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global player and play Steve Allen,

1:00

the whole show podcast. Thank

1:03

you. Morning, everybody. Welcome along

1:05

to your free podcast. For today, you are most

1:07

welcome to Tuesday, January the thirty

1:09

first, last day of the month. So tomorrow,

1:11

it's the first. That's the way it works nowadays.

1:14

And and it's all been quite nice

1:16

actually. I didn't tell you much. I

1:18

bought these two teddy bears the other day.

1:21

I saw I saw them in a

1:23

charity shop window. And I don't know

1:25

why I bought them. I'm not I don't hanker after

1:27

Teddy bears or anything like that. I do have

1:29

some limited edition Stice Beres,

1:32

which I've bought over the years, which are still in their

1:34

boxes. I believe in not taking them out of the boxes.

1:36

So when I go, my brother can sell them anyway.

1:38

I saw these two teddy beers and

1:40

they stand about a

1:42

two foot tall, but they're in

1:44

like trunks. They're

1:47

in, what I say, trunks. The the bulks it's

1:49

shaped like a trunk. It's got latches on it

1:51

and locks and all the rest of it. And the teddy

1:53

is dressed. He's got a

1:56

purple cape and a purple

1:58

top hat on and everything else. And I

2:00

bought two of them because they only had two in the window

2:02

and I bought them. And so woman said, you want to buy

2:04

them both? I was like, yeah, buy them both. And so

2:07

I sent a message to my brother saying because he likes

2:09

doing eBay. He's big into eBay.

2:11

And I said, I

2:14

said, perhaps we'll sort of, you know, sell them.

2:16

I said, but after you've seen them, you might wanna keep

2:18

them. In fact, I have a sneaking feeling

2:20

he will want to keep them because I bought

2:23

a stiff bear about

2:25

two years ago and it was a stive bear

2:27

dressed up as a nurse it was to support the NHS.

2:31

And I bought two. I bought me one

2:33

and I bought brother and his wife,

2:35

Marion one as well. And

2:37

so they've they've kept it. Because it's

2:39

it's worth money. I've got original padding

2:41

to bears, which are worth money.

2:43

You know, in fact, I've got I can't begin

2:45

to tell you the stuff I've bought over the years. But

2:47

I've I've worked on the assumption. Keep it

2:49

in the box and it'll be worth more money and

2:52

look after it, which is

2:54

which is a rare thing nowadays. Anyway,

2:56

onwards and upwards with the celebrities. And

2:59

dancing on Ice Star, Sylvain Long

3:01

Shot Bottom, was rushed to

3:03

hospital. Because he he

3:06

smashed his face on the ice. Well,

3:08

of course, he would do it. Ice, it's slippery.

3:10

You know? I don't know why people think you can stand

3:12

up on it. But Molly Gallagher

3:14

and Sylvain, Long Sean Bottom,

3:17

produced performed

3:19

a song called Cheers to Be Mine from the Muscial

3:21

Waitrose. Anybody on that one? I've never

3:23

even heard a bit musical waitress, but

3:25

Molly Gallagher apparently is in Coronation

3:28

Street. But does that mean a thing to me? Because

3:30

I've never seen it before. In fact, I

3:32

looked at her and I thought I'm supposed to know her,

3:34

but but I didn't. Grammy

3:36

Awards twenty twenty three, Harry Styles,

3:39

is confirmed to perform at MUTIQ's biggest

3:41

night and you'll

3:44

take to the stage along with Lizzo. Bad

3:46

bunny and Samsung. So bored with

3:48

Samsung. I don't know. It grieves me to

3:50

say that because frankly, I think his video's

3:53

crap. I really do.

3:55

I'm sorry. You know, you're allowed to have an opinion

3:57

on something. I'm just bored with this

3:59

bloke. I really am. But anyway,

4:01

believe it or not. Harry Styles is up for

4:03

six awards, six

4:05

awards. I mean, I think he's I think he'll actually

4:07

walk away with a few. I think he will

4:09

walk away with a few because they seem to like him,

4:11

don't they? But no news

4:14

on whether Beyoncé or Adele will perform.

