0:00

Welcome to Speaking of Sex

0:02

with the Pleasure Mechanics. I'm

0:04

Chris. I'm Charlotte. We are the

0:07

Pleasure Mechanics and on this podcast

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we have honest, explicit,

0:11

wholesome conversations about

0:14

sex, pleasure, joy,

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and connection. Come on over

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to pleasuremechanics.com where

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you will find all of the resources

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we have been lovingly generating for

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you since 2006 when

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we met and fell in love

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and dedicated our lives together

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to sharing

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the mechanics of

0:38

pleasure, the how-to

0:40

of getting off, and the intricacies

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of human connection. Come on

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over to pleasuremechanics.com.

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You will find our complete podcast

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archive of coming close to 500

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episodes. Babe, we need to bake a cake. On

0:55

today's episode we are welcoming

1:03

Charlotte back from her little journey

1:05

to California and back. Welcome

1:08

home, baby. Thank you. So glad to

1:10

be home and here on the mic with you all. I

1:12

missed you.

1:15

We spend a lot of time together. You know, we've been

1:17

together almost 17 years now and

1:20

we have worked together every single

1:22

one of those 17 years. It's amazing. When you

1:30

go away for a few weeks I really notice

1:34

all of those small, wonderfully

1:36

mundane, wholesome places

1:40

that we enjoy one another, all

1:42

of the ways we share life. When we were talking

1:45

about what we wanted

1:47

to cover for today's episode, we've

1:49

been talking a lot about kink recently and

1:52

we just participated in a big kink

1:54

bundle and we've been really talking

1:57

about the kinkier edges of sex. And

2:00

while we enjoy those together too, what

2:03

I missed most when you were gone was

2:05

our everyday pleasures and our

2:07

vanilla sex life. And

2:10

so today I want to sing

2:12

the praises of vanilla sex and

2:16

really kind of look at this word

2:19

vanilla as opposed to kink

2:21

as yet another false binary

2:24

that limits our thinking and our imaginations

2:26

and our actions. And

2:29

how can we

2:29

really savor vanilla

2:32

and remember how beautiful

2:35

and delicious vanilla sex can be? Yeah,

2:39

I think there's so much to enjoy and

2:41

appreciate

2:41

and savor about vanilla

2:44

sex. It is still

2:46

a complex and beautiful

2:48

series of sex acts that

2:52

is different for everyone. Like let's also

2:54

name that from the beginning here that all of us have

2:57

a slightly different configuration

2:58

of what vanilla sex even is.

3:01

There isn't one thing we're talking about when we

3:03

say that. You might have something come up

3:05

in your mind when we say that and that

3:07

is vanilla sex

3:08

for you. But it is

3:10

still a gorgeous experience

3:13

that I feel like sometimes doesn't

3:15

get appreciated enough when

3:17

people do create this binary of like, I'm

3:19

vanilla or I'm kinky. It doesn't

3:22

have to be one or the other. We can enjoy

3:24

vanilla sex and layer things

3:26

on top of it

3:27

if we want. It can be a great place

3:29

to return to or it can be gorgeous

3:32

and complete and satisfying and fulfilling

3:35

on its own as a full experience.

3:38

Right and vanilla is not an absence of something,

3:41

right? It's not plain and

3:43

the yogurt I will teach us there.

3:45

There's plain yogurt and there's vanilla yogurt.

3:49

And vanilla is delicious.

3:51

Vanilla is delicious. Vanilla is a

3:53

fermented bean from an orchid

3:56

for fuck's sake. Right,

3:58

that is like hand pollinated.

3:59

and hand-gathered and

4:02

is delicious, is absolutely

4:05

delicious if we take the time to

4:07

savour it, if it's prepared

4:10

well, if it's paired

4:12

with the flavours we like, right?

