Diamonds are Forever - “Guy Hamilton Magic”Summary: Welcome to SPECTRE etc. This is the James Bond podcast where we discuss the ins and the outs of each film. In this episode, we welcome Sean Connery back to the title role as he takes his chances in Las Vegas.

* The pre-titles sequence shows Sean beating up people around the world before finally coming face to face with Blofeld (who looks frustratingly similar to a Bond ally from an earlier film). Bond disarms Blofeld’s highly-trained security detail and drowns #1 in a big bath of number two. * The titles music is sleepy, but the lyrics are suggestive! Then the movie opens with a probably-still-mourning Bond visiting MI6, as his co-workers show very little sympathy.* Our deconstruction of the relationship between Wint & Kidd leads to the obligatory Back to the Future reference. After this, Moneypenny’s hypothetical backstory is debated before we catch a hovercraft to Holland. This new location gives Cam the chance to crowbar in an Anne Frank joke or two.* Once we determine the different avenues through which one could get a load of diamonds into a stomach, we are blessed with some real Guy Hamilton GangstersTM. A cremating coffin comes close to killing Bond, but fake diamonds let him off the hook.* We see Plenty O’Toole land in the Whyte House pool, before director Guy Hamilton wastes 10 minutes of our time at Circus Circus and then baffles us by killing O’Toole in yet another pool. Blow up your pants, Hamilton!* Bond breaks into WW Enterprises, gathers information, then escapes into the Nevada desert in a moon buggy. Naturally. Along the way, Cam takes off his doctor hat to don his science goggles - and we all learn something about radiation shields.* That awful desert chase sequence leads to a pretty cool car chase through the streets of Las Vegas. Unfortunately all the damage caused by Bond’s disregard for the laws of physics leads to him being placed under (Whyte) House arrest. * Bond scales a wall to distance himself from the fishbowl sofabed. Upon reaching the penthouse, he lands on what may or may not be a wooden toilet. Bond leaves the bathroom to meet two blokes who are both Blofeld! James kicks the wrong cat, and that is that.* Ordered to kill Bond, Wint & Kidd leave James in a pipeline buried in the desert. Bond escapes with ease, and returns to Vegas. Blofeld is fooled into revealing the whereabouts of the real Willard Whyte, and James joins the CIA on the rescue mission. * Tiffany (somehow) spots Blofeld in drag, so ends up on his oilrig. From this rig, Blofeld can control his Space Laser - though his delegation of tasks among his henchmen could be smarter. Meanwhile, Bond has arrived to save the day as Tiffany descends into dimwittedness.* Bond takes Tiffany on a cruise ship to celebrate, but Wint & Kidd are onboard! Thankfully, they are no longer incredibly skilled and effective assassins, so Bond is able to send them overboard pretty easily.

Official SPECTRE etc Theory (OffSeT) #7: SPECTRE has no retirement package? This was first suggested by the old lady working the tollbooth in Goldfinger, and is confirmed by the old lady smuggling diamonds in this film. If you manage to survive working for SPECTRE long enough to reach old age, they sure aren’t about to put you out to pasture. Blofeld will find something for you to do!

And of course, keep checking back for a link to our petition to replace all ferries with hovercrafts!Worst Impersonation Trophy: Excited by Sean’s return, Benso forgets he has yet to do an even-nearly-acceptable Connery impersonation. So he winds up with what we are promised will be a “thick Scottish” accent, but then delivers a pretty broad Aussie inflection on every vowel. Better luck next time, Benso!Contact Us:Contact Us:Facebook: facebook.com/SPECTREetcpodcast/Twitter: @SPECTREpodcastEmail: [email protected]