4:17

I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I'm a bit bored with

4:19

that. Perhaps they could bring Moderna and she can plug

4:21

her tour did they do the other day? They were

4:23

doing something on gogglebox? And they had something oh,

4:25

that's right. They had a singer coming up.

4:27

There were a couple of guys, couple of gay guys

4:30

getting married, and they got a

4:32

message on their phone from

4:34

this singer. And so

4:36

she goes, hey, guys. Listen, you're gonna

4:38

get married. It's gray. I wish you all the very best

4:40

of luck because they're really excited about it, you

4:42

know, being gay guys, you know, they're gay. Oh my

4:44

god. It was. It was something very famous. But

4:46

anyway, she sort of turns up at the wedding.

4:48

They're halfway through the wedding, and then she turns

4:51

up. And every watching

4:53

on Gogglebox is going, oh, God,

4:55

she's gonna sing because she's a singer.

4:58

And and they said, she's gonna

5:00

she's gonna flawk her new record and

5:02

album. And it's exactly what she did.

5:04

It was the worst topic. Obviously, somebody

5:06

phoned up. And I might listen, she's got

5:08

a single to promote. You wanna put her on there?

5:10

So that's what they did. I mean, I love

5:12

the way that people are so sort of naive nowadays. I

5:14

think somebody seriously is gonna turn up with them and

5:16

got nothing to promote. Of course not, they're

5:18

there because they wanna motor single an album,

5:20

a play, a fill, a book, whatever happens

5:22

to be.

5:25

Captain's slow James Male's

5:27

calls for a speed limit to be reduced to

5:29

twenty miles an hour as it's too fast. So

5:32

it's but the trouble is so

5:34

many a British roads are twenty miles an hour.

5:36

No. I mean, he's an old man, isn't he now?

5:38

He is nicknamed captain's slow. He

5:40

says thirty miles an hour is too dangerous. That's why

5:42

it's it's twenty in town centers.

5:44

To be honest with you, I've seen buses round our

5:47

way, I should film them actually and put

5:49

them up on on YouTube in the early hours of the

5:51

morning when I'm waiting for my car. They

5:53

pelts up the road like there's no way

5:55

in excess of the speed limit, way in excess.

5:58

But James May says

6:00

twenty is plenty.

6:03

Because apparently, it's been proven that if you

6:05

get hit at twenties, stand a better chance of

6:07

surviving than if you're hit at thirty,

6:09

but he was talking to Martha Carney.

6:11

And of course Martha Carney used to be

6:13

on LBC. Oh, yes.

6:15

I think everybody was on LBC. Absolutely

6:18

everybody Oh, gosh, back

6:20

in our golf square days. She

6:22

was married probably still is, married.

6:24

Chris Shaw, who used to run Channel five

6:26

news. So, oh, yes, we

6:28

know Martha Carney. She's a bee keeper.

6:30

She keeps bees. Oh, yeah. We love Martha

6:32

Carney. I mean, she was around at the same in

6:34

the early days of her and

6:37

Clyde Bull and everything else because

6:39

Clyde Bull used to be the phone op on

6:41

Brian Hayes' program. Prompts me to

6:43

tell you because I forgot to tell you before that Brian is in

6:45

hospital. He's not very well at

6:47

the moment. And it was only a picture we had

6:49

a short while ago. He turned up at I'd

6:51

been nodding held carnival and somebody took a picture

6:53

of him there. Somebody went, I wonder if

6:55

the reporter knows who he is. But,

6:57

you know, he was a great brine haze, but he's

6:59

in hospital mode. He's not very well at all, but

7:01

I'll keep you up to date with that. Jeremy

7:04

Clarkson said he's had a year of total disasters

7:06

after the backlash to the Meghan rant.

