0:01

Hey, Story Pirates podcast listeners, Lee

0:04

here. On today's episode,

0:06

the Story Pirates finally reunited.

0:08

Head back to our secret

0:10

hideout underneath the New York

0:12

City subway system where we

0:14

have a few, uh, let's

0:16

just call them disagreements. We

0:19

also have an incredible special guest

0:21

today, the actor and comedian, Zach

0:24

Cherry. If you're a brand

0:26

new listener, feel free to keep on

0:28

listening or you can go all the

0:30

way back to season one, episode one,

0:32

and follow us from the beginning. That

0:34

episode's called I Love a Ghost slash

0:36

Fred the Carrot, and it's a great

0:38

place to start. Now come

0:40

join us at the secret hideout

0:42

right after these quick words for

0:44

the grownups. Hey,

0:48

grownups, we're excited to announce a limited

0:51

time free trial for the monthly Story

0:53

Pirates Creator Club just in

0:55

time for holiday gifting to Story Pirates

0:57

fans in your life. Get

1:00

access to ad free episodes and

1:03

regular bonus episodes from

1:05

series like Imagication with

1:07

Peter, Spooky Season with

1:09

Eric, Fixed Up Fairy

1:11

Tales, and more. Start

1:13

your free trial today

1:15

at storypirates.com/podcast, or

1:17

sign up for a full year

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with our premium membership and you

1:21

get to attend four Create a

1:23

Story sessions with Lee and Peter.

1:26

These are virtual events that happen

1:28

four times a year where your

1:30

kids get to help me and

1:32

Peter create a brand new story

1:34

together on Zoom that

1:36

will, get this, be

1:38

released as a Story Pirates

1:41

podcast bonus episode. And

1:43

you'll get a free Story Pirates shirt

1:45

and discounts at our store. So

1:48

sign up now for

1:50

your free trial at

1:52

storypirates.com/podcast. Now back

1:54

to the show. Welcome

2:03

home. Please proceed down the

2:05

firefighters pole. So we just

2:07

jumped down there into that hole? Yep. I've

2:09

fallen down a hole before. It's not that

2:11

bad. Plus, if Lufa listened to

2:13

me and moved her bowling alley, there should be

2:16

a crash pad down there to cushion your fall.

2:18

Should we all jump at the same time?

2:20

I'd go one by one. AHHH! Look

2:25

out through those

2:27

bowling pins! Huh.

2:30

I guess Lufa didn't move the bowling alley.

2:32

Nobody ever since the

2:34

wrong one. I've

2:45

been told it has no reactive imagination.

2:47

It makes me feel cozy. Your

2:51

pen and paper have arrived. They

2:59

wrote most of my stories for fun. There's

3:01

so much else there. Now we'll probably never

3:03

know. Welcome

3:10

back to the Story Parrot's Podcast,

3:12

where we take stories written by

3:15

kids and turn them into sketch comedy

3:17

and songs. Lufa,

3:20

you can't be mad about the bowling alley.

3:22

I told you to move it a hundred times.

3:26

Really? A perfect game? Oh,

3:29

that is impressive. Still, this wouldn't be

3:31

a problem if you just moved it.

3:33

You'll know the only way in and

3:36

out of the hideout is by using

3:38

the firefighter pole. Wait, that's the only

3:40

way out? Yeah, the climb is pretty

3:42

brutal, but you get used to it.

3:44

Probably. I've only done it once. I

3:47

could always fix the elevator. The

3:49

what? The elevator?

3:52

You didn't notice it? It's right over

3:54

there behind the bowling pin. No,

3:58

Lufa, I wasn't saying it's your fault. Okay,

4:02

bye! We'll talk

4:05

after I'm done fixing the

4:07

elevator. Ah, classic us. Always

4:10

fighting. Ha ha ha ha ha

4:12

ha ha ha. What's

4:15

going on with those two? Nimini threw

4:18

Loofah into a stampede of wildebeest

4:20

earlier this summer. Figuratively, we assume.

4:23

Oh, okay. I'll say something to

4:25

defuse the tension. Ahem. Nimini

4:28

and Loofah are having a fight and

4:30

every one of us is uncomfortable. Rachel?

4:33

What? I feel way less tense. I don't.

4:36

Maybe we should listen to a story to relax

4:38

and settle in and ignore that specific

4:40

problem for now. Yeah!

4:43

Okay, listeners, this first story is about an

4:45

alien on another planet that discovers

4:47

the single greatest combination of

4:50

ingredients ever. Here's the

4:52

author to introduce it. Hi,

4:54

my name is Eli. I'm seven years

4:56

old and I live in Massachusetts.

