0:00

Hi everyone, it's Fat Billy here.

0:03

Thanks for coming. Listen

0:05

to our podcast. If you want more podcasts,

0:08

you can go to patreon.com slash

0:10

spout lore where you can give us some

0:12

money and I like money so

0:14

I can buy snacks.

0:21

Gather round friends, let me tell you a tale of

0:23

three heroes noble and bold.

0:26

A brute, a druid, and a thief

0:28

who is but nine years old. You

0:30

know them by name, you know them by deed,

0:33

their quests are famously daring. So

0:35

here I sit, singing to you

0:37

an adventure that is worth sharing.

0:40

Tuck is the brute, he knows not his home,

0:42

he loves to sing and fight. Big

0:45

as half-elf, he shifts his shape and

0:47

wields a spear with great might. Billy's

0:50

a thief, his tiny size does mask

0:52

the largest heart. Best

0:55

and brightest they may not be, but their friendship

0:57

outweighs their smarts. So gather

0:59

round friends and listen

1:02

close, for

1:05

the tale's about to

1:07

start. Hello

1:12

everybody and welcome to Spout Lore.

1:15

I'm your game master, Sean O'Hara. Joining

1:17

me as always playing Tacoma Dome, the barbarian, Abdul Aziz.

1:20

Hello everybody. Playing Ving, the half-elf

1:22

druid, Paul Oppers. Oh hi.

1:25

And playing Fat Billy, the halfling thief, Jessica

1:27

Tai. Oh hi, I didn't see you

1:28

guys there. Oh hi. Oh

1:31

hi. Oh hi. Oh hello.

1:34

Hi there. When

1:36

last we left our heroes, they had

1:38

been received

1:41

of the present. What's

1:44

going on over here? What's going on over

1:46

there? I did not

1:48

even see you.

1:51

Welcome. It's a good

1:53

day for a pocket. I

1:56

like this guy. Who's this mysterious stranger? This

1:59

is the opposite of me.

1:59

of BLEHHH! My

2:03

name... My name...

2:06

My name... You're not

2:09

stalling, are you? No... My

2:12

name... BLEHH! BLEHH!

2:18

BLEHH! Can't believe

2:22

Abdul yelled at me for 15 minutes that

2:25

we were late in our morning! That

2:28

we were taking too much time to

2:30

do it! Abdul was just

2:32

screaming at Jessica! At me only! We

2:36

were all in the room too, but he was just giving it to Jessica.

2:38

We kept trying to go in front of him and he'd push us down

2:41

and he'd scream at Jessica. Yeah, um... Well,

2:44

because you knew that you had to spend 15 minutes

2:47

introducing us to BEEF! You

2:50

had to get us back on track! He said his name

2:52

again?

2:53

When he was like...

2:55

BLEHH!

2:58

BLEHH! I didn't

3:01

hear that! We were turning

3:03

the word BEEF into 4 syllables! BLEHH!

3:08

Oh, man! BLEHH!

3:12

So, your last name sounds like you're

3:14

beard touching the microphone. Well, here's the thing,

3:18

apparently I was too rude last episode. Oh my god! This

3:22

is the new me! Wow! Oh,

3:26

I've never been scored by Jessica! That

3:28

was amazing! Fuck

3:31

it! We're getting

3:33

started really. No, no, no. This is the show now.

3:36

I mean, it's always been the show. I'm

3:38

not going to make a single rude joke this episode. That

3:40

cannot be true. I'm

3:42

going to take my vulgar and put it back in

3:44

myself. I'll take the V and put it back in the

3:46

P. Oh, okay. Alright. When

3:51

last we left our heroes. I'm just going to read

3:54

excerpts from Infinite Jest. I

3:56

hope everyone enjoys that triple

3:58

excerpt.

4:01

When last we left our heroes,

4:04

they had received the presence of

4:06

a one Oman, the bookworm,

4:08

who had been sent away months in

4:10

game and one full

4:12

human year ago from

4:14

the Isle of Hibernia to

4:17

answer some questions about the Ileanas,

4:19

Ving's potential parentage, the history

4:22

of Wizards creating life. I will say it was

4:24

not months because Ving's gesh has like... Oh,

4:26

right. Yeah, it's under two months. It's more

4:28

than a month. Wait, yeah, we're halfway

4:30

through the gesh. Are we halfway through the gesh? We're

4:33

coming up on it. Yeah, I forgot about

4:35

that gesh. Yeah, yeah, it's good to remember.

4:37

Oh, there's a society of people that want me dead.

4:40

Yeah, those are the stakes for sure. I forgot

4:42

about the stakes. But you know who didn't forget about stakes

4:44

was Takoma Dome, who took himself to an all-you-can-eat

4:47

pizza palace in his mind. Oh,

4:49

yeah. In an attempt to translate

4:51

the librarian shorthand that Farah Margani

4:54

had returned upon the wings of Oman,

4:57

we went to Tak's mind pizza palace

4:59

to find him surrounded

5:01

by yet again versions of himself in

5:04

a variety of roles and disguises,

5:07

including master librarian

5:09

Farah Margani Tak. And through

5:12

a series of roles,

5:15

successful and not, we learned that

5:18

the ranger attack on the island of Hibernia

5:20

and the death of Ileana was

5:23

also politically motivated as Ileana

5:26

had pushed a little too hard at

5:28

the time to try and rebalance

5:31

the power between the Vox Populi

5:33

and the Vox Silvai. The Vox

5:36

Populi, as represented by the court of the wood,

5:38

did not like that, so a number of people

5:40

wished her dead, which is saying

5:42

it now, a shocking revelation,

5:45

as we believed that it was primarily a tragic

5:48

falling out between Dethany and

5:51

Ileana, but was in fact a politically motivated

5:53

assassination that Dethany was forced

5:55

to take part in. Yeah, pretty fucked

5:58

up. Yeah, pretty screwed up. also

6:00

Dithaniel's sister that forced him

6:02

to do it. Yes, we were introduced

6:04

to Ving's aunt Solara

6:07

Vankiren, queen of the Sun Peaks, and

6:10

de facto queen of the Great Forest, who

6:12

was suspiciously absent at the

6:15

arrest and imprisonment of

6:17

the party.

6:18

Ving wanted to know about the history

6:20

of wizards creating life, which we learned is

6:23

suspiciously absent from the

6:25

writings of wizards of the time, generally

6:27

accepted to be impossible

6:30

through thaumaturgy. You said it was the Holy Grail.

6:32

Yeah, if anyone were to figure it out, it would be one of

6:34

the largest magical innovations of the

6:37

era. But also,

6:38

I thought you said that biologically

6:40

they could.

6:41

Biologically they can

6:43

have kids, but they can't create life via

6:46

magic. Or at least that was the thought

6:48

at the time, but there are no written

6:51

records of anyone ever having achieved that. I

6:53

think it's also like creating a nuclear

6:55

bomb, essentially. Because if they can

6:57

create life, then hypothetically they can

7:00

create as many wizards as they want.

7:02

Whereas if they're beholden

7:05

to a biological process to

7:07

make kids, you can't choose that your kid

7:09

is a wizard. Just like you have a regular

7:11

kid. Because it's like the universe basically chooses.

7:14

Yeah, exactly. Any wizard that has a kid that is

7:16

a wizard is like a billion to one chance. And

7:19

we also learned, Ileana translates

7:21

to mother bear, and that family,

7:23

that clade of bear shapeshifters

7:26

were basically tasked with the spiritual

7:29

guardianship of the island of Hibernia

7:31

and its connection to the spiritual realm. Supposedly

7:33

also tending to the great bear that slumbers beneath

7:36

the island. Which led

7:39

to Billy discovering this tied

7:41

up poem on Oman's body

7:43

written by a fairy many, many, many

7:45

years ago. Which read, chains broken

7:48

became chains forged when moon threw

7:50

off her yoke. Father Knight was cast

7:52

away to walk among the folk. Which the

7:54

party interpreted as the

7:56

gibbous man being chained unwillingly.