4:15

And so often, you know, I see this a lot on the dating

4:18

apps now, especially the more conservative

4:20

dating apps will say something like not vanilla,

4:22

right? And that insinuates,

4:24

well, maybe you're kinky, but

4:27

that's as vague and bland

4:29

as anything,

4:31

you know, like that's actually a very bland

4:33

declaration to be not vanilla, because

4:35

I love vanilla and we

4:37

need to really examine what we

4:40

are doing when we create this vanilla

4:41

kinky binary because it's also assuming

4:44

that kink is separate from

4:46

vanilla, as if chocolate

4:48

and vanilla were separate, but most chocolate

4:50

has vanilla in the recipe. Do you know

4:53

what I mean? And most kink has

4:55

a lot of components of vanilla sex

4:59

when we play it out, when we play with kink

5:01

the way we each like to play, which of course

5:03

is so variable, right? Talk

5:05

about 32 flavours and then some. So

5:09

we need to remember this and not disparage

5:12

vanilla or not feel like we're settling for

5:14

vanilla or not feel like vanilla

5:16

is lesser than in any way or less

5:19

enlightened or less of a portal

5:21

to, you know, transcendent, incredible

5:24

states of ecstasy. So

5:28

appraised to vanilla from two

5:30

kinky pervs

5:32

who love

5:34

vanilla and like the backbone of

5:36

our erotic relationship now for 16,

5:39

17 years is a very

5:42

rich vanilla

5:44

custard or

5:47

something that's, you know,

5:49

as rich and as nourishing and wholesome

5:52

as it is sweet and delicious

5:54

and divine. Right. Yeah,

5:57

I think we're more custard than ice cream, even.

5:59

even though we're dairy free. Okay, back

6:02

away from the food. But

6:04

really going into the heart of what we're talking about with

6:06

the vanilla sex, you know, in one of our last

6:08

episodes in the conversation with the

6:10

Super Freaks author, she laid out

6:13

the four P's of kinky

6:15

sex, right? Oh gosh,

6:17

do I remember power, pain? Psychology.

6:21

Psychology. And putrid.

6:23

And the putrid, right? The disgusting,

6:26

the revolting, the things

6:28

that make us, you know, go ick, but also

6:31

mmm, right? And we will

6:33

do

6:33

an episode coming up on the erotics

6:35

of disgust, because this is actually

6:37

an area I'm really fascinated. It lights up

6:39

my pee for psychology.

6:41

But like in the absence of those things, right? If

6:43

we're not playing power games, if we're not,

6:46

you know, pushing sensation to the

6:48

far edges of what's possible, if

6:50

we're not, you know, reaching into one

6:52

another's souls and playing games with each other's

6:55

fears, then what are we doing, right?

6:58

We are connecting, we're loving one

7:00

another, we're devoting ourselves to one another's

7:02

pleasure. We're taking time to get

7:05

naked and just enjoy one another's naked

7:07

human bodies. All

7:10

of the pleasures that are in vanilla are some

7:12

of the things that we love the most about sex.

7:15

So how do we remember to savor

7:18

it?

7:19

And remember that vanilla is not plain.

7:21

Uh-huh. I love that.

7:23

And I feel like it's really about not judging

7:26

it as plain, as you said, I

7:28

feel like in this world where we're constantly

7:31

putting one against the other, this,

7:34

I'm concerned about vanilla getting

7:36

thought of as inferior, boring,

7:39

less exciting. And it

7:41

really isn't like, let's try and take away all

7:43

the hierarchies that we have inherent

7:46

in sex, unless you want to play with them intentionally,

7:49

but, and

7:51

just name it as its own experience

7:54

that invites savoring presence,

7:56

paying attention, and

7:59

allowing ourselves to...

7:59

to go deeper into

8:02

a specific experience

8:04

instead of focusing on broadening and expanding

8:06

and trying to play in the

8:09

edges. Do you know what I mean?

8:11

So it's going deeper instead of expanding our experience

8:14

of sex.

