0:00

I came back and from work

0:02

and I and I had noticed on the deputy pillar

0:04

they all all this makeup and I think that's

0:06

strange. as I got into bed and I unfolded

0:08

to the duvet, the makeup was

0:11

everywhere on the duvet, and then I was,

0:13

you know, to see panicked to this point.

0:15

I've just stripped the bed off and there's a big v

0:17

sign drawn in my mattress.

0:33

I'm Jamie Bibby.

0:34

And I'm Jake Diptula. On today's

0:36

episode of Strictly Stock, and we're speaking with Shelly.

0:38

who's being stalked by her ex boyfriend.

0:40

After Shelly broke up with her boyfriend, he

0:42

used an extra set of keys to enter her

0:44

flat when she wasn't home to place things

0:46

around that would remind her of him. He

0:48

would also leave lights on, eat her

0:50

food, move things around in the cupboards,

0:52

and steal her mail.

0:53

Shelly began seeing her ex boyfriend on daily

0:55

basis going the opposite way on the road

0:57

she took to work.

0:58

When she changed her phone number, she found

1:00

out he had linked her phone to his car. and

1:03

was listening to her phone calls and checking her

1:05

messages.

1:05

Shelly changed the locks on her flat, but he

1:07

continued to break in. She found

1:09

a dress that she had worn on date laid out

1:11

on her bed after putting it away.

1:13

After months of being stopped, Shelly

1:15

went to the police with photos and a trainee

1:17

police officer was assigned to helper.

1:19

Her stalker was arrested, but when he was released,

1:21

the incidents got even worse than before.

1:23

Shelly got an alarm system and twenty four

1:25

hour surveillance cameras. but is moving and

1:28

is in hiding for her safety. She's

1:29

here to share her experience of living life

1:31

and fear from

1:32

her stalker. Shelly, thank you so much for

1:34

joining us today. You're

1:35

very welcome. Thank you for having me on.

1:37

Tell us

1:37

a little bit about where you grew up.

1:39

So I grew up in sorry.

1:42

In well, I'm from the UK. So

1:44

in sorry. which is a green

1:46

leafy part of the world. So I was very,

1:48

very lucky at a great childhood. I remember

1:50

having a lot of fun going on a lot of family holidays,

1:54

Yeah. A lot of nice memories spending

1:56

time with family and friends. I was very

1:58

sporty. So from a young age,

1:59

I was involved in competitive sports

2:02

I used to run. I used to play NetFort County.

2:05

So I've made a lot of friends through that,

2:07

so it's very lucky. But

2:08

think as a as a young person, you enjoy

2:10

what you're good at came naps me to me. I

2:13

tried out for teens and I was included in those

2:15

teens. So, yeah, then it just

2:17

became part of my social life. What

2:19

did you wanna be when you were kid? I

2:22

always wanted to go to the Olympics. That was my

2:24

dream. And I wanted to

2:26

be a PE teacher. My mom was a teacher,

2:28

so I always thought, you know, dance teacher.

2:31

After high school, I worked for a energy

2:33

drink company. So I went into marketing.

2:36

I had, you know, I traveled. I

2:38

looked after lots of bars and clubs.

2:40

It was kind of the best job to have when

2:42

you were twenty one. What

2:44

was life like right before you

2:46

met the boyfriend that would later become your soccer?

2:49

Well, we were kind of in COVID. So

2:51

life was quite restricted. I was seeing,

2:53

you know, I had a little bubble and

2:55

I was seeing my best friend and my

2:59

family, my mom and dad. It was very

3:01

we were all very isolated, so

3:03

it was quite restrictive. A lot

3:05

of I think

3:07

social media, you know, we became our friends.

3:09

We were doing quiz nights with friends

3:11

and WhatsApp groups and

3:13

Facebook. I think not

3:15

everyone using the tools that we had to kind of

3:17

stay in touch with our loved ones. So And

3:20

how did you end up meeting this guy?

3:23

I met him on the, yeah, dating site

3:25

--

3:26

Yeah. -- which

3:27

I probably would not recommend to women now.

3:30

What was it that drew to him on

3:33

the dating site?

3:34

I think, you know, he I think

3:36

it well, initially, you only have a photo to go

3:38

on, and he looked kind,

3:41

friendly approachable as well as, you know,

3:43

I guess, you know, quite good looking at the

3:45

time. So that was initially what

3:48

drew me to him. And then

3:52

we started talking, and he called

3:54

me quite quickly. We were off the dating site looking

3:56

and having phone calls and texting, and

3:58

he was doing everything.

3:59

You know? He said he'd call. He

4:02

called. He'd say text. He'd text. And a lot

4:04

of guys don't do that.

4:05

What kind of things were you talking about

4:07

when you first started

4:09

talking on the app?

4:10

Just about backgrounds, just to work,

4:13

and friends and what we we like to do.

4:15

I mean, III

4:18

wanted to kind of meet him quite quickly just

4:20

to see if he was genuine and see who

4:22

he was. So think you can you know,

4:24

I've been I've been on there for a while, and a lot

4:26

of guys are just there to have a chat on a Sunday.

4:28

And I just thought,

4:29

okay, if he if this person's serious.

4:31

he's gonna wanna meet in real life. So

4:34

And

4:34

how long were you talking before you met

4:36

in real life? Maybe

4:37

about a month. Yeah.

4:40

How

4:40

much do you feel you knew about him in that

4:42

month of chatting before you met up?

4:45

Well,

4:45

now it turns out, you know, nothing that

4:47

he said was true about himself. So

4:49

not much. But at

4:51

the time, I felt that, you know, he'd been

4:54

he'd

4:55

been pretty open and honest about himself.

4:57

We

4:57

were just keeping it very general,

5:00

very open, you know, just about his work, just

5:02

about, you know, he talks about his family, talked

5:05

about just just yeah.

