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0:38

I'm Johnny Smith. I'm Richard Porter. And

0:40

this is Smith & Sniff, a podcast in which two

0:42

friends talk about cars and many other things.

0:50

I've just realized the... Well,

0:52

it might have even passed by the time this recording goes out. The

0:54

London to Brian. Is it on again? Wait, hang on. It

0:57

was the weekend of Bonfire Night. Was it? I

1:00

think. Is that because all

1:03

the cars that don't get up the final hill,

1:05

they just pile them into a nearby field? And

1:08

they just burn them? That's

1:11

the good thing about vintage cars, that they

1:13

could easily be turned into matchwood. The

1:16

owners are so fed up with being sodden

1:18

and wet and fed up and cold. Well, that's

1:21

it. I think it was Bonfire

1:23

Night weekend because they identified

1:26

that that was statistically likely to be the

1:29

dampest weekend of the autumn. And

1:31

that, of course, is the whole point of the London

1:33

to Brian is to be incredibly

1:36

damp and miserable. I

1:40

just don't understand. I just feel so sorry

1:42

for everybody. It's like

1:45

sitting in a communal shower in a convertible

1:48

car and then someone just switching it to cold and then

1:50

going, do you want to put some more woolen coats

1:52

on? Yes, I would. Thank you. Okay.

1:56

Oh, by the way, do you want to wear a stupid

1:58

period drama hat? Yes. please

2:00

if that's okay.

2:05

No the reason that I took my first

2:07

inkling that it was that weekend is because

2:10

we went to London

2:12

that weekend to go and stay with some friends and go to

2:14

a fireworks display textbook

2:18

and on the motorway on the

2:20

way into London we go into some traffic

2:23

as we neared the city and we were

2:26

just crawling along in the

2:28

next lane there was a Grand Cherokee

2:31

towing a vintage car of some sort

2:33

and my wife just went

2:36

why would you have that? It's

2:40

quite a good question.

2:43

Why would you have that? Because someone has to.

2:47

Yes yes someone has to

2:49

and we should be pleased that someone wants to. Yes

2:53

now that I do agree with you're right it's good that

2:55

somebody cares because it

2:58

would seem cruel

3:00

and and thoughtless to

3:03

just do dispose

3:05

of all these things because they don't conform

3:07

to standards of dryness

3:10

and speed. Yeah and they're a reference point

3:12

they're a reminder and let's face it hopefully

3:15

most of the world aren't total pricks like whistling

3:17

diesel so they don't just make a living from needlessly

3:20

destroying cars and then pointing at

3:22

them and marvelling at the fact they don't know anything

3:24

about them and then moving quickly on to

3:26

the next thing they're gonna destroy. Obviously

3:29

I don't have a problem with him apart from the fact that he's

3:31

all of what I've just said and I

3:34

just simply don't understand why

3:36

people should care about what his his opinion

3:38

because I think he's just attracting

3:41

attention by

3:42

you know it's like shooting rare lions and

3:44

then going hey that was fun no it really

3:47

wasn't fun was it it doesn't make

3:49

you clever. Yeah well

3:51

it's a sad corollary of

3:54

the race for cliques isn't it that

3:56

people like watching other people being

3:59

absolute no pens.

4:01

Yeah, well, don't get me wrong, I like that when

4:03

I see, you know, sort of drunken

4:06

chavs falling down staircases and stuff. I think

4:08

that is quite funny. Or you know, tripping

4:10

into beer gardens with a tray full of lager.

4:14

I love a good stumble

4:16

with a tray full of lager. Those

4:19

things, I don't know, like dad trying

4:21

to do a backflip into a very small children's

4:23

paddling pool in the garden off the roof of the

4:25

shed.

4:26

One of my absolute favourites, and I will intermittently

4:29

search for this on YouTube, is running machine

4:31

mishaps. The

4:34

treadmill terror. I do, I really

4:36

enjoy a running machine mishap. I mean, they can get a

4:38

bit repetitive because there are basically sort of three

4:41

solid accidents that happen. And

4:48

just getting fired off the back of it is

4:51

always a good one. Particularly, there's one I saw where

4:53

a guy, and I mean, he could have been really badly hurt.

4:56

The compilations always cut away before you see the

4:58

aftermath. But there's one where a guy got

5:01

really fired backwards. You know, they set the

5:03

machine going really fast. Yes. And

5:05

they stand, they put their feet either side

5:07

of the belt. Oh gosh, the friction burns.

5:09

And then the idea is to let it get at a maximum

5:11

speed and then sort of leap on and start running.

5:14

Yeah, but it like, it turns your, it

5:17

720s you, doesn't it, basically?

5:19

Yes.

5:20

Well, it sort of turns you into, you know how Sonic

5:22

the Hedgehog can become a sort of fast-moving

5:25

ball. It's like that, but then

5:27

you get fired backwards. And this guy gets fired

5:29

backwards into a rack of weight. Does

5:32

he really?

5:34

I'll never

5:36

find it again. If I do find it again, I'll just

5:38

say it in a second. I

5:40

watched it. I did, I got served by the Al algorithm,

5:43

an Instagram video of

5:45

a, should we just say a portly

5:48

American gentleman showing his

5:51

children how to drive the ride on lawn

5:53

tractor. And basically just

5:55

gets it spectacularly wrong. Bearing in mind, he's

5:57

the one supposed to be tutoring. He

6:01

just, I don't know how he does it, but he seems

6:03

to sort of dab the brake and then go for

6:06

a high gear and then it snicks into

6:08

a high gear and takes off. And he falls

6:10

off the back of it really slowly but holds

6:13

onto the seat and then just gets, then

6:15

he turns into a human plough and then it's

6:17

just going off around the garden with him

6:20

ploughing with his ankles. It's

6:22

just really, really odd. And

6:25

the kids are just running after him. And

6:27

you just think, it does like,

6:30

I don't know, 12 miles an hour or something.

6:34

Speaking of vehicular

6:36

accidents, we've had

6:38

quite a few messages from listeners.

6:41

Oh, God. We mentioned P

6:43

Diddy's inexplicable motorcycle

6:45

accident at the start of the, I'll

6:48

be missing you video. Oh, the grabbing of the front

6:50

brake. Yes. Absolute full

6:52

fistful of brake and off he goes. Quite

6:57

a few listeners said that apparently

7:00

this was a genuine accident. Oh.

7:04

That Diddy was riding

7:06

the bike for those

7:09

shots at the start of the vid and

7:11

he got a bit too close

7:13

to the tracking car, panicked

7:15

and grabbed the brake and came off

7:17

and then

7:18

decided that it looked so cool they

7:21

would keep it in the video. Wow. Well,

7:24

and he obviously didn't die. So that's also

7:26

good. Amongst the

7:28

listeners who pointed the house, is Maritz

7:31

Cavallo. I'm sorry if I'm not pronouncing

7:33

that correctly, but he

7:36

said apparently P Diddy was following the camera car, got too close

7:38

and slammed on the brake like a flesh trombone

7:41

and stacked it. He

7:43

also points out, and there's something I forgot to say last

7:46

week, that when we were talking about P Diddy and

7:48

the fact that he used every breath you

7:50

take by the police in that, that

7:54

Maritz points out he didn't clear the sample.

7:56

He didn't? And then thought he had to pay

7:58

Sting an absolute foot. soon afterwards.

8:01

Why would you not clear the sample when it's so

8:04

overt?

8:05

I know. I heard a case of

8:07

this happening more recently where a sort of

8:10

very well-known track was just

8:12

used by another artist and they didn't ask

8:14

for permission or clear it properly. I think

8:17

we've come quite a

8:19

long way since. Does

8:21

it pump up the volume where they used like about

8:24

a hundred different samples and didn't clear any of

8:26

them and then that record went to number one? And

8:28

they are not about the recording artist.

8:32

I think vanilla rice famously had to give Queen

8:34

most of his money. Well I'd imagine so. I

8:36

mean you sort of often do anyway

8:39

if you go through the proper challenge, because Bittersweet

8:41

Symphony uses that

8:44

string arrangement of a Rolling Stones song.

8:46

That's true. And they ended up earning

8:49

more money. That track man did really well, made loads of

8:51

money and almost all of that money went to Mick Jagger

8:53

and Keith Richards. But until I think eventually

8:56

they went, do you know what, thanks Richard

8:58

Ashcroft, we've got enough of your money now you could have

9:00

a bit as well. They allowed, I

9:02

think they released the sample.