8:00

to

8:01

the material plane and Tuck interpreted

8:03

it as Lillian having chained the

8:05

gibbous man as punishment for his

8:08

transgressions in the past and that

8:10

if he has chained the material plane as an aspect

8:12

of a god then he must in some way

8:15

be vulnerable. Mm-hmm. And

8:17

that is where we find ourselves now the party aggressively

8:19

coming out of this state of having read for an entire

8:22

episode. Oh my god. Oh

8:25

my god. Oh my back hurts so

8:27

much. My legs are numb. My eyes

8:29

are blind to reading. I

8:31

had to try. Oh my god. It was like I

8:33

was looking at Instagram on the toilet for four days. Yeah, all

8:35

of our legs are numb. As

8:38

you all make that giant groan at the same

8:40

time, Elman goes, oh, and knocks over

8:43

an easel on which he'd been painting a

8:45

watercolor. Why

8:47

am I wearing a bonnet? I mean, nothing wrong with

8:49

it, but... Oh,

8:52

I'm so sorry that I had to

8:55

observe. It was quite exhilarating. How

8:57

many drawings did you make? There's

8:59

a drawing of us as dogs playing poker. What? What? I

9:04

wanted to fill the time, but I didn't want to interrupt

9:06

your process. What happened? What is this

9:09

creature? It's a

9:10

bug.

9:11

Yes, I see that. It's a

9:13

bug. It's a bookworm. They

9:16

live at the library in McCall.

9:18

They use them for categorization. We've

9:20

been using this guy to send messages back and forth.

9:23

Billy's like, I don't know if we're allowed to say

9:25

that. I

9:26

think fair's going to be mad. Fuck

9:28

shit, you're right. God damn it. You

9:31

can trust me. I swear, you can trust me.

9:34

This specimen comes from the great Mark Goni

9:36

library of McCall. The specimen

9:38

traveled from the great tree of knowledge

9:41

and then to the library and

9:43

then has come return to the tree

9:45

of knowledge. As you say, he traveled

9:47

from the tree to McCall back to here.

9:49

You hear him on go, yeah,

9:51

because you guys wouldn't stop moving

9:54

around. Oh my God.

9:56

Oh my God. He probably went everywhere that we've

9:58

been.

9:58

He did, yeah. He had to fight you.

10:01

He went to the goblin zone. Oh my god, the little muscles

10:03

around his wings are jacked. He's

10:05

his shoulders buddy. He's wearing a white tank

10:08

top. Fucking shredded

10:10

now. I've got a little thing of creatine powder.

10:13

I have to have this. I've got a refuel.

10:15

Right now he's foam rolling. And

10:20

Tuck is actually just like flipping him over

10:22

trying to find more messages. He's like,

10:24

I'm sure out and Maresh had to

10:27

put something on here for Mill something.

10:29

Learn from me. How do I know if she's up? Oh

10:32

god, trying to figure out if that girl's up.

10:35

You know what I mean? You keep

10:37

flipping Oman over and after

10:39

you flip him over, he flips

10:42

back onto his legs and unfurls his wings

10:44

and starts vibrating

10:46

a little bit. And

10:48

then he slowly begins to molt. And

10:52

the wings that had been written on by Farah, they

10:56

fall off. And now he's

10:58

got like fresh little dewy

11:00

paper wings underneath and a fresh carapace. Oh

11:02

my god, okay, I gather those wings. Keep

11:05

them safe. Yeah. And he

11:07

curls up his wings, reinserts them into his body,

11:09

wraps himself back up and then squeaky

11:11

squeaky squeaky squeaky start crawling towards

11:14

Billy again. I pick him up and I put

11:16

him in my hair. Yeah, he squeaks right in here. Is that where

11:18

you want to go? There's

11:21

so many other worms in Billy's hair. I know, I

11:23

can't keep track. You guys do have two. Yeah. I

11:26

know,

11:26

but I've also been collecting worm

11:27

pets as we go. Worms, just worms.

11:30

Just worms. Just other worms in your

11:32

hair. It's a real problem.

11:35

They blend in really well with his

11:36

curls. You think they do. Just

11:43

full of fucking worms. It's really gross,

11:45

isn't it? We have to give them shampoo,

11:48

special shampoo for them. He refuses to. He

11:50

says it's goo and doesn't let it

11:52

touch. So

11:55

what did you learn? Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah. Yeah.

12:00

I were. We tell him everything. And

12:02

he reacts. Okay. And

12:04

now we're back in the present. Wow.

12:07

Wow. What a theater of the mind

12:09

we've created. I mean, like, I have

12:11

thought of a lot about, we don't need to rehash every

12:14

piece of information every time, but he goes, I

12:17

just have to say this has been quite exhilarating.

12:20

Watching you, three adventurers of

12:22

great renown, investigate

12:24

your mystery has been, I cannot

12:27

even say. We need to get this guy out.

12:29

He places a hand on his chest. Leave

12:32

the garden? No, I could

12:34

not. I couldn't possibly. Are you

12:36

not allowed to leave? Well, no,

12:38

of course. Part of my sworn oath

12:40

to the order is that I will remain

12:42

here under the boughs of the great tree until

12:45

I become one with its roots. Wait,

12:48

what? When I die, I will be interred beneath

12:50

the tree as the gardeners before me.

12:52

Has it always been like that?

12:53

It has, yes. Part

12:56

of the symbiosis of life in the

12:58

great forest is that the gardeners learn from the tree,

13:00

we absorb that knowledge, we return to the earth

13:02

and the tree recycles that information.

13:05

But of course, I hope that the tree

13:07

is in much better health by the time

13:09

I expire.

13:11

I mean, wouldn't you want to, if you're going to give

13:13

it knowledge, wouldn't you need to go collect knowledge

13:15

to

13:16

give back to the tree? Maybe that's part of the

13:18

problem is it's just been an echo

13:20

chamber of knowledge for so many years.

13:23

There's a whole wide world out there. There's

13:26

so many stories being told.

13:28

Have you ever heard of

13:30

Lone Tree Hills? About

13:33

two brothers playing a basketball

13:35

game, betraying each other. Each

13:38

just trying to be what they've been trying to be lately.

13:42

Sounds quite thrilling, but I

13:45

fear my place might be here, although I will say that

13:47

the great outdoors does feel

13:49

quite tempting from time to time. So

13:52

let me tempt you further, big boy.

13:55

And we slide him a copy of Love

13:57

and Life. It

14:02

is dog-eared. And

14:05

quite stiff. Are

14:08

we doing a role to like get him to

14:10

rebel? I don't know, maybe. I guess.

14:13

Defy Danger Charisma? We want to

14:16

inspire with him a hunger that will get him to do whatever

14:18

the fuck we need at Bay Area.

14:21

Yeah.

14:21

And also, I feel like to protect himself

14:23

at some point, because like what if someone finds us

14:25

and then poor Elman gets in trouble?

14:28

And like, I don't want him

14:30

like sitting there like a little duck.

14:31

Yeah, that's true. Yeah, give

14:33

him the like... The wings to fly.

14:36

Yeah. We're going to be the wind beneath

14:38

your wings, dude. And then I blow

14:40

in his face. His

14:43

long golden elf hair blows

14:45

behind him, and he closes

14:47

his eyes, and he imagines a life out

14:50

beyond the walls of the cloister. That's right. Imagine

14:53

yourself on a ship, wind blowing in

14:55

your hair. The

14:57

sea smells worse than I imagined.

