0:05

Hey, this is Annie and Samantha and welcome

0:07

to Stefph. I never told you production of iHeartRadio,

0:18

and today we're kind of we're

0:21

We've decided we're going to kind of swap back and

0:23

forth on the Monday minis. Yeah,

0:25

Samantha's covering what I'm covering. Again.

0:27

I think if you know us, you'll probably be able to tell

0:29

most of the time, who did which one. Although I did talk

0:32

more gaming you did than

0:34

you did, so it wasn't horror

0:37

horror based games, but you want gaming outside

0:40

of just that. But just saying I do I

0:42

do, I do UM And this this definitely

0:44

is still going to remain one of our newsier

0:47

segments. And I actually think this is pretty on topic.

0:49

This is a we're weird, you

0:51

know, it's relevant. This is a whole

0:53

thing. It's relevant right now. It's a whole thing right

0:55

now. I do want to start by apologizing to the young

0:57

folks. Apparently I shouldn't

1:00

even be saying this. Are talking about it? But here where

1:02

are we? Why shouldn't you be talking about it? Wait, it's

1:05

like a young internet sling right now and

1:07

they said a five over twenty. I shouldn't be saying

1:10

it, but here I am wait, I don't want

1:12

you to say it. If you're under twenty, that's creepy

1:14

er. Well, we're gonna talk about it. We

1:16

are gonna talk about it. Okay, So today

1:19

we are talking about daddy

1:23

specifically making

1:25

me blush, specifically the

1:29

kind of internet daddy thing that's happened happening

1:31

right now. So I do want to say, like, no kink

1:33

shaming if you're consenting adults. Number

1:36

One, we aren't talking

1:38

about daddy issues. You can see

1:40

our past episode on that. I think we're going to rerun

1:42

that one soon as a classic because

1:44

it is related to this conversation. We're

1:46

not really talking about sugar daddies either. Also,

1:49

it does have a different meaning in the gay

1:51

community and in the kink community. We're

1:53

going to talk about that a little bit, but not too much.

1:56

It can also be a term of coercion. We're

1:58

also not talking about that too much. We're specifically

2:01

talking about this internet phenomenon

2:04

that is really playing out right

2:06

now. So we will touch on those

2:08

things, but that's not kind of the topic

2:11

at hand. But

2:13

yeah, we are seeing it play out right now, particularly

2:15

with Page of uscal Yes, yes,

2:17

who's been called the Internet's Daddy. The

2:21

Last of Us is midway through at

2:23

this point, I guess I should say the date, Oh

2:25

what is it? February twenty third, twenty

2:28

twenty three, and The Mandalorian

2:30

season three is coming out this

2:32

Wednesday, so it's it's like,

2:35

really, oh gosh,

2:37

it's really taken off. There's even an SNL

2:39

skit with Pascal and it about

2:42

this whole thing, and we

2:44

mentioned some of the quotes he has around

2:46

it. He said, daddy is a state of mind.

2:48

He said, I'm your cool, slutty daddy. So

2:52

he's very in on the joke, was

2:54

very very in on the joke. But

2:56

we'll talk about that more in a second. I do want

2:58

to say I got a slash date because I recently

3:00

did that whole Slash episode about why

3:03

I read what I read slash

3:05

generally being two men together in

3:08

fan fiction, Not always, but generally. And

3:10

I remember somebody said to me once I

3:12

would slash page off Pascal with anything, and

3:14

then I reached back out to her and I

3:17

was like, so why did you say that? Just curious.

3:19

She's like, because he's hot, So I didn't even say

3:21

that. I mean, sometimes maybe you just want to see ahead.

3:26

Anyway, I'm sure Oscar Isaac

3:28

and he have been slashed plenty of Oh

3:31

yes, sound dirty the way I just said

3:34

that. I'm so sorry. Keep going, no, no,

3:36

no, yeah, that's about right. All right. So let's

3:38

get into some definitions. So

3:41

from the Washington Post, the slang

3:43

endearment, popular on Twitter and Instagram,

3:46

among other platforms, is usually meant to communicate

3:48

respect slash adoration to a

3:50

male authority figure. This isn't

3:53

entirely family friendly, though the meme

3:55

frequently has a sexual tinge, and

3:58

the article goes on the daddy has

4:00

precious little to do with dads. It's a commentary

4:03

on hero worship and power dynamics

4:05

and sometimes a way of reversing them. Here's

4:08

Peyser writing in New York Magazine.

