0:03

Welcome to stuff Mom Never told

0:05

you from House top works dot com.

0:12

Hello, and welcome to the Bonus

0:15

Podcast. I'm

0:17

Kristen and I'm Caroline and

0:20

this is part two of our

0:23

super special ask Us Anything

0:26

invitation and you sure have Yes,

0:28

we have lots of questions. For

0:31

this episode of ask Us Anything,

0:34

we are focusing more on the direct

0:36

advice that you solicited

0:39

from us, and the first ask Us Anything

0:42

we tackled y'all's questions that were more about

0:44

who Caroline and are behind the podcast.

0:47

Yeah, our lives outside of the studio,

0:49

our favorite beer, and

0:51

this time we're going to get into some

0:54

more hard hitting questions

0:57

going on. But first, Christen,

1:00

Yes, but first, so

1:02

you asked me certain questions

1:05

last week. Yes, a condensed

1:07

prooft questionnaire from

1:10

inside the actor's studio. Yes. So

1:12

now you asked me to picture

1:14

you as James Lipton, and

1:16

now I ask for the same favor in return.

1:19

Do you see the glasses and the balding head?

1:21

I see the beard most of all.

1:24

Perfect, That's what I'm going for. All

1:27

right, Kristen, are you ready? I'm

1:29

ready? Okay, what is your favorite

1:31

word, Minutia? What

1:34

is your least favorite word? Miss

1:37

indry because sometimes we are labeled

1:39

as women who promote miss injury.

1:43

Okay, what turns you on the

1:47

smell of new books? What

1:51

turns you off the smell

1:53

of old books? No? Maybe

1:58

cattler buck smell. What

2:01

sound do you love? I

2:04

love the sound? Oh, this

2:06

is very specific and weird. I

2:08

really like the sound.

2:12

I don't know what I'm telling you this. I

2:15

really like the sound of a teacup

2:18

hitting a saucer like

2:20

porcelain and on on porcelain. I

2:22

have no idea what that means. You

2:25

like things proper I do? What sound

2:27

do you hate? Nail sound,

2:29

a chalkboard? Yeah? Okay,

2:32

what is your favorite curse word

2:34

that you can say on the podcast? Fiddle

2:36

six? What profession

2:39

other than yours would you like to attempt?

2:44

Maybe lawyering really for

2:46

the suits? Okay?

2:51

What profession would you not like

2:53

to do? While

2:56

it would probably be in reality, lawyering?

2:59

Um, I wouldn't not really

3:01

like to be a

3:04

daycare center employee again, because I've done that

3:06

before and it was very taxing. And

3:10

Kristen, the last question, if

3:12

heaven exists, what

3:15

would you like to hear God say when you

3:17

arrive at the Pearly Gates. I

3:19

subscribed to your podcast. Thank

3:22

you, Thank you, Kristen Conger,

3:24

thank you, Caroline, I mean James

3:27

Lipton. Uh. Now,

3:30

before we get though to your

3:32

questions, wonderful listeners,

3:34

we do have a brief word from

3:37

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3:39

episode, which is share

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3:43

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stuff. Now let's get to

4:53

some advice giving Caroline. Okay,

4:56

I would just like to preface this with, um,

4:58

I am more of the gut

5:01

person when it comes to giving advice, and

5:04

and I think Kristen uh you might

5:06

have done a little more research onto some of

5:09

these questions that our dear listeners sent in. Are

5:11

you calling me the brains? You're the hot

5:13

and I'm the brains? Am I the braun? Am

5:15

I the bron and the heart? You can be? You

5:18

can be the braun in the heart. Yes, I'm

5:20

the muscle. Right. Finally

5:23

at five too, I'm the muscle for something. Well,

5:27

First up, we've got Jess, who

5:29

calls herself a long time super fan, first

5:31

time caller. Hello, you're on the line, Jeff.

5:34

She writes, I'm struggling with some pretty

5:36

serious hell stuff, and I just want to know what's a

5:38

young lady freshly thirty have to

5:40

do around here to get taken seriously

5:43

medically. Well, that makes me wonder

5:46

what you know. Obviously you didn't provide us with any

5:48

details about what kind of medical problems

5:50

you may be having. Um, but it does make

5:53

me wonder, you know, if you're maybe

5:56

going to the doctor frequently

5:58

for lots of things, maybe maybe we've got

6:00

a touch of the hypochondria. I

6:03

know that I often went to the doctor

6:05

when I lived in Augusta. Had this great intern and she

6:07

was wonderful, and I thought I was having a heart

6:09

attack one time, and then I went to her for

6:11

everything from like indigestion to thinking

6:14

I was having a heart attack, and you

6:16

know, she was always great. So all of

6:18

my stumbling advice, i'm, i'm, I'm. What I'm trying

6:20

to get to is maybe

6:23

you're not seeing the right type of doctor.

