0:00

Welcome back to Dealing Together. First caller?

0:02

I bought three sweaters to get the fourth free. Oh, you

0:04

got fleeced. Next caller? I traded

0:06

my old Samsung at AT&T for a new Samsung

0:08

Galaxy S24 Plus and chose my plan. That's

0:11

not a bad deal. It is not. Our best

0:13

smartphone deals. Your choice of plan. Learn how to

0:15

get the new Samsung Galaxy S24 Plus with Galaxy

0:17

AI on us with eligible trade-in. AT&T. Connecting

0:20

changes everything. Offers vary by device. Subject to

0:22

change. S24 plus 256 gigabyte offer

0:24

available for a limited time. Terms and restrictions apply.

0:26

See AT&T.com/Samsung for details. Hello,

0:31

y'all. Before we get into this episode of

0:33

Small Doses Podcast, I want to remind you

0:35

that you can check out bonus episodes of

0:37

Small Doses Podcast weekly as a member of

0:39

Patreon. Come and join the SEAL Squad. All

0:41

you got to do is go to Patreon

0:43

Amanda SEALs or go to the amandaverse.com and

0:45

subscribe. We have three tiers. All right. We

0:48

got Morrison, we got Baldwin, and we have

0:50

an Amanda we trust. So we got 5,

0:52

12, and 20. Now,

0:54

the beautiful thing about this, though, is that if

0:57

you join at the $5 level, you

0:59

still get access to our bonus episodes.

1:01

But if you join at the new Baldwin

1:03

tier, you get video of Small Doses Podcasts

1:05

as well as of Small Doses Bonus. Now,

1:07

I know y'all are like, wait, what you

1:09

mean I get video? We're no longer putting

1:11

videos of Small Doses Podcast in full on

1:14

YouTube. So if you want to see the

1:16

facial expressions that go along with what you're

1:18

hearing, you got to check on our Patreon.

1:20

Small Doses videos will now be on Patreon

1:22

in the Baldwin tier. So all you got

1:24

to do is come and subscribe, show your

1:26

love, and be a part of the SEAL

1:28

Squad. Also want to remind you, I've

1:31

got new tour dates, y'all. I've

1:33

got new tour dates. I just

1:35

announced dates in June in Detroit.

1:37

What up, though? What

1:39

up, though? OK. Also,

1:42

I will be in Dallas. That's coming up

1:44

in April. Also, we got Boston, and we

1:46

have Baltimore going down in May. And we

1:48

have a lot more dates that are about

1:50

to be announced. So if you haven't signed

1:52

up for the newsletter at amandaseals.com, then that's

1:54

something you need to do aseptuously so that

1:56

you make sure that you don't miss out

1:58

on announcements of shows. days that are

2:00

happening because you know the algorithm be trying to

2:02

play your girl. So I got to get y'all

2:05

over at the newsletter that y'all can make sure

2:07

that Mark and the peoples are not getting in

2:09

the way of our connectivity. All right, so that's

2:11

how it's going down. If you haven't checked out

2:13

my radio show, the Amanda Seale show, remember that

2:16

you can check it out wherever you get your

2:18

podcasts. So where you are right now, listen to

2:20

this after you haven't had enough Amanda in your

2:22

life. All you got to do is search for

2:24

the Amanda Seale show at BOOM! Check us out

2:26

every day. All right, let's get into this next

2:29

episode of Small Doses Podcast. Welcome

2:41

to another episode of Small

2:43

Doses Amanda Seale here.

2:46

So today's episode is

2:48

actually inspired

2:57

by you guys because I did a

3:00

Instagram video where I talked about how in my,

3:02

you know what, let me just show you all

3:04

the video. I don't know about y'all, but

3:06

in my personal life, I feel

3:08

like I've spent a lot of time trying not

3:10

to require too much, not to require too much

3:12

emotionally for my friends, for

3:15

my partners, for my family. You

3:18

know, because I guess probably early on, I

3:21

realized that like there wasn't

3:23

much that could be given and that

3:25

if you require too much, then

3:28

people feel some type of way,

3:30

right? I've lost friends

3:33

because I wanted them to call

3:35

me back and was like,

3:37

hey, like, I don't know why they're not calling you

3:39

back. And it's like, oh, you're too demanding, right? So,

3:42

and I've always been like a super hyper

3:45

tapped in and person to my emotions.

3:48

And so I feel like

3:50

I somehow became conscious of

3:52

like, okay, so if you just don't require

3:55

too much, then like people won't leave you.

3:58

But the reality is people leave you. People leave

4:00

you for a myriad of reasons. But

4:03

ultimately, like, what

4:05

is too much? And

4:07

I think when you start examining that, you start to

4:10

realize that for the

4:12

most part, this is

4:14

a world that isn't emotionally available.

4:16

So even wanting just like the

4:18

basics is a lot, let alone

4:21

being very chopped in. But I

4:23

decided recently, in like the past couple years,

4:26

that I'm just gonna ask for what I

4:28

am. For what I give.

4:31

And that those who are down for that, they

4:34

stay down. And those who aren't, they

4:36

stay distant. And it works out for anybody.

4:40

But in case you're wondering, you

4:42

know, like wanting things like accountability,

4:44

wanting things like responsiveness,

4:46

wanting things like reciprocal

4:50

attentiveness for, you

4:52

know, life-licing. You

4:55

know, just kind of wanting things like quality

5:00

time, wanting things

5:02

like self-awareness, you

5:05

know, compassion. These

5:10

are things that I don't think a lot

5:12

of us allow

5:15

ourselves to want. Because

5:18

we're told that it is too

5:20

much to expect this from people.

5:24

But it is not. And

5:26

it's absolutely not too much when

5:29

you expect it from yourself. Get

5:33

what you get. So there it is, right?

5:35

I think that's a feeling a lot of us

5:37

have had. This idea that we are maybe too

5:39

much. Because people have made

5:41

us to feel like we're too much for

5:43

asking for really kind of like basic human

5:46

decency. You gotta like common sense ain't common.

5:49

I feel like humans ain't decency like they

5:51

used to decency. Or maybe they never did.

5:54

But ultimately, I think a lot of us

5:56

feel this way. And so we change. We

5:59

change how we exist in the

6:01

world to accommodate the lack thereof

6:03

versus to build people up to

6:05

where we should be. Because of

6:07

course it's a scarcity mindset and

6:09

also it takes courage. It takes

6:11

courage to beat your fucking self.

6:14

Okay? In a world of just

6:16

a lot of everybody pretending to be somebody

6:18

else, it takes courage to say,

6:20

no, no, I'm going to be me and that's

6:22

going to be all right. Like that's going to

6:25

be good enough. You're talking to somebody who at

6:27

one point wanted to unalive myself because I did

6:29

not feel like I would ever be happy being

6:31

myself. It was like, well, if I'm myself and

6:33

then when I'm myself, people react this way, then

6:35

I'm always going to be unhappy. So what's the

6:38

point of even being here? Like that was the

6:40

math, but eventually through

6:43

a good old dose of therapy and

6:45

boxing and affirmations, et cetera, et cetera,

6:47

I got more confident in not only

6:49

being myself, but being able to identify

6:51

the realities that it's

6:53

not that I'm being too much, but I'm

6:55

in spaces that offer too little and I

6:58

can curate those spaces and

7:00

not have to take that personal. So

7:02

today's episode side effects of being too

7:04

much is really about how a lot

7:06

of us are existing

7:09

in a world that wants us

7:11

to be less in

7:13

touch with our emotions, that wants us

7:15

to be less in touch with each

7:17

other, right? That wants us to be less in

7:19

touch with ourselves, but that's

7:21

like our natural instinct. And so we feel like

7:23

we're fighting that. But I also want

7:25

to talk about how if

7:27

you're somebody who may not be hypersensitive,

7:30

right? Who may not be hyper expressive,

7:32

who may not be like really trying

7:34

to get connection, how you

7:37

can also be a safe space without

7:39

having to be repelling to those who

7:41

are like different than you.