8:15

And not like that has to be an either or. Right,

8:17

right. Again, more full spinaries. Yes. But

8:22

deeper into what, right? Like what is the core

8:25

of your vanilla? I'm

8:27

really thinking like vanilla is an invitation

8:30

for enjoyment to savor, you know?

8:34

When we're eating vanilla ice cream, you

8:36

know? And sometimes like the world's finest

8:38

chefs will serve vanilla

8:40

ice cream

8:41

at the end of a delicious meal,

8:44

right? In its simplicity,

8:46

it invites us into savoring, into

8:51

enjoying what is right there

8:53

on our tongue. And

8:57

I like slutty ice cream with lots of things in

8:59

it. You know, I'm often like adding salt and

9:01

shit to my ice cream. But

9:03

when I go into vanilla sex,

9:05

you know, for me that's some of the most tender

9:08

terrain because

9:11

when we

9:11

just strip ourselves down

9:14

to our bodies, to touch, to

9:16

presence, to kissing, to

9:19

intimacy, what rises, right,

9:21

between you is

9:24

something so beautiful and expressive.

9:28

As I get back into kink, right? Like I

9:30

went kind of away from kink for a

9:32

lot of years while we were parenting,

9:34

while I was sick, while I was recovering.

9:37

And then I circled back and the kinkier

9:40

I get again, the more I appreciate

9:42

vanilla and how

9:44

they go together. But vanilla

9:47

on its own, just these opportunities,

9:50

the time we take. Because

9:52

sex is so much

9:53

a choice, right? It's choosing to take

9:55

the time to enjoy one

9:58

another or yourself. or

10:00

your body against a tree

10:02

and the wind on your skin, right? Like wherever

10:04

you're finding that erotic

10:07

engagement, there's a choice

10:09

to slow down and savor those

10:11

sensations and the feelings of

10:13

enjoyment, right?

10:16

And you can rush through a bowl of ice cream and get brain

10:18

freeze, or you can savor

10:21

it off of a tiny spoon and let

10:23

it melt on your tongue and notice

10:26

the pleasures of the fats and

10:28

the flavors and the aromas,

10:31

right?

10:34

And that process of choosing

10:36

to enjoy something is available

10:39

for us even in the simplest forms

10:41

of sex and intimacy, right?

10:44

And is it fair even to say

10:46

vanilla is simple because

10:47

when you're making love with someone,

10:49

there is a lot going on. There's so

10:51

much to pay attention to that

10:54

often the issue is we get overwhelmed,

10:56

we get distracted, it's too

10:58

much to pay attention to

10:59

sometimes. Like to call

11:02

vanilla sex simple is not honest. Not

11:04

honoring the complexity that is

11:07

always present when two people or

11:09

more or one person solo

11:12

is having an experience. Cause so much has

11:14

to happen to

11:16

be able to have that moment be

11:19

ripe and ready. It's a symphony

11:21

of flavors to get the perfect

11:23

vanilla. Which is why I loved

11:25

learning that the bean that comes from the flowering

11:28

orchid takes three years to grow.

11:31

And then it has to be

11:32

pollinated on the one

11:35

day that it blooms. I

11:37

feel like that is such- Hand pollinated.

11:40

Hand pollinated, you're right. Thank you on

11:42

the one day. And I feel like that is

11:44

such a true parallel

11:46

to having vanilla sex, to having

11:49

any sex with somebody is

11:51

a moment

11:52

where you have to be responsive to

11:55

all of the conditions and causes

11:57

to catch that moment where you're

11:59

both. feeling ready and like you

12:01

want to turn towards each other. Wow,

12:04

the bloom is being pollinated and all

12:07

and then the bean can unfurl. But

12:10

I mean, and that's just the beginning of the process

12:13

of getting really good vanilla

12:15

to your tongue, right? Because then

12:17

it's fermented and. And

12:20

rolled in blankets, apparently

12:22

every and then put into an airtight container

12:25

every night and then unrolled into the sun

12:28

every day for two months. And

12:30

there's like five other things in this process too. We're not going

12:32

to go into walks. We're not a cooking show. But I

12:34

was astounded to learn the details

12:36

of how much care is put into getting one

12:39

vanilla pod that we

12:40

can put into our beautiful vanilla

12:42

ice cream. And these things we take for

12:44

granted, right? Because I think part of this

12:46

is also a call to savor

12:49

vanilla. Yes, but not take it

12:51

for granted. Right. And remember

12:54

that it's no small thing

12:56

to pause life and

12:58

enjoy eroticism alone

13:02

or together or in a group, right?

