0:00

Hi, he's Dave

0:02

Schumpke. And

0:11

he's Graham Clark. And together we

0:13

host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Hello

0:23

everybody and welcome to episode number 830 of

0:25

Stop Podcasting Yourself. My name is Graham Clark

0:28

and with me as always is a man

0:30

who he just recently went under a huge

0:33

change, huge change, Mr.

0:36

Dave Schumpke. Yeah, Graham's

0:38

referring to I got

0:40

my head shaved. Because you're joining

0:42

me in the army, right? This was

0:44

done, I was in a mental

0:46

institution because I thought I was

0:48

Michael Jackson. Oh yes, yeah. They

0:51

made me write a birthday song

0:53

for Lisa Simpson. How did it

0:55

go? They went, 365

0:57

days in a year, why'd you have to

0:59

be born today? You

1:05

didn't write that. I know,

1:08

they brought in a ghostwriter. Our

1:13

guest today, returning guest here to the

1:15

podcast, a fantastic writer.

1:17

He has a new book out called

1:19

Outrageous, The History of Showbiz and

1:22

the Culture Wars. It's Cliff

1:24

Nesterhoff, hey Cliff. Hey Graham

1:26

Clark, hey Dave Schumpke. What

1:29

is happening in Canada? Oh,

1:32

you know, lots of Tucker

1:35

Carlson was here doing a rally and

1:37

so that's kind of where Canada is

1:40

at right now. We're

1:43

American part two. But

1:45

I'm sure he's widely ridiculed in Canada. It's

1:47

always, I don't know, I'm

1:49

sure somebody in Canada mentioned it, nobody pays attention

1:52

to him here. He's

1:54

a big deal up here, anybody we get from the States,

1:57

oh man, we're so glad to have him. a

2:00

year and a half ago that he did not know

2:02

how to pronounce Ottawa. Do you remember that? It

2:05

went viral. He goes, the

2:07

capital of Canada, a place

2:09

called Odua, and now

2:11

he's the self-proclaimed Canada expert,

2:13

this dumb putz. No, he's

2:15

so taken back. He's great. He's great and smart,

2:17

and he's a handsome young

2:20

boy. His father was

2:22

in charge of syndicating Jeopardy

2:25

and Wheel of Fortune, King World. Really?

2:28

Oh, really? I remember those whose dad... I

2:30

would always say, were they? There was

2:32

always a Merv Griffin television production and a King World

2:34

thing at the end of those shows. Yeah, King World.

2:36

And one of them had a Griffin with a winking

2:40

with a Griffin? Well, that probably would be the

2:42

Merv Griffin logo. Oh my God! I

2:44

friggin' figured it out, dude. But

2:48

yeah, I don't remember a winking. Maybe it was

2:50

just, you felt special like it was winking

2:52

at you, but I don't think it was. Boy, I was... A

2:55

couple weeks ago on the show, we talked about

2:57

Dharma and Greg, and after a couple of years, I was like, oh, I

3:00

think I'll go back and watch the Dharma and Greg

3:02

opening credits, because I love the part where she runs

3:04

over, jumps up on Greg, and wraps

3:06

her legs around him. That's not part of it.

3:09

That was the Mandela Effect. That

3:14

is one of those... The Man-Dharma Effect. That

3:16

is one show that I've never seen, wouldn't

3:19

be able to describe, don't want

3:21

to. If you were paid to write

3:23

a book about it, would you? I

3:27

did revisit a sitcom I somehow missed

3:29

during its original run. Certain things, when

3:31

they aired, I just assumed they were

3:34

shit, so I never looked at them,

3:36

and now I look at them and they're

3:38

less shit than I would have assumed. But

3:41

on YouTube, somebody put every episode of Norm

3:43

Macdonald's sitcom up there, three seasons ago of

3:45

the Norm show with Laurie Metcalf. And I

3:47

remember seeing part of it and thinking, oh,

3:49

it's not right for him, it was completely

3:51

contrived with a laugh track, and it had

3:53

that same sort of rhythm

3:55

as the Drew Carey show or Dharma and

3:57

Greg, the little music... interstitials

4:00

when they transitioned from one scene to the

4:02

next. Oh, I love them.

4:04

When it fades out. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

4:06

And it just feels so cornball. But

4:09

it was interesting to watch it now

4:11

that Norm is gone and there's some

4:13

good stuff in it. And

4:16

a lot of Canadian isms, he

4:18

plays a former Edmonton Euler and

4:20

they reference Edmonton a lot. It's

4:22

an American sitcom, but they have all these Canadian

4:24

references. And then the theme song is

4:27

by Dug and the Slugs. Oh,

4:29

really? Yeah, the Vancouver, I don't know. Was

4:33

it an existing song? Yeah, yeah, they're big hit. They're big hit,

4:35

whatever their big hit is. Was it too bad? It

4:38

was a big hit. Too bad you're not as smart, though,

4:40

day by day. Bum, bum, bum, bum, bum,

4:42

bum, bum. Does that sound familiar? Yeah.

4:46

Do we want to get to know us? Sure. Get

4:48

to know us, Cliff. This

4:53

is your third book. And it's your third time on the show. God damn

4:56

right it is. All

4:59

three times I have essentially booked myself on this show.

5:02

I've been waiting by the phone for the

5:05

call. It doesn't come. I have to.

5:07

Well, first of all, we don't make phone calls. That's

5:10

not our expensive Canada to the

5:12

U.S. I looked up. You were on episode

5:14

66. You

5:16

must have still lived here back then. Yeah, I think

5:18

we did it in person. I sat on somebody's

5:20

filthy futon and I think we did it. Yeah, yeah,

5:22

yeah. That would have been mine. And

5:25

we still have it. Get rid

5:27

of it. No, it's good. They're hard to

5:29

move. They're hard to move those mattresses, those futon mattress that

5:32

collapse in the middle and they become like 10,000 pounds. When

5:37

was the last time either of you slept on a futon? I

5:40

think I've stayed in an Airbnb and they

5:42

call it a bed and you show up

5:44

and it's a fucking uncomfortable nightmare. Cliff,

5:48

do you have a delicate back? I can. I

5:52

can go delicate with the back. I've

5:56

learned how to stretch, you know? Yeah. I

5:59

didn't. know how to do that before. I just thought I

6:01

was crippled for life. And then... What

6:04

are your favorite stretches? The ones

6:06

that go... No,

6:11

we're talking to you on Zoom, which

6:13

has noise cancellation. So it just looks

6:15

like you're a fish. Just

6:18

be pure silence. Oh, God. Is

6:21

everything I say going to be silenced

6:23

by Zoom? Yeah. Funny,

6:25

funny sound effects. And whatever it says, it

6:27

has noise cancellation. It just means funny noises.

6:30

In brackets when it's subtitled. Well,

6:34

I like it when the back pops. I

6:36

was crippled for a few months. I was

6:38

like, oh, I'm in so much pain, I'll

6:41

be like this forever. And then one day

6:43

I just moved in a different direction somehow.

6:45

And it was like ice unthawing after a

6:47

long winter. It's just my back unthawed. And

6:50

I was like, oh, I feel great. So

6:52

I'm not crippled for life. So I don't

6:55

know my favorite stretches. I don't know nothing about

6:57

stretches. And I know, but which way do you

6:59

like to go? Is it

7:01

over the top? Is it side to side? Yeah, upside down.

7:03

Oh, yeah. Upside down. It's a good

7:05

stretch. Let the pain go through the top of

7:08

your head into the floor. I

7:10

never understood that. Like if you take an acting class

7:12

and you did breathing exercise, feel

7:14

like there's a string at the top

7:17

of your skull, breathing down each vertebrae.

7:19

And I was not good

7:21

at science or school. And I was like, how?

7:23

How do you breathe through the vertebrae? Like I

7:25

was like in a metaphor. Everybody else in the

7:27

action class seemed to understand it. But I never

7:29

really... I feel like Bradley Cooper would know. If

7:31

he said, how do you do it? He'd be

7:34

like, I totally... I spent months doing it, he

7:36

would say. And he'd look over his shoulder back

7:38

at you not doing it. The

7:42

contempt. I was always

7:44

really bad at... Like I could play

7:46

sports, but if a coach tried to

7:48

break down

7:50

the movements of like, all right, you're square

7:53

to the ball. Now transfer your weight from

7:55

your back foot. Yeah, yeah. I still don't

7:57

understand that. Yeah. Keep your eye on the

7:59

ball. would tell me that in T-ball when

8:01

I was four. I was like, huh? Like everything

8:03

is literal when you're four years back. Yeah, yeah,

8:06

you would do some kind of like, Where your

8:08

face gets a wiffle ball. Yeah, yeah. Get

8:11

kicked out of T-ball. Did

8:13

you, were you like me not grading

8:15

the old gym class? Your try and

8:18

skip gym class? You know what

8:20

I was good at was floor hockey. Oh,

8:22

yeah. And I remember they had one of those things

8:25

in the eighth grade where they're like, you

8:27

guys are gonna grade yourself. And

8:30

you ever have that? And I was like, every

8:32

time, of course, I gave myself A plus. What

8:34

kind of stupid idiot would give themself anything

8:36

else in A plus if you're allowed to grade

8:39

yourself? And then the teacher would change it. You're

8:41

like, no, it's not A plus. You get a C. I'm

8:44

like, wait, wait, wait, you did A grade.

8:46

You said grade yourself. Like the-

8:48

Yeah, well, I was grading you in honesty.

8:52

I gave myself A plus on floor hockey once.

8:54

They met us grade ourselves in gym class. And

8:56

they did, he degraded it to C. And I

8:58

was like, I don't think you understand how hard

9:00

I play floor hockey. I put my all

9:02

into floor hockey. Yeah, I used to be

9:04

on the Edmonton Oilers, like Norm McDonald. That's

9:06

right. Me and Doug and the Slugs and

9:08

then the game. The whole team was there,

9:10

holy shit. I do love

9:13

when they try to put hockey into

9:15

like Hollywood TV shows and they get

9:17

all the equipment wrong. Yeah, and it's

9:19

called ice hockey. Yeah, I

9:21

was playing ice hockey with my

9:23

full face mask. Wasn't Dave Coulier, wasn't

9:25

he like a secret skater

9:27

guy? And then he came out with a

9:30

red wings jersey, if

9:32

I recall correctly. Yeah, it was

9:34

part of his chachkis

9:36

in the background of his bedroom, like

9:38

a Popeye doll and a red wings

9:40

thing. But he does play hockey in

9:43

real life. I think he's part of

9:45

those weird Hollywood people that rent

9:48

ice time somewhere. The

9:51

weird Hollywood cult. Well,

9:53

it is weird if you're not Canadian, like

9:56

Dave Coulier. I realize it's a French Canadian

9:58

name, but still. I

10:00

know and everyone thinks he's Canadian. He

10:02

voiced Wayne Gretzky on the

10:04

Pro Stars TV show as well. And

10:07

he voiced either Bob or Doug McKenzie. Yeah,

10:09

really? Well, he was landing all those

10:11

gigs because he was hot, because he did Slimer on

10:15

Ghostbusters. He did Slimer? Yeah.

10:18

Oh, man. Have you ever seen the

10:20

clip of Jerry Seinfeld and him on

10:23

Oprah in like the early 90s? Did

10:27

Seinfeld tell him to cut

10:29

it out? Seinfeld cannot mask

10:31

his contempt for Dave

10:34

Cooley the whole time. Wow. At

10:36

one point he goes, he says to Dave Cooley,

10:38

he does an impression and Jerry says, it's

10:40

just that easy, huh? Wow. And

10:45

no, I haven't seen that. Is it on YouTube still?

10:47

It's on YouTube, yeah. Oh, wow. I got to watch

10:49

that. Well, he

10:51

showed him. Full House versus Seinfeld.

10:54

Yeah. Well, they're both, you know.

10:56

Well, that's really kind of like there's two

10:58

kinds of people in this world. And

11:02

Dave Cooley's defense, they've only rebooted

11:05

one of those shows. That's true. And

11:07

also, you know, they both played stand-up

11:09

comedians in their respective shows. Yeah.

11:12

I feel like, yeah, you were either

11:14

team, I was team Cooley, I think

11:16

he's the... It was the original Barbie

11:18

or Oppenheimer. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But

11:21

he, on that show, lived

11:23

in the living room. Basically, that's where his room

11:25

was, was kind of like... I think it was

11:27

the basement. No, I don't think he lived... I

11:29

think Jesse lived in the living room and Dave...

11:32

No, Cooley was upstairs. Look at me. No,

11:34

Jesse was upstairs. Yeah, Cooley

11:36

was in the basement. The living room was the

11:39

living room. I think in the early seasons,

11:41

I may have... No, I think in the

11:43

pilot, Jesse lives in the living room.

11:46

And they changed it. I'm pretty sure in

11:48

the first episode. I remember not just

11:51

the first episode of Full House, I

11:53

remember the commercials leading up to the

11:55

premiere, and it showed them in an

11:57

attic in the commercial. Why

11:59

do you remember that? Because we only have

12:01

like one channel. So we

12:04

got KXLY from Spokane, Washington. Graham, I know

12:06

growing up in Calgary, you probably got the

12:08

Spokane. We did. We got the Spokane. And

12:10

then we also got Coeur d'Alene. Coeur d'Alene

12:12

was another big... Okay. We didn't

12:14

get Coeur d'Alene. Right, right. Coeur d'Alene. Remind

12:17

me where you grew up? I grew up in the

12:19

Slocan Valley region of British Columbia. Oh, yes. You

12:22

know, when you say British Columbia, not even just

12:24

in America, but when I was living in Toronto,

12:26

everybody just assumes you're from Vancouver,

12:28

even though I'd never been to Vancouver up to that point.

12:30

I grew up... And it's a nine

12:33

hour drive from Vancouver to where I

12:35

grew up. And everybody's like, ah, Vancouver,

12:37

huh? And I was like, no. I

12:39

made that drive many times. My grandmother

12:41

was from Trail. Yeah, exactly. That's exactly

12:43

it. So if you grew up in

12:45

Trail or Casselgar, the Slocan Valley... New

12:48

Denver. Yes. The Nelson's

12:51

not that far away, is it? Yeah.

12:53

They're all part of the sort of same trifecta. Oh, yeah.

12:55

I took you down there to Nelson once, right? Yeah,

12:59

we went on a comedy crusade.

