0:00

Oh Morning.

0:10

The following episode involves alchemy,

0:13

treasure hunts, costco deals,

0:15

palm reading on babies, and custom

0:18

T shirts. Sensitive listeners,

0:20

please take care. Yeah

0:24

yeah, my

0:31

parents are very demanding. They're very funny,

0:34

but they're fucking tons of work. Am a lot

0:36

of cuts? Yeah? Okay,

0:38

good

0:46

for the record. I am not used to

0:48

hearing any Choy curse. In

0:51

fact, I'm not really used to seeing her in person.

0:53

I mostly know Any as an animated

0:56

character from the show Brain Pop, and

0:59

I'm not sure no Brain Pop, but

1:01

my family certainly does. Let's

1:04

let my younger kid, Ruby explain. Yeah.

1:07

So it's like this really cool program

1:10

where there's either a boy named Tom

1:12

or a girl named Annie, and

1:15

there was like this robot named Movie.

1:17

No movie. This isn't a gift for

1:19

you, I made it for Tasha.

1:23

Well, you know we're doing the show about Annie, right, Really,

1:26

that's really cool. How would you describe Annie?

1:29

She teaches a lot about like math

1:31

and reading and writing

1:34

and stuff like that. Her pants are always

1:36

jeans and she is in pigtails.

1:39

Does Yeah, she does classes.

1:42

She says in one of the episodes

1:45

that she is Korean. She's definitely

1:47

like a very mellow Putin, but real

1:50

life Annie, she's about my age,

1:52

with nerd cheek glasses, a warm

1:54

smile, chunky jewelry,

1:59

and she's definitely funnier and spicier

2:02

than animated Any. I don't

2:05

know where my mom picked up Jesus,

2:08

but it totally bled into like

2:10

a lot of the things that she does in terms

2:12

them into core. Like

2:14

you go to her house and it looks like a Catholic

2:17

church gift shop. Do you need like

2:19

this many crucifixes? Couldn't

2:21

we just have one? Instead

2:24

of teaching me or a robot about

2:26

the word responsibility, responsibility

2:29

is something you should do shores

2:31

at home homework, following

2:34

the rules. Today, she's trying

2:36

to define responsibility for herself.

2:39

They see other friends whose parents

2:41

are so independent, you know, and they're like, they're white.

2:43

Their parents are doing their own thing, going on

2:46

trips, and like, my mom literally asked

2:48

me to buy stuff on Amazon for them

2:50

because they don't know how to do it. Any's brother lives

2:52

near her parents in California while

2:55

she lives in New York, but because of

2:57

her family dynamics, the brunt

2:59

of caring for them falls to her.

3:02

I think it's like a dynamic of your Korean families,

3:04

where the older boy gets to do whatever they

3:06

want and the younger girl has to

3:08

literally do everything. It's like classic

3:11

gener roles. And while she hates the

3:13

gender dynamic, these are

3:15

still her parents. She wants

3:17

to help them. It's a pain in my ass,

3:20

but it's sort of like time to return

3:22

the favor. I guess the responsibility,

3:27

which I think is a pretty classic Asian

3:30

bringing thing to I'm a little bit more

3:32

Asian than I thought it was, I guess, which is

3:34

kind of annoying. It's like

3:37

and as her mom and dad are getting older

3:39

and a little more helpless,

3:42

and he is something she desperately wants

3:44

to know. Becauho's going to die first

3:48

my mom and my dad because there's

3:50

an answer that I want. It's

3:53

so dark. From

3:55

Kaleidoscope and iHeart Podcasts, I'm

3:58

Mongisha tip Other. Welcome

4:01

to Skyline Drive Chapter

4:39

one. An Ideal Boy.

4:43

As a kid visiting India, one of the

4:45

things I remember were these colorful

4:47

classroom posters that looked like they were pulled

4:49

from an Indian version of Highlights magazine.

4:52

Sometimes they teach you Hindi. Sometimes

4:54

they teach you about seasons or bad behaviors

4:57

to avoid. But the one I really

4:59

remember he was titled an

5:02

ideal boy with good habits

5:04

in for a disease under it. Because

5:08

I was trying to find the posters online, I

5:10

ended up chatting about them with my kid Henry.

5:13

And this one says, an ideal boy

5:15

gets up early in the morning, salutes

5:17

his parents, goes for a morning walk,

5:20

brushes his teeth, helps others.

5:22

He faith's daley

5:25

praise to God takes meals

5:27

some time. Like I guess what it means is

5:30

like he doesn't look to that. I'm

5:33

not an ideal boy. You

5:36

are an ideal boy. So what

5:38

do you think about a poster like this? Should we put this up in your room?