13:05

However you are doing it, that

13:07

choice is a

13:09

event and we can really

13:11

choose to like celebrate it, cherish

13:14

it and bring our full selves to enjoying

13:16

it in a way that makes it quite exquisite

13:19

and not mundane or plain at

13:21

all. And while no yogurt

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You know, and speaking of lube, and

16:44

ED medication, right. So

16:47

when we say vanilla sex, there

16:49

is a picture of a certain

16:51

kind of sexual arc of events

16:53

that comes to our minds. And

16:56

this is cultural, right?

16:58

We are speaking to a global audience,

17:01

but we're also in the year 2023. And if we polled like 100 people, 1000

17:03

people, a million people,

17:05

a

17:07

billion

17:09

people about what

17:12

their preconceived notions of

17:14

when we say they had

17:15

sex, right, just a few words, they

17:17

had sex, what does

17:18

that include? For most

17:20

people, it includes a certain group of activities

17:23

done in a kind of certain mood in

17:25

a certain way with a certain emotion

17:28

and affect. And how

17:30

much that varies is kind of

17:32

a matter of cultural degree. And also

17:35

a matter of like

17:36

distance from honestly,

17:38

like colonial white

17:40

Western norms, right?

17:43

Like global sex culture has

17:45

been colonized, our mental

17:47

imagination about what sexuality

17:49

looks like has been fully colonized.

17:53

And this is why we all have a certain

17:55

kind of preconceived notion of what vanilla

17:57

sex even means,

17:58

right? Like what's the plain version,

18:00

what's the simplest version? And we

18:03

need to look at that and look with

18:05

curiosity

18:08

and wonder and fascination at what that

18:10

variance can be,

18:12

right? Like, what

18:14

is the core of those assumptions? What

18:16

is culturally assumed? I watch

18:19

a lot of global porn. It's

18:20

kind of my new hobby is jumping

18:23

around the world with very specific geographic

18:26

searches in the porn

18:28

realm, because this is part

18:30

of my lifelong fascination,

18:32

right? Is what changes

18:35

when

18:35

we jump from culture to culture? What do

18:37

those changes mean about our understandings

18:40

of gender roles, power

18:42

dynamics, family and

18:45

domestic culture, age,

18:48

bodies, what bodies

18:51

are desirable and what are they desired

18:53

for?

18:54

And really, when you look at

18:56

it, what a narrow window we paint

18:59

for ourselves

19:01

when we know we have this world of

19:03

flavor

19:03

available to us, right?

19:06

And that's why I feel like conversations like we're having

19:08

every week here are so important, because what we're

19:10

trying to do is give us an opportunity

19:12

to like reimagine what

19:15

sex can be and to like have a different

19:17

idea in our imagination of what

19:19

we could be experiencing and exploring

19:21

together, because otherwise we do get

19:23

stuck in this cultural

19:26

idea of what is quote unquote normal.

19:29

And so we are seeking always to shift

19:33

the boundaries of our imagination

19:35

around sex and sexuality. And

19:37

this podcast episode specifically

19:40

is wanting to just re bring our attention

19:43

to the beauty of vanilla

19:45

sex, because sometimes in

19:48

our 460 plus episodes, we

19:50

are talking more about kinky sex,

19:52

we're talking more about more complex dynamics

19:56

sometimes because we need to normalize

19:58

those and bring more. attention

20:01

to things that aren't talked about as often. And

20:03

so I feel like in this episode, we're just

20:05

wanting to celebrate what

20:08

a lot of people do and

20:11

affirm that it is valuable and

20:13

perfect. We remember what Dr. Emily

20:16

Nagoski says, "'The pleasure is the measure.'"