15:01

The sea smells exactly like

15:03

salami. Are

15:08

you saying that when you leave, you'll take

15:11

me with you?

15:13

I mean, if you want. Okay,

15:14

this is a parlay now. Okay,

15:17

who's rolling it? Tuck. I

15:19

mean, Tuck is leading the combo, so. Okay. Plus

15:22

Charisma. Ken. Okay,

15:24

nice. I can't believe

15:27

it. Perhaps

15:30

I will leave this place one more. I

15:33

swear to the three of you, and

15:35

he drops to a knee. He puts a hand

15:37

on his chest. I will do whatever

15:39

you require of me in this quest to

15:41

heal this tree. I accept your

15:44

oath. So it is, and so it shall

15:46

be. Rise, for

15:49

you are no longer Elmin of the tree.

15:52

You are Elmin of the

15:54

wandering three. Woah!

15:57

Oh, start slow, class. Yeah,

16:00

and he stands to his full

16:03

five six and Looks

16:06

up and to the left into

16:08

a new dawn and then

16:10

there's a knock at the door No,

16:14

wait we're disguised remember you look like

16:16

a regular ginger boy, right? Oh, right.

16:19

You're all disguised as monks I

16:21

sit

16:21

around his little tea party that he had set

16:23

up earlier. Yeah, I pretend to drink To

16:26

the easel that he was painting and puts like, oh

16:28

it starts painting. Yeah and

16:31

tuck pretends to read What

16:34

do you mean pretend And

16:38

the door opens and it is first

16:41

gardener mall gas the the hunched old

16:43

elven woman in her long vestment

16:45

Oh,

16:48

who are your friends here? Are you?

16:53

She's trying to recognize you and you can feel

16:55

Billy you can feel like you're you're like

16:57

disguise glamour like You're

17:00

saying

17:00

there's like every muscle clench like

17:03

I'm fine. I am an elf

17:06

You must be new

17:09

You must be old She

17:12

laughs that I am young man

17:15

and tuck goes Uh, uh,

17:17

uh, yes, we're transplants

17:20

from the city of vigil It's

17:22

a are you first gardener mall

17:25

gas I am Well,

17:27

it's great to meet you. We are

17:30

from house van Zumba Transplanted

17:32

gardeners tending the tree there

17:35

very good glad to hear

17:37

that house van Zumba Came around

17:40

and sent some folk. It's

17:42

time for morning salutations

17:56

She just starts kind of hobbling

17:58

back and forth as she turns around in a circle

18:01

in the doorway, Elman goes, come on.

18:03

And you fall into line behind Malgath

18:06

as she takes about a billion years to

18:09

walk down the hall. And we're

18:11

seeing the cloister during the day. So

18:14

it's morning. There are gardeners kind

18:17

of going to and fro with, I don't

18:19

know what, like baskets of earth.

18:22

Wheelbarrows. Yeah, wheelbarrows. Some

18:24

are just like draped in plants that they're like

18:26

carrying to different parts of the building. There

18:29

are a lot of guards.

18:33

More than you remember there being

18:35

yesterday, it seems like your infiltration

18:37

and disappearance in the wall has not gone

18:40

totally unnoticed. And they are extra

18:42

vigilant today. Your disguises

18:44

will hold unless you do something ridiculous.

18:47

You know what I mean? Like they won't keep you from all

18:49

scrutiny forever. And

18:51

you are led very slowly

18:54

down the hallway by Malgath

18:57

and you pass different chambers.

18:59

You pass what seems to be some sort of mess

19:01

hall. Billy, the smell of elven

19:04

cuisine wafting out of the room as you

19:06

walk past it. Do you resist?

19:08

It's honestly not that appetizing. It smells

19:10

like bean sprouts.

19:12

Ew. Yeah. Mung

19:15

beans? Yeah. Gross. Yeah.

19:18

Let's fill in some of the details of this place. Everybody

19:20

give me something that you see in the cloister

19:23

as you walk behind Malgath. The

19:25

kitchen eatery area

19:28

is like an entire greenhouse. They eat mostly

19:30

raw things and oil, mung beans.

19:33

So it's like they have a greenhouse

19:35

full of edibles that you just go in

19:37

and everyone... It's like a salad bar, but everyone's

19:40

growing. Yeah. You have a porridge in

19:42

the greenhouse. Yeah. And then there's like tables

19:44

kind of placed inside the greenhouse that people are sitting in.

19:47

Because it's not... The fact that there are a

19:49

bunch of guards means there's almost more guards

19:51

here than there are gardeners. The garden

19:53

is not stuffed with monks all

19:55

the time. And then because we're

19:58

at the mess, there's all the gardeners. salutation

20:00

time so everyone's coming in eating before the

20:02

day starts. Totally, yeah. Oh

20:04

yeah. And Tuck notices that

20:07

sort of at the head table in the

20:09

mess hall, there are like

20:12

two or three people who are not gardeners.

20:14

They're not wearing the vestment

20:16

vines. They're very clearly

20:19

court officials that

20:21

seem to just be here in the church. Yeah,

20:25

very interesting. What does

20:27

Billy see?

20:28

I don't know.

20:32

Weapons? I saw posts of people

20:35

with loose hammers and axe

20:37

heads planting them into fast growing

20:39

trees and then you get them in like three years to make

20:41

a new thing and you just chop it off and you have... Whoa,

20:44

that's so funny. So there could be growing weapons because it's kind

20:46

of in the area where the guards are depending

20:48

on what kind of tension we want to grow. You have

20:51

a great idea. Yeah. But maybe it's more

20:53

like growing tools. They're growing their tools for the tending

20:55

of the plants here. I

20:57

think there is sort of not a new

20:59

but slightly newer

21:01

patch than the tools

21:02

where they grow the weapons. Oh right.

21:05

So it's like this is a more recent edition where they're

21:08

getting more militant. I like that.

21:10

Oh, the militant wing of the gardeners like the

21:13

sickles on the side. Oh cool.

21:15

Yeah.

21:16

And spears and stuff

21:18

like that. Yeah. So

21:20

that is interesting. That is a thing that I think Tuck

21:22

and Billy would be like, oh, there's weapons. But

21:25

Ving would be like, there's fucking weapons here? Like

21:27

why? Gross. And Malgaff leads

21:30

you further into the garden itself and

21:32

you come out into another greenhouse

21:35

like structure with a high

21:37

peaked roof of branches draped

21:39

in leaves and ivies, flowers

21:42

sprouting. But everything with that sort of like

21:44

just looks a little sick, like

21:47

a little sicker than normal where

21:50

gardeners have been filtering in preparing

21:53

for their salutations. Malgaff

21:56

takes her place at the head of

21:58

this congregation as for

21:59

gardener

22:00

and turns to all of you and makes

22:03

a sort of expected hand

22:05

gesture as all of the gardeners

22:09

seat themselves. They sit down, they

22:11

like fold their legs under them and sit kind of like

22:13

on their knees. Yeah, we sit like two seconds to it. And

22:19

then we're trying to figure out how to cross

22:21

our legs in a weird way that they did. Yeah,

22:23

they all sit down as one and the three of you are still

22:26

standing. The

22:28

vibe of this is when you're at your friend's house and they're

22:30

Christian and you've never done grace.

22:32

Exactly. And you all are

22:35

just looking around you over supposed to bow our heads. And

22:37

you close your eyes and you can't eat yet. Doug

22:41

takes something

22:43

that might be a root vegetable, might be a spoon

22:45

out of his mouth. No way to know. And

22:48

she begins her speaking part

22:50

of this which is basically just,

22:53

we spend another day under

22:55

the boughs of this great tree

22:58

whose light washes all in the forest

23:00

and whose roots extend to the ends

23:02

of the world. We come together

23:04

and thanks for the shelter of its

23:06

boughs. The fruits of its

23:09

knowledge. Yeah, the fruits of its knowledge.

