0:00

Hi, he's Dave Schonker.

0:10

And he's Graham Clark. And together

0:12

we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Hello

0:23

everybody and welcome to episode number 831 of

0:25

Stop Podcasting Yourself. My name is Graham Clark.

0:27

And with me as always is a man

0:29

who we were just discussing, just as we

0:31

were going to turn on the mics, that

0:34

there's something called Singles Day. Dave Schonker

0:36

knows about it. His name's Dave Schonker.

0:38

Hi. Because this is being

0:40

released on family day. And

0:42

our guest is like, why is my impression of

0:44

my death? Perfect impression

0:47

honestly. I'm

0:52

feeling very attacked. I'm

0:55

single. She says. Why is

0:57

there no Singles Day? And

1:00

I said there is in China. Singles Day

1:02

on November 11th. We just looked it up. Because

1:05

the numeral one resembles a bear

1:07

stick. So

1:09

depressing. Which is Chinese

1:12

internet slang for an unmarried man who

1:14

does not add branches to the family

1:16

tree. Oh gosh. But

1:19

it's a big shopping day. You buy yourself presents.

1:21

Yeah. What do you... You

1:24

settle old scores. Yeah. With

1:27

other single people? Yeah. Yeah.

1:30

That voice you hear. First

1:32

time guest on the podcast. It's not just me. Not

1:34

just Dave doing an impression over and over. A

1:36

very funny comedian. So glad to have

1:39

her on the show. You can find

1:41

her on Instagram at at stalkingnatalie. It's

1:43

Natalie Norman. Hi. I'm

1:45

here. You're here. Thank you for being

1:48

here. Thank you for having me. I'm so excited.

1:50

This is going to be a blast. Yeah. We're

1:52

going to do it. And if it's not, no refunds. Yeah. Should

1:56

we get to know us? Yeah. Okay,

2:02

um boy I had a question on this book my

2:04

text oh, yeah, so it's

2:07

single stay What do

2:09

you buy yourself? Yeah,

2:11

what do you buy? Yeah, is this for me? No,

2:14

I also You

2:16

are the single one but now I'm going down

2:19

memory lane what would I have liked When

2:22

I'm a single man that

2:24

I don't have a use for As

2:26

a married man, I know immediately

2:29

I just buy a bunch of subscriptions

2:31

to dating apps Oh nice.

2:33

Okay, cuz like they're too expensive otherwise, but I'd feel

2:35

like you know what I'm still single I'm

2:37

single to how much are dating apps? Oh,

2:39

they range There's I do pay for one which

2:41

feels embarrassing to say but it's worth it in my

2:43

head Which one field okay, what

2:45

do you feel field is a sex app? Mm-hmm.

2:49

I'm Well, it originally

2:51

started for a couple like for looking for thirds

2:54

And then it became kind of this progressive place

2:57

where everyone's just on it who's horny and

2:59

is very straightforward Which is what I like.

3:01

Mmm, right and people have met on it and

3:03

dated and gotten married and I'm horny, but

3:05

I'm shy That's what

3:07

this is for. I'm not straightforward. It's just I'm just

3:09

uh Ducks

3:11

the issue. Yeah around the issue. Oh, my

3:14

wife is always like are you horny? And why I

3:16

don't want to talk about it. I was always wondering

3:19

if there was ever gonna be a straight version of

3:21

grind This is it. This is it. This is it

3:23

and I'm living my life on it. Yeah. Oh,

3:25

yeah, what's the I

3:29

have it. I'm not it's like normal pictures

3:31

sure slightly saltrier. Okay, and then

3:33

you can put your desires Mm-hmm.

3:36

And then love it. Yeah, it's and then dream.

3:38

What are your desires? Warm

3:40

hearth do like a

3:43

round. Okay fireplace fireplace. Yeah. I

3:45

am what was the question again?

3:47

Your desire desires. Yes. Just

3:49

a nice little bit of dark

3:51

chocolate. Yeah I

3:56

mean to most women that's exact same thing. Yeah.

3:58

Yeah, so what are your Oh, you're

4:00

doing you want me to tell on

4:03

I have no problem I share it all the time on stage,

4:05

but I have minor. I

4:07

don't go ahead They're tame compared to most

4:09

people's I think yeah, I guess oh, yeah,

4:12

like people's are like people aren't like

4:14

Scott Exactly

4:21

exactly so that's where it can go mine

4:23

is just like texting For

4:27

play Like

4:29

really generic really yeah, really quite tame.

4:32

Yeah texting is one of them. There's

4:34

like I hate to Kink

4:36

shame, but I am not at

4:38

the scat guys. Okay. No, no, no,

4:41

no, no, sorry. I just got upset

4:43

Yeah, is there? Like

4:46

if somebody's putting something like scat on this profile

4:48

They're also using a picture of them

4:51

that like people can see and then

4:53

be like or the the the toilet

4:55

other face Honestly,

4:58

I'm sure I've seen that Like

5:01

people it's it's interesting. Some people

5:03

just use their regular pictures. Some like have their faces

5:05

like Like

5:08

sketched out some are like I'll give

5:10

you more photos when we match and we're like, okay

5:12

But I didn't I didn't fool around with someone

5:14

whose face was blacked out Well

5:17

time well, yeah Put

5:19

a bag on his head. It's like hot This

5:23

is what I like to have yet Wow,

5:26

I didn't know there was such a thing I didn't know

5:28

that it's wild Yeah, I'm very glad I don't have to

5:30

put my face on the internet at

5:32

all. Really? Yeah, that's true. I Love

5:35

it. Oh, thank you. No, no Wow

5:42

Wow, I love being open and exposed

5:44

to a bunch of weirdos Oh,

5:47

yeah, then all of our listeners

5:49

are on field and yeah, they're all crazy The old

5:51

and the way they read all the big man. You

5:53

know the big fishing magazine view You

5:56

said that you have to pay for this one. You

5:58

don't have to But it's like add

6:01

central if you don't or? No, it's I'm

6:03

just the reason I like it is because you can

6:05

see who likes you. OK. And

6:07

then it's from compared to the other apps.

6:09

It's reasonable. And I have jokes about fields,

6:11

so I write it off. Oh,

6:14

nice. Yeah. I like that. I

6:16

yeah, I'm on shame shame, which

6:18

tells you who likes you, but

6:20

it does the little finger thing.

6:22

And then you blush. I

6:26

hear my nephew

6:28

is Valentine today. When

6:30

this is coming out, right? Or yeah, it

6:32

has come out. So

6:34

get those discount chocolates now and

6:37

Valentine's. Get your all your valentines

6:39

for next year. But he has

6:41

to he's got like 40 kids in

6:43

his daycare or whatever. He has to

6:45

sign a Valentine to all of them.

6:47

And he you know, he's like a little kid. He doesn't

6:49

write. It takes him about a minute to write his signature.

6:52

Was that a thing? Well, I feel like

6:54

it was you were just had to give them

6:57

to people you liked when. No, yeah, everyone's

6:59

included. You had his mandatory. I don't think

7:01

so. I don't I. Well,

7:04

I mean, as far as I

7:06

know, as far as I remember, but I think like

7:08

it was just like, yes, everyone's getting it

7:10

that way. No one thinks I like them

7:12

more. It would be it would be social

7:14

suicide for me to just give it to the people I

7:17

like. Yeah. Oh, I see. So you have to grease the

7:19

wheels a little bit with. Well, I think you give it

7:21

to not just your crushes, but your friends, but you don't

7:23

have to give it to the general class. Mm.

7:25

Yeah, he has to give it to the general

7:27

class. Yeah, that's crazy. So that's no,

7:29

that's what we always did. And everyone, everyone got

7:31

one. I mean, and it wasn't the rule. It's

7:33

just what you did. It's just polite. I'm

7:36

a terrible human. I mean,

7:38

sorry. I don't want anyone who

7:40

I don't like getting a Valentine. That's fine. I

7:42

agree with you on that. It's nice to

7:45

be included, but that should be the teacher's

7:47

responsibility. They they should fill up whoever's we

7:49

got a we

7:52

got a message. I didn't read it, but I saw

7:54

that it has a list of everyone's name in the

7:56

class. So I assume that's what it was for. Yeah.

7:59

Like so you can. make 20 Valentine's.

8:03

When you were a kid, what were the, like when

8:05

I was a kid it was like, Michael Jordan Valentine's

8:07

were like the hot ticket I know. I

8:10

mean those would be good now, wouldn't they? It would be great

8:13

now, yeah. But I gave them all away, so. I

8:15

think they're about the same. I'm probably around the same

8:18

age as you. Yeah, what was it you recall as

8:20

being like the hot Valentine when you were a kid?

8:22

Like the old school trolls. Ah,

8:25

yes. Like the original not this

8:27

bullshit troll. Sorry, I

8:29

hate the new trolls. Don't

8:32

be sorry, this is how you know. I wouldn't

8:34

have been a kid. Sorry, I don't wanna offend

8:36

anyone. As a kid I would have been so

8:38

offended if someone was like, here's an Anna Kendrick

8:41

card. Here's

8:44

a card with Ron Finches on it. See,

8:46

that's something that you would, I feel like

8:48

you would know all these kind of references.

8:50

What kind of Valentine do you remember hanging

8:53

out? Oh. Hanging out rather.

8:55

I think generic. Just like.

8:59

My God. Red

9:01

and pink. Oh really?

9:03

Yeah. Now it's big that you're like, did

9:06

we do it back then where you would attach

9:08

candy? Like give a

9:10

little bag with leftover

9:13

candy canes from December. I

9:15

think my teacher had

9:18

a bowl of those cinnamon

9:20

hearts. Like

9:23

crunchy cinnamon hearts. No, those are delicious. They are.

9:25

They were, but it was just. Sanitation

9:28

wasn't as big thing last. It's such

9:30

a weird candy. Like it's the

9:32

only time of year you eat them. Yeah.

9:35

It's the only time of year you really experience

9:37

hot. I'm eating them all year. Really? Oh,

9:40

this is all year. Yeah. Do you also

9:42

get like. Hot lips. Hot lips or like my

9:44

connects or. Hot tamales. Hot tamales. Oh yeah. Oh

9:46

yeah, that's the candy I like. Oh, okay. I'm

9:48

single so I need something to spice up my

9:50

life. Is that under your desires on your profile?

9:53

100% of my desires. Hot tamales. Yeah.

9:55

I heard it. I actually heard

9:57

a weather report that said it was chilly today. Dave's

10:00

a dad, you see. That

10:03

joke is from my childhood. From

10:06

another dad who taught me it. Yeah,

10:10

I feel like the

10:13

way that they did it with Dave's class probably

10:15

seems like the more humane way to do it.

10:17

Well, because you get these Ralph Wiggum situations with

10:19

the I choose you choose you card. I

10:22

think I remember people handing that out. Really?

10:25

Like Simpsons was very big when I was a child. Oh,

10:27

yeah. Oh, if you

10:29

got a Bart Simpson card on cloud

10:31

night forever. Yeah, and I

10:33

would have liked a Ralph Wiggum one. Sure. That

10:36

would have been cute. They don't you

10:38

remember when you were younger, they were in an envelope like

10:40

you got envelopes in because now they just fold over. Oh,

10:43

yeah. So I have a pack. We

10:46

just bought a pack the other day of baby

10:48

Yoda's and their fold overs. We haven't

10:50

opened them because it's the time of

10:52

this recording. It's nine days before Valentine's. And

10:55

as much as my kids

10:57

want to open them, I we're not going to

10:59

like have them strewn all over the house. Panic

11:03

on February 13th. But they

11:05

seem to include a card,

11:08

a fold over card. Maybe

11:11

no envelope, but yes to

11:13

an additional tattoo. Oh, okay.

11:15

Now we're cooking. Now you

11:17

don't have to give candy.

11:20

Yeah, we never have. And

11:22

we probably won't because who's keeping track

11:24

tattoos are cool. Scratch and sniff is

11:26

cool. I was at I was

11:29

at shoppers and they had scratches. If Valentine's

11:31

I really tried to get my nose in there and see

11:33

if you could sniff anything. What were you scratching to sniff?

11:36

Nothing. It was still close. Yeah. I was

11:38

hoping I would get. Oh, like was it

11:40

fruit on the yes. Yeah. Okay.

11:44

Fruit. And then I think like it was scared.

11:46

I was going to say someone's but. Yeah,

11:48

it was fruit in somebody's butt. You've

11:53

been out this way. I don't

11:55

make over more. I love

11:57

this transition. Yeah. It was. I

12:00

like, I wasn't, when was I? Here

12:02

in 2017, I did

12:05

your show, you weren't there. Oh,

12:07

at the old Havana. Yeah, yeah, they don't

12:09

do shows anymore. It was a great little

12:11

venue. It was. And a great vintage store

12:13

down the street. Yes. Do you know what

12:16

I'm talking about? I do, vintage. Yeah. No,

12:18

the sister's closet, is that what you're thinking? I

12:20

don't know what it was, but it was huge,

12:22

and just, I love vintage. It was just like

12:24

I walked in, I was like, whoa. Yeah, and

12:26

for the listeners, you can't see. She's

12:29

wearing a Gallagher T-shirt, and

12:31

it looks like it's official merch. It

12:33

is, it's like, I don't think it's official,

12:35

but I can tell it's old because it's got single

12:38

stitch. Yes. Mm-hmm, yeah, yeah.

12:40

Everything about it is a girl's single. Wow,

12:43

you want me to commit suicide right after, right?

12:46

I'll just roll down the hill. I

12:49

walked up and I'll just roll down. Now,

12:52

do you, have you ever seen anything with Gallagher's

12:54

work? I've seen his

12:56

jokes. Okay, yeah. Yeah, I know

12:58

comedy. You know what, it's like I was having

13:01

a conversation with a younger comic, and

13:03

I was like, uh. Oh, by the way, if your answer

13:05

was no, that would be fine

13:07

as well. Yeah, that would be also fine. I don't

13:09

think it is, I don't think it is. No, but

13:11

it's all, it's like, oh, you're not a true comedian,

13:13

you don't know the work of Gallagher. No, but. But

13:16

I was talking to a young comedian,

13:19

and I was talking about like, oh, you

13:21

know, like comics from a long time ago

13:23

in their time. She's

13:26

like, Mike Birbiglia? Oh, yeah,

13:28

that's the old reference that you have.