7:43

Because ultimately we are all here together.

7:46

We are all here together in varying degrees

7:49

of person. All of us are unique. When

7:51

I stand in the airport, one of the things that

7:53

always I marvel at in an airport is like, so

7:55

we all different? Like that's

7:57

crazy. And somewhere,

8:00

that's crazy. And

8:02

every single person here has a whole

8:05

life history. That's

8:07

crazy, but it's true. And

8:09

so the more that we can have some level of,

8:13

I don't even like the word tolerance, but openness to

8:15

that, I feel like the better we can get in

8:17

touch with ourselves. So today we're talking about side effects

8:20

of too much and we got to get into the

8:22

gem drop because I got to explain the difference between

8:24

too much quote unquote and,

8:27

okay, you're actually being OD. Never

8:30

too much, never too much, never too

8:32

much. Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep,

8:35

beep, beep, beep. Oh, okay, sorry, sorry. Moving

8:37

on. Life

8:42

is full of things to manage.

8:44

Your work, your family, your plans,

8:46

and your treatment. Consider

8:48

Q-Sympta, Ofatumumab 20 milligram injection. You

8:50

can take it yourself from the

8:52

comfort of home. If you're ready

8:54

for something different, ask your healthcare

8:56

provider about Q-Sympta and check out

8:58

the details at q-sympta.com. Brought

9:01

to you by Novartis Pharmaceuticals Corporation. I'm

9:03

not even frightened. Sometimes I legit

9:06

forget to eat. And when

9:08

that happens, I'm not in the mood to try

9:10

and like figure out what I'm going to cook,

9:12

nah. And I also know there's people who simply

9:14

cook better than me and I can get right

9:17

to them on DoorDash.

9:19

Yes, that's right.

9:21

Listen, DoorDash has saved

9:23

your girl so many

9:26

times. And if you're

9:28

really about it, you can get you

9:30

a Dash Pass and that can get

9:32

you a discount on the DoorDashing that

9:34

you're doing. So don't be like me.

9:36

Don't let yourself go the whole day

9:38

and then realize, oh my gosh, that's

9:40

why I'm cranky because I haven't eaten

9:42

anything. No, tap into DoorDash and get

9:44

you some nutrients in your system. All

9:46

right? DoorDash, your door

9:49

to more. Download the DoorDash app

9:51

now to get almost anything delivered.

9:54

DoorDash, your door to more.

9:57

Must be 21 or older to order

9:59

alcohol. Probably alcohol available

10:01

only in select markets. You.

10:03

Know when I think about papers

10:06

like the Amsterdam News in Harlem.

10:08

When I think about people like

10:10

Gordon Cards and journalists like Nicole

10:12

Hannah Jones, I think about my

10:14

experience as a young person at

10:16

growing. Wanting to really believe that

10:18

was being told to me is

10:20

the truth. I understand how valuable

10:22

as is to know that you

10:24

are getting that true and the

10:27

next in a recent employed so

10:29

Black Voices can be found on

10:31

Npr. New Collection Bless Stories Black

10:33

True. That's the read. Like Truth

10:35

is a celebration of life. As an

10:37

Npr eaten Npr, Black voices are as

10:39

direct, buried and nuanced as the Black

10:42

experience itself. In the Black Stories But

10:44

Truths collection still hear stories of joy,

10:46

resilience, empowerment and creating world's shifting things.

10:48

I've struggled on bodies, murder, to the

10:51

wire, Michelle Obama to reparations. There's no

10:53

limit to the range of black stories.

10:55

Black Truth. Black respect as haven't always

10:57

been centered in the Telling of America

11:00

story. Now they are the story in

11:02

Npr less stories like true. They'll find

11:04

a collection of salad and Pr. The best

11:06

podcast episode celebrating the black experience, turn and

11:08

Pr the day of your A range of

11:11

voices as varied, nuanced and black as the

11:13

country we reflect. stories should never be about

11:15

us. Without. That listen Now to

11:17

bless stories like Truth of Npr. Wherever

11:19

you get your podcast. Am.

11:30

So. Today's and drop is

11:33

being quote unquote. Teenage birth

11:35

is. Actually being too much.

11:38

Less. Break it out. So. When

11:40

someone had told me in the past that I

11:42

was quote unquote so much. Is. Has

11:45

always been related

11:47

to me. Simply.

11:50

Exists the him as a joyful person

11:52

and not even exaggerating. I can name

11:54

three different times with someone has said

11:56

so you just too much and there

11:58

and reasoning when I. Like, what

12:00

about it is too much Someone literally said

12:02

to me. You just seem like

12:05

you're happy all the time and

12:07

that system specs are pampered you

12:09

already. Ah, I

12:12

know that ass out. Dirty. That's I

12:14

felt the middle. Come here you're not too much as

12:16

they will head as into too much to me as

12:19

ready. As thought you were to my and I

12:21

got scared of the have to give you away but here

12:23

we are. Some people have said that you're too much on

12:25

this podcast. Illegal. My daughter does as soon. So much but

12:27

you know what? That's. What this

12:29

purchases? So. Receive it.

12:32

So here's the thing. whenever. The

12:34

said to me like he doesn't like you're

12:36

happy Alzheimer's also wilds me good are like

12:38

I have as Lily that at the other

12:41

time. I'm not happy other

12:43

side, But for them, even

12:45

the illusion. Assemblies has been consistently

12:47

happy when they see me or it, they only

12:49

saw me when I was doing my work. In

12:51

my word makes me happy. That felt like too

12:53

much for them. That. The times I

12:55

don't have the language to really understand that that

12:58

was a reflection of them and not me. right?

13:00

Ice has that in as like oh, I'm

13:03

being annoying and I'm making someone like me

13:05

cetera et cetera. When really it's like then

13:07

if someone been julius it's too much for

13:09

you, That sucks for you. That.

13:12

Sucks but the concept the too much

13:14

has been explained. To me. Sometimes.

13:17

Verbally books most sense and

13:19

action right? Like you feel

13:21

like people are being pushed

13:23

away by you wanting to bring

13:25

them closer, and sometimes your

13:27

efforts to bring them closer are

13:29

literally just you wanting reciprocation. Can

13:32

you call me back when I

13:34

call you. Can. You

13:36

not leave me hanging if we

13:39

have plans, can you? Be.