13:01

Comedy crusade, yeah. I lost so

13:03

much money on that. Yeah,

13:07

because I think the first night there

13:09

was a bunch of people in the audience, and

13:11

then the second night it was like maybe 10 or

13:13

15 people. What do you define comedy

13:16

crusade? It

13:18

was a pack of us went up to

13:20

conquer Nelson as a group. Yeah,

13:22

they weren't into it in Nelson. So,

13:28

okay. I'm sorry

13:30

I interrupted. Tell

13:32

me more about the lead up to the first

13:34

episode of Fallout. And is

13:36

this what the fuck it's about? Yeah, that's right.

13:39

That's what the entire book said. Well, KXLY,

13:41

Spokane, was like the only American channel

13:44

we could get. The reception wasn't very

13:46

good. We got CBC, Crystal Clear, and

13:49

in those days it was the dead zone

13:51

of comedy. I was too young

13:53

to have seen STTV. Yeah. And

13:56

the kids in the hall had not yet started.

13:58

So it was just Wayne and and Schuster specials

14:00

and on CTV there was a show

14:03

which I've discussed with Graham, I think several

14:05

times called Smith and Smith. Yeah, Smith and

14:07

Smith Comedy Factory, right? With Morag

14:10

Smith and her husband, I think he did

14:12

something else. Yeah, yeah, so it's the worst

14:14

fucking show ever made. And

14:17

you told me that if I'm not

14:20

missing it, that they

14:22

sang a song every episode so they could

14:24

count themselves as a variety show. Yeah, because

14:26

of the Gemini Awards, there was no comedy

14:29

category, there was only a variety category. So

14:31

they had to open every show singing a

14:33

song. But they- He had a very pretty

14:35

voice. Well, why don't you marry her, Dave?

14:38

I would say it's his greatest piece of myth. Yeah,

14:42

the worst damn show, Smith and

14:44

Smith Comedy Mill, CH, CHTV, Hamilton,

14:46

Ontario, fucking Curse on Canada.

14:49

It's the whole reason I moved. The whole

14:51

reason I moved to America- It's to get away. It's to

14:53

get away from Smith and Smith Comedy Mill, yeah. I can

14:55

fucking, the stink of it was on me. Anyway,

14:58

growing up in the rural area, you only

15:00

had access to these terrible channels, but you

15:03

could get kicks, so I spoke in where

15:05

I grew up. So it was the only

15:07

American channel. So we watched every single thing

15:09

it had to offer. So all the ABC

15:11

shows, Who's the Boss,

15:13

Growing Pains, what

15:17

the fuck was it called? There

15:20

was a late night talk show hosted by

15:22

Rick Dees. So I couldn't see

15:25

Letterman, couldn't see SNL, but

15:28

Rick Dees. And

15:32

on CBC, Late Night with Ralph and Margie.

15:34

With Ralph and Margie, of course. Did that

15:36

last more than a season or? No. No.

15:38

It was just, and it was Canada's last

15:41

major attempt at having a late night show.

15:43

No, before my- Michael Org, your family. No,

15:45

but that was on a cable. This

15:48

wasn't on one of the national

15:51

broadcasters. And by the

15:53

way, he was on for years. I give him

15:55

credit where credit's due. Before we started recording. We

15:57

were talking about IMDB. And

16:00

for some reason, I was looking up

16:02

that show on IMDb and I laughed

16:04

out loud when I saw the star

16:06

rating for open, it's like 1.2 star.

16:10

And there's like thousands of votes. Yeah,

16:12

I remember, because he, for anybody who's

16:14

not. Now

16:19

you're gonna tell the same, you're gonna tell, you always

16:21

tell the same quote he had. No,

16:24

it's not a vote quote. Okay. He,

16:27

for people who have never seen it, they didn't have

16:29

writers on the show. They only had one writer. So

16:31

he'd go and crowd work off the top. Tell

16:33

a couple of jokes of the day and

16:37

then it was just him. He would have

16:39

been huge on TikTok. Are you kidding me? Yeah,

16:41

right? That's right. Well, he was famous at Yuck

16:43

Yucks in Toronto for being king of crowd work

16:45

and that's all he did. So you're

16:49

right, to keep the expenses down, they just had him do it on

16:51

the show. But they never mic

16:53

the audience on that show. For a show

16:55

called Open Mic, you think they would mic

16:57

the crowd. So you never heard, he'd

16:59

be like, where are you from, sir? Silence.

17:02

Oh, really? Like,

17:04

that's not good for TV. And

17:07

then, you know, if there was

17:09

laughter, which dubious if there was,

17:12

if there was laughter again, you couldn't hear it.

17:14

They never mic the audience. So it's like, he

17:16

was probably bombing in real life, added to the

17:18

fact that even if he got a laugh, you couldn't

17:20

hear it. That show was a disaster. I remember being

17:22

in the green room for that show. I was never

17:24

on that show, but I went to

17:27

a taping of a comedy now, the Stand Up

17:29

Specials, and they did it in the same theater

17:31

in Toronto at the Masonic Temple. And in the

17:33

green room, they had the wall autographed with every

17:35

person that was ever a guest on

17:37

Open Mic with Mike Bullard. And

17:40

it was people like Morag Smith and like

17:42

nothing impressive on the autographed

17:44

wall whatsoever, like Craig

17:47

Barubie. I was like, who cares about? I

17:50

recall him having a young Tom Green on

17:57

and Tom Green showing up with a, dead

18:00

raccoon in a bag. Yeah,

18:02

and Mike Bullard was visibly

18:05

serious. I think he threw up. I think he might

18:07

have actually threw up in the show. Yeah,

18:09

you would think that as a comedian would play

18:11

along, Mike Bullard being a tron. What's to play

18:13

along with, though? And Mike Bullard's defense. Well,

18:16

I mean, he should have a bag of something that he

18:18

brings up. I think he tried

18:20

to physically throw him off the show. But

18:22

like, if something smells so bad

18:25

that it's making you throw up. I'm

18:27

pretty sure Mike Bullard was a yuck yuck

18:30

road comic. I'm sure he's using the terrible

18:32

smells and being in cars with people

18:34

that smell horrible. You know,

18:36

he wasn't very professional in that moment, I

18:38

think. All right. Sorry, Mike. I tried. I

18:40

don't know. I'm just defending Tom Green because

18:43

I like Tom Green. Yeah, fair enough. And

18:45

throwing Mike Bullard on the bus because that's

18:47

where he belongs. Jesus. No,

18:52

I take it back. I take it back. He doesn't

18:54

belong under the bus. But

18:57

that was it. That was Canada's late

19:00

night TV show. What an

19:02

answer. It lasted forever. This is the

19:04

weird thing. It was on forever. Yeah.

19:06

There's these shows in Canada that nobody

19:09

likes and then they last for decades.

19:11

You know, I've been researching Wayne and

19:13

Schuster. And contrary to

19:16

my assumption that somebody must have

19:19

loved them, their

19:21

family, probably their wives. No,

19:23

their family despises. Every

19:28

review of Wayne and Schuster from like

19:30

the 50s and 60s is like, how

19:32

many more years of this crap? You

19:34

know, the Toronto Star. Nobody is laughing.

19:36

Why is the CBC giving them another

19:38

chance? This was like 40 years before

19:40

the end of their career. People are

19:42

complaining about them. But there's

19:44

always these Canadian shows that just last

19:47

forever. Nobody likes them. And

19:49

then people that are sustained don't want

19:51

to name any names. You can cut them

19:53

out if I do. Elvira Kurt, Giancamisci. They

19:56

were all like, you know. Not to block

19:58

those shootings. together, but they both had

20:01

like 100 different shows on

20:03

Canadian radio and TV. And

20:06

even if they failed, they got another

20:08

chance. That is true. There is a

20:10

parade of the same people over and over. And

20:15

it is like... Not us though. Yeah,

20:17

nope, not us, not us, not ever.

20:19

Yeah, exactly. Everybody else is shut out.

20:24

You know what? We were about to... We

20:26

just had a big meeting coming up with

20:28

Mike Bullidge production company. They

20:31

had... We bought some microphones for the

20:33

audience this time around. Yeah, this mic

20:36

is not open to you. It is

20:38

closed. I guess I will cancel our

20:40

appointment at Gomeshi Co. tomorrow morning.

20:44

Gomeshi Industries, yeah, it is a new podcast.

20:48

Yeah, I forgot that he is a titan of industry. Well,

20:53

he once was the king of space. You know

20:56

what is funny is whenever a

20:58

Canadian starts to try to do something in

21:00

America, if they have had a long-running thing

21:02

in Canada, it is like a big news

21:04

story. And then they

21:06

flop here. It was Strombo.

21:08

Remember they tried to put him on CNN and there

21:10

was all these stories in Canada like, oh, he is

21:12

going to be the big thing in America. And they

21:14

canceled it after like a month or

21:16

two months. I love it when

21:18

a network cancels something so fast where they are like,

21:21

we are bleeding in ratings here. We have to cut

21:23

this whole situation. Yeah,

21:25

there is no tax subsidy here for

21:28

your career. Get lost. Yeah, but

21:30

you know what? You go to the States, come back

21:32

up here. You are good as gold,

21:34

baby. Yeah. That is it.

21:36

Jason Priestley has been on TV consistently

21:38

since 2001 in Canada. I

21:42

did just relapse Comedy Festival for

21:45

the first time after I moved to America.

21:47

And I have done it three

21:49

or four times since, flying from Los

21:51

Angeles to Montreal every single time. Never

21:54

got to do it when I would live there. The

21:56

media is a list living in New York City as

21:58

a credit. Oh

22:02

I remember when toddlers and team to vancouver

22:04

family as the l to tell that in

22:06

the day and member todd. Yes,

22:09

Yeah. I'm New York and he went on to write for

22:11

Corner O'brien for like a decade. But.

22:13

He was new to stand up and he was not

22:15

good at all. He would say

22:17

the sense. Of you are So

22:19

I was the first person any of us had ever

22:22

met from New York and were like tell Us More.

22:25

Are you doing? What is it like? You know?

22:28

well defended him. If he had been for Vancouver

22:30

we would have ignored him because he wasn't good

22:32

at Santa. But we were just like. He.

22:34

I think loses I was my

22:36

space friends with him and living

22:39

living the American life the vicariously

22:41

through the eyes of. Ah,

22:45

Interestingly him and early by Mcdougall, both

22:47

ended up on the same writing staff

22:49

at The Tone for years and. The.

22:53

Revised with them appear he could have

22:55

as he didn't have to says he

22:57

can have a sitcom and then also

23:00

hosting a censored reality competition if he

23:02

wants everyone but me. believe I was

23:04

in so many Rogers commercials that he

23:06

was also widely despised for a while

23:08

There every every single commercial break on

23:10

Automatic Canada the show the same Rogers

23:12

commercial with we by going up an

23:14

escalator. Ah like three times

23:17

during the same commercial break you

23:19

know it was the so much

23:21

of his face that he became

23:23

this is funny in showbiz these

23:25

are the remember are are like

23:27

while he had in our. Sir.

23:29

I do remember Ralph and Maria little

23:32

that by do remember these Rogers commercials

23:34

or Levi Mcdougall didn't have Rogers and

23:36

is have really handsome guy did have

23:39

arises leave I would do the was

23:41

always in some awkward situation where oh

23:43

my phone guy license plate told me

23:45

that he was able to buy a

23:48

house after that commercial rod it really

23:50

does check every time hundreds of saw

23:52

I'm certainly isn't how do I just

23:54

saw him use up my kids my

23:57

book wanted book superior in Hollywood and.

24:00

And he bought a bunch of copies of

24:02

my new book and had me inscribe them

24:04

to people we know from our past in

24:06

Canada who he mailed them to. Dear Mr.

24:08

Ben Murphy, thanks for all

24:10

the support. One of the

24:12

people he had me inscribe a book to, I couldn't believe he

24:14

was still in touch with him. You

24:17

wouldn't know, but this guy, Lauren Froman, who is

24:19

a Canadian comedy writer

24:21

who did stuff in the States

24:23

in the 70s, and Levi

24:26

and I were both enrolled in a writing class

24:28

that he taught, at the same time, different times.

24:31

But he was a funny guy,

24:34

Lauren Froman, but he would

24:36

name drop people. And it

24:38

was before the internet was really the internet, so

24:41

we weren't able to fact check what

24:43

he was saying with a quick Google search.

24:45

I still don't. I refuse. Whatever

24:48

I'm told, that's fine. He would

24:50

tell, Lauren would tell anecdotes in

24:53

the writing class, he goes, well, when I was writing

24:55

for Pryor, in the 70s when I

24:57

was writing for Pryor, and we're all like, wow,

24:59

he was like Paul Mooney, he wrote Richard

25:01

Pryor's stand-up act. And then

25:04

two years later, I was in a video

25:07

store, a Toronto suspect video, and I'm flipping

25:09

through the VHS things, and

25:11

I come across a children's show. I was

25:13

going to guess that this was called Pryor's

25:15

Place? Yes, Sid and Marty Croft

25:17

present Pryor's Place. Sid and Marty Croft, the

25:19

guys who made H.R. Puff and Stuff, Sigmund

25:21

the Sea Monsters, and all these sort of

25:23

live action Saturday morning shows in the 70s,

25:25

Richard Pryor had a children's show, Saturday morning

25:28

show for like half a season, and I

25:30

flip over the VHS box and it's written

25:32

by Lauren Froman. It's all over the years.

25:34

When I was writing for Pryor, when I

25:36

was writing, you know, you were writing for

25:38

puppets. You were employed by Sid

25:40

and Marty Croft. Never mentioned

25:42

that detail in his interview. I love it.

25:44

Oh, man. It's, yeah,

25:47

there's a comedian, I won't say his name,

25:49

but his big credit was, and it's just,

25:51

like, if you get a credit like the

25:53

Tonight Show, you can just put that for

25:55

the rest of your career. You

25:57

don't have to specify what era. And

26:00

no one knows, maybe

26:02

no one even saw it, maybe it

26:04

was pre-video tape. Yeah, so you could

26:06

have that, but I know somebody who's

26:08

big credit that he was on the

26:10

Arsenio Hall show, and that definitely has

26:12

frozen in amber over time. Is

26:14

his name Ron Vodri? I refuse to comment on

26:16

whose name it is, because you just bleeped it,

26:19

so there. Uh-oh, uh-oh. Zoom's

26:23

noise canceling just went into over. Yeah,

26:26

man, I actually, you know,

26:28

we were talking Smith and

26:30

Smith. I have to confess, there's

26:33

a playlist on YouTube of the entire season

26:35

four of Smith and Smith, and

26:37

I did go through it because, and

26:40

I don't think it's season four, I think

26:42

it must be earlier that YouTuber got it

26:44

wrong, because it seems older, or

26:47

maybe it was taped in 1980 and didn't air. Yeah,

26:49

what season did it get really good? But

26:51

no, there's this one season of Smith and Smith where

26:54

they have a segment in the last

26:56

third of each episode where they just

26:58

feature a standup comic doing standup, like

27:00

a Tonight Show thing, and it's all

27:02

yuck yucks comedians from the year 1980.