13:30

Excellent, excellent. I'm not shaming them, but it's just

13:32

like for me, like when I started a company,

13:34

I wanted to know, well, I got into it because

13:36

of who was big. Yeah. And

13:39

like the past, and like I'm a big Joan

13:41

Rivers fan. Oh, I got to meet her once.

13:43

What were the likes? It was, she

13:45

was so cool. She made me show up

13:47

for a dress rehearsal. So you

13:49

open for her? Yeah, I open for her. Wow. Yeah,

13:52

and she had a band that

13:55

played her on and off. So

13:58

they had to be there. They were all in tuxedo. and

14:01

she went through, okay,

14:03

I'm gonna bring you up, and then you

14:05

come off and I'll introduce myself. She

14:08

had a bit to do with mirrors, so the

14:11

mirrors are on stage, and she was very like

14:13

an old lady, but

14:15

as soon as she hit the stage, boom,

14:18

so nervous. Did she make you

14:20

wear a suit? I did wear a

14:22

suit, yeah. How

14:26

old were you? I haven't

14:28

seen you a suit in a while. It

14:30

was a long time ago, it was probably in like 20,

14:35

maybe 10, 12, something like that.

14:38

What was she wearing? She was wearing

14:40

a bright pink, not

14:42

sequin, but kind of

14:44

like shiny, kind of rhinestone-y

14:47

jacket, and then black shirt. Love

14:49

that. Love that. And she was

14:52

so nice backstage, she was just

14:54

the kindest, it was just like

14:56

meeting a sweet- Someone's grandmother.

14:58

Yeah, just a sweet older lady, and then as soon

15:00

as she went on stage, it was just seaward fit.

15:03

Just the saltiest, goddamn it. I love

15:05

it, I love it. That's

15:08

what I want. Yeah, I have a-

15:11

Well, no one's gonna stop you from saying

15:13

the seaward. I mean, here I will.

15:15

Okay, are you? If

15:19

you say it, it's fine. No, let's have

15:21

a little- I never say it. Let's offline

15:23

about this. Interesting. You've chummed the water now.

15:25

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, that's a seaward

15:27

chum. Chump,

15:30

chump, chump. This

15:33

is where my mind is. I mean, as far

15:35

as spelling goes, jump is not a seaward. I'm

15:38

telling you, it's been a long week. Okay,

15:40

okay. Your mother's friend. Your mother's friend. I've

15:44

been everywhere in Alberta that I never thought I'd

15:46

be. Yeah, what did you, like

15:48

this was a bit of a milk run. You did- Oh,

15:51

I did the Bible belt, is what I've been- How

15:53

many different shows in Alberta? We were

15:55

there for seven or eight days and we

15:57

did six. And I drove

15:59

everywhere. because the other community doesn't

16:01

drive. So a lot of driving, we

16:03

went, I started Lesbridge, Medicine

16:05

Hat, Brooks, Sylvan Lake, Canmore,

16:09

then Calgary. So

16:12

these are one-nighters in bars, or these

16:14

little art spaces? We did everything. Oh

16:17

yeah? Who like, did you book it

16:19

all? Yeah, I book it. Hell

16:21

yeah. I book it, yeah, that's the way, I

16:24

just always have done that with comedy.

16:26

I book myself. I wish I had

16:28

a manager, I'm tired. Yeah, that's true. Well,

16:30

you know, if you, you can just put a fake

16:32

name on your website, and then you just. Is that

16:34

what you do? No comics,

16:36

they were like, oh boy, when

16:38

I went to Just For Lies the first time, all

16:40

these comics had created a fake manager, because

16:43

none of them were managed. So everybody, and

16:45

it wasn't a real guy, but it made

16:47

it look like. More professional. Yeah, all these

16:49

comics have the same comedy manager. The

16:53

same, were they good at comedy? Yeah.

16:56

Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah, they were just like this. Yeah, there's no, you

16:58

know, no management

17:00

really here. There's none. Yeah. I

17:03

yell at you, there's none. Screw you, there's none. But

17:06

so how did you book, like how did you know

17:08

where to book in these towns? I think because I've

17:10

just been producing so much on my own. I just

17:13

look at the city and I, breweries are

17:15

great. Yeah. Breweries always have events.

17:18

So I'll just, if the city has a brewery, I'd

17:20

contact the brewery. But some

17:22

cities, I also look first, this is so weird,

17:25

if they have kombucha bars. Okay.

17:27

And how many small town, how very

17:30

cities have them? Honestly, one or

17:32

two. And that's more than I ever thought.

17:34

Yeah, wow. I think I came across that and then

17:36

I was like, okay, I'll look up other. Do

17:38

we have one here? A kombucha bar?

17:41

Or kombucha brewery, kind of. Okay.

17:44

I don't know. We might. You for

17:46

sure, it's Vancouver. Yeah. I know, but

17:48

I've never heard of such a place.

17:51

Let's go after this. I mean, I'm

17:54

aware. Go and buy a mother over at the

17:56

kombucha bar. I want to try one, the three

17:59

of us. Yeah. What do you want to

18:01

do like kombucha? I do like it. Do you not

18:03

like it? I don't like it. What about it? The

18:05

vinegariness of it all? The

18:07

taste. Okay. But

18:10

now this is your chance to make one that tastes good.

18:12

Sure. Yeah. I'll be the guy. Well, I

18:14

got into the kombucha business because I hated it. But

18:18

like... My wife always has a can of it and I take

18:20

a sip and I go, ooh. Why

18:24

do we keep trying? Maybe

18:26

this time. Nope. Nope. How

18:30

do you get the crowd out in

18:32

these? Because you're not... Do you have like

18:34

a contact there that like puts the word out? So

18:37

it depends on the place. Like so the breweries

18:39

usually they bring out... Like it's

18:42

depending on your deal, but you work with them and

18:44

they want people in so people will come in on

18:46

an off night like a Tuesday or Wednesday. Right. It's

18:49

not an off night for me, baby. I drink every night of the

18:51

week. Muzzle toss. Yeah,

18:53

yeah. Congratulations. But

18:55

like they want... People will come out

18:58

to a bar as long as there's an event. Right.

19:00

A brewery. So that's and it's like a

19:02

special night. So that's why it works on an

19:04

off night. So you don't really have to work so hard on

19:06

promo. Okay. But then when we did Medicine

19:09

Hat, we were on a very bad off night.

19:11

We did Sunday. Oh shit. And we

19:14

did their historical site. Oh my

19:16

god. Medalsa. So it's

19:18

like like it's this amazing historical...

19:21

It's UNESCO site actually. Really? Yeah, it's

19:23

UNESCO like hair to type because Medicine

19:26

Hat used to be known for clay.

19:29

Oh, yeah. Clay Aiken's from there. Yeah, he is.

19:34

He's still with us, right? I was gonna say

19:36

gutter. I think he's still with us. Okay. Yeah.

19:38

Rest in peace. Yeah, whenever you guys... Whenever you

19:40

guys want to rest in peace. We are pre-taving

19:42

a few weeks early. But I

19:44

think my play seems to be in good health.

19:49

And then like... So I just reached out

19:51

to like the events if they have a good events

19:53

manager and what was it? They were

19:55

just really wanted to try a comedy there because

19:57

apparently there's there is a tiny comedy club.

20:00

in medicine hat? There is. Yes.

20:02

Okay. What the hell? What's going

20:04

on in medicine hat? Weird. It's

20:07

very tiny, but the person's

20:09

very hard to get a hold of. Excellent.

20:11

As it is in medicine

20:13

hat. The hustle bustle was. Three

20:15

calls they get a month. No,

20:18

the event and the

20:20

adults are like, we've been reaching out to the place

20:22

for two years. Oh, really? And no

20:24

one has gone back to us and we want to do

20:26

comedy because they also do folk music there. Oh,

20:29

okay. So they're like, let's try it.

20:31

So we tried it and I do my own like

20:33

Facebook promo. Right. And not

20:35

a lot of people came out. But we had

20:37

a good time. It's a Sunday night in

20:39

the Bible belt. People were up

20:41

early at church. You know, maybe they up

20:43

there. We got

20:45

some pervert. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Sunday. Have you been

20:48

to your, you're from Calgary. How

20:51

familiar are you with these places? I

20:53

played medicine hat. I

20:55

played Canmore. I haven't played where

20:58

was the Lethbridge. I've never played.

21:00

What about not as playing, but just

21:02

like have you been to medicine hat?

21:04

Yes. Yeah. As a tourist. No, not

21:07

as a tourist. The professional obligation only.

21:09

I've been to Canmore as a tourist

21:12

and Lethbridge I've been because my brothers

21:14

both went to university in Lethbridge. So

21:16

I've seen that part of town. Nice

21:19

university. And then what is

21:22

it? Was it Brooks? Was one of them? Brooks.

21:24

There's no way you went for there's no, you

21:26

don't go to anything. You go through Brooks though.

21:28

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Do you like Drumheller? Yeah.

21:30

Drumheller. Yeah. Oh, we asked. Yeah. And

21:33

I think they didn't get

21:37

back to us. But for anyone not from

21:39

Canada, Drumheller is the most famous dinosaur

21:41

site in the country. Yeah. And it's

21:44

the whole town is in the world.

21:47

Probably in the world. Yeah. They found the

21:49

biggest fossils there in the world. And they all

21:51

got shipped to England. And they're

21:53

like the natural whatever their big museum is, I'm

21:55

gonna fuck up on the name. I

22:00

think that's it. I think that's it. Yeah, the

22:02

royal natural history of the internet. I

22:04

don't know, maybe it had some cool

22:06

names. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, it doesn't.

22:09

There's no way. That's so cool that you

22:11

just booked all your own, because I looked

22:13

at your tours kind of poster and there's

22:15

like a lot of places that you went.

22:17

Yeah, and a week. Yeah. Yeah,

22:21

because well, you gotta go in and out. You

22:23

know, I just feel like all these... That's my

22:26

desire on Field. Field in and out? Yeah. I'm

22:29

not getting it right now. Well, you shouldn't be. This is

22:31

that kind of podcast. A live sex podcast. Maybe we should

22:33

be on a live sex podcast. I would love that for

22:35

you too. Yeah, yeah. I think the fans would really like

22:37

it. They're gonna do it a big way. Squishing noises. Farting

22:39

noises. Oh, sure, if you're doing it right. Yeah,

22:42

yeah, yeah. James Joyce. Have you

22:44

met anybody on this app? Oh,

22:46

of course. Yeah? Oh, of

22:48

course. Yeah. I'm not. I'm

22:51

not. I'm not. I'm not.

22:53

I'm not. I'm not. I'm

22:56

not. Oh, of course.

22:58

Yeah? Oh, yeah. Like his on

23:00

and done a date or... Yeah, the guy whose

23:02

face she couldn't see. Oh, yeah. That's

23:04

right. But like, is this the thing where you go on a date? Or

23:07

is this like, just like I'm at this address

23:09

and I'll see you here. It depends on the night.

23:11

Okay. All right. I have,

23:13

I would say 50% is either way. Okay.

23:20

So like, there's one guy we met up

23:23

and like, we went on like a more formal

23:25

date and now we still talk, but like,

23:28

he's insane and cried on my tits that night. So... Was

23:32

that listed in his desire? Yeah. That

23:35

was his desire. Was it crying? Yeah, crying

23:37

on my tits. Was that advertised? Yeah. I

23:40

was like, I offer this. Please cry on my tits. Yeah.

23:43

It makes me feel good. Cry on your own tits, man.

23:45

That's good. What happened? Was he

23:47

sad? Was he overjoyed? I

23:49

feel like, I don't think he's going to listen,

23:51

but I think... Oh, he does. He's a big

23:54

fan. Yeah. We

24:02

were on a date and his ex-girlfriend

24:04

sent him a huge message. Oh

24:06

Jesus. And he read it and I saw his

24:09

face there. She was like, change immediately. And I

24:11

was like, Jesus Christ, what is

24:13

my luck? Yeah, yeah, exactly. I was like,

24:15

could she have not waited till tomorrow morning?

24:17

Or him not looked at a text while

24:20

he has company over. Hello. It

24:22

was a very strange night because also his best friend. I

24:24

wasn't having a threesome. I was just going to say that.

24:26

But his best friend was also there at one point. Just

24:28

stopping by. Just, hey Brad. Yeah. This was in

24:31

New York and he had to give the keys

24:33

to his friend who was staying at his place

24:35

and were like doing a change over with

24:37

the keys and that's when it happened. I

24:40

feel like that kind of

24:43

thing happens a lot. Whenever

24:46

I was on Tinder, there

24:49

was a lot of that like, oh yeah,

24:51

there's just another person there or you're showing up

24:53

to get a coffee. That never happened to me

24:55

before this. I

24:57

could see it from the woman's side, like bringing along a

24:59

safety, because you don't know who this creep is or whatever.

25:02

And all my profile is so creepy. It was

25:04

me sneaking around in bushes. Got

25:09

a lot of matches with that, eh? Yeah. I

25:11

did all right. Yeah. People would

25:13

look at your picture and be like, wait, he's peering into my

25:15

window. This is taking seconds. Yeah.

25:19

But it's evolved now. Tinder was the old,

25:21

it's the old world. Nobody has Tinder anymore.

25:24

Because I remember back before like

25:27

smartphones, it was like

25:29

match.com or whatever. No, J-Date.

25:32

J-Swipe. J-Date. Craigslist.

25:34

I had a whole plenty of fish.

25:36

Okay, Cupid. Okay, Cupid. And

25:38

plenty of fish was a free one, I think. Tinder

25:41

was free too. But this was

25:44

free Tinder. Yeah. But

25:46

then when phones came along, I just assumed everyone

25:48

was free. They are all free. But

25:51

you get premium. But you get features. Yeah.