4:59

This is my story, Alien

5:01

That Discovered Banana. Oh,

5:08

you! You, ma'am! Can I interest you in some food

5:10

to buy from my store? I haven't

5:13

figured out what I sell yet. Exactly what to

5:15

call. And she's not. I

5:18

don't think the business model of not knowing what I

5:20

sell is working. I

5:23

really want another planet and I own

5:26

a store. I'm

5:30

not a cast by any stretch

5:32

of old natural shore. All

5:36

the other aliens, they have been

5:38

discovering new amazing foods

5:41

to taste. But

5:44

I've yet to find any kind of

5:46

position I can set in my constubbery.

5:51

I try mixing together

5:53

ingredients. Anything

5:55

I see. All

5:59

in the hopes of... Let's go, let's go, let's

6:01

go, let's go, let's go! I

6:30

can't help it, I

6:32

can't help it They

6:35

say my money's bad No,

6:39

I only have two foods left Who

6:43

they weird don't know I

6:47

can't go so lucky, yeah, I know

7:00

I can't help it I

7:05

can't help it I

7:12

can't help it I

7:16

can't help

7:18

it I

7:20

can't help it I

7:25

can't help it I

7:30

can't help it Hey,

7:36

it's not bad Banana

7:40

and bread, what should I

7:43

call the dish? Ooh, I know,

7:45

cheesecake, no wait, banana

7:48

bread, I get it And

7:50

all it took was a dash of perseverance,

7:52

a pinch of faith in myself, and also

7:55

the ingredients I'm

8:30

going to look down to the top

8:33

of the floor. I'm going to

8:35

look down to the floor. The

8:39

floor. He's a crazy,

8:41

not bad guy. That is the

8:43

best thing that I've ever had. Be

8:45

like that on me. Oh,

8:47

please, oh, please, oh, please. Is

8:50

it Rocky and Spirit? Oh, ha, ha. Oh.

10:00

Elevator's fixed. No more climbing up

10:02

and down the firefighter pole. Looks like

10:04

we'll have to find another use

10:06

for our beefy arms, Smitty. Flot,

10:08

flick, flot, flick. Oh,

10:10

my ears! We may be contractually

10:13

obligated to do the podcast together, but we

10:15

don't have to put up with that terrible

10:17

sound. Again with the contractual obligations. Baby

10:19

with a mustache. Can I see

10:22

your contract? Huh? Well, sure. Maybe

10:24

you can add something about Rolo and

10:26

Smitty's flexing. Ooh, hold on.

10:28

If you're making changes to our contracts,

10:30

can I just run a few legal questions by you?

10:33

If you want, but I don't know why you'd

10:35

expect me to know the answers. Well, your first

10:37

name is Lee. And? Lee.

10:40

That's short for legal

10:42

questions. Right? No, it's

10:44

not short for legal questions. Oh.

10:48

That explains why he's such a terrible

10:50

lawyer. I'm not a lawyer. That's a

10:52

relief. Did all of you sign one

10:54

of these contracts? I don't even have

10:56

one. Everyone calm

10:59

down. Just because Lee doesn't have a

11:01

contract doesn't mean he has to spend

11:03

the night in the dungeon. The what?

11:05

The dungeon. It's right over there. I'll

11:10

call Dibs on the dungeon. Oh, man. I was

11:13

going to call Dibs. Don't worry. I'm

11:15

sure we can sort all this out

11:17

by calling our lawyer. No need. I

11:19

texted him because I'm afraid of phone

11:21

calls. Ooh, no, no, no, no, no. Hello,

11:25

everyone. It's me, legal counsel to

11:27

the story pirates, Leonard Skinard. I've

11:29

gone ahead and updated your address

11:31

to SP Hideout 606. In

11:34

the future, please remember to file the proper

11:36

paperwork. 606?

11:38

How many hideouts are there? That I'm

11:40

not legally allowed to disclose. Now,

11:43

I believe one of you is missing a contract. Uh,

11:46

I guess I am? Not a problem. I'll get

11:49

you a new one right away. While I have

11:51

my official lawyer's typewriter powered up, I'd be happy

11:53

to make any changes to the rest of your

11:55

contracts. You don't sound happy.

11:58

I am. Very happy.

12:01

Now please shout all your contract requests at me at

12:03

the same time. Sparkly Waltz in

12:05

the Breakroom. I'm one of

12:07

them. Breakroom shampoo. Great. I

12:10

got all of that. Legal questions?