5:41

I mean it helped me a lot. Salute

5:46

my parents of course,

5:48

the charts and the posters. I think it all

5:50

seemed very easy. But as

5:53

we all know, and Annie

5:55

in particular knows, family

5:58

isn't easy. I've written

6:00

two books. One it's called Happy Birthday

6:02

or whatever, and the other one is shut Up,

6:05

You're welcome. They're both books

6:07

about growing up with my crazy

6:09

family. Recently, her mom's fallen

6:11

ill, which means Annie's been traveling back

6:14

and forth more and while her

6:16

dad still works, he essentially

6:18

leans on Annie's mother for everything

6:20

else. My dad can't even like make

6:22

Toast's like, how does this work. I'm like, it's

6:24

a machine, you push the button. Like he can't. It's

6:27

learned helplessness. So there are day to day

6:29

things and he worries about, but she's

6:32

also concerned about the future. One

6:34

huge hurdle is figuring out what

6:37

to do with their collection

6:39

of random stuff. Imagine

6:42

never having thrown out a pair of shoes from

6:44

when you were born. So my

6:46

parents garage there's like suitcases

6:49

with broken wheels, a credenza,

6:52

two giant filing cabinets, a

6:54

desk, a sewing table. It's

6:57

just like ship like that. Like a vacuum cleaner

6:59

that's like that avocado green

7:01

that was big in the seventies that like definitely doesn't

7:03

work. My dad has a duct tape. It's

7:06

filled with black mold and Asian

7:08

Eire's disease. Since

7:11

moving here in the seventies, they've never thrown

7:13

a single thing out in some ways, and

7:16

the understands, you know, they

7:18

grew up at the twilight of the Crane

7:20

War, so there's very few resources

7:23

and people were starving and I get it, and you want

7:25

to hold onto everything. It's like you save every

7:27

single fucking thing, like you're never going to see it

7:29

again. But to Annie,

7:32

there's something incongruous about

7:34

how the only truly American value

7:37

that our parents seem to have picked up over the years

7:39

was over consumption. They

7:42

shop at Costco, which is totally

7:44

evil that there's only two people by the way,

7:47

So like, you don't need like twenty

7:49

pound bag of flour, but you know it's

7:51

such a good deal, Annie, like you've got to buy

7:53

it. The upbringing of like not having

7:55

enough and the American nous of like having too

7:57

much. Both of these are inhabiting

8:00

and me trying to be like, you don't need any

8:02

of this stuff. And he's dead. As a chemist,

8:05

his job is to take objects like old

8:07

electronics and junkin estimate

8:10

how much gold is in them. It's like a

8:12

super weird niche. He's

8:14

basically an alchemist and that's led him to

8:16

invest in gold. But because Andy's parents

8:18

are so disorganized, no one

8:21

seems to know where it is. He just

8:23

has gold. It's hidden. He

8:25

told me it's hidden. I mean it

8:28

probably in the garage, right, But he refuses

8:30

to sell any of it because gold

8:33

is down. But it's like, I

8:35

don't know what he's waiting for, you know, because the man

8:38

is old. I would like him to

8:40

sell the gold and actually use the money to

8:42

like live his life. While

8:45

making the show, I've been thinking a lot about

8:47

what we owe our parents, what

8:49

they all was, our obligations

8:52

to one another. So I

8:54

asked my son, Henry, have

8:56

we ever talked about the four stages of Hindu

8:59

life? I have not talked

9:01

about Hindu life at all. The

9:05

first stage is called bramacharya,

9:07

and that means like you're a student and

9:10

and so it's like when you're a kid and your

9:12

student and you're supposed to spend all your days

9:14

in study and and like really understanding

9:16

things so that you have a grasp of knowledge.

9:19

I like that idea better is a good

9:21

grades that actually brings us to

9:23

like the second stage of life, being a householder.

9:26

So it's like taking care of your kids,

9:28

getting a good job, taking care of your

9:30

parents, like that type of thing. What do you think about

9:32

that? That's a great rule. I mean

9:36

you also should, like I love

9:38

your family, and taking

9:40

care of people is a very important

9:43

rule in life. And then

9:46

the third stage of life is like,

9:48

once you've gotten your kids married and

9:50

settled and all that stuff, then

9:53

you want to retreat from your life. Right, so this is when

9:55

you're older. You want to start getting rid

9:57

of your stuff. You want to start volunteering,

10:00

want to start going to two temples

10:02

more or or ashrams? What

10:04

what do you think about that? It

10:07

definitely makes sense because after your

10:09

life has been like structured,

10:13

you're gonna want to top it off with

10:15

some icing on the cake and start to relax.

10:18

What's the fourth step? The fourth

10:20

step is it's really sort

10:22

of preparing for death in

10:24

a way, and so it's spending a lot

10:26

of time in prayer and meditation

10:29

and quiet and forests

10:31

and nature and sure

10:33

you put it. Yeah, it's like, after

10:36

you've done all that, just take

10:39

a minute to breathe in that fresh

10:41

nature air, pray a little

10:43

bit so that your afterlife will be nice

10:46

and healthy, sit back, watch

10:48

your grandchildren play,

10:51

and have last days that

10:53

you have be beautingful.

11:10

Chapter two, Starting

11:12

points. She said, well

11:14

you still broke his code up not a

11:17

boy's fucking man? Which held up place?

11:20

Man? I was like, I was from the bad

11:23

bit did you say in

11:25

bathic astrology Knowing the minute

11:27

you're born is key to understand

11:29

your life because the planets and

11:31

stars, they're all in constant motion,

11:34

right, So like the difference of a single minute

11:36

can dramatically change your personality,

11:39

it can change your career, it can change

11:41

your love life. All of

11:43

your happiness comes down

11:45

to which specific minute you were

11:47

born. Henry, do

11:50

you know what birth sign you are? I'm

11:52

pretty sure of Virgo. I also

11:54

asked Ruby, I'm a

11:57

aries. What does that mean to you? Uh?