13:41

Responsive to my emotions,

13:43

etc. now when i'm saddened by

13:46

the right now feels like a one sided

13:48

friendship because that's what it becomes at the

13:50

other person doesn't have that reciprocation so maybe

13:52

that of president elect they can do any

13:54

of those things that he would that's a

13:56

whole other episodes but the truth is is

13:58

that too much in quotes when it's not

14:00

really explained can really be

14:02

very the uh

14:04

the humanizing is not the word and i don't

14:07

want to say well i always just say no

14:09

what's the word looking for d it's

14:11

like taking your spirit d uh

14:13

i know somebody's in their car yelling it at

14:15

the speaker right now it is

14:17

d it's like

14:19

sobering it's um it

14:22

sucks do not do it do

14:24

something d's nuts i can't remember

14:26

what it is right now but

14:28

it sucks okay we'll settle on

14:31

disappointing it's not an s-a-t-ware but it

14:33

gets the job done now on the other

14:35

hand there is a version of being

14:37

too much and

14:39

nine times out of ten that version

14:41

of being too much is just lack of

14:43

self-awareness and wanting

14:46

more from a scenario than either

14:48

you're bringing to it or then

14:50

it calls for i think

14:54

a lot of us have probably had situations where

14:56

maybe someone came on too strong and

14:58

that felt like too much and

15:01

it wasn't necessarily that that person themselves is

15:03

too much but it's that

15:05

it doesn't match where we

15:07

are in the process the action or

15:10

the desire doesn't match where we are

15:12

in the process and so it feels

15:14

like too much it's low key like

15:17

if you're growing a plant you gotta

15:19

manage how much water you give the

15:21

plant because if you put too much

15:24

water you will drown the plant and

15:26

then it won't be able to grow it won't be

15:28

able to develop it's that type of vibe and

15:31

that that that's a real thing that happens to some

15:33

of us because well we don't know how to be

15:35

fucking friends we don't know

15:37

how to be friends we maybe didn't have

15:39

friends or maybe our parents didn't really like

15:41

socialize us in that way or maybe we

15:43

saw our parents have friends in the same

15:45

manner and so now we're mimicking that behavior

15:47

but whatever it is there

15:49

are times where we have had

15:51

to either deal with that or where we've shown up in

15:53

that way and it's been probably

15:56

very disappointing

15:59

It's also. The kind of thing that

16:01

really can jar you. And.

16:05

The best case in that scenario is

16:07

sick be race or with yourself. Because.

16:11

A lot of times. You doing something

16:13

without the be you don't have the

16:15

negative intention but the to my said

16:18

the other person talking about feals negative

16:20

because it's sealed harmful right to the

16:22

see They're making them feel like they're

16:24

not enough or it's making them feel

16:27

like they are not your equal and

16:29

it's as someone you actually do want

16:31

as a friend or partner. Than that

16:34

it's not gonna work. right?

16:36

That balance is not there and the

16:38

imbalance is where we adds up in

16:41

conflict. Being quote unquote,

16:43

too much. Member. The quote unquote

16:45

too much. Also as

16:47

a sign of imbalance. Because.

16:49

Sometimes it's really just that prison love you the way

16:51

you love them. Or

16:53

that person doesn't love the way that you

16:55

love. right? Because.

16:58

That's another thing. You.

17:00

Can feel like too much to someone

17:02

who doesn't have that same lead language.

17:05

right? You can feel like too much to

17:07

someone. Who. Doesn't have

17:09

the experience. Of. Even

17:12

receiving. Love. Or

17:14

friendship. So. They don't have

17:16

the actual tools to even break down.

17:18

It's like out your body needs certain

17:21

process to break down certain vitamins, etc.

17:23

and like you can have a deficiency

17:25

rights. If your body is not a

17:28

breakdown vitamin d than it can even

17:30

except by the Monday best. The same

17:32

thing with actual emotions. Some evil don't

17:34

have the actual tools to know how

17:37

to break down the emotions to that.

17:39

It can feed them so just feels

17:41

like toxic. It feels like a frustration

17:44

because they're constantly having. To say something

17:46

that they can't manage and so

17:48

it feels like too much. You.

17:51

Are reminding me of my inability to

17:53

be able to processes with just your

17:55

existence. analyze our

17:57

added in that sense you away

18:00

Sean with

18:03

the lovers. I've

18:05

told you all this on this podcast several times.

18:07

I've had men say to me straight up, I

18:09

can't be with you because you're too good of

18:11

a person and I'm not equipped

18:15

to process that and give it

18:17

back equally. Now,

18:20

did I walk away? No, of course not.

18:23

I said, no, we can build the tools

18:25

together. We can mine

18:27

it. We can mine for the ore and we

18:30

can shape it. And then we can fashion it

18:32

into something that will allow you to be able

18:34

to process my

18:37

love. And that's what I went from too much in

18:39

quotes to too much for real.

18:42

Because now I'm giving, giving,

18:45

giving to something and someone that

18:47

has very clearly stated, I cannot

18:49

receive this. So

18:51

this is not too much, it's

18:53

overflowing. You understand? The

18:55

levy then broke. But

18:58

both of these things can seem kind of like esoteric, right,

19:00

they can seem kind of nebulous. But

19:02

in reality, we are

19:05

a world of individuals trying

19:07

to figure out and manage

19:09

how to be in this

19:11

world of individuals. And

19:14

when it comes down to it, the best thing you can

19:16

do is learn about you and

19:19

learn about what type of person you are. Are

19:21

you somebody that needs a little bit more help

19:23

in showing up with emotions? Are you

19:25

somebody that is very advanced and is

19:28

an emotional intellectual? You know, you

19:31

can be fair to yourself and say, I didn't

19:33

get that from my parents or I didn't get

19:35

that from my experience. You know, you can say

19:37

that to yourself and be honest with yourself. And

19:40

the sooner that you do that, the more you

19:42

can do for yourself and love

19:44

for yourself and provide for yourself. Because

19:47

there is never too much work

19:50

and love that you can give yourself in

19:53

order to receive the overabundance of

19:55

much that exists here in this

19:57

world. I feel like I'm wearing the

19:59

right outfit. fit for this episode. I feel very

20:01

guru. Let's go to these DNT. I'm

20:30

not in the mood to try and like

20:32

figure out what I'm going to cook. No.

20:35

And also other people will simply cook

20:37

better than me and I can get right

20:39

to them on door dash. Yes, that's right.

20:41

Listen, door

20:45

dash has saved your girl

20:48

so many times. And

20:50

if you're really bad, you can get you a dash

20:52

pass and that can get you a discount on the

20:54

door dashing that you're doing. So don't be like me.

20:56

Don't let yourself go the whole day and they realize,

20:59

oh my gosh, that's why I'm cranky because I haven't

21:01

eaten anything. No. Tap into door dash and get you

21:03

some nutrients in your system. All

21:08

right. Door dash your door to more. Download

21:10

the door dash app now to get almost

21:12

anything delivered. Door

21:15

dash your door to more must be 21 or

21:17

older to order alcohol drink responsibly. Alcohol

21:26

available only in select markets.

21:29

You know, when I think about papers

21:31

like the Amsterdam news in Harlem, when

21:33

I think about people like Gordon parks

21:36

and journalists like Nicole Hannah Jones, I

21:38

think about my experience as a young

21:40

person growing up wanting to really believe

21:43

that what's being told to me is

21:45

the truth. I understand

21:47

how valuable it is to know that you are getting that truth. And

21:52

the next generation of influential black

21:54

voices can be found on NPR's

21:56

new collection, Black Stories, Black Truths.

22:00

Black Truth is a celebration of Blackness

22:02

from NPR. Each of NPR's Black voices

22:04

are as direct, varied, and nuanced as

22:06

the Black experience itself. In the Black

22:08

Stories, Black Truths collection, you'll hear stories

22:11

of joy, resilience, empowerment, and creating world

22:13

shifting things out of struggle. From Bobby

22:15

Schmurda to The Wire, Michelle Obama to

22:18

reparations, there's no limit to the range

22:20

of Black Stories, Black Truth. Black perspectives

22:22

haven't always been centered in the telling

22:24

of America's story. Now they are the

22:27

story. In NPR's Black Stories, Black Truths,

22:29

you'll find a collection of some of

22:31

NPR's best podcast episodes celebrating the Black experience.

