0:00

Welcome to speaking of sex

0:02

with the pleasure mechanics. I'm Chris,

0:04

I'm Charlotte, we are the pleasure mechanics.

0:07

And on this podcast, we have honest,

0:10

explicit conversations about

0:12

sex, pleasure, joy

0:15

and connection. Come on

0:17

over to pleasure mechanics

0:19

calm, where you will find all of the

0:21

resources we have been generating for

0:24

you. Since 2006. We have online

0:29

courses covering erotic touch skills,

0:32

kinky sex, erotic spanking,

0:35

mindful sex and more, you

0:37

will find it all ready for your

0:40

delight at pleasure mechanics.com.

0:44

On today's episode, we want to talk

0:46

about a phrase that has been

0:48

coming out of my mouth since the

0:50

days where I met Charlotte

0:51

before we were in pleasure mechanics

0:54

uniforms. When we met in

0:56

the sexological bodywork training,

0:59

I was a co teacher

1:01

along with my mentor Joseph Kramer,

1:03

we were developing this

1:06

profession of hands on sexological

1:08

bodywork, sex education. And I had

1:12

the honor of

1:14

weekend after weekend, month

1:17

after month, year after year being

1:20

in

1:20

circles of humans

1:22

learning erotic massage together.

1:24

I was witnessing 2535

1:26

people at a time, naked spread on

1:33

massage tables learning how to

1:35

touch one another. And

1:37

from the honor of that position, right,

1:39

like I'm so honored that I got

1:41

to witness so much touch,

1:44

and so many naked bodies in their

1:46

most vulnerable truths.

1:50

I came to notice one pattern

1:52

about how people were touching

1:55

and then the requests that the bodies were

1:57

making. And I came

1:59

up with this phrase,

1:59

that I started using

2:02

in our teaching and I started using in our curriculum

2:04

and it has kind of stuck. Many

2:07

of our students adopted it and

2:09

have used it in their teaching sense but

2:12

we realized the other day when I said

2:14

it out loud again that we've never quite

2:16

unpacked it on this podcast

2:18

for you all, our most beloved listeners.

2:22

So today we want to talk about how

2:24

our bodies, specifically our genitals,

2:27

are sensitive but not delicate.

2:31

Sensitive but not delicate. I

2:34

remember hearing you say this in the halls

2:37

of the sexological bodywork training and it

2:39

was as striking then as it is now

2:42

in terms of rethinking

2:44

how we look at genitals,

2:47

how we think, what we think they're capable

2:49

of. Because I think so many

2:51

of us imagine they're really really

2:54

delicate, meaning fragile,

2:57

easy to break, that we need

2:59

to kind of touch them with extreme

3:02

gentleness or else something

3:04

might hurt. And even as you're doing it now

3:07

and this is what I noticed is you

3:09

know when we would do shoulder massage, we do foot

3:11

massage and even trained

3:13

body workers as soon as we were touching

3:16

the genitals people

3:18

would touch with these like hesitant

3:21

kid gloves on as if we were touching

3:23

something that was about to shatter. Right

3:26

when we touch something that is delicate, it's

3:28

our perception is that it's fragile,

3:31

it's easily broken, we need to be careful

3:33

with it and that creates hesitation

3:36

in the touch. And this is a trained

3:40

mentality about this part of

3:42

our body that is so far from

3:44

its anatomical truth. The genitals

3:47

are mighty, they are resilient,

3:49

they can take so much stimuli

3:53

and pressure and pounding. If

3:55

you think about all the things

3:57

that you most like to do with your genitals,

3:59

It's quite vigorous. And

4:05

that scale of how

4:07

much

4:07

intensity, pressure, vigor,

4:11

stimulation, friction, all of

4:13

those things, how much you like where

4:15

and how and when is so

4:18

deeply personal. But what we

4:20

all have in common is that we are not easily

4:22

broken. And so I developed

4:24

this phrase to remind us of that sensitive,

4:28

but not delicate. And the sensitive

4:30

part is just as

4:31

important

4:33

because what we are is sensitive. And

4:36

what this part of our bodies is, is highly

4:39

innervated, meaning there are tons of

4:41

nerve endings ready

4:44

to pick up stimulation, ready

4:46

to respond to sensory

4:48

input. Also

4:51

what it means is our genitals, our

4:54

pussies, our cocks, our asses

4:56

are right there at the core

4:58

of our being, right? Like when we are spread

5:00

and being stimulated, part

5:02

of the reason it's sensitive

5:04

is because it's like very tender.