27:06

And so really, yeah, it's really weird to watch.

27:08

It's like, who's that guy? What is this guy?

27:11

There's a guy who just does a Pierre Trudeau

27:13

impression. That's it, and it kills him. I was

27:15

like, who's that guy? Well, he would still kill

27:17

it. He just goes, hey, you ever heard about

27:19

this Trudeau, you know, what his

27:21

dad sounds like. Oh,

27:24

I never even thought of true dope. That's cool,

27:26

but that could go both ways. That could mean he's

27:28

cool as well. Oh yeah, that's

27:30

true. Oh shit. Oh, those convict

27:32

people are gonna be so mad at me. The

27:36

Smith and Smith showcase these yuck yucks comics, and it's

27:38

just, and some of them are

27:40

those people who had like the one credit. I mean,

27:42

I don't think they put Smith and Smith on the

27:44

fucking poster, but. I think some of

27:46

them went on to do that. As seen

27:48

on Smith and Smith. Some

27:52

went on to bigger things like the Pat

27:54

Sajak show. Oh yeah, how long

27:56

did Pat Sajak have a show for? A

27:58

year, but that was normal. Donald's first American

28:01

stand-up and he did it six times and

28:03

those have never surfaced on YouTube. He did

28:05

it six times in one year? Yeah, Norm

28:09

MacKendrick, Pat Sajak's

28:11

actual regular. Oh

28:13

yeah, and then

28:15

didn't Alan Thicke had one right,

28:17

Sick of the Night? Alan Thicke

28:20

had two, so he had one that was

28:22

Canadian and one that was American. Alan

28:24

Hamill, who was Suzanne Summers

28:26

widow, he had a talk

28:29

show on BCTV called the Alan Hamill Show

28:31

starting I think in 77 and the guy who booked

28:34

it was this guy Craig Tennis who ended

28:36

up being the, or maybe he was the

28:38

booker for the comedians on The

28:40

Tonight Show, starring Johnny Carson. So all the comedians

28:43

that came up to Vancouver to do this

28:45

piece of shit BCTV daytime talk show. Oh

28:47

it was a daytime talk show? I really,

28:50

I really changed it around. But they were

28:52

our comedy store comedians. So David Letterman did

28:54

it and Jay Leno did it before they

28:56

were famous. And then anyways Alan Hamill ends

28:59

up marrying Suzanne Summers and quits

29:01

show business just to

29:03

have sex with Suzanne Summers. Yeah, that's what

29:05

a lot of people there, that's what we

29:07

get into show business for. Well he was

29:09

inventing, he was in the garage inventing the

29:11

thigh mat. Yeah, yeah, well it was named

29:13

after it. It was named after him. That's

29:15

what she called him in the bedroom. But

29:20

anyways Alan Hamill quit the Alan Hamill show.

29:22

Alan Thicke, who had been a semi-regular on

29:24

the show, replaced him. It became- Because it

29:26

was easier that you didn't know, they only

29:28

had to replace one part of the side.

29:30

No, no, I meant in the bedroom with

29:33

Suzanne Summers. Replaced

29:35

him, tapped him out. The Thickemaster. Yeah, yeah,

29:37

yeah, that's why they call him Thicke. But

29:40

anyways, the Alan Hamill show became the Alan

29:42

Thicke show. And so same thing, somebody else

29:45

on YouTube put up a

29:47

bunch of clips of comedians like Rick

29:50

Dukeman and I

29:53

don't know who else. But a lot of the same people-

29:55

We really have to bleep all these names. All of the

29:57

names. So yeah, they're not gonna be like, and who had

29:59

this talk show? And then there's

30:01

Annette B- There's

30:05

a- Which

30:09

was his nickname in the bedroom. But,

30:12

and comedy Mel. No,

30:16

we should believe comedy Mel as well. A

30:21

long time ago, I think when I was

30:23

a teenager, there was a special on NBC

30:25

that was about the history of late night

30:27

talk shows. And Conan O'Brien, I

30:29

remember him talking about watching this show.

30:31

It's a premiere episode where

30:34

the host came out and grabbed a guitar

30:36

and jammed with the band. And

30:38

he was just like, oh, what an asshole.

30:42

He says it was the worst thing he ever saw. That

30:45

does sound like Alan Thicke. Oh,

30:47

sure. Yeah. There's a great video of him

30:49

singing along with some Ninja Turtles. So

30:52

one episode of the Alan Thicke show and

30:54

one episode of Smith and Smith, they

30:57

both feature Mark Breslin doing

30:59

stand up comedy. Wow. And-

31:02

Now for our listeners, tell

31:04

them who Mark Breslin is. Mark

31:07

Breslin is Dave Schumka's hero. We

31:09

modeled his career after him. He's

31:11

a diminutive little man from Toronto

31:14

who founded a

31:16

venue called Yuck Yuck's Comedy

31:18

Cabaret. That's right. With

31:20

two K's, Comedy Cabaret, just like a

31:22

convenience store, cheekily changes

31:24

the spelling of its name. Yuck

31:28

Yuck's Comedy Cabaret were Howie Mandel did

31:30

his stand up for the first time,

31:32

where Jim Carrey did stand up for

31:34

the first time, where Seinfeld writer Marjorie

31:36

Gross did stand up for the first

31:38

time. Wow. Yeah.

31:41

Mark Breslin's Yuck Yuck's. But in

31:43

those days it was called Yuck

31:45

Yuck's Comedy Cabaret. Two

31:47

Y's, two K's. If

31:51

anybody's going to Google it, it's not- no C's

31:53

in there. Except for Comedy Cabaret. You couldn't go

31:55

back then. Yeah, Y2K for short. We're

31:58

Comedy Cabaret both with K's. as well

32:00

or the both with case both with

32:02

oh they got they've skirted it there

32:04

for gays some

32:07

of the sometimes the yucky yucks

32:09

has an apostrophe like it's yuck

32:11

yuck's comedy camera yeah

32:13

it belongs to yucky yeah Ruth's Chris

32:15

yuck yuck yeah comedy camera and then

32:17

they added mark Breslin's name to it

32:19

and so the apostrophe moved to Breslin's

32:21

and then yucky I think dropped the

32:24

apostrophe this is important and this is

32:26

very how does it stand up oh

32:28

horrible the worst stand-up so I the

32:30

thing is like I mean

32:33

I didn't understand this either when I was

32:35

doing stand-up but the idea of joke structure

32:37

if you watch mark Breslin's stand-up you're just

32:39

talking so you're supposed to find it funny

32:42

but there's nothing constructed to make it funny

32:44

like it's a music you know it's like

32:47

it's like the word humor you know if you

32:49

go into the humor section of a bookstore back

32:52

in the day just meant not that funny right

32:54

you know it didn't qualify as comedy so you

32:56

just call it humor camera was

32:58

that was the aisle I would go to

33:00

anytime I was at a chapters or anything

33:02

yeah what was new in humor yeah and

33:06

nothing was funny except for the far

33:08

side cartoon compilation everything else was like

33:10

her my bomb back oh

33:12

see her my bomb back she was

33:15

a grudge sale superstar she had line

33:17

garage sales and

33:23

you got a cliff nothing but there's a chain

33:25

of comedy clubs that are set in different garages

33:28

across the country where

33:30

people read Amazon back how Smith and

33:32

Smith got their start there

33:35

was a guitar for sale and boom next thing

33:38

you know Steve Smith's picking it up telling

33:40

people to keep their stick on the ice and

33:42

the rest is history it

33:45

truly is the rest is Canadian show of his

33:47

history I'm fascinated by it now

33:49

though because it I go

33:51

on YouTube and I watch like Canadian TV

33:53

shows from the late 70s and early 80s

33:55

mostly I'm fascinated by the the

33:59

commercials Oh So maybe

34:01

you guys will remember this because I feel like

34:03

a crazy person trying to describe it to others.

34:05

I used to watch BCTV growing up, which was

34:07

one of the channels we got. And

34:10

I recently found on YouTube, somebody finally uploaded one of

34:12

these. I never knew how to search for it, so

34:14

I found it by accident. BCTV,

34:17

at night, they would show movies.

34:19

And they showed some great movies.

34:22

I saw some great movies. Charlie

34:24

Verick starring Walter Mathor, I remember seeing

34:26

on BCTV, and a terrible movie called

34:28

High Stakes, Dave Foley, before Kids in

34:30

the Hall. They had just built the

34:33

Skytrain, and it takes place in the

34:35

future, and they have a shootout at

34:37

the Skytrain. It's supposed to be like

34:39

a futuristic machine. Four years from now.

34:44

There's a Nazi war criminal hoarding

34:46

Nazi gold, and he's played by

34:49

the Vancouver journalist

34:51

Jack Webster. Really?

34:53

Yeah, he had a TV show called Webster, and he

34:55

was on Front Page Challenge, and he had a thick

34:57

accent and these jowls. Jack Webster

34:59

and Dave Foley, and they engage in a

35:01

shootout scene at the Skytrain. It's not a

35:04

good movie, despite this great description. One of

35:06

the worst things I've ever seen. But anyways,

35:08

BCTV would show these movies at night, and

35:10

then they have a commercial break, and

35:12

then they would show scenes of nature

35:15

with a BCTV logo in the corner,

35:18

and like a musak, but not

35:20

for like 10 seconds, like for 10 minutes.

35:23

Yeah. It is jogging a memory,

35:25

yeah. And then it would fuck

35:27

up my VCR settings, the

35:29

movie's supposed to be two hours long. I would

35:31

set it to tape high stakes starring Dave Foley

35:33

and Jack Webster. I'm

35:36

going to bed, you guys. And

35:38

then they'd go to watch the movie, and

35:40

it fucking, they missed the end of the

35:42

movie, because they put in a 20 minute

35:45

interstitial of waterfalls, and then they'd show PG,

35:47

the mascot of Prince George, and then

35:50

clouds, and then somebody kayaking the

35:55

Columbia River, and the whole time it would

35:57

be like, boo-dee-doo, boo-dee-dee.

36:00

What was, that definitely rings a

36:03

bell, but why? Why? Exactly.

36:05

Like I could see if it was like

36:07

the end of the broadcast day and we

36:09

need to get to midnight to play O

36:11

Canada. But like sometimes I would stay up

36:14

late to watch the movie. It's

36:16

only supposed to be two hours long and you're

36:18

just sitting there watching nature scenes. I

36:20

think it was part of the Canadian content rules.

36:22

They were like you gotta show some, you know,

36:25

some of Canada during this film. Yes.

36:27

Yes. There's certainly

36:30

no Canadian content in this

36:32

Dave Foley movie. Yeah, goddamn

36:34

you Pierre Trudeau and your

36:36

waterfall claws that we have

36:38

to show nature for minutes on

36:40

end. That's all it is. That's

36:42

all it is. But somebody uploaded

36:45

to YouTube a clip of it and there's even a

36:47

YouTube comment below it where somebody's like, ah,

36:49

somebody remembers this, you know, like about

36:51

how annoying this was. It

36:54

was the most Canadian TV thing ever that

36:56

you would interrupt. Who books that? Who books

36:58

that show? Yeah. That's more

37:01

than my credit. I

37:03

was the Pharaoh. Nature

37:09

is the special. Well, there was also,

37:11

there was Hinterlands Who's Who? Yeah. Which

37:14

was like a, just

37:16

like telling you about an animal.

37:18

For more, yeah, for more information

37:20

about the prairie dog, write prairie

37:22

dog on Waugh on Cherry Dog.

37:26

Right. Prairie dog on a

37:28

postcard. See what happens. Yeah. Mail

37:30

it to the prairies. Because they also

37:32

had, um, oh shit, who was it?

37:35

It was a Canadian singer and they were

37:37

doing ads for UNICEF

37:39

or something in that realm.

37:41

I just remember that. No, it was Bruce Coburn.

37:43

It was Bruce Coburn. Oh yeah. Some

37:46

kind of humanitarian amnesty. It's

37:48

pronounced, it's pronounced cockburn. Sure. In

37:51

the States. In the States. And

37:54

anywhere people read. Yeah.

37:57

That's, that's what... to

38:00

then summer's from

38:02

cockburn Yeah after

38:05

two belonging that girl slept with him again. She

38:07

should have known the

38:09

warning is right there in the name, but the Thing

38:12

at the end of it that he would say to write to it

38:14

was 56th spark Street

38:16

Ottawa and I remember the first time I was

38:19

in Ottawa and standing on spark Street be like

38:21

wow I Made it

38:23

I did it You

38:25

just saw a pile of postcards and the gutter

38:30

I Some

38:33

of them were addressed to the prairie dog

38:35

people not confused about where to send which

38:37

postcard Yeah, that was

38:39

all very common Canadian TV was

38:41

I'm sure it still is but

38:43

garbage. No. No, it's it's

38:46

better than American TV Everybody said yeah

38:49

You are a liar. No, no, no.

38:51

No. Yeah classic Canadian liar. No, we

38:53

got it all we got Name

38:56

a show we got it Mm-hmm. You

38:59

should I'm gonna nominate you for the

39:01

Fibril party. Ah True

39:03

dope. Yeah, I'm sure those are

39:05

that's what they say, right? Yeah, the reaction

39:07

earning the Fibril

39:09

so clever Conservatives

39:17

And then there are a lot of people that just

39:19

straight up fucked your dough is there yeah,

39:21

that's that seems to be yeah how

39:24

come there's a sticker of drawing of

39:27

Calvin urinating on Trudeau's head. It

39:30

seems like a missed opportunity, right? I'm

39:32

sure there is on a mud flap

39:34

somewhere Gotta

39:37

be right. Can't be just me who

39:39

came up with this. Yeah, I mean on my on

39:42

my truck I have a mud flap of Calvin

39:44

urinating on Smith and Smith. I Got

39:48

asked about it a lot every time I park

39:50

in the car. Yeah. Yeah Keep your

39:52

piss on the ice I

39:55

have to explain it a lot because no one

39:57

really knows who Smith and Smith is. Well red-green

40:00

the progenitor of Red Green. Apparently,

40:02

people have nostalgia for the Red Green Show.

