0:02

Act

0:05

three log line twelve's

0:07

log line

0:11

Who wrote this log

0:14

line? Twelve Steps of Christmas

0:16

a filthy Christmas comedy. When

0:18

a rebellious kid is to night his dream

0:21

Christmas present by his mom, He goes

0:23

to a strange alcoholic father

0:25

who lies about being sober, with an

0:27

idea adapt the twelve Step

0:29

program to teach me how not to

0:32

be you hell, you been drinking

0:34

along and home, that's not just your

0:36

liquor talking. Act two hit

0:38

a little harder and left us all in

0:41

our whiskey fields, ending

0:43

with Jake bolting from his mom's apartment

0:45

into the night. Well

0:48

Ashley find him. Can they

0:50

reconcile after such a big fight?

0:52

What about Carl and Jake had

0:54

their own falling out. Carl also needs

0:56

to win over mister humbug himself is dowur

0:59

p goh River Jordan

1:03

and what about me? Well, my ice freeze

1:06

in time for my next drink? Stay

1:08

tuned, Just just just slow

1:11

down, you see buck,

1:13

drink up? Bah? I mean, what what are

1:15

you a woman? Statistically?

1:18

Yes? You you you podcast

1:20

listener? You? I think that's super

1:23

Personally mmm,

1:27

I love women. The

1:29

wrong ones love me though, or at least

1:31

they love my money or

1:33

really my looks inherited both

1:36

from a vindictive mother for what

1:39

washt them both to increasingly younger

1:42

versions of her no less

1:45

well, look at me now the face on

1:47

the radio, baby anyhow,

1:51

and ENJOYOC three. Jake and Carl try

1:54

to give Ashley one nice

1:56

day that needs some nice

2:00

fucking I spoke fucking cold water

2:02

my life.

2:07

Exterior town streets, city bus

2:09

stop night. Jake

2:12

waits with others. It's scary for a kid.

2:14

Christmas is bursting all around, but

2:17

the mood is not cheery. Even

2:19

the warm expressions are tired and worn

2:21

down. Interior,

2:24

redepartment, living room night. Ashley's

2:27

alarm goes off and she is

2:29

just waking up when she is attacked

2:32

by horror,

2:35

assaulted by the sight of Jake's reconstructed

2:38

ceramic Santa's statue.

2:41

Santa's face is disturbing, off

2:44

kilter, ungodly, and

2:47

raw. Still, Jake

2:49

tried his best. Ashley

2:52

screams, then regains

2:54

herself. Oh my god,

2:57

Jake, you've fixed

2:59

it's thank

3:02

you so much. This is such a great

3:04

present, Jake,

3:09

you hear me. The whole place, Really,

3:11

it's amazing. We

3:13

see in full glory. The apartment

3:15

is bedecked with every Christmas

3:17

decoration possible. Jake

3:20

decorated like an eleven year old boy

3:22

might, poorly, but with unrestrained

3:25

enthusiasm. You really put out

3:27

all the decorations. I

3:30

mean all is

3:33

that a minora? I

3:35

don't even know we had one of those? Jake, where

3:38

are you? She sees

3:40

his coat is gone. Carl

3:43

is passed out on the couch. A

3:45

handle of Seagrum seven whiskey stands

3:47

on the table, littered with the empty cans

3:49

of the Delaware pork chowder. He's

3:51

been eating cold. His

3:54

cell rings startling him. Jesus'

3:57

birthday? Hell, he

3:59

answers, sits up straight like it'll

4:01

help hide his state. Ashley, Merry

4:04

Christmas? Wait

4:07

are you sure we had a big fight?

4:10

I only napped a few minutes, but when I got up, he's

4:13

not here. Carl knows his

4:15

role in this and hates himself. He

4:18

lied to me. A cop had to

4:20

bring him home. I know, and it's

4:23

my fault. What are you talking about?

4:25

I was there. Jake's been coming

4:28

by, We've been hanging out together. What

4:31

did you forget what it felt like to fuck with your family?

4:33

I'm coming over, No, I'm coming

4:36

right now. Carl hangs up and looks around.

4:38

The apartment is clean except for evidence

4:41

of recent reckless shut in drinking.

4:44

Carl throws an empty two liter across the room.

4:47

Exterior town Streets night, Carl

4:51

battles the beginning of a snowstorm, navigates

4:54

ice and slush as wind blasts

4:56

his face. He wraps his

4:58

green jacket tight. As we realize

5:01

this might be the only code he owns. Carl

5:04

dips into an alley and drinks from his handle

5:06

of whiskey. He sees a homeless

5:08

woman looking at him from her tent. You

5:11

drink, She nods.

5:14

Carl's give her the rest of one

5:16

mark I bear yeah dy,

5:21

She nods. Carl gives her the rest

5:23

of this bottle. Merry Christmas.

5:29

Help me, I need as

5:32

good tequila. She

5:35

nods. Carl gives her the rest of

5:37

his bottle Merry Christmas.

5:40

Carl smiles. Exterior

5:43

redepartment night. Carl collects

5:45

himself, knocks. Ashley

5:47

answers, and he takes off his hat, hair

5:50

matted in some places, sticking up in

5:52

others. A few beats

5:54

without words, Ashley steps

5:56

aside to let him in.