6:25

Maybe the person you're going to is

6:28

insensitive and not pay you the attention

6:30

you deserve. Yeah, and I

6:32

would say that you could be around on the money

6:34

there, Caroline, because according

6:36

to the American Autoimmune Related Disease

6:39

Association, an estimated

6:42

of women have been told by doctors

6:44

that they're making up their illnesses.

6:46

So you're not alone, jes if you're feeling

6:48

like you're not getting the respect that your due.

6:51

So I would take advice that we've given in

6:54

past podcast, especially the when we were talking

6:56

about women at the doctor's

6:58

office and this very issue of getting

7:01

that R S p e c T prescription

7:05

m hmm uh is going

7:07

to a doctor armed with questions

7:10

and information, but right

7:12

also make sure you push for what you feel

7:14

you need to know. For instance, in

7:17

a past episode, I talked about how

7:19

when I told my gynecologist I was experiencing

7:21

a lot of anxiety and wasn't sleeping, she

7:24

just tried to write me a prescription for anxiety

7:27

medication. Well that's not what I felt

7:29

I needed, and I didn't end up feeling the prescription.

7:31

What I should have done is pursued the

7:33

topic further, say you know what, I appreciate

7:36

it, but what I really think I need to do is talk to somebody

7:38

and get you know, X y Z type of

7:40

help. So really push for what you think

7:43

you need and don't let any doctors

7:45

rush you out of the office. Like Kristen said, come

7:47

prepared with your questions and don't

7:49

let anybody make you feel like a doormat

7:52

at the doctor's office. Now

7:54

moving on from matters of the

7:56

body, two matters of the metaphorical

7:59

heart. In a very awkward

8:01

transition, we now have

8:04

a question from Paul, and Paul has

8:07

a huge crush on

8:10

a girl that he met at church. Paul is thirty

8:12

five years old. The girl

8:14

in question, the woman in question, I should

8:16

say, is twenty,

8:18

and he writes, the

8:21

problem is there's that huge age gap, so

8:23

it would probably not be a good idea for us to go out.

8:25

Add to this the fact that we both come from dysfunctional

8:28

backgrounds, probably not a good combo.

8:30

She seems to have a really solid head on her shoulders,

8:32

all things considering, and she also

8:35

has a six month old kid that caused

8:37

her to really grow up. But in any

8:39

case, I can't stop thinking about

8:41

her. Whenever he goes to church,

8:44

he catches himself staring at her.

8:46

Everything she does, he says, makes me more

8:48

attracted to her. What can I

8:50

do to get this woman out of my brain?

8:54

Well, I mean, under normal circumstances,

8:57

I would say that a thirty five year old dating

8:59

a twenty year old is horrific idea. Um,

9:02

however, you said that

9:04

you have similar backgrounds. You're meeting at

9:06

church, so obviously you you have more

9:08

than just maybe an unfortunate

9:10

background in common she you said

9:13

she is mature for her age because

9:15

of having a child. I'm thinking

9:18

that this is maybe just possible

9:20

bad timing on both of your parts, and

9:22

that maybe you should try to get

9:24

her out of your head. Yeah, but he's

9:27

asking how how do you push? How

9:29

do you push the object of someone out of your head? Because

9:31

what's going on, Caroline, if

9:33

I may put on my dark room to glasses,

9:36

uh, is that he's experiencing something

9:38

called lamrins. And this is a term coin

9:41

in the late nineties seventies by the late psych

9:43

professor Dorothy ten

9:46

Of which is essentially

9:49

a catch all for an

9:51

obsessive crush on someone.

9:54

It involves obsessive compulsive thoughts,

9:56

feelings, behaviors, emotional dependence,

9:59

which it sounds like he's not really in an emotionally dependent

10:01

state at this point. But this is also a biochemical

10:04

process that's happening because

10:06

of a cocktail of NORP and ephrean dopamine,

10:09

estrogen test saucer, and etcetera. And yeah,

10:12

it's making your brain go crazy.