25:54

Like, hands you get to give out

25:56

roses. Mm. Okay. I

25:58

don't know why you... But you get

26:01

a rose that's somebody saying like just without

26:03

saying hi just like I really like you

26:05

here's my Yeah,

26:08

the only one I was supposed to do this digital rose And

26:11

the digital anytime I get one. I'm also on all

26:13

I'm on all of them I mean I've been banned

26:15

and I snuck myself back on now. Wait a minute.

26:17

Yeah, how do you get banned? I

26:20

can't believe I I I got

26:22

a date with a guy and he told me that

26:24

all the girls on hinge Are

26:26

looking to get married. Oh, okay. I

26:28

was like, there's no way that's true and I wanted

26:30

to prove him wrong, right? So in my

26:33

head, I was like, oh, I'll create a fake profile and pretend

26:35

to be a man and just Normal

26:39

thing yeah, which is when I was at dinner

26:41

I was like how many of these people are

26:43

actually real people but yes, so you created it

26:46

was a man's name Oh the man's name

26:48

was for sure like Tim Tim. Okay, and then

26:50

I used stock photos Like

26:52

very bad Mike perfectly. Yeah, of course

26:54

of all time you comedian like you

26:56

guys sitting at a computer My

27:03

name is Tim Getty images And

27:07

then but on top of it like I didn't have enough of

27:09

the stock images because you

27:11

have to put six so No,

27:14

even crazier I was like I'll put things that

27:17

like I think men always put on their profiles

27:19

Like one was literally a waterfall. Okay. Yeah, one

27:21

was like a Simpsons picture nice and then

27:23

I think like mushrooms Okay.

27:26

Yeah, and I got a lot of matches.

27:28

Yeah, it was really depressed Tim did alright

27:30

Tim was killing it But all those women

27:32

just wanted to get married Exactly.

27:34

Yeah, exactly So I know it was at

27:36

the point of the of Tim was to

27:38

find out if women wanted to get married

27:41

I just wanted to see what like what

27:43

it was like for men on there I

27:45

was curious because I was like that's not

27:47

my experience Yeah, and it was interesting what

27:49

height did you make Tim Oh 511? Oh,

27:51

okay. You honest? Yeah, sure Yeah, he's not

27:54

he's not huge, but I said respect the

27:56

respectable height. Yeah, 511. I'm 5 for my

28:00

Oh, no respect for that height. Yeah,

28:05

well, you know, it's tough. It's a tall man's work.

28:07

I feel like there's a lot more tall men than

28:09

there used to be. I feel like there are a

28:11

lot of men lying about their height. But even when

28:13

I walked down the street, I remember there being like

28:15

two tall guys in all of my school

28:18

life. There was Lance

28:20

and Corey. They were the two tall guys. Is that

28:23

the real name? Yeah. Yeah. Oh, yeah. And they were

28:25

both super popular, but probably because they were tall. Yeah.

28:27

But now I just see like I see a tall

28:29

guy like that. Every day. For

28:32

me, it's like neck tattoos. I used to never see

28:34

them. Now I see them all the time. Yeah. You

28:36

used to see one a year. I

28:38

actually feel like I see short guys more. Was

28:41

that I see it like you see more short

28:43

guys? Yeah. Huh? Well, and more guys

28:45

on the apps that are honest about their height. Hey,

28:48

I'm a short king, they say. No, I don't

28:50

date men over six feet. Oh, really? They

28:52

scare me. OK. What the hell is happening

28:54

up there? Man, how's the weather for one

28:56

day? Exactly. What's happening up there? So you

28:59

don't like that they're towering over you. I'm

29:01

only five four. You're five four.

29:03

I look like I'm much taller for some reason. That's

29:05

what people tell me. But I have the bun on your

29:07

top. It's the bun. But yeah, yeah, I'm five.

29:09

Yeah, you do look like I was five six

29:11

eight. Thank you. Thank you.

29:14

That's what I want people to think when they see

29:16

me. But five four, then you're like, yeah, you're going

29:18

to find a lot of taller guys

29:20

in that. So you don't you don't want somebody

29:22

over six because that's too crazy. I dated someone

29:24

that was six four and I used to have to like step

29:27

on a ledge to kiss him. That's

29:32

insane. But what did you do?

29:34

Was you put one foot up? No, I'm not that

29:36

cute. I just feel like you're

29:38

really tall. See,

29:40

I'm just picturing somebody using one of those like

29:42

door wedges and just sliding them under their feet

29:44

to get that. We

29:46

have a lot of tall

29:49

cupboards here, so we have like stepstools around.

29:51

Yeah. And also kids need to like reach

29:53

a sink. Yeah. And like at the grocery

29:55

store, if there was a tall guy in

29:57

an aisle and I wanted something out the

29:59

top shelf. I would no shame in asking

30:01

that guy. All the time at a

30:03

grocery store, I wait for it. And I'm five foot

30:05

11 and a half. But

30:08

like sometimes you'll see a person reaching and

30:10

you'll think, well, I'm not going to

30:12

do it for them. They have to ask. Yeah,

30:14

yeah, yeah. But I'm not afraid. I'm a huge

30:16

for myself. I'm a strong five foot four woman.

30:18

I can do it. Yeah, you can

30:21

do it. I can climb. Yeah, that's

30:23

right. Yeah. Do

30:26

you hail from a family of short people? My

30:28

mom's very short. She's probably

30:31

that you're right. Maybe even shorter. That's rude. Yeah,

30:33

she's very short. She's like five five. What are

30:35

you going to imagine? My mom is four 11.

30:38

Really? Yeah. And my dad

30:40

is six four. How do they? What ledges do

30:42

they? I don't know. And I don't want to think

30:44

about it. Yeah,

30:47

fair enough. All I

30:49

know is I'm the youngest of five and that's enough. Yes, five.

30:51

Yeah. All

30:54

sisters, brothers. Three sisters, one brother

30:56

and everyone's crazy. Yeah. I'm

30:59

the normal one and I'm not normal. Yeah, you're a

31:01

stand up comedian. Yeah, exactly. So that you're the most

31:03

normal of the group. Who's

31:06

the weirdest? Oh, I wouldn't say it's like it's the

31:08

most insane. Yeah. Like weird because

31:10

weird implies that they're like fun. Like quirky. Yeah.

31:14

Right. Yeah. Yeah.

31:17

Okay. They're insane and it's hard

31:19

to tell. They're just. It's just a mishmash. There's three

31:21

sisters. My three sisters. It's a toss up on each

31:23

day. I'm like, who's going to say something crazy? And

31:27

is it usually, who is it? Beth?

31:29

Beth. It's my sister Beth.

31:31

You know I have a sister named Beth. Yeah. Yeah.

31:35

Yeah. It's my sister Beth. Beth.

31:38

Beth. That's trouble. I

31:40

have this older sister who like really likes to message my friends about the industry. So

31:42

what? Like she has a son who's like 14. Okay.

31:46

And she's trying to get him in the, keep in

31:48

mind, I don't act. Okay. And no one, no

31:50

one I know has the capability of hiring anyone

31:52

to act. And she'll message my

31:54

friends being like, can you get my son in

31:56

a movie? And I'll be like, Jesus, this is

31:58

insane. I'd be like. totally yeah

32:00

yeah yeah give me about $800 and I'll make sure you get some

32:02

the right auditions

32:07

please yeah so

32:09

is this kid is he's

32:11

gonna be big or whatever

32:13

no he hates acting he

32:16

literally like he would have the smallest role in

32:18

that Adam Sandler movie which one my

32:20

bar mitzvah whatever was yeah in Toronto they filmed

32:22

in Toronto so they have like for some reason

32:24

the whole Jewish community in it sure

32:27

and he was cast as like one

32:29

of the kids and she made the biggest deal being like

32:32

he's an actor now and he's

32:34

barely in the movie and I hate

32:36

he hates it oh that's so funny

32:38

it's like 16 good I don't know

32:40

like I would have thought it was

32:43

super cool yeah but the old-timey

32:45

comedian Adam Sandler being an old-timey comedian yeah

32:47

like Adam Sandler's when I was in an

32:49

elementary school one of the kids at the

32:51

school had like a speaking role in I

32:54

don't remember some Western thing and they made

32:57

us they recorded it they made everybody go

32:59

to the gym and have an assembly and

33:01

watch it oh they made everyone at

33:03

their high school watch it really yeah there was

33:05

like a day and I had to like my

33:07

parents like you better come you better support

33:09

and I was like why I can

33:12

watch this on Netflix I had a huge

33:14

deal with Netflix and I was like no

33:17

one ever comes to my face like

33:21

I'm actually in this industry

33:24

kinda yeah mm-hmm what the hell your family

33:26

hasn't come and checked it out I was

33:28

at just for laughs and my parents were in

33:31

Montreal and didn't even come no they asked

33:33

me like like five minutes before they're

33:35

like should we come I was like no you're not invited

33:37

at this point we

33:39

had friends cancels we're gonna go the jazz

33:45

they were going to cruise

33:47

oh fun cruises leave from

33:50

Montreal yeah it's like a small port hmm

33:53

yeah I guess so that makes sense yeah

33:55

fun place to jump off for a day walking around

33:58

oh yeah See

34:00

Victor all the time. Hot, hot

34:02

Victor. Hot, hot Victor. You can

34:04

see Bonap in

34:07

the summer. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah,

34:10

yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah,

34:12

yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's

34:14

just sweating through that suit. Yeah,

34:18

that's really funny. But like,

34:21

I've done shows in front of my parents

34:23

and family and it's massively

34:26

uncomfortable. You

34:28

don't do sex material though. Only

34:31

when they're in the audience. Okay, okay. I

34:33

like this one, Mom and Dad. This is who you raised. Yeah, that's

34:35

what Graham calls jizz, by the way. That's

34:38

hot. Sex material. Hot.

34:40

Yeah, it's hot, it's hot. I totally get away with

34:42

it. But

34:45

I'd like to share some of my sex material. I

34:48

think he pulled out a small vial. And

34:51

then you pour it on the crowd. Yeah. First

34:53

for the three rows, you're going to get one of these,

34:55

the GG Allen of comedy. I mean, I'm not sure to

34:58

think of myself as the Gallagher of comedy, but you

35:01

hit the vial with a

35:03

mallet. Honestly, that would kill. It would

35:05

kill. It would go viral. I think if

35:07

Gallagher was a young comic today, putting

35:09

stuff on Instagram every day, he'd be huge.

35:12

Like, he would. Like, a smashing watermelon would

35:14

be like, everybody would be going

35:16

crazy. Someone would say like, it

35:19

would be big on Instagram or TikTok and

35:21

then comedians would be like, he doesn't do

35:23

real stand up. Oh, yeah. Somebody

35:25

told me that they would. I mean, a more

35:27

handsome version of him would. Jim really popular. Yeah.

35:30

Smashing organic watermelon or something.

35:34

I heard there was a fisticuffs

35:37

in a green

35:40

room or backstage at a comedy club

35:42

between a stand up and a social

35:45

media. In where? In Toronto. Oh, yeah.

35:47

That story's wild. I can't share that.

35:49

No, no. I

35:52

don't know the full story. The

35:55

story is, yeah, it's people. People are

35:57

insane. As you know, comedians are really

35:59

usually. have good mental health. Absolutely.

36:01

The most sparkling. Yeah. And

36:04

good confidence. So, who knows what happened there. Yeah,

36:07

right? Yeah. I will

36:09

have any details about this. Yeah. Not

36:11

at this current moment. We'll recharge the parties involved

36:13

to get them. Yeah, you gotta interview both.

36:15

I think one of them is probably coming through

36:18

Vancouver soon. Is it the

36:20

Instagram comedian? Yeah. All right. All

36:23

right. Cool. By the way,

36:25

the loveliest human alive. Oh, really? Like a

36:27

goddamn angel. Hmm. He's

36:29

not in a fight with a stand-out comedian. He is

36:31

a stand-out comedian. He tours everywhere and he sells out.

36:33

Oh. So, like, it's just

36:35

people are jealous when someone has a big following and they don't think

36:38

they deserve it. Mm-hmm. Yes. I

36:41

don't know what the... That would never have been our

36:43

problem. We deserve everyone we got. Yeah,

36:48

I'd teach it to be like

36:51

a general stand-out comedy thing. Yeah.

36:54

Everyone's mad. Yeah. Mm-hmm.

36:57

There was a movie called Mr. Saturday Night

37:00

with Billy Crystal. Okay. And he plays

37:02

an old stand-out comedian. And he said that

37:04

the goal for him was being

37:08

able to walk into the Friars Club

37:10

or backstage and have everybody go, and

37:12

him? I'm better than him.

37:16

I mean, that's actually now my goal.

37:18

Yeah. That's what I want. Somebody

37:20

say, I'm better than her. Yeah. I

37:22

don't want people to like... Other comedians like me? Yeah. What

37:25

have I done wrong in this line? Yeah. You

37:27

don't want the comedians laughing too hard at your jokes

37:29

and the audience less so. Yeah. Oh,

37:31

but even other comedians like that. Yeah. He's

37:34

a real comedian's comedian. I want to be the opposite of that. I

37:36

want to be... Beloved by fans.

37:39

Yeah. I want to be hated by

37:41

comedians. Yeah.

37:44

Well, I'm sorry, audience. You're not giving me a... Yeah, I

37:46

know. We're going to get

37:48

all the saucy detail. Yeah. Sorry.

37:52

Sorry, guys. We should have shown

37:54

up live. That's why we have live tickets. Just

37:56

follow me online and I'll just... Just follow Natalie. I'll see you

37:58

in the next video. Yeah,

38:02

everybody just writes to Natalie. Super cool. She'll

38:04

write to the details. And I'll send a

38:06

note. Oh, cool. Just like a free package.