9:06

I was going to say. Probably the track was about five million quid

9:08

or something. Yeah I think

9:10

when you've got a shed load and

9:12

someone's been quite creative with it and maybe given

9:14

the song a new, open

9:17

it up to a new audience, I

9:19

can see why I would probably go, look

9:21

I've woken up this morning in a good mood. I've had my

9:23

coffee, I've had them usually.

9:26

I think you should have, you should

9:29

have quite a lot of the money now. Go on. Your

9:31

turn. Your turn. Have a go. Go

9:33

on, have a go. I'll tell you what, you

9:36

can have all the money but first what you've got to do

9:38

is, I've got a really old car, it was made in about 1901. Can

9:40

you just, I just need I

9:46

need you to drop it off at my Brighton house.

9:48

It's actually in London, funnily enough. Oh

9:51

yeah, by the way it's pissing down with rain.

9:53

Oh it's so wet out there. Oh by the way, could

9:56

you transport this heavy

9:59

woolen coat?

10:00

by wearing it in the car because

10:03

I want your body weight to triple

10:05

by the time you arrive in Brighton if you do which

10:07

you won't. Oh and can you go via

10:09

Costco or somewhere like that I want can you

10:12

get one of those huge catering

10:14

packs of kitchen roll but unwrap them all

10:16

and just put them next to you on the passenger seat.

10:22

I suppose the only

10:23

tiny benefit of driving a vintage car

10:26

which inevitably has no roof on

10:28

the London to Brighton is at least it won't steam up well

10:31

no on wet weather

10:33

problem you're not gonna have.

10:35

Some of them don't even have a windscreen

10:37

do they they just have I like the ones which just

10:39

have a circle of glass in front of the

10:42

driver. Have you seen that?

10:44

It's like a makeup mirror

10:46

but it's see-through.

10:49

It's a driving monocle. It's a driving

10:51

monocle. And I always

10:53

found that to be quite funny because you just think

10:56

I mean some of them I mean we are mocking

10:58

them but they are the forefathers

11:00

of the things that we drive

11:02

around in today of course but hmm

11:05

and some of them have fantastic technology.

11:08

We've got to mention all All Dazed and Onions because it's

11:10

a personal favorite of ours which is

11:12

still an ambition of mine to drive in All Dazed and Onions

11:14

and I won't take no for an answer

11:17

if I do get that chance and we'll be calling round

11:19

on you and then we'll be throwing a huge

11:21

overcoat and a stupid

11:22

hat at you and go get in. Get

11:25

in! We're going for a very slow drive.

11:30

So yeah by the way I've timed

11:32

this perfectly we're going into Bristol and

11:34

it's 4.35 what could possibly happen

11:37

on a Friday. It's a hundred miles

11:43

to Brighton it's damp and we're

11:45

wearing heavy overcoat. Let's do this.

11:48

That would be

11:50

great and I've just fashioned you some kitchen

11:52

roll socks and shoes.

11:58

What's that kitchen roll that Steve

11:59

and Farai used to have? You just go, thirst

12:01

pockets. I think you want those

12:04

super absorbent kitchen roll wrapped

12:06

around your head until it becomes physically

12:08

impossible to stand or sit

12:10

upright. Oh gosh. Well,

12:14

now, since we're doing a little bit of housekeeping, thank

12:16

you to everybody who pointed out that

12:19

motorbike accidents in the PDTV do may

12:21

have been a genuine accident. We've

12:25

had a lot of people sending us a screen grab

12:27

from Facebook, which,

12:31

and rightly so, because it's a bizarre sort of collision

12:34

of two things in our

12:36

world,

12:38

which is

12:39

quite chodey shifters and

12:42

Honda preludes. Oh,

12:44

is there a correlation? Well, there is here.

12:46

This is a Facebook grab. I don't

12:49

know who did the grab originally. Someone

12:52

whose phone battery is on 6%. I

12:56

do like it. I do like it all revealing. It's

12:58

a really uneasy. But,

13:01

so, I mean, loads and loads of people said this,

13:04

including Ewan Jones

13:08

and some other people whose,

13:10

God, Sam Warren. Sam

13:13

sent the grab with the 6% phone. So maybe that's

13:15

Sam's phone. I don't know. So

13:18

prioritizing our prelude

13:20

thirst when your phone is so close

13:23

to dying deserves an almost

13:25

honorary smithers never order some sort

13:27

of film. Well, I suppose.

13:30

Yeah. So I don't know

13:32

who originally posted this, but it's somebody

13:34

on Facebook who said, shift knob for

13:36

the prelude got delivered today. Coming

13:39

in at just over a pound. This thing is solid.

13:41

And then there are two pictures. One is

13:44

a picture of this, to

13:46

be honest, quite a Belendic metal

13:48

shift knob on a weighing scale

13:52

which proves, this is in the US I'm

13:54

presuming, it weighs just over one

13:56

pound in weight. Okay. Okay.

14:00

And this is

14:02

coming in at just over a pound. This thing is solid!

14:05

That added weight really makes the shift

14:07

feel solid and drastically improves

14:10

the overall driving experience. 10 out

14:12

of 10 would recommend. What are the second

14:14

pictures of it fitted? It's fitted to a bloody

14:16

auto. So, I mean, what?

14:20

How much does the shift experience need to be improved

14:22

given how much you're going to use it? Well,

14:26

I'm a bit lost. I'm a bit lost,

14:28

really. When you touch it, it's

14:30

cold. It's like

14:32

a praloo. Like grabbing the handle of a pistol

14:34

or the firearm that is totally

14:36

not legal in the country that you're

14:38

in. You feel that power,

14:41

you're in the club. You can't find

14:43

anyone. The phone is on 6%. You've

14:46

got to find a crew. Get out.

14:49

Nobody's touching the praloo outside.

14:51

No marks on it, no scratches, no shit.

14:54

Nothing. You bought an auto,

14:56

yeah, because you want a

14:58

really heavy shifter on it, yeah, with

15:01

that cold feel of the steel.

15:04

Also in the housekeeping desk,

15:07

a few people, including Rhys Llewellyn,

15:10

pointed out to that Maureen from driving

15:12

school, Lada, the

15:14

Reaver estate that you asked

15:17

last week. I wonder if it's still going. People

15:20

have checked, including Rhys and no. Right.

15:26

Someone else knows, of course, I can't bloody find this

15:28

now because my admin is lousy,

15:30

but somebody else, I think, did say

15:33

that they had reason to believe that

15:36

it had been written off. No,

15:43

I think it had been written off. This might be on the Patreon, which

15:45

is where I can't find it. But anyway, yeah, apparently

15:48

the Lada was replaced by another

15:51

Lada, but a Samara this

15:53

time. Gosh. Rhys

15:55

sent a picture of Maureen leaning on the Samara,

15:58

which I don't know. when

16:00

this picture was taken. There's

16:03

another screen grab here, maybe this is Reese's phone

16:05

is perilously on 15% and it

16:08

seems to be in power saving mode everybody very cavalier

16:10

back in since you're on phones. Yeah,

16:14

because Reese has set the grab of

16:17

DVLA check on the Samara

16:19

because there's a picture of her with the reg visible and

16:22

its MOT expired in September 2008.

16:25

But the latter Samara wasn't

16:28

the latter Samara genuinely quite a

16:30

shit car though? Oh yeah I think

16:32

so. I think it was, we all jested

16:35

about the Reaver but actually the Reaver had some cred

16:38

and some strength. Yeah I've

16:40

never driven a Samara but it

16:42

just has a very sort of biscuit

16:45

tinny vibe to it. Porsche helped

16:47

there with the engineering. What? Yeah

16:50

I think Porsche, I'm pretty sure Porsche

16:52

involved in, I mean probably they just went,

16:54

hmm you probably just

16:57

don't want to do that lads. I don't know I

16:59

mean. Well that was their involvement, don't

17:01

do that. Don't do that. Don't do that.

17:03

It's like you know they did, remember

17:06

when SEAT plastered system Porsche

17:08

all over the Ibiza from the 80s?