10:15

And the bad news is that

10:17

ten off the Limbrins expert estimates

10:20

that it can last between eighteen months to three

10:22

years. But don't worry. You

10:24

don't have to find a new church. But I do

10:26

think that you know, he recognizes

10:29

that this might not be a great idea,

10:32

um, So he might need to figure

10:34

out ways to limit his exposure

10:36

to the trigger to this amazing

10:39

woman, um and let

10:42

time take its toll

10:44

and sort of ease him away

10:46

from that. And maybe if it's possible, I

10:48

mean, this could be hard if he's in a smaller town,

10:50

but thanks to things like online dating

10:53

Harmony, okay, Cupid, if he is looking

10:55

for someone to date,

10:58

get online, because you can narrow

11:01

things down by age group. We can

11:03

find someone who's a little more age appropriate,

11:05

someone who has similar belief systems

11:07

to see does and maybe um

11:11

take his attentions elsewhere.

11:13

Yeah, Because I mean, I know you have this big

11:16

crush on her, um, but that is

11:18

a very big age gap, as you pointed out,

11:20

and while she is mature,

11:22

there's just significant life differences

11:24

there that have occurred also not just because she's so

11:26

much younger than you, but also because she does have a child.

11:29

So I hope this helps, Paul. I mean,

11:32

I think a little bit of distraction and also

11:34

I mean, don't beat yourself up for having

11:36

this crush crushes happen, but

11:39

maybe keep in mind all of those reasons

11:41

that you have outlined to us as to why

11:43

it would probably be a bad idea, and go with your gut on

11:45

that. Okay,

11:47

Well, Kristin Claire wrote in and

11:50

has sort of a gender norms question.

11:53

She says, my best friend is an agender

11:56

male who has always detested gender roles, as

11:58

do I. A week or two ago, we were hanging out and

12:00

he confessed to me that he had always wanted to shave his

12:02

legs, but he was scared because people might think

12:04

he was weird, because there's that whole

12:06

stigma that comes with a guy doing quote

12:08

unquote effeminate things. So she

12:11

goes on to say that they had a shaving fiesta.

12:13

They shaved their legs. He was, you know, really

12:16

happy with the outcome. Everything was great.

12:18

But then his younger sister, who's

12:20

in middle school, made

12:22

fun of him. She she immediately made

12:25

fun of him, and so Claire says, I know the sister

12:27

personally would love to give her respectful talk

12:29

on gender roles and accepting her sibling, but she's

12:31

in middle school, and I think it might just go over

12:33

her head. Still, I want to wipe

12:35

away the impression that her brother is a freak.

12:37

And I don't know how to approach it. Should

12:40

I go for it? What do

12:42

you think? I think that maybe the

12:44

easiest approach that she could take with

12:47

this guy's middle school sister is to

12:50

first take attack of sisterly

12:52

love. She should if she wants to tell this

12:55

girl anything, it's that, hey, you should love

12:57

your brother as he is leg hair or

12:59

no leg here. I think that's the concept

13:02

that even in middle school, no offense

13:04

to middle schoolers listening, but even at a

13:06

younger age, that's a pretty easy thing to

13:08

grasp, and that it's okay

13:10

for her sister to feel maybe uncomfortable

13:14

about her brother violating this gender

13:16

norm by shaving his legs, but instead of

13:18

mocking him, maybe talked to him about

13:20

it. Say hey, brother, I feel like

13:23

this is kind of weird that you're doing this. You're

13:25

really into shaving your legs, but why

13:27

do you like that? Why does that make you feel

13:29

good? And maybe by

13:32

understanding where her brother is coming from

13:34

with that, that can open

13:36

her mind up to the more

13:39

the fluidity of gender. And

13:41

it also called to mind too, And I was thinking about

13:44

this was how perhaps

13:47

uh, you know, hot male

13:49

idols. She might have like one

13:52

Direction or Justin Bieber practice

13:54

so many typically effeminate

13:57

kinds of beauty practices. Mean, on

14:00

YouTube, there's a video of Justin bieber Blow

14:02

drying his hair that I find almost

14:04

weirder than the idea of him possibly shaving

14:07

his legs, you know what I mean. These guys are accessorized,

14:09

they're wearing makeup, they're putting

14:11

stuff in their hair, doing they're doing all of this girly

14:14

stuff. But they're still

14:16

considered super cute and like totally fine.

