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0:30

To so bad it's good with Ryan

0:33

Bailey Presented by Batches Media, this is

0:35

an exploration of all pop culture, from

0:37

the classic reality Tv moments of the

0:39

past and present to the latest Daily

0:41

Mail headlines and everything in between. We'll

0:44

dive at all the infamous and notorious

0:46

messes you can't stop watching were look

0:48

at it, you, Tom and of all.

0:56

Folks, Welcome to your Friday episode! This

0:58

is so bad. It's good With Ryan

1:00

Bailey This is your power. Ryan We

1:02

have done it. We have made it.

1:05

To. The end of the week and let's

1:07

go out with a bang. And

1:10

by playing I mean

1:12

Jack's Taylor Starring in

1:14

the Valley. The. Alley.

1:17

Badly. All wrong. A.

1:27

Him. Rot. In Hell or

1:29

on real Rodney Hill. By the way,

1:31

I have a feeling by the way

1:34

to the Valley I think potentially is

1:36

hell and that's where Jack's is rotting.

1:38

So I think is the Valley

1:40

in parentheses Rotten. Hell. Or. Right?

1:43

print rotten hell and then the

1:45

valley. Anyways were to cover the

1:47

first episode. See how that goes?

1:49

What did you guys think I've

1:51

seen? Mainly. Positive reaction. Some

1:53

people aren't coming around, yeah, but that's

1:55

that's how it is with reality. T

1:57

V I feel like. a

2:00

this has a good second episode, a good

2:02

third episode. I think people will

2:04

eventually come around. It got great ratings. It's

2:07

not like a 0.79 like Vander, Vanderpump got

2:09

like a 1.0 something

2:12

and I think the valley got 0.79. So it almost

2:14

held on to

2:17

the entire Vanderpump rules audience.

2:20

Just and that's really good numbers, I think

2:22

for a premiere episode. And I got

2:25

to tell you, I told you this weeks ago, but I liked it.

2:27

I liked it. I think there is, listen,

2:31

it is a bunch of messes and I

2:33

love to watch mess. I think we all

2:35

do right now, right? I think

2:37

it's great because there's a lot of

2:39

messes and you see where the cracks

2:41

are forming. You see them all over

2:43

the place. In fact, I did a

2:46

trailer recap last Friday. And I even

2:48

told you then that Jesse and Michelle,

2:50

one of the couples I said you

2:53

immediately see some cracks forming. And then

2:55

last week they did, I don't know

2:57

why I'm laughing, they did announce their

2:59

separation and potential divorce. And

3:01

then you have Jackson Brittany now

3:04

living in separate homes. They're

3:06

not doing too well, which is one of the

3:08

weirdest rollouts in in Bravo

3:10

TV history where you have Jackson

3:13

Brittany doing interviews together of like,

3:16

yeah, we're not together in a moa. You

3:19

gotta let me warm up into my Brittany voice.

3:22

That was like a cross. There's

3:24

gonna be a loose recap

3:27

since Thursday night, man. By

3:30

the way, we're not doing No More

3:32

Real Houses of Beverly Hills. No more

3:34

sudden like I say I say I'm

3:36

gonna move to the valley and open

3:38

a sudden concept. Oh, I say I

3:40

say that felt a

3:42

little Brittany adjacent. Also, if

3:44

any of the cast of the valley are listening to

3:46

this, I am sorry.

3:49

Don't listen. I don't want to hurt

3:51

anybody's feelings. And I do insanely

3:54

stupid voices. And I don't even Really

3:57

have any of the voices worked out. So We'll even

3:59

see how this goes. But we

4:01

had the connector so. Vendor.

4:03

Bump Rules happen. And then Jax came back

4:05

at the very end of Andor Pump Rules

4:08

to have a with Tom Sandoval and the

4:10

guys. and then we followed him over into

4:12

the valley and that began the second our

4:14

now have you watched on Peacocks. They didn't

4:16

have that connector scene and when I got

4:19

the screen or other it didn't have that

4:21

connector seen. So I got to see that

4:23

for the first time and I knew they

4:25

were going to do it. I just love

4:28

that I was able to be surprised as

4:30

well as and who was Jax? Covenant of

4:32

like Tommy. New, screwed up your

4:34

life due to my life is perfect.

4:36

I've got a key to a gotta

4:39

Live and status alone. I've got a

4:41

brand deal. I got my cameo. Finally,

4:43

we're getting the influencers talking about how

4:46

many cameos they have to film in

4:48

a day. which by the way I

4:50

am on cameo. In. But

4:52

it was me Barry. I'm willing to

4:55

do my cameos as Jack Taylor be

4:57

like what's up Mad I keep it's

4:59

Jags year I play a villain on

5:01

Tv but I'm actually a Super Cool

5:03

From the Sky. If you are, you

5:06

know what? Have you ever see me?

5:08

my sued? let's have a beer together

5:10

Okay. Athletic. Freight Birthday.

5:12

I couldn't do Jax I could

5:14

do I to cameo a sand

5:16

of Og into a cameo is

5:18

T in the New Blue Moon,

5:20

Snorkel the Valley with his New

5:22

York Only the I'm Moguls You

5:24

The characters will go through the

5:26

show. Will. Go sue through some

5:28

of the the press. Interviews

5:31

that I've seen and will talk

5:33

about. Listen. Right off the bat I

5:35

can tell you. You. Know

5:37

I like this Lisa Banner pump.

5:39

Isn't it? Like I lease a

5:41

bit? It's just nice to let

5:43

these kids just play in their

5:45

play pen without any adult supervision.

5:47

The supervision. You know I read

5:49

me. Why are you leaving Sees

5:51

a good man? You're reminded me

5:54

of already on our A sickness

5:56

How these are next? You're gonna

5:58

sell me a. Por

6:01

si no oh my gosh,

6:04

glue glues not also the

6:06

saw as without to a

6:08

comedy arm. I guess I

6:11

gotta figure there's something nice.

6:13

About not having the lease of and or pump

6:16

here this is like. This is the

6:18

are on their own you know. There's. No.

6:21

There's. No, like bumpers like when you're playing bowling

6:24

with kids and they put those bumpers up like

6:26

the bumpers or off. Let. Him gutter

6:28

ball. As much as they want this, think

6:30

it's dark. This thing is Cd and dark.

6:32

But the great thing is it's bright and

6:35

sunny and all of that South Sudan. But

6:37

but did he beneath the surface? you guys,

6:39

I'm telling you there is darkness their you

6:41

feel it in your bones and I'll to.

6:44

I lived in the valley for a a

6:46

long time. No place as hot as balls

6:48

Nepalese literally is hell. I mean it's very

6:50

nice and spaces and great homes and good

6:53

restaurants and all that stuff. but very hot.

6:55

So any time you watch an episode of.

6:57

The valley just know the internal temperature there

6:59

is gonna be like one thirty and all

7:01

of the a poor josh was sweat now

7:04

is dark souls you see those black pit

7:06

stains on a certain that one scene I

7:08

was like. His soul

7:10

is literally coming out under his arm

7:12

pits It was like jet black. You

7:15

try to blame it on tanning solution

7:17

that with that your soul do that

7:19

is yours. A physicist that this soul.

7:22

Give. Me a raise. Ah Chris, Jody Lucas

7:24

who do the cossacks am by the how

7:26

are you I will just jump right in.

7:28

I was gonna do some bravo stories but

7:30

I figure I can save that for the

7:32

pop culture around up and are Summer House

7:35

will be coming tomorrow. I'll be having a

7:37

guest on on the petri. On to discuss

7:39

last night Summerhouse I gotta tell ya, I'm

7:41

really relieved it was in another insane li

7:43

bad episode for Lindsay. I realize. There.

7:45

was a little bit of a balance we had

7:48

craig conover come in and acting like he was

7:50

cool like i don't know of me and page

7:52

gonna work out who knows and you know like

7:54

d down is like a roof and over you

7:56

age were no blue blood be able to do

7:59

with my loop Please so

8:01

that was good. I watched

8:04

survivor today. I watched the UK

8:06

Traders the second season is on and they added

8:09

three more episodes on peacock tonight. So I got

8:11

to watch one of those So

8:14

good night in TV. I've been thinking about

8:16

the Valley all day long I did a

8:18

Vanderpump rules super-sized recap yesterday back to the

8:20

other thing the Valley needs I feel like

8:22

now I kind of want Joe to pop

8:24

up in the valley of like Zwicks? Put

8:28

my finger. It's me Joe. I'm

8:30

in the valley Jack

8:33

put a good word in for me with Joe

8:40

Good friends with Christian Dodie. So yeah, I mean,

8:42

okay So this is the one thing too a

8:44

lot of people are like, oh

8:46

la la will eventually move over to the valley first off

8:48

We got to make sure that the valleys a hit we

8:51

got to make sure that it gets a second

8:53

season Which I think you know, I think there's

8:55

a good chance it will we'll see how the

8:58

numbers hold up next week Hopefully they'll stay the

9:00

same. Hopefully they won't go down Usually you'll get

9:02

a dip down in ratings the second week But

9:04

hopefully with word of mouth we can get it

9:06

near the same I don't think it will move

9:09

up in ratings because that's just really hard for

9:11

any new show But then I imagine

9:13

once they put in like the seven-day ratings and you

9:15

include streaming services like peacock You're gonna get a nice

9:17

bump from that but the other thing too was that

9:19

I was like we don't have Lisa Vanderpump

9:22

and this is produced by

9:26

So I you know, I had talked to Dodie on

9:28

her podcast and we had talked and she said this

9:30

wasn't evolution media This is

9:32

actually Haymaker the production company Haymaker,

9:35

which Alex Baskin I believe that's his

9:37

company as well But then I went

9:40

and did some digging and it looks like a

9:42

couple different production companies are involved And I know

9:44

this stuff you might not care about but I

9:47

geek out on it You got 32 flavors entertainment

9:49

is one of the producers on it Haymaker East

9:51

and evolution media So evolution media has a little

9:53

skin in the game here And

9:55

Then this is what kind of I was

9:57

very curious. At least a Vanderpump. It.

10:00

Says is an executive

10:02

producer. On the Valley. which

10:04

kind of. I was just wondering since

10:07

it's kind of characters from Banner Pump

10:09

Rules. Sometimes I'll have overall deals when

10:11

it's been a Pump Rules in their

10:13

characters on there and you're still doing

10:15

the same characters even there are even

10:17

though they're real. I people are. Elisa.

10:20

Banner Pump automatically gets in executive producer

10:22

credit, but I don't think she has

10:24

much involvement. I don't think she's been

10:26

going out there promoting this show as

10:28

hard as she promotes like Vander Pump

10:31

Rules or her upcoming band or Pump

10:33

Villa. Would from years on

10:35

Hulu April first. Is

10:37

so I found that interesting. but I can

10:39

alive. I don't want her. Involved.

10:42

In this I want them to be able

10:44

to can I do their own thing but

10:46

that would be interesting leg You know if

10:48

they do, if it's if if if it's

10:50

a feeder system for be like Scene and

10:52

law into the valley I don't know. I.

10:54

Don't know. I mean I I I could see a

10:57

world in that age in which that happens, especially of

10:59

law. And. Ariana are going out at it

11:01

may see if the you need a time out. you

11:03

go to the valley damage and you think about what

11:05

you did. I. Mean who who knows?

11:07

I mean the valley. The thing is

11:10

it's about growing up. Even though these

11:12

people some of them are in their

11:14

forties but they have kids they have

11:16

the jobs that just like influencers it's

11:18

of I guess they're still jobs you

11:20

know and they are out there. Trying

11:23

trying to just get by you know

11:25

which is a slice of life reality.

11:27

Okay these are the cast of characters.

11:29

Ease of that. This is the past

11:32

of the valleys. Bravo Tv did this

11:34

leg. little like a flowchart family tree.

11:36

thanks and in the middle right in

11:38

the middle you got Kristin suffered Dick

11:40

Jody you got the Dodi in the

11:43

middle and I have a feel him

11:45

separately for trying to make her the

11:47

the Big Bad disease and I see

11:49

as the villain of you watch the

11:51

trailer see has like. a fight at

11:53

the end as you reside in our why

11:56

would a just unveiled or pump rules and

11:58

the interesting thing is that you shoot She

12:00

is dating this dude, Luke, who's this

12:02

really nice dude from Colorado. He seems

12:04

like a woodsman, like an outdoorsman woodsman.

12:06

I'm not a real man. So I'm

12:08

like, seems like a woodsman. He

12:10

seems like an out, which by the way,

12:12

I guess March Madness is happening

12:14

right now. And I used to

12:17

think March Madness was just when you really let your

12:19

crazy out, but I guess it's like basketball games. And

12:22

I have a bunch of guy friends, believe it or not.

12:25

And in my old life, they would always get together on

12:28

like, I guess, whatever this weekend. I

12:30

don't know. The whole point is

12:32

I'm on some like text thread that I've been on for

12:34

the last like 15 years. And I

12:36

guess it started today because I'm getting like basketball

12:39

scores and stuff like that. And

12:41

which is really nice because, you know, they

12:43

keep me on this thread, even though they

12:46

know that I really have no interest in

12:48

sports at all. And

12:50

but I appreciate camaraderie. So they've

12:52

left me in this thread. But

12:54

I'm getting I'm getting texts like,

12:57

Hey, I'm loving your Oakland pick Michigan

12:59

boys hanging with Kentucky. They have a

13:01

guy that appears to be about 32

13:03

draining threes. Like what is that's

13:05

like a bunch of gobbledygook. What does that even mean?

13:07

What is that? And then I wrote

13:09

Vanderpump versus Beverly Hills 69 to 33 at half. I

13:14

just keep throwing in like little reality show

13:16

facts. And then one guy

13:18

kind of was nice to me. And he was like, Vanderpump

13:20

is up by that much. Tom Sandoval must

13:22

be cheating. My

13:25

boy Boone had a killer Vanderpump rules

13:27

joke. So they all use sports fans

13:29

out there. That's a that's

13:31

your little sports section of the day. Okay,

13:35

so this Valley family tree, you

13:37

got Christian dating Luke, the woodsman.