17:12

Well I saw one of those on

17:14

the Volvo EX30 launch. Did

17:17

you? You were in Spain weren't you? I was in Spain

17:19

I was driving along a lovely coastal road

17:22

where we were trying to find somewhere good to film with

17:24

not a lot of time and I actually

17:26

saw coming the other way a really straight

17:29

clean silver first-gen

17:32

SEAT Ibiza and I

17:34

did, I quickly checked my side

17:36

mirror to see if it said engine system

17:38

Porsche sticker on the back window but

17:41

I unfortunately it coincided with going

17:43

round a very tight coastal road corner

17:45

and I decided that one of them was more of a priority

17:48

than the other. You made

17:50

a split-second decision there. Yeah turn

17:53

or look behind me for a sticker. No

17:55

turn, has to turn. Hmm

17:58

I like them they're attractive.

17:59

and they're bloody rare but nobody cares now

18:02

I would say. Well particularly in this

18:04

country, there's almost none left but the thing

18:06

is that I think Seyat had to

18:08

pay quite a bit of money to

18:10

use the Porsche name on the outside

18:12

because generally Porsche's engineering consultancy is

18:14

a bit like you know, keep it on the down low for

18:16

everyone's sake. But

18:19

I think from memory Porsche's involvement was

18:21

pretty much like they sort of redesigned the cylinder head

18:23

on the basically a Fiat engine it wasn't

18:25

as if they sort of went here

18:28

you could have a flat six or

18:31

a 930 and a 928 v8 in it and they just

18:33

chopped down a couple of cylinders and

18:36

I think it was the same with the Samara

18:38

I think Porsche's

18:40

involvement was pretty much sort

18:42

of giving some guidance on redesigning the engine to be

18:44

slightly less wretched but that was slightly

18:48

less wretched. They designed

18:50

the ashtray all of the smoking members

18:52

of staff from Porsche went let's just look

18:54

at where the tray is. Does it slide in and

18:56

out easily? Not really. Okay

18:58

let's redo those tabs and get a couple more plastic

19:01

molds done and then we'll yeah

19:03

let's knock that one out. Alright lads thank you. There'll

19:05

be a hundred million Deutschmarks please. Thank you.

19:08

Yeah I don't know. Anyway I should

19:11

I have a little look? I can all have

19:13

a look. You know what? Carton of West for your

19:15

time. Thank you for that. I appreciate

19:17

it. Those Ibithas

19:20

I

19:21

always thought at the time and now that

19:23

they're a really nice looking car very

19:25

crisp. That's a good

19:28

effort from your old Giorgio

19:30

there. It's a really

19:32

sort of neat and handsome car.

19:35

But it's got a little bit

19:37

like a DeLorean. The shallowness

19:39

of the grill and everything I

19:41

think. I suppose so. The

19:44

headlights are kind of are

19:45

they sort of more square but yeah it's a we've

19:49

talked before about households that have two

19:51

of the same car. Yeah. Yeah.

19:53

There were some people down our road when I was growing

19:56

up and I can't remember I think the mum

19:58

had a Renault 4. And

20:00

the dad, the dad had a

20:03

Ford Capri 3 litre. Wow.

20:06

And then a Renault Fuego.

20:10

Oh, so he did he chop the Capri in for

20:12

the Fuego?

20:14

I guess so. So he's a bit of a coupe enthusiast.

20:17

And then... He's coupe guy. Out of

20:19

the blue, there was almost like a clean house

20:21

of cars on their driveway.

20:24

Both of those disappeared. And

20:26

in their place, two SEAT Ibiza's,

20:29

a red one and a white one.

20:31

Wow. See, and they bought them at the same time.

20:34

Well, yeah, they just appeared. Like they got a job lot.

20:37

But they were both the three

20:39

doors, because I don't think the five door had been announced.

20:42

And they had kids sort of like

20:44

the same age as in our household.

20:48

So growing children and they decided

20:50

to sort of, I suppose...

20:52

There's probably more room in Ibiza than in a Fuego. Yeah,

20:56

it's a halfway house between the Fuego and the

20:58

Four. But if

21:01

they bought them straight away when

21:03

they were first launched,

21:06

they might not have even properly test driven one. And

21:08

I know people, and I'm sure you've met people who

21:10

buy a car, a brand

21:12

new car, without having test driven it.

21:15

Because these days that's not always actually possible, which

21:17

is still a bit odd. But anyway, and

21:20

then they live with it for a few months and then go, I actually

21:23

don't really like this. I find some parts

21:25

of it really irritating and I kind

21:27

of wish I hadn't. Imagine buying two

21:29

of those and going, oh,

21:32

we've got rid of the Fuego as well. Oh, shit. Okay.

21:36

I hate this guy. I was thinking about

21:38

this the other day. Do people test drive

21:40

cars anymore? Because

21:43

I feel like there are so many other ways

21:45

to buy cars.

21:46

Oh. As

21:49

in,

21:50

you know, you could just order one online

21:52

from a lease company. I'd say most people don't

21:54

test drive cars now, but whenever I do a review

21:56

video, call me old school, but

21:59

I always... they say obviously

22:01

this is my review, this is what I think,

22:04

these are the facts that I know about the car but

22:06

it might not be the right car for you because

22:08

you're you. So therefore if

22:11

you're thinking of buying this versus that versus

22:13

that please go and poke them,

22:15

sit in them, spend a bit

22:18

of time around them because if

22:20

anything like Johnny Smith which I sincerely

22:22

hope you're not, the small things really

22:24

irritate you after a while. The big

22:27

things I can almost live with, it's the small things

22:29

which piss me right

22:29

off. Now

22:32

I was going to ask you about this actually because I watched your review

22:35

of the Volvo EX30. Oh

22:37

well thank you, appreciate it. It

22:39

sounds great and I'm genuinely very interested

22:42

in that car for a number of reasons and one of them is I'm

22:44

sort of lighting up what we

22:46

might have to replace our E

22:48

up in, well we've got a

22:50

year and a bit I think. Oh you're

22:53

getting on there early on the order for

22:55

but you've got to though haven't you know what

22:57

I mean? You've got to, you don't want to get caught out or something

22:59

like that. Anyway so I

23:02

sort of looked at that because also our kids are getting bigger so you

23:04

know maybe we need a slightly bigger car but I don't want

23:06

to go silly and I mean

23:10

yeah obviously you really liked it and it

23:12

seems like for good reason and I saw, I mean

23:14

it's funny because I saw some other reviews or

23:17

read some other reviews where they were saying the boot

23:19

was too small but I looked at it in your vid

23:21

it doesn't look that small. No.

23:24

It's sort of the size it should be for a car

23:26

of that size. Well yeah I mean

23:28

there's a lot of EVs around

23:30

that size where the boot's not

23:32

as big as the petrol car but

23:35

it's not sort of unforgivably

23:38

small. I mean the thing about boot space is

23:41

it's not just about the literage is it? It's about

23:43

the real world shape and

23:45

how you use that shape and

23:47

I actually think the shape of the the EX30

23:50

boot's pretty good. You've got that false floor

23:52

thing which you can drop it down if you don't want the

23:54

old flush to that old that should.

