0:05

Hi, Sloots. Today

0:08

I'm going to be taking you

0:10

guys down memory lane and revisiting

0:12

one of my all time favorite

0:15

episodes ever, which

0:17

has a very, very important

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message. I think we all need

0:21

to hear. I love you

0:23

guys and see you next week with

0:25

an all new episode. I've

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got something new for y'all

0:41

and it's called minor figures

0:43

barista out. Okay. One

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of my non-negotiables is coffee in

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the morning, especially when

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it's cold out and I'm feeling

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burnout. Morning coffee gives

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me life. Like it

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actually is the one thing that will get me out of bed. It's

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soothing. It wakes me up

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near you for my

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listeners in Denver. in New York,

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Minor Figures is also now available

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at Whole Foods Market. If

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you've been listening to me since day one,

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you know that I live in New York

2:11

City, but what I do not talk about

2:13

is in the past, I would honestly just

2:15

take whatever I could get. First

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apartment was a

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mattress on the floor, it was a

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studio apartment the size of my room,

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and there were cockroaches everywhere. I mean,

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I would find an ad in the

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newspaper and I would just put in

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the place to find a place. I

3:58

did not do it, guys. I

4:00

didn't do it. I was supposed to go to a

4:03

healing ceremony to try ayahuasca

4:05

this past weekend and I

4:08

didn't go through with it and I sent my

4:10

good friend instead. I needed

4:12

a guinea pig to try it out before I put myself

4:14

through that shit and Let

4:17

me just say shit works like a

4:19

charm. So I'm back on the

4:21

waiting list I will probably ship off

4:23

to do it in a month or so. Stay

4:25

tuned for that and Welcome

4:28

to Sophia with an F everybody.

4:30

I Thought

4:32

to myself what can I do

4:34

to heal myself in the meantime?

4:37

That does not include intense drugs

4:39

and it was really hard for me

4:41

to come up with anything But

4:44

I did not dream for the

4:46

past week Zero

4:48

alcohol and it feels pretty

4:50

fucking great Yeah,

4:53

I also was going to take off a week

4:55

from drinking but that lasted about Four

4:57

hours and I happened to ruin all my

4:59

relationships and now my guy won't call me

5:02

back. So I remember

5:05

those days Two

5:08

days We've got my producer

5:10

Alex here. Hello Alex. Hello Sophia.

5:12

How are you? I'm amazing. How

5:15

are you good? I'm

5:17

like honestly shocked that I even

5:19

made it a week. I've just been drinking

5:21

a lot of sparkling water Which

5:24

by the way Alex and I

5:27

need you to please indulge me

5:29

This is a fucking debate that

5:31

has been going on forever and

5:33

no one has my back on this sparkling

5:36

water is not equivalent to

5:38

regular water and I

5:41

don't mean in the taste or

5:43

in the Carbonation

5:46

texture in your mouth. Okay

5:49

Stop trying to tell me

5:51

that sparkling water is just

5:53

as hydrating as regular old tap

5:55

water It's not I talked

5:57

to a personal trainer that I had over

6:00

a year ago about it. My

6:02

family, I literally have asked

6:04

so many people and everyone's like, it's

6:07

just carbonated water. It's just as good

6:09

for you. No, it's

6:11

not. No way. Maybe better

6:13

than soda. Carbonation has to

6:15

be dehydrating. It has to be.

6:17

But like how the fuck do you

6:19

even drink sparkling water? Let's start there.