23:12

Thank you. You're

23:14

basically doing the Lord's Prayer just

23:16

a little bit faster than the priest. Actually,

23:21

you know what? Roll it to five-day drachorisma. Six.

23:25

Fuck. Okay. I'm gonna help. Yeah,

23:27

please do. Seven.

23:31

Okay. The seven to nine and the seven to nine.

23:34

She looks at you as you are reciting

23:36

this prayer a little bit louder because you'd heard

23:39

it in the court. And she goes, and

23:43

the fruits of its wisdom and

23:45

the strength of its roots. We

23:49

tend to you, great tree, as

23:51

you tend to elven kind.

23:54

And as she says this, the branches

23:56

at the peak of this chamber begin to

23:58

pull back. And the

24:01

light... We actually do that. And

24:03

the thousand leaves of the heart tree arc

24:05

above you and you take in as

24:08

the morning light reflects off

24:10

its leaves and off its branches and you are bathed

24:12

in the light of a new day. And Vink is actually caught

24:15

up. It's beautiful to see it. It's still working in

24:17

some ways and to see an element of what he

24:19

knew and that is still quite

24:22

a sight to behold. Yeah. As

24:24

it hits the table, all of the

24:27

meals that were there bloom a little

24:29

bit. It's like the last step

24:31

in vegan raw cooking. Right.

24:34

Yeah, yeah, yeah. The acorns crack and the spread comes

24:36

out and they... And

24:40

this appears to be the conclusion of the salutation.

24:42

As everybody rises faster than

24:45

you expect to have to rise and

24:47

they all leave and go about their work. So

24:49

we're just leaving the food here? We're not eating

24:52

it or what? I don't know why you brought the food in

24:54

here. This is actually a different room. So

24:58

you guys salutate and eat where

25:00

you go? Yeah. Malgath

25:03

does approach you. I was very pleased.

25:05

She reaches out a knobbly hand and

25:07

places it. I grasp both sides of it.

25:10

I was so pleased to hear that the

25:12

old ways, the ways of the garden extend

25:15

even still to the boreal

25:17

reach. Yes. The

25:19

words have traveled far and wide. Why

25:21

am I keep lying to this old woman? I don't need

25:23

to do this. Oh, very

25:26

good. And I'm glad... So

25:28

you consume sustenance

25:30

during your salutations in the boreal

25:32

reach?

25:33

Yeah. They... It

25:36

makes us get

25:36

to our work faster. Yeah. It's

25:39

a real TV dinner kind of situation. Very

25:42

interesting. Yes. In the boreal

25:44

reach, we have a much

25:47

more utilitarian

25:49

approach to worship

25:52

and gardening. Talk

25:56

is struggling. But also saying a

25:58

lot.

26:04

The King Dethanil, his nature

26:06

as a ranger really permeates

26:08

all parts of our civilization. Mm-hmm.

26:11

It can always be snacking scenario.

26:14

Yes. Always have trail mix

26:16

in your pockets. A great... A

26:18

great... Rangers be grazing. And

26:20

then Tuck puts his hands together and

26:23

bow. Uh-huh. Yep.

26:26

And she kind of bemusedly goes, oh, it's

26:28

just that she puts her hands together and bows. That's

26:31

a nice... That's a nice twist on

26:33

things. Dethanil is

26:35

a great... He is a great leader and

26:37

a great man, and it has been

26:39

many years since his presence

26:42

has graced this place. So

26:44

I'm glad to have his influence

26:47

in these halls once more. He is still

26:49

a hallowed figure among your people?

26:52

Among the gardeners? There are some who

26:55

have opinions of him that

26:58

are perhaps unfair, if

27:00

not untrue, but

27:03

I have lived many years,

27:06

and the stories of the Ranger King

27:09

have always been a source of inspiration

27:11

and pride to me. Have

27:13

you ever met the Ranger King?

27:15

Oh, once,

27:17

twice a handful of times. It's been

27:19

centuries since I have left the

27:22

light of this tree. Did

27:24

you ever know the woman that he

27:27

took as wife? Mmm... Known

27:30

to some as Illiana? Yes,

27:33

Illiana. A true

27:35

tragedy that. How so?

27:38

Well, she meddled with forces

27:41

that she should not have, and she

27:43

unfortunately paid the price. Good

27:46

day.

27:47

Good day. I must

27:49

return to my work. She

27:51

very slowly begins walking towards

27:54

the door. Great. And

27:56

she very slowly stops. And

27:59

very slowly... turns back to you. Tell

28:03

us more. You'll

28:05

have to forgive me, I'm an old woman.

28:11

What, what's that? Tell

28:15

us more of our king in days past.

28:19

How did it go back then? Fuck!

28:24

Sucks it there. What?

28:27

She seems a little confused. What,

28:29

what do you wish to know? Eh,

28:34

Tuck drops the pretense and

28:36

he's like, not many people within

28:38

the court speak of the

28:40

ranger's former lover

28:43

and it is interesting to travel

28:45

to other cities and courts

28:48

to hear what others say. It

28:51

helps as a gardener to interpret the trees

28:53

to know the history that people don't

28:56

want to share. You must understand

28:58

this is not a subject

29:01

that is spoken of often or

29:03

very freely.

29:05

How much would it take to... Are

29:08

we talking money or...

29:11

I can't seem to wake up. You're

29:13

bribing her?

29:15

How much are we talking about here, Malgath? Come on. First

29:20

base, second base. You don't

29:22

want to know how far I'll go, Malgath. I'll do whatever

29:25

you want. Anything.

29:28

You misunderstand me, young

29:31

man. She reaches out a knobbly hand

29:33

and places it on your shoulder. I

29:36

cannot speak of these things. I

29:38

will not. She

29:41

pushed too far, too

29:43

quickly, spoke of things

29:46

she ought not have. It

29:49

would be irresponsible of me

29:52

to encourage the same thing in

29:54

others. The

29:57

warning. Now,

30:00

if you'll excuse me, I

30:02

must return to my work.

30:05

But she must side with what Eliana was

30:07

trying to do, right? I don't know. She's

30:10

first gardener now. Yeah, that's true.

30:12

She could have been part of the overthrow. Yeah.

30:15

I mean, she has navigated a very

30:18

treacherous political situation to

30:21

continue to be first gardener over the last

30:23

few hundred years. She's super

30:25

shrewd. Yeah. She kind

30:28

of doesn't seem it, which it feels

30:30

dangerous. Yeah. She could be planted by

30:32

the popular. Unless,

30:33

like, maybe she knows that

30:36

there's, like,

30:37

they're listening. Oh, yeah. Something.

30:40

Like, make no mistake. We're having fun

30:42

little sleepovers with elf monks and

30:44

little college students at the fun times.

30:46

You're in a den of lions right now. Like, you were in the

30:49

heart of the great forest surrounded

30:51

by enemies.

30:52

Yeah. And Billy, Billy's

30:54

like, well, thank you very

30:56

much for the beautiful ceremony.

30:59

I will go also to my work.

31:02

I love that Billy's saying this to her as she's

31:04

walking away so slow. He's saying it, like, to

31:06

her back as she waddles away. Yeah.

31:08

And then she says nothing. So

31:10

Billy, like, veers off

31:12

and finds Elmond. Uh-huh.

31:14

Who's, like, standing nearby, near

31:17

the door, basically, to this chamber. Is

31:19

this the woman I peed on? I

31:22

put my arm under the animal. Okay. So

31:24

I'm checking my third ear. This is the old woman you pest

31:26

on. Yeah. But yeah, Elmond

31:29

is there. He looks kind of nervous.

31:31

Um,

31:32

did we do something wrong?