11:59

Well, air easy. They

12:01

tend to be very

12:04

cheerful and popular and feisty

12:07

and um tall, which

12:09

is incorrect for

12:11

our family because me and my mom were definitely not

12:13

tall. But zodiactually

12:16

there to like tell you, look,

12:18

this is who you are. It's not always

12:21

who you are. And it's also like you

12:23

could listen to it or you

12:26

don't have to. Yeah, and

12:28

the I really don't care about all

12:30

of that because you

12:32

define who you are, not

12:35

the day that you were born

12:37

on. Of course, some people put

12:39

a whole lot more stock in their star signs than

12:41

my kids do. And these

12:44

days it's become more and more common for

12:46

wealthy Indian parents to game

12:48

their children's life and their horoscopes

12:51

through elective c section. They

12:53

enlisted astrologer and pick the exact

12:56

sixty second window that an

12:58

O. B g y N has to deliver

13:01

that baby. People would

13:03

just come in and say, okay, I want to deliver you on this particular

13:05

date, this particular time, or

13:07

this particular our so and so forth.

13:10

That's Dr Ka a

13:12

Mumbai based obstetrician with

13:15

my primary focus on delivering

13:17

babies. Dr k there

13:19

is no ordinary O. B g y N. When

13:22

I met him, I noticed all these things

13:24

sparkling from his shelves. I

13:27

look around this room and they're like forty

13:30

different words. Can you tell

13:32

me a little bit about just your achievements

13:35

here? Okay, So

13:37

I'm a hardcore scientific person, but the

13:39

patient wants this and we need to know about

13:41

this, and we need to learn about

13:44

this and understand this astrology or

13:46

But then I have to not forget about

13:48

my core competency but which they're coming here. So

13:50

I cannot compromise this on that. The

13:53

rewards are this visual reminder of the patients

13:55

that he clearly knows what he's

13:57

doing. Beyond graduate

14:00

at the top of his medical class, Dr

14:02

Gupta has advanced degrees in psychological

14:04

counseling and the strategy management

14:07

degree from one of India's top business

14:09

schools. He has up ethics boards

14:11

and shared state boards for doctors.

14:14

And when politicians in Mumbai were trying

14:16

to convince the public to heed warnings

14:18

about COVID and go get their shots,

14:22

it's Dr Gupta they put up on the podium.

14:24

Now, what are these different types of masks. There

14:27

are simple masks which are available, which are one

14:29

play or two play masks which are easily available.

14:31

Anyway, despite all these trophies

14:33

and bona fides, Dr Gupta

14:36

still has to contend with his patients

14:38

astrological ambitions. The

14:40

turning point came when

14:42

there was a serious situation when

14:45

I came out of the delivery room and I informed

14:47

about the delivery and the good news, and the grandfather

14:50

of the child was born was more concerned

14:52

about the precision of the time and

14:54

he was asking me the details and what time the head came

14:56

out, what time the baby cried? What

14:59

time did you garden the god? The questions

15:01

alarmed him, especially because delivering

15:03

this healthy baby had taken

15:06

almost a miracle. If you

15:08

want me to look and keep track of all these things, and I

15:10

should not deliver the movement, and I would just be watching

15:12

the time man. I would read the time manager. The

15:14

situation would have irritated most people, but

15:17

because Dr Gupta thinks deeply

15:19

about patient care, he tried to

15:21

look at it from another angle. There

15:23

is a window of one and a half minutes,

15:27

okay, after which the things will change.

15:30

So the whether it is a constellation,

15:33

whether it is job earliers, everything has

15:35

a window of time. Look,

15:38

every part of parenting is hard. Bringing

15:40

a child into this world is hard. Raising

15:43

a child is hard. There are so many

15:45

responsibilities. Parents

15:50

constantly worried that they're not doing enough to

15:52

advocate for their kids or to secure

15:55

their futures. And you see the compromises

15:57

people make all the time to give their kids

15:59

about or life. And if

16:01

you really believe in astrology, why

16:04

wouldn't you adjust the time of your c section

16:06

and give your child a possible

16:08

advantage. But

16:10

that drive can lead parents

16:13

to some surprising places.

16:15

As we were sipping coffee and talking more about

16:17

Dr Gupp's background, the doctor

16:20

offhandedly told me something that

16:22

he found shocking. There was in this

16:24

couple that coming in Greek for an abortion. I

16:27

knew i'd come here to learn about time births.

16:30

But I had no idea that we'd be discussing

16:32

terminating pregnancies and the role

16:35

astrology plays in that. According

16:37

to Dr Gupta, this couple came

16:39

in for a console. They wanted

16:42

a family, They wanted to have

16:44

a child. It's just they

16:46

didn't want a child with a bad horoscope.

16:49

Dru shook his head as he told me the

16:51

story. You know, the child

16:53

to get both in this month and this

16:56

particular date. I don't want to have a child at that time.

16:58

I mean, I'm pro chore is,

17:00

but I couldn't fathom the

17:02

logic, like, if you legitimately

17:04

want to bring a child into the world, a

17:07

birth sign shouldn't matter. If

17:09

somebody tails me to put away

17:11

all my instincts and information

17:14

and knowledge, you know I would not. We

17:16

tried to accommodate everybody's beliefs without

17:19

losing our primary focus of what

17:22

is the right thing to do. We

17:27

finished our coffees and before I

17:29

let him go, I asked Dr Gup that one

17:32

last question about this sonographer

17:34

from the Middle East with a peculiar

17:36

side hustle. The specialist

17:38

claims to read the palms of children in utero

17:41

and then determines the best moment for their

17:43

birth. Of course, he charges

17:46

very wealthy families a bomb for that information,

17:49

and he refused to speak with me on the record,

17:52

so I got Dr gupp that's opinion. Instead.