6:21

It tastes like fucking TV static. And

6:25

it doesn't even get you drunk. Like there's no point

6:27

in drinking carbonation if you're not even going to feel

6:29

something off of it. Except for disappointment

6:31

and apparently hydration. You

6:33

know what, Alex? You can

6:35

let me know when you are

6:38

not drinking alcohol. Okay. What things

6:40

you intake. In other

6:42

news, I need to talk

6:44

about something. People say

6:46

that kids should not have

6:48

cell phones. No,

6:51

adults should not have

6:53

cell phones or access to the

6:55

internet. So that matter. At

6:57

least kids grow up with some idea

6:59

of like what they're getting into or

7:02

have some parameters. Adults

7:05

have fucking free range and they

7:08

cannot be trusted. Cannot. Like

7:10

what do you mean? Like there's child locks

7:12

for kids on their mom's fucking iPads. Like

7:14

there should be an adult lock or parental

7:18

control. Yes. Absolutely. I'm shocked

7:20

that there isn't anything like

7:23

that. The amount of times

7:26

that my father has posted

7:28

something he didn't mean to on

7:31

his story and then

7:33

has no fucking clue how to delete

7:35

it. So it just, it's fair

7:37

for four hours until I

7:39

get off work and I can

7:41

manually do it for him.

7:43

Because imagine trying to explain to

7:46

someone over the age of 40 how to

7:49

do it over the

7:51

phone. Do your parents also ask you to

7:53

write their captions because they can't speak English

7:56

or is that just mine? My mom asked

7:58

me to write. fucking

8:00

everything and I'm like I can't

8:03

even write my own. Literally. So

8:05

please uh didn't some

8:07

shit actually happen with Chloe Kardashian

8:09

and her grandma uploaded a picture

8:12

that wasn't flattering and then she

8:14

had to like do a whole

8:16

fucking post and it was like

8:19

a whole thing and she had to be like there's

8:21

unflattering picture like her grandma

8:23

almost sabotaged Chloe Kardashian's career.

8:25

I know literally. Why does

8:27

her grandma have a cell

8:29

phone? No offense. Why does

8:31

my grandma have one? Why

8:34

do they have an Instagram? Thank you.

8:36

And know how to post. Who do

8:38

they follow? If you. Kardashian.

8:42

If you're gonna know how to post you

8:44

better know how to delete. Yeah. Okay. Or

8:47

put that shit on fucking private.

8:49

For any grandma listening for

8:51

real. They're just

8:53

like walking liabilities but

8:56

also the way they

8:58

consume the shit that they

9:01

see online. I am

9:03

going to secretly delete my mom's

9:06

TikTok because A. chances are she

9:08

won't know how to download it

9:11

but B. the amount of times

9:13

that my mother has referenced

9:16

something as if it were

9:18

gospel and then

9:20

tells me oh yeah I saw a TikTok about

9:22

it. I can't. She

9:25

asked me Alex the other day. No. Verbatim.

9:29

Verbatim. Sophia could you

9:31

I need you to punch

9:33

me? No she was

9:36

like I need you to bop me on

9:38

the back of the head so I

9:41

can get my taste back because

9:43

she saw some girl on TikTok and

9:45

she was dead fucking serious. I don't

9:47

know if it's because

9:50

our parents are used to you know

9:53

the literal newspaper like showing up

9:55

on their doorstep every morning and

9:58

think the internet is equivalent

10:00

to that, they don't realize

10:02

that there is a 12 year

10:04

old behind the video that they're watching. Literally.

10:08

Unless you are showing me

10:10

a peer reviewed

10:12

article by a professor

10:14

at fucking Stanford. I

10:16

don't want to hear about it. No. And

10:19

the conspiracy theories. Oh

10:21

old people love conspiracy theories.

10:24

Sorry, I was talking about you too. Okay,

10:30

guys, Mark Zuckerberg is

10:32

not a fucking lizard. Although

10:35

Jeff might be. Tupac is

10:38

not alive. Michael Jackson did

10:40

not walk out of his own

10:42

ambulance. Did

10:44

you see the video footage though? No.

10:47

Because I know that motherfucker is moonwalking

10:49

somewhere around here. Alex, I'm

10:51

gonna fucking hope and pray that you were

10:53

just joking and I'm disgusted. I don't know.

10:56

It's really quite terrifying. Oh

10:59

my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh

11:02

my God. Stevie Wonder. What?

11:04

Stevie fucking wonder. What about

11:06

him? You haven't heard the

11:08

conspiracy theories? No.

11:12

Okay, he's not blind. Stevie

11:15

Wonder is not blind. What do you mean

11:17

he's not blind? There

11:19

has been some suspicious activity. Michael

11:22

first pointed it out because

11:25

he sits courtside at basketball

11:27

games. Okay. Why?