5:07

There's openings, there's openings from

5:09

the outside world to our inside body.

5:12

And so it's sensitive to information

5:15

stimuli and sensation.

5:18

This is a superpower. And

5:21

it's that which we're trying to turn

5:23

on with all of our erotic

5:26

touch and stimulation and

5:28

verbal praise and adoration, right?

5:30

Like we're in awe of the genitals

5:33

and then we go to touch it and we're hesitant and

5:35

treat it like it's about to shatter and break.

5:39

And that hesitation feels

5:41

so icky for so many people.

5:44

It does not feel good to be touched

5:47

like you're about to be broken. It's

5:50

so interesting because also if people

5:52

are thinking genitals are really precious, we

5:54

sometimes then feel

5:57

like we want to hold them or touch them

5:59

with...

6:00

care, but that it

6:01

can sometimes get into this well,

6:04

it becomes condescending Especially

6:06

when you're the body that you're wanting to touch is aching

6:09

to be touched Right. And so we

6:11

almost like touch it like it's a scared little

6:13

kitty when it just

6:14

wants to be stroked like a fully

6:16

mature cat But

6:19

you know and again, this is so different for different

6:21

people and for different bodies

6:24

and what we've been taught about different bodies The

6:27

balls is another place. This really

6:29

comes up

6:30

We are taught that if you kick someone in the

6:32

balls That's like the absolute worst thing

6:35

and they're gonna be keeled over in pain and

6:37

you're gonna damage them And we're

6:39

really taught to have a lot of fear about the testicles

6:42

and so a lot of people avoid them all together lest

6:45

we hurt them and then we leave out

6:47

an entire part of the sexual

6:50

anatomy out of fear and hesitancy

6:53

Instead of asking how do your

6:55

balls

6:55

like to be touched? How do you touch

6:58

your balls?

6:59

And they're a specific part of the body

7:01

that I feel like can respond

7:03

to the such a vast range

7:06

of touch For

7:10

some people the sensitivity that is needed

7:12

is so precise and and yeah And

7:15

then others like really like intense

7:18

pulling. Yeah And you have

7:20

to be touched like a combination of a

7:22

baby bird and the lucky dice at Vegas

7:26

and another lover said You

7:29

know make taffy make origami You're

7:31

not gonna hurt me like absolutely go wild

7:34

with my balls like stretch them pull them

7:36

yank them tug them And

7:39

that range and as a poly

7:41

lover I then have to like remember that

7:43

about each human but we can have

7:45

these conversations and even more accurately

7:48

Say show me how you touch yourself Show

7:51

me what you like here because we might

7:53

be an absolute amazement

7:55

and awe and wonder of What

7:58

our lovers parts actually? like

8:01

when they're given a chance. So you're saying

8:03

watch them touch themselves as

8:06

a practice of understanding

8:08

how they actually like to be touched and witnessing

8:10

the pressure and intensity

8:13

that you see because you might be surprised.

8:16

One of the best ways to get over that hesitation

8:18

because you see like this is how they stroke

8:20

themselves. You can even put your hand

8:22

right over their hand so you can feel

8:24

the grip, you can feel the speed

8:27

and then they slide their hand away

8:29

and you try to keep that pressure going. And we

8:32

talked about the balls but genitals,

8:35

cocks, clits, same thing like

8:37

a lot of people love really deep pressure

8:39

and what that pressure does is it takes

8:42

it beyond skin level.