40:04

When it was on again, I thought it

40:06

wasn't funny, but I guess it

40:09

has greater charm than Smith and Smith. Cliff, I

40:12

feel like our listeners are gonna be like, this

40:14

guy doesn't think anything's funny. Well,

40:16

hopefully he hasn't devoted his life to

40:18

cataloging comedy. Tell

40:21

us about your new book. Yeah,

40:25

tell us. Tell us about the book. I

40:27

don't want to, not yet. I

40:29

want to keep talking about Canadian TV. There's a

40:31

website, there's a guy devoted to, you

40:35

can subscribe to it, like it's

40:37

a Canadian streaming service, just old

40:39

Canadian game shows. Ooh, this is

40:42

good. He's got every episode of

40:44

Acting Crazy, starring Wayne Cox. Yeah.

40:47

Yeah, with Dennis Simpson. Yeah,

40:50

and a guy that Graham and I both

40:52

know, named Billy Mitchell. Billy Mitchell, yeah, who

40:54

then, he like was

40:57

in a campaign for aging

40:59

gracefully and he was like naked in the

41:01

campaign. I don't remember that being. Ew,

41:04

that's horrible. You know,

41:06

he wasn't like hanging out front. He was

41:08

with, like, was kind of moved to block.

41:11

I mean, Canadian TV has always been a little

41:13

bit more permissive than American TV. This

41:15

is, I think

41:18

either one of my sisters swears

41:20

to God, she once saw David

41:22

Suzuki fully nude on TV. But

41:26

there was a picture of him in

41:28

a forest somewhere and he's naked except he had

41:30

a leaf over his crotch. And

41:32

he looks good. It was a

41:34

hinterland zoo-zoo and it's just David

41:37

Suzuki wandering through the woods. The

41:39

naked Suzuki, enough to be done. They

41:44

got bumper stumpers on there? I

41:47

don't know if they have a bumper stumper. They got some weird

41:49

ones I never heard of. Wayne

41:51

Cox is really prevalent on

41:53

it. There's talk about, talking

41:55

crazy. Was it the New Liars

41:57

Club? Was that a Canadian? New Liars Club, yeah.

42:00

Yeah. Second honeymoon. Definition.

42:03

Definition, of course, yeah. Supermarket sweep.

42:05

Definition's a weird one because it's

42:08

hosted by an American, Jim Perry,

42:10

who hosted card sharks

42:12

in America. But he was also host

42:14

of the Miss Canada Pageant on

42:17

CTV and the host of definition. Who won

42:19

the Miss Canada Pageant this year? This

42:21

year? Yeah, I forget. It

42:24

was front page news. Name was

42:26

Morag something. I can't remember the last name. She

42:29

heard Tal was singing. Yeah, yeah. She got

42:32

her started doing the garage sale circuit and

42:34

worked her way up. Has anybody ever on

42:37

any of those pageants done comedy

42:39

as their talent? It's

42:42

about time. I bet Jenny Jones did. Jenny

42:44

Jones was in it? I

42:46

don't know. But

42:48

she was a yuck yuck's comic. I remember

42:50

when I started doing standup, her headshot was

42:52

on the wall of every yuck yuck's like

42:54

Niagara Falls and like. Did she have a

42:56

mohawk or something at one point?

42:58

No, but she had big, I don't know, maybe, but

43:00

she had big 80s hair in her headshot. And then

43:03

I remember thinking that's not the same Jenny Jones who

43:05

does the daytime talk show. They're like, yeah, yeah, that's

43:07

the same one. And then her career ended when somebody

43:09

got murdered. That's right, somebody got murdered as a result

43:11

of a. It happens to

43:13

most yuck yuck's comics. So it's not so

43:15

bad. Like in retrospect, open mic isn't so

43:17

bad. No one got killed. That's true, nobody

43:20

got killed. That

43:22

we know of. Well, that raccoon. That

43:24

raccoon certainly. For

43:27

more information about dead raccoons. Don't

43:29

let the doo doo about Tom Green as a

43:31

raccoon. But

43:36

tell us about the book. I want listeners

43:39

to know what they're in for when they buy

43:41

this book. And let's leave iMcGoogle, I already bought

43:43

it for them. The

43:45

new book is called Outrageous, The History of Showbiz

43:47

and the Cultural Wars. And it is, let

43:50

me just grab my copy here. Hey, there you

43:52

go. Open to a page at

43:54

random and see what it holds. Here we

43:56

go. Shouldn't it? As

43:59

an audience member, I can. This was a

44:01

random page. Yeah, this was a random page. Table

44:03

of contents. Here we go. How many pages is

44:05

this bad boy? I don't know. I don't know.

44:08

But this is on page 130. Uh,

44:10

six years after Kiss Me Stupid was

44:13

condemned as dirty and immoral, Billy

44:15

Wilder called the modern Hollywood

44:17

a world pool of filth

44:19

and dirt. Billy

44:21

Wilder said, I'm totally rattled and to

44:24

tell you the truth, also disgusted. There's

44:27

a different set of values today. They think

44:29

it's very romantic. I think it's

44:31

a lot of shit. Whoa. That's

44:33

the end of chapter nine. Nice. Whoa.

44:37

Lithanger. Yeah, what happens? We continue

44:39

to think it's shit. Um,

44:43

I quote a lot of letters to the

44:45

editor, which I found in

44:48

my research to be very similar to

44:50

social media, people getting really, really angry

44:53

and predicting the downfall of

44:55

America primarily. And

44:57

it hasn't happened yet. There's still

44:59

a good as gold in the, uh,

45:02

the survival rate. So there you go.

45:04

Yeah. Yeah. I

45:06

mean, Ralph and Murphy is not on the air anymore, but generally comedy

45:08

continues to thrive. I have a letter quoted

45:10

here. Uh, I

45:13

was disappointed in Sergeant Bilko making

45:15

a burlesque of George Washington's crossing

45:17

of the Delaware. Some things

45:19

are sacred and this is one of them. It

45:22

is not gratifying to see a low

45:24

comedian make fun of our beautiful history.

45:26

This can lead to Milton Berle making a

45:29

stooge of Abraham Lincoln or Martha

45:31

Ray making fun of Eisenhower.

45:34

Or, uh, let's

45:37

see, uh, I don't know what

45:39

Johnny Carson making fun of. Uh, let's

45:41

say Woodrow Wilson.

45:45

There are complaints about Johnny Carson in this book.

45:47

He did remember he did aunt Blaby where he

45:49

put on a shawl and was like an old

45:51

lady. Yeah. That was one of his

45:53

characters. It was a ripoff of Jonathan Winters. Um,

45:56

he was a protested by a

45:58

senior citizens, a lobby. who

46:00

wanted him to stop defaming the elderly

46:02

with his aunt Blabby character and Did

46:05

he say I do it with love you only roast the ones

46:07

you love he would say I love old

46:09

people He invited them on to the show to

46:12

like debate him There's an episode of the tonight

46:14

show where a bunch of elderly

46:16

people are yelling at him nice Yeah,

46:20

yeah, that's true whenever they

46:22

look back at Johnny Carson, they're like, oh he

46:24

was such a great interview or anything He was

46:26

so fantastic off the cuff, but they never show

46:28

clips of aunt Blabby Whatever

46:31

other crazy characters he had at the time

46:33

that seems to be unwashed away from history

46:36

Yeah, well they did she used to show those on

46:38

the best of Carson in the 80s It was always the

46:40

sketches that were in the best of Carson. I don't

46:42

know if it was a rights issue But

46:45

that way they didn't have to pay like

46:47

a royalty to somebody who would was being

46:49

rerun So it was always like him

46:51

water being dumped on his head or

46:54

a cockatoo pissing on his jacket Yeah,

46:56

they poured the water over this I

47:02

Met a guy in Boston. He only I don't

47:04

know if you knew this but in the 70s

47:06

Johnny Carson Franchise his own

47:08

line of apparel the Johnny. Yeah election.

47:11

I met a guy in Boston. He only

47:13

wears Johnny Carson apparel For

47:17

a long time in the 90s. It was you could find

47:19

it in a lot of thrift shop. Yeah. Yeah, and have

47:21

a little label So this

47:23

guy his whole thing is that he wears

47:25

nothing with Johnny Carson clothing. Yes That's

47:28

his only thing. Yeah, he buys it secondhand,

47:30

of course, and then he takes it literally

47:33

to a tailor So they bespoke it is

47:35

a verb they bespoke it for

47:37

him So that it fits perfectly onto his

47:39

punters these plaid garish things. He's very proud

47:41

of it Like what he meant me he

47:44

like unbuttoned a thing and showed the he

47:46

goes check it out like to read the

47:48

label I'm like, yeah Look,

47:50

you're the only guy I think that would be impressed

47:52

by this Because I think you're the only person to

47:55

be impressed by this check it out. I go what

47:57

the Don Adams it come No,

48:01

no, the label. Yeah. How

48:04

come Jay Leno never put out a line of

48:06

denim up there? Yes. Leno's

48:10

Levi's. Yes, yes.

48:12

Excellent. Co-brand. The

48:15

first time I ever saw Jay Leno, he was

48:17

doing Doritos commercials. He'd taken over for Avery Shriver.

48:20

Somebody just posted that in our Facebook

48:22

group, I believe. He's

48:25

doing kind of jokes in his head that's wiggling

48:28

back and forth in the classroom, right? Oh, yeah.

48:30

The original bobblehead, yeah. And I

48:33

saw when I was a child, there's

48:35

an episode of Sesame Street with Jay Leno. This

48:37

was all before he did the Tonight Show and stuff.

48:40

Would he go on a rant on Sesame Street? Here's what gets my gears,

48:43

he would say. No, it was a really cute joke.

48:47

He played like a Marlon Brando wild

48:49

one biker, like in a leather jacket on a

48:51

Harley Davidson, and he pulled up in front of

48:53

a Mr. Hooper store, and he's

48:56

like this rebellious guy. And you remember Sesame

48:58

Street, they would have like the live action

49:00

part, and then they go to the cartoons,

49:02

and then they come back to the storyline

49:04

in the middle. So I don't remember the

49:06

storyline, but at the end of the episode,

49:08

after Jay Leno, this rebellious, tan leather jacket

49:10

has stirred shit up on Sesame Street,

49:12

he's saying goodbye to everybody, and he's going to

49:15

leave. And so the Harley Davidson is parked there

49:17

on Sesame Street, and he goes

49:19

to get on the

49:21

Harley Davidson. But what you don't realize

49:23

is that behind the Harley Davidson is the real

49:25

thing that he's getting onto, and it's a tricycle,

49:27

and he drives out of the scene on a

49:29

tricycle, and then they say brought to you by

49:31

the letter T for a tricycle. Nice,

49:34

good Mr. X. Yeah,

49:36

I thought it was a cute little thing. That was

49:38

my introduction to Jay Leno, was that episode of Sesame

49:40

Street, and really I think it was his peak. Yeah,

49:43

I think I

49:46

didn't really know who he was until he

49:48

took over the Tonight Show, but

49:52

by then it was too late. You

49:55

know he's never touched any of his Sesame Street

49:57

money. Do you think he's got that? Is

50:00

that tricycle in his airplane hangar? It

50:03

was a tricycle from 1904. Yeah,

50:05

the jalot. It was created on steam, which is

50:07

weird, because it doesn't need any

50:10

engine. It hugely pedals it. Yeah. You

50:12

would think. This guy refuses to pedal. Mar-whoo-yah.

50:14

Well, that is a tricycle. Why does it

50:16

sound like that? Why is it? Yeah, a

50:19

tricycle is more like ding-ding. So

50:21

the book is about J.

50:24

Lotto. Yeah, it's called J.

50:26

Lotto's Tricycle. It's an awful

50:29

book. It's

50:31

about people getting mad at showbiz

50:34

stuff. Yeah. Is that right? Yeah.

50:37

Okay. Yeah, it's a history of controversy throughout the

50:39

history of show business. And I just quote a lot

50:41

of... Well, it's a

50:43

combination of people acting ridiculous in

50:45

their objection, but also acting rationally

50:48

and some of the pushback being irrational. So

50:50

there's a section in there when

50:52

Blackface is going out of favor and people

50:54

are protesting Blackface and then editorial writers saying,

50:56

you people need to get a sense of

50:58

humor. Blackface is great. So it's

51:00

like... Blackface is great. It's

51:02

analogous to today just to try and... Through

51:08

historical examples, just show the absurdity

51:10

of some of the debates that we have

51:12

today. People who are

51:14

indefensible or get angry about the

51:17

most innocuous thing. There's

51:19

a whole run in there about people

51:21

protesting Threest's company and demanding that

51:23

the dating game and the newlywed game get thrown

51:25

off the air for being disgusting and immoral and

51:28

corrupting. What was the problem with Threest's company? That

51:31

he was pretending to be gay? Let

51:33

me grab this book called Outrageous and look

51:38

at the index and see if they index

51:40

Threest's company. Look under C

51:42

for company comma Threest. You know, authors don't

51:44

do their own indexes. They always farm

51:47

it out to interns. So sometimes they're

51:49

incomplete. Threest's

51:51

company TV show in brackets, page 150.

51:54

So let me just refer to this. And

51:57

I didn't read my own index. Oh.

52:00

this is good. Page

52:05

155. A fundamentalist

52:08

churchgoer from Naples, Florida founded

52:10

clean up television cuts to

52:13

combat programs she considered quote, an

52:15

immoral insult to decency. Cut

52:18

listed Saturday Night Live Charlie's

52:20

Angels Dallas, the newlywed game

52:22

and three's company as quote,

52:24

a negative influence on young

52:26

people. John Hurt, a

52:29

Reverend from the churches of Christ called

52:31

the love boat a vector

52:33

for adultery, fornication and

52:36

homosexual activity. The

52:38

family yeah, the family viewing

52:40

hour applied in the evening but even

52:42

daytime television was considered a corrupting influence.