11:31

If he can't see why. Okay, please

11:33

stop. Are you fucking kidding me? Explain

11:35

it to me. Oh

11:37

my God. Okay, and there

11:39

was also this instance where

11:41

he was performing to a

11:43

large audience. He was on stage. Thousands

11:46

of people were there. And

11:48

his mic stand started falling over

11:50

and he

11:52

caught it. Sophia.

11:55

Okay. The mic stand

11:58

was across the stage, by the

12:00

way. So CB had to jolt

12:02

across the stage to grab it

12:04

before it fell. Does

12:06

that sound like a blind person to you? God.

12:10

No. It's a little suspicious. Also

12:13

this is the last thing I'm going to say about it. Shaquille

12:15

O'Neal called out CB Wonder because

12:18

Shaquille O'Neal said he ran into

12:20

CB in the elevator once and

12:23

the second he stepped in, CB

12:25

was like,

12:28

what's up Shaq? Oh my god.

12:30

Okay. Well maybe he just has

12:32

echolocation, you know like bats because bats are blind

12:34

too. What is echolocation?

12:37

He just like feels the vibrations. He

12:39

probably just felt the vibrations after

12:41

Shaquille himself, his proportions and it

12:43

was real. Okay. Wait,

12:46

you know what's a bigger conspiracy theory? What? CB

12:48

Wonder is a fucking bat. Okay.

12:52

Okay. You know what? I see

12:54

it. You heard it here first

12:56

people. CB Wonder is a bat. He

12:59

is blind though. So we're

13:01

not discrediting the fact that he's

13:03

blind. He's just blind because he's

13:05

seen enough. You're

13:07

done. We're done. I'm

13:09

cutting us off. Obviously it's

13:11

all bullshit, but my point

13:13

is the people that say

13:15

that there is a microchip put in

13:17

you if you get the vaccine are

13:19

the same people that believe the earth

13:22

is flat and

13:24

the issue is that a lot of people

13:26

believe it. Yeah. That was a

13:28

really good analogy. Thank you. A

13:30

lot of people believe it and I'm

13:32

not going to sit here and say

13:34

I'm immune to an internet search that

13:37

turns into a YouTube rabbit hole, but

13:39

I keep myself in check, you know? I

13:42

don't question the moon landing being real. Okay.

13:46

Okay. What were you there? I

13:49

do question Jeffrey Epstein because

13:51

I don't know if he told himself or not, but it's

13:55

fine. Regardless, moving on. I just wanted

13:57

to say that because these. these

14:00

parents and these grandparents they need to be stopped.

14:03

Because they're gonna cause some real fucking

14:05

damage. Yes. Okay? If

14:15

you're like me and your CD

14:17

organizer was filled with now that's

14:20

what I call this and illegally

14:22

downloaded music you got off of

14:24

LimeWire which left 97,000 viruses

14:28

on the home computer you

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16:32

Alright, let's move on to something that needs

16:34

to be addressed. I'm really

16:37

short charge for my services. Male

16:40

profiles on dating apps. Why

16:42

are they still so fucking bad in

16:45

this economy at your big boy

16:47

ages? Did you guys

16:50

always talk about how basic girls are?