13:41

And he's he's, you know, quiet, nice guy.

13:43

I've talked to him a couple of times

13:45

on Dodie's podcast. This is the

13:47

thing, though. This is what you got it.

13:49

You almost got to do like a bookmark in

13:51

your head for like watching them right at this

13:53

moment because with reality shows,

13:55

it can either go two ways in

13:58

completely bomb and everybody just goes back to

14:00

normal or this show is like a hit a

14:02

mediocre hit some kind of hit and then now

14:04

you could just like what if like Luke all

14:06

of a sudden gets this huge head and next

14:09

season he's like fuck you Jax you

14:11

want to come at me bro and he like

14:13

starts wearing a chunky sweater and then he rips

14:15

it off and like a Bally strip mall like

14:17

what if Luke becomes completely like I

14:20

teased him about that last time I was

14:22

like are you going to become like a

14:24

reality show guy like are you going to

14:26

start selling some tummy tea on your Instagram

14:29

by next season so let's pray for Luke

14:31

I mean he doesn't know what he's in for he's

14:33

watching Band or Pump Rules for the first

14:35

time he has no idea sometimes of the

14:37

legend of Dodie that he this

14:39

is all new to him and he's

14:42

like getting he's going to have to

14:44

play like like indoor golf with Jax

14:46

and like Jax is picking on him

14:48

this Jax Jax Jax is threatened by

14:51

Luke Jax is really threatened by Luke

14:53

and somebody DM me today I was

14:55

cracking up somebody who's like do you

14:57

think Jax gives Luke a hard time

15:00

because he secretly is still hooking up

15:02

with Kristen and he's jealous and I

15:04

was like no I have not

15:06

thought about that at all and I don't think that's happening

15:08

but with reality shows in the year of scandal ball you're

15:10

like well I mean you

15:12

just never know dude you just never

15:14

know it's great like I'm like

15:16

oh my god could that be happening right underneath

15:19

our eyes was there a sequel to drive crazy

15:23

so you got Kristen dating

15:25

Luke and then Kristin it

15:27

says sir co-workers Jax more

15:30

than co-workers and also Jax in this is like

15:32

oh Dodie's like a sister to me I gotta

15:34

tell you I have a sister never

15:37

watching never watch Drive with her never

15:39

even come like there's just not like

15:41

this is I love that he keeps

15:43

like oh we're like brother sister no

15:45

you're not no what is this like

15:47

yeah what is that weird

15:50

flowers in the attic which is flowers in the

15:52

attic little BC Andrews

15:54

dropped there you guys okay so Kristen

15:56

used to work with Jax and then

15:58

Jax you go down and he

16:00

used to be roommates with Jesse Lally. I

16:03

guess they came up modeling together, even

16:05

though Jesse, Jesse, I think is cockier

16:07

than Jax, which is wild when

16:09

you're like, Jax has got quite an

16:11

ego, and then Jesse seems like he has more of

16:14

an ego than Jax. And that's when your world spins

16:16

on its axis, and you're like, this is an inception.

16:18

Like, this is like the Big Bang Theory. You get

16:20

two egos together like that, it could explode. On

16:23

April 5th, you must be very careful about it.

16:25

It's the girl who witnessed the birth by a

16:27

dangerous god's armor. Evil things of

16:30

evil. It's a call. No,

16:32

no, don't. The first doorman.

16:35

I believe the girl is to be the one. Neither.

16:38

The what? The most terrifying 666

16:40

in America. Hey!

16:43

He is the year. I'll stop it. I'll

16:45

tell you. Who did that? The

16:48

first doorman. We did our under-17 dynamite with

16:50

Up There. Only beaters are real fat. Now

16:53

screaming. Only on TV. You're getting

16:55

scared. You're the year of dying.

16:58

I'm the year of dying. Experience

17:02

the other switch to the original. I'm the

17:04

year of dying. I'm

17:08

the year of dying. I'm

17:12

the year of dying. The new

17:15

Switch to the original. The other version. The

17:17

God of the... With four additional acoustic songs.

17:20

Now streaming. Only on Disney+. Now

17:23

Jesse is married, I mean, they're

17:25

separated as of last week to Michelle

17:28

Ali, Jesse and Michelle Ali. And then

17:30

if you go back to the Jax,

17:32

his other friend is Danny. Danny

17:35

is married to Nia, who was

17:37

a beauty queen. And

17:39

Danny is an actor who's been on a

17:41

lot of like... I think it

17:44

was like Nickelodeon and Disney shows and stuff like

17:46

that. Which reminds me, I had a fabulous interview

17:48

with the directors of that Quiet on Set. About

17:51

the Nickelodeon child abuse scandal stuff. I mean,

17:53

really, I know this is such a weird

17:55

segue, but go check out that episode. I

17:57

think all the episodes this week, I'm really

17:59

proud of it. of any who okay

18:01

so you go back up to Kristin and

18:03

then Kristin you go

18:06

up to Janet now you have Janet

18:08

Elizabeth or Janet Caperna now Janet

18:10

is friends through Sheena so Kristin

18:12

Janet they're friends through Sheena Sheena

18:15

Shay now that's I've known Janet

18:17

just just so we're

18:20

completely above board I you

18:22

know I have been friendly with Janet now

18:24

for years and I think

18:27

of Janet as kind of like like

18:31

the operator you know they always

18:33

call David Geffen the billionaire an operator he

18:35

just puts people in contact with other people

18:38

Janet is from my town Columbus Ohio

18:40

where I was born before I moved

18:42

to Kansas I loved

18:45

like I even know Janet's mom a

18:47

little bit who is lovely but I've

18:49

known Janet for a long time she

18:51

used to host shenanigans shenanigans with

18:54

Sheena and they had a

18:56

falling out at one point they're good now

18:58

but Janet is also just a

19:01

really solid person I might bite

19:03

my words Janet if you're listening I listen

19:05

I don't and also Janet's pregnant during

19:08

the season which I don't know a lot about

19:10

pregnancy even though I do eat a lot but

19:13

I imagine what I read in the

19:15

papers is that it makes you very

19:17

hormonal so I can't imagine what it's

19:19

like to film a reality show for

19:22

the first time you know where you're a

19:24

lead in it on top of being pregnant

19:26

at that time I have to imagine this

19:28

isn't good for the baby you

19:30

know like Janet and Jason's

19:32

baby are like it's gonna be familiar with

19:35

the sound of Jack's yelling and Brittany crying

19:37

and Kristen Dody going suck a dick like

19:39

that can't be good for any baby but

19:41

actually the baby is beautiful born all that

19:44

but Janet is married to Jason Caperna Jason

19:46

Caperna is a lawyer now I've hung out

19:48

with Jason a couple of times and he's

19:50

another really solid guy he's a really I

19:54

think Janet and Jason to me those are

19:56

the reliable narrators I'm gonna put my bets

19:58

on them I could

20:00

be proven wrong. I do not have a lot of spoilers

20:02

for this But

20:05

to me Janet is

20:07

the right amount of crazy like she

20:09

is the right amount of crazy for

20:11

a reliable narrator like she'll get into

20:13

it but she also is just one

20:15

of those people that She

20:18

she just has all of the information. She

20:20

has all of the information She's

20:23

also a huge fan of Dave and busters. She

20:25

loves haven't busters. I know But

20:27

it is very funny Like I went to Janet's birthday

20:30

party back in the day at Janet and Jason's house

20:32

a couple of years ago I think I talked about

20:34

it on the podcast because I was really nervous It

20:36

was like you we're still kind of in

20:38

the pandemic but it was and it was It

20:41

was a party at Dave and busters and

20:43

then afterwards we went to their place

20:45

their house And that's when Santa ball

20:47

was there and he brought his karaoke

20:49

equipment This is

20:51

before like, you know season

20:54

This is before season 10 of Vanderpump

20:56

even was filming or even thought to be

20:58

filming and he was there with his karaoke

21:00

equipment Singing like

21:02

incubus and things like that I remember

21:04

Dodie was with her ex-boyfriend and

21:06

Dodie seemed a little tipsy and I

21:09

was petting her and her boyfriend at

21:11

the time's dogs And

21:14

her boyfriend it was her boyfriend her old

21:16

boyfriend seemed like almost like a better looking

21:18

version of me Like it was it was

21:21

it was I felt like we looked almost

21:23

eerily similar But it was it

21:25

was great and but Janet is just I think

21:27

she is solid. I hope I'm not wrong but

21:30

okay, so the yudlu Christian Janet J's

21:33

married to Jason and then you

21:35

go down and Kristin friends

21:37

with Brittany who was also married to

21:39

Jack's right in the hell my name

21:41

Brittany. I'm from Kentucky I used

21:43

to work at Hooters and Jack's made me

21:46

get size Jj

21:48

moves Put those

21:50

days on that Brittany

21:53

Brittany is married to Jack's and

21:56

then if you go to the

21:58

right Brittany is college ZAC is, I

22:00

guess, her gay best friend.

22:06

And ZAC used to live in the

22:08

same apartment building as Janet and Janet

22:10

actually used to live with Logan, who

22:12

is the manager at Tom Tom and

22:14

Ariana's best friend. So that's another interesting

22:16

connection. So ZAC used to live in

22:18

there as well as Jasmine Good. Now

22:20

Jasmine Good, you might've seen as a

22:22

contestant on The Bachelor. Jasmine also was

22:24

offered a spot on Vanderpump

22:26

Rules a couple of seasons ago, but she

22:28

did not take it. And I know she

22:30

was in real estate at the time. I

22:33

once got drinks with Jasmine and

22:35

Janet and K York

22:37

City a long time ago

22:39

at Tom Tom, like it's gotta

22:41

be like three years ago now. And

22:44

it was like right when Tom Tom, like

22:46

right when they had opened back up or

22:48

it was like just the outside seating and

22:51

that was hysterical. So

22:54

that's your cast. That is your

22:56

starting lineup for the Valley. And

22:58

then of course we have guest

23:01

appearances from Sheener, Shishu and Lala.

23:04

Shishu and Lala come in there like

23:06

Waldorf and Stadler. Like we're

23:08

from the other side of the hill. And also you

23:10

have appearances from Brock as well.

23:12

Brock actually coming in as like a voice

23:15

of reason as well. But

23:17

this show hinges on the

23:19

insanity of Jack's motherfucking Taylor.

23:22

And somebody was saying today, they're like,

23:24

oh, I feel so weird that I

23:26

really enjoyed seeing Jackson. I'm like, don't

23:28

feel weird. We all

23:30

have our weaknesses. And I've

23:33

come to accept, I'm gonna say this

23:35

now three billion times, the biggest mess

23:37

wins. Jack's is always a mess, but

23:39

what makes him fascinating is that he

23:41

doesn't realize externally that he's

23:43

a mess. So when you have that

23:45

constant friction, that constant push pull of

23:47

somebody acting like they know the right

23:50

thing about everything and

23:52

they still screw up their life, monumentally,

23:54

again and again, I

23:57

gotta say that is entertaining to watch. We

24:00

are all on the fence about this show. People are

24:02

like, who asked for this? We're

24:04

so negative about everything now, but

24:06

I enjoyed the first episode. So shall

24:09

we do? Well, no, you know what? Let me do one

24:12

last thing. I wanna play this

24:14

clip from my

24:16

friend Lauren Herbert from Access

24:19

Hollywood. She

24:22

did an interview with Jax, Brittany,

24:24

and Dodie. And Dodie was in

24:26

the middle because Brittany and

24:28

Jax, I guess, I don't know, didn't

24:31

want to sleep together. I

24:34

mean, sorry, didn't want to sit

24:36

next to each other. So

24:39

this is Jax and Brittany

24:41

addressing their split while they're

24:43

promoting The Valley. After

24:46

show, you're like, Jax can be an asshole,

24:49

but he's not a cheater. Yeah, let's

24:52

talk. Anymore. Yeah, I don't even know what's going on.

24:54

So for me to talk about it would be kind

24:56

of. And how many of us are here

24:58

right now? Well, it's kind of on my

25:00

shoulders right now because I'm the one who

25:02

made the decision. So I'm

25:04

just trying to see if things couldn't change

25:07

for the better or if something

25:09

more final needs to happen down the road. We haven't really

25:11

discussed it. So

25:13

that's just a very small clip of

25:16

a longer interview, but basically in the

25:18

interview, you know, like what's going

25:20

on? And Jax is like, listen,

25:22

you know, I don't wanna talk about it right

25:24

now. I'm a father, I'm a, you know, I

25:26

just don't think this is the right place to

25:29

talk about it. You know, we're just here. And

25:31

then Brittany's like, I'll talk about it. I just

25:33

think this is what's going on. And

25:35

it is so weird to watch. Like you

25:37

should visually watch this with your eyes because

25:40

it makes you so uncomfortable. And I'm like, is

25:42

this what you need to do now to promote

25:44

a show? You literally like, I feel

25:46

like there's a world in which we could have

25:49

just done interviews separately. And then it was hysterical

25:51

Jax saying, I'm not gonna talk about it right now. I

25:53

just don't think that's the right way to go. And Brittany's

25:55

like, I'll do it. I'm gonna talk, let's do it. We're

25:57

just taking some time right now. Rotten head.

26:00

Hell, right in hell, Jax! She's

26:02

so calm about it. And I guess

26:04

that's the freaky thing. It almost gaslights

26:06

me into thinking, like, well, this must

26:08

be the norm when couples are separated

26:10

and living separately. They're just totally calm

26:12

about it and just go on promoting.

26:14

Like, that can't be the norm. Like,

26:16

why am I being, like, gaslit into

26:18

thinking that this is just normal? Like,

26:20

of course! Like, you didn't see Brad

26:22

Pitt and Angelina Jolie doing interviews together

26:24

after the shit they went through. Like,

26:27

no! You don't want to be anywhere near the person

26:29

that you are having a difficult time with. So,

26:32

I just need to know so much more information.