20:18

And so if you are enjoying the sex that

20:20

you are having and it is vanilla

20:23

oriented, then that is a win. That is

20:25

beautiful. That is successful,

20:27

fulfilling, satisfying sex. And

20:29

let us let it be so instead

20:31

of judging it that it needs to be something different,

20:34

wilder, kinkier. I just

20:36

feel like that judgment piece can sometimes get

20:38

in the way

20:38

of us really enjoying and appreciating and

20:41

celebrating vanilla sex as

20:43

it is. And

20:45

depending on, so we're talking about this kind of monolithic

20:48

culture that's spread around sexuality, but

20:50

then there are so many subcultures, right?

20:53

And there are subcultures where the

20:55

recipient of intercourse

20:56

is not supposed to move,

21:00

make sound, or respond

21:02

in any way.

21:04

And if that is what has been normalized

21:06

for you, then even moving

21:08

your hips and moaning a little bit might

21:11

feel really edgy,

21:14

right? And that is what is real for a lot

21:17

of people, is that they are

21:19

trying to enjoy vanilla sex and

21:22

unable to,

21:22

because sex has been

21:25

so disgraced, right?

21:28

And

21:28

that's a good word for it. Sexuality has been disgraced.

21:31

It's been disrespected. It's been made

21:34

into this place of fear and trauma

21:36

and anxiety, instead

21:39

of relaxed, at ease, enjoyment

21:41

of one another's bodies. Because

21:44

I think we also have to name this. To enjoy

21:46

vanilla, we need to be able to enjoy sex.

21:48

And a lot of us aren't at that place.

21:52

And I remember when I was there, like having

21:54

the most simple vanilla

21:56

sex was terrifying. And

21:59

a massive, trigger field, right?

22:01

Like a minefield of potential trauma

22:03

triggers. And I used to

22:06

have painful cramps after every

22:08

orgasm. And sometimes,

22:11

you know, I tell these stories about like my ecstatic

22:13

journeys with my poly lovers and we

22:15

paint this picture of what's possible. And

22:18

I want to remind folks like I

22:20

am a kid that

22:21

survived a ton of sexual

22:23

trauma and ended up talking

22:25

on the playground to the other kids to try to figure

22:27

out what the fuck was going

22:29

on. And then reading all the books

22:31

in the library and Barnes and Noble so I

22:33

could help other kids. And

22:35

then, and that really like this has been my lifelong journey

22:38

because of the pain I have

22:39

experienced and dealt

22:42

with in my own life, right? And pleasure

22:45

is only easy for me because I've made it my lifelong

22:48

practice

22:48

and have done very little else. Then

22:51

study pleasure and how it works

22:53

in our bodies so I could experience

22:55

it again after being

22:58

completely numbed out and, you know,

23:01

hollowed out by sexual trauma.

23:04

And so if sexual trauma

23:06

is part of your story, if it's part of your partner's

23:08

story, it can make vanilla

23:11

very hard to experience, to

23:13

enjoy it all, right?

23:15

If ice cream was weaponized, it

23:17

would just feel like a cold mess

23:19

going in your mouth.

23:20

So

23:22

I do want to bring up our survivors toolkit.

23:25

This is a resource that is for free.

23:27

We don't talk about it often enough. We will

23:29

put a link in our show notes page and

23:31

it's a beautiful resource kit of

23:34

ideas and frameworks

23:37

that

23:37

have helped me in my trauma journey

23:40

have

23:40

been places I have been learning about

23:44

and a place you can share the

23:46

resources that have been most useful for you too.

