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welcome to spend a business podcast

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takes you into the lives of some of today's

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most influential leaders entrepreneurs

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game changers athletes and many more

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unfinished we take a deep dive into the

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lives and journeys of our guys to deliver

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real unfiltered an unscripted conversations

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that will surely inspire hope and

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promote change we focus not on their

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current six hours but on the obstacles and challenges

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they face along the way that often doesn't

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get tell us about how they battled adversity

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getting up and being knocked down when all

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of the odds were stacked against them today

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i get the distinct pleasure of speaking with the

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marquetry if you have not heard of mark

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or are not familiar with his work you're in

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for real treat mark

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parents emigrated from egypt he the first

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generation here in u s mark was so

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painfully shy due to various issues

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like mental health social anxiety

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and feeling like he just didn't quite fit in however

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mark prevailed today he is

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a forbes featured tedx speaker of

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a global top one hundred podcast and

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bestselling author that's not

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what i'm most excited to talk with mark about when

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most excited about his who mark is

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and how we consistently and constantly

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is giving the dedicated

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his life of being of service to others by

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making an impact in the industry's of mental

1:14

health career enablement mindset

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health wellness storytelling and

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much more i'm not sure i've interviewed

1:21

such an inspiration twenty five

1:23

year old he's been featured on over two

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hundred and fifty podcast and media

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like forbes mine valley influences

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inc magazine huff post fearless

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motivation spartan and many others

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he has also interviewed top names such

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as tim ferris npr louis

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house and gary the inner chuck please

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join me in welcoming marked a spin hey

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mark thank you so much for joining we're

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so so excited to have

1:49

you say the

1:50

much rob me and and good for you for starting

1:52

this podcast and on the i'm honored

1:54

be here and to i to get low the more embarrassed

1:56

nauseous the the

1:58

enemy they'll find can't wait

2:00

what's right and so one the thing

2:02

you know i've been watching you over the last

2:04

couple of years really just because

2:07

you were so raw and you were so honest and

2:09

there were so many different connection points connection loved

2:11

the first thing was is that your guide

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won lottery ticket green card to come

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see us crazy enough

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my father was accidentally born

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in cairo and migrated

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over when he was you know at in early

2:25

early adolescence i guess i'm first

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generation here on both sides my mom was born in portugal

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and the azores the so i was

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reading your story reading was thinking gosh

2:33

what an amazing thing for

2:35

them to come over to boston

2:38

and start reading mark

2:40

and then started reading more about your story

2:42

and about their social anxiety

2:44

and auto immune disorders they're really

2:47

gonna want to go back to your child is

2:49

that okay is your and wait how is your that axillary

2:51

born in cairo they were traveling sell my

2:53

family is actually from iraq right

2:55

thirty or forty miles outside of

2:58

baghdad from place called have been

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yes my grandfather helped the military

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status that year he generally talk about

3:04

after he got here and he'd be were traveling

3:06

and he was born there the

3:08

so interesting that or yeah

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right it's it's funny to them every say that

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they're like oh the rejection as like male kind of

3:15

an accident or another

3:17

that's so funny that's a funny way i'm happy

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to go back to my daughter what

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we sell so talking about

3:24

your died at getting lotta are winning

3:26

the lottery for the green card touch me about that

3:28

yeah you know so honestly with some and that never

3:30

really thought about and my parents

3:32

they came to america like as a

3:34

year before osborne and

3:36

so for me i was just kind born and cambridge

3:39

in boston mean it's very interesting

3:41

because you know that have great memories

3:43

like growing up and like at first

3:45

we live like in the hood ah but there are

3:47

lot of cool people there but it is very interesting

3:50

because although i didn't necessarily

3:52

like in my early childhood face any kind like bowling

3:55

or discrimination yet i still kind of felt

3:57

like a like an alien you know i

3:59

kind of felt like whenever my

4:01

parents talking about egypt do just be like

4:03

wait what you talking about because didn't grow up there

4:05

you know and so my grandparents

4:07

my family don't really have that and so

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you know exactly challenging and it's on us is still quite

4:11

challenge today by it's interesting

4:14

and so yeah me just remember kind of to

4:16

say living the life were just like me my

4:18

sister would just like hang out and we have

4:20

like different friends and we like old

4:22

move to different apartment buildings like every

4:24

year like many many times and

4:27

so remember things was always

4:29

very for immobile and so yeah i mean other than

4:31

that elites in the early early part

4:33

my childhood it is a great

4:35

time remember having like toys and

4:37

sleeping on like mattress

4:39

on the floor with my sister you know so

4:41

others like these pictures see i think

4:43

was very much like that immigrants kind

4:46

of like lifestyle were your parents are always working

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and you like live in all these small apartment buildings

4:51

in you're moving around so is actually

4:53

quite interesting time that i kind of remember

4:55

the was younger older than you she's

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older she's older she's like six

5:01

seven years i had him

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will he get the she would catch you taking care

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of you at least long way of a younger brother like

5:07

my mom yeah exactly

5:10

exactly that's awesome for so talking about

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autoimmune disorder when did that happen

5:14

and and how did you find out what what

5:16

what was the whole story around that

5:18

yeah so the for just some context

5:20

kind back up so you know my family

5:22

were living the sliced our kind of living

5:24

and like near the boston area different

5:26

cities towns surrounding it and it basically

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you know my my parents were get better jobs

5:31

and move out and to western massachusetts

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and so we basically moved to the super small

5:36

town has like five six seven thousand

5:39

people and i was really interesting is that

5:41

is there a lot of cool people in that town

5:43

by saddam you know what to say

5:45

there was there is no racial diversity

5:48

and so i basically go there are

5:50

nobody physically looks like me this

5:52

was post nine eleven in america and

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so if you are any kind of as you for you know

5:56

if you're any kind of middle eastern adverse that's

5:58

where there is a lot of the hatred and

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so i'm basically like this kid who's

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in second third grade i moved to this

6:05

new school nobody looks like me

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all of a sudden start getting discriminated

6:09

against bullying against and that

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is really where i'm many things

6:14

happen to me one social anxiety

6:16

where i just sort of got stuck in this bubble

6:18

in my head where i just became

6:21

that shy kid i stopped talking to people

6:23

i don't really have any friends for like ten years

6:25

wasn't a part of any sport didn't do

6:27

well in school really just like didn't talk

6:29

to people straight up with was kid who sat

6:32

by itself in lunch table like

6:34

all that stuff and so right

6:36

when that happened that's also when my

6:38

autoimmune issues also happen at the

6:40

time so you know different stomach

6:42

problems i got my appendix taken out

6:44

as my skin issues so

6:46

kind of like general autumn unit she's like that

6:48

and so yeah they all kind of started at the same time

6:51

from like second third grade at same with

6:53

social anxiety and just moving to

6:55

as you know a new place was very terrible

6:57

very hostile and so that's

6:59

kind of where it all began for me

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gohmert answer the question could i have an

7:03

autoimmune disorder as well and doctors

7:05

swear that was brought on by stress do you

7:07

think the years was brought on at

7:09

such an early age being in new environment and being

7:11

so stressed out

7:12

one hundred thousand percent i don't think that's why the

7:15

only thing a quarter yeah i mean from what

7:17

i understand you know and i'm on doctor

7:19

but you know your immune system is

7:21

closely connected to the same

7:23

called your gut microbiome and

7:25

basically your gut microbiome

7:27

from my awareness there are really

7:29

two main ways that your

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gut microbiome faces the most amount

