A major hurdle that many of us moms to rest is the underlying belief that we need to 'earn our rest'. In this episode, Professional Counsellor and mom of three unpacks how this belief impacts our abilities to rest well, our relationships and our coping habits. 

This episode is in follow-up to Episode 194. I stopped calling myself a lazy mom 

In this episode, we discuss topics such as:

relaxation vs pseudo-rest, burnoutopportunity costs, and how we insert ourselves into the equation

188. Motherhood & Instagram Culture (how online communities impact your motherhood experience)189. Prioritizing the day: if everything matters nothing matters and how to apply this in motherhood

the cultural views on motherhood, being lazy, and earning resthow we apply the logic of 'earning rest', seeking external validation, martyrdom

67. Making motherhood harder than it needs to be (Mom Martyr)192. Who are you when I’m not looking (internal vs external validation)

the escape hatch, dealing with our feelings

185. Emotional needs in motherhood (what they are and how to meet them)142. What will change cost you? (Paying the status quo or investing in change)Show up for your life

getting the cycle backwards between rest and hard work

the Instagram post you all loved about rest

the cycle of hyper-productivity then crashingmeeting your needs

the series is right here 

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FULL TRANSCRIPT

0:00Hey friends, it's Shawna, your nerdy girlfriend counselor from simple on purpose.ca. Welcome to the simple and purpose podcast.

0:17So if you're new here, welcome. I am Shawna, I am a mom of three kids in Canada, I am a counselor. And my aim is to equip you with tools and ideas and insights that help you live more simply and more intentionally, in all the areas of your life.

0:31So this episode is a follow up to the last episode where I was unpacking that concept of asking yourself in moments where you are finding yourself with a desire to relax, am I being lazy? Or am I overwhelmed, because when we can differentiate between the two, we can handle it accordingly.

0:48When we're overwhelmed, we've maxed out we've reached capacity. And I've talked about that window of tolerance. That's that range where we feel a sense of resource and ability to deal well with the day in all its demands. being overwhelmed takes us out of that window of tolerance. And we have this dilemma of actually being worn out and needing rest. But then that voice comes in that says, if you're resting, you're lazy, you should be doing this or that.

1:09So in that moment, we have a choice, we can be lazy, or we can go and get more things done. One leads to guilt fueled pseudo arrest, the other leads to even more burnout.

1:20A concept I've shared over the years is the concept of opportunity cost. And that is the acknowledgement that when we say yes to one thing, we say no to the other, and vice versa.

1:30For example, if I say yes to a day of work, and all that comes with it, career advancement, maybe job satisfaction, a wage, etc, then I say no to maybe being a stay at home, parent, and all the stuff that would happen then if I was a stay at home parents, someone's there to do chores, make meals, childcare, whatever, vice versa, there's no wrong choice. I'm just saying these simple choices, we are weighing against our own values and goals have a cost on either side.

1:56But as moms when it comes to the opportunity cost of rest. We live in a culture where we have put ourselves into the transaction.

2:04We tell ourselves this math, if I say no to me, resting, I say yes to getting more stuff done. And since I live in a culture where busy is glorified, I should choose that. Or vice versa. If I say no to getting stuff done, I'm saying yes to me being a lazy mum.