17:54

I have an extremely costly machine,

17:56

a sonography machine from one of the top companies

17:59

public and even with the best of the machines,

18:01

in the best of the things, you cannot really read

18:04

the lines on the bomb. Most

18:06

fetuses bawled their hands into fists.

18:08

He told me, you almost never see

18:10

a palm in the womb, so it's a myth. So

18:13

that is probably a very smart ass was

18:15

trying to make money out of someone. Really.

18:19

Listening to this tape now makes me think of Annie

18:21

and this time in grad school one

18:24

of her friends just kind of grabbed her hand and

18:27

she like, read my palm and she was

18:30

like, you're gonna die really early,

18:32

and I'm like, why would you tell me that? And then

18:34

another friend jumped into peak and

18:37

she said, yeah, you're gonna die early, and I'm like, why

18:39

do people tell me this? I was

18:41

like laughing because the lines of my weird

18:44

ass palms, what does early even need?

18:46

Annie jokes that she started wearing gloves

18:48

after that, just to avoid another

18:51

surprise reading. You never know where

18:53

they are. You're lurking around the corner,

18:56

these palm readers. Chapter

19:12

three, killing

19:16

them softly. Wait,

19:19

have you had encounters with astrology?

19:21

Because of course I have? You

19:23

have? Of course, well even the first

19:25

time, like when what was the first time that you

19:27

all know? How much time do you have? Bring

19:32

and bringing? It's

19:35

the end of summer. My sister and

19:37

I haven't talked much since my dad's passing.

19:40

We've been distracting ourselves in different ways.

19:43

She's been busy planning her wedding, I've

19:45

been traveling for the show. Our

19:47

rare conversations have been around hence subjects,

19:51

how to help her mom, how to deal with

19:53

life insurance or close my dad's

19:55

accounts. Shot.

19:58

This younger than me, and we're some in

20:00

a lot of ways. We laugh at the

20:02

same jokes. We've both inherited the

20:04

same family beat, We

20:06

went to the same schools and colleges,

20:09

even took some classes together. We

20:12

both go to extreme lengths to help the

20:14

people we love. But

20:17

I found a way where we're nothing alike.

20:22

No one has ever fallen definitely ill

20:25

trying to cast my horoscope. So

20:27

Amma wanted me to get

20:29

my horscope reread. Our Amma

20:32

is our mom's mom, and

20:34

after Shot that was done with college, she

20:36

sent shot those details off to this legendary

20:39

astrologer and and he was kind

20:41

of an older man known for his skill at reading

20:43

charts. He died in the middle

20:45

of reading this horoscope,

20:48

which wasn't great. Then my grandmom

20:50

tried to send Shanta's birth details

20:53

to the former astrologers apprentice,

20:55

and then he got really sick while

20:58

apparently like my horse scope was in front of at

21:00

me. I

21:02

heard about that. I was like, okay, no, like, no more

21:04

people reading my horsecope. This seems

21:07

like a really bad thing. I didn't remember

21:09

any of this, but it left

21:11

a lasting impression on Shampo. So

21:14

I've always been like, Okay, there's something out

21:16

there that I'm not supposed to know my horoscope

21:18

because I never get to see

21:20

it. It's almost like you don't need to know more.

21:24

That's how I interpreted. I

21:26

can't believe my sister was satisfied with

21:28

not getting her reading back. That

21:30

would make me crazy. I don't

21:32

only want to know my forecast even more. It

21:35

drove my Mom's mom crazy too, because

21:37

she really just wanted to hear someone tell

21:39

her your granddaughter will get

21:42

married by such and such a date.

21:44

So she started pounding the pavement for other leads

21:47

and cragging my sister across

21:49

Bangalore. The various astrologers, they

21:51

were never very specific about stuff with me.

21:54

So one of the guys he gave a lot of information

21:56

about my health, but then when it came to when I was going

21:58

to marry someone, he said, her life

22:00

before thirty will be good and her life

22:02

after thirty will be good. And I'm amo

22:05

was very dissatisfied with an answer.

22:06

How old am I now? Yes,

22:12

so my life before was good, in my

22:14

life after it's good. It was accurate, just

22:18

not specific enough. When I

22:20

hear this tape, it makes me feel

22:22

like we're typical Indians, but we're

22:25

really not. I mean, in

22:27

American pop culture, the way

22:29

Indians are represented, there are only two

22:32

or three storyline tropes. There's

22:34

the kid who secretly wants to be an artist, but

22:37

his parents want him to be an engineer. Or

22:40

there's a kid who wants to date someone of a different

22:42

class or non Indian, but their

22:44

family doesn't approve or they

22:46

think their family won't approve, and that

22:49

causes all sorts of anxiety.

22:51

But I never related to any of those tropes

22:53

because my family wasn't like that.