23:48

Because we're all in this together,

23:50

right? When I talk about like that colonization

23:52

of

23:52

global sexuality, a lot of that has been

23:55

very

23:56

violent and disrespectful

23:58

to human sexuality. And we

24:00

are all here listening because we sense

24:03

something else is possible. And

24:05

we have an idea that sexuality can

24:07

be a place of joy and pleasure and connection.

24:09

Right? These three words we begin every

24:12

podcast episode with. These three words

24:15

we wear around on our chest in our Pleasure

24:17

Mechanics t-shirts. Did

24:19

you know you could get Pleasure Mechanics t-shirts, by

24:22

the way? I just refreshed our store. It's pleasuremechanics.com

24:25

slash gear. We

24:27

make about 10 cents a t-shirt, but

24:29

it's a way for you to wear your Pleasure Mechanics

24:31

pride.

24:32

And that act of like putting

24:34

on a t-shirt, pleasure, joy, connection, it

24:36

is insisting on something this world

24:38

has systemically tried to deny

24:41

us. Is the pleasure

24:43

and joy of being human together

24:45

and in the eroticism of our connection

24:48

with one another.

24:50

Easefully, that

24:52

relaxed enjoyment of vanilla

24:54

sex we're talking about is an aspirational

24:57

destination for a lot of us.

25:00

When we're just trying to enjoy it, right?

25:04

Yeah. And also our mindful sex

25:06

course has so many wonderful

25:09

experiences to move through that help with

25:11

distraction. Things

25:13

that are in the way of being able to sink

25:15

deeper into savoring and being in

25:17

the experience. Of sex

25:20

and of your own body. And

25:22

that is a wonderful place to

25:24

step into to gain some more of those skills

25:27

and a little direction

25:29

and guidance around how to have it be a little

25:31

bit easier.

25:32

The mindful sex course has a lot of resources,

25:35

you know, and that's actually included in all

25:37

of our bundles. So we sell individual

25:39

courses, but we also have a kink bundle and

25:42

an erotic touch bundle, which

25:45

has our full body massage, our butt

25:47

courses and our foreplay

25:49

course that has all of the erotic touch

25:52

techniques. And I added

25:54

mindful sex to that

25:55

bundle like it's already a brimming

25:57

bundle with so much to explore.

26:00

but I put mindful sex in that bundle

26:03

because it has skills for all of us to

26:05

deepen our

26:06

pleasures of massage, of

26:08

erotic touch, of foreplay, of

26:10

fucking,

26:11

right? Like that vanilla

26:13

can be there to be enjoyed and if we're not paying

26:16

attention to it, we can swallow

26:18

without tasting anything. And

26:20

mindful sex is all about how to come home

26:23

into our awareness and attention

26:25

so we can

26:26

enjoy sex more, so

26:28

we can be more in our agency with

26:30

it, so we can be more present

26:33

to seek out and

26:35

curate the erotic experiences we

26:37

want

26:38

and then enjoy them.

26:39

Learning how to receive eroticism, learning

26:42

how to enjoy pleasure

26:43

is a practice, is a whole set

26:45

of skills that we learn over time. That's

26:48

what we're doing, that's why we're here, that's

26:50

what we offer

26:50

you and all of our online offerings

26:54

are what we believe are the most efficient

26:56

paths

26:57

back home towards sexual

27:00

enjoyment, pleasure, at easeful

27:03

connection with

27:05

ourselves, our bodies and one another.

27:08

So what are the pleasures of vanilla sex

27:10

that you enjoy that

27:12

kind of keep us coming back for more? We

27:14

have a room full of toys,

27:15

we could do whatever we want and often

27:17

we just dive right into the vanilla honeypot.

27:21

What is it you enjoy? I

27:22

mean, I love massage, right?

27:25

Receiving, giving massage is

27:27

a cornerstone in our sex life

27:30

that I think is so rich and beautiful

27:32

and delicious. You have a very big

27:35

appetite for touch. I do, I have

27:37

a very big appetite for touch. Massage

27:40

is a subset of what

27:42

you're really into, which is touch.