4:10

So this is a quote. Within the quote, a

4:13

grown woman says, daddy, with intention,

4:15

self assurance and lots of cynicism,

4:17

We claimed daddy as our own, which allows us

4:19

to gently mock the patriarchal structures you're playing

4:21

into. The daddy joke is that we have control

4:24

over the way we manifest Daddy, that we

4:26

could one day even become our

4:28

own daddy. WHOA

4:32

And then so I found a

4:35

whole article boxed specifically about Pedro

4:37

Pascal and this whole

4:39

thing, and here's a quote from that. Pedro

4:41

Pascal didn't invent the concept of daddy,

4:43

nor will he be the last to embody it. Daddies

4:46

have always existed in our world. They're

4:48

handsomely beautiful, the type that comes with age,

4:51

maybe to the point of surprise their

4:53

authority figures. They're effortlessly kind,

4:55

but not always nice, the antithesis

4:58

of toxic masculinity, though their attractiveness

5:01

has often been tethered to an edible

5:03

taboo, complexes

5:05

and issues, and daddies

5:07

would never call typically themselves daddy first

5:10

is a title that is bestowed rather

5:12

than self proclaimed, and

5:15

then continues on the

5:17

fantasy of daddy now exists primarily

5:19

as a one way pursuit. Daddies are

5:21

the object of affection, and if a daddy is

5:23

actively pursuing anyone, let alone a

5:25

recent high school graduate, they are no longer

5:28

daddy. So they were

5:30

talking about that in terms of like like

5:33

Leonardo Dicapriody,

5:36

you know who it was one of the first daddies who

5:39

Steve Carrell really yes,

5:41

And I tell you this is that whole like surprising

5:44

thing. So when he came out like not too

5:46

long ago with the beer the

5:48

white hair, everybody was like, wait,

5:50

what right? And did the name

5:53

daddy I mean, I mean daddy, I mean daddy,

5:55

that's a whole name. Duck video partially

5:58

was because of Steve Carrell rising,

6:00

but like wait what right?