8:43

And so after the break I want to talk

8:46

about how we explore

8:47

the genitals with this mentality

8:50

of sensitive but

8:51

not delicate. All the implications

8:54

of that and also the relational implications

8:56

of this. I

8:59

just want to go

8:59

back a minute. What

9:02

question were you asking your lovers

9:04

about their balls that they were

9:06

giving you such beautifully detailed

9:10

descriptions of how to be touched?

9:13

Because

9:13

that feels like a practice that we all want

9:15

to get into like describing how

9:17

we want to be touched.

9:20

Yes, I mean I think it's simple as tell

9:22

me how you like your balls touched.

9:25

Right? And my lovers and

9:27

I, we have a very

9:28

verbal rapport, most

9:30

of my lovers and I.

9:32

And so that specificity really

9:34

helps, right? Because and

9:36

it gives me so much, I love that like

9:38

baby bird and lucky Vegas face because

9:41

it gives me both emotion and affect,

9:43

right? And so

9:45

how we like to be touched, the

9:48

depth and the pressure

9:50

and the attitudes and energies

9:52

that go into it is what we experience

9:55

with this sensitivity.

9:56

And after,

9:58

you know, 20 years.

9:59

of teaching erotic touch and being

10:02

immersed in this and studying

10:03

pleasure, it's that combination

10:06

we really need to attend to.

10:08

And when we teach our specific strokes

10:11

and

10:11

skills, right alongside

10:13

with that are conversations about,

10:15

okay this is how you want

10:17

it, now tell me why, what does it mean

10:19

to you, how does it make you feel, right? Like

10:23

how do you want to be touched and treated tonight?

10:25

And because that can change.

10:28

That's when you're really getting into the artistry

10:31

around sex. Absolutely, and

10:33

that's how we roll here at the Pleasure Mechanics community,

10:35

right? You are here listening

10:36

to this podcast

10:39

ready for more artistry

10:41

and confidence when it comes to touching our lovers

10:44

and that is that antidote

10:45

to that fear-based hesitancy

10:48

that the mythology about our genitals

10:50

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toolbox.

13:40

Sensitive, but not delicate. This

13:42

is again, one of the phrases that as

13:45

I developed it and shared

13:46

it with groups of people, like I would feel

13:48

the response in the room. And again,

13:51

this is the privilege and honor of

13:53

having shared and held erotic

13:56

communal learning space for

13:59

so many people. for so many hours

14:01

during these

14:02

formative years of my life and

14:04

to have the mentorship

14:05

of Joseph Kramer who has been

14:07

teaching erotic touch for

14:09

as long as I had been alive at that point. We

14:13

are holders of this erotic massage

14:15

lineage that brought all

14:18

of the skills and

14:20

knowledge and intentionality

14:22

of professional massage

14:24

and the curiosity about the

14:26

body to our genitals,

14:29

to erotic massage. And

14:31

Charlotte, you gave thousands of erotic

14:33

massage, right? So at the same time I was

14:35

teaching in this lineage, Charlotte

14:38

was an erotic masse with

14:40

an incredible roster of regulars

14:43

who would flock to you for what I heard

14:46

was the best hand job in the Bay Area. Quote,

14:49

better than sex. You

14:52

gave thousands of sessions. What did you learn

14:54

about how genitals are

14:56

sensitive but not delicate?

14:59

It's true. I touched a lot of bodies.

15:01

And what I noticed is that the shaft often

15:03

could use a lot

15:04

more pressure than one might

15:07

imagine, but the tip always

15:08

could use more sensitivity.

15:11

And then the balls, as we said earlier,

15:13

are such a huge range. So being

15:15

in verbal communication to try and figure

15:17

out what people want there

15:19

was essential, I think. So I'm

15:22

hearing this piece that even within one

15:24

body there are zones of sensitivity.

15:26

There are zones that want different kinds

15:28

of stimulation at the same time.

