Get the tree down from the attic and prepare your best over dinner arguments, cos it's about that time again as Claire and Ryan take a deep deep look into the Christmas abyss (abyssmass?), this time watching the wonderfully immature Will Ferrel

TFTBB 48: Strange Magnums in a Blazing Room

Nov 2nd, 2020 1h 13m

Claire and Ryan have gone full renegade cop with this month's offering, watching 76's The Enforcer, the third offering into Right-Wing Gun Nut Police Brutality fantasy Dirty Harry series and Italian Poliziotteschi clone 'Shadows in an Empty Roo

TFTBB 47: The Lord of the Flies: Return of the Ginger King

Oct 5th, 2020 1h 15m

Tales from the Curmudgeonly Crypt returns this October with an Insectoid special as Claire and Ryan take a deep look into Baboon Butchery Caper, David Cronenberg's 1986 'The Fly' and it's straight to no point at all sequel, 1989's originally na

TFTBB 46: Double O Brother, Where Art Thou?

Sep 7th, 2020 1h 16m

This month is spy month, and Claire and Ryan certainly spied something dreadful on the horizon as they trudge through the mire to watch 1967s a classic Bond 'You only live twice', a misogyny fest featuring the most pointlessly inane plot device

TFTBB 45: Iceberg Age: Collision, Of Course

Aug 3rd, 2020 1h 10m

For this year's Summer Blockbuster Month Ryan and Claire enjoy a 1st class trip on 1997's RomTradge Titanic, before careening broadside-first into the floating frozen turd that is The Asylum and sinking into the fathomless depths to suffer an e

TFTBB 44: Look Who's Torque-ing Now

Jul 6th, 2020 1h 24m

Strap yourself in, put your helmet and adjust the crotch of your Carpe Diem custom bike leathers whilst Claire and Ryan take you on a real wild ride this episode, as they take a look at 2001s High Octane, Low brow culture car toss fest 'Fast an

TFTBB 43: A Million Little Knockouts: The Frank Dux Story

Jun 1st, 2020 1h 19m

HIIIIeeeeYAHHHHH!It's the most wonderful time of the year from Claire and Ryan yet again as June Claude Van Damme rolls around for another session of roundhousing hilarity, and this time they've gone and delved right back into the archives for

TFTBB 42: From Vincent Dusk 'Til Vincent Dawn

May 4th, 2020 1h 21m

Ryan and Claire inexplicably travel back in time and visit the action blockbusters of '80's in a ballistic James Cameron double feature! We take in 1984's The Terminator AND 1986's Aliens in order to fully experience the egregious ripoff game o

TFTBB 41: Baldwins are Forever

Mar 30th, 2020 1h 20m

As TFTBB hits over 2000 downloads, Claire and Ryan celebrate as any self-respecting podcasters would and watched 1977s rather dated but first of its kind sports comedy 'Slapshot' starring Paul Newman in a leather suit and hilarious misogyny. C

TFTBB 40: Michelin Star Wars Episode 1: The Phantom Rodent

Mar 2nd, 2020 1h 11m

In what is definitely their most forced title for an episode to date, Claire and Ryan cook up an absolute storm and delve into the hairy world of Rats that can cook, which can only mean one thing. Pixar's 2007 typically wonderful parasitic rela

TFTBB 39: Only Frog Brothers Left Alive

Feb 3rd, 2020 1h 4m

TFTBB normal service resumes this month when Claire and Ryan retreat from the sunlight and get their teeth sunk into a Vampire Classic and it's straight to video sequel.You guessed it, it's 1987's Bon Jovi Children of the night cult classic 'T

TFTBB Rookies of the Year 2: The 49th Annual Hack-Ademy Awards

Dec 31st, 2019 47m 38s

And that's it! That's another miserable decade out of the way and another year of movies watched, Claire and Ryan cash in shamelessly again for the second time and take a trip down memory dark and shady alley to discuss what movies they saw, li

TFTBB 38: Bad Touch Santa

Dec 16th, 2019 1h 9m

This Christmas Season Claire and Ryan flee in Christmas terror from 1984's cult classic Silent Night Deadly Night, and reestablish personal space boundaries with its fourth sequel 1991's Silent Night Deadly Night 5: The Toy Maker.Why doesn't i

