff like, God, yeah, we push it like that. People

1:10:48

need it. And then all that. It's like, no, no one

1:10:50

takes seriously. If they wrote about you in the Daily Mail,

1:10:52

all the comments would be negative. Actually,

1:10:54

that would happen anyway. Yeah, even the Sunday times. Oh,

1:10:57

really? Well, probably. No one likes

1:10:59

an influencer, Al. They don't do that.

1:11:01

They certainly hate influencers. Absolutely despotic. They hate

1:11:03

influencers. Oh, my God. We're the worst.

1:11:05

If I see one more TikTok about like...

1:11:08

Do me influencer hands. Exactly. I

1:11:10

saw one this morning. I was like, oh, piss off. I know. What

1:11:12

are you wanting? We want me to sit on my hands.

1:11:14

Oh, that looks stupid. I know. I was like, opening

1:11:19

a parcel as an influencer. Yeah. Or like

1:11:21

making my coffee as an influencer. And they're

1:11:23

just like really over the top and like,

1:11:26

Oh, my God, this is amazing. It's changed my

1:11:28

life. It hasn't changed your life. Yeah, the D

1:11:30

influencers. I'm like, oh, piss off. Piss

1:11:32

off. We're all just trying. We're all just

1:11:34

trying. But also, ha ha,

1:11:36

we're laughing. We can take jokes, don't

1:11:38

we? Yeah. Crack on hats. Joe. Get

1:11:41

on, guys. So funny. We're fine. I'm not triggered.

1:11:43

Like, not at all. Oh,

1:11:46

this is so bad. I know me too. It's so

1:11:48

nice to be back. And this wasn't as scary as I'd

1:11:50

like built it up in my head. Yeah. I

1:11:52

just felt like I was going to be able to like talk. You

1:11:56

nailed it. I've done like two Zoom

1:11:58

calls and both of them are just looking at. the camera

1:12:00

looking at these people being like I

1:12:03

feel like I can't speak. The other

1:12:05

one was about the tour. I was a bit

1:12:07

overwhelmed on that call though. They were

1:12:09

asking big questions. We were like oh bloody hell

1:12:11

I don't know. I

1:12:15

was more thinking like fuck we've got

1:12:17

tickets to sell. It doesn't matter if

1:12:19

we sell them. Take them home. It's fine.

1:12:22

Coming back soon. Yeah yeah yeah chill. We

1:12:24

don't have to sell them out. Tickets

1:12:27

are available to pick

1:12:29

up if you live in the UK, anywhere

1:12:32

in the UK. Or

1:12:35

Europe. Paris or Europe. Paris

1:12:38

is a train ride away. There's no

1:12:40

excuse. I mean so's Amsterdam. Exactly. So's

1:12:44

everywhere in Europe actually. Forget I said

1:12:46

that. Yeah yeah. Tunnels exist. Trains. Yeah

1:12:49

exactly. Everything's just a train. Fairies exist.

1:12:52

Have you guys ever heard of a plane? Like

1:12:54

I mean come on. Oh

1:12:58

I've missed you. I've missed you too.

1:13:00

This has been so fun. I've missed

1:13:02

you guys. We're back. We're back with

1:13:04

a new format. Yes.

1:13:07

I see what we should have got to celebrate. Daisy

1:13:10

will you sing them your song? Oh

1:13:12

please. I'm

1:13:15

gonna get a big time. So

1:13:18

good. We don't have time today but maybe tomorrow.

1:13:21

Get a big time. Get a big time. We

1:13:24

could all just have remote big times together

1:13:26

tonight. Guys we will see you on Thursday.

1:13:28

Yeah. Is it just me episode and remember

1:13:30

that is the day that our tickets go

1:13:32

on general sale. If you want to sign

1:13:35

up for pre-sale you can do so on

1:13:37

Wednesday. Obviously no biggie but please fucking do

1:13:39

that. What

1:13:41

she said we're desperate guys.

1:13:44

That's not being around with us. We're fucking

1:13:46

desperate. Please come and see us. We love

1:13:48

you. Love you. Bye. Bye bye. Children's

1:13:51

Elite that is part of the Acast Creator Network. Head

1:14:01

over to Hulu this March where our new shows

1:14:03

and movies will keep you streaming all month long.

1:14:06

Catch the acclaimed movie All of Us Strangers

1:14:09

starring Paul Muskell and Andrew Scott. Stream

1:14:11

the new Hulu original limited series We Were

1:14:14

the Lucky Ones with Joey King and Logan

1:14:16

Lerman. And don't forget

1:14:18

about Grey's Anatomy. Every Grey's

1:14:20

episode ever is now streaming on Hulu.

1:14:25

So...what So, are you waiting for? Go

1:14:28

stream something new on Hulu. on Hulu.