31:35

I, I, it's

31:37

hard for me to say. Not many

31:39

speak of Illiana

31:42

within the walls of this garden. I, I

31:44

myself know very little. Are we not

31:46

allowed to?

31:47

Based on the reaction

31:49

of first gardener Melgath, I would suggest

31:52

you express caution. Who

31:55

are those, like, non-priest dudes

31:58

who are in the mess hall?

31:59

Those are delegates of the

32:02

Sun Peaks. They usually in here?

32:04

No, I have no idea why they would be here. Unless,

32:08

and he looks to the three of you, alarmingly,

32:11

unless. Go on.

32:13

Oh,

32:15

I figured that that would be enough to

32:17

suggest that maybe it was good to hear. You guys spell it out

32:19

for me? Okay. Okay.

32:22

Okay. I know as adventurers you're

32:24

used to dramatic pauses, so I'm

32:26

trying to insert some dramatic

32:29

pauses into my speech. You did a great job. Thank

32:31

you. He's read a lot of Dick Adventuremen. Yeah, absolutely.

32:35

A lot of contraband,

32:37

contraband paperback novels that get snuck

32:40

into the horror and fiction of Dick Adventuremen.

32:45

But now. Is the tree

32:47

in this chamber? No, the tree is outside

32:49

the chamber. This is still part of the structure.

32:52

Yeah, the tree is kind of in the

32:54

center, but it's kind of on its own. The

32:58

cloister and surrounding areas, I imagine,

33:00

where the roots of the tree kind of

33:01

come out a bit. Yeah. It's

33:04

more attached to the roots than the tree. Yeah, exactly.

33:06

It's a bit of a walk, I think, from the

33:09

cloister to the tree. Okay.

33:11

Not like an hour or anything like that. Imagine

33:14

the garden

33:14

is almost the size of raw space

33:16

cemetery. Yeah,

33:17

yeah. Quite large. If

33:19

you were to enter the garden

33:22

to see the tree, it's very obvious

33:25

that you're going to see the tree.

33:26

Yeah. The tree is right

33:29

in the center. Yeah.

33:32

They've given a ring of space around

33:34

the tree. Even over the years as the

33:36

tree grows really slowly, they'll move

33:38

the structures back to keep

33:40

giving it space. Cool. Yeah.

33:43

That's a huge celebration when they move it because it shows that

33:45

the tree is growing. Yeah.

33:48

Yeah. But maybe it hasn't happened for a while. Yeah.

33:51

Maybe some of the parts of the cloister

33:53

seem old. They should have

33:55

moved a long time ago. We are on old stone

33:58

still to this day.

34:01

Then, so what next?

34:03

I feel like either we have to distract

34:06

if we want to go to the tree or if to do it in

34:08

secret somehow. And what are we hoping

34:10

to do to the tree to hack into it? We already communed with it.

34:12

You already looked at it. Like what

34:15

else are we going to do to it? We still don't have all the

34:17

details of what's happening with the tree. And

34:19

we need to figure out what the Gibbous Man

34:21

did to it to cure it. And

34:23

we need to cure it to fix elven culture.

34:26

And then we need to do that to overthrow

34:28

the court. And

34:31

then we need to do that to get your gash

34:34

done.

34:35

Is there like a library or

34:38

like a place with records in this

34:40

area? Yeah, and then he goes, oh,

34:43

yes, there is. And it takes you through

34:45

the hallways of the cloister past

34:47

some guards who are like, ooh, you

34:50

know, as people walk by, they look very vigilant.

34:52

Oh, so I just start saying stuff that I think is

34:54

very elf-like.

34:55

Um, why,

34:58

yes, the mung beans were

35:01

quite the nicest clump

35:04

of beans I've had in quite some time. Fresher

35:08

than the ones we had last week.

35:10

Yes, laryngeitis. I

35:15

also like mung beans. Elmin

35:18

walks eyes with a guard and says that.

35:21

And I look forward to the beans

35:23

of tomorrow.

35:24

The beans of the

35:26

day after that. I bronchitis

35:29

love the beans I eat every

35:31

day. And I,

35:33

GRD, am aware of the beans that have

35:35

passed through me. Amen.

35:44

May it nurture

35:47

our great tree. And may it

35:49

be the evening. Sock.

35:52

God, time looks down upon

35:55

me. And I bet the guards

35:57

are like, all right, they're like, yes. All

36:00

right, guess this is elves. They

36:04

do love mung beans just like me and

36:06

my missus. And

36:09

Elman takes you to a chamber that

36:11

is absolutely full of shelves,

36:14

and those shelves bear endless

36:17

pine cones of varying sizes.

36:20

And he goes, this is the archive,

36:23

I suppose, or as it's called amongst

36:25

the gardeners, the Connery. Oh, Connery.

36:28

Do you read them? Yes,

36:30

yes. And he takes you to a pine cone,

36:33

and much like the leaves and fruits

36:36

of knowledge trees that we've encountered in the past, the pine

36:38

cones are covered in runes. Whoa.

36:41

Oh, cool. And then Tuck

36:43

picks it up, doesn't see the runes, and he's like, you can make

36:45

a cool bird feeder out of it. Do you have

36:47

any peanut butter? He

36:50

gingerly takes it from you. Please,

36:53

I would request that you be exceedingly

36:55

cautious in the Connery. Many

36:58

of these cones are older than

37:00

even first gardener Malgath. This

37:03

place is a trove of knowledge. Is

37:05

there a pine cone that talks of gardener's past?

37:08

Yes, I'm sure it does. The certain realities.

37:12

Nine. Okay, one question off

37:14

the list. Can I eight? You can indeed.

37:17

Ten. Oh, ten. Holy shit. I'm

37:20

ten. Thanks, Billy. No

37:22

problem. What should I be on the lookout for? What should

37:24

you be on the lookout for? Because you were talking

37:26

about finding a record of gardener's past.

37:29

Yeah, so sort of using the

37:32

natural, not quite library-esque,

37:35

but more synergistic organization

37:38

system that they have here in the Connery. He

37:41

tracks down a cone that contains,

37:44

according to him, a great number of

37:47

just names and tenures

37:50

of first gardeners, starting

37:52

from now going back 2,000 years, 3,000 years. Is

37:56

Illiana on that sheet? Illiana is not.

37:59

on the sheet. Ooh,

38:02

she was scrubbed

38:04

from the histories, maybe. Or

38:06

she was not technically a

38:09

first gardener. Well, we do know that her vestment was different

38:12

denoting her as someone else, which

38:15

to you would further reinforce

38:18

the political motivation of her

38:20

killing in that... No, I'm

38:22

giving you a lot for this, but I feel like I just want to say it

38:24

anyways. Her vestment must have denoted

38:27

the fact that she was a wizard. What?

38:30

They knew it at the time? I thought

38:32

the whole point was that they didn't know

38:34

that. But

38:35

why wouldn't they know it? Because back then, wizards

38:37

weren't hated

38:38

as... It was pre-existed. Yeah, it was pre-existed.

38:40

We keep forgetting that. Yeah,

38:42

so they existed

38:43

just openly. She was a wizard gardener. Or

38:45

she was an advisor, because

38:48

sometimes I think wizards were advisors to

38:50

whatever. They were hired for whatever

38:52

they could do. Yeah, because

38:54

she obviously had some sort of special ability

38:58

to commune with the tree and talk to the tree. Who's

39:01

really in control here? Oh, shit. That

39:03

is a very good question. This

39:05

is another book. This was some time spent

39:07

with the list of first gardeners and some contemplation

39:10

on your part and some reflect, probably some conversation in

39:12

the room. Some hush like, what the fuck?

39:15

It's mostly you and Elma and me and Billy are

39:17

playing with throwing cones

39:19

back and forth. Goomb. No.

39:22

Good throw, Billy.

