0:00

Welcome to speaking of

0:02

sex with the pleasure mechanics. I'm

0:04

Chris, I'm Charlotte, we are the pleasure

0:07

mechanics. And on this podcast, we

0:09

have honest, explicit

0:11

yet wholesome conversations about

0:14

sex, pleasure and the joy

0:16

of connection.

0:18

Come on over to pleasure mechanics.com

0:21

where you will find all of the resources

0:24

we have been lovingly generating for

0:26

you since 2006. When Charlotte

0:28

and I met already deeply

0:33

immersed in this field. Charlotte

0:35

was an erotic masseuse. I was

0:38

teaching the sexological bodywork

0:40

trainings. Charlotte was

0:42

one of our students in the training and a

0:44

few months later she asked my boyfriend out

0:46

on a date. How

0:49

we met and it was right around this time

0:51

of year and I always remember that as we come

0:53

into October and the crispness

0:56

of fall. This is the season

0:59

of our anniversary. We're now 17

1:01

years this month. And

1:04

it's also Halloween

1:05

season and one of our first dates

1:08

was at a haunted house. And

1:10

I always laugh at that because there's

1:13

actually a few things you hate more than

1:15

haunted houses. It turns out

1:17

but around this time of the year, we've

1:19

done episodes in the past on costuming

1:23

and role playing and going to the Halloween

1:25

store on a date with yourself to

1:28

see

1:28

what kind of props and costumes

1:31

spark your erotic creature and

1:33

I still think that's all a great thing to do around

1:35

this time of year. We will drop some

1:38

of those episodes in the show notes.

1:39

But we haven't really talked

1:41

yet about something else that comes up

1:44

this time of year around Halloween.

1:46

And that's

1:47

the fact that we humans

1:49

really like to be afraid. We

1:53

like fear. There's whole industries

1:55

based around our year

1:57

round desire to get

1:59

spooked, to be afraid,

2:02

to play on edges

2:04

of terror. Why? And how

2:08

does this show up in our sex life? So

2:10

today on Speaking of Sex, we're talking about

2:12

getting afraid on purpose. It's

2:15

such an interesting human experience

2:18

that apparently so many of us crave,

2:20

but that can show up in so many different ways,

2:23

whether that's seeing horror movies

2:25

or roller coaster rides or

2:27

haunted house experiences.

2:30

People like these things to a different,

2:33

to different extents and to different levels

2:35

of intensity, but it does seem

2:37

to be a very human experience to want to

2:39

experience this kind of edge and

2:42

fear. And I love that we

2:44

can have choice around it and look at it and

2:46

then figure out exactly how we

2:49

most

2:49

enjoy feeling this kind

2:51

of intensity and then be able

2:54

to create it a little bit more.

2:55

Well, fear on purpose, I think this is

2:57

one of those things I think about when we talk

2:59

about the idea of mismatch libido,

3:02

for example, and people,

3:04

you know, jump immediately to sex and

3:06

our appetite for sexual connection. When

3:09

it's like people's desire for

3:11

fear on purpose is

3:13

so wildly variable. Yeah.

3:17

And so specific, right? Because

3:19

it's not just that you like horror movies, it's

3:22

what type of horror movies do you like? Is

3:24

it the gory slasher type of horror

3:26

movies? Do you want to feel that blood splatter?

3:29

Or is it more psychological horror? Is

3:32

it fantasy horror? And we

3:35

really niche down in this arena.

3:38

And that tells me and what fascinates

3:40

me about this is it really strokes

3:43

at different

3:43

parts of our psyches and

3:46

our appetite

3:48

to be afraid on purpose, you

3:50

know, the idea of please scare me and I

3:52

will pay you to scare me just

3:54

right.

3:56

I think really shows kind

3:58

of what a need

3:59

It is almost for the people that

4:02

need it and crave it. And

4:05

we have a whole festival season

4:07

around this kind of idea of

4:09

scare me on purpose. And I delight

4:12

driving around seeing the skeletons

4:14

and the spookiness come out. But

4:17

our daughter and you, tender

4:19

flowers that you are, are not so

4:22

into horror. So we actually

4:24

haven't been to a haunted house since one of our first

4:26

dates 17 years ago. And

4:28

it's something I really like, but

4:31

only if it's safe. And these are the

4:33

conditions of our desires.