14:19

So what's wrong with shaving your leg hair off?

14:22

I mean, nothing's wrong with shaving

14:24

your leg hair off. But what I think Claire needs to remember

14:27

is that middle schoolers are

14:29

caught up in kind of different things

14:31

than maybe we are at almost

14:34

thirty, you know, because I mean,

14:36

remember when you're in middle school. This is like when your

14:38

hormones hit and all of a sudden, you're so

14:40

focused on fitting in and

14:42

doing the right thing and wearing the right stuff

14:45

that when you see someone you know

14:47

who you expect to be normal, like your brother,

14:50

do something that to your middle school

14:52

brain is outside of the norm, You're like, whoa,

14:54

whoa? Whoa, whoa. This is outside of my box

14:56

of what I consider normal, which is what you

14:58

know. I'm just learning these things because I'm in middle school.

15:00

I'm just learning what's normal and what you're supposed to do.

15:03

So, Claire, I'm not saying that she's

15:05

a lost cause, I'm just saying that keep in

15:07

mind that she has a whole

15:10

different set of norms in her

15:12

brain than maybe you and your friend do. Yeah,

15:14

because I remember

15:16

middle school days and pretty much everything

15:19

was embarrassing, especially

15:21

anything family related. You know.

15:23

Yeah, absolutely, so

15:26

I hope that helps. And even

15:29

though we did not have time to get to all of y'all's

15:31

questions, there is one good

15:33

one that I think we can close out

15:36

on. And this is coming from a sixteen

15:38

year old listener who asked, if you could give

15:40

any advice to your sixteen year old

15:42

self, what would it be? Was

15:45

your speed, Caroline, I'm trying to think of myself

15:48

at sixteen, and I think the advice

15:50

I would give back then

15:52

is continue to study hard

15:55

because you're going to get into a good school self,

15:58

but don't maybe take things so

16:01

seriously. I

16:04

don't know, um and

16:06

and just a note to my past self every

16:09

time you listen to Fleetwood, Mac, you're gonna think about

16:11

when you got that first car and we're driving around

16:13

at night to meet your friends at Starbucks. You

16:17

know I'm going to think about that, Mac.

16:20

I hope that's not weird. Not at I'll share my memory.

16:23

What I would tell my sixteen year old self, and

16:25

something that I still tell my twenty

16:27

eight year old self far more

16:29

often that I'm even comfortable

16:32

to admit, is to don't be so

16:34

scared of what other people think of you, Because

16:36

maybe if I had been telling myself that

16:39

from a younger age, maybe I wouldn't

16:42

be telling myself that as much from

16:44

an older age, because it takes a while, I feel

16:46

like to understand and

16:48

be okay with the fact that not everybody's gonna

16:51

like you, and that's

16:53

totally fine. It's not an excuse to be a jerk.

16:55

It's just in terms of when you're

16:58

pursuing what you're passionate about,

17:00

and you're doing any kind of creative work,

17:03

if you're constantly thinking about how

17:05

to please everyone and

17:07

that if that is some kind of a goal, then

17:11

it is gonna stymy I think some

17:13

of some of the process, or a

17:15

lot of the process, and I am speaking

17:17

from personal experience, and I wish

17:19

it that had been something that I've been more focused

17:22

on from an even younger

17:24

age. Yeah. Oh and one more thing, if I

17:26

can borrow from Bo's Learman's everybody

17:28

wear sunscreen, you are

17:30

not as fat as

17:33

you imagine. Oh yeah, that's something

17:36

I still tell myself

17:39

all the time. Yeah,

17:41

maybe we should have just maybe this question

17:43

should just be like what do you What do

17:45

y'all tell yourself all the time on a daily

17:47

basis? Yes, don't eat the whole do

17:50

eat the whole sandwich sandwich because

17:53

you're awful when you're angry, Caroline

17:55

Urban, Well,

17:58

I think that's wraps up our our bonus

18:00

episode. Again, we weren't able to get to everyone's

18:03

questions. If this is something that folks

18:06

enjoyed, We love hearing

18:08

from you and like dontling

18:11

out advice, So we could do it again.

18:14

This doesn't have to be a two time

18:16

thing. Just let us

18:18

know and you know how to reach us mom Stuff

18:21

at Discovery dot com. You

18:23

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18:36

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18:40

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18:45

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