12:12

Would you like to put in any requests?

12:14

My name's just Lee. It's not short for

12:16

legal questions. Name change request

12:18

approved. Give me one second. Wow,

12:21

look at him type. Now that Lee is

12:23

a real lawyer. I'm not a lawyer, Peter.

12:26

I know. Didn't I just say

12:28

that? And done. Here are your new

12:30

contracts. Please read through them and sign

12:32

by the X if you find the terms agreeable.

12:34

Mom, I think we're just going to sign

12:36

this without reading. I mean, who has the time, right?

12:39

Oh yeah. Who has the time?

12:41

Um, I'm just going to read through this

12:43

a little more. Take your time. If

12:45

you have any questions for me, I'll be here in the

12:48

bowling alley trying to bowl a perfect game. Oh.

12:52

Ha ha. Gutter ball. Well,

12:54

nowhere to go but up. Welcome

12:59

to my glorious new dungeon, Lee.

13:01

I've given it a bit of

13:03

my signature Viking coziness. Long boat

13:05

bed. Nightlight made of snow. Viking

13:08

white noise machine. Huh? Oh, that's

13:10

nice, Siegfried. You appear distracted. Are

13:12

you still reading through your contract?

13:15

Yeah, you really shouldn't sign anything

13:17

without reading it first. Ha! You

13:19

worry far too much. I signed my

13:22

contract without even thinking about it and

13:24

look. I've got the perfect bedroom all

13:26

to myself. No contracts can take that

13:28

away from me. Easy,

13:31

easy, easy, and there.

13:35

It's the perfect spot for my new minivan

13:37

bed. Eric, why are you

13:40

moving your minivan bed into my bedroom?

13:42

Your bedroom? Sorry, Siegfried. My

13:44

contract clearly states that the dungeon

13:46

is my bedroom. But I call

13:49

dibs. Dibs? This is a contract.

13:51

What are you going to do

13:53

next, sue me? Yes, I

13:56

believe I will. I'm suing you. What?

13:58

No, I was joking. Yes

14:01

I can. I'm suing you right now.

14:03

Not if I sue you first. You're

14:05

suing. Um, I'm going to

14:07

read somewhere else, guys. Try to start

14:09

this out without suing each other. No!

14:13

Mm-hmm. Break room shampoo feels so

14:15

good in my hairdo-doo. Hey,

14:17

Peter. Shampooing your hair just in the

14:20

middle of the hall? Yep. I asked

14:22

for break room shampoo to be installed

14:24

in my contract. But all the

14:26

walls in the break room are so sparkly, I can't

14:28

see anything. I couldn't get any of the shampoo in

14:30

my hair. Why don't you shampoo your hair in the

14:32

bathroom? That's what the bathroom shampoo

14:35

is for. This is break room shampoo.

14:37

Whoa! Megan,

14:39

are you okay? Physically? Yes.

14:42

I was milking the fall.

14:45

Emotionally? No. The sparkly walls in the break

14:47

room are exactly what I asked for, but

14:49

someone spilled shampoo all over the

14:52

floor, which is strictly prohibited per

14:54

my contract. Oh, that would be me. You

14:56

spilled shampoo all over? I won't suffer

14:58

this kind of disrespect. I'm suing you.

15:01

You're suing me? You're the one who made it

15:03

too sparkly to see anything. I'm suing you! This

15:06

also happened to Siegfried and Eric. Did you all

15:08

just learn about suing people or something? Get out

15:10

of here before we sue you! I'm going, I'm

15:12

going! Yeesh. Hey,

15:16

baby with a mustache. Cool earmuffs. Oh, thanks.

15:20

It's the only way for me to shut out

15:22

the sound of Rollo and Smitty's constant flexing, even

15:24

though my contract says they legally can't.

15:27

Well, at least you're being reasonable and finding an actual

15:29

way to deal with the problem. Everyone else is just

15:31

suing each other. Oh, don't get me wrong. I am

15:34

suing them. I'm filling out the paperwork on my phone.

15:39

Wait, did you just say you're suing us? You

15:41

can't do that. We'll count as suing. No

15:43

way you're suing me, Peter. I'm suing you.

15:46

You can sue at this game. Sue,

15:48

sue, sue, sue, sue, sue, sue, sue. Hey,

15:50

Nimmy. I'm gonna sue you. What? Pritchels,

15:52

why? I don't know.

15:54

I just don't want to be the only one not doing it.

