0:00

All right, guys, time now for today's Strawberry

0:03

Letter. And if you need advice on relationships,

0:05

dating, work, sex, parenting, and more.

0:07

Please submit your Strawberry Letter to Steve

0:10

HARVEYFM dot com and

0:12

click submit Strawberry Letter. We could

0:14

be reading your letter live on the air,

0:16

just like we're going to read this one right here, right

0:19

now. Bugle up and hold

0:21

on tight. We got it for you. Here. It is Strawberry

0:24

Letter. Subject my wife made

0:26

sure my son hates me.

0:29

Dear Stephen Shirley, I'm going to

0:32

jump right on in. I cheated

0:34

on my wife two years ago with a

0:36

woman that constantly threatened

0:38

to call my wife when she didn't get

0:41

what she wanted. This one on two

0:43

years until I ran out of money and

0:46

decided to end the affair. This

0:48

woman called my wife a few days later.

0:51

I was out cutting the yard when

0:53

my wife when she called

0:55

my house and my wife answered. I walked

0:57

in and my wife was on the speakerphone

1:00

listening to my side chick with

1:03

my son sitting there listening to

1:05

everything. He was twelve years

1:07

old at the time, and I made him

1:09

leave the room, but he had already

1:11

heard enough. My relationship

1:13

with him was ruined. After that day,

1:16

my home life was terrible too, so

1:18

I moved out after my wife served

1:20

me with divorce papers. We

1:24

are in the process of discussing who

1:26

will get custody of our son, and

1:28

I haven't seen him in months. His

1:30

mother is brainwatched him to think I'm a no

1:32

good cheeter and liar. She

1:35

has him in the middle of grown folks business,

1:37

and when we talk, she's always

1:39

on speakerphone so my son can hear

1:41

all of the conversation. She sends

1:44

me text messages with our son on the

1:46

text thread, and she's usually calling

1:48

me names and cursing me out.

1:51

She's brought up all kinds of things that have happened

1:53

in our marriage, and my son doesn't need to

1:55

know all of that. I'm dying to

1:57

see him, so I sent him a text

2:00

asking him to have dinner with me one day.

2:02

Soon, he sent me the

2:05

most disrespectful reply a

2:07

child could send a father. I

2:09

wanted to go snatch him up real quick,

2:11

but I can't. This is not

2:14

the boy I raised. He needs

2:16

his father back in his life. How

2:18

can I reverse all of this brainwashing?

2:21

Please advise? Well,

2:23

I don't know if you're gonna be able to do that. And I have

2:25

to say this, Everything in this letter is just

2:27

terrible. Everything in this letter, I

2:30

mean, you cheat it for the lamest

2:32

excuse ever, I mean,

2:34

in the history of cheating. Just say you

2:37

cheated or wanted to cheat. Cheating because

2:39

this woman was gonna call your wife if

2:41

you didn't cheat with her is about the

2:43

stupidest thing ever, I mean. And

2:45

then you cheated with her for two years.

2:49

She scared you for two years. Okay,

2:52

that's just dumb. You

2:55

know you should have told your wife about the

2:57

threats when they started, and then

2:59

call the woman's bluff and not cheat

3:01

it since she ended up calling your wife anyway,

3:04

you know. I also, this is

3:07

what I don't hear in this letter. I don't

3:09

hear any remorse from you. I hear no

3:11

remorse from you about what you did. I

3:13

mean, did you try to fix it, did you try

3:15

to apologize, did you try anything

3:18

anything? I mean? And of course

3:20

your wife wanted to hurt you, and

3:22

she knows your son is the way to

3:24

get at you. I mean, what she

3:26

did is beyond wrong. What she did

3:29

is beyond wrong.

3:31

There's no way your son should have been in the

3:33

middle. As you say, grown folks business. If

3:35

she needed an ally, she could have talked to another

3:38

adult. You know, she tainted

3:41

the boy now, made herself look like a victim,

3:43

and yeah, made you hate

3:45

him, made your son

3:47

hate you and disrespect you. I'm

3:49

not blaming your wife. I'm not blaming her

3:52

for anything. This is your fault. This

3:54

is you. And of course your son

3:57

doesn't want to see his mom hurt and going through

3:59

because of you. People

4:01

get divorced every day and parents

4:03

do get joint custody of a kid, so hopefully

4:06

during the divorce that'll work itself out.