5:08

Normal, you know, as opposed to, you can't get

5:10

to what's normal, but I felt quite normal. conversation

5:13

because it's, you know, you're trying to gauge if that what

5:15

kind of background that person's got and if you're

5:18

on the same page.

5:20

What had your online dating experience

5:22

been like up to that point before you met

5:24

him? Oh,

5:25

I had previously

5:27

dated online, but taken a big

5:29

break. So I was just coming back to it.

5:32

Oh, goodness. I admit I admit married men.

5:34

I admit you know, admit or, you know,

5:36

I think, like, most people good and bad and ugly

5:39

experiences. Nothing like this.

5:41

But, yeah, it it I think,

5:44

you know, there's good and bad and everything. When

5:46

you finally met up with him,

5:49

what was that like? What was your first impression

5:51

how he loved her. He talked.

5:54

You know, he was very charismatic. He was

5:56

dressed very well. He was very open

5:59

and approachable.

5:59

oh

6:01

looking back on it now, he shared

6:03

with me some very personal information and

6:06

that is a red flag because, you know,

6:09

he overshared to to gain

6:11

my trust, I feel. But,

6:13

yeah, he was he's yeah.

6:15

He he, as I said, very charismatic, very

6:18

yeah. he

6:19

listened a lot.

6:21

He seemed very interested in

6:23

me, and I think that's what, you know, very

6:25

narcissistic trait, isn't it? They're trying to glean

6:27

as much information

6:29

out of you as they can. It's

6:31

a lot of ICONsats. And what

6:33

was the first meeting like? What did you

6:35

do? How long did it last? Yeah.

6:38

We met we went for a walk because

6:40

it

6:40

was still COVID restriction, so we just

6:42

went for a walk in a park. It was

6:44

all outdoors. know? because

6:47

I I wanna yeah, we couldn't we

6:49

couldn't really do much. We were bound by restrictions

6:51

and also, you know, I wanted to meet in a public place,

6:53

so I wanted to feel safe. So there was

6:55

all of that aspect of

6:56

it as well.

6:57

So Yeah. We probably lost

6:59

it about

7:00

forty minutes or so. What

7:02

were some of the things that you feel now looking

7:04

back that he was oversharing?

7:07

he shared about

7:08

his his his father's death, which

7:10

is a very personal thing to share. And

7:12

I mean, now

7:13

I just think he just wouldn't do that.

7:15

Would you wanna stop you met someone for the first time.

7:17

It was very graphic, very detailed, very,

7:20

you know. And at the time, I didn't

7:22

really think anything of but now looking back,

7:24

I just think he wanted me to

7:26

trust him, like him, feel

7:30

you know,

7:31

comfortable. And he wanted

7:33

me to meet them to open up to

7:35

him. Did

7:36

you feel more confident of putting up with him?

7:39

I mean, I didn't share anything like that, but I definitely

7:41

felt, oh, you know, this I I definitely I

7:45

felt an instant connection which is obviously

7:47

what he wanted me to feel. and

7:49

I and I felt comfortable

7:51

in his company, again,

7:53

which is what he wanted me to feel. It's

7:56

definitely, you know, I think these

7:58

these people are trained professionals in

7:59

what they do. So it's kinda now looking back.

8:02

I can see it as a textbook you

8:04

know, road and a

8:06

path he was leading me down. When

8:08

was the next time you heard from him

8:10

after that first meeting?

8:13

Oh, you know, he was he he was very

8:16

in the beginning texting me all the time,

8:18

calling me all the time to organize the next

8:20

stage and, you know, very very keen

8:22

to to to get things in motion.

8:26

So

8:26

then, yeah, that I mean, after

8:28

the day, I hope, you know, text me, called me

8:30

saying how great it was to see you. Let's

8:33

me up again. So

8:34

I think we went through a walk, another

8:37

walk in another week or two weeks

8:39

or so. It

8:40

wasn't very similar to the first time you

8:42

hung out where he was oversharing a lot

8:44

or were you starting to have feelings

8:46

by this point?

8:48

he was again sharing a lot of shared

8:50

about his his mom's illness and things

8:52

like that. I'm I'm I'm

8:55

adopted, so I was telling him about that.

8:58

But that's that's well known. You know, it's

9:00

not a secret as, you know,

9:03

my my mom and dad are white. You can't maybe

9:05

people can't I think there's no camera, but

9:07

I'm black and, like, you know, I'm I'm

9:09

put up to the translation adoption. So

9:12

it's very it's

9:14

it's not it's not something that I hide. But,

9:18

yeah, I talked to talked a little bit about

9:21

that. You know, he was asking questions

9:23

about that for sure. When

9:24

did things start progressing after those first

9:27

couple of walks? Yeah.

9:28

So we we had those first couple of

9:30

dates, and then he was moving in

9:32

with a friend. So

9:34

I'm I met him in October and we

9:38

had our first proper dates, dinner

9:40

dates in December, that

9:42

December. So good two two months.

9:45

Yeah. And then we, you know, really

9:47

would have been like boyfriend and girlfriend by there

9:50

for sure. In

9:51

those two months, did you see any

9:53

red flags or anything?

9:56

I

9:56

get looking back on it, you can always think, well,

9:58

you know, he was bombarding me with messages all

10:01

the time. which is, you

10:03

know, and if he didn't hear from me, he'd be like,

10:05

where are you? Because I teach I mean, at the

10:07

time, I was teaching a lot online.

10:09

And obviously, my phone would be off.

10:11

And he would be like, well, you know, to this hasty

10:13

stranger, you've disappeared and things like that, which

10:16

at the time were quite jodgy, but now

10:18

you know, it got when we were in a

10:20

proper

10:20

relationship, that got quite aggressive,

10:23

actually. It was very

10:25

controlling. So that was a, you know, warnings.

