0:00

So, I've been thinking

0:02

about the past a lot lately, or specifically

0:06

memories of the past and

0:08

how time tends to

0:11

alter those memories, right? And

0:13

I've also been wanting to tell

0:15

some older stories, some of the colorful

0:17

stories from my younger

0:20

years on this podcast.

0:22

The one that always pops into mind first

0:24

is the time I ran my car into a

0:26

ditch on the way to Lollapalooza

0:29

and I actually decided

0:32

to record this episode telling that story

0:34

and I thought briefly, I should go back and listen to

0:36

an old

0:37

RT podcast or episode

0:39

from like a Let's Play or wherever that I told the story

0:42

previously to make sure I have it right.

0:44

I thought, no, no, I'm not going to do that. What I am going

0:46

to do though is I'm going to tell the story

0:49

right now to the best of my

0:51

ability as I remember it at 48

0:53

years old.

0:55

It's probably been at least 12

0:59

to 15 years since I

1:01

have told this story. So it's probably

1:03

been about that long since I've thought about

1:05

it. And so understanding

1:08

that memory is elastic and

1:11

often fallible, I wonder how

1:14

close I'm going to get. So my goal here

1:16

is I'm going to tell it to the best of my ability

1:18

and then after that at

1:21

some point, I will go back and listen to an old episode

1:23

of whatever, wherever I told it

1:26

previously, you know, when I was probably 33

1:27

or 34 and much closer to the event as it

1:30

happened

1:32

and see how different the stories are. So

1:35

here we go. I joined

1:37

the Army in 1993, in February of 1993. I

1:43

was still in high school at the time. I

1:46

was 17 years old and

1:49

the way it worked is it was called a

1:52

deferred enrollment or something.

1:54

I might be making that up, but I went up

1:57

to MEPS, which is where they process

1:59

you into

1:59

the military and signed the paperwork and you pick your

2:02

MOS and and that whole

2:04

thing I went up on a bus one weekend and

2:07

joined the army and

2:09

then I came home and went back to school and then I had

2:11

you know March April May I graduated in

2:13

June so I was technically in the

2:15

military for the last three or four months I

2:17

was in high school then I got out of school

2:20

in early June I didn't

2:23

go into basic training until September so

2:25

I had one last summer which I was

2:27

really excited about I had just graduated

2:29

high school that in itself is exciting I'm sure

2:31

you remember the feeling

2:33

of freedom you had when you graduated high school

2:36

and the sense of wonder and possibility

2:39

at what lays in front of you and

2:41

I really I really leaned into it because I knew

2:43

I knew that I didn't know right

2:46

you ever heard that phrase people say you

2:48

don't know what you don't know where you know what you don't know I knew

2:50

that I didn't know what I was getting

2:52

into but I knew that I was getting into something

2:54

pretty heavy and pretty serious and it was going

2:56

to radically alter and change my life

2:59

I had at that point well

3:02

my grandfather was in the Air Force and so he told me a lot

3:05

of stories about basic training from the 1950s and or 40s whenever

3:07

he went through and

3:09

it was

3:12

it was pretty terrifying the way he described it because

3:14

it was a very different military then and then I'd

3:16

seen full metal jacket right and which was especially

3:19

I guess important to me because I was

3:21

joining the military to become

3:24

a journalist a photojournalist and

3:26

that's what private Joker was

3:29

the main character of

3:31

full metal jacket so watching

3:33

him go through basic training and then go into the military

3:36

I thought would be similar to my experience except

3:38

you know full metal jacket is a fucking horror movie in

3:41

every sense of the word and I was

3:43

terrified to have an arely-ermy

3:46

in my face and to get put

3:48

into situations where

3:51

dudes could beat the shit out of me and I couldn't really defend

3:53

myself or do anything about it and to lose

3:56

my freedom and all of the

3:59

ability to to make choices in my life, right?

