0:00

Hey listeners, it's executive producer

0:02

Chris McLeod. I'll be your guest host

0:04

for today's episode. This is

0:06

the last episode of season two, but

0:09

don't worry. We'll be back soon with

0:11

new stories from iconic creatives

0:13

and strategies to fuel your creativity.

0:17

In the meantime, the team has put together

0:19

a custom guide to help spark

0:21

your creative practice on an everyday basis.

0:24

Inside, you'll find 100 activities

0:27

designed to unlock your creative potential.

0:30

With

0:30

tips on everything from

0:32

how to break out of your routine to how

0:34

to find your flow. So go to

0:36

sparkandfire.com slash download.

0:39

And when you sign up, we'll make sure that you're the

0:41

first to get notified when we're back

0:43

for season three. Again, that's

0:46

sparkandfire.com slash download,

0:48

and you can find the link in the show notes. Okay,

0:52

on to the show.

0:56

Chapter one, create from joy. I was

0:58

talking to

1:02

someone, they

1:07

were just like, sometimes

1:09

you just have like Daria energy. And

1:12

I was like, yeah, I kinda

1:14

do, I'm like a black Daria. The

1:19

first blog post from my blog

1:21

called Blaria, which stood for black Daria.

1:24

When I stopped watching Grey's Anatomy,

1:27

Captain Heigl's character

1:30

Izzy had ghost sex

1:32

with Denny. And I was like, you know

1:34

what, I'm gonna bow out.

1:36

I'm gonna remove myself from this narrative,

1:38

but you guys continue to collect the checks

1:41

because good for you. So it's just like

1:43

fun stuff like that.

1:44

Writing for the sake of writing, following

1:47

my gut on what

1:50

I really enjoy doing.

1:53

There's this myth that you can only create from pain

1:55

or duress or stress. I

1:59

always just try. to create

2:01

from a joyful place.

2:06

So much yummy, good, exciting

2:08

stuff comes when you're excited

2:10

and when you're happy. It

2:13

doesn't mean that you are happy

2:16

every day. No one's

2:18

happy every day. But

2:21

this is a thing that you do enjoy.

2:24

Why not let the people who read what you

2:26

write feel that joy?

2:43

That stand-up comedian, writer,

2:45

producer and actor Phoebe Robinson.

2:47

And she's about to tell us the story of writing

2:49

the essay collection, You Can't Touch My

2:51

Hair and Other Things I Still Have to

2:54

Explain. This is Phoebe's

2:56

personal story about writing her debut

2:58

essay collection.

3:00

But her story reveals something you can

3:02

apply to your own creative practice. To

3:04

hone your unique creative voice,

3:07

tap into what brings you joy and

3:09

create from that place.

3:11

As Phoebe takes us on the journey of creating

3:14

You Can't Touch My Hair, you'll hear how

3:16

she learns to own all parts of herself,

3:19

the high and lowbrow. You'll

3:21

also hear how she draws on the things that bring

3:23

her the most joy in life, whether it's

3:26

her peloton bike or her obsession

3:28

with the band U2.

3:30

And you'll hear how writing from a place of

3:32

joy allows Phoebe to explore

3:34

complex issues in engaging

3:37

and unexpected ways.

3:38

Here's what you need to know about Phoebe and

3:41

You Can't Touch My Hair.

3:42

You may know Phoebe as the co-creator

3:45

and co-star of the hit podcast-turned-HBO

3:48

series, Two Dope Queens, and

3:50

other critically acclaimed podcasts, including

3:53

So Many White Guys and Black

3:55

Fraser. She's published three books

3:58

of essays. You Can't Touch My Hair.

3:59

Everything's trash, but it's okay. And

4:02

please don't sit on my bed in your outside

4:04

clothes.

4:06

As for You Can't Touch My Hair, it was

4:08

published in 2016 by Plume,

4:10

an imprint of Penguin Random

4:12

House. It features 11 essays

4:15

examining race, culture, and identity

4:17

through the lens of Phoebe's own personal experience

4:20

as a black woman in America. It

4:22

was a New York Times bestseller and

4:25

featured on O Magazine's 2016 reading list.

4:28

Since its release, Phoebe started

4:30

the production company Tiny Reparations,

4:33

which is dedicated to publishing television

4:35

and books that amplify women, people

4:38

of color, and the LGBTQ

4:40

community. I'm your guest

4:42

host, Chris McLeod, and on this episode

4:45

you'll hear original music composed for

4:47

prepared piano. For visuals

4:49

while you're listening, go to sparkandfire.com.