4:08

But yeah, you, sir, created

4:11

all of this because of your cheating. Now

4:14

the family's broken. But you got to get to

4:16

your son some kind of way. You got to

4:19

apologize to him. You gotta

4:21

do something. You got to talk to your

4:23

son and not

4:25

say anything bad about his mom like

4:27

you tried to, you know, allude to in

4:29

the letter. None of that. I don't

4:32

agree with anything she's done either, And

4:34

your son has already damaged by what she

4:36

did, you know, letting him hear everything. So

4:39

you gotta get to a counselor. You got to talk to

4:41

him, a therapist of pastor Jesus, someone

4:44

to heal this relationship hopefully,

4:46

like I said, the divorce. When you get that, when

4:48

you get custody, you know, he can

4:50

begin to understand that you do love

4:52

him. Steve.

4:56

See, I don't think this is

4:58

a letter at all about

5:00

reconciliation. I

5:03

don't think it is at all. And

5:05

I think the man came

5:07

right on when he said, I'm gonna just jump right

5:09

on it. I cheated on my

5:11

wife two years ago. He already

5:14

noticed his fault. I'm

5:18

just saying he know it. This is his fault

5:21

with a woman who constantly threatened

5:23

to call my wife when she didn't get what she wanted.

5:26

See, now that's not a threat. If

5:28

you don't stay with me, I'm gonna call your wife. It

5:30

could be anything she wanted, because

5:33

he said it like he was buying her stuff,

5:36

getting her stuff, probably helping her, you

5:38

know, with the bills and all this hidden. When she don't

5:40

get something, she won't her way

5:43

or him to come over at a certain time, then

5:45

I'm gonna threaten to call your wife. This

5:47

went on for two years, and

5:49

this is the killer part, he says, until I

5:52

read out of money and decided

5:54

to end the affair. See,

5:57

this affair was based around the

5:59

money he was given the

6:01

mistress. So when the mistress

6:03

couldn't get what she wants and

6:06

I'll need this, you need to buy me that, dear shit,

6:08

threatened to call the wife. He kept it going

6:11

for two years. He

6:13

liked a little sideline stuff, but

6:15

it was costing him too much, so then he decided

6:17

to end the affair. What

6:20

what should He didn't have to do

6:22

any of this. I'm

6:25

cheating with the woman. He was

6:27

buying the stuff she wanted more. When he

6:29

didn't have the money to give or won't, she threatened to call

6:31

him. He tried to keep it until he ran out

6:34

of money. All right, what we'll

6:36

come back with per two of your response, girl

6:39

at twenty three minutes after straightened

6:42

the letter in her out come on back

6:45

straightened him out. He needs my

6:47

ex wife made sure my son hates

6:49

me? Is the subject. We'll be back right after

6:52

this. You're listening Morning

6:55

show? All right, Come on, Steve, Let's recap

6:58

today's strawberry letter. The subject might ex

7:00

wife made my son hate me? All

7:03

right? Man writes a letter and said he gonna

7:05

jump right on it. Cheated on his wife two

7:07

years ago. He admitted that he know he wronged

7:11

with the woman that constantly threatened to call

7:13

my wife when she didn't get what she wanted.

7:16

That could be I want you to come over now. That

7:18

could be I want a new dress. That could be

7:20

I want you to fix my car. That could

7:22

be I need help with these bills. It could be anything

7:25

she wanted, but she would threaten to call

7:27

a wife. Now. He tried to keep it up, and

7:29

he said this went on for two years until

7:32

I ran out of money. And

7:35

I said, man, now I got to end this affair

7:38

because that affair he was in, it

7:40

might have been sexual, but it was tied to money.

7:43

Sugar Daddy ran out of silker,

7:47

he just dadded now. So

7:50

that's what happened. I was out cutting

7:52

the yard when she called my house and my wife answered.