4:03

As most people who joined the military, I had

4:05

lived a pretty sheltered, simple life. I

4:07

had moved around a bunch, but I was mostly

4:09

just a kid who hung out in his bedroom in red

4:12

and really liked my parents and

4:16

didn't get up to too much nonsense. And so it was

4:18

going to be a... I knew it was going to be a... I

4:20

didn't know exactly how, but I knew it was going to be a radical

4:22

change for me. And so I really wanted to blow

4:25

out that summer and have as much

4:27

fun and freedom as

4:29

I could and it's funny, I can still go back and think

4:31

about that time and how

4:33

I started running every day because

4:36

I thought that that would help me get ready for basic training,

4:38

even though I didn't really even know how to run. And

4:41

I thought if I ran

4:43

a half a mile twice a week, that would

4:46

put me in some kind of shape, that kind of shit. I

4:49

also decided that it

4:51

would be my last summer to kind of be a kid

4:53

and then I would grow up. And I remember I went

4:55

to the comic book shop where I had,

4:58

I think, a monthly subscription about 35

5:00

comics. I was basically working

5:03

jobs to pay for comic books at that point in my life and

5:05

I canceled it and the guy was like, man, you've

5:07

been coming in here for years. Why are you canceling? And I

5:09

was like, I'm growing up and I'm too old for comic

5:11

books now. I remember him

5:14

being kind of miffed at that as

5:16

he was a dude probably in his 30s. He

5:18

seemed incredibly old to me at the time, but he's probably in his 30s

5:21

who was making a living selling comic books.

5:24

And I didn't realize how probably insulting

5:26

that was in the moment, but I was under the idea

5:28

that I was about to become a man. I'd

5:31

been a kid my whole life. Actually,

5:33

I had been forced to grow up a lot and I didn't

5:35

realize that because it was the only life I'd known. And

5:38

I definitely wasn't a kid in the

5:41

same ways that a lot of kids were at that point

5:43

in my life. But regardless,

5:45

I had this idea

5:47

that there was going to be a great change and I wanted

5:50

to prepare for that, but I also wanted to have some fun. And

5:53

that fun presented itself to me

5:57

in the form of Lollapalooza.

6:00

It was the biggest

6:02

tour in the world to a 17-year-old kid in Alabama.

6:07

And it was playing in New Orleans, which was about

6:09

two hours away from me in Mobile,

6:11

Alabama. And so

6:14

I immediately bought tickets

6:17

as soon as they were on sale. I believe I probably

6:19

had to go to a record store

6:21

to buy them if memory serves. God,

6:23

I can't even remember. I think that's how you

6:26

had to do it back then, though. I think I had to physically

6:28

drive to like Satori Sound in

6:30

Mobile or somewhere like that and buy tickets.

6:32

Or I may have even had to go to New Orleans to like mushroom

6:34

records and buy tickets. I honestly don't

6:36

remember how I got the tickets,

6:39

but I remember I got them in advance. And back

6:41

in the old days before the internet, it took some doing. Anyway,

6:44

that was going to be my big moment. I turned

6:47

to 18 in June right

6:49

after I graduated high school. The drinking

6:51

age in New Orleans was 18. And

6:55

I was just so fucking excited to

6:57

go. I had the tickets. I

6:59

had a car. I had enough money saved

7:01

up to go. All I needed were people to

7:03

go with. And none of my closest

7:06

friends had any interest in going or had

7:08

the money to go. But mostly didn't have interest

7:10

in going. I didn't share musical tastes with a lot of my

7:12

friends in high school. Just one

7:14

dude named Brian, who was awesome

7:16

in every way and who turned me on to punk

7:18

rock and who I probably owe a debt of gratitude

7:21

for the rest of my life to him for that. He

7:23

also introduced me to D&D, but he was

7:25

a good dude. Still is a good dude, I assume. He

7:27

wanted to go and he had some other friends who...