38:08

That's just like a fun... Yeah. Kind

38:11

of like a Valentine. We did have... Emily

38:13

Heller was on a couple of times and

38:15

she was talking about her neighbor, but she wouldn't name

38:17

her neighbor. Her neighbor was kind of famous, but was

38:19

a nightmare. And she

38:21

was like, I had this message for me. And we

38:23

had to tell people stop messaging her. Yeah, because

38:25

everybody wanted to know who it was. I mean,

38:27

I don't even think... I don't know. Maybe

38:30

they know. I don't know. This

38:32

is the first I've heard of this story. I only heard this like

38:34

a day ago. So this is a... I think we could be thinking

38:36

of different stories too. Okay. Well, we'll...

38:38

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. The more we talk

38:41

about it, the more frustrating it is for

38:43

those... Sorry. I'm sorry, guys. We'll

38:45

talk about it on the Patreon.

38:47

Sign up. Dave, what's going on

38:49

with you, man? Oh, a couple

38:52

of things going on with me. Okay.

38:55

Nothing big. But... You

38:59

guys ever play the lottery? Like

39:01

a scratchy? Scratchy or a

39:04

lottery ticket? I have Christmas

39:06

because you always get like scratch card,

39:08

right? Somewhere that... Or

39:10

like your birthday. You have lottery numbers? No.

39:13

Are you... Do you participate in the lotto? Yeah,

39:16

when I'm feeling lucky. Yeah? Which

39:19

is never. You have lucky numbers? No. Okay.

39:22

So I will buy a lottery ticket once

39:24

every three years. Okay. And then I do...

39:27

I'll get a little chart. I'll be like, oh, yeah. I

39:30

think everything's going to be a

39:32

lot easier. Yeah. Like, no... I'll

39:35

just have that cushion of, you know,

39:38

millions of dollars in games. And

39:41

then I don't win the lottery. Yeah. And

39:44

then... But the other day... What

39:47

do you imagine? Well, okay. So the other

39:50

day I was walking with

39:52

my daughters and there was a Ferrari in

39:54

the street. And I said, that's a Ferrari.

39:57

And we were laughing about how it was just like in a

39:59

traffic jam. You're just loud and can't

40:01

go anywhere. And

40:03

one of my daughters said, what would you do if you had $20 million?

40:07

And I was like, huh. Well

40:10

I guess I would probably,

40:13

you know, put

40:17

most of it aside for you. Yeah, exactly.

40:19

Let it live off the interest or something

40:21

like that. And then, but like, I don't

40:24

know, maybe, you know, go take some trips

40:26

and... What would be the most asinine thing

40:28

you would pay for? This also

40:30

extends to you. What would be the dumbest? Well

40:33

first of all, I'm not saving money for

40:35

nobody. Okay, so this is all going to

40:37

be a single day. Yeah, single. So this

40:39

is my privilege. Buy myself a single day

40:41

present. And Natalie, what are you buying for

40:43

yourself? You've got $20 million.

40:47

Actually, probably a property. Like

40:50

a house. Yeah, like a house. Like a

40:52

mansion? No, I don't like mansions.

40:54

Ew. Why? Something haunted.

40:56

Ooh. No. I'd

40:59

cry in the house. Would you? Just in the house,

41:01

bye bye. I'm in the house with a kid. Exactly.

41:06

Which happens to be the basement. Really?

41:09

Yeah, so the house. So the

41:11

house is sort of like a

41:13

cow. Yeah, or the lady bent

41:15

over. Hot. Would

41:18

you have a place like by the beach? I

41:21

think probably in Toronto. Oh, okay,

41:23

sure. Like really

41:25

sensible places. One Toronto, $20 million.

41:28

I can't buy a million. I was totally doing that

41:31

thing where I was like $20 million. Do I

41:33

buy a place in another city? Or is

41:35

it just like my Airbnb? I can just

41:37

Airbnb whatever I want all the time. You're

41:39

already coming up with a plan. Yeah, yeah.

41:41

Did you decide on one? Well, no,

41:44

because I was like, you

41:46

know, we take more trips and

41:48

I would pay off Graham. Finally

41:51

paid me off. But

41:53

the dumb thing was like, you know, when you buy a

41:55

lottery ticket, you're walking on air for the day. Here's how

41:58

stupid I am. Just my

42:00

daughter's bringing that up i was like huh this

42:03

is great now i've got that twenty million dollars

42:05

i'm like. I've

42:08

got this cushion of money is anything goes wrong.

42:11

It's less than a lottery ticket it's just

42:13

a topic of conversation. Yeah

42:16

i like twenty million i was like reading a

42:18

thing that chip wilson. I

42:21

don't really women are his place in

42:23

vancouver is worth seventy four million dollars.

42:26

What the hell is that i don't know

42:28

i must have some kind of like subterranean

42:30

something it just looks like a mansion like

42:32

looks like a normal. It's right on the

42:34

beach the red hodgily peppers played his birthday

42:36

one that right yeah or do they live

42:38

there. First they crash whenever they're

42:40

in town i was thinking like if they had

42:42

for seventy five million they own the

42:45

red hodgily. Yeah yeah what

42:47

else are you spending that

42:49

much money on yeah i

42:52

guess if i had that money would buy i would

42:54

do that. That seems like a guy that really yeah

42:57

that's the band you'd buy. I

42:59

don't know what band would i buy their up there.

43:03

Maybe blink one eight two feel like they'd be a

43:05

fun band to own i think

43:07

that would be so impossible. I

43:11

think you would have you have to move courtney kardashian in.

43:14

Oh yeah no what band

43:16

would you own. I

43:20

would have been the band of my ex. Right

43:25

away now i knew

43:27

that right away your ex was in a

43:30

band well it's it's more

43:32

complicated than that but yes sure okay

43:34

just someone i like. All

43:37

around all right say no

43:39

more brian adams. Hot

43:42

hot scene jacket come on

43:45

old brian yeah he was really hot yeah

43:47

i don't know what he looks like currently but i

43:49

imagine still good yeah he still looks good yeah

43:51

he was vegetarian maybe vegan and

43:53

he lives in switzerland. I think

43:55

yeah i twain england oh yeah

43:57

i twain yeah yeah yeah. photographer

44:00

now. Yes. Is he good? Ah, the best

44:02

photos you've ever seen. The

44:05

way you said that honestly felt like you were gonna come

44:07

and it was weird. My sex material. Um,

44:12

anyway, so yeah, I was uh, I felt very stupid

44:14

later because I was like, why do I have this

44:16

nice warm feeling of like, that

44:18

I've won the lottery because I think

44:20

it's planted this idea in my head.

44:23

Because we saw a Ferrari. And that was the

44:25

big thing, like, I wouldn't buy a Ferrari. Uh,

44:29

do you remember the movie, It Could Happen

44:31

to You? Uh,

44:34

Nicolas Cage in Bridget Fonda? Yes.

44:37

Bridget Fonda is a waitress in

44:39

a diner. One day, Nicolas Cage, he's a

44:42

cop. Okay. He doesn't have enough to leave

44:44

her a tip, but he says, I've got this lottery

44:46

ticket, if I win, I'll split it with you 50-50. And

44:48

he wins. That's bold. It's

44:51

bold, right? Yeah. I mean, I just

44:53

assume I wouldn't win, and I'd be like, doing that all

44:55

over town. He's

44:58

going place to place. When I

45:00

win. Did

45:02

you, like, because tipping is a big

45:04

hot button issue now. Did

45:07

anyone ever explain to you tipping, like, what you're

45:09

supposed to tip? Not

45:11

really. I remember. Why

45:13

is it a hot button issue? Oh,

45:15

just because there's more like... People don't want you to tip?

45:17

No, no, there's more tipping.

45:20

You're like now at places

45:22

where you never had to tip before, suddenly the

45:24

screen comes up with, how much do you

45:26

want to tip the cashier at the liquor

45:28

store? At the liquor store. Wait, actually? Nothing.

45:31

Nothing. That give me a little

45:33

bit. Or the person who scooped your ice cream

45:35

and is like, okay. Give

45:38

me the bin, I'll eat it. Yeah, exactly.

45:41

I'll just make it in there. And

45:44

then, like, does it... You

45:46

know, growing up, I always heard 15%.

45:48

Now these things start at 18. Yeah,

45:51

and I can't do the math on 18, so then I would

45:54

say 20. I feel like 18 when I see it on a...

45:56

When it starts at 18, I'm like, this is egregious. It

45:58

is egregious. I was like... What if you're

46:00

bad? Sometimes I get bad and it's like,

46:02

I don't wanna punish anyone, but sometimes people

46:05

are mean. Yeah. Well, if

46:07

they're mean, I give like 40%. I

46:10

give you one that you want. That's what you wanted. Yeah, well,

46:12

I'm like, okay, they know better than I do. But

46:16

I've tipped at a

46:18

coffee shop when I've been like, I would like that croissant, please,

46:20

and they just put it in a bag and give it to

46:22

me. I'm like, I guess that's 18% worth. They

46:24

didn't throw it on the floor or anything.

46:27

But yeah, it's, when I was growing up,

46:29

my dad was like, okay, you do 15%, but

46:34

on the, like subtotal, before the

46:36

tax. Before tax. Always.

46:39

But if they give you the machine,

46:41

it's not doing it that way. Yeah,

46:43

it's on tax. Yeah. Yeah.

46:47

I know. I've been over tipping. Well,

46:49

yeah, I think we have. Yeah, it's fine,

46:51

you do it fine. And

46:53

then the other one he said was like, oh yeah, and

46:55

if the person owns the business, you don't tip them. So

46:59

like. I've never heard that one. Yeah, if

47:01

it's the, if it's like someone

47:03

working in the barber shop who isn't the owner of the

47:05

barber shop, you tip them, but the owner of the barber

47:07

shop doesn't get tips. Oh. I

47:09

guess they're the ones controlling the payroll.

47:12

The low income. Yeah. Yeah.

47:14

So the means of reduction. Do you ever work a

47:16

server job or anything? I worked at the Gap.

47:19

That's free. That's not the server job. No,

47:21

but that's front facing retail. If you work at the

47:23

Gap now, you'd be getting tips. Would I?

47:26

No. I was like, I'm going back. Have

47:29

you ever been tipped on a show? Like

47:32

by an auto one? By a drunk guy? Yeah,

47:34

drunk guy in Alberta for sure just like slipped

47:36

$100. And he did it like that.

47:38

He put it in my pocket. I was like, this feels so nice. And

47:41

then you're like, ooh. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You?

47:46

You? Yeah. Yeah, on this run? Not

47:49

on this run, but I was

47:51

tipped in Toronto at a bar and like they,

47:53

I don't even think they were that drunk. Like

47:56

I think they were just two gay men who really liked

47:58

my energy. Yeah. And

48:00

they gave me a 20 and I was like, well, this show

48:02

wasn't big this much. I

48:04

just stole my money. Yeah. Wow.

48:07

Yeah. Yeah, it's a thing. What percent

48:09

do you tip a comedian? Whatever

48:13

you tip is, if you tip is anything,

48:15

that's good. Yeah. Give me anything. There's

48:18

an episode, remember Third Rock from the Sun?

48:20

Of course I remember Third Rock. They had

48:22

an episode where John Lisko put

48:24

all this money on the table, and he's like, this

48:27

will be your tip. I've got to duck that every

48:29

time you do something I don't like. So

48:31

he whittles down the tip instead of the

48:33

duck. I've heard of that. Really? Yeah, just

48:35

some assholes. Some jerks. But they start with

48:38

like, they start at 15% and then they

48:40

go down. That sucks.

48:44

So yeah, so that is the one thing

48:46

going on with me is I thought I

48:48

had $20 million for a day. Congratulations.

48:52

The other thing is I like to

48:55

cook. And one

48:58

thing I like to make in the

49:00

winter is coco-ve. What is that?

49:04

Thank you for asking. It's

49:06

rooster and wine. Rooster

49:08

and wine? Well, that's the translation.

49:11

But it's chicken. And

49:14

it's basically kind of like a chicken stew with onions

49:17

and mushrooms and wine. OK. But

49:21

I've always kind of made it in one pot. And then my

49:25

dad makes it too. And we have a few

49:27

years ago, my sister put like a

49:29

bunch of family recipes in a book. You

49:31

come from like a really wholesome family, eh? This

49:34

is a crazy sister. It's

49:38

freaking me out how normal that is. And

49:40

nice. It's very

49:42

nice. But I

49:45

never really like, I've made

49:47

it before, but I've never made it from this recipe, which

49:50

is my dad's recipe. And

49:52

I was looking at the recipe and I was like, oh, I'm going

49:54

to make it this way. And one

49:56

of the steps was you add cognac and

49:58

you light it up. on fire. I've

50:01

never done that before. I've only ever, I haven't even seen

50:03

that in person before. You wouldn't even

50:06

think of paying somebody to teach you out of your 20 million

50:08

dollars. I was

50:10

just having to do it for you. So

50:12

I was like, okay, I'm going

50:14

to do it this way. I asked my dad,

50:17

hey, this is your recipe. I've never seen you

50:19

do this. And he's like, I never do that.

50:21

No, but come on. But did you do it?

50:24

I got a

50:27

little measured out of the cognac. I

50:30

got a fire extinguisher just in case I got

50:32

out of hand. I

50:35

got matches. Yeah. I

50:37

poured the cognac on and the recipe said, pour

50:40

it on, light a match, and

50:43

then like shake the pan back and forth a while

50:45

and then it'll go up. The fire will go up. And

50:48

I did it. I lit the match, shook

50:52

the pan, fire's not going out. Keep

50:54

shaking the pan, fire's not going out. Oh

50:57

no, no cocoa pan for everybody. And then I

50:59

just blew on it. But did

51:01

it taste good? I

51:04

made no difference. Okay. But

51:06

you know what? It did taste good. I

51:08

had leftovers for a week and things

51:10

got better and better. Bobby

51:12

Flay and company do that a

51:14

lot during a cooking competition. Throw

51:17

like something on fire. Yeah,

51:19

yeah. That he loves. Andro

51:21

chilies. He like his favorite ingredient. He

51:24

puts it in everything. You watch a lot of cooking shows.

51:27

Well, and different times when I've had

51:30

the Food Network. Yes. I would watch nonstop.