7:09

And so he's detailed,

7:11

he struggled. He's back in his welling,

7:13

wellies, and rubbing up the tractor.

7:15

This is where he was talking about he wants her to

7:17

be paraded naked through the streets. I

7:19

was secretly hoping that would never be happening

7:21

at all. Ball Barrel

7:24

confirms life changing cancer diagnosis.

7:27

And he's had prostate

7:29

cancer diagnosis, and so he will

7:32

have an operation next month to remove an effective

7:34

prostate gland. Well, I had problems

7:38

with prostate. But luckily,

7:41

no cancer. No cancer. I've had all my

7:43

all my tests and everything else, but

7:45

he's got an effective prostate gland. But,

7:47

otherwise, they do this all the time. They

7:50

do it all the time. It's not it's not a difficult

7:52

thing. And people have it done every

7:54

single day, but it was always get checked. Always

7:56

get checked. If you in any doubt over

7:58

anything, go get checked.

8:00

They they could do it. They could do things fairly

8:02

quickly. And as I say, once you've

8:04

had it done, you'll feel a million times

8:07

better. He's also hit

8:09

back at Prince Harry over the controversial memoir,

8:11

mainly because Paul Beryl has milked his

8:13

association with the royal family. Since

8:15

basically she was killed in the car crash, she

8:17

hasn't stopped flogging his sad

8:20

tawdry little life as a servant to

8:22

just about anybody I've done there, she called me

8:24

her rock when did she call you a rock?

8:26

No evidence of this whatsoever, but he's

8:28

managed to make a living out of it. Oh and then he

8:30

ditched the wife and found a boyfriend to

8:32

marry. Unbelievable in it. I'll tell you if it I

8:34

tell you nowadays my life is so dull.

8:36

I need to get out more. I need

8:38

to start eating more candy floss. Oh, sorry.

8:40

That's Joe Swash's hair. I do beg your pardon.

8:43

Molly May Hague has given birth to a

8:45

baby girl with her boyfriend. They're not married.

8:47

Not married. Single rooms.

8:49

And and so they're having

8:51

unprotected sex as they're welcomed to baby girl, which is

8:53

all very lovely and all the rest of it.

8:55

And Mollie and baby doing very well and they've

8:57

obviously flogged all the pictures already.

8:59

Just looks like a baby. They all look

9:01

exactly the same. It's so strange. I don't know why

9:03

people get a bit excited about these things. You go, oh,

9:05

we've had a baby. It's the best little baby in the

9:07

world. No. Every mother says that. Every mother will tell

9:09

you every baby is absolutely gorgeous. You

9:11

know, it's like every bride is

9:13

beautiful. Well, it doesn't work like that

9:15

all the time. All the time. Some

9:17

babies are desperately unattractive. They can't

9:19

help it. It's not their fault. They don't know.

9:21

But over the time they've been made up for the

9:23

for the camera and the photoshoots and all the

9:25

rest of it. Love island fans

9:27

have gone crazy for wheels spilling the

9:29

tea. And

9:31

I haven't got the face idea. I just know that

9:33

a couple have had sex on Love

9:35

Island. It's so funny because Gordon

9:37

Ramsay didn't want any of his children going on to

9:39

Love Island yet more than happy to have them on his foul

9:41

mouth show. can't believe it. I mean,

9:43

at least on Love Island, they're not epping and

9:45

blinding all over the place. I was watching a

9:47

thing the other day with John Richardson and

9:49

his wife. There's some woman on there,

9:51

effing and blinding. I've never heard anything like it.