4:54

Every creative work you've ever loved

4:56

has a hero's journey behind it, whether

4:59

it's a book or a building, a

5:01

film or a photograph.

5:04

On this show, creators from different

5:07

fields share their stories to

5:09

fuel your creativity. From

5:11

Wait What? and the BBC, this

5:14

is Spark and Fire.

5:33

Chapter 2.

5:34

The Universe Sends Me A Sign

5:39

This was like back when I was still on Facebook.

5:44

I feel so old.

5:50

I remember I posted the link

5:53

of whatever the blog posts, and people comment,

5:55

and blah blah blah. I was like, oh, this is

5:57

so fun, and it's really nice that people

5:59

are like,

6:00

and be like, this is really funny. I

6:04

was keeping it on a schedule. Like I got

6:06

a file Monday, Wednesday,

6:08

Friday at this time for my readers, which

6:11

was like a couple hundred at the time. It

6:13

like wasn't anything remarkable.

6:18

I told my manager at the

6:21

time,

6:24

I really think I have a book

6:26

in me. For me, it felt

6:28

like the next natural progression.

6:31

And she was just like not particularly supportive. She

6:35

was like, well, you're not really famous. So

6:37

like, I don't think you should be spending your time on that. Wednesday,

6:43

October 1st, 2014.

6:46

Dear Phoebe, I

6:49

hope this finds you well. I'm a literate

6:52

agent at Sterling Law and Literistic, a premier

6:54

literary agency in Manhattan. I would love to speak

6:56

with you about a possible book.

6:59

Of course you may already have a literary

7:00

agent, in which case I

7:02

stand aside. One

7:09

of the things about like being in entertainment

7:12

is like you just always take the meeting.

7:14

Cause you just never know what's going to come of it.

7:17

Go for the free bottle of water, that

7:19

free bottle of Evian. It

7:21

might be a waste of time, but it's good to meet someone. Right

7:25

back, I was like so excited.

7:28

It was so cute. I went to LA.

7:36

We went to the Japanese restaurant.

7:40

I was like not eating the sushi.

7:43

Cause I was like, I just don't trust it. I

7:45

don't want to like get sick, blah, blah, blah. Cause

7:48

I'm from the Midwest. Everything is well

7:50

done. Like even like, we just got to make

7:52

this lettuce well done for this salad.

7:55

Like we just don't fucking trust anything. Yeah.

10:00

Literally everyone was like, no,

10:02

no, no. This

10:05

book is irrelatable. Nobody

10:07

wants to read books written by funny

10:09

black women. Books written by

10:11

black female authors don't sell. So

10:14

it was like all this rejection, which was crazy

10:16

because again, it was 2015. Normally

10:23

you just go, oh, it's just not the right

10:25

fit. Both

10:28

people are right. Just not together. It

10:33

just felt like, sorry,

10:35

but I think you guys are wrong. I

10:40

think you guys are getting it.

10:44

And because you're not getting it, you're saying

10:46

it's not good rather than understanding

10:48

it's a defect in your comprehension

10:50

of what I'm trying to do. Even

10:54

if someone else can't see it, I

10:59

know that I have it. Capital

11:02

I, capital T. No,

11:07

this book is going to be good and it's going

11:09

to sell. I

11:17

met with Kate, editor at Plume,

11:21

which was the only imprint who was interested

11:23

in the book. The

11:25

advance that was offered was like peanuts,

11:28

because, you know, I'm a

11:30

debut author and it's like, I'm unproven, totally

11:32

good at it. We

11:34

hit it off over the phone and

11:37

then Kate and I, we had like our first like

11:39

in-person meal.

11:44

I pitched something like 35 essays.

11:48

She was like, well, how long do you expect these essays to be? I

11:50

was like, I don't know,

11:52

five to eight pages. She

11:56

was like,

11:57

boo, we're writing a book.

12:00

We got to pare down to the best of the best and

12:02

you really have to sit and unpack these

12:04

things. She was like,

12:07

this is great, this is great, we gotta cut this, we gotta

12:09

cut this. All this like reconfiguring

12:12

of things. I was like,

12:13

that sounds great, cool.

12:17

What have we got to do to get it right? I'm here

12:19

to do the work, I'm ready to show up.