52:45

The Church of Christ in Joelton, Tennessee

52:47

purchased a full page ad in Newsweek

52:50

denouncing the dating game and the

52:52

newlywed game and announced a boycott

52:54

of their sponsors Aniston, Jello, Maxwell

52:56

House, Sandy Flush, Woolite and gravy

52:58

trained dog food. Woolite,

53:01

Woolite, no, well, I'm not going

53:03

to feed my dog because the

53:05

show's making me feel horny. General

53:09

Foods distance themselves from the dating

53:11

game and the newlywed game. They

53:13

dropped their ads because the program

53:15

had quote, deteriorated below General Foods standards

53:17

of good taste. Newspaper

53:20

columnist Frank Leeming complained quote,

53:22

television, particularly the soap operas

53:24

and trash like the newlywed

53:26

game use the phrase to

53:28

make love, meaning nothing other

53:30

than sexual intercourse. Yeah,

53:33

what else it would have meant the connotation

53:35

today refers to two people. The

53:38

connotation today refers to two people who

53:40

are not married, at least to each

53:42

other doing something once considered illicit or

53:45

immoral. Oh, I do like

53:47

that idea of not married, at least

53:49

to each other. They should have a dating game for

53:51

people cheating on their. That would

53:53

be amazing. Paging Mike Bullard.

53:55

I honestly

53:58

think that that could be. could

54:00

be the basis of a reality show. The

54:02

soap operas were accused of encouraging

54:04

garbage sex. I would

54:06

like to know. Garbage sex? I

54:08

would like to know. What are you doing in there? I've

54:11

been accused of encouraging that

54:13

myself. Stay away from the

54:15

garbage disposal, please. I

54:19

would like to know what is happening to General

54:21

Hospital, wondered a 1976 letter published in

54:24

the Indianapolis News. The men

54:26

and women living together on General Hospital

54:28

are not married. The world is bad enough

54:31

without showing such garbage. The

54:33

program needs a house cleaning to get rid of

54:35

those filthy people. And here is the

54:38

anecdote in this new book which got picked up. The

54:41

game show Family Feud was accused

54:43

of promoting and spreading herpes. Now

54:46

this anecdote got picked up by the

54:48

tabloids when my book came out a

54:51

month ago. People Magazine, Entertainment Weekly, they

54:53

all picked up on this and ran with it

54:55

and it got my first bit

54:57

of press for this book. And I'll

55:00

read the anecdote to you. But well, let me read

55:02

the anecdote first and then I want to tell you

55:04

the reaction I got from a morning TV show about

55:06

this. Family Feud MC

55:08

Richard Dawson greeted female contestants with a kiss

55:11

on the mouth. Several game

55:13

show fans were repulsed. One

55:15

viewer complained, Richard Dawson spreads more

55:17

bugs every week than a flu

55:19

epidemic. A letter published in

55:21

the Philadelphia Daily News says, as

55:24

a physician, I have wondered about

55:26

the risks Richard Dawson takes in kissing

55:28

every female contestant on Family Feud. The

55:31

diseases that could be transmitted by promiscuous

55:33

kissing are too long and too loathsome

55:36

to recount here. Does Dawson

55:38

or the producers take any caution

55:40

to prevent infection? And

55:42

so in the research for this book,

55:44

I discovered that in the last season

55:46

of Family Feud, they did instate precautions

55:48

and that contestants of

55:50

Family Feud were cotton swabbed

55:53

and they tested them for herpes before

55:55

they could go on Family Feud and kiss

55:57

Richard Dawson. Wow. So

56:00

I love that. You didn't

56:02

just have a dental dam? I

56:05

don't think they had been invented

56:07

yet. But anyways,

56:09

I wrote that in the book and,

56:11

you know, one of the publications that

56:14

profiled the book, mentioned it, it

56:16

got picked up by all these press things, and

56:18

then somebody sent me a clip to this guy on

56:20

a, like, a regional morning show, and they were talking

56:22

about it. And this guy was

56:24

really upset that I had relayed this

56:26

anecdote in the book about Richard Dawson

56:28

and the family feuds contestants being tested

56:30

for herpes. He goes, can't we let

56:32

him rest in peace? The

56:35

man is dead. Why bring this up

56:37

now? Because it's on his headstone, that's

56:39

why. Also,

56:42

it's a history book. It's a history

56:44

book. Why are we judging up this old history?

56:47

Because it's a history book.

56:50

But somebody who's very defensive that I

56:52

was defending. All the people that died of herpes. Oh,

56:56

survey sets. I'm

56:59

dead. The purpose. Dave, what's

57:01

going on with you, my friend? Well,

57:03

that sounds great, Cliff. And

57:05

we'll check it out at all your

57:07

local stores. Check it out. Check

57:09

it out. Check

57:12

it out. Cannot stop mentioning John

57:14

Adams's. Check it out. Where was that

57:16

shot again? Calgary

57:19

Alta, A-L-T-A. Remember

57:21

when that used to be the abbreviation? Well,

57:25

here's what's going on with me, my friend. I

57:28

got a haircut. You sure did. I

57:31

was feeling curious.

57:35

I was like, what's my, I want to see the shave on my head.

57:40

So you got it done. Shaved all the

57:42

way down. I went

57:44

to the haircut store and I said to the

57:46

guy, I had

57:48

booked it online because it's just a place around the corner

57:51

from my house and that you can book

57:53

it online and I, you can click buzz cut. And

57:55

I was like, oh, I got a buzz cut. And

57:57

I sat down. Well, first of all, I got in there and I

57:59

was waiting. And the person getting their hair cut

58:01

before me, the guy was trying to talk him into hair

58:03

plugs. Oh sure, he was getting more hair

58:05

in and you were going to take more hair off. Yeah.

58:10

He was saying, oh, you know, I think

58:12

the guy might have been Turkish. And

58:14

he was like the barber. He was

58:16

like, you go to Turkey, get your hair done, get your

58:18

hair plugs done. It's

58:20

like only $10,000. You spend three

58:22

weeks there, play golf, it's great. That

58:25

does sound really nice. And then that guy

58:27

left and I was like, what's going

58:29

to happen? So he said,

58:31

do you just want a regular haircut? And I

58:33

said, no, I said buzz cut. And he said,

58:35

okay, what guards level do

58:37

you want to go? The numbers. Yeah.

58:40

And I was like, it's a

58:42

little, I, because I shaved my head when I was like

58:44

15 and again when

58:46

I was like 23. And that was really your

58:49

taxi driver phase when you were 23. Yeah.

58:54

I was, I haven't seen

58:56

that. Is it good? Yeah, it's good.

58:58

He gave his hand at one point and

59:00

do a mohawk. Well, I didn't do that.

59:03

You got your driver's license just to drive around

59:05

the city and go, I wish they'd walked away

59:07

the scum in the garbage. You're

59:10

shaved head. I often wonder if people are

59:12

talking to me. Well, who

59:14

else would they be talking to? Yeah, it was 2003, 2004

59:17

though. So

59:19

I, it was more of a faux hawk that I

59:21

got. Yeah. I

59:23

call it the no doubt special because they're, I feel like

59:25

their drummer had a faux hawk. When

59:28

I first, not to interject too

59:30

much, but when Graham and I

59:32

first met, we both

59:35

were sporting a very spindottery

59:38

facial hair. Yes. It's a

59:40

perfect way of describing it, spindottery. Yeah.

59:43

Was it like large beards? Not

59:45

even large. It was like a narrow,

59:47

thin, like goatee thing. Yeah. And

59:50

I have photos that I can't ever share

59:52

of me, like with Don Rickles, but I got that

59:54

fucking thing on my face. I need to Photoshop it

59:56

out of there before I could share. Same

59:58

thing when Tommy Smothers died. I have a photo

1:00:00

with him and then I'm like, oh no, I've got the

1:00:02

spin doctors look going. I'm not gonna add it in. It

1:00:05

was cool at the time. Or was it?

1:00:07

Maybe it was a little late at the time. I

1:00:09

think, you know, like most things in Canada, we were

1:00:12

10 years behind. The spin

1:00:14

doctors were like 1993, but

1:00:16

we didn't get the facial hair. We

1:00:19

also gave the spin doctors their own show on

1:00:21

CBC. Open

1:00:24

mic with Mike Bullard. Please welcome all the way from

1:00:26

the United States. Two princes.

1:00:30

Well, there used to be that show, that show

1:00:32

Club 54. It's

1:00:34

called Comedy, Club 54. And it

1:00:36

was like filmed in Burlington, Ontario. James

1:00:38

obsessed. I'm obsessed. I want copies.

1:00:40

Do you have copies of this? Well, somebody

1:00:42

made a YouTube documentary about the history of

1:00:45

it. So you can go on YouTube. There's

1:00:47

a historian of that show on YouTube, the

1:00:49

total virgin. But anyways, that. Ha

1:00:52

ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

1:00:54

ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

1:00:56

ha. A little virgin. But.

1:00:59

Are you familiar with what

1:01:01

Freud calls the narcissism of small

1:01:03

differences? But

1:01:07

the, that show was doing new

1:01:10

episodes. When I was doing standup

1:01:12

in Toronto, like in 1999, 2000,

1:01:14

I would meet people. They

1:01:17

go, oh, you do standup. Have you ever seen

1:01:19

that fucking hilarious show? It's so bad from the

1:01:21

eighties. It's called the Comedy of Club 54. I

1:01:24

go, it's not from the eighties. They

1:01:26

filmed it last week. Like it's a

1:01:28

new show. But they would show the audience, and

1:01:31

the audience had like spin doctor's beard. Yeah,

1:01:33

that's true. Everybody looked like

1:01:35

they were out of heavy metal parking lot. But it was

1:01:37

from like the year 2000. Anyway,

1:01:43

so I got, I'm getting my mullet. Yes. Yeah.

1:01:46

Phase one. Have you,

1:01:49

so my guard, I say, I haven't had

1:01:51

my haircut in a while. But

1:01:53

they were my head shaped in a while. I think I'll

1:01:55

go for a number two. And the guy goes, oh, I

1:01:58

don't know. You meant

1:02:00

you were going to the bathroom. Yeah, he

1:02:02

did. And I was. Yeah.

1:02:06

And I was like, I don't know,

1:02:08

what do you think? He said, I don't know, maybe it's kind

1:02:10

of cold out. Yeah, let's

1:02:12

leave a little rug up there. And

1:02:15

I said, nah, nah, I don't care. I'll get the number

1:02:17

two. Yeah, well, it looks like it, because

1:02:19

you still got hair on your head. You look like you

1:02:22

could have been in the Smothers Brothers in 1962 with that. Yeah.

1:02:25

My button down mind. Fuck

1:02:28

them, right? And

1:02:31

so I, then he does the back.

1:02:35

And then he does the in the army now. Yeah,

1:02:38

full metal. Did he do a couple of fun things,

1:02:41

like shave the top to see what you're called to

1:02:43

say? He

1:02:45

did the fryer top. Yeah. Exactly. Right.

1:02:48

All the funny things you could do with a haircut. He

1:02:50

gives you mail bed, involved with him, and then hands you

1:02:52

the hand mirror. Take a look. What do you think? Yeah,

1:02:54

what do you think? You want to go to Turkey?

1:02:57

Past guest of the show, Sean Proudliff,

1:02:59

had a friend who got expensive hair

1:03:01

plugs. And then a month later

1:03:03

went and got his hair cut out like easy

1:03:05

cuts or something like that. And they destroyed

1:03:07

them. Oh, no. Yeah,

1:03:09

because you have to have them styled in a certain

1:03:11

way, or they'll just fall apart. Oh

1:03:14

my god. Good lord. Of all the

1:03:16

things to save money on. In

1:03:18

barber school, they don't get you to practice

1:03:20

on a balloon that has hair plugs. So

1:03:23

they see how to do it. And

1:03:28

so other than that, silence throughout

1:03:30

the whole haircut. The guy's just like, oh. And

1:03:32

it felt good, because he was really

1:03:35

getting it done, really holding

1:03:37

on to my skull and making sure it was

1:03:39

nice and even. How old was your barber? Because

1:03:41

I really trust elderly barbers. Oh, younger than me.

1:03:43

I'd say he was 30. Oh, I

1:03:45

don't think that's good. Yeah. I don't

1:03:47

think that's good. He had Riz. And

1:03:51

so we finished it up. And

1:03:53

so he says nothing to me through the whole

1:03:55

haircut. At the very end, he goes, are

1:03:58

you a coach? And

1:04:00

I said, what? He said,

1:04:02

are you a coach? Like, you

1:04:04

know, baseball, hockey. And

1:04:07

I go, no. I said, oh,

1:04:09

I thought you might be a coach. I

1:04:12

mean, why are you wearing that whistle, sir?

1:04:19

That's funny. You thought you

1:04:21

looked like Craig T. Nelson. Yeah,

1:04:23

me. Same haircut, same haircut.

1:04:25

I went from dauber to Craig T. Nelson.

1:04:29

Cliff, you also shave your head. Is

1:04:32

that old barbers doing that? Or is

1:04:34

that, are you doing it yourself?

1:04:37

Are you self-maintaining? Most of the old barbers have

1:04:39

died. When I lived in Vancouver, though, I went

1:04:41

to the- Because I kissed Richard Dawson. Oh,

1:04:44

good callback. Mike

1:04:46

Bullard would be proud of the callback. I

1:04:49

used to go to a barber shop

1:04:51

in Vancouver, Sorrentos, which is an

1:04:53

old Italian barber shop. And it was just old

1:04:55

dudes. And I loved it, man. And

1:04:57

I would go in there, I always use the

1:05:00

same barber, Mino. He was from the old country,

1:05:02

and he gave the best straight razor shave. In

1:05:05

fact, sometimes BC Lions football players would go

1:05:07

there to get their heads shaved by Mino. He

1:05:09

was the master of the straight razor. And

1:05:12

you'd go into the barber shop sometimes, and it

1:05:14

was like first come, first serve, and it'd be

1:05:16

crowded. There'd be like 20 old guys. And

1:05:18

I'd be like, oh, I'll come back later when it's

1:05:20

not so busy. And he'd go, no, no, it's available.

1:05:23

Just 20 old guys go there and hang out. They're

1:05:25

not waiting for that. So it always looked- They

1:05:29

were just talking shop. And Mino was the best. And

1:05:31

then the guy who ran it, Sorrento, was a

1:05:33

bookie who was nearsighted and didn't wear

1:05:35

his glasses. So if you ever got a straight

1:05:37

razor shave from him, it was all fucked up,

1:05:39

man. It was like, people come

1:05:42

in and argue with him. They

1:05:44

felt like he was not being an honest

1:05:46

bookie. And he, but he

1:05:48

had this like ledger. And so in between your

1:05:50

shaved, you'd be over at the ledger, penciling things,

1:05:52

answering the phone, he goes, yes, hello. Hi,

1:05:55

second race, yes. Third horse,

1:05:57

yes, got it, got it, yes, yes. and

1:06:00

then he'd go back to shaving your face and

1:06:02

then I'd come home and there'd be like giant

1:06:04

hairs sticking out of my face. He missed it,

1:06:06

he wasn't paying any attention. I

1:06:08

remember once he was giving me a shave and this

1:06:10

guy came in to dispute something with the bookie, I

1:06:12

don't know what the problem was. He

1:06:14

goes, Joe, you said

1:06:17

that's a third race, the horse, it was a

1:06:19

nut, it was a nut. And

1:06:21

he goes, I did not see the third race,

1:06:23

you said the third race. He goes, no, no,

1:06:25

no, no, Joe, that's bullshit, that's bullshit, that's bullshit.