16:53

No, no honey buns. After

16:55

this shit I have seen over the

16:58

years on the fucking apps, I

17:00

am convinced that all men are

17:02

just in one big circle, curating

17:06

their profiles together. But

17:08

I digress. What unlocked

17:11

this suppressed memory was my

17:13

little brother. So my

17:15

brother came over last night so we could

17:17

have dinner as a family. And

17:20

he was like, I need help with my

17:22

dating profile. I was like,

17:24

brother, I got you. This

17:27

fucking idiot pulls

17:30

up his profile

17:32

picture, which was the

17:34

only picture he had. And

17:37

it was of him and his two friends. I

17:39

was like, bro, you are so

17:42

you just want like the people to

17:44

guess like Russian Roulette. Literally,

17:46

you just want these girls to

17:48

guess which one of you they're

17:50

matching with. What an

17:53

actual fuck my guy

17:55

friend just last week, this

17:58

really good looking dude in his 30s

18:01

sent over all of his pics

18:03

and asked me to look them

18:05

over for his dating profile. This

18:08

fuckers main profile picture was of

18:10

him holding a fish. Not

18:13

okay. Have women not been

18:15

saying for like the past three

18:17

years, we do not give a

18:20

fuck that you caught a fucking

18:22

fish. And they just they

18:24

won't let it go. They literally won't. They

18:26

like they won't go down without a fight.

18:28

I think they believe that

18:30

it makes them look manly. Yeah,

18:33

like I think to them they think

18:35

of it as who I'm going to

18:37

show this girl that I'll be able

18:39

to provide for us with like my

18:42

mad fishing skills. Stop it hunter and gatherer

18:44

going back in time and like what the

18:46

fuck do I know about fish like I

18:48

don't know the fucking difference between a trout

18:50

or a salmon like how the fuck am

18:53

I supposed to be impressed by that? You're

18:56

not like the bigger the fish the bigger the penis

18:58

or what? I really don't get it. Oh my god.

19:01

The fish is the new shoe

19:03

size. It's the

19:05

new thing. You know what they say about big fish.

19:08

A huge fucking day. Big

19:10

fishing rod. Big

19:12

rods. Whatever. Wait,

19:15

that was really fucking clever. Alex, I have

19:17

to give it to you. I don't know what

19:19

they're thinking. Also,

19:21

just by the way, you

19:24

need to have more than one picture on

19:26

your profile. But if I

19:28

see more than fucking five pictures, walk

19:31

the plane. Yeah, it's like one

19:33

picture doesn't make you look mysterious.

19:35

It's giving a serial killer vibe.

19:39

But if you're going to go ahead and post more than

19:41

five pictures, slow down. Buddy,

19:43

that's now you're starting to overshare. Okay.

19:47

If five pictures means

19:49

you're going to start showing us your rock

19:51

collection, then we'll settle

19:53

for three pictures. If

19:55

you are holding up a

19:57

wad of cash in any. picture

20:00

you deserve to be robbed. Yes.

20:03

And just let me

20:05

continue. If you're gonna post

20:07

a pic with your friends you better

20:10

not be the shortest guy or

20:12

the ugliest guy in that picture. Yes.

20:15

Go grab your ugly friends but they can't be

20:17

too ugly. Yeah there's nothing worse

20:19

than when a guy uses a pic with

20:21

all of his friends and you hope and

20:23

pray that he's not the ugly one. Yeah.

20:26

But then you scroll that next picture and

20:28

you got it baby. He's the ugly one.

20:30

I know and then you just match with

20:32

him so you can get to his friend.

20:34

Exactly. And men listening I don't think you

20:36

want that. All women are really looking for

20:39

on an app is a

20:41

somewhat attractive dude and

20:43

if you don't have that going for you all

20:46

you need is a sense of

20:48

humor. It's that fucking simple. Yes.

20:50

Or a really cool job or

20:52

a high-paying job which brings me

20:55

to your bio. Oh my

20:57

god. I had Alex pull

20:59

up her dating app so I could

21:01

do some research and see what the

21:03

fuck my sleuths are being exposed to

21:05

out there and it's a real

21:07

epidemic. Like forget the

21:10

Delta variant. Oh my god. I'm

21:14

kidding guys. That's obviously

21:16

very fucking serious but these

21:18

bios are very serious

21:20

as well. Okay and let me just

21:22

put this out there. Bios are not

21:25

to be used as they are intended.

21:28

Women don't actually care about

21:30

who you are or what you're looking

21:32

for. No. If you even

21:34

try to say in your bio that you

21:37

are not looking for anything serious

21:40

we don't give a fuck and it's honestly rude

21:42

to assume that we are. Yeah it's bold of

21:44

you to assume that I want to date because

21:46

I'm on a dating app. Fuck.