10:27

You know, those were little red flags in the beginning

10:30

that got

10:31

progressively worse. And

10:33

how did things escalate after

10:36

the dinner date? So

10:38

he was staying here a lot. He worked nights

10:40

and started staying here in my flats.

10:42

And it, you know,

10:45

he

10:45

was coming after after work,

10:47

which now I don't even

10:48

know if he was at work. I

10:51

don't think a lot of the things he said were

10:53

actually true. but at the time he was coming

10:55

after work

10:57

and we were going out

10:59

every

10:59

couple of weeks. Yeah.

11:02

So, yeah, things seemed pretty

11:04

normal. He was trying to you know,

11:07

he

11:07

came on a quiz with my friends. He was

11:09

kinda be involved in my life. He went to, you

11:11

know, another red he wanted to meet

11:12

people very quickly, if I was

11:15

ever on the phone with someone, he would always you

11:17

know, want to be introduced to that person, want

11:19

to know everything about them. But

11:21

that was never reciprocated on the other side,

11:24

you know, there

11:25

was, I think,

11:27

one friend that he had, that

11:29

he mentioned, and it was I

11:32

never, you know, I never got into

11:34

No.

11:35

I don't I don't actually think he had any friend.

11:37

So who knows?

11:39

What did your friends think about him?

11:41

Well, because it could've been no one really met

11:43

him for such a long time. I mean, people spoke to

11:45

him on the phone, people saw him on,

11:47

we did the quiz, the video chat, they didn't

11:50

get to meet him for quite a long time.

11:52

I actually think if there hadn't been

11:54

COVID, things would have unraveled

11:56

a lot quicker because I would had friends, families,

11:58

opinions a lot sooner. So

12:01

I think that because we were in our own

12:03

bubble, he

12:04

the he was able to

12:06

keep the mask on for a lot longer.

12:09

How long into the relationship did

12:11

things start to change? I

12:14

note that, you know, looking back, there were certain

12:16

red flags of I've gone to his

12:18

apartment and they were women's products in

12:20

the bathroom. that never made it to my

12:22

my flat when he moved in with me. So there

12:24

were little the little signs that there were other women

12:27

throughout the relationship, which I

12:29

the I

12:30

picked up one again, but I just,

12:33

you know, you don't wanna believe these things.

12:35

At

12:35

what point in the relationship, did

12:37

you guys move in together?

12:40

I'd say about eight months.

12:42

So quite again, quite

12:43

quickly. And and again, you know, even

12:45

my mom says, you didn't want him to move in. You

12:47

didn't want him to move in. he just

12:50

I was manipulated into that

12:53

now

12:53

looking back on it. It's not something I kind

12:55

of wanted, but it happened. This

12:57

is very minute producer. And

13:00

he ended up moving in

13:02

and that

13:03

was when things

13:04

really are supposed unraveled.

13:07

he was gaslighting

13:08

me and with the whole

13:11

situation just escalated.

13:14

If anyone's been involved in

13:16

a

13:16

narcissistic relationship. You don't you know,

13:18

you they're wrong fitting you all the time, and

13:20

you're second guessing yourself, and you're questioning

13:23

things, and it's all to keep you under

13:25

their control. know, he'd high

13:27

things from me and then suddenly he'd

13:29

find them.

13:31

Just as a little an an example.

13:34

and he he and he was using projection

13:36

all the time saying, you know,

13:39

you're you're gonna ruin this relationship because

13:41

you're questioning me on this and that and talking

13:43

about other people. And he talked about

13:45

a friend all the time that was always cheating and

13:47

always doing this. And in the end, it was him,

13:49

you know? Were

13:51

you confronting him about the

13:53

other girls and, you know, things that were upsetting

13:55

you?

13:56

Yeah. In kind in

13:58

in the end, I did. Yeah.

14:00

In the end, it was just it was just a game that

14:02

he was playing with me. And he was

14:04

just, you you know, it was almost you

14:06

could see he was kinda laughing. behind

14:10

all of the it was like a

14:12

mask. It was it was a game

14:14

that he's seeing how far he could push me and how what

14:16

I believe and not believe.

14:18

Anyone who's kind of living with it's it's

14:20

a very

14:21

strange high

14:22

rate you're trying to navigate and and walk

14:24

around, you know. and I think he

14:27

was just trying to control me. But

14:29

because I'm quite strong personality, I

14:31

kind of I I wreck knives what he was doing

14:33

in the end, and I just thought, you know, well, no, I've got

14:35

to get out of this. What

14:37

was it like coming home for you every

14:39

day to

14:40

see him there? because

14:41

he worked nights. He was coming in at different

14:43

times, and I think that was it what I you know, I'm

14:45

quite quite an intuitive

14:47

person, and I just realized that he he was

14:49

he wasn't where he said he was gonna be. he

14:52

wasn't going where, you know, he'd teed me, oh, I'm going

14:54

to the gym and then he wasn't dressed for the

14:56

gym

14:57

or he'd have a bad, you know,

14:59

with clothes to go somewhere else. And I'm thinking

15:01

this guy isn't, you

15:03

know, this story isn't adding up. So

15:05

I was always kind of I

15:07

had a sort of nervous energy. It was making me

15:09

ill. And then my friends were kind of saying to me, well,

15:11

aren't you asking him this? Why aren't you,

15:14

you know, and he'd always have some elaborate

15:16

excuse or an elaborate reason. And

15:19

then in the end, I just sort of

15:21

confronted him and then

15:23

that was when everything sort of escalated and,

15:26

you know, it

15:27

was auditioning

15:28

for another me and back on dating

15:30

sites and things like that.

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17:32

Tell

17:33

us how

17:34

that all came about when you confronted

17:37

him that final time and you

17:39

knew that relationship was over

17:42

Yeah. He we we'd kind of organized

17:44

it a date night. I had not seen him for two weeks.