1:06:28

And Joe stopped shaving me and he looks at the guy, he

1:06:30

goes, he points at him with a razor, he goes, no, no,

1:06:32

no, no, no, he's not bullshit.

1:06:35

You are the bullshit, hey!

1:06:38

Like everybody like cheered

1:06:40

in the Barbie shot, he put him in the

1:06:42

place, he's the bullshit. But

1:06:46

Mino, the barber, he was the most

1:06:48

agreeable barber, all the other barber's like

1:06:50

talked and like he didn't

1:06:52

talk, he just agreed. So

1:06:54

I remember when Michael Jackson died, there was

1:06:56

a viral video of like prisoners

1:06:59

in the Philippines doing a coordinated Michael

1:07:01

Jackson thriller dance. And so they were

1:07:03

talking about it and Joe was like,

1:07:06

you see this? The Thriller beans. The

1:07:10

barber Joe said to Mino, you see that video? He

1:07:12

goes, no, no, what is the video? You know, the

1:07:14

guy who died, the guy who died. Jackson,

1:07:18

Jackson, oh yeah, yeah, the guy who

1:07:20

died, yeah, Jackson, yeah, yeah. Everything you

1:07:22

said to Mino, he just goes, oh

1:07:24

yeah, yeah, there's a prisoner, they

1:07:27

were dancing, oh yeah, yeah, the dancing, the prisoners,

1:07:30

yes, Jackson, the guy who died. But he was,

1:07:32

but I always went there, I went and didn't

1:07:34

shave myself, like my face for two years, I

1:07:36

just went there. Every three weeks

1:07:38

I got this straight razor shave with a towel in

1:07:40

the face and the old school barber shop. And the

1:07:42

spin doctor, yeah, yeah, yeah, you're the

1:07:44

spin doctor. Oh yeah, the doctor, the spin,

1:07:46

yes, yes, yes. This

1:07:49

spin doctor, the two princes. Yes,

1:07:53

yes, it looks like a bullshit on the face,

1:07:55

yes. Do

1:07:58

you guys remember Martha Shab? the

1:08:00

Yaki X comedian. Yes. I

1:08:03

remember the first time I met her when I

1:08:05

started doing stand up in Toronto, I was so

1:08:07

intimidated by her. She was a major headliner. And

1:08:09

I had that dumb spin doctor's goatee on my

1:08:11

face. She got off stage and she came into

1:08:13

the green room and she came right up to

1:08:15

me and she grabbed it. She yanked my beard

1:08:17

and she goes, ah, you got a pussy on

1:08:19

your face. You look like you got a pussy

1:08:21

on your face. And she was yanking it. And

1:08:24

I was already intimidated by her.

1:08:27

And I was just totally horrified,

1:08:29

mortified being bullied

1:08:32

by this Yaki X headliner who was yanking

1:08:34

on my face and calling me a pussy face. Is

1:08:36

this in the book anywhere? Is this in the... This'll

1:08:39

be in my memoir. Memoirs, yes,

1:08:41

yes, yes. From

1:08:44

Smith and Smith to Open Mic in

1:08:47

the trenches of Canadian comedy. Graham,

1:08:52

do you, were you ever bullied

1:08:54

for your beard? I

1:08:58

worked at a coffee shop at the time. And

1:09:00

I feel like there was a guy

1:09:02

that used to razz me about it,

1:09:05

but he was no prize

1:09:07

pig himself. So I didn't take him so

1:09:10

badly. Or maybe I should have,

1:09:12

that an ugly guy was calling me out. Yeah,

1:09:16

we had a strange barista

1:09:18

customer relationship over the years.

1:09:21

And Graham, do you still keep in touch with your bookie? Yeah,

1:09:24

yeah, yeah. He's not

1:09:26

only doing Oscar bets and that

1:09:28

kind of bet. He doesn't do any sports

1:09:30

stuff anymore. I did see that there's a

1:09:33

way you can now bet on whether Taylor

1:09:35

Swift will get proposed to

1:09:37

at the Super Bowl. Oh

1:09:40

shit, that would make it worth watching if you ask me. That

1:09:43

was right at the, maybe the halftime

1:09:45

show just centers around that. Ooh, that would

1:09:47

be good. But I bet the odds are

1:09:49

pretty good for that. I bet you could make more money if

1:09:51

you bet maybe on... I

1:09:56

don't understand odds at all. Cause

1:09:59

it was like... plus 2,700 that... Yeah.

1:10:03

I think it's sort of arbitrary. Minus 1,300, no. Yeah,

1:10:06

what are the odds you'll get proposed to at the

1:10:08

Calgary Stampede? I

1:10:11

like those odds. I like those odds. 10,001,

1:10:16

you got it, buddy. Anyway,

1:10:19

sorry, I shaved my

1:10:21

head. And

1:10:24

you know what? It's New

1:10:26

Year, New Me. Do you

1:10:28

think this is gonna be a reoccurring look

1:10:31

or is this just an experiment and then

1:10:33

back to longer? I honestly was a little

1:10:35

just curious about what was going on down

1:10:37

there on the old Scalparino. And?

1:10:40

And it's fine, seems fine. Sure,

1:10:42

we got this area here. Lorenzo

1:10:44

Lamas is pointing at me with a laser

1:10:47

pen. But yeah,

1:10:50

I would fix that. That's

1:10:52

the Bruce Willisian moonlighting look.

1:10:56

So I got a few more years of that and

1:10:59

then it's just put me on a nice flow.

1:11:02

Just send you out to sea. No, I

1:11:04

don't think I'll do this very, I just won't be something

1:11:06

I keep up. But

1:11:09

it's fun, it's a fun look. It's

1:11:11

fun to freak people out. Yeah, get

1:11:13

a hedgehog while you have it like

1:11:15

that. Then it'll always be in Congress.

1:11:17

Mm-hmm. No matter what

1:11:20

you do. I thought I was booking this guy. Shit.

1:11:23

Do you find that, Graham, do you do comedy

1:11:26

clubs that still have ancient headshots

1:11:28

on the wall? Oh yeah. They don't take

1:11:30

that. But I mean, there's new comedians all

1:11:32

the time. So don't they run out of

1:11:34

space or they replace the headshots? Yeah, but

1:11:36

if a really famous comedian gets too big

1:11:38

to go back to that club, they've got

1:11:40

his headshot from 1992. Oh

1:11:42

yeah, they got a lot of Russell Peters in

1:11:45

Burlington Club 54 era. There

1:11:47

was somewhere in Ontario, one of the

1:11:49

clubs, that

1:11:52

had a picture of Harlan Williams

1:11:54

with a mounds bar. That

1:11:56

was his actual headshot. It wasn't an ad for mounds.

1:12:00

I just I couldn't get over

1:12:02

it. I still can't I think it's one of the weirdest things

1:12:05

I've ever seen on a comedy club wall

1:12:07

There was a lot of yuck yucks comedians

1:12:09

that I only knew as headshots, but I

1:12:11

knew who they were like Donny koi I

1:12:14

know yeah him never seen his act couldn't tell

1:12:16

you what he did, but he was my bleeping

1:12:18

button is just Wearing out.

1:12:20

Why do you have to believe this? Look,

1:12:23

it's anything bad, but he had like a white Panama

1:12:26

hat in his headshot So everybody's club you went

1:12:28

to you saw him and I think he kind

1:12:30

of was doing double guns to the to the

1:12:32

camera as Well, and I was like oh that

1:12:34

guy But there was a lot

1:12:36

of those dudes that just their infamy was

1:12:38

a headshot more than yeah, they're apt I

1:12:40

know I did the tally ho motor

1:12:42

in in Victoria, British Columbia. Did you

1:12:45

ever do it? Yep? Oh, yeah fucking

1:12:47

nightmare gig and they only had

1:12:49

one headshot on the wall. It wasn't a comedy

1:12:51

club It was like a rough bar and it

1:12:53

was like way up top by the ceiling like

1:12:55

you couldn't even see it If

1:12:57

you're walking by you had to like look at the ceiling

1:12:59

which I did because I was bombing and

1:13:01

it was Brent But with a mullet

1:13:05

Yeah, yeah way before corner gas even when I

1:13:07

was doing that gig was before corner gas But

1:13:10

they had Brent's headshot up on the wall there at the

1:13:12

tally ho with a motor it no

1:13:14

less Wow This is in

1:13:16

my tip to young comics don't accept gigs

1:13:18

at any place where the suffix is motor

1:13:21

in not good Yeah,

1:13:25

and I think Brent but said don't go

1:13:27

to any town that's a Saint

1:13:30

a port or a fort Good

1:13:36

advice What's

1:13:39

going on with you Graham? I my

1:13:43

mother Trish Clark she

1:13:47

She's doing some acting in her retirement

1:13:49

and she using crazy acting crazy Absolutely,

1:13:51

Dennis Simpson has come back to life

1:13:53

to do a reunion show But

1:13:57

she is she was cast the lead in

1:14:00

a play. So I... Yeah, is this...

1:14:02

has your mother... did she act when

1:14:04

you were younger? No. This is

1:14:07

a retirement, uh... you

1:14:10

know, hobby... Has Edgy

1:14:12

ever expressed interest in this?

1:14:15

Nope. Was she ever like, when you kids are

1:14:17

out of here... I can't wait till you

1:14:19

kids are out of here and I can get up on the

1:14:21

footlights. But

1:14:24

she was doing the show, she was the lead,

1:14:26

so I snuck... I secretly went

1:14:28

to Calgary to watch the show and

1:14:31

surprise her. And, uh... No,

1:14:34

Graham, slow down. This is... Oh, sorry. This

1:14:37

is big time stuff. Your mother has

1:14:39

become the star of a local play.

1:14:41

Yeah! Uh... and you know

1:14:43

what? It was really good. Uh,

1:14:45

cause you never know when you're going to see

1:14:48

a family member or a friend's project.

1:14:50

What a local play! It would have

1:14:52

been great if you had shown up and she had

1:14:54

just stolen your act. She was just reading a phone

1:14:57

book, doing your free show. Yeah, maybe she'll

1:14:59

have some success with it. Graham,

1:15:06

we gotta wrap this up soon, cause I'm recording

1:15:08

Stop Momcasting Yourself. Oh, shit!

1:15:12

Stop or my mom will podcast. Um...

1:15:17

but yeah, it was

1:15:19

a play about seniors

1:15:24

getting scammed through internet

1:15:27

scams. And her

1:15:29

character has correspondence

1:15:31

with somebody that pretends that she's from

1:15:33

their high school and was kind of

1:15:36

catching up and then slowly over time,

1:15:38

you know, she's kind of getting details

1:15:40

wrong. And then of course the inevitable

1:15:42

is that she asks for money and that

1:15:44

asks for more money and more money and uh...

1:15:47

And your mom gets scammed? She gets

1:15:49

scammed. She gets scammed big time. Is this

1:15:51

a comedy? A tragedy? This is a... A

1:15:54

history? Yeah, it

1:15:56

was just a drama. I would say it was

1:15:58

a drama. in it,

1:16:00

has a couple of harsh

1:16:03

lessons. So yeah, I'd say drama, drama

1:16:05

all the way down. And

1:16:08

so you snuck to Calgary. Yeah,

1:16:10

I snuck in. You

1:16:13

stayed with your brother so your mother wouldn't know? I

1:16:15

stayed in a hotel. I treated

1:16:18

myself to a hot wire deal

1:16:20

on a hotel. H-O-T-W-I-R-E, hotwire.com. That's

1:16:22

why we're sponsored. Yeah, this week's

1:16:24

podcast is sponsored by Hotwire. Hotwire,

1:16:27

not just for cars anymore. When

1:16:30

hotels.com does you wrong, find

1:16:33

a hotwire. I

1:16:36

didn't know what you guys were talking about

1:16:38

for the last 30 seconds. It's like an

1:16:41

Expedia type of thing? Yes. It's like a

1:16:43

kayak, Beast Expedia, maybe hotel. I thought it

1:16:45

was the name of the hotel. OK, I

1:16:47

got it. Oh, it's the name of the

1:16:49

hotwire. Yeah, oh my god. No, you were

1:16:51

staying at the Best Western on McLeod Drive.

1:16:55

I honestly, that's where I was. I

1:16:57

was in not the Best Western in

1:16:59

the carriage house, but it was on

1:17:01

McLeod Drive. So there you go. Oh

1:17:03

my god, I was just totally trying

1:17:05

to grasp for Alberta references. Yeah, McLeod

1:17:07

Trail, that's where it was. And

1:17:11

this is a thing I think

1:17:14

maybe has happened once before,

1:17:16

I can't recall it, where

1:17:19

I ordered a pizza to the room. And

1:17:21

then the pizza

1:17:24

delivery guy was at the desk and they called me

1:17:26

and said I have to come down and get the

1:17:28

pizza from him. Yeah, what's that

1:17:30

all about? And I was like, that's insane.

1:17:34

And usually, yeah, I

1:17:36

don't want to confront the

1:17:38

customer service staff. It's not

1:17:41

their policy. But there were three of them hanging around.

1:17:43

I was like, maybe one of you guys could have

1:17:45

hopped in the elevator with this dude and brought up

1:17:47

a pizza. So that's

1:17:50

my harsh review. The concern is that he, oh,

1:17:52

do you need a room key to get up?

1:17:54

Yes. Pizza delivery

1:17:57

is different in this post-9-11 world. Yes.

1:18:00

Thanks a lot, Bin Laden. Yeah,

1:18:02

no, that's how it happens. Did

1:18:04

he have to take off his shoes? Yeah.