7:31

You know, there's kids in your school that are... They're

7:34

not super popular. They're not football players

7:36

or jocks or whatever, but

7:39

they're not... They're just

7:41

cool. They just exude cool. And

7:43

they're cool in the way that you can tell

7:45

they don't care if they're cool, which is a very well-crafted

7:48

thing to do because they absolutely do care

7:50

if they're cool. It's just they get really

7:52

good at looking like they don't care if they're cool. Anyway,

7:55

these kids were the cool kids to me

7:57

because they wore band...

8:00

t-shirts and Doc Martens

8:02

and they had like long

8:05

hair and they just didn't give

8:07

a fuck about school. They

8:09

didn't seem to give a fuck about much anything.

8:11

They did hard drugs which I've

8:16

never really done and I didn't

8:18

want to do then but I kind of was impressed

8:20

that they did. It just seemed like a really grown-up

8:23

brave scary thing to do and you

8:25

know when you're dumb and young and you're figuring

8:27

the world out. Other

8:29

kids that are doing stuff that you're too scared to

8:32

do. Looking back on it now

8:34

I'd say I was probably too smart to do but

8:36

in the moment you feel like you're too scared to do.

8:39

They seem somehow

8:41

larger than life and cool. Now

8:44

looking back on it I just feel sad for those kids. I think

8:46

that they were probably dealing with a lot in

8:48

their personal lives and their family lives and drugs

8:50

were an outlet to that. Or

8:53

they were just dudes that wanted to get fucked up. I didn't know them that well.

8:55

Anyway

8:56

they were going and

8:57

they needed a ride and so I wasn't

9:00

cool enough to hang out with those dudes at

9:02

all. We weren't friends in school. I

9:04

knew my friend Brian and he knew them and

9:06

he was like the I guess the fulcrum

9:08

that connected us and

9:11

so

9:13

he arranged this deal where we would all

9:15

go to Lollapalooza together and I

9:17

would drive because they were too cool to have

9:20

cars and I had jobs

9:22

so I had to have a car and my car

9:24

would get to New Orleans and back. It was pretty the 1980

9:28

Buick Century. It was a big old

9:30

boat of a car kind of sky blue and

9:32

it was man it was

9:35

the coolest fucking car. It had these

9:37

long long vinyl seats that you

9:39

just slide all the way across. You could fit like 20

9:42

people in this car I swear. It was like a clown car

9:44

almost and so a

9:46

plan was hatched. We all got together.

9:48

I got to hang out with them briefly which to

9:50

me was a big deal. I was like wow these guys are so cool

9:53

and I'm gonna go on a vacation. We're gonna be best friends like

9:56

they're gonna like me so much throughout the course of this

9:58

trip that we're all gonna hang out all the time and then we're going to

10:00

be like buddies and then I thought, oh, even

10:02

if that happens, I'm going to the army in like two months and

10:06

also they're not, they don't think

10:08

that's cool. So

10:10

they were good dudes. Turns out we didn't maintain

10:13

friendships. I don't even remember their names,

10:15

these two guys. I just remember that

10:18

they were who I thought I wanted to be in high school, right?

10:22

And we did have a lovely time together, but a

10:24

plan was hatched. I drove,

10:26

we rented one hotel room. There

10:28

were, it was me, Brian, them, and

10:31

then I feel like there were two more

10:34

people that they knew that we

10:36

met up with in New Orleans and

10:39

they stayed in the hotel. Yeah, there were eight people in

10:41

the hotel room. I don't even remember who these two people were because I

10:43

didn't really know them and they didn't drive with

10:45

us. So we rent this hotel

10:48

on Canal Street, which ended up being its

10:50

own story. And maybe I'll tack that

10:52

on to the end of this if it's not going too long. Otherwise, I'll

10:54

tell this story a little bit later in another episode

10:57

maybe. So eventually Lollapalooza

10:59

comes around. I don't remember when it was. Probably July

11:01

or August. And I was so excited.

