0:03

Welcome to stuff Mom Never Told

0:05

You from how Stuff Works dot com.

0:11

Hello, and welcome to the podcast. I'm Kristen

0:14

and I'm Caroline and Caroline

0:16

on the podcast, we have talked a lot about

0:19

sex. We've talked

0:21

a lot about pregnancy. So

0:24

let's bring them both together for

0:27

pregnancy sex.

0:30

Okay, And if there are guys out there,

0:32

like my roommate, they just went a

0:36

lot of people have a bad reaction to pregnancy sex.

0:38

Well, it might because it doesn't

0:40

necessarily go together in our brain

0:42

because we have

0:45

sex to get pregnant, but then

0:47

after that we don't think about having

0:49

more sex. And also if you

0:51

think about it too, like uh um,

0:54

once you are pretty full

0:57

term with a baby, it

0:59

might not seem like there's a lot of room to

1:02

have sex. Yeah, or that it's safe or

1:04

comfortable. Yeah, Like what if

1:07

like could you poke a baby? If

1:09

you're having sex? Lets to say, hey,

1:11

hey baby, you awake, So

1:14

let's talk about pregnancy sex. Can you have

1:16

it? The answer spoiler alert,

1:19

Yes you can. Yeah,

1:21

Um, it's safe. It's perfectly

1:24

safe. That's for low risk pregnancies.

1:26

We should say it's perfectly safe. Unfortunately,

1:30

a lot of this confusion about like is

1:32

it safe, when should you do it? When should you not do

1:34

it? Is because there there really is kind of a lack

1:36

of guidelines and information out there for

1:38

for pregnant people. Yeah, I

1:40

was very surprised to find that

1:43

it was only in February of two thousand

1:45

eleven that there was a

1:47

primer on pregnancy sex

1:50

published for the first time. This was

1:52

in the Canadian Medical Association

1:55

Journal, because of that

1:57

dearth of information about it.

1:59

And they found that by tracking

2:02

women who were pregnant and had different

2:05

kinds of like low risk pregnant season,

2:07

some had higher risk pregnant season. Tracking the

2:09

different kinds of sexual activity that they

2:11

had, they concluded that a

2:14

lot of our fears about having

2:16

sex while you're pregnant, we're really for

2:20

no reason. Yeah, and I did realize

2:22

that I said pregnant people earlier

2:25

women are people. Um So,

2:27

Crystal Chan, who's the co author of the study

2:30

that that Kristen mentioned, talks

2:32

about different stages of pregnancy

2:35

and and what might feel good and when you

2:37

might not really feel sexy because

2:40

your sex drive and your libido do fluctuate

2:43

during your your three trimesters.

2:45

Yeah, it pretty much looks like a bell

2:47

curve because during the first trimester,

2:50

you are getting

2:52

morning sickness, you're fatigued,

2:55

you're nauseated. I don't know about you, Caroline,

2:57

that does not sound like sexy

2:59

time times to me. But come

3:02

the second trimester, wow,

3:06

watch out, because not only

3:08

are you more lubricated, you also have

3:10

increased blood flow to the genitals

3:12

and engorgement. Your

3:14

body is ready to have sex.