1:18:08

His belt. And also, did you, so then how

1:18:11

undressed were you when you got this phone

1:18:13

call? I had pants, but no socks or

1:18:15

shoes. So like I

1:18:17

just was like, yeah, shirt,

1:18:19

pants, no socks. Oh, shirt, OK. We were waiting

1:18:22

for you to tell us where the shirt came

1:18:24

into the situation. Oh, I wore it kind of

1:18:26

around my waist, I was like,

1:18:28

yeah. You're at a

1:18:30

concert in overheating. Yeah, I can't. Spin

1:18:34

doctors concert. Yeah. Oh, shit. Yeah, when

1:18:36

are they going to play two presents?

1:18:38

Two presents! I'm guessing last. You

1:18:41

got it with suit. I once saw the spin

1:18:44

doctors open for Rolling Stones.

1:18:46

What? Oh. Yeah. I

1:18:49

saw them on the same tour that

1:18:51

my brother saw. Counting Crows opened for

1:18:53

Rolling Stones. The Voodoo Lounge

1:18:55

tour. And my brother was like, ha,

1:18:58

loser, you had to see the spin

1:19:00

doctors. I got to see Counting Crows.

1:19:02

Wow. I

1:19:04

feel like that should be the lineup,

1:19:06

though. That should be the narcissism of

1:19:08

a small difference. Just spin doctors with

1:19:11

the Counting Crows, maybe Crabbitt's house thrown

1:19:13

in there. I remember I

1:19:15

missed a spin doctors concert because I had to

1:19:17

go to summer camp, but they played with

1:19:20

spin doctors and

1:19:22

soul asylum, and maybe screaming trees

1:19:24

playing the Pacific Coliseum. Shit. And

1:19:26

you can go. And

1:19:29

we got a chance to see. Because that lineup is never

1:19:31

going to happen again. No. Once in

1:19:33

a lifetime. I mean, unless it does. Oh,

1:19:35

yeah. And it probably will, to be honest. I've

1:19:38

only ever attended one thing at Pacific

1:19:40

Coliseum, despite having watched the Vancouver Canucks

1:19:42

my whole life. And it

1:19:44

was Super Dogs. Yeah. Yeah.

1:19:47

Yeah. It's my only time I've ever been

1:19:49

in the PNE Coliseum. Just as magical as

1:19:51

that 1994 Stanley Cup run. Yeah.

1:19:54

It's just as magical as Pat Villebury. This is better

1:19:56

than Pat Villebury. It's a dog running

1:19:58

fast through a hoop. Yeah.

1:20:01

Do we want to know everything

1:20:04

I saw at the Pacific Coliseum?

1:20:06

Okay. Peter Gabriel. I saw Radiohead.

1:20:08

I saw Moist

1:20:11

and iMotherEarth. Together?

1:20:14

Together. What about Sergio

1:20:16

Mimeso? I saw Sergio

1:20:19

Mimeso passing to Jeff Kortnell, driving

1:20:21

it back to Robert Dirk. Oh

1:20:23

wow. Graham's

1:20:26

laughing like he knows the wrong things. I

1:20:28

know they're hockey players. I know that much. And

1:20:31

really isn't that all they need to know? It

1:20:34

is. Okay. So you're

1:20:36

eating your pizza. Yeah. And

1:20:38

it was not good.

1:20:41

And the

1:20:44

play is the next day, so I'm still

1:20:47

sneaking, right? I'm still putting on a room.

1:20:49

Because your mother could spot you anywhere. So

1:20:52

you're walking around town in a trench coat

1:20:54

and a hat. Yeah. And I'm

1:20:56

getting arrested because there's still a flasher

1:20:58

wearing the same outfit. Yeah. And also

1:21:00

because that's what you were wearing when

1:21:02

your pizza guy came. Yeah.

1:21:04

I was wearing an overcoat and a fedora.

1:21:06

And nothing underneath. Just

1:21:09

bare legs. But

1:21:14

yeah, my dad got

1:21:17

the tickets and I surprised

1:21:19

her after the show. And she said

1:21:21

that she had sensed that I

1:21:23

was somewhere close. She

1:21:25

said it to her castmate that

1:21:27

day. I feel like my eldest

1:21:30

son is somewhere in the

1:21:32

city. Wow. Momdar. Yeah.

1:21:34

She's on the momdar. That's

1:21:37

Grahamdar, not momdar. Momdar,

1:21:41

she would sense other moms. Or

1:21:43

Graham would sense her. Yeah. That's true.

1:21:46

Okay. Grahamdar. Anyways,

1:21:50

I thought that was

1:21:52

weird, a little psychic phenomena. Yeah, but

1:21:54

moms make that stuff up all the time. What's

1:21:59

Abby's problem? big lie. Oh, yeah,

1:22:01

I don't know. She's not my mom. What's

1:22:03

she's our mom? Well, I don't know. We don't

1:22:05

talk about that kind of stuff. Yeah.

1:22:13

Oh, and the other thing, I managed

1:22:15

to do this, this whole weekend, flight hotel,

1:22:17

200 bucks. Whoa.

1:22:21

Pretty good, right? Pretty good. But

1:22:23

you have to kind of, it's

1:22:26

one of these no, no nice

1:22:29

luxury things like getting a carry on

1:22:31

bag or Yeah, no suitcases allowed. Yeah.

1:22:33

So I had a backpack and I

1:22:35

wore several layers and I was so

1:22:37

hot on the plane. You have to

1:22:39

stand the whole flight. You're

1:22:42

not allowed to wear a shirt in your

1:22:44

hotel room. Yeah, there's advertising all over the

1:22:46

place for different. It's just

1:22:48

the number 20 bus. It

1:22:52

is kind of like a bus in the sky, really. But

1:22:55

it I did offer

1:22:57

200 bucks. I'll do it again.

1:22:59

The fact that it's that cheap to get back there,

1:23:02

have a have some Tom's house of

1:23:04

pizza pizza, that appears to drive in

1:23:08

just stomp around the stampede grounds.

1:23:10

Honestly, every minute you're not in

1:23:12

Calgary, you're losing money. Exactly.

1:23:14

I can't afford not to do this. I

1:23:16

talked to my accountant. He says I'm

1:23:18

hemorrhaging money, but your

1:23:21

accountants, one of these guys is like, I'm

1:23:24

crazy. I've been the best accountant

1:23:26

in town. Whatever. Is

1:23:28

the pizza good in Calgary? Calgary good

1:23:30

for pizza? This

1:23:33

was a restaurant that I worked at

1:23:35

for a while and it kind of

1:23:37

became addicted to their their pizza. So I

1:23:39

have fond memories of it. But

1:23:41

I don't know that that would, that I

1:23:44

would hold. But did it but

1:23:46

did it reach the memory like when you taste

1:23:48

it did like? Did it?

1:23:50

Yeah. Oh, yeah. Reactivate that part

1:23:52

of my brain. Yeah, but you

1:23:54

did say it was bad, right?

1:23:57

It was the reason as bad as because it came cold. This

1:24:00

is another from the Calgary that I got this time.

1:24:02

So it's a piece of pizza. It was cold. So

1:24:04

that's why it was bad, but Well,

1:24:07

you're a road comic just warm it up in the

1:24:09

coffee maker Show

1:24:13

it into the cure cure Yeah,

1:24:18

I Like kind of

1:24:20

a memory came up of me Prepping

1:24:23

for pizzas and having to like grate

1:24:25

cheese into a garbage can That's

1:24:28

where they kept the cheese in a rubber garbage

1:24:30

can like a giant Like

1:24:32

a giant tub and I would just stand there

1:24:36

You know shaving on the old mozzarella block

1:24:38

how why they don't mind I don't think

1:24:40

I've ever heard about you working at a

1:24:43

pizza place. I Worked

1:24:46

in college and it

1:24:48

was under a year because the Owner

1:24:51

and I didn't see I tie on me

1:24:53

and how hard I was working I

1:24:58

was coming in with a low offer. He was coming with a high

1:25:00

offer We never could

1:25:02

meet in the middle. Right? Did

1:25:04

you eat a lot of pizza that year? Mm-hmm

1:25:07

every shift every shift I did a

1:25:09

pizza and Cuz you

1:25:11

can do that back then when you're 19 years

1:25:14

old. Yeah, maybe pizzas as you want I

1:25:17

if you guys go down to Las

1:25:19

Vegas I highly recommend I was

1:25:21

blown away how good the pizza was at

1:25:24

the evil Knievel evil players Yeah,

1:25:26

have you been there? No, they have

1:25:28

evil pleasures. Is it because they had

1:25:30

a t-shirt that says evil pleasures Oh,

1:25:32

okay. Yeah, I think it's called evil

1:25:34

Knievels apart. It was delicious. It's so

1:25:36

fucking good yeah, and they

1:25:38

have the cutest neon sign of The

1:25:42

little guy evil Knievel on a motorcycle like going

1:25:44

over a bunch of vans and it's like up

1:25:46

up up up up up Like it's one of

1:25:48

those blinking neon signs that moves so the motor.

1:25:50

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah Yeah, and

1:25:52

then they got a nice oil painting dead

1:25:55

center of evil Knievel in there and like

1:26:00

Dude, it's awesome. I highly recommend

1:26:02

Evil Knievel's Pizza. It's called Evil

1:26:05

Pie. Evil Pie. Evil Pie. There

1:26:07

you go. Do

1:26:10

you guys want to move on to some overhards? Yeah,

1:26:12

man. My

1:26:17

name's Doug Dugay and I'm here to talk about

1:26:19

my podcast in the middle of the one you're

1:26:21

listening to. It's called Valley Heat and it's about

1:26:23

my neighborhood, the Burbank Rancho Equestrian District. The center

1:26:26

of the world when it comes to foosball, frisbee

1:26:28

golf, and high-speed freeway roller skating. And there's been

1:26:30

a jaguar parked outside on my curb for 10

1:26:32

months. I have no idea who owns it. I

1:26:34

have a feeling it's related to the drug drop

1:26:36

that was happening in my garbage can a little

1:26:39

over a year ago. And if

1:26:41

this has been a boring commercial, imagine 45 minutes of

1:26:43

it. Okay, Valley Heat,

1:26:45

it's on every month on

1:26:47

maximumfund.org or wherever you get podcasts. Check

1:26:49

it out, but honestly, skip it. These

1:26:52

are the chronicles of the Rancho Equestrian

1:26:54

District Burbank Health Law Hello,

1:27:01

sleepyheads. Sleeping with

1:27:04

Celebrities is your podcast pillow

1:27:06

pal. We talk to

1:27:08

remarkable people about unremarkable topics,

1:27:10

all to help you slow down your brain

1:27:13

and drift off to sleep. For

1:27:15

instance, we have the remarkable Neil Gaiman.

1:27:18

I'd always had a

1:27:20

vague interest in life

1:27:22

culture, food preparation. Sleeping

1:27:25

with Celebrities hosted by

1:27:27

me, John Moe, on

1:27:29

maximumfund.org or wherever you get

1:27:32

your podcasts. May night. Overheard.

1:27:41

Overheard. The segment on this podcast where

1:27:43

you, if you have the ability and

1:27:45

the time and the wherewithal to hear

1:27:47

things, record them in your head or

1:27:50

your phone or a notebook and

1:27:52

report them here to the podcast. If you

1:27:54

want to do the same, you can send

1:27:56

it to sby at maximumfund.org. And

1:27:59

we always play with that. I like to start with the

1:28:01

guests when it comes to the words. Cliff, do you have

1:28:03

one? I do. I'm always, I'm

1:28:06

never sure if my overheads are good or

1:28:08

if they're horrible or if they're interesting at

1:28:10

all. But I was in

1:28:12

a neighborhood in East Hollywood recently.

1:28:15

It's one of every big city, I think, has

1:28:17

a neighborhood like this where you're more

1:28:19

likely to see people limping than not. So

1:28:22

this is one of the limping districts. And

1:28:25

so there is this guy, who was

1:28:28

just two of us, me walking towards him and

1:28:30

him walking towards me, no other pedestrians around. He

1:28:33

was limping in my memory, which I know

1:28:35

is not accurate. He has a

1:28:37

wooden peg leg, but I don't think that's

1:28:39

true. I don't, I think

1:28:41

I'm just embellishing it in my memory.

1:28:43

You don't really see that many wooden

1:28:45

peg legs. No, you don't. So the

1:28:47

listeners, if it helps visualize it, he

1:28:49

has a wooden peg leg or he

1:28:51

doesn't. It's up to you. It's up

1:28:53

to the listener preference. Anyways, he was

1:28:55

limping and he's walking towards me and

1:28:58

I'm walking towards him. There's nobody around and

1:29:00

he's singing and not the

1:29:02

whole song, just the famous lyric over

1:29:05

and over as he limps, smooth

1:29:08

operator, smooth operator.

1:29:13

And I can hear him as he passes me. He

1:29:16

keeps walking down the street, smooth operator. I can hear

1:29:18

it. And then smooth operator. But

1:29:20

that's all he knows. That's all he knows.

1:29:22

That's the one month. So that's it. I'll

1:29:25

be honest. I don't think I know any

1:29:27

other part. Isn't there like coast to coast

1:29:29

something from there? Yeah. Yeah.

1:29:32

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

1:29:35

Yeah. All I know goes smooth

1:29:37

operator and I go smooth operator.

1:29:39

Yeah. Nailing it, Dave. You're nailing

1:29:41

it. That's about all though. It's

1:29:44

sha day. Sha day. Char

1:29:46

day. Char day. She

1:29:49

was, what did she have? Another hit? Is

1:29:51

there another? I think several years. A few

1:29:53

years later. I can't remember which though. Let's

1:29:57

just look up sha day's top five.

1:30:01

on Spotify. Number

1:30:06

one, smooth operator. Number

1:30:09

two, like a tattoo. Like a tattoo.

1:30:12

Kiss of life. Oh

1:30:15

you know what song

1:30:17

I remember from from

1:30:20

the what was the Robert

1:30:23

Redford Woody Harrelson in DC

1:30:25

proposal? Oh yes yeah. She

1:30:28

had this is no

1:30:31

ordinary love. No ordinary

1:30:33

love. I watched that

1:30:36

recently in DC proposal. Was

1:30:40

it DC? No it was more indecent if

1:30:42

not that I wanted to write a letter

1:30:44

to whatever movie studio put it up. I

1:30:48

mean it does say it in the title

1:30:50

that's my bad that I watched it. For

1:30:52

more information about indecent exposure right out of

1:30:54

Ontario. Indecent exposure? That's

1:30:56

the movie that I only wish

1:30:59

I watched. Was indecent exposure?