26:34

Like, they're, like, doing their podcast together. How is

26:37

this... Like,

26:39

and if this really truly is

26:41

a separation, Jax gets to literally stay

26:43

at the same house, and

26:47

gets to stay at the same house. He

26:49

must feel like he's on a vacation or something

26:51

like that. Like, I just don't know how much

26:53

I believe of this, how much it is just

26:55

to get people talking, which we are talking about

26:57

it. But even then, it's

27:00

just funny watching them bumble around

27:02

explaining this separation. And

27:05

I still told you this the other day, and I

27:07

still hold true to this. It's so weird because they

27:09

said, you're going to see the cracks. You're going to

27:11

see the cracks in this during this season of the

27:13

valley. But the thing is, the valley, they

27:15

picked back up cameras once the separation hit, but before that,

27:17

it was, like, filmed months and months and months ago. So

27:21

we saw the cracks, and then all of a sudden, you

27:23

guys were fine for a couple of months, and then a

27:25

couple of weeks before this show comes out, boom, we're separating.

27:28

That's the part that I find, like, weird.

27:30

Like, because you would think, if

27:32

you are professional and are promoting a show, you

27:34

would think, you know what? We're

27:36

promoting a show. Let's just bite

27:39

the bullet and act like everything's hunky-dory, so

27:41

we can just put a smile on our face, sell this,

27:43

and then once the show airs, then

27:46

we'll let people know what's going on. You

27:49

know? But no, it's the other way around for

27:51

this. I mean, even Thomas Andevall, when he was

27:53

on this show years ago, he

27:55

told me that him and

27:57

Chris and Dodie were still acting Like

27:59

they were. We're together when they when I

28:01

watch what happens live and they had already

28:04

been broken up but day you know they

28:06

didn't want to reveal that yet the wanted

28:08

to save that for the show so they

28:10

had a go and watch what happens life

28:13

in pretend they were still a couple or

28:15

that is super dark but that I kind

28:17

of almost understood because they're trying to like

28:19

present this as their reality so I don't

28:22

know what to believe at this point. but

28:24

it gives that same viewer experience in a

28:26

lesser way but a similar way as Scannable

28:28

where we went back. And watch those earlier

28:31

episodes go and like let me see the

28:33

cracks let me see what's going on. How

28:35

upset as Britney in the scene is Jax

28:37

looking and other women right now what's going

28:39

on you you then look at is like

28:41

a detective in that. Has. Been proven. To

28:43

give these shows this kind of like

28:46

second life or a resurgence in some

28:48

ways. So I I I am really

28:50

all over the map with this ah

28:53

what did you guys think? please. So

28:56

to take us into the valley we

28:58

have to go back to Tuesday's Van

29:00

or Pump. Rules of the very End

29:02

when they're doing Die Zeit at Tom

29:04

Tom all the guys Tom is wearing

29:07

some like Twin Peaks floor button up

29:09

shirt but he has a lot of

29:11

the buttons on done the as the

29:13

a lightning bolt necklace on because he

29:15

refuses to give up the lightning bolts

29:18

and Jacks and Tom are doing what

29:20

they do best and that is. You

29:24

know just just go and at each other

29:26

and sea animals I did I pile on

29:28

you and you are going through your dog

29:30

shit. Seven years ago due to the it

29:32

I. I just like

29:34

that you did. You. Did you

29:36

call out a bunch? You should do

29:38

Jaw and general I got gas you

29:40

me seven years ago sand of all

29:42

your me Seven years ago. Imagine.

29:46

Like. See animals. had a rocky road but

29:49

imagine like just a kick in the nuts.

29:51

The ended All is Jack Taylor coming back.

29:53

Insane. you or

29:55

with me dude you are worth

29:57

yes you are dude you are

30:00

Me man you are like that is the point I

30:02

just pack it in I was just like you know

30:04

what I gotta go I gotta get a new identity

30:06

find a new life Raise

30:08

a family somewhere down like Utah or something

30:10

like that. So Jack's

30:13

saying you were the worst and I gotta tell

30:15

you Sandoval is the reason for all of this

30:17

He is the reason that the Valley is actually

30:19

a thing He is the reason people have such

30:22

an interest in Vanderpump rules now that it was

30:24

able to finally spin this show off so

30:27

in some ways Jack

30:29

should be kissing Sandoval's ass

30:32

But he is just digging the screws

30:34

in and I love to see

30:37

it. That's got to really just push I

30:39

mean, I want to see Sandoval's

30:42

diary entry from that night like

30:44

dear diary, dude Guess what? Jackson's

30:46

back. That's right. Jack Taylor. I

30:49

grew up with that dude You know

30:51

Miami modeling that trained older dude John

30:53

that used to give money to Jack

30:55

all those stories But now here we

30:58

are face to face after such

31:00

a long time, dude, and he's

31:02

telling me I'm bad I'm

31:04

seeing Jackson sweaty face with the

31:06

tattoos and the little like chin

31:09

beard and evil mustache Just yelling

31:11

at me. Huh? Not

31:13

on my watch, dude anyways

31:16

Keep cool Tom So

31:19

Jack's like you are dude.

31:21

It is worse with you. I'm telling

31:23

you you are up shit Creek No,

31:25

for real you are man So

31:28

that's where we left off last night. He's

31:31

like when I did it. I own my shit My

31:33

life is the best it's ever been I've grown up.

31:35

I worked my ass off to get to where I

31:37

am I have a wife huge boobs.

31:39

I have a kid. I have everything in

31:41

the world. I have a good fucking job

31:43

I have tons of cameos. I have a

31:45

saloon. You are literally a fucking disgrace He's

31:48

like a wrestler and shorts is like come on

31:50

guys and Brock is like take a beat man You

31:52

haven't seen each other in a minute. Come on And

31:56

Jack's like, okay, I like Jack's And

32:00

Jax then calms down, he's like, Listen,

32:02

okay, you know what? I came in

32:04

guns blazing. Like an old

32:06

school gunslinger. That's what I do, I'm Jax.

32:09

I came in, I got triggered, right?

32:11

Okay? I needed to get it off my

32:14

chest. Yeah. Yeah, I do shave

32:16

this chest. Thank you for noticing. Yeah. Okay,

32:19

but I did. I did. I don't even watch this show.

32:21

I don't even really know the plot lines. I just saw

32:23

some shit on social. Anywho, I needed

32:25

to get it off my chest. And Sandoval,

32:27

he's buried his head in his hand with

32:29

his his ombre nail polish. And

32:32

he's like, Oh, dude, make me a

32:34

bird so I can fly far, far

32:36

away. And DJ James Kennedy is just

32:38

looking like, Oh my God, man, pull

32:40

it together, please. You're such a pussy.

32:42

So Jackson's like, I'm not going to interrogate you

32:44

anymore. You're a huge part of my life. If

32:46

I didn't care about you, I wouldn't say anything.

32:48

It just hurts my feelings. I

32:50

got your name tattooed on my arm,

32:52

dude. I got your name tattooed. And

32:54

George is like, I thought you erased

32:56

that. He's like, No, dude, it's permanent.

32:58

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your happy prize. First line. Jack's

34:01

literally has a tattoo on

34:03

his forearm that says Tom,

34:05

Tom and me. I,

34:09

and listen, I've got a picture of me with

34:11

Sheena's tattoo. It's all happening. This

34:13

is my next thing and it might be my

34:16

hardest get ever. I need a tattoo.

34:19

No, I don't need that tattoo. I need a

34:21

picture with Jack's tattoo. I don't know if I

34:23

can just like sneak up on while you're sleeping

34:25

somewhere and get a pic of me with that

34:27

tattoo. But now that's like my next thing. I

34:29

need a picture with that too. I don't even

34:32

need Jack's face in it. I just need a

34:34

picture with that tattoo. But he's like, yeah, dude,

34:36

I totally got it. I would never erase that

34:38

man. And he

34:40

shows the tattoo and we get a flashback

34:42

to 2015 Tom, Tom and I, Tom,

34:45

Tom and I. And

34:49

then there's a pause and Jackson's like, I've done the

34:51

same thing. We've all done the same thing. You know,

34:53

I totally understand where Tom's at. He says in a

34:55

talking head, I know what it's like to hit rock

34:57

bottom. I had the best job in the world with

34:59

Vanderpump rules. But I

35:01

let my ego get ahead of myself a little bit and

35:03

I fucked it up. And we

35:05

flashback to Tom, Tom. When

35:07

we had that iconic last scene for Jack's,

35:10

where he is just really

35:12

on a lot of caffeine, it seems

35:14

wink. Um, and,

35:17

uh, he is yelling very

35:19

like passionately at Lisa Vanderpump, where he's

35:21

like, these are my friends. This is

35:24

my show. And that's like, when Lee's

35:26

like, when somebody says this is my

35:28

show, that's when Lisa Vanderpump like stands

35:30

at attention. She's like, no, no,

35:32

this is my show. Dear

35:36

boy, me and Nick Elaine, this

35:38

is my show. What are you

35:40

talking about? It's my show. Do

35:43

you remember that? That final scene. And

35:45

she's like, I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Lisa. I'm sorry. I'm

35:48

sorry. She said, I'll get your

35:50

ass out. Do not disrespect me in this

35:52

show. And then he's like, I

35:54

was in such a dark place. I felt like I

35:56

lost it all financially. We were kind of like,

35:58

shit, what are we going to do now? Now, my

36:00

wife was preggers, I had swimmers, it was

36:02

rough. Getting emotional, choked up and

36:05

thinking about it, but I can't sit there and be

36:07

poor me, like I gotta figure something out. I

36:09

gotta put my big boy pants up and

36:11

start from ground zero. Start from ground zero,

36:13

just like 9-11. We gotta

36:16

do it, we gotta put our best foot

36:18

forward. Dude, I hate when girls say, put

36:20

on your big girl pants. I don't think

36:22

I've ever heard a guy say, put on

36:24

your big guy pants. Am

36:27

I crazy, is that used a lot with guys? Like

36:29

is Jacksephir, like he's like, I gotta put my big

36:31

boy pants on, gotta put my

36:33

big guy pants on, put on my big

36:35

old dicky pants and just get to work

36:37

doing cameos. But this is

36:39

also fun and it just shows you the pattern,

36:42

habitual pattern of lies, which we love Jack Taylor

36:44

for now, love

36:46

hate is that, remember at the time when

36:49

he got fired from Vanderpump Rules, I remember

36:51

it was a Friday around like 6 p.m. Pacific

36:55

Standard Time, if I'm not mistaken, it came

36:57

over the AP wire that Jacksephir was let

36:59

go from Vanderpump Rules and Jacksephir held on

37:02

to, we chose not to come

37:04

back to the show, me and Britney.

37:06

We chose not to and now he's

37:08

finally admitting it all it takes is

37:10

a couple of years and a dwindling

37:12

bank account for you to actually admit

37:15

the truth of like, yeah man, I

37:17

fucked up royally, dude. I did not

37:19

know what to do. Thank you, the

37:21

cameo for saving my ass. So

37:23

anyways, we get back to the scene in Tom

37:25

Tom and we're close to the connector scene, which

37:28

takes us from Vanderpump Rules into the valley, but

37:30

you didn't see this if you watch Vanderpump Rules

37:32

on Peacock. So Jacksephir is kind of leaning back

37:34

at Tom Tom after this, he's like, hey man,

37:37

I want the best for you. You know, I

37:39

really do, I really, and Santa was like

37:41

likewise, dude, likewise. And then Schwartz puts up

37:43

a piece of bread and he's like, do

37:46

you wanna break this bread? And then Jacksephir

37:48

is like, hey man, I'll give

37:50

you a hug. Yeah, I'll give you a hug, you're

37:52

not a leper. Let's do this, hey, let's touch skin,

37:54

right? Chest to chest, yeah, let's do

37:56

this. Yeah, let's do it, bud,

37:58

get in here. in here, you

38:00

crazy looking guy get get in here. Wow.

38:03

You know, just imagine the the smell

38:07

of protein powder and

38:09

tanning solution when that hug happened

38:11

like, and they're just hugging each

38:13

other. And just like good seeing you. Good seeing

38:15

you, man. And then I'm like, Good seeing you

38:17

too, man. Good seeing you too. And it is

38:19

kind of fun to think about the history of

38:21

the event that they've had. But they like, jacks

38:24

more than Tom jacks hated

38:26

Tom Sandoval, like hated hated

38:28

Tom Sandoval. And there was a question I

38:31

watched what happens live the other night who

38:33

did more in like the friendship. And I

38:35

think Sandoval was always I will stand up

38:37

for Sandoval in that sense. He always did

38:40

seem to go above and beyond for jacks

38:42

and the other friends and maybe it was

38:44

a little, you know, selfish on his part

38:46

or like wanting to

38:48

do that and there was something self ish in

38:50

that. But jacks hated

38:53

this guy until he was able to do this

38:55

show and they're like, you're gonna have to you're

38:57

gonna have to do a scene and then kind

38:59

of men fences so we can

39:01

get over the valleys like fuck it.

39:03

I gotta do Hey, I got a family

39:05

raising a family with banks dwindling. So

39:07

they're hugging, just holding on for

39:09

dear life. He's like, I want the best I want

39:11

the best for you. I really do didn't mean to

39:14

come out hot. Just so many years of all this.