4:36

You actually like driving fast on

4:38

curvy roads. And I'll be like, Charlotte,

4:40

slow down. It's not safe. So

4:43

it's not that you don't like thrill.

4:45

We like different kinds of

4:46

thrill. So this is really

4:49

an invitation, an opportunity for

4:51

some self-reflection in the spooky

4:54

haunted mirrors. And

4:57

what kinds of fear might

4:59

you enjoy?

5:01

How might this come up in our sex

5:03

lives? Because

5:05

it's not just haunted houses. This

5:08

can really come out in kink and

5:10

especially in psychological edges

5:13

of kinky play or in

5:15

physical edges that we might want to explore.

5:19

How do you enjoy being

5:22

on that edge of fear and excitement?

5:25

What does that look like for you? This

5:28

is such a delicious subject to explore.

5:31

The mistress in you is getting a little giddy.

5:33

You're like, tell me, darling.

5:38

And how do we figure that out? If

5:40

we have a sense

5:40

of, oh, there's something here.

5:44

But I think, of course, it always starts with permission

5:47

to allow ourselves to want

5:49

something in this realm

5:51

and that that's OK and that

5:52

it makes sense and is a very human experience.

5:56

To want to experience excitement and fear

5:58

within a controlled environment.

5:59

where you know you are actually safe. And

6:02

that's an interesting concept with Halloween,

6:04

because holidays are very much cultural

6:06

permission to do a thing. We're

6:09

giving you cultural permission to slow

6:11

down and eat all day. We're giving you cultural permission

6:14

to put on costumes on this

6:16

specific day. It's a thing we don't

6:18

normally do, and today is the

6:20

day we do it. And that kind of release

6:22

valve of social tensions

6:25

is one of the historical uses of

6:27

holidays and festivals. It's

6:30

where we get to bend the rules and

6:32

do the thing that is forbidden. And

6:34

do it together so that you have a

6:36

collective experience, which then really allows

6:39

people to go deeper into it. Totally,

6:41

the festival element. We all come out

6:43

and do this together, often

6:45

outside, under

6:47

God's great sky, right? And

6:50

with playing with kink,

6:51

I wish that there were holidays

6:53

and festivals, and within the kink

6:56

community there are, right?

6:57

And we seek

6:59

out opportunities to make up our own

7:01

holidays. Folsom Street

7:04

Fair in San Francisco just celebrated 40 years

7:08

of a festival of kink,

7:10

where we get to do it in public

7:12

together. It was like half a

7:14

million people this year came out wild.

7:18

But that for me was one of those moments where I got

7:20

to see how other people did it, and it

7:22

expands your horizons. And

7:25

the horror industry gives us all

7:27

sorts of inroads

7:28

to figuring out

7:30

how we like to be afraid. You

7:33

know, you can go to the amusement park and

7:36

try out a roller coaster, and if you don't like

7:38

it, you don't have to do it again. You

7:41

can go to a horror movie

7:43

and realize flasher flicks are

7:45

not for you. With kink,

7:47

how do you do it? How do you find out how

7:49

you want to be afraid? Because

7:51

this is actually one of my favorite things to do

7:54

when it comes to topping and kinky

7:56

play

7:57

and why I like to play

7:59

so reliably.

7:59

relationally, I

8:01

don't do casual

8:03

relationships because I really want to know someone's

8:06

soul and how they

8:08

want to be a little bit afraid. Because

8:11

for me, playing on this edge is where we

8:13

grow. It's where we face some

8:15

of those, like, you know, some of our fears that

8:17

we carry can

8:22

haunt us. Right? When

8:25

it comes to sex and eroticism, like,

8:27

our haunted houses are our own

8:29

minds. And some of

8:31

the ghosts we have, some of the things

8:33

that haunt us, some of the stories, some of

8:35

the rooms that are forbidden that we don't even want

8:38

to peek into, and yet, like,

8:40

we know that there's so much there, these

8:42

are sources of energy.