3:16

And I have talked to friends

3:19

who have been pregnant before and they

3:21

can attest to being

3:24

very, very randy

3:28

during pregnancy. Well, so that's got to be

3:30

unfortunate. Though, If you're in your second trimester

3:32

and you are feeling kind of randy but your partner is too

3:34

afraid to have sex with you, well

3:36

we can now dispel some fears. Perhaps,

3:39

right. That is pregnancy sex for all,

3:41

unless it's your third trimester, in

3:44

which case there's some weight gain and back pain

3:46

going on. So you really might just feel uncomfortable

3:49

and you know, might not really be in the mood

3:52

that much. But according

3:54

to the Mayo Clinic, as long as your pregnancy is proceeding

3:56

normally, you can have all the sex

3:58

you want because it will not cause

4:01

a miscarriage. Yeah,

4:03

and for people who might be nervous

4:06

that you could harm

4:09

the fetus by having

4:11

intercourse. During pregnancy,

4:14

the fetus is very protected

4:16

by amniotic fluid and the uterus and

4:18

on top of that a mucous plug

4:21

that blocks the cervix. It has been described

4:23

as a pillow surrounded

4:26

by another pillow by Dr Daniel

4:29

Stelaski over at web md,

4:31

and a lot of times once especially, it's it's

4:34

usually the men who are a little more concerned

4:36

about their penis poking

4:39

the baby. And yeah,

4:41

a lot of times once they hear about all of the swaddling,

4:44

the pillow, noness of

4:46

it all usually puts them a little bit more

4:49

at ease. Right. But so some of

4:51

this misinformation or lack

4:53

of information has led to some interesting,

4:56

interesting medical advice. This is from a Time article

4:58

on the topic u UM. One Italian

5:01

doctor said that she advises women to avoid

5:03

orgasm because the uterine contractions

5:05

could lead to labor. And she said, I

5:08

tell patients they can have sex as

5:10

much as they want, as long as they don't enjoy it.

5:12

Right, But that's actually a huge

5:15

myth, right, because the

5:18

uterine contractions that might

5:20

be stimulated by an orgasm

5:22

are different from labor

5:25

contractions, right, and so having

5:27

an orgasm while you're pregnant doesn't increase

5:30

the risk of premature labor. So we

5:32

can just put that one to risk. But

5:34

what about positions. Surely

5:37

you know there are some sexual positions

5:39

that might be better than better

5:41

for baby than others.

5:44

Yeah, uh, most are okay,

5:46

uh they this is from Mayo Clinic.

5:48

They suggest that you try lying next

5:50

to your partner, maybe spooning or on

5:53

top ask men even suggested

5:55

that you maybe have your your partner sitting

5:57

in a chair and you sit in his lap. Try

6:00

it that way because actually there

6:02

is one position that is

6:05

that does start to have some complications. Yeah,

6:07

missionary looks like, if you're pregnant

6:09

and you want to have sex, you gotta spice it up a

6:11

little bit because having

6:13

sex while with a pregnant woman on her

6:16

back might not be so

6:18

great because it increases

6:20

the like the weight of the growing uterus

6:22

will put pressure on major

6:25

blood vessels and it could cause supine

6:28

hypotensive syndrome

6:30

that could lead to a change in heart rate and blood

6:32

pressure and dizziness.

6:35

Yeah, so make a make a

6:37

chair handy for you guys.

6:39

Um, Now, oral sex, what about oral sex,

6:41

that's safe, right, Well, mostly

6:44

unless your partner blows air into your vagina,

6:46

in which case, oh my god,

6:49

I never knew this, but a burst of air

6:51

actually could block a blood vessel,

6:53

causing an air embolism, and that could

6:56

be life threatening not only for

6:58

the fetus but also for the

7:01

mother. So oral sex, you

7:03

know, that's okay, but no no blowing,

7:05

no blowing. Anal sex, though,

7:08

this might be off the table,

7:10

just to be on the safe side,

7:13

because a pregnancy related hemorrhoids

7:16

could make it uncomfortable and it

7:19

could also allow infection, causing bacteria

7:21

to spread from the rectum to

7:23

the vagina. Uh, it's not a guarantee,

7:26

and it's not saying that you will necessarily hurt

7:29

the baby, but just again, to be on

7:31

the safe side, you might want to just steer clear

7:33

of anal sex, right. And there's

7:35

a question about condoms, you know, do you need to use

7:38

a condom? Well, you should

7:40

always use a condom if your partner

7:42

does have a sexually transmitted infection.