51:32

I just leave it on the background.

51:34

Yeah. It's so like

51:36

it doesn't take any brain power at all. It just is

51:38

super. That's how I feel about Law and Order. Oh yeah.

51:41

Law and Order is great. Absolutely.

51:44

Yeah. Yeah. Like channel A and

51:47

E when I was growing up, sometimes it would

51:49

be Law and Order all the live long day.

51:51

I think yeah. There's some, is it USA? Like

51:53

when I'm at a hotel, you can watch 24

51:55

hours of Law and Order. It's my dream.

51:57

Literally my dream. What's your favorite era? of

52:00

course sure I'm not gonna die hard like

52:02

I know every episode what's his face is

52:04

leaving Sam Watterson is leaving all of them

52:07

yes yeah it was really hard for me

52:09

to read that yeah he's he's

52:11

a retirement it's yeah totally but

52:13

it's crazy that he's still on

52:15

it said he's he came back

52:18

right right it said he's retiring after 400 episodes

52:20

and I like that seems low that's even low

52:22

for like I would have thought they

52:24

only do 12 24 episodes a season yeah but it's about

52:28

Mariska how many she been on at

52:31

20 it's either a 20 21 or 20 I think 23 she's

52:35

been on every SVU

52:37

yes no there's a few she isn't oh

52:39

really there's a season where she's I think

52:42

had a child in real life and she was

52:44

gone for like six or seven episodes I remember

52:46

the guy heart and they had the blonde girl yes she

52:49

was terrible she was terrible

52:51

sorry I'm not gonna die hard the blonde

52:53

character who's like recovering alcoholic no that's a

52:55

different one that's Amanda she comes on later

52:57

and she's off the show now okay what

52:59

happened to her I think

53:02

she just probably left because she wanted to

53:04

like it's old age old age yeah yeah

53:06

old age in her 40s old age that's

53:10

it shows been on

53:12

so long I'm saying yeah did

53:14

you ever watch regular law and

53:16

order with the jury or a

53:18

box only recently yeah I got

53:20

I got I got oversaturated so

53:22

is it was Sam Watterson on

53:24

all of them Sam Simon special

53:26

victims a lot he comes in

53:28

for a few of the earlier

53:30

episodes okay but I just he's

53:32

so iconic that you just know him

53:34

well the show is so like the

53:37

things that they'd change from series to series

53:39

are if you're not paying attention then you're

53:41

like well what's the difference between the show

53:43

there's nothing yeah so especially when there's crossover

53:45

of Sam Waters the only thing that was

53:48

different was Jerry O'Rock would make jokes that

53:50

was his kind of jokes well I see

53:52

makes jokes and special victims he does but

53:54

he doesn't have the right rhythm I feel

53:56

like yeah munch used to make jokes too

53:58

much much passed away recently in

54:00

real life. It's hard. Did Munch die

54:02

on the show before he passed away?

54:04

He didn't die on the show. He

54:06

retired. He retired. I'm gonna die. I

54:08

love this. Did you know

54:10

that he, this is some famous

54:13

trivia about him, but he, as

54:15

the same character, Munch appeared

54:17

on us? Maybe.

54:20

The Wire. Yeah.

54:22

X-Files. Homicide, X-Files. So all

54:25

of those universes are the

54:27

same universe. So if

54:29

you, casting wise, if you, Oz,

54:31

if you look at Oz, they have, in

54:34

the early episodes of Law & Order, but

54:36

mainly Special Victims Unit, there's a huge crossover.

54:38

Oh yeah. And like, the, if

54:40

you, Law & Order early seasons had BD

54:42

Wong play the scientist

54:44

and he was also in Oz. It's like

54:46

very bizarre to see that. And he was like a priest

54:49

in Oz. Yeah. And then there was a

54:51

detective on Law & Order, a different series.

54:53

I can't remember which one, in Criminal Intent. Yeah.

54:55

She was a nurse in Oz. Oh

54:57

yeah. Yeah. Chris Maloney. He was an Oz

54:59

guy. Oh, have you? And then

55:02

the guy who called Liz Lemon Dummy, whatever

55:04

his name is. Oh yeah. Dennis Dugan. Oh

55:06

yeah. Yeah. Yeah. He's so good. Yeah. He

55:08

was great. So

55:10

did you know that there's Law & Order Toronto?

55:13

Of course, my friends, didn't it? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah,

55:15

my friends. She's like one, she's

55:17

the lead detective. No. Yeah. And

55:19

I, and she's been in Law & Order

55:21

Special Victims Unit. What's your friend's name?

55:23

Kathleen Monroe. Okay. Kathleen Monroe. We're not

55:25

very close, but I love her dearly.

55:28

She's friends of friends and I've just spent some

55:30

time with her. But I always messaged her when

55:32

I see her on Law & Order Special Victims

55:34

Unit being like, you're living my life. You're

55:37

living my life. And then so she got cast

55:39

as that. And I was like, of course, this

55:41

is amazing. That's amazing. She also was in Criminal,

55:43

the, the Chris Maloney,

55:45

that show I hate. The

55:47

Criminal Intent. Oh no. No.

55:49

Other than new, the, whatever.

55:51

Like mafia. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

55:53

Yeah. Socks. Do

55:56

you, like, I, I don't expect you have

55:59

one, but do. Do you have a favorite episode

56:01

of Lawn Order? Do I? Yes.

56:05

I have like storylines. Sure. Because

56:07

over the years they have like certain seasons

56:09

where there's like a longer storyline of like

56:11

a criminal. Right. And there's this one with

56:13

two models and like older

56:15

and it's like a younger girl and

56:18

her mother and they're like basically playing everyone

56:20

and she like finds out

56:22

that someone else it's hard to explain but I

56:25

can't remember the famous model's name I just know it's

56:27

in the mid-season. Like season five, a blonde

56:30

woman with thick lips and her mother is

56:32

played by a brunette. Let's look at her.

56:34

Oh and Marsha Gay Harding plays a

56:36

recurring character. Yes. And star.

56:39

Yeah. That I love when she

56:41

stars on. Yeah. Because it's always to

56:43

do with like people hate

56:46

jokes. Oh okay. And

56:48

as a Jew I like feel like

56:50

very into it. Yeah. Yeah.

56:53

But it's trying to remember

56:55

who. It's

56:58

not the episode fashionable crimes from 2016.

57:01

No it's before that. Okay. Is

57:04

it what's her name that was on Resolian Isles?

57:07

No. No. I was

57:09

just saying she's another law and order person.

57:11

She was. Oh yeah Angela

57:13

Harmon. Angela Harmon. She was a lawyer.

57:15

Oh yes but she was on she was on she was

57:17

on just regular law and order. Oh

57:20

yeah I guess she was. Not special. See.

57:23

I have like I had been waiting my whole

57:25

like comedy career my to

57:27

write a joke about law and order and I finally did

57:30

it this year and I was like so proud because I

57:32

wanted. You didn't give us a preview? You don't have to do the joke bro.

57:34

The idea is just I came across an episode that I

57:36

actually had never seen and it was very different. Oh

57:39

really? And the difference was that the predator

57:41

attacked plus size women. And

57:44

in 21 years I had never seen that. Oh

57:48

yeah okay. Usually it's like

57:50

some a child or a thin woman. Yeah. And

57:53

I was like damn they really I'm

57:55

really included now. I

57:57

feel represented. Nice. I'm

58:00

stumped Google is letting me down. It

58:03

only wants me to look at fashionable

58:05

crimes. What about Jason

58:08

Alexander with the long hair was that him? No,

58:11

that was more modern. That was that

58:13

as feel oh, what about no That's

58:15

that's criminal minds. Oh criminal intent. No,

58:18

great. Oh my The

58:20

movie criminal no the Gowan song What

58:25

about the one with Carol Burnett, which

58:27

one is she actually in one? A

58:30

lot harder. Yeah Carol Burnett. I'm even

58:33

out of yeah. Yeah, I don't know if it was a

58:35

special victims unit I know but I when

58:37

you were there was an SVU guest appears 2009 she went

58:39

in Emmy. Okay, but what was the

58:41

synopsis? I need to know the synopsis.

58:43

Okay, it's called the episodes called ballerina. Okay

58:47

Detectives suspect that a murder suspect was thrown out

58:49

of a window Oh, no, I haven't had a

58:51

play the mother to some guy and she's covering

58:53

for the boy Detectives

59:00

suspect that a murder suspect was thrown out

59:02

of a window to his death and

59:05

their investigation Focuses on the suspect's

59:07

wife her nephew who lives with them

59:09

and their unusual special relationship is

59:13

Natalie called this sure. Yeah, sure.

59:15

Thank you It's

59:17

really hard for me to read you don't read

59:19

anymore. You don't read anymore this guy this guy

59:24

Yeah, well, I remember Carol Burnett on it.

59:26

Mm-hmm. I got it She's

59:28

got she's in handcuffs here. By the way, I've seen

59:30

Carol Burnett live and that was amazing. Yeah Yeah,

59:33

just for last brought her into like did a Toronto

59:35

thing with her and I was like an usher for

59:37

some reason Just

59:39

for us to budget comedians to be us Yeah,

59:47

they're like it's Carol Burnett and I fell

59:49

for it sure but it was really like

59:51

she was phenomenal What does she do? It's

59:54

like a Q&A, but and she just

59:56

tells these incredible stories and she's just

59:59

so smart And just for last, we'll be

1:00:01

like, hey, you got time to lead, you got time

1:00:03

to clean. You're not supposed to be watching Carol Burnett.

1:00:06

Exactly. Graham? So

1:00:08

yes, to yes,

1:00:10

law and order. Because

1:00:13

I made some cognac on

1:00:15

fire with

1:00:18

why we talked about law and order. What's

1:00:20

going on with you? In

1:00:22

my capacity of being an employee, not

1:00:24

employee, but a contractor to the CBC,

1:00:26

I was asked

1:00:30

to do some man on the street,

1:00:32

streeter interviews. Who? Yeah. But

1:00:35

you know what? Paid money. And so I said yes. Was

1:00:38

it for 22 minutes? No, for

1:00:40

the debaters. Oh, OK. Interesting.

1:00:42

Social media account. Whoa. Here's

1:00:45

the thing. I've done these things before. I did it

1:00:47

for 22 minutes. And it's

1:00:50

what you're projecting kind

1:00:52

of equals how easy it is to approach people.

1:00:54

So just me on the street with a camera

1:00:56

guy, nothing. Some people

1:00:58

would stop, but only the weirdest people would stop. People

1:01:01

that just wanted to stand there and talk to you

1:01:03

for 10 to 15 minutes. What's wrong with

1:01:05

that? Wait, did

1:01:07

I see you? I was like,

1:01:09

yeah. But

1:01:11

this time, I thought ahead. And I was

1:01:14

like, I'll get, I'll ask

1:01:16

for a CBC jacket. You made

1:01:18

a CBC jacket? Then everybody will know

1:01:20

I'm from the CBC. And man,

1:01:22

it worked so well. Yeah. It

1:01:24

was insane. There was literally three

1:01:27

people who went by and

1:01:29

really people who looked like they were busy anyway.

1:01:31

So I didn't approach them. Didn't approach any moms

1:01:34

with kids because they've got too much shit going on.

1:01:36

But then when I did approach, she came over. She

1:01:39

loved it. So yeah. And

1:01:41

what kind of questions did you ask? These were

1:01:43

questions related to debate. So it

1:01:46

was like, what do you think is better, taking

1:01:48

a gondola or hiking up a mountain? Neither.

1:01:50

Neither? Sure. Well, let me ask you a few

1:01:53

other questions. Is it OK to dress up

1:01:55

your pet? Yes.

1:01:58

Do you have a pet? No. So

1:02:00

you're saying as an outside observer and do

1:02:03

whatever they want if you own it. That's right. That's

1:02:05

it Yeah, am I answering these correctly? Yes To

1:02:08

you need to talk to strangers. Of course.

1:02:11

Well, it better be I do it all the time What

1:02:15

else is there so I used to

1:02:18

like I've worked in broadcasting

1:02:20

I remember I interned at a

1:02:22

news station and I

1:02:24

just remember man on

1:02:26

the street like streeters going up to

1:02:28

people But the microphone was

1:02:30

the bottom of the barrel This is like

1:02:32

when you're all out of ideas for how

1:02:34

you're gonna tackle this story Well, we'll just

1:02:36

send a guy out with a camera and

1:02:38

a microphone and now when I see tick-tock

1:02:41

like this is a thing on tick-tock of

1:02:44

Yeah, hey What's

1:02:46

your body count? Or

1:02:52

just like people like this is

1:02:55

my tick-tock channel I talked to random strangers

1:02:57

it is I Cringe at

1:02:59

the idea of yeah, it makes my skin cross

1:03:02

Would you now you're you're on its ground?

