0:00

She went to grab something and you went to grab

0:02

something. Clock.

0:06

Let's do comedy podcast. Podcast.

0:08

Let's do it. Watch out, dude, I wanna throw off

0:10

some strong, strong, just like

0:12

my penis. You have a strong penis.

0:15

Are they strong? It's just

0:17

blood. Well, no. We've seen some people, like,

0:19

hold up, like, heavy things with Cox.

0:22

And

0:22

I'll see it again right now. Hold on.

0:24

you're about to. Hold on. Yep.

0:27

I'm ready. No. I just wanted to III

0:29

did a thing I was excited to share with you because

0:31

this is right up your alley. Force them.

0:33

No. I wish.

0:36

Alright?

0:36

But

0:37

I only got two hands. I can only have a threesome.

0:39

Hold up. No.

0:41

I I

0:43

was watching a porn the other day,

0:45

and it was a goth

0:47

porn. And I What?

0:50

I loved it. Fucking loved it.

0:52

I don't she had, like, nineteen different colors. Oh,

0:54

she had, like, nineteen different color hair. She

0:56

was, like, she was, like, Takashi six nine.

0:59

Yep. she was riding a Dildos glued

1:01

on to a MacBook Pro. I mean, it might have been

1:03

a MacBook Air. I don't really know her financial

1:05

circumstances, but it was so hot. Yeah.

1:07

I don't know. Fishnets Yes. Why

1:09

did why did listeners never oh,

1:11

do anything for me? I

1:13

I I'm so happy now. I can't

1:15

do it right now. almost came and then

1:17

just put that gum in an envelope and send it to you.

1:19

Sure. That's what? Express mail it. Yeah. A

1:21

topic. A topic.

1:23

Let me tell you you stuff a goddamn story.

1:25

Yeah. It's hot. It's so god

1:27

of heart. But because you look at the eyes and they you

1:30

know they don't

1:30

have a father. And that's hot. well.

1:32

Well, hold on. You

1:34

know they don't. But will say this. I

1:36

think it was because, in my head, what I

1:38

what the type of God point that you are

1:40

watching, zombie. dead.

1:41

Hot. Hot.

1:44

They have blood coming out their mouth. Is it real? Who knows?

1:47

They

1:47

have vampire wings on. Could be merlo.

1:50

you

1:50

know, up. But she she maybe

1:52

just her body type was more, like, what I go

1:54

for. She didn't ask. She was, gosh,

1:56

thick, tidal waves. I

2:01

love it. Has anybody done that put all on t shirt,

2:03

Gothic with four c's. But

2:05

bro, it's like she just

2:07

her body type. Yep. And then she had, like,

2:09

so like, black hair, like, dark hair, and then,

2:11

like, green bangs. Oh. I might

2:13

even just be dawson who this girl is. It doesn't

2:15

matter. I do it. The the port was

2:17

so hot. The port.

2:19

Yeah. I don't even know if she had skin off. Doesn't

2:21

matter. The port was so hot. I wrote her name

2:23

down in my phone. That's weird. No.

2:25

It's not. Got it. because I wanna watch more later.

2:27

No. I know. I actually think I know what you're talking

2:29

about. Really? Yeah. No. I was because

2:32

in my phone wrote down, like, my favorite, like,

2:34

porn stars, early names. You know so

2:36

funny is people, like, actually write who they fuck in

2:38

their phone, you just write porn stars. So many are

2:40

on that list.

2:41

Five? They're

2:42

all they're all credit people because they don't have,

2:44

like, no names. Do you know? Like, Ashley

2:46

Ames. It's, like, 000

2:48

forty four. Yeah. I

2:51

don't know. I but it would but I do I'll pull

2:53

it up right now. I'm gonna fuck me. Pull it up.

2:55

Should I? What do you mean?

2:59

Trevor Wallace is on tour, and the tour

3:02

starts. Are you that guy? Bub about

3:04

a part two kicking off in Fort

3:06

Lauderdale, Florida baby. September

3:08

thirtieth, October first, Charleston,

3:10

South Carolina. We added a late show,

3:12

and I forgot to promote it. But I'm doing it

3:14

now, bitch. Then we got the next night, October

3:16

second, Asheville, North also added

3:18

a second show. Pulling up. Get those

3:21

Phoenix, Arizona. October

3:23

eighth, I think, is sold out. San Francisco,

3:26

we added the fourteenth. Pueblo

3:28

fourteenth and fifteenth October. Houston,

3:31

Texas, November fourth through the Grand

3:33

Rapids, Michigan, November eleventh,

3:35

Indianapolis, November twelfth, Cleveland,

3:38

Ohio, November thirteenth Salt Lake City

3:40

November Boulder, Colorado, December

3:43

eighth, Fort Collins, December ninth, Oklahoma

3:45

City on December tenth, Tulsa, Oklahoma

3:48

December eleventh New Haven, Connecticut,

3:51

December sixteenth, Atlantic City,

3:53

New Jersey, December seventeenth, Red

3:55

Bank, New Jersey, December

3:56

eighteenth, Trevor Wolf comedy for

3:58

tickets dot

3:59

com. Go get him, guys.

4:01

Mister Michael Blaustein, all in

4:03

stand up comedy tour, September twenty

4:06

second. I'll be in Madison, Wisconsin. That

4:08

is this freaking Thursday. I think there's about ten

4:10

tickets left, so go get them right now. September

4:13

twenty third, I'll be in Milwaukee.

4:14

Wisconsin low ticket

4:16

warning on that one. October

4:18

seventh, Los Angeles, California. Oh, that is sold out.

4:20

We're thinking about it in a show, but we will come back

4:22

to you. October sixteenth, I'll be in

4:24

Denver, Colorado. October

4:26

twentieth, I'll be in Honolulu, October

4:29

twenty seven to the twenty this is a

4:31

new date. I'll be in Portland, Oregon, October twenty

4:33

seventh to the twenty ninth. November

4:36

second, I'll be in Houston, Texas. November

4:38

third, I'll be in Dallas, Texas

4:40

November sixteenth. I'll be in Florida.

4:43

Doing Fort Lauderdale, and

4:45

there's a new date. New date. I'll

4:47

be in Louisville, Kentucky November

4:50

eighteenth to the nineteenth, go

4:52

get tickets at blaucomi dot

4:54

com. That is blaucomi dot

4:56

com. Gabe,

4:58

Pardon him with this black.

5:01

But I I

5:03

got one off to it. Think

5:06

god. You goth went off to it. That's really

5:08

hot. What are you? Odd.

5:10

Even if we don't show

5:12

it, I wanna know the name. I wanna look them up.

5:14

000

5:15

sure. Bring it

5:17

up.

5:17

Let's get it on. What is it? Batwoman 689I

5:21

think so. Bring it up.

5:22

Gothic. Dude, the fishnets,

5:25

dude, fishnets. I'll catch some

5:27

fish in those goddamn nets. Dude,

5:29

but like her her Her

5:31

like no. Her Reddit

5:33

name isn't like a normal name.

5:36

What is it like Pac Man Jones? There

5:39

you go. Let me

5:40

see what I mean. There there's, like, numbers, there's

5:42

letters, there's alphabets. I

5:45

don't know, sports. What is it? Is it in your

5:47

phone? Copy, babe. Oh, hold on. There

5:49

we go. I mean, it's ins like Brick,

5:52

give me give me the phone. Scroll around.

5:54

I will. Yeah. Sorry if my phone's a

5:56

little sticky. It doesn't matter. I'm

5:58

not

5:58

into this. You're an idiot. You're

6:00

an idiot. I'm trying to

6:02

come over to your world and I'm trying to

6:04

compliment the dark ghouls you'd

6:06

be fucking Yeah. But this is all off to.

6:08

But she look at her other photos. She okay.

6:11

because she looks like she's just just

6:13

sort of becoming gods. She's like, oh, he's still

6:15

do you want me to dive that into the gargoyles?

6:17

Lokeyseyseyseyseyseyseyseyseyseyseyseyseyseyseyseyseyseyseyseyseyseyseyseyseyseyseyseyseyseyseysey no.

6:22

That's not a real thing. I

6:23

need you to fucking deep throw a Bible.

6:26

That's my wife.

6:27

That's part of

6:29

the enablement object. What

6:32

Yeah. Let

6:32

me find a different product. This is I

6:34

don't have the only fan. This is farmers

6:36

only dot com. Whoa. What if it was? It was

6:38

just a true this is a black

6:39

tractor.

6:41

Instagram. Can you do the Instagram?

6:44

Hold on. I'm hard. Are you rock hard.

6:46

You're living out of Well, no. I'm looking I'm trying

6:48

to see oh, this is a bunch of re uploads.

6:50

Anyways, is

6:51

the Instagram on here? Oh, it is. Yes.

6:54

Yes.

6:55

Jack,

6:56

are you guessing? So that's all jack up.

6:58

fucking blow your mind and load. This

7:00

is Do you ever hit the Google search after

7:03

you

7:03

jerk off? I

7:04

hit the fucking pillow when I jerk off.

7:07

Sleep. Put me down. We think Google

7:09

search. Like, see how tall they are. See how tall they are. See how tall

7:11

they are. Boy yourself. Jack audio.

7:13

What did you decide to me? How tall

7:15

they are? So I can't move. Oh, I let

7:17

you know if they're a Leo or a chef. a

7:20

loser. Well, that's a show. didn't do

7:22

social media, guys. What do you want to know?

7:25

fucking read side notes. No. No. No, sir. You're

7:27

gonna look. Here.

7:29

because it's that's what I'm saying. It's Oh,

7:31

okay. That's what I'm saying. Back

7:33

oh, yeah. Back to school out

7:35

big, back to school back on.

7:37

Oh oh, this picture. There we

7:39

go. Oh, hey. See,

7:41

one of those under that skirt, just a bat.

7:43

Let me look at This is insane.

7:45

This is crazy. What in the hell?

7:47

That's what I'm saying. Yeah. But I felt

7:49

like I

7:50

I was like, why why haven't I been

7:52

dabbling in this? This is insane,

7:54

dude. Oh my god. Tattoos, different

7:56

colored hair. Yeah. She's a demon. Let's fucking go.

7:58

She about to drop a mix tape on SoundCloud. Oh.

8:01

This bitch is little pump, sister. Hunt, dude.

8:03

Little pump. I'll give a little pump. That's a

8:05

small dick shit. That's a sexual reference. I will What

8:07

is little pump doing right now? He's probably doing

8:09

ketamine off a fucking first b.

8:13

Oh, dude, she's doing the cross, I

8:15

think. What the hell is that? I

8:16

don't know. Dude, they're so it's called a WIGO.

8:18

I don't I don't know what it is. First of all, it's where that you know

8:20

that.

8:21

No worries. It's it, dude. you didn't know

8:23

that? No. I know it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Alright. What you're

8:25

back on me? What if you want? Amigal?

8:27

Amigal. Amigal.

8:30

0000 we go. Oh, we go to

8:32

stop. There was Oh, we go. Somebody

8:34

said no. Because I know some only

8:36

fans girls that have, like, done videos with, not like that.

8:38

Hold on. my colleagues, my parents. They've been

8:40

in sketches and a ego.

8:42

There it is. Where it is. Somewhere. Somebody help

8:44

me. You have microphones or and you have because

8:46

she does it. No one's yelling at it. But she does it.