7:44

But there is that whole discussion about you

7:46

know, for for two committed partners

7:48

in a relationship, who they are, you

7:51

know, they know that they don't have a sexually transmitted

7:53

infection. It's like, whoa, we could

7:55

have sex and no birth control, but

7:59

to be safe, you want to

8:01

wear a condom during pregnancy

8:03

because s t I S could increase

8:05

the risk of infections that can end up affecting

8:08

your pregnancy and the fetus's health. Yeah,

8:10

and there is a myth out there that

8:12

once you get pregnant you can't contract

8:14

an s c I or an STD and that is totally

8:17

false, which is why this

8:19

condom conversation comes up

8:21

to begin with. So it

8:23

sounds like, you know, we

8:25

can go for it. Maybe no, maybe

8:27

no anal sex and perhaps

8:30

no keep the missionary position

8:32

limited, especially as the pregnancy

8:35

progresses. So yeah,

8:38

we can do everything right unless

8:41

unless, unless, there are a couple of conditions.

8:43

This is also coming from the Mayo clinic. So

8:47

it is not safe pregnancy. Sex is not

8:49

safe if you're at risk for

8:52

preterm labor, if you have unexplained

8:54

vaginal bleeding or you're lacking amniotic

8:56

fluid, or if your servix

8:58

begins to open prematurely. Your placenta

9:01

partly or completely covers your

9:03

cervical opening and is last one is known as

9:05

placenta previa, which puts

9:07

the mother risk of hemorrhaging. Yeah. A lot of times

9:10

in those situations, a you

9:12

will want to consult your doctor. And a lot

9:14

of times doctors will say

9:16

maybe no to intercourse.

9:19

But that doesn't mean that oral sex would

9:22

be off the table if, for instance, uh,

9:24

intercourse is a no go.

9:27

Not to make myself some kind of pregnancy sex

9:29

therapist for a minute. And

9:31

if you are having sex while you're pregnant and

9:33

you notice bleeding or a foul

9:35

smelling discharge, it could be the sign

9:38

of an infection that could travel up the

9:40

uterus. So again, check in with

9:42

your doctor if that's going on.

9:44

Yeah, definitely safe than sorry, I'm

9:46

safe and sorry. But really with the finding, the

9:49

major takeaway from that study

9:51

that was published in the Canadian Medical Journal

9:53

in two thousand eleven is that, more

9:56

than we have ever acknowledged in the

9:58

past, sex during pregnant see

10:01

is generally fine.

10:03

Yeah, I mean, as long as you find

10:05

a comfortable, safe position with your

10:07

partner, go for it. Yeah,

10:10

and do you have a low risk pregnancy.

10:12

Of course, it's always talked to your doctor. You should be checking

10:14

in with with the duck or the nurse

10:16

practitioner. We do not wear lab coats

10:18

here. No, that's for sure. Now

10:20

all right, so we're talking about sex during pregnancy.

10:24

What's what's this thing about sex or pregnancy?

10:27

I mean being an aphrodisiac. Yeah,

10:29

during the second trimester. You know, we mentioned

10:31

that the women's libido tends to skyrocket,

10:35

But what about guys.

10:38

For some men and

10:41

I've met for someone listening, pregnancy

10:45

is a turn on there, I said it. Yeah,

10:49

there there are certain things that really draw men

10:51

to pregnant ladies. According

10:54

to sex educator Logan love Cough,

10:56

this isn't an article on CNN. She

10:58

said, there's something about being pregnant that gives

11:00

you this sense of confidence, being in

11:02

your own skin. There is something

11:04

about owning that and owning your body, and people

11:07

pick up on that. Yeah,

11:09

then they go, want to say, a voracious

11:11

appetite for food translates to an appetite

11:14

for other things life in general, and of course

11:16

sex. They make pregnancy sounds

11:18

of cosmopolitans. All

11:21

of a sudden, you're out there on ferris wheels and

11:23

swinging around, throwing your hat up in the

11:25

air like Mary Tyler Moore, momos have never

11:27

looked so good. Um.