23:57

So if you were going to like

24:00

to trip up so

24:03

you've got that but also the back of the cars quite

24:05

flat you know it's a vertical it's

24:08

a vertical bum so

24:10

I think it probably makes use of it better if

24:12

you took the parcel shelf out and frisbee'd it

24:14

into a nearby landfill site you

24:18

could probably put a dog in it and

24:20

the dog could see out well because

24:23

because I get asked this a lot because all these sort of fast-backed

24:26

hatchbacks they do ruin dogs

24:28

headspace don't they? yeah

24:30

oh yeah so I actually think yeah

24:32

I actually think it's really good I mean I had a Kia

24:35

Soul long-term electric a few

24:37

years ago which I really liked but the boot

24:39

for that car for the size of it was on the small

24:41

side whereas like the

24:44

Zoe if you're talking pure

24:46

EVs the Zoe has a massive boot

24:48

for its size of its car but people

24:51

don't ever seem to buy a Zoe for the

24:53

boot

24:54

I don't know so all they don't think because

24:56

it's been out for ages they just don't consider it so

24:59

well if you if you're making a solo run to the supermarket

25:01

just to pick up a few things yeah and you pick

25:03

up a five-door car yeah I

25:06

think it's absolutely textbook that you just open the back

25:08

door and sling the shopping on the foot in the floor

25:11

in the back it's passenger seat or footwell of

25:13

the rear really yeah yeah I'm with you

25:15

no one goes to the boot I think

25:18

it's too much

25:19

what I would say is don't let Tiffany Del Cacci

25:21

do it now because really

25:23

yeah because he's a very specific man as you know

25:26

and he'll be going no no the boots for

25:28

the boot the boots for stuff like this don't

25:30

put it in there don't put it in there put it in the

25:32

boot the boot the boot the boot and it'll always go tether it

25:35

down tether it down because you don't want it all smashing

25:37

around and you think that's because I know how

25:39

you drive back from the supermarket well

25:42

yes except

25:46

as another autobiography it should

25:48

just be called a very specific

25:50

man specificity

25:56

with Tiffany Del I don't

25:58

know my other question about the X-30 was just a

25:59

the screen and particularly the

26:03

way some of the things the functions are hidden

26:05

because I saw Matt

26:08

Pryor out of off of the auto

26:10

car saying that

26:13

it was absolutely infuriating like the fog

26:15

lights are hidden sort of four layers down

26:17

and things which I didn't think they were allowed to do

26:19

there are certain yeah I mean has a

26:22

warning you're not allowed to do that certainly

26:24

yeah and I think he is

26:26

heated rear window I forget now which ones have

26:29

to be sort of accessible at all times

26:31

but definitely has a warning yeah

26:33

well yeah I mean I didn't delve

26:36

into every single part of it because

26:38

we were pushed for time but that you've

26:40

got that little bar at the bottom which has your

26:44

regularly required tiles

26:47

on it so Volvo says so in other words

26:49

if they wanted to rejig the software

26:52

you could change that and I'm pretty sure that

26:54

very top bar has some necessary

26:57

things which never move like the home button but

26:59

um yeah the the

27:02

the speedo is is annoying because it's the

27:04

same as the Tesla Model 3 although I haven't

27:06

driven the revised Model 3 I've got that coming

27:08

actually fairly soon but I

27:11

do find it odd that you

27:13

know I I said I want I want

27:15

speed right ahead of me and head-up

27:18

displays are not an expensive

27:21

item anymore they've been around a while they

27:23

do the job they're discreet and

27:26

I kept turning my head to the

27:30

central tablet pinnacle thing to look at my

27:32

speed and the what

27:34

offended me the most is the frigging car

27:36

told me to pay better attention because

27:39

it's little face scanning item which is where

27:41

you want the speed of the car to be the

27:43

speedo was scanning my

27:45

eyes and saying oh your eyes have been off the

27:49

away from from from looking out for

27:52

I don't know six seconds pay better

27:54

attention but it's like but you created this problem

27:57

yes you stroker I had

27:59

Exactly the same thing in the Lexus

28:02

RZ, their full EV

28:04

thing, which Is actually

28:07

a sort of a nice car hidden under some layers

28:09

of really annoying shit that you have to try and turn off

28:12

But that face scanner is

28:14

behind it's on the steering

28:17

column shroud Yes, so

28:19

that's it if you drive with

28:21

your arm across the wheel at any point

28:23

Yeah, it panics because it can't see you

28:26

If you put sunglasses on it panics

28:28

that it can't see you like this is a

28:30

normal thing to do you fuck with

28:33

and then It bollocks

28:35

you for looking at its own touchscreen

28:37

There's not a display there was in front of you in the conventional

28:39

way But you know the touchscreen is a little bit fiddly as

28:41

they often are sometimes You're just trying to like change

28:44

a radio station and it's going look at the road You're

28:46

like well if you've made your controls these you to use

28:48

I would be well Did it then you do feel like

28:50

you're in a destructive relationship? I know

28:54

you told me to do this. I can't do it any

28:56

other way Is it

28:58

I don't know if you've encountered this in the Volvo But in the Lexus

29:01

one of the things that it would it get cross

29:03

about is if you were coming up to a

29:05

big roundabout And it's very open

29:08

you can see what's coming so you're looking at the side

29:10

window Yes, just to double-check your

29:12

way is clear Yeah, and the car is still

29:14

moving and it will start shouting

29:17

at you and you're like, but I'm doing the right

29:19

thing here I know there's no car in front

29:21

of me, but I don't know what's coming from the side

29:23

So I am looking the correct way for safety

29:25

and you're giving me a telling off and then I took

29:27

that Lexus to a safari Park and it bollock

29:30

me for looking at a lion At

29:32

that point I fully had enough of it. Well

29:34

look Have you got any

29:36

more questions about the x30 or not? Just

29:39

well, I have the one thing I do What I really

29:41

wanted to bring up is because I I heard

29:44

you talk about you know Why hasn't

29:46

it got a head-up display in

29:48

your review? And I just wanted

29:50

to put something out there and I may

29:52

be alone on this. I don't like

29:54

head-up displays. Hmm No,

29:57

in fact, I wouldn't say I hate them but

29:59

in any given car I would usually

30:01

turn them off.

30:02

What? Are you some sort of stroker?

30:06

Well no, because I've been driving for bloody years

30:09

and it's like we used to have head up displays so

30:11

my brain is programmed to look and

30:13

maybe it would be different in a car with an offset speedo

30:15

but I don't remember bothering me

30:17

like in minis and things. But

30:20

I just look through

30:22

head up displays. I don't just

30:24

get on with them. I don't

30:27

compute them and instinctively or I want to know

30:29

my speed. I'm looking down at the instruments

30:31

and not at the thing. I ultimately

30:33

find them just in the way of me looking through the

30:35

screen. It's like

30:36

separating the two functions. One screen

30:38

for seeing road ahead.

30:40

Instruments for seeing speed and

30:42

other information and when they do

30:44

the nav as well, they do the nav things. Somehow

30:47

I just don't I think there's something wrong

30:49

with my brain. I've always got the theme tune to Night

30:51

Rider in the back of my head when I do it because

30:54

the head up display is always in a sort of 80s

30:57

orange or light

30:59

green that were always sort of like techno

31:01

digital watches that were very futuristic

31:05

back in the day and all that. And

31:08

so I always quite enjoy that that

31:11

retread us about them. And you know

31:13

what? Probably for

31:16

all of my career on fifth gear, I

31:19

kept saying heads up display instead of head up

31:21

display because it almost became a bit

31:23

of a tick and I hated myself for

31:26

it and people used to sometimes troll

31:28

me on the internet going, you know, you

31:30

keep saying it wrong. You're saying heads

31:33

up display. It's not heads up, it's head up. And

31:35

I go, I know, but every time I'm doing

31:37

it, you know, my brain just wants to keep saying heads up. Well,

31:40

this is the thing

31:42

you're confusing the military

31:44

inspired hardware of a

31:46

head up display that allows you to keep your

31:48

head up with, oh, heads up. The

31:51

popular way of attracting people's attention when

31:53

you're throwing something. That's

31:56

right. So whenever someone's throwing a cricket ball

31:58

at me while I'm driving to work. I yeah

32:02

head up. I mean sorry heads up. Yeah.

32:04

Yeah, and I have the Sunroof completely open Well,

32:08

do you know what in it?

32:09

Let's go away from head

32:11

up or not head up

32:13

Discussion do you know I'm driving

32:15

this week Yes, I do

32:18

because you messaged me a cryptic message about it

32:21

It's not something I've bought it's a really it's

32:23

a brand new car, but I

32:25

I'm driving a Honda Jazz Specifically

32:28

a Honda Jazz cross star or cross

32:30

star Because it's more cross star

32:33

cross star cross star It's

32:36

I don't actually know but it's only got two edges of the middle

32:40

Or is it cross tar it's really

32:42

angry with the tarmac that

32:44

it's sitting on yeah Does

32:47

it have any it's got two.

32:49

Oh, I see so it's cross tar.

32:51

Yeah, so it's angry with tarmac

32:54

Yeah, now just let me

32:56

I'm gonna just look this up because I I'm

32:58

trying to

33:00

But I picture this is this is like a Rover Streetwise.

33:02

This is exactly like Audi all road Yeah,

33:05

like a need like my up-to-date references.