8:48

And then the comments are like, I wish how's one

8:50

of those eyes? You know, it's funny if you cover one of the eyes looks

8:52

that she's looking away. She is looking away. She's

8:54

trying to fire fire fire. Oh, no.

8:57

What what is it about? I'm not

8:59

gonna

8:59

do it. Do it. I

9:01

almost did it. I forgot how the Internet. I'll do it

9:03

because then people can screenshot and zoom on your face.

9:05

Will people

9:05

have seen doing that on the Internet already?

9:08

Let me see yours. No. You

9:10

got it. Watch mine. Mine's

9:12

pretty

9:12

good. Thumbnail. No.

9:14

You got it cross eyed. Cross eyed look up

9:16

a little bit. Look. Look. No. I don't wanna look at

9:18

alright. Hot? I know. When Gabe did it. Let me

9:20

see Gabe. Whoa. Gabe is

9:23

not a camera for a reason. Okay.

9:25

I I don't know your passcode. I wanna look more.

9:27

Six times That's crazy. In

9:30

the

9:30

best way, like, that's up your alley. Like

9:33

Yeah. Oh oh, hello. Alright. That's what

9:35

you said. Oh, she literally looks like that

9:37

she would light your car on fire because you were flirting

9:39

with an ice cream. Good.

9:41

I'll sit in that fucking car. I don't give a shit.

9:43

Turn on the heater. god. She's I mean,

9:45

that's crazy. But that's just like that's not

9:47

usually I don't know.

9:48

I I just it I just stonewall

9:51

across it. Yep. did you

9:53

just come across it? I think I typed in

9:55

goth.

9:56

Just a c?

9:57

Yeah. You were just feeling a little weird, lousy

9:59

for tattoo inspirations. Okay.

10:01

I was hard. No. I no. I

10:03

don't know. I don't I think I think in my head, I was

10:05

just like, oh, you know?

10:06

And then I just see what's happening. Just poke

10:09

around. You know? Sometimes you walk

10:11

into the wrong hour of the grocery store and you're

10:13

like, do do I keep

10:15

walking or hit a u-turn? I kept walking.

10:17

You know what type in recently? Just wanna see what it was.

10:19

Is there you know there's porn out there that the girl

10:21

has a COV camera?

10:24

Tell

10:26

her the four women tab on porn up.

10:28

What

10:31

is her PLV? Michael,

10:34

what is her P0V It's just

10:36

a guy on the chest go. Oh, yeah.

10:40

He didn't do anything. Oh, yeah. But I just

10:42

I just do what it looks like. I'll

10:44

tell you what it looks like. It looks like a guy role

10:46

playing this thing in a bubble bath. You

10:49

just oh, you want it? Dude, there's something

10:51

you mean. There's something what do

10:53

you mean? Pull it up? No. I want

10:55

to Listen. This is this is

10:57

on pornhub. This is if when you search

10:59

female Pov on pornhub, this is the first

11:01

title, jerked off to a guy and

11:03

jumped on his big cock. Yeah.

11:05

step sister love sloppery sloppery

11:08

blowjob and come in mouth female PoV.

11:10

Does she does

11:11

she for the

11:13

right Pull it up. What I wanna see what the view

11:16

is. It's it's Where where do they put it in their

11:18

foreheads? It's not

11:19

it's not I

11:20

understand how it could be desirable, but it's a little

11:23

weird. Yeah. That watch that. I

11:25

watch that one. But, like, fifteen seconds.

11:27

The the the top left one. also look at

11:29

that ad. I live alone. Let's focus my place.

11:32

No. Not that one. Dude, it's literally It's

11:34

the guy piping. It's the guy

11:36

piping. I understand what it

11:36

was. I just wanted to see what they see. It's

11:38

kind of a nice view of the titties. That

11:41

one. Which one

11:42

did you know it's twenty one? The one that playing right

11:44

now. This one's the one. That's the one. computer generated one.

11:47

There it is. What the fuck are these sims

11:49

doing? What the hell is that?

11:51

Dude,

11:51

when you're not horny porn so dumb,

11:54

single moms. No, you're not. Watch

11:56

your kids. Yeah. I saw

11:58

this one.

11:59

What? No, you didn't. Sir, for real? I

12:02

didn't I'm not making this up. I watched this 10I

12:04

fast forward this is a bullshit. I wanna see

12:06

a cock.

12:08

Look at this bullshit one.

12:10

There it is. This looks like VR.

12:14

What

12:14

is this? This looks like a

12:16

fucking This is This

12:19

is, like, you downloaded some fucking

12:22

shit plate to, like, download YouTube videos on

12:24

the phone, and then this is So it's just an

12:26

in shot. Yes.

12:28

Alright. I mean, when I got to that part, I was

12:30

out. I wanna see real cock. Not this

12:32

dumb shit. I mean, there's

12:34

nothing wrong with you watching that, but I you

12:36

know, what's up? I was literally Where

12:38

we at? Here's the thing. I

12:40

was just Are you in pegged or not? Yes. I

12:42

was just interested. I was

12:44

interested in just I wanted the full three sixty. I just

12:46

wanted to see what they see. I was just interested

12:48

to see, like, what women see when they when they

12:50

pipe when they get piped down. you never

12:52

filmed yourself having sex? Even not

12:54

in I'm I'm panning

12:56

down to see what you mean. I see. But

12:58

you

12:58

don't wanna see what they see. never had

13:00

a girl hold it. No. Have

13:02

you? No.

13:03

But I but I put a camera where I could see

13:05

the both of us. You mean, the both of you use is like

13:07

a like a a wide shot. I'm saying, like, what

13:09

they actually see.

13:11

Like, if a

13:11

girl held it as she was, like, giving me the

13:14

old HEAD but I never

13:15

I've never seen what they saw. I know I'm

13:17

a be honest,

13:18

ladies thank you for fucking us because we look

13:21

disgusted. Yeah.

13:22

Even though there's like positions where I'm in, where I'm like

13:25

leaning over my girl and like

13:26

It's

13:27

not There's no way it looks good.

13:29

You know what?

13:30

Like, if you, like, lean down, you have that, like,

13:33

line in your head because you're, like, all the blood. It's, like,

13:35

that's what they see ninety nine percent of the

13:37

time they get piped out. They must just be

13:39

thinking about, like, the nice stuff that we do for them

13:41

emotionally because there's no way it does anything for

13:43

other men.

13:44

That Yeah. My girl always says put

13:46

put hike. Oh, interesting. Yeah.

13:49

Wow. NFL. There you

13:51

go. Yep. But maybe what is that? Are they

13:53

closing the eyes? because they're feels good. They're

13:55

fantasizing what you look like in a

13:57

tuxedo, another man. Another

13:59

man. Adam Levine,

14:00

that topical. It is topical. What's

14:02

he doing?

14:03

He's named Trying to name his kid,

14:05

his his his side chick's

14:07

name, hilarious. Interesting

14:09

play. Funny. I don't know. Did did you get, like,

14:11

a tax write off name don't know why you wouldn't

14:13

wanna associate it to. I think that's the dude

14:15

that no one said no to for

14:17

thirty years. And he just said, look, I

14:19

heard Sunday morning once by Maroon five, and

14:21

I was like, you can touch my left area a

14:23

little Sunday morning. Have you never heard

14:25

this song? No. I have. I'm just repeating it because this is

14:27

a good song. Sunday

14:28

morning, I will. Oh, yeah. Yeah.

14:31

Oh, that isn't it? Sunday

14:36

morning. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

14:38

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

14:40

That's a good part. That's all we receive, like,

14:42

day drinking.

14:44

Okay. Yep. So I will bet.

14:46

There you go. Hey, wake up. You're powered

14:48

by Santa Monica. You didn't even know where you're at?

14:50

Oh, dude. I mean, that voice

14:52

is great. He's really good. He

14:54

has ADD. He takes Adderall.

14:56

Does he?

14:56

I don't know. He says it on the TV.

14:59

On the TV? On the TV?

15:01

What? In an interview? No. Look, he does

15:03

adds. I was

15:04

like, man, I'm ADD, and I can

15:06

play guitar. And so can you? All you gotta do

15:08

is take this, a drug that I'd probably get

15:10

six percent of. I think

15:12

it's just

15:12

I think it's just adderall.

15:14

Adderall

15:14

has ads? It's

15:16

it's Adderall or one to five

15:18

minutes? Five minutes. Two ads? We're

15:20

gonna first do an Adderall through Adderall. We should.

15:23

We should. Oh my god. Dude, we

15:25

could do it fucking ad reach for Adderall and just

15:27

take a little bit. I'm just got what? Dude,

15:29

my dick looks tiny on Adderall. I don't

15:31

even have a damn bitch goes in

15:33

the hibernation. dude. In sport

15:35

mode? No. My boy locked up.

15:37

My locked up abroad, son.

15:39

Storage wars. Whoa. Let me tell

15:41

you a secret. I look like I'm fucking Kendall.

15:43

I'm like,

15:43

hey, where's my Barbie? Doesn't matter.

15:45

Goddamn.

15:46

Oh, what's up

15:48

people? Big shout outs of first sponsor? The

15:50

mother effing episode, prize picks.

15:52

Dude, football season is back. Trevor,

15:54

you excited? No. You don't watch sports.

15:56

I am excited. You are? Yeah. Dude, are

15:58

you gonna use prize

15:59

picks? probably because I'll tell you what

16:02

prospects is. It's freaking

16:04

deadly fantasy, but super super easy

16:06

for example, dude. Next week, I'm gonna take

16:08

Patrick Mahomes. two hundred fifty

16:10

yards. That's the projection. I'm going

16:12

over, dude. Well, yeah. Well, I'm taking

16:14

Derek Henry. Oh, yeah? Yeah. You're gonna

16:16

go over under the projected point

16:18

five touch downs. I'm going over. You

16:20

should, dude. Derek Henry is gonna score

16:22

forty eight touchdowns. That's what I was

16:24

saying. Price picks is incredible dude

16:26

I've used it last week. Super

16:28

simple. The app is incredible, very

16:30

intuitive. All you gotta do is pick

16:32

two to five players. And if they will

16:34

score more or less than their prize pick

16:36

projections. Okay? You can wait up to

16:37

ten x your money

16:39

on any -- Dude, dude. -- entry,

16:42

dude. On your entry, that's crazy. Yeah.

16:44

Dude, entries can be made in sixty

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damn. Harvey don't got a pussy either. Do

19:29

we have

19:30

kids? Do we?

19:33

No. Just like the barbecue kid, do we have

19:36

kids? Yeah. Oh, have you

19:36

seen Ryan Gosling as Ken?

19:39

Yeah. He's bleach

19:41

hair. Right? Yep. Which we're gonna

19:43

do very soon. basically, auditioned

19:45

for a role in that movie, I tell you this is?

19:47

You did. For Fraggart, I wanted to, didn't book either.

19:49

How the How the hell? I was literally

19:51

just promoting Adderall. I am the frac

19:53

guy. That's crazy. Alright.

19:56

I told you I was supposed to be an American Pie three.

19:58

Right? Am I The stupid ass manager?

20:00

TV.

20:00

I think I told you. Oh, you did.

20:02

Long time ago. Yep. still makes

20:04

you upset. Hang on. Yeah. I know. He

20:06

passed away with you. to fuck a pie?