5:59

Interior city bus moving night. Jake

6:02

looks at his phone to distract himself from

6:04

troubling stuff in the seats around him,

6:06

until it suddenly shuts off. You

6:09

were just fucking fool. He desperately

6:12

tries to turn it on. It

6:14

works, and he exhales before

6:17

it inexplicably dies again, like

6:19

old phones would do. The bus

6:21

comes to a stop and everybody begins to

6:23

get off. Jake is confused

6:26

over the pa. The disinterested

6:29

bus driver says something unintelligible

6:31

except for the word transfer. Exterior

6:35

city bus stop night, Everyone

6:38

but Jake hurries off into the cold. Jake

6:40

is left alone, looking at a huge map of

6:42

bus routes. It's impossible to figure

6:45

out, and the wind is brutal. The

6:47

only person around is a one legged

6:49

drunk in a wheelchair. Okay,

6:54

yeah, I just see you know your

6:56

transfer brother? Do

7:01

you need to call somebody? The

7:05

drunk offers his phone. Jake takes

7:07

it, relieved. I

7:09

don't know the number. Do you have Facebook

7:12

Messenger or really? I just need Facebook

7:14

to call Facebook.

7:20

You can put it on there, but no,

7:23

I don't exactly keep in touch with

7:25

the family. My Christmas

7:28

letter would be a real bummer.

7:31

He smiles and drinks liquor from a brown paper

7:34

bag. Jake realizes

7:36

the man's situation in life. What

7:39

about you? What are you gonna do?

7:41

He gives Jake a small cheers before he

7:43

takes another swig. Make

7:47

your call, call home.

7:50

Jake nods as the drunk wraps his jacket

7:52

tighter. Interior,

7:54

red apartment, living room night. Ashley

7:56

paces in front of car. He wanted help

7:59

being a better Why would he pick

8:01

you of all people? I'm his dad? You

8:03

thought you could make up for eleven years of shitty parenting

8:05

in one week? Maybe I did? Yeah, I

8:08

lied to him. I told him you cleaned

8:10

up, so we didn't think his father was How

8:14

have you been anyway? Well

8:17

that lie you told about me being

8:20

okay, that'd

8:22

be a big one. They see

8:24

the snowstorm picking up out the window.

8:27

Cell phone advertisement for

8:30

me Phone thirteen GD, same

8:32

style as the ad from earlier Park

8:36

Day. A group of sparkly

8:39

teens pose for an epic pick. Unseen

8:42

by them, a nearby landscaper

8:44

pushes his lawnmower their way through

8:47

phone cam steadies on the teens snaps

8:49

a pick. The image

8:52

it's ruined by this landscaper who

8:54

came into frame looking so tired. And

8:56

overworked and sweaty. Yuck. Life

9:00

can get in the way of your real story.

9:03

The image boom, the landscaper

9:06

disappears in an instant. Now

9:08

you can crop out the noise family

9:11

room day and above it. Mom and

9:13

her unexceptional family pose

9:16

for a pick. Mom is pissed at

9:18

her crying newborn. Through

9:21

phone cam steadies on the family

9:24

snaps a pick the image

9:27

it's ruined by this crying newborn.

9:30

So friends your true self. The

9:33

image boom. Mom's

9:36

frown is replaced with a smile boom.

9:39

The crying newborn is replaced

9:41

with a thriving house plant. The

9:44

me phone thirteen GD

9:46

It's worth it if you are pull

9:50

out and see the ad is playing

9:52

on interior. Grandma's

9:54

house kitchen night a laptop

9:56

in front of Jake. He's on the me phone

9:59

website customer a phone to order. Grandma

10:02

is by the front door, checking her appearance

10:04

in the mirror as she waits for someone.

10:06

Grandma's house looks exactly as

10:09

her card promised, so inviting,

10:11

seemingly perfect, and

10:13

in total contrast to the spaces

10:15

Jake spends with Ashley or Carl.

10:18

Did my credit card work? Okay? Did

10:21

you order what you wanted on the screen.

10:24

The cursor hovers over purchase. It

10:26

feels like a significant move, and

10:29

he doesn't click it yet he lies

10:32

Yet it totally did. Thanks

10:34

again. See things

10:37

don't always have to be so hot. Honestly,

10:40

some people just make it that way.

10:42

Grandma answers the doorbell, greets

10:45

Kathy smug pious fifty five.

10:47

Well that was fast. Not much traffic

10:50

tonight, of course, thank

10:52

you so so much, especially

10:55

on Christmas Eve. I am happy

10:57

to help. It is my duty to serve,

11:00

especially at Christmas. Grandma

11:03

and Kathy approach Jake. This

11:05

is my friend Kathy. We

11:08

belong to the same congregation. Okay,

11:12

Hi, why

11:14

don't we sit? Jake

11:16

is flanked on either side as they sit. I've

11:19

been worried about you. Actually,

11:23

I've been telling Kathy about your situation

11:25

for a few months now. With

11:28

everything that happened tonight, I

11:30

thought she should come over. My job

11:33

is to help families when they need it. Remember

11:37

all the times you told me about your mom never

11:39

being there or how she's always snapping

11:42

at you, I mean, like really

11:44

angry, almost like she's

11:46

unstable. Jake remembers,

11:50

You don't realize, but

11:53

that's not Okay, it's

11:56

scary. Honestly,

12:01

what would you think about living here for a while?

12:04

Interior Ford Fiesta, Hatchback,

12:06

Moving Night. Ashley

12:09

drives aggressively even as the storms

12:11

pick up. The only way to have a nice day

12:13

with me is with some grand production. No, I'm

12:16

just saying that was his plan.