12:21

And then I just hit the ground running, riding

12:23

it. Chapter 4,

12:31

A Little Help from Bono.

12:34

How do you develop your unique creative

12:36

voice?

12:37

Own all parts of you, high

12:39

and low. When

12:43

I first started writing this book, I was like, you know, I'm not

12:45

like Trevor Noah. Him

12:47

being biracial was like a fucking issue.

12:49

I was like, I don't have anything that intense

12:53

in my life.

12:56

All the great writers, you know, they just all

12:58

have their own

12:59

juj, their own little vibe.

13:02

Not to name

13:05

drop, but my friend

13:07

Bono. We were hanging

13:09

out one time and he was like,

13:11

I know you like to act as

13:14

though you're just lightweight.

13:18

You're like not that deep, you're not

13:20

that smart, you're just a funny person. But he was like,

13:22

you're a very smart person. There's more

13:24

there than like, you're letting on.

13:27

Just sort of being like, own

13:29

all parts of you. The only

13:32

way that I'm ever going to have a chance is

13:34

if I just sound the most like me.

13:41

I was like, I can use these situations

13:43

of racial microaggressions

13:45

to sort of be able to talk about

13:48

larger issues like respectability

13:50

politics. And

13:53

expectations that are

13:55

placed on women,

13:57

especially Black women of how

13:59

they're supposed to be.

14:00

to behave. Hilo

14:05

is how I would describe my writing. There's

14:07

a lot of pop culture references, but

14:10

there's also some smarty smarty pants

14:12

stuff that's going on.

14:14

My friend Hassan Minhaj likes

14:17

to say that I'm righteous and ratchet.

14:24

That's how he just describes me. I

14:27

kind of write to make myself laugh.

14:30

I just like being ridiculous

14:33

and saying those things. I know

14:35

my brother's going to be like, oh

14:37

my God, he's going to go, it's funny,

14:39

but Jesus. You have to

14:41

say it like that. It's like,

14:44

I do, I do. I'm

14:47

unhinged when I write. That's why people

14:49

like it, I think.

14:55

When Phoebe talks about writing, you can feel

14:57

the joy overflowing from inside

14:59

her,

15:00

but it's more than making herself laugh.

15:03

Phoebe uses her joy as a way

15:05

into talking about the issues that

15:07

are important to her.

15:09

Chapter

15:12

five, When I'm Stuck.

15:17

For those days where you're sort of like, I

15:19

got to just acknowledge that today is hard. You're

15:25

not enjoying it. The computer's looking at

15:28

you like, why are you doing this to yourself? It's not that

15:30

deep. It doesn't mean that I can't do

15:32

it, but it just means that on today,

15:35

it fucking sucks.

15:39

I'm a part of Pelotonnish, this

15:41

Pelotonnish nation. I

15:44

have the bike and I have the treadmill.

15:47

I did this bootcamp today. In the

15:49

last four minutes,

15:51

I was so gassed. I

15:53

was like, holy shit.

15:55

I know I'm strong, but it just that next

15:57

like 7% was just like, oh, my God.

16:00

Oh my God, this is like so much. I

16:02

gotta take breaks, I gotta stop, okay, this is really

16:04

fucking hard. With writing,

16:06

there are those days where you're sort of like,

16:09

I'm just gonna power through it. I'll

16:11

just sit at my desk for 10 hours

16:13

a day and I'll just make it work. That

16:18

is counterproductive.

16:22

Give yourself permission to be like, it's

16:24

not happening today.

16:26

I'm just gonna step away and say that today

16:28

is not the day.

16:29

And I will try again tomorrow.

16:33

The discipline of always showing

16:35

up will make up for those days

16:37

where you're like, oh, I can't. Give

16:41

yourself some grace. You can't beat

16:43

yourself up. You

16:46

can't. I'm

17:00

just gonna keep going.

17:07

Chapter six, writing the essay,

17:10

my nine not so guilty pleasures.

17:15

That's the essay where I ranked the

17:18

members of YouTube

17:21

in order of who I would like smash. Ha,

17:24

ha, ha, ha, ha. And

17:29

my parents had to read that. But

17:35

I wrote that essay, it was pure fun

17:37

because I'm a person who does

17:39

not believe in guilty pleasures.

17:42

I hate when people are like, oh, like rom

17:44

coms are my guilty pleasure. It's like, no,

17:47

you want to see a story in which people

17:49

fall in love and everything works out.