1:31:03

Did they make like a but you

1:31:05

know how they made like

1:31:08

a they did hotshots and naked gun

1:31:10

I think they did fatal

1:31:12

instinct. Oh yeah. They made like

1:31:14

a rip off of the Zucker

1:31:16

Brothers. It wasn't them. It was

1:31:18

somebody else. Yeah. Yeah I remember

1:31:21

that. I remember the trailer being great and

1:31:23

then the movie being very boring. Hmm

1:31:26

sorry Armando Sante. I mean that's good

1:31:29

and Shawn Young. Boy I do. There

1:31:31

was an appearance by Wayne Wayne Knight

1:31:33

I want to say in the flashing

1:31:35

scene the Sharon Stone

1:31:37

famous leg. Oh no

1:31:39

that was in hotshots. That was in

1:31:42

that was was that no

1:31:45

that was in National Lampoon's

1:31:47

Loaded Weapon. Yeah okay. Yes

1:31:49

yes. Huh. Was that with

1:31:51

Emilio Esteves? Yeah. Fatal

1:31:54

Instinct was directed by Carl Reiner

1:31:56

written by David O'Malley. I remember

1:31:58

my favorite gag from loaded weapon

1:32:00

was Samuel Jackson was in

1:32:02

it and he comes home

1:32:04

and his wife has put like a

1:32:07

really nice spread on

1:32:09

the kitchen table like a beautiful

1:32:11

dinner and he's like, what's

1:32:13

the occasion? She said, it's my mom's birthday

1:32:15

and he's like, oh, did I forget to

1:32:17

give you that message that her mom had

1:32:20

died? Oh, yeah.

1:32:22

Oh, shit. Did I forget

1:32:24

to give them a shit? She died. And

1:32:26

decent exposure is of course what I

1:32:28

was charged with when I was walking

1:32:31

around Calgary in that. The

1:32:33

night train scout. Dave,

1:32:36

do you have an overheard? Yeah. So,

1:32:39

at my child's children's

1:32:41

school, it's quite often there's

1:32:44

a thing that happens now that never

1:32:46

happened when I was a kid is

1:32:48

that if it's your birthday, you will,

1:32:50

it's not required obviously, but what happens

1:32:52

a lot is that if it's your

1:32:54

birthday, you'll bring in cupcakes for the

1:32:57

whole class. Yes, I remember this. I

1:33:00

don't, we never did that. No, we never did

1:33:02

it, but I remember other people doing it. Wait,

1:33:04

it's your birthday and you have to bring? You

1:33:07

don't have to do it, but that's

1:33:09

like. Don't bring cupcakes for you. That's

1:33:12

right. That's right. That's

1:33:14

your way of saying, hey, everyone, it's my birthday. See

1:33:17

you next to me for one day of this year.

1:33:21

Please. Anyway, so yesterday was

1:33:23

someone's birthday and so every

1:33:25

kid in this class came out holding

1:33:27

a little cupcake in a box and

1:33:31

this little girl, her older brother ran up

1:33:33

to her and he

1:33:37

goes up to her and he goes, oh, your

1:33:39

hair is beautiful. I mean, seriously,

1:33:41

it's rocking. Is that a cupcake?

1:33:46

Just casually tries to slide it in. Yeah, I was

1:33:48

really trying to like butter up his little sister. Sure.

1:33:52

The first time in his life. Wow. What

1:33:54

a sleazebag. I know a lot

1:33:56

of sleazy kids go to my kids. You're

1:34:00

down in the limping district, is that right?

1:34:02

Yeah. What

1:34:05

you call a sleazebag, I'd call a smooth

1:34:07

operator. Oh yeah, I

1:34:09

didn't even think about that. Anyways,

1:34:12

I love it. And did you have one of these cupcakes?

1:34:16

My daughter did. You didn't get in

1:34:18

on just a real quick... No,

1:34:20

I don't steal food. Oh,

1:34:25

that's to be

1:34:27

commended. I don't

1:34:29

know, I won't steal like... I

1:34:32

like food. I especially like junk

1:34:34

food. Yeah. But like if my

1:34:37

kids get like Christmas presents, that's chocolate

1:34:39

or if they, you know, get Halloween

1:34:41

candy, I'm not taking it. No,

1:34:44

I can get my own. What

1:34:46

about shoplifting? Do you consider that stealing? Well,

1:34:50

hmm. I

1:34:53

guess it's a gray area. Just a couple of

1:34:55

cans of Chef Boyardee to feed your family. Just

1:34:58

no, nothing wrong. I mean, I do

1:35:01

wear these giant cargo pants. It'd

1:35:03

be a shame if I didn't walk out

1:35:05

with a can of... Climb, climb, climb, climb.

1:35:11

Yeah, and it's a... You won't steal off-brand. No, it's

1:35:13

gotta be Boyardee. Chef Bob-O-Be. Do they make a like...

1:35:21

They must make house brand

1:35:23

can of noodle. Yeah, it's

1:35:25

cooked. It's like

1:35:28

Chef Boyardee. It's

1:35:30

line cook, girl

1:35:33

isn't. Whatever the opposite of D is. You

1:35:42

know, I watch an old commercial for Chef

1:35:44

Boyardee and they call it Chef Boyardee.

1:35:47

Like it's an Italian name. Boyardee. Oh

1:35:49

yeah, like Moriarty. Yeah. Yeah,

1:35:52

I know. The Chef Boyardee. Yeah, yeah,

1:35:54

yeah. It makes more sense. It's

1:35:56

Italian food. The finest Italian food. But

1:35:58

it's not even very heisty. internet, right?

1:36:00

It's like Chef Boy hyphen R

1:36:03

hyphen D, isn't it? Like

1:36:05

Spiderman? The

1:36:07

amazing Chef Boy

1:36:09

R.D. You

1:36:12

can picture a limited edition

1:36:14

Spiderman comic post-starring Chef Boyardee.

1:36:17

You can picture that in...

1:36:20

Where he means Chef Boyardee. Especially in Canada,

1:36:22

and they're telling kids not to do drugs.

1:36:24

One of them's wearing an Oilers jersey for no reason.

1:36:28

Who was the Spiderman that

1:36:30

they made that was Spiderman at

1:36:32

the Calgary Stampede? I remember. I

1:36:35

remember. There's also an Archie,

1:36:37

Veronica, Betty go to the Calgary Olympics

1:36:39

in 1988. Oh,

1:36:41

shit. Yeah, and there's another one where they

1:36:44

go to maybe Expo

1:36:46

86 in Vancouver. Nice. In

1:36:48

fact, I think if you go on YouTube, there's a

1:36:50

video of me giving a copy of

1:36:52

that comic book to Daniel Johnston. And I think

1:36:55

that was when the hardware had recruited me to

1:36:57

give Daniel Johnston from the devil and Daniel Johnston

1:36:59

fame comic books. And I gave him a copy

1:37:01

of Betty and Veronica at Expo 86. And

1:37:05

did he was he thrilled? Yeah, he was. He

1:37:07

was like, oh, thank you. He was thrilled. Dang,

1:37:09

DeCarlo. I love him. Yeah. I

1:37:12

just Googled, I went to the Wikipedia for

1:37:14

Chef Boyardee. There are no hyphens, but did

1:37:17

you know what Chef Boyardee's first name is?

1:37:21

Leslie. Oh, I was going to

1:37:23

say Clarence. I

1:37:26

was going to say something that's

1:37:28

culturally insensitive. No, I made it

1:37:30

up. There's no first name. Oh,

1:37:33

God damn it. I

1:37:35

won't be understood in my lifetime. Did

1:37:38

you do an overheard? Nope.

1:37:41

I was walking around, walking to

1:37:43

a show last night. Incidentally, somebody

1:37:45

on the show had your old

1:37:47

look at a long goatee glasses

1:37:49

like yours and was wearing a

1:37:51

toque. And I was like, what

1:37:53

the one of the odds that

1:37:55

the young dude, your

1:37:57

exact look. I mean, I'm very

1:37:59

interested. sequential. Let's face it. Let's

1:38:01

face it. Exactly. I

1:38:04

was walking to the comedy show

1:38:06

and I passed by three

1:38:09

teenage girls walking the opposite

1:38:11

direction and one

1:38:14

girl said I know they keep saying this but

1:38:16

after every breakup I watch the notebook. So

1:38:19

this is something that she continually said.

1:38:21

Yeah, sorry for saying it again, but

1:38:25

Have you guys seen the notebook? I've

1:38:28

seen bits of it. It's romantic. Do you

1:38:30

know who was originally gonna be in it?

1:38:33

Chef Boyardee. No,

1:38:38

but it doesn't work out time-wise because it's Ryan

1:38:42

Gosling is young What's

1:38:45

his face James Garner? Oh, yeah.

1:38:47

Yeah, and then They

1:38:50

but like five years

1:38:52

prior to that they were gonna do it with

1:38:54

George Clooney as young Paul Newman I

1:38:56

think that's as good But George Clooney

1:38:58

would have been like 45. I

1:39:01

love it. I love just the casting for

1:39:03

name not for age or making yeah Yeah,

1:39:05

yeah. Yeah, I like I like

1:39:08

anything like that just a good stunt cast also

1:39:10

there's like a huge list of people

1:39:12

they wanted to put in it and

1:39:14

it came down to like Rachel McAdams

1:39:16

and Britney Spears as

1:39:18

the female lead. Oh, but then she

1:39:21

went with crossroads instead Let's see. I

1:39:23

think this was after crossroads. Oh shit.

1:39:25

Just she showed her acting muscle and

1:39:28

yeah, okay Well,

1:39:31

what would have been what could have been I

1:39:34

know Now we also

1:39:36

have overheard sent in to us from

1:39:38

people all over the place You want

1:39:40

to send one in send it at

1:39:42

spy at maximumfun.org. This first one comes

1:39:44

from Ingrid in Minneapolis This

1:39:46

is a couple in the sauna and

1:39:48

I say this is a co-ed sauna

1:39:50

that we're we're picturing here So towels

1:39:53

on or off. I don't know. Hey, look, who am

1:39:55

I this died? What how people sauna? You know what

1:39:57

I mean? How do you

1:39:59

sauna? How do I pack

1:40:02

as many clothes on as I possibly can? Because

1:40:04

I really got to make weight. I got to

1:40:06

make weight. Yeah, you have been trying to make

1:40:08

weight for quite a while. There's this wrestling tournament

1:40:10

you keep telling us about. Every time you see

1:40:12

me, I'm wearing a garbage bag. Yeah. Got

1:40:15

to make weight. Got to make weight. And who

1:40:18

are you wrestling? Huh? Yeah,

1:40:20

who are you wrestling? Butch from

1:40:22

the WWF team,

1:40:24

the Bushwhackers. I'm

1:40:27

wrestling Butch. They

1:40:30

say to be very careful. He's just a

1:40:32

lot of beard pulling. Yeah. Yeah.

1:40:35

Yeah. Yeah. This

1:40:38

first one is in Asana. Woman

1:40:41

saying, do you think 9-11 was an inside job?

1:40:43

The man said no. The woman genuinely

1:40:45

confused. Then who planned it all? And

1:40:47

the man said the terrorists that carried

1:40:49

it out. She goes, oh. I

1:40:55

get it. Yeah. I didn't know

1:40:57

it was planned. I guess I could...

1:41:01

I was either an inside job or it was just

1:41:03

a random occurrence. A

1:41:06

coincidence. Yeah.

1:41:10

I mean, look, we all know that diesel

1:41:13

fuel, the plane fuel can't

1:41:16

liquidate beams. We can

1:41:18

try the diesel fuel can't liquidate beams. Jet

1:41:22

fuel can't melt steel beams, but sauna

1:41:25

heat can. Oh, yeah,

1:41:27

absolutely. Just the heat of the chemistry

1:41:30

between these two and the sauna. They can go if

1:41:32

you could bottle that. Yeah. Him

1:41:35

shutting her down. No. The

1:41:37

people who carried it out. Reminds

1:41:40

me of... You remember when we used to do

1:41:42

stand up with Zach Galifianakis. He always had that

1:41:44

joke. He'd be at the piano doing the jokes

1:41:46

and he would stop. And he would

1:41:49

just look off to the side and say, you

1:41:51

know, I didn't like 9-11. Oh,

1:41:57

Zach. So funny. So funny. This next

1:41:59

one... comes from Chris

1:42:01

in San Rafael, California.

1:42:05

I was in the kitchen making lunch on a

1:42:07

rainy afternoon and then I noticed the day starting

1:42:09

to brighten. I called to my

1:42:11

wife in that ex-room and said, oh hey,

1:42:13

it's a sun shower. We immediately heard thundering

1:42:15

footsteps upstairs as our five-year-old ran from his

1:42:17

bedroom to the top of the stairs and

1:42:19

chatted, did I just hear the word sun

1:42:22

shower? You said I was

1:42:25

allowed to skip school, so

1:42:31

it was a sun shower. I

1:42:33

pictured that kid with a

1:42:35

preppery sweater tied in a knot around his neck

1:42:37

with a tennis racket running into the room. Did

1:42:41

somebody say sun shower? No,

1:42:43

Graham, no. I think a lot of that was

1:42:45

in your reading. Well, you know, I do like

1:42:47

to perform, but... I imagine it might have been

1:42:50

like a, did you just say sun shower? More

1:42:52

of like an incredulous, like that can happen? That

1:42:54

can happen, yeah. I was making

1:42:56

into kind of what Cliff is saying, kind of a

1:42:59

snowser is the sloth kind of snowser. Sun

1:43:01

shower anyone? And

1:43:08

this last one comes from Julia in Nanaimo.

1:43:10

Overheard at Costco, passed by a young guy in

1:43:12

his early 20s with an older woman, young

1:43:15

guy exclaimed excitedly, this is it.

1:43:17

This is the Shaquille O'Neal printer.

1:43:20

All right. He does do

1:43:22

commercials for printers. He does? Obviously,

1:43:25

I didn't know that. Here are the things Shaquille

1:43:27

O'Neal does ads for. Printers.

1:43:30

Yeah. Car insurance. Eyeglasses.

1:43:33

Icy hot, Icy hot. Icy

1:43:36

hot, yeah. Rub. He's

1:43:38

a, like, quantity over

1:43:41

quality. Oh,

1:43:45

disagree. That guy

1:43:47

has a top to bottom, quality

1:43:49

all the way. His printers are excellent, his

1:43:52

shoes, number one. And best

1:43:54

of all, his movie Shazam. Shazam,

1:43:56

oh, and also blue chip. Ah,

1:43:59

starting, well, starting. Nick Nolte. And

1:44:03