In this episode, Diana shares her experience mothering a 17 year old daughter with anxiety and depression.Mentioned on this episode:NAMI: National Alliance on Mental Illness: https://www.nami.org/Transcription[music in background]

Voiceover: Welcome to the Just Ask Mom podcast where mothers share their experiences of raising children with mental illness. Just Ask Mom is a mother's on the frontline production. Today we will listen to Diana, an Iowa parent with a 17-year-old daughter with anxiety and depression.

Tammy: Tell us a little bit about yourself before or outside of mothering. What are your passions? Who are you? What do you love?

Diana: Well, I enjoy biking and taking long bike rides, not competitively or anything but just kind of peddling along. I enjoy yoga and take some time for that when I can, and I enjoy writing.

Tammy: Wonderful. Do you like creative writing, journaling, what kind of stuff do you do?

Diana: All of that. I used to write for the newspaper when I'm just column and just kind of a life in the day of life and of mom, and that was fine.

Tammy: That's wonderful, it's great. I want you to pretend that you're talking to people who just haven't had any direct experience with mental illness -   whether in their own life or anyone else in their direct family or friends- they just haven't had to deal with it. What would you like them to know about your experience?

Diana: What I would like them to know beyond just my experience and just in general but particularly with me if you see me, is that it isn't always what you think it is and it doesn't always look how you think it's supposed to look. Please don't make the assumption that we might be wrong or dramatic or overreacting, and I know it might seem like that at times, but please just put compassion first and really trust that somebody who is living a situation particularly with their own child, their own family member. They are the expert and if they say something that doesn't really make sense to you based on what you observe of that child or that person, please just be compassionate and believe that there's probably a lot going on under the surface or things that you don't understand about it, and appreciate their honesty and being able to share.

Tammy: Absolutely. Can you think of examples of where people have just not seen -  like they see it one way but something else is going on  - so that you just wish you could just sort of scream?

Diana: Every day.

[laughter]

Diana: Every day. An example that comes to mind is a parent-teacher conference in which I was trying once again to gently and with a friendly face remind teachers that my daughter has a 504 plan, and that she has these accommodations and that they're legally required to provide those to her. We were having a little difficulty and the teacher said, "Well, I just don't think she's anxious, I mean I don't see it. I don't think she has anxiety, frankly", which is kind of a classic example. I actually appreciate the candor that that teacher showed because there are other people who are more passive about it but they certainly seem to be indicating that maybe my hyper-vigilance is causing anxiety. That's tough to take, it's a little insulting. There are people who sell my daughter short and kind of limit her based on, "Well if she's really anxious then maybe she should just do this and not even try this other thing".

Tammy: I think it's a really good point because mental illness is portrayed a certain way in the media and movies and all this kind of thing. The assumption is you could see and know what is going on with someone, but someone could be going through a whole lot and look fine on the outside sometimes, or at least be able to do that for a small amount of time whether at school, at work or what have it. Right? It would be easy for someone to not notice because they're not living with it day to day.

Diana: Right. I think that my daughter is very much like that.