20:08

Excuse me? I would've fucked a pie

20:10

for the Rolls

20:11

Royce. If you will

20:12

be doing that? Yes. I don't think

20:13

he's made up. I think he'll be pulling the dicks in a lot

20:15

of things. I think I'd rather put my dicks in a pumpkin pie that

20:17

seems more lush. It's

20:20

all one texture.

20:21

pumpies. Yeah. You want something that's got

20:23

a little bit of bumps and grinds?

20:26

Not pecan pie, but maybe apple. Get once

20:28

they get a little melted little

20:30

texture, I don't think Yeah. I'm from a lot of Cheesecake Factory.

20:32

That's fine. Have you had Cheesecake

20:34

Factory? No. Me at it. I've had South,

20:36

and that's it. Actually, breakfast tacos

20:38

are in Syracuse one time. Fine. Good. Yep.

20:40

But I've never seen anybody order a cheesecake there.

20:42

Have you?

20:44

I have. I've seen it to go, but I've seen it

20:46

to go to it. Like, at a table, like -- Right. -- it's crazy.

20:48

We'll take one of the double dutch

20:50

dark chocolates. Cheesecake is insanely

20:52

good. The cheese and just Cheesecake?

20:54

Run that back in

20:55

your own head. I got it. No.

20:58

But you know how, like, birthday cake is done made

21:01

with birthday? Yo.

21:03

You want a song with that.

21:05

Cup hold on.

21:07

Cupcakes are just cakes at a cup. Yeah.

21:09

I feel like we're gonna get clips and put on TikTok and it's gonna be

21:12

This is podcasting these

21:14

days. Shut the fuck up.

21:16

Whoever post that shit, you work

21:18

at Zales. Is

21:21

it also a Joy place? Care it yet. I

21:23

mean, well, you know what I mean? Please just leave us alone. I'm

21:25

going to a shopping center and just see a store and you're

21:27

like, y'all are still kicking. Yeah. T. J.

21:29

Maxx wakes up every day. Time to be

21:31

T. J. and Maxx. Is Kmart a

21:34

thing? No. That's it. Every time you walk in there, I'm like,

21:36

we go, just small, tall, talk to the

21:38

entire place. that's how I feel every time. That Ross,

21:40

TJ

21:40

Maxx, writing write it. Write it.

21:42

Marshalls. Marshalls is wild. Marshalls, I wanna,

21:44

like, get an employee and be, like, if I throw

21:46

water on you, will you now function. Have

21:49

you been

21:50

into Michaels? My

21:52

microbes and grass? Yeah. Yo. Yeah.

21:54

Place is fire. They got they got good pencils and and

21:56

the plants are fake. It's fun. It

21:59

is. That

21:59

that

21:59

plant is just an average

22:03

from what We're doing it for everyone. Zales. Use

22:05

ten percent off promo code. Fuck

22:07

yourself.

22:11

Yeah.

22:11

If you buy a

22:13

wedding ring for your future wife

22:15

at Zales, it happens

22:18

every day. You don't get

22:20

divorced. preacher. Oh,

22:23

no.

22:24

Zales. Oh,

22:27

fucking god.

22:30

Do

22:30

people do all the time? What's wrong with Zales?

22:32

Zales probably got some heaters in there? Yeah.

22:34

I'm looking right now. Let's see. Hold up. Fucking

22:37

Zales. That's the most expensive one. Twenty

22:39

eight dollars. No. They've got some rings out

22:41

there. What what what are what are your rings that

22:43

women hey. It's like the pear shaped ones or some

22:45

shapes. The ones that made a lot of

22:47

sapphire? So these are

22:48

There's a few that just do

22:50

those do look. There's one there's one option. Look

22:52

at that. This is go down to Gabe real

22:55

quick. says no stone. That's what I'm getting. No stone.

22:57

Where's my diamond? No. About under the no stone

22:59

category. I'm one of the no stone ones.

23:02

What? Whoa. Pewdiepie rings?

23:03

What are the Who do you mean is this mean? You won't fuck?

23:06

Yeah. Yeah.

23:06

But I mean, you mean All you do is lay it down

23:08

with a ringstick. All you do is just take it off.

23:11

You're right. They've got rings you

23:13

can do from Shopify price he

23:15

is. Got it. Is that a word? No. Google cock

23:17

ring. You can go over

23:19

five thousand dollars. Wait. They have cocktail

23:21

rings. Hold up. You go over five thousand? Yeah. What are we talking?

23:23

Oh, twelve k. Twenty twenty

23:26

two. Twenty two.

23:28

I don't know how much wedding rings are supposed

23:30

to be. Like,

23:31

are there I mean, obviously, there's a

23:33

wedding ring bands. There's a wedding ring bands. There's more rings

23:35

than the ring. Yeah. This whole thing's a

23:37

scam. Does pressure

23:38

really make

23:40

diamonds?

23:40

No. Zales

23:43

does.

23:44

isn't it cold? Dude, the pressure is a

23:46

diamond. The whole diamond industry is hilarious. You

23:48

know diamonds aren't rare?

23:51

They're

23:51

not rare. They're not

23:54

they just put them on a warehouse. We're like, yeah, there's not a lot.

23:56

What is that?

23:57

A silicone those are cut rings.

24:00

Silicon

24:00

bands You know it's bullshit. Silicon

24:02

band? It's for a beer. This is a water bottle cab.

24:04

You look you

24:07

just looked in the small princess by

24:09

Arrowhead.

24:11

Oh,

24:12

man, Zales is so funny. Zales.

24:15

Oh, hold on. What was this? Chad, I heard

24:17

about

24:17

this. This is scandal. This rock that.

24:19

Talking the world. Read it out loud.

24:21

Chest world rocked by rumors of anal

24:23

beads and artificial intelligence. How can

24:25

we how can we go doing this? Not playing Chest?

24:28

part cheesy. What is this? Datal beads. What is this? So

24:30

there's a Look at the chest gel

24:32

to the right. chest grand master, this

24:34

guy right here. It's Michael Carlson.

24:37

There's

24:37

rumors going around that he was cheating in

24:39

a big chest competition using

24:41

wireless anal beads and

24:44

someone wireless and

24:46

will be signaling him the the codes

24:48

using vibrations in his ass to

24:50

what next move he should make playing to us.

24:53

Realistically, man, that's so much

24:55

work. Just get better at

24:57

chess. You're getting

24:57

fingered in your ass. Yeah. There's gotta be a better because

25:00

what's the payout on a game at chess? three

25:02

hundred dollars in a ring from sales, three hundred

25:04

and fifty k. Really? Mhmm. Three hundred

25:06

and fifty. putting them much money on those.

25:09

There's a good question. Where is that money coming from? because it's not like it's

25:11

got TV money. So, wait, somebody who's good

25:13

at chess is watching him play and then

25:16

fucking Yes. --

25:18

buzzing his ass. Yeah. But you know what's really

25:20

weird? It's

25:20

like, how come to do who's buzzing? How

25:22

come people just play? That's

25:24

what I'm saying. Well, I think that there's you

25:26

if you know there's, like, I

25:28

guess, math you can do because chess has a finite

25:30

amount of moves. Right? Like, there's certain things you

25:32

can do, so you're probably just inputting,

25:34

like, state of the game into a computer, and it tells

25:36

you this is just a fishy understanding.

25:38

Yeah. because they thought that computer people

25:40

can never beat chess masters, and then it then it just

25:42

started happening. So If they have a a

25:45

computer program

25:46

to tell him where to go, that makes a

25:48

lot of sense. How do they know he had it in his

25:50

ass? Each movie is like,

25:52

a hundred percent. He's

25:53

like, the game has even started. He's like,

25:56

oh, fuck. Night to Rook

25:58

seven. You know the

26:00

lingo. So

26:00

Rook seven? sort of I mean, it's

26:03

made it up. It sounds that's what they say. I

26:05

don't play a central park. Don't you?

26:06

Do those other Those guys are good.

26:08

What is it about chess being played

26:11

outside? who was know what?

26:13

I think that people who play outside

26:15

don't have homes.

26:17

Oh, no.

26:18

No. They do

26:20

they're using like older men. No

26:23

homes.

26:23

Doesn't matter. So chess,

26:26

you

26:26

don't play chess? Do

26:27

I know how? Yeah. Look at

26:30

me. That's a hundred percent true. You barely know

26:32

your colors.

26:35

I can't help it out pretend to

26:37

be color blind as a child. But it is this

26:39

is very funny. Yeah. And so, you know,

26:41

this is totally LA dot com.

26:44

Yeah. I mean, that's this is there's

26:46

no actual evidence of this.

26:49

This guy actually, the guy that we showed Karlsson, this

26:51

isn't the guy that's alleged to have that

26:53

beads in What is fucked?

26:55

because he doesn't look bad. Yeah. Happy about it.

26:57

He would be happier if he had beads in right there. Yeah. That

26:59

looks like the battery died. He quit

27:01

because some this other guy won this competition that

27:03

he was favored to

27:05

win. And then tweets started coming out. Other

27:07

people playing competitive where they

27:09

were like, whatever

27:09

like, the way that that guy was playing was

27:12

suspicious. He had to know something. Like, he was

27:14

probably cheating. That guy did admit

27:16

to cheating twice previously in different

27:18

chest matches. And so people were just trying

27:20

to, like, figure out,

27:21

well, how could he have done it? because we know it wasn't

27:23

he wasn't he didn't wasn't going to the bathroom. He didn't have

27:25

an earpiece in. The only logical thing is he was

27:28

getting signal sent wirelessly through

27:30

Beedsons, but I mean,

27:32

that is a Why you don't proof. It's

27:34

just like allegedly type beat.

27:36

Right now, it's just an alleged thing. Although, I

27:38

think he did

27:39

the No.

27:41

That guy has no beats in. Look at that

27:43

guy. Who were

27:44

that guys? Hey, you

27:46

know what? Look at that. He

27:48

is a walking anal bead.

27:50

Alright.

27:52

Sorry.

27:52

Go ahead, Gabe. So,

27:55

yeah,

27:55

he's he's denying it. The silence of my

27:58

critics clearly speaks for itself. If there was

27:59

real evidence, why not show

28:02

it? Well, yeah,

28:02

because it's covered in shit.

28:05

You can't It's I'm glad

28:07

you're writing an article on this. I mean,

28:09

Jesus Christ. imagine I'm an able beat

28:11

in and not coming. I mean, you kidding

28:13

me. Also, it'd be so funny if you like one of the

28:15

match and sit up and like just fucking two

28:17

balls or climb on the ground? Oh, no.

28:19

Those are my those are my what are those things that

28:21

you in your hand you go like

28:22

this to relieve stress, a festival?

28:24

Yeah. He's like, those are my stress

28:27

balls. What are those things?

28:28

Bow Wow ball or something? Bow

28:30

Wow. Hell did you say? Yeah. I could strike

28:33

too. No. No. No. What are they really called

28:35

bow bow balls? little

28:37

little about What are the magnetic ones that we always have at the

28:39

the the mall?

28:41

You play with the the little

28:43

little metal ones, and you can make different

28:45

shapes with Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know

28:47

what they're called. They told you I saw a guy playing with the

28:49

boomerang recently. No. It's

28:51

a fucking boomerang. And he wasn't in

28:53

in Australia. No. This was in

28:55

Santa Barbara. He's playing with himself with the boomerang,

28:57

one of the saddest noodles in my

28:59

life. That is sad. I mean, the boomerang

29:01

was invented by someone with no friends. Like,

29:03

he was like, damn, I wanna play catch.