TFTBB 37: Shane Of The Dead

Nov 18th, 2019 1h 9m

This week Ryan and Claire get ready for their unflattering close-ups with found footage phenomenon Paranormal Activity (2009) and it's phenomenally, but unsurprisingly disappointing knock-off Paranormal Entity.Is Shane van Dyke the hardest wor

TFTBB 36: Carrie On Carrie-ing On

Oct 21st, 2019 1h 11m

In the terrifying month of Spooktober on TALES FROM THE CURMUDGEONLY CRYPT Ryan and Claire get their ghoulish gladrags on and try to find dates for the prom in 1976's horror classic CARRIE and it's 1999 teen high school sequel THE RAGE: CARRIE

TFTBB 35: The Golden Voyage Of Parsifal

Sep 23rd, 2019 1h 4m

This week Ryan and Claire dodge CHUDs, mutants, and cyborgs and seek salvation amongst the stars with 1981's Escape From New York and its 1983' Italian exploitation knock off 2019 After The Fall Of New York.Is Snake Pliskin the coolest guy to

TFTBB 34: Superman(eater): The Quest For Peace

Aug 26th, 2019 1h 12m

This week Ryan and Claire swim for their lives from the Deep Blue Sea (1999) and into the deeper, bluer sea of 2018’s Deep Blue Sea 2.How many side effects are too many?When will Super Shark Juice ™ be available to the consumer, like you or I

TFTBB 33: Hulk Hogan and the Deathly Shallows

Aug 12th, 2019 1h 13m

In this episode, Claire and Ryan have gone Amity Island to Calamity Ville, just stopping off in Italy to savor the salt air as Spielberg Blockbuster 'Jaws' and Bruno Matteis not so blockbusting Italiano Knockoff/Sequel 'Cruel Jaws' are looked a

TFTBB 32: Field of Coma Dreams

Jul 29th, 2019 1h 13m

This episode Claire and Ryan deliver a rousing half time speech and discuss everyone's favorite lil slugger 50's nostagiathon 'The Sandlot Kids' and it's on the injury table and disgraced in the media coke habit cousin 'The Sandlot Kids 3: Head

TFTBB 31: Stop! Or my Android will shoot!

Jul 15th, 2019 1h 17m

This week Claire and Ryan have been through a horrific accident and have been resurrected by the miracle of Science and just a teensy splash of Ancient Necromancy, as we watch 2014's internet hated remake of a classic 'Robocop' starring Joel Ki

TFTBB 30: Resuscitation 2: The Renumbering 4ish (Brought to you by Unisol™)

Jul 1st, 2019 1h 22m

As the merry month of June Claude Van Damme comes to its concussive conclusion, Claire and Ryan take a look into the abyss that is the Universal Soldier franchise and come out the experience war-torn and packed in ice, as Roland Emmerich's 1992

TFTBB 29: Sloane-ly God Forgives

Jun 17th, 2019 1h 20m

Kickboxering off the annual sensation JUNE-CLAUDE VAN DAMME Ryan and Claire take a snuggly boat to Thailand for 1989's Kickboxer and then catch an awkward flight to South Africa for it's 1995 quintequel The Redemption: Kickboxer 5 (which, hones

TFTBB 28: Trope-ic Thunder

May 20th, 2019 1h 10m

This week Claire and "Ryan" get deja vu with 2014's surprisingly awesome Edge Of Tomorrow, and its mockbuster 2014's surprisingly not-fucking-awful Age Of Tomorrow.Is KILL all we've ever needed?The Asylum has peaked! Is it all downhill from h

TFTBB 27: Nosferado

Apr 22nd, 2019 1h 8m

This week Ryan and Claire stop for a tipple at the Titty Twister and watch 1996's notorious vamp-rom-com film From Dusk Till Dawn and it's origin story prequel 1999's From Dusk Till Dawn 3: The Hangman's Daughter.Are sudden vampires the best v

TFTBB 26: A Clockwork Borange

Apr 8th, 2019 1h 10m

On the 1 year Jubilee of TFTBB, Claire and Ryan hold out their thumbs and hitch a ride along with Michael Bays 2007 steely blue and zesty orange remake of 80s Itinerant thriller 'The Hitcher' and then take the wheel of The Asylums "effort" from