39:16

And brought like, I chillin for a little bit. And

39:18

then shorts is like, I'll chill for a bit. And

39:21

the jack's is like, you know what, I got to

39:23

get home. You enjoy the

39:25

rest of your night guys. And bros

39:27

like, hey, say like, say hello to

39:29

Brittany for me give a little guy

39:31

a kiss. Say hi. So

39:33

this is jacks being the adult like,

39:35

are you feeling it like, hey, the

39:38

Vanderpump 40 year olds they're staying behind

39:40

to potentially hit up the Abbey and

39:42

just keep this night going, you know,

39:45

just back and all

39:47

carnal carnal behavior happening and jack's I can't

39:49

do it, man. Come affair. There's nothing more

39:51

than I would like just to pound a

39:53

few pound a few brewskis hit

39:55

on a couple guys and girls and just

39:58

just really go crazy but I

40:00

got a family so i mean according to the

40:02

scene he's been there for like three minutes i

40:05

put my time in well good

40:07

seeing everybody and he

40:09

says goodbye. And

40:12

i was like yeah say hi for me

40:14

to read the room first and then say

40:16

hi so jack is like i was

40:18

a runaway train for a long time i didn't

40:20

care about anyone or anything i was just very

40:22

selfish. I think it's up from the talking head

40:24

couch that we can band or pump rules we

40:26

hear the band or pump rules theme this one

40:28

for you tonight and then we go over to

40:30

a brand new brown couch. And

40:34

we see it's a green screen but the

40:36

green screen comes up and we see a

40:38

picture of the valley and this is the

40:40

valley talking head spot so you see the

40:43

growth it went from a chair. With

40:46

like kind of purples and

40:49

then he walks over and it's a long brown

40:51

couch and we get a shot of the valley

40:53

that's called growth you see what they did their

40:55

chair to a couch and he

40:57

goes listen. You know

41:00

what i'm growing up it's

41:02

crazy right and it's crazy

41:04

as i used to be i got a

41:06

good family i do. I

41:08

we see him get into a like an uber he's like i just

41:10

don't like to do the same things i

41:12

used to do anymore i don't want to stay up to 10

41:15

o'clock anymore. You know it's

41:17

just like switch turned off like

41:19

now he's like all pies he's like once i

41:21

found the Lord I mean there was a second

41:23

i thought about being a priest i'm

41:25

so close to God right now big

41:28

big ups to that guy right. Anyways,

41:31

so we see him getting this car and he tells

41:33

the driver he's like there's nothing more than i would

41:35

love to stay and gets fucked up just fucked up

41:38

staying out like he's like you can tell he's like

41:40

on the brink he's like nothing. Fuck

41:42

but in the talking he's like

41:44

i can't do those poor bastards

41:46

i'm gonna be in bed by

41:49

11 watching my stories watching some

41:51

ncis you know loving on my

41:53

wife spooning her maybe she'll spoon

41:55

me because that's how it works

41:58

you know feminism you know. know

42:00

what I'm talking about guys, you know, going in

42:02

to see if the little man is, is

42:04

good. What's his name? Cruz. Yeah,

42:06

I'll go in to see if Cruz is doing it.

42:09

Hey, maybe we'll work on baby number two tonight, right?

42:11

I have got the life. And

42:14

so we see Jack's back in this talking head. And he's

42:17

like, okay. And

42:19

we see the car take off. And

42:21

there's like a music like going through

42:24

the Hollywood Hills, figuring

42:26

it out is overrated, but I

42:28

hope we make it

42:30

the valley and

42:33

the valley like logo pops

42:35

up. And we're

42:38

into the valley. And we all

42:40

of a sudden hear Kristen DoD. By the way, that

42:42

was the connector scene was jacked into that. But my

42:45

my I put this on social today. I was

42:47

so proud of this thought. My,

42:49

my dream connector scene now would

42:51

have been those two girls at

42:54

Tom's Titanic themed pool

42:57

party, you know, was like you

43:00

ever Yeah, you ladies ever been

43:02

to Burning Man? What's up? Hey,

43:05

have you ever seen a penis before? You're

43:07

joking. But I have one if you are

43:10

curious about seeing a penis and I have

43:12

two balls as well. No, so

43:14

my thing is those two girls my dream seat,

43:16

like we would end with those two girls at

43:18

the pool party going like what the fuck is

43:20

going on here? Are you kidding me? He's

43:23

drinking non alcoholic whiskey. Are we safe

43:25

on Maria? Are we safe? And

43:27

like those two girls escaping

43:30

Tom's house. And Maya the

43:32

dog is trying to escape as well. But

43:34

like they're like, No, you stay here. You're

43:36

Ariana will be back soon. And those two

43:38

girls like get out of their escape. And

43:40

then the connector scene is Jack striving over

43:42

the hill and the Uber. And all of

43:44

a sudden, those two girls are just running

43:46

like, Yeah, I don't know where I am. I'm

43:49

still far from Tom Tom. And all

43:51

the sudden, Jack's balls up is like, Hey, ladies,

43:54

need a ride and then the

43:56

Valley, the Valley. I think

43:58

that would just be Amazing and just

44:01

a good spirit of just like now

44:03

Jax is a good Samaritan picking up

44:05

girls on this Picking

44:07

up girls picking up girls on the side of

44:09

the road Yeah,

44:13

Brittany you can rotten fucking hell So anyways

44:15

Dodie picks up with this voiceover and this

44:17

is a kind of like the big thing

44:19

they do with new shows of like We're

44:21

starting. Hey, we're starting at full speed you

44:23

guys Let me catch you up with life

44:26

and Dodie's like the concrete jungle the hardcore

44:28

city life That's for when you're in your

44:30

20s, but I'm 40 now girl

44:32

the valley is where I need to be

44:34

She leaves out where the valley is actually

44:37

where she is mandated to be due to

44:40

government You know mandate

44:42

she has to be in the valley. She cannot

44:44

leave the valley now a lot

44:47

of these cats They don't really talk about

44:49

that, but they're not allowed to go over

44:51

the hill due to prior legal entanglements No,

44:53

that is a complete lie But so

44:55

Brittany's like I sorry Chris like I

44:58

gotta be She's like and

45:00

then we see clothes like we see scenes with

45:02

like Luke and Dodie where like I can't just

45:05

get knocked up Anymore like I've got we've got

45:07

to like really do it not that we don't

45:09

have practice and looks like yeah we be fucking

45:11

we be fucking and Jackson's like the valley is

45:13

the next chapter of our lives and Brittany's

45:17

like if not down a lot of friends around

45:19

us in the same phase of our life And

45:22

we start to seeing small clips of all the

45:24

couples Jackson's like Jesse's one of my buddies, you

45:27

know I met him. I was 23 year

45:29

old long time ago. We started

45:32

modeling ago in New York together in New York

45:34

he's married to Michelle and we

45:36

see Michelle and Janet's

45:39

like Jesse and Michelle are the bougiest couple

45:41

of the group and Jesse says I

45:43

had a friend of mine Told

45:45

me that once I realized you

45:47

knew you were a douchebag You were so charming to

45:49

me and we're just seeing all of these little clips

45:51

that we'll see throughout the season Christian

45:56

Dodie says that she wants to be Danny

45:58

and Nia when she grows up And

46:00

there like the couple to be

46:02

jenneth and jason but danny and

46:04

nia there couple goals doty says.

46:07

But the lally

46:10

guy says i call him dark side danny

46:12

so it seems like you get a couple

46:14

drinks and danny this guy could go balls

46:16

to the wall so i'm sure we'll see

46:18

that. I don't

46:20

wanna see what janet showing jason.

46:24

Her belly and brennan's like man janet

46:26

talk every day she's got energy to

46:28

me. We

46:30

see janet yelling at jason i am

46:32

doing shit every day jannet let's us

46:35

know that jason is passive i'm more

46:37

aggressive and we see janet yelling. At

46:40

zac and jasmine. And

46:43

zac is like she got pregnant so i

46:45

would not yell at her or we could

46:48

not fight and this zac i gotta tell

46:50

you i think he's troublemaker. I

46:52

got i think he's gonna say some wild

46:54

shit this season and i have a feeling

46:56

it's gonna be directed at janet just from

46:58

that little sound bite right there.

47:01

And i know that doody is

47:03

good friends with jasmine and zac so

47:05

i have a feeling it's gonna be

47:08

like a dark triangle with doody jasmine

47:10

and zac. I have

47:12

a feeling there's gonna be rumbling with

47:15

janet. I just i have

47:17

that i have feeling in

47:19

my bones. So

47:23

janet reminds us of zac and her

47:26

lived in the same complex as well as

47:28

jasmine they lived in the same building. And

47:32

then we have scenes where janet walks away from

47:34

zac i don't need trash in my life i

47:36

don't. And

47:39

danny says the most dramatic people

47:41

in the group it's a three

47:43

way tie i would say jasmine

47:45

kristen. And

47:47

then jax obviously jax jax

47:49

is like the number one girl in this group.

47:54

And then we see jesse

47:56

and lally yelling.

48:00

seen this as I'm talking and it's like it is

48:02

so much happening but it's like that just

48:04

thing of like this is how crazy it's

48:07

gonna be in the valley this season you

48:09

guys stay tuned if you get

48:11

pregnant and and you have a family and you

48:13

take off to the valley it doesn't mean that

48:15

things get back to normal it means things get

48:17

crazy we have this quick little scene

48:19

of Dodie talking to her

48:21

boyfriend Luke and saying I have done therapy

48:24

twice this week just because this just because

48:26

of this group of people and then we

48:28

cut to Jack's in a car with the

48:30

guys and going who's your fucking therapist that

48:32

fucking person ate shit that is not a

48:35

good therapist and this is why I love

48:37

that we have a history of Jack's because

48:39

Jack's history of therapy is hysterical he does

48:41

not do remember like this that season that

48:43

we were just talking about where he's yelling

48:46

at Lisa remember when he told Ariana that

48:48

his brain was broken and I always had

48:50

his brain was bruised or damaged or something

48:52

and I always thought I know Jack's watches

48:54

a lot of Netflix and a lot of

48:57

TV and that was right around the time

48:59

that Kanye West did the David Letterman show

49:01

on Netflix and explained to

49:03

David Letterman that his brain was bruised and

49:05

I will bet dollars to know that donuts

49:07

that Jack's watch that interview and then like

49:09

you know what I'm gonna go

49:11

with my brain is bruised my brain is

49:14

damaged and then that was also the season

49:16

where Randall Emmett yeah you remember Randall Randall

49:18

Emmett offered to pay for Jack's

49:20

his therapy and Jack didn't

49:22

go Jack's wouldn't do it Jack's did not

49:25

go to therapy so it is just this

49:27

is the kind of hypocritical hysterical Looney

49:31

tunes that we're in for is that Jack's

49:33

commenting on other people's therapists when he refuses

49:35

to go to therapy like he's like I

49:38

know a fucking therapist when I see one

49:40

dude I'm fucking Freud and I know that

49:42

is a bunch of shit like

49:44

that's just truly amazing so that

49:46

whole montage of scenes ends and we

49:48

open up to our first scene and

49:51

it's at our main couples house

49:53

we're over at Jack's and

49:55

Brittany's big old modern farmhouse

49:57

in the Valley Valley village

50:01

We get in there and Jax

50:04

is there working studiously at

50:06

the kitchen and Brittany, this

50:09

is Brittany is already, Brittany's already fantastic.

50:11

She comes down walking the stairs and

50:13

she has an iPad in her hand

50:15

watching Cruise, I guess in his playroom

50:18

on video. She's like, he's literally like

50:20

a trampoline right now. It's crazy. But

50:22

the crazy thing is she literally has

50:24

a bandage. Like it's

50:26

like some kind of Frankenstein thing. She has a

50:28

bandage around her head, under her

50:30

chin. So she's like, it's crazy. He's

50:32

jumping around like a trampoline in there.

50:35

And Jax was like, I know it'll tie

50:37

her a mouth. She's like, sometimes he wants

50:39

it out. Sometimes he doesn't. Like, I've

50:41

got 36 cameos together. I know he goes,

50:43

I've got 36 cameos to do. So

50:47

he's like making a list for the day to do 36 cameos. Like

50:50

I love, that's like one of my favorite.

50:53

I got 36 cameos to do today. And

50:55

then at a talking ad, he's like, you

50:57

know, legs crossed. He's like, listen,

50:59

I'm at a point in my life where

51:01

I've recharged my batteries. I've reassessed my life

51:03

a little bit. Back in the

51:05

scene, he's like, these cameos take a long time.

51:08

I do it all. I'm an influencer. We got

51:10

a podcast. We got the bar opening. Gotta put,

51:12

gotta put a push on the bar. I'm a

51:14

father. That's a job. Every day there's a

51:16

lot and you got your own stuff going on, right?

51:18

You got your own stuff. Hey, it's not just me.

51:20

It's not just a man's world. You got your own

51:23

stuff going on, right, Britt? And

51:25

she's like, today marks 10 days.

51:28

She's in my surgery. She says it.

51:30

Look at this. He's like, it looks great, babe.

51:32

And they're talking to us. She's like,

51:34

Jackson, I'm very lucky. We got friends

51:36

whose plastic surgeons, they did all three

51:39

or four nose jobs of Jackson's,

51:41

you know, and I got

51:43

to tell you, these are the, Brittany

51:46

seems really nice. I will

51:48

tell you if these are the same plastic

51:50

surgeon that did Brittany's boom job,

51:52

I don't think this is the plastic

51:54

surgeon to be working on your head. You know what

51:56

I'm saying? And also, how do you lose count of

51:58

Jackson's nose jobs? Like three or four?

52:01

Like, I feel like we should know if it's

52:03

three or four. Like, I don't think there's any

52:06

like gray air. It's got to, it's let's just

52:08

go with four. If four is even in the

52:10

ether, let's just go with four. So we see

52:12

a montage of all checks

52:14

and no jobs. She's

52:17

like, they did my boobs. And we go

52:19

to flashback to that. And

52:22

for the longest time, I have been so self-conscious

52:25

about my double chin. My

52:27

turkey gobbler is what I would call

52:29

a call it. So I had LAPO

52:31

on my chin. She's

52:33

like, I don't have full control of my jaw. And

52:37

then Jack's goes, I got to remember that

52:39

for nighttime activities. Yeah.

52:41

You know, hey, we're talking blowjobs. You know what

52:43

I'm saying? Up high. No, that's what he's

52:46

referring to. But that's also funny because later in

52:48

the season in the trailer, we hear Brittany tell

52:50

Janet, hey, nothing to have sex with me. We

52:52

don't touch each other at all. Hey

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our lower than low prices? So

53:47

this is Jack like me and that like, we

53:49

do the hippity dippity all the time. This girl,

53:51

it is a constant fuck fest in the house

53:54

of Taylor. You know what I'm saying? Fuck

53:56

fest. So you

53:58

better heal that job. Because you're going to be a barefoot

54:01

pregnant down on your knees doing your

54:03

duty as a woman. I got to

54:05

go film cameos. All right. Oh,

54:10

right. All right. All right. Uh,

54:13

it's just hysterical because I

54:15

just, I got to applaud Brittany though. Like the fact

54:17

that she comes down with her head bandage, that's

54:20

what I, that's called reality for me

54:22

folks. That's what I want. So hats

54:24

off to Brittany for sharing this journey.