15:57

Stop, stop. Everybody stop. Give me those

15:59

contracts. Hey, wait! We'll

16:04

be right back. And

16:30

sometimes they take over the school.

16:38

Humming. Hard

16:45

Out Loud Day. Alright.

16:50

It smells like fun out loud day to me. And

16:53

so, so many more. So

16:55

when you're caught up on podcast episodes,

16:58

stream all of the Story Pirates albums,

17:00

including Nothing Is Impossible, Backstroke

17:02

Raptor, Pass It On You,

17:04

Barry Mary Made Of Holidays,

17:07

and The Strawberry Man, today.

17:10

Happy Fought Out Loud. Yeah,

17:16

that's really cool. Oof.

17:22

No! Lee, you tore up

17:25

the contract! Are you even allowed

17:27

to do that? Maybe we should sue. No

17:30

more suing each other. These contracts

17:32

are tearing us apart! No, Lee,

17:34

you tore the contracts apart. Did you really

17:36

forget that? It literally just happened. Besides, I

17:39

thought you didn't have any

17:41

answers to our legal questions. Why the

17:43

sudden interest? I have

17:45

a confession to make. Earlier,

17:48

I told you that my name, Lee,

17:51

isn't short for legal questions. That's

17:54

because it's actually short for

17:56

legal scholar. I

17:58

knew it! He was a lawyer this whole time! I've

18:00

always been interested in reading and studying

18:03

legal documents. I just don't really talk

18:05

about it that much. The same way

18:07

that Siegfried doesn't really talk about Michelle

18:10

Branch. Why would I need to? She's

18:12

everywhere to me. The problem with our

18:14

contracts is that they conflict way too

18:17

much because they're just lists of legally

18:19

binding demands and requests that we should

18:21

be able to solve by talking to

18:24

each other. Siegfried, Eric, just share the

18:26

dungeon. Ohh. RUMIES!

18:28

Megan, Peter, just make

18:30

some of the break room walls sparkly

18:32

and let Peter set up a shampoo

18:35

station in a non-sparkly corner. Interesting.

18:38

A station, you say. And Rollo,

18:40

Smitty, Baby the Mustache is right.

18:42

None of us like the flexing.

18:45

The sound is incredibly upsetting. You're

18:47

lost. Fair enough. Ha! But

18:50

what are we supposed to do about the

18:52

contract? We just need to tell the lawyer

18:54

exactly what we want in them. Where is

18:56

he anyway? Is he still bowling? Finally.

19:00

20 gutter balls in a row. A new record. Ahem.

19:03

Leonard Skinner at your service once again. I

19:05

see you've torn up my contracts. Lee

19:07

did it. Should we sue him? No.

19:10

I think I understand why he did it. I've seen

19:12

this happen to bands before. Oh, we're not a band.

19:14

We're a podcast. I was in a band once. We

19:17

had it all. Instruments. T-shirts.

19:20

Our own landline telephone. You know, it was

19:22

the best time of my life. Until

19:24

the day I wrote an original song about how much I

19:27

loved being in the band. Theo,

19:29

our lead singer, wanted me to share songwriting

19:31

credit with him because he also loved being

19:33

in the band and was convinced that I'd

19:35

taken the idea from him. He became so

19:37

upset with me that he decided to sue.

19:39

I knew Theo would crush me with his

19:42

legal expertise because he'd taken two months of

19:44

high school debate. So I managed

19:46

to push the court date back eight years. In

19:49

the meantime, I started and finished law

19:51

school and gained some internship experience with

19:53

a small firm, eventually making my way

19:55

up to partner. I finally saw Theo

19:57

in court, where I represented myself and

19:59

won. The case. At the end

20:01

of the day, I'd won back the rights to my

20:03

song, but I'd lost something much bigger. My

20:06

friendship with Theo. Anyway,

20:09

that was last week. Uh,

20:11

I don't know how much of that

20:14

applies to our situation. The

20:16

main takeaway is, don't sue your friends

20:18

unless you're ready to turn to a

20:20

life of law. Again,

20:22

that seems more specific to your experience,

20:24

but we promise we won't sue each

20:27

other. Speak for yourself. As

20:29

for our contracts, I think we just

20:31

need them to reflect a healthy balance

20:33

between working on the podcast and working

20:36

at our other jobs. Mostly because the

20:38

podcast pays us in ship coin, but

20:40

our other jobs pay us in real

20:42

money. You just wiped. Ship coin

20:44

is gonna take off any day now.