22:33

Turn on NPR today and hear a range

22:36

of voices as varied, nuanced, and Black as

22:38

the country we reflect. Stories should never be

22:40

about us without us. Listen now

22:42

to Black Stories, Black Truths from NPR,

22:44

wherever you get your podcasts. D.L.D.

22:51

We're starting it. First

22:54

question. If the person receives

22:56

the constructive criticism that they are being too

22:58

much and they adjust their behavior accordingly, how

23:00

do they protect themselves from constantly dimming their

23:02

light in an effort to make other people

23:04

comfortable? Well, I think

23:06

that really becomes like, what

23:08

is the energy that's being told is too much? Right?

23:12

Because I think there's a difference

23:14

between your energy and your actions,

23:17

right? And that's the difference. Like when

23:19

you're dimming your light, that is a

23:21

fucking problem. There's no version of dimming

23:24

your light that I think is okay.

23:26

And it's like, okay, what do we

23:28

consider dimming your light? Is it maybe

23:30

you're talking too much somewhere? Is it

23:32

like you're being too loud? And so

23:35

someone's like, hey, can you bring that

23:37

down? Is that considered a dimming

23:40

your light scenario? Well, we have

23:42

to wonder like, what is the situation?

23:45

Is Lauren Boebert dimming her light by being

23:47

told not to get felt up and raise

23:49

her hands and make noise while she's in

23:51

the audience of Beale Juice? No, that's just

23:53

being respectful. So I think

23:56

sometimes we have to also understand the time and place

23:58

for all parts of ourselves. right and

24:01

I have had to come

24:03

to understand like my awareness of

24:05

that is not a diminishment. It's

24:07

a Refinement you

24:10

feel me. It's a refinement So

24:13

like if I'm in a class and

24:15

I know all the answers Am

24:17

I dimming my light by not raising my

24:19

hand for every answer? No

24:22

Because I'm also being Considered to the fact that there

24:24

are other people in the class that need to learn

24:26

to and sometimes you have to understand

24:28

that your emotional Intelligence is really greater than

24:30

others And if that is the case you

24:32

are going to have to have a hyper awareness

24:35

that other people don't have it's just part

24:37

of the Great plan

24:39

of things in my opinion like

24:41

all of us are given gifts and ideally it's

24:43

like Tetris and now that fits together If we're

24:45

conscious of them I really really

24:47

believe in like this like utopian world where all

24:49

we're all conscious of what our gifts are and

24:52

we can be like Oh, that's okay. Go

24:54

ahead with that gift. This is my gift. Let me rock

24:56

out with my gift right now So

24:59

I would never ever say like you

25:01

should dim your lights because someone

25:03

gave you constructive criticism Constructive

25:06

criticism will not ask you to dim your light

25:09

Constructive criticism will encourage you to

25:11

refine it Next

25:15

question how will the person

25:18

who's being told their quote-unquote too much Determine

25:20

if the feedback is coming from a

25:22

person who has insecurities of not being

25:24

enough Does

25:27

it feel like love? That's

25:30

a real thing Does

25:32

it feel like love? Now

25:35

a friend of mine was telling

25:37

me that Her

25:40

quote-unquote friend said to her, you know,

25:42

I just feel like you're doing too

25:44

much and She

25:47

said, okay. Can you help me understand what that

25:49

means? And when she gave

25:51

her the examples, she said it

25:53

didn't feel like love. It felt like judgment And

25:56

when she expressed to her this doesn't feel like love

25:58

it feels like judgment The friend

26:00

said, well, you can take it how you want

26:02

to. Now, baby, will someone say that to

26:04

you? That's not luck. Like that

26:06

lets you know right there what it is. But

26:10

again, there's no like exact science to this. You know

26:12

what I mean? Like I think ultimately you're trying to

26:14

figure things out and sometimes you have to practice the

26:16

pause. Let that person say what they

26:19

need to say to you and you know, you

26:21

can take it in or let it exist between

26:23

you in like a safe space that you haven't

26:25

taken into yourself yet and ponder it and come

26:27

back to it. There's this expediency that a lot

26:29

of us have sometimes. It's not really fair. You

26:31

know, I try my best to like bring things

26:34

to people attention and then let it marinate

26:36

and then come back to it. Like, okay, now

26:38

that we've marinated, let's address it. But

26:40

there isn't an exact like, okay, you do this

26:42

step and then you do this step and then

26:44

you follow with this step and then there's a

26:46

possibility that you could do this step. There isn't

26:48

anything like that that I can prescribe but I

26:50

will say that the person who's told they're too

26:52

much a lot of times is

26:54

someone who is a hypersensitive person. It's

26:57

usually somebody who's an empath who's

27:00

very in touch with their feelings and so thus

27:02

they're very expressive about things in

27:04

a world that's not accustomed to that. So

27:07

those things, the expressiveness,

27:09

the hypersensitivity, the empathicness,

27:11

those are gifts that

27:14

allow you to read energy. You

27:16

can allow yourself to use those tools. So

27:19

when someone's telling you these things, you're

27:22

listening but you're also feeling. You

27:24

know, what does this feel like? This

27:27

doesn't feel like love. When I was going

27:29

to LA and I ran into a person I thought was a

27:31

friend and I told her I was moving to LA and I

27:33

was so excited, she was like, oh, that's so great for you

27:35

because no one likes you here. And

27:41

you know, I think in her mind,

27:43

she felt like she was quote unquote,

27:46

just being honest which is also

27:48

a ploy that people use

27:51

to just be assholes. That

27:53

was something I had to really learn in my life that

27:55

like telling the truth doesn't always

27:57

need to be told in this fashion or at

27:59

this time. time. Like there's also a

28:01

tactfulness in how and when you tell the truth, right?

28:04

And she then followed it

28:07

by saying, you know, I

28:09

wasn't trying to hurt your feelings. Because

28:12

I did say to her, I sent her an email after

28:14

I said, you know, I really felt like that was really

28:16

hurtful. And I just felt like there was a different route

28:18

that you could have gone to express whatever issue you have

28:21

with me. And she said, Well, I wasn't trying to hurt

28:23

your feelings. I was just trying to keep it real with

28:25

you. I mean, it's not to say that you won't still be

28:27

successful. I mean, there have been a lot of people that are

28:30

successful, even if they're not good

28:32

leaders. So I know, I don't know where

28:34

she is now, but we see where I am.

28:36

But I gotta say, you know what, even in

28:38

her hurtfulness of how she delivered that, it

28:41

did make me become thoughtful

28:44

about one, not wanting to

28:46

be around people like that. But two, how

28:48

am I being perceived? Because

28:51

clearly, this person is receiving me in a

28:53

way that I'm not trying

28:55

to put out. And after a lot of

28:57

self assessment, I realized like, well, two

28:59

things can be true at the same time, right? Like, this

29:02

person is receiving this also because this person was lazy as

29:04

hell. And when you acknowledge that on a job, they felt

29:06

some type of way. Now, did you call them out in

29:08

the field? No, you actually pulled them to the side that

29:10

you know, can you step up in these ways? And they

29:12

felt some type of way about that. And here we are.

29:15

But that doesn't mean

29:18

that there aren't better tools that I

29:20

could have used to equip myself and

29:22

my team in order to avoid this

29:24

from the gate. But I

29:27

say all of that to say that that didn't

29:29

feel like love when she said it to me.

29:32

And that that same messaging could have been delivered to

29:34

me and come across to me in a far more

29:36

compassionate way. And I just happened to figure it out.