7:55

Walked in. Wife on the speaker phone listening to

7:57

my side. Chick, he know he wrong. Myself

8:00

was sitting there listening to everything. He was twelve years old

8:02

at the time, and I made him leave

8:04

the room, but he had already heard enough. My

8:07

relationship when him was ruined. After

8:09

that day, my home life was

8:12

terrible too, so I moved out

8:14

after my wife served me with divorce papers.

8:17

So This isn't about a reconciliation.

8:19

It's over. He caused it, his

8:21

fault, bad hit the problem.

8:24

We are in the process of discussion who

8:26

will get custody of our son dog.

8:29

You're not getting custody. You

8:32

could get joint custody.

8:35

You know you might get knocked down the visitation,

8:37

but you're not getting custody. You can stop this

8:39

argument right now. I

8:41

haven't seen him in months. His mother

8:43

has brainwashed him to think I'm a no good

8:46

cheetah and liar. She has him

8:48

in the middle of grown folks business, and when we talk,

8:50

she's always on speaking phones, so my son can

8:52

hear all of the conversation. Sherley

8:55

and I both agree she's wrong for this.

8:58

I'm gonna tell you at the end, sends me text

9:00

messages with our son on the text thread.

9:03

Oh she wrong, man,

9:06

But I'm gonna tell you why she's doing this too, calling

9:08

your names and cussing me out. She's brought off all

9:11

kinds of things that happened in I marriaging my son. Don't

9:13

need to know all that. I'm dying to see him,

9:15

so when I sent him a text asking to have dinner

9:17

with me one day soon, he sent

9:19

me the most disrespectful reply a

9:22

child could send a father. I

9:25

want to go snatch him up real quick, but I can't.

9:27

This is not the boy I raise. He

9:30

needs his father back in his life. How can

9:32

I reverse all the brainwashing? Please advise?

9:35

Well, she here's a deal. She

9:37

has accomplished what she wanted to do.

9:40

But here's the problem. She won, but

9:43

he lost. Not

9:46

you have lost. Her son

9:49

has lost because she not only

9:51

does she not have a husband, but now

9:54

she got her son thinking he ain't got a father.

9:56

And it don't have to be because here's

9:59

my opinion in this old thing, when

10:03

your husband doesn't

10:05

prove to be a great husband, it

10:09

doesn't mean that he's not a

10:11

good father. Those

10:14

are two different roles completely,

10:18

And when I say that, I'm meaning

10:20

that the two roles can be separated

10:23

and each can be performed extremely

10:26

well. You can be a great

10:28

husband and never have any children. You

10:32

can be a great father, but you don't

10:34

necessarily make you a great husband.

10:37

So the man is not a great husband, got

10:39

that, But that don't mean he ain't

10:42

a great father. But

10:44

as a scorn woman or man,

10:47

tying the two together only

10:50

hurts the child. The childish

10:52

crust. Oh, you're whipping the father's behind.

10:55

But do you know that, you know in the long

10:58

run, that man is still a man

11:00

no matter what you say about him. But

11:02

you are hindering your son's

11:05

development into manhood because

11:08

the one person that can teach him how to be

11:10

a man, you've discredited him

11:13

because he wasn't a good husband. See,

11:17

y'all just wasn't it for each other? For

11:19

whatever the reason was. He wrong for cheating

11:21

one hundred percent.

11:24

But because he's not a good husband, don't

11:26

make him not a good father. So

11:29

now you brainwashed the child into hating

11:31

his own father, and you win. But

11:33

guess what your child loses. And

11:37

y'all got to stop that is, if

11:40

you are out there, you have to stop

11:42

that. If you are in the process

11:44

of using your child as upon and your divorce

11:47

or your relationship, you have to

11:49

stop that. I am

11:51

speaking from experience.

11:53

You have to stop that. It's

11:57

not for you to do this to this boy,

12:00

because I have news for you. One

12:02

day, this boy's gonna grow up and

12:05

he gonna know the truth. And as

12:07

this boy grows up, this boy's

12:09

gonna make mistakes of his own and

12:11

he's gonna start to understand that

12:14

mistakes happen in life. But

12:16

because he wasn't a great husband to you

12:19

don't mean that he wasn't a great father to this

12:21

boy. And you're doing nothing but damaging

12:23

the board. And they tell you all the time.