21:50

We're here for the same reasons you are buddy

21:52

okay and if a guy says

21:56

he's looking for something serious then

21:59

we just think you're funny. and lying and you're trying

22:01

to get laid. Another thing, if

22:03

you actually take the time out

22:06

to list your hobbies or things

22:08

that you do for fun, you

22:10

are a dead man walking. I

22:13

have yet to see a guy's hobby that

22:15

made me go, hmm, I'm

22:18

wet now. You love

22:21

to skydive, not impressed,

22:24

a crossfit enthusiast,

22:27

don't care, you love

22:29

to travel, you

22:31

and everybody else buddy. Or

22:33

there's always the shooting, hunting,

22:35

fishing, I love my truck

22:37

guy. Oh my god,

22:39

see the only thing

22:41

I find impressive about that is yes, is driver's

22:45

license. That's one

22:47

hobby I can get behind and

22:49

don't even get me started on

22:52

when they put the word

22:54

adventure in their bio. If

22:57

you were to pull up 10 guys profiles right

22:59

now, seven of them would have

23:01

the word adventure in there. Yeah, guys

23:03

will think that going to McDonald's at 2am

23:05

and fucking in their car after

23:08

is a fucking adventure. I

23:10

fucking believe it. Men,

23:13

what makes y'all so qualified

23:16

to put adventure in your

23:18

bio? Did you do the Tour de

23:20

France? Or did you go on a

23:22

hike once last summer? Like, which is it? Either

23:25

way, I find the word

23:27

adventure exhausting. And it

23:29

signals to me that you are

23:31

very active. Therefore, I'll pass.

23:34

Okay, take that out of your bio

23:36

right fucking now men listening. And

23:39

then we have the real

23:42

bitch boys of the dating app world.

23:45

Men who say what they don't

23:47

want in a girl, I think

23:49

are the worst of all of

23:51

them. Literally all of them.

23:53

And you know what, let me just read this guy's

23:55

bio. We are now reading Travis's

24:00

bio. I

24:03

love women that act their age

24:05

and not their shoe size. Met

24:07

a few on here. Please keep

24:10

it moving if that's you. You

24:12

gotta have your shit together.

24:14

Job income. Stop being cheap

24:17

little girls boss

24:19

up. Excuse me?

24:22

Stop being cheap little

24:24

girls boss up. Please. I

24:27

kinda wanna like start just

24:29

saying that. Yeah wait what?

24:32

That is fucking repulsive Travis

24:34

and whoever swipes right on

24:37

you. They're delusional. And

24:39

what do you mean your shoe size? Like what I'm gonna

24:41

act like five and a half years old? Like what the

24:43

fuck? I would love to

24:45

know how much he has his shit together.

24:47

Mm hmm. Okay? Cause he lives in fucking

24:50

Clearfield. Little boy. I don't wanna be rude

24:52

to anyone that lives there but like that's

24:55

a tall tale sign that you don't have your

24:57

shit together by the way. Travis.

24:59

Okay? If I ever see

25:01

you on the street I'm gonna slap the

25:03

fuck out of you. Basically less

25:05

is more. Yes. You should not have

25:07

more than 15 words

25:10

in your bio. Mm hmm. Cause you don't want

25:12

it to look like you spent time on it.

25:14

No. You really don't. Like if I have to

25:16

click on your profile to fucking read your bio

25:18

it's already too long and I've already swiped left.

25:21

Exactly. It needs to be quick. It

25:23

needs to be funny. There were actually

25:25

like a couple that stood out to

25:27

me. That one guy and his bio

25:29

was dad bod without the

25:31

kids. That's hilarious.

25:34

Yes. Or this

25:36

other one. This guy said send

25:38

over your social security number and mother's

25:40

maiden name so I know what you're real.