22:56

They were really progressive. My

22:58

great grandfathers were kicked out of the community church

23:01

for educating their daughters and

23:03

for sending their sons to college overseas,

23:06

and for rebelling against the notion of caste

23:09

that only Brahmin's like them deserved certain

23:11

services. On the other

23:13

hand, my Amama literally

23:15

could not rest until she knew my sister's

23:17

future was secured. I

23:20

don't think she cared if Shanta's perspective husband

23:22

was Muslim or Jewish, or white

23:24

or black. It's just that my grandmam wanted

23:27

her on a path towards settling down having

23:29

kids. There was no

23:31

way in her mind that my sister, this

23:34

accomplished psychology professor, could

23:36

possibly feel whole unless she

23:39

got married. These traditional

23:41

Hindu ideas of duty and life, they

23:43

were an obstacle for my grandmother, hindering

23:46

her from leading that quieter fourth

23:48

stage where she could peacefully spend

23:50

her time in serious meditation and

23:53

contemplation before passing.

23:56

Whereas my dad used to call it cramming,

23:59

for five Annals, Chapter

24:21

four, Don't Make

24:24

Me Relive the nineties. As

24:27

I'm waiting for Annie and our astrologers Janelle

24:30

to hop on the line for Annie's reading, I

24:33

think back to that question Annie wanted answered,

24:35

which of her parents is going to die first?

24:38

I want my mom to live longer.

24:42

Whatever you might want or think you

24:44

want, do you really want to know if

24:46

you get it? Chata made a really

24:48

good point. Sometimes you don't really

24:51

need to know the future anyway.

24:53

That's in the back of my mind as we get going.

24:56

One second, you

24:59

are a Virgo son, a Virgo

25:02

moon, and a Virgo rising. That's pretty

25:04

rare for someone to have all three of their

25:07

major legs sun, moon, and rising

25:09

in one sign. As usual. Even

25:11

through the screen, Janelle radiates

25:13

warmth and comfortable energy. When

25:15

I think about Virgo, I think about Beyonce

25:18

right. Tireless practice. You never

25:20

turn off your mind because you're always thinking

25:22

about what do I have to do next, how do I

25:24

plan? How do I get ahead? Which is great

25:26

but could also be very tiring. She

25:29

does seem tired to me, tired

25:31

of having to deal with these problems, tired

25:34

of being the organized one who has to carry

25:36

everyone's anxiety and swooping

25:38

to solve issues that don't have

25:41

to be issues. Okay, So

25:43

do you want to dive into the parent question

25:45

first or there are other things you want to talk about before

25:47

that. No, I mean the parent question is certainly, you

25:50

know, one that's been on my mind. My mom

25:53

had a second open

25:55

heart surgery, which meant the whole family

25:57

had to go through that again, which we need particular

26:00

really as the only

26:02

daughter to be the one bearing a

26:04

lot of the caring duties.

26:07

I'm just trying to keep her alive, have

26:10

her, you know, UM, followed

26:12

directions and stick to the

26:14

strict diet that she's on, which she hates doing.

26:16

And you know, all those like very

26:19

annoying things to do for yourself,

26:21

and now you're trying to get someone else to do. It's like, I

26:23

can't even do that myself. As Anie makes these confessions,

26:26

Janelle starts looking for Annie's parents

26:28

in their chart. So I'm wondering if you and

26:30

your mom have somewhat of a complicated relationship

26:32

in terms of her larger than life presence

26:35

can also feel kind of overbearing

26:37

at times, Um, And I don't know if this is

26:39

something where one parent or both parents kind

26:41

of thrown kind of like cold water on your dreams

26:43

in a way, and you have to kind of fight to overcome that.

26:46

But at the same time, there's some really great career

26:48

stuff happening in your life. And

26:51

today our company just got sold. You

26:54

do have Jupiter and aries right now in the house

26:56

of other people's money, so selling the business,

26:58

so money that comes from the business,

27:02

that's great. Yeah, but

27:04

I do think financially it almost

27:06

feels like in your chart right now, it feels like your

27:08

money is disappearing in weird ways. Not

27:13

to make you scared, but if you're like, I don't know,

27:15

like is it being siphoned off. Any had helped her

27:17

parents out in the pinch, learning them money

27:19

to buy a new car, but now

27:22

they're probably going to need help with medical

27:24

bills. I mean, the thing

27:26

is, we have the money,

27:28

but it's in solid gold form.

27:32

You show us someone who serves behind the scenes,

27:34

or you do the work and no one really knows, and you

27:36

know you're not getting a lot of praise for it. But that can also be

27:38

a lot of frustration to Janelle sympathizes

27:40

with Annie, but she also lets her know she's

27:43

probably been here before. So

27:45

for you, Saturn, moving into Pisces

27:47

is going to be in your seventh house of relationships.

27:50

So Saturn takes about thirty years to

27:52

get around the wheel. You

27:54

might want to think about, well, what was happening

27:57

in to about ninety

27:59

six, because this is a re up, a redo

28:02

of that story. Oh no,

28:04

don't make me real live the nineties again. While

28:07

Annie contemplates a time of too

28:10

much flannel and bucket hats,

28:12

Janelle focuses the conversation on Annie's

28:15

life specifically, As

28:17

it turns out, when Annie was in college, her

28:20

mom was fighting off cancer. Now

28:22

we have thirty years, so mom's a little bit older

28:24

now, right, so this might be a tougher

28:26

go around because time has passed.