15:31

And your skilled hands

15:34

learned how to do that, right? And I can

15:36

picture it, that really firm

15:38

grip around someone's shaft as you're almost

15:40

tickling the crown. And

15:44

again, think about what your body likes,

15:46

dear listener, and what zones

15:48

might want different kinds of touch if

15:51

you had the permission and space to ask

15:53

for it.

15:56

one

16:00

zone. But to really get

16:02

granular about what each section

16:05

wants in the specific body that

16:07

you love to touch and on yourself is

16:09

so valuable. And to allow

16:11

there to

16:12

be variation and difference and range.

16:15

The genitals have microclimates y'all. It's true.

16:20

And the response as we gave

16:22

permission in class, as part of what happened

16:25

in class and the magic was,

16:27

you know, we would wander around table

16:29

to table as teachers and offer

16:31

thoughts and show

16:34

strokes on the body and how to communicate

16:37

with a person receiving touch so they can

16:39

get what they

16:39

want. And people

16:42

would also see how other people touch and

16:44

we almost get social permission to try

16:46

different things.

16:48

And bodies opened up to this

16:50

full range of what's actually available.

16:54

And one of the energies I saw in the

16:56

classroom and that I brought into my

16:58

sex life and realized that I

17:01

deeply crave and maybe you do too,

17:03

is a sense of fierce tenderness.

17:07

A sense of tender ferocity,

17:10

right? This idea that a lover

17:12

can be both intense and powerful

17:15

and maybe even a little rough

17:17

while never losing sight of being

17:19

tender and sensitive and aware.

17:22

And

17:23

that mix that

17:25

erotic massage often brings, like we would

17:27

bring people to very intense high

17:29

states of arousal, but with exquisite

17:32

attention on the details. And

17:35

that's, I think this zone we

17:37

can all kind of think about and

17:39

aspire to, like whatever that looks like

17:41

for you, what would it mean

17:43

for your body to be touched with

17:46

absolute tenderness and awareness and

17:48

sensitivity, but giving

17:50

you the depth and intensity

17:52

that you want, how you want it.

17:56

That is so exquisite. And those two words together

17:58

feel like they open up a

18:00

whole world of possibility for

18:03

the kind of touch that so many of us want.

18:05

To touch someone with tender ferocity involves

18:07

so much sensitivity and requires

18:10

so much care and awareness,

18:13

but isn't afraid of the intensity.

18:14

I love that. Well, that lack of hesitation,

18:17

and

18:17

this is for me as a survivor. This is

18:19

for me as someone who likes high intense stimulation

18:22

and sensation. And I've learned those things

18:24

about myself over time, but what I've always

18:26

known is a sense of hesitation

18:28

is an anti erotic for me. And

18:31

the sense of someone's treating me

18:34

like I'm delicate feels so condescending.

18:37

And so this is what we mean about

18:39

those emotional

18:39

cords, like how we touch

18:42

one another really matters both in the physical

18:44

sensations we're offering,

18:47

but in the emotional states we're creating

18:50

together how we're making one another

18:52

feel. And so this

18:55

idea of

18:56

sensitive but not delicate honors

18:59

the anatomical

18:59

truth of our bodies. This tissue,

19:02

this flesh that we're touching is

19:04

powerful. It's resilient. It

19:06

responds well to deep pressure

19:09

where we're not only touching the surface

19:11

of the skin. We are

19:13

pressing into the bodies of the muscle.

19:16

We're pressing all of those nerve endings

19:18

into the bony ridges of the pelvis.

19:22

We are creating rhythmic waves of

19:24

vibration that echo through the

19:26

entire pelvis up our spine and into

19:28

our bodies. We can't

19:30

get there with a hesitant light touch.