11:03

Raging against the Machine was playing and Fishbone

11:06

was playing and I'm pretty sure Jane's

11:08

Addiction was playing and pretty

11:12

sure Free Kitten played and

11:14

I want to say maybe

11:17

the Breeders. I can't remember if it was before.

11:19

Anyway, there was a ton of bands at the time that were

11:21

very big. They're a very big deal and I was very excited to see.

11:23

Mostly I was excited to see Fishbone. They were at

11:26

that time probably just about my favorite band. And

11:29

I was looking forward to it all summer. You

11:32

know, just couldn't wait to go. And

11:35

eventually the day came.

11:38

I picked up my friend Brian. I picked

11:40

them up. My mom was scared

11:43

to let me go. I had never gone to

11:46

another state on my own. I

11:48

think it was for me, it was a good little primer to

11:50

get ready to leave and go to the military. I

11:53

think maybe for my parents it actually ended up being

11:55

one as well because I remember my mom being pretty nervous about letting

11:57

me go and I remember being a little scared. myself.

12:00

Seems like a pretty big grown-up thing to do. We

12:02

all piled into my big old blue Buick Century

12:05

and we set off down I-10 through

12:08

Mobile, out west,

12:11

into Mississippi, then into Louisiana, then to New

12:13

Orleans. We got hit with a

12:15

storm. If you grow up on the Gulf

12:17

Coast or if you spend a lot of time in the Gulf Coast, you'll

12:19

know that these insane

12:22

storms will come in. Which is funny, I live in Austin,

12:24

Texas now. People talk about the storms in Austin

12:27

and they are nothing compared

12:29

to what we would get in the Gulf. It would be sunny

12:31

and hot and sticky and humid and 88 degrees

12:33

and then and

12:35

the sun is just blinding you and then two

12:38

minutes later the sky is black and

12:40

there's lightning everywhere and thunder

12:42

that you have to cover your ears for and it

12:45

seems like the world is ending and it dumps

12:47

about 7,000 gallons

12:49

of fucking hard stinging

12:51

rain right on top of you for 15 minutes

12:55

and then it's gone right. Those storms you

12:57

get we were used to them growing up in the south and

13:00

we got hit with one. I want to say we were

13:02

in Louisiana. As a matter of fact, I want to say it was

13:05

mile marker 143.

13:07

I don't know if that's correct but that's the

13:09

number that jumps in the jumps in my head. It might be wildly

13:12

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18:00

These floods constantly we get tons of water

18:02

that comes in really quickly And so I I'm

18:05

now hydroplaning probably going about 60 miles an

18:07

hour on I 10 and then there's mile

18:09

marker 143 Which I 132 130 what

18:14

I wonder if I mentioned the mile marker in previous

18:16

stories I'd be interested to know how close I am to it somewhere

18:19

between mile marker 143 and 132 I think

18:22

I go off the road and there's nothing I can do about it. We just

18:24

go Barreling off the right side of the

18:26

road into one of those ditches and

18:28

then I just ride the ditch for a little bit until

18:31

I Can stop the car? It's already kind of wet and grassy

18:33

These ditches are I'm gonna say six or

18:35

seven feet deep They're really deep

18:38

and big and they're just covered

18:40

in grass, right? And so we go

18:43

nose down into it Then I'm able to I'm

18:45

able to turn the car a little bit so that

18:47

the nose is pointing back up as I'm trying to get Out

18:49

but there's no way I get the car out of there

18:51

It's the tires are caught in some mud

18:54

or whatever and it's it's stuck Right

18:56

and all my friends and I are just like holy shit.