7:33

stress and the first one is facing some

7:35

sort of are you know psychological

7:38

trauma which is what i faced with social anxiety

7:40

and social humiliation but in the number

7:42

two is eating junk food and

7:44

saw zoom both of those things and so

7:46

i absolutely think that time

7:48

whether was stress or whether was my lifestyle

7:51

huge huge impact you know because

7:54

once your brain experiences that

7:56

it sends message to your guide

7:58

and then your god is directly your

8:00

immune system and then it's sort

8:02

of turns on itself and then it starts

8:04

to create all these other issues that lot

8:06

people don't think are connected but

8:08

i absolutely think for a lot of people they're

8:10

they're connected so i'd duffy think it's not

8:13

just you know stress but think it's also like

8:15

at a deeper layer of stress either

8:17

just from day to day stuff or any you

8:19

know big thing

8:21

so speak that happened in your past think

8:23

that that's all connected

8:25

the refunding all the time alone amazing

8:27

it's in a device to say you're an introvert

8:29

when you're spending on the time alone mark

8:31

what were you doing

8:34

i don't really want sound or whatever

8:37

maybe that's a different podcast

8:39

non on i mean neither visit

8:41

i'm good and some bad things for sure i'm

8:43

you know i mean it's here's the so what was doing is that

8:46

you know what's interesting is that i don't know when

8:48

i think of myself i honestly don't really think

8:50

myself as an introvert and that's why

8:53

because like for example before i

8:55

moved you know i really wasn't into

8:57

for maybe it was some of times i'd actually like doing

8:59

can like creative things by myself but

9:01

you know for me it's almost kind like

9:03

the same thing the like social anxiety some of

9:05

same thing as on you to have like an

9:07

autoimmune issue where it's basically like

9:09

now your body your brain is reacting in

9:11

a way where you don't have any control of you

9:13

know it's so for me the ,

9:15

because i i like wanted to be

9:17

by myself as just because my brain

9:20

and my nervous system discount me to do that

9:22

and so so so for me i was

9:24

by myself but don't really wanna be by myself

9:26

and i say that because at this time

9:28

know when was kind of on the seeds the internet

9:31

and kind of social media was like it's

9:33

sort of first started to pick up and

9:35

i was up and video games and so for me

9:37

i remember having like a like an

9:40

urge an emotive to

9:42

try to connect with people online try to connect

9:44

with people through video games you know it's remember

9:47

you know being like twelve thirteen starting like

9:49

a you tube channel remember learning

9:51

all these different skills like how to how to

9:53

make website how to make like i phone

9:55

apps i started to like record

9:57

myself playing video games and put them on you tube

9:59

and i had to the tube channel the have like thirty five

10:01

thousand subscribers back in two thousand

10:03

and eleven and i like it launched

10:05

all these different side hustle than most

10:07

of on sale but some them became successful and so

10:10

for me was just like literally just like

10:12

inside all day trying to hustle

10:15

and now that know kind of what i

10:17

understand now is that you

10:20

know a lot he blasted like you know how did you become

10:22

successful at successful at age and it's just like i

10:24

don't even think about i was just like literally taking

10:26

all of my trauma him like all of my

10:28

anxiety and my need to connect with people

10:31

a just like basically sacrificing

10:34

the mental health that i already have for

10:36

like this urge to not just

10:39

connect with people but also you know like my family

10:41

was not really that

10:43

i've you know well off but

10:45

yet small town that i lived in it

10:47

was pretty affluent and so i sort felt like

10:49

an outsider because of kind of who

10:51

i was in my skin color where i come from but

10:53

then also because of my socio economic

10:56

status and so kind of had this thing in the back of

10:58

my head as just like hustle hustle hustle

11:00

like if you make money they'll be successful

11:02

and remember there's this time i was about like

11:05

fifteen sixteen where you

11:07

know some of my little side hustle

11:09

started to pop off and i started

11:11

making six figures i started making hundreds

11:13

of thousands dollars which totally changed

11:15

my life my family's life but it also

11:18

was very confusing too because i started

11:20

to realize like oh

11:22

what everybody told me to do i

11:25

get it doesn't really give me a feeling of success

11:27

you know and so so that happens you know

11:29

and so it's kind of good as done a bad but

11:31

i'm either way i'm glad that had happened that i'm glad that

11:33

i was able to you know elite

11:35

do that than do drugs you know so

11:38

what are you know i

11:40

, be the heat that clip all the way until

11:42

then to show my eleven year old who just wants to

11:44

live on line will cut out bars

11:47

or neither enough yeah

11:50

had to leave their mark before we move

11:52

on to talk about you know your depression and

11:54

she does sixteen the is very openly talk

11:56

about a what what was your parents like what

11:58

what was your relationship with them like

12:00

sure i agree question so man what a

12:02

question arm i mean i always remember

12:04

you know like my parents always son loving

12:07

me supporting me in remember there is this

12:09

time we're kind of like my whole social anxiety thing

12:12

started and i remember my parents

12:14

you know they can like ask me what was wrong

12:16

like what was happening and remember there

12:18

are moments where they would like go to school

12:20

my to report something by your

12:23

nothing really happened and and was really interesting

12:25

is that i'm in a one of the worst

12:27

part about social anxiety and

12:29

people who really experienced social anxiety

12:31

not just people who kind of experience everyday socially

12:33

anxious moment or a kind of introverts the

12:35

people like me who like little he couldn't

12:38

talk to people one of the things that's interesting

12:40

is that it starts off with like one

12:42

group or starts off in one place

12:44

ah like for me was school the then unfortunately

12:47

social anxiety sort of like this all

12:49

encompassing virus that eventually

12:51

goes to every area of your life and so unfortunately

12:54

like as i sort of started grow up

12:56

you know this social anxiety went

12:59

to my family once my sister went to

13:01

some of the close friends that i had a news

13:03

in really terrible you know and so i

13:05

honestly can't feel like all my relationships

13:07

are all messed up because of that you know

13:10

unfortunately and so you i personally

13:12

supported me and and think i'm by

13:14

far play the best in the my parents ever did for

13:16

me was on i didn't get good grades

13:19

you my parents tell me you have to have you know at

13:21

first when i was only like you have to be doctor

13:23

yang to be an engineer and an og like

13:25

a crime and i'm sure if it's yes yeah exactly

13:28

exactly through , grades

13:30

like there's no way hell i say i could possibly

13:32

do that i was really good at school

13:34

i wasn't good sports are really

13:36

was good at anything and so you know

13:38

i always my peers never told

13:40

me that they were like mad at me or upset with

13:42

me or are disappointed in me but i

13:44

kind of feel like i had that subconsciously

13:46

and i something don't really accept their love myself

13:48

to setting that's a big part of it and then i think

13:50

and when was about eighteen like right

13:53

after like right as are coming out

13:55

of by you know my hold in

13:57

depression that you mentioned there's this the

14:00

conversation with my family

14:02

my parents a little bit of small

14:04

conflicts and i just remember you know towards

14:06

the end of it they basically told me like you

14:09

know mark no matter what you

14:11

do with your life no matter who you are

14:13

as a person no matter who you become you

14:15

know you're always going to be our son

14:17

and we're always going to love you no matter what number

14:20

when i heard that i like totally changed my life

14:22

and maybe they saw me that the for past

14:24

but i like i was really the first time

14:26

where they kind of consciously told me that and

14:28

deal completely changed my relationship with my

14:30

parents so i will that says

14:33

you know it's i ask that question a little

14:35

selfishly because remember you know

14:37

i mean a easy for for my family

14:39

from for we didn't we didn't have anything

14:41

we we will there three he know we

14:43

struggled economically a time and they were

14:46

very conscious about where money was

14:48

building and united it's all the time

14:50

this is not knock at all like and my grandparents

14:52

were amazing a make big rushed

14:54

it they really did lot stuff here they be did

14:56

amazing job if as you reading thirteen

14:58

kids that are they get a lot exactly

15:01

we know what they did in their off time

15:04

who felt so the redo i ask

15:07

you that if they are appointed for you

15:09

as i couldn't really talk to my grandparents

15:11

about depression or anxiety

15:13

or fear like they were just literally just

15:15

literally the i don't think they are mean about it i

15:17

think we were just like yeah yeah yeah okay anyway just

15:19

you know go do this is what you need do here's your

15:21

task list i don't think it really clicked

15:23

for them because never had they didn't have

15:25

the opportunity to be tatar deprived they had

15:28

like real big math of

15:30

things happening in that country that

15:32

it didn't matter if they were depressed because they most

15:34

likely wouldn't make it out though when

15:36

you were talking to them about whatever

15:38

conflict or whatever depression whatever sadness

15:40

we're going to talk about now you think even understood

15:43