29:05

Hey, Tim, do you wanna play catch? And Tim was like, go

29:07

fuck yourself. And he was like, I'll show you. And

29:09

then sat in the basement for seven years and created something he

29:11

could throw and it comes back him. That's

29:13

loser activities. Like, I wanted to hate, but I

29:15

was more so motivated that it does work.

29:18

Bitch came back. Bitch is loyal. Boom rings

29:20

be loyal. He was like, I'll

29:22

see you in, like, five minutes come

29:25

back. Did he throw it real

29:25

far? Yeah. How the hell does

29:27

it come back?

29:28

I have no idea. I don't know when it decides to turn around. I

29:30

don't know when it's like we're done. You know when you

29:33

go for a long walk on the beach and you're like, okay, up to

29:35

that rock and we'll come back. You know what bullshit is

29:37

when you walk, you have to come back.

29:38

all the time. What the hell is that?

29:40

On a treadmill, you don't.

29:42

That's

29:44

Do

29:46

you like treadmills? No.

29:48

I I do. I I work out on

29:50

travel, like, a fucking PTSD

29:52

mom. Like

29:53

PTSD mom.

29:55

PTA? PTA? Yeah. What do I

29:58

say? PTA. Speechmatics

30:00

-- Yeah. -- stress model. Yep.

30:02

I I put the I just put it on a high

30:05

incline and then I just walk and listen to a

30:07

podcast because you sweat. Yeah.

30:08

That's not bad. Yeah. Your glutes can work

30:11

your ass. relevant. I thought you talked shit about that. No. That's fine.

30:13

I've seen you good. I think it's a workout. If you get if you

30:15

get a sweat in, I think it's great. Get a sweat

30:17

in. Dude,

30:18

Yeah. I I like those, I guess.

30:20

I just like being in one place after, you know.

30:23

Yeah. That's the that was the worst thing about

30:25

the hike. I mean, did you hike over the hill?

30:27

Yeah. And you're like fucking fucking come back.

30:29

Well, yeah.

30:29

You're pushing yourself on a hike, not realizing you have

30:31

to come back. So you're like, oh, we finally

30:33

made it. Did

30:35

you? life

30:35

has just begun. The journey starts now. I'm

30:37

Gandalf.

30:38

Adheres.

30:43

Why don't it

30:44

come to me as a war

30:46

slogan? I

30:46

mean, honestly McDonald's. I'm

30:48

loving it. I mean,

30:50

what the fuck?

30:52

There's one that's part of their slogan

30:54

is bad, bad, bad, bad, bad.

30:56

You have

30:57

a trillion dollars and

30:59

your slogan is in for a row. A lot of somebody

31:02

random. not

31:02

random, but, like, somebody -- It was a dude who owned, like, good music.

31:04

What was his name? Push t?

31:06

Yeah. Push t. And he said he did it? Yeah. He says

31:08

he did. There's it's disputed, but

31:11

It's funny. You can just say things.

31:13

Yeah. Yeah. Guess what? I wrote

31:15

it. Did you? I did.

31:17

Check

31:17

it out. It's on Wikipedia. Trevor Wall Street, the McDonald's

31:19

stamps. You know Amber Stamps? I invented

31:21

those. Who?

31:22

Exactly.

31:25

Dude

31:25

speaking at Ronnie, you know the cutest thing in the entire

31:27

world, dude? My my nephew who's six years

31:29

old, sorry, running cross country. And

31:31

my sister

31:31

sent me, like, Doug,

31:34

you know what's wild, is the meat was

31:37

massive. And my sisters, like, show

31:39

me a video of, like, the like, starting line. And

31:41

do you know anything about cross country at

31:43

all? Cool. So there's

31:45

a like, just they start on this,

31:47

like, massive line. It's not like it's

31:49

there there's there's probably seventy, eighty kids all

31:51

in a lot. Fuck. Fuck. So we gotta do it.

31:54

And in my head, I was like, oh, this is

31:56

like, you know, first

31:57

gay first grade through eighth grade, and they're

31:59

all just running together. Yeah.

32:01

What's up? First or eighth,

32:03

that's very different. But, dude, I understand,

32:05

but it was so many people. Like, I'm like, who

32:07

the hells are in cross country? Like, it's to

32:10

smaller sport. The

32:11

line, I'm not shooting you, must have

32:13

been like probably seventy, eighty kids

32:16

and like, two to three lines. So

32:18

whatever, let's say, three hundred kids. And the line

32:20

that she showed me was first grade

32:22

through third grade. all

32:25

of those kids are wearing a it was

32:27

wild. It's the cutest thing in the fucking world because these

32:29

these kids are wearing, like, and

32:31

beauty glasses. Yeah. Do it. So wearing, like, these

32:33

beauty long sock Actually good or is it, like,

32:35

when kids are, like, in kindergarten and trying to play soccer

32:38

and they miss the the soccer won't kick their friend

32:40

Leroy. Dude,

32:42

my Matthew who I've seen, like, run is, like,

32:44

like, very he has a lot of endurance

32:46

and has his formed good. Like, I'm, like, oh, this

32:48

kid this kid's gonna, like, be an

32:50

athlete. So he's, like, for real good.

32:52

But these kids do like, my

32:54

I

32:54

mean, he's, like, you know, the difference between a first grade and

32:57

a third grade is, like, so much in terms

32:59

of development. But he was, like, middle of

33:01

the pack. But these guys are for real

33:03

good. Like, yeah,

33:04

IIII don't know, man. But, like, running

33:06

cross country that early

33:08

is

33:09

kind of wild. And II6 is

33:11

crazy. Six. I don't even know if I knew my own

33:13

name and six. No.

33:15

No. I'm smoking hook with my

33:17

dad.

33:19

Well, flavors is monkey

33:22

charms. Six years old, monkey charms

33:24

underrated. So good.

33:26

the little fucking the pieces that aren't

33:28

marshmallows. Still good. I could fuck with

33:30

everything and not marshmallows. Well,

33:32

that's

33:32

a dumb tip.

33:39

i have her

33:45

Why don't I have a sound board yet? Dumb

33:48

take. You know there's places in the mall that sell

33:50

it, cereal, and

33:52

milk. Oh, I hate them. What the

33:54

fuck are we done? They sell, like, cereal

33:56

milk at the mall. It's, like, get whatever kind

33:58

of seal you want you walk in there. They're just,

33:59

like, blasting, like, a two chains song, like, why why does this

34:02

seem to be, like, hype based with, like, cereal?

34:04

I've never seen this. I don't know. The the the places that

34:06

just serve cereal. Is it, like, good cereal? Or

34:08

they're Well, they

34:10

have, like, of every brand you can think of. Okay. Good. It's the actual brand. So I thought

34:12

they were like, hey, just like, oh, I'm enjoying

34:14

brand.

34:17

If you're eating all menus Oh, you have

34:19

to have erectile dysfunction too. Do I want to wish. Instead of That's

34:22

my dad's every candy. Oh, can I say it? I think my

34:24

dad's coming on next

34:26

week. Yeah. My dad didn't be a the be

34:28

fun. Dumb nerves. I think I'm gonna

34:30

cry. Good. I won't cry. Are you

34:32

gonna interview?

34:34

Yeah. I'm going to suit on. You have

34:36

to ask all the questions though. I will. I'm gonna put

34:38

a whole list together. because I'm not even a game. because

34:40

I can't be like, what position was I

34:42

conceived? And what's the answer? Missionary. But I

34:44

can't be the one. Yeah. I don't like, I don't buddy, I got it. My dad

34:46

asked me he's like, what are we gonna talk about?

34:49

I was like, sex.

34:52

sex. Stiff socks. The podcast. What do you think

34:54

we're gonna talk about? The Galapagos Islands?

34:56

Sex. Do you shave

34:58

your ass? Okay. I'll

34:58

say your dad's. Shake my ass. Shake my ass. I got a nine thousand

35:01

patient. What? I can't wait. Shake my

35:03

ass. Shake my ass. Damn.

35:06

Like a stick. People who are just gonna comment on the video of my dad, like, yeah. Cool.

35:08

This is wholesome. We want Riley Reed.

35:10

What the fuck is this? Switches.

35:14

Okay. trying to, working on her and that. She doing

35:16

it? We have a

35:18

date. We don't got a date, but it's in the works.

35:20

Let's go. Dude, I'm gonna have to

35:22

lose my

35:24

mind. You need to be

35:24

in a gilly suit for that one. Yeah. Hiding

35:27

behind that plant to your left. You need

35:29

to not even be in the room for

35:31

that one. up. Goddamn.

35:34

Corg time.

35:37

Bitch is motherfucking

35:40

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35:42

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God

39:57

damn. Yeah. Hold on. Where's I'm at?

39:59

Where's

39:59

I'm at? Where's I'm at right

40:02

before that? You said my

40:02

take's dumb. The cereal. The cereal cereal. The cereal

40:04

cereal. cereal. I just think that's just something that's

40:06

just like, why do we it's thing

40:09

that where they make the food truck with the peanut butter and jelly. I know

40:11

you like it, but what? It's like Oh, I make my

40:13

own. Alright. That's one of my dreams. It's been done. You that's

40:15

your dream. Yeah. Don't make

40:17

fun of my dream.

40:18

They don't pick but

40:20

they

40:20

don't have it right. Number one thing

40:23

on your vision board right now.

40:26

Peanut

40:26

butter and jelly truck? No.

40:28

I don't know. So, wait, what

40:29

is this truck you

40:31

wanna you wanna have a peanut

40:33

butter and jelly food truck? Yeah.

40:35

But I wanna have it, like What's gonna be

40:37

called? Smucker? No. It's gonna be called your mom's

40:39

peanut butter.

40:40

And jelly sandwich? Shruck.

40:42

kinda

40:42

It's gonna be called your moms. I'm not even joking. Mhmm. because I wanted to

40:45

feel I want

40:45

the peanut butter and jelly sandwich that when you eat it, I

40:48

wanted to feel like you like you're six years old again,

40:50

you're eating

40:52

like sandwich from the floor. So I wanted to I wanted to hate -- Yeah. -- wholesome.

40:54

Yeah. ziplock brown bag. A hundred

40:56

percent. Did your mom rent you Yes.

40:58

Really? Yeah. I did too.

41:01

I love it. What about you guys? Not

41:03

really. No. Oh. That's why it's

41:05

an heroin. No. Never. Well, that's why You

41:08

would you would be home dot com.

41:10

Have it. Guys,

41:11

everyone's all jack through betterhelp dot

41:13

com. But it would be, like, have a

41:15

great day at Schools. Yeah.

41:18

Really? Yeah. But,

41:18

you know, awesome. I know, dude, as I got older, like, I would, like, read them like,

41:21

when I was younger, I'd read them out and open whatever.

41:23

When I got older, embarrassed,

41:26

Yeah. But it was fucked up. it so cute. And

41:28

sometimes you fold it cool, like,

41:30

right, like calligraphy, like, you know,

41:32

and I'd open up all, like,

41:35

like a scared little bitch. because you know

41:37

my friends

41:37

and see. Yeah. There's so much juggling in

41:39

high school. Just any anything to not look

41:42

like a pussy? there's part of me

41:44

that wishes I can go back with, like,

41:46

my brain to, like, to high school and

41:48

then just shit on everybody.