28:29

And also timing

28:32

is such if mom, and this is not to spook

28:34

you in anyway, but if mom chooses that

28:36

she's ready to leave, that's not something

28:38

that you can control either. Right, that

28:43

line chooses to leave catches

28:46

my ear, Janelle

28:48

phrases it so delicately, it

28:51

knocks me back. So this is a very

28:53

big existential crisis kind of Saturn, where

28:55

we're just like, what is life? Right? Like?

28:58

Why is life? Why is happening? Like,

29:01

this is a situation that's going to be

29:03

very challenging emotionally for us. And are we going

29:05

to lean into our analytical try to fix

29:07

everything or are we just gonna feel it right? Right?

29:09

Yeah, don't beat yourself up

29:12

like this is not helpful, Annie, this is not

29:14

constructive. Who cares? I'm puded,

29:16

I'm sad. You know, I

29:18

want to cry in bed today. Yeah,

29:21

so if that comes up for you, try not to beat

29:23

yourself up so much. Okay,

29:38

Chapter five, She's

29:40

a real beast

29:44

darkness, We

29:50

got stop.

29:53

What do you think about when

29:55

Mama and I get older? Hopefully

29:59

I planned to start a family or like

30:02

have like you guys are

30:04

my family, but I planned to get

30:06

married and have a younger generation. Uh

30:11

yeah, definitely. I love kids. And

30:15

what about um, what about

30:17

with us? Like when we are animis

30:20

age? I think we would only

30:23

take care of you if you were like in

30:25

name, I got well money. When you retire

30:28

you're not really working anymore, we'd probably

30:30

give you some what's you guys get

30:33

around retirement age? I'll be

30:35

like you do you well's

30:38

you get over the age of seventy? You

30:41

guys give a couple of out my place? I

30:44

smile when I hear this, and

30:46

then I look around Henry

30:49

Ruby's messy room where we're taping. If

30:52

I'm going to move in with them when I'm seventy

30:54

five, we've got to teach them

30:56

how to tidy up. Janelle's

31:00

left the chat and I'm sitting with Annie

31:03

for the debrief. I know Annie's

31:05

a skeptic. I'm not like a big astrology

31:07

person. I'm too virgo for that. And

31:11

the reading was a little heavier than I was

31:13

expecting, so I'm curious how she's

31:15

feeling. Was there anything you heard that was surprising?

31:18

I didn't know about like the thirty years coming

31:20

back? Two things I

31:22

thought that was kind of bizarre and

31:24

interesting. Um so like

31:26

my mom having cancer. I'm like, oh yeah,

31:29

and it's like coming back to her heart

31:31

situation. Now in that period,

31:34

did you have to be as present

31:36

as you've been now? Not

31:38

really, because at the time I was in college, so

31:40

I didn't have the same responsibilities.

31:45

They also like hit it for me, which is classic

31:49

classic Asian family. You

31:51

just get a's at college. So I'm just

31:53

not going to tell you that I'm like secretly in chemo

31:56

and it's sucking for me. So

31:58

I know, right, it's like the worst. Then do that to your kids,

32:00

please, so um, I think

32:03

like man, I felt helpless.

32:06

So this time around, I'm feeling a

32:08

little too helpful. Parents

32:11

hiding things from you to let you focus

32:13

on your studies. I

32:16

know that all too well. When

32:21

I was in college, my dad lost his job.

32:24

My parents had never really saved for schooling,

32:26

and when I found this out, I

32:29

felt guilty about being at a school I

32:31

knew my parents couldn't afford because

32:34

I didn't really have a sense of how

32:36

bad their finances were. At first, I

32:38

knew they took moans, I took

32:41

out loans. Later I found

32:43

out they borrowed money from friends to make sure

32:45

Shanta could get the same opportunity I did.

32:48

It's incredible how they made things work

32:50

and tried to give us a sense of

32:52

normalcy. But more than that,

32:55

they never pressured either of us to go to

32:57

a field that would make a lot of money.

32:59

I just wanted us to learn and grow

33:02

and do something worthwhile with our

33:04

lives. It's such

33:06

a gift and a debt I'll

33:08

never pay back in full. Mom,

33:18

being six sucks, right, It's up the first

33:20

time. It sucks the second time. It's annoying, it's

33:22

fluctuating, it's scary. I

33:24

was so worried that Annie would feel like the challenges

33:27

ahead were insurmountable, but

33:30

she took it in stride from

33:33

talking to her parents about finances

33:35

and what to do with all this gold.

33:37

Yeah, you know, you can't go to Kaiser

33:40

and be like, hey, here's a bullion, Like I

33:42

don't know how much it's worth that

33:44

Annie is so resilient. It's

33:46

hardening to me. My real

33:49

worry is that Annie knows she can deal

33:51

with her mom. She's a real beast. I

33:53

have no doubt that she'll come out of this,

33:56

you know, a new person

33:58

or better, stronger, healthier,

34:01

new heart who is lady.

34:04

But our dad's another story. They

34:06

don't see eye to eye. And while

34:09

we never explicitly asked Janelle to tell

34:11

us who might die first, the thing

34:13

I heard in the reading was Janelle

34:15

bracing any for the worst. I

34:17

mean, honestly, like, my dad has to

34:19

die first. My mom literally does everything.