54:27

Um, so Jax is just, you

54:29

know, sitting there and like, you

54:32

ain't going anywhere near my penis with the

54:35

jaw like that right now. And

54:37

then we get the music. We go over to

54:39

Christian's apartment and we Bowie, Christian's

54:41

dog. And we have Luke, Luke. This is

54:43

his first scene in reality TV. And

54:46

she's going through gifts. She's like, I hate

54:49

gifts from old boyfriends. She had

54:51

a home in Valley village for two and a half years

54:53

that we flashed back to her moving into that home. At

54:56

the time I was dating my ex-boyfriend, Alex,

54:58

Alex urged me to sell my house. And

55:01

I moved in with him. And over

55:03

the next five months, we broke up about seven

55:05

times until he kicked me out and I moved

55:08

into an apartment. Now

55:10

I am moving in to a

55:12

nicer, bigger unit right down the

55:15

hall. And, uh, I

55:17

think that's it. Remember, uh, Katie Maloney lives in the

55:19

same apartment, buddy, but this is what she said, cause

55:22

Luke hadn't moved in there yet or wasn't staying there

55:24

full time yet. This is where Joe could have stayed

55:26

instead of Schwartz. That's why Christian was like, what are

55:28

you talking about? You have a whole room that you

55:30

can stay in right here, Joe. Yuck,

55:33

yuck, yuck. Um, so

55:36

Christian also, so Alex,

55:39

her old boyfriend bought her out of

55:41

her house and he stayed

55:43

there and now she's there, I guess. So

55:46

good. Great. So we're, we're apartment

55:48

living. We also get a

55:51

shot of Bowie, Christian, Dodie's dog, humping

55:53

the shit out of a stuffed animal.

55:55

And I'm like, hell yeah, Bowie. You

55:57

know what I'm talking about. And,

55:59

uh, Luke finds this like

56:01

old like negligee robe that Katie gave

56:04

her and then Christian lets us know

56:06

that she goes like listen two weeks

56:08

After my shitty breakup. I attended a

56:10

wedding Luke was one of the groomsmen.

56:13

I thought he's sweet He's kind he's

56:15

funny and then we had sex behind a

56:17

tent and the rest is history Can

56:20

you imagine that they literally did

56:22

the hippity-dippity the first night they met

56:24

at the wedding behind a tent?

56:27

Also, what kind of wedding was it like a Yellowstone

56:29

themed wedding behind a tent? like

56:32

Luke literally picks a tent behind a tent that

56:34

is so on the nose and Luke not know

56:36

it like Luke is just like a country boy

56:39

he's a woodsman and He all

56:41

the sudden have we just think about that

56:43

Just think about meeting Dodie at a wedding

56:45

not knowing who Dodie was and all

56:47

the sudden now you're on the valley That

56:50

is I mean you talk about What

56:53

is that is that a career ascending

56:56

is that a career descending? What is

56:58

that anyways Dodie puts on the little

57:00

necklace day and she's like the bitch

57:02

is back Witchy woman get

57:04

in there Dodie. I love seeing her

57:06

on so then we go

57:08

over to Danny and Nia's the new couple

57:10

of the valley and Nia

57:13

shares with us that she wrote down

57:15

a dream list of qualities for a

57:17

future husband and this Danny He had

57:20

them all a six-pack

57:22

a jawline beautiful eyes. I love

57:24

on these dream list that girls

57:26

make it's never like personnel Personality

57:29

we just get each other.

57:31

It's always like huge dong

57:34

six-pack white teeth You

57:37

know cool car not a Corolla that kind

57:39

of shit and then Danny corrects her and

57:41

she's like he's like I've got an eight-pack

57:43

I've literally I've got an eight-pack and so

57:46

you can tell they're a fun couple. They

57:48

also have Three kids and

57:50

he says I never thought I would

57:52

marry Miss USA, but One

57:55

kid is one kid two kid is five kids

57:57

and three kid is nine thousand four hundred and

57:59

seventy six kids and a donkey. So this

58:02

guy, this guy is just one big

58:04

dad joke. So he's just fun. Where

58:08

did he get that figure? 9,000 kids.

58:10

That's crazy. By

58:12

the way, La La wants a lot of kids. So

58:14

Danny, maybe share some kids or something. So

58:17

Danny lets us know a little about

58:19

his story. He's been a professional working

58:21

actor for 18 years. And he's like,

58:23

most people, they recognize me from the

58:25

the iCarly's, the Hannah Montana,

58:27

but most recently, they'll know me for

58:30

doing voiceover. And we see him

58:32

go into his closet with his voiceover

58:34

booth. And he does voiceovers for the

58:36

Walking Dead for the zombies. So we see him go

58:38

like, By

58:41

the way, if anybody's casting voiceovers for The Walking

58:43

Dead, please submit this as my audition. I

58:46

get me out of the valley. Which,

58:51

by the way, I want now to

58:53

do an episode of The Walking Dead

58:55

where the zombies are trying to escape

58:57

jacks, like get the fuck out of

58:59

here. He's coming for me and it's

59:01

Pitzer Black. Help me. So

59:03

Nia lets Danny know that she finally got

59:05

clearance from her doctors for

59:08

sexy time. So they can

59:10

do the hippity dippity work on baby

59:12

number four. And Danny goes, I

59:14

don't do sexy time. I only

59:16

make love to my wife. So we

59:18

got a guy that's like, feel

59:21

like making love. I love

59:23

when people call it making love. As

59:25

a kid, I didn't even I have

59:27

to tell you like, I just always my mom

59:29

would always be like, then two adults when they're

59:32

in love, they make love. That's what they do.

59:34

They make love, like sex, like sex

59:36

was like, that's sexy. But I always thought

59:39

sex was referred to as making love. And

59:41

my friend Annabelle DeSisto, she hates when I

59:43

will tease her on podcasts, because I'll always

59:45

say, Oh, did they make love? Because that's

59:48

how it was always told to me is

59:50

that you you make love. You

59:53

make love. We're making we're making

59:55

love. I am Danny, I am a new character

59:57

on the valley, and I am making love to

59:59

you. Look me in the eyes. Zombie

1:00:03

voices. So

1:00:05

I actually like this couple. They seem really fun

1:00:07

so far. And I'm wondering

1:00:09

if Nia, she doesn't seem like she has

1:00:11

a crazy side. And I'm I

1:00:14

want to know more about the production

1:00:16

of this show. Was it hard getting

1:00:18

going? Did they try to make Dodie

1:00:20

act crazier because she's crazy? Kristen, like

1:00:22

I want behind the scenes production story.

1:00:24

And then we meet Janet Elizabeth and Jason

1:00:27

Caperna. And she is

1:00:29

heavily pregnant. And it's very cute.

1:00:31

She saran wraps like a huge

1:00:34

thing to Jason's stomach

1:00:37

and gives them like boobs so he can

1:00:39

feel what she's going through. And they do

1:00:41

a very cute talking head where they talk

1:00:43

about prison. And Janet's like, I

1:00:45

know exactly what I would do inside. I would

1:00:47

get this person to talk to me, this person

1:00:50

and I would get them to like Janet, like

1:00:52

I'm telling you, she has a plan for everything.

1:00:54

This is the brains of the operation. I

1:00:56

have a feeling like I said, I think she is

1:00:58

going to be a breakout star

1:01:00

of this. But this Jason Caperna, I

1:01:02

always I've been joking about him for

1:01:05

years to Janet because this

1:01:07

guy's always doing like push ups and sit ups.

1:01:09

And he's like a lawyer and stuff. But I

1:01:11

was like, I hate when people like have a

1:01:13

full time like big job like a lawyer, and

1:01:15

then they still take care of themselves. I feel

1:01:17

like if you have a good job like that,

1:01:19

you need to let yourself go. Just so like

1:01:21

people like me don't feel extra bad about themselves

1:01:23

because I'm not a lawyer and I have a

1:01:25

horrible body. So at least I hope like, I

1:01:28

hope Jason gets like I hope they do

1:01:30

a second season just so I can watch

1:01:33

Jason eventually gain weight. That would just be

1:01:35

a then we go

1:01:37

over to Jesse and Michelle's house. Now they

1:01:39

you know, Jesse's like, we do not live

1:01:41

in the valley. They live over by like

1:01:43

Chateau Marmont. So like, yeah, we do not

1:01:45

live in the valley. I wonder how that

1:01:47

happened where like they're the one couple that

1:01:49

actually doesn't have to move to the

1:01:51

valley for the show. But anyways, their opening scene

1:01:53

is she is doing laundry and I guess a

1:01:56

pin got in the laundry and he's like, how

1:01:58

did a pin you know, it's very much the

1:02:00

character of, is it

1:02:02

Todd and Margo from Christmas vacation? I always

1:02:04

make fun of, I always say it's Seth

1:02:06

and Meredith Marx, but there's a chance this

1:02:08

could be Jesse and Michelle too. It's like,

1:02:10

I don't know Margo, like that is very

1:02:12

much Jesse's vibe. And she's like, do you

1:02:15

want to do the laundry Jesse? And he's

1:02:17

like, No, I don't, Michelle, I want you

1:02:19

to do it. Like he literally like, no,

1:02:21

I want you to do it. I love

1:02:23

people that like, literally, there's cameras there. And

1:02:25

he's like, I'll still act like a dick.

1:02:28

That's what we want in reality TV.

1:02:30

We want people to be their authentic

1:02:32

asshole selves. And this guy seems like

1:02:36

this guy seems like he's full asshole. I'm just gonna say it.

1:02:38

I just say it. So

1:02:42

they seem tense already. And

1:02:46

the producer asks, what are the words that you would

1:02:48

use to describe your husband? And she's like, I don't

1:02:50

know. And he's like, loving. And she's

1:02:52

like, he's like, sexy. And

1:02:54

she's like, Come on. And he's

1:02:57

like, this is great. This is great. And she

1:02:59

says, Jesse's very extreme in everything he does. And

1:03:03

she he offers her some champagne.

1:03:05

And she's like, we're not on vacation. We're

1:03:07

not in fucking vacation. He's

1:03:10

like, we don't live in the valley. It just

1:03:12

screams ambition. The house we have by Chateau and

1:03:14

Vermont. Our house is very nice and neat. But

1:03:16

we do have a toddler. We're trying to get

1:03:19

rid of her. We actually

1:03:21

see Isabella, the three year old Susan's

1:03:23

very cute. She says she loves

1:03:25

her dad. And he's like, yeah, she loves me

1:03:27

more. She loves me more. He's never had a

1:03:29

picture of me on his phone as a screensaver.

1:03:31

It's a dog and a baby. And he goes,

1:03:33

we work together in real estate. I

1:03:35

have to look at her all day long. Why do

1:03:37

I have to open my phone and look at a

1:03:40

picture of you? What

1:03:42

a dick. What a dick.

1:03:45

He's like, No, I'm sorry. I have

1:03:47

to see your stupid face all day long. This

1:03:49

is almost like a successful

1:03:51

Jax Taylor, like in saying that he's never

1:03:53

had to do reality series yet to be

1:03:55

successful. And then we go over to

1:03:58

Dodie and she's like walking down the street. The

1:04:00

music is blaring and she

1:04:02

goes into the great Greek restaurant

1:04:04

on Ventura Boulevard. And this is

1:04:07

where she is meeting. She's

1:04:09

meeting, uh, Zach, you

1:04:12

know, Zach, the gay best friend and,

1:04:14

uh, Jasmine good. They're all

1:04:16

complaining about the heat of the Valley.

1:04:19

I would be sweat. If I was this, I would just

1:04:21

be soaking through shirts. So they are

1:04:24

there to have a little Ted attack. So

1:04:27

Dodie's like, Zach used to be Brittany's best

1:04:29

friend, but I kind of stole him. And

1:04:32

Jasmine used to work at Sir and

1:04:34

we see a phone. This

1:04:36

is so messed up. They

1:04:39

show Jasmine working

1:04:41

at Sir with her

1:04:43

arm around Peter magical, but they

1:04:46

have blurred Peter magical's face. Peter

1:04:48

has no face anymore. Peter. He's

1:04:51

not on Vanderpump. And Peter has said like, they

1:04:53

didn't want to pay me, but like, damn,

1:04:56

you guys couldn't even show his face. You

1:04:58

couldn't, you couldn't throw this dude a couple

1:05:00

hundred bucks. So you could use it. We

1:05:02

know it's Peter. We see the

1:05:04

little blurred out ponytail. Are you kidding me?

1:05:07

So Chris, Christian

1:05:10

says it's a weird friend group that

1:05:12

we're all interconnected, but these are truth

1:05:14

tellers. They always talk,

1:05:17

uh, talk the, uh, the

1:05:19

talk the truth. And then Dodie cheers at

1:05:21

the restaurant and she says, cheers

1:05:23

to snakes and condoms. Cause those are two things

1:05:25

we don't fuck with Dodie. Don't

1:05:27

do it. Don't

1:05:30

do it. Cheers. Where you're like, have

1:05:32

you, have you ever heard the girl

1:05:34

literally go fuck condoms? That's

1:05:36

a guy's toast. Dodie's like doing

1:05:38

a guy's toast. Like talk

1:05:40

about big boy pants. She's literally

1:05:43

like, I don't fuck with condoms.

1:05:45

Like every guy's like, fuck. Yeah.

1:05:47

Like, holy. Holy. I'm

1:05:49

Christian Dodie for not using condoms.