6:03

And he is he's the antithesis of

6:06

that toxic masculinity, so we

6:08

know as of now, as of now, yeah,

6:10

I mean. And that's the interesting thing that they put in

6:12

there is like it's a one way street, like oh,

6:14

yeah, the daddy can't be attracted to

6:16

the young girl calling him daddy, then

6:18

it's gross no longer daddy. Yeah. He's been

6:21

happily married to his wife for years

6:23

and years. We get to see her, you know,

6:26

you know who she is because she's been in all of his movies

6:28

and shows and they write together, and

6:30

then that's one of the appeals, like, oh

6:32

my god, he's an amazing person who stayed just

6:35

because he stayed with Yeah, wife,

6:37

stay faithful as far as we know. That's

6:39

part of it. We're going to talk about that in a second. Yes,

6:43

okay. Another part of this is, as I said, Pascal

6:45

is in on the joke and represents a quote

6:47

particular type of hot and

6:50

for him in particular, it also comes

6:52

with this portrayal of gruff, reluctant

6:55

father figures. Recently,

6:57

there's been a lot of talk because after he was on

6:59

sn he made a joke about like

7:03

his Mandalorian voice being his bedroom voice,

7:05

like a porno voice, and so when

7:07

he uses it, he feels really uncomfortable because

7:09

so he usually is a mask on, so like the helmet

7:11

on, so you don't see it. But now that he said

7:14

that, he's had to volease like this statement,

7:16

like please stop doing that. Stop asking

7:18

me to do it, because now everyone's like,

7:20

do your porn voice. And

7:22

that's when I mentioned in our last Last

7:25

of Buzz episode when I said

7:28

we need to talk about parasocial relationships. That's

7:30

part of because that's been a big conversation with

7:32

him as well. So

7:35

I think we should revisit that, but for

7:38

now. This term

7:40

in this context most

7:42

likely emerged from teen fan

7:45

culture sometime around twenty fourteen. This

7:47

was when Lord I don't remember this at

7:50

all, but brought a lot of attention to it when

7:52

she called Kim k Mom that

7:55

year, and then she explained what she meant by that. And

7:57

then in twenty seven

8:00

teen, a game called Dream Daddy came out,

8:02

which I honestly like chuckled the whole time I

8:04

was reading the description. But basically, like you can choose

8:06

what kind of daddy you want to try to date, Like

8:08

there's a gop daddy. There's like do

8:12

we need to get this game where we

8:15

have we still have to do a game night with all of

8:17

those games that we talked about previously.

8:20

Well, add that to the time.

8:22

Can you imagine I'm like blushing again just thinking

8:24

about it. Oh Man, New

8:26

York Times named twenty eighteen

8:29

the Year of the Daddy. Okay,

8:32

but I mean there's a reason that

8:34

I'm kind of blushing about it, right because

8:36

there is a sexualization around it and

8:39

there that has a longer history

8:42

than what we're going to cover in this podcast.

8:45

But basically, researchers believe that

8:47

that stems from terms like daddy

8:50

issues and from pop music and kink

8:52

communities. Um Alana

8:55

Levinson dug into this whole thing

8:57

and wrote, it's easy to forget that term

8:59

for all. Tubiquity is also an actual

9:01

sexual fetish. Using the term daddy

9:04

is like BDSM light and gives you the

9:06

right amount of semi role play without having

9:08

to go the leather root or engage in a full

9:10

on immersive role play. An anonymous

9:12

twenty eight year old woman explains to me in

9:14

this context, daddy is a gateway

9:16

to exploring the dominant submissive dynamic,

9:19

which doesn't always need to be overtly sexual.

9:21

It can be funny, playful, or just weird.

9:24

And so that whole thing can be traced back to at

9:27

least in the nineteen seventies. You can

9:29

hear it in a lot of porn

9:31

and songs. I just recently rewatched X

9:33

It's in there, and throughout I keep

9:35

getting that song What's your Name? Who's Your Daddy? Stuck

9:38

in my head? Now it

9:40

does usually it

9:43

usually but not always

9:46

implies an age or maturity

9:48

gap, or there's like the power dynamic

9:50

is very key throughout all of this. So

9:54

this history led to some claims

9:56

that people using the term is appropriating

9:58

it. This was called daddy gate hashtag daddy

10:00

gates. I think it's twenty seventeen somewhere

10:03

around there. But then it was sort

10:05

of agreed upon that a lot of subcultures

10:07

use daddy, I guess, but people were fighting

10:09

about it for a minute, and then from

10:11

in Style, here's a quote from my

10:13

perspective as a homosexual male, use it.

10:15

The term daddy and gay culture where it's specifically

10:17

popular, boils down to your sexual preferences.

10:20

Bottoms the label for generally submissive

10:22

types in bed if they're so inclined, call

10:24

their dominant partners labeled tops daddy.

10:27

It outlines the power dynamics of the sexual

10:30

relationship and boils down to sex. The

10:32

article quoted Jack Halbert Stam,

10:35

I hope I got somewhere quotes on that, a professor

10:37

of English and Gender Studies at Columbia University

10:39

and the author of several books like In

10:41

a Queer Time and Place, The Queer Art

10:43

of Failure, Female Masculinity and go

10:46

Got Feminism, Sex, Gender, and the End

10:48

of Normal. And the quote is from

10:51

my perspective, it comes from black culture.

10:53

I think that's a pretty accurate origin story if

10:55

you needed one. And the article goes on to say

10:57

Albert Stam explains that terms

11:00

mommy and daddy became sexualized in post

11:02

slavery period when black

11:04

kinship was disoriented, and

11:07

that is also forty and so he said, unfortunately,

11:10

we do still live in this matrix of family relationships

11:12

that are both taboo and eroticized, and often

11:14

eroticized precisely where a parent

11:16

is absent rather than where the

11:18

parent is present. And that's really a psychoanalytic

11:21

way of thinking about it. It lingers from

11:23

a number of different sources. There

11:26

is a lot more like when I was doing this research, I was

11:28

wow, I guess I should have realized. But m

11:32

Zaddy, on the other hand, was

11:34

coined in twenty sixteen after the Taie

11:36

Dollar Science song. And the difference

11:39

is Zaddy is a daddy with swag. I

11:41

guess they're better dressed and just loving you.