33:07

I was gonna say easy listening Audi all road

33:10

So tiny bit looks quite

33:12

sweet. It's really nice I have to say so

33:15

it's roof rails bit of Extra

33:17

cladding on the arches and the in the bottoms of the doors,

33:19

and I don't know it's about half

33:22

a centimeter higher off The road maybe I mean no

33:24

one cares or looks Although

33:26

I did accidentally go over a vicious speech speak

33:29

drop in the dark two nights ago Not

33:33

noticing it at all because it wasn't it

33:35

wasn't lit up And I went over

33:37

it at probably 25 miles an hour when

33:39

it was one of those ones It was an absolute triangle

33:42

and I can tell you the cross

33:45

stuff just took it. It

33:47

just It's a good job I'm

33:51

just toggling through the jazz range. They face lifted

33:53

this job without mentioning it seemingly

33:56

Because they all now seem

33:58

to have a grill where previously

34:52

screen

36:00

by today's standards nine inch I think but

36:02

all of the tiles and all of the fonts

36:05

and all the icons and everything are

36:08

extremely large like those telephones with

36:10

large buttons on for landlines for

36:12

older people. I was gonna say so it's got a large print

36:14

screen yeah and water resistant

36:17

upholstery they're doing nothing to disabuse

36:19

us of this idea this is a car for old people but

36:22

you know what the thing is is we

36:25

drive a lot of new cars and there's a lot of new cars

36:27

that aren't all that and

36:29

don't move the game on at all. I found

36:32

the jazz to be just utterly pleasant and

36:35

as an everyday machine

36:37

I just thought I loved the layout

36:40

of it and the thing that made me it made me

36:42

giggle a lot to the point where when my brother

36:45

came and had a lift in it yesterday

36:49

I said to him I said get in and look out the windscreen

36:51

I said the windscreen's almost flat

36:54

because it's got huge quarter windows

36:57

either side huge hmm

36:59

I said it almost feels like you're in a modern

37:01

train you're driving a modern train

37:03

and he goes yeah yeah it's

37:05

like one of those brand new what are

37:08

those trains called that have replaced the intercity 125

37:11

finally God rest its soul the

37:13

pendulinos that's the pendulinos which

37:15

just sounds like a street gang that's muscled in

37:18

and taking over the street. It

37:20

also it just reminds me of the word pendulous

37:23

which is rarely used in the positive context

37:25

but are they pendulinos

37:28

now? That's a sort

37:31

of like a trade name isn't it effectively?

37:34

Well this is a question for either

37:36

Francis Bourgeois or

37:40

about train related material but you feel

37:42

like you're in a high-speed train cabin but

37:44

with really colorful easy

37:47

to see icons.

37:49

in

38:00

the way of cyber. I was looking at the Pendulinos, so

38:02

Pendulinos are officially Class 390s.

38:05

I knew that. I just wanted to say that before our

38:07

train gets in touch furiously.

38:11

But yeah, look, the Pendulinos

38:13

are quite, they're not actually very quarter-lighty.

38:16

All right, well maybe I'm going back to

38:18

the old school into City 125, which

38:21

actually we didn't mention, but a few weeks back

38:23

got finally retired, didn't it? Yes,

38:26

and I read somewhere that a load of them

38:29

are getting refurbished and exported

38:31

to, I think, Mexico. Are they?

38:34

Yeah, which in a way is really nice that

38:36

they've still got a bit of life left in them. That is

38:39

fabulous looking trains, aren't they? Are they going to live an expat

38:41

life? So one of

38:45

them's going to have three-quarter-length trousers

38:48

on for the rest of its life, and a slightly

38:50

open shirt, which it wouldn't have had in the country

38:53

it came from originally. So when its

38:55

friends come to see it, they go, wow, you're

38:58

so different. And they go, well, the lifestyle's different

39:00

here. And so I'm just enjoying

39:02

it for what it is. Oh, you don't mean one of

39:04

those expats that just goes on and on about how glad

39:07

they are they made the move? Oh, you'd never catch me going

39:09

back living in Britain now, of course, absolute shithole.

39:11

But then they're just absolutely obsessed with

39:13

the news back home, subscribing

39:16

to The Week and watching

39:18

BBC World or whatever it is. Yeah, and then when the

39:20

economy turns a little bit, they come scuttling

39:23

back. They

39:25

develop a developer as some kind

39:27

of illness that requires medication and they have

39:30

to come back and use the access. Do you know what? You've hit

39:32

the nail on the head. You

39:34

suddenly see them in the newsagent in Leon's

39:36

Sea and you go, hang on a minute, Derek. I thought you were...

39:39

You did back diabetes, mate. Yeah. Yeah,

39:41

hang on. I thought you were in a Mexican

39:43

beach resort. Well, yeah. Don't

39:46

really want to talk about it, but... Yeah,

39:49

but unfortunately, you've got... Probably these pills I

39:51

need, you know, they're 12 grand, 12 grand

39:54

every year. The...

39:56

I won't lose that now, but anyway,

39:58

I'm sure someone will... point this out, but

40:01

I think some of the old 125s are having

40:03

a second life. So

40:07

the Jazz Croster, I really like it.

40:09

I was going to say, where were

40:11

we? Well, that's where we were. The

40:13

Jazz Croster. The Jazz Crochet. And

40:16

I actually dig it and I think to anyone that

40:19

just mocks Honda Jaz's

40:21

because they know the key

40:23

audience is over 65, doesn't

40:26

matter. It's a good car. Certainly

40:29

the Mark 1 and the Mark 2 are cockroach

40:31

vehicles. And there's a

40:34

lot to like. There's a lot of good packaging going on there.

40:36

So yeah. And yeah, I like

40:38

the Volvo EX30. It's not perfect,

40:40

but it's good. And I think it's tried

40:43

much harder than most in recent

40:45

time in that kind of size

40:48

of car. And certainly the

40:50

price tag. And no, I'm not offended by the fact

40:52

it's made in China because a lot

40:55

of stuff is made in China. It is made in

40:57

China.

40:57

They're going to start making it in Belgium, aren't they? I

40:59

actually don't know, Richard. You've

41:01

caught me out. I read this the other day. No,

41:04

I thought that they're sort of expecting

41:06

such demands. But I think

41:09

it's going to, initially they'll be

41:12

coming from China. But

41:14

they're going to, yeah, they're going

41:16

to start building it in Ghent.

41:18

I love that. I love the, I love the,

41:20

I love the name Ghent. It's great. Because

41:23

it's almost, because it sounds very, it sounds really,

41:25

absolutely great. It's

41:29

really, really similar to Ghent, which I am

41:31

not going to explain to listeners. No,

41:33

let's just, yeah, it says,

41:36

American Volvo Global

41:39

Newsroom, it says production of the EX30

41:41

started earlier this fall in

41:43

Zhang Jiaku. Did

41:46

you have it? No,

41:49

certainly not. Did I have to go up at the end? It's

41:53

Zhang Jiaku in China, and

41:55

the first cars are scheduled to reach customers

41:58

later this year. decision

42:00

to also build the EX30 in Kent,

42:03

which boosts production capacity for

42:05

the expected ES30 demand in Europe,

42:08

as well as for global exports. Volvo

42:10

is a very global car company, because

42:12

they've got, I mean I know sort of BMW, obviously

42:15

Toyota and Volkswagen are,

42:17

but sort of these kind of more

42:20

medium sized car companies. I

42:22

know Volvo is part of Geely, but even so,

42:25

as a firm Volvo has factories

42:27

in China and the US and Europe.

42:29

They've got quite a global footprint of

42:31

factories. Sorry,

42:35

I had to just leave my chair and wrestle

42:38

a tortoise. Just hang on a sec. Definitely

42:42

not a UK familiar. The

42:44

Shelled Warrior got into a bit of

42:46

a tight spot and it needed, you

42:49

know, it's the way people maneuver

42:51

these days and they fully rely on the sensors

42:54

without looking at the mirrors and then they realise they're just

42:56

stuck.

42:57

And she was stuck.

43:01

There's a handy list here. It says Volvo's

43:04

production plants are located in Gothenburg,

43:07

Kent, South Carolina, USA,

43:09

Chengdu, Daking and

43:12

Taizu in China. And

43:14

the company also has R&D and design sensors in Gothenburg

43:17

and Shanghai. So it's listed as

43:19

factories here, but then it doesn't list

43:21

the factory it's already talked about in Zhangjai

43:23

Ku. Is that somewhere different?