20:46

Hmm, sounds like you're looking for a

20:48

standard work-life podcast balance deal. That I

20:50

can do. Ah,

20:53

there you go. Brand new contracts. Please

20:55

don't tear them up this time. Uh

20:57

huh. Mmm, yeah, this looks all

21:00

good. Excellent. Now that that's

21:02

taken care of, how would you like to

21:04

hear the first live performance of the original

21:06

17 minute song I wrote about how

21:08

much I loved being in my band? I

21:10

have an idea. What if we

21:12

listened to another story instead? Yeah!

21:15

Instead or before? Instead.

21:19

Listeners, have you ever felt that all

21:21

of the things that we know about

21:23

the world could be wrong? And

21:26

maybe you have some ideas of your own about

21:28

the world too. What really

21:30

separates fact from fiction? And

21:33

how do we, as creative and

21:36

imaginative people, understand what

21:38

science tells us about the world

21:40

when our brains are dreaming up

21:42

something else? These

21:44

are important questions posed

21:47

by our next story. Here's

21:49

the author to introduce it. Hi,

21:52

my name is Aida. I'm 11 years old

21:54

and I live in Australia. This

21:56

is my story, The Big Cluck. And

22:02

in conclusion, while the sun may be

22:04

93 million miles

22:06

away, just wait 8 seconds

22:08

and you can say hello

22:11

to its race. Thank

22:13

you. Alright, thank

22:15

you, Kevin. That presentation

22:18

on the sun was quite illuminating.

22:21

Get it? Okay,

22:23

who would like to give their presentation next?

22:27

Anyone who hasn't gone? Alright, it

22:29

looks like the only one left

22:31

is Odette. Yes! Are

22:34

you ready this time? Yes, Mrs. McMillan.

22:36

And you remember that this is a

22:38

science research project and not a platform

22:40

for conspiracy theories? Trust me,

22:42

Mrs. McMillan, I did my research. I

22:44

watched a lot of videos online. Yes,

22:46

that is what I'm afraid of. Okay,

22:49

take it away. Thank

22:51

you! Odette,

22:53

why do you have a projector? This is

22:55

an oral presentation. I'm sorry, my topic is

22:58

too big for words alone. It demands

23:00

a full multimedia experience.

23:02

Alright. Lights,

23:05

please, Kevin. Okay,

23:07

first slide. Scientists

23:10

don't listen to them. Oh boy, here we

23:13

go. They are always lying. Like when they

23:15

said dinosaurs died more than 100 million years

23:17

ago. They

23:20

didn't. Is that Principal

23:22

Norman's head photoshopped onto a T-Rex? Okay,

23:25

Odette, what have we said about

23:27

defaming the faculty? But Mrs. McMillan!

23:29

Skip ahead, please. Ugh, okay. I

23:32

guess that's a different story you

23:34

will learn at the end of

23:36

your lives. What? Why?

23:39

Because a dinosaur will eat you

23:42

all. Odette, no more dinosaurs. But that's most of my

23:44

slime! Odette! Ugh, okay, okay. I

23:47

just gotta jump ahead here a bit. No,

23:50

that's more dinosaurs. That's dinosaurs in the government.

23:52

Dinosaurs in the cafeteria. How we all might

23:54

be dinosaurs and not know it. How many

23:56

flies do you have? Do you actually

23:58

have anything in here? That's about science.

24:01

Oh, do I just you wait teach

24:04

please don't call me teach. Ah,

24:06

okay. Here we are my Theory

24:08

your theory the big bang

24:13

Nice explosion video never

24:16

happened Nice

24:20

reverse explosion video

24:23

Oh dad, am I going to regret letting

24:25

you do this? You're only going to regret

24:27

that you didn't know all of this sooner.

24:29

All right, keep going That's right Instead of

24:31

a star exploding and creating all these giant

24:33

rocks that became planets like you've been told

24:35

the truth is that it was An

24:40

egg explain I will

24:43

one day before there were days

24:45

there was nothing Just

24:47

an endless void without a

24:49

star or planet or even

24:52

chicken to be seen then

24:54

out of nothing appeared an

24:56

egg observe Whoa

24:59

a video ah, it is

25:01

me a lonely Floating an

25:03

endless space is that your little sister

25:05

dressed up as an egg hanging from

25:08

a rope swing? No, it's an egg

25:10

Be quiet. Hey, stop slapping your arms.

25:12

You're supposed to be an egg. I can't

25:14

stop spinning then a few months

25:16

later Hey, it's

25:19

something go. Oh, I'm cracking.