8:45

And so for me, where we can get curious

8:47

about them and approach them on purpose

8:49

together with a trusted play partner,

8:51

or ideally in community,

8:54

we can start exploring

8:56

erotic fear and start

8:59

scaring one another on purpose

9:02

to explore these most internal

9:04

edges of fear and

9:08

growth and change and

9:11

kind of releasing the ghosts and saying

9:13

boo on purpose and seeing, you

9:16

know, and like playing with it. Right? Because

9:19

when we do this lovingly, and all the kink

9:21

I do is very loving at its core, no

9:23

matter how kind of depraved we get otherwise.

9:26

So I'm thinking about like humiliation,

9:28

for example, and humiliation is the

9:30

fear of not belonging. It's the fear

9:33

of not being good enough and being

9:35

shown that in front of everyone,

9:37

like, everyone knows how ridiculous

9:39

I am.

9:40

And when I can take someone's

9:43

fear around humiliation,

9:45

and it's the source of like deep energy,

9:47

it's a knot they have held usually

9:50

since they were a child. Maybe

9:52

something happened, it can be an event based

9:54

fear that has stuck with

9:56

you.

9:56

And those are kind of the ghosts that I think about

9:59

that are like ready to

9:59

pop out and scare us. And that taunt

10:02

us kind of, right? Like ghosts and

10:04

haunted houses, one of their properties

10:07

is they kind of taunt us and put

10:10

us on edge and make us afraid even

10:13

when they're not in the room, you know? So is

10:15

that the ghost?

10:17

And some of our sexual fears are

10:19

like that and when we don't want them in

10:21

the room, they're taunting us in our

10:23

minds, right? And a lot of

10:25

erection issues and distraction

10:28

during arousal and inability

10:30

to stay present while having sex

10:32

and thinking about these very common

10:34

experiences we have. Like

10:37

what are the ghosts and the skeletons

10:39

in your closet that are kind

10:42

of taunting you and rattling that maybe

10:44

if we open that on purpose and look

10:46

at what's there and get it out and

10:48

play with it in a very loving way,

10:51

we can release that energy,

10:53

enjoy it as sexual charge.

10:55

And then, you know, it's like, I

10:58

don't know,

10:59

making friends with a haunted house. Like integrate

11:01

it. Right? It's like this is the haunted

11:04

house and it's scary but it's mine. And I

11:07

know where the ghosts are and where they live

11:09

and I can engage them on purpose and then

11:11

they don't come and taunt me as often.

11:14

Does that make sense?

11:16

Yeah, that's beautiful. The way

11:18

you just were all those metaphors to you, by the way, was

11:21

quite beautiful. I tried. Yeah,

11:23

just on the fly. The haunted

11:25

house of our minds.

11:27

Yeah, and you know, it's really interesting

11:30

for us all to think about what are

11:32

the skeletons in our closets, the things

11:34

that have haunted us, because

11:36

it's so clear to me after holding

11:38

the Pleasure Mechanics community for 17 years

11:41

and hearing our stories and struggles, the

11:44

things that are haunting you, right? They're

11:47

both single incident things, things

11:49

that happened on the playground or within a past

11:51

relationship. What

11:54

are you afraid of and what

11:56

were you taught to be afraid of by

11:59

the voices around? you by the culture around

12:01

you. What are the

12:03

things that tease and taunt you

12:05

in the in the dark of night in your

12:08

haunted house on your

12:08

mind? We can play with that

12:11

and we can do it on purpose.

12:13

And we can release that erotic energy

12:15

and possibly create some excitement,

12:17

some charge. There

12:20

may be fear

12:20

there and that can be enlivening.

12:23

It can free up the energy that is

12:25

stuck and stuck in the closet and constrained.

12:29

Once we look at it, give it some space,

12:32

we can feel it and feel the

12:34

intensity of it. And that can

12:36

be

12:37

interesting. Well, that word enlivening

12:39

is like how do you feel when you watch a great scary

12:41

movie that hits you just right?

12:45

Like there is a vibrancy

12:47

and enlivening. It releases

12:49

adrenaline often being afraid

12:52

and it's a good adrenaline.