25:43

Hilarious. You

25:46

guys have got this. Okay? You

25:48

just need to come up with one funny-ish

25:51

thing and that's all you need to

25:53

fucking do. Mm hmm. And get your

25:55

pictures under control and go

25:58

ahead and put Sophia the nest in. in

26:00

your bio because I promise you,

26:02

you will be matching with

26:04

major bitches and they will

26:06

be the cream of the crop. Yes. The

26:09

sloots are the best. Yes, and

26:11

girls that have Sophia with an F in

26:13

their bios have the best pussy. Stop. And

26:15

I can confirm because it is in my

26:18

bio. So if you see

26:20

me on Tinder, say hello. Absolutely. You

26:31

know what days are good for a drink?

26:34

The ones that end in Y. You

26:36

know the ones that are good for a hangover?

26:38

None, never, nope. But

26:41

fear not, boys and girls. I

26:43

have the ultimate game changer. Taste

26:46

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26:49

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26:51

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26:53

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26:55

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26:57

we've all tried to escape the

26:59

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27:02

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27:04

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27:06

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27:10

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27:12

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27:21

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27:23

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27:25

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27:28

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27:30

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27:37

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28:07

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29:33

get into questions. S.O.S.

29:36

save our flutes.

29:39

Y'all were wild this week.

29:42

Actually crazy and let's

29:44

get started. First

29:47

question, my boyfriend and

29:49

I had some friends over and

29:52

his phone was out showing funny

29:54

pictures of us. His friend

29:56

asked me to show him pictures of

29:58

our trip to Mexico. So

30:00

I started to scroll and this

30:02

guy my boyfriend Started

30:05

to sweat bullets There

30:08

were two pictures of a very

30:10

pretty girl. So I asked who

30:12

is this his friend Grabs

30:15

the phone for me and says it's

30:18

his sister I'm

30:20

like, okay, you know what? I'm not even

30:22

tripping. I just asked He

30:24

was like, you know, how many pictures

30:26

get saved from whatsapp, which is true

30:28

I just dropped it fast because

30:30

I didn't want to make a big deal in

30:33

front of everyone. Is it worth bringing

30:35

back? Um,

30:37

I think the most concerning thing

30:39

about this question is why the

30:41

fuck would your boyfriend have pictures

30:43

of his friend's sister? After

30:46

that happened, I would stalk his friend's Instagram

30:48

Facebook LinkedIn till the end of

30:50

the fucking earth just to see if I

30:53

could find a picture of him and his

30:55

alleged sister before I confront him I Actually

30:59

love how the friend just on the

31:01

fly grabbed the phone as quick as

31:03

possible was like it's my sister Like

31:06

it's done. That was a good friend right

31:08

there. That really really was I Don't

31:10

want to jump to any conclusions but

31:14

Not the strongest alibi to me I

31:16

know because if that were the case

31:19

That means he was talking to this girl

31:21

around the same time that you were in

31:23

Mexico with him. Yeah, exactly Regardless

31:26

of how this fucking mysterious

31:28

picture showed up You

31:31

were asking me if it's worth

31:33

bringing it up. Is this

31:35

guy blue? Like I

31:38

bring up shit to my man that

31:40

heated fucking 12 years ago when he

31:42

wasn't even dating me Yes,

31:44

you bring it the fuck up. Yeah, you get to

31:46

the bottom of it You just need

31:48

to make sure that you ask him all

31:51

the right questions though. Mm-hmm. None of this

31:53

like who was that girl? You

31:55

you can't leave room for him to like

31:57

gaslight or like weasel. Yeah way out. Yeah

32:00

He needs to pull up his phone in front of

32:02

you, go to the picture,

32:04

provide a timestamp. He needs to

32:06

tell you where the pictures were sourced from and

32:08

why. This dude needs to

32:10

give you a presentation. Okay?

32:14

Powerpoint. Yes, with

32:16

graphs and shit to make it make

32:18

sense. So yes, you bring it up to

32:20

him. But also don't freak out

32:22

just yet because I'm sure

32:24

if someone were to scroll through my pictures,

32:27

there would be like a random dick pic. Not

32:30

even because I'm being shady, just because like

32:32

my friend sent it to me or something.

32:34

Oh yeah, your friend on WhatsApp. It's

32:36

just your friend's brother. Fuck

32:39

off, Alex. Okay, next. Do

32:42

you think it's weird to dry hump your

32:44

pillow? I have a really

32:46

hard time coming, but tried that and

32:48

came super quick. Sure. Okay.