11:30

So, yeah, I mean You've also heard about the pregnancy

11:32

glow, and I don't

11:34

know, I don't know pregnant women out there were

11:37

you glowing? Uh, this could be just more

11:39

of the projecting confidence

11:42

thing, like, Hey, I'm growing a

11:44

person inside of me, you know, like I'm

11:46

growing this little fetus that's gonna you know, pop

11:48

out and be my baby. That's that's a pretty

11:50

impressive thing for your body to do, right, Yeah,

11:53

I mean, my body's never done that keeps

11:55

impressive to me. Sharon

11:58

cook Over at CNN talked

12:00

to some fellows to try

12:03

to get to the bottom of this, and

12:05

they started, Yeah, the glow that you're talking about. Obviously

12:09

breast engorgement. Your boobs

12:11

tend to get bigger, and supposedly

12:14

men are quote unquote wired to

12:16

scan for signs of fertility,

12:18

and so a pregnant woman always brings out an odd

12:21

mix of physical attraction and desire

12:23

to be protective. She

12:26

writes, even if it is

12:28

not that person's

12:30

fetus inside of a

12:32

woman, that there's still

12:34

something that supposedly is is sparked,

12:37

perhaps to the point of being a

12:40

fetish Yeah, and I mean, what

12:42

a better sign of fertility than you

12:44

know, actually being pregnant.

12:47

That gets a pretty good sign. Now,

12:49

there's also this idea that mom's

12:53

hormones can affect dad's hormones

12:55

and that this creates a bonding situation.

12:58

UH. Neuropsychiatry is Luann

13:01

Brizendine. UH

13:03

put it out there that pregnant women's pheromones

13:06

suppressed testosterone levels and

13:08

their male partners and in turn

13:10

increase the men's production of prolactin.

13:12

This leads to quote unquote daddy brain

13:15

and bonds the father to the mother. Supposedly,

13:17

Yeah, and there have been a number

13:20

of cross cultural studies that

13:22

have confirmed that men

13:25

who have kids, and specifically who

13:27

spend time with their children do have

13:29

lower levels of testosterone in

13:31

their saliva and uh

13:34

increased levels of prolactin,

13:36

that bonding hormone compared

13:38

to childless single men. But

13:40

when it comes to that attraction

13:43

of say like a guy who's walking

13:45

through a grocery store sees a pregnant women

13:47

a woman and is aroused

13:49

by that, that that has

13:51

nothing to do with this kind

13:53

of physiological response.

13:56

And in fact, a study published

13:58

in the Journal of Sexual Medicine and two thousand

14:00

eleven looked into

14:03

what might possibly cause

14:05

that arousal specifically in heterosexual

14:08

guys towards pregnant women.

14:11

And this was conducted by some Italian researchers,

14:14

and they found

14:17

a correlation at least caveat

14:19

correlation causation ahead. Uh.

14:22

They found that men

14:24

who had been exposed the longest

14:27

to their moms who were

14:29

pregnant or breastfeeding were

14:32

the most uh titilated

14:35

by pregnant women. Right. They

14:38

did find that the preference for pregnant

14:40

and breastfeeding women was more common in men

14:42

who had younger siblings. And

14:44

this is sort of like the sibling would have to be

14:46

within five years

14:49

younger than them, because that's your that's your

14:51

really like sensitive period to you know,

14:53

develop mentally, when you're when you're Freudian,

14:56

sexual imprinting supposedly

14:58

happens. Right. So I'm and if your partner

15:00

has younger siblings ubba

15:03

hobba, he might really find you very sexy.

15:06

Yeah, if you're a guy who comes is

15:08

the oldest from a large family, I'm

15:10

I'm going to be very curious to hear if

15:12

if that is anecdotally confirmed.