heard they were to like come on march snap out of it the

15:45

good question and and honestly that the

15:47

the we are answered is like i didn't even have any idea

15:49

so i even when i was going through it i had no idea

15:51

i just thought that was like stupid might i

15:53

just straight up thought that like every time when

15:56

would try to talk to someone or whatever

15:58

and then all of sudden my body's

16:00

fight or flight would trigger my mind go blank

16:03

and start sweating i just thought that was

16:05

like life i like little had no idea

16:07

that social anxiety or any the

16:09

stuff was real really until

16:12

when i was eighteen and you know i become

16:14

seriously depressed and become obese

16:16

and i become suicidal then i

16:18

when i sort see my brain break

16:20

in front of me the natural like oh

16:23

snap i think mental health is

16:25

this kind of real you know and so i

16:27

honestly didn't even have those conversations because

16:29

i didn't even know you know and sorry

16:31

it's interesting i have the point about your

16:34

grandparents is so interesting because i

16:36

think a lot of times like this in oregon

16:38

i can talk for anybody or specifically

16:40

but i think a lot of times they

16:42

do face into depression and

16:44

anxiety or whatever but they just

16:46

like like brute force it like leaders

16:48

bleed and burn through it you know and so

16:51

on are the nasa mission an alpha thing obviously

16:53

there's there's correlation between you

16:55

know like wealthier societies and

16:58

and and having time and and you know

17:00

know it's i disagree with you on that parse

17:02

i think it's kind of both those of like

17:04

everyone kind deals with it but it's just like who

17:06

cares because this dictators but the

17:08

killed you don't mean it's oh exactly i sat

17:11

there so i think it's as both of those yeah

17:13

in me i remember i remember your

17:15

you you literally nailed it like remember having

17:17

a conversation i was trying figure out with a like

17:19

you said i didn't really have it altogether as trying to

17:21

tell them like a didn't like i fit in or i didn't feel

17:24

like it felt like not the same

17:26

with my cousins and i felt like was trying to explain it

17:28

to them and grandfather basically came

17:30

back with and and wasn't mean

17:32

but was just very erratic and he was just like

17:34

we let children to die

17:36

their heads he be an we

17:39

have our because the turks were chasing and

17:41

was like we added that correlate like i remember

17:43

just like not now wait to back

17:45

up once get i don't know what that means and

17:47

he was like you know depression is a choice

17:50

than i would like have mean

17:52

and so i just i often wonder to

17:54

gina we have at you and you could be my you could

17:56

my son into i think about

17:58

it you know from my grandpa age

18:01

you know and then your parents the it's okay

18:03

think about them and i wonder if anything has

18:05

changed but it sounds like other than being really

18:07

loving for what they knew how to do and just

18:09

continue to reassure you mark we love you no

18:11

matter what you know we're going to love

18:13

you kind of gave a little bit room to explore

18:16

you are going to be yeah yeah i think

18:18

you know that on the head so the let's talk about

18:20

then he doesn't take pain he said that you're you're

18:22

very depressed am i've listened to

18:25

to several of your interviews and you went through

18:28

he went through you know talking about my

18:30

food was just a very big comfort

18:32

for you touch me about that

18:33

yeah so you know i see kind of started

18:35

to happen towards the end of two thousand fifteen

18:38

and get away is sort of guy triggered because

18:41

it's actually sort when i started to realize

18:43

that social anxiety was the thing and

18:45

so sort start to realize that oh social anxiety

18:47

the thing and i think like lot of people in that

18:49

scenario hours just like hey let me try to make

18:51

friends let me try to talk to people

18:53

let me try to challenge myself out of it right

18:56

and as i try to do that

18:58

i basically saw myself fail where i would

19:00

like try to have these conversations see but i

19:02

would try make friends with underage respect

19:05

his deep seated part of me that

19:07

no matter how hard tried to just wouldn't

19:09

change and so it basically kind of

19:11

gave me this feeling of like oh crap i'm

19:13

going to be stuff like this forever i'm i'm stuck

19:16

and so experience that a made

19:18

me just the hopelessness just like oh

19:20

man this is just gonna be my life forever

19:22

and so when that happens very

19:24

very pay for any kind of made me so there

19:26

really wasn't any purpose

19:28

the kind of live life because life didn't really feel like

19:30

feel like living my life because i wasn't really

19:32

the person who i was too

19:34

early to i was meant to be deep down

19:36

a so you know for me like my parents are saw

19:39

me mark don't do drugs alcohol things like

19:41

that is so for me when it came to

19:43

like how many abuse it was through

19:45

food right and i remember you know growing

19:47

up i wasn't necessarily ever like

19:49

overweight maybe i was be namibia has

19:51

some minor issues but not really but

19:53

always kind of used food now

19:55

looking back as as a drug you know where

19:57

i got a school and i would go through

20:00

The Dunkin Donuts Drive-thru and

20:02

I get like all these donuts and all

20:04

the stuff really is a way to just

20:06

sort of like feel anything

20:08

or any kind of

20:10

sense of pleasure. And so, for

20:13

me like you said food, was like pie my

20:15

biggest drug of choice and

20:17

like it's crazy like i

20:19

would wake up in the morning and

20:22

i you know i'd eat breakfast summary

20:24

like breakfast sandwiches and i'd you

20:26

know eat lunch at it again and i need to get on

20:28

like order so much take out i'm aroused like

20:30

i over there was like weeks wow was spending

20:32

like then i just saw myself i

20:34

are spending like thousand two thousand

20:36

dollars on take out straight up like a hit the that's

20:39

how much as even in like every every night

20:41

at three am out we would get like all

20:43

the stuff and so that's

20:45

sort happen i just i sort of started to eat

20:48

sort of my feelings away and there are other things

20:50

that did too but i

20:52

was just like in this what in call like it's france

20:55

where it's just like i don't really realize it was happening

20:57

and there's there's some there's this quote

20:59

that you may have heard me say it's you know you can't

21:02

see the picture when you're the person

21:04

in the frame and so for me i just like living

21:06

life living was doing it and next thing

21:08

i knew thing sort of you know realized

21:10

that was overweight next thing next thing i

21:12

could really go to sleep at night i

21:14

truly wake up in the morning my lifelong

21:17

social anxiety sort of transformed into

21:20

like social isolation i stopped talking to my

21:22

family stop talking to any the friends that i did

21:24

have there was period where almost like

21:26

flunked out of college and so i just

21:28

are facing all these problems the next thing i

21:30

know as i can only go to sleep

21:32

next thing i know i'd i'd like really

21:34

just experienced my brain breaking ride

21:36

just like become some zombie

21:39

version of myself even worse than was

21:41

before and i basically just like

21:43

i need to just like end this

21:45

is soon as possible somehow because

21:47

i wasn't so much pain and and nobody

21:50

really tommy what to do nobody gave me tools

21:52

anything like that and so remember

21:54

you know just basically you know the

21:56

area was living in boston it was was fine

21:59

area but the number was on the

22:01

border have i not

22:03

so great area and remember we'd always get like

22:05

these college alerts on our phone of like

22:07

he's still got good don't go down this

22:09

street there's been like a shooting there's been like mugging

22:11

this gang stuff is ours is basically

22:13

like you know what let me just try to walk

22:16

in those not so safe neighborhoods

22:18

at nighttime it just like straight

22:20

up just fantasize about somebody walking

22:22

up to me and trying mug me and kill me

22:24

and i did that for about like i think three

22:27

weeks three four weeks like

22:29

every night and it's really insane

22:31

to look back on i can't believe i the happened

22:33

and you different things happen on different nights

22:37

but but really was sort like this some

22:39

this process duffy obvious i don't recommend

22:41

anybody do it but is is like this

22:44

process that my brain sort of and

22:46

voluntarily put itself and to

22:48

try to and life but i'm i'm ron one of those

22:50

nights i

22:52

you know had like member was walking through boston

22:55

and i am i came across this area

22:57

where i was walking across bridge

22:59

and it was a bridge on like one those interstate

23:01

highways and so normally speaking

23:04

during day there's like all kinds of cars

23:06

it's always busy there's always noise and

23:09

, walking the middle this bridge and i'm just

23:11

looking down the entire time because that's how

23:13

used to watch and i remember just

23:15

all of sudden like hearing

23:17

silence like was almost kind of

23:19

like someone took a remote control my could hit

23:21

the new been was almost as like such

23:23

a weird sense of eerie silence was

23:26

like remeber looking up and sort of just looking

23:28

around a remember i kind of felt like

23:30

i was the only person on earth was a very

23:32

weird feeling and , in

23:34

that moment i got a very small

23:36

moments of clarity where i

23:38

basically realize that what i was doing

23:41

then realized was just like what like wait what like

23:43

what the hell i doing and started

23:45

to think like why am i doing this doing

23:47

our basic like okay nobody really told me

23:49

told me to this so like my i'm feeling

23:52

this to myself and i started thinking like