17:52

Everybody wants that because it's not how life is.

17:54

So it's not guilty. It's a great pleasure to have.

17:57

I have a close friend of mine. He

18:00

just got a Peloton, and I was like, oh my God, this is so

18:02

amazing. He like ate pizza,

18:04

blah, blah, blah. And he was like, and now I gotta

18:06

like make that up by

18:09

exercising.

18:12

And I was like, there is no making up.

18:14

There's no making up. You wanted pizza,

18:17

so you had the pizza.

18:19

It can't be like, I'm being

18:21

air quotes, bad eating

18:23

this food, and then exercise is

18:25

gonna make me air quotes good again. It's

18:28

like, you've always been good. Just

18:32

eat what you wanna eat within

18:34

reason, and then work

18:36

out within reason. You

18:39

know how everyone was like, oh, The Rock, they'll like

18:41

post this like cheat meal days,

18:43

and it'll be like 30 pancakes,

18:46

and then he'll like go to the gym. I'm

18:49

like, guys, that's

18:51

fucking insane. If

18:55

a woman was doing that, it would be labeled

18:58

disordered eating. Just

19:00

have four pancakes. You

19:04

don't need 30. And

19:06

then you're gonna go work out at like 10 o'clock

19:08

at night for two hours. Like this is, life

19:11

is too short.

19:15

And he always assigns so much negativity

19:19

to the things that we enjoy, which

19:21

I find so startling

19:23

and

19:24

backwards. At

19:29

the end, I really wanted to be like, okay, I share my

19:31

not so guilty pleasures. Now, like

19:33

think about what yours are. If it's

19:35

not harming anyone, just

19:37

do the things that you enjoy. Remove

19:40

the value judgments. Don't feel guilt.

19:42

Don't feel shame. It's

19:45

okay to feel good. Chapter

19:54

seven, writing the essay, uppity. People

20:02

talked about respectability politics for

20:04

years. And so it's like, if you're going

20:06

to address it, like what is the way that you

20:08

could do it that is going to engage

20:11

people?

20:12

The first story, so I'm shooting this web

20:15

series. Where

20:17

are we shooting? In fucking Jersey? We're

20:20

all just like trying to get

20:22

speaking parts and like free bagels

20:24

to do a web series. We're

20:28

like going over the line and just,

20:30

you know, a

20:32

white person feeling like they can use a

20:34

racially charged word to describe

20:37

you in front of everyone.

20:39

He called me uppity.

20:42

This is a microaggressions, that's the worst thing

20:45

that you could be called. He probably

20:47

does not even really know

20:51

that

20:51

that is not the word to be using.

20:54

If you have a reaction to this, you're

20:56

going to be the crazy one. So

20:59

you just better pretend like,

21:01

okay, he said that and it's fine

21:04

because I'm a professional because then if not, then

21:06

I'm like the angry black person here. Another

21:10

black

21:11

comic would say like to the right

21:13

of me, we just did that like black

21:15

person communication, like did this shit really

21:17

just happen? Yes, this shit really just happened.

21:20

Ain't that a bitch? Yes, a bitch. And

21:22

so we just had that like conversation with our eyeballs.

21:25

I remember telling like a PA

21:27

what happened. I was like, this is just like fucked up. And I'm

21:30

like, I don't know why he's

21:32

treating me like this. Not cool. So

21:34

she was like, I'll talk to him. So then he like

21:36

wanted to call me and talk about it. And

21:39

I didn't pick up because I was like, on my way to

21:41

somewhere, he left me this like

21:44

voicemail that I was just like,

21:47

my God, this

21:49

is becoming like about his feelings.

21:52

And I texted her, I was like, I don't need to call him back.

21:54

We don't need to talk about this. I was like, I'm really

21:57

uninterested in this narrative. Like, I

21:59

just wouldn't move.

21:59

want me not

22:02

giving the reaction that is

22:06

expected in those situations through

22:09

those folks for a loop.

22:13

You can't control what people say

22:15

to you, but you can control how you

22:17

react to it. I had to

22:19

sort of figure out what

22:22

kind of person I was going to be in

22:24

this business. Am

22:27

I going to let people's perception

22:29

of me defy me

22:31

or am I going to say they don't know me at all?

22:34

They can have whatever perception they want of me,

22:36

go forth, keep having it, but I know

22:39

who I am, what I am, what my worth

22:42

is, and how

22:45

I view myself.