15:16

And I'm also curious with this whole pregnancy

15:19

fetish thing. Uh. Not surprisingly,

15:21

a lot of this is focused just

15:23

on guys, and anecdotally, I

15:25

do know of guy friends

15:27

who have expressed similar

15:31

interest in in

15:33

pregnant women. Did they do

15:35

they say? What, did they explain anything

15:37

behind it? It is, uh,

15:40

it's generally it's the thing. I mean, it's

15:42

not a ton of guys. It's only like probably like two or

15:44

three that I can think of at the top of my head that I've had

15:46

a conversation with about it. But they

15:49

normally explain it as there's

15:51

no possible way

15:53

that they could impregnate

15:56

that person, so it's completely

15:59

in a re productive sense, safe

16:01

sex. Okay,

16:04

I don't know, but I also don't know.

16:06

I'm now thinking I don't. I don't know what they're They're

16:08

sibling lineup is maybe

16:10

that had something to do with it. But I also

16:12

wondered too though, if in same sex populations,

16:15

if this happens, if if some lesbians

16:18

out there also attracted to pregnant

16:21

women, I bet there's a pregnancy

16:24

glow attractiveness that happens. Yeah.

16:27

Okay, So babbel dot

16:29

Com had had a nice little funny

16:31

slideshow of stock photos over on their website

16:34

kind of going over why

16:37

your man would be super attracted

16:39

to you during your pregnancy.

16:41

And you know number one, he feels like a man.

16:44

He's proud that you're carrying his child.

16:47

He likes your new curves, you can try

16:49

all those new sex positions that we mentioned,

16:52

And he wants to touch you more. And I

16:55

I thought this was the best slash

16:58

weirdest statement ever

17:00

as far as he wants to touch you more. Quote,

17:03

he can't deny your dough eyes

17:06

when you ask for intimate services

17:08

like backgroubs and foot massages.

17:10

Now, wouldn't you assume that perhaps

17:13

the pregnancy was preceded

17:15

by a said lack of denial

17:18

or said intimate services. Intimate

17:21

services? Yeah, and they mentioned the whole no birth control

17:24

thing. You're glow again. There's

17:26

that glow. Maybe we should do a podcast on the pregnancy

17:28

glow. And can you get it without

17:30

being pregnant? Mmmm?

17:33

Well, I mean I use blush

17:35

that gives me a nice some bronzer. Yeah,

17:38

so that's how we single ladies get our glow.

17:41

There's also your raging hormones,

17:44

which equals sexy

17:46

times. I can try mster watch out. Yeah,

17:48

but okay, so what else is there? Your skin

17:50

supposedly get softer you're bonded

17:53

because you're planning on being parents together.

17:55

I mean, I'm sure that's an incredible process

17:58

to go to go through. Um

18:00

and this was also mentioned from

18:03

that CNN article, your confidence

18:05

and your grace of saying,

18:07

hey, you know what I am, I'm

18:10

a woman with a growing

18:13

child side of me. Yeah.

18:15

Well, I do know a lot of friends

18:18

who have had babies who would disagree with the

18:20

grace thing because eventually

18:22

there just comes a point, like my poor friend Jessica,

18:25

Eventually there just comes a point where you just

18:27

feel like, get this out of me. I

18:29

am hot and uncomfortable

18:31

and swollen. So

18:34

maybe if if you have felt graceful during

18:36

your pregnancy, I would like to hear that story. Yeah,

18:38

imagining being being pregnant in

18:40

the dead of summer. My mother

18:43

was she threatened to kill people?

18:46

Uh if she didn't get americanditioning. But

18:50

I bet she threatened gracefully in

18:55

her very Southern lady kind

18:57

of way. Yes. But the great

18:59

news is, though, with all

19:01

of the information that we have just

19:04

told out about more of the mechanics

19:06

of sex arousal around sex except

19:09

maybe like the you know, the morning sickness phase

19:11

and toward the ladder end of the third trimester.

19:14

It sounds all good, like,

19:17

apparently you're giving off sexy

19:19

vibes, you're feeling sexy vibes.