12:18

It wasn't about the phone text him again.

12:21

I really thought I could host a simple family Christmas.

12:23

We should have done at my mom's. Yes, she's

12:25

better than you. Yeah,

12:28

well that's what I'm saying because according to you,

12:30

she's perfect right by definition, there's

12:32

no beating that, and you, we know,

12:35

are definitely not perfect. That's

12:37

all shit. I hate watching her

12:39

make you crumble. I don't crumble.

12:42

Isn't this the same perfect woman who

12:44

needed me to pick up her irritable bowel slash

12:46

constipation slash colon slash something

12:48

else, gross medication from Eckert.

12:51

All I know for a fact is

12:53

that that woman is full of shit,

12:55

except when she isn't, and then she just poops

12:57

too much. See the point is, there's no

13:00

lead. Next time

13:02

you feel inferior, just to remember her bowel

13:05

minutes she takes a cocktail of those things

13:07

like she's magic Johnson. All

13:09

I know is crazy bullshit like

13:11

this doesn't happen with other moms, only

13:14

me. Man. Carl is struck

13:16

by something, jolts up in the seat.

13:18

That's exactly what Jake said at AA,

13:21

same words, even trash about other

13:23

moms and crazy bullshit only

13:25

happening with you. You took Jake to AA.

13:28

Carl stays with his big Eureka

13:30

moment. I think he's

13:32

at your mom. I told you she's the first one I

13:34

called. He bought into this negative

13:36

shit about you, and he's for sure all

13:39

in on your flawless grandma theory.

13:41

I know that kid pretty well. Ash

13:44

Ashley considers interior

13:47

Grandma's house living room night. Jake

13:49

sits with Kathy adolescent Jesus

13:52

awkwardly looking down. If you work

13:54

for the city, that's the

13:56

government, so you can

13:58

make my mom do whatever you say. Flush

14:02

Grandma exits the bathroom, drying her

14:04

hands. Sorry for the long wait. I

14:09

had to adjust my makeup

14:13

then, would you believe it? I

14:16

got an eyelash in my eye twice.

14:20

AnyWho, how's it going well?

14:23

Jake wants to know if I could force protective

14:25

custody were given the circumstances.

14:28

Yes, hopefully

14:31

it won't come to that. We

14:33

can now just agree on a plan.

14:36

Doors fly open as Carl and Ashley

14:38

fall in from the storm. Grandma

14:40

jumps back, then moves in front

14:42

of Jake protectively. What are you doing here?

14:45

Ashley sees Jake. She rushes

14:47

over and forces a hug. Why would

14:49

you lie to me? I didn't when

14:52

you called. I didn't know where he was.

14:55

He didn't either, just that he

14:57

was somewhere, stranded alone at a bus

15:00

station in single digit

15:02

Winchi. What are

15:04

you all right? Jake shoes away

15:07

her mothering Then when

15:09

I heard everything else that was

15:11

going on, going on with what? Who

15:14

are you? I'm just here to ensure

15:17

health and safety and to make

15:19

sure everyone understands their options

15:21

per county rule. You've really called CPS

15:24

on me. What if we

15:26

just agree that Jake

15:29

stays here a lot? Hell no, he's not

15:31

staying here. You think I'm that

15:33

bad of a mother? The things I hear sound

15:35

bleak? Did

15:37

you know about all this? Is

15:40

this what you want? I

15:43

don't know. Carl sees

15:45

Jake torn apart and Ashley crushed

15:47

by judgment. You're picturing something way

15:50

worse. You're the reason why she's here. Did

15:52

you figure that out yet? The state

15:55

considers Carl a threat. That's

15:57

why we can have a conversation about removal.

16:00

Really, the lack of supervision to

16:02

not know Jake was in such danger. Ashley

16:05

hands Carl her keys. Just leave. Carl

16:09

wants to act, but he's neutered, leaves

16:12

totally debased. Exterior

16:15

Grandma's House night. Carl stands

16:17

in the cold, a broken man. He

16:20

watches through the front window. It's

16:23

agony seeing Jake and Ashley so distraught.

16:27

Fuck you, Carl. He grips

16:30

the keys tight and heads towards the car. Interior

16:33

Grandma's House, living room night. Ashley

16:36

and Grandma wait for Jake's answer to something.

16:39

What do you think about all of this? Jake? I

16:41

know it's a lot. Do you know what you

16:43

want to do? Jake makes

16:45

his choice and moves to Grandma

16:48

just as a voice from behind.

16:51

No fucking way this happens not because

16:53

of me. Will you just leave us alone?

16:55

There's nothing you can do, humbug.

16:57

Carl grabs Drake, a

17:01

new character. Drake. Yes.

17:06

Carl grabs Jake and drags

17:08

him out like a hostage. Hey, let

17:10

me go. Stop exterior

17:12

Grandma's house. Night, Carl forces Jake

17:14

toward the car. Get in there. Jake

17:17

relents and gets in the passenger

17:19

seat interior Ford Fiesta hatchback

17:21

moving night. Carl

17:24

speeds away, panicked, checking

17:26

his mirrors and misjudging the road.

17:29

The storm is ease, but roads are slick.

17:32

What the hell are you doing? If I got to kidnap

17:34

you to talk, then fucking fine. Carl

17:37

jumps the curb on a turn. Jake

17:39

holds on tight. When was the last time

17:41

you drove a car? Scared good?