29:39

So there's that. Next

29:44

question. If you have a

29:46

friend that's quote unquote too much, can that friendship survive?

29:49

Why do some people think you're doing quote unquote too

29:51

much when you try to elevate and grow your

29:53

circle because they feel like they're

29:55

being left behind? That's why. like

30:00

they're being left behind. You

30:02

know, you're doing too much because they don't

30:04

have the capacity to go where you're going.

30:06

And they know that. And

30:08

so that's a lot of times while they'll blow it up. Right?

30:11

Because they see where you're going, they see that you

30:13

want to elevate, and they

30:16

either don't see it for themselves, or they don't want

30:18

it for themselves. My

30:21

relationship ended, there's a number

30:23

of things that were percolating, but ultimately, the

30:26

final breaking point was me saying, I want

30:28

to elevate. I want to mature. I want

30:31

us to go into a new phase. And

30:34

I think we need to go back to therapy in

30:36

order to get there. I think we need to just

30:38

really commit ourselves to some self practices, etc. But I

30:40

just feel like there's something better for us and I

30:42

want us to get there. And he

30:44

didn't see that for him. He didn't see that for me, he

30:46

didn't see that for us. And so he blew

30:48

it up. And that doesn't

30:50

just happen in romantic relationships. That happens

30:53

in family. Right? I mean,

30:56

I spent months now,

30:58

just back and forth with my mother because I'm

31:00

like, we got to elevate. I'm going up here.

31:03

I'm coming up here. I will never abandon

31:05

you. I will never leave you out in

31:08

the cold, etc. But if I'm up here,

31:11

and you're not trying to go to therapy,

31:13

and you're not trying to heal, you're

31:16

not even making the effort. There

31:18

will be a distance. There

31:21

will be a boundary literally by nature of the

31:23

fact that I am elevating to a different vibration

31:25

that you don't inhabit. That's

31:28

above me, literally. Literally.

31:31

So that's why they feel like it's

31:34

too much. You're changing. Yes, thank God.

31:37

Thank God. I'm changing.

31:40

Now, unless the version of changing that they're talking about

31:43

is, you know, when did

31:45

you start wearing two Rolexes at the same

31:47

time and getting

31:49

BBLs? That's a different, you know, that's a different,

31:51

that would, because that feels like out of character.

31:53

Okay. Y'all not only wear one Rolex

31:56

at one time. Did

32:02

you ever. Play. I have a couple rapper

32:04

purchases at dinner my life and that's one of

32:06

them. Mean. I wasn't M C so

32:08

that's one of them. The other was my Benz

32:10

with red seats. But we're done. Okay we're done.

32:12

We done. I never got the chain and ever

32:15

that the chain. But

32:18

you know what? We're not done with. The. Questions.

32:20

Because. It does it all the Amanda Bynes jazz.

32:23

The seals was gonna get some special answers to

32:25

some of these special quest is a job that

32:27

nice of you want to get in on it

32:29

of. I really saw them in my bag the

32:31

day. Go on over to patriotic Amanda seals are

32:33

you can also get there. By going to the

32:36

and the university. Life

32:41

is full of things to manage

32:43

your work, your family, your plans

32:45

and your treatment. Consider T center

32:47

of fixing the maps when he

32:49

milligram injection. You can take it

32:51

yourself from the comfort of home

32:53

if you're ready for something different.

32:55

Asked to provide her that she

32:58

since and sick the details of

33:00

she simply.com Frosty by Novartis Pharmaceuticals

33:02

Corporation. I'm. Not even phrase. Sometimes.

33:04

I legit. forget to eat. And.

33:07

When that happens, I'm not in the

33:09

mood to try and like figure out

33:11

what I'm gone, clock nom and all.

33:14

some other people who simply both better

33:16

than me and I can get right

33:18

so them on door-yes that's right. listen

33:21

door that had saved young girls

33:23

so many times. and if you're really

33:25

bad even get you would-pass and that

33:27

gets you a discount on the door

33:30

dash and that you're doing so. don't

33:32

be like me, don't let yourself go

33:34

the whole day and they realize

33:36

all. My dad's That's why I'm

33:39

cranky because I haven't eaten

33:41

anything. Know Tabby the door-and

33:43

getting some nutrients in your

33:45

system? All right? Door. Dash

33:47

your door to More! Download

33:49

the door-app now to get

33:51

almost anything delivered. Door-your door

33:54

to More! Must be twenty

33:56

one who are older to

33:58

order alcohol, drink responsibly. Alcohol

34:00

available only in select markets.

34:03

You. Know when I think about papers

34:05

like the Amsterdam News in Harlem.

34:07

When I think about people like

34:09

Gordon Parks and journalists like Nicole

34:11

Hannah Jones, I think about my

34:13

experience as a young person at

34:15

growing up. Wanting to really believe

34:17

that was being told to me

34:19

is the truth. I understand how

34:21

valuable as is to know that

34:23

you are getting that true and

34:26

the next in a recent employed

34:28

so Black Voices can be found

34:30

on Npr. New Collection Bless Stories

34:32

Black True. That Sorry that Truth

34:34

is a celebration of blackness from Npr.

34:36

Each of Npr that voices are as

34:38

direct, buried and nuanced as the Black

34:41

experience itself in the Black Stories That

34:43

Truths collection still hear stories of joy,

34:45

resilience and parm in and creating World's

34:47

shifting Things have struggled from bodies, murder

34:49

to the wire, Michelle Obama to reparations.

34:51

There's no limit to the reins of

34:54

Glass Stories. Black Truth. Black respect as

34:56

haven't always been centered in the Telling

34:58

of America story. Now they are the

35:00

story in Npr. His life. Stories like

35:02

true. They'll find a collection of some of

35:05

Npr the best podcast episode celebrating the Black

35:07

experience, turn and Pr the day of your

35:09

A range of voices as varied, nuance and

35:11

black as the country we reflect. stories should

35:13

never be about us. Without. That

35:15

listen now to bless stories like Truth from.

35:18

Npr wherever you get your podcast.

35:28

Think. We record here in my office. And

35:31

I can see Adam my peripheral.

35:34

All. Of my journals from

35:36

the past twenty three

35:39

years. They. Start in

35:41

Nineteen Ninety Nine, I think actually one of

35:43

those journals. Past. Me that

35:45

journal right there. the far left. Yet. I.

35:48

Mean this journal is from

35:50

nineteen. Eighty Eight. Solicit

35:53

see how long. I've

35:56

been too much. In.

36:03

Yesterday. At the Y M C I got

36:05

a visit from the firemen. We couldn't go

36:07

in the ambulance because there was a. Because

36:10

there was an injury. On

36:13

Saturday I went to a picnic with the counselor

36:15

at the Y M C. a name to wanna

36:17

and her daughter dies in the sneaker sizes need

36:20

us. Yesterday I went to ice skating lessons and

36:22

I took my ballet pitchers and at the Y

36:24

M C A we went to the park and

36:26

we went roller skating. So he has year. I

36:28

feel like I'm still pretty. just directs right. were

36:31

just talking about the things that are happening and

36:33

how they're happening in this is While I'm in

36:35

L Leg. Is. So letter from my

36:37

father. How did it go? The.

36:40

Movie and your friends. First impressions.