22:49

It just really made me sort

22:52

of have a little more

22:54

self-confidence. Chapter 8,

22:58

The Cover.

23:10

What if you don't see eye to eye with your collaborators?

23:13

Pitch your vision from a place of joy.

23:17

So Plume is great. Love

23:20

him so much. Love and light. I love, I love, I

23:22

love, I love. Just saying. I love, I love, I love.

23:25

But they were like, hey, um,

23:27

quick quash. Can

23:29

we just take one of like your

23:32

pictures off your Facebook to make

23:35

it the cover?

23:36

And I was like,

23:38

would you ask Stephen King that or

23:40

would you spend the like $300 to fucking shoot

23:43

this cover? I didn't say that. That's

23:45

what I thought. But I was like, I don't think that makes sense.

23:47

Let's not be cheap here.

23:51

I was like, I just love album

23:53

covers that are just of people's faces.

23:55

Like Phil Collins, Adele,

23:58

you know, just like a tight shadow of a face. I was like,

24:00

I just love that. I

24:03

was like, I already have a photographer, Mindy Tucker, who

24:06

is renowned in

24:08

the state of comedy seen as

24:10

just one of the top photographers. And

24:13

then this wig, that's

24:15

like some cheapy wig that was like,

24:18

20 bucks,

24:22

maybe 30. So

24:24

I was like, okay, we're just gonna do face. Curly

24:27

wig, we got, you can't touch

24:29

my hair and I'm

24:31

gonna be giving like a no-nonsense

24:34

look.

24:35

That's what we should do. And

24:38

then we're like, okay. Cause obviously

24:40

that's like very easy to shoot. It

24:44

just worked. I think it's so fun for the

24:47

book. I think it captures your

24:49

eye if you're in Barnes and Noble. I

24:51

just love

24:52

that cover so much. So,

24:54

so much. Ah. I

24:59

love how Phoebe's tone changes when

25:02

she starts talking about her favorite album covers.

25:05

In a frustrating moment, she's choosing

25:07

to turn to what brings her joy.

25:12

Chapter nine,

25:13

out in the world.

25:18

Robert and Kate called

25:20

me, tried to be

25:23

like, well,

25:25

you know, Phoebe, we

25:27

got some information in and I was

25:30

like, ah, no, no, no, you're not gonna

25:32

try to raise my blood pressure.

25:35

What is going on? And

25:41

they were like, you made the New York Times best

25:43

sellers list. Oh

25:45

my God. I can't, like

25:48

I was just freaking out. I was like, this is happening on my first

25:50

book. It's so crazy. It's so exciting.

25:53

Granny from ear to ear.

26:02

I was in LA on set

26:05

and I saw like a

26:08

number I didn't recognize.

26:12

And I just was like, I'm just going to

26:14

set this to silent because I

26:16

owe student

26:19

loans and some credit cards. I don't want to have

26:21

to like answer and put on like my

26:24

talking about money in front of white people voice. So

26:27

I just was like, I'm going to ignore this call.

26:32

And then I was in a pitch

26:34

meeting. The phone call happened

26:36

again. I listened to the

26:39

voicemail. A

26:42

voicemail

26:43

from all the pros. And

26:47

I was like, you sent

26:49

her the voicemail? I

26:55

got out of this meeting. I was like, let me call back. I said,

26:57

call back and this dude answers. And

27:00

I'm like, who this? And

27:05

he's like, who is this? I

27:10

didn't have my mind together. I was like

27:12

being aggressive with men on the phone. Like I was

27:14

just not, I was out here acting wild.

27:18

Oprah got on, just said such lovely

27:20

things to me and so nice. And

27:23

she got it in the way

27:25

that I intended it. Got the

27:27

celebration of black girlhood. Got

27:29

the celebration of being a feminist.

27:36

I'm a believer that like the book is mine

27:38

until

27:39

it's out in the world and then it's everyone

27:41

bringing their perspective to

27:43

the book. And that is like what makes the final product.

27:47

And like people got it.

27:53

All those like publishers

27:55

who said that no one would get it

27:58

and like it's not relatable. The

28:03

truth is, you

28:06

don't really fucking know.

28:19

Chapter 10, What the Book Means

28:22

to Me Now.

28:25

Whenever I get the question like, what do you hope for people

28:27

to take away from your book, I'm like, I don't

28:30

know. I just want it to

28:32

entertain me.