23:54

with why am i doing this like i don't necessarily

23:56

think that i deserve

23:58

to die and so why my brain

24:01

sort of telling me that this is the only

24:03

option and so when that happened basically

24:06

now that look back as the i started to really

24:08

distinguish myself distinguish

24:10

myself self vs just

24:13

like my automatic brain which is really

24:15

result of like my past traumas

24:18

and stresses that were unresolved and

24:20

saw number one i kind how it that micro moment

24:22

of clarity i remember just like running

24:24

back to my dorm room and

24:27

i remember running back and kind of going upstairs

24:29

and then walking and walking remember going to the bathroom

24:32

and armory go to the bathroom and there's like this

24:34

be a huge mirror and and of looking at myself

24:36

in mirror and making can i

24:38

contact with myself fans

24:40

all a sudden i sort start to

24:42

realize that like my wastes

24:45

like the the pants that i was wearing a range genes

24:48

always on started realize like wait what why

24:50

my peers feel so tight amber

24:52

looking at myself the mirror and

24:54

and realizing like we i didn't buy any

24:56

skinny jeans i don't wear skinny jeans and

24:59

so in that moment i sort of realize

25:01

that over like to three months

25:04

i had like games like over

25:06

ninety pounds and was sort of obese

25:09

and sort of realize like oh crap

25:11

like i'm in the middle of something that hadn't

25:13

even know i was in and and all the stuff

25:15

and so really when i started to happen

25:17

that's really where i sort of had this moment

25:19

where i was just like you know it's not like it's was like

25:21

how many change my life i had smaller as

25:23

just like i don't what the hell just happened by

25:26

let me just try to figure things out

25:28

things at that time when time kind of saw myself in the

25:30

mirror the one objective that could

25:32

have could see was in physical

25:35

reality as reality in know what mental health was

25:37

or was or or any that stuff and

25:39

saw that he let just how to lose weight and

25:41

that for me was like the beginning thousand

25:43

the first like domino that i can

25:45

afflict that led me on this crazy journey

25:47

to like understanding mental health and social

25:50

anxiety and and recovering from that

25:52

and rewired my mine and my brain and so

25:54

years of the crazy story for sure that

25:56

it's jake it's like or happens towards

25:58

the end of two thousand and fifteen then

26:00

you know after that i move back in with my

26:02

parents i kind had whole conversation

26:04

and i told you about and then for example

26:06

to i also traveled to egypt and when

26:08

travelled egypt and i met

26:10

the family and you know i started

26:13

the really gain perspective started to

26:15

like really realistic oh shit like my my

26:17

turn came from this country still

26:19

like i remember this is and twenty sixteen

26:21

it as a egypt had just come out of like this

26:23

whole revolution with multiple governments

26:26

and all this stuff and remember my cousins or tell me

26:28

like yeah we can't find jobs there was

26:30

his duty came to our neighborhood with an ak

26:32

and like all the stuff that's all this crazy

26:34

stuff and so i member at the end

26:36

of that trip religious thinking about like

26:39

where i was the up the the opportunity

26:41

really that i was given i started to realize like

26:44

especially the fact of you know my parents

26:46

live in egypt then also gone through like what i

26:48

went through whether i was in terms of

26:50

you know like being poor but then also go through

26:53

mental and physical health issues and then coming

26:55

out that i was like oh crap like

26:57

i've gotten i've got sorta like a mission that

26:59

i've gotta start doing things that more important

27:01

than just like making money or are feeling cool

27:04

you know and so that was really canada

27:06

the start of it and so deftly

27:08

glided happening doubly sucks that as

27:11

you know happened but was deathly like are you

27:13

know rock bottom what are they call

27:15

act dark knight the soul and soul

27:17

definitely am i'm am i'm

27:19

to have the privilege sad experience at at

27:21

eighteen because definitely you you

27:23

know woke me up for sure

27:25

though i want to point out really quick

27:27

about how young you are and

27:29

how quickly the that perspective but the actual

27:32

you are feeling want talk about

27:34

the little more and the reason why is because

27:37

wow year and half guys

27:39

had for very very very

27:41

dear dear friend children

27:44

in the house

27:45

by their own hand and a mean

27:47

as you well know that the guilt

27:49

and the shame because like how does that happen right

27:51

next door like how me such good dad or homie

27:53

such a great mom and don't see

27:55

that i'm in pain on this person who's you

27:58

know bright and funny and the

28:00

and carrying and charming all these things

28:02

okay mark just you know you know okay

28:04

what is the one thing and and

28:06

you can think about for second what did

28:08

the one thing if anything

28:10

at all somebody could have called

28:13

before you had that kind of enlightenment

28:15

okay nobody could called and could

28:17

have asked or the could called

28:19

and said here that maybe what

28:21

made you feel little bit better the great

28:24

question and i'm in awe

28:26

i'm sorry to hear that and you

28:29

know fortunately i fortunately i stuff like that every

28:31

day sox burden you know

28:33

i'm honestly not sure you know i think one thing for

28:36

me that think was really

28:38

impactful is that are you

28:40

know my my best friend michael someone

28:42

who can like grew up with you know such as

28:44

kid i remember when i

28:46

was kind of in the middle of my am

28:49

suicidal iraq spare

28:51

mess armor there is this moment where like

28:53

you know he tried to reach out to me we were trying hang

28:55

out and we like saturday we set

28:57

a time do something and remember

28:59

when that day and time came out was just like

29:01

i only want to see anybody you know it's i'm i'm i

29:03

texted him as like dude i'm sorry then

29:06

we came up don't really feel like it could

29:08

use some other later time and i remember and

29:10

he didn't really know what has gone through at time nobody

29:12

really know and i remember he basically came

29:14

to my dorm room and he basically

29:16

just sad downstairs like it

29:18

in the bed sets wrath of building and he just

29:20

would call me to strip and he'd tell me like mark

29:22

i'm really not going to leave here until

29:25

you at least come down and just talk to

29:27

me and i will have to do anything will have to see

29:29

what nobody to talk to me arab

29:31

i did that and dad i

29:33

honestly think that really saved my life

29:36

are looking back at it because it kind of gives

29:38

you that feeling of just like you

29:40

know people care in they're not gonna leave you ran

29:42

i think it's really difficult conversation

29:45

have because i think everyone is surrounded by

29:47

different people in different cultures different

29:49

environments but when would say to is that

29:51

like one the things that i've learned that

29:53

you know suicide is not a rational

29:56

decision and i say that because

29:58

suicide is really cause by

30:00

what i think is is that it's a disease

30:02

in your brain so the same way that your

30:05

immune system shut itself down

30:07

and starts attacking your good bacteria like

30:09

and an autoimmune the order the same the

30:11

is happening in your brain but with yourself

30:13

and your identity and so

30:16

i've learned that that's why you i really

30:18

like when people to see things as

30:20

things as old on bike out in a depression as

30:22

choice all these different things and it's like imagine

30:24

you have like heart disease any

30:27

of course there's lot of different lifestyle factors you

30:29

can do in of course can change it but imagine

30:31

yeah like heart disease and someone's having like a heart

30:33

attack and you're just like a like

30:35

life is fine it's just like or you should

30:37

eaten better or hey you know why you're

30:39

having a heart attack guys really wish you would have eaten better

30:42

like how and nails law

30:43

it it's like live like that the oregon

30:45

itself is like executing the sort

30:47

of function and and the thing

30:50

that i've learned is like it sometimes

30:52

it has to do with you but a lot of times it doesn't

30:54

really the do you and like what i mean and

30:56

see that is because obviously know

30:58

what is your life is obviously there's

31:00

many different factors but i think

31:02

the one thing that someone would have told me his

31:04

dislike your brain is basically like

31:06

a as supercomputers that's essentially

31:08

like captures the way things

31:11

life is gonna work in the first like ten

31:13

years and then it's creates this

31:15

inner model of the world than your perception

31:17

and then it just basically plays that perception

31:20

and your life and that's what happens to every single

31:22

day of the week and

31:24

, on you know what happens

31:26

in an organ the same or with your heart it

31:28

may be dysfunctional you know and so

31:30

for me i kind of look and mental health

31:33

is that because of course i mean

31:35

there were things and you know that i did wrong

31:37

and someone is so forth but i'm

31:39

i think it was largely sort of this idea

31:42

of like it's brain disease and any

31:44

other thing that would say to is that the one of the

31:47

one of the realization that kind of had after

31:49

i kind went through this was that aside

31:51

from what i just set of the being brain disease

31:54

what of also realize is that and

31:56

know listen to the whole thing before a judge me

31:58

by the earth to commit suicide

32:01

sexually not bad thing and what mean by

32:03

that is this what your mind is trying

32:05

to figure out to do your mind is trying figure

32:07

out how do we become a different

32:09