1:03:04

Do you do any woman on the streets

1:03:06

material gonna do I was in New

1:03:08

York and Mark me Mark little

1:03:10

was there And I tried to convince

1:03:13

him to do a parody of one with

1:03:15

me where you're being interviewed or you're where

1:03:17

the two of us Are being interviewed by

1:03:19

a third person? Okay, because they have the

1:03:21

really big in New York We're like

1:03:23

on tick-tock you see people in New York like

1:03:25

clips of that where they're like ask someone What's

1:03:27

your favorite? Jacket,

1:03:30

oh, yeah, like like how much you pay for

1:03:32

rent? Yes or meat or like how did you

1:03:34

meet? Yeah, right So I tried to take him

1:03:37

if it's like him to do a parody of

1:03:39

one where were the couple I love that and

1:03:41

that he's been like

1:03:44

Held hostage because of me and he's

1:03:46

just like dead in the face And

1:03:49

then we just didn't have time but he's like been

1:03:51

doing a bunch of stuff like that Yeah, and his

1:03:53

are so funny. He's so fun. He's so

1:03:55

funny and it's that's literally the crazy part Is

1:03:57

there so many serious ones and I just don't

1:03:59

understand Yeah, what like who

1:04:01

oh It I

1:04:03

can't watch them. I watch

1:04:06

them I I can't but like the the

1:04:08

fact that it's someone doing this thinking that

1:04:10

this is like Work,

1:04:12

too. I think I hate it Well,

1:04:15

that's I think what it is Like so the fashion

1:04:17

ones are so egregious to me because it's just like

1:04:19

this thin woman and she's like dressed

1:04:21

very fashionable but very

1:04:23

like regular and she's just like I

1:04:26

was like who made you the authority what it

1:04:28

like I Become Joan Rivers all of

1:04:30

a sudden. Yeah, yeah asking people about their outfit

1:04:32

She's asking about their outfits like how much

1:04:35

did their outfit cause like what is the

1:04:37

trick? Like one of them big ones is

1:04:39

like what's the trend that people do right

1:04:41

now that you hate the most? Mm-hmm, and

1:04:43

I like desperately want to parody that because

1:04:45

it's so crazy to me That's that's

1:04:48

exactly like what if Joan Rivers were coming up

1:04:50

today. She'd be huge on tech talk She used

1:04:52

to do that on the red carpet. She used

1:04:54

to make fun of people. Yeah, but they're not

1:04:56

making fun of people These

1:04:59

are genuine these are genuine

1:05:01

conversation. Yeah That

1:05:05

tiny microphone, oh, yeah, yeah

1:05:07

hate it we have one I'm

1:05:09

gonna get one I'll have you what

1:05:11

would you ask if you were laying on the street? What are

1:05:13

you doing? I can only do like I could

1:05:15

like I could only make parodies of one and I can't I

1:05:18

couldn't you couldn't go do it No, ours

1:05:20

we got a Claire's accessories. So how is

1:05:22

it? Does it work? Well works fine It's

1:05:26

actually you know what no, it's

1:05:28

a silver it's shiny. Okay, actually works quite

1:05:30

well. Yeah, I mean shove it in a

1:05:32

dog's mouth Has

1:05:35

a lot of opinions no The

1:05:39

other thing I when you're talking about bottom

1:05:41

of the barrel news station stuff Yeah, something

1:05:44

that I see anytime you watch the local

1:05:46

news and they're talking about somebody who

1:05:48

like got scammed or whatever Something like that.

1:05:50

There's always footage of them just making dinner

1:05:52

Yeah, that seems

1:05:54

to be the go-to like yeah make some

1:05:56

dinner. We'll just fill you to the word

1:05:58

like the there's one As always,

1:06:00

I remind people I watch

1:06:03

the local news because I'm

1:06:05

seeing stories about cars

1:06:07

driving into buildings. Is that a thing? Once

1:06:10

a week there's a car driving into a building. Once

1:06:13

every six months there's a small plane landing

1:06:16

on the highway. I

1:06:18

love that. But

1:06:20

I hate when

1:06:23

they'll just like, there was a guy putting

1:06:26

flowers at a vigil where a guy was murdered

1:06:28

and like... You look like a monster. Me? I

1:06:31

hate watching him put flowers for the dead. No, it's not that. Yeah,

1:06:36

exactly. Honestly, that just sounds like a great episode

1:06:38

for like Law and Order where like you find

1:06:53

out that the guy putting down the flowers is the murderer. That

1:06:56

is true. Well, you kind of knew it the

1:06:58

whole time because it was Kevin Pollack and you're

1:07:00

like, he's too famous to be just being this

1:07:02

one's lead. But

1:07:06

yeah, I don't watch TikTok a

1:07:08

lot, so I don't know what. I

1:07:11

only know tangentially that this is a

1:07:13

thing. I only know it through Instagram.

1:07:15

Okay. What's crazy is I feel like

1:07:17

I've been forced to like, I

1:07:19

had a meeting with a manager like a year and a half ago

1:07:21

and he was... He had it as one manager. I was in the

1:07:24

States. Oh, they drove me. I

1:07:26

had to go to Rodeo Drive. Oh, whoa. I

1:07:30

cried afterwards because they were like, unless

1:07:32

your social media is up, we can't do anything for

1:07:34

you. So I was like, I guess I got to

1:07:36

join the TikTok. Right. Okay.

1:07:39

For me, it's like I have ADD, but it goes too fast. But

1:07:43

my roommate who's a comedian is

1:07:46

seven years younger than me and loves it. He

1:07:49

can watch it all day. So I

1:07:51

know things because he'll send me things. Right.

1:07:54

Yeah. I have a friend that

1:07:56

sends me a lot of things, a lot of content. But when

1:07:58

I go on TikTok... I

1:08:01

feel like I check out a friend's TikTok and then

1:08:03

TikTok thinks I want to always see that friend. Oh

1:08:05

yeah. And I'm just like, no, I did

1:08:07

one. Just wanted to see the one. My friend sent me Jordan Peterson

1:08:09

clip as a joke. And now I get

1:08:11

them constantly. And I'm concerned for

1:08:13

my mental health because I'm like, this

1:08:15

makes sense. As

1:08:19

I've said on the podcast several times,

1:08:21

I one time looked at a white

1:08:23

woman with threads and Instagram ever since

1:08:25

has been like, what? You liked it

1:08:27

the one time? That's

1:08:29

your thing now. Yeah, that's my thing. And

1:08:31

you know what? They're out there. They're

1:08:33

living in vans and near waterfalls. And

1:08:35

when you did this man on the

1:08:37

street thing, was it just shot on

1:08:39

a phone? No, this was shot

1:08:41

with a real camera. Wow. That

1:08:44

was part of the... That's adding

1:08:46

an extra step to getting it on

1:08:48

social media. Yeah, it looked like official.

1:08:52

And I just had a good sense of

1:08:54

not approaching anybody that I thought was

1:08:57

like busy. I

1:08:59

had a sense of like, well, this guy seems to be looking

1:09:01

at his phone and just standing there all to go talk to

1:09:03

him. And he was like, yep, I'll come and talk to you

1:09:05

for two or three minutes. When's this content coming out? I

1:09:08

don't know. But if you like CBC, it'll show up

1:09:10

in your feed. Yeah. Someone

1:09:13

send you a reel from CBC. Yeah.

1:09:18

Oh, you know what? If anybody's got a

1:09:21

lead on some... I would watch cooking segments

1:09:23

of local news stories if that was its

1:09:25

own feed on... Oh, sure. Probably is. Do

1:09:28

you think there's comedy at like 54 on TikTok?

1:09:30

You're just as fast as... I'm obsessed. I

1:09:32

haven't seen that channel in years. But

1:09:35

imagine if it was on TikTok. You know what?

1:09:38

You said that now all of a sudden it's going to appear

1:09:40

on there. That's what I want. I'm trying to put it out

1:09:43

there into the universe because I want... Are you yourself on TikTok?

1:09:45

Yes. Are you posting...

1:09:49

No, I posted... The only real post they put up

1:09:51

was a pair of underwear and a stream. Nature's

1:09:54

healing. Sounds good. Yeah, that's pretty

1:09:56

good. I put like nice

1:09:58

music underneath it. I guess I

1:10:00

could do lots of that stuff, but I'm not gonna I

1:10:03

don't want to look at my own face You know you

1:10:05

gotta get used to that. I don't I won't That's

1:10:08

that's the thing that's like I've

1:10:10

cut so many of my own reels, and I'm like This

1:10:14

is you just get used to it God

1:10:18

damn that chin It's

1:10:22

fake I Could

1:10:25

spot it a mile away. It's truly filler.

1:10:28

It looks great. Thank you They go good

1:10:30

doctor but like you just get used to

1:10:32

it because you're told you have to if you want

1:10:34

to like Be in the industry because like

1:10:36

you know just for laughs if you're not a

1:10:39

regular there They're like how do you get back

1:10:41

for like social media? You have

1:10:43

to build your following? You're like, but

1:10:46

okay, then you're just I

1:10:48

don't know Like I can't look

1:10:50

at my face that much I can yeah, and it's

1:10:53

very like as I saw people walking with the Like

1:10:56

apple glasses or whatever and doing things that like I

1:10:58

think this is where I get off the this is

1:11:00

where I become an old Commodulant this is where I'm

1:11:02

like. I'm not making the leap into walking down the

1:11:05

street doing my

1:11:07

text No

1:11:11

one should be there yeah, it's insane But that's

1:11:13

all of a sudden there's gonna be that's all

1:11:15

the young people are gonna have my kids want

1:11:18

Glasses to do their taxes Been

1:11:20

asking for years. Yeah, dad. Can we get

1:11:23

the tags glasses? Just

1:11:26

trying to oh yeah, they're sponsored by

1:11:29

H&R block But

1:11:32

like will you whenever it becomes

1:11:34

like now you're just wearing glasses and everything's happening

1:11:36

in front of your eyes the whole time I

1:11:38

can't I'm first of all blind as hell like

1:11:41

I need my regular glasses, and they're not

1:11:43

doing a good job anyways I need bifocals, and

1:11:45

I refuse so I can't imagine adding a

1:11:47

layer of confusion to my life Yeah, but

1:11:49

you but you will but we all will

1:11:51

I'm like, but that's the thing I'm not good at tiktok like

1:11:53

I'm not on it like I'm supposed to be but I

1:11:56

do Same way.

1:11:58

I'm supposed I should be doing And did

1:12:00

you know Snapchat's back? For

1:12:02

kids, I think Snapchat never left. That's what somebody,

1:12:05

a teacher told me, like, nope, kids are on

1:12:07

Snapchat. That's

1:12:10

how they've done an end run. We

1:12:13

just use the filters on it. Like if we show up

1:12:15

five minutes early for school, we wait in the car and

1:12:17

just go through the filters. And there

1:12:19

was this one filter that was,

1:12:21

I'm going to play a song.

1:12:25

And there was this one filter that was like,

1:12:28

see if you try not to laugh, and it would

1:12:32

measure if you were laughing or not, but it would

1:12:34

also make your face go crazy. And it was apparently

1:12:36

playing a song, but we couldn't get the song to

1:12:38

play. And then I looked up how

1:12:40

the song was supposed to go, and

1:12:42

here is the song that's playing in

1:12:45

the Snapchat, try not

1:12:47

to laugh filter. And

1:12:50

it goes a little

1:12:52

something like this. It's

1:12:58

just this for a minute

1:13:00

and a half. The

1:13:10

name of the song is Uh-Oh Stinky,

1:13:12

and the artist's name, Shit

1:13:14

Nuts. Shit Nuts! That's perfect. It's

1:13:16

perfect. Oh man, that's,

1:13:19

wow. So you could

1:13:21

just do that, eh? I guess. He's

1:13:24

making million Shit Nuts. Yeah, exactly. I

1:13:26

gotta just go lower. Well,

1:13:29

the problem is, speaking of algorithms,

1:13:31

we were like, well, let's just

1:13:33

listen to Shit Nuts radio. Shit. Well,

1:13:39

do you guys want to move on to some overhurds? Uh-huh.

1:13:44

Well we were wrong, we lied to

1:13:46

you, and we're sorry, and it is

1:13:48

not time for overhurds. It's time for

1:13:50

a little bit of business, and this

1:13:53

week the business is a jumbotron. This

1:13:57

is a personal message for

1:13:59

Beth. from Dennis

1:14:02

Graham take it away Beth

1:14:04

this is Dennis speaking to you through

1:14:06

the voice of Graham there's a voice

1:14:08

of Graham second yeah

1:14:10

it's really good I thought

1:14:12

I was like how am I saying that without

1:14:14

moving my lips it's

1:14:17

a little confusing I know but I just wanted

1:14:19

you to know that I will always love you

1:14:22

I will speak to you in person soon well

1:14:24

that's nice so this is a yeah they're gonna

1:14:26

get together I will

1:14:29

always love you it is me Graham I

1:14:32

love cookies also like

1:14:35

that rubble rubble well

1:14:40

if you would like a personal

1:14:42

message to your loved one or

1:14:44

to anyone head

1:14:46

over to maximumfun.org/jumbotron now do

1:14:48

we want to do overheard

1:14:51

you know have

1:14:54

you ever wanted to know the sad lore behind

1:14:56

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1:14:58

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1:15:05

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1:15:09

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1:15:12

us host Austin and Brenda and learn

1:15:14

all of these things and more secret

1:15:16

history now on maximum fun

1:15:22

the following are real reenactments

1:15:25

a pretend emergency calls there

1:15:28

are plenty of podcasts

1:15:30

on the hunt for justice but only one

1:15:34

podcast has the

1:15:50

courage to take on the silly crimes

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judge John Hodgman the only true crime podcast

1:15:55

that won't leave you feeling sad and bad

1:15:57

and scared for once only on

1:16:00

maximumfun.org. Overheard. Overheard.

1:16:08

The segment where you hear it, we want

1:16:10

to hear it, we want you to share

1:16:12

it. And we always like to start with the

1:16:14

guest. Natalie, do you have an overheard? I

1:16:17

like to think this is considered an

1:16:19

overheard. So

1:16:22

in Toronto, I live on the third floor, walk

1:16:25

up, and on my street, very often,

1:16:27

I have a guy that lives across the street.

1:16:29

He might be 70, he might be 150. I

1:16:32

have no idea. Sure. Very old, very

1:16:34

disheveled. Often

1:16:37

in the summertime, he will

1:16:39

drive up in his old car, and probably

1:16:43

if this is considered it, he will park

1:16:46

in the disabled disability

1:16:48

spot. Handicap spot. That's it, thank

1:16:50

you. Thank you. Jesus.

1:16:54

Jesus. And walk out

1:16:56

and play Freebird. Oh, okay.

1:16:59

At two o'clock in the morning. Does

1:17:01

this count as overheard? Yeah, yeah, yeah,

1:17:03

yeah, absolutely. And just blare it so

1:17:05

the whole street can hear it all

1:17:08

night. Whole song? Oh, all of it. Really?

1:17:11

He's just ripping it, and he's just smoking,

1:17:13

and he's having the time of life, and

1:17:16

I often come out and start yelling.