17:44

You should be a little scared of your dad, especially when

17:46

you're being such a dumb punk. You

17:48

can't scare me into liking mom. Do you

17:50

know how much she looks you? Do you have any

17:52

goddamn idea? She loves you

17:55

so much, she puts up with you whatever.

17:57

I hate her, and I love

18:00

you enough to take your ass out. You

18:02

did not just see you ate your

18:05

mother? You hear me. Carl

18:07

takes this focus off driving and they

18:10

run off the road over yards, plowing

18:13

Christmas displays. They scream

18:16

in terror, whoa,

18:19

wha, what's

18:31

a car?

18:36

Why?

18:40

Oh my gosh, shut

18:42

trying to contr just stop the car lost

18:47

your milkbox farm.

18:54

Gosh. Carl turns

18:56

the wheel and guns it. Crashing decorations

18:59

blind them as so intraction sends

19:01

them speeding back to the road. The

19:04

windshield clears just in time to see

19:06

the stocky man winter coat and hat.

19:08

Who thumped. They

19:11

run over. They

19:13

slide to a stop. They're silent

19:16

a beat until oh

19:18

my god, Oh my god. Carl

19:21

gets out and sprints over to the man.

19:24

Exterior town streets nights, Jake

19:27

arrives to see Carl on his knees over

19:29

what remains of the snowman

19:32

they just killed. Carl

19:34

holds a carrot and top hat.

19:37

I really thought I killed a guy. Carl

19:39

takes a moment, still kneeling. I

19:43

would have helped you bury the body, if that helps.

19:46

Look at me on my

19:48

knees morning, This snowman,

19:51

his judgmental kid staring

19:53

at me reveal a fatherless

19:56

snow family stands in judgment. Jesus,

19:59

I even tear a part figurative families.

20:02

That caseworker bitch is right, I am a

20:04

threat. No you're not. They

20:07

just don't know the whole story. This

20:10

really strikes Carl. You

20:13

think it didn't matter, Yeah, of course

20:16

they see the real you. I was never

20:18

in danger. Carl jumps to his

20:20

feet with a plan. Interior for

20:23

Fiesta hatchback moving night, Carl

20:26

speeds a man on a mission. My po

20:28

is the one who decides if I'm a threat. I just

20:31

need him to change his mind about me? What

20:33

about what I want? If I can get him out

20:35

tonight, hopefully that won't matter it. Do

20:38

you even know where he is? Home with

20:40

his family, wherever that is, and

20:43

he blocks his number? What are

20:45

you going to do? I can't call him,

20:48

but I might be able to call everybody.

20:52

The Fiesta fishtails as Carl

20:54

flies through an intersection. Interior

20:58

Carl's apartment living room. Carl

21:01

sits at his computer, hunting for a program,

21:03

finds it. Oh it's been too

21:06

long, my baby. With

21:08

this right here, I could run any scam

21:10

I wanted, any way I wanted. Jake

21:13

watches Carl navigate with skill

21:15

and familiarity. Carl loads

21:18

files from various scams. You

21:20

weren't lying. These looks super fucked

21:22

up. I only rip off the deserving

21:25

this time. They'll all be from our little town.

21:27

Carl opens a map feature. He narrows

21:30

the range and zooms in on just their

21:32

town. You said, if

21:34

you don't spread him out, you get caught. Exactly,

21:38

I need to get his attention. Jake

21:40

realizes what Carl is willing to do for

21:42

him. This is crazy. There's

21:44

no way this ends okay for me. Also need him to call

21:47

me, the chance to bust me on

21:49

all this. I imagine he'd want a word. Carl

21:52

pulls up a master list of scams.

21:55

The cursor hovers over the send button

21:57

for the top one. He

21:59

clicks you mean all

22:01

of them. Carl moves down the list,

22:04

clicking send on scam after

22:06

scam. Jake reads the final

22:08

one, Ivory Deally.

22:12

Carl hits play behind

22:14

the scam message the sound of a piano.

22:17

Ever, fantasize about being an

22:19

ivory dealer. Karl is lost,

22:22

remembering the message as he hears it. So

22:24

many of us do. Everyone

22:26

loves cool, white ivory,

22:29

but no one wants the hassle of acquiring

22:32

it. A series

22:34

of scenes calls spread

22:36

across town on Christmas Eve. In

22:39

each someone on a phone reacts to hearing

22:41

the scam. In an upper class home,

22:44

multi generational family enjoys a

22:46

Christmas Pheasant feast thanks to an

22:48

exclusive relationship with friends in

22:50

the Congolese government and the Holo

22:52

Holo people of the South Kivu Province.

22:55

An elderly couple lovingly sit

22:57

next to each other and watch a black and white

23:00

Christmas movie in the dark. You have an

23:02

invitation only high yield investment

23:05

opportunity in the lucrative ivory

23:07

market. A lift driver watches

23:09

in his rear view as the two dissimilar

23:12

passengers on their cells react

23:14

in opposite ways to the scam. Just

23:17

listen, nothing

23:19

like bona fide ivory piano

23:21

keys and did you know you can use

23:24

ivory for pool balls, knick

23:26

knacks or as a substitute

23:28

for white plastic. Mister Bucket

23:30

listens to the message in bed. Act now

23:33

and get a free boat. Baby,

23:35

We finally got a boat. Missus

23:38

Bucket ignores him from the other side of the room,

23:40

continues salacious webcam flirting

23:43

with strange man. A thing

23:45

like that a

23:47

free boat. Interior

23:51

Ford Fiesta hatch the fjord,

23:55

Interior Ford Fiesta hutchback, Notre

23:59

Dame slipped in there somewhere, Interior

24:03

Ford Fiesta hatchback moving night.

