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Patreon Bonus: Mall Brats Holiday Special

Patreon Bonus: Mall Brats Holiday Special

Released Saturday, 6th January 2024
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Patreon Bonus: Mall Brats Holiday Special

Patreon Bonus: Mall Brats Holiday Special

Patreon Bonus: Mall Brats Holiday Special

Patreon Bonus: Mall Brats Holiday Special

Saturday, 6th January 2024
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Episode Transcript

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0:01

Hi, it's Mount Laureans, Abdulah here, just

0:03

letting you know that we dropped

0:05

a brand new episode of our

0:08

Patreon-exclusive bonus game, Spelt More Mall

0:10

Brats over on our Patreon feed,

0:12

and also dropping a little

0:14

teaser here in the main feed for

0:16

you guys. So if you're

0:18

interested, head over to Patreon for the full episode.

0:21

Links are in the show notes. So

0:33

I think what we're looking at is a clock

0:36

situation. Oh, yeah. Cool. Borbo's

0:38

dad is convinced, you know what I mean? Convinced

0:41

that Borbo's a good guy. But convinced Borbo's

0:43

a good guy within the realm of this

0:45

fabrication that you have

0:48

concocted. The overarching convincing

0:51

is that his father needs to give him

0:53

a longer leash on his life, right?

0:56

Yeah. Yeah, it basically get off his back.

0:58

His dad's too controlling. So this is

1:00

Sway, and you guys are like lying about this,

1:02

right? You're basically creating an even sadder sob story.

1:05

We're like embellishing. And he

1:07

leans back on the circular couch that

1:09

rings the thing and kicks a

1:11

leg over his knee. So

1:14

kids, tell me, how

1:16

did you first come to meet my boy? A

1:19

sordid tale it was, our history.

1:23

We all start from the beginning. Yes, Clover,

1:25

you take the beginning part. Absolutely,

1:27

I will, because it comes

1:30

easy to me. So

1:33

yeah, Clover stands up like she's

1:35

giving a speech. She's

1:37

like, I don't know. We clink our

1:39

glasses. I

1:43

once grew up with a father and a

1:45

mother, as one often does start out

1:47

with. And my mother died

1:49

when I was very young. I missed her

1:52

very much. And so did my father. But

1:54

one day, my father said, my heart is healed

1:56

and I am ready for a new love. And

1:59

he married. My stepmother who at the

2:01

time I thought this is okay, but

2:03

she turned up to be quite evil As

2:12

I grew older I began to look like my

2:14

mother who was once considered the fairest in all

2:16

the land And

2:19

my stepmother grew jealous She

2:22

would visit the mirror a magic mirror And

2:27

she said every day magic

2:29

mirror on the wall Who is the

2:31

fairest one of all and

2:33

the mirror would always say you stepmother you

2:35

are the fairest one of all Until

2:38

one day when I turned 12 Like

2:47

last year yeah, yeah

2:50

last until a few weeks ago when

2:52

I turned 12 The

2:56

magic mirror replied clover

2:59

is the fairest one of all and Stepmother

3:02

grew angry and she

3:04

threw me from the house and and

3:06

there I was alone in the cold

3:08

dark forest And

3:11

I ran I ran so long

3:13

and I was so scared and sad and

3:15

I felt the shadows of my past following

3:18

me Until I

3:20

found solace amongst many

3:22

short beings Smaller

3:25

than me and I pointed

3:27

sentin mostly Franklin's taller And

3:32

they invited me to live in their home, and

3:34

it was a mess And

3:38

so I helped them, but I couldn't do it alone

3:42

It's too much And

3:44

then dear Borbo he thought well these

3:46

children need a hand these small these

3:48

small people need a hand Anyway,

3:53

that's my story. Yeah, I

3:56

can attest to the truth of that. Yeah, her stepmother

3:58

was very hot And

4:02

Vorvo nervously takes a sip from his drink.

4:07

What about you? My story is one

4:10

of revolution. It

4:14

was 1792. The

4:21

king had recently been assassinated and I

4:23

was on the streets of

4:26

the highspear. And I was lemiserable.

4:28

Yeah. I

4:31

was so miserable. It was crazy.

4:34

So sad. And there was an inspector

4:37

who had it in for me. Her

4:39

name was Tina Durgher. She

4:43

was desperate to capture

4:45

me for I had stolen

4:49

a series of French buns. They

4:53

were the softest buns in the land

4:55

and I had pinched

4:57

those buns. She was so hot. She

5:00

was very cross with me. She was

5:02

so cross. And so I

5:04

ran. I ran so far away. I

5:08

ran and I ran all night and

5:10

day. But I could not get away.

5:13

And so it was the Tina

5:15

Durgher. The terrible and obsessive police

5:17

officer found me wrapped

5:20

up in these buns

5:23

and captured me and took me to the

5:25

took me to

5:28

be killed. And

5:36

there I was with my head

5:39

in a noose about to drop just

5:41

a little boy of eight. And

5:47

then from out of nowhere, an arrow

5:49

pierced the rope and Borbo

5:51

came out and he said, this kid's

5:54

eight. What the fuck are you doing? You're

6:00

not allowed to hang an

6:03

eight-year-old for stealing buns, no

6:05

matter how hot and soft they are

6:07

and how much they want to be

6:10

pitched. And

6:15

so I was saved by

6:17

Borbo, the most valiant social

6:19

worker in the land with

6:21

his historic and legendary bow.

6:26

You guys start clapping. Okay.

6:29

Gotta say,

6:32

son, this is sounding pretty

6:34

impressive. Thank you. Oh,

6:37

you're talking to your... You're talking to

6:39

my son. Okay, sorry. Yeah. What about...

6:41

I am also a son, so it

6:44

is confusing when you say that. Yeah,

6:46

yeah, yeah. What

6:48

about you? Well, I

6:51

mean, the

6:54

story starts like any other with

6:56

a woman and her

6:58

roommate just

7:00

living out their lives, doing what they

7:03

do, going out for drinks, trying

7:06

to pick up people, living

7:10

their lives, working, living,

7:13

laughing, loving, laughing, drinking,

7:15

loving, smoking. Didn't

7:18

have any direction in her life, didn't think anything was going

7:20

to happen. And one day

7:22

a mysterious stranger shows up in her life

7:25

and just threw a huge stranger

7:28

wrench into her life, changing

7:30

her life upside down, turning

7:32

her life inside out in

7:34

virtually a day. That

7:37

stranger claimed to be from the future

7:39

and said he was here to stop an

7:42

evil man from coming and said

7:44

that that woman's life was in

7:46

danger. That woman was

7:48

my mother. That

7:50

man came back from the

7:52

future to stop that woman

7:54

from dying from an evil

7:56

robot that was sent back in time to kill

7:58

that woman before I was... even

8:01

bored. That

8:04

man was Borbo.

8:07

Borbo became my stepdad from the end of woman

8:09

was that woman. That woman. That Borbo fucked the

8:11

shit out of my mind. And he burnt to

8:14

me. The leader of

8:30

the resistance in the future until the world

8:32

is bombed on October 17, 2011. When all

8:37

goes down, man, the wick, the leaves, the

8:39

children will fly a bark like leaves. And

8:41

he's got his hand up on the window.

8:43

Yeah, Borbo's like, hey kids, maybe I think

8:46

that milk might have been doing something to

8:48

your tummy. Maybe go to the bathroom real

8:50

quick. And he's not wrong.

8:52

Yeah, we all gladly go to

8:54

the bathroom. It's milk milk in here. But because

8:56

of all this, you still got your role in

8:58

this way. Who's leading

9:00

the group action? I'll lead the group action.

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