12:26

Listen, I don't let my children

12:29

hear me say nothing about their mother's disparaging

12:32

nothing. Oh I could, but

12:35

I don't now them.

12:37

On the other hand, Oh, they ain't done me, done

12:40

me like like like a damn book.

12:43

But guess what, At the end,

12:45

the truth comes out hanging that dog. I

12:48

support the man in this letter. I

12:51

supports the child. All

12:55

right, well, wow, okay,

12:58

Well we'll continue this conversation

13:00

when we come back. My ex wife made

13:02

sure my son hates me. Steve and I agree

13:04

on that that that is definitely wrong and

13:07

we have some personal experiences to talk

13:09

about when we come back. All right,

13:12

after this, you're listening to

13:14

the Steven Show. All

13:16

right, Steve, this this Strawberry letter was

13:20

was interesting. My ex wife mate, sure

13:22

my son hates me. Um, you

13:25

know, I mean we can relate to it. We

13:27

can relate to it. We've both been divorced on

13:29

the show, Um, you know. Full

13:31

disclosure Um, my first

13:33

marriage didn't go well,

13:36

didn't end well, but we had a beautiful child

13:38

out of that relationship. And you

13:40

know, I'm not ashamed to admit

13:42

um that I was very bitter. I was

13:45

very very bitter when we broke up. Um

13:48

Uh, you know, you get to a dark place.

13:50

Sometimes you're angry, you're bitter, all

13:53

of this, and um, you know I

13:55

was on the radio. I was on the radio in LA. A lot

13:57

of people who listened during that time probably

14:00

well hopefully they don't remember. It was so long ago,

14:02

but yeah, I used to bad man. I

14:05

used to really bad mom my ex husband

14:08

on the air constantly because

14:11

you know, something would happen that

14:13

it would remind me or you know, trigger

14:15

me or something like that, and I just go in,

14:18

you know, or say one thing, Yeah, call him a

14:20

dead beat dad or whatever whatever, and

14:23

just just not a good look. You know, when

14:26

you look back and you look back from now,

14:28

what you think, Oh, it was horrible.

14:30

I mean I had to stop myself. You know, you grow,

14:33

you change, people change, they do. I

14:36

had to forgive him that. It started with that

14:38

forgiveness, because forgiveness

14:41

is not for the other person. We talk about

14:43

that a lot on the show, Forgiveness is for You. Once

14:45

I forgave him, then

14:47

I could start to heal. And I stopped,

14:49

and I apologized on the air. I apologized

14:52

to him for saying that because we had a child, I

14:54

never wanted her to grow up. And you know have

14:56

people saying, well, your mom used to do this, talk

14:59

about your I've never wanted that. You

15:01

know mine ain't feel that way.

15:08

But you wouldn't do that. You're

15:10

too much of a gentleman to do that. Well,

15:12

I would never talk about

15:15

my sons and daughters

15:17

mothers in a disparaging way

15:19

publicly. I would never do that. You

15:22

know. I have my comments away

15:24

in my own personal life because

15:27

I'm human, but never on the app. Because

15:29

I taught my sons. I raised

15:32

my sons to honor them mothers like

15:34

I was raised to honor mine and

15:36

to defend her at all costs. I

15:39

can't they can't see me talking about it. And then

15:41

I asked them not to honor them. But

15:44

you know my ex. Yeah,

15:47

but my ex went on a complete and

15:49

total smear campaign out

15:52

of out of her anger and score for

15:54

years, I understand, for years,

15:58

I mean just attack of attack, attack,

16:01

Yeah,

16:03

and you know I thank god I had

16:06

Marjorie, you know, a strong

16:08

woman who knew me. Yeah, I could say

16:10

no. All right. Coming up at

16:12

the top of the hour, we're going to talk about

16:14

the moment we realized that we've

16:17

turned into our parents. Oh

16:19

boy, we'll talk about that right after

16:21

this. You're listening to the

16:23

Dame Harvey Morning Show.