27:45

And so erotic touch and skilled,

27:47

beautiful, erotic, genital touch

27:49

that you offer is just gorgeous.

27:54

And,

27:55

but those lines, like when we make love, our

27:58

vanilla is this, you know, this blend of.

27:59

of full body massage, erotic

28:02

touch, you know, genitals, yes, but

28:04

also your nipples, your throat, and

28:06

that blend, like where massage ends

28:09

and erotic stimulation begins is

28:12

the slippery, yummy place you love

28:14

to play and linger and

28:17

tease

28:17

it out for as long as we've got,

28:19

right? You can be in that vanilla pleasure

28:21

for hours and never get

28:23

bored. Right, touch sensation

28:26

of my skin is

28:27

just delicious. Yeah, place

28:29

I love to be. I guess that would be considered

28:32

vanilla and it is absolutely delicious. And just

28:34

oral sex, lots and lots of oral

28:36

sex and playing with

28:38

your pussy, right? And

28:41

it's true, like with you, with a lot of my other lovers,

28:44

like we have all these kinky options available

28:46

to us and the pleasures we so

28:48

often circle back to are

28:51

mouths and hands and holes

28:54

and touch, uh-huh, eager

28:56

skin and hungry holes, you know?

28:58

It's just like we are one big sensory

29:00

receptor and when

29:02

we have some ease and skillfulness

29:04

around playing with that, the

29:08

explorations there are boundless. Yeah, endless.

29:11

Yeah, I love playing you like

29:13

a cello or something, you know, it's just

29:15

like I can strum on that for

29:17

hours because you're responsive, right? You're feeling

29:19

my touch, you're responding to it. We begin to

29:22

circuit in

29:23

that call and response

29:25

of erotic touch. And that's so much

29:27

of what vanilla sex is. It's a very

29:30

clear circuit of stimulation

29:33

and enjoyment of that stimulation and

29:36

yes, more please. And you can

29:38

play in that for as long as you wish.

29:40

For a lifetime. Without reaching for any

29:43

extraneous

29:44

tools or role-playing at

29:46

all, we can just be in the sensory

29:48

bliss of touch and

29:52

sex and fucking and... Yeah, and

29:54

two bodies touching each other and

29:56

evoking and creating pleasure and

29:59

sensation.

29:59

and intimacy. And

30:03

that's what I think of when I think of vanilla. It's just like

30:05

bodies and touch and fucking

30:08

and breathing and enjoying it. Without

30:11

kind of like reaching, we can reach into all

30:14

sorts

30:14

of depths of human psychology. We

30:16

can reach all around us for sensory tools

30:18

and implements. We can reach into

30:21

culture for power and

30:24

subversion and transgressive

30:27

sex and taboo, right? The

30:29

whole world is our erotic landscape.

30:32

And there's something about vanilla sex that

30:34

for me, like it creates like a little bubble

30:36

where all that matters

30:39

is your body, my body, how

30:41

our bodies are touching, entwining,

30:44

moving together, breathing together. It's

30:47

this kind of core

30:48

circuit upon which so

30:50

much else can be added. But

30:53

when that core circuit is good, we can play there

30:56

forever, you know?

31:00

And if there are tools we can offer

31:02

you to ease your way into

31:04

enjoying vanilla sex, into

31:07

deepening your appreciation for

31:09

the touch we have available to

31:12

us, right? And this is why we love massage

31:15

because massage takes everyday

31:17

touch and elevates it and

31:20

reminds us of how exquisite it

31:22

is

31:23

to touch one another. And

31:25

a simple glide down the

31:27

spine can become a

31:29

transformative, tender

31:32

touch, right? Needing

31:36

one another's butt muscles can ease

31:38

and relax us into our

31:41

deepest places of arousal.

31:42

And all

31:44

of this is deeply vanilla

31:47

pleasures just waiting to

31:49

be enjoyed, right? Like our bodies

31:51

are full of them. We are the

31:53

honeypots,

31:53

right? It's not out

31:55

there. And that's the most important

31:58

thing to remember is like pleasure.