1:17:18

I'm so little. Yeah. Have

1:17:20

you won this battle, or is it? He

1:17:22

apologates. I'm like, you don't party. I

1:17:25

go crazy. It's two o'clock in the morning. Yeah. Maybe

1:17:28

if it was, you know, uh-oh, Stinky by Shit. I

1:17:30

would have been horny for that. It's

1:17:35

just psycho. It's every

1:17:38

fucking summer. Wow. Yeah,

1:17:40

we have these plazas

1:17:43

in Vancouver that got set up during the

1:17:45

pandemic, so people could gather and drink coffee

1:17:47

or drink beer or whatever. And there's this

1:17:49

one dude. He's retired from the

1:17:51

post office, and he's just like, good times

1:17:53

all the time. He's there with the folding

1:17:55

deck chair, and he's got

1:17:57

tunes on. He's listening to Cinderella.

1:17:59

or rats or something like that

1:18:02

and they're smoking and he's just this is his

1:18:04

retirement. This is the whole, he's only

1:18:06

gonna live another six or seven years. I

1:18:10

thought when I moved in this guy was gonna be dead in a year.

1:18:13

He's going on eight years. He'll be at

1:18:15

your funeral. Playing free bird.

1:18:18

Honestly, that's what I asked for. What

1:18:20

kind of car is it? Oh, it's like,

1:18:23

I'm not good with cars, but I can tell

1:18:25

you it's something your grandfather would have had in like 1980. Okay.

1:18:28

Like big crumbs. Like big, yeah, yeah, yeah.

1:18:30

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I don't think, and he

1:18:32

has like a pass for

1:18:34

the disability spot, for the handicap spot.

1:18:36

I don't think he needs this. Oh

1:18:39

really? Yeah, he's for sure free

1:18:41

birding the system. Yeah. He's

1:18:44

free birding the system. I like that. This

1:18:47

asshole. Anyways, that's my, that

1:18:49

sticks out in my head. That's great.

1:18:51

Yeah, yeah. Whenever I feel anxious about

1:18:53

it. Don't move on. Don't move on.

1:18:56

Are you afraid he's going to hear this and be

1:18:59

like, hey, I'm not going to understand it. He's definitely

1:19:01

never been online. Oh, you should do a TikTok about

1:19:03

him. We're not

1:19:05

trying to give her content. We

1:19:08

should steal it. That should be our content. Please,

1:19:11

you can come to my apartment. I leave the door

1:19:13

open. Go and look up. Oh, okay. Sure.

1:19:16

Yeah, yeah. You and your roommate can show

1:19:18

me some of what's going on TikTok-wise. Yeah,

1:19:20

exactly. Yeah. Dave. Okay.

1:19:23

So, big news at my kids' school the

1:19:25

other day. We were, uh-oh,

1:19:27

stinky. We were waiting

1:19:30

for the bell to ring. We were

1:19:32

out front and someone

1:19:35

discovered a dead rat. Dead

1:19:38

rat in the middle of the field. Big day. It

1:19:41

was all anyone was talking about. Kids

1:19:44

from the other side of the school were coming around to this

1:19:46

school to spread the word of the dead rat. Somebody

1:19:48

got a stick, right? Rod at

1:19:50

the dead rat. Somebody at the dead rat

1:19:53

got poked. Weird

1:19:55

kid in class was going to keep the dead rat. Oh,

1:19:58

but the weird kid is making out with his. Yeah,

1:20:00

exactly. So,

1:20:02

some grade threes, I heard

1:20:05

one of these two girls, one

1:20:07

of them said, I dare you to kiss the rat.

1:20:11

And the girl goes, eww! And

1:20:13

this boy turns around and says, who kissed the

1:20:15

rat? And that's how the words

1:20:17

get started. That's how it is. Wow. The

1:20:20

other grade three had the whereabouts to be like,

1:20:23

I kissed the rat. Yeah. It's

1:20:25

me. It's... Sandra Valentine's

1:20:27

my way. And I made my first kiss. And

1:20:30

I knocked its socks off. Yeah, I

1:20:32

feel like if there was a dead

1:20:35

squirrel, that was a big day. But there was one

1:20:37

kid that just wouldn't let it go, you know? He'd

1:20:39

be out there longer than any... Everybody had moved on.

1:20:42

But that one kid... And what do you think

1:20:44

that kid's doing now? I think he's the

1:20:46

president of the United States. Joe

1:20:48

Biden. Joe Biden. I feel like

1:20:50

he would poke a squirrel. Yeah, okay. He'd

1:20:54

poke a... Move me around, Joe. Move me

1:20:56

around. During this election cycle,

1:20:58

if you want him to lose, just throw a rat near

1:21:00

him, see what he does. Throw a

1:21:03

stick with it. He'll probably be like, hey, smarten

1:21:05

up, you knucklehead.

1:21:08

Too much malarkey. Yeah. I

1:21:10

agree. My over-herd. Yes.

1:21:13

Courtesy of being in a

1:21:16

pub in Calgary, Alberta. Mm. The

1:21:18

guy saying to his other friend, I guess this is

1:21:20

his foolproof guide to quitting

1:21:23

drugs. He said, whenever I wanted to do

1:21:25

the line, I'd just strike a shot of Kahlua. Was

1:21:28

that working? I

1:21:32

mean, he's keeping Kahlua. He's

1:21:35

super drunk and reeks of coffee.

1:21:38

Of all the things to do shots of. Well,

1:21:40

that's the point. It's awful. It's awful. Maybe

1:21:43

that's it. Maybe he's figured it out. That's a

1:21:46

deterrent. Yeah, I don't know. But then when you do

1:21:48

something awful, your head's like, hey, you know what you like.

1:21:50

Okay. You're an awful... I've never

1:21:52

had it on its own. It

1:21:54

would be like... But it's fun and like, you

1:21:57

know, white Russian or whatever. Would

1:22:00

it be like, it would just be like, drinking like

1:22:02

a melted chocolate bar

1:22:04

or something like that? I, so I just bought, I

1:22:06

haven't eaten them yet, but I bought a pack of

1:22:08

M&Ms, because

1:22:11

there's M&M peanut, M&M pretzel,

1:22:13

M&M almonds, I saw M&M, and

1:22:15

the interior of them is always the

1:22:19

thing, and not just a flavor, but I saw M&M

1:22:22

caramel cold brew. Oh

1:22:24

no! Whoa! So I bought them,

1:22:26

and I was wondering if I bite them, is it

1:22:28

full of coffee? You're

1:22:30

gonna drip out? It must be. Hopefully,

1:22:32

but at least not just a cocoa

1:22:35

or a coffee bean or whatever. Or

1:22:37

is it like, it's probably more caramel,

1:22:39

caramel. Yeah. Huh. It's

1:22:41

gonna be bad. Well, you're gonna... I don't like this.

1:22:44

Yeah. Where did you get these? The store.

1:22:46

Oh, okay. Not

1:22:48

for some guy. You ordered

1:22:51

them from Japan. Yeah, I

1:22:53

got them at the, I think,

1:22:55

Snackland, the store that tells American

1:22:57

candy. Yeah. Where's

1:22:59

Snackland? Over on Maine? Maine and 14th? Yeah.

1:23:04

Perfect. I know what I'm doing tonight.

1:23:06

What's your American candy? When you go down there, you're

1:23:08

like, oh, finally I can have... Honestly, my candy choices

1:23:10

are so weird, and I don't even think, I

1:23:13

have my, I like, okay, chocolate covered

1:23:15

jubjubes. Love them. Not

1:23:18

very popular. Ollie, jubjubes, no matter

1:23:20

their situation. I only want them

1:23:22

covered in chocolate. Really? Yeah. No

1:23:25

thanks. Disgusting. Okay.

1:23:27

Jube, jube, jube. Jube,

1:23:30

jube, jube, jube,

1:23:32

yes. Jube, jube.

1:23:34

Jube is how I've always said it. I

1:23:37

want to know. You only

1:23:39

like the chocolate. I only like the chocolate ones,

1:23:41

and then hot lips. Oh, hot

1:23:43

lips. All right, you're a cinnamon girl. Yeah, so like,

1:23:46

I'm a cinnamon girl. We're

1:23:48

cinnamon girls. Of course we're gonna

1:23:50

eat hot lips. We're cinnamon girls.

1:23:52

Of course we're gonna... I

1:23:55

feel like you ever wrote the song about me. Yeah. Yeah.

1:23:57

The bag of tar solo, one note.

1:24:00

Yeah, I should know that. Um,

1:24:06

the, uh, uh, the American one that

1:24:08

I like is dots. What's dots?

1:24:10

They're kind of like jujubes a little bit. Just

1:24:12

like a chewy, maybe like between a

1:24:14

mic and I can a juju. Does it come on like

1:24:16

a piece of paper? No, those are, what

1:24:19

are those called? Those might've been called dots as well. I

1:24:21

know what you're talking about. Yeah. Like

1:24:23

tabs of acid? They will come on a big

1:24:25

piece of paper. Yeah, it's CMT actually. And

1:24:28

it would be like four across kind of thing and

1:24:30

you just pop them off the paper. Those were just

1:24:33

like, like almost decorations, right? Yeah,

1:24:35

they were like, uh, what do you call

1:24:37

them? Grazie's? Grazie's? Yeah. No,

1:24:40

I don't know what these are. Really? No.

1:24:43

I can't picture a thing that comes on a strip of paper.

1:24:45

Like it was like a thick piece. Like a fruit by the

1:24:47

foot? No. No, the paper was inedible. It

1:24:49

was just the stuff on the paper. It

1:24:51

comes on a paper that's not edible. No, but

1:24:53

like it's really just a dot. Yeah, it is. And

1:24:56

then it's on rainbow. And then it's on a different color. Are you thinking about

1:24:58

like dots? But your things are like,

1:25:00

they come in a container? They come in a box. Like

1:25:03

a kind of like a... A plastic box.

1:25:06

No, just a cardboard box. Oh, I think we're

1:25:08

talking about different things. Maybe I'm thinking of ice

1:25:10

cream. Oh, these things? Yeah.

1:25:13

Yeah. Wow. I've

1:25:15

never seen them before. They look like... I love them.

1:25:17

I would, just looking at these, I would think that

1:25:19

they're like decorations. Like, yeah,

1:25:21

like sticky jewels. That's

1:25:23

basically what they were just like little sugar things.

1:25:26

Yeah. Hmm. Candy

1:25:28

buttons. Oh, that makes sense. Candy buttons. Yeah.

1:25:32

That's my accountant's name, is Candy Buttons. Can

1:25:34

you buy them now? Yeah,

1:25:36

can you buy them now? Do they still exist? Yes. Yeah.

1:25:40

This packs me some... You know, plenty,

1:25:43

plenty of Candy Buttons stuff online.

1:25:47

Just Google Candy Buttons. And you'll find it. Now,

1:25:50

we also have Overheard sent into it, sent it to us.

1:25:54

Like people all over the map. If you want to send

1:25:56

one in, send it in to spy at maximumfun.org. This first

1:25:58

one. The

1:26:00

Prime Claire and killed

1:26:02

Kenny Ireland are in

1:26:04

a car. Was

1:26:07

that would I would I do

1:26:09

is very responses you earlier as

1:26:11

soon as you. Just

1:26:14

as a taken aback. Okay,

1:26:17

fine to sit at a cafe. A

1:26:19

boy about nine having lunch with his

1:26:21

mother and grandmother on mother has. Grown

1:26:25

thin, I simply. Mother

1:26:28

not am I watch. Are you

1:26:30

buy a nice boy? Why? She's.

1:26:32

A what are you going to do with a knife Than the

1:26:34

way said. it's firmly to lists and. It's

1:26:37

not into the do anything with the latest one

1:26:39

of the a wine glass and enjoy it. I've

1:26:42

driven. Into do us with the

1:26:44

ever have like a Swiss army knife or

1:26:46

a real youth. Yeah. I

1:26:48

heard thought I was gone them member so

1:26:50

you're with me anywhere I took a dispassionate

1:26:52

a you could feel like you're like annoys

1:26:54

me Like them on and on now and

1:26:56

I'll even a plane was like oh this

1:26:58

would be cool to have around town. Never

1:27:00

never lost my bedroom. I

1:27:03

get one. I. Was in like a ever

1:27:05

you that. Ah, Yeah that a

1:27:07

lot of faces. hot gas? yeah

1:27:09

I collected all of deaths. What

1:27:12

was the coolest who was as

1:27:14

was army. Yeah, who was

1:27:16

the coolest feature at? you know they would. Only

1:27:18

had a couple and had. A

1:27:21

nice. As the best one with

1:27:23

the little magnifying glass The car while I

1:27:25

was that I had one the had like

1:27:27

a laser now laser pointer the just like

1:27:30

a lit up really yeah well as. The

1:27:32

Zealots Es Salaam sliced Natalie. Oh me

1:27:34

to sign He. Also

1:27:36

had a like a to Betty Popolo.

1:27:38

oh yeah and there were all years

1:27:40

into this consume him having so a

1:27:42

stirring he beat her once. If you're

1:27:44

out there, are you listening? You like

1:27:46

what it was. Who am I as

1:27:48

a character? Tried. To spin. who's

1:27:50

the guy says like says that always in

1:27:52

your mouth at all times at yeah to

1:27:55

so his hand out. there is a toothpick

1:27:57

women wine just about. exactly

1:28:00

If you're a woman out there and you want maybe

1:28:02

a new twist on things? Yeah. Toothpick.

1:28:06

Feminism. Yeah, exactly. That's how you

1:28:08

know feminism has worked out. Yeah,

1:28:10

everybody gets toothpicks tough out on

1:28:13

the street and they're women. This

1:28:18

next one comes from Nicholas

1:28:20

D from Montreal. It's

1:28:22

all fair play, baby. This

1:28:29

is we, me, one of my daughters and

1:28:31

one of my girlfriend's daughters. We're on vacation

1:28:33

in Portugal. We went to

1:28:35

the Lisbon Botanical Garden while they're a

1:28:38

French family. Mom, dad, two sons, aged

1:28:40

10 to 7 or so, walked

1:28:42

by us. I overheard the sons have this

1:28:44

exchange. Small brother. If you could pick

1:28:46

a superpower, what would it be? Big brother.