32:52

Number one. No. No,

32:55

I don't think it's fucking weird. This

32:57

was actually the way that my ex boyfriend used to

33:00

get off. Except

33:02

it was a blanket. What?

33:04

What? He

33:08

would lay his dick on

33:10

his hand on the blanket and just

33:12

hump it. I was like, oh,

33:14

you're going to need to show me a YouTube

33:16

tutorial or something. What? I

33:19

will show you, but either way, hump

33:21

away. I fully fucking support

33:24

this. I'm just happy that

33:26

you found a way to make yourself

33:28

come. Exactly. That's the only thing that

33:30

matters. Yeah. It's so hard for women

33:32

to come. So yes. I remember

33:34

growing up and every single person was like, vibrators

33:37

are your only source of

33:40

coming. And a vibrator has

33:42

never worked for me. And I

33:44

remember being so frustrated. I have a

33:46

vibrator. I can't come. Everyone

33:48

is different. Okay. If

33:50

not, everything is going to work

33:53

for everyone. And I advise anyone

33:55

who thinks they can't orgasm to

33:57

just please experiment in every which

33:59

way. that you can. Yes. No

34:01

matter what it is. Yeah, like I don't care

34:04

if it's your fucking showerhead, a cucumber, your fucking

34:06

pillow pet in this case, but you gotta do

34:08

what you gotta do. This

34:11

person I wrote this in especially would love a

34:13

pillow pet. My first orgasm

34:15

was from a jet in a bathtub,

34:17

so yeah, everyone's different. Get

34:20

your pillow pet today. Not sponsored.

34:22

Alex, you want to take this

34:25

one away? Yes. Okay. Hi,

34:27

Sophia. I loved your breakup Bible episode as

34:29

I'm currently going through a big breakup right

34:31

now. My question for you is, do

34:33

I have to get rid of all the nice clothes

34:36

he bought me? I like them and it's

34:38

not like I think about him when I wear them, but it

34:40

feels kind of wrong. They

34:42

were expensive and I'm cheap,

34:44

so I don't want to have to get

34:46

rid of them. Hmm. Very

34:48

interesting. Do you have something to say? Yeah,

34:50

I do because my ex bought me a

34:52

lot of expensive stuff. Like, I mean,

34:55

are you going to cry every time you put on

34:57

the Louis Vuitton bag that he got you? I don't

35:00

fucking think so. Keep that shit,

35:02

dude. And if not, sell it on, sell

35:04

on Depop for more than he probably fucking bought

35:06

it for. I

35:08

love that, Alex. Really, are you going to

35:10

get sad every time you rock the designer

35:13

shit you stole from him? I don't

35:15

think so, girlfriend. Those

35:18

belongings are yours now.

35:21

And I think that's honestly a sign

35:23

of a healthy breakup, but she's like,

35:25

yeah, cool with wearing that shit

35:27

because with me, I literally

35:30

burned. I knew you

35:32

were in a fire pit all of my

35:34

ex's belongings after we broke up. But was

35:36

it Louis Vuitton, though? No, absolutely

35:39

not. Great fucking point.

35:42

Okay, next. What

35:44

do you do with your hands

35:47

when getting eaten out

35:49

by a bald guy?

35:52

I'm sorry. I can't.

35:55

I just, I can't. Hair loss isn't

35:57

funny, but this is fucking hilarious because

35:59

literally what the fuck. Fuck do you do? Alex,

36:02

what should she do? Babe,

36:04

you rub that shit like it's a fucking

36:06

crystal ball and you ask to see your

36:08

future and that shiny fucking head of his.

36:11

Like a genie in a bottle. That

36:13

too. Make a wish. I

36:16

don't know what you do. Um, grab

36:18

his ears. Hold

36:21

on tight. Howdy ho. Save

36:24

a horse, right? A bald guy. I

36:28

don't know what you do, but I don't

36:31

even grab a dude's hair usually. Sometimes. Just

36:34

get creative. I don't know. Hold on to

36:36

the ears. Your lobes. I don't know. Make

36:39

sure you look good. And the reflection. Shut. That's

36:42

so funny. Girl,

36:45

it doesn't fucking matter. Just hold on to anything.