39:25

Elma's like panting. It's fine. Who's

39:27

you doing this? They're delicately handled.

39:30

They're just pine

39:32

cones. They're just little pine cones. Yeah,

39:35

exactly. They're just pine cones. Don't worry about it. Who

39:37

is really in control here?

39:40

I could use my tiger's eye for

39:42

this. Okay. This

39:46

is going to give you in the immediate

39:49

sense. Okay. Yeah. Yes. I

39:51

like that. Yes. You

39:53

can just tap into your eye of the tiger

39:55

and you find yourself. I

39:57

go, shush, shush, shush. I was really in control.

40:00

control here. And he's about to

40:02

answer me and then I put my finger over his lips. And

40:06

you close your eyes and make that connection

40:08

with first gardener Malgath. And

40:11

she is speaking to

40:13

the two representatives of the Sun Peaks.

40:16

If they are here, I have

40:18

not deduced where. You

40:22

must find them as soon as possible.

40:24

They must be detained, says one

40:26

of the members of the Sun Peaks. And

40:28

the other looks menacing.

40:34

Finally dressed and menacing.

40:38

Like that guy that people like from the Thor

40:40

movies. Like Tom Hiddleston

40:42

from the Thor movies. Oh yeah. Tom

40:45

Hiddleston but an elf. He's got the very high

40:47

like widow's peak, the long dark hair,

40:50

elf classic pointed ears, very pale.

40:52

And his robe is like sort of

40:54

like very neat. Yeah,

40:57

I don't know. I'm a list. I think he I think he it's

40:59

so minimalist. It's not even really a robe. It looks

41:01

like it's made for him to be very mobile. Mm-hmm.

41:04

Like it's it's kind of armor. It's kind

41:06

of cool. Yeah,

41:08

so sick. Who's this guy?

41:11

Who's this mysterious stranger? If Tuck

41:14

was watching this movie, he'd be like,

41:16

who's this guy? He's

41:19

got spinged by either side of his head. He's

41:21

holding his eyelids open, staring

41:23

into his eyes. Whoa. Who's

41:26

that? He's head towards the motor. Let

41:29

me look it up on IMDB. Whoa,

41:32

he was in Cougar Town? Cool. So

41:36

they are discussing that they are looking for people

41:38

that may or may not have infiltrated the garden.

41:40

Mm-hmm. And that the Sun Peaks

41:43

representatives want them detained immediately.

41:46

Shit. That means they're going to walk down the tree if we can't

41:48

get to it soon, probably. Yeah. Very

41:51

well. I will have my guards

41:53

spread out and maintain their vigilance

41:56

as your agent. conducts

41:58

his investigation. And

42:01

then the menacing looking elf stalks

42:03

off into the halls You

42:06

have one more question, I mean

42:10

Valuable that seems to make sense. What's valuable

42:12

to us or what's about to happen? What's

42:17

about to happen you would guess based

42:19

on where you know Well, how fast you know

42:21

Malgath can move where she must

42:23

have been speaking to these people Six

42:26

to seven hours before she gets back to the

42:28

myth. Oh You've

42:31

got about six to seven hours before she makes it back

42:33

to the mess all but probably within five

42:35

to ten minutes before someone Checks the Connery. Oh

42:38

shit. What do you do? Get the

42:40

hell out of here. Let's move. Okay, we need to leave

42:42

the library immediately Mm-hmm Are

42:46

you going back through the door into the corridors

42:48

or you trying to find another way out any way out of this

42:50

library the Connery? I mean

42:53

Almond looks around and sees like windows

42:55

in the vines and you know places

42:57

to hide Nothing that I've known

43:00

but you three are quite cunning I'm sure

43:02

you could discover an alternate route if you

43:04

so chose the alternative is that we

43:06

continue the Farce that we are

43:09

just regular guys and like try and

43:11

shuffle our way Into the garden

43:13

to get to the tree before this guy finds us.

43:15

Mm-hmm. Just like pretend to continue

43:17

to be these Continue to be

43:20

laryngitis bronchitis and GRD. Yeah And

43:24

then try to like get to the tree

43:26

because it feels like it is kind

43:28

of just a matter of time Yeah

43:30

before they find us so like we have a

43:33

window now Yeah, I guess if we tried

43:35

to escape and failed at all we would really

43:37

expose it. We're opening ourselves up to exposure

43:39

Yeah, totally. Okay, we gotta make a move towards

43:42

the tree in the garden and we are totally disguised We

43:44

don't look like ourselves at all right now. Yeah, exactly.

43:47

Yeah Okay, let's get out of here. Okay,

43:50

I'm nonchalantly Yeah, so you

43:52

nonchalantly leave the Connery loose

43:54

low walking to yeah I'm moving

43:56

my shoulders a lot to look so nonchalant.

43:59

How's everybody moving? Nonchalantly as they leave.

44:01

The elves have little

44:03

storage areas and shelving

44:05

and stuff like that kind of throughout the garden that keep tools

44:08

and hats and things. So Billy gets

44:10

a little hat and a

44:12

shovel. And he's like, I

44:14

think I will weed the garden

44:16

near the tree.

44:18

I think I also will weed the garden

44:21

near the tree. He locks eyes

44:23

with another guard while he says this. Sounds

44:26

like you're just making a beeline for the tree as

44:28

quick as you can. Yeah.

44:31

Great. Okay. What

44:33

would the role for this be? Paraless journey through to... Yeah.

44:36

Oh. Yeah. I

44:39

like it. It is perilous waters. I

44:41

like that. I like that a lot. So

44:43

perilous journey, as we know, we need somebody

44:46

to scout ahead, someone to navigate, and someone

44:48

to manage provisions. Oh,

44:50

I could take provisions. Okay. And

44:52

yours is like all of the shit that you're carrying?

44:54

All the shit I'm carrying also. I'm like, okay,

44:56

I got to make sure Tuck doesn't look too

44:59

wide and

44:59

Vang doesn't look too... Oh, right.

45:02

Princely. Yeah. Got

45:04

to manage the illusions. Yeah. His finger

45:06

keeps going up his nose? What's going on? Yeah.

45:09

Okay. So then who's scouting ahead? I'll

45:11

scout. Okay. So that means

45:13

Tuck's navigating. I'll navigate. All right.

45:16

So scout ahead is 2d6 plus wisdom. Okay.

45:21

Nice. So you choose two

45:23

from the list below. You get the drop on whatever lies

45:25

ahead. You discern a beneficial aspect of the terrain

45:27

such as a shortcut, shelter, or tactical advantage.

45:30

Those two. Okay. Navigate.

45:33

Okay. 2d6 plus intelligence.

45:35

Great. Six. I

45:37

aid. 2d6 plus bond. Eight.

45:40

Okay. So

45:42

that makes it a seven to nine, which means you choose one from the

45:44

list below. You happen on a discovery

45:47

missed by the scout. The going is slow or you

45:49

wander off course, or you encounter

45:51

a danger. Okay.

45:56

And then, okay. So managed provisions. 2d6 plus

45:58

wisdom. Oh no. Oh

46:01

geez, snake eyes. Hey

46:04

guys. Three. So you mark

46:06

XP and the GM makes a move.

46:09

Ooh,

46:09

could I use a fairchild

46:11

to turn a failed roll to a seven to nine?

46:13

Oh absolutely, yeah, yeah, yeah. All right.

46:15

Okay, so the party consumes the expected amount. So you're not going to get

46:17

anything great, but you're not going to get anything terrible. Yeah.

46:20

Okay, so we're moving as a unit. Elmin,

46:23

absolutely terrified, trying to keep it together, be

46:25

so cool and espionagey. Just

46:28

a gardening unit coming through. Yeah. We're

46:30

just here to garden and go outside and

46:32

weed the trees. That's what we

46:35

do. And the guards turn around

46:37

to watch Elmin go as he's being really loud.