12:54

It's a good kind of stress on

12:56

your system that wakes you up and creates an

12:58

alertness. And

13:00

then there's also a dopamine release in

13:02

the relief after being afraid

13:05

and getting through it, which of course, most

13:08

of our scary movies, roller

13:10

coasters, like there's the pleasure

13:13

of cruising into the finish. And

13:16

only recently have scary movies started

13:18

not giving us the happy ending. And

13:22

then you kind of walk out of the theater like ready for

13:24

something bad to happen again, because

13:26

part

13:26

of the architecture of fear

13:28

on purpose is that we get

13:31

through it together.

13:32

And we have that relief, the homecoming,

13:34

the kind of integration

13:37

of now it's going to all be okay. And

13:41

that's a really important part of the cycle

13:44

that I want to keep in mind, especially

13:46

after the break, as we talk about kind

13:48

of poking our fears

13:49

on purpose, we really

13:51

have to keep in mind consent, opting

13:55

in titration, right

13:57

doing this the right amount for the

14:00

people we love and for ourselves. And

14:03

after care and integration, coming back

14:05

home to a sense of cozy,

14:07

safe, happy connection

14:09

and belonging. That's the architecture

14:12

of pleasurable fear, right?

14:16

Anticipation, thrill,

14:19

being put on your edges, having all

14:21

of that awakeness and aliveness, and then

14:24

a safe coming home to

14:26

safety and belonging again. So

14:28

beautiful. And with all that, there's also

14:30

that experience of doing it with someone, doing

14:33

it together with another person or

14:35

a group of people. And that social

14:37

belonging, that experience of having

14:39

gone through something hard together and then

14:42

come out the other side and be able to

14:44

take care of each other or be together. But

14:46

we can read a scary book written

14:48

by someone long dead. And we

14:50

still have the togetherness

14:52

of that author of everyone else who's

14:55

read that scary book. Like we humans

14:57

find togetherness in very

15:00

strange and subtle ways sometimes.

15:02

So I don't want anyone who's solo

15:04

thinking about this, that like you're left out of this,

15:07

right? This is deeply something we can do with ourselves,

15:11

with media and culture, and

15:13

in community and with authors

15:16

long dead in their graves. Delighted,

15:18

thrilling, scary.

15:20

We should also look at that. What is the

15:23

enjoyment of scaring someone

15:25

else on purpose? Of being the architect,

15:28

the artist of someone else's fear

15:30

and thrill? That

15:33

is a very specific

15:34

pleasure and an intimacy we get

15:36

to share with one another. You

15:38

know? I mean, talk about power, talk

15:40

about being able to influence and shape the

15:43

environment, the emotions, the intensity that

15:45

someone else can experience, which

15:47

can be a lot about like how we relate

15:49

to giving pleasure to someone but

15:52

also to fear, to excitement.

15:55

That is a delicious realm to play in.

17:52

tens

18:00

of thousands of humans. And

18:02

we're exploring together what is

18:04

possible when we focus

18:07

on

18:07

pleasure and the joy of connection. Yes,

18:10

you'll find it all at pleasuremechanics.com.

18:14

And so we talked about fear

18:17

on purpose, right? And

18:19

how we give one another cultural

18:22

permission to do this all the time. It

18:24

is totally socially acceptable to

18:26

be into horror movies, to

18:28

be into gore even.

18:31

And to be

18:33

into roller

18:34

coasters, certainly in all sorts of

18:36

thrills, skiing, mountain

18:38

climbing, jumping out of airplanes.

18:40

There's so little we humans won't

18:42

do

18:42

to thrill and excite

18:45

ourselves.

18:47

There is a huge, incredible

18:49

force within us that

18:52

wants to be pushed and stretched

18:55

and awakened by what is possible.

18:58

When it comes to our sex life, it

19:01

can be really easy to get into

19:03

the ruts and routines, or

19:05

I should say routines and ruts, because pleasurable

19:08

routines

19:08

can then become ruts

19:11

over time, right? You play with the

19:13

same road over and over again.