25:21

It's an egg cracking. Oh

25:23

crack up here Then another

25:25

then another until

25:28

a chicken popped out. That's right.

25:30

It's me the universal chicken Odette

25:33

have you seen my phone dad? You're ruining

25:36

the shot. Oops. I thought I edited this part

25:38

out. Hold on What are you wearing? We're supposed

25:40

to be a grandma's in 20 minutes.

25:42

Sorry No,

25:46

you're not going to the retirement community dress as

25:48

a chicken not again Dad the people need to

25:50

know the crew stop filming me stop not filming.

25:52

Give me that my phone secret any longer I'm

25:55

so sorry the remote button seems

25:58

to be No,

26:00

that's it! There is only the chicken! Puk-puk-pun!

26:04

Next slide. Oh, okay, I see a

26:06

lot of you have your hands up, but I won't

26:08

be taking questions until the end. But I have so

26:10

many! Like, why does the chicken have

26:12

such a wide beak? And what's that

26:15

big, sloppy, red thing on its head?

26:17

And why is it wearing a cape?

26:19

Please, my fellow classmates, your curiosity

26:22

does you credit. It's not asking

26:24

questions that has led us

26:26

to this current state of

26:28

ignorance. But no longer will we

26:30

blindly accept these lies. Today,

26:33

I ask you to join me in

26:35

the light! Stand on your

26:37

desks and go! Okay, Odette, stop!

26:39

Stop! Get down! Mrs. McMillan, clearly

26:41

you didn't really do any research.

26:43

And instead, have once again taken

26:45

this opportunity to perform the Odette

26:47

Show. And yes, this whole thing

26:50

is quite creative and yes, far

26:52

more entertaining than hearing about, I

26:54

don't know, the sun. Hey! Sorry,

26:56

Kevin. Oh, I get it. But the

26:59

fact remains, Odette, that this was

27:01

the assignment. But Mrs. McMillan, unless

27:03

there is at least a shred

27:05

of science in the conclusion of

27:07

this video, then we should probably just call

27:09

it a day. Mrs. McMillan! Listen,

27:12

I know that I sometimes let

27:14

my imagination get the best of

27:16

me and I've been known to

27:19

take advantage of the creative leeway

27:21

you've so graciously given us. But

27:23

I promise you that the end

27:25

of this video will allay your

27:27

every fear. Well, that

27:30

was weirdly articulate. Okay,

27:33

Odette, I'll trust you. Thank

27:35

you. You won't regret it. As

27:38

I was saying, at just that

27:40

moment, the chicken took a deep

27:43

breath, bent over, and started spinning.

27:45

And as he was spinning planets and

27:47

rocks and stars and balls of gas

27:50

and all the matter of the universe

27:52

shot out of its giant norm

27:54

as blood! Oh,

27:56

Odette! I am the Universal Chicken

27:58

and I'm here! I'm here to tell

28:00

you that you are all living on

28:02

chicken poop. You always have and

28:05

you always will. Hey, Dez! So

28:07

our system... ...meers! I

28:10

said set the table, not dance on it for

28:12

one of your art projects. It's not art...

28:15

it's science. And I'm not, Odette.

28:17

I'm the pooping chicken of

28:19

life! Okay, lovely work

28:21

fight here. Chicken poop!

28:23

It's all poop! Your

28:27

mother is not gonna like this. HOOOOOOP!

28:30

And that, my friends, is how the

28:32

universe was really created. Not how the

28:34

scientists say it was. Thank

28:37

you. Okay,

28:39

I guess we'll call this assignment

28:41

an incom... Kevin? What

28:44

are you doing? Why are you climbing onto the

28:46

table? Whoo! Whoo! I

28:49

love you! I love you! Everyone,

28:51

get down! Huh?

28:54

Mrs. McMillan, may I have

28:56

a word? Oh, hello! Principal

28:58

Norman. Mrs. McMillan, be careful!

29:00

He's a dinosaur! I'm

29:02

sorry, what? Oh, it's

29:04

nothing. Odette, convince everyone you're

29:06

a dinosaur in disguise. Huh,

29:09

smart kid. Wait,

29:11

what? Principal math! AHH!

29:14

AHHH! AHHH! AHHH! I

29:17

told you this would happen in... The end!

29:22

And now, Lee speaks with the author. Hello?

29:26

Hi, is this Odette? Yeah. Hey,

29:29

Odette, it's Lee from Story Pirates.

