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Do you ever feel like you're out growing alcohol

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, that you are longing for a deeper connection

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to life ? If alcohol is

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keeping you playing small and feels like

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the one area you just can't

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figure out , you are in the right place

1:05

. Hi , my name is Mary Wagstaff

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. I'm a holistic alcohol coach who

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ended a 20-year relationship to alcohol

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without labels , counting days or ever

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making excuses . Now I help

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powerful women just like you eliminate

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their desire to drink on their own terms

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. In this podcast , we will explore

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the revolutionary approach of my proven

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five-shifts process that

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gets alcohol out of your way by breaking

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all of the rules , and the profound

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experience that it is to rediscover

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who you are on the other side

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of alcohol . I am so thrilled

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to be your guide . Welcome

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to your journey of awakening . Welcome

1:46

back to the show . My beautiful listeners , what

1:48

is up ? Thank you for being here for

1:50

another year . Are

1:53

you in the podcast group yet ? Come

1:55

over there . We need all of you

1:57

and we want to have a conversation . It will be so

2:00

fun to connect . So the link

2:02

is in the show notes in

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Facebook . I'm over there , I'm

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hanging out and answering , asking

2:09

questions and just ready to engage with

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you . It's a really , actually a really amazing

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opportunity to get questions

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answered , to get feedback from other people who have been through

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the process . I have a lot of clients in there , so

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come on over . Yes

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, so today we are talking about autonomy

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. What exactly is

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autonomy ? We're going to look

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it up . It is the right

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or condition of self-government , this

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idea of really

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having self-agency

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government , government where

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you are making your

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own rules , you're living by your own standards

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, you're living your own life . Most

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people aren't doing this . We are doing

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it unconsciously . I've talked about this a lot on the

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show but I can't emphasize it enough . Autonomy

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is the number one reason that people

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continue to drink . The women I know continue to

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drink , especially at a later stage in your

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life , like motherhood era . Not

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to say that you need to be a mom , but motherhood

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era is autonomy is

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finding some sense of self while

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they're holding all of these labels

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. We have

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all of these stories about

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these rules

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that have been created . It's like

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this is my soapbox always the

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external rules of

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society and the

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things that we think are required

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. But you can unsubscribe

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. All you got to do is unsubscribe and just look the other

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way . I mean seriously . I

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know there are exceptions to this . I know

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that things need to be changed

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on a big level . What I'm telling

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you is the impact that you get to have and I've seen

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it with my clients and I've done it myself . The impact that

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you get to have on the world

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through simply raising

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your children or engaging

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with other people and being an example of what's possible

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is going to awaken other people

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, is going to create change . It has

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a ripple effect . You get

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to unsubscribe to

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the quote , unquote

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external governance

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of your life . Now we know

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there's certain things that we have to do , but again

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, it is all still a choice . If you don't pay

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your taxes , you're probably going to get audited

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at some point Maybe , maybe not , I don't

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know . There are consequences of that

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, but you still have a choice whether or not to send that

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in . That is a choice . This

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is what is so important is to remind

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yourself of where you have choice

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and to really

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be honest with yourself about

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the consequences , because we continue

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to run a narrative , too , of the past

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, where it's like , just because

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something happened in the past or to

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someone else is the way that it's going to

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be . That's why I can't do X

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, y and Z . The reason autonomy

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is so important when it comes to alcohol is

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because you use alcohol to try

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to find some sense of self-governance . I've

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talked about this as the wild woman , or that idea

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of rebelling or being quote unquote bad

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. You don't need that

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to give you permission to be bad

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. Take your clothes off and run across the road

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, I don't care . Do

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seriously . This is a level

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of maturity and just

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acknowledgement

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and making a decision . You

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get to make a decision today , no

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more . No one

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else is going to do it for me

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. So what you need to do if

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you have the thought my time is not

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my own , a you need to

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do an assessment and you need to talk about how

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that's not true and how , even

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if I've got to work to get

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money , to get food , well

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, you got to feed yourself somehow . Is

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it a privilege that you actually have a

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job ? Probably Right

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, so own it right

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. I hear

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you know it's like we have so

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many opportunities to create

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New experiences

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for us that we can always

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find something wrong with it

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. Look at

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where you're focusing your mind . What

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is the narrative you're telling yourself ? This

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is going to put you in the power position

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of creating agency and autonomy

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. You also get to create new

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opportunities for you to explore and have

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new experiences . So if

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the only way that you've created a sense

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of self , of autonomy , of

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this self-governance , is through the lens of

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alcohol , even when other

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people aren't around , right , like I know a lot

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for moms that are

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raising especially young children , it's

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like , oh my gosh , like this is my only time

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alone while the kids are around

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. It goes

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fast , right , it goes really fast

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. Is that the experience that you want to have , not from a

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place of shame or judgment , but from a place of curiosity

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? But also the

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curiosity in this arena

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is going to be your best friend . So

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, say , you do go out by yourself

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. You like to go have lunch or take yourself shopping

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, or to the movies , or to a Concert

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or to an art show , whatever it is . What

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is that experience like when you don't have

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a buffer , right , and how else can

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you create autonomy ? I always like

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to think of stepping into a role

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, right ? So if I want to go out by myself

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for an evening as

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my own autonomous person

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, I'm gonna think about what I'm wearing . I'm

