0:07

Welcome to Tales of Bedlam . I'm your host

0:09

, micah . I'm

0:13

your host , micah .

0:14

Hello , I am Inigo Montoya

0:17

.

0:18

And that's .

0:21

You killed my father . Prepare

0:23

to die .

0:26

And that's your other host . This

0:28

is Tales of Bedlam , and we

0:31

read to you stories from

0:33

all over the world .

0:34

We did Grim Brothers for a long time .

0:36

Yes .

0:37

And now we've branched out .

0:39

And today we're doing a Native American tale

0:41

called A Woman in Search of a

0:43

Mate A .

0:43

Woman in Search of a Mate , and this is a North . A Native American tale called A Woman in Search of a Mate , a Woman in Search of a Mate

0:45

, and this is a North American , native

0:48

American , because there's two Americas

0:50

, you know . Did I say oh

0:52

, I did say .

0:53

I said Native American .

0:54

I apologize , northern

0:56

Native American , but

0:59

first we have some breaking

1:01

news . This is so exciting Breaking

1:03

news . Yes , dun

1:10

dun dun , dun , dun , dun , dun , dun , dun dun dun . We have some breaking news . This is so exciting Breaking news . Yes , this just in . Tales of Bethlehem will

1:12

have their own booth at VisionCon

1:14

. Yes , visioncon is a

1:17

show much like Comic-Con , but

1:19

very vision-y

1:22

.

1:23

It's the same thing , oh my gosh . It's

1:26

just in Springfield , missouri , instead of

1:29

wherever they have the other one , california .

1:31

Yes , visioncon is our version

1:33

here in the Midwest of Comic-Con

1:35

and we have a booth there . It's

1:37

huge . May

1:39

10th , 11th and 12th you'll be

1:42

able to come and visit your hosts

1:44

, us . Truly . I'll

1:46

be there , micah and Bubba Bubba

1:49

.

1:49

I'll even put pants on .

1:51

We'll be doing interviews , we'll be giving

1:53

out .

1:54

I'll be giving out big sloppy kisses

1:56

.

1:57

We'll be giving out stickers . Dustin

1:59

will be giving out autographs . I

2:01

love to autograph things . Anyway

2:04

, it's going to be a lot of fun . So if you're in

2:07

our area of Springfield Missouri

2:09

, check us out on

2:11

our website . We have more information at

2:13

talesofbedlamcom , even

2:15

a link to purchase tickets

2:18

. Yay , Without further ado , let's

2:21

start our story . A

2:23

woman in search of a mate . Sweet

2:26

, A young woman lived

2:28

alone on the bank of a large river

2:31

. One day she thought I

2:33

am old enough to have a husband

2:36

. It is lonely

2:38

here by myself . She

2:40

oiled her hair , painted

2:42

her face red , put

2:45

on her best clothes and

2:47

went to a spring . She

2:49

dipped up a bucket of

2:51

water and , looking in it , said

2:53

I am nice enough for

2:55

any man .

2:57

I am approving of the confidence so

3:00

far . This is good . I don't know about the oiled

3:02

hair , but I'm liking the confidence

3:04

. Then she started off along the bank

3:06

of the river that ran through a forest

3:08

. Toward midday she came

3:11

to a place where she saw signs of people

3:13

living near and seating herself

3:15

on a log . She began to sing .

3:18

I wonder if any man around

3:20

here wants a wife

3:23

. I wonder if any man

3:25

around here wants a

3:27

wife .

3:28

I wonder if any man around

3:30

here wants a wife . I , that's just amazing . Soon

3:32

, one far off in the forest

3:35

answered I

3:37

want a wife , I

3:39

want a wife .

3:43

Then the woman sang back . What

3:46

will we live on ? What will

3:48

we live on when we live together

3:50

?

3:51

And he sang we

3:53

will live on moss

3:55

, moss , moss

3:58

, interesting .

4:00

And she , singing , answered . I

4:02

couldn't live on moss

4:05

. I am too good for such coarse

4:07

food .

4:11

I'm a nice-looking girl , you go

4:13

, girl , yeah , and with confidence

4:15

Just like . Stick your moss in your

4:17

ear , dude , too

4:20

hot for that . You gotta provide

4:22

something better Again

4:27

. She traveled along the river , the bank of the river . It was near sunset and when the

4:29

young woman came to a place where she saw signs

4:31

of people living near , she seated

4:34

herself on a log and sang

4:36

I wonder if any

4:39

man around here Wants

4:41

a wife . I

4:46

hate these songs . We have to sing

4:48

all the time . Someone

4:50

not far off answered singing I

4:53

want a wife . I

4:56

want a wife .

4:58

Then she sang what will

5:00

we live on ? What will we live

5:03

on ? What will we live on when we

5:05

live together ?

5:07

and he , singing , answered we

5:10

will live on hawthorn

5:12

berries and roots .

5:15

Oh , she

5:18

sang . I cannot

5:21

live on hot bone berries

5:23

and roots . I

5:26

am too good for such

5:28

food . I'm

5:31

a nice looking girl

5:34

.