28:35

I want to feel good and have fun because

28:37

this stuff is too hard to do otherwise,

28:40

I think. You

28:43

can tell there was a lot of joy in the writing

28:45

of the book. Nothing

28:48

feels belabored. It doesn't feel like

28:50

a burden. It feels like, oh, this is a person

28:52

who sat down and really

28:54

wanted to write this today. Just

29:04

do this stuff that you really love and that

29:07

authenticity will just spread

29:09

out when people

29:11

get it. I

29:37

want to thank Phoebe for sharing her story with

29:39

us, and I want to thank you for listening. I

29:41

hope you heard things you can bring into your own work.

29:44

It might be how Phoebe started out writing

29:46

blog posts that made her laugh and

29:48

followed her love of writing from there.

29:51

Or maybe it's how she reframed

29:53

the idea of guilty pleasures and that it's

29:55

okay to feel good.

29:56

And in fact, our work is better if we

29:59

feel good.

30:00

Or maybe it's how, when she was frustrated

30:02

with her imprint, Phoebe chose to tap

30:04

into what brought her joy.

30:06

And in the process, created her dream

30:08

cover. Whatever you took from

30:10

this story, we'd love to hear it. Share

30:13

it with us on social at sparkandfirepod,

30:15

or email us at hello at sparkandfire.com.

30:19

Leave us a review on Apple podcasts or

30:21

wherever you listen. It helps people find

30:23

the show.

30:24

If you wanna share this episode with a friend or

30:26

collaborator, send them to sparkandfire.com,

30:29

where you can find the transcripts, photographs,

30:32

and sign up for our weekly newsletter.

30:37

Spark and Fire is a wait-watt original

30:39

series in partnership with the BBC. Our

30:42

executive producers are Chris McLeod, June

30:44

Cohen, and the BBC.

30:47

Our senior producer is Timothy Lu Lee.

30:50

Our story editor is Juliette Luini. Our

30:52

supporting producer is Catherine Clark Gray. Music

30:55

for this episode composed by Eduardo Rivera.

30:58

Our music director is Ryan Holiday. Hilgeger

31:01

composed our theme. Mixing and Mastering

31:04

by Brian Pugh. Additional audio engineering

31:06

and editing by Keith J Nelson. Special

31:09

thanks to Lori Hoffman, Darian

31:11

Triff, Anna Pizzino, Sarah Tarter,

31:13

Colin Haworth, Emily McManus, Kelsey

31:16

Sison, Tim

31:17

Cronin, Adam Heiner, Alfonso

31:19

Bravo, Curie Hart, George Campbell,

31:22

and Charlie Meneses.

31:26

Double hand

31:40

It's messy! It's messy,

31:42

it's messy, I'm seeing things everywhere,

31:45

and I'm just like... like I saw this play

31:48

three weeks ago so it's... why do I still

31:50

have the playbill on my desk?

31:52

And then if I'm stressed out I have

31:54

this little thing that's really cute that I found on Amazon

31:57

and it's a little llama that I can just...

31:59

squeeze. If

32:02

I ever get stuck and I'm just like it's okay then

32:04

you're stuck just squeeze squeeze and you'll

32:06

come up with an idea and it's got

32:08

a couple little like wear and tears in it but I love

32:11

it it's so cute.

32:13

I think I named him Eddie. So

32:17

this is Eddie the Llama but

32:20

I had Eddie the Llama

32:22

sitting next to oh what did I

32:24

do with it?

32:27

There's a picture of me and Bono. Where

32:32

did I put the picture of me and Bono?

32:36

But usually I had to hide

32:38

it yesterday but usually I have the picture of Bono and

32:41

I just together

32:43

as you know good friends.

32:46

Yeah when you squeeze Eddie like

32:48

parts of his body just sort of like bulge

32:51

out and it's so cute and so

32:53

fun and I used to need it more

32:55

but I feel like you know through therapy

32:58

and my life coach I'm less stressed

33:00

and I'm more just like

33:02

listen bitch if someone's causing you stress

33:04

then you just kick them the fuck out like you

33:09

don't need to squeeze Eddie just tell them that although

33:12

I am I am mildly

33:14

panicking about where this picture

33:16

of

33:17

I'm trying to be so cool but I'm like where's

33:19

this picture of Bono and I? It's okay it's

33:22

okay.