24:06

Jake looks out the window while Carl

24:08

drives. The storm left a blanket

24:10

of fresh snow. It's a beautiful

24:13

Christmas night. Horrible screeching

24:15

tones repeat from Carl sull

24:18

on the dash Ford

24:20

Fiesta. Hatchbag. Hey,

24:23

wait a minute, that's me. I'm

24:25

an amber alert. Yeah you've been napped

24:27

kid, yeay, I get to deal with the cops,

24:31

just like last time. Last time. Yeah,

24:34

we gotta talk about the park. It's

24:37

okay, No, it really

24:39

isn't. Jake responds by reading

24:41

from the notebook. Step ten,

24:44

Promise to stay disciplined and call out all

24:46

bullshit matter not size, stench,

24:49

texture, norviscosity. I

24:51

figure that only works if you can forgive

24:54

somebody you got it, and then the idea

24:56

is to keep it going. That's

24:59

the LEA step about the future. Next

25:02

one too, Promise

25:04

to rely on your higher O during

25:06

your countless and stupendous future fuck

25:08

ups. Jake falls silent.

25:12

It's just a promise to use

25:14

me whenever you need anything. Jake

25:18

looks out the window, still not committing.

25:21

It's okay if you don't want to. I do. I

25:25

do want to. But

25:27

this one's sort of a two way street.

25:29

Huh. Yeah, you

25:32

got to have an elf who's there holding up his side

25:35

of things. All

25:38

I can do is promise and

25:41

hope you ignore any common sense telling

25:43

you not to trust that. Jake

25:46

considers, then crosses

25:48

off steps ten and eleven. Out

25:51

the window, he sees a shocked family in

25:53

church clothes, checking their amber alerts

25:55

and staring. Jake waves

25:58

shit, get down. All

26:00

shoves Jake's head down out of view. He

26:02

speeds away. Series

26:05

of scenes calls spread across

26:07

town on Christmas Eve. In each

26:10

someone on a phone reacts to hearing the scam.

26:13

A young man sits alone with his dog

26:15

on zoom with family. Windowless

26:18

sweatshops like noise

26:21

canceling hadphones For the rest of you, keep

26:24

out the world and keep your mind

26:26

on your work in a nice kitchen

26:28

full of pie, cookies and whatever.

26:31

A mule log is A

26:33

perfect family has a huge fight

26:35

over a board game that against window

26:37

producers and select East Asian

26:39

markets while investing big local

26:42

concrete contractors. Team

26:44

manager Mark watches his hot peace

26:47

mother talk on the phone. She's absolutely

26:49

glowing. He's suspicious

26:52

and totally grossed out. Act

26:54

now and get a free boat. Why

26:57

are you glowing? Gross?

27:01

Oh? I think we just want a boats

27:06

interior forward, fiesta hatchback,

27:08

moving night. Carl jumps

27:10

when his cell phone lights up. Is it him?

27:13

Jake checks and shakes his head. Reads

27:17

climate change? What climate change?

27:19

Seasonal work as a climate change denier

27:22

is a great way to earn loads of easy cash.

27:24

Now, Oh, and I get

27:26

a free book. Series

27:29

of scenes calls spreading across the

27:31

town on Christmas Eve. In each

27:34

someone on a phone reacts to hearing the scam.

27:37

Angel and multiple generations

27:39

of his family cook, eat, and drink. His

27:42

niece Maria is lost in the fun with

27:44

other kids. Hello. Always

27:46

dreamt of selling nuclear secrets

27:49

but never found the time. Now you

27:51

can do it right from harm. Neighbors

27:54

Mary and Chris get back from church.

27:56

The girls kick off their shoes that match

27:59

this year's. Chris stresses for

28:01

an adversary. Let us

28:03

deal with the legal ease. Just answer

28:06

this. Can I sell you a secret? Barfly?

28:10

Mike watches TV on his couch with beer

28:12

cans all around him, brunker than

28:14

when he challenged Carl at the bar. Act

28:17

now and get a free boat. His

28:20

son is there, Chad, who we normally

28:22

see bullying Jake, you want

28:24

another beer? There's a bunch still in the drawer. Shout

28:27

up still. It's something about a boat. Chad

28:31

was hoping to connect, but his dad is too

28:33

drunk again. Interior

28:36

Jordan's house, living room day, Jordan

28:39

sits miserable while his too

28:41

cheery family is being exceedingly

28:43

christmasy. A few sing

28:46

carols around the piano. Come

28:49

join us, Uncle Jordy. Before

28:52

he can say no, ding, everyone

28:55

begins to get texts. Hey, should

28:57

I invest in black market antiquities?

28:59

I just got text? Jordan's eyes

29:01

narrow. He recognizes the sound of this. Huh,

29:04

I got one for war profiteering. What's

29:06

your say? Invest in human trafficking?