5:34

Get him .

5:35

Too .

5:37

Oh man , I like the story

5:40

so far . This is amazing

5:42

. Other than the singing Thanks . What is

5:44

this ? Other than the singing Thanks , what is this ? Some kind of

5:46

musical land ?

5:48

Sure is , can we just talk to each other ? It's

5:50

Northern Native American

5:53

.

5:53

Weird .

5:55

I think that we should take a short

5:57

break to rest my vocal

5:59

cords .

6:00

Yeah , me too .

6:00

And let's listen

6:03

to one of our oh oh

6:05

, we've had some amazing feedback on

6:07

our line . Thank you so much for calling

6:10

in . Yes , and , as promised

6:12

, you get to be on the podcast

6:14

you want

6:16

to queue up a call ? Absolutely

6:19

.

6:30

Hello , oh hello , hello

6:33

, hello , um hello .

6:42

Hello , no one is available to take your call . Please leave a message after

6:44

the tone . Uh , this is Bubba , and I had one of

6:46

them there donkey cabbages and

6:49

I was a donkey for

6:51

24 hours and I didn't like it at

6:54

all and I need a refund

6:56

immediately . Call

6:58

me back .

7:02

Well , Bubba .

7:03

Oh my gosh Bubbaba . There was

7:05

a disclaimer on

7:08

that commercial and you might

7:10

want to go back and listen to it again that

7:12

would have been on cat and mouse

7:14

, cat and mouse .

7:16

So go back and listen to that again , and then

7:19

uh listen to that commercial

7:21

yeah and uh , listen to to the

7:23

end of the commercial , where we have the disclaimers

7:26

, where we don't care

7:28

.

7:29

That's not entirely true

7:31

at all , but

7:33

we let you know there might be some adverse effects

7:35

and we can't be responsible for

7:37

that . So just order

7:39

another one .

7:40

Next one will be better , I promise if you

7:42

don't like being an ass , then maybe you

7:44

should not eat the cabbages . It's

7:46

very true . Let's take another

7:48

call hello

8:00

, oh , hello , hello , hello um hello

8:02

hello , no one is available

8:05

to take your Hello , oh hello , hello , hello , um

8:07

hello , hello . No one is available to take

8:09

your call .

8:09

Please leave a message after the tone

8:12

.

8:14

So we just got done listening to

8:16

the clever Hans , and here

8:18

are some commentary from a nine-year-old

8:20

and a seven-year-old about

8:23

how not so clever

8:25

Hans was . What are your

8:27

thoughts ? Lydia , 9 years old .

8:29

He's kind of like he

8:32

didn't really understand his

8:34

mother because when he was doing

8:36

the things , his mother was

8:39

telling him to do , those next

8:41

time when he gets that

8:43

stuff , not the next newest

8:45

thing that he gets .

8:46

Right . What are your thoughts ? Allison

8:49

, Kevin , that he's not so

8:51

clever . That he's not so clever . What

8:53

makes him not so clever ?

8:58

The first thing his mother tells him to

9:00

do is the same he does the next

9:02

thing .

9:03

Yeah right , what was the funniest

9:05

part of it ? What was , like , the most

9:07

bizarre part of what

9:09

he did ? You

9:14

thought throwing the eyes at the girl after

9:17

his mother told him .

9:18

I think the funniest part was when he

9:21

got a cow on top of his head . I

9:23

don't know how , but he did .

9:25

And why on earth would he put bacon

9:27

on a rope ? Of course the dogs

9:29

were going to eat it . And even if he got it

9:31

home , what did he see ? Any good , because it had been

9:33

dragging the ground . Silly

9:35

Hans , not so clever .

9:38

Not so clever .

9:40

Well , thank you , Lydia and Allison .

9:42

Oh , that was amazing and full of truth

9:44

. How did he

9:46

get his cow on his head ? That

9:49

is a mystery I think I said

9:51

the same thing when we were reading that clever

9:53

hans was our 24th episode

9:55

if you missed that one , it's a good one .

9:57

You need to go back and listen to it and

9:59

I agree with you , l Cows

10:02

, do not belong on your head

10:04

, yeah .

10:05

And there's no reason to be throwing eyes

10:07

.

10:08

No , no , any kind of eyes and Hans

10:11

was so not clever . So

10:13

if you missed that episode , why don't you check

10:15

out episode 24

10:17

, Clever Hans ?

10:18

24 , Clever Hans .

10:20

You can listen to that on

10:22

our website at TalesOfBedlamcom

10:24

. Click on the archive tab

10:26

in the upper right hand corner and

10:29

you can listen to all our episodes

10:31

.

10:31

Everyone , they're all there . Thank

10:34

you so much , girls , for calling in .

10:37

And please call again , call back anytime

10:39

, if you would like to talk to us at any time

10:42

, call 417-501-4681

10:46

. Leave us a message and you can be on

10:48

our show . Okay , bye-bye now

10:50

.