9:53

What does the matter with these people? Although,

9:55

as you heard of my program this morning, apparently,

9:58

using the f word isn't seen as offensive

10:00

anymore. I don't kind of get that. I mean,

10:02

would you I perhaps I should do it on the

10:04

program. But anyway, people

10:06

are going crazy for Will Young spilling the

10:08

tea. This is not the Will Young. This is another

10:10

one. Also, Elton

10:12

John's prophet, Rocket, after

10:14

his farewell to a boost his coffers

10:16

by six million. So his

10:18

business, which is called j Bondi. How

10:20

he worked that one out? Got no

10:22

idea. Saw the value leap

10:24

from twenty-four point three million to thirty

10:26

point two million. He also

10:28

paid off a bank loan in full as

10:30

the money a bank loan. When they're paying a

10:32

bank loan off of There you go.

10:34

The trouble is he can't take it with

10:36

you. You know, he could drop

10:38

dead tomorrow through exhaustion. And

10:41

and who who gets it? God knows,

10:43

whoever is in his it is will.

10:45

But apparently, figures

10:47

include twenty six states in America. He had

10:49

to postpone the farewell yellow brick road during March

10:52

twenty twenty when the world went into

10:54

lockdown. And

10:56

putting on a show, Elton performed at the Dodgers

10:58

Stadium. Unlike his Powell, Victoria Beckham,

11:00

I don't believe their Powell's at all of these

11:02

little crap. Who furloughed staff at her

11:04

fashion business. It's not a business. It's in debt

11:06

to sixty six million. Sixty

11:08

six million. She's the failure. A

11:11

embarrassing failure. Michael Jackson is

11:13

gonna be played by his nephew,

11:15

Jafar Jackson, and

11:17

set to play the king of pop in an upcoming

11:19

biopic called Michael.

11:22

Jafar is the son of Germain

11:24

Jackson, and he's

11:26

been singing and dancing since the age of

11:29

twelve. So that's

11:31

good. That'll be quite nice. It doesn't look

11:33

at all like Michael Jackson. We must be able to find

11:35

somebody else. I mean, there are even Michael

11:37

Jackson lookalikes out there, but

11:39

obviously not. Anton Deck

11:42

joined by mister Blobby to film a

11:44

hilarious skit for

11:46

Britain's talent. Remember I told you they sold the suit the

11:48

other day for sixty two thousand, the

11:50

buyer pulled out. So they didn't

11:52

sell it. It's not been sold. But

11:55

Anton Deck filmed this skit,

11:57

joined by mister

11:59

Blobby on Monday. That

12:02

that they seem to enjoy. He's very good, actually,

12:04

mister Blogg. I thought it was I mean, a great character. Some

12:06

people hated it, but I

12:08

wasn't one of them. Lord Sugar insists

12:10

the apprentice prize is enough despite two

12:12

hundred and fifty thousand pound investment falling

12:14

in value. To be honest with you, how

12:16

this poor man puts up with some

12:18

of the digits on that program is totally

12:20

beyond me. These people just stand there

12:22

and blatantly tell lies about, you

12:24

know, how successful they are and this and

12:26

that. And they're just not has

12:28

to sit there and try and weed out the

12:30

rubbish from the rubbish, which

12:32

is not easy. Emile

12:35

legend Apparently, it reveals

12:37

plans to return. Who's

12:40

this? Andy Sugden sent

12:42

fans into a frenzy and

12:45

it's a heated confrontation. I

12:48

don't even know who he is

12:50

actually. Andy sucked

12:52

him. Would I recognize him? I

12:54

mean, I don't know whether or not he's been

12:56

in anything else, so we're we're

12:58

not too sure, actually. Love

13:00

Island's somebody called Shawna Philips,

13:02

whatever she is. Giving birth

13:04

alone after a boy's boyfriend

13:06

was busted. In a drugs raid,

13:08

fantastic darling, class

13:10

as always, and then you look at what she looks like

13:12

arriving at the airport and you think, oh my

13:14

god. Did they tuck these people up or what?