19:22

Is pregnancy the sexiest nine months

19:24

of your life? I

19:26

don't know. I think it's time to ask

19:29

listeners. Can pregnancy sex

19:31

happened? Doesn't happen? When were the times

19:33

when you were like, ab solutely

19:35

not don't do this. And guys

19:38

out there are pregnant women just mysteriously

19:41

or not so mysteriously attractive.

19:44

Do you walk up to pregnant women in the grocery store?

19:46

Do you ask pregnant women on dates? That?

19:49

That was one story and some article about a

19:51

guy who walked up to that woman and asked her to go to

19:54

or watch a soccer game or something. Yeah, go watch

19:56

the World Cup. Yeah, just ignore the wedding ring. Why

19:58

don't you? Jeez? Ever, so

20:00

let us know all of your pregnancy

20:03

sex stories. Well,

20:05

I mean, you know the you

20:07

know, the drill mom stuff at Discovery

20:10

dot com is where you can send them.

20:12

And before we jump into listener

20:15

mail, I've got a quick word from

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In speaking of movies that you can stream

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instantly, we recommend since we

20:56

were talking about pregnancy related stuff, how

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Head on over Netflix dot com slash

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mom and now back to our

21:27

listener mail. Okay

21:32

Patrick has a little

21:34

anecdote about our punk rock show

21:37

Um. He says that as

21:39

I listened to the punk Rock episode, I could not help

21:41

but think of my cousin Joanna. She attended

21:43

Evergreen State in the early nineties and

21:45

worked at K Records. Later, I

21:47

sent her a link to the show to ask her about it.

21:50

Her response came via text message,

21:52

and I, as the reader of this

21:54

message, will translate um.

21:58

He said that his cousin Jo Hannah's d

22:00

they did a good job. Thank you, Johannah.

22:04

I heard about a lot of that initial Zane

22:06

band stuff while living in Olympia, though

22:08

it was just before I moved there. The familiar

22:11

names are Beth Ditto, a friend, Carrie

22:13

Brownstein, an acquaintance, Lady

22:15

Fest. I've volunteered at the first one and K

22:18

Records. That's where I worked, but they

22:20

got sort of pushed out of the movement when

22:22

Toby Vale broke up with the label

22:24

owner. So thank you for sending

22:26

us her story. And I've got an email here from

22:28

Laana in response to our episode about

22:30

fem phobia. She writes, I have a bad

22:33

habit that was especially prevalent when I was younger,

22:35

that I will call feminine dismissal.

22:38

I wouldn't say it was a criticism or phobia

22:40

of the feminine, but rather just a complete

22:42

dismissal of any women who choose

22:45

fancy clothes and lots of makeup. To

22:47

me, these women skate by on their looks and don't

22:49

really have anything to add. I don't think I have

22:51

any malicious feelings about them, just apathetic

22:53

dismissal. Of course, this is bad, but I habit

22:56

I still struggle with. However, maybe considered

22:58

this part of my dismissal comes from body image

23:00

issues. The lack of confidence in my body

23:02

makes it easy for me to say, you don't

23:04

dress like that because you are a smart, successful

23:07

woman instead of an airhead. You mentioned

23:09

in the podcast that once again, it

23:11

all seems to come back to how women look, an

23:13

endless cycle of overlapping and confusing concepts.

23:16

Everyone you assume that a woman who is very

23:18

feminine must be vacuous, or you're

23:20

secretly jealous but it's easier to criticize.

23:23

Or do you really just not like lips it because it makes your

23:25

lips feel waxy and funny, or you're just too ashamed

23:27

of your body to care. It's exhausting

23:29

analysis indeed, and

23:32

I think that those all of those issues do

23:34

tend to overlap. But um,

23:37

but yeah, I mean if you are if you are

23:39

looking at a woman and without even talking

23:41

to her, assuming that based on her high heels

23:44

and the color of her hair that she doesn't have anything

23:46

between her ears. Had a problem

23:49

enough with a fem dismissal and femphobia. You

23:52

find your confidence, all right, That's

23:54

what I had to say. Mom

23:57

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23:59

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