person to live in the reality that

32:12

were actually in and so for

32:14

me i was never taught tools

32:16

and how to actually do that that healthy way

32:18

and so for me my brain was like hey

32:20

you know you're sort of not yourself people who

32:22

express social anxiety they don't

32:24

act like themselves in a lot of time secrete

32:27

self esteem issues self confidence issues

32:29

and so one of the things that mama was trying

32:31

to figure out was like hadaway and

32:33

this version of mark because it's not

32:35

working anymore so i think

32:37

you know on the mine side think the

32:39

urge to commit suicide again

32:41

obvious it's horrible thing i know i don't mean make light

32:43

of it but i think that urges

32:45

not bad thing and i think if you take that urge

32:48

and you're able to put it you

32:50

understanding like oh there's actually a healthy

32:53

constructive way to actually change

32:55

who you are and be the real person

32:57

who you are inside to the rest

32:59

the world without needing to kill yourself

33:02

because that's you know that doesn't that's

33:04

the fun and accomplish what you want do and so

33:06

i think those two things for those three

33:08

things rather you know of my best friend

33:10

not not telling me that he's there if like lily

33:13

just being there and like not

33:15

he don't like basically forcing me to always

33:17

talked to him that i think is

33:19

very important because think we live

33:21

a day and age where you know mental health sort

33:23

of becoming mainstream is becoming popular

33:25

and everyone says like a it's called suicide

33:28

hotline go see doctor go see professional

33:30

help and these different things i

33:32

only know if that works in on really necessarily

33:34

know that gives people a sense

33:36

of support because think lot the

33:38

times like when was bearing thing

33:40

that i don't even know what mental what was

33:42

that i never thought i'd be one of these people and

33:45

so i think when someone tells you to i go see a doctor

33:47

a go see a therapist or go see your

33:49

call the suicide hotline or something like that

33:51

while those may be you know good tools

33:53

in you're talking someone who's at least was in

33:55

my position they're going be like you're

33:57

just telling me that so i can stop being ahead

34:00

for you and want put me in this label on think

34:02

it actually makes for some people worse you know

34:04

and so that's why for me like when

34:06

i wrote my book a lot of my book

34:08

is based around lot things that talk about is

34:10

based around you know things that you can

34:12

do by yourself

34:15

to get the ball rolling because i

34:17

think the unfortunate reality and i wish

34:19

this wasn't true is that yet there are lot

34:21

of people that can help you there

34:23

is an entire world and entire

34:25

universe out there of resources

34:27

and and people and stories that

34:30

if you knew would totally changed your life

34:32

for the better but , also

34:34

realistically speaking there's lot

34:36

of bad things that can happen you know if you tell

34:38

someone your suicide or or you're depressed

34:40

and they don't have the reaction you're looking for actually

34:42

makes things lot worse and

34:45

i've seen a half and all the time and so i think

34:47

it's a very very delicate

34:49

it's very nuanced conversation

34:51

that i hope our society gains

34:53

more awareness around because you

34:55

know like if you live in modern country

34:58

you're more likely to kill yourself

35:01

had to be killed by somebody or something else

35:03

until

35:03

there's so many things that you'd had done that a really

35:05

really important but in order for us have time

35:07

and talk about your bug i need to move on but

35:09

before we move i was selling den

35:11

i want talk about whether you get kind of

35:13

getting you through did you did seek therapy

35:16

i saw lot about exposure therapy can

35:18

tell the letters what exposure therapy is

35:20

was is your idea with is your friend they deal

35:22

just tell us how you kind of got to other side

35:25

yeah so mean obviously a very long process

35:27

and i'm sure people can just like of my name and get it

35:29

but yeah i mean honestly for me i

35:31

don't really see a therapist or or dot i did

35:34

see a doctor but i'd add an episode take their advice

35:36

and then i only saw like a psychotherapist

35:38

like like year to down the road but

35:41

for me i would say some

35:43

the biggest things that help me was in a

35:45

one of like for example disconnecting

35:47

more with like my family my parents my

35:49

you know background just like realizing who

35:51

was and then i think number two is

35:53

that really understanding that suicide is

35:56

is brain disease and me starting

35:58

to figure out tools i can

36:00

use to recover my brain and

36:02

so for me that look like this concept

36:05

called nutritional psychiatry which

36:07

involves a lot around your dumb microbiome

36:09

going sleep i have always had sleeping

36:11

palms my entire life and

36:13

added than crazy studies on social

36:15

anxiety suicide and sleep as so i

36:17

basically really just started to eat you

36:19

know started to even a different way i started to sleep

36:22

in different way i started serve

36:24

go outside and and connect with certain people

36:26

in a certain way i started to learn i

36:28

started to understand that are everything

36:30

is oh and everything is learn about and

36:33

your one scale away from learning

36:35

and unlocking new part of life and

36:38

then year in terms of exposure therapy basically

36:40

what that is is there for different

36:42

layers of social anxiety and basically

36:44

what you do is you go

36:46

into each of these layers an

36:48

essential which do you systematically

36:50

expose incrementally

36:52

yourself to each one of sphere so for example

36:55

on one of these layers this people get

36:57

socially anxious around their physical appearance

36:59

okay as for me one

37:01

of the things that i would you know sort of developed social

37:03

anxiety around was not just my

37:05

skin color going up going a community where nobody

37:07

looked like me but his ulcer on my clothes

37:10

because i because i

37:12

i told you my parents who and have much money

37:14

and i remember just go to school everyday was like

37:16

the same clothes and i rember a

37:18

sort of being bullied and and everyone else was like when

37:20

all school clothes and numbers i always felt

37:22

left out and so i had this layer of

37:24

my clothes or social anxiety and so

37:26

what i would do ads

37:28

and this i'm sorry before get into this

37:30

as want to leave a disclaimer if you if you have

37:32

social anxiety and you've never

37:34

done anything or you're sort of not on a

37:36

plan to recover from social anxiety

37:39

i highly do not do not

37:41

recommend to start off with

37:43

exposure therapy because you're not gonna get

37:45

great results by anyway i'm

37:48

so one of the things that i did was i would basically

37:50

where the craziest clothes

37:52

on purpose and so for example what i

37:54

would do is i bought like

37:57

a bright pink neon cowboy hat

38:00

i bought like bright pink neon

38:02

a tight shirt tie shorts and would

38:04

literally go to mall the most crowded

38:06

place and i would literally just

38:08

walk there and if u

38:10

s social anxiety in your brain

38:12

your brain is telling you that everyone is looking at

38:14

you everyone's making fun of you but then

38:16

when you walk in with those pink clothes everyone

38:19

really is looking at you everyone you know might

38:21

be giggling and last and and so

38:23

when you experience that you know

38:25

i mean obviously depends on where you

38:27

are in your country i guess but

38:29

nothing bad is really going happen and

38:31

so would you go through that experience it

38:33

basically d conditions your brain

38:36

to be like oh we'll have to be socially

38:38

anxious around our physical appearance in this

38:40

regard and so basically there's many different layers to

38:42

with are you going in and you do the systematically

38:45

any i can i don't recommend you were doing it at first

38:47

but you that was really huge near the latin

38:49

i'll say that i think if i had to say three things

38:52

that help me the most with social anxiety

38:54

it was nutritional psychiatry

38:56

slashed the gut microbial it

38:58

was i doing mindfulness meditation

39:00

every day and then it was exposure therapy

39:02

those three things i think probably have the

39:04

highest our ally are when

39:06

it comes to a lot of people who kind of face same

39:08

issues that i faced you know the been jane

39:11

of course is my home will

39:13

be really i love naveen he

39:15

was just on the show like not too

39:17

long ago he is he's

39:20

just a dollar eleven with all my heart but i

39:22

that's where i got really that's where i

39:24

really got focus on on you

39:26

know your microbiome i got really focus on

39:28

i actually met and were speaking together

39:31

and i had never even known about smart

39:33

and he would go

39:35

find an an intelligent

39:37

and he actually walk me through the entire process

39:39

himself and not till later did

39:41

i actually know

39:43

here at ways that are like early i've probably

39:45

oh yeah that's the

39:46

out on podcast i met him in seattle he

39:49

invited me his podcast is great guy and idea

39:51

is happening biome yeah i recommend

39:53

it

39:53

the i absolutely that's awesome so

39:55

market went to move i want talk about linked then

39:58

when i saw this stat

40:00

i literally almost fell over

40:02

your sights views podcasts

40:05

and videos have been viewed

40:07

over fifty million

40:10

time how that mean

40:11

the honestly higher i and it's opposite i haven't updated

40:13

in while i have like a number somewhere i

40:15

have to check but that hasn't updated size

40:17

by like two years so oh wow

40:20

they give me that number again it

40:22

out of the gives ya my store but i would i would

40:24

probably say if i like double that by now maybe