11:43

He's talking about all these things with hip hop

11:45

lingo. Thank you, thank you. Sorry. I apologize

11:48

that, all

12:04

right. So I do have my own theories that I

12:06

want to talk about, which is related to all

12:08

of this stuff. But and

12:11

I am going to talk specifically kind of about

12:13

because I do love The Last of Us. I do love Star Wars

12:15

Mandalorian. I have seen this

12:18

in fan fiction so many

12:20

times, so I'm kind of like talking

12:23

about that specifically, but I

12:25

think it can be

12:28

relevant other categories as well. But I

12:30

think there's like the kind of dichotomy of

12:34

you know that, Yeah, like the antithesis

12:37

of toxic masculinity, which I could debate

12:39

about that, but kind of the dichotomy of their

12:41

gruff. They're kind of closed off,

12:44

and then you have somebody,

12:47

whether it is a young

12:50

child or whether it is a romantic person

12:53

who kind of wears

12:56

them down. I guess like gets through their their

12:59

shields are just

13:02

through pure stubbornness, is

13:06

able to make a relationship or a connection with

13:08

this person. I think there's also

13:12

a protection level,

13:14

like a feeling like oh, this person will protect

13:16

you, will protect this

13:19

innocent person. I

13:21

do think like if you're going into the sexual

13:24

realm, which again this is about me talking about

13:26

fan fiction, I think there's like a giving up

13:28

of control element and like this

13:30

person will protect you and

13:32

I can be the submissive

13:35

one or whatever. It's usually because like I said,

13:37

I feel like I've said this on the podcast several times, but I

13:39

know I've said it to you too, Like usually there's still even

13:41

if it's two men, one of them is more

13:44

feminine, one of them is like the

13:46

more fem one's

13:49

it's usually pretty physical too, like smaller,

13:52

prettier. I do think there's

13:54

like conditioning going

13:57

on of just how we've all been raised in

14:01

our society and what we've been taught

14:03

is like attractive, but

14:05

it's also I think sometimes it's just nice,

14:08

like hell, here's the strong dude who will protect me.

14:13

I do think I've read a lot of articles about

14:16

the show The Last of Us, specifically

14:18

about like, oh, here we've got the dad

14:20

jucks. I love he's telling dad jucks. Oh

14:23

he's got anxiety. I can relate to the

14:25

anxiety, like all of these things.

14:28

And yeah, there's certainly like they

14:30

don't care about anybody, but they care about

14:33

you well, Like they're so tough, but

14:35

you're the one that they

14:37

broke through and now they can't styll

14:40

do anything for you. You're

14:43

the one that made them like finally get in touch

14:45

with their emotions. I've

14:47

made them cry. They're protective. Now they do

14:49

anything, but you kind of have to earn

14:51

it. I read that in a lot of places it's not unconditional,

14:55

kind of have to like really really earn it, and

14:57

then you can get them to stay, to

14:59

stay see you. So I

15:02

would also say this

15:04

is a bigger conversation than

15:07

I want to have right now. But often in

15:10

at least in the fan fiction space when this is a romantic

15:12

kind of thing that the

15:15

daddy the other person is kind

15:17

of infantilizing a little a little

15:20

are like this more childlike are

15:22

more like sense of wonder, curiosity,

15:25

innocence. So

15:27

you've got this like world weary character who

15:30

is unwillingly drawn in as

15:32

a protector for the more quote like innocent,

15:35

younger, smaller one. And that's kind of going back to what

15:37

we said, like it's like kind of

15:40

inherently a power dynamic

15:42

thing. And also there

15:45

usually is some kind of like age or maturity

15:47

gap something. It is somebody who

15:50

probably take care of you. They are usually

15:52

physically strong. They can usually like lift you up

15:54

and carret you know, it's super easy. I

15:56

do think there's some self esteem issues here,

16:00

but that's also for another time.