19:14

And sometimes your wheels can

19:16

get stuck, because it's like been

19:19

there done that and it doesn't create

19:21

that vitalizing,

19:24

energizing excitement,

19:26

let alone thrill that it once

19:28

did. And so

19:30

we need

19:30

to find ways to gently

19:32

push ourselves and one another

19:34

that we're in erotic relationship with

19:36

to our edges again

19:39

and again,

19:40

so that we can experience novelty so that

19:42

we can experience ourselves

19:45

anew, and each other anew. But

19:47

also we want to experience

19:49

intensity, like as humans

19:52

we like intensity, and sometimes

19:54

catharsis

19:54

can be part of that, letting

19:57

ourselves really like feel emotions

19:59

to the point that we're in.

19:59

that we can release them

20:02

in ways that we maybe can't do in our everyday

20:04

lives. And this is what

20:07

we can access. And Kink can

20:09

be a way that we access all of these. It's

20:12

not the only way, but it is one way

20:14

that's incredibly powerful

20:15

and relational

20:18

and specific and that you can

20:20

craft and create to your specific

20:25

desires and curiosities

20:27

and turn-ons. And

20:31

I love in our Kink course how

20:33

we guide people through figuring out what

20:35

that could look like for them because

20:37

this is a really overwhelming, very

20:40

big subject. And sometimes having

20:42

a safe guide to take

20:44

you and lead you through exploring

20:47

what's inside you and what feels interesting

20:50

and compelling is really

20:52

valuable because it is a big world.

20:54

So I just want to give a shout out

20:56

for our beautiful,

20:58

beautiful Kink course. You can

21:00

find that at pleasuremechanics.com slash Kink.

21:03

Well, and it's really designed

21:06

to not only guide us as individuals,

21:08

but then you have to figure out what is accessible

21:10

to you, where might you overlap

21:12

with your partner, and this idea

21:14

of who's taking who on a journey. One

21:17

of the joys of showing up for a haunted

21:19

house is you know what

21:22

everyone's role is. And

21:24

there are people who have spent all year, we

21:26

actually know a few people who run haunted houses

21:28

and attractions,

21:29

and they spent all year

21:31

geeking out on how to scare people.

21:34

Preparing for it. And how to scare people in a new way,

21:36

right? Like, who I found

21:38

a, you know, institution that was closing and

21:40

I bought 20 desks and we're going to do a school

21:43

scene where everyone's papers are late, like,

21:45

ha, ha, ha. And when

21:47

it comes to Kink, part

21:50

of the Kink community that I like

21:52

is that it invites us to geek

21:54

out on one another's pleasure in

21:57

a similar way. So that when

21:59

we show up.

21:59

for our scene, for

22:02

playing, for exploring something new

22:04

together, we can relax

22:06

into it. And a huge part

22:08

of this is the safety that is the

22:10

foundation of all fear

22:13

on purpose. And I just want to name

22:15

that. And we do it all the time. Like, if you went

22:17

to an amusement park, you

22:20

would be tracking for safety. Do

22:22

the rides look up to date? Do

22:25

the people that are running the rides look sober?

22:27

Are people getting on and off the rides

22:29

having

22:29

a good time? There's so much social

22:32

proof in how people get off the ride

22:34

and you get on, right? So

22:37

this idea of looking for safety and

22:39

looking for

22:40

social proof that a thing is

22:42

safe enough to be afraid by is a

22:44

very human thing that we can, you

22:47

know, tap into our ability to do

22:49

that.

22:50

But I think so getting back to I think so

22:52

many people have this sense of like, yes,

22:55

please thrill me, right? We get emails

22:57

like this all

22:57

the time. Like I am so bored. I

23:00

love my husband. I love my partner,

23:03

but I just want to be thrilled a little

23:05

bit. I want to be woken up. How

23:07

do we choose what edges to play

23:09

on? So yes,

23:11

a lot of this is in the kink course, that

23:13

invitation is always open to people. And

23:16

hey, if you can't afford our courses, please

23:18

drop us an email. We will work something out.

23:21

If you feel like our courses are right for you, we

23:23

want you inside them. We want

23:25

you inside them. And

23:27

we want to be your guides

23:29

in this. And all of the resources we

23:31

generate for you are intended to be

23:33

this gentle guide that hand that

23:35

holds yours as you explore. And

23:38

the idea of making

23:41

one another a little afraid on purpose

23:43

is

23:44

in and of itself scary. Yeah.