18:59

What just happened and everybody's like, are you okay? You're

19:01

okay. Okay. Yeah, everybody's okay. We're just sitting there and

19:04

I I've never been in a car accident before I've

19:06

never run off the road before, you know, and

19:08

it's still pouring down rain. Everybody's

19:11

cool We all realize we're alright sit there

19:13

for a second collect our thoughts and I think okay I

19:16

got a spring in action. What do I do? I'm a responsible guy

19:18

now. What do I do? I'll get out and

19:20

I'll hitchhike to the nearest gas station

19:22

and at a gas station There'll be a tow truck and

19:25

I hire a tow truck guy to come pull the car out and

19:27

then we'll get back on the road Because nothing is gonna

19:29

stop me from going to Lollapalooza and

19:31

having this big blowout weekend where I see tons

19:33

of cool bands And get drunk with these cool

19:35

kids and then get to feel like a grown-up

19:38

and and then that'll be That'll be enough

19:40

for me. I'll feel like I've put my childhood behind

19:42

and then I'll be ready to join the army, right? so

19:44

I do that I get out of the car and I'm just getting

19:46

rain dumped on me and I I Remember

19:49

like having to climb up the

19:51

the ditch on my hands and knees because it's

19:53

slippery and tall grass And

19:55

I get up to the I get up to the top and I just start

19:58

sticking my thumb out You know like a movement thermos and even cowgirls

20:00

get the blues. And

20:03

almost immediately somebody pulls over and is like, hey, can I help you?

20:05

And they can see there's

20:07

a car in a ditch full of teenagers

20:09

and I'm just standing there like an idiot. And

20:12

so he's like, hey, let me give you a ride over up

20:14

to the next exit. I think there's a gas station there

20:16

inside there. Thank you very much. It's only about a two

20:18

mile ride. We go up to this exit, we

20:21

pull off into a gas station. It's like a service station.

20:23

He lets me out. I walk inside

20:26

and I go, hey, I

20:28

just wrecked my car. I need somebody to pull me out of a

20:30

ditch. I need a tow truck. Can

20:33

I get a tow truck? And the guy

20:35

behind the counter is

20:38

this big old dude with a beard. I say big old

20:41

old duties, probably in his early thirties. And

20:44

he goes, nah, man, I can't help you.

20:47

And I'm

20:48

looking out the window at a tow truck. And

20:50

I go, hey, man, there's

20:53

a tow truck right there. I need

20:55

a tow. You

20:57

have to help me. And he goes, I don't go out

20:59

in the rain. I don't go out when it's lightning. And I go,

21:02

well, my car is stuck in a ditch and all my friends

21:05

are stranded there and we're supposed to be somewhere

21:07

and you're the only person that

21:09

can help me. What else do I do? And the guy

21:11

just looks at me for a while, just with these

21:13

fucking dagger eyes. And he's a really scary

21:16

looking... I mean, he's a dude who drives a tow truck,

21:18

right? He's got a big old burly beard and

21:21

he's got about a hundred pounds

21:23

on me and just a tough

21:26

looking son of a bitch. And he just gives me these like

21:28

dagger eyes, sees right through

21:30

me. And I'm 129 pound,

21:34

six foot tall dork and

21:36

who's scared of everything. And

21:38

I'm trying to figure out if I've

21:40

offended him because he looks like he's going to fucking kill me, right?