36:42

I have got to know Anyway,

36:44

I am next. We will likely

36:46

though this week. I can't wait

36:48

to see it in action! What

36:51

did your mom and June's think be

36:54

sure as a bet. Your mom

36:56

is very proud We both are

36:58

Congrats! Dad so my father was nice at

37:00

one point. apparently a coin you this letter

37:02

so what do we know them to you

37:04

on a journey? Many see that other one

37:06

right there because I know that this is

37:08

when I arrived in Orlando, Florida and third

37:10

grade. Assume.

37:15

It begins. Other. Twenty

37:17

First Nineteen. Eighty Nine! I moved here a few

37:19

weeks ago and I'm having fun already. Have a lot

37:21

of friends here. I

37:23

moved here from California. I have a lot of friends

37:25

there to see how can we don't have recess? And

37:28

how the months or so early schools more

37:30

funnier than in California. And a school I

37:32

went to California with smaller than this. Two

37:35

and two hundred kids went and a yard

37:37

was big to oh and do have mother's

37:39

The school have an auditorium. Yeah this is

37:41

my first journal entry. I was out the

37:43

know I had been. Quote. Unquote so

37:46

much for a long time. Because

37:48

I feel like I've always been

37:50

tapped in and I know a

37:52

lot of people have felt this

37:54

way. You have felt Tabs and

37:56

for a long time you fell

37:58

tapped him this. The world expected you

38:01

to be tapped his because really focus on

38:03

expects you to know sit until you're an

38:05

adult. But when you're a kid is when

38:07

most people actually are the most tapped in.

38:10

It's when the the most hacked into their

38:12

own emotions. It's one of the most hacked

38:14

into other people's emotions and I don't think

38:16

enough of us really acknowledged that is the

38:18

most is making this whole world go round

38:21

here. The bottom clip. For you remember

38:23

being know as much managing the river

38:25

like see. Where

38:27

there is some. There's more

38:29

them, I would say. And

38:31

then it is if you'd. Few.

38:34

Brave face is what you know. As

38:38

a trail of many many many many people.

38:42

I mean, those six people are

38:44

that's a mouse. Love

38:50

is never been. A popular

38:52

movement. And know as I

38:54

wanted really to be free. Throws:

38:58

Held Together Really Is Held Together. By.

39:01

The love of as I said very should be bull. Otherwise

39:07

have caused him to spare. Wilson's

39:10

to do any city and the

39:12

afternoon and look around you. Would

39:17

you gotta remember which are looking at is also you.

39:22

Everyone you're looking at is also you. You

39:25

could be that person. You

39:28

could be that monster. You could be that cop. And

39:35

you to decide and yourself not to be. Here.

39:38

When he said. His the time is and

39:40

the people is really keeping this whole thing together. Because

39:44

otherwise it will all fall apart. I

39:47

really have spent a whole life

39:49

being told that I cared too

39:51

much, that I loved too much

39:53

that I wanted to much in

39:56

exchange for caring and lab. And

39:58

by wanting to much. These are

40:00

the things that I would want. I

40:02

would watch. Quality. Time.

40:06

And. Not just time, quality time, I

40:08

would want. Response.

40:11

I would watch. Compassion.

40:15

I would watch. A

40:17

listening ear. We're. Not

40:19

hot. These things. Like.

40:22

I genuinely feel like we are not taught those

40:24

things and so. For. My whole

40:27

life. it really felt like. Wanting.

40:30

Those things was not fair.

40:32

It was it fair for me to want those things from

40:35

other people, even though I was very willing to provide them.

40:37

It seemed like I was an alien and

40:40

I I really felt for a while. Like.

40:43

Oh. You're just not from here. Best

40:45

really? What the problem is. You're not

40:47

from here. Are you trying to adapt?

40:50

To. A species or a people

40:52

that aren't your people. Now,

40:54

okay let's be real, the fact remains to be

40:56

seen on my actually. Not be Vermeer says

40:58

hey, Hey ho of his goal

41:00

though I want to leave. can

41:03

you please come pick me up

41:05

on the seats? But that being

41:07

said, like I am here. And

41:10

it as I got older and I would kind

41:12

of express some people as I do realize that

41:14

wasn't alone in this. And eleven

41:16

of that video on Instagram and really responded

41:18

to this has it. So many of the

41:20

people responding to that video said I have

41:22

felt this way my whole life. I have

41:24

had to adjust and make changes that weren't

41:27

for me but they were for other people.

41:29

Because I felt like I was too

41:32

much and now I don't feel like

41:34

myself. On somebody who

41:36

is now going to a transforming the process.

41:38

I'm starting to feel more like myself

41:40

I ever had in my life. and

41:43

I think it's largely in part because

41:45

I am creating. Boundaries.

41:47

And space for me to.

41:50

Live. How I want to live and

41:52

not have to. React.

41:55

To things and do things in the protective

41:57

way that I've been. talked to live And

42:00

I taught myself to live like that because

42:02

I didn't want to push people away by

42:04

being too much. I

42:07

didn't want people to feel like I

42:09

wasn't worth their friendship by being too

42:11

much. I didn't want people to

42:13

judge me by being too much. And

42:16

so I made adjustments. And

42:18

those adjustments were to my detriment because I wasn't

42:20

getting fed the way that

42:22

I really needed to be. Right?

42:25

And it feels like these

42:28

are sacrifices that we make just to

42:30

be a part of civilization or society,

42:32

but it starts to hurt you as you get older, because

42:35

it feels like you are not getting those nutrients

42:37

that you needed. Remember how I said earlier in

42:39

the show, like there's people that can't break down

42:41

the love or the nutrients that you've

42:44

given them. Well, it also works

42:46

in the reverse where it's like, yeah, I can

42:48

break them down. I'm not getting enough of it.

42:51

And so you have to be honest with yourself about, well,

42:54

what do you actually need? Not

42:57

what you think you need, not what society tells

42:59

you you should need, but what do you actually

43:01

need? And then you ask yourself, why

43:04

do I need that? That's how

43:06

you start really getting to the groundwork. Okay.

43:10

Ari Lennox recently did an interview

43:12

where she said that in her

43:14

sobriety, she feels like she needs

43:16

so much outside validation. She just

43:18

needs constant outside validation. And I

43:20

get that because you're doing something

43:22

that feels literally wrong because your

43:25

body is adjusting to an addiction.

43:27

So your body chemically is like,

43:29

this is wrong. This is wrong.

43:31

This is wrong. This is wrong.

43:33

So you need the outside to

43:35

be louder than what's going on

43:37

inside. I get that. I

43:40

totally get that. Hopefully

43:42

though, she will get the support she

43:44

needs so that she can now start

43:46

changing the voices that are happening within

43:49

her body and within her mind so

43:51

that those voices can always be louder

43:53

than whatever is coming inside from outside,

43:55

whether it's good or bad. I don't

43:58

feel like that's an extreme. When.

44:00

I think even if you haven't had

44:02

an addiction, you have voices inside of

44:05

you that oftentimes word trained and tuned

44:07

by the things happening outside of you.

44:10

And use our time and not only

44:12

deal with how do I not push away

44:14

people outside but how do I also

44:16

not feel like this inside. So.

44:18

Much of this is really tough. Sell.

44:21

Like weed through. Because

44:23

I feel like a lot of us are just trying to make

44:25

it. In any

44:27

Lee Sin and Macys I'm a the

44:29

dollars out of fifteen cents each hundred.

44:32

Make. This relationship work busy seems like

44:34

it's not. You. Know you going to

44:36

get along with your parents, your family, etc. and

44:38

so we don't go a time to time get

44:40

along with ourselves. And. So we

44:42

make these adjustments. But. If you're

44:45

watching, Are You listening? And

44:47

you feel like I'm talking to you. Maybe

44:49

try. To. Find some time.