19:34

And so for many of us, we need to

19:36

get much more fierce and

19:38

brave and courageous in how we touch

19:41

one another. And in receiving

19:43

touch, much more specific about how you

19:45

want it. And

19:47

so our erotic touch teachings that

19:49

we've been developing since,

19:51

you know, 20 years ago when I was in those

19:53

halls of erotic massage

19:56

that our community of

19:58

tens of thousands of pleasures

19:59

seekers all around the world have

20:02

been learning from and enjoying. We are

20:05

constantly adding new resources

20:07

too as we learn and we hear

20:09

from you how you best

20:11

are learning from us and what your aha

20:14

moments are. We're constantly

20:16

updating the courses and that's part of the reason they

20:18

have a lifetime access. So

20:21

you can always come back and explore more with

20:23

us

20:24

and one of the areas we've

20:26

been really deepening in together

20:29

is how do we get the touch that we

20:31

want. Because that's when

20:33

we're satisfied and all of us want

20:35

a different thing and so we need specific

20:38

tools and skills on how

20:40

to get the touch that we want. So

20:43

what kind of touch do you want? If

20:45

I was coming

20:46

at you with all of my loving tender ferocity

20:48

and all of the skills that are in my hands

20:51

and no hesitation knowing that you are

20:53

not delicate and I will not break you

20:56

what is the kind of touch that you are most

20:58

sensitive to that would feel most satisfying?

21:01

These are the questions we can ask one another when

21:03

we get over fearful hesitation.

21:07

So this is an invitation for

21:09

us to explore

21:10

for ourselves and for our lovers

21:12

what we genuinely like, prefer,

21:15

are curious to experience with our

21:17

genitals. Because some

21:19

of us may not ever have

21:20

thought to touch

21:23

this part of our body with a bit more intensity

21:25

or depth or pressure. So

21:27

this is an open invitation to explore

21:30

and get curious about what you might

21:32

like

21:33

or to fully acknowledge and own what you

21:36

do like. Because we're all in different

21:38

places with this. And to

21:40

have fun with it again, play,

21:42

like again on the other side of hesitation

21:45

is the playfulness that so many

21:47

of us crave. It can feel so

21:49

taboo and transgressive to yank

21:51

someone's balls for the first time. And that's

21:53

the light of like I get to do this.

21:56

And not only is it not hurting you, you

21:58

like it. It's really

22:00

fun to feel more free, exploratory,

22:03

and curious about one another's bodies and

22:06

get over these shoulds

22:08

and mythologies and frankly

22:11

lies that we have been told about

22:13

one another's bodies.

22:14

Like the idea that certain sexual systems

22:17

are more complicated than others is

22:19

a lie.

22:21

All of our bodies are both beautifully

22:23

complex and incredibly straightforward.

22:27

If we just let them speak for themselves

22:29

and we ask one another better questions

22:32

and offer one another more skilled,

22:34

confident touch.

22:35

Well shame is partly

22:37

what makes them all more complicated. That little

22:40

shame thing. And so every time you're having

22:42

a genuine conversation with your lover about

22:44

what you like or what they like, you

22:47

are getting through that shame and making something

22:49

that has been perceived as complicated more

22:52

simple or more easy to

22:55

play with. And we hear this all the time

22:57

from our lovers that watch the videos

22:59

together and say things like we

23:02

are watching that one vulva stroke

23:04

and she audibly moaned and I turned

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to her and said you would like that? Like

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that sense of surprise, that might be something

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And just like I in

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Our video trainings, the whole

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intention of Pleasure Mechanics is to bring

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what's possible. Get curious about what your

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Come to your lovers with way

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more options and confidence and

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a really well packed toolkit of

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pleasure potential. I have all these ways

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touching one another. We can have these.

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Conversations because I

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have the language because I am

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a brilliant pleasure mechanics listener. Thank

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you for being here We've

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even heard people start assigning pleasure

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mechanics episodes to people They're

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dating as things to talk about

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going into a date on a drive

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Use us as a tool for

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why we're here is to be used by you

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We love you

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we are here for you our resources are

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and inclusive by design If

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you ever need anything from us, you can reach

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out get on our email list at pleasure

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Get our free resource get started with

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our global community of pleasure seekers I'm

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Chris. I'm Charlotte. We are the pleasure mechanic

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wishing you a

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lifetime of pleasure