40:26

like know what seventy five mature

40:28

yeah that's me just i couldn't even believe

40:30

that gets your giant influence or you're

40:33

you're very well regarded but fifty

40:35

million times and then you think maybe double that

40:37

okay hundred million that really shows

40:39

how many people that you're really truly resonating

40:41

with that really shows how many people really

40:43

needing to hear this message how are

40:45

you able to build off your success

40:48

with you know when you tube first

40:50

and then kind of moving right along

40:51

yeah you know for me i

40:53

you know my i sort my podcast of for

40:55

got on linked then but was worth same time

40:58

as so yeah you know i i kind like lived

41:00

like this link and golden age so to speak

41:02

where i was just like

41:04

every i was even thinking about houses like

41:06

everyday recording of video putting on linked

41:08

in are using my podcast

41:10

to promote a getting all these big gas and

41:13

yeah i mean it's really interesting

41:15

when you see like that because the i

41:17

mean lot of the times the times like you

41:19

know sort just like on my phone know

41:21

i'm a cc different numbers it is really resonates

41:24

with and for example like you know like last month

41:26

you know being like restaurant with my

41:28

girlfriend boston and someone walk out to decade

41:31

or umar it's being at the mall with my parents

41:33

and someone walking up to me like

41:35

telling me their entire life story on how like

41:37

the lost their job and they found my content

41:39

on length and then oldest and so it's

41:42

honestly very surreal don't think i've

41:44

really wrap my head around it if fully

41:46

but think what's this like the most important

41:48

thing is that i'm ill eyelids

41:51

and i can to realize this a while ago i

41:53

sort the fall at the internet became

41:55

mainstream and everyone was just saying was just like a fad

41:58

or just like for silly games or kids i

42:01

like basically realize that on you

42:03

know i have an opportunity and and we all

42:05

of us really have an opportunity to

42:08

you know do something that literally nobody

42:10

could be unless you were like

42:13

like i'm treated like alexander the great

42:15

like you conquer the world or unless you were like

42:17

jesus you know where i'd a spot

42:19

where like you can barely reach millions

42:21

people and have exponential

42:24

growth then of course there's pros

42:26

of course there's cons to that but

42:28

think just have to like gonna realize the moment

42:30

in history that were and and then just realized like

42:33

you know what's the most important thing to you

42:35

you know and and for me personally like

42:37

what gets me up in the morning like my

42:39

favorite currency so to speak

42:41

is when people you know tell

42:43

me that i impacted their lives in some way

42:46

shape or form you know because i remember

42:48

being eighteen and feeling like i

42:50

had nobody and nobody to help and

42:52

so the fact that i can be some

42:55

sort of small health to someone

42:57

who was in my previous jersey

42:59

that's , like for me like that's just what what makes the

43:02

world go round you know because you're

43:04

the only reason why i'm really here is because of my

43:06

parents and of my prayers and do what they did that i wouldn't

43:08

be here and if if if didn't listen to

43:10

the singer five years i wouldn't be where i am and

43:12

so for me it's just like i think we're

43:14

all on coal conspirators

43:17

and really everybody's evolution and

43:19

i think world is so small and it's it's gone

43:21

to that point where you know really just depends

43:23

who you listen to you know and and and

43:25

some people like social

43:27

media some people they don't like social media some

43:29

people use of for this reason for that reason everyone has

43:31

like different philosophy

43:33

and different philosophy and and use in utility

43:36

for it and damn

43:38

it i think some those are good i think some them are bad

43:40

but think is an idiot just comes down to like realizing

43:43

the opportunity the moment in history

43:45

that were adamant just realizing like you know what's

43:47

your favorite currency like

43:49

why do do what you do and then how can you use

43:52

that and sort of like plugin to

43:54

like this bigger system to hopefully

43:57

do what you're doing make it bigger

43:59

and better reach more people so i

44:01

didn't know the answer your questions they are you gay

44:03

you get without hard for you especially with

44:05

all of the things are going on and mark and all

44:07

he had come from with hard for you to

44:09

show up on all these different platforms

44:11

so vulnerable until authentic

44:13

you know honestly not really because

44:15

i was already doing it in my real life you know

44:17

so for me like i always believe that ah

44:20

you always have to do things off line before

44:22

you bring them online you know and so for me

44:24

i was already dealing with my

44:26

social anxiety and so when came to dislike recording

44:28

something wasn't big deal and honestly and

44:30

all truth is probably harder now

44:33

because the more people you

44:35

know them bigger your network is like

44:37

sometimes like your for example like my podcast

44:39

is pilot hi my biggest star channel

44:42

the gets like the most amount of millions of listens

44:44

you know sometimes i have moments on just like i'm

44:46

gonna put this out there and ten

44:48

thousand people are going to listen to this today

44:51

alone just today maybe tomorrow you

44:53

know they're still like that five percent social

44:55

anxiety part of i bring us like a when you know what

44:57

this person thinks that and so it honestly

44:59

becomes harder i think as you go and so

45:01

i think that's why it's so important to honestly

45:03

just have like a beginner's mindset to

45:05

always be like this is day one on

45:07

do this for the right reason and so yes

45:09

honestly become harder now than it was

45:11

when i first started

45:12

he's i'm gonna i'm gonna blow that

45:15

now see now super nervous to like the any

45:17

of the stats that i have like nine

45:19

having anxiety so limping i know for

45:21

sure is your and don't have one

45:23

hundred podcasts and your podcast

45:25

than listen to over how many millions

45:27

of mean you found in a podcast

45:30

accelerator you've done so

45:32

much around hi casting and any

45:34

been you know fairly new at this game

45:36

with it it's not easy it's very

45:38

very very difficult choose the right guess to

45:41

be able to keep consistent message to

45:43

be able to the whole reason why started

45:45

it because i i had no

45:47

desire to started at all

45:49

i didn't want to add the noise i wanted

45:52

to lighten not be a part of

45:54

that the noise

45:55

and i wanted impact and inspire people and

45:57

everybody was a podcast pocket pocket hard

46:00

mark how many

46:01

the people a messenger screen showrunner

46:03

thirty six million a hundred ninety nine

46:06

seven hundred twenty two that's

46:08

without gears crazy never went

46:10

crazy is you didn't know okay

46:13

which

46:13

i love i just love that so much

46:15

okay and and number two you're

46:18

throwing credibly humble about

46:20

it wouldn't you want your listeners to take away

46:22

from your pi catch and why did you start it

46:24

the good question and and honestly enters the whole

46:26

humble part assists like when you get to

46:28

sit down with like you know people

46:30

that are exponentially

46:32

way more successful than you like for example j sadie

46:35

year the top five podcast rights

46:37

and when got sit down with him before covered

46:39

in new york city for like over

46:41

an hour and half and you just see

46:44

how this is the person

46:46

to as this platform and you really

46:48

start realize how if you're not humble

46:50

you're basically screwed because

46:52

your ego gets to beg them and

46:54

your ego gets to the big so big to the point

46:57

where you don't really feel like you're even living

46:59

a real life and for me like a

47:01

someone who grew up with very low sense of self

47:03

esteem i really have problem with problem

47:05

with humble or maybe i do because

47:07

i answer it that way but ah hum yeah

47:09

i mean so for me in terms of my podcast

47:11

like it's funny because i've read of started

47:13

my podcast to just help myself and

47:15

it was time where i was are

47:17

starting twenty or twenty the time that

47:20

was basically just like yo life is really hard

47:22

when i don't know what i'm gonna do as facing problems

47:24

left the right and sauce dislike

47:26

i need to just be able to sit

47:28

down with people who actually know what they're talking

47:31

about in the world and there's no way that people

47:33

going to give me their time who were at that

47:35

level if i'm just like hey can pick your brain

47:37

you know it's so for me i sort my podcast

47:39

not as like a marketing thing or unlike

47:41

some host and people need to learn about my

47:44

opinion i'm smart it was just straight

47:46

up like hey guys like this is just

47:48

like myself development system were just like every

47:50

week whatever topic i was interested

47:52

about whether his the occasional nutrition a

47:54

good leave me the avenue to

47:57

be able to actually get like that real world

47:59

data from the experts in the leaders

48:01

you know so that's it and and also to

48:03

you know like the first podcast that i had humans

48:05

to boy know that really became

48:08

you know like as psychological

48:10

aren't even had even had psychological

48:13

But

48:16

for thousands of people within

48:25

all of us, they're sort of like like the Default

48:27

human version

48:30

has

48:32

been Afflicted with traumas and pains

48:34

and it has a certain that that was an

48:38

option to kind of It's like, like human to

48:40

2.0, myself,

48:43

became

48:49

like a, like a psychological metaphor

48:51

that I started to use to push

48:54

myself into so many different situations, eventually.