44:52

To give to yourself because I know for

44:54

me the switch happens. When

44:57

this I realized that I wasn't

44:59

gonna get what I wanted. Whether

45:01

I hacked and how people wanted

45:03

me to are not. Because

45:07

that wasn't the issue, The issue

45:09

wasn't about how I needed to

45:12

behave with these people. The issue

45:14

was about being able to identify

45:16

who are your people. Night.

45:19

And you never going to be able to do that

45:21

if you can't live your true self and be. Too

45:24

much. Because. You're not

45:26

too much. some people are just not enough. It

45:30

becomes too much. like I said in the

45:32

gym, Drop in when is not real. It's

45:35

not aligned with the reality of the situation

45:38

and you might have a scenario where you're

45:40

not even able to really tell us who

45:42

reality based on the new need to work

45:44

on that. Sometimes your perception is suffer. Because.

45:47

You came up in a situation that

45:50

was success. But. You know what?

45:52

We can correct the lens. We.

45:54

Can correct the lens. A lot of this

45:56

is about this admitting to ourselves who we

45:58

really are. and finding

46:00

a way to truly love that. And

46:03

then you find people who truly love that.

46:05

And you don't got to have a lot

46:07

of people. That's also

46:09

a ridiculous thing, right? Right? Right?

46:12

Like this idea that you have a lot of people look at

46:15

me in this, I'm eight already, like I have a lot of

46:17

friends here and have a lot of friends there too. Look

46:19

at how many friends I have. I'm so full of friends. No,

46:22

you're an only child and you're lonely. That's

46:24

what's happening. You're an only child and you're lonely.

46:26

And so, you know, there

46:28

it is. And I think

46:32

that we learned this too much thing also

46:34

because we live in a society, particularly in

46:36

a Western society of America that has been

46:38

created by white male colonizers who

46:40

have not by any means given a damn

46:42

about emotions. They are driven by greed and

46:45

they are driven by power and

46:47

that greed and power are not about

46:50

emotional. And the only emotional intelligence that

46:52

they have is how to manipulate others.

46:55

The people who are seeking greed

46:58

and power are only emotionally intelligent

47:00

for the sake of harming others.

47:03

So we don't live in a

47:05

setup that honors emotional intelligence

47:07

as a community building tactic.

47:10

We honor emotional intelligence as

47:12

a community breaking tactic. That

47:15

is the Willie Lynch syndrome

47:17

that is divide and conquer.

47:20

So it is no wonder that we

47:22

have such a hard got dang time

47:24

breaking through to the other side and

47:26

being able to consider these things as

47:29

valuable, but they are.

47:31

You're being told you're too much

47:33

because we are raised in a situation

47:35

of deficit. This is

47:37

a situation of deficit. We're, we are

47:40

in America. For those of us listening

47:42

who are here in America, we are

47:44

being raised on a Indian burial ground,

47:46

a graveyard. Like

47:49

when we really come to us,

47:51

understand the true realities of our

47:53

situational awareness, there's

47:55

so much effort that we have to do to get

47:57

to become true to ourselves. So

48:00

much effort because there's so many obstacles in our way that

48:03

were put here before we even got here, right?

48:06

For the white girls that are listening, for the white people

48:08

that are listening that are like, damn, I want to be

48:10

a good white person. You got to first

48:12

start with being like, why Moni

48:14

and Jeremiah laugh? Damn, I want

48:16

to be a good white person. You got to first start

48:18

by realizing there's no such thing as a good white person.

48:21

There's the only good people who happen to be white. The

48:24

ownership of whiteness, there is nothing positive in

48:26

it whatsoever. There has never been anything positive

48:28

that came out of being

48:31

proud to be white. I'm

48:34

pausing so you can hear that. And

48:37

this is the system that we're in. This

48:39

is the situation we're in. Patriarchy also does

48:41

not bring forth the

48:43

embracing of your too muchness. Patriarchy

48:47

says, shut that shit down and get a job.

48:51

Go take a fucking nap. You

48:53

know? I remember when my mom

48:56

was walking through the living room one time and

48:58

the cash money millionaires were on the television and

49:01

they were rapping bling bling. And my mom said, why

49:03

don't they put a shirt on and get that job?

49:06

I was like, you do understand

49:08

that we're watching them do their job

49:10

right now, right? We're

49:13

watching it. I grew up in a

49:15

home with a parent who is an immigrant and

49:17

who is from the Caribbean. So

49:20

there wasn't going to be a lot of emotional exchange

49:23

happening, right? There

49:25

wasn't going to be a lot of like warm

49:28

cuddles in the hard times happening. I feel

49:30

like that's when we need them

49:32

the most, but that's when they're like the least available.

49:35

It's great to get the warm cuddles when you hit on a roll,

49:38

but what about when you fell through the glass table? You

49:41

know, when I fell through the glass table, it's not like my mom

49:43

came over and was like, oh man, you okay? No,

49:45

my mom was like, how did you do that? And

49:49

here I am at 42 and like the memories

49:51

are like starting to come back. I think the

49:53

memories are coming back because I am for once

49:56

finally allowing myself to be

49:58

too much. I'm

50:01

being my whole self and whoever

50:03

fuck with it, fuck with it. Whoever don't, well, you

50:05

know, they can move out and not call me again because that's what

50:08

we're doing at this point because I

50:10

still haven't heard from this nigga. Still

50:12

never heard from him. But that's another conversation

50:14

for another time. Be

50:17

too much. Anyone who calls

50:19

you too much in quotes and isn't

50:21

speaking to your action, but is speaking to your

50:23

character is not speaking true. I

50:26

want you to hear me say that. If someone's speaking

50:28

to your action, there may be truth to that. Someone

50:31

says, I feel like this is too

50:33

much and this is why.

50:37

That to me is a fair

50:39

conversation and you can take it or leave it, right?

50:41

But that to me can be a fair conversation.

50:43

I feel like this behavior right here is

50:45

too much and this is why.

50:48

Then you can say, well, this is where this came

50:50

from, or this is what my intention was, or this

50:52

is why I was reacting this way. I

50:55

can tell you now, like I

50:57

know that in my relationship, there were times where

50:59

I could have been

51:01

far more measured in

51:04

my response to things that were

51:06

frustrating to me and not

51:08

things necessarily between us, but just things in

51:11

the world that were frustrating to me. I

51:13

would let myself feel all of them. You

51:16

know, when we got the patio furniture back, we

51:18

got the pillows for the patio furniture and they

51:20

were the wrong color. I was like, oh my

51:22

God, they're getting a wrong color. The

51:25

whole thing. I was doing too much. I was

51:27

doing too much. I

51:31

know why though. I know

51:33

why. Because I was really actually

51:35

upset because I had trusted this other person to

51:37

handle it and I was questioning whether I should

51:39

have trusted them to handle it. And then I

51:41

even asked like, Hey, should I see the swatch

51:43

of color? And they were like, yeah, it's the

51:45

one you liked before. So it's fine. And

51:48

I didn't do my extra due diligence and then it didn't come

51:50

out the way I wanted it. So I'm really mad at myself.

51:53

I'm mad at myself, but I'm expressing

51:55

it outward. And so that's too

51:57

much. And I had to apologize.

52:00

for that because you're doing too

52:02

much. If you manage yourself, you manage yourself

52:04

by yourself. Okay. Or with your

52:06

therapist, but don't bring that shit over here. It's

52:08

not fair. It's not fair.

