PREVIEW:

How often do we find ourselves in communication with someone where we realize we’re just missing each other? Where the person we’re talking to isn’t actually hearing what we’re trying to communicate? When it comes to parent-child communication, especially during the adolescent years, this can often become the norm.

In this episode, Clinical Therapist Nick Lenderking-Brill offers perspective on why this stage is so hard for both kids and parents and how parents can improve their communication and listening skills to have more effective and meaningful conversations with their children. He outlines some of the most common communication mistakes parents make and offers tools and strategies they can use instead, providing plenty of examples of what these methods might look like in real-life conversations.

RESOURCES:

SKYLights Episode 19: How to Build a “Communication Toolbox” and Improve Family Relationships with Clinical Therapist Nick Lenderking-Brill

Open Sky blog: Family Connection in the Digital Age: Tips for Reconnecting

GUEST PROFILE:

NICK LENDERKING-BRILL, MA, LPCC

Nick Lenderking-Brill is a Clinical Therapist who works with adolescent boys at Open Sky Wilderness Therapy. He specializes in addiction counseling, attachment issues, trauma-informed therapy, depression, anxiety, and screen overuse. Rather than seeking to fix people’s problems, Nick hopes to empower people to reach their own goals.  His curiosity about people and their relationships drives his desire to help people heal, internally and through human connection. With extensive experience on both our the Clinical and Family Services team, Nick is well-equipped to provide insight on this important topic of parent-child communication.

TOPICS COVERED: Parent-child communication, identify formation, basic needs, communication styles, reflective listening, lecturing, advice-giving, comparison, judgment, shaming, unconditional love, acceptance, emotional regulation, self-care

SELECT QUOTES:

 “I think kids, like all of us, want to be understood. This isn’t always possible. And sometimes we simply don’t understand. And sometimes that’s okay. All that we and kids really need is to be heard, simply to be validated, simply to be listened to.”

“What kids really need from their parents is a deep sense of unconditional love, knowing that no matter what they do, their parents are going to be there for them. Their parents are going to love them. It doesn’t need to mean a parent accepts all their kid’s choices. It doesn’t need to mean a parent agrees with all their kid’s choices. But a kid does need to know that a parent is going to love them for who they are and not for what they do.”

“First and foremost, it’s so important to be gentle with yourself. Be patient with yourself, and be patient with your family too. It is totally OK to make mistakes. The point is not perfection…It’s so much more beneficial to try and make mistakes and maybe not totally hit the mark than not try at all.”

“I think that kids love to hear that their parents aren’t perfect. I think they need to hear that their parents aren’t perfect, that they’re walking this path together.”