49:01

I became that person. So I don't really have to

49:03

think about it and it's

49:05

funny because meet other people to, who told me like the

49:07

same thing thing like, I like use

49:09

this concept is like a trojan

49:12

horse. within myself to sort

49:14

of like you know do it but also well not

49:16

trying to like fake being somebody

49:18

else or fake somebody who you're not but

49:20

to like tap into a deeper part you that

49:22

you always know is there and so

49:24

yeah i mean that for me with its kind like a like

49:26

a thesis of just like hey let put this out there in

49:28

the world and it's it's cool you know so it's

49:31

very interesting day for asking that question

49:33

absolutely who has been your most favorite

49:35

guess the that on

49:36

levine jail is definitely up there for sure

49:39

i would honestly say i think a person

49:41

dimension g shetty you know was on

49:43

your the one the last emperor say interviews i

49:45

did before covert and before this last

49:48

you know two years you know how storm

49:50

and was interesting because

49:52

i remember learning from jay shetty through

49:54

facebook videos into that sixteen

49:56

and so for me to be like sitting at

49:58

my college dorm room just like trying to live

50:01

my life and and learning about sketchy shetty

50:03

to then meeting him and doing

50:05

interview with them and i remember when like when

50:07

i first met him i was gonna like introducing myself

50:10

and he was just like good i know who you are i follow

50:12

your content on links all time and and he

50:14

like started referencing and i was like oh shit

50:16

less asa how dare you know it's else

50:18

is gonna like a great moment where to sort of like hamlet

50:21

full circle rallies just like wow you

50:23

know i started off like this but the now

50:25

you know i have one of my you

50:27

know someone who was my idol not i like

50:29

as my colleague sitting across from me you know

50:32

and and having deep conversation with me so

50:34

that still financial yeah

50:36

to me that i gotta it's awesome who

50:38

would that work don't worry guys

50:41

have had had worse guess and i haven't even

50:43

i haven't put those interviews life because i young

50:45

put it up so i'm an old anonymously

50:47

do like there was also people who i had on

50:49

and down and listen like i think

50:51

i totally respect people's views

50:53

and there's article years and i i think that's fine

50:56

but there are deathly some people were i had them on

50:58

and then they posted some crazy stuff

51:01

on social media i was just like i need to delete

51:03

this episode because i don't we want

51:05

to be associated with someone who's posting

51:07

things like that and so there's been some moments

51:09

like that but i am i honestly

51:11

can't a mighty by a guy i forget them like advantage

51:18

you are you that i'm a dancer such as the exactly

51:20

like passes are getting a

51:22

how me how you stand out so podcasting

51:24

is podcasting is is new for me and

51:27

i've been so blessed to again to have

51:29

like the navy in jeans on i either had

51:31

jordan harbinger are not too long ago i just

51:33

loved in his are you still incredible and

51:36

again for me it's just about being constantly serious

51:39

and really really focusing on my guest and

51:41

their story and having our audience

51:43

listen and learn how you stand out

51:45

like what's your big stand out in it's

51:47

in it's ridiculously crowded

51:49

face of podcasting

51:50

you know to be honest with you alec ran sole

51:52

podcast agency and

51:54

die the underside for me now

51:56

like what i try to do is i just got work with

51:58

a very small handful people that

52:01

have , that i care about and their message

52:03

you know and so i don't know

52:05

anything about marketing anymore marketing don't know any

52:08

outstanding ours is a whole

52:10

game it's very complex it's like a whole

52:12

spore and i just like stop watching that sport

52:14

sort right you know and so i'm the

52:16

best way out answer that question is just like

52:19

you know like i had this whole podcast humans to

52:21

point out and point kind and i kinda lost

52:23

my passion for it last year and and i relaunched

52:25

it as his podcast called social anxiety

52:28

society to just get even more

52:30

specific and so specific think the key to

52:32

standing out as like you have to

52:34

get really specific and i'm

52:36

specific kind of stand your ground and

52:38

just build real estate and understand

52:41

that like understand three four years that ruth

52:43

is gonna go up in value so think that's the most

52:45

important and that are

52:45

that degree in in and again it

52:47

valuable information for me because i

52:50

mean mark we talked about this i'm super transparent

52:52

okay i had even listen to a podcast

52:54

when i started august so if you talk

52:56

about like you're going i don't want to answer

52:58

that question i would like i i don't even know

53:00

what people talk about anti catholic had even have an

53:02

actual conversation so weird nine

53:04

million people listening to you but i i just think

53:06

that that's an increase i think nietzschean down a

53:08

think that that's really really helpful

53:10

advice and i think that the and giants

53:13

and out because you're just amazing so

53:15

my last segment i wanna talk about

53:17

screw being shy which

53:20

i went also point out he blew me off

53:22

fourteen times to focus on beginning

53:24

and end i appreciate

53:26

how focus you are i appreciate your message

53:29

it's an absolutely incredible tell

53:31

me about the book

53:32

yeah so honestly i'm terrible writer

53:35

like a very bad grades in school when comes to

53:37

writing now i can't like right every day

53:39

so i'm like at least personally

53:41

i counted as do for me but ,

53:43

me i really well my book i accidentally

53:46

have a choice and reason why see that is

53:48

because so two thousand and nineteen

53:50

you know like my my speaking career really started

53:52

to blow up before

53:54

fricking covered ah some right

53:57

air and basically in basically got

53:59

invited to the beacon like every major

54:01

city the us basically a

54:03

was interesting that i'd get get us has become

54:05

all these different things and different conferences and whatnot

54:08

it was interesting that every single

54:10

time in every single city the same

54:12

kind of person would always

54:14

walk up to me when i was finished talking

54:16

and they would always be someone weather was younger

54:18

old were they would tire like be looking

54:20

down they would it make eye contact

54:22

with me maybe they would stutter

54:24

maybe they would start sweating or their their

54:26

face would get read and they tell me

54:29

in more how did you go from someone who

54:31

the away from being debilitating social

54:33

anxiety be shy to being speaker

54:36

and talking about yourself in front of hundreds of people

54:38

confidently and so that just happen

54:40

again and again and again and again

54:42

and again and again and again again and

54:44

then was like you know i started reading other books

54:47

around the stuff and was just like wait there's very knit

54:49

not a single person who

54:51

has found sort like

54:53

a methodology or path that

54:55

i took stat you know for a lot

54:57

of it is is proven based on science

55:00

and so i remember being in l a and

55:02

speaking and then that the day after

55:04

or the day off at night or trying go

55:06

sleep and like told i always

55:08

faced sleeping pounds my entire life but i

55:10

i kind stuff facing seat and problems but

55:13

i'm sure try to go to sleep that i can go to

55:15

sleep and my brain is just like literally my

55:17

head like screw being shy school

55:19

being shy scooby i see these words

55:21

walked on go to sleep and so i

55:23

just go to sleep in the next day when i'm

55:25

like at breakfast the hotel i'm

55:27

just like writing out this entire thing

55:29

and i'm just like on the flight hold my like

55:31

six seven hour flight i just

55:33

started just write this book i'm just like

55:35

you know was out of all the books i could

55:37

read this one spy not going to be greatest

55:39

for like my business or other things but

55:41

other this book has to be out there

55:44

because there are so many other versions

55:46

of my younger self who are suffering

55:48

and there's really no help out there it's very disjointed

55:51

so for me as just like let

55:53

me write this book and do it so i appreciate your

55:55

patience but that's just i have a book came

55:57

to be as my out and i mean i am guess

56:00

not not dont have i dont have a again dont

56:02

have are i i think the most

56:04

raw and real that you can be which how you

56:06

show for everything i just i

56:08

wanted to no because i hear that

56:10

more and more from people you no interviewed can golden

56:12

the other day and she said the books same thing

56:14

you did the book was no choice they kept getting same questions

56:16

over and over and over again and so people

56:19

were really and she and she said same thing no matter what

56:21

country no matter were she was

56:23

people were asking kind the same questions and

56:25

so you no think that thats absolutely

56:27

amazing i theyve asked me about writing a

56:29

book and they keep asking me about it and and

56:31

like i dont have any idea how it organize my thoughts

56:33

because i have so many bigger questions and theyre like

56:35

just do it so

56:39

whos book for this

56:40

book is for people who feel like they can

56:42

be themselves in front of other people people

56:44

who are really have had

56:46

been shy but they don't wanna be shiny more

56:49

that's really who is for

56:50

mark good heaters online for

56:52

sure what are they say i'm

56:54