23:46

Right. Because when we're talking

23:48

about doing with people we love, like

23:50

what do you mean my wife wants me to

23:52

make her a little afraid or play on her edges?

23:55

Like, can we do that?

23:57

And how do we do it safely? And part of that is

23:59

is preparation,

24:01

knowing your destination, the same

24:03

way you would plan a rock climbing

24:05

trip or to jump out of an airplane,

24:08

right? But

24:09

you first have to feel the desire. And

24:12

so I wanna start there because I don't wanna leave this

24:14

episode of being like, go scare each other on purpose,

24:16

ha ha ha, happy Halloween. So

24:21

we're back at like just tenderly

24:23

acknowledging that humans

24:26

like being afraid and that when it comes

24:28

to our sex life, a source

24:30

of a lot of excitement and thrill

24:32

for us humans, the idea

24:35

of being afraid on purpose makes

24:37

a lot of sense. Just biologically,

24:40

physiologically, it makes sense that we

24:42

enjoy doing this. And

24:44

from all evidence

24:46

of human cultures throughout time,

24:48

we've always liked doing this. One

24:51

of the ways we do this is we take

24:53

what scares us in everyday mundane

24:56

life and eroticize it.

24:58

And the establishment of safety,

25:01

of consent, of safe words, of

25:03

seen expectations, all

25:05

of those things that are given if we're

25:07

gonna play in any of these directions,

25:10

right? That is what creates

25:12

the foundation of safety

25:14

where these things can be scary,

25:16

but thrilling and fun.

25:18

Just like going on

25:19

that roller coaster, there's a lot of safety

25:22

assumed before you're like, we

25:24

let's go. And that's

25:26

the excitement and

25:28

responsibility of playing

25:32

in a more kinky way. On

25:34

a foundation of safety and

25:37

your pleasure being at the center

25:40

of it. Sometimes your pleasure or

25:42

at least like your satisfaction and

25:44

your desires. Yeah, but the

25:46

safety. I sometimes think, you know, in Halloween, I think of kink

25:48

as a cauldron, I often say,

25:51

and it's like we throw in, right? We

25:53

have a container, we have the heat,

25:55

which is the erotic energy and the like

25:58

charge and connection. And into

26:00

that cauldron, we're going to throw in the

26:02

things that haunt us,

26:04

that scare us, that

26:06

haunt us. And we're going to

26:08

kind of cook it up and transform it

26:11

into something beautiful.

26:13

And I'm thinking of a lot

26:15

of specific examples from the people

26:18

I know well in this realm.

26:20

Like as I get to know a new play partner, I really

26:23

ask them about their edges and their fears

26:26

and their concerns and their shame.

26:28

Because those are the edges we can kind of tenderly,

26:31

lovingly play with

26:33

on purpose. Or leave the fuck

26:36

alone. And I just want to say that as we close

26:38

this episode, not all of our

26:40

ghosts, not all of our bones, want

26:43

to be dug up. And

26:45

there's graveyards for a reason behind

26:47

the haunted house. Like some things you can

26:50

put to rest and you don't

26:52

have to ever play with them again. Not

26:54

all of our childhood wounds and traumas are

26:56

sources of kinky pee. Very,

27:00

very important. And how do we know the difference?

27:02

I mean, I really want to give people tools here

27:04

because I don't want to leave people hanging out in the

27:06

haunted house. And

27:09

when we notice in our body a

27:11

sense of excitement, a sense

27:14

of fear that feels almost effervescent.

27:17

So it's not dread fear. It's

27:20

not repulsion

27:22

fear. It's a fear that

27:24

kind of almost draws us forward. Those

27:27

edges are places

27:29

to explore.

27:31

And maybe you know what I mean in your body. Maybe

27:33

you don't try to pay attention for this

27:36

sensory state and see

27:38

if you can find it. And especially this Halloween

27:41

season as we're like practicing fear

27:43

and spook on purpose as a culture.