41:49

They're like,

41:50

oh, you're fucking moms shut

41:52

the fuck up. You haven't seen your your dad's in prison. Do

41:54

you know what I mean? Like, I wouldn't have that information.

41:56

I wish I had,

41:58

like, a guy

41:58

on my shoulder who would just

41:59

be, like, hey, you you don't

42:02

worry about that guy. Hey, don't worry about that

42:04

girl. They're they're they're they're they're rejecting you or they're

42:06

not talking to you. It doesn't matter. You know, you

42:07

don't make this team doesn't matter. right

42:09

yes, but also, like, all of that, major

42:11

who you are now. Yeah. Because if you had a person, I mean, like,

42:13

it's okay. off the bat. Oh, it's okay. Oh, god.

42:16

Well, the Bring her off again. That that's why when people are

42:18

like, if you could go back and change one thing, I hate

42:20

interview questions by the way. Yep. If you could

42:22

go back and change one thing, well, I can't. So

42:24

shut up next question. Let me guess,

42:26

pistachio ice cream. Yeah. I I just wanted So if a

42:28

comedian, shut up. Ask him about a

42:30

question. Ask him about a question

42:32

right now.

42:32

record your i know Let's fun with this.

42:34

Let's have fun with this

42:35

fucking interview. Who's your

42:38

influence? My left

42:40

hand? Yep. baby

42:41

oil. Yeah. I

42:43

guess I wouldn't wanna

42:46

know. Why No. I

42:47

wouldn't. I wouldn't wanna know

42:50

at all. I would like to go back to

42:52

like, what grade?

42:53

Let's say like, I would like

42:55

to go back to like freshman

42:58

high school with my, like, basketball ability right now and just play one

43:00

game. I just wanna score like thirty and

43:02

then just and then disappear and then go back

43:04

to now. Yeah. But it would

43:06

be funny if I'd scored five points. But

43:08

your life would have changed so dramatically because you

43:10

would have scored thirty points. Every girl would

43:12

be like, I have to fuck him. He's so good at basketball. Yeah. But that not

43:15

kids. Really? Did

43:16

you get back to me? two words,

43:17

bro. Rafferty,

43:20

center.

43:22

Okay. I got a few more words. What?

43:24

Did you ever get laid from playing basketball?

43:26

Yes. Do you know what I mean? My

43:28

school my school was, like, very, like, a sports oriented

43:31

school school. JV or Varsity. Varsity. How many

43:34

years? Two.

43:34

I played

43:36

junior and senior. And

43:38

you balled? Yeah. Hard?

43:40

I pulled

43:41

hard is it aggressive? Right. Were you were

43:43

you starting? Or No. No. No. No. What

43:45

you were getting pussy

43:46

off bench Yeah. Dude, two

43:48

two this is funny. This is

43:50

funny concept. This is a very funny

43:54

concept. This

43:54

is a very funny guy. Dude, my football player is not

43:57

available. No. I mean, they were, but they

43:59

went shit. But I think

43:59

the the like

44:02

basketball I

44:03

mean, my school was very basketball and football oriented. So if

44:05

you basketball play more condensed, it's also

44:08

less people on the team, less people on also,

44:10

like, you can you're

44:12

seeing all the time. your calves are

44:14

showing. Yeah. But football, like, give a helmet on

44:16

all kind of shit. Yeah. But, like, basketball,

44:18

there's thirteen of us, and they're always you

44:20

know?

44:21

yeah But yeah. Yeah. What

44:22

do you remember, like, your

44:23

best game, like, your stats, triple double, what are

44:25

we talking? No. I actually don't

44:27

what

44:27

position were you? Point

44:30

guard. Oh,

44:30

oh point guard is,

44:31

like, the lead singer, the band. Right? You're, like, the

44:34

guy. Oh, so I'm shooting guard. It

44:36

just really it actually depends on the team. It depends

44:38

on I mean, you could be It depends on if

44:40

you're just like because you can be the leader of

44:42

the band. You just it doesn't matter what position. If

44:44

you're just the best, then you're like, oh, that's

44:47

Right. Okay. Okay. But point guard is where people tend

44:49

to look first. Yeah. Could you bring the ball

44:51

down? Right. But, like, game starting, alright, get the

44:53

ball to Michael. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You're the kind

44:55

you're the orc a conductor -- Yeah. -- orchestrator?

44:57

Is that a work? That's a work. Gotcha. get somebody. Gabe is literally

45:00

doing, like, a, like, a all my test of doughy proposal

45:02

on here.

45:05

slow. Yeah. What's happening? Are you okay? Yeah. Yeah. No.

45:07

We're good. I'm just I'm I

45:09

was

45:09

trying something. Oh, alright. That

45:12

it might be cool if it works.

45:14

Interesting.

45:14

A hundred percent, he's signed up for

45:16

T Mobile right now. Got it. Did

45:18

you walk around

45:18

campus with, like, little basketball swag? Like,

45:21

a little Yeah. I'll be on

45:23

Yeah. Especially on Game Day because on Game Day

45:25

-- Game Day. -- because on Game Day Day, let

45:27

us wear you're gonna make fun of me. But

45:29

their letters were blazers. And just imagine we had, like,

45:31

uniforms. Right? So anything that the school that

45:33

allows you to wear that push you away

45:35

from everyone? You look cool

45:37

shit. So they Let us let us wear

45:39

sick Yeah. And want you wear, like, blazers. I'm like dickies. What are we

45:42

talking? No. Same same uniform. So we

45:44

had khakis

45:46

like, dress shoes and then -- Yeah. -- like

45:48

a shirt shirt tie probably no.

45:51

I definitely do. Somewhere. Sure. Sure tie

45:53

and then I'd wear, like,

45:56

a jacket. But, like, no one was allowed to wear jackets unless it was day.

45:58

So every so there's very

45:59

cold. What's that? No. No. No. No. Like

46:01

like like

46:02

sport jackets.

46:02

Oh. You don't talk Like,

46:06

yeah. Like, master's jacket. A hundred percent. Yeah.

46:08

But ever I remember, dude, I tried to do

46:10

anything I could to just look different,

46:12

especially in even in

46:14

that context. So I went to I

46:16

went to, like,

46:16

goodwill. Second reference to goodwill. I went to goodwill. And I

46:18

got,

46:18

like, this, like, camel

46:20

hair, like, gray gray

46:23

and, like, burnt orange jacket.

46:26

Just to

46:26

just to be just it was, like, it looked

46:28

wild. Mhmm. And I wear, like,

46:30

a wild tie Just to just And how did

46:32

you play that night? That I mean, there

46:35

was a jacket award every day. Oh, really? Yeah. Damn.

46:37

Yeah. I didn't have, like, a slew of jackets. Did

46:39

you have offers for basketball? No.

46:41

No. No. Officer was Busy.

46:45

Busy. Yeah. Dude, I was

46:47

I played golf. A golf was, like,

46:49

more of my sport. That's what I'm

46:51

going? Yeah. I'm an athlete, bro. Did you

46:53

ever get laid off a

46:56

golf?

46:57

I mean, no. Yeah.

46:59

That's great. because there's no

47:00

audience. But there's no audience. Also, golf is

47:02

not big in my school. Like, no one gave a

47:04

fuck. I don't know if it's big in any

47:07

Like, it definitely is in the golf world, but no

47:09

girl's like, oh my god. Is that

47:11

right?

47:11

Oh, like, impression on? Professional, but I'm saying

47:14

when he was coming up. I think so, dude.

47:16

I think if you, like

47:17

because if it's televised, to

47:20

be good at look, to be good, good at golf,

47:22

you're good since you were, like,

47:24

ten. But

47:24

So Right. So you're playing in tournaments? Like, you're playing like

47:26

the US amateurs. So when

47:28

when you're that good, there's a

47:31

buzz around you. You

47:32

know what I mean? because, like, we weren't a tennis player that was fucking

47:35

gross. So you have buzz. It sounds like, you know

47:37

what I do. But it's like But it but it but it

47:39

the buzz between golfers, football

47:42

crazy. If there's a guy who's getting looked at by North Dakota state,

47:45

they're like, whoa. That's Jackson. There's no

47:47

other buzz. But for golf, there's no buzz

47:49

because nobody's really watching at

47:51

the I'm in community of golf, they know it, but Well,

47:53

what I'm saying is if you were if you were

47:56

like, we had one tennis player at our

47:58

school that

48:00

was forget

48:00

where he went, but he was, like, nasty. So there were buzz around

48:02

him

48:02

because everyone knew they don't give a fuck

48:04

about tennis. But everyone knew who was he was Okay.

48:06

They didn't have to watch one game. Correct. Oh,

48:09

you're walking around like what I'm saying? Yeah. You're walking around campus

48:11

being like, damn my father. This you I I

48:13

don't know anything about tennis. Yeah. But I knew that he

48:15

was and so so there's one else. It seems to

48:17

be like, if you watch the Tiger Woods documentary, like, no

48:19

one went to go watch and play. But

48:22

there was buzz around it because everyone's

48:24

like, that dude is So in high school, he

48:26

got I guess in my head,

48:28

they had to watch the game to

48:30

understand the hype behind them. Of course,

48:32

basketball, football always had

48:34

an audience. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Anywhere where it's a controlled,

48:36

like, student section to know. But I

48:38

but I guess there's also those people that

48:40

were like, Oh, yeah. They're

48:42

really good at Well, you know, it's also high school. There's

48:44

to spread a rumor takes, like, a a

48:46

fucking one hour. Yeah. So one person is, like,

48:48

oh, that dude's an ESPN magazine. It was losing a fucking

48:50

Right. I remember one kid in sixth grade. He was a extra on or he

48:52

was a stunt double in let me

48:55

let me sneak it. What's the series of unfortunate

48:57

Yeah. It wasn't Jim Carey in

48:59

the Yep. He was a stunt double in that, and he left

49:01

for, like, a month, and he came back in

49:04

the whole school, you know. Was he --

49:06

Yeah. --

49:08

seconds? Right. I'm pretty sure he was, like, the first guy to, like,

49:10

receive some sexual favor from a woman. One

49:12

hundred percent. I swear to god. Dude, one hundred percent

49:14

he got jerked off behind a Dave and Buzzard's

49:17

And and it was Did he race on Lemony Stink it?

49:19

Do he downplayed as a yeah, you know? Like,

49:21

I just do stunts and

49:23

shit, you know. so cool. I was like, what?

49:25

I just learned how to do an Ollie this

49:27

weekend. I've been mowing

49:30

me. That guy's smoking

49:32

fucking mountain Dewey on something right

49:34

now. You know what I mean?

49:36

He's not doing great. Oh, wow.

49:38

He's not doing great. God.

49:40

Smokey mountain dew. I love mountain dew.

49:42

It's so good. I thought there's nothing

49:44

else there

49:44

about to go opposite direction. No, sir. No,

49:47

sir. Code Red? I'll beat you guys up right now for a cyclical red.

49:49

You do a cyclical red guy to me. Big. Game

49:52

fuel? Kill everyone.

49:52

So What's

49:53

the blue mountain dude? Voltage. I love it.

49:56

That's what I'm

49:58

gonna share. It's on my tour writer. It I literally have it at shows.