17:46

he he don't know. He was saying he was

17:48

working, but he you know, again,

17:51

he was obviously out dating other other women

17:53

women. He's meant to come to

17:55

my sister's birthday,

17:56

and

17:57

he was coming up to a certain point, and

17:59

he was meant to ask

17:59

his manager, and then he's, you know, again,

18:02

let me down. He stood he stood

18:04

me up, like, kind of he was saying he was

18:06

coming to events with friends, and then he

18:08

he did he sent screenshots of oh,

18:10

you know, I've had to do this at work and, you

18:12

know, that kind of thing. So

18:15

we've gone out on the on the date night

18:17

and he he made an excuse of going

18:19

to the shop. to get something.

18:21

And I've called him because I've I've been like, oh, can

18:23

you get this and his phone was engaged? And

18:26

I was just I just sort of, like, had it by then. I was

18:28

like, we're obviously phoning someone else And

18:30

he was like, oh, you know, it's all

18:32

in your head. It's all in your head. This is this is this

18:34

is how this relationship's gonna end because,

18:37

you

18:37

know, you don't trust me. So he

18:40

kinda got to a head like that.

18:42

I I got unmanageable for him and he

18:44

he just for all this is, you know, I can't control

18:47

this woman, I think. We had a big

18:49

argument the next day, and I asked for the I asked

18:51

for my keys, and

18:52

that was that was that was that. He

18:54

gave the keys back to you?

18:56

He yeah. He didn't want to. He was just, like,

18:58

oh, why can't I keep this at a cheese? And yeah.

19:01

Yeah. He did. I know.

19:02

I know. I know. Unbelievable. After

19:04

everything -- Yeah. after it.

19:07

Then he was saying to me, there's nobody else in

19:09

you know, there's no other woman. There's no one else. There's,

19:11

you know, all of these these games. And then he got really

19:13

nasty thing. He's gonna take his own life

19:15

and It wasn't well.

19:18

yeah But

19:18

yeah.

19:20

Yeah. That was the last time I saw

19:22

it.

19:23

what were the next things that happened

19:26

after you got your keys back? Did

19:28

he move out?

19:30

Yeah. So he moved out and then

19:33

discovered he had been in a relationship for a

19:35

long, you know, a while. And then but then

19:37

didn't hear from him. I was relieved. I was just like,

19:39

you know, you know, as a nurse's when

19:41

you've been involved with someone who's a nurse's

19:43

assistant, it's kinda like getting off the merry go round,

19:45

you're kind of

19:46

just in such a confused

19:49

state that I was just

19:52

the

19:53

believed it was over. As I said

19:55

before, I was in temporary accommodations due to the

19:57

fire, and then IIII

19:58

think I had two

20:00

months, you know, two months into that

20:02

flat, and then I moved back to my home. So I was just

20:04

relieved to get back into my home, to

20:06

feel settled, to start life again.

20:09

Tell us about the fire in your flat.

20:11

How did that happen and what

20:14

transpired because of that? Oh,

20:16

it wasn't actually in my flat. It was in

20:18

in

20:18

the complex where I lived, the building behind

20:21

me burnt down, where

20:22

there was a big fire in London, in some flats,

20:25

and they used the wrong building materials

20:28

So since then, there's been a lot of

20:30

changes, well, upgrades in fire regulations.

20:33

So we removed out of that. And

20:35

so all of the Correct. Fire

20:37

regulations could be to stay in place where

20:39

I live, unbelievable. But yeah.

20:43

Once you moved out of temporary housing,

20:46

and back into your flat.

20:49

When did you hear from him?

20:50

I no. I didn't well, I saw him.

20:52

I saw him on in his car. around

20:55

where I was living. And I just thought, you know,

20:57

in the beginning, you just think, oh, well, coincidence.

21:01

And then the incident started to happen

21:03

in the flat. and

21:04

I just saw the you know,

21:06

I saw him

21:07

as one of his around about I go into

21:09

London over the Roxill Bridge, and I

21:11

saw him passing the car exactly the same

21:13

time. and I thought then, no, this is not a coincidence.

21:16

How can this happen? Money started going

21:18

missing from my flat. Keys turned

21:20

up a shower parcel,

21:22

a a dance shower path and

21:24

some other dance

21:26

bands that I hadn't seen in a box.

21:29

I didn't have I didn't have the

21:31

keys to my post. Again, obviously, he'd

21:33

he'd taken those keys. So

21:35

there's so many things that were just starting to happen.

21:37

Cushion started to stop things started

21:39

moving around the flat. Yeah. It was

21:41

it was just a series a sequence of events

21:43

really that

21:45

led me to call the police. Tell

21:47

us a little bit more about you know,

21:49

what was going, missing, being moved?

21:52

What did you think was happening? When

21:55

the keys came back? Well, I'd

21:57

I'd lost Well,

21:58

I thought I'd lost this set of

21:59

keys.

22:01

Obviously, I'd moved. So I kinda thought, oh,

22:03

well, I've I've misplaced them. They were the keys to the

22:05

hall I was renting for the dance dance

22:07

studio as well and on them were

22:09

the police for the post box.

22:11

They turned up

22:13

where where my hair tones are

22:15

in in my in my flat, along

22:17

with this damp shower puff and

22:19

and some dance bands. It's

22:22

all stuff make me resonate with him because

22:24

he used to always exfoliate with a shower

22:26

puff, you know. And

22:28

I just suddenly thought, right, okay, this is this

22:30

is no. This is too too much. you

22:33

know,

22:33

because in the beginning, you you know,

22:35

the money I thought, oh, I've discounted the money or

22:37

I've missed you know, you start thinking it's

22:40

it's

22:40

me. I've misplaced things or, you know,

22:42

as as I said, when I've been talking to friends, things

22:45

that you do every day, like, turn the lights

22:47

off or you know,

22:48

clean your hub and things like that and put things

22:50

back in your flat. They're everyday things.