43:25

Well, I mean, I

43:27

will summarise, you mean, obviously it'd be great

43:29

if you wanted to watch my review on the late break show

43:31

of the EX30, but I was somewhere else. I have

43:34

and I did and I enjoyed it and I think I encourage other

43:36

people to do that. I appreciate that, Rich, because

43:38

you don't have to. But I would

43:40

say it does the Volvo-y things

43:42

really well. It's comfortable. The ride is

43:44

good and it

43:47

probably handles better than almost

43:49

any Volvo I can remember.

43:51

It's a sharper

43:54

handling and

43:57

it's bloody fast if you want it to be. as

44:00

an EV an incredible range and so

44:03

therefore I think it's

44:05

an interesting car and it has some interesting

44:07

materials and there's definitely

44:11

a trim trim for everybody. This

44:14

just in sorry I was listening. No no I don't

44:16

explain to listen we've talked about cars for far too long can

44:18

you talk about trousers like you were going to? Oh

44:21

well I was going to but I just want to say about these trains the

44:23

the old intercity 125 HST's, some

44:26

people seem to call them.

44:29

They,

44:32

well this is from RailTech website

44:35

but they're sort of they're not saying this definitively they're saying

44:37

people have spotted these trains but

44:40

it says it's understood they're

44:43

being exported and the destination

44:45

for these HST's is the Trenmayer

44:47

line

44:48

in the Yucatan Peninsula

44:50

south of Cancun, Mexico. Oh brilliant!

44:54

Which was due to be electrified but hasn't

44:56

been so they need some interim diesel trains

44:59

and the HST's

45:02

predators the fastest diesels in the world

45:04

and the trains that saved Britain's

45:06

long-distance rail travel. How are they going to get them over

45:09

there? I'd love to know the ins and outs. Well it

45:11

says they've been seen on the key side

45:14

of British ports I'd love to

45:16

see that I'd love to see a train being loaded

45:18

onto

45:18

a boat I bet it looks amazing. I

45:20

mean call me Francis Bourgeois

45:22

but I would go down there with

45:25

with a picnic and a flask and

45:27

you in the passenger seat and I would sit and watch that.

45:29

Oh my god. Would you?

45:31

I would love to see why aren't they letting Francis

45:33

Bourgeois operate the crane that puts one

45:35

of these these trains onto the boat. Absolutely.

45:38

I wonder how they do it. It just it

45:40

looks like something that a lot could go wrong.

45:42

I think they take a bit of a speed up so they've obviously

45:44

got a siding where the rail comes

45:46

to the port because obviously a lot of rail freight and

45:49

then it just ends probably should we say

45:51

what 50 meters from where the ferry

45:53

would

45:54

back up to the edge of the harbour. So

45:57

I think what they'll do is they'll put some sink

46:00

down and some really slippery lino then

46:03

they'll take a bit of a run-up and

46:05

just before the rails end they'll come completely

46:07

off the throttle and then

46:09

they'll put a load of hay bales

46:11

either side like a 70s

46:14

motorsport event and they'll

46:16

just let the HSD glide hopefully

46:18

in the right direction let's just hope that the the

46:21

ferry hasn't moved up and down on the waves

46:23

too much and it'll just just

46:26

sort of gash its way into the belly

46:29

of the ship

46:30

and then and they'll

46:32

just contact people in Mexico

46:34

in a few weeks time ago it's been a really rough

46:36

see so the

46:38

one to one of the 125 just

46:40

sort of it's sort of got one side

46:42

of it's a little bit dented

46:44

scraped up but that's okay I

46:47

know I mean I've got another article

46:49

here actually which confirms this is what's happened the

46:52

mexican government has received 11 former

46:54

british high-speed train coaches and three HST

46:56

class 43 diesel power cars

46:58

bloody love this which will operate

47:00

on the upgraded is must have to have

47:02

an aspect egg I can't read that

47:05

to Juan to want to peck

47:08

is must have to a hand to peck railway

47:11

from cosa fucking god it's

47:13

pronunciation minefield this week I can't

47:15

do the coat from codes

47:18

on the car just love it

47:20

I love the funny is that cola cos

47:22

no coats do it like an ex-pat

47:25

who doesn't want to learn a local league

47:28

or an Australian just call it coda yeah

47:30

right the code later Selena

47:33

Cruz the Rolling Stock

47:35

left the port of great Yarmouth on the

47:37

east coast of wrong coast Oh great

47:40

get a map people if you're going

47:44

west start on the west you know why

47:46

your life difficult because Yarmouth's probably

47:48

going through a bit of a quiet time economically

47:52

so they probably do you know what the method

47:54

I just spoke about where you would take a bit

47:56

of a run-up and sort of gash it's really it

47:59

They did it in the dead of night. Yeah.

48:03

And they were like, don't worry, no one will see this, it'll be fine.

48:05

We've just got to get these things out, get them shipped,

48:07

come on. Chop, chop. But

48:09

the Great Yarmouth is no stranger

48:11

to some odd things. Well,

48:15

I think anyone who's ever been to Great Yarmouth

48:17

would agree with that. Well, I mean, I,

48:19

yeah, I've been there out of season

48:22

and in season a number of times. But

48:24

I'm a big fan of the rickety

48:27

and now I think it's been condemned winter

48:29

gardens on the seafront. Huge

48:32

Victorian glass building because I'm still marvelling

48:34

and reeling at the fact that

48:36

it used to live in Torquay and

48:39

it got bought and put

48:41

on a boat or floated on a barge

48:43

all the way from Torquay to Great Yarmouth. This

48:46

huge, like huge glass

48:48

house and didn't

48:51

fall down. I don't know how. And then

48:53

reinforced and erected

48:55

a Great Yarmouth. And it has apparently,

48:58

it's got, it did have some, you know, it was winter gardens

49:00

and it did have lovely plants in it, had a roller coaster

49:02

and kids play, but now it's started falling down

49:05

and now they've just locked the door and

49:07

run away. And I'd like to go in there. And

49:09

it's probably more information than anyone cares about.

49:11

But yeah,

49:13

it got it got moved on a barge and that

49:15

just seems like a ludicrous idea. But it did.

49:18

Saying that though, right here is ludicrous

49:20

in general. It's it

49:22

may shock people to know, but this podcast

49:24

is not an expert

49:27

in global freight shipping. What

49:30

I was going to say, though, slight change of subject

49:32

is, have you seen this was on last

49:34

week on the Autopion, you know, the Web site, the Autopion

49:36

website. I like that website. They

49:40

had found these old Fiat

49:42

adverts from the 70s

49:44

when Fiat had a deal with René

49:47

Julien. You're the stunt driver. Oh, my gosh.

49:49

Legend. Series of adverts

49:52

involving insane stunt

49:54

work, including one for the 127 hatchback

49:58

in which it jumps onto.

49:59

an empty car carrying

50:02

train. Yes, I have seen that.

50:04

Yes. It's nothing, it drives the

50:06

length of it while the train is moving. But you see,

50:08

every time it goes over the joint between

50:11

two carriages,

50:12

it has to do a little jump, and then the car is

50:15

squirrelling all over the place on the

50:17

top of a moving train. It's

50:19

really bloody hairy. I'd

50:21

love to know if there's any, um, if

50:23

there's any making of behind the scenes of

50:25

that, because it is sketchy AF,

50:28

and I bet there was open helmet,

50:31

um, smoking cigarettes, and just a really

50:33

thin boiler suit that wouldn't do a damn thing

50:36

to bones. Oh yeah. Isn't

50:38

that just a painter and decorator suit? Yes.

50:41

Yeah. Um, there's one for the one,

50:42

two, four saloon,

50:45

where a car, this is what reminded me of it,

50:48

because it took our jumping trains

50:50

onto cargo ships. There's

50:52

one where a car jumps onto a ferry.

50:55

Oh, really? Yeah, it's really, and then,

50:57

and then they cut to, obviously, then a sort of,

51:00

I guess, like that top gear stunt

51:02

that you got did, with Ross Kemp

51:04

in the boot. Yes. Um,

51:06

they liked that, but they did it successfully,

51:09

and then there's a, there's a, there's

51:11

an advert, so then there's the pack shot of the car, then the

51:13

reverse angle on the ferry, the part of the car

51:15

pulls up, in a really crisp

51:17

stop

51:19

for the end shot, and it's just

51:21

a joy to behold. Remy Julienne

51:23

was, was, I don't, I'm saying was, I don't

51:25

know if he's still alive. If he's alive,

51:27

I need to find him and interview that man, because

51:30

he died only about

51:32

two years ago, I think. Shit.