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gonna . I'm gonna like , I'm

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gonna pre-game , right , I'm gonna turn on the music

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, I'm gonna get dialed up . Maybe I'm gonna wear a pair

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of boots that I don't normally wear . I'm gonna turn

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on some music in the

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car . I might even have an energy

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drink . Girl . Now , I

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know that is an external alteration , but

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if I'm gonna go out dancing until like one

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or two in the morning , I might need an energy drink

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. I'm just saying not always , but

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it's , it's happened . So

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you know like what

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, what does that look like for you ? Maybe you get a pedicure

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, create opportunities to explore and

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have new experiences . Look

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on meetupcom , go to a networking

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group , do so or do something different that's

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outside of the lens of anything you've

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ever associated with alcohol , to get comfortable

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doing that . And then you

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get to Reexamine are these

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things that I've done with alcohol on

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my own ? Do I enjoy them

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right ? Like , maybe , going out with some

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friends that you don't

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see often and normally you drink and

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gossip together . What I want

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to go out with those people when I'm not drinking ? Chances

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are maybe not right . Do

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I actually even like you

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know , like the movies , right

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you know ? Maybe I don't know

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? Right , what , what is it ? Go

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, have that experience from curiosity

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. Maybe you get to enjoy it even more

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. Maybe you're even more aware and

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give yourself time to transition

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. This is so important . Alcohol

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is the buffer of transition . We

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aren't robots , so

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we can't just like it's not a microsecond

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that we are like , okay , I'm in a new environment

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. It doesn't matter what you're transitioning

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into . It doesn't matter if you went

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from you know

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, like Going to a

9:28

PTA meeting to like

9:30

going to work out . There

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is a transitional time where you're

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like entering in a new mode and this gives

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you the opportunity of Exploring

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mindfulness , being present with

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my senses , some

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a practice , and I'll just give you I Last

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week I gave you the , the intention of

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the mantra soften

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something . If you bring your

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hand onto your chest not like necessarily

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onto the center of your chest where your heart is , but just

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below your collar bones and your palm flat

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right , you might even even feel your collar

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bone Just a little bit , with , like your thumb and your first

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finger Taking a deep breath

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here I am , here

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I am , and saying it out

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loud . Or , if you're feeling

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anxious , you might reach

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for the part of you that you've

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kind of lost and say , there , you are , there

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, you are , there , you are . So

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you want to examine your

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thinking and notice where you're placing

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your attention and come back

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. Another really , really

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powerful practice is to ground

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yourself . You have to come in the present

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moment to ground yourself . So this means

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anchoring a grounding cord

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from the base of your spine . If you're familiar with

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the chakra systems , you

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can think of a ruby red ball at the base of your

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spine , at your tailbone , and dropping an anchoring

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cord into connecting with the center of

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the earth . I like to call it the

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womb heart of Gaia , the

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center of the core of the earth

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. This could look like roots , a

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waterfall , a golden

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rod , a tree trunk , and

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it pulls all of your attention

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to the centerline of your body . Take

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seconds , seconds . Here

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I am . When you walk into

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that space from a grounded confident

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, you reach your chest , into

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your hand and you can

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always just rub your hand over

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your heart and then you give yourself

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a minimum or

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a boundary . If

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I don't feel good , I can go home . If

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it doesn't feel right , I'm going to give myself permission

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or I'm going to stay for at least

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30 minutes . So

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what does that look like for you ? And create the

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opportunity this week , on purpose

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, intentionally , to

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put yourself in a new environment and to

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create an opportunity

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for autonomy . Maybe , that

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is , you don't have dinner with your family

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and you tell your significant other if this

12:04

is available to you I'm

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not having dinner tonight and you

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make yourself some popcorn and

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you go hang out in your bedroom and you

12:13

journal , or maybe you like go shopping

12:16

online I don't know , right , like

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, sometimes there's things that we don't take the time

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to do . You make

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some appointments for yourself . How can

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you create an intentional opportunity

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for autonomy and

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the result of this is no longer

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needing to hide out in your head

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, right , so that you're not

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, and so you're not people pleasing

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, given the rules that

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you've given yourself . Examine the beliefs

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that you've bought into and

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just say for , just for today , I'm going to unsubscribe

12:48

and see what happens . Let

12:50

me know how it goes . Come on over

12:52

to our stop drinking , start living

12:54

discussion group and let me know what

12:57

happened . Get some ideas and let's

12:59

share your takeaways , because

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, I guarantee it , you will not

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die , I promise you . The

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worst thing that's going to happen is you have to feel

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a sensation in your

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body . The best thing that's going to

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happen is you're going to have a blast

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and love yourself even more for it

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. Have an amazing week . The

13:20

bridge between where you are and where

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you want to go with alcohol is spiritual

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alignment . That is what makes my

13:27

private coaching program so unique

13:29

and effective . It meets the needs

13:31

of all parts of you through a feminine

13:34

lens , so that sobriety can become

13:36

a sustainable part of your life , while

13:38

alcohol becomes unimportant . Take

13:41

your commitment to self to the next level by

13:43

scheduling a private discovery call with

13:45

me . Follow the link in the show

13:47

notes to pick the best time that works for you

13:49

and I will take care of the rest . I can't wait

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to connect with you in real life .