29:09

Where life is a highway. Jordan's

29:12

on high alert. His cell rings

29:14

and he quickly answers, do you

29:16

like puppies? And who doesn't love

29:19

a good mill? Make your dream

29:21

a reality and become a player in today's

29:23

puppy mill industry. Jordan

29:25

jumps up and straps on his po badge,

29:28

commanding the attention of the room. He's

29:30

ready to kick ass. His adorable

29:33

five year old nephew is in awe. Interior

29:37

Ford Fiesta hatchback moving night. The

29:39

cell rings and Carl C's blocked

29:42

number. I think I know this block

29:44

number, Hallie, Jolly Christmas,

29:47

this is Carl whom say is calling?

29:50

Intercut with interior

29:52

Jordan's old Volvo moving night,

29:54

Jordan's car, lush car

29:57

seat and steering wheel cover, CD

29:59

hold on visor, convex

30:01

blind spot, marrors, tinted

30:04

windshield, console, armrests

30:06

with storage cup holder and phone

30:08

mounted? Do you know what

30:11

kind of shit you're in? I was

30:13

right? Goddamn it, I knew there was more

30:15

than one scam. Who's to say I

30:17

reasonably doubt everything I'm hearing right

30:19

now? Ooh, this is mandatory minimums.

30:22

You're doing a virtual tour of the penal code.

30:25

Yeah, but getting evidence to prove it sounds

30:27

like a lot of annoying extra work,

30:29

which I know you don't love. Fucker?

30:32

Are you enjoying this are instead

30:35

of that? How about meet

30:37

me and let me talk? Maybe

30:40

I'll confess a thing or two. Carl

30:42

and Jake anxiously wait as Jordan

30:45

pauses a few beats people buying gifts

30:48

ask will you get a man who has everything?

30:50

I've had the opposite problem? How do I

30:53

punish a man who values nothing? See

30:56

you get a pass? None of this madness

30:58

affects you? Does it? You don't care about

31:00

anyone? You're wrong? It's different

31:03

now. Carl covers the phone and

31:05

shushes Jake. But it's too late. What

31:08

the hell is your kid doing there? You

31:10

can't do that, Yeah, because somebody

31:12

deems me unfit, mister

31:15

mcdeamer, and listen, I absolutely

31:18

get it. But you

31:20

ever consider that maybe I'm

31:23

not so unfit before I

31:25

met you? Yes, but then, of course

31:27

we met. It's a well earned label.

31:30

Car, give me a chance to convince you. Text

31:32

us. I'll send you an address, you dumb

31:34

fucker. Carl hangs up and looks

31:37

at Jake. Maybe he'll cool

31:39

off. Exterior Grandma's

31:41

House night, Jordan joins Ashley,

31:44

Grandma and Kathy, watching the fiesta

31:46

slowly slide into a pathetic thud

31:49

against the curb. Carl gets

31:51

out and sprints up the small hill to them.

31:54

Ashley watches Jake make his way up

31:56

slowly. She gives him his

31:58

space. First

32:02

Mary, Christmas, everybody, and

32:05

thanks for letting me talk. Oh, I'm not here

32:07

for you, I'm here for your stupefying

32:10

parole violations. Tell me what's happening,

32:12

Jordan presides. Apparently Carl

32:16

has some things to confess to you and

32:18

potentially to the Federal Trade Commission. Jordan

32:21

pulls out a pair of handcuffs to dramatic

32:23

effect. Okay, yes, I may

32:25

have transgressed, but where I

32:28

ran a foul, it was only

32:30

so I could get you here tonight. This

32:33

isn't real. It was the only way

32:35

I could explain before it's too late. This is

32:37

exactly why you can't see your son. I'm

32:40

no threat. Let

32:42

me put it this way. I don't want

32:45

Jake to turn out like me either.

32:49

I don't blame you for being worried, but

32:52

I'm not a threat. Why

32:54

would you bring him into your world of shit?

32:57

It's the only way he'd bring me into

32:59

his. Jordan doesn't care. He

33:01

advances with cuffs as Carl backs

33:03

up. He was helping me. It's the

33:05

only way we could do the steps. This stops,

33:08

Jordan. You're always saying

33:10

I need to go to AA. Well we've been

33:12

working on the steps together. Good

33:15

right? How could you expose him

33:17

to those sort of people? When

33:19

did Jade start drinking? No,

33:25

it's not for that. I just wanted to

33:27

be better. I

33:30

guess Jake can't help. But look

33:32

at Ashley. We're

33:34

almost done, just one step left.

33:37

Jordan handcuffs Carl. He's reluctant

33:40

to be drawn in. But people sometimes

33:42

think they're almost done, then

33:44

they try that last step to find out

33:46

that they're nowhere. Why

33:49

what to say? Ultimately it's

33:52

about serving others. But first,

33:56

first you need to reflect on

33:58

the great spiritual way, and you've presumably

34:01

just had Grandma scoffs. Then

34:04

the kicker, you need to figure

34:07

out what you learn from it all. Jordan

34:10

begins to lead Carl away. If

34:13

you don't know that, then

34:16

maybe it was worthless. It wasn't

34:18

worthless. Please, what

34:21

could Jake possibly have learned

34:24

from you? Everyone turns

34:26

to Jake. It's completely overwhelming.