22:52

So when I was saying

22:54

to, you know, when you're thinking

22:56

about it back to yourself, oh, I could have done that. I

22:58

could have misplaced that. I could have, you know, and

23:01

then when

23:02

the keys appeared, the share

23:03

profit, you know. And I thought he'd like, okay. No. I mean,

23:06

you know, I started paying attention to everything. I started

23:08

taking photos. I started taking videos. because I

23:10

was telling my mom and my mom was like, you know,

23:12

it could be this. It could be that. So when

23:14

I started taking videos and recording things

23:16

and it it was like he was playing game with me

23:18

because my slippers used to be by the side of

23:21

the bed. and then I'd come back and the slippers

23:23

would be in the middle of the room with a fifty p piece

23:25

in the middle. You know,

23:27

in very, you know,

23:28

very very strange. But,

23:31

yeah, I started recording things for my mom really

23:33

because I wanted to prove to my mom that this

23:35

is happening to me. And

23:37

it was like it was hard because, you know, my mom's

23:40

not of the internet generation. When

23:42

you're speaking to people, they have no a lot of people

23:44

have no reference point, which is why I've obviously

23:46

sought

23:47

found you guys, found other

23:49

groups for stalking because it's just

23:52

so

23:52

many people till it happens to you,

23:54

you can't comprehend

23:55

it or you've got no reference point, you

23:57

know? See, I started

23:59

creating a diary, and I obviously called the

24:01

police, and I got assigned a officer

24:04

and I spoke to the they put me in

24:06

touch with the charity as well.

24:08

How long was it going on before

24:10

you called the police? And what kind of prompted

24:13

the final reason to call the police?

24:17

I'd say it'd been going on a month probably before

24:19

the Yeah. A month. before

24:21

I called the police. I just yeah. I've

24:23

seen him I've seen him couple of times on the road

24:25

in the car, and money had gone

24:27

missing. And I called the police December

24:29

December the twenty first. They just when

24:31

I found the keys and, you know, the shower

24:34

office, all this, no. This is not this

24:36

is serious now. And I had a friend,

24:38

and I was like, I had a friend over the dinner, and

24:40

I showed him, and then they're sharp up. He was like,

24:42

oh my god. Like,

24:43

Wow. And I

24:44

was like, yeah. This yeah. This is this

24:46

is, you know, this is too much.

24:49

So I called the police. That

24:51

was the final, like, you know, I'm

24:53

sitting here. He knows everything about me.

24:56

I'm being, you know, completely targeted

24:58

here.

24:59

Did you automatically think it was

25:01

him? And and what did you tell the police

25:03

when you called them? He

25:05

was the only person that would have had access to

25:07

the keys? because

25:08

he lived with me. So that

25:10

that was, you know, I didn't I didn't

25:13

that was the only reference point.

25:15

And

25:15

obviously, I've seen him on I've seen I've seen him

25:18

in his car. I've seen him around.

25:20

So, yeah, I didn't there's there's nobody

25:22

else I would think he would be.

25:24

And I told the I just told the police the

25:26

the situation. Everything

25:28

that that I had that yeah. That I've told

25:31

you really, but it was you know, unfortunately,

25:33

there's two male officers that came

25:35

and they I don't

25:38

think they took it seriously. Yeah.

25:40

I wasn't I didn't hear from them.

25:42

I guess it was December the twenty first, so it was

25:44

Christmas as well. But I didn't hear I had to chase

25:46

it up in the police. I didn't hear from them. And

25:48

it wasn't until where he March

25:51

that I was assigned the officer, the detainee

25:54

officer.

25:55

During this time that he was doing

25:57

these things in your house. Was he reaching

25:59

out

25:59

to you at all or calling, texting,

26:02

anything

26:02

like that? No.

26:03

No. Never had for me.

26:06

So

26:06

once you had to follow-up and, you know,

26:08

keep on the police about it, how

26:11

did things transpire with the police?

26:14

Well, it got yeah. I mean, I pushed it

26:16

and pushed it and pushed it and I don't know how

26:18

it works in

26:19

the US. But in the UK, if

26:21

you add something to the original climate

26:23

rule, you just have to email, you update

26:26

the the huge website, the Metropolitan

26:28

one, you know, and it's a huge website, and it takes ages

26:30

for them to get back to you and yeah,

26:33

it's just this what they say

26:35

to you is, you know, there's

26:36

not enough staff, we're overwhelmed, or enough.

26:38

So I spent a lot of time going

26:40

back to the my local police station

26:43

and sitting on hold. And,

26:46

obviously,

26:46

once I was assigned my training

26:49

officer, she was actually very good.

26:51

So

26:51

she actually took me you know, she she actually took

26:53

me seriously. She then

26:55

spoke to her, I think, the sergeant. And

26:58

that's when they were like, right, we're gonna we're gonna

27:00

call him, we're gonna speak to him, we're gonna get him in.

27:02

So that would have been about May. So

27:05

it then went quiet because I guess they'd obviously contacted

27:07

him And and he works

27:10

in his job, he he has he has to have a license.

27:12

So I guess he was worried about that. So we kinda stopped

27:14

for a while. it was kind of peaceful. And

27:16

then he was obviously arrested

27:19

under caution and went in I was on holiday.

27:21

So that was May. Shelly,

27:22

what does arrested under caution mean

27:25

in the UK? It

27:26

means that the evidence that they have

27:28

attained the police so far suggest that the

27:30

person may have committed an offense The interview

27:32

gives the perpetrator the opportunity to

27:34

explain the events that have happened.

27:36

And if they find any evidence during the interview,

27:38

that

27:39

they will may be prosecuted. How

27:42

did it make you feel once he was arrested?