34:22

I think. I just need to like a getting

34:24

to start smoking again, or you know

34:26

like that, like you

34:29

should go in and out. I

34:31

don't know who else to do this because I've

34:33

never met an adult man more

34:36

ill prepared to live independently

34:38

in my wife. Yeah,

34:41

the truth is I don't think the years ahead

34:43

are going to be easy for any responsibility

34:46

is something. There's

34:51

so many health concerns that will ultimately

34:53

land on our plate. There's

34:55

so much stuff in that garage. There's

34:58

a lot of gold, a locate, you

35:01

know, Cranson one everything. I'm happy, I'm

35:04

having a great time. Such an

35:06

Instagram influencer thing, which I do

35:08

not get, like, look at my great life. What

35:11

I do is like, look how shitty my life is right

35:13

now? I'm look at this piece of trash

35:15

I found, you know, in my

35:17

mom's house, Like, look at this, Like

35:20

that's like my whole vibe.

35:25

Chapter six. I

35:27

can't make you happy, I can't make

35:29

you sad. That

35:34

night, when my sister and I were together, the

35:37

conversation slipped towards my dad. I

35:40

mean, how could it not. We

35:44

told each other little things my dad had revealed

35:46

in the hospital and its moments

35:48

of weakness on those last few days.

35:51

That's when she told me this. It

35:55

was at that point I was trying to get him to go

35:57

to the bathroom, Dad, and he's probably trying

35:59

to go to the bath through I can help you up and you have to

36:01

walk from whatever, and I was like, kind of mom. He told

36:03

me to be a little pushy, so it's like trying to get him to do

36:05

it. And he looked

36:07

to me and he was like, I can't make you happy

36:10

and I can't make you sad. My

36:13

dad was an incredibly sweet and good

36:16

natured man, but he could be hard

36:18

to read. He didn't like to talk

36:20

about the past. Most

36:23

of what my sister and I know about his childhood

36:26

isn't gleaned from him or even

36:28

my mom. It's stories

36:30

we've stitched together from family members

36:33

in India. How he

36:35

was so smart that he went to college at age

36:37

twelve. How he was a

36:39

really good table tennis player and

36:42

used to be a practice partner for some of Bombay's

36:44

top talent. How

36:46

he started in college radio plays and was

36:49

a backup singer in a Rolling Stones

36:51

cover band. I mean, the stories

36:54

were wild and funny, and going

36:56

to India hearing these

36:58

anecdotes, it all brought

37:01

us closer to him.

37:03

When we used to ask my dad about these

37:05

tales, which honestly felt

37:07

like fiction to us, he'd

37:09

kind of laugh and reluctantly

37:11

admit they had happened, or he changed

37:14

the subject. But if he didn't

37:16

talk about his achievements, he definitely

37:18

didn't talk about his hardships, how

37:21

lost he was without a mom,

37:23

how he felt abandoned at boarding schools,

37:27

how once he came to the US to get

37:29

a PhD. He kept pushing

37:31

off going back to Goa to take over

37:33

the family businesses, the

37:35

ones my grandfather had worked so hard

37:38

to build for his family. My

37:40

dad resented these businesses for taking

37:42

up all my grandfather's attention. I

37:46

can imagine his loneliness, that

37:48

there were deep pockets of sadness we just never

37:50

saw or understood, because

37:54

my dad's way of dealing with sadness wasn't

37:56

to yell or to act out or

37:59

to share, but just to

38:01

go quiet. And

38:03

I said, Dad, I'm not sad about anything,

38:05

and he was like, no, Shanta, I

38:08

can't make you happy and I

38:10

can't make you sad. And I was like no, Dad,

38:12

Like, I'm just asking you to go to the bathroom.

38:14

It's gonna be okay. But Shanta knows

38:17

what he means. He's clearly not

38:19

talking about the bathroom. And I was trying

38:21

to think, like an analogy you know, to help him put

38:23

into perspectives. I was like, Dad, and your dad

38:25

died, it was probably pretty hard

38:28

for you. You were okay and you bounced

38:30

back and life goes on and you're gonna

38:32

be okay. So I was like, yeah, I'll be sad when

38:34

you die, but you know it will be okay. My dad,

38:36

who could be so tight lipped in

38:39

that moment, he was like, no, Shanta,

38:42

my dad died. I was sad

38:45

and I was happy. It

38:47

was sad because he was gone, but I

38:49

was happy because I could never

38:51

make him happy. And

38:54

that was really heartbreaking. The

38:56

thing that's only occurred to me since having children

38:59

is as a parent, you

39:01

prioritize what you didn't get from your parents,

39:04

and you discount the things you did. And

39:08

for whatever shortcomings my dad might

39:10

have had, he never hesitated

39:12

to show us love. He couldn't

39:15

walk past us without tussling our hair

39:17

or kissing our heads. He

39:20

attended every recital and performance

39:22

and tournament he could, and

39:25

when we surprised him with a trophy

39:27

or an award or some ridiculous

39:30

invention, we glued and duct

39:32

taped together. He didn't

39:34

always say much, but

39:36

he deemed with pride that

39:41

day in the hospital, Shanta

39:44

took the opportunity to tell him, Dad,

39:47

you know, whether you tell us or not,

39:50

whether you say it out loud, I know you're proud

39:52

of us, and I know you're proud of I know

39:54

you're proud of me. And he shook his head

39:56

and he said, m

39:59

hmm. That moment got me wondering

40:02

do we show our kids enough love? Do

40:05

they know how much they mean to us? Do

40:08

you think you and Henry

40:10

make me and Mama proud? Yeah?