13:16

There was a woman on the television the other day. She was

13:18

a bimbo. Her words

13:20

not mine, she wanted to be known

13:22

as a Bimbo. She said people

13:25

should own it, and she apparently

13:27

came from well, our

13:29

family. They put her on this morning. It was the worst

13:31

rubbish I've ever seen in my life. And then she

13:33

was going, because I want to be a Bimbo. So she's I

13:35

mean, she She was carrying

13:37

a lot of weight. She

13:39

didn't look like a Bimbo.

13:42

Would look, you know, because Philip Scofield

13:44

pointed out that It's a derogatory term, and

13:46

she said no. She said, I want it to be known as

13:48

a bimbo. But the trouble, she didn't look like a

13:50

bimbo. She's had a lipstunt, and she'd had

13:52

Botox and bits and pieces. And I

13:54

listen to this poor creature who I thought to myself

13:56

straightaway, she needs to get some sort

13:58

of advice because she's had all

14:00

this stuff done And, you know, to

14:02

go around calling yourself a bimba, there was somebody

14:04

walking through Kingston

14:06

High Street about a week ago.

14:08

I've never said anything like it. I can't I can't

14:10

even describe. What she was

14:12

wearing. She had fake boobs.

14:14

She had fake hair, botoxed

14:16

up to the nines, and wearing this skin

14:18

type sort of bodysuit kind of I'm never

14:20

saying like it seriously. I don't know

14:23

where she does some lap dancing club, I

14:25

assumed. I couldn't I couldn't Well, that's

14:27

what I thought. Freezing cold weather.

14:29

And then you look at these two

14:31

here, Shawn of Philips, and

14:33

Billy Webb was busted by cops.

14:35

Dear, silly old billy. Silly

14:38

billy. But apparently,

14:40

he's remelted in custody, so she

14:42

might be giving birth by herself. But you

14:44

it without makeup on unrecognizable.

14:46

Unrecognizable, it really is

14:48

quite bad. Harry styles could become

14:50

the next Adele with the Las Vegas

14:53

residency. There is no Las

14:55

Vegas residency. I'm telling you this now

14:57

because they haven't

14:59

They haven't decided anything at all. He hasn't

15:01

decided if he wants to do it. He's being

15:03

eyed up by Sin City

15:05

News venue which is

15:07

called the MSG Sphere.

15:10

But they think U2 will open the

15:12

venue, which has the capacity for seventeen thousand

15:14

five hundred fans. And then they think

15:16

that maybe it could be Harry Styles for a forty

15:18

million pound fee. But again, it's

15:20

just pure speculation. Pure speculation.

15:22

They haven't decided on anything. Might not wanna do it.

15:24

You might wanna come home like James Gordon.

15:26

And not you know, he doesn't wanna stay in America all

15:28

that time because he's on a treadmill. He seems

15:30

to be surviving quite well so far.

15:32

So, you know, goodness sake.

15:34

Why not? I mean, if you I mean, it depends

15:36

how much you want the money. I should imagine

15:38

he's he's probably got a nice little pot at

15:40

the moment. But if he

15:42

does this, it could be a forty million pound

15:44

fee. I can sing. I

15:46

can do it. I could do it for twenty

15:48

million. Ten. They're for

15:50

555 million. I do I do

15:52

very cheap. Lovely. When

15:54

you were shippon star,

15:57

makes no difference for

15:59

you. A million

16:02

quid. I'm doing it. I'll tell you, I'm ready.

16:04

I've got the outfits. Definitely got the outfits.

16:06

Listen, have a lovely, lovely day,

16:08

and I'll let you know about the teddy bears. I bet he

16:10

keeps them. And I've just got a feeling. He's gonna see

16:12

them and go, oh, we like those. Just

16:14

got feeling. They'll be on top of the wardrobe

16:17

before the week is out. Anyway, have a

16:19

lovely, lovely day and

16:21

and don't do anything I wouldn't do, which kind

16:23

of limits you But anyway, have a

16:25

nice time, and I'll talk to you tomorrow. Same

16:28

time. Same place. Until then, Stay

16:30

safe. Leading Britain's

16:33

conversation, LBC.