27:44

I

27:45

knew, you know, it's very like they say to you

27:47

when

27:47

when it's a a stalking case that

27:49

they need photographic or video

27:51

evidence,

27:52

and the the person involved was

27:54

a close protection bodyguard. So this

27:56

is his job. This is what he does inside out.

27:58

So I felt actually, I

28:01

felt

28:02

in in two there's

28:04

kinda two sides to it. I felt, yes, they're taking

28:06

me seriously. finally,

28:08

someone is, you know, going

28:11

to speak to this person. And, you know,

28:13

if nothing comes of it, who

28:15

the court, he's kind

28:17

of, you know, his peers will know. He he's

28:19

you know,

28:20

it it happens in his yeah. So kind

28:22

of vindicate it in one way. but

28:24

I was dubious to, you know, to think

28:27

where where would it go after, you know, and where

28:29

would it leave. My, you know, my my dad my

28:31

family were worried about the repercussions of it,

28:33

but I wanted something to happen

28:35

to him because

28:36

of what I'd gone through. So

28:39

I was hoping that this was the first stage and

28:41

that then I could get some more evidence. You

28:43

know,

28:43

what was that setting was there were times and dates

28:46

I'd given I've seen anyone in certain roads and

28:48

the police didn't act. Therefore, the CCTV

28:51

then, you know, had got into the ether.

28:53

They don't keep CCTV for that long apparently

28:55

in the UK. So

28:58

they they they were trying to get that data back.

29:00

They said they couldn't. They obviously asked him

29:02

where he was on those dates, and he had to obviously

29:05

say if he who he was with,

29:08

give that evidence, you know, said

29:10

all of that was happening. So that was

29:12

a good couple of months. which

29:14

is, you know, very disappointing because if they'd have

29:16

acted originally when I'd seen him on the road straight

29:18

away when I rang up, then we would have this

29:20

evidence, you know.

29:22

After the police let him go

29:24

and nothing really happened to him,

29:26

how did the incidents start escalating? I'd

29:29

not been active on social media. I mean, I'd

29:31

kind of come off Facebook. I've been told to through

29:33

the charity to not obviously update anything in

29:36

in, you know, in real time on social media sites.

29:39

but I I'd been away for a bit, and

29:41

I just post and it wasn't on it wasn't in real

29:43

time. So I'd posted on my time line on Instagram,

29:45

I'd gone out with friends, and I I was wearing

29:47

a dress, I'd gone to stay with a friend

29:49

and then I'd pay I came back to my flat and that

29:51

dress was laid out flat on the bed. Another

29:54

incident I live on my own, and I've

29:56

got two pillows. And

29:59

obviously,

29:59

I I sleep on one pillow and the other one. She's just

30:02

a executive pillow. I came back

30:04

and from work. and I noticed on

30:06

the decorative pillow, they all all all this makeup.

30:08

And I think that's strange. And as I got into

30:10

bed and I unfolded to the duvet, the

30:12

makeup was everywhere on the duvet.

30:15

and then I was, you know, obviously, panicked

30:17

to this point. I've just stripped the bed off and there's

30:19

a big v sign drawn in my mattress.

30:22

So, yeah, the cleaning

30:24

products started moving. I

30:26

like to spray the bath and leave cleaning products in

30:28

the middle of the bath overnight, but

30:30

that cleaning product suddenly moved over to the

30:32

side of the bathroom. So at this point, I moved

30:35

out of my flat because I just couldn't I

30:37

couldn't live there anymore, moved in with a friend, and

30:39

I just said to my dad, we need get the twenty four

30:41

hour cameras because I can't I just didn't

30:43

feel safe at home. Were

30:45

you calling the cops

30:47

again with the new incidents and

30:49

letting them know?

30:51

I I let my yeah. If I let my

30:53

officer know and she was like, I will, you know,

30:56

we'll look back into you know, but at that point, I'd

30:58

work lost complete faith in everything.

31:00

And I was at the end, you know, I kind of I

31:03

had to stop those teaching

31:05

fitness classes and I had a membership slot. I

31:07

just had everything kind of at that point was

31:09

just stopped because couldn't

31:12

I

31:12

couldn't, you know, I couldn't cope with it, and I just felt

31:14

the police weren't doing anything. So I

31:16

did I did report it to her. But,

31:19

yeah, I've lost complete faith in in everybody,

31:21

really. So I just kind of took myself

31:23

away from life and just disappeared

31:25

because I just felt like no one's listening

31:28

and I'm sorry I'm getting emotional. but

31:30

I'm just remembering where how I felt at that

31:32

time. Yeah. It was

31:34

it was, you know, had to do had

31:36

to do a lot of soul searching to come back to where

31:38

I am now.

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32:46

Once

32:51

you moved in with your friend, and

32:54

talked to your dad about getting the cameras. Did

32:56

you install those right away? My

32:58

dad did. Yeah. I wouldn't yeah. Yeah. And that

33:00

that was the thing. They my dad was watching

33:02

the cameras and, you know, kept saying,

33:04

I was living with my friend for a good couple

33:07

of months. And my mom and dad were watching the

33:09

cameras, and I was watching the cameras. And, you know,

33:11

because they were like, you should move back in now and you should go and like,

33:14

well, you know, let's just see how things

33:16

are. Let's just

33:16

watch the cameras and let's just see how things are.

33:18

So that went on yeah. That went on

33:20

for a good couple of months.

33:21

and then my

33:24

car was parked outside my friend's house and I

33:26

came back to the car and the window

33:28

was open. There were like, there

33:30

was paper strewn over the back

33:32

seat. And I posted again

33:34

on Instagram about going to Joe Juice

33:36

that day and there's Joe Juice So, yeah, it's all

33:39

on the floor by the cast. just thought, this

33:41

guy's gonna find me anywhere. I may as well go

33:43

back home. So, I moved back home.

33:46

So during the time that you were

33:48

watching the cameras, he never showed up?