16:02

I've talked about it before. I think we talked about

16:04

it in our Daddy issued episode, and it's

16:06

I think it's like going back to what a lot of people

16:09

said. I think it's

16:11

like a safe way to admit some attractions

16:13

that we have are problematic, like because

16:16

it's that one way street right, like it's not coming

16:18

back at you, and there can be issues

16:20

with that as well as Padro Pascal. I said, like, please

16:22

stop asking me to do these things. But you

16:24

know, hopefully fingers

16:26

cross. Ideally it's a one way street where you can kind

16:28

of express this attraction and nothing's going to come of it,

16:31

and it's a way to perhaps address

16:35

that. We know, oh, it's not great that I'm

16:37

attracted to this thing, but

16:40

I do have something. I

16:43

the conditioning are what that has got me attracted

16:45

to this. And then I did want to touch on this very

16:48

briefly, and then I promise I'll stop for now. But

16:50

I saw another article that was like kind

16:53

of jokingly about how

16:55

The Last of Us is a show about single parenting and

16:57

how people found that so attractive. And so

16:59

we've talked about before two like difference between

17:01

how we treat mothers and fathers

17:04

entertainment but also real life, because like

17:07

if you think of like the dad

17:09

Bob, that's like a sexy thing. Whereas for

17:11

women were like, why didn't you lose the weight more quickly?

17:14

We being the whole society, not me. But

17:18

they also talked about how being a milf is

17:21

something that happens in spite of having kids,

17:24

but being a dilf is

17:26

because you have kids and there's

17:28

a lot of theories around that around

17:31

like is it where people who are attracted

17:33

to delves are looking for a man who will stay, you

17:35

can take care of kids, like all of those

17:37

things from Poorman Hub here's

17:39

a statistic. Women are nineties six percent

17:42

more likely to search for dad and

17:44

daddy compared to men. They

17:47

are perceived to emote more, whether

17:49

they do or not, and it's the kids

17:52

that matter. One of the studies I found,

17:55

right, it's not the age because it was

17:57

kind of like bringing attractiveness and

17:59

changing all these variables. But they found

18:01

it it was the kids, and they

18:04

postulated it was like a potential mating strategy

18:06

like, oh, he's fertile, you can take care of me,

18:08

you can take care of a kid. And it

18:11

held true even if the woman in question,

18:13

the women in question didn't want kids. I

18:17

don't know. Um, it's

18:21

a lot going on, That's what I can say. Going

18:23

on. There is, there is, and I'm

18:25

sure we'll have more to talk about with this. Obviously

18:27

there's a lot of pathways we could go. But this like conversation

18:30

is raging online right now, so

18:33

well you shall see what anything in with pimp

18:35

Daddy, Yeah, which

18:38

is a whole school word, but I don't

18:40

hear as much anymore. Yeah,

18:43

I briefly read about that,

18:47

and it

18:50

sounds like that's kind of been because

18:53

it gets mixed up with sugar daddy, pimped addy, and like

18:55

I said at the top, some people use it as coercion

18:58

tactics in very very unhealthy

19:00

relationships. So I think a lot of people

19:02

have kind of heard about that and backed away,

19:04

but I'm not sure. I didn't look into it too much. M

19:08

interesting, It is very interesting.

19:13

Well, listeners,

19:15

if you've got any thoughts about this, I'm really sorry

19:18

that I probably made everybody

19:20

cringe, but I was curious.

19:22

It was a fun moment. I'm

19:25

sorry, but I would love

19:27

to hear from you about it. You can email

19:30

to stuff idio mom Stuff at iHeartMedia dot

19:32

com. You can find us on Twitter at mom Stuff podcast,

19:34

or on Instagram and TikTok at Stuff I

19:36

Ever Told You. Thanks It's always too our super producer, Christina.

19:39

Thank you, Christina, and thanks to you for

19:41

listening Stuff I Never Told You protection I High

19:43

Radio. For more podcast in my Heart Radio, you can check out the High

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Radio Apple podcast or wherever you listen to your favorite shows,