51:35

From Covid, I think.

51:37

Did he?

51:39

Yeah, I seem to remember it was in the, hang

51:41

on, let's have a look, Jeremy Julienne. French

51:44

stunt performer. Yeah, he died in January 2021,

51:46

apparently. That's

51:49

such a shame.

51:50

What a legend, and he was a legend, and he's...

51:52

from Covid-19 on the evening of 21st January 2021. So

51:57

he did all of these things. And

52:00

then died off of Covid rather soon,

52:02

isn't it? I mean he'd live to be 90 apparently

52:04

which is pretty I

52:07

thought he was cool as well. Oh, yeah, and

52:09

he was cool. I bet he was really cool. He lived to 90. I

52:11

mean you just Almost

52:14

certain that he was a heavy smoker in his

52:16

day because you just assumed wouldn't you?

52:18

Would you just assume? You

52:21

just assumed it. I um, oh,

52:24

I know I wanted to speak about now. We

52:26

talked about it in previous Smith and Snifters About

52:30

madness the band madness. Yes,

52:32

and you know their affiliation off of the early

52:34

80s with Honda's City

52:38

Jazz

52:39

and Moto Compo adverts in

52:42

the homeland

52:43

of Japan Yeah,

52:45

where they shout I think did they just shout

52:47

jazz they shouted something relentlessly

52:51

I think it's Honda Honda Honda or jazz

52:53

jazz jazz or something like that

52:56

Yeah, we talked about it Yeah,

52:59

for the reason why I'm saying this is because on the after

53:01

the recent Japanese mobility

53:04

show Honda have launched

53:06

the Moto Compacto And

53:09

it's so it's an electric suitcase scooter

53:12

essentially and as

53:15

someone that used to own a Moto

53:17

Compo I'm all

53:19

in rich. I've contacted a couple

53:21

of dealers in in in In

53:24

America, I'm trying to buy what I'm trying to

53:26

order one Really? Yeah,

53:28

because I really want one even though They've got a top speed of 15

53:31

miles an hour because they're a foot They're like a final

53:33

mile mobility solution that goes in

53:35

the boot of pretty much every car and

53:37

you can carry it with one handle Apparently even

53:40

week people like me And

53:44

I just really want one. I just

53:46

think they're great, but you can't get them in the UK I've

53:49

spoken to Honda UK and said could you help me order

53:51

one and they went no not really and I went well Thanks

53:53

for that. Appreciate that. So please look

53:55

a hundred feet If you're listening, can you just

53:58

rethink that?

53:58

Thank you

55:21

The

56:01

proceeders have a tour in broken English.

56:04

It was his first time in a multiplier and he became fascinated

56:06

by the seating layout and options, noting

56:09

that the central front seat in this car was folded

56:11

down to make a table. Yes. Wanting

56:14

to see how much room there really was, he started to fiddle

56:16

about with the seat levers as they drove along,

56:19

and at this point the driver became agitated,

56:21

shouting, No, no, no, and weaving

56:23

the car as he tried to stop any more

56:26

seat lever pushing. Suddenly

56:28

the seat back sprung to its upright

56:30

position to reveal underneath a

56:33

pile of Italian top shelf grots.

56:36

The two men looked at each other, the

56:38

driver slowly closed the seat back

56:40

down and they continued the rest of the tour

56:43

in silence.

56:43

That's

56:45

just

56:46

something I wasn't expecting you to say.

56:49

I thought there was going to be an accident

56:51

involving a seat that was jammy against,

56:54

I don't know, the gear lever or the handbrake or

56:56

something. I'll be honest, when

56:58

this friend of ours said this to me and I saw

57:00

this and he said, I'm an engineer, he's never been in a multiplier

57:02

before, I was like, Oh, this is going

57:04

to be the story about how his car company

57:07

almost made a three abreast car. This is going

57:09

to be fascinating insight into it. But

57:12

no, it's best. The

57:15

middle seat in a multiplier

57:17

could be folded flat to conceal a

57:19

stash of Italian bongo

57:22

bags for the

57:24

security people of the Nardo

57:26

Tesla.

57:29

Possibly not what Fiat had in mind when they came up

57:31

with the car. Hang on a minute. Did you say this was

57:33

the year 2000 millennium? Yeah.

57:37

Someone's keeping it real with pre-internet

57:39

continental pamphlets, aren't

57:41

they? Well, I'm imagining 20

57:45

odd years ago that a Nardo

57:47

is, I've never been there, but

57:50

I think it's quite remote, isn't it? It's right down the

57:52

south of Italy and it's sort of in the countryside.

57:55

So you were saying not connectivity

57:58

wasn't what it is.

57:59

Activity is not going to be great because

58:02

why would there be? Because you can be sort of on the far side

58:04

of the track on the high speed loop

58:08

pole. Yeah,

58:11

I'm sure you're pretty smart phones really aren't

58:14

you at that point? So you've

58:17

got a Nokia work phone. Don't

58:20

say WAPF is something different now. I

58:23

know it does sound rude in that context.

58:25

But yes, but then he suddenly goes,

58:27

oh we've got a new security car

58:30

on site. Oh brilliant. Look,

58:33

you can stand as Jaz Maxx, one of the

58:35

Italians, is that right?

58:38

What did he shout? No, no, no. No,

58:40

no, no, but started weaving

58:43

the car about to try and stop this guy

58:45

from fiddling at the seat. That

58:48

is quite an extreme reaction. He really didn't

58:50

want him to find the stash. Oh Jazz,

58:53

did he properly tickle me?

58:57

I knew it would. I said to our mate, he

58:59

sent me this story, he just WhatsApp'd it to me

59:01

and I said, no names no Patro

59:04

but can I read this out because I know it will make

59:06

Johnny laugh. And sure

59:08

enough. Right, well

59:10

on that slightly smutty note, it is time

59:12

to end but before we go I have

59:15

three things to tell you. They are

59:17

one, Johnny has a solo YouTube channel. It's

59:20

called the State It's Canapes show in which Johnny

59:22

proudly mispronounces the name for small nibbly

59:24

foods in crowded situations. Oh gosh. This

59:27

week he's at a funeral in Preston, noisily

59:29

arguing with the widow about what to call a tray

59:31

of tiny flans. If that's not your

59:34

taste there's always the late break show, lots of extra

59:36

videos on there. Volvo EX30

59:38

review is very good, go and watch that. What

59:40

else have we got? Oh well, when you listen to this,

59:43

a freshly baked car cave visit

59:47

will have gone live and it's a

59:49

lovely interesting chap called Michael

59:52

who's got I think four barns but what

59:54

one of the barns is turned into like a real

59:56

kind of

59:57

personal cathedral of vehicles.