33:50

No. No. No. No.

33:53

And

33:53

what happened once you went back home?

33:56

Okay. I was living in fear

33:58

and I was, you know,

33:59

I was spending a lot of time not at home.

34:02

Like I kind of I

34:03

had to come back because and because my friend was

34:05

moving as well. So kind of that pushed

34:07

me into it. By spending a lot of time

34:09

at my mom and dad's and other people's house, I was, you

34:11

know, I was kind of not spending you

34:13

know, it's not doesn't really still feel like

34:15

my home because obviously someone's been breaking in and

34:18

invading my space. I took myself

34:20

away

34:21

on on a on a mini, like, vacation with

34:23

a friend, and that really helped me to

34:25

get back to sort of the Shelley that I am

34:27

now because I took myself completely away

34:29

and out of the situation by

34:31

kind of round

34:33

organization well, round your podcast,

34:36

round support support groups, cloud

34:38

organizations, and kinda got my

34:39

strength back. I mean, I was training with my

34:41

personal trainer throughout this,

34:44

but you know, I was just kinda keeping myself

34:46

going. As I said, I I had to refund

34:48

all of the people that were training with

34:50

me because I you what's the quote you

34:52

can't pull from an empty cart? So

34:55

I've had to kind of completely rebuild myself

34:57

and to get

34:58

to this point. But, yeah, I'm I'm

35:00

in the process of moving to,

35:02

yeah, the story is not over for

35:04

sure. What

35:06

made you decide that you had to sell your

35:08

flat?

35:10

because I don't want that person to know where

35:12

I am, and

35:13

I'm, you know, as I said, at the beginning,

35:16

I'd I the only thing that I think was

35:18

true really about him was his birthday,

35:20

but he knows everything about me.

35:22

He he he, you know, narcissistic

35:25

people like Canadians, aren't they? They

35:28

they come into your life. They suck

35:31

everything from you and then move on to the next

35:33

victim. And I do call it victim. So,

35:36

yeah, he knew everything about me, everything

35:39

that was who everyone it was in my life,

35:41

money, finances, everything.

35:43

I

35:43

know, but I, you know, I know I

35:46

know nothing about he just disappeared, and I know

35:48

nothing about him. Were

35:50

you scared for your life while he was

35:52

breaking in? these times?

35:54

I think at the beginning of yeah. At the beginning,

35:57

I really was. I thought, you know, this is not gonna

35:59

yeah. I was

35:59

really good. And and

36:02

and and now I think he was trying to just erode

36:04

my mental health. I think the game being planned

36:06

is to erode my

36:08

self esteem. See, you

36:10

know, looking on and I've I've done

36:12

so much research on stalking. I mean, somewhere in a stall

36:15

and, you know, you you guys know But

36:18

as, you know, I was I was completely green. I was

36:20

completely new to it, and a lot of women stalks

36:22

for ten years. And but, you know, a lot of I

36:24

was just finding out all the information

36:26

I could on speaking. And it

36:29

seems to me that he's doing it to erode my

36:31

mental health and to to keep me

36:33

in a state of fear that I can't move on in any

36:35

sense. And then once I kind of

36:38

you can't make ever you can't make peace with

36:40

it, but you try and make sense of it. he's

36:42

a psychopath. psychopath has

36:44

psychopathic tendencies, and think this is the

36:46

game, then I can start to think, right,

36:48

you know, the only thing you can do, Jenny,

36:51

know, you can't control what he's gonna do next,

36:53

but you can control how you react to

36:55

it.

36:57

So now I just think you

36:59

know, this man may never stop, but

37:01

I can't my life can't stop. Why

37:03

I'm too important to let one man that I made

37:05

the mistake of going out with ruining my whole life?

37:08

I am. That's it. I

37:10

have to keep living.

37:12

Where do things stand now? Like, you're

37:14

not living in your flat? there

37:16

is still a case against him? Yes.

37:18

Yeah. With yeah. I'm working with the officer

37:21

still, so this day, so it's still ongoing.

37:24

And I and I won't stop. you

37:26

know, because It

37:27

it it's it's more about other women now and

37:29

it's more about the legal situation in the UK

37:32

because it's so

37:33

you know, when

37:34

you well, you hope this never

37:36

happens to you. Don't you know, you you

37:38

never think it's gonna happen to you. But when it does,

37:41

I mean, I have never felt So

37:43

how you know, I was so angry actually at

37:45

the system and and how

37:47

difficult it was to actually get someone

37:50

to, you know, to call you back when you're the victim.

37:52

and then the fact that it wasn't reported properly

37:55

and then it was months and months and months.

37:57

And, you know, if they've you know, I know there's a lot

37:59

of crime

37:59

and I know, you

38:00

know, people are being stabbed and you know,

38:03

but people are being killed through stalking. This

38:05

is a serious crime. You

38:07

know, peep they don't take it seriously enough

38:09

in the UK. So I'm

38:11

here this is why I'm on here because, you

38:13

know, everyone's voice. We need to

38:16

amplify the message this

38:18

is, you know, it's it's really serious. And

38:20

I'm very lucky that I've got a support with friends and

38:23

family. I wouldn't be here without my friends and family.

38:25

this has been the hardest battle that I've ever had,

38:28

you know,

38:28

when someone tries to erode your mental health

38:30

and destroy you inside out, you know.

38:32

It's been it's been Yeah.

38:35

Nothing easy.

38:37

What has this done to isolate

38:39

you from your social

38:41

circles, from your business? from

38:44

even your own mind in

38:46

terms of what kind of impact

38:49

this has had on you and ultimately how

38:51

you're dealing with it? Yeah.