31:59

and joy and connection is yours

32:02

as a human. It's in our

32:05

bodies. It's what we are designed

32:07

to do.

32:08

We just have to remember.

32:12

And we just have to practice and get

32:14

more skillful and at ease

32:16

in remembering how to be in these

32:18

exquisite human bodies of ours, which

32:21

are in relationship to those orchids

32:24

flowering on that specific night

32:26

of the moon, and the bees pollinating

32:29

the flowers to bring home the honey, right?

32:31

All of that is our erotic context

32:35

and we can enjoy it and

32:37

enjoy being alive as human beings

32:40

just a little bit more. In

32:43

another lifetime, I just want to be in like a glade

32:45

with a waterfall and rainbows

32:48

and unicorns and endless

32:50

fruit trees and just be able

32:53

to play in this space like the

32:55

vanilla honey hole fountains of human

32:58

sexuality forever. Can

33:00

there be a massage table there too? Because when

33:02

you were saying that... No, we don't need it because there's like a bed of

33:04

moss and it's perfectly tapered

33:07

for body mechanics. And

33:09

we don't have any chronic pain because we're not overworked

33:11

by capitalism, you

33:13

know? And like, what does vanilla sex

33:15

offer us within our day to day lives

33:17

within the grind of capitalism because we

33:19

don't live at that honey hole water fountain with rainbows

33:21

and unicorns as much

33:23

as I try. We live in this

33:26

world and it's a complicated world.

33:28

We are all grieving, we are all dealing

33:30

with multiple stresses and frustrations

33:33

all the time. Vanilla

33:35

sex can be a sanctuary, a refuge

33:40

of sensual pleasures if we can allow

33:42

it and then bask in the afterglow

33:45

because it turns out the afterglow is a really

33:47

important part of the process. And

33:49

MindfulSex is about that

33:51

and it's for all of us. So you'll

33:53

find it in all of our bundles. The

33:55

Touch Bundle is at pleasuremechanics.com

33:59

slash touch.

33:59

We'll throw a really

34:01

good discount on there for you for this

34:03

episode because we really want these skills

34:05

accessible and available to anyone

34:08

who wants to savor them.

34:10

Yeah, we want them in your hands. So

34:12

reason for existence is

34:14

to share these skills

34:16

that have been so transformative

34:18

for me as I said, right? From

34:22

trauma kid numbed out and cramping

34:25

after any orgasm to

34:27

expansive erotic love honey

34:29

pot dragon that I am, right?

34:32

And I am

34:33

basking in my 40s and

34:35

I'm so grateful for the journey I've been

34:37

on because it allows me to enjoy my sexuality

34:40

now. And

34:42

I do walk around the world feeling like dripping

34:45

with honey and

34:48

smelling like vanilla. And speaking of vanilla, I

34:50

remember as a kid, I learned that

34:52

the scent of vanilla makes people horny.

34:55

And so I always wore vanilla

34:57

perfume.

34:58

Me too. We've

35:00

never had this conversation. I had no idea. I

35:02

didn't I know I used to wear vanilla as a perfume.

35:04

I didn't know that

35:05

it did that. I thought I learned that it would like

35:07

made people feel really comfortable and feel really at home

35:09

or something. Same, same, same, same. Oh my God.

35:12

Before pleasure comes safety and vanilla

35:15

offers that for all of us. We just learned

35:17

that about each other. Come

35:19

home to the vanilla scented

35:22

freshly baked cookie of your sexuality

35:24

at pleasure mechanics.com

35:26

slash touch. We

35:29

are here for you. We love you. We will be back

35:31

with you next week with another episode of Speaking of Sex

35:34

with the Pleasure Mechanics. I'm Chris. I'm

35:37

Charlotte. We are the Pleasure Mechanics. Wishing you

35:39

a lifetime of pleasure.

35:42

Vanilla scented honey tasting pleasure.