21:43

And after a few seconds, he just goes, all right,

21:49

man, show me where it is. Thank

21:52

God. So I follow him out into

21:54

his tow truck. I hop in the passenger side,

21:56

he's in the front. I tell him the mile marker we

21:59

go as we're driving. driving back to it. It's like

22:01

I said, it's about a two mile drive and

22:03

we were like pulling out and

22:05

I go, you don't

22:07

like to go out in the bad weather, huh? And he

22:10

goes, I don't like lightning. And

22:12

I go, oh,

22:13

oh,

22:15

why not? And he goes,

22:18

my brother

22:20

got struck by lightning once and

22:22

hurt him real bad. And

22:24

I'm like, Jesus Christ, I don't know

22:26

how to respond. So

22:28

I tried to make a joke of it. I said, well,

22:31

you know what they say, lightning doesn't strike twice in

22:33

the same place. You know, without

22:35

skipping the beat, he goes, yeah. And then my

22:37

sister's kid got struck by lightning at the beach and

22:40

then it was just silence. I didn't

22:42

know how to respond to that. I didn't know if the kid

22:44

was okay. He didn't elaborate and

22:47

it just became a very, very

22:50

heavy, thick silence

22:54

with the rain and the thunder and the lightning

22:56

going. And as we're going down the road, we

22:58

get close to the mile marker and

23:00

I don't see my car, but I see

23:02

all of my friends standing on across the,

23:05

on the other side of the interstate holding all

23:07

of their stuff and my stuff, just

23:09

like it's just getting rained on, right? It's just getting

23:12

shit, just rain dumped

23:14

on them and they're all holding like backpacks and

23:16

whatnot. And then I

23:18

see, he goes, where's the car?

23:20

And I go, well, where's my friends? So

23:23

the car, that's where the car was. And

23:26

so we turn around and

23:28

we pull up to

23:30

them and I see them and they're where the

23:32

car was. And then I see that the car

23:35

is down the road a little bit. It

23:37

has, I guess, been picked up by the water and moved

23:40

that far, like maybe 10 or 15, 20,

23:43

30 feet, something like that. And I, I

23:45

can't see most of it. I can see some of the top

23:47

of it and I can see the hood and

23:50

I can see on my antenna, I had a, one

23:52

of the Jack in the box antenna balls and I had one

23:54

of those on and I can see that. And the rest

23:57

of the ditch is a river. I

24:00

guess the rain came in and it came in fast

24:02

and it flooded that ditch. It

24:04

flooded my car, picked my car

24:07

up and moved it down the road a little bit. And

24:09

my friends are all standing there with all of our stuff. They

24:11

were able to get all the stuff out of the car before it

24:13

took off and before it started to get too deep. And

24:15

they're just shell shocked. They can barely

24:17

talk. They're like, it just, it got real bad. The

24:19

water started rising really quickly and we

24:21

just grabbed everything we got out and then it took the car and

24:24

we didn't know what to do. So we just thought we'd stand here because

24:26

this is where you left us. And I'm

24:28

like, it's going to be okay. Don't

24:30

worry. I got this guy to help us. We're going to be fine.

24:33

We all walk over to where the car is and

24:36

the guy is looking at it and

24:38

I'm seeing 25% of my

24:42

car is above water. The entire,

24:44

the trunk, the back seat, it's

24:47

all submerged completely. And

24:50

the guy goes, I don't think I can get this out.

24:53

And I go,

24:54

but you have to. You're a tow truck driver.

24:57

This is what you do because in my simple

24:59

head, my simple 17 year old mind,

25:01

there are like, there are people that do

25:03

things and they're able to do, to do

25:06

that thing under any circumstance. Right? Like

25:08

there's no like too hard or too dangerous. It's just like, you're a tow

25:10

truck driver. You tow cars out of bad situations.

25:13

Right? And he looks at me again and he

25:16

just starts grumbling to himself. He's like, I

25:18

don't know what he's saying. I don't want to know what he's saying.

25:21

The guy scares the shit out of me. I

25:23

back up and I go tell my friends. I'm

25:26

trying to explain the under hush tones

25:28

like the lightning doesn't strike twice faux

25:31

paw and why this guy seems so

25:33

fucking angry and it's still just dumping

25:35

rain down on us, by the way. And

25:38

the ditch is getting fuller. And so the guy drives

25:41

up a little bit. He backs his tow truck up to

25:43

kind of like the edge of the ditch and

25:45

he gets out and then he gives me just

25:47

like the most hateful look and he grabs some,

25:50

some chains off the back of the tow truck and

25:53

then he wades into the ditch to where

25:55

he's I shit you not above

25:57

his navel. Right? with

28:00

the Porsche.