52:11

And that's a lot of times what being too

52:13

much for real is. It's just not fair. You're

52:16

not giving a person the fairness. But

52:18

if someone says to you, you're too much. Nah,

52:21

I ain't never heard nobody

52:23

say that. And it actually

52:25

be fair. You're

52:28

too much. Like as a human

52:30

existing, you're too much. I

52:34

mean, I remember in college, I

52:36

ended up asking my roommates to

52:38

have a powwow with me because

52:40

none of them liked me

52:42

and I had no idea why. Like when I

52:44

got to the suite, my day one, they had

52:46

written my name off the door and thrown it

52:48

on the ground. And I remember Devon

52:51

actually being like, Oh shit, they threw your name

52:53

on the ground. That's crazy. And

52:55

I was like, these

52:57

are who I'm going to live with for the

52:59

next year, these seven broads.

53:03

And so maybe like three weeks in, I was

53:05

like, I'd like to ask you guys to like,

53:08

sit with me on a Friday and

53:10

let's pass around tequila shots and

53:12

y'all can each tell me why you don't like me. And

53:17

the ringleader, Jennifer ultimately

53:19

was like, I just feel like you're too much.

53:22

And I was like, okay, but why? And she was like, I feel

53:25

like you're a show off. And

53:27

that was interesting. She said, I

53:29

feel like you're a show off. And

53:31

I had to think about that. Was I a show off? Yes.

53:35

I am a show off. Meaning that

53:37

if you ask me to do something I can do, I'm

53:40

gonna do it. Is that a

53:42

show off? I don't know. Is that a show off? I

53:45

mean, people would ask me like, Oh, can you do a flip?

53:48

Well, yes, I can do a flip. But then she

53:50

felt like me doing the flip with me being a

53:52

show off. But I feel like that was also her

53:54

just not being happy that she could do it. Like

53:56

she's like, Oh, she's trying to Do

54:00

we need them? We can do this. I don't

54:02

think that's fair. I

54:04

don't think that's fair. I. You

54:07

know I'm a take that that another show off Am

54:09

a showman. C

54:13

We don't have one. I mean this

54:15

age or the world. The say it's

54:17

elemental My really, but merely Blair's. But

54:20

that was a time where. I.

54:24

Really? Was proud of myself because I held

54:26

them to task as yadlin. three million hits

54:28

at least tell me why and when it

54:30

boils down to it, We. Left that

54:32

night friends. We. Clear the air

54:34

and there was an actual effort made from

54:36

that point forward to become friends. Now I

54:39

see the same friend later said you too

54:41

much with has you want me to call

54:43

you back yes but that that was years

54:45

and years later. I feel I see also

54:47

lost a bunch away and like became a

54:49

different person but that's the whole of episodes.

54:53

Life is full of things to

54:55

manage: your work, your family, your

54:58

plans, and your treatment. Considered

55:00

she senses of humor. Maps: one

55:02

milligram injection, you can take it

55:04

yourself. From the comfort of home. If

55:06

you're ready for something different, ask for healthcare

55:08

provider about. You census and check

55:10

out the details as you since

55:13

it.com Frosty by Novartis Pharmaceuticals Corporation.

55:15

I'm. Not even phrase. Sometimes. I

55:17

legit. Forget to eat. And

55:20

when that happens, I'm not in the

55:22

mood to try and like figure out

55:24

what I'm gong cook nom and all

55:26

some other people who simply both better

55:28

than me and I can get right

55:30

so them on door-yes. That's. Right?

55:33

listen door that had say young

55:35

girls so many times and if

55:37

you're really bad at you can

55:39

get you would-pass and that gets

55:41

you a discount on the door-in

55:43

that you're doing so they'll be

55:45

like me don't let yourself go

55:47

the whole day and they realize

55:49

all my dad's That's why I'm

55:52

cranky because I haven't eaten anything.

55:54

Know Tabby the door dash and

55:56

gets his the nutrients in your

55:58

system all right. Dora-your

56:00

door to more. Download the

56:02

DoraDash app now to get

56:04

almost anything delivered. DoraDash your

56:07

door to more. Must be

56:09

21 or older to order

56:11

alcohol. Drink responsibly. Alcohol available

56:13

only in select markets. You

56:16

know, when I think about

56:18

papers like the Amsterdam news

56:20

in Harlem, when I think

56:22

about people like Gordon Carks

56:24

and journalists like Nicole Hannah-Jones,

56:26

I think about my experience

56:28

as a young person growing

56:30

up wanting to really believe

56:33

that what's being told to me is

56:35

the truth, I understand how valuable it

56:37

is to know that you are getting

56:40

that truth. And the next generation of

56:42

influential Black voices can be found on

56:44

NPR's new collection, Black Stories, Black Truths.

56:46

Black Stories, Black Truth is a celebration

56:49

of Blackness from NPR. Each of NPR's

56:51

Black voices are as direct, varied, and

56:53

nuanced as the Black Experience itself. In

56:55

the Black Stories, Black Truths collection, you'll

56:58

hear stories of joy, resilience, empowerment, and

57:00

creating world shifting things out of struggle.

57:02

From Bobby Schmurda to The Wire, Michelle

57:04

Obama to Reparations, there's no limit to

57:06

the range of Black Stories, Black Truths.

57:08

Black perspectives haven't always been centered in

57:10

the telling of America's story. Now they

57:12

are the story. In NPR's Black Stories,

57:14

Black Truths, you'll find a collection of

57:16

some of NPR's best podcast episodes celebrating

57:18

the Black Experience. Turn on NPR today

57:21

and hear a range of voices as

57:23

varied, nuanced, and Black as the country

57:25

we reflect. Stories should never be about

57:27

us without us. Listen now to

57:29

Black Stories, Black Truths from NPR, wherever

57:31

you get your podcast. Anywho,

57:42

I say all of this to say, you

57:45

will always be too much in a world that

57:47

does not value people. It doesn't

57:49

value our bodies. It doesn't value our souls, our

57:51

spirits, our minds. This is

57:53

a world that at this point

57:55

values possession and it values money for

57:58

the most part. So

58:01

it is courageous to

58:06

place value on your spirit

58:09

and how people are feeding that

58:11

and how you are feeding that. And

58:15

when you are in touch with that, it

58:17

feels like too much because that's not what

58:19

the world is in touch with. But

58:22

I do believe that if enough of us

58:24

can allow ourselves to bring

58:26

value to that in the face of

58:29

a world that doesn't, we start

58:31

to shift the value

58:33

system. We start to

58:35

shift the energy space. We start to

58:38

shift the vibration. And

58:40

when you hear people talking about wellness

58:44

and the pursuit of happiness, it's

58:46

not a selfish act. There's

58:49

a selflessness in bringing

58:51

joy to yourself, especially when it's going

58:53

to allow you to bring more joy to the

58:55

world. I'm

59:00

at a point in my life where I can

59:03

literally feel myself shifting

59:06

to a

59:09

space of peace.

59:12

And I don't think

59:15

I thought that was ever a

59:17

real destination that I could arrive

59:21

at. But I

59:23

also understand that the reason why that's

59:25

happening is because

59:27

I have removed or created

59:29

distance from

59:31

the sources and

59:34

forces that were

59:37

demanding my diminishment. So

59:40

I implore you to explore you and

59:43

to get to the bottom of the well

59:46

and the extent of your parameters and

59:48

map that shit out and learn

59:50

all of that and live it and love

59:53

it and then invite people into

59:55

it who respect it. You

59:57

ain't too much. They Just not enough. The.