36:47

Shoulders, his shirt. The

36:50

one little hair he does have that you forgot to

36:52

fuck earlier. You've got this girl. I

36:56

don't know. At

37:04

sea, there truly is no

37:06

better gift than the present,

37:09

which is something I would normally

37:11

say when I was a terrible

37:14

daughter and forgot to get my

37:16

mom a gift on Mother's Day

37:18

or her birthday. But trust. Those

37:21

days are well behind me and

37:23

I actually get complimented all the

37:25

time on my gift giving skills

37:28

and not because I'm an adult

37:30

with my priorities and shit together,

37:32

but because of Etsy's

37:35

gift mode. Gift mode

37:37

on Etsy is here to take

37:39

the stress out of gifting so

37:42

you can find the perfect gift

37:44

for everyone in your life and

37:46

for every occasion. Like

37:49

for my friend's birthday, which is

37:51

recently passed, I found

37:54

the cutest set of wine

37:56

glosses from a small business

37:58

and they were even. able to

38:01

personalize them. So

38:03

freaking cute! A win for me

38:05

because I supported a small business

38:08

and a win for my

38:10

gift-giving reputation. There really is

38:12

something for everyone on Etsy.

38:14

From the photographer in your

38:16

life to the wine enthusiast

38:18

I'm telling you, you will

38:21

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today. Okay,

39:34

nah. Hey, Slu.

39:36

Love you and the pod so much. I

39:39

was just wondering how to ask

39:41

the guy you're dating a question you

39:43

already know the answer to. I went

39:46

through my boyfriend's phone and he deleted

39:48

a message from someone I didn't want

39:50

him talking to. I'll never know if

39:53

he texted her back or not and

39:55

it's driving me crazy. How do I

39:57

get him to fess up without exposing

39:59

myself? Okay, I

40:01

love you, but I need you to listen very

40:04

carefully to what I'm about to say. If

40:07

you are in a

40:10

loving, trusting, real relationship,

40:12

why would you be worried

40:15

about exposing yourself? Okay, you

40:17

expose your naked body to him every day,

40:19

probably. Expose away.

40:22

Expose, okay? That is

40:24

not something you need to even care about. Who

40:27

cares if he knows you went through his fucking phone? Like,

40:30

you obviously know he was being shady. Yeah.

40:33

So, that justifies why you did it. But,

40:35

I'm going to give you the answer

40:37

that I know you're actually looking for.

40:40

You can just say that this

40:43

said person that you found on

40:45

his phone DMed you. Or

40:48

you can just say someone from a random

40:50

Instagram account said that your boyfriend

40:52

and her had talked recently. Boom.

40:55

That's a great idea. Easy

40:57

peasy. Or you can do what

40:59

my ex did and he would be like, oh, I

41:01

had a dream that you cheated on

41:03

me or something until I fessed up and

41:06

I actually was cheating on him. But you

41:09

fessed up after he said he had a dream?

41:12

Yes. Why? Because

41:14

I don't know. I thought it was like fate or something. Oh

41:17

my fucking God. I didn't like,

41:19

yeah, dreams aren't real. Bye. Okay,

41:22

guys. That is it for

41:25

today. Always so much fun

41:27

with you, Alex. Always so much

41:29

fun with my flutes. Alex, where can

41:31

I find you? You can find me

41:33

at every social media platform at AlexFranco

41:35

underscore meow. And

41:37

as always, you can

41:39

find me, SophiaTheF, FrancoAndY,

41:41

subscribe, reach with you. I

41:45

don't know how many times I have to say it, but

41:47

I'm going to probably say it until the end of time.

41:49

And I hope you guys just stick with me and

41:52

do it, okay? And that's all I have

41:54

to say. I love you flutes so fucking

41:56

much, and I will see you guys next

41:58

fucking week. Bye!