28:04

And I'm just befuddled. Like I now have a car

28:06

that has been completely submerged, including the engine,

28:08

underwater. And I don't know if it's

28:11

gonna run again. I don't know what to do. I

28:14

walk inside and the

28:16

guy's standing there and I go,

28:19

thank you so much. He

28:22

just looks at me and I go, I need

28:25

to pay you. And I open up my wallet and I had about,

28:27

I think I want to say I had about 250 bucks

28:30

saved up for the whole weekend. I already have my ticket,

28:32

right? So I just needed money for food

28:34

and I think to help pay the hotel. And I just

28:37

open up my wallet in front of him. I go, how much do

28:39

I owe you? And he looks at me and he looks at my wallet

28:42

and he looks at me and he just reaches

28:44

his hand out and he takes all

28:46

of the money out of my wallet and just kind

28:48

of crumples it in his hand and stuffs

28:50

in his pocket and looks at me. And

28:53

then I just walked away. I

28:55

didn't know what else to do. I walk outside

28:57

and all of my friends are standing around my car

29:00

as it drains and

29:02

we sit there for, I don't

29:04

know,

29:04

a half hour or so. And then I start

29:07

my car up and it works. And

29:09

so we get into a soggy car

29:11

and then

29:13

we drove to Lollapalooza. I had

29:15

to stop at a Western Union in New Orleans

29:17

to get my grandfather to wire me

29:20

money, which was the most confusing

29:22

and complicated thing I had ever done at

29:24

that point and very stressful. I felt

29:26

like a complete asshole having to ask

29:29

for 200 bucks for my grandfather. We do

29:31

that and then we go to the hotel. I pull

29:33

into the parking lot at the hotel. I just can't

29:35

believe that my car still runs. We're

29:38

all completely soaked from head to toe. All of

29:40

our clothes are soaked. Everything is wet.

29:42

Our bags are wet. And I

29:45

did one of the dumber things I've ever done. I parked

29:49

on the top of the parking

29:51

garage in the sun because

29:53

I think it'll dry the car out. But

29:56

I leave all the windows rolled up because

29:59

I don't want anybody to break. into the car and then

30:01

I walked away from my car for two days. We go

30:04

and we check in and we, I think we go to a laundromat

30:07

and clean our clothes and then we proceed to have

30:09

an amazing weekend that was

30:11

everything I wanted it to be. There was even

30:14

a point in

30:16

that hotel room where I think

30:18

it was the next day, we all go out and we get pretty

30:20

drunk that night and have a ton

30:22

of fun on Bourbon Street, running around,

30:25

being little assholes. And

30:28

we're staying at a hotel, I remember it was like on the 18th

30:31

floor and it was on Canal Street and

30:33

I wake up the next morning completely hungover.

30:35

People were all just like sleeping on

30:37

the ground because there's eight people in a room with one

30:40

bed, you know? And I'm stepping

30:42

over people and I go to the bathroom and everybody is totally

30:45

out still. It's like maybe seven

30:47

or eight in the morning and I walk over to

30:50

the window and I stick my head

30:52

on the window and I look out. I'm

30:54

just hungover and head achy

30:57

and nauseous and I'm just like, I remember

30:59

appreciating how cool the window felt

31:01

to my forehead. So I was just leaning my forehead on the window

31:04

to appreciate the cool and just watching

31:07

this scene unfold, this

31:09

circus truck with a trailer

31:12

on the back of it pulls up on Canal Street and it

31:14

stops and then some dudes

31:16

come around the back and they

31:19

open up this trailer and then

31:21

they lead an elephant

31:23

out, like right out onto

31:25

the street. And I guess

31:28

they brought an elephant out to promote that the

31:30

circus is in town? Well, anyway, I'm

31:32

watching this and I just start saying to the guys behind

31:34

me, I go, hey, there's an elephant

31:38

on the street and nobody hears

31:40

me. I'll sleep that they ignore me. I think maybe

31:42

one person was like, shut up. And I'm like, we're

31:46

weird. There's an elephant here. And

31:49

suddenly the elephant, they're like,

31:51

they're like backing it off this ramp.