29:31

Hi. How you doing? Good. What's

29:34

going on today? Anything interesting? Tomorrow,

29:36

I'm going to talk about

29:38

me being school captain. Oh,

29:40

really? What does that mean? I

29:42

talk at assemblies and stuff. And

29:44

so, what do you have to do to

29:46

become school captain? I have to

29:48

write a speech about why I would be

29:50

good at school captain and it has to

29:53

be one to two minutes long. Oh,

29:55

wow. And why would you be good at school

29:57

captain if you don't mind me asking? Well, I

29:59

really... I really like public speaking.

30:02

That's kind of funny because your story, The Big

30:04

Cluck, is like a speech. Yeah.

30:07

Do you have an idea of who's speaking in

30:09

your story? Is it you or is it a

30:11

character? I think it's me. Is

30:14

it like a version of you or do you believe

30:17

all of the things in your story? Um,

30:19

I believe all of the things in

30:21

my story. Really? Yeah. Does

30:24

that mean you also believe the universe came from

30:26

a chicken? Yes, I do believe

30:28

that. You do? Yes. So

30:31

tell me why it is that you believe that.

30:33

The Big Bang kind of seems

30:35

a bit weird to me, but

30:38

then the chicken thing kind of also

30:40

just makes complete sense. And

30:43

that we are all living on chicken poop.

30:45

Yes. Okay, so let's say

30:47

you were talking to someone who did

30:49

not agree that the universe came from

30:51

a chicken. What would you tell them

30:54

in order to prove it? I

30:56

would show them my chicken poop to

30:59

show them how much poop there is in there. It's

31:02

like diorama of the world. And

31:04

then maybe that would make them believe it. Do

31:07

you know the word theory? Yep, I've

31:09

heard of theories. Theories is like something

31:11

that you think happened and

31:14

that with evidence you make

31:16

an educated guess. That's what my

31:18

teacher says. And so at what

31:20

point does a theory turn into a fact?

31:23

When you have enough

31:25

evidence that it's clearly

31:27

what it is. Like

31:29

if you were like, Wombats have square poop and

31:32

I'd be like, prove it.

31:34

And you're like, here is the Wombats poop

31:36

in my hand. And I'd be like, oh,

31:38

wow. Yeah, you just proved

31:40

it. Yeah. I mean, I

31:42

don't wanna make you hold Wombat poop in your hand

31:45

or anything. I think I've probably

31:47

held poop in my hand

31:49

before. I probably have

31:51

to, honestly. Yes, we have

31:53

all held poop in our hands before. Odette,

31:56

this has been so fun to talk to you. Thank

31:58

you so much for... sending us

32:00

your story and letting us perform it.

32:02

Thank you for performing. You're so welcome.

32:05

Bye. Bye. And

32:09

now it's time for Story Pirates Roll Call.

32:12

Tell us your story. We love your

32:14

story. We read them all. We read

32:16

them all. You know

32:18

we love them. None of us

32:20

will solve these pirates roll call.

32:23

First up, 10-year-old Anna Joy and Candida

32:25

sent us a story called The Loon

32:27

Who Wants to Go to the Moon.

32:30

Now a loon is a kind of

32:32

bird that you probably see a lot

32:34

of in Canada. They are gorgeous, but

32:36

you're probably wondering why are they called

32:39

a loon? Do they have wacky ideas

32:41

or something? And indeed, yes,

32:43

that's what Anna Joy tells us in

32:45

her story. This loon wants to go

32:47

to the moon. All the other swans,

32:49

ducks, and geese say that it's impossible,

32:51

but this loon, since it is a

32:54

little loony, decides to do it

32:56

anyway. And the loon even

32:58

has its own theme song. Great work,

33:00

Anna Joy. Next up

33:02

from five-year-old Mackenzie in Australia, we have

33:04

a story called The World's Gone

33:06

Crazy, which is about a bunch of

33:09

friends who go down into a

33:11

cave and find mysterious gems that they

33:13

melt in a bucket above some

33:15

fire. But what they don't

33:17

realize is that by doing this,

33:19

they make the world go opposite.

33:21

Monster trucks fly and monster planes

33:23

are driving. There are pets in

33:26

the forest. And I

33:28

really agree with the final line of

33:30

this story. The world will never be

33:33

stopped. That's true. Thanks,

33:35

Mackenzie. And finally, from

33:37

Finn, an 11-year-old in

33:39

California, we have a story called

33:41

Gravity. And it's mostly

33:43

a true story about the person

33:46

who discovered Gravity, Sir Isaac Newton.