40:14

I do. I do think we do.

40:16

Thank you bad because like also,

40:19

like a Jew's father was like a

40:21

hard parent. A Jew is what my kids

40:23

call my dad. It's a cokany word for

40:25

grandfather. Like his

40:28

mom died at a very young age,

40:30

but his dad was just like, Oh, you look like

40:33

my wife, but you know I can't have you around

40:35

here. I've forgotten about this until

40:38

Ruby mentioned it. It's true. My

40:41

grandmother, who had never met and died

40:43

just a year after my father was born, famously

40:46

had this warm and magnetic personality.

40:50

My granddad was so in love with her

40:52

he could never bring himself to remarry,

40:56

and her face haunted him. He

40:59

could see her in our children and

41:01

as much as my grandfather loved my dad

41:03

and his sister, his heart broke

41:06

over and over each time

41:08

he looked at them. So I think

41:11

if you had like a dad the Q, he

41:13

definitely would have felt like the way you mean, Hannah

41:15

Dey were like, we do. I feel like we've

41:18

lived up to the explicitations and

41:20

we do. I feel like we've made you fat.

41:23

As I talked with my kids about

41:26

life about my dad, it

41:28

became apparent how I'm not

41:30

the only one feeling the loss. In

41:33

fact, Henry still wears a shirt that

41:35

says a jew power. This

41:37

T shirt my father in law made

41:39

for all of us to raise my

41:41

dad's spirits. What

41:43

does that mean to you? So my

41:47

grandpa on

41:49

my other side made a

41:51

T shirt for my grandpa

41:54

who was dying from cancer, and

41:57

uh, I

42:00

love that shirt. Guys.

42:05

My grandpa was a great man and

42:13

that shirt showed we

42:16

were there for him.

42:19

He is thou deceased, but

42:23

hopefully he's

42:26

looking down at us and

42:28

look at that that shirt and

42:32

uh, he's happy.

42:36

Henry am I love you so much. I

42:40

love you too. Got

42:43

the Deep by your team, the

42:46

Bigger Home, the

42:54

Deep, by the

42:57

strong Young, Oh

43:06

badco

43:28

Skyline Drive is a production of Kaleidoscope

43:30

and I Heart Podcast. This show is hosted

43:33

and written by Me Mongy chartiicular, but I'm

43:35

hoping you know by now a show is

43:37

not one person, and so I've

43:39

got a million people to bank. Mary Philip

43:42

Sandy is our incredible supervising producer.

43:44

Thank you so much for finding Annie Mary

43:47

shot. He's somehow made time to produced for us

43:50

in between dealing with her frisky new

43:52

puppy. Mark Latta is the very

43:54

best story editor, even though he cut

43:56

a really funny story about hearing aids, I am

43:58

not holding a grudge against. This

44:00

episode was also produced and mixed by the insanely

44:03

talented Anna Rubinova, who sat

44:05

with me through way too many video sessions.

44:09

Scoring as always for Botany.

44:11

Everyone who's upset that they don't know where to

44:13

find the show's theme song, check out

44:15

Botany's SoundCloud. Thank my kiddos,

44:18

Henry and Ruby for being pretty great

44:20

kids, and for my parents

44:22

in law John and Betty for making and

44:24

sending those a Power Tea shirts. They

44:26

really got a lot to us, as you heard the

44:29

warning for some reason. Rachel Kong,

44:31

the incredible writer behind Goodbye Vitamin

44:33

which is one of my favorite books. Agreed to

44:35

do our warning. Her beautiful book about

44:38

parents and kids and memory and forgiveness

44:40

is how you should go pick it up

44:42

today. Got to thank my friends Azadi

44:45

Records, Mumbai's dopist label.

44:47

Also my brother and Manchu Surrey

44:49

for lending us his tunes and Kaju

44:51

Sury, the most fashionable dog out in

44:54

Strong Island. Special thanks

44:56

to my pals P and J for motor

44:58

sales. Their song closes

45:00

out this episode. Thank

45:02

you to my sister Shanta articular for getting on Mike

45:04

and sharing more than maybe she wanted. And

45:07

also Dr Gupta, who is an extraordinary

45:09

ob g I am additional production and research

45:12

support from the wonderful true Charrao

45:14

Lazzy Jacob is my very understanding

45:16

wife, uh Someone park

45:18

Lane in the fast Lane Buckshe and my

45:21

sweetheart of a cousin, Argent

45:23

Buck. The show is executive

45:25

produced from my heart by my good pals

45:27

Nicky Tour and Katrina Norvell.

45:30

Also got to thank my wonderful partners from Kaleidoscope

45:32

who have been so supportive. Oswald

45:35

Lishian, Kate Osborne, Costas,

45:37

Leno's and Vayney Shory.

45:40

Special thanks to Ali, Nathan Connal,

45:42

Will and Bob at i Heeart for getting

45:44

behind this show, Barkley

45:46

and Sarah, Rachel and Rins, my family

45:49

everywhere, and as always

45:51

a big thank you to my mama and

45:53

my dad, Lolita and ms who.

45:55

I thank my lucky Stars for thank

45:59

you for very with me, and thank

46:01

you for listening.