46:40

And Billy, you're momentarily distracted

46:42

by all the stuff you're carrying, like your big hat keeps

46:44

falling over your face and you drop your little trowel.

46:47

And you look up and for a second, all

46:49

of your illusions are gone.

46:51

Holy shit. And you go, oh

46:54

fuck. What does Billy do when this happens

46:56

to maintain them? He coughs really loud to

46:58

try to cover a fart. Okay.

47:02

But obviously,

47:05

he coughs and then fart. Okay. And

47:07

at the cough is when you guys, like your disguises

47:10

come back. Yeah. And then the guards

47:12

look

47:12

at Billy when he farts. To

47:15

draw their

47:16

eyes away so that they don't catch you guys

47:18

looking

47:18

like yourself. It's a long fart, too. You

47:23

cough so they look at you. And

47:26

then you, it's

47:28

the perfect disguise.

47:30

Oh, I really filled up on beans

47:33

this morning. I don't think I soaked

47:35

them long

47:35

enough. Silly me. It's

47:38

a ricky mistake. Oh,

47:41

you know, I've done that myself morning

47:44

after next. Yeah. Which means

47:46

two mornings from now I'm going to do the

47:48

same thing. You know, I

47:50

might be right

47:51

there with you. Excuse me,

47:53

boys.

47:53

Carry on. And

47:56

as you're scouting ahead, Bing, you see this

47:59

sinister. Looking elf. Mmm.

48:02

He's like walking very Arrogantly,

48:05

I would say is the way he's kind of got like, you know, his shoulders

48:07

back his head kind of tilted and he's like

48:10

Sauntering through the corridors.

48:12

This is the danger that tuxes. Mm-hmm So

48:15

you okay, so you get the drop on whatever lies ahead.

48:17

That is the danger that tuck his spot.

48:19

He goes off

48:21

and

48:22

Then you know It's

48:24

not like you instinctually know where to go because you

48:26

know the place it's you instinctually know where to go

48:29

as a man of the Wild you're

48:31

like, oh, there's a predator go this way Okay,

48:34

and you find yourself basically on the

48:36

threshold of the garden itself your

48:39

shortcut is Hey, here's

48:41

the garden if we want to go in here. We

48:43

don't necessarily have a reason to go in here We don't know

48:45

what will be through this threshold

48:47

if we do go we should probably go in here And

48:52

you're just you're trying to duck away from this this

48:54

sinister elf altogether, oh, yeah And

48:57

you are in garden the

48:59

Elman This

49:02

is quite dangerous is

49:04

it is it?

49:05

Beneficial to you if I come along or should

49:07

I stand guard here and perhaps give

49:09

a signal if I see some sort of threat approaching

49:11

Yes, if you could cough fart and let us know if everybody

49:13

comes that'd be great cough and then fart

49:15

Yes, and not at the same time

49:17

not at the same time. It doesn't work that way

49:20

All right, I will I will stand here and

49:22

I will he like kind of just moves to the side

49:24

of the door Within the garden itself, but

49:26

like peeking through and goes I will cough

49:29

fart if danger approaches and

49:31

tuck like clasps him on the shoulder and

49:33

he wants to give him strength So he

49:35

hands him a trowel and he's like this

49:38

is a tool but it is also a weapon of your

49:40

order And then tuck kisses him

49:45

And you pull away and he is Red

49:49

But he grips the trowel so tight

49:51

you hear his knuckles pop and then as

49:53

Chuck pulls away He goes I trust you I trust

49:57

you And it

49:59

goes cool and then he walks away.

50:02

And the camera stays on

50:04

Elman as he grips the trowel with both hands

50:06

and watches Tuck walk away. And

50:09

now we are in the garden. The rays of

50:11

the sun peek through the branches

50:13

of the heart tree as much as they are able. As

50:16

the massive canopy stretches out not

50:18

only over the garden itself but over the entire

50:20

city of Heartwood. Is the garden

50:22

like pretty lush? I

50:25

think like we were saying, like there's space around

50:27

the trunk itself that is kept relatively

50:29

clear. Or at least was in days past.

50:32

But there's a circle around that is full of

50:34

plants. So this is like a walking garden.

50:37

So it's like a butcher garden. Like these are cultivated

50:39

plants. Very cultivated. Okay.

50:42

Is there anyone else in here? Not

50:44

that you can see, but it's a pretty big spot.

50:47

There might be people working on plants

50:49

or in paths that you can't see or on the

50:51

other side of the tree. Is there a

50:53

path through this garden? Just

50:55

sort of now. Oh, holy

50:57

shit. Yeah, 14. Things crushing

51:00

it. Okay, so you got three questions. What

51:03

should we be on the lookout for? What you should

51:05

be on the lookout for is that

51:07

you do hear some voices kind

51:09

of in the distance. There's

51:12

people in the garden. Whether friend

51:14

or foe, nobody tell. Well,

51:17

here's not what it appears to be. As

51:19

you're walking along this path, you're like, oh, there are people

51:21

here. Like you hear the voices and you're like, okay,

51:24

well, you know, stay cool, stay cool. And

51:27

you do sort of pass by a small,

51:29

like two or three gardeners who

51:31

are doing just gardener work. And you recognize

51:34

one through your disguise as Nash.

51:38

Oh shit. I don't remember who Nash

51:40

is then. Is he not the kid? He's a ranger that works

51:42

with Wendy. Thank you, the young man. Yes.

51:45

He's our friend. We don't know now.

51:48

Cause Wendy betrayed us. Uh-oh.

51:51

And he, but he can't recognize us right now. Your

51:53

disguises are fully in place. Oh, right, yeah. Thank

51:56

you. What's useful or valuable?

51:59

What's useful? or valuable is

52:02

based on the voices that you can hear and the things

52:04

that you can see with your elf eyes, you think

52:06

that if you were to go... You've basically got

52:08

a path in your head through this walking garden to

52:11

get out of sight of most

52:14

of the people in this garden to get a

52:16

closer dash to the tree. If you were to go straight

52:18

towards the tree, you could go

52:20

all the way around to the other side. But you will

52:23

be in open land if anybody does see

52:25

you. I feel like it doesn't.

52:27

Tuck's talking to you too, guys. He was just like, I feel

52:29

like it kind of doesn't matter. We just need to get to the tree

52:32

as quickly as possible. That guy is

52:34

hunting. That beautiful, dangerous

52:36

leopard of a man is hunting us. He

52:39

will find us eventually, so we need to just get to the

52:41

fucking tree. Yep. Okay.

52:44

Let's go. Okay. Can I trap expert

52:46

first? Oh, yeah. Absolutely, you can trap

52:49

expert. Yeah.

52:53

12. Okay. You get three questions.

52:55

Is there a trap here?

52:56

Yes. What activates it?

52:58

I mean, the easy answer is getting too close to the tree. So

53:01

Billy is on the edge of the

53:04

garden section, the plant section of this

53:06

place. It

53:06

also feels powerful to Billy.

53:08

Exactly. So Billy stops. You

53:10

stop everybody, and you can feel that there

53:12

is... It's not as simple as approaching the tree.

53:15

What does the trap do when activated?

53:17

I think if you approach this tree improperly,

53:20

at its peak, at

53:22

the height, what you know about trees like this, especially

53:25

old, ancient, powerful knowledge trees, is

53:28

they can reject you

53:30

completely. You will be unable

53:32

to approach. You will be unable to

53:34

glean any of the information. You will be unable

53:37

to communicate. It will just not be interested in interacting

53:39

with you at all. And you think that because this

53:41

tree is sick, it would be even more

53:43

dangerous.

53:44

What else is hidden here?