gonna let more complex over the years but

56:57

you know it's interesting because like when you when

56:59

you sort of are vulnerable special about stuff

57:01

mental health and what not you know there's always

57:04

like a certain percentage of people who mean even

57:06

have may have mental health issues themselves

57:08

were you know they kind of just gonna leave comments

57:11

like i have a wrestlers one time his ass

57:13

kind of funny it was like an alley

57:15

disposal and and went viral and like my story

57:17

and my mentality stuff and someone

57:19

posted he like oh i'm went through

57:21

mental health problems still needs

57:23

to post about himself to get validation

57:26

from strangers or someone's and like there's people who

57:28

always leave that and honestly like

57:31

there's a part of me that guess it because i remember

57:33

when i was suffering

57:35

and in pain i would would dump on people

57:37

all the time online like through a

57:39

different user name like when i was younger

57:41

and so

57:43

i can we get in and hurt other people hurt

57:45

people yes and an offer to like

57:47

there's sometimes i don't want to get it's name

57:49

the anything by their sometimes like you know some drama

57:51

that happens between he not eat eat

57:53

like even bigger additionally how and me that

57:55

often as maybe one or once twice i can

57:57

think of with i kind of like other

58:00

the your influencers that

58:02

you know for example like say

58:04

bad things about me behind my back

58:06

because they're trying to like when

58:08

clients over and like maybe we're a similar

58:10

business and and people tell me and i'm just like

58:13

i've literally never talked to that like the like weather

58:15

and so that's up and like a couple times so

58:17

i don't have a lot of haters but i don't

58:19

see i'm sure there's lot like decent amount of people

58:21

and sure to like there's people who

58:24

you know maybe are like resent for something towards

58:26

me because didn't respond to their message

58:28

or because i may be said

58:30

something that didn't agree with i remember

58:32

one time i posted this video on

58:34

saying on how like for breakfast you should

58:36

eat eggs in there the person who is like this plant

58:39

based animal activists was like how could you

58:41

say that your murder

58:42

figures you you don't deserve like an all the stuff

58:45

and it's just like and so that's always going to than

58:47

you know is why i just

58:48

to take it personally for me

58:51

it's been interesting cause i hadn't been on my

58:53

near as long as you i have

58:55

not had near the influence that you've had your

58:57

remarkable your ears such it's

58:59

still inspiring to watch you but i

59:01

always wonder because my team when

59:03

i get like something mean i get something bad

59:05

or good either just hateful comments or something

59:08

it really adds that might he might seem

59:10

like mean literally i got there or are

59:12

you know and i'm like i don't necessarily

59:14

think that it requires response like

59:16

i just want to take that person for what they are and what

59:18

he may be feeling if there's way that

59:20

i might be able to impact or affect situation

59:23

i definitely will reach out but as a whole

59:25

just to be mean and then to respond i did so

59:27

have any desire to do it though i was

59:29

your your lot younger and you're a lot

59:31

wiser online that

59:33

was wondering how you dealt with it and

59:35

a kind what did for you in your heart and

59:37

your head

59:38

yeah you know it it's really interesting and and my for

59:40

exam one of the things that i do today the

59:42

guy help all kinds of different people

59:44

through like you know mental health and social

59:46

anxiety and there's people who work with who

59:48

are way bigger creators they have like six

59:50

million followers they're doing crazy

59:52

stuff like for people at that level

59:54

like aren't even recommend for them to even read

59:57

their comments or messages because

59:59

once you to certain level and necessary

1:00:01

thing on there yet maybe in some

1:00:03

moments of time he just really shouldn't read

1:00:05

it and think also like if

1:00:08

you have you have that does that like i also

1:00:10

you need to the like sort of train them to

1:00:12

and now you know so like for example like the

1:00:14

project america renounce like i'm in the more like

1:00:16

writing this book that's all about like how

1:00:18

food and your mental health impact

1:00:20

each other because again people keep asking me that

1:00:23

the next book i'm gonna right after that

1:00:25

is how to deal with social

1:00:27

media and like mental health anxiety

1:00:29

because that's a huge topic that

1:00:32

you know i think of havoc over ten years

1:00:34

of experience with and honestly like what's

1:00:36

funny is that actually used receive more

1:00:38

heat when i was younger online

1:00:40

as like a little kid on my youtube channel than

1:00:42

do now and so soft kind of build

1:00:44

some thick skin and maybe us because of social anxiety

1:00:47

by and honestly deathly still messes me

1:00:49

out for sure sometimes hosts it's definitely

1:00:51

it's a problem for sure and there's different ways

1:00:53

to deal with it and are sometimes

1:00:56

to were like uniting yeah to have boundaries

1:00:58

you know so for me on

1:01:00

the weekends i already don't even check my social

1:01:02

media there's different boundaries that you have like

1:01:04

path like seven or eight pm i don't add muscle for

1:01:06

me the outset any messages and even like i don't

1:01:08

do any that and so there's a certain things that

1:01:10

you learn also as person as you go

1:01:12

through the journey of like what you need

1:01:14

to do for yourself in terms of boundaries

1:01:17

and much you to do learn to

1:01:19

, position yourself but you know

1:01:21

it's always gonna happen you know so that the

1:01:23

part the kind sucks but you know i'm

1:01:25

trying figure out so if , figure

1:01:27

out at all it's you know

1:01:29

mark we like to end conversation

1:01:31

with one last question and not obviously

1:01:34

the show is about obstacles in the opportunities

1:01:37

what is your biggest obstacle that you been able

1:01:39

to turn

1:01:39

you an opportunity i'm and brightest my

1:01:42

life

1:01:44

that only that ah

1:01:46

yes that's all

1:01:48

i mean i don't know i honestly don't know i

1:01:50

feel like there's so many obstacles from health

1:01:52

messes the goal of mental health you know being

1:01:54

poor bullying discriminated against

1:01:56

feel like it it's kind of crazy because remember

1:01:59

me be felt the same way i i i like truly

1:02:01

like when i was eighteen and and every year

1:02:03

since then before then rather and

1:02:05

even when was nineteen twenty i just

1:02:07

straight-up thought that i would just like work at

1:02:09

mcdonalds for rest my life like i would just

1:02:11

think that i thought that i didn't want anybody to know

1:02:13

who i was i didn't think was capable of anything

1:02:16

and so just kinda crazy to to kind of look

1:02:18

at my life and the person who i used to be

1:02:20

which is i literally had no friends

1:02:22

nobody liked me to then go to

1:02:24

a spot where you know like people

1:02:26

recognize like sometimes you will recognize me public

1:02:28

and it's like friggin blows my mind i get invited to

1:02:30

like do all these different things i'm with

1:02:33

people who are respect you know so

1:02:35

i dunno there's lot of cool it's just lot

1:02:37

of opportunity there's lot successors i'll tell

1:02:39

you the the biggest mistake that i made

1:02:41

recently so when i was younger i

1:02:43

used to collect all these pokemon cards okay

1:02:46

and i think when was about

1:02:48

twenty nineteen took

1:02:51

all my pokey my cart and sold them on

1:02:53

facebook marketplace or whatever for

1:02:55

like five hundred bucks i like little

1:02:57

realized that i have like three cards

1:02:59

saturday self like quarter million

1:03:01

dollars and don't have an undersized yeah

1:03:04

so like i don't know it's kind of rain of theirs or know why there's

1:03:06

just a random pokey my card on my desk internal

1:03:08

arrow who pre packaged as i usually like

1:03:10

them because of the i very guys

1:03:14

margaret has been just as the least

1:03:16

so much fun and i hope we get do it again really

1:03:19

soon our listeners find you

1:03:21

the best

1:03:21

place is if e go to my website which

1:03:23

is just my first and last name dot com

1:03:25

and a r k m e t r y

1:03:28

dot com in really the best place

1:03:30

is m you know people go there

1:03:32

theyll see and email in box and if people put

1:03:34

there email in there basically every week

1:03:36

i send out one to to the

1:03:38

early educational articles

1:03:40

and newsletters all about the stuff and then

1:03:42

if people get one of those emails and respond

1:03:45

to it it'll go directly to me and i always respond

1:03:47

all those emails so people

1:03:50

are free to reach out to me i try my best to be very open

1:03:53

or have we take some little less time

1:03:55

service actually than than for you to me

1:03:57

and buell country on my book my podcast everything

1:04:00

they're so yes i will

1:04:01

oliver i printed the only oh yeah

1:04:04

totally willing everything in the zone out to people

1:04:06

know how grab your book and how

1:04:08

reach out you for speaking engagements and this

1:04:10

is it's been such pleasure mark thank you so

1:04:12

much

1:04:13

yeah thank you so much stuff in this is awesome thank

1:04:15

you for making this platform and hammer

1:04:18

thanks for listening spinet if you enjoyed

1:04:20

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1:04:44

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1:04:46

l i k or visit my website at

1:04:48

stephanie mallick dot com