1:05:53

Dodie says, watching all of my friends over

1:05:56

the past three years, get married, have families,

1:05:58

babies, grow their families. Shit, I

1:06:00

am the oldest girl in this group. When's

1:06:02

my time? And so she's

1:06:05

talking about Luke. She's like, when he's

1:06:08

in town and I'm ovulating, we are practicing, but now

1:06:10

he's committed to being here for the summer, Luke. And

1:06:12

so Jasmine's like, you're hoping to get pregnant. And she's

1:06:14

like, yeah. Jasmine says, when Kristen started

1:06:16

dating Luke, I didn't see it because he went

1:06:18

from these crazy like personalities. And

1:06:20

we have a flashback of DJ James Kennedy,

1:06:23

you know, and she's like, you did not

1:06:25

spit on my door. He's like, I did,

1:06:27

guys, no, I'm spitting everywhere. And then we

1:06:29

have Dodie yelling at Ariana, you hooked up

1:06:32

with my boyfriend. And Santa was like, we

1:06:34

also hadn't had sex in three months, but

1:06:36

I did not go and fuck somebody behind your

1:06:38

back. And then Jasmine

1:06:40

goes to this mountain man boyfriend now.

1:06:43

He's very country. He's very country, Jasmine

1:06:45

says. He really is. He

1:06:47

seems like a sweet, sensitive woodsman. But

1:06:50

Jasmine says he's kind of vanilla, but nice. And

1:06:53

Jasmine's like, I didn't know you were that serious

1:06:56

with him on that level where you're like letting

1:06:58

him hit it while you're ovulating. Kristen

1:07:01

says that Luke lives in Colorado

1:07:03

full-time. He has 70 acres of

1:07:05

land that he owns. Lisa Vanderpump's

1:07:07

like, I could open a new

1:07:09

Wolf restaurant on Luke's land and

1:07:11

the 70 acres of Wolf

1:07:13

by Lisa Nick Lane. She

1:07:17

says that Luke is an entrepreneur at

1:07:19

hot and we see him like splitting

1:07:21

logs. And she

1:07:23

said, we've been kind of doing this long distance thing, but

1:07:25

he is excited. He is going to spend the summer in

1:07:27

the Valley because we're going to be trying to have a

1:07:29

baby. And Zach's like, you guys

1:07:31

don't even talk about me about it. I'm with you guys

1:07:33

24 seven. And Kristen's

1:07:35

like, you don't like to hear about straight sex. You

1:07:38

don't have to talk about sex to like have

1:07:40

a discussion about, and Kristen's like, when

1:07:42

his penis goes in my vagina and Zach's like, no, no, no,

1:07:44

no, no, no. And then

1:07:46

Dodie is actually doing the arm moments,

1:07:48

like the penis and she puts like

1:07:50

her fist or her other arm, like

1:07:53

trying to show what sex is like. Anyways,

1:07:56

Zach's like Dodie has a

1:07:58

thing like where she gets me. I was like, do

1:08:00

not, for the love of God, date him. You just broke

1:08:03

up with someone. Clearly that didn't happen, but she got

1:08:05

lucky that she landed someone that's willing to work

1:08:07

with her and he is way better than any of her

1:08:09

other exes. So that's like a ringing

1:08:11

bell of approval. Vanilla, okay, you shouldn't

1:08:13

be dating him, but, uh, better than what you

1:08:16

had before. Uh,

1:08:19

anyways, Dodie does talk about a butt plug at the

1:08:21

end of the scene. So

1:08:24

just a great sexy scene. All the way

1:08:26

around. So next scene,

1:08:28

we're over at Nia and Danny's and Nia opens the

1:08:30

door and Brittany's there with Cruz

1:08:32

and Nia has like two babies, like strapped to her. Her

1:08:36

son's like walking around, but this Nia seems

1:08:38

like it's like totally normal. Just like just

1:08:40

baby strapped to her. Looks like Lawrence of

1:08:42

Arabia with babies around her chest. And, you

1:08:44

know, Brittany holds the one baby's arrived. Like,

1:08:48

who does arrive? Let's

1:08:50

go. Oh my God. Maybe we've

1:08:52

seen her throw the room so

1:08:54

beautiful. Do you breastfeed at

1:08:57

the same time? And she's like, yeah,

1:08:59

yeah, you are a monster in the best way. Um,

1:09:01

then there's a door and Michelle is there, but

1:09:04

Brittany's like, our priorities have definitely

1:09:09

changed. Michelle comes in,

1:09:11

they greet her. Brittany and a child. She's like,

1:09:13

oh my God, you're a monster. You're a monster.

1:09:15

You're a monster. You're a monster. You're

1:09:18

a monster. You're a monster. Brittany and

1:09:20

the talking nails before we were partying

1:09:22

every night. I love my tequila shots, but I

1:09:24

got to make sure a babysitter and maybe somebody

1:09:26

else in the morning, if I'm hungover. So

1:09:30

now it's a scene where girls are just passing babies

1:09:32

around like hold this, hold that baby, baby, cute, too

1:09:34

cute. Don't

1:09:37

make me want a second one

1:09:39

ovaries ovulating like baby explosions. And

1:09:42

Brittany's like that Jack said we could start trying in

1:09:44

a month. Yeah. Woo.

1:09:50

And the Lally girl says I don't want

1:09:52

to have another one because I do 90% of the

1:09:54

work. Uh,

1:09:57

you know, so they're just talking about how much it is

1:09:59

to raise a baby. baby, which I can't even imagine that

1:10:01

does seem like the most insane, intense

1:10:04

work of all time. Michelle

1:10:07

says Nia does seem like superwoman, but I

1:10:09

cannot handle three kids, I can barely

1:10:11

handle one. So they start talking that

1:10:14

like Nia says Danny, her

1:10:16

husband handles all the diaper changes throughout the

1:10:18

night, he does all of it, like wakes

1:10:20

up the whole thing. But then

1:10:22

Michelle says that Jesse lally didn't

1:10:24

do anything like she slept with

1:10:26

her daughter in the other room

1:10:29

for the first year because she

1:10:31

did everything. That is who we're

1:10:33

dealing with with Jesse lally. That

1:10:35

is that's intense, man. That is stuff

1:10:37

that I wouldn't want on teeth. So now

1:10:39

we're over to this indoor golf place with

1:10:41

like a video screen and they're like swinging

1:10:43

like they're like, hey, for Yeah, good shot.

1:10:46

All right, boys being boys. We got jacks

1:10:48

Jason, we got all the crew and then

1:10:50

Luke comes in. He's like the odd man

1:10:52

out. He's like the new guy. He doesn't

1:10:54

have like as cool of golf clubs as

1:10:56

jacks or any of the other guys. But

1:10:58

they're swinging up a storm. They have like

1:11:00

this rock and music behind like golf like

1:11:03

a rock and roll sport sport.

1:11:05

And Jesse lally

1:11:08

says I am the worst golfer that

1:11:10

I have ever been but I am still the number one

1:11:12

golfer in the group I am. And

1:11:15

jacks is like whiffing shots and jacks like we're

1:11:17

all kind of the same just depending on the

1:11:20

weather weather you know, we all

1:11:22

are and then Jesse's like I am still

1:11:24

a better golfer than than jacks.

1:11:28

And then jacks picks up somebody's

1:11:30

phone makes fun that it's an Android. Jason

1:11:34

says the least close person

1:11:36

in the group is Lou because he

1:11:38

just you know met him a year

1:11:40

ago sometimes we'll talk at a party.

1:11:42

He's very introverted guy. And Jesse's

1:11:44

like I thought he was kind of like a side piece. I

1:11:47

thought you know it's like when you just move on to the next one to get

1:11:49

the over the old one like

1:11:51

a rebound but I think Luke's over

1:11:53

his head with the boys. You got

1:11:55

a you got a really you got

1:11:58

to really worry when God. groups

1:12:00

call themselves the boys. Saturday

1:12:02

or for the boys, you know what

1:12:04

I'm saying? Anyways, Luke makes the brave

1:12:06

decision to say, Hey, hey, hey, Jackson,

1:12:09

am I am I still blocked? Am

1:12:11

I still blocked from you, Jax? Alright,

1:12:13

or can we be friends? And

1:12:15

Jax is like, Are you blocked? And

1:12:17

he's like, I was at one point. Well, you

1:12:20

tell me see, see, see, see if you are

1:12:22

and I'll do my best to un unblock you.

1:12:24

I'll do my best. I love the Jax is

1:12:26

like, I don't know how these new fangled Instagrams

1:12:28

work. I'll do if I'll see if I can

1:12:30

unblock out even know how this thing works. And

1:12:32

then Dodie go, no, then Luke goes, I think

1:12:35

Christian pissed you off it at one point, you

1:12:37

just blocked both of us. And then Jax shows,

1:12:39

here's the thing about Christian, she's gonna piss me

1:12:41

off at least once a month. And

1:12:43

then Jason's like, Luke, you're here one to

1:12:46

three months for sure. Are you living with Christian or

1:12:48

you have your own place? He's like, I'm saying I'm

1:12:50

staying with Christian. I'm still a Colorado resident. I got

1:12:53

a little closet with some clothes. And I have my

1:12:55

own set of golf clubs here. So that's nice. But

1:12:57

99% of my life is still in Colorado. So

1:12:59

I actually like how much 99% of my life

1:13:01

is in Colorado. Is it gonna stay

1:13:04

like that? Jack says, tension.

1:13:06

And Luke's like, well, I'm not planning that way. But you know,

1:13:09

I mean, we're kind of trying to take another step. He's like,

1:13:11

Yeah, I know the step you're taking. Yeah. Jesse

1:13:14

goes, Jax has his shit written all over his

1:13:17

face. And it is so obvious to say he

1:13:19

doesn't like that fucking guy, Luke at all. And

1:13:21

then Jax just rips one into a video screen,

1:13:23

we go back to the girls. And

1:13:27

Brittany's like, I feel like sometimes I'm in

1:13:29

between the Jax, Kristen, Luke situation, you know,

1:13:32

Jax will act like Luke didn't even exist. If he

1:13:34

was around, he was very rude. And we went

1:13:36

to Mexico for Sheena's wedding. And they were not

1:13:38

getting along whatsoever. And I felt like I was

1:13:40

in the middle. I was like breaking up my

1:13:42

hives, everything. I love Kristen so much. She's like

1:13:45

one of my closest friends. And like she had

1:13:47

just broken up with her ex boyfriend. And she

1:13:49

was like, so emotional. And it was kind of

1:13:51

like, oh, whoa, you're already in a

1:13:53

new relationship, which is very Christian to

1:13:55

do. I'll give her that. And I'm always

1:13:57

kind of him to Luke. It's not like I ever been mean

1:13:59

to him. or anything, but Jax is just straight up like, no,

1:14:02

no, no, no, Luke, just straight up

1:14:05

like that back to the guys. And

1:14:08

they're like, what's up? Are you talking about? And Luke's like,

1:14:11

well, you know, you know, she's the oldest girl in the

1:14:13

group. So she's 40. And, you know,

1:14:17

so we're talking talking about having a

1:14:20

baby. And all the

1:14:22

guys are like, Oh, my God, that's

1:14:24

crazy. That's crazy. And Jackson's laughing like,

1:14:26

kids. And Lucy, we

1:14:28

pulled the goalie. And Jackson's like,

1:14:30

do you think she's wanting it for the right reasons? Because

1:14:33

you know, we just want to make sure she's gonna be

1:14:35

okay, you know, with having a kid out of wedlock. My

1:14:38

name is my name is Jack Taylor. I'm

1:14:40

from 1840. You cannot have a kid out

1:14:42

of wedlock. Are you kid out of wedlock?

1:14:44

What is it? What are you? What is

1:14:46

what is going to get out of wedlock?

1:14:49

Is this little house on the prairie a kid

1:14:51

out of wedlock? Like, I swear to

1:14:53

God, Jack has learned all his vernacular from like

1:14:55

reruns of television, like, and it's just like a

1:14:57

certain time period in the 80s, where you would

1:14:59

hear words like wedlock, like, you sure you want

1:15:01

to have a kid out of wedlock? I'll tell

1:15:04

you, you got to put a ring on that

1:15:06

finger. That's what you do, boy. And

1:15:08

I this is Jack's being Jack's not thinking

1:15:10

that he knows everything. And

1:15:14

Luke is just listening. And Jackson's like,

1:15:16

I know this, because Brittany's friends have

1:15:18

kids out of wedlock, wedlock raising kids

1:15:20

by themselves have full time jobs, health

1:15:22

insurance schools, bills, food. I mean, it

1:15:24

adds up, buddy. They don't have

1:15:26

cameos to fall back on. And looks

1:15:29

like we both have the same mindset to give this

1:15:31

kid the best life, no matter what. And

1:15:33

that's more important to me than a ring and a

1:15:35

wedding. And everybody's like,

1:15:37

you know, that sounds good. That sounds good. You

1:15:39

know, and Jesse's like, Yeah, we

1:15:41

can all talk about how good of parents we're

1:15:43

going to be until you have a kid and

1:15:46

it changes the entire relationship once you do. So

1:15:48

this is just bros being bros. Saturdays for the

1:15:50

boys. We got to another day

1:15:52

and Jackson, Brittany have crews in a big

1:15:55

baby stroller and they're walking over

1:15:57

to Janet and Jason's. Jax

1:16:00

gets out and he's already like, oh, these

1:16:02

garbage cans, are you kidding me? These garbage,

1:16:04

they don't even put it in front of

1:16:06

the house. I just imagine just driving around

1:16:08

like Valley Village, you just see Jax Taylor

1:16:10

pushing garbage cans. Ah, they put it three

1:16:12

blocks away, come on. But anyways, Jax,

1:16:14

like Brittany's pushing and Jax is like, did you put

1:16:16

sunscreen on this boy? Did his cruise, hey, are his

1:16:18

legs covered up? Let's come on, you don't even know

1:16:20

how to, I know, I'm a

1:16:22

father, come on. Are you kidding me? So

1:16:25

they're walking over to the champion

1:16:27

and Jason's, which if you know where they both

1:16:29

live, I don't, is

1:16:31

this truly, this doesn't make sense. That's

1:16:35

a long walk, anyways, they come in,

1:16:37

everybody's a sweaty mess and this is

1:16:40

when you start to see Jax's soul

1:16:42

seeping out of his armpits on his

1:16:44

white designer shirt. So

1:16:47

they're all just talking about how sweaty they are, which

1:16:49

is classic the Valley, that's gonna be a recurring theme.