49:59

Really? Yeah. That's great. I, like, said it jokingly

50:02

and then How about that? The tour

50:04

manager was like, I can make

50:06

that happen. and one just said he didn't

50:08

have it. He was like, hey, I'm so sorry. I don't have it. I was

50:10

like,

50:10

oh, alright. And I'm just saying,

50:12

boys, I don't know. You fucking there

50:14

was there was one even at had that feeling of someone be I

50:16

apologize. And they're like, I don't I I couldn't give

50:18

a fuck less, but they come at you like it's

50:20

such a big there was like, what I

50:23

forget what club it was. but they apologized

50:25

profusely for not bringing in the

50:26

the fruit in like a quote unquote

50:29

timely manner

50:29

or whatever. And I was like, oh my god.

50:31

It doesn't matter at all.

50:32

but they're so used to,

50:35

like, you know, entertainers

50:36

losing their fucking name. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

50:38

Oh my god, dude. I don't Don't ever bring

50:41

the fruit. It doesn't even matter. Yeah. I feel like I feel bad. All I need is water

50:43

and some coffee, and I'll be like, sure. Yeah. Water

50:45

coffee and whatever the hell. I've

50:47

been really pushing

50:48

the five hour, Angeliki. And they've been, like, really they've

50:50

been, like, great about it. That's awesome. It's just it's

50:52

nice. So I don't have to fucking worry about this. Like, just

50:54

going Oh, yeah. The last thing you wanna do is be, like, heading

50:56

to a show, like, where's fucking gas station. I don't know how

50:58

to do real city. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. What

51:01

the hell we talk? We were talking

51:03

about high school getting blown

51:06

for sports. something.

51:06

I had something. I was wearing a burnt sienna jacket.

51:08

And then Again, laid

51:10

off the

51:11

bench. Laid off the bench. Laid off

51:13

the bench

51:13

is crazy.

51:16

What We're talking about football behind the bench. A lot of

51:18

people. Okay. I'm just

51:19

gonna Dude, I remember

51:20

I ran I was running tracking

51:23

my shirt off.

51:26

bitches.

51:26

Were you Jackson back

51:29

in high school? I mean,

51:31

you know, Jack, there's a fourteen year

51:33

old boy can be, you

51:36

know, but That's an interesting thing to

51:38

say. But, dude, I

51:40

mean, like, I thought I was Jack and I as well. Like, it

51:42

worked -- You weren't. -- t shirts.

51:44

I wasn't. I saw one bicep band. I was well, sleeves.

51:46

Bye. I don't know

51:48

what it is about. Just like you start working

51:49

off like a day and you're

51:51

like, oh, and I'm either gonna buy

51:53

the tighter shirt in the world. Yep. Cut the sleeves

51:56

off. One or the

51:57

other. Dude, that that's fucking like nine months

51:59

I took I was like, oh, I'm a superhero.

52:01

Ever move that way. I have fought a refrigerator. I don't

52:03

even shit. God. I

52:05

wanna do

52:08

it again. Depot? I wanna do fucking

52:10

yoke for one podcast to it.

52:12

He's so funny. Why not? No. That's what's

52:14

funny about your adult.

52:17

You can do

52:18

it. Are steroids illegal

52:19

still? I don't think I

52:22

mean, I

52:22

don't know anything, but I think

52:25

it's funny. It'll be

52:25

so funny to just like a what is it called

52:27

a cycle? Yeah. Like a cycle of debottes

52:29

get jacked. Just walk around, just

52:32

break in

52:34

microphones. Just get an

52:34

anger for no reason. Someone happens. I just go for I just

52:36

gonna cry and fight them. They're like, what the

52:38

fuck man? We watch your clips online. You're

52:41

super awesome man. is definitely

52:44

still legal. Legal. Legal. Legal.

52:46

Legal. Legal. You can do

52:48

it. Really? What do you buy it? I remember when I

52:50

was at GNC, if I wanna sketch the guy

52:52

was like, No. I sell them if you need it. I I got it. But, like, they weren't on

52:54

a shelf or anything? No. I was out of the

52:56

truck of, like, a Nissan

52:58

LEAF. But yeah. I mean, I don't even

53:00

know where

53:02

you get does she

53:02

made? And what is it? on

53:04

Leaf. pentagon. Someone

53:06

Do you want me to say yes to that the

53:09

the name? a lot. So many cars. Ugliest car you can think

53:11

of race that go? A

53:13

prowler. A Plymouth

53:15

prowler. Plymouth. That don't make sense

53:17

anymore, dude. I know. You ever

53:19

seen a Pontiac Aztec? Yep.

53:21

Dumb. Those that's the car that

53:24

Walter White drove. Right? I don't

53:25

know. You don't

53:28

watch anything? Yeah.

53:28

It is. It is. No. Do you you

53:30

actually would

53:31

breaking bad. You never watched it?

53:33

No. Do

53:34

you you of all people

53:36

would fucking love it. Really? I think

53:38

you would really love it. I saw Aaron Paul at a smoothie

53:40

shop one time. Aaron Paul

53:41

said it's basically watching

53:44

it. Funny

53:46

comedy podcast. he's a short lad. Yeah. I thought the oh, yeah. He's, like, five,

53:48

six. Yeah. What a short

53:49

pitch? He can act, man. Oh, you

53:51

know, he's great. What happened

53:53

to his career? He's still doing shit. He's in a I'm

53:55

on Apple show. Right? Yeah. He was he was on, like,

53:57

a Hulu show, which was

53:59

not good.

54:00

not good did a, like,

54:02

a, like, a cult leader or something. He was I was

54:04

so excited because it was his first role. Well, he was getting type

54:06

tested just because of breaking bad. It's

54:09

it's

54:09

so far after he's done from breaking bad. I don't

54:11

think so. So he's still doing it,

54:14

though? Still acting? Yeah. I mean,

54:15

I'm sure it's still acting, but what what is he what is

54:17

he doing recently? I mean, I know he was

54:19

in a movie be so good. Like, a Indy sci fi

54:21

that looks really good called the

54:23

fucking You know, he

54:25

wasn't supposed to be in the

54:28

show. Right? Bring him back. He was supposed to be in, like, the first III

54:30

might be miss speaking, but I think he might have

54:33

literally supposed to have been in the first

54:35

episode, like, the pilot. are

54:37

made. I just crushed it and I'm like Yeah. because

54:39

I think he might he might have like a Three

54:41

times a lot. or something. And the chemistry was

54:43

so bananas. They were like, well, let's just keep going.

54:45

He did horseman. He Right. He's in

54:48

Westworld. Both Oh,

54:50

he's -- Oh, he's crushing my bed. -- I forgot

54:52

he's in Westworld. Yeah. He's Jorge

54:54

is so funny. You're using it?

54:56

I've seen parts of it. Oh, dude. It's so good.

54:58

One of the better animations. I actually don't I

55:01

don't think Trevor would love breaking I

55:03

think if

55:03

he if he was able to, like, really sit down and give it a chance, but it's kind

55:05

of a slow burn. I feel like

55:07

it takes some I

55:10

mean?

55:10

so worth it, bro. Like, I think I

55:12

think if you, like, said hello, telephone, cell

55:14

phone, you're gonna go in the bathroom for

55:16

a second. I'm just gonna watch this.

55:18

Well, my phone goes into the bathroom.

55:20

Oh, not a comment. God. Oh, guys.

55:23

Guys. Guys. Big

55:25

news. Come update. Big

55:27

news. Why don't I just did my did you say it up

55:29

down towards it? No.

55:32

I got a monitor Like

55:34

a

55:35

bigger monitor. Hold up. Yeah. And what did you

55:37

monitor? And the second My

55:40

girlfriend decided

55:41

to do it Aaron, 00I

55:44

did an error in my cell. You went to

55:46

grab something and you went to grab something.

55:50

cock. Dude,

55:52

it was It was

55:52

great. We should do a comment give it to me. We should do a comment for my

55:54

guys. So, dude, oh my god. You're on

55:56

your you're on your phone, like, idiot. Dude,

55:59

how all about convenience? antibodies.

56:01

I jerk along a Swiss army knife.

56:04

Alright. What? Nothing funny.

56:06

I'd

56:06

like to

56:07

say this. So on on the

56:09

the the monitor I have. The whole time I talk about golf ball, none of this registered with you I

56:11

didn't remember. I'm sorry. I just literally just looked up there and I

56:13

thought about it. Sorry.

56:16

How big oh, go ahead. I'll

56:17

stop in and out of town. Oh oh, so

56:19

on the the the fucking monitor, you can do I

56:21

mean, I'm sure there's all technology you guys

56:23

like, no shit. but I never

56:25

done you can do split screens. So I'm just gonna

56:27

have two fucking screens. You can you can do split

56:29

screen on a

56:30

normal laptop? I know it's it's too

56:32

small. You

56:35

know, who oh, goo in the dog. Yeah. Goo in. I was fucking goo in

56:37

the end. I was in, like, on a desk chair.

56:39

Did you have headphones in?

56:42

Yes.

56:42

I did. I was so scared. What? Aaron, did your girl do the

56:44

DMV of Broken noon, dude. I had

56:47

I was so I was so

56:49

scared. I had one Dude,

56:51

isn't the worst? One ain't one nervous, so like And I

56:53

left nervous about coming, dude.

56:56

I I lied. I forgot my I

56:58

think I just goofed up. I locked both

57:01

locks

57:01

on on the front door. You know what? These just

57:03

don't lock the key, but I need I need all

57:06

the things in the world. But

57:08

if

57:08

she knew you're home and she felt one

57:10

unlock. She backed, that's interesting. She felt another unlock. She goes, oh, he's going

57:12

in. Maybe she's going for in

57:14

front of him. Not in front, but, like,

57:18

in the bedroom, but goons We're gonna come up with some type of, like, if

57:20

there's if there's, like, a a tie on the door,

57:22

I'm jargon. I'm cock. Yeah.

57:25

Something For yours, it would be, like,

57:27

a fishnet or something. Okay.

57:28

Yeah. I like it. I try to

57:30

think of something funner. Some blood splat.

57:33

There

57:33

you go. So double locked

57:35

up. Double locked up. One air pocket.

57:38

locked up. One air pocket. One telephone numbers. I so

57:40

I left the right one open so I can right door opened.

57:42

You guys don't share each other's location, do

57:44

you? No. That's the time where it's helpful.

57:46

at the power helpful Oh,

57:48

fuck.

57:48

If she still burns a noble,

57:50

you ain't even got a locked in door. Fuck

57:52

it. Open it. That is

57:54

a

57:54

great, great, great

57:58

point. That's for her

57:58

location. Well, share

57:59

yours. Well, it's about

58:02

to happen.

58:02

That's a great point.

58:05

I I literally text her three different times. I

58:07

was like,

58:07

so what's your plan? What do

58:09

you It's

58:10

fucking yeah. That like, I

58:12

mean, that's I think we're just used to because that's how

58:14

we were raised with our parents. Yeah. Mom's

58:16

like, I'm gonna go to CVS. Do you

58:19

think you're like, which CVS? Yeah.

58:21

The one in Old town the one street one in Wisconsin.