27:46

And I'm sorry for anyone who doesn't live in Halloween

27:48

land like we do here in America. It's

27:51

a really interesting delightful holiday

27:54

for me, especially in a culture

27:56

that represses the flesh. the

28:01

scary, the bones of it all,

28:03

right? I love seeing all the skeletons, because

28:05

for me, you know, I have skeletons on my altar

28:08

year round, because it reminds

28:10

me that we are animal beings,

28:12

that we're only alive for a little

28:15

while, like we are mortals.

28:16

And some of the things that scare

28:19

us the most are mortality itself,

28:22

right? Like talk about fear,

28:24

the fear of death is the thing that frames

28:26

us all the most, ultimately

28:29

as humans. It's why skeletons

28:31

are our symbol of fear and the grim

28:33

reaper

28:34

and death, right? And

28:37

sex

28:38

and orgasms are a way

28:40

of facing that fear head on.

28:42

The little death is the antidote for

28:44

death. It's a way of celebrating

28:46

being alive. And so in

28:48

this way, every time we play, we

28:51

are playing and taunting and dancing

28:53

on the edge of mortality itself. There's

28:56

one way to look at it. I

29:00

don't know. But I think it's so interesting

29:02

to just, for us all to reflect on like, how do

29:04

we intentionally

29:05

create more fear and

29:07

excitement in our life? Because it's

29:09

a human

29:09

desire, and

29:11

there are so many ways to access it. And

29:14

let's give ourselves permission

29:15

and exploration to really

29:18

discover what works for

29:20

us.

29:20

What makes us feel safe

29:23

and excited? Where

29:25

do we find that? Who is that

29:27

with? What activities are we

29:29

doing? Flavors,

29:32

what emotions are happening within that? Because

29:34

it's a really valuable way to feel so

29:37

enlivened and awake

29:40

and feel intensity. I

29:42

think in this world, a lot

29:44

of us wanna feel more in general. And

29:47

when it gets so big, it can be compelling.

29:51

So I'm leaving this episode like really

29:53

wanting to keep going in

29:56

my exploration of fear

29:58

and excitement.

29:59

that we've given you some avenues

30:02

and some places to explore for yourself.

30:06

And to safely hold

30:07

one another in this and do

30:09

it lovingly and titrate it

30:12

so it can be a really productive

30:14

and exciting edge of growth

30:17

and we're not just throwing one another out of airplanes.

30:19

Yeah right the safety piece is essential

30:22

or else it's just fucking terrifying.

30:25

Let's be clear safety

30:27

is really important. Safety before pleasure. And

30:29

safety plus risk equals

30:32

thrill.

30:33

Safety alone is

30:35

just comfort right. Safety

30:38

with a little bit of risk playing on your edges

30:41

is where we

30:41

find thrill and that wakes

30:44

us up and enlivens us and many

30:46

of

30:46

us crave that state and we are

30:48

here to guide you into it and to give you

30:50

permission and to you know remind

30:52

us all that this is a very human thing that we

30:54

enjoy doing

30:56

all year round. And that we can

30:58

find these states without

31:00

transgression if

31:02

we want. Like we can do this with integrity

31:04

and with following the values and

31:06

agreements we've made in our life. Right

31:09

there's another way you can go where you do do transgression

31:12

in order to find this thrill.

31:14

That's a whole other conversation but just that you can

31:17

find this while also keeping your values intact.

31:22

Thank you all for listening. We

31:24

really appreciate you being part of the Pleasure

31:26

Mechanics community and listening to the

31:28

podcast. Please rate and review

31:31

the show wherever you listen and

31:33

as I

31:33

said come on over to PleasureMechanics.com

31:35

and get on our newsletter

31:37

our email list so we can be

31:39

in touch with you directly about our

31:42

offerings and we really

31:44

want to invite you in to explore deeper

31:46

with us and I'm very excited

31:49

about this new course offering where we are.

31:51

I think we said last time we were going

31:53

to do the reveal. Oh well we're

31:55

gonna wait. Oh we're

31:57

teasing it out. I don't know.

31:59

It's on the tip of my tongue.

32:04

Come on over to pleasuremechanics.com

32:07

and be with us a little deeper.

32:09

We'll see you next time on Speaking of Sex.

32:11

I'm

32:11

Chris. I'm Charlotte. We're the Pleasure

32:14

Mechanics. Wishing you a lifetime

32:16

of pleasure. Cheers.