34:30

I mean, I know that got

34:32

to stay tight with your higher elf, no

34:34

matter how much he hurts you. I

34:38

saw how dad's a dickhead, but he

34:40

knows it. So it's not okay,

34:43

but sort of is. I

34:46

don't know what to say. Okay, I guess I'm not sure

34:48

what I learned. Carl deflates,

34:50

and Jordan leads him towards the car. I

34:54

knew he was in trouble when I heard spiritual

34:56

awakening. Spiritual trust

34:59

me, No, Mom, shut the hell

35:01

up just because you call

35:03

it a sacrament. Now you're still

35:05

drunk by noon, and good

35:07

job kicking the binzos. But maybe your

35:09

Jesus addiction is worse. Cut

35:12

the judgmental crap. Jake

35:14

moves in a daze to the front steps

35:16

with a notebook. How

35:19

could you possibly know what he experienced.

35:22

I've seen a change, and that's good

35:24

enough for me. Ashley approaches Jake,

35:26

who just stares at the notebook. What's

35:29

that? Jake opens it so she can

35:32

study the list to erode

35:34

his version of each dough. I

35:36

kept check of how far we got Jesus,

35:40

look at this as

35:43

far as I'm concerned. You should cross

35:45

that last step off. Jake doesn't

35:47

respond. Grandma comes to look too.

35:51

Things are getting a little better, right with

35:53

us. Jake nods with

35:56

small satisfaction. He crosses

35:58

off the step. What about

36:01

step one? It's not crossedown?

36:04

Jake's shot. She's right, he reads

36:08

step one. Admit you're

36:10

a fucked up person and life can never

36:12

be predictable. You definitely have a

36:14

problem, bitch, that's garbage.

36:18

You're fine just the way you are. Something

36:20

clicks. Jake has a revelation.

36:24

I'm not fine though, Hey

36:27

get back here, bitch Jordan's

36:29

Jordan doesn't hear. He puts Carl

36:32

in the back seat. Wait stop,

36:34

Jake begins firing rocks interior

36:38

Jordan's old Volvo moving night. Jordan

36:40

looks out the back window as he reverses.

36:43

You gotta listen. He's way better

36:45

now. You should have seen him before he was so angry.

36:48

Bam bam. Rocks strike

36:50

the car, chipping the windshield. Bam

36:53

bam. Even his stick on blind

36:55

spot mirror is smashed. As

36:57

Jordan watches a dangle and then fall, he

37:00

becomes enraged. Exterior

37:02

Grandma's house Night, Jordan gets

37:04

out just as bam A final rock

37:07

Dense's hood. Hey, what

37:09

the hell, kid? I needed to get

37:11

your attention. You guys have very extreme

37:14

ways of doing this. I did

37:16

learn something. I learned that

37:18

my dad is very fucked up. Sir. We

37:21

agree. Step

37:23

one should have been easy, admitting

37:26

everything's messed up. I already

37:28

thought of that, but honestly,

37:31

I blamed people. My

37:33

dad taught me it can't be anyone's

37:35

fault because everything in life is

37:37

just fucked up to begin with. We're powerless.

37:41

What's your point? Don't

37:43

ask my dad to be a normal, functioning parent.

37:46

I don't need that. I need him

37:48

because he's fucked up without

37:50

him I'll relapse and he

37:53

needs me. Ashley is affected

37:55

by this. I'm

37:58

screwed up, dude, so are you, and

38:00

so was my mom and my grandma. Ashley

38:03

and Grandma share this weird moment of belonging.

38:06

It goes for Christmas too. You know, if

38:09

everything is fucked up, you don't have

38:11

to feel bad about hating it. Jordan

38:13

reflects. Interior

38:15

Jordan's old Volvo night. Carl

38:18

tries every angle, contorting

38:20

his body and pressing against the seat,

38:23

but he can't open the door. While I was shuffed shit

38:28

Exterior Grandma's house night, Jordan sits

38:30

on the front steps, looking at a wallet photo

38:32

of his wife. The women gathered around comfortingly.

38:36

Uh, that's

38:38

why I wanted to visit her grave, but

38:41

I was worried it wouldn't seem very Christmas.

38:44

Yeah, man, fuck Christmas. If that's how you feel,

38:47

maybe that's even the true meaning of Christmas. I

38:51

want to believe it. God, I'd be

38:53

liberated. Carl arrives.

38:55

His hair and clothes are a mess from his escape

38:58

efforts. Ashley studies him

39:00

a moment. He looks absurd

39:04

and with it all so screwed up. Who's

39:06

anyone to judge? Carl. Ashley's

39:09

support hits Carl. It registered

39:11

with Jordan too. He lingers

39:14

on it as they give him time to think. He

39:16

stands maybe

39:20

I'm getting swept up into magic of hating

39:22

Christmas, or I'm overwhelmed by the opposite

39:25

of holiday cheer. Jake and Carl

39:27

look at each other anxiously optimistic.

39:30

There's one thing fucked up. People need maybe

39:33

see each other. You

39:36

finally have value. I

39:39

hereby declare, you're not unfit,

39:42

You're not a threat. You're

39:44

a father messed up as the rest of it. So

39:48

you weren't in danger and

39:50

you weren't negligent. Jake hugs

39:53

Ashley. Grandma sees the love

39:55

and is moved. She puts her hand

39:58

on Ashley's shoulder. Yeah,

40:00

Merry Christmas. I guess, Oh,

40:02

Mary, Christmas, your big

40:05

lump of cole come here, poll hug

40:07

me. Handcuffed, Carl can

40:09

only heave himself onto Jordan, who quickly

40:12

shoves him off each time. Kyle

40:15

smiles when he sees Jake and Ashley together.

40:17

It all has the feel of a Christmas miracle.