1:16:52

Everybody's talking about Janet's belly and

1:16:56

Jax pushes cruise into the other room, so

1:16:59

they keep him asleep, Jax is like, we're

1:17:01

this couple, we're together with him three or

1:17:03

four times a week, Janet, she is easy

1:17:05

to go along with, she's friends

1:17:08

with Ariana, Sheena, Lala, we see

1:17:10

pictures of them and he's like, I

1:17:12

love Jason, he's a great guy, if I find

1:17:14

myself in hot water with my wife, pool guy,

1:17:16

mailman, I call him first because he's like a

1:17:18

certain type of lawyer, he's got the broad of

1:17:21

all kind of lawyering. Janet

1:17:23

goes, Jason works in workers comp defense on

1:17:25

the corporate side and the producer's like, do

1:17:27

you think Jax understands what any of those

1:17:30

words mean? And Janet's like, no, he doesn't

1:17:32

need, know any of those words separated even

1:17:35

or together. And by the

1:17:37

love that Jason does, the workers comp law

1:17:39

on the business side and Jax is like,

1:17:41

I call him for everything, I do, I

1:17:43

call him for everything, he's just my law

1:17:45

guy. Can you imagine the

1:17:48

shit that Jax comes to Jason with of like,

1:17:50

I've got a stalker, do you have a hit

1:17:52

man? Can you do that as a lawyer? Can

1:17:54

you get me a hit man? Anyways, Jax is

1:17:56

poking around the house, he's like, hey, what kind

1:17:58

of tree is this in here? Jason's like an

1:18:00

olive tree and Jackson's like, Oh yeah. Oh,

1:18:03

I'm going to get me one of those. Yeah. Got a

1:18:05

couple on order. Yeah. Probably gonna have a big

1:18:07

olive tree farm at some point. So really great to

1:18:09

see it in action here. All right. Yep. He's just

1:18:11

that guy. I'm like, yeah, I

1:18:13

have all the tools. I know all

1:18:16

the trees do a lot of MoLon, lawn, lawn, mow

1:18:18

and mow lawn and whatever you call it. I'm a

1:18:20

guy. I'm a guy. Janet's

1:18:23

like, sometimes he'll, uh,

1:18:26

he'll tell Jason, Oh, you're such a lawyer.

1:18:28

You open your mail on time. And Janet's

1:18:30

like, he attributes just basic things of being

1:18:32

an adult to Jason being a lawyer, which

1:18:34

is classic. They started

1:18:36

making fun of Jackson's brown, black

1:18:38

sweat stains. And Janet's like,

1:18:40

you got to stop drinking. AMPM Jackson's

1:18:43

like, it's self tanner. I do not

1:18:45

have coffee arm, armpits. And

1:18:49

Brittany's like, Jack's loves his AMPM coffee. He

1:18:51

loves his gas station coffee. And Jackson's like,

1:18:53

I'm a rewards member at AMPM. They know

1:18:55

my name. They know all. Listen, I don't

1:18:58

even think I've bet like, that's his like

1:19:01

excuse to go out and just do things he's

1:19:03

like, I'm going to go get, uh, some

1:19:05

AM, AMPM coffee. I'll see you in five hours. Like

1:19:07

I have a feeling that's what he says, whatever he

1:19:09

goes to do, whatever he does. Um,

1:19:12

but I just love that AMPM is like

1:19:14

cheers to Jack's. Like he walks into

1:19:16

an AMPM. They're all like, Jack's norm.

1:19:21

But he's like, I basically like meth for coffee

1:19:23

where you can drive to Florida in two days

1:19:25

and thank God that, by the way, that

1:19:28

is the most growth you've seen out of

1:19:30

Jack's before he would potentially do other substances.

1:19:32

And now he just drinks really strong gas.

1:19:35

So these four start talking and we find out

1:19:37

that Janet's birthday is coming up and Brittany and

1:19:39

Jack's are throwing her a, her, her a party

1:19:42

at their place. And they're really

1:19:44

excited about it. And then they talk about, uh,

1:19:46

yeah, we, we all started having kids at the

1:19:48

same time because it was COVID. There was nothing

1:19:50

else to do, which I love the amount of

1:19:52

kids that got like birth during COVID and the

1:19:54

story. The parents are going to have to like,

1:19:57

listen, we were so bored during

1:19:59

COVID. We had. had you. That's that

1:20:01

we had you if COVID hadn't have

1:20:03

happened, you wouldn't be here. So anyways,

1:20:07

Jackson, like, have you have you guys talked to

1:20:09

Kristen and Luke lately, she is actively trying to get

1:20:11

pregnant right now. I love Kristen to death. But we're

1:20:13

like a brother sister relationship. It's kind of a janet's

1:20:15

like, I hate when you say that. And

1:20:18

Jackson, like, I know, because it's weird. But I

1:20:20

don't think I don't think that because I don't

1:20:22

remember that even. And then we flashback, we

1:20:24

flashback to the infamous scene,

1:20:27

when they're asking, like, how many times did

1:20:29

you fuck jacks and two times. And then

1:20:32

it's like, no, not two times. And he's

1:20:34

like, the first time you suck his dick.

1:20:36

And I'm like, Oh, shit, that is old

1:20:38

school Vanderpump rules probably wouldn't be able to

1:20:40

exist in today's climate. Do you ever think

1:20:43

about that? That slap was like the Vanderpump

1:20:45

rules would have been over if that that

1:20:47

that that slap connecting the way it did.

1:20:50

You wouldn't see any of those people on TV.

1:20:52

The show would have been canceled if that came

1:20:54

out today. Even though that is, and we all

1:20:56

say iconic television, I hate to say that, but it's

1:20:58

true. But Jax, I just love Jackson. Like, I don't even

1:21:01

remember that. What are you talking about? No, brother sister. I

1:21:03

don't even remember. No, I don't even remember what it take.

1:21:05

What did she put her hand on? I know. Are you

1:21:07

kidding me? But man, I

1:21:09

love the flashbacks. Jackson's

1:21:13

like, I feel like we kind of have a family

1:21:15

group, you know, for the show. And just

1:21:18

like, you guys are very close. And Brittany's like, I know

1:21:20

she wanted this for a long time. It's fast with Luke,

1:21:22

but she deserves to be a mother. She's already 40.

1:21:24

That's what I worry about. You know, and

1:21:27

Jason's like, I think Christian has a lot of qualities that

1:21:29

would make her a great mom, Christian will go above and

1:21:31

beyond when it comes to her friends. I've seen it. I

1:21:34

mean, Christian was there the day I got engaged with Janet,

1:21:36

we see video of that in 2021. Very

1:21:39

cool moment. And Christian was

1:21:41

there for it. Very sweet. And

1:21:45

Jason says, Christian helped me with the proposal videotape that

1:21:47

I think she's a good person. And I think she

1:21:49

would be a great mother. Janet

1:21:51

goes, I think having a family and a partner was

1:21:54

the most important thing. So for me, I'm like, is

1:21:56

it just that she wants a child or does she

1:21:58

when she met Luke, was she like this? is

1:22:00

the partner that I want to have. I have

1:22:02

a feeling that's going to be a fight in

1:22:04

the future between Janet and Dodie. And

1:22:07

Jackson's like, Hey, I want to give the guy

1:22:09

the benefit of the doubt. I just I feel

1:22:11

like there's gonna be an I told you so

1:22:13

moment. I'm rarely ever I don't say never, but

1:22:16

I'm rarely ever wrong about this. And Brittany's like,

1:22:18

I'm so sick of this stick. You keep saying

1:22:20

about you never being wrong about things. It's true.

1:22:22

He is wrong about literally everything. But Jack's continue

1:22:24

to say that he knows everything. Just a chef's

1:22:27

kiss, Jack's. I mean, it's

1:22:30

truly amazing. I love the Jackson's

1:22:32

like, I want to give him a benefit of a

1:22:34

doubt. Come on, but there's gonna be an I told

1:22:36

you so moment. There's gonna be an I told you

1:22:38

so moment allegedly with you guys, Jackson Brittany. It's wild.

1:22:41

So now we're over at Jackson Brittany's house, they're setting

1:22:43

up for this Janet's County

1:22:45

Fair birthday party. So we

1:22:47

see balloons, carnival things. And

1:22:50

it's gonna be 100 degrees in the valley, you

1:22:52

guys and Jackson's doing a shot. And Brittany's like,

1:22:55

sounds like a pool day. Can you finish blowing

1:22:57

up these corn dog balloons? And Jackson's like, I

1:22:59

need to get dressed and eat. And

1:23:02

Brittany's like, just blow up the damn hot

1:23:04

dog. Come on, Jack. Do it. Do it,

1:23:06

Jack. Come on. Blow

1:23:08

blow blow act like you're in Miami.

1:23:10

Do it. And then we

1:23:13

now go back to Jason and Janet's

1:23:15

house. They're cheersing the

1:23:17

sparkling pear cider because she's pregnant.

1:23:19

And Jason's like, Cheers to your last birthday

1:23:22

without a baby in you. Gosh,

1:23:25

and Janet's like, that's not quite the buzz I'm

1:23:27

used to. Then we round

1:23:29

robin it to the next location.

1:23:32

And that's Danny and Nia's condo.

1:23:36

And they just

1:23:38

talked about re gifting a gift for Janet's

1:23:40

birthday. We go back to Brittany's place and

1:23:43

the place is decked out in county fair

1:23:45

gloriousness. And Brittany and a

1:23:47

chugging heads like, Listen, I come from

1:23:49

Kentucky and Janet's from Ohio. We

1:23:52

both have always talked about how

1:23:54

we love the county fair. We

1:23:56

got funnel cakes, caramel apples, ice

1:23:58

cream, hot dogs, misery. It

1:24:00

is a pregnant person's dream. And

1:24:03

Jax is asking the bartender, do you make

1:24:05

a healthier type of margarita? Do you?

1:24:07

I'm trying to be healthy. We see Luke,

1:24:09

Zach and Dodie pull up to this

1:24:12

party. They come in, talking about how

1:24:14

cute it is. Zach is dressed up

1:24:16

like a country bumpkin. He's got

1:24:19

long hair and Brittany's like, we have the same

1:24:21

idea Zach. Love, love it. Look

1:24:23

at your long hair wig. I love it. How

1:24:25

are you doing Luke, honey? And

1:24:28

then a producer and a talking to me, he goes,

1:24:30

what's Luke's last name, Jax? And he goes, I don't

1:24:33

know, Colorado? We've

1:24:35

all known Christian for many, many, many years. We

1:24:38

flashback to 2015 of Dodie yelling

1:24:40

at Sandoval, like, walk away. I'm

1:24:42

fucking done, Tom. And

1:24:44

then another scene of like, to DJ James

1:24:46

Kennedy of like, I was so good to

1:24:49

you, DJ James Kennedy. He's like, no, you

1:24:51

won't. How dare you? And then

1:24:53

like 2018, a scene with, remember

1:24:57

Beard boyfriend? Remember

1:24:59

that? Anyways, Jackson, the talking to goes,

1:25:01

Luke is fucked. Luke is

1:25:03

fucked. They have a real tattoo

1:25:05

artist at this country

1:25:07

fair party. They have a real tattoo artist.

1:25:10

Can you imagine getting a full sleeve or

1:25:12

a neck tattoo? And you're like, where'd you

1:25:14

get that? Janet's country

1:25:16

party at Jackson, Brittany's house.

1:25:19

You know what? I would get an it's all happening

1:25:21

tattoo at Jackson. That would be iconic too. Anyways,

1:25:24

Janet and Jason pull up. Janet finally

1:25:26

gets to see the theme. She is

1:25:29

thrilled. And she's like,

1:25:31

oh my God. And Brittany's like,

1:25:33

welcome to Janice County fair. Oh,

1:25:36

it does look really good actually. And

1:25:39

Jackson's like, wait till you see the backyard.

1:25:41

I'm, I'm, I'm both blonde. It's pretty intense.

1:25:44

Yeah. And, uh,

1:25:46

Jenna says, I always went to the Ohio state fair

1:25:48

for my birthday. Who doesn't love fried

1:25:50

food and being a little trashy. I went to the Ohio state

1:25:53

fair one time. Anyways, Janet says, this is

1:25:55

who I am to my core. And

1:25:57

I, she is, but in a great way. Anyways.

1:26:00

There's also a dunk tank there. We

1:26:02

see Cruz Jackson Brittany's two-year-old. They have

1:26:04

an ice cream bar Isabella

1:26:07

Jesse and Michelle's daughter There

1:26:10

Jesse's letting her have ice cream and he's

1:26:12

like don't tell your mom who I dislike

1:26:14

very much Jesse says

1:26:17

Brittany knows how to do it. She loves

1:26:19

these themes. They have a goddamn storage unit

1:26:21

just for Halloween decorations and He's

1:26:24

like I fucking hate themes. I fucking hate themes

1:26:27

and then Jesse's like I'm gonna have a margarita

1:26:29

I'm gonna have a margarita. I'm gonna do it.