1:28:49

Teleportation and shutting you up. Yeah,

1:28:53

that's perfect. And then speaking

1:28:55

of French, Nicholas said

1:28:57

for Dave, because I love hearing him speak French.

1:29:00

He has the French version if you

1:29:02

will. Oh, okay. He's too

1:29:05

busy to show you the world's best.

1:29:07

This is the right choice.

1:29:09

Teleportation and a fair tear.

1:29:12

That's perfect. That's as good as anything on

1:29:14

Netflix. A fair tear. That's more like calm

1:29:17

down. To calm you down. He's a vous.

1:29:20

That was good. He's

1:29:22

a vous. That was good. French

1:29:24

teachers used to always say. What's t'ai

1:29:26

d'ai vous? Calm down. Calm down.

1:29:29

Shut up. T'ai vous? Yeah. You

1:29:32

was beginning French? I was in French immersion until grade

1:29:34

12 when I did it. This is such a

1:29:36

weird story. I didn't do my homework the

1:29:38

second day of class. And I said, I gotta go to

1:29:41

the bathroom. It never came. I feel

1:29:43

like the deadbeat dad of

1:29:45

school. Yeah.

1:29:48

It's been like 15 years of French immersion. That

1:29:53

was so funny. It

1:29:55

sure is. I

1:29:57

don't know why I did that. It's awesome.

1:29:59

That's why. Did you

1:30:01

take a different class? I'm worried that you

1:30:03

didn't graduate. I did graduate but not French

1:30:05

immersion. It was literally the

1:30:07

last credit I need too. Yeah, that's

1:30:10

weird. Yeah. Like in

1:30:12

French immersion, you did it from like... Kindergarten.

1:30:15

Yeah, so like from kindergarten to grade three, it

1:30:17

was all French everything. For me it was till

1:30:20

grade six, all French everything. Oh, okay. We

1:30:22

had half English starting in grade four. And then

1:30:24

by grade 11, it was just like... Credits.

1:30:27

Just French. Talk about law and order

1:30:30

in French to one another. I think everybody watching. My

1:30:32

French is not very good. As you can tell, I

1:30:34

ran out of class. But

1:30:36

you must know something. I just don't remember

1:30:38

the character name. Mariska.

1:30:41

She's the actor. Olivia Benson. Mmm,

1:30:44

yeah. Olivia Benson. I'm

1:30:46

not gonna say Olivia Benson. I'm

1:30:49

not gonna say

1:30:51

Olivia. I'm not gonna say Olivia.

1:30:53

I'm not gonna say Olivia. Stapler,

1:30:59

come on. We... That's

1:31:02

stapler. Anyway.

1:31:05

Well, the school was

1:31:07

worth it. Yeah.

1:31:13

This last one comes from Daniel

1:31:15

in Davis, California. I work

1:31:17

at a college and I just passed two

1:31:19

students talking. One said while struggling to contain

1:31:21

his laughter. Bro, imagine you're on the bus

1:31:23

and someone walks up and just fucking

1:31:25

drops a squirrel in your lap. And

1:31:29

the second one said, I think that would be the best day

1:31:31

of my life. Live or dead?

1:31:33

I didn't say. I didn't say. Yeah,

1:31:37

a live squirrel on my lap. Fun. Yeah.

1:31:40

I'll take a dead one. The

1:31:44

person was keeping the squirrel log in

1:31:46

there as well. Well, in addition to

1:31:48

the overhears that are written in, we also accept your phone calls.

1:31:51

And if you want to call us, our phone number is 1-844-779-7631.

1:31:54

That's one. Spypod

1:31:59

one like the... people have.

1:32:01

Hey Dave and Graham and lovely

1:32:03

guest. This is Julie

1:32:06

from Woodbridge Virginia. Last

1:32:08

night I was helping out at a get to

1:32:11

know you activity for kids and

1:32:13

everyone was paired up and had a list

1:32:15

of questions to ask each other. So I

1:32:18

was looking at the list and I saw the

1:32:20

question what is your favorite toy? So I

1:32:22

knew she was gonna ask me that

1:32:25

question and I was trying to

1:32:27

think of something suitable to say to a 10-year-old

1:32:30

but when the question came up she said

1:32:32

what's your favorite toy? Well what's

1:32:35

your favorite adult toy? Because you

1:32:37

know grown-ups don't play with kids

1:32:39

toys and I nearly

1:32:41

lost it. My my

1:32:43

Caribbean. Don't

1:32:47

make me choose. Yeah

1:32:51

for me it's probably a crossbow.

1:32:54

Yeah. Your

1:32:56

favorite adult toy Natalie? Too

1:33:00

many to choose from. You know

1:33:02

what, for me it's gotta be

1:33:04

my collection of Funko pops. Oh

1:33:06

yeah. Who's your favorite? Sheldon. What

1:33:10

are Funko pops? They're like

1:33:12

little classic. Wow. They're

1:33:14

for nerds. Okay. They do. They're

1:33:16

like. No no they're very handsome

1:33:19

listeners. They have like a rectangle

1:33:21

kind of head and dots for

1:33:23

eyes and it will be like

1:33:25

everything from like Justin Timberlake to

1:33:27

Spider-Man. Of course. Yeah. Of course. They're

1:33:30

toys to not play with. They're figurines.

1:33:32

I watched a documentary about the

1:33:34

company that I was like watch

1:33:37

a real documentary man. Don't spend time learning

1:33:39

about the history of Funko pops. No, someone

1:33:41

needs to know. Yeah. Well I know. They

1:33:44

started out as Bobblehead company and then moved on to

1:33:46

Funko pops. But then they ran out of springs and

1:33:49

so they had to make the heads more stable. Alright

1:33:53

next phone call. Hi

1:33:55

Dave Graham and guest. It's

1:33:58

Kate calling from very in Vancouver, I

1:34:01

was just walking up

1:34:03

Commercial Drive and overheard

1:34:05

a dude, I'm guessing somewhere

1:34:09

30s, 40s with one of those electric

1:34:11

push scooters talking to another guy

1:34:13

and he says, yeah, so

1:34:16

now I only drink during the day because I got

1:34:19

kids and shit. So yeah,

1:34:21

at least he's being responsible. Anyway,

1:34:25

no friggin' way. Yeah, my

1:34:27

kids come on the 5, I'm done drinking at 4.30. Yeah,

1:34:30

yeah, yeah. I mean, that sounds

1:34:32

like a perfect father to me. Yeah.

1:34:34

I don't be single. Yeah, he's active in

1:34:36

his kids' lives. Yeah. Yeah, he's driving

1:34:38

an electric scooter, so he's got to

1:34:40

pick up the kids who lost my license.

1:34:43

I almost

1:34:46

got hit by a skateboarder today, it was the worst. I

1:34:48

think he was doing it on a person, he whizzed by

1:34:50

me and like, I could feel it. Yeah. What

1:34:54

was he trying to do there? So I just pictured

1:34:56

him like me going on a

1:34:58

date and a guy coming to pick me up on

1:35:00

an electric scooter and then contemplated,

1:35:02

would I go out with him? Would you? Get

1:35:04

on my shoulders. Probably

1:35:07

just went over any bridges and

1:35:10

we'll be fine. Why not? I've

1:35:12

never ridden on one, maybe it's fun to,

1:35:14

you know, double up. I

1:35:16

don't know. They gotta be fun, right? Although

1:35:19

everyone who rides them seems to be miserable

1:35:21

in delivering food. Yeah.

1:35:23

Yeah, they're not happy. Yeah. And

1:35:25

they seem dangerous. Always think

1:35:27

they're very dangerous. Yeah. The fact that they like,

1:35:29

do they have them in trouble, like rent ones?

1:35:32

Not, no. They have them in Calgary and

1:35:34

they're just everywhere. I tried to,

1:35:37

I played on one in Calgary and

1:35:39

I just spent the whole time screaming.

1:35:41

So it's not, this is not good.

1:35:43

Terrifying, terrifying. Have you ever been on

1:35:45

a Segway? Have you ever gone on one

1:35:47

of those? No. I've

1:35:50

been on a hoverboard. Oh yeah?

1:35:52

Yeah. How was that? Neat. Yeah?

1:35:54

Yeah. I felt that. The

1:35:57

guys that do the one-wheelers, that's like... Yeah.

1:35:59

Yeah, it's like unicycle. Oh the ones

1:36:01

that are like from Back to the Future.

1:36:04

Yeah. Yeah like lean forward. Yeah I've been

1:36:06

on a motorcycle. I all

1:36:08

around Vietnam Really

1:36:11

on the back of I was holding on to

1:36:13

some man. I don't know who he was but yeah Yeah,

1:36:16

I paid him. Did you have an arrangement? Yeah

1:36:20

That's cool. It was insane. That's

1:36:22

bad terrifying helmet or no helmet

1:36:24

of course helmet good and I Everyone

1:36:27

every time we stopped in some Vietnamese city

1:36:29

someone was asked me if I

1:36:31

was Buddha Sick

1:36:34

trip sick. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Thanks guys a lot

1:36:36

of tact And

1:36:40

your final phone call Hey,

1:36:42

Graham, the steam guest. This is

1:36:45

Nathan from out of Chicago sitting

1:36:48

here at a restaurant like this

1:36:50

but mixed family and I

1:36:53

see a group of Maybe 14

1:36:55

year old girls walking now looks like they're

1:36:57

going to prom but it's January,

1:37:00

but all I hear is one goes

1:37:03

My dad has 20 20 vision. What

1:37:05

about yours? All

1:37:08

right, I'll try go Good

1:37:13

conversation Actually

1:37:15

don't know my dad's prescription. No, I don't

1:37:17

either. I love it. I didn't know people

1:37:19

were still comparing their dads Yeah, yeah, my

1:37:21

dad can fight your dad boy. Who has

1:37:23

20 drunk right now? You have any 20

1:37:26

vision to be a fighter pilot? Yeah,

1:37:29

I blew it 2020

1:37:31

for so long you're assuming this girl's dad

1:37:33

is a fighter. Well, he's eligible.

1:37:36

Okay, it's not disqualified on the

1:37:38

basis of Which

1:37:40

basis am I disqualified on

1:37:42

military? Yeah age for

1:37:45

sure weakness. Absolutely undisciplined

1:37:51

Just woman no, no, they shouldn't

1:37:53

let me in why not cuz

1:37:55

I would I would start fighting

1:37:57

for the opponents back for this Oh,

1:38:00

you have to switch teams immediately. Women

1:38:02

always do that. They'll always

1:38:05

take your opponent's side.

1:38:08

Hey, I would end up on the opposite side and

1:38:10

be like, hey, these guys are hot. Yeah,

1:38:12

I'm over on this side now, you guys. Oh.

1:38:15

I left my uniform over there. I

1:38:17

got a new uniform and everything. Who

1:38:21

of the three of us do you think would look

1:38:23

best in camouflage? Oh, boy. Definitely

1:38:25

me, sorry. Yeah? Yeah. Sorry.

1:38:29

I'm just going to, I'm taking that

1:38:31

one. Yeah, you and I in

1:38:33

camouflage gives kind of a militia incel vibe.

1:38:35

I want to say immediately like someone sitting

1:38:38

in their bunker all day planning for the

1:38:40

end of the world. Oh,

1:38:42

that's cool. Yeah. Just got great

1:38:44

Wi-Fi down in my bunker. Ah,

1:38:47

ah. Only if it's possible. Anyways, dream the

1:38:49

dream. Yeah, yeah, yeah. If you're out there

1:38:51

listening from a bunker, come on. Come on. Say

1:38:54

hi. Yeah, if you're old, by the way, if this is like,

1:38:57

if this podcast has survived the end

1:38:59

of the world and you're listening from

1:39:01

a bunker post-Apocalypse, say hi

1:39:03

to them zombies for me, baby. Don't

1:39:07

be a stranger. Yeah. I,

1:39:09

before the, sorry, I want to plug

1:39:12

a show that I'm doing in Toronto.

1:39:15

Mm-hmm. But I just have to find

1:39:17

the email that says where it

1:39:19

is. Well, we'll just play our,

1:39:22

our waiting music. Mm-hmm.

1:39:27

Dinky. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

1:39:30

Have you found it yet? No, I've played one. Mm-hmm. Dinky.

1:39:34

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

1:39:36

Mm-hmm. Dinky. What

1:39:39

about now? No, I don't have it one more

1:39:41

time. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

1:39:43

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

1:39:47

It does grow on you. The first time I was like, I don't

1:39:49

know if this is good, but the more I hear it. No, normally

1:39:51

you just read the bio. Oh. Oh.

1:39:55

Oh. Oh. Oh.

1:39:58

Oh. Oh. and

1:40:01

lo-fi electronic beats to study to Cloud

1:40:07

artist he's a real deal.

1:40:09

Yeah. Oh wow And he

1:40:12

said are they all about far, so is he

1:40:14

just that was just another different artist? Oh, sorry

1:40:16

That's the fart. That was mr. Farts mr. Farts.

1:40:18

I will be playing March 23rd

1:40:21

at the Adelaide Hall in Toronto

1:40:23

March 23rd marketing your calendars.

1:40:25

I'll be there Toronto me

1:40:27

and DJ shitstand And

1:40:34

Natalie, thank you so much for being

1:40:36

our guest. Thank you for having me

1:40:38

and people can find you on stalking

1:40:41

Natalie talking Natalie not like stocks like

1:40:43

money stocks like someone lurking around

1:40:45

the corner trying to follow me

1:40:47

stalking Yes, yeah, and jerking and

1:40:49

you Well,

1:40:54

thank you and thank you everybody out there for listening If

1:40:57

you got some time to kill why not throw it

1:40:59

apart remix and come on back next week for another

1:41:02

episode of stop I can see yourself Maximum

1:41:19

fun a worker-owned network

1:41:21

of artists on shows supported

1:41:23

directly by you