31:54

And then before it even gets all the way down

31:56

the ramp, I remember kids and

31:59

families just are like, to swarm it. Like

32:01

I guess they see an elephant on the street and the first thing they think to do is just

32:03

run at it, right? And I think that freaked

32:06

the elephant out. I don't think the elephant appreciated that because

32:08

the elephant starts fidgeting and moving around

32:11

and the handlers look visibly

32:14

nervous and so they're like trying to tell the people to back

32:16

away. Then the elephant does one of the

32:18

craziest things I've ever seen. It swings

32:21

around and

32:22

it

32:22

projectile vomits. Pink

32:27

sludge. It looked like the elephant had eaten 500 watermelons

32:30

right before and it just starts spraying

32:33

pink vomit all over the people,

32:36

the ground, and it's hitting the families

32:38

and the kids and the circus employees

32:41

and it's just spewing this pink

32:43

vomit everywhere. Kids

32:45

start screaming, parents start screaming,

32:48

everybody starts running. The elephant starts

32:50

like rearing up. The circus performers

32:53

just start shoving the elephant and trying to

32:55

push it and pushing it and pushing it back

32:57

into that trailer and

33:00

they're struggling and fighting with it and you can tell they are scared

33:02

to death. Anyway, after a couple seconds they get the

33:04

elephant back in that thing. They slam

33:06

the top shut and they got the fuck out of there.

33:08

And the whole time, I'm just going, guys, the

33:11

elephant's throwing up. It's throwing up

33:13

on the kids. Guys, the kids are covered in puke and

33:15

everybody's just like, shut up, dude. And

33:18

nobody got up and nobody saw it and

33:21

nobody believed me the rest of the trip and

33:24

I swear to God, I'm going

33:26

to find somebody who

33:28

was on Canal Street in the summer of 1993

33:31

and they saw the circus truck pull up

33:34

and they saw the elephant get out and they saw

33:36

the elephant throw up on 40 people.

33:39

It happened and I want to find somebody who lived

33:42

through it. So if that's you or

33:44

you know somebody who's ever been thrown up on an elephant, please

33:46

email ericatjeffspots.com. I would love

33:48

to connect with you. The rest of the weekend was

33:51

pretty uneventful, just fun, just

33:53

a really good time. There was no more vomit or there

33:56

was no more elephant vomit, I should say. And

33:58

when it was all said and done, we checked out of the hotel. on

34:00

Sunday morning. Lollapalooza was awesome, by the way.

34:02

It was a fantastic show. I think

34:05

I had the time of my life. I barely remember any of it,

34:07

so it must have been great. We go

34:09

to the top of the parking garage

34:11

and my car,

34:15

you just can't see inside of

34:17

it because it's so fucking fogged up

34:19

with condensation because I left the windows rolled

34:21

up and it's summer in New Orleans and it's like 88

34:24

degrees and like 75% humidity. And we open the doors and

34:30

we are hit with the most

34:32

intense smell of mildew.

34:34

I can't even describe to you

34:37

what that was like, but we roll all the windows

34:39

down and then we had a very

34:41

hungover, very quiet,

34:45

very grossed out ride home. I dropped

34:48

all those guys off and I

34:51

don't think I ever really talked to him

34:53

again after that. It was a wonderful

34:55

trip. It was a terrible trip, turned

34:58

into a lot of great stories for me and a lot of great

35:00

memories, but yeah, it

35:03

didn't result in us all being best friends or anything. Then

35:05

I remember the next day I got

35:07

up bright and early and I went outside

35:09

and I took that car apart. I took

35:12

every single thing. I took the

35:14

seats out. I took the carpet out.

35:16

I took the dashboard out and

35:18

I cleaned it all and I put

35:20

it back together and that fucking car

35:23

ran until I joined the army and it didn't

35:25

smell at all. Then I sold it for

35:27

parts. Anyway, that's how I

35:29

spent my last summer before going into

35:31

basic training and joining

35:33

the military. Alright.