1:00:00

and he likes eclectic

1:00:03

he's got everything from an Aston DB5

1:00:05

and a link to Ventre to

1:00:08

a to a mark 2 Sirocco

1:00:11

GT to yeah

1:00:13

he's got some really really oh

1:00:16

and a Montego turbo oh

1:00:18

so he's got some cool stuff

1:00:20

and he and I

1:00:23

personally thought he was a very interesting chap

1:00:25

in himself so it was

1:00:28

just a really good day out and so

1:00:30

I would urge you to go and meet

1:00:32

Michael and his car cave digitally

1:00:36

so do it otherwise I'll come round there and

1:00:38

I'll

1:00:40

I'll bring my Leyland P76 fake taxi

1:00:43

which one of our listeners from

1:00:45

Australia has sent me from Duncan Hamilton

1:00:49

I think he's Duncan Hamilton no not Duncan

1:00:51

Hamilton he's somebody else it's yeah

1:00:54

that's a chap called Stephen Stephen

1:00:56

Moran or Moran from

1:00:59

who said I went to a car

1:01:02

jamboree in New South Wales and I saw

1:01:04

a lovely Leyland P76 which is

1:01:06

yellow with lots of sunburn patternation

1:01:09

with the fake taxi sticker on it

1:01:11

he said normally why do people do

1:01:13

they don't have I mentioned on the podcast about

1:01:15

the really is quite a tidy mark one focus

1:01:18

I see I walk past quite often with a dog

1:01:21

and it's got a fake taxi sticker on it I say what

1:01:24

what is that why well

1:01:27

it's not something I'd be celebrating that

1:01:29

goes on in my car are you going you know people

1:01:31

put stickers on their cars to show brands

1:01:33

that they enjoy consuming so this is basically

1:01:36

you might just put I heart wanking on your

1:01:38

car yeah or are you trying to suggest that your

1:01:40

car is a fake taxi in which case I mean

1:01:43

that's quite an unsavory thing to

1:01:46

advertise in a lot of ways I don't know

1:01:48

it's a lot to unpack because I like seeing

1:01:50

a tidy mark one focus note but I have to say this

1:01:53

and I will put it on for patrons it's

1:01:55

a lovely lovely P76 sweet

1:01:58

sweet example of the mark I have

1:01:59

to say and I am a little bit gel about it

1:02:02

but as the fake taxi sticker and

1:02:04

it says normally well known for its ability

1:02:06

to carry a 55 gallon drum in the boot

1:02:09

but I feel this one might be well known for

1:02:11

different reasons now I've

1:02:14

got to say yeah but

1:02:16

also he did see a guy with a steam rally stationary

1:02:19

engine nearby and of course the

1:02:22

the infamous what I

1:02:24

tried to say I'm getting distracted by the

1:02:27

contraption just looks so confusing

1:02:29

and it is sat in a chair just staring

1:02:32

at it it'll

1:02:34

definitely do that all day but with perhaps

1:02:36

an Australian accent thank

1:02:39

you for that

1:02:40

which is just a question mark at

1:02:43

the end well we were

1:02:45

signing off it was kind of saying goodbye baby yeah

1:02:48

we were we oh it's also just I remember

1:02:50

there's lots and lots of people sent us that link to

1:02:52

that new rim at record for reversing 171

1:02:54

miles yeah bloody hell terrifying my mate Marte

1:03:01

you might know him

1:03:03

I sent him a message going who the frig

1:03:05

thought that was a good idea what a terrifying

1:03:08

thing to do didn't

1:03:10

get didn't get response back anyway

1:03:13

I know he's read it he's still

1:03:15

shaking yeah second thing

1:03:17

about today is I've got various books out one of them is

1:03:19

called Steel Flies if you want a Cold

1:03:22

War thriller but it's all made up and rubbish then

1:03:24

get that and

1:03:26

boring card trivia you know you got three

1:03:29

volume cut really a four it's so close to being finished

1:03:31

and it's just I try to do the bloody cover now

1:03:33

and then I

1:03:35

can sketch quite detailed things on

1:03:38

Post-its these days it seems to be my my new

1:03:40

therapy I had two ideas one of them

1:03:43

involved trying to get permission to use an image

1:03:46

which I'm still talking to someone about

1:03:48

and then the other one I was

1:03:50

doing sketches and I did some sketches

1:03:52

no rubbish and I'm now talking to someone who can actually draw

1:03:54

about doing some sketches but it's just like I just

1:03:57

I just I shouldn't have left it so late

1:04:00

It's coming soon. And

1:04:03

the third thing I've got to say is that the spoken word bits

1:04:06

on Slaves of the Rhythm by Grace Jones were

1:04:08

done by the actor Ian McShane.

1:04:11

What? Lovejoy? Lovejoy? Really?

1:04:14

Listen to Slaves of the Rhythm, there's some talking bits and then all across

1:04:16

that album as well, you know,

1:04:19

I think ladies and gentlemen Miss Grace Jones

1:04:21

and stuff, it's all done by Lovejoy. Now

1:04:24

the backstory to this is that Trevor Horn,

1:04:26

the producer who masterminded

1:04:28

Slaves of the Rhythm was in the

1:04:30

studio in Notting Hill in Sarn West and popped

1:04:33

out to get some dinner

1:04:34

to the local fish and chip shop

1:04:36

and Ian McShane was sitting in there having fish and

1:04:38

chips with his wife and Trevor

1:04:40

Horn just went over and went, would

1:04:43

you mind coming to the studio when you finished your dinner and

1:04:45

doing some spoken word bits

1:04:47

for my new record? What?

1:04:50

Apparently the line he said was, I'll

1:04:52

use you because Orson Welles is dead.

1:04:55

Well, and that was

1:04:57

that? And Ian McShane went,

1:04:59

all right, I'll be rounded up. See, we're,

1:05:02

unfortunately it's ageing us, the fact that we're referring

1:05:04

to him as Lovejoy rather than like Winston

1:05:07

from John Wick. Yes.

1:05:11

Or Deadwood as well, he was in Deadwood,

1:05:13

wasn't he? Yes. Or was

1:05:15

he in Pirates of the Caribbean or did I just make that bit up?

1:05:18

Yes, I think he was. And he

1:05:20

was in Game of Thrones as well. Yeah,

1:05:22

I've still never seen an episode of that. Oh,

1:05:24

don't worry about it. I'm a bit late now. I think

1:05:26

he was the one who infamously when

1:05:28

asked about Game of Thrones went, it's just tits

1:05:30

and dragons. Well that's why

1:05:32

I feel like I should be watching it over

1:05:35

winter. But I'm just as if I get around

1:05:37

to it. It is quite saucy. I

1:05:39

mean, I do remember once when I was watching with

1:05:41

my wife and she just went, imagine

1:05:43

telling your parents you've got an acting gig on TV

1:05:46

and when they tune in, you're just entirely naked

1:05:48

for all of it, which is what some people are.

1:05:50

You know, they just sort of get these cameo

1:05:52

roles where they're just required to sort of saunter about

1:05:54

in the nip for a bit. And it's I'd be fine

1:05:57

with that if it was cold

1:05:59

weather.

1:05:59

was a lady but not, not

1:06:02

if I was a man. But this is another completely

1:06:04

different, this is definitely not talking about cars

1:06:06

I'm pretty sure Game of Thrones predates cars doesn't

1:06:08

it? There's no cars in Games of Thrones. Games

1:06:11

of Thrones? Games of thrones? What about have

1:06:13

they got the apostrophes

1:06:15

all wrong? So it's games is of thrones is or

1:06:18

uh... games

1:06:21

is uh... I'm afraid.

1:06:23

Game of thrones, this thing was titled by someone

1:06:25

who writes on those boards

1:06:33

outside Greenrose. Yeah, listen mate, it's the

1:06:35

like, if the games is owned

1:06:37

by the thrones, do you know what I mean?

1:06:40

Have you ever seen those steakhouses in

1:06:42

America

1:06:43

called Ruth's Chris

1:06:46

Steakhouse? No. It's

1:06:48

an incredibly confusing name.

1:06:51

Ruth Steak's what? Ruth's

1:06:54

Chris Steakhouse. You go,

1:06:56

Ruth has a Chris Steakhouse.

1:06:59

What's a Chris Steakhouse? Why

1:07:01

does Ruth have one of those? They're a couple, it sounds

1:07:03

Chris. It's nuttily strange.

1:07:06

Um, no, I don't know. This is...

1:07:08

I don't know but every time I see one I go, what

1:07:11

the

1:07:11

effing shit is going on? Which is a...

1:07:13

I think we've been ending this podcast for

1:07:16

nine minutes.

1:07:17

That's a record for us I think. Right,

1:07:19

look, let's stop this because it

1:07:22

was more than time to do that. Um,

1:07:24

oh, thank you. I can keep talking.

1:07:26

Thank you everyone who bought tickets for the live show on the 7th

1:07:28

of December. It is sold out. It's sold out in fact.

1:07:31

Um, the morning the new podcast came out. So thank

1:07:34

you everyone who's got a ticket there. We will see you um,

1:07:36

in just under a month.

1:07:38

I can't believe that. I can't believe I've put this sold out. So thanks

1:07:40

to everybody. And thanks to everyone that is a patron

1:07:43

of this channel. Of course. Yes,

1:07:45

yes. Um, and of course we will do this

1:07:48

all again next week. Bye!

1:07:50

But,

1:08:01

just guess, we

1:08:04

might perhaps have

1:08:06

sighted. You say,

1:08:08

how does hate rise? But

1:08:11

if, as if, how merchandise

1:08:15

You won't believe the highs?

1:08:19

But if, as if, how merchandise

1:08:23

And leave you owned pies? But

1:08:26

if, as if, how merchandise

1:08:30

One day we might surprise

1:08:33

But if, as

1:08:34

if, how merchandise

1:08:51

Um, yeah, I'll do it.

1:08:57

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