About this season: It's Complicated

From Amy: Ever since Kiki and I first envisioned this podcast, this was the season that felt the most tender, its energy palpable from the start. Yes, the first season detailed a life-altering, near-death experience. And yes, the second season was a technical nightmare due to our sudden COVID lockdown. But this was the the place we were always moving toward, as the pivot point. It's also the one season she most dreaded, necessary for the rest of her story to happen as it did, but still incredibly painful. 

Kiki will tell you that she is far more comfortable with physical pain than emotional pain. For her, listening to all these episodes—and she has—was visceral, evoking heartrending somatic memories long tucked away. 

This miseries (oops! midseries, but the typo fits, so we'll leave it...) season represents a midlife crisis, jumping off a cliff but not by her own choice. It's the season when Kiki's hope-against-hope dream of motherhood comes to fruition—but also the season of never say never, facing painful ancestral patterns, breaking chains, and losing control. 

It's about coming to recognize all three faces of womanhood in herself: maiden, mother, and crone.

Thus this season's title, which couldn't be more apt: It's Complicated.

This season is structurally different as well. We have six episodes, most quite short but packed with powerful stories. And Kiki wants them out there two a week as she approaches her fiftieth birthday this month. They'll help other people and they've anchored her far too long. 

She's ready to break free for good.

So I asked her if she wanted to me release them quickly before the elections, and mostly before her birthday, and she said yes. She sends her regrets, but she's sitting this one out, without comment. She says to tell you this is Prometheus Bound and Unbound. It's Sisyphus letting the stone roll down the hill—and then recognizing, if I'm no longer Sisyphus, well, who am I?

And if Kiki changes her mind about commenting, that's fine too. 

She gets to choose.

Kiki will tell you I'm her Dante, guiding her through the gates of hell, into purgatory, past limbo, and beyond to meet Beatrice in paradise. But I will tell you it's simply been my honor to walk with my dear friend, Kiki, who's very hard on herself. She's brilliant and courageous beyond belief. 

If you've listened even a little, you know that.

Still Kiki will tell you she's ready to lay her soul bare. She's no longer afraid of judgment from anyone else. It's her own self judgment she's coming to grips with here. To quote Kiki: "I don't care what anyone else thinks, but I care what I think. I had to make peace with myself."

So Happy 50th Birthday in two weeks, beloved Kiki. We'll make it fast.

And on to more beautiful things.

—October 14, 2020