58:25

I

58:26

didn't know how much

58:27

time I got. I think

58:29

parents knew when they're asking that question. One hundred percent If

58:31

I tell my child,

58:33

almost a child

58:35

and son. John? If

58:37

I tell

58:37

my child that I'm leaving somewhere,

58:39

any s any questions --

58:41

Mhmm. -- you're touching yourself. One hundred

58:43

percent. You're touching yourself.

58:45

Dude, I'm asking my mom. I'm doing

58:47

a mailbox. Which one?

58:48

Do you need are you getting a

58:51

package

58:51

or are you getting envelopes? What's

58:53

your walk back speed? because I'm

58:55

fucking this couch. Why would I

58:58

everything

58:58

is okay to fucking couch? I don't

59:00

know, but I did it. No.

59:02

We all did. No. Think my couch is fucking horror. I

59:05

would ride that bass. Like,

59:06

I I didn't even ride it. Thank you.

59:10

Reverse PoV. I picked it up

59:12

one time. It's too

59:14

much. It's been a

59:14

light ass couch. I hear you. I'm strong,

59:18

dude. So Oh,

59:19

one earbud in. Goonsolidating it.

59:21

Two fucking Two screens up.

59:23

Two screens. Two different boards. So we're talking

59:25

a laptop or just

59:28

split screen on the monitor. Mhmm.

59:30

I don't

59:30

know how to do monitor in

59:31

the laptop. I just got the monitor. I don't know how

59:33

to work it yet. Two

59:36

even points on the fucking monitor.

59:38

It was insane. Where's

59:40

your phone? Who

59:41

Use a fucking

59:44

dumb phone. It's probably

59:45

in the fucking Who

59:47

cares? Outside? Whatever. Could have been goonin' it.

59:49

I could have been goonin' it. So to I

59:52

was so nice. because you got a

59:54

Swiss screen, you got two different

59:56

pennies. You got two different

59:58

revolvers. Got two mouths.

59:59

Yes. Four

1:00:02

tits. two cops, two mouths. Here's the thing.

1:00:04

I had one screen, girl, PoV

1:00:06

sucking my dick. I said my dick. I

1:00:08

know what I said. And the other

1:00:13

And the other

1:00:15

one, double boja.

1:00:17

I had three bids. That's just

1:00:19

so funny about porn.

1:00:22

How

1:00:22

many women you want? You watch women. You'll get utters for porn,

1:00:24

dog. You had three cocks on? No.

1:00:28

Two cocks. Three ladies.

1:00:30

Oh. Yeah. That's that dude, that's

1:00:32

that's a point I'm getting into. Just

1:00:34

double blow

1:00:35

job. Could you just pretend he's you?

1:00:38

Yes, sir.

1:00:39

yes Yes. I

1:00:40

even talk to her. Yeah. Get it.

1:00:42

Do you? Yeah. When somebody's

1:00:44

like, what was that? Half of you,

1:00:46

bitch. Oh, yeah. I just oh, yeah.

1:00:48

So so you'd be watching and just does it

1:00:51

for

1:00:51

you. Dice on it. Remember how I

1:00:53

said,

1:00:53

God for four years,

1:00:54

you didn't give a fuck. I click

1:00:57

on your end to it. Val Do the

1:00:59

double blow job. Val you the

1:01:02

the problem with the double blow job

1:01:04

is

1:01:04

when you go back to the single,

1:01:06

you go, hey,

1:01:07

something seems to be missing. I

1:01:08

think y'all forgotten appetizer here.

1:01:10

Chili's. Yeah. What the hell? just

1:01:13

got jalapeno farmers. I order case it is too. You're

1:01:16

sitting like you're about to get your assayed. I would like

1:01:18

it. Well, I my

1:01:20

I haven't filmed my butt. It's there's

1:01:22

hair in there. I gotta get in there. Yeah. I haven't

1:01:25

given the old trim trim in

1:01:27

a little bit. Yeah. It's a

1:01:28

little little four sti. There's like a

1:01:31

pine cone stuck in there. Mans

1:01:33

kit. That's what I'm saying. better help dot com. Insert

1:01:35

all the ads. Alright. Should we

1:01:37

get into

1:01:38

a little SokTok. SokTok.

1:01:42

SokTok. talk to my SOC. Yeah. Let's start with a SOC talk

1:01:44

here. This is a Somebody asked me the other day

1:01:46

why we call it SOC stiff SOCs.

1:01:49

I was like, What

1:01:50

do you think? Yeah. I can't I have to explain

1:01:53

to you, don't listen. That is

1:01:55

true.

1:01:55

If you don't

1:01:58

know the

1:01:59

the example of

1:02:00

what it is. Yep. You can't explain

1:02:02

it. No. Well, there's semen in

1:02:04

a Reebok tube sack. Yeah. I What

1:02:07

type of sock is it? whatever

1:02:09

it's usually a tube socket, isn't it? Yeah. I'd say, but is there a brand that that comes

1:02:11

on? Come come. Probably Haney. This

1:02:13

is literally semen.

1:02:14

Yep. And people

1:02:17

what is this? It's calm. When the guy walking past

1:02:19

our office the other day? Yeah. I told you guys when I was at the

1:02:21

podcast. The guy goes, are you a part

1:02:23

of

1:02:23

the

1:02:25

Stifsock office? What

1:02:28

do

1:02:28

you guys sell over there? What what do you?

1:02:30

Come here. Yeah. Come here. Sit

1:02:31

down. You're ready to sweat from your aerials.

1:02:34

Sit down. I'll tell you

1:02:36

exactly where it is. Tell you now.

1:02:38

Here's

1:02:38

a flashlight from Kenric Son and herself.

1:02:41

Enjoy it. I haven't

1:02:43

tried one

1:02:43

of those in

1:02:46

a while. A flashlight? Yeah. One is the

1:02:46

last name you jerked your cop with a flashlight. Been a minute.

1:02:48

Yeah. But I will say there was one in

1:02:50

our storage. You took it? I'm

1:02:52

about to take your home tonight.

1:02:54

Is

1:02:55

it the butthole one? Yeah. Yeah. I gotta fuck the butthole.

1:02:57

So curious. Yeah. Me too. I'll bring it back

1:02:59

as blockbuster. Clockbuster. Title. Hey. Maybe. I

1:03:01

think there's another one. It

1:03:04

doesn't matter. If I use it after you, is that okay? It's like

1:03:06

in the world of

1:03:07

It's fun. Yeah. It's

1:03:09

just

1:03:10

like using

1:03:11

someone else's fork. Like, there's

1:03:13

a bunch of

1:03:13

forks at my house. What was this going on? You're

1:03:16

gonna use a fork that I'd used before. What does

1:03:18

this going to chop your fingers on

1:03:20

it? Chinese finger drill? No.

1:03:22

No. No. No fire drill. No fire drill.

1:03:24

Chinese Hangouts. Yeah. It's like that.

1:03:25

Except you're not on the

1:03:27

other Correct.

1:03:28

I think you put your finger on the others. I think my exam was much better.

1:03:30

Yeah. Sure. Sure. Sure. Yeah. because you you gave

1:03:34

it. What are we doing?

1:03:36

Alright. Stockton. If we don't have merch,

1:03:38

the next merch app that says Gabe cut it, I'll

1:03:40

cut myself. Go ahead.

1:03:41

This is a good merch and it's Gothic.

1:03:43

sound.

1:03:43

Yeah. Gothic. That's

1:03:46

the title. Yeah. And the just a

1:03:48

goth a goth lady with, like, really

1:03:50

great body, but instead of a goth lady face,

1:03:53

It's yours. Or it's like a

1:03:55

photo like a casket and

1:03:57

then there's space from the

1:03:59

back of the ass. cast,

1:04:01

ask it. I'm running low

1:04:03

on fumes here. It's fine. My my

1:04:05

check engine light's been on for a minute now, mentally. And,

1:04:07

you know, we're seeing you getting some stock talk.

1:04:09

Yeah. we go. is a this is a good one.

1:04:11

This is from Thomas who says my girlfriend

1:04:13

jerks me off with her feet while I eat

1:04:15

her out. It's

1:04:18

pretty awesome. I'm sorry.

1:04:20

Following the hell. What in

1:04:22

the twisters going on here? Yeah. I don't even What

1:04:24

so the Anty Ann's pretzel is happening.

1:04:26

Girlfriend jerks him off with her feet while he eats

1:04:29

her out. It's not real. Wait. Oh, hold

1:04:31

up. Hold up. So she's like so

1:04:33

she's like this.

1:04:34

though she's like this reverse

1:04:36

that and he's see, I mean, he

1:04:39

has to be super flexible. Mhmm. Right?

1:04:41

because

1:04:43

right it's

1:04:43

like this. Or, no.

1:04:45

What is she sitting on top of him?

1:04:47

Like, she's being odds Oh, yeah. Yeah. No.

1:04:49

They're like they're both facing the

1:04:52

same way. What?

1:04:52

Her she's, like, sitting on his face like this. Her feet are facing this

1:04:55

way. She's doing this. He's underneath.

1:04:58

Oh. Okay? Your

1:05:00

glass bottom boat. Okay.

1:05:09

the

1:05:11

There it is.

1:05:13

That does. If you're in

1:05:15

the ocean looking down and

1:05:17

the ocean looking up, My what? because you're looking

1:05:19

down at the ocean. The ocean is

1:05:22

looking up at the boat. The ocean

1:05:24

is look up.

1:05:26

He's eating vagina. I got that. And he's looking up.

1:05:28

So he's the ocean. The boat is

1:05:30

her. Okay. And the glasses are

1:05:34

cooler. and sit in on his face. Whatever the feet.

1:05:36

Barnacles? I don't fucking know,

1:05:40

Josh. Yeah. Well, the feet no. The feet

1:05:42

are the front of

1:05:44

the boat. fish are

1:05:45

real. Isn't that insane? Fish don't

1:05:47

know chickens exist. That's

1:05:50

crazy. Do fish or just chickens

1:05:51

of the sea?

1:05:53

They have gills.

1:05:54

First of all, fish

1:05:56

can They get

1:05:57

oxygen out of

1:05:59

the ocean. Weird.

1:06:00

weird

1:06:01

stupid. And there's fish that has not

1:06:03

even been discovered in the ocean. That's why.

1:06:06

What the fuck? Do they know that? What?

1:06:07

Do they know that? They're like, bitch, I've been I've been

1:06:10

around. You know, gonna validate me. Do you think they're pissed that they haven't been

1:06:12

discovered?

1:06:12

Everyone's world. Like, underground rappers are, like,

1:06:14

fucking sign me. Yeah. Like, blah. Yeah. That's

1:06:16

true. Let's see. Goldfish, like, fucking mainstream,

1:06:19

pussy sell out. goldfish is like golden retriever's of the water

1:06:21

climate. I'll take it. Yeah. Catfish. But, like, everyone's aware

1:06:24

there'll be an article, it'll be like an ugly assfish, like,

1:06:26

this new

1:06:28

fucking scuba land fish fuck was discovered in the who

1:06:30

cares? I bet you that fish is pissed. Yeah.

1:06:32

Now that you What is that?

1:06:35

he always says an LED bulb on his head. Foxy looking for

1:06:38

posing. He is looking for posing. I

1:06:40

don't know.

1:06:42

in

1:06:42

the nightclub. Hey. What the hell? That would be funny. The nightclub,

1:06:45

you were those one of the things that you're going, like,

1:06:47

rock climbing on top of your head. Yeah. And just

1:06:49

in the club like

1:06:49

that. Well, just

1:06:52

looking at business. Girls do that. But with a GoPro on the forehead and upload it

1:06:54

to pornhub dot com, then you watch it.