38:53

I mean, to put it into

38:55

yeah. I mean, I was new social media

38:58

to pull my business. I have a I'm I'm in

39:00

fitness, but I will say, have a skincare

39:02

business and, you know, I was very active on all

39:04

social media platforms, but I had to

39:06

step away from that. I don't trust

39:08

anybody. you know, my friendship

39:10

circle has got lot smaller.

39:12

I've had to change my phone number

39:14

four times, which, you know, can imagine impacts my

39:16

business massively. I've not been able

39:18

to show up to a lot of things, yeah,

39:20

which is again affected my business.

39:22

You know, I've yeah. I've become very

39:25

I just become I

39:26

guess is I you're isolated on you because

39:28

you're just you

39:30

question yourself when things happen like that.

39:32

And then you're you you know, remember having a conversation

39:34

with a friend, and then it's like, had to step

39:36

back and think, how does this sound to them? And then

39:38

you just stopped talking about it because you just think,

39:41

you know, if you've I'm I'm I'm saying

39:44

to them, when I've come home and the Christians have

39:46

moved. And this is you know, and I thought, actually, no. I can't

39:48

have I can't have this is

39:50

really yeah. I can't have these conversation, you

39:52

know, and that's That's when a girl

39:54

at work was like, you need to you need to find

39:57

the support group. You need to find other people, and

39:59

I thought, right, except yeah. So I stepped away from

40:01

my friends. So I just thought I

40:03

haven't got you know, what what am I talking

40:05

about? I'm

40:06

not the same shit. I'm not like, you know, this journey, I'm

40:08

completely

40:08

not the person I was. Obviously,

40:10

it's every journey shakes

40:12

you and changes you. But, yeah, I became

40:14

very isolated and it just in every

40:17

day was

40:18

unfortunately, I was just wrapped up in

40:20

what was going on. and I couldn't

40:23

move forward in anything else.

40:25

Are

40:25

you still being stuck?

40:27

Yeah. Yeah. I mean, the other day,

40:29

I got some messages on social media.

40:31

He's been still cider's talking me on Instagram,

40:34

and then I got a message on, you know, pro from

40:36

a, I guess, it's a bot on social,

40:38

you know, on social media only the other day. Yeah.

40:41

I don't think he's ever gonna stop. Like I said,

40:43

she still is still ongoing with my officer.

40:45

think I don't I don't mean I who knows what

40:47

his end game is?

40:49

I just have to now move

40:51

forward with my life for

40:52

sure. What

40:54

do you wanna see happen to

40:56

the Stalker?

40:57

I'd I'd like him

40:59

to be held accountable to go to court.

41:01

Yeah. You know, III want him to

41:03

be, you know, arrested for his

41:05

crimes, you know,

41:07

who's who's he's tried to destroy me

41:09

for whatever reason I don't know.

41:11

He's moved on with his life. I don't. Honestly,

41:13

before this happened, had no I

41:16

didn't wish him and, you know, I don't wish him

41:18

any harm or ill or anything. I'm not you

41:20

know, but I want him to be

41:23

yeah. I want him to go to court to be how to

41:25

I want it to be heard in public.

41:27

What are some of the things you discovered about

41:29

how important mental

41:31

and emotional health is

41:33

during this?

41:34

I mean, there

41:36

were days when I couldn't get out of bed, but

41:38

I did, you know, and I I've count I've

41:40

cancelled work. I've

41:42

cancelled a lot that my physical

41:45

training has you know, I think that's the only

41:47

thing that's got me through through

41:49

this, if I'm honest. You know, I've been working with

41:51

my post personal trainer without Sorry,

41:53

throughout throughout this. And

41:55

I think that's the only thing that's given me the

41:57

strength to get back up. I think

41:59

people don't realize, you know, how powerful

42:02

training is. And I

42:03

you know, it's been heartbreaking because I've had messages

42:05

from the clients just saying, oh, you know, but

42:07

you're doing your own training. I see training. Can

42:09

I train? And you just think, I'm

42:11

doing that for you know, unfortunately, I'm I couldn't

42:14

I didn't wanna go into my battles at

42:16

the time, but I just said, unfortunately, at

42:18

the time, at this moment, I'm putting myself first.

42:20

My training's for me. At the moment, I'll be back.

42:22

When I'm back, you know, to to working

42:24

with people, I'll let you know. But, yeah,

42:27

my personal trainer's been a godsend

42:29

to me, to be honest. And, yeah,

42:31

that's that's that's yeah. It's

42:34

been my therapy throughout really hands.

42:36

Why

42:36

did you decide to come forward with

42:39

your story and speak out?

42:41

Because I wanted to take my power back. I

42:43

think, you know, I I said to the

42:45

police sergeant a couple of months

42:47

ago, you know. I'm

42:48

gonna because he said you've been on hold for four

42:50

hours. And I said, yeah. I said, I'm

42:52

I'm self employed so I can be. But

42:55

also, I'm doing this for every other

42:57

woman who, you know, who can't do this.

43:00

can't be on hold for four hours. You know,

43:02

I'm I'm now I was so angered by the by

43:04

the situation that I was in. You know, and

43:06

I and I I want my voice

43:08

to be heard. I want my voice to be heard for other women

43:10

because if you know me in the UK, you probably

43:12

know me as a really strong fitness presenter,

43:15

and this has been the toughest journey

43:17

of my life. So if it helps

43:19

one other woman to

43:21

be able to get back up

43:23

and yeah. That's yeah. I'm here

43:25

I'm here for here to help other people

43:27

actually think now.

43:28

and

43:30

My purpose here is to inspire

43:32

other people and to to share

43:34

the message about fitness and mental health.

43:37

I really

43:37

think that's my purpose. That's why I was that's

43:39

why I'm here. And

43:41

what's some advice that you have

43:43

for other people going through this?

43:45

it's

43:45

so tough. I mean, god, you

43:48

know, I've never felt so isolated and I've

43:50

I've got lots of friends and my family

43:52

are amazing, but it, you know,