53:46

What else is hidden here is as you are

53:49

feeling this

53:52

power, you feel cold,

53:54

ancient wind blowing from

53:59

a deep, dark, wind.

53:59

place,

54:00

you feel that chill rolling

54:04

off the tree itself, suggesting

54:06

that there is an opening.

54:08

Okay.

54:09

Let

54:10

me tell that to Ving.

54:13

Okay. Okay. So Ving's going to use

54:15

Thing Talker to talk to the plants at the edge of

54:18

the garden and ask them

54:20

to create a diversion on the other

54:22

side of the garden. Okay. And I'll

54:25

offer up some magic

54:27

water I brought from the well on Hibernia.

54:30

Whoa. Oh, cool. As

54:32

a, not a parlay, as a... That's

54:34

a parlay. Parlay. Yeah. 2D6

54:37

plus Charisma. Four.

54:40

Jesus fuck. Okay.

54:44

Something's happening. You

54:46

offer the water to the plants

54:48

of this place, and

54:51

yeah, what do you say to them? Um, I

54:53

mean, give me, give me path.

54:56

I am here to help the forest. I

54:58

want to cure the blight at the heart of

55:00

wisdom. If you help

55:03

me, I will help

55:05

the forest at large. There

55:08

is no help. There

55:10

is no hope. The

55:13

darkness has taken root and

55:15

nothing can pull it from the soil. I'm

55:19

going to try anyways and put the water on the

55:22

ground. And they, they, they hungrily

55:24

drink it down. Yeah. And

55:26

it is gone into the earth. Nothing.

55:30

You feel like, well, not nothing. You feel

55:32

something happen in

55:34

the soil, but it doesn't feel reassuring.

55:37

But you do notice that same hunger that

55:39

you felt in the tree when you tried to commune with it. Yeah.

55:42

Is affecting the plants in this place as well. Is

55:45

Tuck feeling anything like in his

55:47

chest being so close to the tree? I

55:50

think so. Yeah. I think that once you,

55:52

like, especially once you've entered the garden, you've

55:55

been feeling this like sense

55:57

of dread, this like. nagging

56:00

background Sense of

56:03

doom like it's just it does

56:05

not feel good to be here to be here Yeah,

56:07

am I getting like I feel like I might be

56:09

getting kind of sick being in

56:11

here Yeah, yeah, like if he like he's

56:13

like having a hold it together Like if you looked

56:15

at him, he'd be like flop sweat and like kind

56:18

of green Yeah,

56:20

I guess like took kind of like he

56:22

feels the sense of dread and

56:25

he sort of tries to hone in on it Cuz

56:27

he could see like Ving like talking to

56:29

the plants and it's kind of like feels like it's

56:31

not going well Yeah, and he's

56:34

like fuck. We don't have a lot

56:36

of time. We have to figure something out

56:39

So he uses TLC Oh

56:42

Try and like mediate a connection like through

56:45

this like sickness that is like

56:47

infecting him while he's in here Yeah,

56:49

what does TLC look like in your disguise? Did

56:51

we talk about this? It's like a little trial Yeah

56:58

Yeah, it's a little copper trowel and

57:01

there's like a sheath of burnished gray metal

57:03

on the front of it And there's like a little pommel

57:05

of like a little purple stone on the back

57:07

of it. I like it It looks like I bedazzled the

57:09

trowel. Yeah Gotta

57:12

customize your tools man. Yeah that way

57:14

that you know, they're yours fuck.

57:16

I feel like shit All

57:19

right, go for it Okay. Wait,

57:21

what are you rolling? Using the move TLC

57:23

you are initiated in the old ways the ways of sacrifice

57:27

choose something your gods Value

57:30

gold blood bones and the like so it's destruction

57:32

for DLC When you sacrifice

57:35

those things as per your rights and rituals

57:37

roll plus wisdom Here

57:40

we go Fuck

57:43

negative one Oh Oh

57:46

Phil yeah, they still have that debility

57:48

to wisdom so I that's a bye

57:51

so I fucked that up shit What

57:54

happens? Well, the thing that tuck knows

57:56

is he has it like enact destruction.

57:59

Yeah The only thing that he has that he feels

58:01

like is connected to this whole thing is the obsidian

58:03

coins. So he takes one of the six that's

58:05

in the bag and he uses TLC to just

58:08

like smash it against the ground. Okay,

58:11

so.

58:12

Billy is kind of doing like a spiritual

58:14

overwatch, more or less. Like keeping

58:17

an eye on the metaphysical layer

58:19

of this. Um, Ving

58:21

has just attempted to commune. He's trying to keep

58:24

an eye out with the plants. He's trying

58:26

to like convince them, but they're sick and twisted.

58:29

You've poured this water into the

58:31

earth, this spiritual water. And

58:34

Tuck smashes the coin. And

58:36

that bitter wind that Billy

58:39

feels rolling off the tree intensifies. And

58:43

as this water soaks

58:45

into the soil, the spiritual water from the

58:47

Isle of Hibernia, signaling

58:50

to the tree and the sickness exactly

58:53

where you are. The

58:56

ground beneath you begins

58:58

to fissure and shake. Oh,

59:01

shit. And you fall into

59:05

the earth. And

59:08

as you fall, you hear a

59:10

cough

59:11

and a fart. You just did. And

59:16

I think that's where we're going to leave it. Really?

59:20

Okay, yeah, that's great. I'm your Game

59:22

Master, Sean O'Hara. Joining me is always playing

59:24

Tacoma Dome, the Barbarian, Abdul Aziz. So long. Playing

59:27

Ving, the Half-Elf Druid, Paul Oppers. Take care. Playing

59:30

Fabulouly the Halfling Thief, Jessica Tai. Bye, everyone.

59:33

Thank you, as always, to Aaron Reid for our incredible

59:35

intro and outro music. You can find all of Aaron's

59:37

original music at aaronreid.bandcamp.com,

59:40

and all of the music that he has produced

59:42

for the show at soundcloud.com. You

59:45

can also join us on Patreon

59:47

with all of our other supporters from around the world

59:50

to get access to stuff like a

59:52

whole bonus campaign set in the Highspear Mall

59:54

featuring the Cool Treat Kids. You can get

59:57

merchandise. You can

59:59

get stories. Store writing the

1:00:01

almanac mm-hmm. Yeah postcards postcards

1:00:04

are sent to you in the mail

1:00:06

Yep, lovingly addressed by

1:00:09

me all the time

1:00:10

Wait that's not really

1:00:12

mean I didn't mean all the fucking time.

1:00:14

All right. I'll address one. No,

1:00:16

it's fine We sent out merch

1:00:18

at the monarch

1:00:19

tear

1:00:20

This month

1:00:22

we sent out keychain. We're kind

1:00:24

of behind we sent out some really cool keychains,

1:00:26

but they had a Tag in

1:00:28

it that talked to the computer and then leads

1:00:30

you to a website

1:00:32

Like a myspace page where all the cool

1:00:34

kids hang

1:00:34

out. Yeah, actual magic.

1:00:37

Oh and this month I'm gonna be sending out

1:00:39

some t-shirts.

1:00:39

Oh, yeah more t-shirts

1:00:42

t-shirts for the monarchs and then

1:00:44

at higher levels game things like a monthly

1:00:46

game GM for your friends

1:00:49

in you by myself and or Abdulaziz

1:00:52

mm-hmm so if you want to check that out check us

1:00:54

out at patreon.com Spell or

1:00:56

spell or comm slash money, please and

1:00:58

last of all, thank you to all of you for

1:01:00

listening. We'll see you next time

1:01:03

So in the tale of adventures

1:01:05

three who tried the best

1:01:08

they could Dumb

1:01:10

and scared and lost maybe

1:01:13

but times the breast in

1:01:24

You Turn

1:01:35

next week You