10:50

Give it away .

10:52

They already knew ? No

10:54

, they didn't . They have no idea .

10:57

Where were we , destin ? I don't know .

10:59

We were singing , yeah , so she

11:01

didn't want hawthorn berries and

11:03

roots or moss , so basically

11:05

she said I'm just too good

11:08

looking . I don't need you

11:10

and your hawthorn berries and roots

11:12

.

11:14

Wow , apparently she's from

11:16

Dixie , but yeah , that's

11:18

where we were . She's too good for that

11:20

crap . She needs some

11:22

good stuff . The young woman traveled

11:24

on till dusk . Then , seeing

11:27

signs of someone having

11:29

been a short time before , she

11:31

seated herself on a log and sang .

11:35

I wonder if any man around

11:37

here wants a wife . I wonder

11:39

if any man around here wants

11:41

a wife

11:47

.

11:48

I'm close by someone saying I

11:51

want a wife . I

11:53

want a wife . You

11:58

suck , you know that .

12:01

And she singing . And and

12:05

she singing asked what

12:07

will we live on ? What ? will

12:09

we live on when we live together

12:11

in the apartment over the

12:13

oak tree ? What ?

12:15

you've gone off script again . Oh

12:18

my gosh , see , that's sang

12:21

back . When we live

12:24

together , we will live

12:26

on seeds

12:30

yes singing

12:33

.

12:33

She answered that is the

12:35

food I like seeds

12:38

are nice and soft there's

12:40

no talking in the story .

12:42

Did they sing to each other the whole time ? Oh

12:45

my gosh . The singer , hearing

12:47

her answered , hearing her

12:50

answer , was pleased . He

12:52

came and sat on the log by her side

12:54

and , singing , asked

12:56

did

13:00

you understand my song

13:02

? When you asked what we

13:05

would live on , that was rhyming

13:07

. That was nice when we live

13:09

together she

13:13

singing answered yes yes

13:16

, yes , seeds

13:19

that love seeds

13:21

.

13:22

They are sweet and

13:24

soft seeds

13:27

.

13:30

No moss , no hawthorn berries or roots

13:32

, but seeds are fine , seeds are lovely

13:35

and soft . Then the

13:37

two flew off along the bank

13:39

of the river and ever since have lived happily

13:42

together the first

13:44

birds of spring , happily together

13:46

. The first birds of spring . The first man to answer the young

13:48

woman's call was a deer Boss

13:51

. Okay , I got it now . The

13:53

second was a bear . The

13:56

third was a bird like herself

13:58

.

14:04

And now I must confess , Dustin , I changed the name of this story so it wouldn't give that cool

14:06

ending away .

14:07

What was the name of the story ? The ?

14:09

actual name of the story was not a woman

14:12

in search of a mate , but it was

14:14

a bird in search of

14:16

a mate .

14:17

Oh , that's just cheap , nobody

14:21

likes a trickster A bird . It was

14:23

the bird . Well

14:25

, I don't think you had to change the name , but that was a clever twist . I thought it was a coolster A bird . It was the bird . Well , I don't think you had to change

14:27

the name , but that was a clever twist .

14:29

I thought it was a cool story .

14:30

The third was a bird like herself . Well

14:33

, that makes a lot more sense now . I

14:35

was wondering about the seed thing .

14:38

Yeah , it was kind of weird and moss

14:40

and hawthorn berries and roots .

14:42

Well , that made sense . She didn't want those , she was too pretty

14:45

.

14:48

Yeah , well , that made sense she didn't want those .

14:49

She was too pretty yeah I'm a pretty man offers that you'd think

14:51

there'd be a man that offers some venison or buffalo

14:53

listen to the stories that we read

14:55

you never know what they're gonna offer

14:57

for the woman but this is like one

15:01

of the very rare stories that

15:03

we've read that has had a good

15:06

ending . No one died Right

15:08

. They didn't kill anybody along

15:11

the way .

15:12

No suicides , no

15:14

cannibalism , no

15:17

witches and orgs

15:19

.

15:20

You like it . See , they're civilized

15:23

in North America , ouch

15:26

Civilized people . They

15:28

weren't savage and beating their kids

15:30

.

15:31

Well , now that we have alienated

15:33

everyone that

15:36

does not live in North America , oh

15:39

no , they're fine . So don't

15:41

forget , we had some awesome

15:43

news . Come see us

15:45

at Vision Con here in Springfield , missouri

15:47

, if you live close , may 10th

15:50

, 11th and 12th . Check out our website for

15:52

more information at talesofbedlamcom

15:54

. Oh and thanks again , lydia

15:56

and Allison , for that awesome call . And

15:59

Bubba and Bubba , don't forget

16:01

to check out our episode 24

16:03

, clever Hans , if you have not . Thanks and good night . Bye

16:05

, check out our episode 24 , clever Hans , if you have not . Thanks and good

16:07

night .

16:13

Bye . Such

16:17

a story where you have to sing every line . That was

16:20

a good story .