1:26:31

I'm gonna have a margarita. All right, so

1:26:34

Dodie is hugging Michelle Everybody's

1:26:36

getting along It's

1:26:39

it's just lovely Valley stuff Michelle

1:26:41

Lally is talking to Dodie about having a

1:26:43

baby and Michelle's like listen between

1:26:46

me and you you've got to have

1:26:48

conversations With your boyfriend or

1:26:50

your husband before about how you want

1:26:53

to raise this child. Just trust me

1:26:55

You got to have these conversations. It

1:26:57

just seems like an intense warning instead

1:26:59

of like friendly advice She's like you

1:27:01

just better have those conversations Just

1:27:03

do it and then Daniel Daniel

1:27:05

and Nia pull up to the joints Also,

1:27:08

I love Brittany Brittany's like does

1:27:10

a shot with all the women. She's like let's do

1:27:13

this and I'm gonna get a tattoo Then

1:27:17

Daniel and a talking head goes when

1:27:19

I first met Jax Taylor, it was

1:27:21

crazy You know, a lot of people

1:27:23

were like, do you know who Jax

1:27:25

Taylor is? Like he is the biggest

1:27:27

douchebag in the planet. We get a

1:27:29

flashback to Jackson's chunky sweater in Vegas

1:27:32

Daniel goes yeah cheating on his wife

1:27:34

all that stuff and we get a

1:27:36

flashback of the Brittany going Did

1:27:38

you did you cheat? Did you did

1:27:41

you have sex with her? Yeah, I

1:27:43

did rotten Hale I

1:27:56

Conic anyways, Nia

1:27:59

says I believe people can change we do

1:28:01

not have to be defined by our past and

1:28:04

Daniel's like you have to put in the work

1:28:06

to actually change you do this guy seems like

1:28:08

a really good guy They both seem like really

1:28:10

good good people so Who

1:28:13

knows what's gonna happen with them? Like I hope

1:28:15

this I hope this show doesn't affect their

1:28:18

relationship at all anyways

1:28:22

I Jax

1:28:24

is talking to Lally

1:28:27

Jesse lally and he's like my wife

1:28:29

Michelle has not been happy this last

1:28:31

24 hours It

1:28:34

is hard to even tell you what we've been fighting about. It's

1:28:36

like little things We've transitioned

1:28:38

from fun to honeymoon stage Once

1:28:42

the baby came she kind of evolved

1:28:44

as a mom and I wasn't quite

1:28:46

evolving as a dad And that's just

1:28:48

kind of where we're at. I love it. He's like I'm

1:28:50

not trying to be better He's like, well, she's evolved and

1:28:52

I haven't and Jackson's like, I hope

1:28:54

there's not a separation or anything Right and he's

1:28:56

like no, but the conversations have been had and

1:28:59

actually what can I sleep with her? No,

1:29:01

he goes you don't want that buddy. It

1:29:03

is like no and actually who brought that up Did

1:29:05

she did did she bring it up? He's

1:29:07

just she's like, yeah, she brought it up. I Love

1:29:10

Jackson's like tell me who brought it up. Come

1:29:12

on. Talk to old Jack's talk

1:29:14

to therapist Jack's later And

1:29:16

then Lala and she shoe Sheena

1:29:19

Shay pops up and Sheena the first thing

1:29:21

she goes I didn't know there was a

1:29:23

theme no one told me Classic

1:29:26

Sheena classic Sheena of going

1:29:28

no one told me this is about me.

1:29:30

Why didn't they tell me there was a

1:29:33

theme? It's hysterical,

1:29:35

but they're there good to see him

1:29:37

But he's like I didn't tell anybody about the same really

1:29:40

come on Yeah, and Brock's there

1:29:42

and he sees Daniel's American flag and

1:29:44

rocks like you're like an American bird.

1:29:46

You're like a flag bird. Yeah Fun

1:29:50

is being had everybody's hugging each other

1:29:52

Daniels out there acting like a bird

1:29:55

still Just just

1:29:57

just family craziness happening.

1:29:59

It was reminded me of my

1:30:02

I remember this as a kid, you remember like that,

1:30:04

like, like parties or barbecues as a kid, like you

1:30:06

were like five or six or seven years old. And

1:30:08

I remember like they, you know, all the adults would

1:30:10

be there. And you can tell like, you know, everybody's

1:30:13

had a couple beers, even as a kid, you're like,

1:30:15

Oh, this is getting pretty loose. I remember my dad

1:30:17

used to do this bit, talk about a weird dad

1:30:19

joke, he would put on two pairs of shorts. And

1:30:21

at one point in the evening, he would like rip

1:30:23

one off, like he was like, like

1:30:25

just stripping and then there would be a second

1:30:28

pair of shorts. And I just remember as a

1:30:30

kid, it would always get a big laugh. And

1:30:32

I'd be like, Oh my god, my dad is

1:30:34

so cool. He would also do this thing where

1:30:36

he would do the middle finger upside down. He's

1:30:38

like, Can you hear this? Do you want me

1:30:40

to turn it up? And then it would be

1:30:42

an upright middle finger. Amazing dad jokes. I

1:30:45

mean, like dad jokes after dark. Also,

1:30:47

it looks like they've put their son Cruz

1:30:50

in like the Jacuzzi part of their pool.

1:30:52

And he does have floaties. But he's literally

1:30:54

in this Jacuzzi and Britain is like, jump,

1:30:56

Chris jump and the cruises all splashing. But

1:30:58

then they do a couple of shots of

1:31:00

like Cruz later. And he's just still in

1:31:02

there by himself. And I was like, I

1:31:04

know the camera guy's watching him. But like,

1:31:06

should he be in this little Jacuzzi area

1:31:09

by himself, even with the floaties, I just

1:31:11

felt like this kid is just there. Anyways,

1:31:13

now Jackson's in a scene with Lala.

1:31:16

This is just great. I just

1:31:18

wonder what's going through Lala's mind. But Jackson's

1:31:20

like, Listen, I you know, Dodie, you know,

1:31:22

we love her to death, right? You know,

1:31:24

she's family, you know, but okay, trying to

1:31:26

get pregnant thing, bringing a child into

1:31:28

this world. And Lala is like, is she

1:31:30

actively trying? And he's like, that's what I've been told.

1:31:33

And Lala's like, well, that's what she told me as

1:31:35

well. Having kids is not easy. And you're you're a

1:31:37

single mom. It's got to be tough. I'm

1:31:39

not saying she's gonna be a single mom. But

1:31:41

if anybody should take a page out of anybody's

1:31:43

book, take a page out of yours, Jack's kissing

1:31:45

Lala's ass. And Jackson is talking

1:31:47

to his like, I think she's got to really think about it. You

1:31:50

know, just really make sure she's ready. And

1:31:52

main pick guys gonna stay in LA. This

1:31:54

guy's don't pick a don't pick a woodsman

1:31:56

with 70 acres. And

1:31:59

then Lala's like, I don't know I don't

1:32:01

know what Dodie Dodie's pussy must like shoot

1:32:03

diamonds or something cuz she really bags him

1:32:05

No, Dodie doesn't make anybody wear condoms. That's

1:32:07

probably doesn't that's why doesn't hurt either I

1:32:10

love Lala's like her pussy shoots diamonds She's

1:32:13

like she fucking bags dudes and

1:32:15

laws like I've been looking for a man for a long time bitch How

1:32:19

do you have ten in the past two years? And

1:32:21

Jack's like I know good one good

1:32:23

one. Hey, how's Randall? How's Randall? We

1:32:26

see Brittany getting a tattoo on her

1:32:28

wrist and Janet's even

1:32:30

a hot dog and sex like Janet loves

1:32:32

hot dogs We have

1:32:34

Carla Danny's sister-in-law babysitting the kids in

1:32:36

the other room. There's a line for

1:32:38

the tattoos Dodie

1:32:40

is in line after Lala, but Jesse lally

1:32:42

is like no dude Yours

1:32:45

like no, I want to go before you

1:32:47

like I've been standing here and Dodie's like

1:32:49

mine's only two letters like come on

1:32:51

Let me go. Let me go and then

1:32:53

Dodie pinches Jesse lally's nipple

1:32:56

and Dodie and I talking heads like are you kidding me?

1:32:58

I am so close with Jesse's wife Michelle, but

1:33:00

I am nowhere near close Enough

1:33:03

for Jesse lally to like anywhere near my boobs

1:33:05

because she pitches his nipple and then he tries

1:33:07

to go to pinch her nipple And

1:33:09

it's like what are you like? Yeah, you can't pitch a

1:33:11

random girl's nipple and Dodie's like

1:33:13

I just put up with Jesse because she's Michelle's husband

1:33:15

and that's what you have to do sometimes and Jesse

1:33:20

says I'm gonna let my wife pick my tattoo

1:33:22

and Lala walks up and he goes and my

1:33:24

mistress as well I want to

1:33:27

be more cultured. Actually, I sorry. I didn't mean

1:33:29

mistress. I meant side piece and

1:33:31

Jesse goes It's called modern family. It's called modern

1:33:33

family and Michelle. Ali is watching this whole thing

1:33:35

her husband act like a dipshit Insane

1:33:39

now Jax has all the men in the kitchen

1:33:41

area and he's like listen. He's like still on

1:33:43

this Dodie thing He's like he's just trying to

1:33:45

talk to anybody that like actually has a pulse

1:33:47

He's like hey you hear about Dodie trying to

1:33:49

push one out and he's talking to Brock He's

1:33:52

like hey about parenting Brock like, you know, you

1:33:54

got to know where you where we're gonna live,

1:33:56

you know So like that right brother, you

1:33:58

know, how you gonna parent? I mean, the

1:34:00

word will figure it out. Come on. And

1:34:02

Brock's like, how did I do a figure out? And Jackson's

1:34:04

like, we planned all this, man. We planned all this. And

1:34:07

Lola's like, Oh my God, they're over there talking about motherhood

1:34:09

and none of them are a mother. Are you kidding me?

1:34:12

And so they go get Christian and Jackson's like, Hey,

1:34:15

I don't think you're ever fully 100% to raise kids.

1:34:17

You can be as ready as you want, but

1:34:20

there's hidden expenses. There's hidden things. And

1:34:22

Dodie comes into this conversation hugs Brock.

1:34:25

And Jackson's like, Hey, now that we're into this children

1:34:27

conversation, I just want you to make sure you're ready

1:34:30

for this situation, Dodie. And Dodie's like,

1:34:32

Jax, were you ready? And she's

1:34:34

like, no one is ready, Jackson. Lola's like, what makes

1:34:36

you think she wouldn't be ready? It's not like you're

1:34:38

getting a dog with your boyfriend, Christian. You're

1:34:40

getting a child. And Dodie's like, but

1:34:42

who are you to say if I'm ready or whatever?

1:34:44

And he's like, are you mentally there to have a

1:34:46

child right now? And Chris is

1:34:48

like, I've been mentally there for a very long time. And

1:34:50

Jackson's like, I just want you to do your research.

1:34:52

I want you to get the baby books. And

1:34:55

Dodie's like, if I want men to tell me

1:34:57

when I cannot be a mother, I'd go hang

1:34:59

out with Trump, Trump. And then he goes, Jack's

1:35:01

just such a, such a dick. Yeah. Anyway,

1:35:08

Zach is like, so if you had a baby right now, would

1:35:10

you be happy now? And

1:35:12

Dodie's like something I learned in my last relationship. I

1:35:14

didn't want a baby with that person, but I

1:35:16

was like going, whoa, you

1:35:19

know, and Jackson's like, whoa, whoa, whoa,

1:35:21

whoa. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. You

1:35:23

were at my house with your ex-boyfriend

1:35:25

and you were telling him you wanted him to

1:35:27

fucking come inside you. I was standing right there.

1:35:29

And then a week later, you broke up. You

1:35:32

said it right here. You said, can you imagine

1:35:34

that? Jack's going, I heard you say you wanted

1:35:36

that man to come and you right there. I

1:35:38

heard it. I was right there. I was like

1:35:40

sneak listening, but I was right there. Listening on

1:35:42

the baby monitor. You said you wanted that guy

1:35:44

to hit it raw. He's

1:35:47

like, there's family there. There's kids running around

1:35:49

and Jackson's like, you said he, what you

1:35:51

let, you wanted him to come inside you,

1:35:53

Christian. You know, you said it. Let's watch

1:35:55

drive. Honestly, I hope this is

1:35:57

a storyline just for the show because it would

1:35:59

be really. creepy if Jack's like he's like

1:36:01

you're ovulating right now I have been clocking

1:36:03

your cycle now for the last couple of years

1:36:05

and it's go time and I'm not sure

1:36:07

of this Luke I knows the ins and outs

1:36:10

like I do like the big man Jack's

1:36:12

just um also I would

1:36:14

love if Jack's his cameos if

1:36:16

somebody get a cameo from Jack's and ask

1:36:19

and ask him like say

1:36:21

hey my friend is about

1:36:23

to like try to have a child with

1:36:25

somebody out of wedlock could you give words

1:36:27

of advice hey buddy it's Jack's listen

1:36:30

your friend Randy got this cameo for

1:36:32

you and I gotta have a tough

1:36:34

talk with you Elizabeth you want to

1:36:37

have a shot at a wedlock now let me tell you I'm

1:36:41

kind of the preeminent person for talking about

1:36:43

the old babies right I got one and

1:36:46

I'm doing a pretty damn good job

1:36:48

I've got a saloon and I'm currently

1:36:50

living in a different house than my

1:36:53

my wife so everything's

1:36:55

going good anyway in the scene Christians like I

1:36:57

do not have to tell you about

1:36:59

my personal every like little detail of

1:37:01

my personal relationship with my boyfriend in

1:37:05

and it just doesn't mean that we don't have these conversations

1:37:07

because you don't know about it

1:37:09

he's like Jack I've been friends with you

1:37:12

for 16 years we've been friends and

1:37:14

Jackson's like I know Luke just as long as you guys have known

1:37:16

him come on no I do know and then

1:37:19

when Britney's outside going crazy mom is gonna

1:37:21

be inside I'll come back out for you

1:37:24

Dodie's like my feelings are hurt because you say we're

1:37:26

like brother and sister we're like family and actually

1:37:28

first of all if I didn't care about you I'd

1:37:31

be like go ahead have fun have kids you want

1:37:33

tough love that's what you want from your friends if

1:37:35

you guys broke up what would happen then old Jack

1:37:37

would have to raise that kid and don't

1:37:39

he's like what are you like and

1:37:41

and Jack's like do you think about you were gonna break

1:37:43

up with the last five guys no and Dodie's

1:37:46

like be my friend like what

1:37:48

are you doing this is ridiculous I loved

1:37:50

you want tough love you want if Jack's

1:37:52

ever gets tough love he runs dude he's

1:37:54

like fuck that it's so

1:37:56

rude lala and she and I are just

1:37:58

watching like they're watching a TV show. Jackson's

1:38:01

like, a good friend will dive in and

1:38:03

hit the hurt spot. That's a good friend.

1:38:06

I don't want to. Yes, man. I don't. I don't. Fucked

1:38:09

on Sandoval. Dodie goes, here he is.

1:38:11