1:06:56

What? Female PoV. Oh,

1:06:58

yeah. Yeah. I've watched it. That's

1:07:01

all you guys. I'm blacked out.

1:07:04

Alright. Alright. So you could talk to him. So you could talk?

1:07:06

None of us admission says this says

1:07:08

the first time I jerked off in

1:07:10

a tractor, I had nothing to clean

1:07:12

up with except a piece of paper. Jesus Christ. I would hope you didn't have anything

1:07:14

with you. I was trying to fucking farmers only

1:07:18

buy up. But what was

1:07:20

the piece of paper? Like the

1:07:22

like the instructions, the insurance card?

1:07:24

Yeah. It's gotta be registration. Also,

1:07:26

the tractor, no doors. come out the window. Yeah.

1:07:28

Come on the Fertilize. You're gonna come

1:07:30

on the crops? Come on the corn. Yeah.

1:07:32

No. Corn on the come? Corn

1:07:34

on the come? Close.

1:07:36

Why We're Come on the flannel. On

1:07:38

the tractor. As I'm saying,

1:07:40

there's so many exits you could've gone. Just

1:07:42

take your John Deere hat off and come in

1:07:46

Do farmers more cow

1:07:47

hatcher? That's like

1:07:49

conflicting cultures?

1:07:50

called her

1:07:51

I

1:07:53

don't know what they were.

1:07:55

Farmers? I have no

1:07:57

idea.

1:07:57

I don't know. I've never met have I met

1:07:59

yeah. I haven't met a

1:07:59

farmer. They're like nice people in the

1:08:02

fucking world. our

1:08:03

farmers only really be people really be like -- Mhmm. --

1:08:05

dude, there is something

1:08:06

hot about

1:08:07

a farmer chick. Okay.

1:08:10

Some hot about there's

1:08:12

also some hot about a cowboy lady or

1:08:14

however you're supposed to label it.

1:08:16

he was labeled cow woman.

1:08:18

Show girl. Yep. My mom literally I'll start my mom on the wedding studio

1:08:20

and she says, guess

1:08:21

what, Michael? I'm gonna sign up to

1:08:23

cuddle a cow.

1:08:27

What? Yep. Why? You heard what I said?

1:08:29

I do not know. She's like,

1:08:30

you literally she's like, does

1:08:32

a farm buy

1:08:34

our house? that you

1:08:35

can sign up and cuddle cows.

1:08:37

She's like, cows are

1:08:39

the puppies.

1:08:41

They're like puppies. or

1:08:43

there's actual puppies. Yeah. I think it'd

1:08:45

be kind of fun to cut

1:08:46

a look out. They're just big. But

1:08:48

it's funny if it it's like if

1:08:50

it Was anybody but your mom? I'd, like, wanna hate it. But if

1:08:52

your mom, I mean, like, yeah. Have fun. Yeah. Be happy.

1:08:55

Maybe cuddle and cow to get

1:08:56

thirsty. Just drink some

1:08:58

milk. They always have milk. I don't

1:09:00

think you

1:09:01

just drink milk out of piss. You got a pasteurize

1:09:03

that shit. The cow ones Yeah.

1:09:04

It's

1:09:05

like illegal to

1:09:07

drink unpacturized milk. really? Like like legit illegal.

1:09:09

I'd probably

1:09:10

do that, so people don't be fucking

1:09:11

I've got a

1:09:14

mix

1:09:14

of Luvs, be like, Guys, holy

1:09:17

shit dude. Thank you so much

1:09:19

for watching and

1:09:21

listening. It

1:09:23

means the world tour, friend and reminder, we have a Patreon. You got

1:09:25

four extra episodes, drops every Friday,

1:09:27

ad free. We

1:09:30

have over a hundred fifty back catalog of episodes

1:09:32

that are fire. We interviewed Gabe and

1:09:34

plenty of other fucking fire episodes.

1:09:36

Go on patreon dot com black slash

1:09:39

stiff socks pod that is patreon dot com backslash sift

1:09:41

socks pod. Only five dollars a month

1:09:43

for extra episodes. It helps us out and it

1:09:45

supports the pod and we really appreciate if you guys

1:09:47

can do that. We also have

1:09:50

Apple plus, which gives the same bonus episodes, but audio only. So

1:09:52

definitely do that, the Apple or

1:09:54

page on our Comback slash Sift

1:09:56

StartsPod. We

1:09:58

also have my dad next week. I'm pretty sure

1:10:00

he's locked in if he can move around

1:10:02

and scrabble games and chess at the

1:10:04

park. He's gonna pull up So maybe where should

1:10:07

people ask questions that they wanna ask my father?

1:10:09

We should put up Instagram stories. Well, you

1:10:11

can ask from sorry. So

1:10:13

follow the Instagram SubSox pod.

1:10:15

If you don't already, Great

1:10:16

clips. Yep. Not the

1:10:17

haircut place, but there's great clips on

1:10:19

there.

1:10:19

Stiff's socks, Bob. My

1:10:21

father's gonna be on it. I'll probably

1:10:23

cry. out

1:10:24

there. But on a final note, we love you

1:10:26

guys and we want you to indulge in the Patreon

1:10:30

because it is an episode every week, so check it out. It's the

1:10:32

same funny hilarious content that we put out

1:10:34

weekly. So here's a quick little sneak

1:10:37

peek of

1:10:39

last week's Patreon. to Bill Clinton

1:10:40

got blown in the Oval Office and

1:10:42

came on

1:10:43

out of branches. That's when

1:10:45

you know you're the man.

1:10:47

Yeah. You played the saxophone?

1:10:48

Circle up in

1:10:50

Arkansas. Got

1:10:53

on

1:10:53

Etsy's jet. Again, things we

1:10:55

can't talk about. Him and his

1:10:57

wife killed

1:10:58

about a thousand people probably.

1:11:00

Let's not talk

1:11:01

about that though. You know? just start with

1:11:03

him getting fucking blown coming on dresses. Remember that?

1:11:06

What? Remember that there's a come

1:11:08

dress. There's a come dress?

1:11:10

Yeah. What are you talking

1:11:12

about? she came on her dress. Bill

1:11:14

Clinton came on

1:11:14

a dress. You don't have that? Oh, Monica

1:11:17

Lewinsky dress. Monica

1:11:20

Lewinsky dress. and they were like, why is

1:11:22

her common address? First of all, dry

1:11:23

cleaners. Yeah. Second of all. Yeah. Well, I don't know why you What

1:11:25

did she say it was? Did she deny it or was

1:11:27

she like, I was not she

1:11:30

was like Krispy Kreme. She didn't know.

1:11:32

It

1:11:34

came

1:11:35

on Well,

1:11:37

Well, this is great. Am I misremembering this

1:11:39

whole thing? I thought the real thing. Well, this is after Oh, there it is. And they sold on eBay for

1:11:41

thirty million dollars. Holy

1:11:43

shit. I'm joking. Was

1:11:47

this after like a formal event? Can we see

1:11:49

what Monica looked like that night? She

1:11:51

was bad, really? Looks

1:11:52

like that's them together.

1:11:53

Offered one million by Las

1:11:56

Vegas sex museum dress. Sell it. Yeah. Oh,

1:11:58

yeah. Well, here's what I'm scraping some of

1:11:59

the nut off and then I'm selling

1:12:00

it. Yeah. I'm putting it

1:12:02

I'm putting it into, like,

1:12:03

a little see

1:12:06

what God, that's a lot of color. There's

1:12:08

no way. That's it. That's not it. That presidential load, you know,

1:12:10

stressed out. You gotta beat a blow low like that. Jesus.

1:12:13

you know how much money you could sell

1:12:15

Bill Clinton's semen for? I mean, crazy. I mean, easily,

1:12:18

you could sell, like, the the island of Tahiti for

1:12:20

the and come. I'm

1:12:22

getting a couple board eights for that

1:12:24

shit. Can you type in Monica Lindsay when

1:12:26

when she always have

1:12:27

her down there? Dude,

1:12:29

on him right. Left is bad. I'd I'd DM him right now.

1:12:31

For real. Alright. What's the what's the

1:12:36

most the recent picture of her when

1:12:38

she was beating Bill up. That's it. Is that it? Yeah. I guess so.

1:12:39

Yeah. Look at that. Look

1:12:41

at that smile's eyes. That's a man who's

1:12:43

got a nut off. Look

1:12:46

at that. He's not dealing with his hands. son.

1:12:49

He don't have a tie on. Have you

1:12:51

ever

1:12:51

seen a president on a tie on? Dude,

1:12:53

he just he used the tie to wrap around her hands. But he looks like he was at

1:12:55

a golf charity somewhere back in Arkansas. I'm

1:12:58

not gonna lie, dude.

1:13:01

chi a hot. Yeah. But, like, I think it was just one of those

1:13:03

words, like,

1:13:03

I just wanted a dirty night.

1:13:06

Yeah. Yeah. I mean,

1:13:08

you think you think you get horned up

1:13:10

in a hotel. And the oval office is the most horny place ever.

1:13:12

Yeah. I I feel like there's

1:13:15

no air movement. It's very stilled.

1:13:17

Static. Yeah. You're looking at pictures of fucking petty roads. The only time there's chairs. The only

1:13:19

time there's wind is when somebody sneezes too hard. Good

1:13:22

for him. Has there ever

1:13:24

been another president? I mean, the answer is yes. But has there ever

1:13:26

been another president got in trouble for this? Call on me. Yes, sir.

1:13:28

I don't know. But this camera's everywhere

1:13:30

in the White House. Right? Obviously, security.

1:13:34

There has to be footage of him getting

1:13:36

fucking domed up.

1:13:38

In the nineties though? No.

1:13:40

Wait. They just went by instinct?

1:13:42

That don't

1:13:42

think Somebody broke in. Who was it? I

1:13:44

don't know. He had

1:13:45

a beanie on. I feel like but it's

1:13:47

also a security issue to just be recording

1:13:49

in there all the time. What about But they but they have to watch them

1:13:51

and all go and well, maybe they just have guards or some shit.

1:13:53

So gauge do I do not think they have cameras

1:13:56

in the

1:13:58

in the Oval Office, ma'am. What

1:13:59

-- I can't take that away. -- because they

1:14:02

talk about wild shit in there. I knew, but,

1:14:04

like, there's no control

1:14:06

of it. the situation

1:14:06

room, how do you order food in that room? They're

1:14:08

talking about, like, he post meals in the

1:14:10

White House. What is the

1:14:11

address? One

1:14:14

hundred America? You know the address. It's a very famous

1:14:16

address.

1:14:17

Get his real address.

1:14:19

Can you imagine? What

1:14:23

is it? Can you imagine if that was the

1:14:25

address? The Gaiseberg address? Do you

1:14:27

have Monster Energy Drink?

1:14:29

Literally, there's this one

1:14:32

Monster Way. They have their own street and

1:14:34

fucking Can you just do that? Irvine, I think. Our next level up. We're getting the street

1:14:36

as we go

1:14:39

to Cumble abort.

1:14:41

Hope you enjoyed

1:14:41

that little highlight. Always a good time over at patreon dot com forward slash

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stifelix pod. One

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