40:20

So he's off the hook. No, God,

40:23

no, he's crazy. Arrested federal

40:26

prison, whole shebang really

40:29

bad stuff on that front. But you'll

40:31

be able to talk this time legally.

40:34

For now you can come get him, But bail is

40:36

going to be imposing,

40:40

really something tremendous. Carl doesn't

40:42

care. He's rightly proud of himself.

40:45

Marry Christmas Dad. Jake

40:47

watches as Carl is led away. He

40:50

crosses off step one and takes a

40:52

moment to appreciate the completed list.

40:55

He did it. Interior

40:58

Jordan's house, living room. Christmas

41:01

morning, Jordan tries to

41:03

endure as all around him in

41:05

matching pajamas. No Less family

41:08

celebrates Christmas morning reveal.

41:11

Jordan wears the same pjs. They

41:13

have a moose on them. He hates

41:16

this moose. He doesn't want to

41:18

be here. Jordan decides

41:20

on something, then sneaks away.

41:24

He puts his overcoat over his pjs, but stopping

41:26

him at the front door is his wide eyed five

41:29

year old nephew. Where are

41:31

you going, uncle, Jordy. Jordan prepares

41:33

to speak with the satisfaction of a man who

41:35

has settled something important in his mind.

41:38

I'm going to a graveyard. He's

41:41

afraid of how this will go over. I

41:44

got a chuck, that's

41:49

great. I hope you love it. You're

41:52

gonna go play with it? Yep. Jordan

41:55

smiles and leaves. Did

41:58

Uncle Jordy just leave? Yep?

42:01

Did he say where he was going? Grave?

42:03

Yay. They don't know

42:05

what to make of it. Interior,

42:08

local jail, Christmas morning. There

42:11

are a few joyless prisoners around,

42:13

but Carl sits alone with his thoughts

42:15

beneath a few sad holiday decorations.

42:19

Oh me, Sanna, you got a letter?

42:22

Guard Frisbee's Carl an envelope.

42:25

He opens it and pulls out the same Christmas

42:27

card Grandma had sent Jake. A

42:29

check falls out. Carl

42:32

reads the card. Here's

42:34

money for bail. Don't fuck

42:37

it up. Have a merry

42:39

Christmas. Exo

42:41

Grandma interior,

42:44

redepartment living room, Christmas morning.

42:47

Carl sits in a chair, egg nog in

42:49

hand, Ashley and Jake on the couch.

42:52

I got you a little something. He

42:54

hands Jake a folded piece of paper. Inside,

42:58

Jake finds a reloadable debit

43:00

card with the name and number taped to the

43:02

back. Nicholas Jergen

43:05

von klaus Uh, our

43:07

friend in Liechtenstein is expecting

43:09

your call. What is it? Recent?

43:12

Ill gotten gains no

43:15

from godless scoundrels and

43:18

enough money for a fancy new phone. I

43:20

reckon, Jake hansa to Ashley.

43:23

I don't want it, it'll help us out. Ashley

43:26

begins to object, but in a very

43:29

obvious move, Jake turns

43:31

and starts talking before she has had the chance.

43:33

Oh yeah, so then,

43:36

oh, we got you something to Carl

43:39

is surprised as Jake Hansen a rapt

43:41

gift. Carl is opening it when

43:43

he is attacked by sheer

43:46

horror. Assaulted by the side

43:48

of Jake's ceramic Santa statue, Carl

43:51

inspects the monstrosity. It's

43:53

even more upsetting than we appreciated

43:56

before. What holy fuck

43:58

is this thing? Actually?

44:00

Jake worked really hard on that. Oh

44:04

I'm sorry, man, what's your

44:06

problem. I'm just kidding.

44:09

It's truly disturbing. I know, okay,

44:11

good, Yeah, yeah. It looks like you

44:14

ever see those pictures of birth defects from radiation?

44:17

So it's sort of like like misshapen Plato

44:19

people. Man, you gotta google. No, no,

44:21

actually, we don't have to search that. Call

44:24

it step thirteen. You can't just make up stabs.

44:27

Carl is putting the statue on the table when

44:30

it breaks into a million pieces.

44:33

I mean that's sort

44:35

of fitting everything falling apart

44:37

in your hands. Step fourteen. Shut up,

44:40

ash trust me, it happens.

44:42

You can be brilliant, yes, but

44:45

should we? Jake

44:48

and Ashley laugh, but Carl's

44:50

expression lingers as he looks at the broken

44:53

pieces. The moment turns serious

44:55

as his comment gathers more weight.

44:58

Jake and Ashley react until kidding,

45:03

we'll do it together. Where's

45:06

the glue? Jake bolts

45:08

up to go get it. Ashley smiles.

45:11

Merry Christmas. The end

45:16

quickly everybody

45:18

at the same time give us a Merry Christmas. Let's maybe

45:21

do that at the end on three one

45:23

two three, Merry Christmas,

45:37

Jesus than

46:01

Joy and

46:03

Paine Jobs aanger

46:11

from heavy bass,

46:15

Angel came and m

46:17

certain sheds rot timings

46:20

are the same, desert

46:24

was the Son of God by

46:26

name Amtimes

46:29

come for evente of

46:31

the venti Homotime,

46:34

Angel, Angos,

46:41

Panos and

46:43

Paine Jobs anger

46:51

shaping times, joyes

46:55

ch mine and that locks

46:58

up and stop

47:00

the mine and then joint

47:04

straight at

47:08

time. Joy

47:11

and Joy bi