33:48

There is one little detail, though,

33:50

in the story that's not true

33:53

that I just love that

33:55

Finn added, and that is that

33:57

Isaac Newton lives in South

33:59

Detroit. Finn, keep up the

34:01

great work, my friend. To

34:04

read all of today's Roll

34:06

Call stories, head to storypirates.com/podcast.

34:10

That was Roll Call.

34:14

Now it's time for you to write us a story. And

34:16

if you don't know where to start, here's

34:18

the Story Spark to help you along. This

34:21

week we asked Eli, the author

34:23

of The Alien That Discovered Banana

34:25

Bread, the following question. If

34:28

you could combine two animals, what

34:30

two animals would you combine? I

34:32

would combine an alligator

34:35

and a

34:37

giraffe. And why

34:40

would you combine those two? Maybe

34:43

because it would kind of be

34:45

like silly that like a giraffe

34:47

had a crocodile's head and

34:50

the crocodile would have such a

34:52

long neck and it

34:54

would be able to like swim. And

34:57

it would eat meat and

34:59

leaves. So

35:01

kids, what's your answer to that

35:03

question? And can you use your

35:05

answer as inspiration for a brand

35:07

new story? Grownups can

35:09

submit kids' stories at storypirates.com

35:12

and remember, we respond to every single

35:15

story we receive. That's

35:23

it for today's episode. Thanks for listening

35:25

and a big thanks to today's authors,

35:27

Eli and Odette. We'll be

35:29

back next week with another episode.

35:32

Until then, stay creative and stay

35:34

kind. Bye! The

35:39

Story Pirates Podcast is a production of

35:42

Story Pirates Studios, executive

35:44

produced by Leigh Overtree and

35:46

Benjamin Salka. This episode was

35:48

produced by Sam Bear, McKenna

35:50

Cox, Minzwe Karami, Peter McNerney,

35:52

Andrew Miller, and Leigh Overtree.

35:54

Recording, sound design, and mixing by Sam Bear

35:56

at the Relic Room in New York City.

36:00

song was written by Bobby Lord

36:02

and produced by Sam Bear, Bobby

36:04

Lord, Jack Mitchell and Brendan O'Grady.

36:06

Roll call theme by Andrew Barbado.

36:08

Musical scoring by Jack Mitchell and

36:10

Eric Kirsten. Our head

36:12

writer is Minhsui Karami. Contributing writers

36:15

are Peter McNerney, Leo Retri and

36:17

Alexis Simpson. Special guest,

36:19

Zach Cherry. This

36:27

episode features performances by

36:29

Eric Austin, Sasha Diamond,

36:31

Eric Kirsten, Tara Halpern,

36:33

Gabby Hornick, Rachel Durovsky,

36:35

Quentin Johnson, April LaValle,

36:38

Cassie Layton, Anna Mar,

36:40

Angelo McDonough, Peter McNerney,

36:42

Alexandra Nader, Megan O'Neil,

36:44

Emily Olcott, Leo Retri,

36:46

Dominic Russo, Peter Russo,

36:48

Jamie Watson, Rachel Wienicki,

36:50

Mimi Wier and Matt

36:52

Simbrona. The Alien That

36:54

Discovered Banana Bread was written and produced by

36:57

Eric Erson with vocal direction by Jack

36:59

Mitchell. Have

37:07

you or someone you know been emotionally

37:09

injured by a bandmate who said your

37:11

lyrics lacked depth? If so, you may

37:13

be entitled to compensation. We'll make sure

37:15

that your bandmate knows that he just

37:17

doesn't get your lyrics and that it

37:19

would totally resonate with lots of other

37:21

people. We won't stop until we prove

37:23

beyond a reasonable doubt that, of course,

37:26

his girlfriend would side with him and

37:28

that there's no world in which she

37:30

should be considered an impartial judge or

37:32

representative of the general public. Besides, it's

37:34

totally obvious to everyone that she doesn't

37:36

like you no matter how many times your

37:38

bandmate says it's all in your head. I

37:40

mean literally everyone saw Janine skip right over

37:43

me when she handed out cookies to everyone

37:45

else. Just because nobody said anything doesn't mean

37:47

that it didn't happen. Janine! Anyway,

37:50

call the officers of Leonard Skynard and

37:52

we'll get you the cookies you rightfully

37:54

deserve today! Call 5-5-5-Play Freebird for your

37:56

free consultation and 17 minutes Saturday. Call

37:58

now. Yes,

38:03

another gutter ball.